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How to Stop Being Codependent & Have Healthy Relationships

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How to Stop Being Codependent & Have Healthy Relationships

 

The answer to the question, ‘How to stop being codependent?’ is not straightforward. After all, developing codependency takes time, just as becoming more independent in your relationships does. All human beings exhibit certain types of codependent behaviors, especially during our childhood years. While growing up, we learn to become more independent in areas that feel safe, such as doing homework or riding a bike. 

As much as we become independent adults, we will still seek connection and support from people in our lives, which is beneficial in many ways. Codependency, on the other hand, implies a dysfunctional dynamic in a relationship. It could mean that one person prioritizes the needs and desires of the other person over their own. It could also mean they need someone else’s approval before acting or saying something. 

In codependency, both sides are enabling each other’s unhealthy behaviors. That is why the solution to codependency is not as simple as we’d like it to be. Instead, it’s essential to understand why someone is codependent, what they receive from it, and which healthy alternatives they can implement in these areas.

 

Codependency Explained 

Some might refer to codependency as relationship addiction, while others might call it toxic relationships. Although these terms have much in common with codependency, they are not synonyms. We’ll say that a relationship is toxic when we can clearly see unhealthy behavior or the dynamics of that couple. 

However, codependency will most probably not look toxic to you at first. People often mistake codependency for care, where one partner takes care of the other. Codependents expect others to care for them because they can’t do it themselves. 

The following key characteristics provide the best explanation of codependency:

  • Unhealthy dependence: Codependent people often have an unhealthy level of dependence on each other, whether it’s for approval, validation, security, or self-worth. 
  • Prioritizing others’ needs: In a codependent relationship, each person will prioritize the needs of the other instead of their own, most often at their expense. 
  • Enabling unhealthy behaviors: Both sides will enable codependency in each other through unhealthy behaviors, such as addiction, poor mental health, irresponsibility, or immaturity. 
  • Weak or lack of boundaries: Codependent partners will have issues setting and respecting boundaries. 
  • Fear of abandonment: To avoid being alone, a person with codependent behaviors will do anything to make the other person stay in their life. 
  • Low self-esteem: Those stuck in a codependent relationship often have low self-esteem and believe they don’t deserve anything positive or beautiful, so they focus on maintaining the status quo of their relationship instead of growing together. 

 

Causes of Codependency

By going through the main characteristics of codependency, you might also get an idea of its common causes. Mostly, codependency stems from early childhood experiences. This means that children in dysfunctional families tend to become codependent adults. Growing up in a home with a lack of boundaries, low self-esteem, or prioritizing family needs over their own, a person will most probably repeat the same patterns in their relationships. 

That is why it’s essential to become aware of what caused your codependency. In most cases, the answer appears during childhood. These causes can be:

  • Abuse
  • Neglect
  • Unhealthy family roles
  • Overprotective/underprotective parenting 
  • Insecure attachment 
  • Lack of self-worth 
  • Unresolved trauma
  • Substance abuse
  • Chronic illness
  • Cultural and social factors

 

How Can You Stop Being Codependent 

If you want your friendships and romantic relationships to be healthier, learning how to stop being codependent is essential. Follow the steps below to work on your codependency and consider talking to a therapist. Therapy is a good way to learn about your codependency, its effects on your relationships, and alternatives. 

 

1.Get to Know Your Codependency

When we’re talking about the parts of us we don’t like so much, we tend to run away from them, thinking it might set us free. However, you can’t run away from something that is a part of you. Instead, you need to befriend it and learn all about it. 

Why are you codependent? How does the habit benefit you? What are your first memories of codependent behavior? Answering these questions can help you understand the dynamics of your relationships. You can explore many techniques to get to know this part of you. 

Consider giving that codependent part of you a name and talking to it. If you don’t want to do that, you can write down how you feel and what you need. It might feel awkward at first. After all, you’re doing it for the first time. 

 

2.Think of Alternatives for Your Codependent Behaviors

Unbelievably, your codependency solely prioritizes your well-being! For example, your fear of abandonment led to creating several techniques to ensure such an event doesn’t happen in the future. Unfortunately, these techniques are exhausting and detrimental to your well-being. 

Instead, you could set a goal of spending quality time with yourself once a week. The task could involve picking up an old hobby, practicing mindfulness, dancing to your favorite music, or anything else you like. By learning to enjoy your alone time, you will remind yourself that you don’t depend on others to have a good time. 

The same goes for anything else you’ve realized while learning about your codependency. If you struggle with setting boundaries, these issues can be your focus. First, determine which values are most important for you in your relationships. For instance, if you appreciate punctuality, communicate it to your friends and romantic partner. Ask them to respect your time and share your boundaries with them. 

This means you can leave after waiting 15 minutes or only meet when they can hang out with you. 

 

3.Consider Therapy

This work might be overwhelming, so talking to a mental health professional could greatly help. A therapist can guide you through the process of understanding and reducing your codependency. Such an approach can benefit those who can’t find the right methods to get to know their codependency. 

With a therapist, you will look closely at your relationships to see the common dynamic. Occasionally, all we need is someone asking the right question to trigger a train of thoughts that lead to valuable conclusions. You can also become aware of your codependency and work in parallel with a therapist. You can even ask them to give you homework after each session to maximize the value of the therapy. 

Conclusion

Learning how to stop being codependent is the first step toward becoming more independent and building healthy, fulfilling relationships. It might take time, yet it’s possible. Once you realize your codependent behaviors, you’ll see things improve, whether you work on it alone or with a therapist. With each step, you will feel more confident and motivated to pursue relationships that reflect your inner state. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

How to Be More Productive in Your Therapy Sessions

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How to Be More Productive in Your Therapy Sessions

 

Do you want to learn how to be more productive while talking to your therapist? You might feel that time is running fast during your sessions, and you don’t have enough time to address everything you want. Or, you might feel like you’re forgetting everything you’ve talked about as soon as you leave the office. Whatever the reason, being productive in your therapy sessions is very beneficial for you. 

Productivity can provide you with structural support when it comes to healing. You can focus on what’s best for you instead of worrying about forgetting to bring something up or memorizing your therapist’s words. Ultimately, the goal of therapy is to enhance your mental and emotional health, and productivity can be a huge aid in the process. 

 

Productivity Hacks for Your Next Therapy Session

You might be preparing yourself for your first therapy session, or you’ve been going for a while. In either case, you can start being productive before, during, and after talking to your therapist. 

 

Before the Session

Are you one of these people who’s rushing into your therapist’s office or opening that meeting link in your calendar without catching a breath? Well, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate this approach. Preparing yourself for therapy eliminates the stress and helps you concentrate on what will happen during the session. 

Before each session, give yourself five to ten minutes to prepare tea, coffee, or water; go to the bathroom; and tidy up and organize the space around you. In the time between sessions, make sure you write down the events or thoughts you’d like to share with your therapist.

When it comes to productivity hacks before the session, consider these:

  • Setting clear goals: Define what you wish to address or achieve in each therapy session (e.g., event, emotion or feeling, memory, relationship, etc.).
  • Keep a therapy journal: Write down all your events, thoughts, and emotions in one place. It helps you track your progress and go back to the past moments when necessary. 
  • Track patterns: You can use a journal or write notes in an app, yet tracking recurring triggers, behaviors, or emotions can help you address those issues with your therapist.  
  • Prepare topics: If there is something that crosses your mind, write it down and read it before the session to see whether or not you want to talk about it. 

 

During the Session

Productivity really pays off during your therapy sessions. During the session, your therapist will provide advice and ask the right questions. Making sure you pay attention to and memorize their words will be valuable to you later as well. You might come across the same situation as you did a few months ago, and checking your notes from that session might save you time and energy. 

