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80/20 Relationship Rule

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80/20 Relationship Rule: Is It Good For Your Relationship? 

 

If you’re not familiar with the term, the 80/20 relationship rule refers to the idea that no partner will meet 100% of all your needs. This principle says to expect your partner to meet 80% of your needs, not to be perfect. The area of your relationship that falls into the remaining 20% will depend on you as a couple. After all, each relationship is different.

We will cover both the advantages and disadvantages of the 80 20 relationship rule to help you decide if you are implementing it or not. Learn why some couples benefit from it, while others stay away and decide what works best for you and your partner. 

 

What’s the 80/20 Relationship Rule? 

The 80/20 relationship rule is a concept adapted from the Pareto Principle, used initially in economics and productivity. The principle states that 80% of outcomes come from 20% of causes. In the context of relationships, this idea has taken on a more emotional and personal twist.

The 80/20 rule suggests that in a healthy relationship, your partner is likely to meet approximately 80% of your needs and desires. The remaining 20% refers to the part they don’t meet. This category might include emotional gaps, unmet preferences, or lifestyle differences. This gap often becomes the space where dissatisfaction or temptation can creep in.

Depending on the unmet needs, you can either seek alternatives or work with your partner to meet them. For instance, instead of waiting for your partner to satisfy one of your unmet needs (for instance, adventure through dancing), you could occasionally invite your friends who would enjoy a night of salsa. 

You will need to pay more attention to your relationship if these 20% pertain to a vital component like stability, loyalty, or respect. Depending on how open your partner is to discussing these matters, you could work on it as a couple or seek help from a trusted couple therapist.

In a healthy relationship, a couple is typically able to provide each other with the following:  

  • Emotional safety and support
  • Shared values or long-term goals
  • Respect, loyalty, and commitment
  • Fun, adventure, and spontaneity
  • Enjoyment of each other’s company 
  • Reliable conflict resolution after an argument
  • A sense of desiring individual and mutual growth
  • A desire to give back to the community in similar ways

 

Why the 80/20 Rule Makes Sense

It’s impossible to find a person who can fulfill all our emotional, intellectual, physical, and spiritual needs. If you expect someone to do that, it will generate discussions, dissatisfaction, and a potential breakup. You won’t meet all your partner’s needs, and they won’t meet yours. Letting go of this expectation can help you as a person and as a couple because it can replace the stress with love and acceptance.

The 80/20 rule encourages gratitude and realistic expectations for both of you. We often forget to be thankful for what we have and focus on what we lack. If one or both of the people in a relationship has unrealistic goals, they often decide to end their relationship instead of working on these goals. 

Ultimately, it all depends on how significant your unfulfilled needs are to you. It would make sense to seriously consider living by this belief system to minimize stress on a beneficial bond!

 

The Risk of Misusing the Rule

This rule has both pros and cons that you should know. Sometimes, certain partners will use the remaining 20% as a justification for infidelity or emotional affairs. You shouldn’t allow someone to hurt you just because they can’t meet your specific needs, meaning there are boundaries.  

When there are unmet needs, certain people will start romanticizing what’s missing and undervaluing what they already have. You may feel frustrated, thinking that if you had that one missing thing, your life would be perfect. In most cases, whether we’ll receive what’s missing is out of our control, and it depends completely on our partner.

 

How to Apply the 80/20 Rule in a Healthy Way

If you’re considering applying the 80/20 rule to your relationship, there are certain steps you should follow. Firstly, you will want to identify your 80%. What are the core values and needs your partner meets? Write them down for clarity and provide explanations and examples where needed. 

Secondly, identify the 20% of needs that your relationship fails to meet.  Can you live without those unmet needs or fulfill them elsewhere? If your relationship lacks deep, meaningful conversations about life, consider engaging in these conversations with your best friend. If you’re lacking physical activity, you can join a hiking group or start going to the gym on your own. 

Find a method to rebalance things with your partner as soon as you begin to feel that something is wrong and that the 80/20 rule has changed. Discuss with them how you feel, ask them the reason for the change, and find a solution together.

 

Is It Right For Every Relationship?

As much as many relationships benefit from the 80/20 rule, it doesn’t immediately imply that it’s the right decision for every couple. Couples struggling due to toxicity, abuse, or emotional neglect may find it challenging to implement this rule. Especially during difficult times, you may find this principle annoying as you have already overgiven; thus, disregard it. 

It’s challenging to be aware of everything that falls under the 80% if the remaining 20% is simply impossible to ignore. Maybe you’ve been okay with your partner not spending a lot of time with you, yet now you feel like you’re drifting apart and want to spend some quality time with them. If quality time is in the 20% of the needs they can’t meet, it might require heart-to-heart conversations or seeking help from a therapist to navigate the entire situation.  

If you’re uncertain whether this rule is supporting or hurting your relationship, ask yourself the following questions: 

  • What are the top qualities I consistently appreciate in my partner?
  • Do I feel emotionally safe, respected, and supported most of the time?
  • Are we aligned in our values, long-term goals, and vision for the future?
  • How often do I laugh, feel joy, or experience meaningful connection with my partner?
  • What is it that I feel is missing, lacking, or frustrating in the relationship?
  • Have I clearly communicated my unmet needs or desires?
  • Does the missing 20% cause emotional harm or undermine the rest of the relationship?
  • Do I have a pattern of focusing on what’s missing in relationships, no matter who I’m with?

These questions can help you learn what you want from your partner and your relationship. You can answer these questions with your partner to hear their perspective. This can help you find the best solution that can support you as a couple to grow and thrive together. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

What is a Monogamous Relationship?

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What is a Monogamous Relationship? Definition & Research Revealed!

 

Ever asked yourself, “What is a monogamous relationship?” You’re not alone—and you’re in the right place!

In this video, I break down what monogamy means in today’s world, where relationship structures are more diverse and discussed than ever before.

Whether you’re currently in a monogamous relationship, considering one, or just curious about modern love norms, this episode unpacks the definition, cultural variations, psychological insights, and real-world stats you have to see to believe.

We’ll explore how monogamy evolved, why it still works for many couples, and what science says about long-term romantic satisfaction. I’ll also share some surprising trends from recent studies and polls—like how common infidelity is, what people really want in a partner, and whether monogamy is on the rise or decline.

By the end, you’ll have a clearer understanding of whether this relationship style aligns with your values—and how to talk about it with potential partners.

Couples Communication Strategies

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

 

Psychotherapist vs Psychologist

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Psychotherapist vs Psychologist: What Is the Difference? 

 

Are you here after realizing you’re confused about the psychotherapist vs psychologist dilemma? Trust us, you’re not the only one. Many people confuse these two professions because they both provide therapeutic services to address mental health and emotional well-being. However, they have distinct areas of focus and training. 

Psychologists will often have advanced doctoral degrees and training in research, assessment, and diagnosing mental disorders. Psychotherapists specialize in talk therapy and counseling, often focusing on addressing specific issues like stress, emotional turmoil, or relationship problems. To help you better understand the differences between a psychotherapist and a psychologist and which one to choose, we’ve prepared this article for you.

 

What Is a Psychotherapist? 

A psychotherapist is a mental health professional who provides psychotherapy to help their clients address emotional, psychological, and behavioral issues. Psychotherapy is also known as talk therapy. You can seek help from a psychotherapist on an individual, couple, or group level. 

Licensed marriage and family therapists, licensed clinical social workers, and licensed mental health counselors are among the various types of psychotherapists. Psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, and social workers can all work as psychotherapists, depending on their specific training and specialization.

Psychotherapists use different techniques to help their clients, such as identifying self-limiting beliefs and thoughts, processing painful emotions, and learning new coping mechanisms. 

Psychotherapy is a collaborative process in which both sides need to work together if the client is to obtain positive results. A psychotherapist cannot solve your issues or live your life for you. They will listen to you, provide a range of therapeutic techniques, and guide you toward healing. Think of them as a part of your support system.

 

What Is a Psychologist? 

A psychologist can be a psychotherapist, yet a psychotherapist is not always a psychologist. A psychologist is a mental health professional who studies and understands the human mind and behavior and has a doctorate degree in psychology. They help you cope with mental health challenges and relationship issues and often use psychological evaluations.

A psychologist will listen to you, evaluate, and diagnose mental health conditions. This means that if you’re looking for assessment tools for anxiety, depression, or an eating disorder, you should choose a psychologist over a psychotherapist. 

Similar to a psychotherapist, a psychologist will help people cope with life challenges by helping them manage life events. Many psychologists also engage in research to advance our understanding of the mind and behavior. In terms of work settings, psychologists can work in schools, hospitals, private practices, and other environments like consulting.

