Nice Guy Syndrome: Do You Have It & What To Do About It? 

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Nice Guy Syndrome: Do You Have It & What To Do About It? 

 

If you’ve been told that you have nice guy syndrome, you’re probably wondering whether a blog can help. Perhaps you have dated a few people who have emphasized your niceness, or your friends bring it up when discussing how to find the right person for you. 

What does it mean to have nice guy syndrome? What are the things you’ll need to be aware of when meeting other people and building relationships with them? In this article, we’ll share everything you need to know about the nice guy syndrome and how to use it to your advantage!

 

What Is a Nice Guy Syndrome? 

When talking about nice guys, at least one guy probably comes to mind. The one you felt safe walking home from the bar, or the one who offers to carry your luggage if it looks too heavy. You can count on the nice guy to understand you emotionally. 

If you’ve been described as a nice guy many times, congratulations! Contrary to what many might think, being a nice guy actually means you’re an authentic person who has other people’s interests in mind. Why would anyone want to change that? 

However, if you suspect that the lack of success in your romantic life is due to the nice guy syndrome, don’t panic. We have skills we could work on when approaching other people and trying to establish connections with them. That said, that doesn’t mean that you should stop being a nice man. 

Your prospective partners who are seeking a genuine relationship are undoubtedly not interested in bad boys who fail to contact them after a successful date. Being a nice person is essential if you want to find someone who will be kind to you as well and choose you in the long term. 

 

Useful Tips for Nice Guys 

On a first date, you don’t need to impress someone you’ve just met. Small details like opening the door and being curious to learn more about them are enough. 

Keep in mind that you don’t have to pretend you’re not a nice guy. Understanding the situation and what it requires from you can greatly benefit you. You might have the best intentions to show this person sitting across you that you want to get to know them better, and they might think you’re trying too hard. Avoiding that can help you secure a second date. 

Although everyone mostly talks about the nice guy syndrome when it comes to romantic life and dating, it’s also important to mention it in the context of your professional life. Whatever your job is, it’s crucial to be kind to your coworkers and superiors. However, you also have every right to establish healthy boundaries and be assertive when the situation asks for it. 

 

Too Much of a Good Thing

Just like it is with everything, you can be so nice to someone that it actually backfires and leads to undesired results. If you identify as a nice guy, make sure you become aware of certain behaviors that could be more harmful than beneficial. 

 

Overcompensation

One such behavior is overcompensation. Are you often putting other people’s needs first, even if it’s at your own expense? What many people forget is that being nice starts with yourself. Not taking care of yourself and making sure everyone around you is happy will eventually end in disaster. Don’t forget that only the ones who prioritize their own well-being are truly capable of taking care of others. 

 

Convert Contracts 

When we were kids, we were often taught that good behavior leads to rewards. If that was the case in your childhood, you might expect that people around you respond the same way when you do or say something nice. Expecting that other people respond how you want them to could lead to disappointment. To avoid it, make sure you become aware of your intentions before you act. 

 

Conflict Avoidance

This is one of the most common behaviors of nice guys. They avoid any type of conflict because they fear that someone will think worse of them. They might also avoid sharing their opinions in situations where they’re uncertain how it will result for them. In other words, they prefer to stay quiet in situations they can’t control. 

 

Passive Aggression

We mentioned above rewards for good behavior. However, what often happens when we don’t receive any type of reward is passive-aggressive tendencies. If you expect to be praised for being a nice guy in an environment that doesn’t care about it, you could feel a certain level of resentment. Passive aggression can be expressed in numerous ways, from comments, silence, and ignoring a person to manipulating and gaslighting. 

 

Key to Being Nice

Treat others the way you’d want them to treat you or the way you know they want to be treated. Being kind to people in your life can also teach them to treat you and others better. However, make sure that your behavior is something you feel inspired to do. When you’re kind because you want to and not because you expect something in return, everything becomes easier. After all, the rewards in life are not quite as we imagine them to be. 

When you feel a sense of satisfaction from helping someone or providing support to a friend, what could be a better reward? Be the nice guy who doesn’t care how the environment responds to his actions or words because he’s confident in his intentions. In the end, you’ll want people with the same perspective in your life, especially when choosing romantic partners. Make an appointment with one of our dating coaches to learn more about improving your life today. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

What is Intimacy to a Man: Key Insights You Need to Know

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What is Intimacy to a Man: Key Insights You Need to Know

 

If you’ve wondered, ‘What is intimacy to a man?’, this article is for you. Men or women, we tend to believe that intimacy means the same to all of us when, in reality, intimacy can mean different things to each of us. For instance, one person might consider deep, heart-to-heart conversations as their way of intimacy, and another might prefer physical touch, whether that’s hugging, kissing, caressing, or having sex.

So, what does intimacy mean to a man? Do men and women seek different things when it comes to intimacy? Continue reading, as we’ve spent some time researching this topic and have come up with intriguing conclusions. 

 

Men + Intimacy

Many men value intimacy in their marriages and relationships just as much as they do in their personal lives. Being completely aware of your partner’s preferences, dislikes, shortcomings, and strengths while intentionally taking them into account when you relate to him is what it means to be intimate with him.

Although many men and women will often confuse love with sex, intimacy goes beyond sex. It’s about gradually developing a relationship with someone, feeling you’re close to each other, building trust, and always being able to count on that person. 

Developing a strong emotional connection with your partner is the goal of intimacy, which goes well beyond sex and may be accomplished in a number of ways. Keep in mind that all relationships take work. Falling in love with someone might feel perfect at first, yet once you start building a relationship together, there will be so much to work on. One of these things is to understand what intimacy means to each of you. 

We can say that for a man, intimacy definitely involves knowing your partner and being aware of the reasons that are keeping them in love. In other words, men need emotional connection just as much as women do. The way they ask for it, talk about it, or how frequently they need it might be different from one man to another. 

 

Value of Intimacy In Relationships

What are the long-term perks of developing emotional connections and seeking couples counseling? There are undoubtedly certain advantages to developing a relationship with someone over time. One of the most significant is that being intimate with someone you love and trust increases your self-confidence and helps you feel more protected. 

Also, you develop greater maturity in handling problems as you go through them. Learn more about the significance of developing emotional closeness by reading on.

 

1.Credibility

One of the cornerstones of wholesome partnerships is trust. Better knowing and strengthening your relationship boosts your confidence and trust in your partner. It’s akin to working with a group of people who share your interests. You have greater faith in them because you are pursuing the same objective.

 

2.Passion

Become more passionate if you want to learn how to develop emotional connections with other people. Being focused on a relationship makes you more aware of your and their needs. It develops your attention to detail, intuition, and intentionality, which, in results, brings you closer together and makes your relationship even stronger. 

 

3.No Judgment

For men, a big part of intimacy is being able to share things with you and not feel judged or ashamed. They will also appreciate your loyalty above everything. As a woman becomes more connected to her friends than her partner, her partner will notice, which will affect intimacy.  

 

4.Physical Closeness

Focusing on physical contact is one technique to foster connection in a marriage. Attraction to your spouse comes from getting to know them, including physical contact. What type of hug your partner needs after a long day? Do they prefer making love or having wild sex? What is their attitude towards kissing and the locations where it occurs? Learning all this information leads to more intimacy. Remember, physical closeness and emotional intimacy often share a close relationship.

 

5.Safety

Being intimate with someone leads to feeling safe. Men need to feel safe as much as women do. The issue is that we think of safety as opposed to physical danger. Safety refers to our emotions, interests, and sense of belonging. A man needs to know that if they cry, you won’t make fun of them, and that their home is a safe place to relax after a stressful day at work.

 

Obstacles to Intimacy for Men

This is a significant topic since it touches on how society views and treats men when it comes to intimacy. Socialization and cultural norms play a significant role in why some men may find intimacy difficult. Also, every man has his own personality, attachment style, and upbringing, all of which influence his need and desire for closeness.

For most men, intimacy could be considered a huge dark hole. Many feel vulnerable and uneasy when asked how they feel or to discuss an emotional topic.

Many men hold the belief that women are the only ones who can express and discuss their emotions. They believe that they ought to be tough and emotionless. However, despite the fact that many men find it difficult to communicate, they still look for understanding, connection, and emotional support. Most of the time, men need those conditions to feel close or intimate with someone.

 

Conclusion

Making connections—including relationships—is essential to life. These meaningful connections provide us the motivation to live and pursue our objectives. Developing an emotional bond with your partner is a valuable step to enjoying your relationship. 