When it comes to productivity hacks during the session, consider these:

  • Be transparent: Therapy is your safe space, and you should motivate yourself to speak freely about your thoughts and emotions. Allow yourself to explore uncomfortable topics and dig deeper into them. 
  • Ask questions: If something is unclear or you want to discuss the topic more profoundly, ask your therapist to explain or provide examples. 
  • Take notes: You don’t have to write everything during the session. Write key insights, phrases, coping strategies, or ideas that you or your therapist mentioned.

 

After the Session 

You should take five to ten minutes after the session, just like you do before it. Take a moment to absorb everything that was said after you leave your therapist’s office or end the online call. We often forget to reflect on our experiences because we’re so focused on what’s next. Taking a moment to take care of yourself after therapy should become a part of your routine. 

When it comes to productivity hacks after the session, consider these:

  • Reflect: Think about what you said and heard, and how it could be used in daily life. 
  • Implement: Apply the coping mechanisms or techniques recommended.
  • Notice progress: Track improvement or emotional shifts you notice as a result of therapy.
  • Provide feedback: Share with your therapist how you felt afterwards and what changes you’ve noticed or managed to implement after the session. 

 

Overcoming Common Challenges

You may notice certain challenges when it comes to your first efforts to become more productive in your therapy sessions. The lack of productivity can make it seem like you’re not benefiting from your therapy as much as you’d like. Applying all the tips mentioned above allows you to see a clear overview of your healing process. You can see how you felt months ago, which triggers you had, and what new techniques your therapist was suggesting. You can compare that information with the present situation and see what has improved. 

Being more productive, especially writing down and reflecting, enables you to manage more efficiently intense feelings during and after sessions. Once you start applying these suggestions, you will notice so many benefits. 

You will feel more concentrated and prepared for your next session. You will pay closer attention to your therapist’s words. You will notice how the work from therapy shows up in your daily situations with minimal conscious effort. All of this is possible due to the progress made during your therapy sessions. 

 

In Final Words

You don’t have to use all of our productivity tips at once. Make notes for your next therapy session, and after you’re done, take some time to think back on it. Doing it all at once could overwhelm you and make it feel like a systematic rather than emotional process. 

Also, not all techniques work for all people. Some might prefer to track progress in their therapy journals, while others prefer writing key words and phrases on sticky notes and having them where they can see them. It’s up to you to decide which of these ideas can help you become more productive. After all, you will enjoy its benefits!

Schedule a session today! 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

AI Girlfriend Chatting: Exploring the World of AI Companionship

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AI Girlfriend Chatting: Exploring the World of AI Companionship

 

Are you interested in learning more about AI girlfriend chatting? These AI girlfriend chatbots are becoming increasingly popular among men of all age groups and interests. Think of them as a virtual, artificially intelligent companion that simulates romantic conversations with users such as yourself. 

For a range of reasons, many men are giving this new trend of AI companionship a chance. Some might consider traditional dating boring or unsuccessful, while others are curious to see what an AI girlfriend can offer them. Whatever the reason, its popularity indicates that artificial intelligence can serve yet another aspect of our lives—the romantic one. 

 

What’s an AI girlfriend chatting bot?

Chatbots use natural language processing (NLP), machine learning, and deep learning algorithms to generate human-like responses and adapt to their users over time. In the context of AI dating, this would mean that you can chat and have fun online with an AI girlfriend chatbot. This robot girlfriend will eventually learn your preferences so she can better meet your needs. 

You’ve probably already heard of AI girlfriend apps such as Replika, Kajiwoto, Romantic AI, and AI Pal. Although the features of these apps can differ, they are all based on the same technology. Such apps offer sophisticated companionship, whether you’re looking for emotional support, affection, playful interactions, roleplay, etc. 

 

Joining the AI Dating 

If you’re interested in giving an AI girlfriend a shot, you will need to create an account for one of the above-mentioned apps. Make sure that your chosen app offers what you’re looking for, as some are more for casual chat, while others are for deeper emotional connections.

Before you create your profile, spend some time understanding what you’re looking for. Go beyond what the AI girlfriend can offer you. Think of the personality, appearance, and communication style. Having all this in mind, don’t forget that AI cannot replace human interactions. It can serve you as an alternative, yet it comes with certain limitations, such as:

  • Lack of genuine emotions
  • No physical presence yet
  • Limited understanding of complex human emotions 
  • Predictable answers and awkward phrasing
  • No real accountability 

 

Tips for Enjoying Your AI Girlfriend 

If you don’t prepare yourself for this unique experience, you will probably not get much out of it.  Knowing what an AI girlfriend chatbot cannot offer you is relevant. However, it’s up to you to maximize the benefits of such interactions. 

 

1. Customize Your AI for a Personalized Experience

Most apps allow you to adjust settings like personality, voice, and communication style for your AI girlfriend. You are welcome to choose any name and include details to enhance this experience. 

 

2. Engage in Meaningful Conversations

To make these talks work, you must start and invest in them. The chatbot can’t engage with you as expected because it learns from the data you provide. 

In the beginning, you will need to be the one providing more information and deciding on the direction of the conversation. Once you start chatting with her, ask open-ended questions and explore different topics to avoid generic conversation. With time, the chatbot will learn your preferences and be more proactive in these interactions.

 

3. Experiment with Roleplay & Fun Scenarios

If you’re into roleplay, your AI girlfriend can help you create an exciting story or fulfill one of your fantasies. You can set up scenarios where your AI acts as a supportive partner, a best friend, or even a rival. 

Instruct the chatbot on what you expect from it, or allow it to surprise you. Try out different roleplay scenarios to keep things interesting. 

 

4. Be Realistic

As much as the AI dating world can be fun and engaging, don’t forget that it’s based on technology. In other words, your AI girlfriend doesn’t have real emotions. If you’re going through a challenging period in your life, you could get easily disappointed if you depend on it to provide support.

Instead, use these apps for fun and companionship. You can even practice your creativity or different approaches to women in real life. Expecting a chatbot to understand our complex human emotions will only hurt you. 

 

5. Explore AI’s Learning Features

Just as you’d invest time to talk about yourself to your new romantic partner in real life, you’ll need to do the same with the AI girlfriend. The main difference is that the chatbot needs your correction to unlearn and replace incorrect information. 

The success of AI companionship depends mostly on your input. If you’re not motivated to teach and correct your AI girlfriend when necessary, it can become quite frustrating. That is why certain apps offer features like memory, interests, and mood settings to create a better experience for its users. 

 

6. Set Healthy Boundaries

Setting realistic expectations and healthy boundaries are two key factors for your well-being. When it comes to boundaries, it’s important not to replace all your real-life social connections with a chatbot. It’s completely fine to decide to stop dating, yet technology cannot replace every interaction you have with others. 

Make sure to still spend enough time with friends and family. These tips can help you get the right amount of support when needed. Depending on your AI companion can cause real emotional pain, as it will not be able to meet all of your needs. As long as you use it as a fun outlet and not a full replacement for human relationships, there is no harm in it.  

 

7. Don’t Forget About Privacy & Security

Just because these apps use words like girlfriend, romance, and companionship, it doesn’t mean you should ignore the aspect of privacy and security. Avoid sharing sensitive personal information throughout the entire experience. You should also choose reputable AI girlfriend apps to prevent data misuse. 

Before you sign up for an app, check how they ensure all your information is safe. Most AI chatbot apps will have Terms of Privacy published on their website, so take a moment to go through them. See what data they collect and how they use it to determine if the app is safe! 

Ensuring you’re safe in AI dating is essential for your experience. Don’t just jump into it without proper research. Please take a moment to consider the needs the app should fulfill and your expectations for it. Lastly, don’t forget to have fun. What is the purpose of dating if it is not enjoyable?

