Sexual Anatomy

Sexual Anatomy: The Basics

Sexual Anatomy - The Basics

Sexual anatomy is not something to be ashamed of! It is one of the gifts of a monogamous relationship and of consensual adult sex!

For you to get the most out of your sexual experiences, we must first understand our body. If you have never spread your legs and looked at your genitals in a mirror, that is step one.

There is nothing to be ashamed of. It is just one part of your body. You must know your sexual anatomy, and then you get to share it with your consenting adult partners!

Also, sex in porn is not real. It is entertainment and a movie. Question the media you are consuming if you believe your relationship and sex life is not to par with those around you.

Let's start with female sexual anatomy, or the anatomy of those assigned female at birth.

Women’s Bodies or Those Assigned Female at Birth

The Vulva

The vulva is the main visible component of female sexual anatomy. It is commonly referred to as the vagina, and the vagina is specifically just the hole that the babies come out of, the menstruation comes out of, and one of the places of pleasure.

The vulva is the external part of the female genitals. The mons veneris (meaning “hill of Venus,” the Roman goddess of love) is the top part of the vulva where pubic hair grows. There is often a layer of fatty tissue on this pubic bone to protects from the impact of penetrative sexual intercourse.

 

Sexual Anatomy

Vulva

 

The outer lips (labia minora) go around to protect the inside.

 

Pulling these outer lips open, you will expose the inner labia (labia minora), which do not have any hair on them.

 

All women’s lips have different colors, sizes, and shapes. The inner lips are there to protect the clitoris, urethra, and the vagina.

 

Usually the lips (both inner and outer) are sensitive to touch.

 

The Clitoris

 

The clitoris is the only organ in the body whose sole function is for pleasure. It looks like a small button right at the top of the outer lips. There is a piece of skin, just inside the inner labia, known as the clitoral hood. This protects the clitoris from getting too much direct stimulation. The clitoris is the most excitable part of the female genitalia, because this is where most pleasurable sensation comes from. There are more nerve endings in the clitoris than in the head of a man’s penis, which makes it extremely sensitive to touch and stimulation. The clitoris goes deep inside the body as well (the internal clitoris).

Sexual Anatomy

The Urethra

 

The urethra is a tiny hole about an inch to two inches below the clitoris. This is where women urinate from and where female ejaculate comes from.

 

The Vagina

 

Under the urethra is a bigger hole, which is the vagina. This is where women are penetrated during digital (fingers) or penetrative (penis) intercourse. It is where blood comes from during a menstrual period, and it is part of the birth canal.

The vagina has most of its nerve endings in the first third of the opening. If the entire vagina had numerous nerve endings, it would be extremely painful to give birth through the vaginal canal.

 

The lack of nerve endings in the vagina is what accounts for the difficulty many women have in achieving orgasm through vaginal penetration alone.

Vaginal orgasms stem from stimulation of the internal clitoris. Most women also need direct stimulation of the external clitoris. Therefore, women should not feel bad or inadequate if vaginal penetration alone is not enough. Women should be able to explain exactly what they need to their partners if they cannot achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration alone.

 

Bartholin’s Glands

 

Bartholin's glands are the first step in lubrication. It is similar to pre-come (male ejaculate) for women. These two small glands are near the bottom of the vulva with openings on either side of the vagina. They are located underneath the skin, and they provide a small amount of lubricant.

 

The G-spot

 

It is more of an area than a spot. Some indicate that you can locate the G-spot by inserting your fingers into your vagina and make the “come here” motion.

When a woman is aroused, this area can get harder, and the texture can change. Some believe that the G-spot is the location of the internal bulbs of the clitoris, which are located behind the left and right walls of the vagina. Therefore, the G-spot is mostly an area... an area about two inches in on the top part of the vagina, facing the internal clitoris region.

Stimulating this at the same time as the external clitoris can create tons of pleasure for women.

The G-spot is one of the most famous areas of female sexual anatomy!