This relationship guide provides tips for developing an emotional connection with a man. If you follow them, you’ll look back on your choices with pride one day. Couples counseling is a viable option if you need further guidance on learning more about ways to be intimate with the teacher. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Not Attracted to Husband: What Should I Do?

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Not Attracted to Husband: What Should I Do?

 

When preparing for your wedding, you’re probably not even considering that there could be times when you’re not attracted to husband. Although it might sound odd if it hasn’t happened to you, not feeling attracted to your partner is common and can be solved with the right approach.

We hope to explain why this occurs and what couples can do to feel more intimate with one another. So if you feel that your marriage needs help with sex and passion, keep reading this blog.

 

What Is Attraction in a Relationship? 

We use the word ‘attraction’ so often; however, defining it is not as easy as saying it. So, what is attraction? To describe attraction, we must think of desire, interest, or affinity that could be emotional, physical, sexual, or aesthetic. That said, people very often believe that attraction is related only to something romantic, while simply admiring someone can be considered a type of attraction. 

In a relationship, you can feel all these different types of attraction towards your partner. For example, you might be interested in learning more about how your partner approaches work responsibilities and learn from him that way. You could also admire his appearance after they have put so much time into improving their health and physique. 

Although you admire your partner, consider them your close friend, and so much more, it’s not uncommon to feel a lack of sexual attraction. You might even blame yourself for not feeling. Yet it’s important to remember that it’s not something humans are able to force. You feel something, or you don’t. Your focus shouldn’t be on forcing yourself to feel that attraction. It should be on understanding the reasons it’s not there. 

 

Factors that Impact Sexual Attraction 

When in a long relationship or marriage, it’s expected that the sexual attraction will not be as strong as it was in the beginning when everything was exciting. Over time, you may find yourself not attracted to husband in the same way. But that doesn’t mean the attraction is gone forever. Understanding what leads to that lack of attraction can help you restore it in your marriage.

Any marriage must include sexual fulfillment, which is frequently seen as essential to preserving a happy and healthy union. However, partners often have different needs, wants, and expectations when it comes to sex, making sexual fulfillment in marriage a challenge. Communication, connection, trust, and physical and mental well-being are just a few of the numerous factors that impact attraction in marriage.

 

Communication

Any successful couple should communicate effectively, and this is particularly true when it comes to sex. The likelihood of sexual satisfaction in a marriage is higher for couples who can discuss their sexual needs, wants, and preferences in an honest and open manner. 

Talking openly and honestly with your spouse is a good place to start if you are having trouble feeling attracted to them. Make sure you both are clear about what you enjoy and don’t like. Instead of pointing fingers or condemning one another, concentrate on figuring out how to make your sexual connection better. Also, keep in mind that communication, in general, can help you feel more connected. Which can then lead to more desire and need for physical touch. 

 

Intimacy

Another crucial element in attaining sexual fulfillment in a marriage is intimacy. If you find yourself not attracted to husband, it may be a sign that emotional intimacy needs attention, in addition to physical connection. Sharing your ideas, feelings, and experiences with your spouse builds emotional closeness, which can reignite attraction.

Make an effort to spend quality time together, both in and out of the bedroom, to increase closeness in your marriage. Cuddling, holding hands, and massaging one another are a few examples of this. Try to establish a secure and comfortable environment where you and your spouse may explore your sexual dreams and desires while still being present and aware of their needs.

 

Trust

Any successful couple must trust each other, and this is particularly true when it comes to feeling attracted and secure. It might be challenging to really enjoy sex and explore your sexuality if you don’t feel safe or at ease with your partner.

Try to be open and truthful with your spouse about your feelings, wants, and opinions in order to foster trust in your marriage. Refrain from holding secrets or concealing anything, and be open to hearing your partner’s worries. Keep in mind that developing trust takes time and that both parties must be dedicated to creating a solid and wholesome relationship. 

 

Emotional and Physical Well-Being 

Lastly, attaining sexual fulfillment in a marriage depends on both mental and physical well-being. It might be challenging to completely participate in and enjoy sex if you are dealing with mental or physical health conditions like stress, anxiety, or depression. 

Try to maintain a good diet, get lots of rest and relaxation. And exercise frequently to enhance your mental and physical well-being. Think about getting professional assistance from a therapist or counselor if you are experiencing mental health problems. Keep in mind that keeping a happy and healthy marriage depends on you taking care of yourself. 

 

Invest In Your Marriage

If all of the above is not an issue in your marriage. Then it’s time to pay closer attention to what has changed. What was different when you felt attracted to them? Has something changed in your or your partner’s life? Noticing these details might be difficult, so you should consider reaching out to a therapist. You could look for an individual therapist or a marital counselor, depending on how your partner feels about this subject.

Whatever you choose, make sure you are open to discussing these issues with an expert. Sometimes, a person might feel ashamed, insecure, or even ungrateful if complaining about their spouse to a third person. That is why it’s important to keep in mind that a therapist can help you only if they know all the vital information about the reason you seek therapy. In therapy, there is no judgment, and you are invited to share everything that can help you improve your marriage. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

How Much Masturbation is Too Much?

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How Much Masturbation is Too Much?

If you’re wondering, ‘how much masturbation is too much’ this may help! Start by saying there’s no masturbation rule. Frequency, inspiration, place, and other factors can be unique for each person. One person might enjoy masturbating only on weekends when they are relaxed and not stressed about their responsibilities, whereas another person might prefer doing it every night before going to sleep.

However, our preferences are put aside if a person starts masturbating too much, and it starts impacting other areas of their lives, including romantic relationships and friendships. If you’re unable to focus at work because you’re thinking about your desire to masturbate, it’s recommended to take a closer look at when these urges appear and what they replace. For such an analysis, it’s best to talk to your therapist openly to connect the dots and find a way to delight in masturbation without it taking a toll on other things that matter to you.

Why Do We Masturbate? 

For most of us, our first masturbation experiences occurred in puberty. That is when we start noticing this desire to please ourselves on a physical level. Then, as we grow older, our reasons for masturbating can be affected by our religious beliefs, family upbringing, peer pressure, exposure to culture, stress, and so on. 

We masturbate for different reasons. These reasons can be pleasure, tension release, fun, enjoyment, and learning more about one’s sexuality. In other words, if you know what excites you, it will be easier to achieve it with your sexual partner. Another reason that is often ignored is being able to fall asleep after masturbation. An orgasm can help you fall asleep quicker because it helps you release the tension you have accumulated in your body. 

There are also different ways of masturbating. Some people will enjoy masturbating with their partners as part of foreplay, while others will prefer to be alone to truly experience that level of pleasure. You may prefer to masturbate while watching something sexually exciting on screen, or you can close your eyes and imagine scenes. For most people, there is neither one nor the other option.

Is Masturbation Harmful? 

Typically, there are no consequences for people who masturbate often. In some cases, men will report swelling of the penis or chafing skin in both men and women if their masturbation is a bit rough. None of these are permanent, and they usually go away in a matter of a few days.

Other factors determine the effects of masturbation on your relationship. Masturbate because your partner isn’t pleasing you sexually. Discuss it with them and find a solution. It is fantastic if you do solo sex because you feel more connected to your partner and thus yourself. Masturbation will rarely be the only reason for an issue in your life; it will instead be a symptom of a more underlying problem. 

For example, if you’re under a lot of stress and feel like you can’t keep up with your boss’ expectations, you might use masturbation as a form to release tension and survive a stressful day. This might lead to you going to the bathroom several times a day, impacting your productivity and putting you in conflict with your colleagues and supervisor. 

The consequences of masturbation are not direct, so it’s difficult to say precisely how much masturbation is too much or when it’s time to start worrying. That is why it’s best to bring this topic up with your therapist and see if it’s time for a different approach to masturbation.

Myths About Masterbation

When we talk about what’s too much in terms of masturbation, it’s important to address myths. Believing everything you read or hear about masturbation may limit your enjoyment or force you to make bad decisions. 

 

1.Too Much of It Causes Erectile Dysfunction

The inability to achieve or sustain an erection during sexual activity is referred to as erectile dysfunction. Masturbating is not one of many causes of sexual dysfunction. In actuality, frequent masturbation causes you to grow accustomed to your own touch or a particular type of sensation. You can find it even challenging to experience orgasms with your partner. 

 

2.Masturbation Is Not Good For Your Health

Many scientists believe there are health benefits to masturbating. A couple of the health advantages include enhanced focus and restful sleep. Because it causes your body to release endorphins, also known as feel-good hormones, masturbation helps to relieve headaches and stress. In addition, regular masturbation guarantees men’s increased levels of health and youthful appearance.  