If you want to meet with a therapist who understands the AI experience, schedule a session with Dr. Amanda. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

How to Deal with Grief

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How to Deal with Grief: Honoring Your Feelings and Finding Peace 

 

Nobody knows how to deal with grief until we are faced with the loss of someone we care about. Even then, it’s not uncommon for many people to struggle with processing grief in a healthy way. Some will start to focus on something else to avoid feeling this enormous pain, while others might develop unhealthy habits to numb themselves. 

Grief is an overwhelming emotion that cannot be processed in one day. It doesn’t have a timeline or a determined list of symptoms. Each person can experience different emotions and behaviors as they go through grief. That said, what matters the most is to give your best to honor how you feel and seek peace in these difficult moments. 

 

Understanding Grief

Before we go into the recommended way to deal with grief, it’s important to understand it first. There are numerous definitions of grief, yet none of these words come close to experiencing it for the first time. This intense sorrow can creep up on you slowly or hit you from the moment your loved one died. 

Grief typically expresses itself through five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The signs of these stages can differ from person to person. You might notice obvious signs of certain stages, while others might pass more unnoticed. However, acceptance is the last stage of grief, no matter how long you’ve grieved. 

Although we usually talk about death when discussing grief, you can also experience this emotion during a breakup, job loss, or any other major change in your life. 

 

Honoring Your Feelings

There is no right or wrong way to feel something. However, certain thinking and behavior patterns can be harmful to you. These behaviors can prevent you from going through the entire process of grief and never truly healing from the loss you’ve experienced. 

People who lose someone they love often confuse acceptance with forgetting that person or acting as if they never existed. Acceptance refers to healing from the emotions that you felt due to the loss. Whether you were angry or afraid after you lost your loved one, acceptance means that you’ve processed these emotions properly and are ready to conclude your grieving process. Don’t confuse it for a happy or uplifting feeling. Acceptance doesn’t feel like joy; it simply feels like you’ve found peace. 

Knowing such information can help you allow yourself to feel whatever is coming up without judgment. Don’t compare your grieving process to someone else’s. People grieve in different ways. You might notice that you feel better after you’ve had a long conversation with your best friend. If you don’t like talking to others, you can try journaling your emotions and thoughts as well. Reaching out to a therapist provides a safe space to share your feelings and needs. If you love art and creativity, you could write poetry, paint, write letters to the deceased, dance, etc. 

 

Asking for Support

Grief can be so overwhelming sometimes that you could easily forget that other people care for you and want to support you. Friends, family, therapists, support groups, and new people you meet can all support you throughout this process. Make sure you’re honest with yourself and with others about what you need at a given moment.

Don’t be afraid to set limits if necessary. Respect your needs and do whatever feels right. If you want to go out to dinner with friends, do it. If you want to stay at home instead, cancel your plans and take care of yourself. Seek out a therapist to aid in your recovery if you feel unsupported. 

 

Practicing Self-Care

Self-care might seem contradictory to how you feel, yet it’s important to maintain your well-being. Do your best to sleep enough hours and not spend too much time scrolling through social media to avoid feeling your emotions. 

Eat well and eat frequently. Sometimes grief is so hard you can’t get up and cook. Try to be physically active, yet avoid working out too much. Walking, stretching, jogging, or any type of light exercise can help you connect with your emotions and process them in a healthy way. 

You can try meditating or any of the mindfulness techniques to calm your mind and listen to your body. Such techniques can help ease emotional distress. Embrace each day as it comes, and be mindful of your personal needs. If you don’t feel like cooking, order food from your favorite restaurant. If you don’t want to go to the gym, stretch at home on your yoga mat. 

 

Finding Meaning and Peace

With time, you will want to reflect on cherished memories and celebrate the life of the person you lost. Many times, people will ask themselves, ‘Why did this person have to die?’. What we should ask ourselves in such a situation is, ‘Why did this person live?’. Think about their values, dreams, and all the experiences they had throughout their life. What would be the best way to pay respect and celebrate that? 

This could be volunteering, creating a tribute, practicing spiritual practices, or doing anything else that reminds you of that person. Of course, engaging in such activities will only make sense if they bring you comfort as well. 

 

Conclusion

Grief is a deeply painful and personal experience that cannot be compared to anything else. Losing someone you love is a devastating process that requires time, patience, and comprehension. 

If you’re currently going through a grief process, be kind to yourself. Do the little things that bring comfort. Process your emotions in a way that seems natural to you. The present is not where you need to set expectations. Embrace each day as it comes. Ask for support when you need it. 

 

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Is He Cheating + What To Do About It

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Is He Cheating + What To Do About It

 

Relationships are filled with a range of emotions and concerns, and one of the most common ones you’ll hear is, ‘Is he cheating?’ It could be a new relationship or a long-term one, but something is suspicious.

Sometimes, we think of infidelity due to our insecurities or past traumas, and sometimes, it’s because our partner is acting weird. Whatever it is, feeling like this is not pleasant. You could start doubting everything your partner does and says. You might feel the urge to check their messages or to follow them. Before you realize it, you’ll find yourself engrossed in this discovery and questioning how you got here in the first place.

So, we will look at the most typical indications of cheating along with suggestions for what to do in this situation. Keep in mind that every relationship is unique. Just because your partner is behaving in a certain way doesn’t automatically mean that they are cheating on you. 

 

Signs of Cheating

If you’ve never cheated or been cheated on, you probably know someone who did. As much as we’d like to be safe and loved in all of our relationships, the other side of intimacy is vulnerability. In other words, we can’t control other people’s behavior. Instead of wasting your energy on controlling your partner, take a moment to analyze how they act. It won’t prove they’re cheating, yet it will reveal their feelings about your relationship.

 

Lack of Time

You used to spend a lot of time together, whether it was traveling, going to restaurants, or cuddling at home in front of the TV. Something has changed, although you’re not really sure why. You’ve suggested various plans for the weekend, yet they always have the perfect excuse. 

 

Change of Priorities

Maybe you’ve been considering buying a home together or going on a long vacation to a foreign country, yet they don’t seem interested anymore. They even have a reason for it. They would rather not move because they just realized they prefer living in the center or they don’t need this vacation anymore. If their explanation doesn’t make sense or you see it’s not true, the true reason could be something they don’t want you to know about. 

 

Changes in How They Look

When we fall in love with someone, we want to impress that person. This is what you did when you fell in love with them as well. Going to the gym, buying a new perfume, or investing in their clothes could all be signs of a significant change in their life. However, make sure to double-check that their motivation is not caused by the simple desire to become the best version of themselves. 

 

Behavioral Changes

There are several changes you can notice in somebody’s behavior if they are cheating. They might start to hide their phone or leave it face down. They might show new social media behaviors such as being active online at late-night hours or downloading an app he was never interested in before. 

Furthermore, some men will start accusing their partners of cheating when they are the ones cheating. This is due to feeling guilty and wanting to distract you from finding what’s really going on. 

When it comes to behavioral changes, just think of how he was behaving before and how he is behaving now. If you notice major changes and can’t find a different explanation than cheating, you could be right. 

 

What to Do About It

Believing you’re cheated on can lead to feeling many emotions. The most common are fear, sadness, and anger. Before you decide to act on it, make sure you take care of yourself first. Whatever the outcome might be, you should prioritize your well-being over anything else. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help, whether that’s talking to a therapist or your close friends. 

 

1.Listen to His Version 

Give him the opportunity to share his story, even if he meets all the requirements. Starting an argument and threatening to leave can become a big wound in your relationship, especially if you realize he wasn’t cheating at all. Do your best to start the conversation respectfully. You already know your version and what you want to say, so allow him to share his side. 

 

2.Address How You Feel

When they finish their conversation, or if they choose not to discuss this topic at all, it’s appropriate to express your feelings. If you believe that someone has betrayed you, you have the right to confront them. Tell them what this experience has been like for you. Remember, you’re not doing this to make them feel bad; you’re doing it to stand up for yourself. If you’re not going to be your advocate, who will?