 

Comparing Psychotherapists to Psychologists

When it comes to understanding the Psychotherapist vs Psychologist debate, one of the first major differences lies in their education. In the United States, to obtain a license, a psychologist must hold a doctorate in psychology. A psychotherapist, on the other hand, can be a counselor, social worker, psychologist, or psychiatrist trained in clinical psychotherapy. They usually have a master’s degree or above in mental health fields and must also pass an exam. To practice, a psychotherapist needs state licensure and supervised clinical experience. They are typically licensed based on their specific discipline—LPC, LCSW, LMFT, etc.

Another important distinction in the Psychotherapist vs Psychologist comparison is the scope of practice. Psychologists can diagnose mental health conditions, though they typically cannot prescribe medication. They also utilize various psychological tests, including personality assessments and neuropsychological evaluations. Psychotherapists, while also providing therapy, generally do not conduct formal assessments or diagnoses unless licensed to do so within their specific field.

So if you’re considering therapy but can’t decide between a psychotherapist and a psychologist, remember that their approaches differ. Psychotherapists focus heavily on talk therapy, using various techniques to help you explore emotions, trauma, and life challenges. Psychologists can provide therapy too, but they often integrate testing, research-based protocols, and data analysis into their sessions. They’re more likely to work with complex mental health conditions or operate in clinical or research environments.

Let’s say you’re dealing with ongoing work stress—working with a psychotherapist might be your best bet. But if you need an official assessment for ADHD, autism, or learning disabilities for medical documentation, a psychologist would likely be the right choice.

 

How to Make the Right Choice? 

When it comes to the Psychotherapist vs Psychologist decision, the right choice can vary depending on your needs. You’ll first want to consider your unique situation and your motivation for seeking professional help. Are you looking for emotional support and tools to better cope with life’s stressors? Or do you need a clinical assessment and treatment plan for a specific mental health condition?

As you explore your options, be sure to read reviews and feedback from past clients. You can usually find this information on a therapist’s website or through platforms like Google Reviews. These insights can help you narrow down the right fit for you.

Even after your first session, tune into how you feel during the conversation. If you feel comfortable and heard, that’s a good sign. If not, don’t worry—there are many professionals out there, and finding the right connection is key.

Your mental health deserves thoughtful care. If you’re leaning toward talk therapy and emotional support, a psychotherapist might be the right fit. But if you suspect you need a diagnosis or formal testing, a psychologist may be the better choice in the Psychotherapist vs Psychologist equation.

Remember, switching professionals is totally okay if your needs shift. The most important thing is finding someone you trust—someone who helps you grow, heal, and feel safe being your authentic self.

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Sleep Divorce

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Sleep Divorce: Is It Good or Bad For Your Marriage? 

 

Have you heard about sleep divorce? Maybe you’re not familiar with the term, yet it’s probably something you have an opinion about. Sleep divorce refers to sleeping in separate bedrooms with the ultimate objective of improving sleep quality. By doing so, you can avoid inconveniences such as snoring, CPAP machine noise, insomnia, differing sleep schedules, temperature preferences, and so on. 

The practice can be especially beneficial for couples who have different sleep patterns or poor sleep quality. However, is it a good or a bad thing for your marriage? What should you know about sleep divorce before you implement it into your marriage? We bring you all the answers. 

 

Definition of Sleep Divorce

Sleep divorce refers to an arrangement in which romantic partners who live together choose to sleep in separate beds or bedrooms to improve the quality of their sleep. Although you might assume at first, sleep divorce doesn’t refer to isolating from your partner after an argument. It is a conscious decision between two partners to improve their sleep and intimacy. 

This decision can be made at any time in your relationship or marriage, yet it’s made for the benefit of both partners. For example, your partner might snore every night, causing you to sleep poorly and go to work exhausted. Doing this for weeks or months can lead to arguments, irritation, and frustration with your marriage and everything else in your life.

To avoid it, some couples decide to sleep apart. After a while, these couples report better sleep quality and improved intimacy. That said, not every couple is the same and what works for some might not work for your relationship. 

 

Addressing Potential Challenges

Every new idea comes with a set of challenges, and sleep divorce is no exception. It’s crucial to avoid any misunderstanding that might occur when talking to your partner about this idea. If they are not so open to discuss it, explain to them that it’s not a sign of emotional distance. On the contrary, sleep divorce boosts intimacy and your personal well-being. 

Depending on your views on commenting on your decisions with other people, you might fear how they feel about it. Social stigma or fear of judgment is an important factor if one of you feels the need for approval from others. If this is the case with your partner, try to be comprehensive and share your perspective with them. 

Even if your partner is accepting of sleep divorce, you will still have to discuss navigating intimacy and sex. Deciding to sleep in separate rooms will change how you approach each other for sex, cuddling, or pillow talk. You can decide which days you wish to have time for intimacy. Alternatively, you can choose to be physically intimate before heading to your separate rooms. 

Lastly, there is also guilt or fear of rejection. A person suggesting trying a sleep divorce might feel conflicted about it before even discussing it with a partner.

 You may want to try this approach, whether your goal is to improve your sleep quality or to enhance intimacy with your partner. Just because you’re next to them all night doesn’t mean you’re intimate. Intimacy requires intention, and sleep divorce can give you that. 

 

Talking to Your Partner About Sleep Divorce

Before making such a decision, engage in a heartfelt conversation with your partner. If your partner is not into this idea, be patient and explain to them your motivation for such a suggestion. 

Tell them it’s not about emotional separation. Sleep divorce is a practical strategy for personal well-being. If they’re worried about a lack of physical intimacy due to the separation, tell them you can have all of them before going to bed. In fact, many couples have noticed that they share more moments of cuddling, having sex, or spending time together before they go to their beds or rooms. 

Address their worries and give them time to process your suggestion. You can start to sleep separately once a week to see how you both feel about it. There is really no rule on how to implement sleep divorce into your marriage or relationship. Follow the path that seems most natural to both of you. 

Once you’ve reached a mutual understanding, it’s crucial to discuss boundaries and requests. For example, you may want to ask your partner not to come to bed while you’re asleep, as it may frighten you and make it hard to sleep again. Make sure you both communicate before and during your sleep divorce. Ask each other how you feel about this change. Be supportive of each other while getting used to this new arrangement. 

 

Is Sleep Divorce Right for You?

If you’re uncertain whether sleep divorce is the best option for your marriage or relationship, ask yourself the following questions: 

  • Do I consistently wake up feeling tired or unrested after sharing a bed?
  • Do I sleep better when my partner is away or when I nap alone?
  • Am I often disturbed by my partner’s snoring, movement, or sleep habits?
  • Do we have different sleep preferences (e.g., bedtime, temperature, mattress firmness)?
  • Has sharing a bed caused tension, arguments, or resentment in our relationship?
  • Do we communicate openly about our sleep frustrations without blame or shame?
  • Is our intimacy suffering because we associate bedtime with stress instead of connection?
  • Would sleeping separately help us show up more lovingly during the day?
  • Are we open to trying a temporary or partial sleep divorce (e.g., a few nights per week)?
  • Can we create routines that preserve physical closeness (e.g., cuddling before going to separate rooms)?
  • Are we willing to check in regularly and adjust the arrangement if it’s not working?

 

Do What’s Best For Your Marriage

Whatever you decide, make sure it benefits your marriage. Start small if you’re interested in experimenting with sleep divorce. Sleep separately one night per week and increase when you feel comfortable. If there are certain nights when you or your partner needs physical intimacy, make sure you don’t see it as breaking the rules. The only goal is to make you grow personally and together! 

Schedule a session to discuss the subject more! 

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

How to Deal with a Lazy Husband

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How to Deal with a Lazy Husband

 

Learning how to deal with a lazy husband or wife is necessary for the well-being of your marriage. Laziness could become a huge problem if you prefer an active lifestyle. For instance, you might want to spend the weekend in nature or visiting new places, while your spouse prefers staying at home and watching Netflix until they fall asleep. 

Have they always been like this, or have they become lazy over the years? Understanding the root of their laziness can help you find the best approach to addressing this issue. In this article, we’ll take a look behind laziness and suggest techniques you can try to work on with your husband or wife. 

 

Defining Laziness

To understand your options, we’ll look into what laziness is first. Laziness is the lack of motivation or energy to do something, even if the person can do it. One thing that is important to highlight here is that saying that someone is lazy is often a subjective judgment. What one person considers lazy might be considered normal by another. 

That said, there could be many causes of laziness, such as boredom, fatigue, and lack of interest. In some cases, people who are struggling with depression or burnout can be described as lazy, so it’s crucial to understand what is behind your spouse’s laziness. 

Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Was he/she always like this?
  • In which area of their life are they showing signs of laziness?
  • What do situations in which you’ve seen them motivated have in common?
  • Is their laziness sometimes more pronounced than it was in the past?
  • What signs do you notice when you refer to them as a lazy person?

