Impulsive Buying

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Impulsive Buying: How to Stop Yourself From Buying Things You Don’t Need

 

Impulsive buying refers to purchasing things without any plan or need. An impulsive buyer will buy something because it caught their eye, made them feel good, or triggered a specific emotional response. In other words, impulsive buying refers to purchases that we are not rational about. That said, we’re all guilty of buying things we actually don’t need. 

Impulsive buying refers more to people who can’t resist buying something. They will make more impulsive purchasing decisions than rational ones, which can ultimately affect their personal finances. Before we suggest tools that can help you stop making this type of purchasing decision, it’s important to take a look at the reasons why some people become impulsive buyers. 

 

Causes of Impulsive Buying Behavior 

A mix of emotional triggers, psychological tendencies, and environmental cues often drives impulsive buying behavior. On an emotional level, people tend to shop impulsively when they are feeling stressed, bored, or seeking a quick mood boost. Purchasing something new can release dopamine, the brain’s “feel-good” chemical, offering instant gratification and a temporary emotional lift. 

This makes impulsive buying appealing during moments of emotional vulnerability or when someone is trying to cope with negative feelings. Some people even have a natural tendency toward lower self-control or higher materialism, making them more prone to spontaneous purchases.

Social media amplifies this effect through influencer endorsements and viral trends, which create a sense of urgency and FOMO (fear of missing out). When combined with quick access to credit, one-click purchases, and constant exposure to advertising, the modern shopping environment makes it increasingly difficult for consumers to resist the urge to buy on impulse. 

 

Impulsive Buying Signs 

However, not every person who shops regularly is an impulsive buyer. To understand the true motivation behind your purchasing decision, honestly answer the following questions:

  • Do you often buy things you didn’t plan to purchase when shopping?
  • Do sales, discounts, or “limited time offers” encourage you to make quick purchases?
  • Have you ever bought something just because it looked appealing at the moment, even if you didn’t need it?
  • Do you sometimes regret purchases shortly after making them?
  • Do you shop to feel better when you’re sad, bored, stressed, or anxious?
  • Do you frequently buy items online late at night or while distracted?
  • Are there items in your home with tags still on or things you’ve never used?
  • Do you tend to justify unnecessary purchases by saying, “I deserve this” or “It was on sale”?
  • Do you find it difficult to stick to a shopping list or budget?
  • Have you ever hidden a purchase from someone or felt embarrassed about spending?
  • Do you buy things simply because others have them (influencers, friends, trends)?
  • Do you often check shopping apps or browse stores without needing anything specific?
  • Do you occasionally use credit or buy-now-pay-later options for purchases that are NOT urgent? Do you do this without fully considering the long-term costs?

 

How to Stop Buying Impulsively 

If you’ve answered most of our questions positively, it would be good to consider implementing a strategy that will help you make more rational decisions when buying things. Luckily, a range of such techniques exists, allowing you to try each of them and see which one is most efficient. 

 

1. Create a 24-Hour Rule

Before making a non-essential purchase, wait 24 hours (or even 72 hours for bigger items over $200+). This delay helps break the emotional urge and allows you to assess whether you genuinely need or want the item.

 

2. Shop with a List 

Always bring a written or digital list when shopping (online or in person). If it’s not on the list, please refrain from purchasing it. This keeps you focused and prevents wandering into temptation zones.

 

3. Use the “Cost in Time” Technique

Ask yourself, “How many hours of work is this worth?” Framing a purchase in terms of time rather than money can shift your perspective and reduce impulse decisions.

 

4. Unsubscribe and Unfollow

Unsubscribe from marketing emails, brand newsletters, and social media influencers or accounts that frequently trigger your spending urges. The less you’re exposed to shopping triggers, the fewer chances you’ll buy on impulse.

 

5. Remove Saved Payment Info

Delete saved credit card information from websites and apps to make it harder to buy impulsively. Adding extra steps to complete a purchase allows you more time to rethink it.

 

6. Track Your Spending

Use a budget app or journal to record every purchase. When you start seeing patterns in your spending habits, especially on impulse buys, it becomes easier to recognize and stop them.

 

7. Identify Emotional Triggers

Notice when you’re tempted to buy impulsively. Is it when you’re stressed, bored, or feeling low? Once you recognize the emotional root, find healthier coping mechanisms (like walking, journaling, or calling a friend).

 

Practicing Conscious Consumption

Practicing conscious consumption means making intentional, informed, and values-driven decisions about what you buy, how much you buy, and where your purchases come from. It’s about shifting from automatic or emotional spending to thoughtful, purposeful choices that align with your personal ethics, needs, and long-term goals. 

Rather than accumulating items out of habit, social pressure, or instant gratification, conscious consumers pause to ask questions like, Do I really need this? Who made it? What impact does this purchase have on the environment or the people involved in producing it? This mindset encourages quality over quantity and supports sustainability, ethical labor, and financial well-being.

In everyday life, conscious consumption can take the form of purchasing local or secondhand products, supporting brands with transparent practices, or simply purchasing fewer items overall. It entails becoming more aware of the marketing tactics and emotional triggers that lead to impulsive spending, as well as learning to pause and reflect before making a purchase.

This will not only help you cut down on waste and clutter, but it may also make the things you do choose to own more fulfilling and meaningful. In the end, mindful consumption gives you back control over your expenditures and helps you match your financial practices with your priorities and deeper values.

 

Conclusion

In conclusion, impulsive buying can quietly drain your finances, clutter your space, and leave you with regret. With awareness and a few practical strategies, you can take control. 

By pausing before purchases, identifying emotional triggers, and aligning your spending with your actual values, you’ll stop buying things you don’t need and cultivate a more intentional, satisfying relationship with money.

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Quality Time Love Language Examples

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Quality Time Love Language Examples – What is Quality Time?

Do you ever feel like your relationships are missing that spark? 💫 Sometimes the secret to deeper connections isn’t grand gestures—it’s simply spending meaningful moments together. In this post, we’ll share Quality Time Love Language Examples and how they can improve your friendships, family bonds, and romantic relationships.

Understanding the Quality Time Love Language

The Quality Time Love Language is about presence and attention. For many people, nothing feels more loving than having someone set aside distractions and give them their full focus. Whether it’s listening to a story, sharing a meal, or just sitting together, these small actions build trust and connection.

Simple Quality Time Love Language Examples

If you’re looking for ways to put this into practice, here are a few examples of the Quality Time Love Language:

  • Cook together – Preparing a meal is a simple but powerful bonding experience.

  • Unplug and talk – Turn off devices and give someone your full attention.

  • Take a walk – Even 15 minutes of conversation outdoors can feel intimate.

