Valentine’s Day – Secrets to Having The Best Sex

If you want to understand how to have the best sex, this is the blog for you.

As you may know, society tells you pleasure is shameful and not acceptable. Apparently, sex and pleasure are for practical purposes only, like having a child. 

This is simply not true though. 

What ends up happening is that many people grow up confused on what the best sex can even be.

Often, in our practice, we are askedhow do I get better sex in my life?”

First, know that you deserve to have sexual needs and deserve the best sex. 

My goal is for all people to communicate more effectively, especially around sex and asking for what they want as the best sex. 

Let’s start here: best sex

  • What do you consider sex is? 
  • What does sexuality mean to you? 
  • When does foreplay begin? 
  • How long does sex last for? 
  • How will you know you are satisfied and are having the best sex?
  • Have you actually had the best sex of your life already?

If you come see us at the practice I own, Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT), you will know that these are key components we want to understand to get you to your goal of the best sex possible. 

Similarly, is the best sex about orgasm, partnership, or something else? 

Not everyone has sex for the same reason every time they are engaging in what they consider sex is. 

Therefore, understanding WHY you are having the sex and what NEED you are trying to fulfill in it is often an important place to begin processing what the best sex will look like for you. 

Give yourself 15-30 minutes to reflect on your sexual fantasies, your desires, and your curiosities. 

Then record them either in writing, a video on your phone of you reading them or stating them, or record a voice memo for yourself. 

Think about where you like to be touched, and possibly how you like to be held.

  • With what pressure? 
  • For how long? 
  • With fingers or a massager?
  • Who is doing the holding and does that matter? 
  • Where would you want partner(s) to touch?

For those of you who do not want to analyze sex, remember that sex happens in multiple quadrants – according to the late Gina Ogden. Emotional, physical, intellectual, and spiritual. 

For those of you who don’t know where to start because these questions and concepts seem foreign, and you like to experience things in your body first, feel free to try this. 

Set a timer for 15 minutes. 

Slowly build sexual energy by facing a partner – cross legged or comfortable standing. If you are doing this solo, do it in a mirror. 

Make eye contact and establish a connection. Make sure to face one another, with your lips slightly open. Remember, try to inhale through the nose, and exhale through the mouth. 

Easy best sex tip: lock into your lovers breathing as a quick way to connect during sex. 

It’s the easiest way to figure out the flavor of sex they are interested in. 

Continue with long, deep breaths. Be curious in your mind, even if you are alone, about what next. 

You can end just like this or you can continue with a partner, or with self touch on your arms, belly, or thighs. 

It is not about orgasm. It is about touch, breath, or eye-gazing to wake up your body! 

Our heart has 5 times the magnetism of the brain. I believe I learned in sex therapy school that 90 to 95% of serotonin and 50% of the dopamine (or 500 million neurons) is stored in the brain and the gut… which is 5x the number of neurons in the spinal column). 

Being in connection with our hearts and emotional openness in the moment is the goal of the best sex, for me. What is the best sex for you? Have you spent enough time thinking about it? 

Being tuned into what is going on inside yourself and, if partnered, at the same time as you are holding that the other person is doing this as well. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

Aphrodisiac Foods for Valentine’s Day

There are many different types of aphrodisiac foods in the world, and some of them tend to get us more in the mood than others. 

Aphrodisiac foods are those foods that are commonly associated with increasing one’s sensual and sexual drive. 

A date night might be low key and be about getting away for a night, while sometimes, couples enjoy a more celebrated culinary adventure. 

Food can lay the groundwork for the after-dinner celebrations for many couples.  

Below are some of the more commonly known foods:

One of the most commonly known aphrodisiac foods is Oysters. 

Aphrodisiac Foods

Whether you have them on the half shell, Rockefeller, or simply once a year for Valentines Day these are known to boost libido in both men and women. 

Urban legend has it that Casanova once seduced a consenting virgin by sliding an oyster from his lips to hers. Yum! 

Oysters contain tons of zinc, a mineral important in the production of testosterone and sperm production. Plus, they contain dopamine – one of my favorite brain chemicals.

Pumpkin usually gets all of its attention when the leaves change, and everyone is needing their Pumpkin Spice fix for the year. Enjoying a Pumpkin Spice Latte or a slice of Pumpkin Pie will get you enough fiber and potassium which is great for stamina. Magnesium is also found in pumpkin and is also great for calming nerves and muscles.

Avocados get a great reputation because they are a healthy source of fat for the body. A sexy fun fact about your favorite $2 add-on at Chipotle: the Aztec word for avocado is “ahuacatl,” which means “testicle.” 

And… besides their sex-thetic appeal, avocados also contain high levels of folic acid, vitamin B9, and vitamin B6. All of these vitamins are great for providing your body with more energy and are also known for increasing testosterone production.

A Fun Drink!

When we think about celebrating this next aphrodisiac “food” seems like the most obvious. Champagne is commonly associated with celebrating the New Year, Engagements, Weddings, and other special events in a couple’s life. 

Aphrodisiac Foods

Champagne is about getting in the mood rather than the actual science behind the bubbles. In fact, studies have shown that for women, limited amounts of alcohol can increase subjective desire and potentially lower inhibitions. Larger amounts or chronic consumption can reduce libido and overall health. Therefore, skipping the alcohol is my suggestion. 

Back to Foods!

Another food to try is asparagus. Why? Because it has a high amount of vitamin E which can increase blood and oxygen flow to the genitals. Similarly, asparagus has high levels of potassium, linked to sex hormone production. Plus, if the suggestive phallic shape of the food helps get you in the mood, then excellent!

Salmon is our next food and has many health benefits not only for your sex drive. Many studies have shown salmon is high in omega-3 fatty acids, which is important for your libido. Hence, why you keep seeing it all over vitamin bottles. 

In terms of helping your libido, it is supplying the building blocks for production of estrogen, testosterone, and progesterone. Salmon is more commonly found on daily menus in restaurants, but it is very common to find it on special holiday menus.

A Spice!

