80/20 Relationship Rule

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80/20 Relationship Rule: Is It Good For Your Relationship? 

 

If you’re not familiar with the term, the 80/20 relationship rule refers to the idea that no partner will meet 100% of all your needs. This principle says to expect your partner to meet 80% of your needs, not to be perfect. The area of your relationship that falls into the remaining 20% will depend on you as a couple. After all, each relationship is different.

We will cover both the advantages and disadvantages of the 80 20 relationship rule to help you decide if you are implementing it or not. Learn why some couples benefit from it, while others stay away and decide what works best for you and your partner. 

 

What’s the 80/20 Relationship Rule? 

The 80/20 relationship rule is a concept adapted from the Pareto Principle, used initially in economics and productivity. The principle states that 80% of outcomes come from 20% of causes. In the context of relationships, this idea has taken on a more emotional and personal twist.

The 80/20 rule suggests that in a healthy relationship, your partner is likely to meet approximately 80% of your needs and desires. The remaining 20% refers to the part they don’t meet. This category might include emotional gaps, unmet preferences, or lifestyle differences. This gap often becomes the space where dissatisfaction or temptation can creep in.

Depending on the unmet needs, you can either seek alternatives or work with your partner to meet them. For instance, instead of waiting for your partner to satisfy one of your unmet needs (for instance, adventure through dancing), you could occasionally invite your friends who would enjoy a night of salsa. 

You will need to pay more attention to your relationship if these 20% pertain to a vital component like stability, loyalty, or respect. Depending on how open your partner is to discussing these matters, you could work on it as a couple or seek help from a trusted couple therapist.

In a healthy relationship, a couple is typically able to provide each other with the following:  

  • Emotional safety and support
  • Shared values or long-term goals
  • Respect, loyalty, and commitment
  • Fun, adventure, and spontaneity
  • Enjoyment of each other’s company 
  • Reliable conflict resolution after an argument
  • A sense of desiring individual and mutual growth
  • A desire to give back to the community in similar ways

 

Why the 80/20 Rule Makes Sense

It’s impossible to find a person who can fulfill all our emotional, intellectual, physical, and spiritual needs. If you expect someone to do that, it will generate discussions, dissatisfaction, and a potential breakup. You won’t meet all your partner’s needs, and they won’t meet yours. Letting go of this expectation can help you as a person and as a couple because it can replace the stress with love and acceptance.

The 80/20 rule encourages gratitude and realistic expectations for both of you. We often forget to be thankful for what we have and focus on what we lack. If one or both of the people in a relationship has unrealistic goals, they often decide to end their relationship instead of working on these goals. 

Ultimately, it all depends on how significant your unfulfilled needs are to you. It would make sense to seriously consider living by this belief system to minimize stress on a beneficial bond!

 

The Risk of Misusing the Rule

This rule has both pros and cons that you should know. Sometimes, certain partners will use the remaining 20% as a justification for infidelity or emotional affairs. You shouldn’t allow someone to hurt you just because they can’t meet your specific needs, meaning there are boundaries.  

When there are unmet needs, certain people will start romanticizing what’s missing and undervaluing what they already have. You may feel frustrated, thinking that if you had that one missing thing, your life would be perfect. In most cases, whether we’ll receive what’s missing is out of our control, and it depends completely on our partner.

 

How to Apply the 80/20 Rule in a Healthy Way

If you’re considering applying the 80/20 rule to your relationship, there are certain steps you should follow. Firstly, you will want to identify your 80%. What are the core values and needs your partner meets? Write them down for clarity and provide explanations and examples where needed. 

Secondly, identify the 20% of needs that your relationship fails to meet.  Can you live without those unmet needs or fulfill them elsewhere? If your relationship lacks deep, meaningful conversations about life, consider engaging in these conversations with your best friend. If you’re lacking physical activity, you can join a hiking group or start going to the gym on your own. 

Find a method to rebalance things with your partner as soon as you begin to feel that something is wrong and that the 80/20 rule has changed. Discuss with them how you feel, ask them the reason for the change, and find a solution together.

 

Is It Right For Every Relationship?

As much as many relationships benefit from the 80/20 rule, it doesn’t immediately imply that it’s the right decision for every couple. Couples struggling due to toxicity, abuse, or emotional neglect may find it challenging to implement this rule. Especially during difficult times, you may find this principle annoying as you have already overgiven; thus, disregard it. 

It’s challenging to be aware of everything that falls under the 80% if the remaining 20% is simply impossible to ignore. Maybe you’ve been okay with your partner not spending a lot of time with you, yet now you feel like you’re drifting apart and want to spend some quality time with them. If quality time is in the 20% of the needs they can’t meet, it might require heart-to-heart conversations or seeking help from a therapist to navigate the entire situation.  

If you’re uncertain whether this rule is supporting or hurting your relationship, ask yourself the following questions: 

  • What are the top qualities I consistently appreciate in my partner?
  • Do I feel emotionally safe, respected, and supported most of the time?
  • Are we aligned in our values, long-term goals, and vision for the future?
  • How often do I laugh, feel joy, or experience meaningful connection with my partner?
  • What is it that I feel is missing, lacking, or frustrating in the relationship?
  • Have I clearly communicated my unmet needs or desires?
  • Does the missing 20% cause emotional harm or undermine the rest of the relationship?
  • Do I have a pattern of focusing on what’s missing in relationships, no matter who I’m with?

These questions can help you learn what you want from your partner and your relationship. You can answer these questions with your partner to hear their perspective. This can help you find the best solution that can support you as a couple to grow and thrive together. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

What is a Monogamous Relationship?

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What is a Monogamous Relationship? Definition & Research Revealed!

 

Ever asked yourself, “What is a monogamous relationship?” You’re not alone—and you’re in the right place!

In this video, I break down what monogamy means in today’s world, where relationship structures are more diverse and discussed than ever before.

Whether you’re currently in a monogamous relationship, considering one, or just curious about modern love norms, this episode unpacks the definition, cultural variations, psychological insights, and real-world stats you have to see to believe.

We’ll explore how monogamy evolved, why it still works for many couples, and what science says about long-term romantic satisfaction. I’ll also share some surprising trends from recent studies and polls—like how common infidelity is, what people really want in a partner, and whether monogamy is on the rise or decline.

By the end, you’ll have a clearer understanding of whether this relationship style aligns with your values—and how to talk about it with potential partners.

Couples Communication Strategies

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

 

office affairs

Office Affairs

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The Impact of Romantic Relationships and Office Affairs in the Workplace

 

Over the past week, office affairs have probably been the most discussed topic across the United States. This is thanks to the Coldplay kiss cam video scandal. Maybe you’ve followed it for entertainment, or to take your mind off of more problematic issues. Yet, it’s important to consider this incident from a different perspective.

Just because we’re appalled with this latest scandal, it doesn’t mean that all affairs at work will end and nobody will feel the desire to cheat anymore. The best way to prevent this from happening to you is to understand the reasons behind how and why workplace romances begin in the first place.