Masturbation provides certain advantages for women’s sexual health, such as less pain during sex. This is brought on by the way endorphins, which lessen pain perception, interact with brain receptors. Masturbation can also possibly lessen vaginal dryness. 

 

3.People in Relationships Don’t Engage

Masturbation is a healthy sexual practice you can do to satisfy your urges, whether you’re single or in a relationship. Many research studies have indicated that both men and women engage in the habit of masturbating and that this is not impacted by their relationship status.

Wrap Up

Speaking about masturbation might cause embarrassment, remorse, or shame in some people. No need to feel negative about masturbating—it’s normal and good.

Masturbation won’t result in blindness or negatively impact one’s bodily or emotional well-being when it is done in balance. Masturbation frequently has more positive health impacts than negative ones. The majority of the time, masturbation is only a concern when it starts to negatively impact one’s relationships with friends, family, and romantic partners.

In situations in which you feel that masturbation is impacting other areas of your life, we advise you to consult a medical expert, particularly a sex therapist, to learn better tools to release tension or have fun.

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

How to Save a Sexless Marriage?

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How to Save a Sexless Marriage?

 

If you’re thinking about how to save a sexless marriage, it probably means that there was no consensus between you and your spouse on having a marriage without sexual activities. This article doesn’t aim to talk about marriages in which both sides don’t need sex to feel fulfilled. Instead, it seeks to provide guidelines to partners who are looking to address the lack of sex and how it’s impacting their marriage. 

There are certain things you can consider if you’re in a sexless marriage. To understand how it comes to that, we’ll look closely into the reasons why sex vanishes from most couple’s priority lists and how to put it back there. 

 

Why Sex Matters

One thing that distinguishes a love relationship from a platonic friendship is physical intimacy. However, some couples neglect the physical aspect of their marriage; this is especially prevalent in the early years of a marriage, especially if children are involved.

The importance of sex varies from person to person. There are others who might believe that having a sexual relationship is essential. Some people might think that connections and intimacy of a different kind are more significant. 

In addition to the benefits for you and your spouse personally, having regular sex has several other positive effects on a harmonious relationship. For example, the oxytocin released during sexual activity promotes emotional connection and strengthens bonds.

In a monogamous relationship, having sex deepens your emotional bond and devotion to the other person. Sex as a means of expressing love makes couples more likely to stay together. Sex is positively linked to a decreased divorce rate.

Depending on the marriage, having no sex may or may not be a problem. However, there are ways to address the issue together and individually if a lack of sex and physical closeness is a problem in your marriage. The first step to saving your sexless marriage is to determine the underlying cause.

 

How Do We End Up in a Sexless Marriage?

There are many reasons why some partners stop having sex in their marriage. Despite the pain it may cause you and your partner, you must understand what caused it to find a solution. 

 

Health Concerns

A person’s libido and desire for physical closeness can be significantly impacted by their state of mind and body. Also, health issues and disabilities can interfere with the physiological arousal process. Consider consulting a healthcare professional if you or your partner experience sexual dysfunction that persists for longer than a few months or is causing stress in your marriage.

 

Incompatible Libidos

Sex drive naturally flows, and not everyone has the same degree of sexual desire. When a couple’s sexual desires are not aligned, they may find themselves waiting to have sex until one or the other is feeling particularly in the mood. This will significantly reduce the frequency of sexual experiences in your marriage.

 

Having children

Many medical professionals advise delaying intercourse for at least six weeks, and some women may choose to hold out longer because of their experience giving birth, pain, or overwhelming feelings.

Generally speaking, not having sex just after giving birth wouldn’t qualify as a true “sexless marriage.” However, if it continues, sometimes this is how a marriage becomes sexless after a mother has decided she wants to focus on the family and not pleasure anymore.

 

Stress 

Your desire to have sex can be severely impacted by excessive stress. When cortisol levels rise, sex hormones drop, which eventually lowers your desire for sex. Additionally, if you’re stressed about family, work, or health, sex may not be a priority. 

 

Lack of Communication

It can be challenging to keep physical closeness going when you and your partner are having communication issues. Ineffective communication regarding sex, in general, can affect the body physiologically in terms of lubrication, orgasm, and erectile function, as well as reduce an individual’s desire and arousal for sex. 

 

Saving a Sexless Marriage

In a low- or no-sex marriage, the first step is determining if intimacy is an issue. Whether you and your partner find a low-sex or no-sex marriage problematic is a personal choice.

There is no rule on how many times marriage people should have sex per week, month, or year. Whether you and your spouse are content in your marriage and whether you still feel close to each other are often more significant factors.

Since each marriage is different, try not to compare yours to others. Research has shown that going without sex is more common than you might imagine, even though you may come across marital sex statistics that will suggest a certain number to be able to call your marriage sexually active. 

 

Communicate, Communicate, Communicate 

Discuss the problem of little or no sex in your marriage with your spouse. Even if it could be challenging, this communication is essential. Problems with intimacy and sex can arise in partnerships that are otherwise strong. It’s not always an indication that your marriage is facing a serious problem.

Instead of accusing, ask your partner how they feel about the issues. Would they like to have more sex? What do they need in order for that to happen? Make sure you also talk about what matters to you. Define clearly what sex means to you, and why it’s important to improve that area of your marriage. Being intimate about it may help you want sex again. 

 

Build Intimacy

Consider scheduling more sex if you’ve both agreed. It may not be romantic, but it can be thrilling and unique if done right. You can anticipate something and show your commitment to each other and your physical connection by making plans.

In addition to having sex, it’s critical to look into other ways to develop intimacy, as this is frequently lacking in low- or no-sex partnerships. There is more to physical connection than just intercourse. Try to rekindle your romance and find that unique spark by doing the things you both love. 

 

Consider Therapy

Depending on the underlying problems, seeking help outside your marriage could also be wise. Try attending a workshop, seminar, or marriage retreat to improve your intimacy. 

To address any underlying medical concerns that might be affecting your sexual life, speak with a healthcare professional. Seek joint or individual assistance from a mental health expert to develop communication skills or acquire stress reduction methods.

Should you decide that therapy is the best course of action for you, you might want to contact a trained sex therapist or another counselor who specializes in marital sexual issues. Any problems that are preventing you from experiencing intimacy can be worked through with your therapist. Make the most of these chances to concentrate on strengthening and deepening your marriage.

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Virginity Is a Social Construct: It’s Time to Break Free

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Virginity Is a Social Construct: It’s Time to Break Free

 

Lately, there has been a lot of talk about whether or not virginity is a social construct. For centuries, the idea of being a virgin until marriage has been sold to young girls and women all around the world as something crucial for their love life, happiness, and personal value. Why was—and still is—virginity only an expectation for women? After all, if straight men were not expected to be virgins until marriage, who were all of them having sex with? Who gave men so much power to destroy a woman’s reputation just because they had sex together? A man was just a man, and a woman wasn’t a virgin anymore. 

It’s not so much who gave men so much power; the real question is why. Why were women who had sexual relations before marriage unwanted or shamed by their families? Why does the inequality between men and women still exist when talking about virginity? If it’s so important, why are there groups of people praying and promoting only female virginity and not virginity in general? 

In this article, we want to research how true it is that virginity is a social construct. 

 

Virginity Is a … Social Construct? 

Before responding to this question, let’s define social construct. It is an idea that society creates to make sense of everything around us. Social constructs are not bad. On the contrary, they help us understand the world we live in. For instance, we all agree that a certain piece of paper represents money. We accept its different values and use it to buy certain things. That is a social construct. 

However, not all social constructs help us function on an everyday basis. Some are used to manipulate marginalized groups, and up until recently, women were marginalized all across the world. Although that is not the case anymore, there is still a lot of inequality between men and women when it comes to certain matters. One such example is virginity. 

When someone says the word ‘virgin,’ do you imagine a man or a woman? Most likely, you’ve imagined a woman. Don’t worry, it’s not your fault. For hundreds of years, society has been teaching us that a woman should be ‘untouched’ until she meets the right man who decides to marry her. There is no equivalent for men. Yes, they were expected to provide for this perfect woman and the family they built together, yet a man who wasn’t from a wealthy family wasn’t considered as a ‘damaged good.’ 

Putting aside social and religious beliefs, what does one lose by having a sexual experience? How can having an experience decrease your value? One of the definitions of experience is that it is an ‘event which leaves an impression on you.’ 

Instead of expecting someone to be a virgin, it would make more sense to talk about the experience itself. What do you need for it to be a quality experience? What should you learn from such an experience? Why do we seek that type of experience in the first place?