Saffron is commonly used for coloring and seasoning food, and it’s known as the world’s most costly spice. The history of saffron as an aphrodisiac dates back to Cleopatra, who reportedly bathed in saffron-infused milk for its aphrodisiac qualities. 

Recent studies have also shown that saffron also helps increase sperm motility in infertile men and can decrease some of the sexual side effects from taking certain antidepressants.

Hot Chilies is a broad category of different types and heat levels. Capsaicin, is the stuff responsible for making chili peppers spicy. Scoville units is another way to determine how spicy a pepper will be. 

Capsaicin stimulates nerve endings on the tongue, which releases epinephrine or adrenaline. This is the chemical that increases your heart rate to release endorphins. We recommend eating them and not actually rubbing chili peppers on your partner’s body for optimum enjoyment.

A Fun Treat
Watermelon is also high in citrulline, a phytonutrient, that increases the amount of nitric acid in the body. With the increase of nitric acid it increases blood flow, blood vessel relaxation, and sexual arousal. 

If you have any more tips on foods, feel free to comment below! 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Looking to Amplify Your Eros During COVID19 – Sex is Complicated During the Pandemic

Looking to Amplify Your Eros During COVID19 – Sex is Complicated During the Pandemic

NYC.gov wrote a guide on safe sex during the pandemic!sex gets complicated during the pandemic

Looks like self-pleasure is in style again…welcome back to the renaissance.

Laying around naked all day, working on my computer, wouldn’t be so bad if I actually resided in an actual American Utopia.

Due to COVID19, the guise of “happy” couples and families has been lifted.

As we grieve yet another loss of life, especially for people of color, it is more evident that we are in a trap of the pursuit of happiness, with no promises of ever achieving this state. 

Surrounded by Thanatos (death) energy, the Clinical Sexologist in me ponders way too often what is going to happen as we are distant from others physically, and then do not have skills other than distraction for intimate connection.  

For example, sitting on the balcony with a glass of wine or watching the sunset is not as exciting, after yet another day in quarantine bleeds into the next. 

A professional tip of mine is to consider trading your “usual” Zoom happy hour for something more curious… something more erotically challenging.

Eros is one of the Greek words that translates loosely into “passionate love,” or “romantic love.” This led to the English translation of erotic which I have learned from my undergraduate studies in philosophy and Western Civilization is the human “life energy.”

Therefore, I suggest you begin looking for your LIFE energy during this time, because it matters! 

Why? 

Systemic grief is everywhere…especially for New Yorkers. It’s sadness and mourning over destroyed routines, lost jobs, and ill loved onessex gets complicated during the pandemic

When the impact of the COVID19 pandemic isn’t felt on a personal level, we grieve for what was lost. Sometimes adults even report missing their daily coffee shop visit and dating life.

Everyone is living through some level of discomfort, pain, loss, stress, or anxiety; everyone is looking for comfort, and coping the best they can.

What I’m hearing a lot these days from clients is concerns over the challenges of not working, working from home, and anxiety about furloughs.

Similarly, those who were working from home before now struggle with feeling less productive, as they juggle homeschooling their kids and living in relative chaos within their family system.

There’s also the adjustment of spending way more time with your partner or spouse.

Who wants to admit that they need a break and want to see less, not more of this person?

Quarantine For Couples

The couples I met with were forced into quarantine quickly with differing expectations of what it would look like.

Some of my clients report that their partner is stuck in “porn land,” using masturbation to destress.

Others find themselves in escalating arguments, yelling at each other in front of the children, or dealing with the ineffective silent treatment when resentments arise.

There are no bars to retreat to, no happy hours or trips to the gym that offer an escape. The situation is constant and present.

I resist the urge to tell them about non-monogamous folks, widows, or couples who don’t live together yet or don’t plan to. 

How must it feel to go months without intimate touch from another person?

These individuals are often living a single life and truly are feeling isolated. 

They don’t have the option to touch their partners and often report to me being extremely “touch depleted.” 

One example would be a young widow, now living alone. She states, “I have not even been able to give or receive a hug from another in sooooooo long….” 

As a sex therapist, I suggest self-pleasure and lubrications. She states, “honestly I am in no mood… AND I know if I change the action, a changed feeling can follow… I will try it.” 

Often, it is easier to cope by reverting to old behavior patterns, withdrawing or becoming hypervigilant. 

It is easy to become disheartened at a time like this, especially when there is a clear divide of how individuals are being treated.

There are a few things I’d like to emphasize to any readers struggling to maintain intimate connections while staying at home in the face of such disruption. The first is that we have to accept there are different levels of erotic connection.

sex gets complicated during the pandemic

Don’t hold yourself or your partner to past standards that are now unrealistic. There aren’t any romantic date nights in the city that involve great restaurants and wonderful drinks that phase effortlessly into amazing sex.

We have to accept that reality has shifted. 

The stress of the pandemic makes it easy to forget sex as a priority. 

“There’s too much going on right now,” you may tell yourself as the days go by without intimacy. 

Your partner will understand, right?

The danger here is when days turn into weeks. People dealing with stress often resist sex because they feel like it shouldn’t take so much work. They want flirting, foreplay, and all of the other non-verbal signs that lead to sex.

I can tell you that the desire for connection and flow with other humans is still very prevalent, even during a pandemic. You’ve got to find a way to make it happen. That could mean scheduling at home date nights on the calendar or creating codewords with your partner to let them know you need something to happen ASAP. Get creative to keep sex going.

Of course, sex should never be a chore, particularly for people feeling depression, anxiety and grief over the current situation. If you need to put eros on hold, for now, that’s appropriate.

Another thing I’m working with many of my clients in Connecticut and New York is Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. It’s interesting how much guilt is attached to taking care of ourselves. I talk to people every day who feel bad about needing a break from kids or their spouses. They think it reflects poorly on them, that they are somehow selfish or not “handling it all.”

Online, we’re bombarded with articles like “10 Things You Can Do to Be More Productive in Quarantine” and the like. We’re stuck in a culture of shame where people who are sad or searching for comfort are told to “be disciplined” and “do more!”