 

3.Suggest Ways to Deal with This Situation

Suggestions on how to deal with this situation will greatly depend on whether he cheated or not. It’s not about solving the problem; it’s about agreeing on the next steps and conserving your energy. For instance, you might decide to spend some time apart or to sleep in separate bedrooms. You could decide to seek relationship counseling and get professional support during these difficult times. You could even discuss long-term expectations to remind each other what the end goal of the path you’re deciding to take is. 

 

4.Begin the Healing Process

Alone or with him, you will need to start to heal. Infidelity or doubts of infidelity can trigger so many things inside you, and you will need time and space to express that. Talk to a therapist, write a journal, or spend more time with your close friends. Prioritizing yourself is essential to healing. You might feel tempted to focus on him and your relationship, yet you’re the one who needs that level of care and support. 

Even in situations in which the partner was actually not unfaithful, you were still afraid and angry. You still believed you’d lose your relationship. That part of you deserves to be taken care of. In fact, ensuring you’re both taking care of your needs first will help you see with more clarity what steps make the most sense for you in the future. 

 

Begin the journey to help now with one of our staff members. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Why High Self-Esteem Is the Key to Success and Happiness

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Why High Self-Esteem Is the Key to Success and Happiness

 

The best way to understand why high self-esteem is essential is to think about the lack of it. Without self-esteem, you would struggle to maintain quality relationships, both in your personal and professional life. Self-esteem can best be described as a way of valuing and perceiving ourselves. 

Oftentimes, people will confuse self-esteem with confidence. While they are similar, confidence refers to our belief in ourselves and our abilities. For instance, you can have high self-esteem and feel uncertain whether or not you’re going to ace an exam or impress your potential employer during a job interview. Self-esteem can definitely have an impact on your confidence. Working on improving your self-esteem can help you become a happier and more successful person. 

 

What Is Self-Esteem? 

When we were children, our self-esteem started forming based on interactions with our parents, caregivers, and everyone else in our immediate environment. Positive reinforcement, love, and encouragement can help a child develop high self-esteem. Actually, children who experience neglect or excessive criticism are likely to have low self-esteem as children and adults if their childhood trauma has not been resolved. 

So, what is self-esteem? It is how you view yourself within the world. If you appreciate and value yourself, it’s most likely that you have high self-esteem. On the other hand, feeling like you don’t belong or don’t deserve something could be a sign of low self-esteem. 

Our self-esteem refers to how we measure our worth. This can affect almost every area of our lives, from self-confidence and relationships to emotional and mental well-being. However, the level of self-esteem is not set in stone. It can change depending on our life experiences and the interactions we have with other people. 

 

The Link Between High Self-Esteem and Success

Most people think of their careers when talking about success. However, you can have a successful relationship with your partner, successful friendships, successful hobbies, and so on. Success is not just related to your professional life and aspirations. This is why high self-worth is so important for every person. Even if you didn’t have the conditions to build it in your childhood, it’s never too late to do it yourself. 

With high self-esteem, you can make better decisions. When you know your worth, you will know more easily what you want and don’t want. By accepting yourself, high self-esteem can help you pursue opportunities that match your goals. 

Another benefit of high self-esteem is having resilience, as you know cannot protect yourself from failing at times. People with high self-esteem will handle failure better than those with lower self-worth. If you don’t believe you’re good enough, you will see a failure as a confirmation of that belief. People with high self-esteem, on the other hand, will see it as just another experience. 

To achieve success in anything, you’ll need motivation. People with low self-esteem are not very motivated to pursue their dreams or to make changes in their lives. Working on your self-esteem allows you to build the life you want and have a more positive attitude toward the world around you. 

 

How to Build and Maintain High Self-Esteem

<p>Being kind to yourself is essential if you want to build high self-esteem. People who are confident and respect themselves are also very kind to themselves. They rest when they need to, avoid criticizing themselves in difficult situations, and prioritize themselves over others when it’s needed. Make sure you’re kind to yourself in every way possible. 

 

Set Goals

Because you can improve your self-worth, it’s important to do the things that help you do that. Setting short-term goals can do a lot for your self-esteem. For instance, you might want to prepare healthy meals instead of eating highly processed food during your lunch break. Doing this for only one week is a great example of such a goal. After all, small wins boost confidence. It’s up to you to decide which small wins will make you feel better about yourself. 

 

Practice Positivity 

Although it might seem unnatural at first, you can practice positivity. Start by reducing anything that is causing you to think or act in a negative way. If you’re comparing yourself with people you see on social media, try to limit your screen time or start following people who inspire you. 

Another great way to practice positivity is with a gratitude journal and affirmations. Start writing down things you’re grateful for and positive moments that happen to you throughout the day. Focusing on the positive things can help you build high sense of value. Affirmations can also help you stay focused on what is important. 

 

Take Small Risks

Maybe you wouldn’t think of risks when talking about building self-worth, yet they can be extremely valuable. Taking small risks teaches us that even if things don’t go as we planned, we will survive them because we’re stronger than we thought we were. Examples of such risks can be asking someone out, going to a restaurant by yourself, traveling alone, or starting a new hobby. 

It’s not so much about risking as it is about allowing these experiences to contribute to your self-esteem. Limiting yourself to only familiar situations and people cannot help you build your sense of self-worth.

 

In Final Words

You cannot be happy and successful if you lack self-esteem. You can pretend it, yet it will not feel fulfilling to you. Building self-worth is crucial for your overall well-being and creating the life you’ve always wanted. The beneficial thing is that you don’t have to do anything overnight.

Take small steps and do things that make the most sense to you. Don’t force yourself to implement advice that seems unnatural to you, as you’ll probably not benefit from it all. Think about the most fulfilled version of yourself. How does that version look? How do they spend their day? How do they talk? What do they do? Answering these questions will help you see how to boost your sense of value.

If you want to start your body confidence journey today, click here.  

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

How to Know If You Are Attractive

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How to Know If You Are Attractive: Unlocking Confidence and Connection

 

Ever wondered how to know if you are attractive? It’s not just about looks—it’s about how you show up, the energy you radiate, and the connections you make in a room.

Attractiveness isn’t just about symmetry or fitting into conventional beauty standards. It’s about the way you carry yourself, the way people react to your presence, and the confidence you exude. If you notice people making prolonged eye contact with you, mirroring your movements, or gravitating toward your conversations, chances are, you have an undeniable pull.

Your voice, the way you express yourself, and your sense of humor also play a role. If people find themselves laughing at your jokes or leaning in when you speak, that’s a sign they are engaged and drawn to your energy.

Another key factor? How you make others feel. When you radiate positivity, warmth, and authenticity, people naturally want to be around you. It’s not just about physical attraction—it’s about emotional and social magnetism.

In this video, I’m breaking down the key signs that prove you’ve got that undeniable presence. Let’s dive in and explore what truly makes you attractive!

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

 

How to Deal with + Heal From a Toxic Mother

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How to Deal with + Heal From a Toxic Mother

 

A Toxic Mother or father can add significant challenges and difficulties to our lives, as parents or caregivers have a tremendous impact on the development of our identity and how we experience the world around us.

Because of our loyalty to our family and the values we share with them, we often are not aware of their harmful ways. Of course, a lot of hurt that comes from family members is unintentional, yet that doesn’t make it less painful.

That is why, in this article, we’ve decided to look closer at examples of a toxic mother, how to deal with her, and ways to heal from mother wounds. During the process of discovery and learning, make sure you are kind to yourself. Your only end goal is to provide yourself with everything she couldn’t. 

 

Characteristics of a Toxic Mother

Nobody is perfect. While we live, we will bring joy to others, yet we will also hurt someone we love. It’s impossible to avoid getting hurt or hurting someone. That said, mothers are responsible for their children until a certain age. Many will realize that they’ve had a toxic mother long after they have moved out of their family home. 