We spend most of our time working, which for many implies they spend more time with their coworkers than their loved ones. Being able to connect by talking about their shared experiences at work also contributes to office affairs.

 

How Common Are Office Affairs?

According to recent studies, 36% of employees report they’ve been involved in a romantic relationship with a coworker. What’s even more concerning is that nearly 1 in 4 office romances involve a direct manager-subordinate dynamic. This dynamic also explains why the affair between the Astronomer CEO and the head of HR is more than just juicy public gossip. 

Even if the relationship was consensual, this power imbalance raises ethical and legal concerns for the corporation. The subordinate may experience pressure to do or say things they don’t want to, and they may perceive their options as limited. You may fear losing your job or being demoted if you break up. If one person could face more serious consequences than the other, is it a genuine relationship or compliance driven by fear?

 

Consequences and Risks of Workplace Romances 

We can’t choose who we fall in love with, yet we have to be aware of all the consequences and risks this relationship might bring us. It’s always best to check with your company first, as some companies might have HR procedures regarding coworkers who are in a romantic relationship. 

 

Conflict of Interest and Favoritism

If two coworkers are in a romantic relationship and one of them is in the position of power, this can raise questions about bias in workplace decisions. It can often feel like promotions, raises, performance reviews, or project assignments are swayed more by feelings than by actual merit. Even if the person involved in the workplace affair is not enjoying benefits from it, other members of the team can lose trust and motivation over time. This can compromise fairness and may lead to a lack of motivation among other employees who feel they are being treated unequally.

 

Decreased Team Morale

Workplace romances can make colleagues feel excluded, uncomfortable, or unsure of professional boundaries. When couples engage in inside jokes or support each other on crucial issues, it can significantly affect the rest of the team. They might feel excluded, jealous, or unmotivated, or they may simply lose their respect for the people involved in the affair. The more visible the affair is to everyone else, the more the rest of the coworkers will probably start separating themselves from the couple, causing damage to the team dynamic. This leads to reduced cooperation, resentment, and a decline in overall team spirit.

 

Productivity Issues

Romantic relationships at work can blur personal and professional boundaries, causing emotional distractions. If the couple goes through a disagreement or breakup, that tension can spill into the work environment. Gossip and speculation from coworkers can also become a significant distraction for the entire team. Relationship drama often consumes time and energy meant for work tasks.

 

Legal and Ethical Concerns

Workplace romances, particularly those that involve power differentials, can potentially lead to sexual harassment claims and lawsuits. Even if the relationship begins consensually, it may later be interpreted as coercive. This is especially true if the subordinate believes they couldn’t say no. If the relationship ends badly, accusations of retaliation or discrimination can arise. Companies are legally obligated to protect their employees from harassment, which makes such dynamics a legal liability.

 

Organizational Policies and Best Practices

Even though office affairs can cause many complications for businesses, it’s impossible to expect them to stop existing. Companies can best deal with romantic relationships at work by implementing organizational policies and best practices for their employees. It is key to educate your team on this matter before somebody starts a love affair with their coworker. 

 

Disclosure Requirements

Most companies will encourage or require employees to disclose romantic relationships, especially when there’s a power imbalance involved. Disclosure helps the organization manage potential conflicts of interest and protect both parties legally. It allows HR to take steps like reassigning reporting lines to maintain fairness. 

 

No-Dating Policies

No-dating policies prohibit or restrict romantic relationships between coworkers, particularly between managers and subordinates. These policies prevent favoritism, conflicts of interest, and legal risks such as harassment claims. However, given how much time people spend at work, such rules can feel invasive and unrealistic for some. That is why today’s businesses need to establish a balance between professionalism and personal freedom for their employees.

 

Conflict Management

HR is critical in managing workplace relationships by offering support, mediation, and policy guidance. When issues arise, HR is responsible for ensuring confidentiality and protecting the rights of all employees involved. They can also assist in reallocating roles or teams to minimize conflict or favoritism. Taking a proactive stance in HR can help nip minor issues in the bud before they turn into major disruptions.

 

Ethical Training and Communication

Ethical training and clear communication help employees understand acceptable behavior in the workplace. Workshops, seminars, and internal guidelines teach staff how to navigate romantic relationships professionally and respectfully. These programs also cover harassment prevention, consent, and conflict resolution. When done well, they foster a healthy work culture rooted in respect, boundaries, and accountability.

 

Conclusion

Office affairs have a major impact on the workplace and the personal lives of the people involved. Both companies and employees should be aware of the consequences such relationships bring. A company’s approach to romantic relationships and office affairs in the workplace should be integrated into company values. That way, your employees would know beforehand what type of behavior is expected of them. 

If you’re involved in a relationship with someone at work, make sure you’re well aware of all the risks and that your behavior complies with your company’s policies. If there’s anything we can all take as a learning lesson from that incident at the Coldplay concert, it’s that nowhere is safe to hide your affair.

We can help if you need coaching on how to navigate a workplace affair.

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

What Is an Act of Service?

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What Is an Act of Service? Men Learning the Love Language

 

What Is an Act of Service? It’s more than a kind deed—it’s a powerful way to express love without saying a word.

Ever feel like your partner melts when you take out the trash or surprise them with a clean kitchen? 👀 That’s not just good manners—it might be their love language in action.

In this quick 4-minute video, we break down what an Act of Service truly means—why it matters, how it builds trust, and how you (yes, YOU) can use it to deepen your emotional connection.

Acts of Service aren’t about grand romantic gestures or expensive gifts. They’re the quiet, thoughtful ways we say, “I see you. I’ve got you.” From brewing her favorite tea after a long day to handling that one errand she dreads—these small choices speak volumes. When you act with intention and presence, you create safety, desire, and unwavering devotion.

Whether you’re in a new relationship, nurturing something long-term, or hoping to reignite a fading spark, understanding what is an Act of Service could be the key to transforming how love is felt and received. Sometimes, love isn’t a grand speech—it’s simply doing what needs to be done, without needing to be asked.

Watch now. Start showing love in the language that lingers—the one she truly feels.

Couples Communication Strategies

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Relationship Stress

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Relationship Stress: How to Recognize & Treat It

 

Relationship stress refers to emotional or mental tension that arises within a relationship, whether it’s romantic, familial, platonic, or professional. Also relationship stress happens when the dynamics between people become strained or imbalanced, often due to unmet needs, poor communication, or external pressures.

There are several common causes of relationship stress, and identifying them in your relationship is essential to improve its quality. Learn how to recognize relationship stress and ways to heal from it together as friends, romantic partners, or family. 

 

Common Causes of Relationship Stress 

Numerous causes of relationship stress exist, from communication issues and unmet emotional needs to differences in values and goals. Whatever the reason is, it’s important to be aware of it to work on it and strengthen the bond you have with another person. 