This is a common form of toxic positivity that we all need to be wary of. The endless pressure to stay positive and look on the bright side pushes people struggling deeper into themselves and their grief. 

It’s ok to be down, and it’s ok to talk to someone about it.

I saw this firsthand as one of the responders in the Sandy Hook shooting years ago where trauma and terror were visceral and lasting. Sometimes, the urge to offer encouragement needs to be squelched so people can grieve.

If you’re feeling pain from your past life and the things you miss, it’s ok to live in those feelings for a while.

It’s normal to long for your emotional connections and erotic lifesex gets complicated during the pandemic

Don’t simply tell yourself “everything’s fine” when it isn’t.

The final thing I’d like to touch on is the importance of honesty in our relationships.

Now, more than ever, we must start from a radically honest position with our spouses, partners, and any other intimate relationships.

Fight the inclination to say everything’s fine when it’s not.

Not everyone can be connected, grounded, and gracious all the time.

Be honest with yourself and find the courage to tell your partner what you need before stress makes things worse.

That’s the best way to avoid non-threatening communication and raging emotions.

Going through this experience can help all of us become attuned to what we need and how we can discuss emotions in a healthy way.

I’m using telehealth in my practice to stay connected and keep seeing clients who are struggling. I began offering text and video therapy sessions to hear them and help them with strategies in real-time.

I’m fortunate that early last year I started thinking through telemedicine, as I saw where the trend was going. My clients wanted more accessible lines of communication outside of our regular on-site, one-hour meeting each week.

Yes, it is fair to say remote therapy isn’t perfect, though I have to accept that it may be the new normal for a bit.

Video and text therapy sessions have ramped significantly since quarantine began. We are all interested to see how things play out as we begin to normalize – whatever that means.

This pandemic is changing so much about how we communicate and interact with others.

As we grow closer to understanding our own needs, we have the capacity to listen to those we care about.sex gets complicated during the pandemic

Remember, lean in compassionately, with yourself, and with those struggling through this with you, if it is safe to do so. Give yourself the love you need to survive and thrive.

And if all else fails, follow the nyc.gov guidelines on being your own safest sex partner!

If you want to know more, Amanda Pasciucco (she / her) is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and Continuing Educator, and the owner and founder of Life Coaching and Therapy – a group private psychotherapy practice located in West Hartford, CT and providing services internationally. 

She has helped transform the intimate lives of those struggling with infertility, sexless relationships, low-desire, arousal, orgasm, and penetration problems.

She provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. Contact her to amanda@lcatllc.com or visit her practice website www.lifecoachingandtherapy.com.

If you follow these tips, you’ll ensure your vibrators are always ready for fun when you are!

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Tips on How to Save Your Marriage – Once and For All!

Tips on How to Save Your Marriage – Once and For All!

 

Relationships are hard and learning how to save your marriage is harder; yet, worth it. This is not to say it is all downhill once you walk down the altar. 

I cannot lie and say it is all rose petals and no thorns, though. 

Marriage is a complex component made up of legal bindings. It also falls under the category of romantic love and wanting your partner to be your everything. 

Sure, you have made it from the long-term relationship title into a completely different one – spouse, or husband, or wife. 

Marriages require effort, communication, and a lot of other things that may be made clear in this article.

Marriage is beautiful, yet sometimes it isn’t measured in years because it can end.

If you happen to find “your person,” having a successful marriage is a process to learn to love for both of you. 

Each couple is unique, and your situation and circumstances are different. 

As much as we would like a fairytale relationship and marriage, our expectations are often underwhelmed.

We are sold what marriage looks like in movies, books, music, and television. However, that is just a snapshot. It doesn’t often show the systemic process of the intense process that marriage is. 

There are different reasons that contribute to a couple drifting apart. Since each couple is different, these reasons range from unfaithfulness to a lack of communication to a desire discrepancy. 

We cannot promise that these tips and exercises will help save your particular marriage, yet it has worked for many of our clients. 

 

Some of the ways to start the journey back to being a happy couple include: 

1.Re-evaluate why you became a couple

The decision to be together did not come out of the blue. Both of you weighed your options and decided it was the best thing to do. This was way back, before the wedding and even kids. Before you said yes to marriage, the question to be their partner came first. Why did you decide on them? On the person you cannot stand now.

Ask yourselves what attracted you to each other. Was it their smile or work ethic? Their humanity or kindness? Their suffering? Their potential? 

This will remind you why you fell in love in the first place. It will have both of you reminiscing on a time before you discovered the flaws you see now. Your partner was once this person, and they can be that person for you if they want to.

 

2.Write down important things

Putting your feelings into words is therapy in itself. You can both write a whole list about your partner. What you like about them and what kept you by their side.

After writing down a list of all the things you appreciate about your partner, see if they want to receive it. 

Write down where you envision your new relationship future. 

Write down the steps on how to get there! 

It is also important to write down where you want the relationship to go, because how can you get somewhere without visualizing it first? 

Are there conversations you both need to have? Are children in your future? 

This will help you visualize a future with your partner, which is the whole point of how to save your marriage.

 

3.Set boundaries

Try telling your spouse what they do that has you feeling insecure. Own it with nonviolent communication. 

  • Is it them staying out late during weekends? 
  • Are they spending less time with you? 
  • Do you need them to help out more around the house?

Example: I feel _____ when I have the thought that you are spending less time with me. I am requesting that we _____. Are you able to do that, or can you offer another strategy?

You need to set reasonable requests, and abide by them as well when you are asked. 

If you ask your partner to be back home by 7 p.m. on a Saturday, you need to ask them what they would like as an alternative strategy for them. Maybe they want you home at the same time, or maybe they would rather when you come home late that you give them a massage. 

This negotiation for a collaboration cultivates trust in both individuals, and we all know the importance of trust in our relationships.

 

4.Show appreciation

Make a conscious note to appreciate your partner’s efforts. 

