Stonewalling in Relationships

Stonewalling in Relationships

/in , /by

Stonewalling in Relationships: How to Break the Cycle

 

Stonewalling in relationships is when one partner emotionally withdraws and refuses to communicate during conflict. This creates a barrier, whether through the silent treatment, walking away, or shutting down.

In most cases, stonewalling is a defense against feeling overwhelmed, yet it usually causes hurt, disconnection, and resentment. Such a shutdown can have long-term consequences on relationships, and understanding it in detail helps determine which course of action is most beneficial for you and your partner. 

 

Definition of Stonewalling 

Stonewalling occurs when a person emotionally withdraws during a conflict. The person may shut down, cease responding, or refuse to engage. Rather than expressing their emotions, they may become silent, turn away, or provide brief, distant responses.

This reaction hinders communication and creates an emotional barrier, making it challenging for the conversation to progress. When one partner disconnects, the other may feel ignored, rejected, or more upset, which can make things even more tense.

However, stonewalling and the silent treatment are not synonyms. The silent treatment is a deliberate way to punish or control someone. Stonewalling, on the other hand, often happens when someone feels overwhelmed or threatened. Many people use stonewalling without realizing it, simply because they struggle to handle strong emotions. Although it seems like a way to protect yourself, over time it can damage trust and closeness in a relationship.

 

Signs You’re Being Stonewalled

Stonewalling can be identified through both physical and emotional signs. Meaning, a common physical sign is when your partner leaves the room during a conversation, avoids eye contact, or turns their body away. Long silences, dismissive gestures, or short replies that show they are not interested are all signs of emotional shutdown.

Another sign is when conversations go in circles because the other person refuses to answer direct questions or continually deflects. You might also hear repeated statements like “I don’t want to talk about this” during every disagreement, no matter how calmly you try to approach the topic. 

Over time, you may notice that conflicts never move forward or find a resolution. Instead, you’re left with the sinking feeling that you’re talking to someone who has emotionally checked out, making it challenging to build connection, clarity, or trust.

 

Why Stonewalling Happens

Stonewalling often happens for reasons that go far deeper than simply “not wanting to talk.” One major cause is emotional overwhelm. During conflict, the body can activate a fight-flight-freeze response, and many people unconsciously enter the “freeze” state. This reaction isn’t intentional; it’s a survival strategy.

Struggling to manage emotions can also be a big factor. Some people have trouble handling stress, anger, or fear, especially if they grew up in homes where conflict felt unsafe or intense. For them, shutting down might be the only way they know to cope. Attachment styles also affect stonewalling. People with avoidant attachment often pull away to keep their distance, while those with anxious attachment may react strongly to this, leading to a difficult back-and-forth.

Stonewalling can also be something people learn from their families. If someone grew up in a home where disagreements were ignored or dismissed, they may repeat the behavior as adults. People who have experienced trauma, particularly emotional or relationship trauma, may shut down during times of conflict. For them, stonewalling is a way to protect themselves from more hurt, even though it can harm their relationships.

 

How to Break the Cycle

To prevent stonewalling from becoming a pattern, both people need to notice what’s happening and be willing to work together. If you are the person who stonewalls, try simple ways to calm yourself, such as deep breathing, focusing on what you can see or hear, or taking a short break.

It’s helpful to ask for a break clearly, for example, by saying, “I need 20 minutes to calm down, and then I’ll come back.” Over time, learning more words to describe your feelings and having short, manageable talks about challenging topics can make these conversations easier.

If your partner is stonewalling, try not to push them when they pull away, as those actions can make things harder. Speak gently and avoid blaming language. Let your partner know how you feel and what you need by saying things like, “I feel…” or “I need…” so you can stay connected without increasing tension. Give space when it’s needed, and try not to take the shutdown personally, yet still encourage a calm reconnection.

It helps when both partners create a plan for handling conflict. This could mean agreeing on when to take breaks or setting times to reconnect. When you both understand each other’s triggers and stress responses, conflict can become a chance to grow together instead of pulling apart.

 

When Stonewalling Becomes Emotional Abuse

Stonewalling becomes emotional abuse when it shifts from a one-time reaction to a repeated, intentional way to control, punish, or gain power. If one partner often shuts down to silence the other, avoid responsibility, or control the mood, this behavior is abusive.

In this form, stonewalling is no longer about self-protection yet about creating helplessness and imbalance. The partner on the receiving end may feel invisible, anxious, or desperate for connection, while the stonewalling partner withholds it. When withdrawal is used to dominate or erode the other’s emotional well-being, it is emotional abuse.

 

Conclusion

All relationships require work, and if you recognized yours in this article, don’t feel overwhelmed by the information. Share your concerns with your partner, and if you believe you would benefit from professional support, search together for a couples therapist. An expert can help you open up and understand how your partner experiences your relationship. 

Stonewalling can have long-term effects on your relationships only if you ignore it. Working together toward a solution can help you reconnect and feel like a team again. After all, you both want to enjoy the relationship. The only thing lacking is the tools to comprehend challenges and identify the best solutions!

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Emotionally Unintelligent

What Is an Emotionally Unintelligent Person?

/in , /by

What Is an Emotionally Unintelligent Person?

 

If being emotionally intelligent means having the capability to recognize, understand, and manage your emotions, as well as recognize and understand the emotions of others, then being emotionally unintelligent is the complete opposite. An emotionally unintelligent person will lack all of these skills, making it difficult to connect with themselves and others on a deeper level. 

You might be surprised to learn that the lack of emotional intelligence is more common than you’d think. After all, it is not about being a malicious person. An emotionally unintelligent person doesn’t thrive on hurting other people, yet they are missing these key awareness skills that could lead to such results, especially in personal relationships. 

 

What Emotional Unintelligence Really Means

So, what would be the opposite of emotional intelligence? Imagine a person who doesn’t understand what they feel and why they feel that way. They may be unable to control their anger outbursts in public or their laughter at other people. 

When it comes to relating to other people, they won’t be able to understand why something is important to someone else. Even if you confront them about it, they will not be able to change their behavior so easily. Those are the most common examples of emotionally unintelligent people. 