Responding to these questions can help you understand if there is a pattern in your partner’s laziness. They might feel a lack of motivation in their personal life yet be very active in their career. On the other hand, they could show a lack of desire to be active around the house while maintaining an active social life with their friends. Learning about the characteristics of your partner’s laziness is crucial if you want to understand them better and help them. 

 

How Your Husband’s Laziness Affects You 

Before you address this issue with your husband, you will want to learn how their laziness is impacting you. Do you expect your partner to meet certain needs, but they can’t because they’re putting it off? Maybe you want them to help with chores or become more proactive in planning your weekends. Whatever it is, it’s important you’re clear on it before approaching them for a conversation. If you’re wondering how to deal with a lazy husband in a way that feels fair and constructive, getting clarity on how it affects you is a crucial first step.

If it helps, you can make a list of reasons why your husband’s laziness is annoying you. Be honest, as you will not read the list to them. This exercise aims to help you express your feelings and understand how their laziness affects you.

Another tool you can use every day is journaling. Seeing how your spouse’s laziness is affecting you every day can help you prepare better for a conversation with them. Once you know what’s bothering you, clarify what you want from your partner. Do you want to talk to them more? Spend time in nature? Would having more help around the house allow you to have more free time?

Lastly, you will also want to define the boundaries you wish to set. These boundaries can refer to your emotional and mental health, behavior, words, or anything else that would make you feel better about the current situation. For example, you won’t clean up their mess in the apartment.

Depending on the person and their partner, laziness can be a minor issue or a big obstacle to your marriage.

Talking to Your Spouse

When discussing something that may hurt your spouse, think carefully about what you want to say. It’s reasonable to assume that they won’t feel comfortable having this conversation as you discuss their actions. That is why it’s essential to avoid blaming language.

Instead of accusing them of their laziness, try to explain to them how you feel. So, you will want to say something like “I feel overwhelmed/sad/frustrated when you …” 

Tell them how their laziness affects you, but also offer to help. If you think they’re open to it and it’s the right moment, suggest visiting a therapist. 

You will also want to speak with your spouse at a time and place they feel most relaxed. Don’t just jump into the conversation as soon as they arrive. Ask them when they can talk about something important. When you start talking, ensure there are no distractions, whether that’s phones, TV, music, or similar. 

Avoid setting ultimatums. You don’t want to make your husband do something differently; you want them to feel the need to do so. The problem will not disappear if they stop acting lazy around you. This will just pressure them into acting unnatural. You will want to find the root of the cause and support them in their journey. 

 

Work Together Towards a Solution

After the talk, don’t leave your partner alone to find the solution. Offer them help, talk to them, and ask what they would need from you to feel more motivated. As much as their laziness is their problem, you need two people for a successful marriage. Your aim is to be the best you can be, not to fix your husband’s laziness.

Still unsure how to deal with a lazy husband in a way that doesn’t drain you or create more resentment? Working together is key—but it’s okay if you need support along the way.

If you cannot discuss this tender topic, come seek couples therapy. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

 

Netflix Adolescence: The Conversation We Need to Have

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Netflix Adolescence: The Conversation We Need to Have

 

If you still haven’t seen Netflix’s Adolescence, you’ve probably heard other people talk about it. According to Netflix, this TV series had 96.7 million views in the first three weeks, making it the ninth most-watched series on that platform. There are several reasons why this series became popular immediately, yet the most important one is that it invites us all to talk about something taboo—violent behavior in minors. 

If you still haven’t watched it, we’ll do our best not to spoil it for you. However, you probably already know what it’s about. A young boy is accused of the murder of a girl who goes to the same school as he does. Unlike any other series about this topic, Adolescence doesn’t pretend to be a crime series in which we’re anxiously waiting to learn whether he did it or not. Instead, we’re invited to learn about violent behaviors between teens, how they affect them, and what impact such a tragedy can have on a thirteen-year-old boy and his entire family. 

 

Adolescent Violence

This series showed viewers that adolescent violence is taboo for some reason. Children feel like they have to hide it from their parents, and the parents assume that everything is alright if their child is not asking for help. The series also addressed the school system’s lack of ability to provide that support to students. 

Underpaid educators and overworked parents are struggling with so many issues in their adult lives that the social component of growing up is completely overlooked. Just because a person is a good teacher or a good parent, it doesn’t mean that the child will be protected from anything that’s going on in school. Peer pressure and social media play a giant role in today’s adolescent years. This generation is going through something that previous generations haven’t experienced. Maybe that’s also one explanation for why these kids lack support when they need it the most.

 Most importantly, it is crucial to include teens in the conversation about violent behaviors. This Netflix series made that obvious and invited parents to check in on their children and ask about these things. Instead of asking the question, ‘How was school today?’ sit with them and start a conversation about “what was the most challenging part of your day” or “what was the highlight of your day?” Pay attention to their words and the topics they avoid talking about. If you believe that your kid finds going to school stressful, talk to them about visiting a therapist and highlight the benefits of therapy. 

 

How to Talk About Violence With Your Child

If this series has made you realize the significance of discussing child violence, there are several actions you can take to enhance the comfort and mutual benefit of such conversations. You’ll want to keep this conversation going. If you haven’t talked to your child about this before, the first conversation could be longer. But you should ask them how they feel about school and their friends. 

 

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Make sure all your questions are open-ended. It’s possible that your child will not feel comfortable talking about this topic at first, and asking yes or no questions might make the conversation short and dry. Instead, ask them open-ended questions and show curiosity while talking to them. To start, you might want to ask questions like:

  • What is your favorite thing about going to school?
  • What is your least favorite thing about going to school? 
  • How do you spend your lunch break?
  • Are there kids who usually sit alone? Why do you think that is?
  • Is there somebody in your class who makes other kids uncomfortable or sad?

Give them time to respond to each of your questions. When you’ve both decided to stop the conversation, ensure they know that you want them to continue talking about this topic with you. If they have shared something that makes them uncomfortable going to school, follow up regularly to see how they feel. 

 

Don’t Offer Solutions

One of the common traps for parents is offering solutions. When you provide solutions to your kids’ problems, you’re not teaching them to be able to solve them. You are making them dependent on you or someone else later in life. Instead, ask them what they think is the best solution. You can ask questions such as:

  • What do you think is the best way to solve this?
  • If this were happening to you, what would you do? 
  • How can I support you and give you what you need now?

If they don’t come up with anything, don’t jump in with suggestions. They could come up with their answer in a few hours or tomorrow. It’s more about getting them to think of solutions than solving the problems they mentioned. 

 

Share Your Experience

Children respond to similar experiences. Don’t forget they only know the adult version of yourself. That is why it’s critical to tell them about your similar experience. If someone made fun of them, share your feelings about a similar experience you had at their age. 

Don’t just tell them what happened; tell them how you felt. Sharing your feelings can resonate with a child going through the same situation. Sharing a similar story goes much further than simply saying you understand them. The story can also motivate them to think about how they feel and share these feelings with you. 

 

Keeping the Conversation Open

As we’ve mentioned already, the most important thing to do here is to maintain this conversation with your kid regularly. Let them know they can come back to you anytime with questions or worries. It’s better to have an ongoing conversation than a one-time talk.

Be sure to provide them with an example. You can model how to approach their issues, but don’t offer solutions. Children learn from watching their parents and not just hearing them talk. How you react to different situations and your emotional stability can guide your kids. If you think that situations at school are impacting your child’s emotional and mental health, consider taking them to a trusted therapist. 

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

What Is Tantric Meditation & Should You Try It

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What Is Tantric Meditation & Should You Try It

 

You’ve probably landed here after asking, ‘What is tantric meditation?’ There is so much confusion around tantric massages and tantric meditation. Although Tantra is often connected with sex, it is a much broader term than that. The origin of Tantra can be traced back to Hinduism and Buddhism, making it an ancient yogic tradition. 

In this article, we’ll take a closer look at tantric meditation, teach you how to meditate this way, and cover everything else you need to know about Tantra.

 

Definition of Tantra

Tantra was first practiced on the Indian subcontinent as an integral part of a yogic tradition. The name refers to the system of practices and philosophies that aim to expand consciousness and cultivate the inherent divine potential within oneself. Tantra uses a wide range of techniques, including rituals, mantras, visualizations, and yogic practices. It often involves using the body and energy to access higher states of awareness.

Tantra emphasizes the sacredness of the body and all aspects of life, including sexuality. It denies that the body hinders spiritual growth, as some religions and philosophies claim. Instead, Tantra sees the body as a vehicle for creating a connection to oneself and others.

Some of the most well-known tantric practices are yoga, pranayama, meditation, mantras, and visualizations. Tantric meditation is practiced to cultivate focus, concentration, and awareness of the present moment. So, how is tantric meditation different from other types of meditation?

