Navigating Boundaries: Emotional Cheating At Work

 

Maintaining a positive relationship with your colleagues is crucial, yet occasionally, these friendships veer towards emotional cheating at work. How can you learn to navigate these boundaries and make sure you’re not going too far with a workplace friend? 

Oftentimes, people spend more time with their coworkers than they do with their family. Since we spend so much of our time working, we will inevitably build personal relationships with the people we work with. These overlaps make sense because spending time with someone is frequently interpreted as a sign of their level of love and prioritization. 

In this article, you’ll learn how to set clear boundaries and maintain healthy relationships with all your coworkers. 

 

Defining Emotional Cheating At Work

If one of your coworkers became a close friend of yours over time, it doesn’t imply that you’re already emotionally cheating on your partner. Emotional cheating at work refers to investing your emotional energy, intimacy, or attention into another colleague outside your committed romantic relationships. 

Frequently, the work friends with whom you repeatedly meet in private and disclose personal details, rather than your nesting partner(s), generate confusion. In this context, spending quality time happens in secrecy, creating an environment that encourages attachment, which can ultimately lead to betrayal. 

 

Signs to Look Out For! 

People who end up in emotional affairs at work often say that they didn’t intentionally start cheating on their partner. The growing feeling of emotional closeness can be justified because the lines between having a close friendship with a coworker and having an office fling or relationship can be blurred. You may feel stressed by your boss and think only a coworker can relate. Maybe you two are working late nights on a long-term project and bond over the shared goal for success. Whatever the reason, your coworker is now experiencing the emotional intimacy you once shared with your partner. 

You start to share personal struggles, hopes, or your experiences and emotions with them more than you’re sharing with your partner. You hide or downplay conversations you have with them and texts you sent to each other. If confronted by your partner, you justify the time spent with the other person by using professional responsibilities as an excuse. 

Over time, your coworker becomes the person from whom you seek validation, comfort, or excitement. You may even try to spend more time with them outside of work. When you’re apart, you may think or fantasize about what they are up to, which can add to the guilt for hiding something from your partner. 

 

Frequently Asked Questions 

What counts as emotional cheating at work?

Emotional cheating refers to a workplace relationship that, instead of being professional, becomes intimate. Depending on the relationship, this can mean flirting, confessing secrets you don’t share with your spouse, or seeking more time together. 

How is emotional cheating different from a close work friendship?

A close work friendship doesn’t lead to secrecy, hiding, lying, or jealousy because there is nothing to hide. Close work friendships are still very professional relationships, while emotional cheating at work is much more unprofessional and often violates the company’s HR policies. 

Why is the workplace a common setting for emotional cheating?

A workplace is a common setting for emotional cheating because people spend so many hours working together with their coworkers. If you are romantically interested in someone from work, it might be difficult to stop these feelings because you see them all the time, or you work together towards a common goal. 

Can emotional cheating at work hurt your romantic relationship?

Emotional cheating at work can definitely hurt your romantic relationship. With time, you will start to either hide or lie to your romantic partner about your thoughts, feelings, or why you spend more time at work. 

How can I prevent emotional cheating at work?

To prevent emotional cheating at work, it’s important to maintain professional relationships with all your coworkers and superiors. Set clear boundaries for yourself and for the other person and make sure you respect them. 

 

The Impact of Emotional Cheating

Just like it is with any love triangle, emotional cheating at work will also have an impact on at least three people. Such secretive romantic relationships cause real damage to your existing relationship or marriage, and they can even affect your work performance. You may struggle with work tasks if you prioritize time with the other person. For instance, you might rush through writing a report just so that you can dedicate more time to being with them on a project you’re both in charge of. 

Romantic Relationships

Emotional cheating leads to jealousy, whether that’s from your spouse or your coworker. You could even feel envious if they have a partner at home or a family they return to. Navigating such a challenging feeling at work can easily turn into a nightmare. Relationships experience a deterioration of trust when the truth comes to light. Your partner might start questioning you about the changes in your work hours, dress or appearance, or priorities.    

Work Life

Even if you do your best to hide the office affair, your coworkers could easily start to suspect something is off. You might start dressing differently, search for opportunities to be alone with the other person, or flirt subtly with them during a meeting. These changes can result in awkwardness and gossip among the rest of the team. 

Depending on the company’s HR policies on dating other coworkers, you might also face serious consequences from this relationship. Even though you might think there is nothing to report, considering you’re not physically cheating, your coworkers might think differently and notice how this relationship affects the work environment. 

Mental and Emotional Wellbeing

At first, you might like the butterflies in your stomach. As this situation progresses, a feeling of guilt and stress will probably become your everyday experience. Keeping this relationship secret can be tiring since you must hide it from your partner, coworkers, and managers. That is why many people who find themselves in such a situation decide to end it before it gets too messy for them, especially if there are children under 18 involved in either coworker’s home. 

 

How to Stop Cheating Emotionally 

If you’ve developed strong feelings for this person and you’ve tried stopping the affair before and failed, consider talking to a therapist. Therapy is a safe space where you can share your secrets without fear of them being told to others. 

Also, consider talking to the other person and sharing your concerns with them. When talking to them, focus only on the negative consequences. Even though you haven’t experienced any of these consequences yet, it’s still possible for both of your lives to drastically change in the future. Consider what your life will look like in 2, 5, or 10 years if you continue this behavior. How many others will you impact? 

Sadly, emotional cheating at work can be so messy that you both lose your jobs and ruin your family trust. 

If you must stay with your colleague romantically, one of you could look for a new job. Occasionally, the best way to help is to change your work environment. You might even notice your lack of interest in them when they aren’t around all the time. Not seeing them can help you understand what your values and priorities are. 

 

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