However, it is crucial to explain the difference between low EQ (Emotional Quotient) and personality flaws here. Having a low EQ implies you have an emotional and social skill deficit, whereas personality flaws are broader aspects of character that can overlap with but are distinct from low EQ. For instance, the inability to manage your emotions in public is a sign of low EQ, yet being generally selfish might be considered more of a personality flaw. 

A common misconception about low EQ is that it implies a person lacks empathy, which is not the case. A person can be very empathic, yet still emotionally unintelligent. A common example could be encouraging a friend to leave their relationship by promising them that everything will go smoothly after the breakup, including finding a new apartment, getting over their ex-partner, and starting to date again. Although the intentions are beneficial, the lack of awareness while providing support can lead to undesired and painful outcomes. 

 

Frequently Asked Questions 

What is emotional unintelligence?

Emotional unintelligence refers to difficulty in recognizing, understanding, or managing emotions, both your own and others’. It can show up as poor self-awareness, reactive behavior, insensitivity, or struggles with communication and empathy.

What are common signs of emotional unintelligence?

Typical signs include defensiveness, blaming others, inability to handle feedback, frequent misunderstandings, emotional outbursts, avoidance of emotional conversations, or dismissing other people’s feelings.

Can someone improve their emotional intelligence even if they currently lack it?

Emotional intelligence is a skill, not a fixed trait. Improvement comes through self-reflection, learning emotional vocabulary, practicing empathy, building better communication habits, and receiving honest feedback from trusted people or professionals.

 

Signs a Person Might Be Emotionally Unintelligent 

There are signs to look for to see if you or someone you know is emotionally unintelligent. Keep in mind that even if a person exhibits signs of emotional unintelligence, it doesn’t immediately confirm they are emotionally unintelligent. However, these signs may indicate a specific type of behavior that necessitates intense awareness for improvement. 

1.Difficulty Naming or Understanding Emotions

A person who lacks emotional intelligence will often say they don’t understand why they feel a certain way. They will express symptoms of a certain emotion, whether that’s anger, fear, or something else, yet they will not be able to understand why this emotion appeared. Because they don’t recognize the emotion, they will struggle to manage it and talk about it with a friend, partner, or someone they trust. 

2.Reacting Instead of Responding

Emotionally intelligent people will be more patient and comprehensive in processing other people’s emotions or experiences. When a person reacts impulsively to something in their environment, it may indicate they are emotionally unintelligent. You may observe that their reactions are often defensive and influenced by past events. 

3.Taking Everything Personally 

Everyone sometimes takes things personally, but a person who lacks emotional intelligence often has a low tolerance for feedback. Even if you share your suggestion in a kind, polite tone, they will interpret it as harsh criticism. 

4.Poor Listening Skills

To be an emotionally intelligent person, you have to be skilled in both talking and listening. Having poor listening skills indicates you only listen to reply, not to understand what someone else is saying. An emotionally unintelligent person often interrupts or dominates conversations and is not aware of this dynamic. That is why their lack of patience for other people’s interests usually affects their close relationships negatively. 

5.Avoiding Difficult Conversations

Another sign of an emotionally unintelligent person is their tendency to avoid difficult conversations. You will rarely see them offering constructive comments during a conflict; instead, they will likely disengage or become emotional, often angry. This results in accumulated resentment and unresolved issues in personal or professional relationships. 

6.Struggles with Boundaries

Although everyone struggles with boundaries up to a certain point, a person with a lack of emotional intelligence struggles to respect their own and other people’s boundaries. Due to their lack of understanding of the importance of setting boundaries in relationships, they often disregard them and quickly justify their actions. Common examples include overstepping or feeling offended when someone sets a boundary for them. 

 

Why Emotional Unintelligence Happens

Emotional unintelligence can occur due to a number of factors. However, childhood modeling and social conditioning are the most common reasons why someone lacks emotional intelligence in adulthood. Also, a person could lack an emotional vocabulary, which could make it more difficult to recognize their emotions. Trauma or chronic stress can also lead to a lack of emotional intelligence, especially if that traumatic event has not been processed healthily. 

Here, it is also vital to mention cultural messaging around thoroughness, which is usually aimed at men. The idea of not having the right to express emotions like sadness and fear can lead to emotional numbness. 

 

How to Become More Emotionally Intelligent

Fortunately, there are numerous methods available to either practice yourself or recommend to someone else, all aimed at boosting emotional intelligence. Start by building your emotional vocabulary. You can do your part by getting in the habit of naming your feelings. That’s a great start to understanding the spectrum of human feelings and the nuances that separate them.  

You might want to practice mindful self-awareness by observing your triggers or learning your internal patterns. This is best done with the help of an experienced therapist who can guide you through the entire process. By building emotional regulation, you will be able to manage your emotions in a healthier way and support your loved ones when they experience their emotions. 

As defensiveness is a key trait in most emotionally unintelligent people, learning to cultivate curiosity over defensiveness can be crucial for your personal growth. Instead of feeling attacked, ask yourself why you feel a certain way. Instead of numbing down your emotions, ask yourself how you would describe what you are experiencing right now. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Married My Best Friend

I Married My Best Friend

/in , /by

I Married My Best Friend: The Unexpected Benefits No One Talks About

 

If the phrase “I married my best friend” refers to you, congratulations! It is a beautiful experience to realize your friendship is even more. You’ve spent quite some time getting to know each other without the pressure of analyzing if you are the right person for each other. Now, your friendship has grown into a loving marriage. 

If you married your best friend, this article is for you. However, if you are falling in love with your best friend or have started dating them recently, stay for more encouragement and motivation. After all, you will want to know all of the benefits of this unique experience!

 

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it normal to marry your best friend?

Many long-lasting couples say their partner is also their best friend. Friendship naturally creates trust, emotional safety, shared values, and strong communication, which are all foundations of a healthy marriage.

Does marrying your best friend make the relationship less passionate?

Not at all. Passion often deepens and becomes more sustainable because it’s built on emotional intimacy, not just physical chemistry. Comfort and trust actually enhance desire over time.