 

Tantric Meditation

A key element of the broader Tantra philosophy is tantric meditation.  Tantric meditation is entirely dependent on energy, as Tantra is the philosophy and study of energy.  For people accustomed to meditation techniques designed to symbolize an empty mind, this is something entirely new. 

Various energy forms and characteristics, including sounds, colors, mantras, yantras, vibrations, visualizations, and kundalini force, are used in tantric meditation. All of it serves this spiritual practice to produce profoundly altering effects on the human mind and body.  

Every form of energy creates a resonance inside of us that might produce unique and powerful outcomes. After all, a tantric meditation is a very personal experience that can feel very different from one person to another. 

Tantric practice says that by engaging in genuine spiritual practice, we may elevate our awareness and transform our soul. In this philosophy, our only real mission as humans is to transform our spiritual journey.  

 

Key Techniques in Tantric Meditation

If you’re interested in trying your first tantric meditation, there are a few terms you’ll need to learn first. Frequency and the way these techniques are applied in tantric meditation can differ from one teacher to another, yet they will result in valuable experiences while practicing this type of meditation. 

 

Breathwork 

Also known as Pranayama, breathwork refers to the conscious breathing that awakens energy within us. Breathwork is a foundational practice in tantric meditation that uses conscious breathing techniques to regulate energy, calm the mind, and connect the body to the present moment. 

By shifting the rhythm, depth, and direction of the breath, you can activate the nervous system, release emotional blockages, and create space for more profound awareness and inner stillness. In tantric practices, breath becomes a guide and a gateway to help you anchor in the present moment. 

 

Mantras and Mudras 

In tantric meditation, mantras and mudras are powerful tools used to focus the mind, awaken subtle energy, and create a sacred inner space. A mantra is a sacred sound, word, or phrase repeated during meditation to help concentrate the mind and align with specific vibrational qualities.

Mudras, on the other hand, are symbolic hand gestures that direct the flow of energy in the body. Each mudra forms an energetic circuit, helping to reinforce the intention of your meditation. Together, mantras and mudras create a multi-sensory meditation experience of sound, vibration, breath, and body, all weaving together to support your transformation.

 

Visualizations 

Visualization involves forming mental images during meditation to direct focus and energy. Rather than emptying the mind, tantric practice often fills it intentionally with sacred forms, light, or energy centers to weave body, mind, and spirit together.

This might be tricky for those who have never tried a similar exercise before. However, visualizations can really be powerful even when used outside the meditation. Use visualizations that matter to you and that seem most natural. 

 

Energy Awareness

Energy awareness is something that will depend solely on the person doing the tantric meditation. You will want to allow yourself to feel any sensations arising during the meditation. Tantra teaches to allow anything to express itself through the body, whether we see it as a positive or negative sensation. 

 

Benefits of Tantric Meditation

There are many benefits to practicing tantric meditation. The more often you practice it, the more you will become aware of all these perks. Tantric meditation helps you feel your emotions fully without judgment. This is something we often avoid in daily life, but having a practice that allows us to explore our emotions can improve our overall well-being. 

Through breathwork, visualization, and energy practices, buried emotions like grief, anger, shame, or fear can gently surface and move through the body. You might cry during a practice, feel warmth in your chest, or release tension from your gut. Instead of analyzing emotions mentally, Tantra teaches you to feel and liberate them somatically, which can lead to deep healing over time.

Tantra emphasizes radical presence. It asks you to slow down, tune in, and listen to your inner world. Over time, this technique helps form a more honest, compassionate relationship with yourself. You become more attuned to your needs, boundaries, and desires. 

This self-awareness naturally translates into relationships. You may find yourself communicating more openly, holding space for others more patiently, or connecting more deeply, whether platonically, romantically, or sexually.

 

Work with a Trusted Tantric Practitioner

To get the most out of Tantra, work with a skilled practitioner. After all, tantric massage is not just a regular massage. It requires additional knowledge and experience that other meditation teachers might not possess. If you prefer, you can also try tantric meditation at home on your own. The results can help you decide whether this practice is something you’d like to continue doing in the future. With time, you can join other meditation groups with tantric practices and make the most of this ancient yogic tradition.

 

Tantric Sex Best Practices: Breathing, Desire & Arousal

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Silent Divorce Trend: Living Together, Growing Apart

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Silent Divorce Trend: Living Together, Growing Apart

 

You probably know what silent divorce stands for; you just weren’t familiar with the name. Silent divorce refers to a married couple who live together yet are not emotionally connected anymore. The reasons for staying together can vary from finances to not being willing to make such a change in your life. Whatever it is, there has been a rise in silent divorces across the US. 

Although it is becoming more common, we’re rarely talking about silent divorce. It is taboo, resulting in a lack of support for people experiencing it. What are your options if you’re in a silent divorce? How can you ensure you feel supported throughout this experience? Let’s explore it together. 

 

What Is a Silent Divorce?

Silent divorce differs from the traditional divorce concept you have in mind. Both have the same or similar causes, yet their direction is not the same. Being in a silent divorce doesn’t imply that the couple is initiating a legal divorce. So, what is a silent divorce?

It is a phase of a marriage in which both partners have lost emotional connection to each other, including physical intimacy, and still live together. Unlike many misconceptions, silent divorce has nothing to do with cheating. The phase your marriage is in has nothing to do with the third person. It is just a result of an emotional distance between you and your spouse. ‘

 

“I see many clients who indicate they feel like they are a roommate instead of a partner,” indicates Dr. Amanda Pasciucco, owner of Life Coaching and Therapy.

“This issue has become more commonplace since the COVID-19 pandemic and continues to be a leading problem among couples today,” adds Pasciucco. 

 

This emotional distance includes mental and often physical disengagement. It can show up as a lack of interest in your partner’s activities, emotions, or whereabouts. Couples going through a silent divorce can also experience a lack of communication, shared goals, and engagement in each other’s lives in general. 

 

Common Causes of Silent Divorce

While each marriage is unique, we can identify certain factors that commonly lead to silent divorces. One of the most common reasons for a silent divorce is emotional neglect. Both partners are neglecting each other and are not interested in each other’s emotional needs. They are not behaving this way to hurt each other or to prove a point. Emotional neglect is two-directional and is a result of a lack of interest in each other, not an external factor. 

Almost all silent divorces are characterized by poor communication habits. This doesn’t have to imply that the couple was communicating poorly prior to this phase. On the contrary, the couple could have been close before, sharing secrets and talking about each other’s emotions and personal experiences. 

Another cause of silent divorce is unresolved conflicts or resentment. For whatever reason, the couple hasn’t worked on these issues, or they haven’t found an efficient solution. Over time, this situation caused the couple to grow apart and cease functioning as a team. 

Also, life transitions such as children, aging parents, and career shifts can lead to silent divorce. You may have different views on these topics, or you may have changed over the years due to these events. 

 

The Hidden Impact of Silent Divorce 

Just because the emotional distance is mutual, it doesn’t make it a pleasant experience. It can be quite challenging not to be intimate with the person who used to mean everything to you. It takes time to get used to the new dynamics in the house, and you may both find it difficult to adapt. 

There could be a variety of feelings, including anxiety, loneliness, and low self-esteem. You might worry about how your behavior affects your children and other family members. Over time, you may experience some health symptoms, particularly in relation to your physical and mental well-being. Because of this, it’s critical to get help before you feel overburdened. 

During this time, speaking with a reputable mental health therapist can make you feel more supported. Therapy can also make you more aware of what is in your control and what is not, which is especially important if you have kids.

Keep in mind that, although a silent divorce is a better alternative than marriage with a lot of arguing and stress, it is not the best solution for either of you. Staying together because of financial issues or family stability can backfire emotionally and create more damage than good for everyone involved. 

 

Are You in a Silent Divorce?

If you’re uncertain whether your marriage is going through a silent divorce or something else, there is a quick self-assessment exercise you can do to find out. The exercise consists of a list of questions or indicators that you can answer. Your spouse is not required to do this exercise with you. 

Ask yourself the following questions to assess your marriage situation: 

  • Do you feel more like roommates than lovers?
  • Do you avoid meaningful conversations?
  • Is there emotional or physical intimacy?
  • Do you feel you must hide things from them, as they wouldn’t want to be disturbed? 

You can answer these questions in writing or use them to think about the current situation. You can share this list of questions and your answers with your partner if you think it will help.

 

Conclusion

It will depend on you two as to how your situation develops in the future. You might both decide to seek marital counseling and work on the underlying problems or conflicts that have been present for years. You might choose to live apart to figure out what you want. Some couples decide to try reconnecting through shared activities before thinking about separating or divorcing. 