  • Notice when they change a hairstyle or buy a new article of clothing. 
  • Appreciate when they help out around the house.
  • Give compliments like you just met. 
  • Act as if everything they do is the greatest thing you have seen and watch as your love blossoms. 
  • People like to be noticed for their efforts.

For example, if your husband fixes a leak in the kitchen sink, give him a big hug and kiss and say “thank you. I feel so loved right now.” He will feel great about helping out and do it more often. 

It keeps him happy and provides you with the help you desire around the house. A WIN / WIN! 

 

5.Communicate

Miscommunication is a huge damper in relationships. Couples who do not voice their feelings end up holding a lot of remorse and resent. 

Make clear and respectful communication a huge part of your routine. Talking about your feelings towards your partner helps unburden you. It also allows them a chance to correct themselves in an effort to make the marriage work.

 

6.Do something special together

You can set a day weekly aside according to your schedules. 

  • Spend this day with your partner. 
  • You can decide to get dressed up and go out to a restaurant for a fun date. 
  • You can also decide to stay in, order take out and watch movies all day. 

The important thing is to spend quality time doing something special. Use this time to connect and bond with your spouse and talk about erotic opportunities. 

How to save your marriage requires effort from both parties though. 

Long-term relationships have their struggles and nothing is ever smooth sailing all the time. 

You both need to come to the decision that the marriage is failing and needs some work. 

Avoid talking to external parties about your partner, unless they are trained professionals. 

Address all issues with your spouse within the week, as communication is key.

If you need further help with how to save your marriage, please visit us or another licensed professional marital therapy. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

 

When Your Wife or Husband is a Flirt Should You Take It Seriously?

When Your Wife or Husband is a Flirt Should You Take It Seriously?

 

When you find out that your husband or wife flirts, how you respond is based on context. Marriage often comes with an expectation of exclusivity. Therefore, it is only normal that you assume your husband or wife will only do certain things with you.

While exclusivity – regarding intimacy – is supposed to be the norm in marriages, it is unfortunately not that easy.

 

Were They Flirtatious When You First Met?

If you were drawn to your spouse because of their attention-giving nature, then you should probably find it normal that they’re still the same.

Maybe you fell in love with your wife because of the way she brushed your arm whenever she talked to you. It could also be that you were attracted to your husband because he knows how to make women feel on top of the world. In these cases, you may have to worry about nothing.

Getting the attention of others, maybe your husband’s or wife’s way of expressing him/herself. If your spouse has always been keen to respond to the opposite sex nicely, it may help you if you can relax and enjoy their good nature. If you can’t help it, tell them how the act makes you feel, instead of working by assumptions and making your marriage difficult.

 

You May Not Be Giving Them Enough Attention

Think about this: are you giving your spouse the attention they need and flirting with them? If not, maybe they are resorting to flirting to fill their significance need.

You may be a woman who is passionate about her career and spend little time with your spouse. Or, maybe you’re a man focused on your family and not noticing your partner. 

In any case, every human being – especially extroverts – loves to receive and give attention. And suppose you are not available to indulge your spouse. In that case, they may unconsciously begin to get and give attention to any member of the opposite sex that is always ‘available.’ They may do this even when there is no intention to be unfaithful to you.

So if you are always on the move and find out your spouse is a flirt, consider making out more time to be with them.

 

It Could be a Self-Esteem Problem

If your wife or husband flirts as a means to give their self-esteem a boost, then it could be categorized as a serious problem. When people need others’ validation or attention to feel good about themselves, it means something is wrong somewhere.

It is up to you to help them feel good about themselves, and try to encourage a connection between the two of you. To help your spouse with their self-esteem problem, you must first think about strategies to connect with them that they desire. 

If their self-esteem dropped in the course of your marriage, then you may want to consider the things you (both) are not doing right. Even when there is no misunderstanding between you and your spouse, there could be some disappointments they are probably not telling you. These disappointments could undoubtedly affect the way they see themselves.

 

Is It Towards a Particular Member of the Opposite Sex?

As earlier said, some extroverts may find flirting as a way to express themselves around the opposite sex freely. Most times, these flirtatious behaviors may have no strings attached to them.

However, when you notice that your wife’s or husband’s come-hither expressions are directed to a particular member of the opposite sex, it should be taken seriously. Nevertheless, this shouldn’t be a reason to end your marriage or start to point accusing fingers at your spouse. Do not assume. Please find time to converse with him/her, to get a full grasp of whatever is likely going on.

Also, do not assume the role of an investigator. Monitoring your spouse when you notice that their attention is with someone else doesn’t help. Instead, an open and honest conversion should do the trick here.

 

Did You Set Boundaries About Flirting with your Husband or Wife?

In every relationship – including marriage – boundaries are crucial to maintaining sanity between the parties involved. While you shouldn’t make your marriage a rule-bound mechanical showroom, boundaries will help you agree on what is acceptable and not.

If you fail to set boundaries, having understood each other’s tendencies, you may end up hurting yourselves. Your husband may not know that he hurts you when he gives ‘unnecessary’ attention to other women.

And your wife may not also know that you do not appreciate her having close contact with other men. When you set boundaries, there would be no reason to worry over what your spouse does or does not do with the opposite sex.

 

Does Your Spouse Know How Much You Love Them?

Finally, an affirmation of your love may be all your spouse need to stop giving and receiving attention from other members of the opposite sex. How often do you express how much your husband means to you, and how many times in a day do you compliment your wife’s look?

Well, if you fail to tell your wife how good she looks in her new skirt, try not to feel left out when she smiles at her colleague who does. And if you fail to encourage and strengthen your husband when he achieves a milestone, there are courteous women out there who would do it.

In a nutshell, that you take your spouse’s flirtatious behaviors seriously or not will depend on the two of you. Your reaction will also depend on whether or not you both are doing right by yourselves.

And how well you respect, build, and freely express yourselves towards each other will also tell the kind of response you give to your spouse’s cheeky behavior towards the opposite sex.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

The Secrets to Having Sex in Public

The Secrets to Having Sex in Public

 

The idea of someone watching you while you have sex in public is hot for many. 