Below are the most common causes of stress in relationships: 

  • Communication issues (e.g., misunderstandings, criticism, lack of openness)
  • Unmet emotional needs (e.g., not feeling heard, loved, or appreciated)
  • Trust issues (e.g., betrayal, jealousy, insecurity)
  • Life stressors (e.g., money problems, work stress, parenting challenges)
  • Differences in values or goals (e.g., conflicting future plans or beliefs)
  • Emotional baggage (e.g., unresolved trauma, past relationship issues)

Other causes of relationship stress exist, which means that the cause for the stress in your relationship can be something entirely unique. If you’re unsure, ask the other person to brainstorm with you. 

 

Signs of Relationship Stress

Relationship stress can express itself in different ways. Talking to your friend may reveal that their relationship is stressed by constant arguments, while you are one to avoid your partner. Although every relationship is unique, you will notice that any sign can be categorized in one of these groups:

  • Frequent arguments or silent treatments
  • Emotional distance or withdrawal
  • Anxiety, sadness, or resentment toward the other person
  • Physical symptoms like headaches, trouble sleeping, or fatigue
  • Avoiding time together or feeling drained after interactions

When you notice any of these signs, consider them before discussing them with your partner, friend, or family. For example, you can ask yourself when this sign starts appearing in your relationship. You can ask yourself about the triggers that led to the current situation.

If you’re avoiding spending time together, when did it start? When do you most avoid each other, and on which occasions are you there for each other? Is it two-sided? What do you think the possible reasons are for avoiding each other? 

By asking yourself these questions, you can gain a deeper understanding of the issue. We suggest you answer these questions before discussing them with the other person to gain clarity. When you’re more aware of the situation and the issues you’re dealing with, you will be more prepared to listen and have a constructive conversation. 

 

Why Managing Relationship Stress Matters

Stress is common, but prolonged exposure can harm your relationships and health. When not addressed, relationship stress can lead to lowered self-esteem and emotional well-being. You may eventually discover that it inhibits your ability to make sound decisions and leads to impulsive behavior. 

Unsurprisingly, relationship stress breaks intimacy and connection. If this keeps happening, you may have to talk about ending the relationship. Find an effective way to deal with stressors before it’s too late, just like you would with any other stressor in your life. 

If you want to strengthen your relationship, open and honest communication is the key. Instead of judging the other person, be curious to learn about their perspective on the issue. Invite them to share how they feel and ask them about their suggestions to overcome these obstacles. 

Also, you will want to set healthy boundaries. Think about what you need for this relationship to work. Do you need to spend more time alone to have a better understanding of your emotions? Maybe you will want to invest less time in changing the other person and more in giving yourself what you need. Healthy boundaries are the basis for any thriving relationship. 

If you struggle to find a way to recover, you might want to consider therapy. Depending on the nature of your relationship with the other person and their willingness to work on it, consider going to therapy together. If they are not interested in talking to a therapist, find one for yourself. Individual therapy can help you navigate the relationship in a healthier way and teach you techniques to deal with stress. 

In the meantime, you can also practice any stress-reducing techniques, such as mindfulness or journaling. Think about the best way to express yourself and connect with your emotions. Do you feel better after writing, painting, exercising, meditating, talking to a friend, or sitting still in nature? Whatever works for you, practice it more often. 

 

Conclusion

Relationship stress is a natural part of human connection. When it becomes chronic or overwhelming, it can seriously affect your emotional health and relationship. The good news is that stress doesn’t have to signal the end. In fact, it can be an invitation to grow, communicate more honestly, and reconnect with yourself and your partner.

By recognizing the relationship stress signs early, understanding the root causes, and taking proactive steps to manage it, you can transform tension into trust and conflict into a deeper connection. Clearer communication, better boundaries, or professional support are all efficient ways to make a deeper connection. 

Remember, every relationship faces challenges. What matters most is how you show up for yourself and the people you care about when stress arises. Healing starts with awareness, and real change begins with even the smallest step forward. If the other person is not interested in healing the wounds your relationship is causing both of you, start the journey on your own. You might even inspire them to do so when they see how it’s impacting you in a positive way. 

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

What Is a Female-Led Relationship?

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What Is a Female-Led Relationship? Why Woman Led Marriages Last Longer

 

Have you ever wondered what it truly means to be in a female-led relationship (FLR)? Is it about control, dominance, or something much deeper, more empowering, and mutually fulfilling?

In this episode, I’m diving into what a woman-led marriage really looks like. Beyond the stereotypes and into the real dynamics that make these relationships thrive. We’re talking about emotional intelligence, shared values, and the power of flipping traditional roles to create more balance and respect.

We’ll unpack how women taking the lead in decision-making, communication, and even intimacy can contribute to greater satisfaction and longer-lasting marriages. It’s not about one person “ruling”—it’s about creating a dynamic where the woman’s strengths are celebrated, and both partners feel secure, seen, and supported.

And guess what? Research shows these relationships are not just surviving—they’re thriving! 🙌✨ Tune in and let’s reimagine what love and leadership can look like.

 

 

Couples Communication Strategies

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

 

 

20-year Age Gap Relationships

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20-year Age Gap Relationships: Do They Work?

 

20-year age gap relationships are more common than you’d think. In fact, there are many examples in real life and on social media that demonstrate a 20-year age gap can be manageable and it is not too much. If you’ve met someone older or younger and are uncertain whether a relationship with them would be a good idea or not, this article can help you understand.

After all, as long as your relationship is honest and respectful, who can stop you from meeting that special person? However, a 20-year age gap may draw more social commentary, and you may worry about how your family and friends will react. 

 

Why Do People Enter Age-Gap Relationships?

There is not one answer to this question. People enter relationships for different reasons. But when you date someone much older or younger, you may feel the need to explain it to yourself or others more than if you were dating someone your age. 

When there is an older partner in a relationship, they can provide emotional maturity or stability. Such a partner can be inspiring and motivate you to make life choices that are more beneficial for your own well-being. 

Others will enter an age-gap relationship because they share values or chemistry beyond age. For instance, they could both be involved in volunteering and helping organizations advocating for animal rights. This shared value helps them understand each other better beyond their humanitarian work. Even interests such as kinks, hobbies, or adrenaline activities can be a wonderful way to connect romantically with another person. 

Just because you’re the same age as someone doesn’t immediately imply that your life goals are aligned. One person might focus only on their professional career, while another one wishes to have a calm, family-oriented life outside the city. Meeting someone older with similar life goals can help you build a relationship that benefits both parties. 

Lastly, we have to mention the attraction to youthful energy. Too often, we hear someone judging when they see a couple with a significant age difference. However, a person in their late 40s or early 50s can be physically active and struggle to find an adequate partner of their age. Seeing someone younger helps them make the most of the moments spent together.