During this experience, it’s crucial to take care of yourself. Doing your best to save or end your marriage shouldn’t cost you your well-being. If you have kids, they should see that their parents are emotionally stable even in difficult times. Being true to yourself will lead you to the best option, whether that’s staying together or divorcing. Lastly, be kind to yourself. It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. The same goes for your spouse. You can only function as a team, even in the final act, when both of you prioritize your personal needs. Prioritize yourself today by scheduling a session. 

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Importance of Listening Skills: The Key to Effective Communication

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Importance of Listening Skills: The Key to Effective Communication

 

You’ll hear everyone talking about how to speak properly and keep others engaged, yet we rarely talk about the importance of listening skills. Talking and listening are integral aspects of effective communication. You can’t be a successful and efficient communicator if you don’t know how to listen properly when someone else is talking. 

Listening can help you understand the other person better and connect with others on a more meaningful level. Learn how to develop these skills and improve relationships in your private and professional life. 

 

What Are Listening Skills?

When people talk about listening, they often confuse it with hearing, yet hearing someone speak doesn’t imply you’re listening to them. Active listening consists of four components:

  • Attention: Are you paying attention to what is being said?
  • Understanding: Are you able to mentally process what is being said?
  • Response: Are you able to respond in a way that shows your engagement?
  • Retention: Are you able to remember key points from the conversation? 

A great example of passive listening is when students listen to their professors. Your professor could talk for an hour, yet you are not paying attention to everything they are saying. Listening requires paying attention and understanding what is being said, while hearing requires only allowing the speaker to say something and you to hear it. 

 

Why Listening Skills Matter in Communication

Listening skills are essential for connecting with everyone in your life. Even a random person on the street asking you a question can benefit from your listening skills. Not paying attention to their question can lead to incorrect answers, misunderstandings, and conflicts. 

You’ve probably heard that communication is key for every relationship. That means that strengthening your listening skills will help you with your coworkers and romantic partner. 

 

Builds Trust and Empathy

Do you remember the last time you shared something personal with your best friend, and you felt such relief when you realized how much they understood you? Such an experience is a sign that your friend has excellent listening skills. Listening to someone makes them feel seen and heard by you.

It fosters trust and empathy. Instead of only focusing on what you want to say, pay attention to what others are telling you. Show interest. Ask them questions. Most relationships suffer because partners are unable to communicate well with each other. In most cases, they both know how to talk; yet the listening part is what makes the relationship truly successful. 

 

Reduces Misunderstandings

When we pay attention to what the other person is telling us, we minimize the possibility of misunderstandings. When you don’t listen, assumptions start to arise. You start thinking that your partner is avoiding spending time with you when, in reality, they are working long hours. 

Misunderstandings can also happen at work. If you don’t actively listen to your colleagues and superiors, your performance may suffer, and you may not be able to advance in your career. That is why it’s essential to make an effort to actively listen and engage. Start by ensuring you can easily focus on the other person and eliminate potential distractions. 

 

Enhances Problem Solving and Collaboration

Listening is a foundation for teamwork. Whether you’re born in a big family or work in a team, listening to others is essential. It can help you get to know people better and also boost your problem-solving skills. By understanding someone else’s perspective, it becomes easier to suggest effective solutions.

Also, listening is a key element in collaboration. You might work on a large project and need to coordinate activities with your teammates. The situation can become an issue if you struggle to listen to what they are sharing about the project. 

 

Improves Leadership and Influence

All great leaders are great listeners as well. They will be more respected by their employees because they will understand them better. A leader who doesn’t listen to their employees cannot be an efficient boss. They will overlook challenges and issues their employees are facing because they don’t pay attention. 

On the other hand, leaders who listen will have more successful teams. They will know what their team needs and provide them with whatever it takes to be more efficient. A successful leader knows that listening is a form of emotional intelligence, and they use their time to listen to others, not just to talk. 

 

How to Improve Your Listening Skills

If you’re not skilled in listening, don’t worry. As with any skill, you can learn it over time. First, it’s important to understand which factors are impacting your inability to listen. You might get distracted easily or not have enough patience to listen to someone else talking. Whatever it is, be honest with yourself, as knowing the reasons could help you become a better listener. Recognizing the importance of listening skills is the first step toward improving them and becoming more present in your conversations.

 

Being Present

When someone starts talking, decide to listen to them. Set aside everything you’re doing or thinking about and give them your undivided attention. If something is distracting you, suggest moving to another location or postponing the conversation for the moment so that you’ll both be able to communicate.

 

Asking Questions and Paraphrasing

If you’re not sure if you understood correctly, ask them to clarify. You can paraphrase what they said to see if you agree. Try saying, “What you’re saying is …” or ask, “What did you mean when you said _____?”

 

Reflecting

We all talk to each other because of our need for connection, regardless of the environment. That is why reflection is such a key factor in active listening and highlights the importance of listening skills in building meaningful conversations. Once the person has stopped talking, reflect on what has been said. Show support or comprehension by reflecting on their words before speaking on what you want to share. Even though you might continue talking about the same topic, ignoring what was said can make the other person feel unheard.

 

Don’t Interrupt

Interrupting is something you should avoid unless it’s necessary. Instead, wait until the speaker has finished their thought. In almost all scenarios, interruption is considered a rude act, and it can even harm the communication flow. When you feel the urge to interrupt, remind yourself to wait. After all, patience and respect are key characteristics of outstanding communicators. 

If you start working on your listening skills, you will notice improvements instantly. You can improve your relationships by using every conversation to become a better listener. 

Start your journey here.

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Empathy Statements: How to Verbally Show Your Support

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Empathy Statements: How to Verbally Show Your Support

 

Empathy statements can be valuable tokens of appreciation for everyone in your life, from your siblings to your coworkers. Understanding what others are feeling can strengthen your bond with them. 

Empathy is crucial for success across all areas of life. The more we understand ourselves, the easier it is to connect with it and respond to loved ones. A lack of empathy leads to disconnection and loneliness. If you want to become more empathetic, this article is a must-read. We’ll talk about why empathy matters and how to support people who verbally matter to you. 

 

What Is Empathy? 

Empathy can best be explained as an ability to comprehend and share another person’s feelings. Empathy requires more than just knowing what someone is going through or how they feel about it. It requires a real emotional connection to the person who is sharing their experience.

Those who are empathetic are able to put themselves in someone else’s shoes, regardless of that experience being pleasant or unpleasant. For instance, they can share your joy at buying your first home while also supporting you during a breakup, illness, job loss, or anything else. 

 

Types of Empathy

Although we typically just talk about empathy in general, three types of empathy exist: emotional, cognitive, and compassionate. Emotional empathy is feeling what someone else feels, even if they can’t express it. If you are emotionally empathetic, you can sense the feelings other people are experiencing and show support on an emotional level. 

Cognitive empathy refers to understanding the other person’s thoughts or feelings. Instead of feeling the pain or joy of the other person, you are comprehending their experience on a cognitive level. 

Lastly, compassionate empathy combines both cognitive and emotional empathy. Empaths can feel and share others’ emotions and are driven to help. If a person feels sad because they lost their job, a compassionate empath can talk to them, feel their sadness and fear, and then suggest helping by updating their resume or sending a list of job search sites. 

 

How to Show Support Verbally

Before we share some of the empathy statements you can use to support people in your life, let’s look into the things you should remember when being empathetic. From listening carefully to acknowledging their feelings, other actions can be equally important as your supportive words. 

 

Listen Carefully 

When somebody is sharing something important with you, listen carefully. Put down your phone and focus your attention on what they are saying. If you can’t concentrate because you’re in a crowded place, offer to go somewhere more private. While the person is talking, pay attention to what and how they are saying. You can learn a lot about how they experienced something by talking about it. 

 

Validate Their Experience

When we share something important with another person, we often want feedback. This feedback doesn’t necessarily have to be a solution. Instead, we seek validation from people we care about. Validation helps us heal, and it relieves us knowing that others also understand what we are experiencing. 

 

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Once the person is done sharing their story, be sure to ask questions. Remaining silent might lead them to think you weren’t interested in their story. Instead, ask questions to show you care and understand them. Don’t be judgmental or try to force them to behave as you’d behave if you were in their situation. If you don’t know which questions to ask, try these:

  • What was the hardest thing for you in that experience?
  • Do you want to talk more about it?
  • What do you need from me? I want you to feel supported in this moment.
  • What would you like to do now with all of these feelings? 
  • Do you want us to plan something in the near future to address these issues again?

 

Empathy Statements to Show Understanding

The questions mentioned above are a wonderful example of ways to show empathy to a person who needs it. 