  • Weekly date night – Dedicated time builds consistency and reassurance.

  • Shared hobbies – Reading, working out, or even gaming together strengthens bonds.

Watch the Full Video

Want to learn more? In this video, Dr. Amanda Pasciucco, LMFT and trauma expert, explains the Quality Time Love Language, why it matters, and practical ways to bring it into your daily life.

 

 

Couples Communication Strategies

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Negative Self Talk

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Negative Self Talk: Why We Do It and How to Stop

 

Negative self-talk is not uncommon, yet having constant negative thoughts can harm your mental health and impact the way you perceive the world around you. Negative self-talk is your inner dialogue that is critical, self-defeating, or pessimistic. It prevents you from having high self-esteem and enjoying life properly. After all, if you believe you’re unworthy of something, it’s likely that you won’t even attempt it or enjoy the experience.

Although we’re all aware that negative self-talk impacts us negatively, it’s not so simple to get rid of that critical voice inside your head. That is why we’ve decided to examine why some people have negative inner dialogues while others do not and explore ideas on how to overcome negative self-talk for good.

 

What Is Negative Self-Talk? 

Negative self-talk is the habit of thinking and speaking to yourself in ways that undermine your confidence, lower your mood, and limit your potential. It’s the voice in your head that says things like “I’m not good enough” or “I always mess things up.” Negative self-talk is more than just occasional self-doubt. It’s an ongoing internal narrative that can quietly shape the way you see yourself, others, and the world.

Negative self-talk often begins early in life and is mostly shaped by critical or perfectionist parents, teachers, or coaches. Social media and society can also shape how we perceive ourselves by setting unrealistic standards for beauty, success, or worthiness. Experiences that make you feel rejected, ashamed, or not good enough can lead to negative self-talk.

Most of the time, shame can be found at the core of this. Feeling like you’re not worthy enough for certain things in life or that you’re better off staying small is a big part of negative self-talk. However, when we’re ashamed to show ourselves to the world, it prevents us from growing and connecting with everything and everyone around us in a way we deserve. 

These beliefs operate like background software, influencing your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, often without your awareness. Negative self-talk is a habit, not your identity. Like any habit, it can be changed. With awareness, practice, and compassion, you can shift your inner dialogue into something more balanced and empowering.

 

How to Stop Negative Self-Talk

Although you might feel like you don’t have control over your negative self-talk, there are certain steps you can follow to reduce it. Don’t expect to get rid of it completely at first. Changing the way you talk to yourself takes time. 

 

1. Become Aware Of Your Negative Self-Talk

Most negative self-talk is automatic. In other words, you don’t even know that your inner voice is being criticized. However, it has a major impact on how you feel, the decisions you make, and how you communicate with people in your life. It would be impossible to change something if you don’t notice it. 

Start by observing your inner dialogue throughout the day. Pay attention to what situations tend to trigger negative self-talk. Consider scenarios such as encountering failure, perusing social media, or engaging in a disagreement with someone. Notice the tone of these thoughts: are they harsh, sarcastic, anxious, or overly critical?

Also, tune into your body. Where do you feel the impact of these thoughts? It may manifest as tightness in your chest, a sinking feeling in your stomach, or tension in your shoulders.

 

2. Name Your Voice

Give your inner critic a name or identity. This creates distance between you and the thought. Giving your inner critic a name can help you separate it from yourself and observe the thoughts that appear instead of being overwhelmed by them. 

You can start by giving it a name and then describing it. Playing around with your inner voice allows you to become more curious about the entire process of befriending your inner critic.  

 

3. Challenge the Thought

Once you’ve identified a negative thought, take a moment to question it. Ask yourself, “Is this 100% true?” Consider whether there is solid evidence to support the thought or if it’s based on assumptions or emotions.

Next, reflect on how you would respond if someone you loved were thinking this way. Ask, “Would I say this to a child or a close friend?” If the answer is no, then it’s likely not something you should say to yourself either. Finally, try to imagine what a more compassionate voice would say at that moment. Having compassion doesn’t mean denying your feelings but rather offering yourself kindness and truth.

 

4. Replace With Balanced Self-Talk

When you begin to shift your self-talk, it’s important to avoid toxic positivity. You’re not trying to lie to yourself or force overly cheerful thoughts. Instead, you’re offering yourself the truth spoken with kindness and compassion.

For example, instead of saying, “I’m so stupid,” you might reframe it to “I didn’t understand that, but I can learn.” Saying something like, “I’m feeling lonely right now, but that doesn’t mean I’m unlovable,” can help you overcome the feeling that no one likes you. You don’t have to be fake or overly positive—just be fair and gentle with yourself.

 

5. Use Grounding Techniques

When your inner critic starts to spiral and overwhelm you, gently bring yourself back to the present moment. One effective technique is the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding method. It consists of naming five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This helps anchor you in your surroundings and calm your nervous system.

You can also take three deep belly breaths, slowly inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth, to soothe your body and mind. Another calming practice is to place your hand on your heart and quietly say to yourself, “I’m safe. I’m here. I’m doing my best.” This simple gesture can help you reconnect with a sense of safety, presence, and self-compassion.

 

Conclusion

Negative self-talk is a deeply ingrained habit that often stems from past experiences, fear, or a perfectionist mindset. While it may feel automatic, it’s not unchangeable. By tuning into your inner dialogue, questioning negative thoughts, and embracing self-kindness, you can slowly transform your relationship with yourself. 

This isn’t about stifling all criticism. It’s about replacing harshness with compassion and kindness. The way you speak to yourself matters, just as the way you would talk to a friend or child matters. With daily practice and patience, you can create a healthier inner world that supports your growth, confidence, and emotional well-being. Change begins with one kind thought at a time.

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

How to Improve Communication Skills in a Relationship

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How to Improve Communication Skills in a Relationship: Expert Advice

 

Good communication is the heartbeat of every healthy relationship. Without it, misunderstandings grow, conflicts drag on, and intimacy fades. If you’ve been wondering how to improve communication skills in a relationship, you’re not alone. Many couples struggle with expressing themselves clearly or listening with empathy — but the good news is, these skills can be learned.

Why Communication Matters in Relationships

Learning how to communicate effectively in a relationship builds trust, reduces conflict, and deepens emotional intimacy. Couples who work on communication skills often report feeling more connected and respected. Whether you’re navigating everyday stress or bigger challenges, clear communication helps both partners feel heard and supported.

Practical Tips to Improve Communication Skills

Here are a few expert-backed strategies:

  • Practice active listening – Instead of planning your response while your partner speaks, focus on their words and feelings.

  • Use “I” statements – Phrases like “I feel worried when plans change suddenly” prevent blame and open up constructive dialogue.