Sure, you are breaking the law, and yes, some rules are meant to be broken. 

The exhibitionist streak in most of us can be strong. Chances are, if you have thought about it, this article already has your thoughts wandering.

If a casual observer can see you, you are in public. Public places include:

  • Parks
  • Public bathrooms
  • Beaches
  • Airports

Having sex in public can be thrilling. 

sex in public

There is a chance that you may get caught, which gets your adrenaline pumping. 

It can be particularly great, and / or challenging, for people in long-term relationships. 

It is unconventional and will definitely spice things up for you.

 

Is Public Sex Legal?

No

No matter how thrilling it is, it involves breaking the law. 

You must definitely avoid getting busy with your partner in a park or place where you can get caught. 

The law varies in different governments and countries. 

If arrested, you may be charged with lewdness or public indecency. Possible penalties for this include community service, jail time, and a fine.The worst consequence would be that you get registered as a sex offender – so be cautious! 

Sex in public enables you to get creative. It requires quick and thorough assessment of the situation you are in. You need to find the balance between a public enough place which still gives you privacy. 

The secret to sex in public, or a public romp, charges your body with adrenaline and dopamine. 

Don’t get arrested for chasing a thrill.

 

Where to Have Public Sex

There are a number of places where you can have public sex without getting caught. 

Here are some examples to jog your creativity:

 

  1. Your balcony or backyard – if you are new to public sex, easing into it is a great idea. 

Start on familiar ground. Having sex on your balcony or backyard has the danger of being noticed. You can use patio furniture for support. This will also allow you to try more sex positions. 

Take the first step and get outside.

sex in public

 

  1. The car – your car is a public yet private space. 

What is great about it is you can control where you park it. A secluded parking lot or on the side of the road, the choice is yours. It is best to use the backseat, as there is room in the backseat. 

You must avoid accidentally honking the horn and alerting people. And… yes, this does expose you if you are in a parking lot to arrest. 

 

  1. The woods or park – getting naughty in nature is always a great idea. 

Channel your internal wild one and quietly go into a park or a wooded place with a partner you trust. 

Use trees and bushes to shield you. Having sex near trails and paths will give you a sense of publicity. 

Remember, you need to watch out for poison ivy and tickets, and the danger of getting caught.

 

  1. A sex party – once you begin to get used to the idea of public sex, a sex party should be on your “to-do list.” A sex party is great because it eliminates the danger of being caught. 

You can relax and enjoy “public sex” with your partner.

 

  1. The beach – beach sex is often great at night. 

There is minimal traffic in the dark as compared to daytime. Carry a blanket to lie on, and get ready as sand will get everywhere. You can also use beach chairs or be in a cabana which is extremely sturdy. 

The secret to beach sex is you have to avoid too much movement.

sex in public

 

  1. Bathrooms – pre covid, this is probably the most used place for public sex. 

Examples include at an airport, a hotel or restaurant.

Bathroom sex is for when you just cannot wait till you get home to do it. Public bathrooms can be contaminated with germs. You will need to incorporate some gymnastic skills to get it on. 

You also do not have the luxury to remove a lot of clothing or shoes.

 

Non-Law Breaking Options

Sex in public is risky. In case you are not willing to take part in it, there are ways to incorporate it into your routine. You can take care of your exhibitionist streak and still be within the confines of the law. 

These are shortcuts to be kinky with your partner in public while remaining a law-abiding citizen:

  1. Role play – you can pretend to be in public. This requires lots of imagination. Have sex with your partner ass you would in a public place. Do not get completely naked. You can unzip pants or just hike up a skirt. You should also avoid the bed.

  1. Party sex – this does not mean having a party where people come to have sex at your place, though tempting. You can sneak into a bedroom while hosting a party or event for a quickie. 

Remember to lock the door, since party guests will definitely look for you. 

Have your quickie and go back to your party as if you were not getting it on with your partner.

 

  1. Friends to watch – first off, have a conversation with your friends. 

You may want to start with a couple, or some of your kinkiest buddies. Make sure they are into watching and being watched. You can host these friends to watch you have sex. Also, return the favor and watch them. It is sure to be a fulfilling party.

 

  1. Webcam – taking things virtual in today’s digital world is easy and a safer sex option. 

Set up a webcam and wear a mask if you want to remain anonymous. 

You can have fun on your own or with a partner while strangers watch.

Acting on your fantasies is a great way to remain sexually adventurous. 

Sex in public is a common and usually rewarding fantasy. 

Remember to keep your partner’s needs in mind, especially if they show signs of being uncomfortable, do not continue, and ask to go home and talk about it later. 

You can also just let it remain a fantasy. There is nothing like unmet needs to keep your blood boiling, and the mind often cannot tell the difference between what is powerfully imagined vs. what is real. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

5 Love Language Quiz Results – Strategies For Applying!

Knowing how to use the 5 love languages quiz results to boost your relationship is important. It will do your relationship no apparent good if you KNOW your partner’s love language yet cannot DO it.

No phenomenon warrants the use of the phrase “Action speaks louder than words” than the love languages. It is not enough to know what these languages are.

Sometimes, expressing love to your partner in their love language can become a difficult task, even if you have their 5 Love Language Quiz results.

This is because every human is wired to assume that love is best expressed in their languages.

This is why your partner may end up waiting endlessly for words of affirmation from you while you’re busy sweating out the chores to please them.

So, below are a number of ways by which you can duly express love to your partner based on the 5 love language quiz:

Words of Affirmation

People with this love language want to hear you say, ‘I love you’ more often.

They’ll even appreciate you more if you voice out the reason you love and cherish them.

5 Love Language Quiz

And if this happens to be one of your partner’s 5 love languages, sincerity and openness must not be lacking from your conversations.