 

The Benefits of a 20-Year Age Gap Relationship

We mentioned emotional maturity and stability above as one of the main benefits of having an older partner. This doesn’t have to be a rule, yet having lived 20 years more typically exposes you to more experiences. You might even respond this way when asked by your friends or family members to clarify why you’re dating an older person. Additionally, there is less drama involved with an older or younger partner. Older partners may not be as insecure as others, and they often show greater clarity in their intentions, being straightforward when discussing their needs and wants. 

An age-gap relationship can provide you with numerous growth opportunities, both romantically and non-romantically. You might feel inspired to pursue your dreams after seeing your older partner fulfilled. They can also learn a lot from you. Having a younger partner can motivate you to have a more active life. Try new things, and hang out with people outside your inner circle. Relationships with a significant age gap offer a perfect balance between stability and spontaneity. 

 

The Challenges You Might Face 

Having an age-gap partnership has its pros and cons. You may not know of these issues while dating an older or younger person, but they may arise when you become exclusive.

Before you decide to enter a relationship with a partner who is older or younger, ask yourself if you’re in the same life stage. Are you after the same things? If they are focused on romance and spending their time traveling and exploring the world, while you want to have a baby and decorate a home, it would be difficult to align these goals.

Navigating Generational Differences and Social Dynamics

It might seem unimportant at the beginning, yet generational gaps in pop culture, tech use, and communication styles can become a real challenge for a healthy, stable relationship. You might not agree on destinations you wish to visit, concerts or movies you want to check out, and how you wish to spend your spare time in general. Keep in mind that a generation gap is not an obstacle that you can’t overcome, as many couples from different cultures also face this challenge and find a way to make it work. 

If your loved ones don’t accept your relationship, you may be upset depending on how much you care about their approval. If this is the case, meeting your older partner can help them understand why you chose them over potential partners of your age. Instead of avoiding that topic, offer a transparent conversation between you, your partner, and your family or friends. This is the most efficient way to ensure they comprehend your choice. 

There is also a power dynamic that is present in every relationship to some degree. The older partner or the wealthier partner may have greater financial stability. However, entering any relationship will require a certain level of adjustment. Being in a relationship requires you to step outside of your comfort zone and find a common ground for both involved. 

 

Final Words

A 20-year age-gap relationship can work. However, just like any partnership, its success depends on much more than age. Emotional maturity, mutual respect, shared values, and clear communication are the true cornerstones of lasting love. While these relationships may bring with them particular difficulties, they also offer the potential for deep connection and personal growth, have special obstacles and offer a fresh perspective. Remember: What matters most is how the relationship feels from the inside, not how it looks from the outside.

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Communication in Long Distance Relationships

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Communication in Long Distance Relationships: 3 Must-Know Tips

 

Communication in long distance relationships can feel like both an art and a science. One missed call or misread text can spiral into a wave of overthinking. But when done with intention, it can also be the anchor that keeps love steady. Even across oceans and time zones.

Long distance love isn’t easy—but it can be incredibly rewarding when you learn how to stay connected emotionally, not just digitally. Whether you’re separated by cities, states, or continents, strong communication is your lifeline—and your love line.

In this video, I’m sharing three game-changing communication tips that go beyond the usual “good morning” and “good night” texts. These tips will help you to truly connect, nurture emotional intimacy. And keep that spark alive no matter how many miles are between you.

We’ll talk about creating meaningful check-ins, using “scheduled spontaneity” (yes, it’s a thing!), and finding love languages that work long-distance. Let’s turn the challenges of distance into opportunities for deeper connection.

 

 

Couples Communication Strategies

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Sleep Divorce

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Sleep Divorce: Is It Good or Bad For Your Marriage? 

 

Have you heard about sleep divorce? Maybe you’re not familiar with the term, yet it’s probably something you have an opinion about. Sleep divorce refers to sleeping in separate bedrooms with the ultimate objective of improving sleep quality. By doing so, you can avoid inconveniences such as snoring, CPAP machine noise, insomnia, differing sleep schedules, temperature preferences, and so on. 

The practice can be especially beneficial for couples who have different sleep patterns or poor sleep quality. However, is it a good or a bad thing for your marriage? What should you know about sleep divorce before you implement it into your marriage? We bring you all the answers. 

 

Definition of Sleep Divorce

Sleep divorce refers to an arrangement in which romantic partners who live together choose to sleep in separate beds or bedrooms to improve the quality of their sleep. Although you might assume at first, sleep divorce doesn’t refer to isolating from your partner after an argument. It is a conscious decision between two partners to improve their sleep and intimacy. 

This decision can be made at any time in your relationship or marriage, yet it’s made for the benefit of both partners. For example, your partner might snore every night, causing you to sleep poorly and go to work exhausted. Doing this for weeks or months can lead to arguments, irritation, and frustration with your marriage and everything else in your life.

To avoid it, some couples decide to sleep apart. After a while, these couples report better sleep quality and improved intimacy. That said, not every couple is the same and what works for some might not work for your relationship. 

 

Addressing Potential Challenges

Every new idea comes with a set of challenges, and sleep divorce is no exception. It’s crucial to avoid any misunderstanding that might occur when talking to your partner about this idea. If they are not so open to discuss it, explain to them that it’s not a sign of emotional distance. On the contrary, sleep divorce boosts intimacy and your personal well-being. 

Depending on your views on commenting on your decisions with other people, you might fear how they feel about it. Social stigma or fear of judgment is an important factor if one of you feels the need for approval from others. If this is the case with your partner, try to be comprehensive and share your perspective with them. 

Even if your partner is accepting of sleep divorce, you will still have to discuss navigating intimacy and sex. Deciding to sleep in separate rooms will change how you approach each other for sex, cuddling, or pillow talk. You can decide which days you wish to have time for intimacy. Alternatively, you can choose to be physically intimate before heading to your separate rooms. 

Lastly, there is also guilt or fear of rejection. A person suggesting trying a sleep divorce might feel conflicted about it before even discussing it with a partner.

 You may want to try this approach, whether your goal is to improve your sleep quality or to enhance intimacy with your partner. Just because you’re next to them all night doesn’t mean you’re intimate. Intimacy requires intention, and sleep divorce can give you that. 

 

Talking to Your Partner About Sleep Divorce

Before making such a decision, engage in a heartfelt conversation with your partner. If your partner is not into this idea, be patient and explain to them your motivation for such a suggestion. 

Tell them it’s not about emotional separation. Sleep divorce is a practical strategy for personal well-being. If they’re worried about a lack of physical intimacy due to the separation, tell them you can have all of them before going to bed. In fact, many couples have noticed that they share more moments of cuddling, having sex, or spending time together before they go to their beds or rooms. 

Address their worries and give them time to process your suggestion. You can start to sleep separately once a week to see how you both feel about it. There is really no rule on how to implement sleep divorce into your marriage or relationship. Follow the path that seems most natural to both of you. 