  • Schedule check-ins – Set aside regular time to discuss feelings, goals, or concerns without distractions.

  • Seek feedback – Ask your partner how you can communicate better, and be open to their perspective.

For a deeper dive, check out Life Coaching and Therapy’s blog on relationship skills where we share practical guidance from licensed relationship therapists.

Final Thoughts

Improving communication in a relationship doesn’t happen overnight, but consistent practice makes a huge difference. Start small, stay patient, and celebrate progress along the way. If you’d like professional support, our therapists at Life Coaching and Therapy specialize in helping couples build lasting, healthy connections.

 

 

Couples Communication Strategies

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

 

Solo Polyamory 101

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Solo Polyamory 101: Guide to Loving Without Losing Yourself

 

If you’re new to the polyamory lifestyle, you might assume that traditional polyamory and solo polyamory are the same thing. However, there are quite a few differences between these two polyamory models. Solo polyamorists usually do not seek to merge their lives with a primary partner through shared living, finances, or traditional relationship milestones like marriage. 

Do you want to learn more about solo polyamory? Start creating a life that celebrates your love for others by finding all the necessary guidelines here. 

Solo Polyamory Explained

Solo polyamory is a relationship style where someone engages in multiple romantic and/or sexual relationships without seeking a primary partner or traditional couple-based structure. Unlike hierarchical polyamory, where one relationship might precede others, solo poly people often prioritize their independence, autonomy, and personal freedom. That doesn’t mean they avoid deep emotional connections. It just means they choose not to center their life around a single romantic relationship.

Many solo polyamorous individuals value living alone, making independent life decisions, and maintaining clear personal boundaries, even while being involved in loving, committed relationships. It’s about designing relationships that fit your life rather than molding your life to fit a relationship.

Some people choose to be solo polyam because they haven’t found the right nesting partner, while for many others, it is a deliberate lifestyle choice. It’s not about avoiding intimacy. You want to relate without merging identities or losing selfhood. The core idea is to love others deeply and belong to yourself first.

Key Principles of Solo Polyamory

Radical honesty and clear communication are two main pillars of solo polyamory. Because there are no default scripts or traditional structures to fall back on, solo polyamorists must openly articulate their needs, boundaries, and intentions with each partner. Emotional responsibility is another core value. Are you able to own your feelings without projecting them onto others or relying on partners to make you feel whole?

Instead of being assumed, relationships in solo polyamory are consciously designed. Everything is being carefully considered, from cohabitation and marriage to shared finances. Each connection is shaped intentionally, based on what works for the people involved. Independence is central in living arrangements, money, and identity. Solo polyamorists prioritize a strong sense of self, so they often choose not to have a primary or nesting partner. This isn’t about avoiding intimacy for them. It is about creating space for personal growth, freedom, and self-directed love while still showing up with care and presence in relationships.

Transitioning from Hierarchical Polyamory to Solo Polyamory

Transitioning from hierarchical polyamory to solo polyamory requires a mindset shift and revision of your relationship structure. Polyamory, often intertwined with power exchange relationships, can involve hierarchical dynamics, like having a primary partner and living together most nights. In solo polyamory, an individual often likes to live alone and have the personal autonomy of non-hierarchical connections. You will have to be clear if you were nesting with someone, and why you’re making the shift. Are you craving more independence, emotional space, or a lifestyle that reflects your values better?

Next, you will have to have an honest conversation with your current partners. Explain to all your partners your evolving needs and what solo polyamory means to you. While you’re talking, make sure you emphasize that it’s not about loving them less, yet it’s about loving yourself differently. Be aware that solo polyamory may be unfamiliar to someone coming from a couples-based polyamorous setup, which can often lead to uncertainty about their place in your life. It is normal to expect some discomfort during and after the conversation. Be firm about the necessary boundaries, whether these are separate living arrangements, more time alone, or rebalancing emotional expectations.

Practically, prioritize your routines, goals, and identity outside of your relationships. Learn to sit in your own company, and invest in your chosen family, friends, and self-care practices. You’re not withdrawing love; you’re decentralizing it.

Solo polyamory isn’t about being single with benefits. It’s about choosing to belong to yourself first while still showing up fully in love, connection, and care. The shift takes courage, yet it can be deeply empowering.

Avoid These Mistakes While Being a Solo Polyamorist

Being a solo polyamorist comes with freedom, while it also requires intentionality. One common mistake is avoiding emotional depth under the guise of independence. Solo polyamory doesn’t mean detaching from intimacy. It means relating without sacrificing autonomy. Another misstep is failing to communicate clearly. Just because you’re not seeking a primary partner doesn’t mean others can read your boundaries or expectations.

Avoid leading partners along by downplaying your solo identity. Please be clear about what you can offer and what you are not seeking. Also, don’t isolate yourself. Solo doesn’t mean alone in the world. Take care of your friendships and become as active as needed in your community. 

Lastly, don’t confuse personal freedom with avoiding accountability. Even without hierarchy, your actions still affect others. Ethical solo polyamory means showing up with honesty, compassion, and care.

Benefits and Challenges

Solo polyamory offers a strong sense of freedom and flexibility. Without the obligations of a primary partnership or shared household, solo polyamorists have the space to prioritize personal goals, self-growth, and multiple connections on their terms. This autonomy allows for deep, intentional relationships without compromising independence. However, the path isn’t without challenges. 

In a world that frequently prioritizes coupledom and hierarchy, choosing not to follow traditional models can result in feelings of loneliness or misinterpretation. It can also be difficult to find partners who understand or respect the solo poly approach. To stay grounded, many solo polyamorists develop strong self-care practices, like journaling, therapy, or meditation, and cultivate chosen family or community connections for emotional support. 

A support system is essential, both within and outside of romantic relationships. Navigating solo polyamory means balancing freedom with vulnerability and solitude with meaningful connection.

Conclusion

Solo polyamory is a relationship philosophy of autonomy, intentionality, and self-trust. It challenges traditional ideas about love, commitment, and success by asking: What if you could build your relationships around your life, instead of the other way around? While it offers the freedom to explore deep connections without merging identities, it also requires emotional maturity, honest communication, and a strong sense of self. With solo polyamory, you are not avoiding intimacy or commitment; you are redefining them on your terms. 

For those who value independence, personal growth, and diverse expressions of love, solo polyamory can be a deeply fulfilling path. Like any relationship style, solo polyamory will come with challenges. With time, you can expect clarity, community, and care because it allows you to love freely without losing yourself. Whether you’re curious, questioning, or already living solo poly, remember: there’s no right or wrong way to love, only the way that honors your truth and respects others in the process. If you want to talk to a coach or therapist who understands your situation, make an appointment! 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

How Low EQ Affects Your Romantic Relationships

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How Low EQ Affects Your Romantic Relationships: Boost Your EQ

 

Struggling with constant fights, emotional distance, or mixed signals in your love life? You’re not alone. Many couples face these challenges, but often the hidden factor behind repeated misunderstandings is low emotional intelligence or Low EQ.