  • Appreciate them for the smallest things they do. (ex: “Thanks for getting the mail”)
  • Send a text to them every now and then to let them know they’re on your mind.
  • Be their number one cheerleader whenever they have a project to carry out.
  • Have something nice to say about their looks and their personality.
  • Whenever they’re discouraged, be ready with encouraging words to boost their confidence.
  • Whenever they hit any significant milestone, always be the first to celebrate and congratulate them on their victory.
  • Whenever they’re going on any trip, a cute note tucked into their travel bags will go a long way.
  • Sing their praises, even when they are not all deserving of them.

Acts of Service

For some other people their favorite out of the 5 love languages is checking off an item on their to-do list.

It is even better to ask your partner what they’d have you do for them, so you don’t end up doing all the chores that they didn’t care about doing, and then the partner still feels unloved.

5 Love Language Quiz

Nevertheless, here are a few things you can do to make your partner feel loved:

  • Pay the bills even before they ask.
  • Help them with groceries before they run out.
  • Do the dishes for them, along with the chores you can do whenever necessary.
  • Wash their car when you have the time, or drive it to the car wash for them.
  • Help them reduce their grocery bags whenever they’re returning from the store.
  • Help them pick up the laundry on your way from work.
  • Take out the trash before it piles up, and do not hesitate to get a babysitter for the kids while you’re on a date.

Receiving Gifts

In Gary Chapman’s book on the Five Love Languages, he explains that people whose love language is receiving gifts often appreciate the thought behind the gift better than they do the gift.

5 Love Language Quiz

The full expression of love in this language deals with getting your partner gifts that suit their lifestyle and personality. Buying your vegan partner a plate of beef noodles will NOT be helpful.

  • Whenever their favorite artist is performing a show, buy them a surprise ticket (even if it’s a live stream version of a concert).
  • Go the extra mile to get them that snack they love. It would be better if the snack is not readily obtainable.
  • Have your phone or a journal handy to jot down whatever they want as a mental note for yourself. This list will pay off when it’s their birthday or an important celebration.
  • Do not wait to be reminded of important dates in their lives. Make it a habit to surprise them with relevant gifts during celebrations and festivals.
  • Wherever you go on a trip, bring them a gift item pertinent to the location you traveled to.
  • Just buy them gifts for no particular reason or create something.

Quality Time

For some people, undivided attention from their partners is all they need to feel loved. If you have such a person as a partner with this love language, you may need to dedicate some time to them daily or weekly.

5 Love Language Quiz

  • Do not rush out of bed. Enjoy a few moments of intimacy with your partner in the early hours of the morning before you begin your day.
  • Do not mess around with your date nights. Make it a habit to “fan the flames” in your relationship with romantic dates – even at home.
  • Make time to enjoy a walk in the woods.
  • Whenever possible, go to bed at the same time as your partner. Falling asleep at different times or sleeping in different rooms may come off as negligence if you do not discuss it.
  • At the end of your day, take a few undisturbed minutes to fill each other in on the things that happened during the day.
  • Look at your partner whenever you’re in discussion with them. Eye contact exercises are a good way to show them that your attention is all theirs.
  • Maybe quarterly or twice a year… stay in bed together and reschedule a plan to create more time together.
  • Pray, meditate, read, sing, dance, and/or study with them.

Physical Touch

You shouldn’t wait for complaining before cuddling, hugging or kissing your partner – particularly when their love language is physical touch.

While every physical touch may not always lead to sex, you’d be well appreciated if you know the right time to touch your partner.

5 Love Language Quiz

  • Hug them whenever you apologize for what you did wrong.
  • Wrap your arms around them – even if you are in public.
  • Don’t wait for your partner to ask before giving them a soothing massage.
  • Cuddle each other when you sit next to each other.
  • Hold hands with each other whenever you take a walk.
  • Kiss each other whenever you part ways or come together.

As you can tell, the 5 love language quiz is a starting point for a relationship, yet learning to GIVE in the way that your partner receives is imperative for them to feel loved.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Break Up Therapy

What Is Break Up Therapy?

What Is Break Up Therapy?

 

Break up therapy is often a solution to ensure that you aren’t left with adverse emotional and mental health going forward. 

Surviving a breakup is not easy.

A few factors may determine the emotional effect a “break up” or separation can have on your health: 

  • The duration of the relationship
  • The willingness of both individuals to stay in the relationship
  • How happy you were before the breakup
  • The cause of the breakup, which may include emotional or physical abuse, infidelity, or other issues
  • The commitment level of all involved

break up therapy

Many people often grieve relationship loss. Just like they grieve other losses, and the time it takes to heal varies from person to person.

For instance, a short-term relationship might take only a few days to heal for one partner. But long-term relationships may take a longer period of time for that same person to heal.

If both partners were cohabiting before the breakup, recovering from this separation might take years, as this is similar to getting divorced.

It may result in serious emotional turmoil as you fight for custody (if there are kids involved) and the division of the belongings and finances that you share.

Sometimes, a breakup may even be the primary cause of depression, resulting in thoughts of self-harm when not addressed as soon as possible. At such a point where a breakup results in depression and harmful thoughts, break up therapy becomes essential.

Other mental health professionals can also help you deal with unresolved feelings you may be having after a breakup is happening in your life. 

 

How to Cope With A Breakup

There is no one size fits all in coping with a breakup yet discussing breakups and considering what you need to move on will be helpful.

Reflecting on the past situations will help you regain a new sense of self, possibly making it easier for you to move on from the situation. Although it may not seem like it now… there are steps you can take to put yourself back together.

Before you take the road to recovery after a breakup, keep in mind that healing may not be instant – and will require time.