What are the greatest advantages of marrying your best friend?

The most significant benefits include ease of communication, a strong sense of teamwork, a low-pressure connection, a fun daily life, and a resilient bond during stressful times. These quiet strengths are what make the marriage last.

 

1. Conflict Feels Less Like War and More Like Problem-Solving

Investing in your friendships is one of the best decisions you can make in your life. You can get to know someone by learning about them, seeing how they react in different situations, and being there for them. Occasionally, when you start to date a person you didn’t know previously, the expectations and illusions can stand in the way.

In friendships, respectful communication is the bridge that always connects you to each other. Because you know each other, there is much more respect and understanding of how the other person functions and experiences life in general. That is why married couples who were friends before tend to resolve issues faster than couples who started with pure chemistry. 

 

2. There’s Less Pressure to Be “Perfect”

For a relationship to work long-term, both of you need to be your authentic selves. You feel free around this person, as you know a trustworthy friend never judges you. Once your friendship grows into a romantic relationship, you get to enjoy being fully yourself, something that can be tricky when meeting a new person. 

Keep in mind that long-term intimacy is created through comfort, not performance. Every valuable connection needs to stand the test of time, and the same goes for relationships. Marrying your best friend means you don’t have to impress them or wear a mask, since they know you for you. 

 

3. Everyday Life Becomes Easier and More Fun

We become friends with people we see ourselves enjoying our future with. We can count on them when times are difficult, and we can have fun when we want to. That is why typical daily situations feel much better when this person is with you. 

You can’t wait to share your day or plans with them, and you know they feel the same. Being able to make the most of everyday life together is a sign of a lasting relationship.

 

4. Longevity and Stability Are Naturally Stronger

Friendship-based relationships are often more reliable than those of strangers. Shared history supports long-term harmony. Whether you’ve been friends since childhood or you met a few years ago, marrying your best friend brings more stability into your life. You don’t have to fear certain situations, like living with them, because you’ve already seen how they function in everyday life. Such situations take away the uncertainty and risk that are connected to building a relationship with someone you meet step by step. 

 

5. You Grow Together Without Competition

A little bit of competition is healthy and enjoyable, yet being too competitive can take all the fun out of your marriage. This is what makes friends good romantic partners. They love celebrating your wins and they understand that each of you is on a unique path. 

There is no need for competition, and you can support each other without jealousy. Besides eliminating competitiveness, this also emphasizes the importance of “us” over “you and me.” People who were friends before getting married see themselves as a team and are focused more on achieving common goals instead of turning against each other. 

 

6. Intimacy Deepens in Surprising Ways

Emotional intimacy is the basis for physical intimacy. When you date someone you’ve just met, it can take a while to truly build this emotional intimacy with them. As a consequence, physical intimacy can suffer as well.

However, when you are dating your friend, you are already emotionally connected, so adding that layer of physical intimacy becomes a more enriching experience for both of you. When you feel safe with them, you can be vulnerable and focus on what connects you. 

 

7. Sharing and Learning from Crises 

You are less afraid of a crisis when you have a long-term relationship with someone. Even the greatest marriages will encounter a crisis or difficult moments, and knowing you can count on each other is crucial.

When dating someone you don’t know that well, you might learn that they are an excellent companion in good times, yet when life gets hard, they don’t know how to act. Your friend, on the other hand, probably became your friend because you experienced their support on more than one occasion. 

 

Conclusion

Without a doubt, marrying your best friend is one of life’s biggest blessings. You get to enjoy another aspect of life with them and grow together in ways you never thought possible. After all, love is so much more than just passion. Respect, communication, and transparency are pillars of a healthy relationship, which shows that friends can be excellent romantic partners. 

If you’ve noticed you have romantic feelings for your friend yet are afraid it might destroy your friendship, consider the benefits mentioned. When you feel ready, share how you’re feeling with a therapist or someone in the friend group about if they think you ought to build something incredible. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Wheel of Awareness

/in , /by

Wheel of Awareness: A Journey Into Presence and Connection

 

For those who are overwhelmed, scattered, or disconnected, a tool like a Wheel of Awareness can make all the difference. Created by Dan Siegel in the 1990s, the Wheel of Awareness helps you to practice opening your awareness and nurturing the evolution of your consciousness. 

It is built on the idea that our awareness is like a wheel, which implies we can center our mind on certain aspects of it and expand our consciousness that way. Learn how this mindfulness practice helps deepen presence, compassion, and self-connection. 

 

Philosophy Behind the Wheel of Awareness

Siegel, a psychiatrist, was especially interested in how his patients’ consciousness affects their health. After decades of research, he developed a tool called the Wheel of Awareness to describe how our minds work. He placed awareness in the center of the wheel, and the rim of it presented different areas of life, such as First Five Senses, Bodily Sensations, Mental Activities, and Interconnection. 

We tend to focus our attention on a certain area, whether that’s just reading this article or listening to music while stuck in traffic, yet our minds are capable of so much more. That is why a Wheel of Awareness is such a valuable tool to experience more calm, clarity, stability, and vitality. It teaches you how to move your awareness around the rim, which represents the different areas of our lives mentioned above. 

By noticing the many things we can be aware of, such as our thoughts, feelings, and sensations, and seeing that they are different from consciousness itself, we start to understand how our mind works. When we gently connect what we notice with our awareness through focused attention, all parts of our experience begin to work together. This process is how the Wheel of Awareness brings our mind into balance and harmony.

 

Frequently Asked Questions

How does the Wheel of Awareness help with stress or anxiety?

By focusing attention on the present moment, the Wheel of Awareness helps calm the nervous system. It teaches you to notice thoughts and emotions without getting caught up in them, which naturally reduces tension and creates a sense of peace and clarity.

Do I need experience with meditation to try the Wheel of Awareness?

You don’t need any prior experience to make the most of the Wheel of Awareness. This tool is designed for everyone. The practice is guided and easy to follow, making it a gentle way to start exploring mindfulness and inner awareness.

What benefits can I expect from practicing the Wheel of Awareness?