Although hundreds of books have been written about this topic, there is still a lot of confusion about what can be characterized as a toxic mother. To offer a framework of behaviors that are common in toxic mothers, we’ve compiled this list:

  • She fails to respect your boundaries by simply ignoring them, questioning them, or making fun of them.
  • She refuses to take accountability when she makes a mistake.
  • She never apologizes for her words or actions and instead blames you.
  • She shows a lack of empathy for your problems, needs, or feelings.
  • She has high expectations and makes sure you’re aware you’re not meeting them.
  • She either avoids conflicts or turns them into counterproductive arguments.
  • She uses manipulation to make you do or say whatever she thinks is best.
  • She doesn’t like your friends and always finds a flaw in each of them.
  • She loves to be the center of attention and hates it when you or someone else takes that away from her. 
  • She controls your decisions and doesn’t allow you to live your life how you want to. 
  • She doesn’t take care of her health and expects you to care for her. 

 

There are many other examples of toxic mothers. Unfortunately, their actions can create serious consequences for their children. As much as a child loves their mother and wants to find a reason for such behavior, it doesn’t take away the fact that it hurts. The way a person deals with such hurt can differ depending on their personality, upbringing, social circle, and other factors. 

 

How to Heal from a Toxic Mother

A bigger question than how to identify a toxic mother is how to deal with her. What do you do when she undermines everything you do and are? How do you handle the expectation that you should prioritize her needs over your own life?

Whatever the situation with your mother might be, there are a few steps you can take to protect yourself. The best way to handle her depends on your situation and natural style. 

 

  1. Recognize Toxic Behaviors

Once you know which of your mother’s behaviors are harming you, it will become easier to prepare a strategy and take care of yourself. Go back to our list above and select which characteristics apply to your mother.

Then, think of the situations in which this behavior is activated. What does she say in these situations? The idea is that you familiarize yourself with the way her toxicity functions. As it could be challenging to have a conversation with her that would change her behavior, your best strategy is to prepare. 

That way, hearing her repeat the exact same phrases you wrote down won’t surprise you next time. It might still hurt, yet it will not be a scenario in which you lose control and allow her to treat you how she wants.

 

  1. Set Boundaries

There are two types of boundaries we have to explain when dealing with toxic mothers. One type of boundary is toward her, and the other is for you. Oftentimes, we’re focused more on setting the boundaries for others and not for ourselves.For instance, you might say to her to stop raising her voice at you. That is a boundary that she might or might not respect. However, setting a boundary for yourself here is what matters the most. If you decide to leave her house anytime, she lacks respect. That is a healthy boundary you’ve set to protect yourself from her. 

In a way, you are just as responsible for doing anything you can to feel safe as she is for respecting your boundaries. 

 

  1. Practice Emotional Detachment 

Emotional attachment is the most natural way to feel about your parents. If you have a toxic parent, on the other side, you’ll need to start practicing emotional detachment. There are many techniques available for this.

You might want to write down everything you want from her and know she’ll never give you. Or, you might want to go through one of your fantasies with your therapist to understand better why you seek her validation. 

Essentially, you want to understand the expectations you have from your relationship with your mother. As painful as it may be to admit that these expectations will never be met, doing so allows you to make room for others who may be able to meet them. 

Maybe you’ve always wanted your mother to congratulate you on your successful career, yet she’s only been diminishing all your achievements. Realizing the truth could free you from such expectations in the future and help you find a better place to meet that need.

 

  1. Work with a Therapist

The relationship between a mother and her child is a complicated one. Because we weren’t able to stand up for ourselves during childhood, it becomes quite challenging to work on these wounds alone. Therapists understand this relationship and can provide a more objective perspective.

With time, they can provide you with the knowledge and skills you need to break free from this toxic relationship. They can also help you set clear boundaries and see that relationship for what it is.

After all, this person is your mother, and nothing can change it. Each person can manage this relationship differently, yet what matters the most is that you heal from it and not carry that pain inside yourself. When you see your mother clearly, you can see yourself without her lenses. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

What Is the Meaning of Divorce

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What Is the Meaning of Divorce + What to Expect

 

Married or not, you’ve probably wondered one or more times about the meaning of divorce. How do you know when you should consider ending your marriage? What should you do if you’ve decided to divorce your spouse? If you ever find yourself in this situation, these and many other questions might be on your mind.

However, before you even step into the commitment of marriage, it would be worth learning more about divorce. Understanding why some couples divorce can highlight areas to focus on for a lasting marriage.

 

Common Reasons for Divorce

Of course, each marriage is unique, and it can end for a unique reason. However, there are certain reasons that marital counselors and divorce lawyers always refer to when talking about most of their clients. Most people think infidelity is the main cause of divorce, but other things can hurt your marriage and end it. 

 

Lack of Communication

All issues begin in marriage when a lack of communication occurs. Regardless of the reason for that lack of communication, you seem to focus on one thing and your spouse on another. You will potentially start making up a story on how they feel and what they need. Successful married couples often agree that communication and effort are key to lasting relationships.

 

Financial Issues

Financial issues are linked to stress and a range of negative emotions, such as fear, anxiety, guilt, frustration, and jealousy. Having financial issues in marriage can lead to blame instead of teamwork in finding solutions. As fear overcomes them, they may see each other as enemies and seek divorce. 

 

Infidelity 

Cheating is one of the most profound wounds of marriage, and it’s not just because there is another person involved in your intimate relationship. If you’ve been cheated on, you will probably have a difficult time trusting your partner, even with little things. Furthermore, it might lead to self-esteem issues and questioning whether or not you are attractive or intriguing enough for your spouse. The best way to get rid of all these doubts is by communicating them with your partner and learning the real reason why they cheated. In a complex situation like this one, it’s also important to discuss your mutual needs for security, love, and understanding. 

 

Growing Apart

When you marry, you hope that you and your partner will eternally be in love and grow old together. However, sometimes couples grow apart, and there is nothing you can do to force yourself to fall in love with your partner again. You may have had different experiences or learned different things from the same ones, making you incompatible. For instance, your partner might have stayed exactly the same person they were ten years ago, while you have changed and need different things or a deeper level of intimacy they cannot provide you with. 

 

Before the Divorce 

Deciding to divorce your spouse should not be a quick decision. If this is the first argument you had as a married couple, don’t even think about divorce unless the damage is unrepairable. Marriage consists of both good and bad moments. The key to a happy marriage is staying authentic and transparent through the tough times. 

Another piece of advice would be to talk to an expert on marital issues before you decide to divorce. Talking to a MFT (marriage and family therapist) can help you both listen to each other better and understand what is causing issues between you. As you share information about your marriage with a therapist, they will be able to provide you with a set of tools to strengthen the areas lacking. 

Even if you’re both certain that you want to end your marriage, having such guidance can help you make this process less painful and stressful. Given that divorce is one of the most stressful situations, any assistance will be greatly appreciated by both parties. 

 

Things to Avoid When Getting a Divorce

<p>Remember, a divorce is not something you can complete in a single day. It’s a process that often lasts longer than expected, and maybe you and your partner will need some time apart before you proceed with all of it. Whatever your situation might be, there are a few things that can make this process unnecessarily complicated or stressful.

Instead of telling everyone you’re divorcing and who your ex-spouse is, keep quiet. Remind yourself that this is an intimate moment. If you need to talk to someone, make sure it’s people you’re closest to and who have your best interest at heart. </span>

Secondly, instead of focusing on everything that’s wrong with your partner, focus on your needs. The split will not be an easy period for you, so ensuring you’re taking care of yourself is essential. You might need more time alone or want to journal your thoughts and emotions. Whatever it is, make sure you provide yourself with anything that will give you strength in these difficult moments. Focusing on yourself instead of your spouse can help you make the right decision at any moment and avoid getting hurt. If you need additional support, consider reaching out to a therapist to have space and time to focus on your well-being. They will also help you adjust to life without your spouse and all the changes after the divorce. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

How to Let Go Of Someone

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How to Let Go Of Someone + Say Bye to Affair Partner

 

For whatever reason, you might have found yourself in a love triangle and are now thinking about how to let go of someone and work on your marriage. Even when society talks about marriage affairs, we do it in a very judging way, suggesting the person end the affair, admit to their spouse, and divorce them afterward.