However, there are numerous other empathy statements you can choose from, depending on the situation. Here are some examples:

  • “That sounds really hard. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
  • “I cannot even imagine how that must feel.”
  • “You’re not alone—I’m here for you.”
  • “Thank you for trusting me with this.”
  • “It makes sense that you’d feel this way.”
  • “That sounds overwhelming. Are you okay?”
  • “I hear you.”
  • “What you’re feeling is totally valid.”
  • “I’m with you. You don’t have to go through this experience alone.”
  • “It’s okay to feel this way! There’s no right or wrong way to deal with such a situation.”
  • “I see how much this means to you.”
  • “This must be so upsetting. I’m here if you need to talk.”
  • “I care about you and want to support you however I am able.”
  • “You’ve been through a lot. It’s okay to ask for support.”

Some other examples of empathy statements include, but aren’t limited to, the following:

  • “I may not fully understand, but I’m listening.”
  • “You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough.”
  • “Your feelings are completely understandable.”
  • “Take your time. There’s no pressure to rush through this.”
  • “Would you like to talk more about it?”
  • “Is there anything you need right now?”
  • “I’m here to listen without any judgment.”
  • “That must have been painful.”
  • “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Let’s figure it out together.”
  • “I can see how much strength it took to share that.”
  • “You don’t need to have it all figured out. One step at a time.”
  • “That’s a valid concern. Let’s talk it through.”
  • “You’re not being dramatic. The situation is real, and it matters.”
  • “It’s completely natural to feel that way.”
  • “Thank you for being honest with me. That takes courage.”
  • “I’ve got your back. I’m here.”

 

Make sure that the empathy statement you decide to use resonates with you. Saying something without resonance could make the other person feel like they shouldn’t have shared their experience with you. Use your own words to show support, and be kind while talking to them afterward. Supporting each other is an essential component of any relationship.

If you need to learn how to use empathy, book a session with one of our team members today. 

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

How to Stop Being Codependent & Have Healthy Relationships

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How to Stop Being Codependent & Have Healthy Relationships

 

The answer to the question, ‘How to stop being codependent?’ is not straightforward. After all, developing codependency takes time, just as becoming more independent in your relationships does. All human beings exhibit certain types of codependent behaviors, especially during our childhood years. While growing up, we learn to become more independent in areas that feel safe, such as doing homework or riding a bike. 

As much as we become independent adults, we will still seek connection and support from people in our lives, which is beneficial in many ways. Codependency, on the other hand, implies a dysfunctional dynamic in a relationship. It could mean that one person prioritizes the needs and desires of the other person over their own. It could also mean they need someone else’s approval before acting or saying something. 

In codependency, both sides are enabling each other’s unhealthy behaviors. That is why the solution to codependency is not as simple as we’d like it to be. Instead, it’s essential to understand why someone is codependent, what they receive from it, and which healthy alternatives they can implement in these areas.

 

Codependency Explained 

Some might refer to codependency as relationship addiction, while others might call it toxic relationships. Although these terms have much in common with codependency, they are not synonyms. We’ll say that a relationship is toxic when we can clearly see unhealthy behavior or the dynamics of that couple. 

However, codependency will most probably not look toxic to you at first. People often mistake codependency for care, where one partner takes care of the other. Codependents expect others to care for them because they can’t do it themselves. 

The following key characteristics provide the best explanation of codependency:

  • Unhealthy dependence: Codependent people often have an unhealthy level of dependence on each other, whether it’s for approval, validation, security, or self-worth. 
  • Prioritizing others’ needs: In a codependent relationship, each person will prioritize the needs of the other instead of their own, most often at their expense. 
  • Enabling unhealthy behaviors: Both sides will enable codependency in each other through unhealthy behaviors, such as addiction, poor mental health, irresponsibility, or immaturity. 
  • Weak or lack of boundaries: Codependent partners will have issues setting and respecting boundaries. 
  • Fear of abandonment: To avoid being alone, a person with codependent behaviors will do anything to make the other person stay in their life. 
  • Low self-esteem: Those stuck in a codependent relationship often have low self-esteem and believe they don’t deserve anything positive or beautiful, so they focus on maintaining the status quo of their relationship instead of growing together. 

 

Causes of Codependency

By going through the main characteristics of codependency, you might also get an idea of its common causes. Mostly, codependency stems from early childhood experiences. This means that children in dysfunctional families tend to become codependent adults. Growing up in a home with a lack of boundaries, low self-esteem, or prioritizing family needs over their own, a person will most probably repeat the same patterns in their relationships. 

That is why it’s essential to become aware of what caused your codependency. In most cases, the answer appears during childhood. These causes can be:

  • Abuse
  • Neglect
  • Unhealthy family roles
  • Overprotective/underprotective parenting 
  • Insecure attachment 
  • Lack of self-worth 
  • Unresolved trauma
  • Substance abuse
  • Chronic illness
  • Cultural and social factors

 

How Can You Stop Being Codependent 

If you want your friendships and romantic relationships to be healthier, learning how to stop being codependent is essential. Follow the steps below to work on your codependency and consider talking to a therapist. Therapy is a good way to learn about your codependency, its effects on your relationships, and alternatives. 

 

1.Get to Know Your Codependency

When we’re talking about the parts of us we don’t like so much, we tend to run away from them, thinking it might set us free. However, you can’t run away from something that is a part of you. Instead, you need to befriend it and learn all about it. 

Why are you codependent? How does the habit benefit you? What are your first memories of codependent behavior? Answering these questions can help you understand the dynamics of your relationships. You can explore many techniques to get to know this part of you. 

Consider giving that codependent part of you a name and talking to it. If you don’t want to do that, you can write down how you feel and what you need. It might feel awkward at first. After all, you’re doing it for the first time. 

 

2.Think of Alternatives for Your Codependent Behaviors

Unbelievably, your codependency solely prioritizes your well-being! For example, your fear of abandonment led to creating several techniques to ensure such an event doesn’t happen in the future. Unfortunately, these techniques are exhausting and detrimental to your well-being. 

Instead, you could set a goal of spending quality time with yourself once a week. The task could involve picking up an old hobby, practicing mindfulness, dancing to your favorite music, or anything else you like. By learning to enjoy your alone time, you will remind yourself that you don’t depend on others to have a good time. 

The same goes for anything else you’ve realized while learning about your codependency. If you struggle with setting boundaries, these issues can be your focus. First, determine which values are most important for you in your relationships. For instance, if you appreciate punctuality, communicate it to your friends and romantic partner. Ask them to respect your time and share your boundaries with them. 

This means you can leave after waiting 15 minutes or only meet when they can hang out with you. 

 

3.Consider Therapy

This work might be overwhelming, so talking to a mental health professional could greatly help. A therapist can guide you through the process of understanding and reducing your codependency. Such an approach can benefit those who can’t find the right methods to get to know their codependency. 

With a therapist, you will look closely at your relationships to see the common dynamic. Occasionally, all we need is someone asking the right question to trigger a train of thoughts that lead to valuable conclusions. You can also become aware of your codependency and work in parallel with a therapist. You can even ask them to give you homework after each session to maximize the value of the therapy. 

Conclusion

Learning how to stop being codependent is the first step toward becoming more independent and building healthy, fulfilling relationships. It might take time, yet it’s possible. Once you realize your codependent behaviors, you’ll see things improve, whether you work on it alone or with a therapist. With each step, you will feel more confident and motivated to pursue relationships that reflect your inner state. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

How to Be More Productive in Your Therapy Sessions

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How to Be More Productive in Your Therapy Sessions

 

Do you want to learn how to be more productive while talking to your therapist? You might feel that time is running fast during your sessions, and you don’t have enough time to address everything you want. Or, you might feel like you’re forgetting everything you’ve talked about as soon as you leave the office. Whatever the reason, being productive in your therapy sessions is very beneficial for you. 

Productivity can provide you with structural support when it comes to healing. You can focus on what’s best for you instead of worrying about forgetting to bring something up or memorizing your therapist’s words. Ultimately, the goal of therapy is to enhance your mental and emotional health, and productivity can be a huge aid in the process. 

 

Productivity Hacks for Your Next Therapy Session

You might be preparing yourself for your first therapy session, or you’ve been going for a while. In either case, you can start being productive before, during, and after talking to your therapist. 

 

Before the Session

Are you one of these people who’s rushing into your therapist’s office or opening that meeting link in your calendar without catching a breath? Well, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate this approach. Preparing yourself for therapy eliminates the stress and helps you concentrate on what will happen during the session. 

Before each session, give yourself five to ten minutes to prepare tea, coffee, or water; go to the bathroom; and tidy up and organize the space around you. In the time between sessions, make sure you write down the events or thoughts you’d like to share with your therapist.