When your EQ is low, it becomes harder to identify your own emotions and even harder to recognize the feelings of your partner. This leads to missed cues, defensiveness, or shutting down during conflict. Over time, those small breakdowns can pile up, creating bigger rifts in the relationship. You may feel like you’re talking past each other, replaying the same arguments, or not being truly seen and understood.

Dr. Amanda Pasciucco, LMFT, breaks down what low EQ really looks like in day-to-day relationships. Maybe it shows up as difficulty expressing yourself without anger. Maybe it’s feeling rejected when your partner needs space. Or maybe it’s the silence after a fight that drags on for days. The truth is, without emotional awareness and regulation, even the strongest attraction can wither under pressure.

The good news? EQ isn’t fixed—it’s a skill you can grow. With practice, you can learn to pause before reacting, listen to understand instead of to respond, and create space for your partner’s emotions without judgment.

In this video, Dr. Amanda shares 3 simple, actionable steps to start boosting your EQ today. From mindful self-check-ins, to active listening techniques, to building empathy through everyday habits—you’ll learn how to connect on a deeper level and transform the way you love.

Your relationship doesn’t have to be stuck in cycles of miscommunication. By strengthening your EQ, you can build more trust, more intimacy, and more resilience in your partnership.

✨ Start now: watch the full video and take the first step toward the love life you truly deserve.

Couples Communication Strategies

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Emotionally Focused DBT Therapy Guide

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Emotionally Focused DBT Therapy Guide

 

Emotionally focused DBT therapy uses the principles of Dialectical Behavior Therapy to focus on understanding and managing emotions. We all know that our feelings can be powerful, overwhelming, and sometimes confusing. Especially when they lead to patterns of behavior that feel out of control or self-destructive. That’s where emotionally focused DBT comes in. This therapeutic approach combines the emotional depth of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with the structure and skills-based framework of DBT, offering a compassionate yet practical path to emotional healing. 

Whether you’re struggling with intense mood swings, relationship conflicts, or difficulty managing painful feelings. This guide is designed to help you understand the emotional roots of your behavior and learn practical tools to navigate them with greater awareness and balance. 

 

Understanding DBT and EFT

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a structured, evidence-based approach developed by psychologist Marsha Linehan to help individuals who struggle with intense emotions, self-destructive behaviors, and unstable relationships. DBT blends cognitive-behavioral techniques with mindfulness and Eastern philosophical principles. Its core components include four skill areas: mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. 

DBT aims to help people build emotional resilience, tolerate discomfort without impulsive reactions, and create more balanced, fulfilling relationships. It’s a convenient form of therapy often taught through structured group sessions, individual therapy, and skills training.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), on the other hand, is grounded in attachment theory and centers around the idea that emotional bonds are at the core of human functioning. Originally developed for couples, EFT helps individuals recognize and reshape emotional patterns that stem from early attachment wounds. Often resulting in fear, insecurity, or withdrawal in relationships. 

Instead of focusing solely on behavior or logic, EFT guides people into their deeper emotional experiences, helping them express vulnerable feelings in a safe, structured way. This creates room for healing, connection, and emotional clarity. While DBT offers the tools to manage overwhelming emotions, EFT helps uncover and transform the emotional roots that drive them, making combining the two especially powerful for long-term healing.

 

Core Components of Emotionally Focused DBT

Developing emotional awareness begins with learning to name and validate your emotions without judgment. This involves recognizing feelings as they arise, allowing them to exist without trying to suppress, fix, or avoid them. By doing so, you begin to break the cycle of emotional suppression or avoidance, which often leads to reactive or self-sabotaging behaviors.

A key part of emotionally focused work is identifying emotional wounds rooted in early attachment experiences. These unhealed scars frequently impact our current relationships with others, influencing our behaviors, emotional reactions, and expectations in relationships. By bringing awareness to these patterns, we can begin to heal and form more secure, authentic connections.

DBT provides a structured set of skills to help manage emotional intensity and build resilience. Mindfulness teaches you to observe your thoughts and emotions without reacting to them, allowing for more intentional responses. 

 

Practical Tools and Exercises 

You can begin deepening your emotional awareness through sample journaling prompts designed to help you explore your inner experiences, triggers, and patterns. These prompts encourage honest reflection and give structure to processing complex emotions.

In moments of emotional overwhelm, mindfulness-based grounding techniques can be used to anchor yourself in the present. These practices help calm the nervous system and create space between you and your reactions.

Using emotion tracking worksheets allows you to monitor your emotional shifts throughout the day, identify recurring patterns, and better understand how your feelings are connected to specific situations or thoughts.

Another helpful tool is relationship mapping, which involves visually outlining the emotional dynamics in your relationships. This can help you recognize emotional triggers, unmet needs, and attachment patterns that influence your behavior and reactions with others.

Other tools and exercises you might find useful are:

  • Asking yourself what you need throughout the day
  • Using an emotion wheel to identify your emotions more accurately 
  • Write a letter to yourself as if you were feeling this certain emotion
  • Create an emotional timeline for important events in your life to spot patterns
  • Write or speak a dialogue between your emotionally reactive self and your wise mind
  • Write a letter from your future healed self to your current self

 

Common Challenges and How to Work Through Them 

One common challenge during emotionally focused DBT therapy is emotional overwhelm, which can arise as you begin to explore deep-rooted feelings. It’s important to pace yourself and use grounding techniques to stay regulated while working through difficult emotions.

Another obstacle is resistance to vulnerability. Opening up emotionally can feel risky, especially if you’ve experienced rejection or trauma in the past. Building trust, either with yourself or your therapist, is key to gently lowering those defenses over time.

You may also encounter progress plateaus, where growth feels stalled or old patterns resurface. This phase is a normal part of the healing process and often signals a need to revisit your goals, refresh your coping strategies. Or give yourself grace as you integrate new emotional habits.

Lastly, it’s essential to know when to seek professional support. If self-guided work becomes too intense or if you’re dealing with trauma, suicidal thoughts, or chronic emotional dysregulation, working with a licensed therapist can provide the safety, structure, and expertise needed for deeper healing.

 

Conclusion

Emotionally focused DBT therapy offers a powerful and compassionate approach to emotional healing by combining the structure of dialectical behavior therapy with the depth of emotionally focused therapy. This integrated method teaches practical skills for managing intense emotions and helps uncover the underlying emotional wounds that often drive reactive behavior and relationship struggles. By learning to name and validate emotions, build mindfulness, and understand your attachment patterns, you can begin to shift out of survival mode and into a space of conscious, connected living.