Once you’ve reached a mutual understanding, it’s crucial to discuss boundaries and requests. For example, you may want to ask your partner not to come to bed while you’re asleep, as it may frighten you and make it hard to sleep again. Make sure you both communicate before and during your sleep divorce. Ask each other how you feel about this change. Be supportive of each other while getting used to this new arrangement. 

 

Is Sleep Divorce Right for You?

If you’re uncertain whether sleep divorce is the best option for your marriage or relationship, ask yourself the following questions: 

  • Do I consistently wake up feeling tired or unrested after sharing a bed?
  • Do I sleep better when my partner is away or when I nap alone?
  • Am I often disturbed by my partner’s snoring, movement, or sleep habits?
  • Do we have different sleep preferences (e.g., bedtime, temperature, mattress firmness)?
  • Has sharing a bed caused tension, arguments, or resentment in our relationship?
  • Do we communicate openly about our sleep frustrations without blame or shame?
  • Is our intimacy suffering because we associate bedtime with stress instead of connection?
  • Would sleeping separately help us show up more lovingly during the day?
  • Are we open to trying a temporary or partial sleep divorce (e.g., a few nights per week)?
  • Can we create routines that preserve physical closeness (e.g., cuddling before going to separate rooms)?
  • Are we willing to check in regularly and adjust the arrangement if it’s not working?

 

Do What’s Best For Your Marriage

Whatever you decide, make sure it benefits your marriage. Start small if you’re interested in experimenting with sleep divorce. Sleep separately one night per week and increase when you feel comfortable. If there are certain nights when you or your partner needs physical intimacy, make sure you don’t see it as breaking the rules. The only goal is to make you grow personally and together! 

Schedule a session to discuss the subject more! 

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Premarital Counseling Questions that Build a Lasting Marriage

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Premarital Counseling Questions that Build a Lasting Marriage

 

Premarital counseling questions can be quite helpful in getting to know your partner better before saying ‘I do.’ There are probably several topics you haven’t covered yet that can significantly impact your marriage, whether negatively or positively.  As life partners, you will work together towards mutual goals, and ensuring these goals are aligned with your personal goals is essential. 

Do you want kids? What do you want to save money for? These and similar questions are a wonderful conversation starter. More than that, discussing these topics can make your lives easier. When you know the person you want to marry well, the marriage will help you avoid negative surprises. Just imagine being married for five years to learn that your partner wants different things from you. 

 

Why Asking the Right Questions Matters 

Asking the right questions is a powerful tool to get to know anyone, especially people you let into your personal space. Marriage is a serious commitment that you want to last. Avoiding talking about certain areas does not guarantee your marriage will last. In most cases, it’s quite the opposite. 

That is why it’s important to ask these premarital counseling questions and share your perspective with your partner as well. Instead of treating it like a questionnaire, use each topic to initiate a conversation. That way, you will both feel more relaxed and share more information with each other. Conversation allows you to go further than just responding with yes or no. 

While talking about these topics, you might also get inspired by each other’s answers. What our partner shares can help us understand how we feel about something and why. Below, find the areas with question examples you can use to start a conversation with your future spouse. 

 

Which Areas to Cover in Premarital Counseling

There are no wrong topics to discuss with your partner. However, exploring key premarital counseling questions can be crucial if you plan to get married. As much as getting married is a romantic decision, it will also impact other areas of your life.

 

Values and Life Goals

Each person has their set of values. Do yours and your partner’s align? Remember, there are no wrong or right values in life. Some might align more with another person’s values, while others will be less aligned. 

Talking about your life goals can also help you determine whether your aspirations align. For instance, knowing that you both aspire to have a big family one day is a positive sign. You wouldn’t even be aware that you and your partner share similar life goals if you didn’t discuss it.

These are the questions you can ask:

  • What does a meaningful life look like to you?
  • What are three major goals you still want to achieve?
  • How do you define success for yourself?

 

Communication Styles and Conflict Resolution

The way we communicate with each other has a greater impact than what we communicate about. Respect, honesty, and curiosity are the three pillars of quality and healthy communication in any type of relationship. 

When conflict arises, how do you approach it? How does your partner approach it? Do you talk about it first, or do you prefer to have some time to think about it? Learning each other’s communication style and the way you approach conflict is essential for the well-being of your relationship.

These are the questions you can ask: 

  • Do you prefer to talk things out immediately or take time to process first?
  • What makes you feel truly heard and understood?
  • What does “emotional safety” in communication look like for you?
  • What’s your go-to reaction when you feel hurt or misunderstood?
  • How were conflicts handled in your family growing up, and how has that shaped you?
  • Do you tend to avoid conflict, confront it directly, or do something else?
  • What helps you calm down when you’re feeling upset?

 

Finances and Money Management

Many arguments in marriages happen due to money. As much as love is what brought you together, money is what helps you get through the day. Having financial struggles will make it more difficult to enjoy your marriage and stay happily in love. 

That is why it is important to learn about your partner’s approach to earning money, financial responsibilities, and managing money. For instance, one person might prefer to earn as much money as possible, while another enjoys spending all they have and living in the moment. These opposite perspectives toward money could result in arguments. 

These are the questions you can ask: 

  • How do you feel about saving vs. spending?
  • What does financial security mean to you?
  • Do you see money as a source of freedom, stress, power, or something else?
  • Are you more of a planner or spontaneous when it comes to finances?
  • How do you feel about debt?

 

Family and Children

Before marriage, it’s vital to talk about your partner’s views on family and kids. Do you want kids? Does your partner want kids? If you don’t share the same views, it might take more work to maintain the marriage. 

Also, learn about how they think of family. Is it a priority for them, or do they want to stay focused on their career? This talk should help you recall your youth and learn about your partner’s side you may not have heard before. 

These are the questions you can ask:

  • Do you want to have children? If so, how many?
  • What are your reasons for wanting (or not wanting) kids?
  • At what point in our marriage would you ideally want to start a family?
  • How do you imagine us dividing parenting roles (day-to-day tasks, emotional labor, decision-making)?
  • How would we handle disagreements about parenting?

 

Intimacy and Affection

A successful marriage is one that satisfies both partners’ needs for intimacy and affection. Intimacy can mean different things to different people. You might prefer physical touch, while your partner prefers long conversations as a form of intimacy. Talking about it helps you understand each other’s needs better and allows you to give your partner what they need.

These are the questions you can ask: 

  • How do you most naturally give and receive love (words, touch, gifts, quality time, acts of service)?
  • What makes you feel most emotionally connected to me?
  • How important is regular affection (hugging, kissing, cuddling) to you?
  • How would you like emotional support when facing a challenging situation?

 

Conclusion

Make sure that these questions lead to relevant conversations. You don’t have to cover all areas in one conversation. Instead, find a moment when you both feel relaxed and willing to talk and bring up one of the topics mentioned above. You can even share your answers first to motivate your partner to open up if they have a hard time communicating about similar topics. If you disagree, do your best to find a way to give you both what you need. 