These questions initiate personal growth; asking whether or not someone is a virgin initiates discrimination, comparison, and judgment. 

 

Virginity Limits Other Experiences 

The concept of virginity pushes women away from sex, and it distances them from other experiences, such as masturbation, conversations, and thoughts about sex. Understanding what you like and don’t like is crucial for successful sex. Even if you wait until you’re married, if you aren’t allowing yourself to be curious about sex, chances are you will not be able to enjoy it because you don’t know what you prefer. 

Not masturbating, thinking, or talking about sex have one strong belief in common, which is ‘Sex is dirty.’ You can’t expect this belief to magically disappear once you are married. That is why many people who wait until marriage to have sex say that they are not impressed by it. Others will feel it is a marital responsibility, so they will not experience any pleasure or orgasm. 

In a way, virginity continues to impact your sexual experiences even when you lose it to the person you’ve waited for your entire life. After all, it’s not about being proficient at having sex; it’s about feeling proficient when having it. People with penises and vaginas have the right to enjoy their sexual experiences and be curious about sex and sexuality in general. 

 

Before and After 

Your first sex definitely separates before and after. Every important experience does that. Your first kiss, your first relationship, your first friend, your first day at school, and so on. Interestingly enough, other things don’t have a word for the period before a certain experience. What do you call a person before they gain their first friend? There’s no word for it. 

There is so much negative context around the word ‘virginity’ that, at this point, it is way more damaging than informational. Just think about it: what can you do with the information of someone being a virgin? It has zero value to others. If you haven’t had sexual experience, that information says nothing relevant about you in the public sphere. Also, if you had sex, it says the same—nothing. 

For inexperienced people who want to take things slow, share it with a loved one. You can share it with your close friend if you feel that your past sexual experience wasn’t so great and you want to be more relaxed when having sex again. The only value of such information is if it benefits you. 

 

Time for a New Social Construct

In the same way that the social construct of virginity has been created, we can create a new one that is not harmful to people, especially young women. Why not advance virginity as society does every day to match its beliefs and habits?

Every sexual experience is valid. Shaming someone doesn’t bring positive outcomes for anyone. If you want others to respect your intimacy, respect theirs. Lastly, don’t compare yourself to others. Comparison always leads to dividing the world into ‘good’ and ‘bad, ‘black’ and ‘white.’ Instead, be open-minded, curious, compassionate, and lead by example. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Boring Sex: Is There a Way to Bring It Back to Life? 

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Boring Sex: Is There a Way to Bring It Back to Life? 

 

One of the thrilling aspects of sexuality is having sex, so when you’re faced with a boring sex life, what can you do about it? Sex with a new partner can be exhilarating because of the excitement or new energy it brings to the relationship. What happens if the first spark disappears and intimacy is reduced to repeatedly sharing the same space and doing the same activities? 

Luckily, there are lots of strategies to get your sexual life back on track and rekindle the passion. After all, sex is a crucial factor in relationships. It brings the partners closer and reminds them why they fell in love. To help you feel more intimate with your partner, continue reading this article and find the right way to have a fulfilled sexual life. 

 

Definition of Boring Sex

Yes, it might be challenging to define boring sex; however, we’ll try to describe it the best we can to be able to offer some solutions along the way as well. Boring sex might imply multiple things. Sometimes it means you’re bored with your relationship or sex. 

Occasionally, it may be a sign of more severe concerns with sexual compatibility or deeper problems in your relationship. According to research, there has long been a perception in popular psychology that sexlessness is a sign of relationship issues that extend over time. 

Although everyone has a different idea of what boring sex is, for many, it refers to having uninteresting, unexciting, and disappointing sex. When someone doesn’t have enough physical stimulation or frequent orgasms, they will probably find sex to be dull.

The second concern is what to do about boring sex once you’ve defined it as such. At the beginning of the relationship, we can’t get enough of our partner. We enjoy sex, and everything about it is thrilling. With time, this excitement might start disappearing, and it can seem challenging to recover that spark. 

 

Common Reasons for Boring Sex

Longer-term partnerships usually result in a fall in passion and sexual satisfaction, yet this decline is possible to avoid. Some valid reasons may make you feel sexually incompatible or like there’s no chemistry in the bedroom. The most frequent causes of this decline are time constraints, health issues, or responsibilities to one’s family.

 

Lack of New Things

Anyone can experience boredom in sex, particularly in a committed or long-term relationship. What worked at the beginning doesn’t work anymore. Perhaps you yearn to relive the vitality of a newly formed relationship or the intense love of ancient times. Try something new. 

Before making changes, discuss them with your partner. Sharing your feelings with your partner may improve things. If you’re uncertain about what new thing to implement, try role-playing, introducing new partners, changing positions, using sexual toys, or having sex in locations or methods that may be unfamiliar to you. If these pique your interest, discuss them with your spouse!

 

Stress

We know that stress and life changes can affect our physical and mental health. You probably already know that stress can affect your sexual life. It may decrease your desire for sex or make orgasms harder. Since stress is frequently inevitable, how can we reduce its impact on our level of arousal, our favored sexual activities, and even how we communicate during sex?

Studies demonstrate the impact of stress and life changes on marital satisfaction. It could entail less time spent together, less successful communication, a higher chance of physical and mental health issues, and a general disengagement from the partnership. This could cause people to revert to familiar or routine sexual behaviors that bore one or both partners.

 

Mental Health 

Anxiety, sadness, or ADHD are examples of mental health issues that might alter a person’s sexual experience. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help couples who are having trouble getting pregnant because of anxiety or sadness.

It is commonly recognized that symptoms impacting sexual life, like decreased desire, arousal, or sexual satisfaction, are associated with depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders, or even psychosis. These symptoms must unavoidably be appropriately recognized and treated. 

 

How to Improve Your Sex Life

Before implementing any suggestions, make sure you talk to your partner. Even in ideal situations, many couples find it challenging to have a sexual conversation. Feelings of hurt, guilt, shame, and contempt can completely stop a discourse when sexual problems arise. 

Starting a conversation is the first step to a healthier sexual life, as well as a stronger emotional connection, because effective communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Here are some pointers for dealing with this delicate matter.

 

Schedule Sex

Your hectic schedule can get in the way of having sex, no matter how badly you might want to. Put sexual time in your calendar accordingly; just like you would on other significant occasions, add sexual time to your calendar. You won’t be as inclined to skip it then. 

When you set a date, you have time to prepare and something to look forward to. Schedule sex as often as is practical, whether it’s once a week or every other day. Select moments when you are sure not to be tired or preoccupied.

 

Physical Exercise 

Exercise boosts your mood and increases your stamina in bed. In addition to improving self-esteem and making you feel sexier, exercise tones your physique. The amount of exercise required to enhance your sexual life is unclear. Start with over 2 hours of aerobic exercise or two sets of strength training each week. It can boost your self-esteem and body image, tell your partner.

 

Don’t Rush Into It 

Sex shouldn’t be rushed, no matter how busy you are. Spend enough time in the foreplay. The extra time you spend caressing and kissing each other helps excite your senses and enhances the pleasure of sex. When you slow down, you can spend more time with your partner. 

 

Don’t Forget About the Little Things

Not every romantic meeting needs to result in sexual activity. There are many additional ways you and your companion can have fun. Give each other a passionate massage or bathe together. On the couch, have a passionate make-out session. Masturbate each other until you both experience an orgasm. Teach each other your preferred method of communication.  

Hug each other, share your favorite jokes or childhood memories, or do whatever will make you closer. These things will ultimately improve the quality of your intimacy, including your sex life. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Can a 70-Year-Old Woman Be Sexually Active?

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Can a 70-Year-Old Woman Be Sexually Active?

 

If you’re in your 70s or are simply wondering, ‘Can a 70-year-old woman be sexually active?’, we have an answer to your question. However, it’s important to keep in mind that sexual activity depends on several factors, such as an overall health condition, libido, and any other challenges or obstacles that can prevent a woman of that age from having sex – and enjoying it!

That being said, it’s completely normal for people in their 70s to be sexually active! If you’re in love with your partner and both want to be intimate physically as well, age shouldn’t be a factor. In this article, we’ll look at all the important details you need to know about sex life for those in their 70s!

 

Sex In Your 70s

Intimacy and sexual engagement are vital throughout life. Many elderly women in their 70s and 80s still engage in sexual activity.