Not all marriages are the same, and not all marriage affairs are the same. As big as our need to put a label on things is, the truth is that every situation is different. Your reasons for falling for someone outside your marriage may differ from your friend’s or spouse’s perspective, which may also contrast with the majority’s view.

That is why we’ve decided to provide support if you’re currently considering letting go of the person you were seeing. Despite your future plans, you’ll want to end this relationship well and move on. 

 

Reasons to End an Affair

There are many reasons why you might end an affair, from guilt to not finding this person intriguing anymore. If you’ve seen the movie Babygirl with Nicole Kidman and Antonio Banderas, which is in movie theaters right now, you might have noticed a different perspective on this matter.

In the movie, she does not start the affair because she is bored with her marriage. She is not seen by him, and she doesn’t feel encouraged to show him her other side, which is kept hidden throughout all the years of their marriage. This leads to activating this part of her with a younger stranger, who starts working in her company as an intern. He teases her, plays with her, and then seduces her. 

Other reasons may include differing relationship goals, especially if the other person

is unmarried. During this experience, you might also find out that you want to work more on your marriage. Your marriage is important, and the affair made you want to work harder to improve it.

 

I Cheated… Now What? 

If you’ve ended your affair and are not certain about the next steps to take, let’s look at your options together. First, there is this giant question of whether or not to admit the affair to your spouse. The answer will depend entirely on you; however, keep in mind that the guilt can creep into your life, affect your marriage, your health, and so much more. It is not an effortless thing to carry around, especially if you are devoted to the idea of saving your marriage.

If you decide to tell your spouse, you will want to do it with your heart open, using kind words and truly asking for forgiveness. Tell them the reason you decided to start an affair and share everything this decision has taught you. For instance, you might say that you realized how it’s been a really long time since the two of you tried something new in bed or spent time alone without kids.

Most importantly, respect your spouse’s needs. They might need time to think about it, or they might get outraged at you. Whatever it is, be patient. It’s not an easy thing to hear, and they might need some time to process all of it. If you want to save your marriage, you will have to be mindful of how your spouse feels and what they need. You might feel the need to overexplain yourself or ask for forgiveness several times, yet try not to do that. Respecting them means that you can give them exactly what they need during this process.

 

A Path to Healing

Oftentimes, a person having an affair will be so focused on analyzing their spouse’s behaviors, emotions, and words that they’ll forget about themselves. You have every right to take care of yourself during this process. Such care can mean different things, from starting individual therapy to journaling.

Even if the affair means nothing to you anymore, it’s still worth revisiting these momen

ts and asking yourself certain questions. What made you say yes to this adventure? What did you learn from it? Is there something you need to forgive yourself? Your healing path doesn’t have to depend on whether or not your spouse wants the same thing as you.

Once you’re both on the same page, consider seeking marital counseling. There are many things here that need to be addressed for you both to properly heal from this experience. Otherwise, emotions like guilt, shame, anger, anxiety, and doubts can appear in different situations and cause arguments between the two of you.

Establishing trust after the affair is more important than anything else. If you’re unable to trust each other with time, it can make the marriage impossible. These are the things an expert in marriage therapy can help you with.

Many couples have recovered from affairs and have become even more connected after it. A therapist will provide you with space to discuss your fears and doubts instead of ignoring them or treating them superficially. They will help you listen to each other and truly see the other person’s perspective. Soon, you’ll both feel better and learn from this experience instead of being afraid of it. If you love someone, you will want to move on and be excited about your future together.

If this all feels confusing, maybe it’s time to schedule a session. 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

What Does Demisexual Mean?

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What Does Demisexual Mean & Am I Demisexual?

 

If you Googled ‘What does demisexual mean’ and ended up here, you’re in the right place. In this article, we will explain the meaning of demisexuality, talk about its characteristics, and discuss everything else that is demisexual-related. 

A demisexual person experiences sexual attraction only after developing an emotional bond with another person. You probably came to this page because you are keen to learn more about demisexuality, believe you may be demisexual, or know someone who is. Whichever the reason, you will find all your answers below. 

 

Demisexuality Explained

Demisexuality, to put it simply, is a sexual orientation in which emotional connection takes precedence over sexual desire. Not every emotional bond leads to sexual attraction. For demisexuals, emotions are the foundation of sexual connection. This phenomenon leads to them experiencing sexual attraction towards someone much rarer than other non-demisexual people. 

Because they need to be emotionally involved first, many might consider them asexual. In some cases, demisexuals might even call them asexual because of the rarity of such occasions. Still, it’s critical to understand demisexuality, especially when you want to connect with someone and explain to them your perspective on relationships and connections. 

Another point to distinguish demisexuals from non-demisexual people is their attitude toward sex while dating. Non-demisexual people will follow a set of rules or recommendations when it comes to sex. It might be waiting for the third date or learning more about the person before having sex. 

On the other hand, demisexual people don’t wait for society or themselves to impose certain requirements. In their case, there is a lack of sexual desire until they feel emotionally connected to the person they are dating. If they don’t feel emotionally compatible, they won’t want sex, regardless of appearance. 

 

Are You Demisexual?

Now, you might have an idea why you or many other people feel confused when it comes to defining demisexuality. So, if you’re still not certain whether you or someone close to you is demisexual, answering these questions might help:

  • Do you lack an interest in having one-night stands or casual flings with other people? 
  • Have you ever felt attracted to someone after having a deep conversation with them, something you didn’t feel before that conversation? 
  • Did most of the individuals you found sexually attractive or engaged in sexual activity have close friendships with you? 
  • Do people around you sometimes say you’re playing hard to get while you’re actually just not interested?

If you responded positively to these questions, it means that you’re probably demisexual. If you’re not a fan of labels, that’s completely fine, too. Labels typically help identify ourselves and introduce that part of us to other people. Understanding yourself better can help you find the people you can have that connection to more easily. 

 

How Demisexual People Connect with Others

If you’re a demisexual or you’re dating someone who is, it makes sense to learn the pathway to establishing a significant relationship with them. Although there are many similarities with dating non-demisexual people, there are a few things to keep in mind.

Firstly, don’t feel pressured into having sex if you don’t feel ready. People who don’t understand demisexuality might have certain expectations of you. It is up to you to remind yourself that you must first establish the emotional connection and that this process is perfectly normal for many people. 

Secondly, invest in people you have shared interests with, as it will help you connect with them on a deeper level. Having the same hobby, working in the same industry, or growing up in the same city can all contribute to the development of an emotional bond with that person. Otherwise, you might feel a lack of encouragement to go on dates if your experiences have been boring. 

Thirdly, it might be a beneficial idea to connect with other demisexual people. If you live in a bigger city, maybe there’s even an online community with people who feel the same way you do about dating and romantic relationships. Going out with them can make you feel understood without having to explain yourself too much. Furthermore, it can be a connective topic to bond over. 

Lastly, remind yourself of all the perks of being demisexual. If you’re unable to find like-minded people, it can become discouraging to date. However, demisexuality can have several benefits, and remembering that can give you motivation to meet new people. For instance, your relationship could last longer because you’ve established strong foundations for it before taking it to the next level. Also, you won’t waste time waiting to see if the sex is good. Because emotional connection is more important to you in the beginning, you will be aware of everything this person has to offer you and can determine whether they are the right fit for you. 

 

Final Words

Demisexual or not, your sexuality is who you are, and you should celebrate yourself. Surround yourself with people who support you, and you will find it easier to go on dates that are precisely the type of experience you’re looking for. 

