How We Think About Taboo Sex
Why is it that we feel so much anxiety about expressing our desires about taboo sex?
Perhaps it’s because sex is usually something that’s done in private and opening up about fetishes or kinks that we are into can make us feel vulnerable.
It’s also hard to know when you’ve crossed the line…
There’s no governing body in charge of what kind of sex is OK and what’s crossing the line. You might shudder at the thought of speaking openly about what kind of sexual activity you’re into.
One way to think about it is, how would you feel if your porn search history were to be broadcast publicly? Would you be mortified?
As a society, we’ve become conditioned along moral lines that implicitly say what’s normal and what’s taboo sex.
If you’re into women and you’re caught searching for “hot blonde with natural tits,” you might get shoulder shrugs. If it is “foursome bondage featuring hot milf”, that may raise some eyebrows.
We’re certainly not used to dealing with the outer rings of sexual behavior. Here are some thoughts on what taboo sex is and how we should think about it and approach it.
The Sexual Spectrum
Some people fit in boxes, some don’t. The same sexual positions, sexual fantasies, ideal body images, etc. are so popular, because they have widespread appeal. A lot of people like big breasts or a hot guy with a big hard penis. There are, however, people with different sexual appetites.
If you’re into a sexual activity like bondage, submission, sexual humiliation, group sex, or some uncommon fetish, it’s important first to come to terms with what that means for you. Whatever your sexual inclinations, you need to make sure you find the right balance that allows you to express yourself and find fulfillment sexually, but at the same time approach sex in a way that it doesn’t negatively affect you.
Finding the Right Partner(s)
We’re lucky now to live in an era where we can communicate online and find people with common interests across distance. You’re not stuck anymore in your small community dealing with a limited group of people. If you want them, you can find sexual opportunities all over the place.
There are apps, groups, and other ways to find people into the same things you are.
That’s great for you if you’re new to sexual exploration and what to find out more. Finding the right partner or partners is so important, especially when it comes to taboo sex.
First, you need to make sure you’re in a safe place. For sure, even when you’re dealing with what’s considered “normal” sex on a first date or in a new relationship, you need to be safe. On the other hand, venturing into what many people consider taboo sex can be more complicated, because you may not know the social guidelines for engagement.
If, for example, you want to give group sex a try, do your best to find someone you trust to introduce you to that world. It’s much less likely you’ll end up hurt or feel like you’ve been taken advantage of.
Different Types of Taboo Sex
Sexual exploration can be a wonderful experience for you and your partner(s). For many people, sex isn’t only about the physical interaction that takes place in the bedroom with the lights off.
There’s a whole lot that feeds into the sexual experience, whether it be power dynamics, connecting with experience or emotion from a different stage of your life, or releasing emotions or feelings you repress in your everyday life.
Here are some of the common types of taboo sex and what they involve:
Bondage is a common form of sexual power play where one partner ties up, handcuffs, or otherwise restricts the movement of the other. Some people get extremely turned on by a feeling of being dominated or helpless. Likewise, others enjoy being the dominant sexual partner.
Erotic humiliation is a consensual activity that involves some form of humiliation that triggers sexual arousal. Often it involves sexual roleplay like you or your partner kneeling and performing humiliating tasks. Humiliation can also involve punishments that are meant to turn you or your partner on.
This is a bit less taboo than humiliation or bondage, but that’s mainly because it’s featured more regularly in movies or sexual fantasies.
Still, group sex is considered taboo, because sometimes it involves people you may not know. It can also mean more than just three people.
This is sometimes called cuckolding and refers to when you or your partner will ask another person, stranger or friend, to have sex with your partner. Some people experience sexual arousal watching or knowing their partner is having sex with someone else.
Fetish is generally believed to be something you or someone else can’t get sexually aroused without.
That might sound tame enough, yet fetishes vary widely, and they usually involve something that’s not usually thought to be sexual like feet or eating during sex. Some people have a fetish that involves ruining their orgasm just as it’s about to happen.
You Only Live Once
If you’re completely satisfied with your sex life, I’m not telling you to go out and try a little humiliation sex to see if it’s for you. A lot of the time, people know they’re into some form of taboo sex, but stop themselves from trying it out of fear of being judged or shamed.
That’s not good news. What you’ll end up with is life feeling sexually frustrated. And it’s not just you that it affects. Your partner will be able to sense that something’s wrong. If you’re into one of the above taboo sexual behaviors, or something else I haven’t covered here, the best thing you can do is come to grips with it.
Repeat after me, as long as it’s consensual behavior between two adults, then it’s not out of bounds. Remember, sex is about fun, it’s playful, it’s hot, and it’s complicated. We’ve come a long way in the past few decades removing the stigma from a lot of what’s considered taboo sex. The more willing you are to think about it and accept any kinks you might have, the further you’ll go.
About Life Coaching and Therapy
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!
Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.