Healing through this method takes time, patience, and courage, yet it is deeply transformative. As you learn to respond to emotions rather than react, set boundaries with clarity, and reconnect with your core needs, you’ll begin to experience greater emotional stability and more fulfilling relationships. Whether you’re working with a therapist or exploring these tools on your own, remember that emotional regulation is not about becoming emotionless. It’s about building a wiser, more balanced relationship with your feelings. Start your journey today.

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

What Is Sexually Fluid?

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What Is Sexually Fluid? Understanding Changing Sexual Orientation

 

What Is Sexually Fluid is a question many people ask when they notice shifts in their attractions and desires. Also known as fluid sexuality, it means your sexual orientation can change over time. These changes may happen gradually, suddenly, or in response to new relationships and life experiences.

In this video, Dr. Amanda Pasciucco, licensed sex therapist and trauma expert, explains What Is Sexually Fluid in a clear and relatable way. While many discussions focus on men, fluid sexuality can apply to anyone, regardless of gender or background.

If you’ve ever felt drawn to someone outside your “usual type” or noticed your attractions evolve, you’ve experienced fluid sexuality. These shifts often connect to personal growth, self-discovery, and cultural influences. For example, meeting someone with shared values can spark unexpected attraction.

Understanding What Is Sexually Fluid helps you approach these changes without fear or shame. In fact, accepting fluid sexuality can open the door to more authentic and fulfilling connections.

As a result, you gain freedom to explore your desires with honesty. You also learn that your identity can adapt as you do. By embracing this flexibility, you create space for relationships that align with who you truly are.

Ultimately, knowing What Is Sexually Fluid allows you to view your sexual orientation as a personal journey, one that evolves with your life, your experiences, and your heart.

 

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

 

Love Coach

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Love Coach: How to Fall In Love With Yourself Again? 

 

If someone talks about a love coach, you’d probably immediately assume it’s someone who guides you through your romantic relationship. Yet the most important love is self-love, because it is one that we are entirely in control of. Self-love is helpful for long-lasting relationships, career success, and your overall mental health.

If you feel like you’re falling out of love with yourself and can’t seem to find a way back, a love coach can help you rekindle the spark with yourself. Discover what to expect from a session with a love coach and how to cultivate a more positive self-image. 

 

Signs You’ve Fallen Out of Love With Yourself

You probably think more about how you feel about others than how you feel about yourself. Your self-relationship determines how you treat others and how they treat you. If you’re loving and caring to yourself, you probably won’t let others treat you any less than that. When you’re not focused on building a loving relationship with yourself, it will be confusing to navigate friendships and romantic relationships in a healthy way. 

If you’re not sure whether your relationship to yourself is nurturing or not, ask yourself if you’re experiencing the following: 

  • Constant self-criticism or negative self-talk
  • Seeking validation from others
  • Feeling unworthy or disconnected from your desires
  • Avoiding self-care or not honoring boundaries
  • Comparing yourself to others excessively

Ask yourself how often you notice these signs and when they appear in your life. By determining patterns, you can identify the triggers that might have led to falling out of love with yourself. If you haven’t been paying attention to any of them, become aware of how your attitude toward yourself shows up in everyday life. With time, you will have a clearer understanding of why you need the help of a love coach.

 

How Can Love Coach Help You

A love coach can help you in powerful, practical, and deeply emotional ways, whether you’re single, in a relationship, or trying to rebuild your connection with yourself. A love coach can help you reconnect with yourself, clarify what you need from yourself and others, and strengthen existing relationships in your life. 

With a love coach, you will work on healing your self-worth wounds. They will guide you to uncover and shift limiting beliefs about love, worthiness, and your identity. A love coach can also help you rebuild confidence: They can help you remember who you are, independent of your relationship status, your career, and everything else that’s visible in the external world. 

When you start working with your love coach, they might also suggest certain self-love rituals that would make sense for you. From mindset shifts to daily habits, they can help you fall in love with your own energy again.

However, the most important thing you’ll learn with a love coach is that they’ll help you see things more clearly. You will learn what you need to be happy and healthy in all areas of your life. With such clarity, you will also be able to spot toxic patterns in yourself and others, such as people-pleasing, emotional unavailability, or codependency.

 

Love Coach Strategies to Reignite Self-Love

There are numerous strategies your love coach can use when working with you. Depending on your personality, their work style, and other factors, they will choose one or more strategies for you. 

 

Reconnect With Your Inner Voice

Your love coach might suggest daily journaling or weekly emailing to reflect on yourself. Noticing your patterns and cultivating an authentic observer voice to your inner thoughts is helpful!

If they think you need to reconnect with yourself on a deeper level, they will suggest a technique that allows you to spend more time alone, noticing how you feel and what you need. 

One of the most helpful techniques is to ask yourself what you need right now. You can ask yourself this question several times a day or whenever you feel overwhelmed. When you have a day off, ask yourself this question in the morning to have clarity on the best way to spend the day. 

An important part of reconnecting with yourself is to step away from judgment and dive deep into curiosity. The more curious you become, the easier it will be to hear your inner voice. 

 

Build Rituals That Make You Feel Loved

We all have tiny things we enjoy throughout the day. Is it a cup of coffee? Is it blasting your favorite song and just dancing freely? Whatever it is, make sure you know which details make you happy. You can build rituals from such moments and have your own safe space when you need it.

Another thing you can turn into a ritual is to celebrate all your micro-wins and achievements. If you’re the hype person for all your friends and loved ones, become one for yourself as well. Treat yourself like someone you deeply care about.

 

Heal the Relationship With Your Body

Most of the time when we’re working on improving our relationship with ourselves, we’re focused more on the mind than on our bodies. If your body is stressed or scared, none of the mental exercises will help you relax. 

Start nourishing, moving, and listening to your body with compassion. Go to your favorite spa center for a relaxing massage or create a little spa night at home. Analyze which sensations you feel in your body before going to bed. Do you feel tension in your shoulders? Do you feel pain in your feet? Bringing awareness to your body helps your nervous system calm down and feel safer. 

 

Redefine Your Self-Worth

Detach identity from productivity, appearance, or others’ opinions. Your self-worth should only be impacted by your thoughts, emotions, and needs. Do you respect yourself or know your limits? Working on your self-worth will instantly affect all your relationships.

A beneficial way to redefine your self-worth is to use affirmations and identity rewiring techniques. Day by day, you can practice changing your mindset from negative to positive. Start by identifying the things you’d like to improve, and use discipline and dedication to change them. 