It’s also a wonderful idea to learn more about demisexuality, as there might be a lot of what you don’t know. However, if you decide to go about it, remind yourself frequently that how we feel about our sexuality and how our sexual desire arises is unique to each of us. Comparing yourself to others or forcing yourself to do something unnatural won’t help. 

Once you have a clearer idea of what matters to you, it will become easier to pursue it. In no time, you will feel more interested in dating and meeting new people, sharing interests with them, and allowing yourself to enjoy every step of each experience. After all, meeting new people is exciting, and you should make the most of it!

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients’ lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Acts of Service Examples

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Acts of Service Examples You Can Start Doing Today

 

If your partner’s love language is the act of service or you simply are keen to learn more about it, you’ll want to go through the acts of service examples. Acts of service as a love language refer to doing certain activities that matter to the other person. An example can be running errands, buying them their favorite chocolate while they’re grocery shopping, or doing household chores. 

If you want to become more fluent in this love language, we’ve gathered everything you need to know about it. Get inspired by our acts of service examples and see which of them can be applied to your romantic relationships and friendships. 

 

What is an Act of Service?

Love language refers to the way we prefer to love and be loved. Besides an act of service, there is also gift-giving, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation. If you or your partner prefers the act of service as their dominant love language, you will want to familiarize yourself as much as possible with it. 

An act of service means you express your love or appreciation for another person through helpful actions instead of the other four love languages. Since this is your preferred language, you will appreciate it more if someone helps you thoughtfully rather than saying they love you or giving a hug. 

This is not to say you can only have one way you receive love. We can express love in different ways. However, one way will typically be dominant. In relationships with others, it’s important to be aware of our and their love language, as this allows us to grow and evolve together. 

 

Acts of Service List

Examples of acts of service can be quite different from person to person. For instance, you might enjoy it when your partner surprises you with a home-cooked meal after a long day at the office. Your friend, on the other hand, might prefer that their partner does all the chores if they have more spare time. 

These are some common examples of acts of service that can inspire you: 

  • Cook a meal for another person
  • Run errands for them 
  • Handle a task or chore you know they dislike
  • Surprise them with a clean home
  • Offer them a nice massage after a long day
  • Fix something you know they would use if it weren’t broken
  • Offer to drive them to work or somewhere else
  • Take care of them when they’re sick or tired
  • Offer to walk their dog for them 
  • Surprise them with a cup of coffee in the morning
  • Clean their car
  • Iron their clothes
  • Organize their closet
  • Prepare a nice bath for them
  • Pack them lunch on a busy day
  • Ask them how you can support them when they’re under stress

 

How to Give Acts of Service

If your partner’s love language is service, you understand that actions have a greater impact than words.  Below, you will find additional tips for performing acts of service. 

 

1.Express Gratitude for Support

Express gratitude to your spouse when they use your preferred language, and let them know you value it when they return the favor.  You will both feel appreciated in the relationship if you establish a pattern of showing each other love and gratitude. If acts of service are their preferred love language, enjoy the moments of their gratitude as well. Such moments can bring you closer. 

 

2.Ask About Their Preferred Acts of Service

Be specific.  Would they rather you just run that bath for them, or should you ask first?  Do they enjoy having you do the laundry yet, would rather handle the bill payment themselves?  Make sure your acts of service really serve your partner or friend. Occasionally, what we think would be best for others is not what they want at that moment.

 

3.Communication

Communication about what works for both of you is crucial in love languages.  It is important that you and your partner agree on the ways that you both like to show love.  Developing your communication skills in a partnership will come with numerous rewards.

 

4.Share What You Need

Both of you should practice asking for what you want. With time, the other person will learn which acts of service work best for you. For example, some people do not like it when you look through their drawers, while others want you to do their laundry and put it away for them. Remember that the goal is to show love and appreciation in the way your partner receives it, not to force yourself onto others.  

 

5.Don’t Compare

If your best friend and your boyfriend have a preference for acts of service, it doesn’t necessarily mean they will value the same actions. Every person is unique. Having an understanding of how to serve with love will be beneficial when meeting a new person with the same love language. However, listening carefully to them will show you what they really need from you. 

 

In Final Words

Acts of service are a wonderful way to show appreciation for other people in our lives, even if it’s not their dominant love language. If you notice your friend or family member stressed and without any spare time, offer your help. Maybe you can take their kids to school or take their clothes to the dry cleaner. Small acts like that can mean so much to someone who doesn’t have time or needs additional support in their life. 

By being supportive in that way, you not only show how much you care about this person. You help others who are in their inner circle. Being kind to each other benefits everyone around us. If you help your partner, their colleagues at work will notice they are much more relaxed. Your sister will have more time to spend with her spouse if you assist her with the children. 

If that’s the way you show love for others, you will want them to do the same for you. What’s a better way to receive it than give it to others first? 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients’ lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

 

How Do I Talk To People?

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How Do I Talk To People at Social Gatherings?

 

Struggling to navigate social situations and wondering, “How do I talk to people?” You’re not alone!

Figuring out how to talk to people you don’t know is a huge part of socializing. Small talk can feel like a challenge, but with the right approach, it becomes much easier.

Whether you’re experiencing anxiety, feeling drained, or just not loving “peopling,” socializing can be tough. But knowing how to talk to people in a way that feels natural is a skill that can be developed.

In this video, I’ll share practical strategies for making social events more enjoyable. From knowing how to talk to someone you’ve just met to keeping conversations flowing with those you already know, you’ll learn tips to feel more comfortable and confident.

We’ll explore how body language, active listening, and conversation starters can improve how you talk to people. Plus, I’ll give advice for handling awkward silences and managing social boundaries.

If socializing feels exhausting, I’ll also discuss ways to recharge and engage with others on your own terms, without feeling drained.

You deserve to connect with others in a way that feels authentic and true to you.

Let’s dive into how you can talk to someone with confidence, clarity, and ease.

 

 

Couples Communication Strategies

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Reflective Listening

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Your Guide to Reflective Listening

 

Reflective Listening goes beyond active and passive listening by incorporating repeating and paraphrasing. You’ve likely heard of active and passive listening, but have you considered this deeper approach? If these concepts are new to you, read our guide for a clearer understanding.

In this article, you will learn the benefits of reflective listening and why it is a crucial skill for any relationship.

 

Degrees of Active Listening

It helps when you actively pay attention and listen to people around you, whether it’s in your professional or personal life.

Successful communication requires as much learning how to listen as well as how to speak. 

Hearing someone speak and truly listening to them are two entirely unique things. If we’re actively listening, it means that this person has our full attention and we’re doing our best to understand what they are communicating to us. 

 

1.Repeating

Repeating is the first degree of active listening, and it refers to repeating the words you’ve heard in the conversation to make sure you understand the person correctly. It requires paying attention, remembering the words, and then saying them back to the speaker. As opposed to passive listening, repeating lets the other person know that you are paying attention and want to understand what they are saying.

 

2.Paraphrasing

By repeating, you are practically saying the exact same words to confirm the speaker’s intentions. Instead of mirroring the exact words, with paraphrasing, you choose similar words yet not the same. This approach shows the other person that you’ve resonated with the shared information. It also allows you to remember that information more easily because you use words and phrases that you connect with better.

 

3.Reflecting

At first, paraphrasing and reflecting might seem very similar. However, reflecting involves taking a moment to think about the information shared in the conversation and reflecting on it in your words. You can summarize the conversation or provide a few examples to confirm your understanding. Reflecting can be the most profound level of listening, where the listener resonates with all the conversation’s content.

 

What Is Reflective Listening?

Reflective listening is beneficial across all areas. It can help you communicate more efficiently with your new coworkers, meet your superior’s demands easily, and strengthen your romantic relationship or friendship.