With regular practice, people often experience greater calm, emotional balance, empathy, and a deeper sense of connection, both with themselves and others. Over time, it can help bring more harmony between mind, body, and relationships, creating a feeling of wholeness in daily life.

 

The Wheel Structure

It might seem confusing at first, but a Wheel of Awareness is basic to explain. Siegel used his glass table with a wooden rim to describe this tool. The center is called the Hub, and it represents pure awareness and the space from which all of our experiences arise. From here, we choose to focus on certain thoughts, feelings, and sensations. In other words, our experience of being aware belongs to the area of the Hub. 

Then, there’s the Rim, which refers to the endless flow of sensations, thoughts, memories, perceptions, and emotions. Siegel divided this flow into four areas we’ve mentioned above: First Five Senses, Bodily Sensations, Mental Activities, and Interconnection. With the Wheel of Awareness, we can shift our focus from one area to another and move around the wheel. 

Lastly, there is the Spoks, which is the focus of attention itself. Think of it as the bridge that connects our awareness with the elements on the rim. Without it, we wouldn’t be able to be aware of our experiences.

Four Segments of the Practice 

Once we’ve defined the Wheel of Awareness, it’s time to utilize this valuable tool fully. How can you use it to expand your consciousness and enjoy all the benefits? When you start to allow your awareness to flow around the rim and throughout its different areas, you will leave the chaos and rigidity in the past. 

With First Five Senses, you will sense your body by grounding through physical sensations, breathing, and presence. Learning to notice your body’s sensations helps you care for yourself and recognize when you’re stressed, scared, or avoidant. 

You will learn to observe your mental activities without the need to engage with them. You will become a witness to your thoughts and emotions instead of identifying them and starting to overthink and analyze them.

The Wheel of Awareness helps expand awareness, enabling us to include others and nurture the web of connection in our lives. We are social beings, and the quality and quantity of our interactions have a major impact on our well-being. 

The fourth segment of this practice refers to the awareness itself. Learning how to rest in pure being and allowing the sense of harmony is equally important as the previous segments. 

 

Experiencing the Wheel of Awareness

As you start practicing the Wheel of Awareness, you will probably begin to feel a deep sense of calm and inner clarity. The constant noise of thoughts will soften, and compassion will expand. You will notice more compassion, first toward yourself, then toward others. 

Through this practice, the boundaries between “self” and “other” start to blur, revealing how connected we all are. What once felt separate begins to feel part of a larger whole. The intriguing paradox is that awareness feels intimate and personal. However, at the same time, it’s a shared space of consciousness that holds all of life together in unity.

 

Conclusion

The Wheel of Awareness invites you to return to the still center instead of focusing on different activities throughout the day. Practicing the Wheel of Awareness every day helps you observe your inner mental and emotional processes without needing to identify or engage with them. This allows harmony to flow through every part of our experience. 

As we rest in awareness, we begin to sense our shared humanity and the deep interconnectedness of all life. The journey is both inward and outward: by coming home to ourselves, we open our hearts to others. In this way, awareness becomes not just presence but a living bridge of connection.

You may be interested in reading this blog too!

If you want a therapist to help you, schedule a session!

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

How to Communicate Effectively at Work

/in , /by

How to Communicate Effectively at Work

 

We spend so much of our time working, so it’s completely expected that many people want to learn how to communicate effectively at work. Communication is crucial for many reasons, including getting along well with your coworkers and understanding the expectations your superiors have for you. 

Even if you’re not skilled in communication like someone else, it doesn’t mean you can’t learn how to communicate better personally and professionally. Just like it is with most things, learning to communicate effectively will take time. That’s why it’s best if you start implementing our suggested tactics right away!

 

Foundations of Workplace Communication

We’re constantly communicating with each other, yet workplace communication is a bit different from how we talk to our family members, friends, and people we meet on the street. One of the most important differences to remember is that poor communication at work can have disastrous consequences. Meaning, you could start receiving negative performance reviews or even be fired. You’ve probably already met a person who is a very poor communicator and is causing a lot of stress in the workplace, affecting the performance of everyone around. 

Working in an office can undoubtedly lead to many misunderstandings, a lack of transparency, passive-aggressiveness, information overload, etc. The key is to find a way to minimize these situations, both with your colleagues and your superiors. 

Clarity and Conciseness

Effective workplace communication begins with clarity and conciseness. It’s important to get to the point without sacrificing essential meaning. This means organizing your thoughts before speaking or writing and delivering your message straightforwardly and logically. When working, it’s best to avoid using jargon or overly complex language that may confuse your audience. This includes your external audience, such as your clients, and also your colleagues, collaborators, superiors, and stakeholders. 

Active Listening

An essential element of successful communication is active listening.  Hearing what someone says is only one aspect of it.  You must be totally involved and present.  To show that you are paying attention, you may use strategies like summarizing what the other person has said, asking clarifying questions, and utilizing nonverbal clues like nodding or keeping eye contact. 

Emotional Intelligence in Communication

Our communication at work is greatly influenced by our emotional intelligence.  It entails being conscious of your own feelings and effectively controlling them, particularly in emotionally charged or high-stress circumstances.  It involves being able to read other people’s feelings and social cues so that you can react appropriately and sensitively.

Respect and Empathy

The cornerstones of constructive and inclusive workplace communication are empathy and respect.  This entails treating everyone with dignity, recognizing and appreciating their varied viewpoints, and being culturally aware. You must know your role in the company and how it affects how others interpret or react to your communications. People are more inclined to interact freely and cooperatively when they feel heard and valued.

 

Tactics for Improving Communication at Work 

Whether you’re new to the company or have been working there for years, it’s a good idea to focus on improving communication between team members. If you have been avoiding it for a while, read here on How to Communicate Effectively at Work and apply these practical strategies.

You can try out different tactics for yourself and see how easy or difficult they seem to be. For instance, you might notice that improving your listening skills is very easy for you, while talking to a room full of people seems intimidating. The better you know which areas of your communication you need to work on, the easier it will be to choose the right tactics. 

1.Think First, Talk Later

Take a moment to collect your thoughts before answering.  Is this clear, you ask?  Is it required?  Is it polite?  This minor practice helps you communicate intentionally rather than impulsively and avoids misunderstandings.