 

Conclusion

Falling in love with yourself isn’t a one-time event—it’s a continuous, fun practice, just like a relationship with a person. It’s choosing to meet yourself with grace, to show up even on the days when your light feels dim, and to commit to your healing and joy. As a love coach would remind you, the way you love yourself sets the tone for everything else in your life.

So take yourself on that solo date. Speak to yourself like someone you cherish. Set the boundary, wear the dress, or write the love letter to your future self. Do whatever you need to feel loved by yourself!

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Is It a Sin to Think About Your Husband Sexually?

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Is It a Sin to Think About Your Husband Sexually? Spouses + Desire

 

Is it a sin to think about your husband sexually?
If you’ve ever wrestled with that question, you’re not alone. Many people of faith wonder where the line lies between sacred desire and sinful thought—especially when those desires are about their own spouse.

Maybe you’ve felt guilt, confusion, or even shame just for having those thoughts. But is it really a sin to think about your husband sexually, even in the context of marriage? That’s exactly what we’re unpacking in today’s video.

As a licensed sex therapist and the founder of Life Coaching and Therapy, I’ve worked with thousands of clients who struggle with sexual shame in committed relationships. They ask, “Is it a sin to feel turned on by my partner? To fantasize? To want more intimacy?”
The truth is, your sexual thoughts about your husband—or wife—aren’t inherently sinful. In fact, they can be deeply connective and emotionally nourishing.

In this episode, I’m diving into the real, raw, and sometimes awkward intersection of faith, desire, and intimacy. You’ll get clarity on whether it’s a sin to think about your husband sexually. And you might be surprised at how freeing the answer can be.

Because when we break down the mixed messages from religion, culture, and upbringing, we begin to see that sexual thoughts in marriage can be not only natural, but holy.

Let’s talk about why desire doesn’t have to be dirty. And how embracing it might be the most sacred thing you do.

 

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Types of Intimacy

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Types of Intimacy: Understanding Its Many Layers

 

Most people define intimacy as a physical connection or sex, yet different types of intimacy exist and are equally important for relationship success. Couples are mostly focused on building intimacy in the early stages of their relationship, overlooking the value it has for bringing two partners closer together at all times. 

Nevertheless, intimacy is so much more than being close to each other. It requires trust, vulnerability, and mutual work. Without it, your relationship will likely suffer, leading to arguments, a lack of trust, and possibly a breakup. To avoid this scenario, it’s essential to understand the unique types of intimacy each relationship requires.  

 

  • Emotional Intimacy 

Emotional intimacy is about feeling truly seen, heard, and understood by another person. It’s the quiet sense of safety that builds when you can share your inner world. This process includes your fears, hopes, weird thoughts, and tender spots, all of it without feeling judged. It can show up in a late-night conversation, an unspoken understanding, or the way someone remembers a small detail you mentioned weeks ago. 

Emotional intimacy is based on vulnerability and trust, and it develops when both parties are prepared to lower their defenses a little bit at a time. What makes emotional intimacy so powerful is how it deepens connection without requiring constant physical presence. You can feel emotionally close to someone across the room or across the world because they truly understand you. 

 

  • Physical Intimacy 

Physical intimacy is often mistaken for just sex. However, it is much broader and more nuanced than that. It’s the warmth of a lingering hug, the comfort of holding hands, or the quiet reassurance of a hand on your back during a tough moment. These small, physical gestures create a sense of closeness and safety that words alone can’t always offer. 

Physical intimacy is about connection through touch, and it’s not reserved only for romantic relationships. Friends, family members, and even pets can be sources of this kind of comfort and grounding. What’s important to remember is that physical intimacy looks different for everyone. Some people crave frequent touch, while others feel overwhelmed by it. It all comes down to consent, comfort, and mutual understanding. 

 

  • Intellectual Intimacy

Intellectual intimacy is one of the key types of intimacy that strengthens a relationship through the sharing of thoughts, ideas, and curiosity with someone who genuinely engages with your mind. It’s not about agreeing on everything. It’s about feeling safe to think out loud, challenge each other, and explore new perspectives together. Whether it’s debating a philosophical question, swapping book recommendations, or just musing about life over coffee, intellectual intimacy creates a kind of mental chemistry that can be incredibly satisfying.

This kind of connection often builds slowly, through conversation and shared learning. It thrives in relationships in which you’re not just waiting for your turn to speak. You are truly interested in what the other person thinks and how they think.

 

  • Experiential Intimacy

Experiential intimacy grows when we do things together. Whether it’s tackling everyday routines or sharing big, memorable moments, it’s built in the spaces where words aren’t always necessary, such as cooking side by side, traveling, working on a creative project, or even just walking in comfortable silence. 

These shared experiences create a layer of connection that deepens over time through accumulated memories and mutual engagement with the world. What makes experiential intimacy powerful is how it turns ordinary moments into meaningful ones. It’s not about the activity itself being special. It is about the act of being fully present with someone while doing it. When you’ve built this kind of intimacy, even mundane tasks can feel lighter because you’re in it together.

 

  • Spiritual Intimacy

Spiritual intimacy is the quiet, powerful bond that forms when two people connect through a shared sense of meaning, purpose, or belief. It can be rooted in religion, personal values, or a mutual curiosity about life’s bigger questions. It’s not limited to praying together or following the same faith, and it can also show up in deep conversations about the universe, nature, death, love, or the soul. 

At its heart, spiritual intimacy is about feeling aligned on a deeper, often unseen level and sensing that your inner worlds are in conversation, even when words fall short. This kind of connection often brings a grounding, almost sacred feeling to relationships. When you share spiritual intimacy with someone, it can feel like you’re walking beside each other on a life path, even if you’re at different stages or hold different beliefs. 

 

  • Creative Intimacy

Creative intimacy is the connection that blossoms when two people engage in the act of creating together, whether it’s making art, music, writing, building something, or even dreaming up wild ideas on a walk. It’s a deeply vulnerable and energizing form of intimacy because creativity often taps into raw, personal expression. 

When someone witnesses or collaborates in that space with care and curiosity, it builds trust and emotional closeness in a uniquely playful, soulful way. What makes creative intimacy special is how it allows both people to be seen in a more unfiltered, imaginative light. It invites experimentation, risk-taking, and sometimes even failure, yet in a shared container where mutual support softens the edges. Whether you’re co-writing a song, painting side by side, or bouncing ideas for a business or story, creative intimacy turns collaboration into a kind of emotional glue.

 

Conclusion 

Intimacy in a romantic relationship goes far beyond physical connection. It’s a layered, evolving bond built through emotional openness, shared experiences, intellectual curiosity, spiritual alignment, and even creative expression. Each type of intimacy offers a different way to feel seen, supported, and connected. 