Although physical changes and health issues may influence an older adult’s sexual performance, several techniques can support people in maintaining a fulfilling and pleasurable sexual life. Intimacy and sexual engagement are vital throughout life. Many elderly women in their 70s and 80s still engage in sexual activity.

Changes brought on by aging may impact a person’s sexual life. A person’s sexual life might be impacted by health issues and shifting hormone levels, yet there are things people can do to maintain their sexual fulfillment as they age.

Age does not have to be a factor in sexual limitations. Because they have fewer obligations and are less likely to become pregnant unintentionally, older adults may feel more liberated than they did when they were younger.

 

How Aging Impacts Sex

Changes brought on by aging can have an impact on sexuality. As people age, their sexual organs alter. The vagina may narrow and become less lubricated in females. Menopause may also have an impact on sexual desire. Male erectile dysfunction may become increasingly prevalent.

Individuals may also discover that weight or muscle mass changes impact how they feel about their bodies. Illness, medication, or surgery can all have an impact on the desire and intimacy for sexual activity. Still, not everyone has these issues, and for those that do, many solutions are available.

 

Physical Changes

The vagina might get shorter and narrower as women age, and the vaginal wall can get thinner and stiffer. Less lubrication of the vagina may also occur. This might make vaginal penetration uncomfortable or lessen a person’s desire to have specific types of sexual relations. Luckily, lubricants exist, so they can be used to overcome this problem.

 

Hormonal Changes

Because menopause induces hormonal changes, going through menopause might have an impact on a person’s sexual life. While some menopausal individuals might not see any changes in their sexual lives, others could experience some of the symptoms below:

  • Getting drier and thinner in the vagina might make intercourse painful
  • Decreased desire or libido, trouble becoming aroused
  • Sleep disruptions that might make people feel more exhausted than normal
  • Mood changes that could affect a person’s desire or sex drive

Hormone replacement therapy is a prescription that a doctor might give to help with menopausal symptoms, which could be painful or impact sexual life.

 

Mental Changes

According to numerous studies, the most common reasons why older women avoid having sex are:

  • How satisfied you are with your relationship?
  • How intimate you are with your partner
  • How is your overall health?

Keep in mind that relationship factors are equally important as health-related factors for a woman in her 70s to be sexually active. For instance, if she is feeling anxious or is experiencing symptoms of depression, it will surely impact her ability and will to be intimate and have sex with her partner. 

 

How to Have an Active and Healthy Sex Life in Your 70s

If you have an open mind and a determined spirit, there’s a lot you can do between the sheets that can be really fulfilling. Saying you’re fatigued, that you have a headache, or that something aches is simple. Finding methods to please your loved one and have a quality of sex that may still make you feel turned on and happy with your relationship requires time, patience, and a strong desire. Everything depends on each partner’s mindset.

 

Invest in Your Relationship

The quality of the connection is a determining factor in the enjoyment of sex. A relationship is as wonderful as its sex. Their sexual life will be a reflection of the strength of their relationship if they are able to be candid, open, and accept responsibility for their flaws, errors, and inappropriate actions. Sex will suffer from the contaminated space and it will not be good if the lovers’ relationship space has been contaminated over time. Relationships require care just as much as a house, automobile, children, pets, and plants do. Sex will suffer if the relationship has been neglected for whatever reason. If there isn’t any love in the relationship, you can’t expect your spouse to be loving. 

 

Talk, Talk, Talk, and Talk More.

Good communication is necessary to help those with sexual dysfunction. Sadly, couples often choose to keep their emotions to themselves so as not to let their spouse down; as a result, excuses are created rather than the problems being addressed. Insecurities, shame, and guilt prevent people from solving their sexual difficulties. A couple will never have a resolution if they never discuss their feelings. It is not the solution to sidestep the problem and blame a headache or tiredness. 

 

Be Present

Regarding communication, listening and practicing presence are your greatest friends. The majority of couples are awkward with one another. One may stand in your way, yelling, passing judgment, condemning, or blocking your path, while the other could back off and become silent. When conversing, being present entails meeting each other’s eyes. 

Being present and getting to know their spouse’s language and cultural background means showing respect and having an open heart to truly grasp what their partner is saying without interjecting.

As long as you’re taking care of your health the best you can and feel connected to your partner, you’ve got the green light to make the most of your sexual life!

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

What is Compulsory Heterosexuality?

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What is Compulsory Heterosexuality?

 

Compulsory Heterosexuality, or comphet, is the harmful assumption that everyone is “straight until proven otherwise.” Adrienne Rich coined this term in her 1980 essay “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence.” The term compulsory heterosexuality refers to how our society influences women to perceive all interactions with men as romantic or sexual.  

This can be incredibly harmful for everyone because not everyone is straight and not all women are attracted to men. By deciding that heterosexuality is the only kind of relationship that is acceptable, our society reinforces this systemic issue and erases LGBTQIA+ people. 

 

What is the Lesbian Masterdoc? 

The Lesbian Masterdoc is a 30-page document that is targeted at women who are questioning their sexuality. It explores the nuances between compulsory heterosexuality and actual attraction, empowering many people to recognize that they identify with being a lesbian. The document delves into the intricate details that distinguish between compulsory heterosexuality, which refers to societal expectations of being heterosexual, and genuine feelings of attraction. Its aim is to empower individuals by acknowledging and validating their lesbian identity. Through this resource, many people are able to gain a better understanding of themselves and confidently embrace being lesbian. 

 

What are some signs that I am experiencing Compulsory Heterosexuality? 

  1. You like the “idea” of being with men, yet when a man makes sexual or romantic advances towards you, you get incredibly uncomfortable. 
  2. Viewing relationships with men as a “chore” but not truly enjoying spending time with them. 
  3. “Picking” a guy to be attracted to or have a crush on. 
  4. Only being attracted to men that are unattainable or that you rarely or never interact with (Such as teachers, married men, or men that live very far away.)
  5. You lose all “attraction” or get very uncomfortable when there are any signs that a man likes you back. 
  6. Having to be drunk or high to have sex with men. 

 

What are some early signs that I am interested in women sexually or romantically? 

  1. Having an unusually close relationship with a female friend growing up that felt “different” and “special” in a way that you could not explain. 
  2. Having strong and abiding feelings of admiration for a specific teacher, actor, or other role model that were deep and reverent. 
  3. Feeling weirdly guilty and uncomfortable in locker rooms where female friends are less clothed than usual. 
  4. Feeling overly protective of female friends when they are hurt by men and thinking, “If I were a man, I would never treat her like that.” 

 

How can I tell the difference between attraction and compulsory heterosexuality? 

It can be difficult to tell the difference between actual attraction and perceived attraction due to compulsory heterosexuality. For example, someone who is a lesbian might blush when around men because she is uncomfortable. She might believe that she is experiencing butterflies due to the new relationship, when in actuality, she is feeling anxiety and fear. 

Some indicators that you might be going through compulsory heterosexuality instead of genuine attraction include having negative emotions such as discomfort, disappointment, or distress when imagining a future with a man. In addition, you may feel uneasy and self-conscious when men show interest in you.

 

I relate to a lot of this. Am I a lesbian? 

Maybe! If you relate to this article, it is something that you might want to consider. It can feel super overwhelming to question your romantic and sexual orientation yet there are resources out there to help support you in this journey. 

For the full version of the Lesbian master doc click here. It is a good place to start when considering whether or not you might identify as lesbian. If you continue to relate to the statements in the document, you may want to seek out an LGBTQIA+ therapist to help you navigate your feelings as you learn more about your identity. 

Finding community is very important when coming out and figuring out your identity, and it can be super validating and affirming to find a therapist in the LGBTQ+ community themselves. In addition, surrounding yourself with other members of the community can be invaluable in coming to terms with your sexuality. 

It is important to give yourself grace and understanding when learning about your sexuality. Compulsory heterosexuality affects everyone, and it is normal to have conflicting feelings when coming to terms with your sexuality. 

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know Melody Atkinson, LMFT-A by making an appointment. Her specialization is in trauma-informed practices, alternative methods to explore ADHD, LGBTQIA+ relationships, and identity.

Start your journey here with Melody.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Help! I Have No Sex Drive and My Husband Is Mad!

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Help! I Have No Sex Drive and My Husband Is Mad!

 

Have you ever thought, “I have no sex drive, and my husband is mad,” to yourself? You may have even attempted to look for advice on how to improve both your relationship and yourself online. Some wives even discuss this with their closest friends to figure out how to be more sexually active with their husbands.