2. Practice Active Listening Daily

Try your best to pay attention when people are speaking honestly.  To make sure you understand, keep your eyes on the speaker, refrain from interrupting, and restate what you heard. Repeat what has been said to you in the form of a question to clarify what’s expected of you.  This will reduce misunderstanding and foster trust.

3. Choose the Right Channel for the Message

Not every message needs an email or a meeting. Use quick chats (like Slack or Teams) for short updates, video calls for sensitive discussions, and emails for formal documentation. Choosing the right medium ensures your message is received appropriately and efficiently.

4. Ask Clarifying Questions Instead of Making Assumptions

If you’re unsure about a task, deadline, or message, ask for clarification instead of assuming. A simple question like, “Just to confirm, are we presenting this to the client or keeping it internal?” can prevent costly errors.

5. Give and Receive Feedback Regularly

Normalize candid, helpful criticism.  Be compassionate, detailed, and behavior-focused while providing feedback.  Ask questions to learn and listen without getting defensive when you receive it.

6. Align on Expectations Early

At the start of any project or task, ensure everyone is clear on roles, responsibilities, timelines, and desired outcomes. Saying something like, “Let’s confirm who’s doing what by when,” prevents misalignment and sets the tone for accountability.

7. Use “I” Statements to Express Concerns

When addressing issues or providing feedback, frame your message with “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, instead of saying, “You never reply on time,” try, “I feel stuck when I don’t receive a response by the deadline.” This encourages dialogue rather than defensiveness.

8. Mirror and Match Communication Styles

Examine other people’s communication styles.  Are they more conversational and focused on details, or are they succinct and straightforward?  By adapting your style to match theirs without compromising authenticity, you can establish rapport and ensure a more successful reception of your message.

 

Conclusion

Speaking clearly is only one aspect of effective communication at work. Developing cooperation, trust, and understanding is the key to How to Communicate Effectively at Work. Teams may operate more effectively and prevent expensive misunderstandings by using active listening techniques, selecting appropriate communication channels, and setting expectations early. Maintaining a healthy and inclusive workplace culture requires cultivating emotional intelligence, speaking politely, and adjusting to various communication styles.

Small shifts, such as pausing before you speak, asking clarifying questions, or providing feedback constructively, can make a big difference in how messages are received. It requires constant awareness and work to improve communication, whether you’re working with peers or managing a team, yet the benefits are worthwhile. Expect better outcomes, stronger connections, and fewer disputes. Today, start with one strategy and work your way up from there.  These practices will improve the general well-being of your workplace and your professional influence over time.

 

To inquire about how we can provide mental health and well-being coaching services for your employees, please email us at info@lcatllc.com.

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Problems With Communication

/in , , /by

Fix Problems With Communication in Relationships

Problems with communication can appear even in strong relationships, and they often make partners feel like they’re speaking different languages. When these problems with communication show up, simple moments can turn tense. Both people may walk away feeling unheard. However, this experience is far more common than most couples realize.

In this episode, I explain why these problems with communication happen. Old emotional wounds, unresolved trauma, and daily distractions interfere with how partners talk and listen. Because of this, the tone of a conversation can shift quickly. Even stress or fatigue can make a harmless comment feel sharp or confusing.

I also share what helps repair these patterns. Small moments of validation matter the most. For example, pausing before reacting creates space for understanding. A quick “I hear you” softens defenses. Also, choosing to listen instead of assuming the worst builds trust again. These small but steady choices help couples reconnect and reduce misunderstandings.

If you want to address the problems with communication in your relationship, this episode gives you clear, practical steps. It shows how simple actions can move you toward a more honest and connected way of speaking, and listening, together.

Download CONNECT

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Why Nonverbal Communication in Relationships Matters

/in , /by

Beyond Words: Why Nonverbal Communication in Relationships Matters

 

While most couples prioritize improving verbal communication, they often overlook the equally important role of nonverbal communication in relationships. If you’ve ever experienced being frustrated because your partner was saying there’s nothing to share with you, yet their body language was saying something else, you probably know what we’re talking about. 

Nonverbal communication refers to facial expressions, tone, gestures, posture, eye contact, touch, proximity, etc. These nonverbal clues can impact you without your awareness. If you don’t properly address these slight changes in your partner’s behavior, it can lead to bigger problems in relationships. Recognizing and discussing these nonverbal signals is crucial for your relationship’s well-being. 

 

Value of Nonverbal Communication in Relationships

Numerous studies have examined the extent of our verbal and nonverbal communication. All of these studies have demonstrated that although the percentages differ, we communicate more through nonverbal cues like body language than through spoken words. Just consider how much your partner’s feelings can be inferred from the silence that follows an argument. 

That being said, there is no reason why silence means something negative, other than that there was just an argument. Additionally, nonverbal communication can be used to express love, respect, support, and any other kind of affection. For instance, you can support your partner in a stressful situation by nodding your head when they are sharing something with you, sitting or standing close to them, or even holding their hand. 

Neither you nor your partner should expect to cease using nonverbal cues. We all do it most of the time. However, if you notice that you’re bothered by your partner’s silent signals and that it’s affecting your relationship, it’s best to talk to a relationship therapist. Therapy can help you discuss how nonverbal communication affects you, why it matters, and how to align it with your words. 

 

The Different Forms of Nonverbal Communication

At the beginning of our article, we mentioned the different forms of nonverbal communication briefly. Being unaware of these forms can result in unpleasant situations between you and your partner. You might not be aware that every time you argue, your facial expression reveals how judgmental you are towards something. Bringing awareness to our own nonverbal communication signals is essential to becoming successful communicators and romantic partners. 

Facial Expressions

Facial expressions reveal emotions instantly, often more truthfully than words. A smile can communicate warmth, while a frown may signal disapproval. Noticing subtle changes in your partner’s expressions helps you understand their feelings, like a certain facial expression can appear only when they are confused. Although it may seem superficial at first, nonverbal communication can help you understand your partner better and become more supportive. 

