Why Do People Stay In Abusive Relationships

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Why Do People Stay In Abusive Relationships

 

If you’re wondering, ‘Why do people stay in abusive relationships?’ this article will aim to answer that question. Whether you’re reading this material to understand yourself and your relationship or you want to support a friend, this guide can help you understand why a person would choose to stay in such a relationship.

Learn how to recognize an abusive relationship, the reasons for staying, and the best ways to exit it. 

 

Signs of an Abusive Relationship

An abusive relationship is characterized by violence, cruelty, harm, and disrespect. Treating a partner in any of these ways indicates an abusive relationship. When it comes to types, relationship abuse can be physical, sexual, spiritual, or emotional. 

These are the most common signs of an abusive relationship:

  • Constant criticism, insults, or name-calling
  • Gaslighting (making you doubt yourself) 
  • Blaming you for everything 
  • Mood swings that keep you walking on eggshells
  • Withholding affection as punishment
  • Isolating you from friends and family
  • Dictating what you wear, eat, or how you spend money (without consent) 
  • Monitoring your phone, emails, or social media
  • Yelling, screaming, or demeaning you in private or public
  • Using sarcasm or “jokes” to humiliate you
  • Hitting, slapping, punching, choking, or biting (without consent)
  • Insulting your beliefs and practices
  • Throwing objects, punching walls, or threatening with weapons
  • Grabbing, pushing, or restraining
  • Blocking exits or physically intimidating you

These are the most common signs of abusive relationships. That said, if you feel harmed by your partner’s behavior, yet it’s not on this list, it doesn’t make it okay. Abuse from loved ones is often difficult to identify, and it can be confusing for those who experience it. If you suspect your relationship is abusive, talk to a friend or a therapist and share how you feel. 

 

Why People Stay in Abusive Relationships

The first thing someone thinks when talking about abusive relationships is, ‘Why don’t they just leave?’ However, leaving someone you love is not easy, even if you’re not happy in a relationship with them. There are many potential reasons why someone might decide to stay in an abusive relationship. 

Trauma Bonding

A person who grew up without unconditional love or in a dangerous home is more likely to be in an abusive relationship. In these situations, children develop emotional dependence and seek that familiar dynamic. Because of this, some people choose the same partner type repeatedly. 

Low Self-Worth

A person with lower self-worth will choose to stay in a relationship that is not fulfilling for them because they think they deserve it. For example, your friends might say for a while that you deserve a better partner, yet you don’t believe them. You think you have to put up with all the drama because someone better wouldn’t be interested in you. You may believe this because your partner lied and abused you by saying you’d never find anyone better. 

Being Threatened

In more severe cases, a person might be afraid to leave, as their partner has threatened them. These threats can include lying about you or threatening self-harm if you leave. Whatever the content of these threats, you decide to stay with them, as leaving could result in undesired consequences. 

Fear of the Unknown

Starting all over again might seem scary, especially as you get older. We get used to people and the relationships we build with them, even the bad ones. Staying in the familiar situation can seem safer than navigating the unknown. This situation could have the same effect if you dislike being alone or fear independence. 

Stigma or Shame

Staying in abusive relationships to avoid shame and comments from others is common for couples with children. They may view the ending of the relationship as a personal failure, a perception that is far from accurate. There is no excuse for abusive behavior, regardless of how your decision to leave the abusive partner might seem to others. 

Financial Dependence

If your partner is earning all the money, you might feel like you can’t end the relationship. Without money, you wouldn’t be able to find an apartment and cover all your needs. That said, if your partner is abusive, you can ask your friends and family for help, including financial assistance. They can give you food and a couch until you decide what to do. Additionally, some states provide financial resources for situations like this. 

Religious or Cultural Beliefs

In some cultures and religions, ending a relationship or marriage is viewed negatively. Everyone has heard stories of a happily ever after. However, life is not made only of perfect moments and people. Knowing when to cut ties with people who treat you poorly is essential for your well-being. 

 

Breaking the Silence

Many people in abusive relationships will try their best to change their abusive partners. Understanding the distinction between relationship difficulties and an abusive partner is crucial. Instead of trying to make them understand how you feel, talk to someone whom you trust and who can truly support you, whether that person is a family member, friend, or therapist.

Talking to someone else can also help you consider how to end a relationship in the best possible way. For the same reasons that they continue in such a relationship, many victims choose to remain silent. Getting the help you need is essential and is the only way to end your suffering. If the abuse has been going on for a while and it has taken a serious toll on your health, talk to a therapist or a trusted healthcare practitioner. 

Sometimes, talking to people who have been through the same experience can help. Look for online or offline support groups and connect with people who truly understand how you feel. Talking to someone who is now recovered from such a relationship can give you hope and motivate you to leave your abusive partner. After all, whatever the reason for staying in an abusive relationship, it is not worth sacrificing your peace, health, and happiness. You deserve to be happy and with someone who wants to make you happy every day!