If you lack ideas on how to overcome an obstacle, visiting a marital therapist is always a good idea. They could also help you prepare for marriage. 

If you need premarital counseling, schedule a session now.

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

How to Deal with a Lazy Husband

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How to Deal with a Lazy Husband

 

Learning how to deal with a lazy husband or wife is necessary for the well-being of your marriage. Laziness could become a huge problem if you prefer an active lifestyle. For instance, you might want to spend the weekend in nature or visiting new places, while your spouse prefers staying at home and watching Netflix until they fall asleep. 

Have they always been like this, or have they become lazy over the years? Understanding the root of their laziness can help you find the best approach to addressing this issue. In this article, we’ll take a look behind laziness and suggest techniques you can try to work on with your husband or wife. 

 

Defining Laziness

To understand your options, we’ll look into what laziness is first. Laziness is the lack of motivation or energy to do something, even if the person can do it. One thing that is important to highlight here is that saying that someone is lazy is often a subjective judgment. What one person considers lazy might be considered normal by another. 

That said, there could be many causes of laziness, such as boredom, fatigue, and lack of interest. In some cases, people who are struggling with depression or burnout can be described as lazy, so it’s crucial to understand what is behind your spouse’s laziness. 

Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Was he/she always like this?
  • In which area of their life are they showing signs of laziness?
  • What do situations in which you’ve seen them motivated have in common?
  • Is their laziness sometimes more pronounced than it was in the past?
  • What signs do you notice when you refer to them as a lazy person?

Responding to these questions can help you understand if there is a pattern in your partner’s laziness. They might feel a lack of motivation in their personal life yet be very active in their career. On the other hand, they could show a lack of desire to be active around the house while maintaining an active social life with their friends. Learning about the characteristics of your partner’s laziness is crucial if you want to understand them better and help them. 

 

How Your Husband’s Laziness Affects You 

Before you address this issue with your husband, you will want to learn how their laziness is impacting you. Do you expect your partner to meet certain needs, but they can’t because they’re putting it off? Maybe you want them to help with chores or become more proactive in planning your weekends. Whatever it is, it’s important you’re clear on it before approaching them for a conversation. If you’re wondering how to deal with a lazy husband in a way that feels fair and constructive, getting clarity on how it affects you is a crucial first step.

If it helps, you can make a list of reasons why your husband’s laziness is annoying you. Be honest, as you will not read the list to them. This exercise aims to help you express your feelings and understand how their laziness affects you.

Another tool you can use every day is journaling. Seeing how your spouse’s laziness is affecting you every day can help you prepare better for a conversation with them. Once you know what’s bothering you, clarify what you want from your partner. Do you want to talk to them more? Spend time in nature? Would having more help around the house allow you to have more free time?

Lastly, you will also want to define the boundaries you wish to set. These boundaries can refer to your emotional and mental health, behavior, words, or anything else that would make you feel better about the current situation. For example, you won’t clean up their mess in the apartment.

Depending on the person and their partner, laziness can be a minor issue or a big obstacle to your marriage.

Talking to Your Spouse

When discussing something that may hurt your spouse, think carefully about what you want to say. It’s reasonable to assume that they won’t feel comfortable having this conversation as you discuss their actions. That is why it’s essential to avoid blaming language.

Instead of accusing them of their laziness, try to explain to them how you feel. So, you will want to say something like “I feel overwhelmed/sad/frustrated when you …” 

Tell them how their laziness affects you, but also offer to help. If you think they’re open to it and it’s the right moment, suggest visiting a therapist. 

You will also want to speak with your spouse at a time and place they feel most relaxed. Don’t just jump into the conversation as soon as they arrive. Ask them when they can talk about something important. When you start talking, ensure there are no distractions, whether that’s phones, TV, music, or similar. 

Avoid setting ultimatums. You don’t want to make your husband do something differently; you want them to feel the need to do so. The problem will not disappear if they stop acting lazy around you. This will just pressure them into acting unnatural. You will want to find the root of the cause and support them in their journey. 

 

Work Together Towards a Solution

After the talk, don’t leave your partner alone to find the solution. Offer them help, talk to them, and ask what they would need from you to feel more motivated. As much as their laziness is their problem, you need two people for a successful marriage. Your aim is to be the best you can be, not to fix your husband’s laziness.

Still unsure how to deal with a lazy husband in a way that doesn’t drain you or create more resentment? Working together is key—but it’s okay if you need support along the way.

If you cannot discuss this tender topic, come seek couples therapy. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

 

Why Do People Stay In Abusive Relationships

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Why Do People Stay In Abusive Relationships

 

If you’re wondering, ‘Why do people stay in abusive relationships?’ this article will aim to answer that question. Whether you’re reading this material to understand yourself and your relationship or you want to support a friend, this guide can help you understand why a person would choose to stay in such a relationship.

Learn how to recognize an abusive relationship, the reasons for staying, and the best ways to exit it. 

 

Signs of an Abusive Relationship

An abusive relationship is characterized by violence, cruelty, harm, and disrespect. Treating a partner in any of these ways indicates an abusive relationship. When it comes to types, relationship abuse can be physical, sexual, spiritual, or emotional. 

These are the most common signs of an abusive relationship:

  • Constant criticism, insults, or name-calling
  • Gaslighting (making you doubt yourself) 
  • Blaming you for everything 
  • Mood swings that keep you walking on eggshells
  • Withholding affection as punishment
  • Isolating you from friends and family
  • Dictating what you wear, eat, or how you spend money (without consent) 
  • Monitoring your phone, emails, or social media
  • Yelling, screaming, or demeaning you in private or public
  • Using sarcasm or “jokes” to humiliate you
  • Hitting, slapping, punching, choking, or biting (without consent)
  • Insulting your beliefs and practices
  • Throwing objects, punching walls, or threatening with weapons
  • Grabbing, pushing, or restraining
  • Blocking exits or physically intimidating you

These are the most common signs of abusive relationships. That said, if you feel harmed by your partner’s behavior, yet it’s not on this list, it doesn’t make it okay. Abuse from loved ones is often difficult to identify, and it can be confusing for those who experience it. If you suspect your relationship is abusive, talk to a friend or a therapist and share how you feel. 

 

Why People Stay in Abusive Relationships

The first thing someone thinks when talking about abusive relationships is, ‘Why don’t they just leave?’ However, leaving someone you love is not easy, even if you’re not happy in a relationship with them. There are many potential reasons why someone might decide to stay in an abusive relationship. 

Trauma Bonding

A person who grew up without unconditional love or in a dangerous home is more likely to be in an abusive relationship. In these situations, children develop emotional dependence and seek that familiar dynamic. Because of this, some people choose the same partner type repeatedly. 

Low Self-Worth

A person with lower self-worth will choose to stay in a relationship that is not fulfilling for them because they think they deserve it. For example, your friends might say for a while that you deserve a better partner, yet you don’t believe them. You think you have to put up with all the drama because someone better wouldn’t be interested in you. You may believe this because your partner lied and abused you by saying you’d never find anyone better. 