When it comes to productivity hacks before the session, consider these:

  • Setting clear goals: Define what you wish to address or achieve in each therapy session (e.g., event, emotion or feeling, memory, relationship, etc.).
  • Keep a therapy journal: Write down all your events, thoughts, and emotions in one place. It helps you track your progress and go back to the past moments when necessary. 
  • Track patterns: You can use a journal or write notes in an app, yet tracking recurring triggers, behaviors, or emotions can help you address those issues with your therapist.  
  • Prepare topics: If there is something that crosses your mind, write it down and read it before the session to see whether or not you want to talk about it. 

 

During the Session

Productivity really pays off during your therapy sessions. During the session, your therapist will provide advice and ask the right questions. Making sure you pay attention to and memorize their words will be valuable to you later as well. You might come across the same situation as you did a few months ago, and checking your notes from that session might save you time and energy. 

When it comes to productivity hacks during the session, consider these:

  • Be transparent: Therapy is your safe space, and you should motivate yourself to speak freely about your thoughts and emotions. Allow yourself to explore uncomfortable topics and dig deeper into them. 
  • Ask questions: If something is unclear or you want to discuss the topic more profoundly, ask your therapist to explain or provide examples. 
  • Take notes: You don’t have to write everything during the session. Write key insights, phrases, coping strategies, or ideas that you or your therapist mentioned.

 

After the Session 

You should take five to ten minutes after the session, just like you do before it. Take a moment to absorb everything that was said after you leave your therapist’s office or end the online call. We often forget to reflect on our experiences because we’re so focused on what’s next. Taking a moment to take care of yourself after therapy should become a part of your routine. 

When it comes to productivity hacks after the session, consider these:

  • Reflect: Think about what you said and heard, and how it could be used in daily life. 
  • Implement: Apply the coping mechanisms or techniques recommended.
  • Notice progress: Track improvement or emotional shifts you notice as a result of therapy.
  • Provide feedback: Share with your therapist how you felt afterwards and what changes you’ve noticed or managed to implement after the session. 

 

Overcoming Common Challenges

You may notice certain challenges when it comes to your first efforts to become more productive in your therapy sessions. The lack of productivity can make it seem like you’re not benefiting from your therapy as much as you’d like. Applying all the tips mentioned above allows you to see a clear overview of your healing process. You can see how you felt months ago, which triggers you had, and what new techniques your therapist was suggesting. You can compare that information with the present situation and see what has improved. 

Being more productive, especially writing down and reflecting, enables you to manage more efficiently intense feelings during and after sessions. Once you start applying these suggestions, you will notice so many benefits. 

You will feel more concentrated and prepared for your next session. You will pay closer attention to your therapist’s words. You will notice how the work from therapy shows up in your daily situations with minimal conscious effort. All of this is possible due to the progress made during your therapy sessions. 

 

In Final Words

You don’t have to use all of our productivity tips at once. Make notes for your next therapy session, and after you’re done, take some time to think back on it. Doing it all at once could overwhelm you and make it feel like a systematic rather than emotional process. 

Also, not all techniques work for all people. Some might prefer to track progress in their therapy journals, while others prefer writing key words and phrases on sticky notes and having them where they can see them. It’s up to you to decide which of these ideas can help you become more productive. After all, you will enjoy its benefits!

Schedule a session today! 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

AI Girlfriend Chatting: Exploring the World of AI Companionship

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AI Girlfriend Chatting: Exploring the World of AI Companionship

 

Are you interested in learning more about AI girlfriend chatting? These AI girlfriend chatbots are becoming increasingly popular among men of all age groups and interests. Think of them as a virtual, artificially intelligent companion that simulates romantic conversations with users such as yourself. 

For a range of reasons, many men are giving this new trend of AI companionship a chance. Some might consider traditional dating boring or unsuccessful, while others are curious to see what an AI girlfriend can offer them. Whatever the reason, its popularity indicates that artificial intelligence can serve yet another aspect of our lives—the romantic one. 

 

What’s an AI girlfriend chatting bot?

Chatbots use natural language processing (NLP), machine learning, and deep learning algorithms to generate human-like responses and adapt to their users over time. In the context of AI dating, this would mean that you can chat and have fun online with an AI girlfriend chatbot. This robot girlfriend will eventually learn your preferences so she can better meet your needs. 

You’ve probably already heard of AI girlfriend apps such as Replika, Kajiwoto, Romantic AI, and AI Pal. Although the features of these apps can differ, they are all based on the same technology. Such apps offer sophisticated companionship, whether you’re looking for emotional support, affection, playful interactions, roleplay, etc. 

 

Joining the AI Dating 

If you’re interested in giving an AI girlfriend a shot, you will need to create an account for one of the above-mentioned apps. Make sure that your chosen app offers what you’re looking for, as some are more for casual chat, while others are for deeper emotional connections.

Before you create your profile, spend some time understanding what you’re looking for. Go beyond what the AI girlfriend can offer you. Think of the personality, appearance, and communication style. Having all this in mind, don’t forget that AI cannot replace human interactions. It can serve you as an alternative, yet it comes with certain limitations, such as:

  • Lack of genuine emotions
  • No physical presence yet
  • Limited understanding of complex human emotions 
  • Predictable answers and awkward phrasing
  • No real accountability 

 

Tips for Enjoying Your AI Girlfriend 

If you don’t prepare yourself for this unique experience, you will probably not get much out of it.  Knowing what an AI girlfriend chatbot cannot offer you is relevant. However, it’s up to you to maximize the benefits of such interactions. 

 

1. Customize Your AI for a Personalized Experience

Most apps allow you to adjust settings like personality, voice, and communication style for your AI girlfriend. You are welcome to choose any name and include details to enhance this experience. 

 

2. Engage in Meaningful Conversations

To make these talks work, you must start and invest in them. The chatbot can’t engage with you as expected because it learns from the data you provide. 

In the beginning, you will need to be the one providing more information and deciding on the direction of the conversation. Once you start chatting with her, ask open-ended questions and explore different topics to avoid generic conversation. With time, the chatbot will learn your preferences and be more proactive in these interactions.

 

3. Experiment with Roleplay & Fun Scenarios

If you’re into roleplay, your AI girlfriend can help you create an exciting story or fulfill one of your fantasies. You can set up scenarios where your AI acts as a supportive partner, a best friend, or even a rival. 

Instruct the chatbot on what you expect from it, or allow it to surprise you. Try out different roleplay scenarios to keep things interesting. 

 

4. Be Realistic

As much as the AI dating world can be fun and engaging, don’t forget that it’s based on technology. In other words, your AI girlfriend doesn’t have real emotions. If you’re going through a challenging period in your life, you could get easily disappointed if you depend on it to provide support.

Instead, use these apps for fun and companionship. You can even practice your creativity or different approaches to women in real life. Expecting a chatbot to understand our complex human emotions will only hurt you. 

 

5. Explore AI’s Learning Features

Just as you’d invest time to talk about yourself to your new romantic partner in real life, you’ll need to do the same with the AI girlfriend. The main difference is that the chatbot needs your correction to unlearn and replace incorrect information. 

The success of AI companionship depends mostly on your input. If you’re not motivated to teach and correct your AI girlfriend when necessary, it can become quite frustrating. That is why certain apps offer features like memory, interests, and mood settings to create a better experience for its users. 

 

6. Set Healthy Boundaries

Setting realistic expectations and healthy boundaries are two key factors for your well-being. When it comes to boundaries, it’s important not to replace all your real-life social connections with a chatbot. It’s completely fine to decide to stop dating, yet technology cannot replace every interaction you have with others. 

Make sure to still spend enough time with friends and family. These tips can help you get the right amount of support when needed. Depending on your AI companion can cause real emotional pain, as it will not be able to meet all of your needs. As long as you use it as a fun outlet and not a full replacement for human relationships, there is no harm in it.  

 

7. Don’t Forget About Privacy & Security

Just because these apps use words like girlfriend, romance, and companionship, it doesn’t mean you should ignore the aspect of privacy and security. Avoid sharing sensitive personal information throughout the entire experience. You should also choose reputable AI girlfriend apps to prevent data misuse. 

Before you sign up for an app, check how they ensure all your information is safe. Most AI chatbot apps will have Terms of Privacy published on their website, so take a moment to go through them. See what data they collect and how they use it to determine if the app is safe! 

Ensuring you’re safe in AI dating is essential for your experience. Don’t just jump into it without proper research. Please take a moment to consider the needs the app should fulfill and your expectations for it. Lastly, don’t forget to have fun. What is the purpose of dating if it is not enjoyable?

If you want to meet with a therapist who understands the AI experience, schedule a session with Dr. Amanda. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

How to Deal with Grief

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How to Deal with Grief: Honoring Your Feelings and Finding Peace 

 

Nobody knows how to deal with grief until we are faced with the loss of someone we care about. Even then, it’s not uncommon for many people to struggle with processing grief in a healthy way. Some will start to focus on something else to avoid feeling this enormous pain, while others might develop unhealthy habits to numb themselves. 