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

 

Importance of Listening Skills: The Key to Effective Communication

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Importance of Listening Skills: The Key to Effective Communication

 

You’ll hear everyone talking about how to speak properly and keep others engaged, yet we rarely talk about the importance of listening skills. Talking and listening are integral aspects of effective communication. You can’t be a successful and efficient communicator if you don’t know how to listen properly when someone else is talking. 

Listening can help you understand the other person better and connect with others on a more meaningful level. Learn how to develop these skills and improve relationships in your private and professional life. 

 

What Are Listening Skills?

When people talk about listening, they often confuse it with hearing, yet hearing someone speak doesn’t imply you’re listening to them. Active listening consists of four components:

  • Attention: Are you paying attention to what is being said?
  • Understanding: Are you able to mentally process what is being said?
  • Response: Are you able to respond in a way that shows your engagement?
  • Retention: Are you able to remember key points from the conversation? 

A great example of passive listening is when students listen to their professors. Your professor could talk for an hour, yet you are not paying attention to everything they are saying. Listening requires paying attention and understanding what is being said, while hearing requires only allowing the speaker to say something and you to hear it. 

 

Why Listening Skills Matter in Communication

Listening skills are essential for connecting with everyone in your life. Even a random person on the street asking you a question can benefit from your listening skills. Not paying attention to their question can lead to incorrect answers, misunderstandings, and conflicts. 

You’ve probably heard that communication is key for every relationship. That means that strengthening your listening skills will help you with your coworkers and romantic partner. 

 

Builds Trust and Empathy

Do you remember the last time you shared something personal with your best friend, and you felt such relief when you realized how much they understood you? Such an experience is a sign that your friend has excellent listening skills. Listening to someone makes them feel seen and heard by you.

It fosters trust and empathy. Instead of only focusing on what you want to say, pay attention to what others are telling you. Show interest. Ask them questions. Most relationships suffer because partners are unable to communicate well with each other. In most cases, they both know how to talk; yet the listening part is what makes the relationship truly successful. 

 

Reduces Misunderstandings

When we pay attention to what the other person is telling us, we minimize the possibility of misunderstandings. When you don’t listen, assumptions start to arise. You start thinking that your partner is avoiding spending time with you when, in reality, they are working long hours. 

Misunderstandings can also happen at work. If you don’t actively listen to your colleagues and superiors, your performance may suffer, and you may not be able to advance in your career. That is why it’s essential to make an effort to actively listen and engage. Start by ensuring you can easily focus on the other person and eliminate potential distractions. 

 

Enhances Problem Solving and Collaboration

Listening is a foundation for teamwork. Whether you’re born in a big family or work in a team, listening to others is essential. It can help you get to know people better and also boost your problem-solving skills. By understanding someone else’s perspective, it becomes easier to suggest effective solutions.

Also, listening is a key element in collaboration. You might work on a large project and need to coordinate activities with your teammates. The situation can become an issue if you struggle to listen to what they are sharing about the project. 

 

Improves Leadership and Influence

All great leaders are great listeners as well. They will be more respected by their employees because they will understand them better. A leader who doesn’t listen to their employees cannot be an efficient boss. They will overlook challenges and issues their employees are facing because they don’t pay attention. 

On the other hand, leaders who listen will have more successful teams. They will know what their team needs and provide them with whatever it takes to be more efficient. A successful leader knows that listening is a form of emotional intelligence, and they use their time to listen to others, not just to talk. 

 

How to Improve Your Listening Skills

If you’re not skilled in listening, don’t worry. As with any skill, you can learn it over time. First, it’s important to understand which factors are impacting your inability to listen. You might get distracted easily or not have enough patience to listen to someone else talking. Whatever it is, be honest with yourself, as knowing the reasons could help you become a better listener. Recognizing the importance of listening skills is the first step toward improving them and becoming more present in your conversations.

 

Being Present

When someone starts talking, decide to listen to them. Set aside everything you’re doing or thinking about and give them your undivided attention. If something is distracting you, suggest moving to another location or postponing the conversation for the moment so that you’ll both be able to communicate.

 

Asking Questions and Paraphrasing

If you’re not sure if you understood correctly, ask them to clarify. You can paraphrase what they said to see if you agree. Try saying, “What you’re saying is …” or ask, “What did you mean when you said _____?”

 

Reflecting

We all talk to each other because of our need for connection, regardless of the environment. That is why reflection is such a key factor in active listening and highlights the importance of listening skills in building meaningful conversations. Once the person has stopped talking, reflect on what has been said. Show support or comprehension by reflecting on their words before speaking on what you want to share. Even though you might continue talking about the same topic, ignoring what was said can make the other person feel unheard.

