What is Fet Life?
As a certified sex therapist, I often get asked “what is Fet Life?”
I immediately imagine the judgement and terror that they feel for asking and I feel for knowing.
Fetlife.com is a website that is essentially known as “Facebook for Kinky people.”
The back of the website is black and the headlines are in red. It appears evidently NOT SAFE FOR WORK from the first moment you lay eyes on “Fet Life.”
I use this specifically because I believe discussing what this is all about helps those who aren’t familiar with kink to get it a bit more.
For those of you that are BDSM pros, this may not be the post for you!
We are going to talk about the Fetish Lifestyle – Fet Life.
We hold a sex-positive perspective at our practicee. To our clients, we start out with the theory that sexual behavior is neither inherently negative nor pathological between consenting adults, unless shown to be otherwise.
Fun fact: A fetish is something you need to have in order to complete orgasm. People who have a fetish for feet NEED the feet to be there to climax, for example. Most people in the lifestyle are more commonly known as “kinky” or a “kinkster” instead of a fetishist.
Two people can be engaged in the same exact behavior (one partner getting off to the foot fetish – feeling that it is pleasurable and empowering, while for the other person it can be experienced as abusive or troubling (the other partner perhaps).
The reasons for sexual fetishes are often complex, and that is beyond the scope of our conversation here. I believe it is important to note the individual experiences that happen while two or more people are engaging in sexual conversation or sexual exchanges.
Those with fetishes or kinks aren’t necessarily a “bad guy” and just because you know what “fet life” is doesn’t make you part of the community.
Like regular Facebook, Fetlife.com isn’t really something to be afraid of, yet all kinky interactions should be treated mindfully. The reason for this is because there is still a high mental correlation with those who are kinky to have a history of abuse.
When you go to the website, you will see you have to make a login. There are a variety of ways to identify yourself:
- Relationship and sexual orientation
- Your “role” in kink (such as submissive, Rigger, bottom, Dominant, masochist, etc).
There are even places you can go to report needing help if you get in trouble with the law for being in fet lifestyle. Make sure you practice safety, integrity, radical honesty, and erring on the side of CAUTION!
The possible motivations for being on fet life are really endless.
Hopefully, this blog helped you understand why people engage in fet life, as well conceptualize some of the ways in which you think about fantasies.
The possibilities of what you are open to, curious about, or what you’re looking for could be endless!
About Life Coaching and Therapy
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!
Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.