Being Threatened

In more severe cases, a person might be afraid to leave, as their partner has threatened them. These threats can include lying about you or threatening self-harm if you leave. Whatever the content of these threats, you decide to stay with them, as leaving could result in undesired consequences. 

Fear of the Unknown

Starting all over again might seem scary, especially as you get older. We get used to people and the relationships we build with them, even the bad ones. Staying in the familiar situation can seem safer than navigating the unknown. This situation could have the same effect if you dislike being alone or fear independence. 

Stigma or Shame

Staying in abusive relationships to avoid shame and comments from others is common for couples with children. They may view the ending of the relationship as a personal failure, a perception that is far from accurate. There is no excuse for abusive behavior, regardless of how your decision to leave the abusive partner might seem to others. 

Financial Dependence

If your partner is earning all the money, you might feel like you can’t end the relationship. Without money, you wouldn’t be able to find an apartment and cover all your needs. That said, if your partner is abusive, you can ask your friends and family for help, including financial assistance. They can give you food and a couch until you decide what to do. Additionally, some states provide financial resources for situations like this. 

Religious or Cultural Beliefs

In some cultures and religions, ending a relationship or marriage is viewed negatively. Everyone has heard stories of a happily ever after. However, life is not made only of perfect moments and people. Knowing when to cut ties with people who treat you poorly is essential for your well-being. 

 

Breaking the Silence

Many people in abusive relationships will try their best to change their abusive partners. Understanding the distinction between relationship difficulties and an abusive partner is crucial. Instead of trying to make them understand how you feel, talk to someone whom you trust and who can truly support you, whether that person is a family member, friend, or therapist.

Talking to someone else can also help you consider how to end a relationship in the best possible way. For the same reasons that they continue in such a relationship, many victims choose to remain silent. Getting the help you need is essential and is the only way to end your suffering. If the abuse has been going on for a while and it has taken a serious toll on your health, talk to a therapist or a trusted healthcare practitioner. 

Sometimes, talking to people who have been through the same experience can help. Look for online or offline support groups and connect with people who truly understand how you feel. Talking to someone who is now recovered from such a relationship can give you hope and motivate you to leave your abusive partner. After all, whatever the reason for staying in an abusive relationship, it is not worth sacrificing your peace, health, and happiness. You deserve to be happy and with someone who wants to make you happy every day!

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

 

Manipulation in Relationships Signs

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7 Sneaky Manipulation in Relationships Signs You NEED to Spot!

 

Manipulation in relationships signs aren’t always flashing neon red flags. Sometimes they’re soft, subtle, and wrapped in a hug that feels just off. 😳 Ever gotten a hug that felt more like control than comfort? Yep. That’s what we’re talking about.

In this video, I’m breaking down 7 low-key ways manipulation hides in physical touch—and why your gut reaction is always worth listening to.

When someone uses physical affection to control, distract, or guilt-trip you, it can leave you questioning your own instincts. A hand on your back that subtly steers you at a party. A kiss that interrupts rather than connects. A “comforting” cuddle that only shows up when you agree with them. All of these are ways manipulation disguises itself as intimacy.

We’re diving into how touch can be used like a reward system—offered when you comply, withdrawn when you push back. And how physical closeness can blur emotional boundaries, keeping you stuck in cycles of guilt and confusion.

Another manipulation tactic? Acting hurt or rejected when you ask for space. That “But I just want to be close to you” line can sound sweet but feel suffocating when it ignores your needs.

By the end of this, you’ll know how to spot when affection is being used to connect—and when it’s being used to control. Because real love doesn’t pressure. It honors your yes and your no.

So get cozy, open your heart, and let’s shine a light on these subtle signs—because your peace is worth protecting. 💛

Let’s dive in. 👀✨

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

 

Chemistry Between Two People: How to Recognize It?

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Chemistry Between Two People: How to Recognize It?

 

Is chemistry between two people real? How long does it last? Is it the same as being in love? We’ve all found ourselves thinking about this, especially when we become romantically interested in someone new. You might compare this feeling you have with the last time you experienced something similar. Regardless of what it is, we can all agree that the chemistry of love makes our world a little more interesting. 

There are certain signs that indicate chemistry exists between you and another person. Depending on the circumstances, you might date them or simply enjoy the subtle flirting. Learn how to recognize these signs and when it makes sense to address the chemistry.

 

Signs of Chemistry Between Two People

One person doesn’t have to experience the chemistry the same way as someone else. They might even notice that every time they feel attracted to someone, it feels different or unique. For some, this chemistry could be felt only on a physical level. The person’s appearance and aura might attract them. In most cases, this chemistry is a mix of emotional, mental, and physical attraction. 

Such chemistry can be indicated by the intensity of contact and the feeling of being drawn to them. Find below the most obvious signs of chemistry between two people:

    • Intense eye contact: You can’t keep your eyes off of them, and they feel the same way. When you look into each other’s eyes, there’s a certain connection that you only feel with them. 
    • Talking to them is easy: You might have many things in common, or you simply enjoy talking for hours about different topics that come to mind. You feel like you know them for much longer, and it’s much easier to talk to them than to other people in your life. 
  • They make you laugh: You smile around them all the time. 
  • Your body reacts when they’re near: You might feel butterflies in your stomach or tingling when they’re close to you or when they touch you. 
  • Mimicking gestures: You unconsciously mimic each other’s gestures, speech patterns, or posture. It’s a subtle sign of a deep connection.
  • Losing track of time: Time passes by quickly when you’re talking to them, looking at them, or daydreaming about them. 
  • After spending time with them, you feel an energy boost instead of feeling drained; their presence gives you a buzz, like a shot of positive energy.

 

What to Do About the Chemistry

You’re certain there is chemistry between you and the other person, and now what? What are your options? First, it will significantly depend on the circumstances. Are you both single? Would there be complications if you wanted to start dating or become a couple? For instance, you might work together and dating can be awkward, especially if things don’t lead to the expected outcomes. 

Second, analyze their words and gestures. Do they still seem as interested in you as they were in the beginning? Do you believe they feel the same way as you do? Taking a moment and thinking about their feelings toward you can help you understand better your options.

If you believe that the chemistry is mutual and strong, it’s time for the next step. What actions would make you feel comfortable? Maybe you’d like to express verbally how they make you feel. You could tell them directly or write it in a letter. If that’s too much for you, use body language to make them realize how you feel about them. Sit closer, show interest by asking questions, flirt, invite them to spend time alone with you, etc. Whatever feels natural to you, do it. 

 

What If It’s Not Chemistry?

Occasionally, it can be tricky to determine whether what you feel is chemistry or something else. Chemistry between two people implies that you both feel attracted to each other on some level. If they are not showing any of the signs mentioned above, maybe it’s time to reconsider the situation. Is it chemistry or something else?