Body Language and Posture

Posture is a powerful indicator of openness and engagement. Usually, we become conscious of it during the first few dates and then forget about it entirely. The way your partner sits or stands during your interactions can reveal a lot about their feelings toward you and your partnership. In conversations, relaxed and open body language invites trust. Small changes can strengthen the feeling of emotional closeness and understanding by making conversations feel safer and more personal.

Eye Contact

Making eye contact strengthens emotional ties, closeness, and trust. During talks, maintaining eye contact with your partner demonstrates honesty and concentration. While too much eye contact might seem intense, too little eye contact can convey discomfort or distraction. Warm, balanced eye contact strengthens mutual understanding in a relationship by expressing openness, affection, and presence.

Touch

Touch is one of the most powerful forms of nonverbal communication. A gentle squeeze of the hand, a hug, or a reassuring pat can convey love and support instantly. Physical contact releases oxytocin, fostering closeness and security. In relationships, intentional, affectionate touch strengthens bonds and reassures your partner without words.

Tone of Voice

The way you speak has the power to completely alter the meaning of a message. Tone of voice can convey more than just words; it can also convey attitude, intention, and emotion. While a sharp tone can cause tension, a soft, gentle tone promotes comfort. Using a mindful tone encourages safety, trust, and connection. If your tone doesn’t match your words (even if you say them perfectly), you won’t be believed. Be sure to add tone in writing, such as “this is said in a warm, loving tone,” before something that could be misconstrued. 

Personal Space 

Personal space reflects our comfort levels and boundaries. In relationships, closeness often signals intimacy, while distance can indicate emotional withdrawal. Your and your partner’s needs for personal space can be different, and they can even change from situation to situation. Respecting each other’s space builds trust, while knowing when to close the gap fosters warmth. Awareness of space dynamics supports a balanced, healthy connection.

 

How to Improve Nonverbal Communication in Your Relationship

Attention is a crucial step in improving nonverbal communication between partners. Start paying attention to their gestures, facial expressions, and movements, particularly when they are feeling emotional. If you notice any slight changes in their expression or posture, use this information to get a bigger picture of how they feel and what they are experiencing at the moment. 

Knowing your own nonverbal signals is as crucial. You may establish either intimacy or distance with your posture, your facial expression, and even your tone of voice. Make sure your body language reflects what you are saying when you talk. Your spouse can feel perplexed or even defensive if you are reassuring them, yet your tone is harsh or your arms are crossed. A strong bridge may also be created through positive contact.

A gentle hand on the arm, a hug, or holding hands during a difficult conversation can communicate love and safety in a way that words lack. Over time, making sure your nonverbal cues align with your spoken words will help your partner trust that what you say is what you truly feel.

Never be afraid to talk about the silent messages between you. If you sense mixed signals or you are unsure about your partner’s body language, ask with curiosity rather than judgment. You may avoid misunderstandings and strengthen your relationship by having open discussions about the meaning of particular gestures, tones, or emotions. The connection becomes safer and more loving when both parties feel heard, seen, and understood.

 

Conclusion

Nonverbal communication often serves as the silent core of a relationship. When the connection seems perfect, it’s in the way two bodies instinctively lean toward one another, the warmth of a touch, and the lingering gaze. We can control our words, yet our bodies rarely lie. Even if we say we are comfortable in a certain situation, our body will send different signals. 

Learning to notice these small signals and to share your own with honesty creates a deeper sense of trust and understanding. When we pay attention to what is said without words, we begin to hear our partner on a different level. That awareness can turn everyday moments into lasting expressions of love and connection.

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

3 Nonverbal Communication Examples

/in , , /by

3 Nonverbal Communication Examples in Relationships and Friendships

 

Nonverbal communication examples are powerful tools that reveal emotions and shape our connections. In fact, they often speak louder than words. For example, have you ever noticed someone cross their arms in a heated conversation? You probably knew right away that they were shutting down. That’s the power of body language. The way we move, touch, and hold eye contact often sends stronger messages than anything spoken.

In this video, I’ll share 3 nonverbal communication examples that can transform how you connect with friends, partners, and loved ones. When you notice these subtle cues, you can build trust and reduce conflict. In addition, they help create more intimacy in your relationships. Everyday signals—like a reassuring touch, a shift in posture, or steady eye contact—offer valuable clues about how people truly feel.

I’m Dr. Amanda Pasciucco, PhD in Clinical Sexology. I created this video to show you real-life demonstrations of these cues in action. Watch the video below to see how posture, touch, and eye contact can improve the way you communicate. As a result, you’ll learn how to connect more deeply with the people who matter most.

Couples Communication Strategies

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Quality Time Love Language Examples

/in , , , /by

Quality Time Love Language Examples – What is Quality Time?

Do you ever feel like your relationships are missing that spark? 💫 Sometimes the secret to deeper connections isn’t grand gestures—it’s simply spending meaningful moments together. In this post, we’ll share Quality Time Love Language Examples and how they can improve your friendships, family bonds, and romantic relationships.

Understanding the Quality Time Love Language

The Quality Time Love Language is about presence and attention. For many people, nothing feels more loving than having someone set aside distractions and give them their full focus. Whether it’s listening to a story, sharing a meal, or just sitting together, these small actions build trust and connection.

Simple Quality Time Love Language Examples

If you’re looking for ways to put this into practice, here are a few examples of the Quality Time Love Language:

  • Cook together – Preparing a meal is a simple but powerful bonding experience.

  • Unplug and talk – Turn off devices and give someone your full attention.

  • Take a walk – Even 15 minutes of conversation outdoors can feel intimate.

  • Weekly date night – Dedicated time builds consistency and reassurance.

  • Shared hobbies – Reading, working out, or even gaming together strengthens bonds.

Watch the Full Video

Want to learn more? In this video, Dr. Amanda Pasciucco, LMFT and trauma expert, explains the Quality Time Love Language, why it matters, and practical ways to bring it into your daily life.