Reflective listening requires a conversation. The person who is listening will speak soon to reflect on what has been said, which is very different from passive listening. For example, if your boss is explaining the details of a new project, you will want to reflect on it, ask questions, and confirm if all is clear. 

It’s also worth mentioning that reflective listening occurs in one-on-one conversations or in small groups, as it might be challenging during a business conference with 50 people. That is what makes reflective listening a valuable communication tool that helps build relationships. This intimate aspect guarantees mutual understanding and the ability to collaborate towards a shared objective, whatever it may be. 

 

Key Components of Reflective Listening

If you’re looking to become a master in reflective listening, you will have to first learn its key components. These components will help you truly listen to other people and learn from them. 

Reflective listening consists of four key components: 

  • Active listening—listening to the speaker with your full attention without any distractions 
  • Paraphrasing—repeating what the speaker said back to them, yet in your own words
  • Clarification—asking questions to ensure understanding or raising any confusion you have
  • Empathizing—acknowledging the speaker’s thoughts and emotions and taking them into account during the conversation 

 

Benefits of Reflective Listening

Obviously, there are many benefits of reflective listening, especially when compared to passive listening. When we’re dedicated to truly listening to the person talking to us, we’re able to understand their perspective and strengthen the connection with them based on the information received, both verbally and non-verbally. 

Reflective listening also strengthens trust. Knowing you are being listened to carefully encourages you to share more and actively seek opportunities to continue communicating with this person. Conversely, people who listen and think about what was said are usually the ones that others turn to for comfort, a shoulder to cry on, advice, or just to vent. 

Also, reflective listening reduces misunderstandings and conflicts. Hearing someone speak and assuming you know what they think and feel often leads to confusion and conflicts. If you’re invested, it becomes easier to have empathy for the other person. In other words, understanding their intentions, thought processes, emotions, and so much more becomes easier if you listen closely. 

That is what makes reflective listening valuable in problem-solving situations as well. Whenever a conflict arises, whether it’s at work, home, or somewhere else, using this tool can enable both sides to find common ground because they’ll have a clearer idea of why the conflict occurred in the first place. 

 

How to Practice Reflective Listening

With that in mind, you may be wondering how to start reflective listening today and reap its benefits. Once you’ve determined that you want to become better at listening to people around you, there are certain things to keep in mind to ensure you’re doing a good job. 

Firstly, whenever you need to listen to someone, make sure you’ve eliminated all the distractions. Find a comfortable place to have a conversation, turn off your phone, close the doors, and decide to focus only on the person in front of you. 

During the conversation, be mindful of nonverbal cues. Pay attention to the speaker’s hands, sitting position, eye movement, and any other detail that can fill in the picture of how they feel or what they think about the matter discussed. Also, use your nonverbal cues to show support. Look them in their eyes while they are talking and nod anytime something resonates with you.

When the other person finishes speaking, don’t just say “I understand” and end the conversation by making it about yourself instantly. Utilize this moment to contemplate the spoken words, verify their accuracy, and stimulate conversation by posing questions. This shows that you are doing your best to improve the relationship you have with that person. 

If this all feels confusing, book a session and we can help you understand it more. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients’ lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

How to Stop Porn Addiction

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How to Stop Porn Addiction & Become Free

 

If you have been wondering how to stop porn addiction, you have come to the right place. Addiction of any kind is a serious issue, and sometimes overcoming addictive behaviors requires more than just willpower. If this is the case for you, you can experiment with different techniques and approaches to see if one of them helps you stop watching it. 

Before we dive into these techniques, let’s go a few steps back and look closely at porn addiction, why and when it occurs, and other relevant information that could help you understand why you can quit this easily. 

 

Understanding Porn Addiction

Porn addiction is frequently misinterpreted in the context of behavioral addictions. This keeps this addiction stigmatized, making it hard to identify. When talking about porn, there is still a lot of disagreement among medical experts on the boundaries between addiction and compulsion. However, there is no doubt that you can get addicted to porn. Not giving this topic the respect and seriousness it deserves makes it only harder for those struggling with this addiction. Not knowing what to do, who to ask for help, and which steps to follow is the first problem porn addicts face when they try to stop their addiction. 

What’s important to say is whether you have a porn addiction or compulsion; seeking help in the form of therapy is essential to stop watching porn. Porn addiction, or the inability to control the urge to view porn, is one of the most common addictions, and you have every right to take the path of quitting it when you’re ready.

 

Signs of Porn Addiction

Watching porn can have numerous negative consequences on your life. Excessive porn time can impact your sleep quality and time, make you ignore or forget about your responsibilities. And even impact how you connect romantically with other people. After all, porn can affect the expectations you might have from your romantic partner in bed and out of it. 

To help you understand whether you or someone close to you has a porn addiction, we’ve gathered porn addiction signs to be aware of. One of the most obvious ones is compulsive watching, when watching pornography becomes something you have almost no control over. 

Also, if you’re noticing you’re spending more time watching porn than before, it could be a sign of addiction. Another thing to pay attention to is whether porn is preventing you from performing your daily tasks, whether it’s at work/school or at home. As mentioned above, relationship problems are also one of the common signs of porn addiction. 

Although this sign is not very obvious at first, the need to watch more extreme or varied content is typical with porn addicts. The content you used to watch before might not do the work for you anymore. So you need something that will excite you on another level. 

Occasionally, individuals struggling with a porn addiction may choose to avoid social events or comply with the minimum expectations of others in order to quickly return to porn. 

Taking all that into consideration, it’s pretty obvious that porn addiction is a serious problem. If you’ve tried to stop it on your own, you might have experienced withdrawal symptoms, such as irritability, restlessness, or anxiety. This is your nervous system reacting to the lack of something it got used to, making it really difficult to continue being motivated about stopping your porn addiction. 

 

Steps to Stopping Porn Addiction

Just because stopping porn addiction is hard for you, it doesn’t mean it’s impossible. If people can get rid of their drug or alcohol addiction, you can do the same. There are certain steps and ideas that are recommended for people with porn addiction. If you’ve tried quitting before or this is your first time, follow these ideas and implement them as naturally as you. Keep in mind that the addiction didn’t appear overnight, so it certainly won’t disappear quickly either. 

 

1.Admit You Have a Problem

We know—it’s not easy. Admitting you have a problem implies you have to find a solution. However, what if it’s enough for now just to admit that you have a problem and not try to search for a solution? After you’ve admitted to yourself or someone you trust that you have a problem. Take a moment to feel whatever feels right at that time. Jumping into problem-solving mode will probably lead to counterproductive results. 

 

2.Start with Small Goals

With addictions, it’s quite difficult to get rid of them completely at once. Instead, start with smaller goals of watching porn every other day and limiting your time. Depending on how much you used to spend watching pornography, the goal should be a representation of a tiny advancement. 

 

3.Identify Your Triggers

A lot of people have problems with addictions because they use them as a way to run from stress. For instance, you might notice that your trigger is coming home tired from work and wanting to disconnect from thinking about your endless to-do list. Maybe you’re too bored, so porn provides you with a fantasy world where everything is possible. Whatever the reason, understanding it can help you find alternative solutions.

 

4.Replace Porn Watching with Healthy Habits

You can’t just expect to quit watching porn and not replace this habit with something else. If you’ve spent hours every day watching porn and then suddenly stopped, this void might remind you of your addiction. Instead, remind yourself of hobbies and activities you used to enjoy doing. Spend more time with your friends, go to the gym, take long walks, and listen to your favorite podcast. Creating a list of ideas can also help you avoid feeling like you have too much free time now when you’re quitting porn-watching. 

 

The Power of the Therapy

The best thing to do when trying to quit any type of addiction is to reach out to a recommended therapist and share your problem with them. A mental health professional can provide you with useful information on how to stay on the recovery path and break free from the addiction. After all, it’s the only way to get your life into your own hands again!

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibile, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.