If you care about this topic, keep reading as we explore all your options and their causes. Not being sexually interested in your partner in a monogamous sexual relationship must be addressed. There are times when we do not want to have frequent or any sex with our partners. However, if this phase is lasting too long and you do not know how to bring back that sex magic, it is time to examine what is going on in your relationship. 

 

What is Sex Drive?

Let us first define your sex drive before discussing why it is low and how to boost it. Our desire to have sex is called libido. A person with low sex drive has little or no desire for sex. This will be more noticeable in a long-term relationship than if you are single and not dating. 

A lack of sexual desire can damage your relationship and even cause a breakup if you’re with an allosexual partner. Understandably, if your partner and you have different sexual drives, it may affect your relationship. The only thing that matters here is being honest with yourself and your partner when finding the solution to this unpleasant problem. 

 

Reasons for Lower Sex Drive

Instead of blaming yourself for low sex drive, consider external factors. Some women notice their sex drive dropping greatly after menopause, while others remain aware of it throughout their lives due to cultural and religious beliefs.

Mental illness has been linked to decreased sexual drive and arousal. A lack of sexual drive and sexual dysfunction are common in depressed and anxious people. Check with a therapist to see if your low sex drive is linked to mental health. 

Mental health, menopause, and other factors can affect sex desire. Age, obesity, chronic conditions, medication, pregnancy, and relationship satisfaction can all affect sex drive. We are all different in our ways of being intimate or sexual towards another person, so make sure you are not comparing your situation to your friend’s. 

 

How to Improve Sex Drive

You shouldn’t expect to improve the sexual aspect of your marriage if you’re uncertain of the reason for it. Luckily, there are plenty of ways to improve the sexual connection you have with your husband. Most couples experiencing this issue will seek sex therapy, in which a therapist will assist with the sexual problems you two are having. 

Besides helping you solve the issues that are preventing you from enjoying marital sex, therapists can also improve intimacy between spouses, improve your orgasm experience, help you communicate your sexual wishes that you were afraid or ashamed to share, and so much more. 

You might not know this, yet sleep is crucial for sexual desire. If you’re sleeping only a few hours every night and trying not to collapse under all the responsibilities you have, your desire to be sexually intimate with your partner will most likely be very low. Women who improve the quality and duration of their sleep report a higher sexual drive the next day. 

Also, you can try aphrodisiacs, such as foods like raw oysters, strawberries, and chocolate, to improve your sexual desire. Yoga, mindfulness, and regular exercise can also enhance your libido and lead to more frequent sexual activities.

 

Different Sex Drive Levels in Relationships

There is no normal sex drive or norm that everyone should aspire to when it comes to being sexually attracted to or having sex with another human being. You might need to have sex once a week with your husband, while another person will need to have sex with their spouse several times a week. Both of these situations are perfectly fine, as long as they are not making you feel bad or affecting your relationship in any way.

Many couples will notice that one partner’s sex drive and needs are very different from their own. What is key to this is communication, like everything else in marriage. Both partners should be aware of their partner’s sex drive and find a way to ensure their needs are met. Talk to your partner and explain to them how you feel about sex. The sooner they understand that your lower sex drive has nothing to do with them, the healthier your sex life will be. 

Couples who differ in sexual expectations often realize that being open and honest in their communication about sex leads to stronger connections and a greater desire to have sex. Let’s not forget that one of the most powerful aphrodisiacs is not chocolate, sexy lingerie, or a gym body – it is the connection built through valuable conversations with your partner. 

Forget about improving your sex drive and setting goals in your mind. Work on connecting better with your partner, trying out new and exciting things, and learning something new about each other, and you will notice the sparkle coming back both in your relationship and your bed. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Comprehensive Sex Therapy: Unlocking a Fulfilling Life

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Comprehensive Sex Therapy: Unlocking a Fulfilling Life

 

In our fast-paced, modern lives, it’s not uncommon for sex and intimacy to be relegated to just another item on our never-ending “to-do” list and to ignore comprehensive sex therapy altogether. Many of the individuals we work with express feeling drained, exhausted, and underappreciated. 

They often find themselves living on autopilot, unable to savor the small, subtle beauties of life. When was the last time you could truly switch off your racing thoughts and immerse yourself in a pleasurable experience? If that moment seems like a distant memory, you’re not alone. Sex therapy offers a path to rediscovering that connection and vitality in your life.

 

Understanding Sex Therapy

Sex therapy is a specialized modality that addresses a multitude of issues related to human sexuality. It’s a powerful tool for becoming more mindful, aware, and connected to your sexuality, and it can alleviate many of the symptoms associated with the pervasive issue of life burnout that so many individuals and couples experience.

 

Exploring the Diverse Realms of Comprehensive Sex Therapy

When delving into the realm of sex therapy, you’ll discover a rich tapestry of subcategories, each designed to address specific aspects of sexuality and intimacy. These include, but are not limited to:

 

1. Readjusting Sex Life after Transitions

Life transitions, such as becoming parents, going through menopause, experiencing injuries, and more, can significantly impact your sexual life. Sex therapy provides guidance on adapting to and finding joy in these new phases.

2. Pain during intercourse

Experiencing pain during sex can be emotionally and physically taxing. Sex therapy addresses the underlying causes and helps you find relief and enjoyment.

3. Low or no desire

Loss of sexual desire can be distressing, but it’s a challenge that sex therapy can help you overcome, rekindling the flame of passion in your relationship.

4. Identity and Orientation Issues

Exploring and embracing one’s sexual identity and orientation is a transformative journey, and sex therapy provides the support and understanding needed.

5. Desire Discrepancies

When partners have differing levels of desire, it can strain a relationship. Sex therapy offers strategies for bridging this gap and fostering intimacy.

6. History of Sexual Trauma

Healing from past traumas is a critical aspect of sex therapy. It offers a safe space to address and work through these deeply rooted issues.

7. Orgasm Issues

Difficulty achieving orgasm is a common concern. Sex therapy explores the psychological and physical factors contributing to this issue.

8. Fertility

Dealing with infertility can be emotionally challenging. Sex therapy provides support and strategies for coping with the impact on your relationship and self-esteem.

9. Erectile Dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction can be a source of anxiety and frustration for many. Sex therapy helps individuals and couples navigate this challenge with empathy and guidance.

10. Sex Education

For those seeking a deeper understanding of their own bodies and sexuality, sex education is an essential component of sex therapy.

 

Breaking Free from Shame and Stigma

Shame frequently characterizes societal attitudes in the United States and some of the Americas toward sex, our bodies, and intimacy. This cultural backdrop can hinder open discussions about intimate issues. However, I firmly believe that removing the veil of shame and encouraging open dialogue is incredibly empowering.

Important Note: It’s essential to clarify that I am not a sex surrogate. All therapy sessions are talk-based and conducted with clothes on. My role as a therapist is to guide you on a journey of self-exploration, helping you tap into the many facets of your identity, including your sexuality, to empower you to become the best version of yourself.

Through talk therapy, goal-setting, and other proven methods, we can help you strengthen your relationship with your partner. Let’s embark on a transformative journey toward a more fulfilling and vibrant life. Come schedule a private session with Sarah Fitzgerald, LCSW or Amanda Pasciucco, PhD, LMFT, AASECT CST.

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Sex Counselor & How They Can Help You Through Divorce

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Sex Counselor & How They Can Help You Through Divorce

 

There are many reasons why people find divorce to be the most stressful situation of their lives, yet a sex counselor might be exactly what you need. After all, most people will talk about how to recover emotionally, and as much as this is crucial, sex and intimacy are important aspects of your life, and you should dedicate your attention to them as well. 

In this article, we’ll take a closer look at the importance of having a sex counselor support you through a divorce and why you should consider finding one. 

 

Why Sex Matters 

Sex is a big deal in marriages, so why assume it will not be a big deal in divorces? It is so much more than just a physical activity; it involves intimacy, connection, excitement, pleasure, and trust. For a couple to enjoy sex, they need to make sure that both partners’ needs are met, and that can often be challenging. It might be that sex is not the reason why you and your spouse have decided to part ways, yet it will have a significant impact on how you see yourself as a sexual being in your upcoming relationships.

For instance, if your partner was never interested in sex, you might feel awkward that your next partner is initiating it and not know how to respond to it. Or, you might feel uninspired to try out different things in bed because your spouse didn’t like them, so you’ll assume that your partner in the future will be the same way. All of these beliefs affect how we see ourselves and how we connect with others, both romantically and sexually. 

 

Numerous sex issues can occur in your marriage and follow you way past your divorce, such as:

  • You stopped having sex,
  • You or your spouse initiate arguing after sex,
  • You don’t match each other’s libido,
  • You see sex as a more or less important aspect of your marriage than your spouse,
  • You or your spouse find other people more sexually appealing than each other. 