 

Sexual Anatomy

The Hymen

 

A piece of tissue that lines the vaginal opening. It is the “cherry” that is referred to in the common “popped her cherry” slang expression. The hymen is no barometer on whether or not a woman is a virgin. This tissue can be stretched with a finger, tampon, or anything inserted into the vagina. Sometimes the hymen wears away naturally, and sometimes it remains so thick that it makes first penetration extremely painful. If intercourse continues to be painful after penetrated, there is a chance that this barrier has not been broken, and a women can see a gynecologist, who can help with this.

 

The Perineum

 

The piece of skin from the bottom of the vulva to the anus is called the perineum. There are not many nerve endings here for women, and sometimes doctors cut through this skin to open the canal for vaginal births.

 

The Anus

 

The anus has numerous sensitive nerve endings. Many people practice anal sex, and it is important to note that the anus also has the capacity to be penetrated as the vagina does. The only difference is that the anus does not self-lubricate, as does the vagina.

Therefore, when engaging in anal sex, make sure to use a lot of lubricant.

 

Male Sexual Anatomy or the Anatomy of Those Misgendered Male at birth.

 

The Penis

 

In the United States, there is a tendency to put a good deal of emphasis on penis size. In popular media the question is often “How big is he?” which implies the underlying notion that being bigger is better.

 

Bigger is not always better when we talk about sexual anatomy.

 

It is is your relationship with the penis that matters.

 

If you or your partner’s penis gives you pleasure, it is perfect regardless of size.

 

Circumcision

 

It is currently debated in this country whether a man should have a circumcised penis or not. The popular narrative seems to elevate circumcised penises as better or more desirable.

 

Many women indicate that non-circumcised penises have led to more pleasure for them and their partners, because non-circumcised penises are more lubricating than circumcised ones.

 

Some women prefer the look of a circumcised penis, while others do not notice much of a difference. There is nothing to be concerned about if you encounter a non-circumcised penis. It just has some extra skin called the foreskin, which covers the head of the penis while flaccid, and retracts back when the penis is erect. But being a circumcised penis or not is just an aesthetic detail in the sexual anatomy.

 

Erections

 

If a women is in a sexual encounter with a male partner and he is not hard, that is totally normal. Pornography depicts men as always ready to go.

They see a naked woman and are hard almost immediately. Life is not like that.

If you see that your partner’s penis is soft, but he is in the moment with you and giving other signs that he is into the sexual act and enjoying himself, I encourage you to let go of the notion that it should be hard immediately and continue to enjoy each other sexually.

A soft penis is not an automatic indication that your partner is not into the sexual experience.

Soft penises are an indication that blood has not yet entered the penis.

Desire begins in the mind.

Getting upset about a physiological response that those with penises may not have mental control over ruins the moment more than a soft penis does.

Do not put pressure on yourself unless it becomes a constant problem that you can never get an erection while with a partner.

If this is the case, it may be time to discuss what is happening and consult a physician, urologist, and a sex therapist.

 

Difference Between Orgasming and Ejaculating

 

Most people think that it is easy to tell when men have orgasmed, because they ejaculated. Although most men orgasm and ejaculate at the same time, this is not always the case. There is a difference between orgasming and ejaculation. Ejaculation is the fluid that is dispelled from the body.

Orgasm can be the emotional, mental, and physical part of this process. People can achieve full-body orgasms using breath-work and relaxation of the mind and body. Sometimes an ejaculatory and full-body orgasm can occur together, and other times, the male body can orgasm without the penis ejaculating at all.

 

Conclusions

 

It is important to understand your anatomy and your partner’s body. Feel free to talk with your friends and sexual partner about your body. Instead of shaming the body, as many are taught to do while growing up, praise it as well as the body of your sexual partner. If you feel attracted to your partner, make sure to say which exact body parts you value. Doing this will also set up the framework for you to appreciate your own body.

 

At Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) we help you get the life you want, and the results you desire related to passion, connection, and growth. Through our flexible, multi-technique approach (DBT, CBT, EMDR) and pleasure skills training (tantra, the science of sex, and sensate focus techniques), we transform our clients lives!

 

Please learn more about how Life Coaching & Therapy (LCAT) can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

 


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Embracing Masochism

To those afraid of admitting to masochist tendencies:

 

For the longest time I denied that I was a masochist.  “There must me something wrong with me.  What kind of person enjoys pain?”  Ummm……me.  I do!  I enjoy a certain amount of consensual pain.  I am a masochist.  It’s been a long journey to get to the point where I can “own” that statement and I’ve learned a few things about myself along the way.