Grief is an overwhelming emotion that cannot be processed in one day. It doesn’t have a timeline or a determined list of symptoms. Each person can experience different emotions and behaviors as they go through grief. That said, what matters the most is to give your best to honor how you feel and seek peace in these difficult moments. 

 

Understanding Grief

Before we go into the recommended way to deal with grief, it’s important to understand it first. There are numerous definitions of grief, yet none of these words come close to experiencing it for the first time. This intense sorrow can creep up on you slowly or hit you from the moment your loved one died. 

Grief typically expresses itself through five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The signs of these stages can differ from person to person. You might notice obvious signs of certain stages, while others might pass more unnoticed. However, acceptance is the last stage of grief, no matter how long you’ve grieved. 

Although we usually talk about death when discussing grief, you can also experience this emotion during a breakup, job loss, or any other major change in your life. 

 

Honoring Your Feelings

There is no right or wrong way to feel something. However, certain thinking and behavior patterns can be harmful to you. These behaviors can prevent you from going through the entire process of grief and never truly healing from the loss you’ve experienced. 

People who lose someone they love often confuse acceptance with forgetting that person or acting as if they never existed. Acceptance refers to healing from the emotions that you felt due to the loss. Whether you were angry or afraid after you lost your loved one, acceptance means that you’ve processed these emotions properly and are ready to conclude your grieving process. Don’t confuse it for a happy or uplifting feeling. Acceptance doesn’t feel like joy; it simply feels like you’ve found peace. 

Knowing such information can help you allow yourself to feel whatever is coming up without judgment. Don’t compare your grieving process to someone else’s. People grieve in different ways. You might notice that you feel better after you’ve had a long conversation with your best friend. If you don’t like talking to others, you can try journaling your emotions and thoughts as well. Reaching out to a therapist provides a safe space to share your feelings and needs. If you love art and creativity, you could write poetry, paint, write letters to the deceased, dance, etc. 

 

Asking for Support

Grief can be so overwhelming sometimes that you could easily forget that other people care for you and want to support you. Friends, family, therapists, support groups, and new people you meet can all support you throughout this process. Make sure you’re honest with yourself and with others about what you need at a given moment.

Don’t be afraid to set limits if necessary. Respect your needs and do whatever feels right. If you want to go out to dinner with friends, do it. If you want to stay at home instead, cancel your plans and take care of yourself. Seek out a therapist to aid in your recovery if you feel unsupported. 

 

Practicing Self-Care

Self-care might seem contradictory to how you feel, yet it’s important to maintain your well-being. Do your best to sleep enough hours and not spend too much time scrolling through social media to avoid feeling your emotions. 

Eat well and eat frequently. Sometimes grief is so hard you can’t get up and cook. Try to be physically active, yet avoid working out too much. Walking, stretching, jogging, or any type of light exercise can help you connect with your emotions and process them in a healthy way. 

You can try meditating or any of the mindfulness techniques to calm your mind and listen to your body. Such techniques can help ease emotional distress. Embrace each day as it comes, and be mindful of your personal needs. If you don’t feel like cooking, order food from your favorite restaurant. If you don’t want to go to the gym, stretch at home on your yoga mat. 

 

Finding Meaning and Peace

With time, you will want to reflect on cherished memories and celebrate the life of the person you lost. Many times, people will ask themselves, ‘Why did this person have to die?’. What we should ask ourselves in such a situation is, ‘Why did this person live?’. Think about their values, dreams, and all the experiences they had throughout their life. What would be the best way to pay respect and celebrate that? 

This could be volunteering, creating a tribute, practicing spiritual practices, or doing anything else that reminds you of that person. Of course, engaging in such activities will only make sense if they bring you comfort as well. 

 

Conclusion

Grief is a deeply painful and personal experience that cannot be compared to anything else. Losing someone you love is a devastating process that requires time, patience, and comprehension. 

If you’re currently going through a grief process, be kind to yourself. Do the little things that bring comfort. Process your emotions in a way that seems natural to you. The present is not where you need to set expectations. Embrace each day as it comes. Ask for support when you need it. 

 

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Is He Cheating + What To Do About It

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Is He Cheating + What To Do About It

 

Relationships are filled with a range of emotions and concerns, and one of the most common ones you’ll hear is, ‘Is he cheating?’ It could be a new relationship or a long-term one, but something is suspicious.

Sometimes, we think of infidelity due to our insecurities or past traumas, and sometimes, it’s because our partner is acting weird. Whatever it is, feeling like this is not pleasant. You could start doubting everything your partner does and says. You might feel the urge to check their messages or to follow them. Before you realize it, you’ll find yourself engrossed in this discovery and questioning how you got here in the first place.

So, we will look at the most typical indications of cheating along with suggestions for what to do in this situation. Keep in mind that every relationship is unique. Just because your partner is behaving in a certain way doesn’t automatically mean that they are cheating on you. 

 

Signs of Cheating

If you’ve never cheated or been cheated on, you probably know someone who did. As much as we’d like to be safe and loved in all of our relationships, the other side of intimacy is vulnerability. In other words, we can’t control other people’s behavior. Instead of wasting your energy on controlling your partner, take a moment to analyze how they act. It won’t prove they’re cheating, yet it will reveal their feelings about your relationship.

 

Lack of Time

You used to spend a lot of time together, whether it was traveling, going to restaurants, or cuddling at home in front of the TV. Something has changed, although you’re not really sure why. You’ve suggested various plans for the weekend, yet they always have the perfect excuse. 

 

Change of Priorities

Maybe you’ve been considering buying a home together or going on a long vacation to a foreign country, yet they don’t seem interested anymore. They even have a reason for it. They would rather not move because they just realized they prefer living in the center or they don’t need this vacation anymore. If their explanation doesn’t make sense or you see it’s not true, the true reason could be something they don’t want you to know about. 

 

Changes in How They Look

When we fall in love with someone, we want to impress that person. This is what you did when you fell in love with them as well. Going to the gym, buying a new perfume, or investing in their clothes could all be signs of a significant change in their life. However, make sure to double-check that their motivation is not caused by the simple desire to become the best version of themselves. 

 

Behavioral Changes

There are several changes you can notice in somebody’s behavior if they are cheating. They might start to hide their phone or leave it face down. They might show new social media behaviors such as being active online at late-night hours or downloading an app he was never interested in before. 

Furthermore, some men will start accusing their partners of cheating when they are the ones cheating. This is due to feeling guilty and wanting to distract you from finding what’s really going on. 

When it comes to behavioral changes, just think of how he was behaving before and how he is behaving now. If you notice major changes and can’t find a different explanation than cheating, you could be right. 

 

What to Do About It

Believing you’re cheated on can lead to feeling many emotions. The most common are fear, sadness, and anger. Before you decide to act on it, make sure you take care of yourself first. Whatever the outcome might be, you should prioritize your well-being over anything else. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help, whether that’s talking to a therapist or your close friends. 

 

1.Listen to His Version 

Give him the opportunity to share his story, even if he meets all the requirements. Starting an argument and threatening to leave can become a big wound in your relationship, especially if you realize he wasn’t cheating at all. Do your best to start the conversation respectfully. You already know your version and what you want to say, so allow him to share his side. 

 

2.Address How You Feel

When they finish their conversation, or if they choose not to discuss this topic at all, it’s appropriate to express your feelings. If you believe that someone has betrayed you, you have the right to confront them. Tell them what this experience has been like for you. Remember, you’re not doing this to make them feel bad; you’re doing it to stand up for yourself. If you’re not going to be your advocate, who will?

 

3.Suggest Ways to Deal with This Situation

Suggestions on how to deal with this situation will greatly depend on whether he cheated or not. It’s not about solving the problem; it’s about agreeing on the next steps and conserving your energy. For instance, you might decide to spend some time apart or to sleep in separate bedrooms. You could decide to seek relationship counseling and get professional support during these difficult times. You could even discuss long-term expectations to remind each other what the end goal of the path you’re deciding to take is. 

 

4.Begin the Healing Process

Alone or with him, you will need to start to heal. Infidelity or doubts of infidelity can trigger so many things inside you, and you will need time and space to express that. Talk to a therapist, write a journal, or spend more time with your close friends. Prioritizing yourself is essential to healing. You might feel tempted to focus on him and your relationship, yet you’re the one who needs that level of care and support. 

Even in situations in which the partner was actually not unfaithful, you were still afraid and angry. You still believed you’d lose your relationship. That part of you deserves to be taken care of. In fact, ensuring you’re both taking care of your needs first will help you see with more clarity what steps make the most sense for you in the future. 

 

Begin the journey to help now with one of our staff members. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.