 

 

Couples Communication Strategies

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

How to Improve Communication Skills in a Relationship

/in , , /by

How to Improve Communication Skills in a Relationship: Expert Advice

 

Good communication is the heartbeat of every healthy relationship. Without it, misunderstandings grow, conflicts drag on, and intimacy fades. If you’ve been wondering how to improve communication skills in a relationship, you’re not alone. Many couples struggle with expressing themselves clearly or listening with empathy — but the good news is, these skills can be learned.

Why Communication Matters in Relationships

Learning how to communicate effectively in a relationship builds trust, reduces conflict, and deepens emotional intimacy. Couples who work on communication skills often report feeling more connected and respected. Whether you’re navigating everyday stress or bigger challenges, clear communication helps both partners feel heard and supported.

Practical Tips to Improve Communication Skills

Here are a few expert-backed strategies:

  • Practice active listening – Instead of planning your response while your partner speaks, focus on their words and feelings.

  • Use “I” statements – Phrases like “I feel worried when plans change suddenly” prevent blame and open up constructive dialogue.

  • Schedule check-ins – Set aside regular time to discuss feelings, goals, or concerns without distractions.

  • Seek feedback – Ask your partner how you can communicate better, and be open to their perspective.

For a deeper dive, check out Life Coaching and Therapy’s blog on relationship skills where we share practical guidance from licensed relationship therapists.

Final Thoughts

Improving communication in a relationship doesn’t happen overnight, but consistent practice makes a huge difference. Start small, stay patient, and celebrate progress along the way. If you’d like professional support, our therapists at Life Coaching and Therapy specialize in helping couples build lasting, healthy connections.

 

 

Couples Communication Strategies

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

How Low EQ Affects Your Romantic Relationships

/in , , /by

How Low EQ Affects Your Romantic Relationships: Boost Your EQ

 

Struggling with constant fights, emotional distance, or mixed signals in your love life? You’re not alone. Many couples face these challenges, but often the hidden factor behind repeated misunderstandings is low emotional intelligence or Low EQ.

When your EQ is low, it becomes harder to identify your own emotions and even harder to recognize the feelings of your partner. This leads to missed cues, defensiveness, or shutting down during conflict. Over time, those small breakdowns can pile up, creating bigger rifts in the relationship. You may feel like you’re talking past each other, replaying the same arguments, or not being truly seen and understood.

Dr. Amanda Pasciucco, LMFT, breaks down what low EQ really looks like in day-to-day relationships. Maybe it shows up as difficulty expressing yourself without anger. Maybe it’s feeling rejected when your partner needs space. Or maybe it’s the silence after a fight that drags on for days. The truth is, without emotional awareness and regulation, even the strongest attraction can wither under pressure.

The good news? EQ isn’t fixed—it’s a skill you can grow. With practice, you can learn to pause before reacting, listen to understand instead of to respond, and create space for your partner’s emotions without judgment.

In this video, Dr. Amanda shares 3 simple, actionable steps to start boosting your EQ today. From mindful self-check-ins, to active listening techniques, to building empathy through everyday habits—you’ll learn how to connect on a deeper level and transform the way you love.

Your relationship doesn’t have to be stuck in cycles of miscommunication. By strengthening your EQ, you can build more trust, more intimacy, and more resilience in your partnership.

✨ Start now: watch the full video and take the first step toward the love life you truly deserve.

Couples Communication Strategies

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

What Is an Act of Service?

/in , , , /by

What Is an Act of Service? Men Learning the Love Language

 

What Is an Act of Service? It’s more than a kind deed—it’s a powerful way to express love without saying a word.

Ever feel like your partner melts when you take out the trash or surprise them with a clean kitchen? 👀 That’s not just good manners—it might be their love language in action.

In this quick 4-minute video, we break down what an Act of Service truly means—why it matters, how it builds trust, and how you (yes, YOU) can use it to deepen your emotional connection.

Acts of Service aren’t about grand romantic gestures or expensive gifts. They’re the quiet, thoughtful ways we say, “I see you. I’ve got you.” From brewing her favorite tea after a long day to handling that one errand she dreads—these small choices speak volumes. When you act with intention and presence, you create safety, desire, and unwavering devotion.

Whether you’re in a new relationship, nurturing something long-term, or hoping to reignite a fading spark, understanding what is an Act of Service could be the key to transforming how love is felt and received. Sometimes, love isn’t a grand speech—it’s simply doing what needs to be done, without needing to be asked.

Watch now. Start showing love in the language that lingers—the one she truly feels.

Couples Communication Strategies

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Communication in Long Distance Relationships

/in , , /by

Communication in Long Distance Relationships: 3 Must-Know Tips

 

Communication in long distance relationships can feel like both an art and a science. One missed call or misread text can spiral into a wave of overthinking. But when done with intention, it can also be the anchor that keeps love steady. Even across oceans and time zones.

Long distance love isn’t easy—but it can be incredibly rewarding when you learn how to stay connected emotionally, not just digitally. Whether you’re separated by cities, states, or continents, strong communication is your lifeline—and your love line.

In this video, I’m sharing three game-changing communication tips that go beyond the usual “good morning” and “good night” texts. These tips will help you to truly connect, nurture emotional intimacy. And keep that spark alive no matter how many miles are between you.

We’ll talk about creating meaningful check-ins, using “scheduled spontaneity” (yes, it’s a thing!), and finding love languages that work long-distance. Let’s turn the challenges of distance into opportunities for deeper connection.

 

 

Couples Communication Strategies

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Premarital Counseling Questions that Build a Lasting Marriage

/in , , /by

Premarital Counseling Questions that Build a Lasting Marriage

 

Premarital counseling questions can be quite helpful in getting to know your partner better before saying ‘I do.’ There are probably several topics you haven’t covered yet that can significantly impact your marriage, whether negatively or positively.  As life partners, you will work together towards mutual goals, and ensuring these goals are aligned with your personal goals is essential. 

Do you want kids? What do you want to save money for? These and similar questions are a wonderful conversation starter. More than that, discussing these topics can make your lives easier. When you know the person you want to marry well, the marriage will help you avoid negative surprises. Just imagine being married for five years to learn that your partner wants different things from you. 