  • Stitching your heart back in place may not happen in a week or two and may require you to do more than four months of mourning if necessary. So, don’t rush it by forcing yourself to heal quickly.
  • Let those you trust – friends and family – know what you’re going through if they are often helpful.. They can “hold your hand” as you journey into a conscious completion or relationship recovery period.
  • Acknowledging that your relationship was an important part of your life, and that the pain and loss are part of the process in uncoupling.
  • Place importance on self-care after a breakup as this will help you in the recovery process. Eat balanced meals, plan snacks ahead, stay active and try to move your body in positive ways. Get the appropriate amount of sleep, and avoid harmful behaviors like drug use and drinking to cope.
  • It will also help if you accept support and care from friends and family to help improve your outlook and speed up the healing process. After all, the feeling of guilt and inadequacies that you feel after a breakup is very normal, and the only people that can help you feel better are your close ones.
  • Blaming yourself for a breakup will slow down the healing process. Instead, consider looking inward to take accountability for what you contributed – positively and negatively – to that relationship.
  • A painful breakup can result in positive personal growth as the period you spend in loneliness and reflection can be the best time to reflect on your needs.

Break Up Therapy

Your life goals, values, and priorities may have changed during your relationship, and you may have even developed new interests.

You may find it hard to embrace interests or go to places that you shared with your former partner. Therefore, start developing new passions or exploring new adventures. 

However, accepting that shared interests isn’t a bad idea even when your relationship is over will help you recover.

 

Break Up Therapy is For You If…

Break up therapy becomes highly important when a serious relationship breaks up and leads to depression, stress, anxiety, and hopelessness. 

Regardless of the breakup situation, you may feel sad, confused, angry, or experience emotional turmoil after a breakup, even if you’re the one that initiated the breakup.

When you become overwhelmed by your feelings and find it hard to cope with your daily activities. A breakup therapist or counselor can provide support and help make your helping process much faster.

Breakup therapy becomes essential when you experience conditions like post-traumatic stress, depression, grief, and low self-esteem.

When you meet a therapist, you can easily discuss exactly how you feel and the difficulties you face every day. Your therapist will then create a treatment plan that best helps you deal with these negative feelings with coping skills.

A therapist will help you see why you do not have to blame yourself for a breakup and how to move on with experience from the situation.

Speaking with a therapist will not only help you heal faster. It can also improve your general well-being and personal development.

Break Up Therapy

 

In Conclusion

Romantic relationships are beautiful and can form a significant part of one’s life when clearly defined. The bonds developed within romantic partners can sometimes be strong enough to create a life-long influential force.

As a result, partners commit time, emotions, and resources towards the relationship.

When circumstances bring a partnership to an end, breakups are involved. 

A separation is rarely a pleasant experience, yet it can be one where we need additional assistance. If you need break up therapy, reach out to us today. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Signs Your Wife Wants to Leave You

Signs Your Wife Wants to Leave You

Signs Your Wife Wants to Leave You

 

When the signs your wife wants to leave you are staring at you, you are usually the last person to notice. As the spouse, you may try to keep convincing yourself that the problem you are encountering in your marriage will only last for a short while

With time, you will begin to see the picture and face the harsh reality of losing your dear wife. When you see these signs, you will begin to expect the divorce letter at any time. It may seem the love, affection, care, romance and sex are gone.

So, what are the signs to look out for before coming to this conclusion?

  • Picks fight unnecessarily
  • Shows less affection
  • She doesn’t communicate like before
  • She doesn’t spend her free time with you
  • Keeps secrets from you
  • Gets angry over everything you do
  • Pays more attention to her appearance
  • She’s asked for a break to “think things through” 

Despite seeing these signs, you may have several thoughts running through your mind. You may begin to think that your mind is playing tricks on you and question if your wife still loves you as much as you do. To be sure about your wife’s stance in your marriage, read on.

Signs Your Wife Wants to Leave You

She Picks Fight Unnecessarily

Fighting and misunderstanding are parts of every relationship, including marriage. It’s okay to agree and disagree. It becomes frustrating when a partner enjoys doing it at every given opportunity.

When your wife fights you and you’re always at fault every time she does this, it might be a sign that she wants to leave and she doesn’t have a good-enough reason to leave you. 

She might not have the courage to tell you that she wants out of the marriage, and the only way to achieve this is to push you to argue to enable her to have a justification for doing what she did.

 

She Shows Less Affection

Most times, women show affection to the people they love. So, when your wife stops showing you affection, it’s a sign she may no longer be in love with you. Unlike men, women only have sex with the men they find attractive or love.

That’s why you need to start asking questions when your wife is not showing affection as she does before. She might have stopped loving you if you have to force her to hold your hands, kiss you, hug you or tell you she loves you every time.

It might even be a sign that she’s found someone else. Although, this doesn’t mean she’s cheating on you… yet. 

 

She Doesn’t Communicate Like Before

Communication is an important part of every relationship, and the impact is often felt whenever it is absent in marriage. Lack of communication is a huge sign that your marriage is about to end on the rocks, and this shouldn’t be taken lightly.

At the onset of lack of communication, you might think it’s nothing serious until it develops into silent treatment whereby your wife ignores you completely.

 

She Doesn’t Spend Her Free Time with You Anymore

At the beginning of a good relationship, your partner would want to spend all of her free time with you. 

They do this because they can’t seem to get enough of you. With time, these feelings wear off as new relationship energy fades, and you both are regular parts of one another’s lives. 

Getting married doesn’t stop you from spending some time alone or chasing your dreams. So, your wife should have some alone time too. This doesn’t imply that she shouldn’t spend some of her alone time with you.

If she doesn’t honor your dates anymore, she doesn’t ask you to go on adventures together, or if she tells you that romantic getaways aren’t necessary, she might be showing signs that she wants to leave you.

 

 

She Keeps Secrets from You

Sudden secretive behavior is one of the signs your wife wants to leave you.

Although, the fact that you’re married doesn’t imply that your wife will not have her own personal time and space, yet omitting truths and holding her own secrets is suspicious. 

If you’ve witnessed her lying and hiding things from you, and you no longer know who she is with or where she spends her free time, or know nothing about her new promotion or new schedule, there is a chance that she may no longer be interested in the marriage.

 

 She Gets Angry Over Everything You Do

In healthy relationships, you find compassion in all aspects of your partner, including their flaws, as it is part of who they are.

Unlike in a Disney movie, in real romantic relationships, even when you are aware of their flaws, you accept them without trying to change them.