 

The first step on the journey to claiming my masochism was to define it…… for me.  (Your mileage may vary).  I questioned at what point does having pain consensually inflicted upon me go from pleasure from a simple rush of endorphins to an unhealthy mental state?

 

To start with, I differentiated the terms “hurt” and “harm”.  Hurt= good.   Harm=bad

 

Hurt, pain, or discomfort is a physical sensation.  It goes away either immediately, in a while, in a day, or in a few days.  Sometimes, it leaves a mark, and sometimes it doesn’t.  Either way, no medical assistance is required for the body to go back to its natural state.

 

Harm, the way I chose to define it, means that medical intervention is required to heal it, or there is permanent, and/or long-lasting damage.  I don’t want to be harmed, but I do want to be hurt.

 

I can think of a lot of loopholes in my definition of harm, such as my branding. It was consensual, it caused permanent damage, which was the intent, but it did not require medical attention to heal.  Hurt? Harm?  I’m okay with it.

 

Sometimes, the hurt leads to unintentional harm.  Yet another loophole.  I enjoyed the pain from a particular hip harness one day, but it led to nerve damage that took two years to heal and a small tear in my hip labrum.  I accepted the risk that “harm” may come as a result of the “hurt”.  In my brain, I wasn’t asking for harm, I was asking for hurt, so my definition still made sense as I viewed it.  I know hurt vs harm is not a perfect definition, but it feels right for me.

 

In order to be comfortable with the label “masochist”, I wanted to understand “why” I liked pain.  This was a lot easier to wrap my brain around.  Quite simply, I like the endorphin rush that gets triggered from pain.  I learned that I really only like pain when it is in conjunction with or leading up to orgasms -- piling endorphins on top of more endorphins for a super good rush that gets me to a happy place.

 

The last thing on my journey was learning how to communicate.  Not all pain is good pain and my tolerance to pain varies from day to day.  I like pain to start off slow and easy and then build.  This was easy to communicate.

 

At some point pain stops being pleasurable for me and just becomes pure pain. Communicating this type of information was way more difficult.  I learned three things about myself:

 

1) If my pain was really pleasing my top/partner/Dominant and it was making him happy, then not only can I tolerate more pain but I WANT more pain

2) Breathing and relaxing around the pain allowed me to tolerate a greater intensity of pain.

3) I needed to communicate in advance of play, by either arranging a code word or a signal that let my partner know before the pain went from good to bad.

 

The final and unexpected benefit of owning by masochism was learning the technique of breathing and relaxing around the pain and discomfort.  This skill has helped me way beyond what I ever imagined.  I now find myself using this technique frequently; for headaches, for when I walk into the sharp corner of the table, for when I smash my knee against the desk, stub my toe and a whole host of other unintended, non-consensual, self-inflicted pain that is just a general result of me being clumsy.  So, to my fellow “masochists in denial”, I say figure out what’s in it for you and then go embrace your masochism!

~ Shana Silver


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Is The G-Spot Real Or A Myth?

Is The G Spot Real Or A Myth? (SEX EXPERT REVEALS THE TRUTH)

 

Debunking the G-Spot! I know this catchy term has been thrown here and there, but what have you thought of it as? Have you ever asked, “Is the G Spot real”? The female G Spot is a mystery that’s for sure!

 

The questions about it have been how to find the G Spot, where is the G Spot, and even... does the G Spot exist? We’ve seen the term thrown here and there as the magical place, the vagina g spot, to hit for a g spot orgasm! You've probably failed and asked yourself, is there a G Spot? Is the G Spot a myth? Have you ever asked yourself how I can find my G-Spot? You’ll find the answer to that question here from your very own sex therapist --  I will reveal the truth about the famous vagina G Spot!  Let me tell you how to get a G Spot orgasm with today's sex education!

 

If you're like most people, you probably thought it was one specific anatomical spot that could induce an orgasm in the vagina.... Well here's the truth. As long as the front wall of the vagina is hit-- you've hit the so-called G-Spot. It's more an area than a spot. To learn more about what produces or makes up the G-Spot, head over to this video!