 

Don’t Interrupt

Interrupting is something you should avoid unless it’s necessary. Instead, wait until the speaker has finished their thought. In almost all scenarios, interruption is considered a rude act, and it can even harm the communication flow. When you feel the urge to interrupt, remind yourself to wait. After all, patience and respect are key characteristics of outstanding communicators. 

If you start working on your listening skills, you will notice improvements instantly. You can improve your relationships by using every conversation to become a better listener. 

Start your journey here.

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

How to Stop Being Codependent & Have Healthy Relationships

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How to Stop Being Codependent & Have Healthy Relationships

 

The answer to the question, ‘How to stop being codependent?’ is not straightforward. After all, developing codependency takes time, just as becoming more independent in your relationships does. All human beings exhibit certain types of codependent behaviors, especially during our childhood years. While growing up, we learn to become more independent in areas that feel safe, such as doing homework or riding a bike. 

As much as we become independent adults, we will still seek connection and support from people in our lives, which is beneficial in many ways. Codependency, on the other hand, implies a dysfunctional dynamic in a relationship. It could mean that one person prioritizes the needs and desires of the other person over their own. It could also mean they need someone else’s approval before acting or saying something. 

In codependency, both sides are enabling each other’s unhealthy behaviors. That is why the solution to codependency is not as simple as we’d like it to be. Instead, it’s essential to understand why someone is codependent, what they receive from it, and which healthy alternatives they can implement in these areas.

 

Codependency Explained 

Some might refer to codependency as relationship addiction, while others might call it toxic relationships. Although these terms have much in common with codependency, they are not synonyms. We’ll say that a relationship is toxic when we can clearly see unhealthy behavior or the dynamics of that couple. 

However, codependency will most probably not look toxic to you at first. People often mistake codependency for care, where one partner takes care of the other. Codependents expect others to care for them because they can’t do it themselves. 

The following key characteristics provide the best explanation of codependency:

  • Unhealthy dependence: Codependent people often have an unhealthy level of dependence on each other, whether it’s for approval, validation, security, or self-worth. 
  • Prioritizing others’ needs: In a codependent relationship, each person will prioritize the needs of the other instead of their own, most often at their expense. 
  • Enabling unhealthy behaviors: Both sides will enable codependency in each other through unhealthy behaviors, such as addiction, poor mental health, irresponsibility, or immaturity. 
  • Weak or lack of boundaries: Codependent partners will have issues setting and respecting boundaries. 
  • Fear of abandonment: To avoid being alone, a person with codependent behaviors will do anything to make the other person stay in their life. 
  • Low self-esteem: Those stuck in a codependent relationship often have low self-esteem and believe they don’t deserve anything positive or beautiful, so they focus on maintaining the status quo of their relationship instead of growing together. 

 

Causes of Codependency

By going through the main characteristics of codependency, you might also get an idea of its common causes. Mostly, codependency stems from early childhood experiences. This means that children in dysfunctional families tend to become codependent adults. Growing up in a home with a lack of boundaries, low self-esteem, or prioritizing family needs over their own, a person will most probably repeat the same patterns in their relationships. 

That is why it’s essential to become aware of what caused your codependency. In most cases, the answer appears during childhood. These causes can be:

  • Abuse
  • Neglect
  • Unhealthy family roles
  • Overprotective/underprotective parenting 
  • Insecure attachment 
  • Lack of self-worth 
  • Unresolved trauma
  • Substance abuse
  • Chronic illness
  • Cultural and social factors

 

How Can You Stop Being Codependent 

If you want your friendships and romantic relationships to be healthier, learning how to stop being codependent is essential. Follow the steps below to work on your codependency and consider talking to a therapist. Therapy is a good way to learn about your codependency, its effects on your relationships, and alternatives. 

 

1.Get to Know Your Codependency

When we’re talking about the parts of us we don’t like so much, we tend to run away from them, thinking it might set us free. However, you can’t run away from something that is a part of you. Instead, you need to befriend it and learn all about it. 

Why are you codependent? How does the habit benefit you? What are your first memories of codependent behavior? Answering these questions can help you understand the dynamics of your relationships. You can explore many techniques to get to know this part of you. 

Consider giving that codependent part of you a name and talking to it. If you don’t want to do that, you can write down how you feel and what you need. It might feel awkward at first. After all, you’re doing it for the first time. 

 

2.Think of Alternatives for Your Codependent Behaviors

Unbelievably, your codependency solely prioritizes your well-being! For example, your fear of abandonment led to creating several techniques to ensure such an event doesn’t happen in the future. Unfortunately, these techniques are exhausting and detrimental to your well-being. 