When everything about you, especially your flaws, annoy your wife when she used to find them precious, it is a sign that she wants to leave you. 

If she complained about your haircut, how you smell, or your clothing, your wife may want to leave you, as she may be comparing you to someone else

 

She Pays More Attention to Her Appearance

A wife paying attention to how she looks is positive. However, it is cause for concern when your wife suddenly starts paying more attention to her appearance than before. 

Although changing her appearance might be a personal decision, the signs are often there when she’s doing it to impress another man. She may be dying her hair more frequently, changing her weight, purchasing more lingerie and not wearing it with you, or wearing more makeup when she’s away from you. 

 

She’s Asked For a Break

Asking for a break is a specific sign your wife wants to leave you. She may be scared of going through the divorce or uncoupling process, and therefore wants space to help her figure things out.

She may want to find out if she can survive without you. And if your partnership is worth putting more effort into or not.

 

7 Signs Your Wife Wants to Leave You

In conclusion, you may be coming to terms with the realization that your wife wants to leave you. This may be difficult, especially when you’ve built your life together. It may be harder when you have children or share the same business with your partner.

When your wife has made up their mind to leave you, there may be little to be done about it. However, if you still love her, try all you can to bring back the spark in your marriage by trying sex therapy or text therapy. 

Who knows… she might have a change of heart.

 If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

How to Save Your Marriage

How to Save Your Marriage

How to Save Your Marriage

 

We are here to give you strategies on how to save your marriage from a doomed fate. 

There comes a point in marriage when things start to turn a bit sour, and your relationship or marriage ceases to be the ‘happily ever after setting’ it once was. 

At such junctures, where the intimacy you once had with your partner starts to fizzle out, there are a few ways we want to teach you on how to save your marriage: 

  • Focus on positives 
  • Don’t live in the past
  • Don’t forget the good
  • Talk and listen to your spouse
  • Be determined and seek help
  • Learn when to end the marriage

 

Focus on Positives

Your marriage may not be as bad as it seems. Surely, there has got to be an element of positivity still present in your relationship with your spouse.

However, with the myriad of negativities currently overwhelming you, these good sides may be difficult to recognize. Here comes the effort you’ll be making to save your marriage – paying more attention to the good parts.

So, instead of being upset that your spouse is not making as much effort in footing the bills as you are, be grateful that they are also trying their best to see that the bills are paid.

 

Don’t Live In the Past

Maybe your marriage ceased to be blissful after you discovered a not-so-pleasant-thing about your spouse. It could also be that somebody cheated or disrespected the other. Whatever the case may be, you have to let go – if saving your marriage is your goal.

If you keep dwelling on what was done to you in the past, you may never get to experience a blissful future in your marriage. Accept whatever has happened between you and your spouse, forgive, and stay committed to the course of trust and intimacy.

How to Save Your Marriage 

Don’t Forget the Good Things of Yesterday

You must indeed learn to forget whatever hurt you in the past to save your marriage. Yet the things that brought sunshine to your union should not be forgotten with the past.

In fact, conflict and the arrival of children can sometimes get in the way of the intimate things you did with your spouse early in your marriage. Now maybe the right time to start doing those things again.

What are those things you did with your spouse that got you attracted to them? What did they do to brighten your existence, and make you appreciate them more?

This point is the best time for you and your partner to remember those things, and work your way around reviving them in your relationship.

 

Talk to Your Partner and Listen to Them

Sometimes, what you think is a huge, deliberate effort to offend you may be a simple omission by your partner. They may not even be aware of the void that is gradually replacing the love in your marriage.

To help salvage trust and friendship in your marriage, try talking with your partner, and listen to what they have to say. When they open up about their view towards the matter, also make effort to see things from their perspective. This way, you’ll avoid assumptions and re-establish a partnership with your spouse.

 

Be Determined Not to Let Go

At the point where a marriage starts to need fixes and salvage, it can be quite difficult not to think about ending it. Yet if you would rather learn how to save your marriage, you will have to be strongly determined to do so.

You and your partner have to both understand that marriages – just like every other human relationship – will experience tough periods and moments without harmony.

This understanding will help you to stay committed to the institution of marriage even when it seems like the hardest thing to do.

How to Save Your Marriage

 

It Could be Time to Lean Away

When your spouse is no longer meeting your clear expectations, trust and intimacy may dwindle in your marriage. Similarly, if you are overly dependent on your partner, you may start to feel neglected when they frequently fail to meet your needs.

At this point, it will be wise to lean away – not disconnect.

Start to think about doing some of those things yourself, and also consider the fact that your partner is a human being too. It could be that the responsibility is simply weighing them down, and it may not have crossed their minds to talk to you about it.

 

Maybe You Need to Change

One interesting thing about conflict – in marriage, and life – is that the blame is always on the other person. Only a few people would first consider looking inward in a bid to settle a conflict.

If you’re out to save your marriage in the face of a dilemma, try to consider the different ways you could be doing things wrongly. Maybe your responses at different instances were somewhat uncalled for. Or you are probably expecting too much of your spouse.

Simply take out some time to properly analyze the role you’re likely playing to alleviate the state of things in your marriage.

 

Take a Break If You Need to

Without considering or threatening your spouse with divorce, you may want to consider giving your partner some time to come around. Ideally, this period shouldn’t be unreasonably long, and should not come as a way of paying your spouse in their own coin.

Simply consider this break as a time for you and your partner to think deeply about your relationship. It should also be a time to reevaluate and restructure things in your marriage.

 

Think about the Future

Your spouse and their behavior may not be reason enough for you to pick up the pieces of your marriage. Your children, the things you’ve built together, as well as the plans you have for the future can give you the strength to do so.

Think about the effects a divorce or separation would have on your kids and your intended future. In the end, you’ll realize that separation may not be the right answer to your marital troubles.

 

Conclusion

Marriage is a union between two adults – who, ideally, are mature enough to decide as they committed on their wedding day. Hence, the decision to save your marriage can be made and worked upon by you and your partner.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.