A person might have different motives for connecting with another person. A boss or a colleague might show interest in a certain employee because they recognize potential in them or want to learn a certain skill from them. A friend could appreciate a friend’s advice without any romantic intentions. 

Take a moment to really think about how they behave when they’re near you. Have they said or done something that implies they’re attracted to you? Do they treat other people the same way, or is there something unique about their approach to you? 

If you’re uncertain if there’s chemistry between the two of you, consider if it makes more sense to wait until you know or to ask them directly. If you work or are friends with someone, it can be awkward to learn they don’t feel the same way. 

Take It Slow 

The best piece of advice for this situation is to take it slow. Rushing things could ruin the chemistry you already have. Instead, try to take it slow and see how the situation evolves. If you feel attracted to them and notice they feel the same, enjoy it. We often want to label things instead of enjoying the experience. 

When the moment is right, you’ll know it. There might be the right gesture, word, or opportunity that makes you feel like you want to address the chemistry and ask the person about their view on it. If you’re honest about your feelings from the start, it will be easier to deal with. Whatever the case, make sure you’re not pressuring yourself into doing something you’re uncomfortable with. Respecting your needs first will help you enjoy that chemistry more, regardless of the outcome. 

If you want to entice more feelings of chemistry at home, get our sensual video for therapy suggestions on demand.

 

Sensual Meditation: Strategies to Fall in Lust Again

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

 

What Is Tantric Meditation & Should You Try It

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What Is Tantric Meditation & Should You Try It

 

You’ve probably landed here after asking, ‘What is tantric meditation?’ There is so much confusion around tantric massages and tantric meditation. Although Tantra is often connected with sex, it is a much broader term than that. The origin of Tantra can be traced back to Hinduism and Buddhism, making it an ancient yogic tradition. 

In this article, we’ll take a closer look at tantric meditation, teach you how to meditate this way, and cover everything else you need to know about Tantra.

 

Definition of Tantra

Tantra was first practiced on the Indian subcontinent as an integral part of a yogic tradition. The name refers to the system of practices and philosophies that aim to expand consciousness and cultivate the inherent divine potential within oneself. Tantra uses a wide range of techniques, including rituals, mantras, visualizations, and yogic practices. It often involves using the body and energy to access higher states of awareness.

Tantra emphasizes the sacredness of the body and all aspects of life, including sexuality. It denies that the body hinders spiritual growth, as some religions and philosophies claim. Instead, Tantra sees the body as a vehicle for creating a connection to oneself and others.

Some of the most well-known tantric practices are yoga, pranayama, meditation, mantras, and visualizations. Tantric meditation is practiced to cultivate focus, concentration, and awareness of the present moment. So, how is tantric meditation different from other types of meditation?

 

Tantric Meditation

A key element of the broader Tantra philosophy is tantric meditation.  Tantric meditation is entirely dependent on energy, as Tantra is the philosophy and study of energy.  For people accustomed to meditation techniques designed to symbolize an empty mind, this is something entirely new. 

Various energy forms and characteristics, including sounds, colors, mantras, yantras, vibrations, visualizations, and kundalini force, are used in tantric meditation. All of it serves this spiritual practice to produce profoundly altering effects on the human mind and body.  

Every form of energy creates a resonance inside of us that might produce unique and powerful outcomes. After all, a tantric meditation is a very personal experience that can feel very different from one person to another. 

Tantric practice says that by engaging in genuine spiritual practice, we may elevate our awareness and transform our soul. In this philosophy, our only real mission as humans is to transform our spiritual journey.  

 

Key Techniques in Tantric Meditation

If you’re interested in trying your first tantric meditation, there are a few terms you’ll need to learn first. Frequency and the way these techniques are applied in tantric meditation can differ from one teacher to another, yet they will result in valuable experiences while practicing this type of meditation. 

 

Breathwork 

Also known as Pranayama, breathwork refers to the conscious breathing that awakens energy within us. Breathwork is a foundational practice in tantric meditation that uses conscious breathing techniques to regulate energy, calm the mind, and connect the body to the present moment. 

By shifting the rhythm, depth, and direction of the breath, you can activate the nervous system, release emotional blockages, and create space for more profound awareness and inner stillness. In tantric practices, breath becomes a guide and a gateway to help you anchor in the present moment. 

 

Mantras and Mudras 

In tantric meditation, mantras and mudras are powerful tools used to focus the mind, awaken subtle energy, and create a sacred inner space. A mantra is a sacred sound, word, or phrase repeated during meditation to help concentrate the mind and align with specific vibrational qualities.

Mudras, on the other hand, are symbolic hand gestures that direct the flow of energy in the body. Each mudra forms an energetic circuit, helping to reinforce the intention of your meditation. Together, mantras and mudras create a multi-sensory meditation experience of sound, vibration, breath, and body, all weaving together to support your transformation.

 

Visualizations 

Visualization involves forming mental images during meditation to direct focus and energy. Rather than emptying the mind, tantric practice often fills it intentionally with sacred forms, light, or energy centers to weave body, mind, and spirit together.

This might be tricky for those who have never tried a similar exercise before. However, visualizations can really be powerful even when used outside the meditation. Use visualizations that matter to you and that seem most natural. 

 

Energy Awareness

Energy awareness is something that will depend solely on the person doing the tantric meditation. You will want to allow yourself to feel any sensations arising during the meditation. Tantra teaches to allow anything to express itself through the body, whether we see it as a positive or negative sensation. 

 

Benefits of Tantric Meditation

There are many benefits to practicing tantric meditation. The more often you practice it, the more you will become aware of all these perks. Tantric meditation helps you feel your emotions fully without judgment. This is something we often avoid in daily life, but having a practice that allows us to explore our emotions can improve our overall well-being. 

Through breathwork, visualization, and energy practices, buried emotions like grief, anger, shame, or fear can gently surface and move through the body. You might cry during a practice, feel warmth in your chest, or release tension from your gut. Instead of analyzing emotions mentally, Tantra teaches you to feel and liberate them somatically, which can lead to deep healing over time.

Tantra emphasizes radical presence. It asks you to slow down, tune in, and listen to your inner world. Over time, this technique helps form a more honest, compassionate relationship with yourself. You become more attuned to your needs, boundaries, and desires. 

This self-awareness naturally translates into relationships. You may find yourself communicating more openly, holding space for others more patiently, or connecting more deeply, whether platonically, romantically, or sexually.

 

Work with a Trusted Tantric Practitioner

To get the most out of Tantra, work with a skilled practitioner. After all, tantric massage is not just a regular massage. It requires additional knowledge and experience that other meditation teachers might not possess. If you prefer, you can also try tantric meditation at home on your own. The results can help you decide whether this practice is something you’d like to continue doing in the future. With time, you can join other meditation groups with tantric practices and make the most of this ancient yogic tradition.

 

Tantric Sex Best Practices: Breathing, Desire & Arousal

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.