 

Why Asking the Right Questions Matters 

Asking the right questions is a powerful tool to get to know anyone, especially people you let into your personal space. Marriage is a serious commitment that you want to last. Avoiding talking about certain areas does not guarantee your marriage will last. In most cases, it’s quite the opposite. 

That is why it’s important to ask these premarital counseling questions and share your perspective with your partner as well. Instead of treating it like a questionnaire, use each topic to initiate a conversation. That way, you will both feel more relaxed and share more information with each other. Conversation allows you to go further than just responding with yes or no. 

While talking about these topics, you might also get inspired by each other’s answers. What our partner shares can help us understand how we feel about something and why. Below, find the areas with question examples you can use to start a conversation with your future spouse. 

 

Which Areas to Cover in Premarital Counseling

There are no wrong topics to discuss with your partner. However, exploring key premarital counseling questions can be crucial if you plan to get married. As much as getting married is a romantic decision, it will also impact other areas of your life.

 

Values and Life Goals

Each person has their set of values. Do yours and your partner’s align? Remember, there are no wrong or right values in life. Some might align more with another person’s values, while others will be less aligned. 

Talking about your life goals can also help you determine whether your aspirations align. For instance, knowing that you both aspire to have a big family one day is a positive sign. You wouldn’t even be aware that you and your partner share similar life goals if you didn’t discuss it.

These are the questions you can ask:

  • What does a meaningful life look like to you?
  • What are three major goals you still want to achieve?
  • How do you define success for yourself?

 

Communication Styles and Conflict Resolution

The way we communicate with each other has a greater impact than what we communicate about. Respect, honesty, and curiosity are the three pillars of quality and healthy communication in any type of relationship. 

When conflict arises, how do you approach it? How does your partner approach it? Do you talk about it first, or do you prefer to have some time to think about it? Learning each other’s communication style and the way you approach conflict is essential for the well-being of your relationship.

These are the questions you can ask: 

  • Do you prefer to talk things out immediately or take time to process first?
  • What makes you feel truly heard and understood?
  • What does “emotional safety” in communication look like for you?
  • What’s your go-to reaction when you feel hurt or misunderstood?
  • How were conflicts handled in your family growing up, and how has that shaped you?
  • Do you tend to avoid conflict, confront it directly, or do something else?
  • What helps you calm down when you’re feeling upset?

 

Finances and Money Management

Many arguments in marriages happen due to money. As much as love is what brought you together, money is what helps you get through the day. Having financial struggles will make it more difficult to enjoy your marriage and stay happily in love. 

That is why it is important to learn about your partner’s approach to earning money, financial responsibilities, and managing money. For instance, one person might prefer to earn as much money as possible, while another enjoys spending all they have and living in the moment. These opposite perspectives toward money could result in arguments. 

These are the questions you can ask: 

  • How do you feel about saving vs. spending?
  • What does financial security mean to you?
  • Do you see money as a source of freedom, stress, power, or something else?
  • Are you more of a planner or spontaneous when it comes to finances?
  • How do you feel about debt?

 

Family and Children

Before marriage, it’s vital to talk about your partner’s views on family and kids. Do you want kids? Does your partner want kids? If you don’t share the same views, it might take more work to maintain the marriage. 

Also, learn about how they think of family. Is it a priority for them, or do they want to stay focused on their career? This talk should help you recall your youth and learn about your partner’s side you may not have heard before. 

These are the questions you can ask:

  • Do you want to have children? If so, how many?
  • What are your reasons for wanting (or not wanting) kids?
  • At what point in our marriage would you ideally want to start a family?
  • How do you imagine us dividing parenting roles (day-to-day tasks, emotional labor, decision-making)?
  • How would we handle disagreements about parenting?

 

Intimacy and Affection

A successful marriage is one that satisfies both partners’ needs for intimacy and affection. Intimacy can mean different things to different people. You might prefer physical touch, while your partner prefers long conversations as a form of intimacy. Talking about it helps you understand each other’s needs better and allows you to give your partner what they need.

These are the questions you can ask: 

  • How do you most naturally give and receive love (words, touch, gifts, quality time, acts of service)?
  • What makes you feel most emotionally connected to me?
  • How important is regular affection (hugging, kissing, cuddling) to you?
  • How would you like emotional support when facing a challenging situation?

 

Conclusion

Make sure that these questions lead to relevant conversations. You don’t have to cover all areas in one conversation. Instead, find a moment when you both feel relaxed and willing to talk and bring up one of the topics mentioned above. You can even share your answers first to motivate your partner to open up if they have a hard time communicating about similar topics. If you disagree, do your best to find a way to give you both what you need. 

If you lack ideas on how to overcome an obstacle, visiting a marital therapist is always a good idea. They could also help you prepare for marriage. 

If you need premarital counseling, schedule a session now.

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Manipulation in Relationships Signs

/in , , /by

7 Sneaky Manipulation in Relationships Signs You NEED to Spot!

 

Manipulation in relationships signs aren’t always flashing neon red flags. Sometimes they’re soft, subtle, and wrapped in a hug that feels just off. 😳 Ever gotten a hug that felt more like control than comfort? Yep. That’s what we’re talking about.

In this video, I’m breaking down 7 low-key ways manipulation hides in physical touch—and why your gut reaction is always worth listening to.

When someone uses physical affection to control, distract, or guilt-trip you, it can leave you questioning your own instincts. A hand on your back that subtly steers you at a party. A kiss that interrupts rather than connects. A “comforting” cuddle that only shows up when you agree with them. All of these are ways manipulation disguises itself as intimacy.

We’re diving into how touch can be used like a reward system—offered when you comply, withdrawn when you push back. And how physical closeness can blur emotional boundaries, keeping you stuck in cycles of guilt and confusion.

Another manipulation tactic? Acting hurt or rejected when you ask for space. That “But I just want to be close to you” line can sound sweet but feel suffocating when it ignores your needs.

By the end of this, you’ll know how to spot when affection is being used to connect—and when it’s being used to control. Because real love doesn’t pressure. It honors your yes and your no.

So get cozy, open your heart, and let’s shine a light on these subtle signs—because your peace is worth protecting. 💛

Let’s dive in. 👀✨

 

You might also enjoy this video!

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.