 

After Divorce

Your first sexual encounter following a divorce may be remarkably similar to your very first encounter. Both men and women are concerned about having their first sexual encounter following a divorce. Males may have some erection problems due to the strain of a new relationship and their eagerness for sex. 

You can feel apprehensive since their body will differ from what you are used to. Will you know where everything is and how to turn it on? You could also experience climaxing troubles rather than erection problems. Once more, guilt over sleeping with a different person could prevent you from experiencing orgasm.  

When having sex for the first time after a divorce, women may be reluctant to expose their bodies out of concern that they are not perfect enough, especially if they are middle-aged. The first time you have sex after a divorce, you might not be able to climax because you might not be able to unwind and trust your partner enough to feel free with them. 

If your first sexual encounter doesn’t go as you expected, don’t be disappointed. It will take time to adjust to many aspects of your new life, including intimacy after divorce and a new sexual partner.

 

Reasons to Talk to a Sex Counselor

Sex therapists are licensed counselors, physicians, or other healthcare professionals who have received further training in assisting clients with sex-related issues.

Many people, at some point in their lives, struggle with sex. Some people can easily help themselves. Others may experience significant discomfort and sadness as a result of sexual issues. 

These are just a few of the sexual issues that a sex counselor can help you with:

  • Lack or absence of sexual desire,
  • Difficulties having an orgasm,
  • Feeling pain during sex,
  • Inability to practice penetrative sex,
  • Erectile dysfunction,
  • Premature ejaculation.

 

Your concerns will be discussed with a sex therapist, who will determine whether they are more likely to be psychological, physical, or a combination of the two.

 Each counseling session is private. You can go to a sex therapist alone, yet it could be best if you both go if your spouse is also affected by the issue.

You will have a more profound knowledge of what is happening and the causes by discussing and examining your experiences. The therapist could also assign you and your partner specific exercises and chores to complete independently.

 

Quick Tips to Help Yourself Enjoy Sex Again

The best way to solve any issue around sex and intimacy in your marriage or even during a divorce is to talk to a sex counselor. They will provide the best support and guide you on your path to falling in love with yourself as a sexual being – which we all are! That said, there are a few things you can try on your own that might help you improve how you feel about sex. Keep in mind that each situation is individual, so some of these tips might not work for you. 

The first piece of advice would be to solo touch. It might sound silly, yet how well do you truly know what feels good? Do you know which sensations and which parts of your body provoke a feeling of pleasure? Many people will forget about things that they are passionate about exploring with their partner. So, if that’s your situation, give yourself a few orgasms before you get back in the game.

Also, do not rush into sex.  Speeding up to get over it is unnecessary. You should enjoy it and do it when it feels right, whether it’s the first night you meet them or after a few months. One thing you should also be clear about with yourself is not to use sex to fill up the void. Sleeping alone after years of marriage might seem weird or even too scary, so you might get the idea of getting into bed with someone to fill up the void. Keep in mind that the best motivation to have sex with someone is when you’re truly attracted to them; otherwise, you will feel even more lonely after having sex with a person you don’t even like.

 

The Bottom Line

Sex after divorce may simultaneously be terrifying, thrilling, and fulfilling. To shape your sexual life after divorce, you must go carefully into the unexplored region. However, you don’t have to do it alone. Consider reaching out to a sex counselor and getting the support you need to solve any unresolved sexual issues, and look forward to sexual experiences coming your way!

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Intimacy Therapy Guide: How to Make the Most of It

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Intimacy Therapy Guide: How to Make the Most of It

 

When talking about intimacy therapy, many of us will assume it has to do mostly with sex. However, there is so much more to intimacy than just that, while it is a crucial component. When you are close to someone, your mind, body, and spirit may all be involved. This is what it means to be intimate. It’s about having the strongest possible sense of connection to individuals who are close to you. 

You might feel intimately connected whether you’re in a romantic, platonic, or family connection. Counseling for intimate relationships might be helpful if you need help in this area. 

 

What Is Intimacy Therapy?

Most of us seek closeness because it helps us feel close to others and like valuable members of a group. We can’t always have intimacy in the manner we’d like to, though. That is where intimacy therapy comes in. 

Both single people and couples who want to explore intimacy might benefit from intimacy therapy. The goal is to find any obstacles preventing you from having the connection you deserve and want. It might have some similarities with sex therapy, yet they are not the same. Sex therapists concentrate on sex-related difficulties, while intimacy therapy doesn’t always have to be about that. 

You should be able to develop trust, vulnerability, and commitment with yourself and others through effective counseling. It is a type of talk therapy that may assist you in locating healthy answers to any intimate issues you may be experiencing. 

 

Understanding Intimacy

Before finding the right therapist for you, you will need to understand intimacy first. It’s important to comprehend the many sorts of closeness to determine whether you require intimacy therapy. Some of the most typical are the following:

  • Emotional: Frequently has to do with how you feel and how close you think you are to someone. Anything that gives you a deep emotional connection, such as the sensation of being loved, noticed, heard, or safe while discussing your feelings, might qualify. 
  • Sexual: When you interact sexually or in a sensual way with someone. 
  • Intellectual: The joining of two brains via deep discourse, common interests or principles.
  • Physical: Closeness that is either non-sexual or sexual, such as hugs, kisses, massages, hand holding, or snuggling.
  • Spirituality: Supporting one another’s personal growth and working for a shared objective and respect for one another’s unique or shared views. 
  • Experiential: Establishing relationships via common interests or experiences. 

 

Benefits of Intimacy Therapy

Intimacy isn’t often at the top of the list of all the education we receive. The media, our caretakers, or our friends frequently provide us with some unhelpful examples. This implies that we could develop behaviors that prevent us from engaging in intimacy and having healthy relationships. 

Perhaps you find it difficult to be personal with yourself because you find it difficult to overcome emotions of shame. Or a once-warm relationship has abruptly turned frigid. This wouldn’t be unusual, given that research shows that closeness increases throughout the early stages of a relationship before finally becoming static. Through counseling, you may discover new techniques for fostering closeness in your relationships and with yourself and help you break harmful patterns.  

The easiest subject to discuss is intimacy difficulties. You might not yet be able to communicate respectfully, listen actively, and have an open mind. You may acquire insight and develop workable answers to any problems by speaking with a qualified expert. Counseling can offer solutions whether you want to improve your sexual relationship or get to know yourself better. When there is someone who can assist, you shouldn’t have to deal with these problems on your own. 

 

How to Build Intimacy in Relationship

It is possible to overcome your fear of intimacy or issues you might have in that area. A sympathetic therapist can assist you in comprehending the underlying feelings that underlie your dread. They can assist you in addressing these emotions and identifying other, better-coping mechanisms for isolation.

Occasionally, mental health conditions like avoidant personality disorder can further exacerbate problems with intimacy. This can be treated, which has important advantages for those facing these issues.

Even when neither partner dislikes intimacy, a couple may struggle to communicate. The following advice may help you and your partner get closer and have more intimacy in your relationship.

  • Be more tolerant. It takes a lot of time to get to know someone well. The process of establishing trust is frequently laborious. No race can define intimacy.
  • Start with the little things. Discuss your hopes and objectives if you prefer to talk about the future rather than the past. As trust grows, you could find broaching the more challenging subjects less threatening.
  • Openly discuss your needs. Do you frequently require alone to rejuvenate? How frequently do you like having sex? Instead of presuming that your wishes are “obvious and clear,” be explicit with your spouse about what you want to avoid a lot of misunderstandings.
  • Be respectful of one another’s differences. Even the closest of couples still have their personalities. To love each other and have a happy relationship, you and your spouse do not always have to agree on everything.

 

There is still hope if you and your partner struggle to become closer. Couples counseling can improve communication and help you clear up misconceptions. Additionally, it can aid both parties in overcoming any intimacy-related issues that could hold them back. Getting assistance is not a sign of shame.

 

Finding the Right Intimacy Therapist

It’s crucial to find a therapist who can help you with your intimacy issues, regardless of what they are. A good therapist is crucial for your healing path, and finding one should not be that difficult if you know what you need. 

For instance, maybe you will prefer in-person sessions, so you will look for an intimacy therapist nearby. Or, you will want someone with years of experience in couples therapy, so you might opt for someone with work experience in that field. Whatever it is you’re looking for, it’s important to feel positive and motivated about working with that therapist because it’s a crucial element of each therapy, especially if you’re working on your intimacy issues. 