Building it takes intention through slow conversations, mutual vulnerability, shared values, and quality time spent being truly present with one another. It’s about tuning in to your partner and the ways you grow together. When nurtured with care and consistency, intimacy becomes the quiet strength at the heart of a relationship.

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

80/20 Relationship Rule

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80/20 Relationship Rule: Is It Good For Your Relationship? 

 

If you’re not familiar with the term, the 80/20 relationship rule refers to the idea that no partner will meet 100% of all your needs. This principle says to expect your partner to meet 80% of your needs, not to be perfect. The area of your relationship that falls into the remaining 20% will depend on you as a couple. After all, each relationship is different.

We will cover both the advantages and disadvantages of the 80 20 relationship rule to help you decide if you are implementing it or not. Learn why some couples benefit from it, while others stay away and decide what works best for you and your partner. 

 

What’s the 80/20 Relationship Rule? 

The 80/20 relationship rule is a concept adapted from the Pareto Principle, used initially in economics and productivity. The principle states that 80% of outcomes come from 20% of causes. In the context of relationships, this idea has taken on a more emotional and personal twist.

The 80/20 rule suggests that in a healthy relationship, your partner is likely to meet approximately 80% of your needs and desires. The remaining 20% refers to the part they don’t meet. This category might include emotional gaps, unmet preferences, or lifestyle differences. This gap often becomes the space where dissatisfaction or temptation can creep in.

Depending on the unmet needs, you can either seek alternatives or work with your partner to meet them. For instance, instead of waiting for your partner to satisfy one of your unmet needs (for instance, adventure through dancing), you could occasionally invite your friends who would enjoy a night of salsa. 

You will need to pay more attention to your relationship if these 20% pertain to a vital component like stability, loyalty, or respect. Depending on how open your partner is to discussing these matters, you could work on it as a couple or seek help from a trusted couple therapist.

In a healthy relationship, a couple is typically able to provide each other with the following:  

  • Emotional safety and support
  • Shared values or long-term goals
  • Respect, loyalty, and commitment
  • Fun, adventure, and spontaneity
  • Enjoyment of each other’s company 
  • Reliable conflict resolution after an argument
  • A sense of desiring individual and mutual growth
  • A desire to give back to the community in similar ways

 

Why the 80/20 Rule Makes Sense

It’s impossible to find a person who can fulfill all our emotional, intellectual, physical, and spiritual needs. If you expect someone to do that, it will generate discussions, dissatisfaction, and a potential breakup. You won’t meet all your partner’s needs, and they won’t meet yours. Letting go of this expectation can help you as a person and as a couple because it can replace the stress with love and acceptance.

The 80/20 rule encourages gratitude and realistic expectations for both of you. We often forget to be thankful for what we have and focus on what we lack. If one or both of the people in a relationship has unrealistic goals, they often decide to end their relationship instead of working on these goals. 

Ultimately, it all depends on how significant your unfulfilled needs are to you. It would make sense to seriously consider living by this belief system to minimize stress on a beneficial bond!

 

The Risk of Misusing the Rule

This rule has both pros and cons that you should know. Sometimes, certain partners will use the remaining 20% as a justification for infidelity or emotional affairs. You shouldn’t allow someone to hurt you just because they can’t meet your specific needs, meaning there are boundaries.  

When there are unmet needs, certain people will start romanticizing what’s missing and undervaluing what they already have. You may feel frustrated, thinking that if you had that one missing thing, your life would be perfect. In most cases, whether we’ll receive what’s missing is out of our control, and it depends completely on our partner.

 

How to Apply the 80/20 Rule in a Healthy Way

If you’re considering applying the 80/20 rule to your relationship, there are certain steps you should follow. Firstly, you will want to identify your 80%. What are the core values and needs your partner meets? Write them down for clarity and provide explanations and examples where needed. 

Secondly, identify the 20% of needs that your relationship fails to meet.  Can you live without those unmet needs or fulfill them elsewhere? If your relationship lacks deep, meaningful conversations about life, consider engaging in these conversations with your best friend. If you’re lacking physical activity, you can join a hiking group or start going to the gym on your own. 

Find a method to rebalance things with your partner as soon as you begin to feel that something is wrong and that the 80/20 rule has changed. Discuss with them how you feel, ask them the reason for the change, and find a solution together.

 

Is It Right For Every Relationship?

As much as many relationships benefit from the 80/20 rule, it doesn’t immediately imply that it’s the right decision for every couple. Couples struggling due to toxicity, abuse, or emotional neglect may find it challenging to implement this rule. Especially during difficult times, you may find this principle annoying as you have already overgiven; thus, disregard it. 

It’s challenging to be aware of everything that falls under the 80% if the remaining 20% is simply impossible to ignore. Maybe you’ve been okay with your partner not spending a lot of time with you, yet now you feel like you’re drifting apart and want to spend some quality time with them. If quality time is in the 20% of the needs they can’t meet, it might require heart-to-heart conversations or seeking help from a therapist to navigate the entire situation.  

If you’re uncertain whether this rule is supporting or hurting your relationship, ask yourself the following questions: 

  • What are the top qualities I consistently appreciate in my partner?
  • Do I feel emotionally safe, respected, and supported most of the time?
  • Are we aligned in our values, long-term goals, and vision for the future?
  • How often do I laugh, feel joy, or experience meaningful connection with my partner?
  • What is it that I feel is missing, lacking, or frustrating in the relationship?
  • Have I clearly communicated my unmet needs or desires?
  • Does the missing 20% cause emotional harm or undermine the rest of the relationship?
  • Do I have a pattern of focusing on what’s missing in relationships, no matter who I’m with?

These questions can help you learn what you want from your partner and your relationship. You can answer these questions with your partner to hear their perspective. This can help you find the best solution that can support you as a couple to grow and thrive together. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

What is a Monogamous Relationship?

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What is a Monogamous Relationship? Definition & Research Revealed!

 

Ever asked yourself, “What is a monogamous relationship?” You’re not alone—and you’re in the right place!

In this video, I break down what monogamy means in today’s world, where relationship structures are more diverse and discussed than ever before.

Whether you’re currently in a monogamous relationship, considering one, or just curious about modern love norms, this episode unpacks the definition, cultural variations, psychological insights, and real-world stats you have to see to believe.

We’ll explore how monogamy evolved, why it still works for many couples, and what science says about long-term romantic satisfaction. I’ll also share some surprising trends from recent studies and polls—like how common infidelity is, what people really want in a partner, and whether monogamy is on the rise or decline.

By the end, you’ll have a clearer understanding of whether this relationship style aligns with your values—and how to talk about it with potential partners.

Couples Communication Strategies

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

 

office affairs

Office Affairs

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The Impact of Romantic Relationships and Office Affairs in the Workplace

 

Over the past week, office affairs have probably been the most discussed topic across the United States. This is thanks to the Coldplay kiss cam video scandal. Maybe you’ve followed it for entertainment, or to take your mind off of more problematic issues. Yet, it’s important to consider this incident from a different perspective.

Just because we’re appalled with this latest scandal, it doesn’t mean that all affairs at work will end and nobody will feel the desire to cheat anymore. The best way to prevent this from happening to you is to understand the reasons behind how and why workplace romances begin in the first place.

We spend most of our time working, which for many implies they spend more time with their coworkers than their loved ones. Being able to connect by talking about their shared experiences at work also contributes to office affairs.

 

How Common Are Office Affairs?

According to recent studies, 36% of employees report they’ve been involved in a romantic relationship with a coworker. What’s even more concerning is that nearly 1 in 4 office romances involve a direct manager-subordinate dynamic. This dynamic also explains why the affair between the Astronomer CEO and the head of HR is more than just juicy public gossip. 

Even if the relationship was consensual, this power imbalance raises ethical and legal concerns for the corporation. The subordinate may experience pressure to do or say things they don’t want to, and they may perceive their options as limited. You may fear losing your job or being demoted if you break up. If one person could face more serious consequences than the other, is it a genuine relationship or compliance driven by fear?

 

Consequences and Risks of Workplace Romances 

We can’t choose who we fall in love with, yet we have to be aware of all the consequences and risks this relationship might bring us. It’s always best to check with your company first, as some companies might have HR procedures regarding coworkers who are in a romantic relationship. 

 

Conflict of Interest and Favoritism

If two coworkers are in a romantic relationship and one of them is in the position of power, this can raise questions about bias in workplace decisions. It can often feel like promotions, raises, performance reviews, or project assignments are swayed more by feelings than by actual merit. Even if the person involved in the workplace affair is not enjoying benefits from it, other members of the team can lose trust and motivation over time. This can compromise fairness and may lead to a lack of motivation among other employees who feel they are being treated unequally.

 

Decreased Team Morale

Workplace romances can make colleagues feel excluded, uncomfortable, or unsure of professional boundaries. When couples engage in inside jokes or support each other on crucial issues, it can significantly affect the rest of the team. They might feel excluded, jealous, or unmotivated, or they may simply lose their respect for the people involved in the affair. The more visible the affair is to everyone else, the more the rest of the coworkers will probably start separating themselves from the couple, causing damage to the team dynamic. This leads to reduced cooperation, resentment, and a decline in overall team spirit.

 

Productivity Issues

Romantic relationships at work can blur personal and professional boundaries, causing emotional distractions. If the couple goes through a disagreement or breakup, that tension can spill into the work environment. Gossip and speculation from coworkers can also become a significant distraction for the entire team. Relationship drama often consumes time and energy meant for work tasks.

 

Legal and Ethical Concerns

Workplace romances, particularly those that involve power differentials, can potentially lead to sexual harassment claims and lawsuits. Even if the relationship begins consensually, it may later be interpreted as coercive. This is especially true if the subordinate believes they couldn’t say no. If the relationship ends badly, accusations of retaliation or discrimination can arise. Companies are legally obligated to protect their employees from harassment, which makes such dynamics a legal liability.

 

Organizational Policies and Best Practices

Even though office affairs can cause many complications for businesses, it’s impossible to expect them to stop existing. Companies can best deal with romantic relationships at work by implementing organizational policies and best practices for their employees. It is key to educate your team on this matter before somebody starts a love affair with their coworker. 

 

Disclosure Requirements

Most companies will encourage or require employees to disclose romantic relationships, especially when there’s a power imbalance involved. Disclosure helps the organization manage potential conflicts of interest and protect both parties legally. It allows HR to take steps like reassigning reporting lines to maintain fairness. 

 

No-Dating Policies

No-dating policies prohibit or restrict romantic relationships between coworkers, particularly between managers and subordinates. These policies prevent favoritism, conflicts of interest, and legal risks such as harassment claims. However, given how much time people spend at work, such rules can feel invasive and unrealistic for some. That is why today’s businesses need to establish a balance between professionalism and personal freedom for their employees.

 

Conflict Management

HR is critical in managing workplace relationships by offering support, mediation, and policy guidance. When issues arise, HR is responsible for ensuring confidentiality and protecting the rights of all employees involved. They can also assist in reallocating roles or teams to minimize conflict or favoritism. Taking a proactive stance in HR can help nip minor issues in the bud before they turn into major disruptions.

 

Ethical Training and Communication

Ethical training and clear communication help employees understand acceptable behavior in the workplace. Workshops, seminars, and internal guidelines teach staff how to navigate romantic relationships professionally and respectfully. These programs also cover harassment prevention, consent, and conflict resolution. When done well, they foster a healthy work culture rooted in respect, boundaries, and accountability.

 

Conclusion

Office affairs have a major impact on the workplace and the personal lives of the people involved. Both companies and employees should be aware of the consequences such relationships bring. A company’s approach to romantic relationships and office affairs in the workplace should be integrated into company values. That way, your employees would know beforehand what type of behavior is expected of them. 

If you’re involved in a relationship with someone at work, make sure you’re well aware of all the risks and that your behavior complies with your company’s policies. If there’s anything we can all take as a learning lesson from that incident at the Coldplay concert, it’s that nowhere is safe to hide your affair.

We can help if you need coaching on how to navigate a workplace affair.

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

What Is an Act of Service?

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What Is an Act of Service? Men Learning the Love Language

 

What Is an Act of Service? It’s more than a kind deed—it’s a powerful way to express love without saying a word.

Ever feel like your partner melts when you take out the trash or surprise them with a clean kitchen? 👀 That’s not just good manners—it might be their love language in action.

In this quick 4-minute video, we break down what an Act of Service truly means—why it matters, how it builds trust, and how you (yes, YOU) can use it to deepen your emotional connection.

Acts of Service aren’t about grand romantic gestures or expensive gifts. They’re the quiet, thoughtful ways we say, “I see you. I’ve got you.” From brewing her favorite tea after a long day to handling that one errand she dreads—these small choices speak volumes. When you act with intention and presence, you create safety, desire, and unwavering devotion.

Whether you’re in a new relationship, nurturing something long-term, or hoping to reignite a fading spark, understanding what is an Act of Service could be the key to transforming how love is felt and received. Sometimes, love isn’t a grand speech—it’s simply doing what needs to be done, without needing to be asked.

Watch now. Start showing love in the language that lingers—the one she truly feels.

Couples Communication Strategies

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.