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Two hands holding one another - one with tattoos.

What Is Consent in a Relationship?

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What Is Consent in a Relationship?

 

If you’re looking for a clear answer to what is consent, the first thing you will need to know is that it’s about mutually respecting yourself and the other person you are getting consent from. 

When someone gives you their consent, it means they are permitting you or agreeing to express something with you! 

  1. Consent cannot be assumed just because someone is silent, hasn’t said the word ‘no,’ or because the sexual partners have a relationship or sexual past together.
  2. Consent may be revoked at any time. 
  3. Force, threat, or intimidation are not acceptable methods for obtaining consent. 
  4. A person who is in any way incapacitated cannot give consent.

Before diving into this topic, there are a few things to remember when having sexual relations with someone.  

 

What is Consent?

Sexual consent means agreeing to participate in a specific sexual activity. Before being sexual with another person, you will need to know if they truly want to be sexual with you as well. On the other side, make sure you’ve communicated what you want with your partner before initiating intercourse or any other sexual activity.

Both consenting and asking for one serve to encourage people to set their own boundaries and respect the boundaries of others. Also, it serves to check if everything is clear and, if not, to communicate it properly before sex. Both partners must give sexual consent each time before engaging in sexual activity for the sex to be considered consensual. 

Without sexual consent, any sexual activity, from oral sex or genital touching to vaginal or anal penetration, is considered sexual assault or rape. You have every right to decide what happens to your body. It doesn’t matter if you were up for it ten minutes ago and even said ‘yes’ to your sexual partner; you can change your mind freely. Every person is allowed to say “stop” at any time before and during sexual activity, and their partner must respect it. 

You have to be a person that is comfortable and gracious about receiving a no. That is what consent is. If you guilt someone, or pressure them when they say “no,” that is not consensual. That is covertly manipulating a situation to get your needs met. 

 

Sexual Assault and Rape

Who can consent to sexual activity is regulated by law. Someone who is drunk, high, or passed out cannot consent sexually. Minors are protected from sexual activity with adults. Meaning, sex with a minor resulted in jail time and sex offender registration.  

Despite their legal definitions, rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse all begin with lack of consent. All of these involve unconsented sexual contact. This means that sexual contact without consent is rape, assault, or abuse. 

Anyone can be a victim of rape, sexual assault, or sexual abuse, regardless of their age, gender, or sexual orientation. That said, certain groups of people are more likely than others to experience sexual assault. We particularly want to recognize that women of color, LGBTIA+ individuals, and those with developmental disabilities are more likely to experience sexual assault. 

There are numerous ways in which sexual violence can occur. Rape or sexual assault can occur without a weapon, and the victim does not have to fight back, scream, or say ‘no’. Our most common image is of sexual assaults in dark alleyways with strangers, even though that is rare. Family, relatives, and romantic partners often are the perpetrator.  

If you or anyone you know has experienced any type of sexual violence, keep in mind that you’re not alone and that help is available to all victims of sexual violence.

 

How to Ask For Consent

Most of the time, you’ll hear people talking about giving consent before a certain sexual activity. However, asking for consent is equally important in communication between two individuals who will become sexual partners. Both partners need to give their consent to have sex. 

Openly discussing consent with your partner is best. Request it in multiple formats. Instead of saying the same thing over and over, ask your partner if they are ready to engage in sexual activity, and then confirm with them if they are comfortable with how things went later. 

Asking for consent does not have to slow down or diminish sexual desire. While communicating and being intimate with your partner, you can request consent. Although consent is required before any sexual activity, make an effort to communicate with the person you are getting to know more about.  If you are about to have sex with your long-term partner, you probably already know whether or not they want to have sex at that particular time. However, asking for consent implies consent from both partners in a relationship. 

 

How to Give Consent

Like asking for consent, you should give your consent to your partner. That will inform them that you agree to continue being sexually intimate with them and give them the ‘green light’ to proceed. You are not, nevertheless, required to wait for your partner to inquire whether you are enjoying the foreplay. In other words, a person can give consent without waiting for their partner to ask for it. 

Informing your partner that you consent to having sex with them helps you both be transparent about your sexual desires and allows you to connect sexually. However, don’t confuse giving consent with receiving it. You will still need to hear your partner say they are okay with moving things forward sexually to continue with a certain sexual activity. Once both partners have given their consent, you can proceed with sex and make the most of it together. 

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

How To Get a Girl Horny: Pro Tips and Tricks

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How To Get a Girl Horny: Pro Tips and Tricks

 

For all of you wondering how to get a girl horny, today we’re sharing our best tips and ideas on how to make her panties wet. Luckily, there are plenty of tricks you can try out when wanting to get a girl very interested in being sexually intimate with you. Although you might assume that things get heated up after the penetration, you will be surprised to hear that for most girls, foreplay is key to good sex.

You will find plenty of articles online on how to improve your sex game or lead your girl to orgasm, yet very few of them talk about setting the mood for sex and upgrading your foreplay game. If you’re curious to learn what works and what doesn’t, continue reading this article and taking notes.

 

Build Up the Chemistry

Establish sexual chemistry before making any moves. Instead of admitting you like her, flirt with her verbally and nonverbally. You can flirt by casually complimenting her looks or outfit. You might also tease her a little bit by cracking a joke or two. Please keep in mind that most girls will feel attracted to someone who makes them laugh.

With nonverbal flirting, you will need to learn how to look at her in a way that makes her intrigued. You should look deep into her eyes, and when your eyes meet, do not look away. This is where the flirtation starts. You can slightly smile at her when she looks your way, even if you’re already conversing with her. 

 

Sit Close to Her

If you’re not comfortable with flirting, this one might seem awkward to you at first. Ensure that you sit extremely close to the girl you wish to get horny with the next time you see her. This will also allow you to see how she feels near you. When you’re that close to her, pay attention to her signs. She might turn towards you and start a pleasant chat, decide to sit even closer to you, or show you she is not interested in sharing her space with you. 

You can show her something interesting on your phone to have her lean closer and see how she feels sitting this close to you. Or, you might show her something that is in front of you, such as a billboard sign or a parked sports car. 

Although you will be focusing on another thing, you will notice whether or not she feels comfortable with you being really close to her.

 

Talk about Something You’re Passionate about

Many girls will become attracted to someone when they notice their passion for something. For instance, seeing a person talk about their favorite band, movie, sport, or childhood memory can really turn a girl on. Your passion doesn’t have to be anything out of the ordinary. You might talk about your favorite restaurant or how you feel about your upcoming vacations. 

For someone listening, you will show a side of you they haven’t seen before. This is also probably where your confidence lies, another factor girls seek in their partners. Getting immediately into foreplay or sex is not nearly as interesting as getting attracted to another person gradually and then, when things get heated up, starting with the action.

 

Avoid Touching

As much as physical contact can be sensual and flirty, try to avoid it until you’re 100% sure the girl is interested. Think about it: a part of what makes flirting interesting is the uncertainty of the outcome—whether or not the girl will like you back. Even if you notice that she is becoming more and more interested, try to avoid touching her to get her even more excited.

After all, words can be a powerful seduction tool. Tease her and show her you’re the catch. Curiosity will motivate her to continue talking to you and, when the time is right, move it to the next level. 

 

Let’s Get Physical!

There’s a reason why it takes a few steps until you can try to either touch her fingers, move hair from her face, hug her, or do anything else that naturally comes to mind. Touching someone without first determining whether or not they are interested in you will eliminate any possibility of arousing their desire. 

Once you’ve read all the signs right and noticed she likes having you close and there is a certain chemistry between you, you can try to show her you like her in a decent physical way. For instance, you might touch her fingers while you’re sitting close and talking. Or, you might move her hair from her face after a sudden breeze. 

All of these movements will show you how she reacts to physical touch. If she touches your back or indicates that everything is well received, you are on your way to getting a girl horny. You two decide how to proceed from there. You could stop here or continue privately.

Make sure you are both okay with sex and have everything you need for the safest and most pleasurable experience. Each example is unique; some people will need weeks or months to get a particular girl horny, while others might need a few hours. There is no magic formula, and oftentimes, it will depend on factors that are out of your control. 

 

Conclusion

Ready to get a girl horny? If there’s a person you like, why not try to put your new skills to the test? Ask them out for a coffee or a dinner; invite them to see a music concert; or ask them to work out with you in the gym. If they accept, it means they would like to spend some time with you.

When you meet, it will be up to you to see if her interest is purely friendly or if there is something more for you to discover. 

 

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us with a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy, and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.