Instead, you could set a goal of spending quality time with yourself once a week. The task could involve picking up an old hobby, practicing mindfulness, dancing to your favorite music, or anything else you like. By learning to enjoy your alone time, you will remind yourself that you don’t depend on others to have a good time. 

The same goes for anything else you’ve realized while learning about your codependency. If you struggle with setting boundaries, these issues can be your focus. First, determine which values are most important for you in your relationships. For instance, if you appreciate punctuality, communicate it to your friends and romantic partner. Ask them to respect your time and share your boundaries with them. 

This means you can leave after waiting 15 minutes or only meet when they can hang out with you. 

 

3.Consider Therapy

This work might be overwhelming, so talking to a mental health professional could greatly help. A therapist can guide you through the process of understanding and reducing your codependency. Such an approach can benefit those who can’t find the right methods to get to know their codependency. 

With a therapist, you will look closely at your relationships to see the common dynamic. Occasionally, all we need is someone asking the right question to trigger a train of thoughts that lead to valuable conclusions. You can also become aware of your codependency and work in parallel with a therapist. You can even ask them to give you homework after each session to maximize the value of the therapy. 

Conclusion

Learning how to stop being codependent is the first step toward becoming more independent and building healthy, fulfilling relationships. It might take time, yet it’s possible. Once you realize your codependent behaviors, you’ll see things improve, whether you work on it alone or with a therapist. With each step, you will feel more confident and motivated to pursue relationships that reflect your inner state. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

How to Be More Productive in Your Therapy Sessions

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How to Be More Productive in Your Therapy Sessions

 

Do you want to learn how to be more productive while talking to your therapist? You might feel that time is running fast during your sessions, and you don’t have enough time to address everything you want. Or, you might feel like you’re forgetting everything you’ve talked about as soon as you leave the office. Whatever the reason, being productive in your therapy sessions is very beneficial for you. 

Productivity can provide you with structural support when it comes to healing. You can focus on what’s best for you instead of worrying about forgetting to bring something up or memorizing your therapist’s words. Ultimately, the goal of therapy is to enhance your mental and emotional health, and productivity can be a huge aid in the process. 

 

Productivity Hacks for Your Next Therapy Session

You might be preparing yourself for your first therapy session, or you’ve been going for a while. In either case, you can start being productive before, during, and after talking to your therapist. 

 

Before the Session

Are you one of these people who’s rushing into your therapist’s office or opening that meeting link in your calendar without catching a breath? Well, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate this approach. Preparing yourself for therapy eliminates the stress and helps you concentrate on what will happen during the session. 

Before each session, give yourself five to ten minutes to prepare tea, coffee, or water; go to the bathroom; and tidy up and organize the space around you. In the time between sessions, make sure you write down the events or thoughts you’d like to share with your therapist.

When it comes to productivity hacks before the session, consider these:

  • Setting clear goals: Define what you wish to address or achieve in each therapy session (e.g., event, emotion or feeling, memory, relationship, etc.).
  • Keep a therapy journal: Write down all your events, thoughts, and emotions in one place. It helps you track your progress and go back to the past moments when necessary. 
  • Track patterns: You can use a journal or write notes in an app, yet tracking recurring triggers, behaviors, or emotions can help you address those issues with your therapist.  
  • Prepare topics: If there is something that crosses your mind, write it down and read it before the session to see whether or not you want to talk about it. 

 

During the Session

Productivity really pays off during your therapy sessions. During the session, your therapist will provide advice and ask the right questions. Making sure you pay attention to and memorize their words will be valuable to you later as well. You might come across the same situation as you did a few months ago, and checking your notes from that session might save you time and energy. 

When it comes to productivity hacks during the session, consider these:

  • Be transparent: Therapy is your safe space, and you should motivate yourself to speak freely about your thoughts and emotions. Allow yourself to explore uncomfortable topics and dig deeper into them. 
  • Ask questions: If something is unclear or you want to discuss the topic more profoundly, ask your therapist to explain or provide examples. 
  • Take notes: You don’t have to write everything during the session. Write key insights, phrases, coping strategies, or ideas that you or your therapist mentioned.

 

After the Session 

You should take five to ten minutes after the session, just like you do before it. Take a moment to absorb everything that was said after you leave your therapist’s office or end the online call. We often forget to reflect on our experiences because we’re so focused on what’s next. Taking a moment to take care of yourself after therapy should become a part of your routine. 

When it comes to productivity hacks after the session, consider these:

  • Reflect: Think about what you said and heard, and how it could be used in daily life. 
  • Implement: Apply the coping mechanisms or techniques recommended.
  • Notice progress: Track improvement or emotional shifts you notice as a result of therapy.
  • Provide feedback: Share with your therapist how you felt afterwards and what changes you’ve noticed or managed to implement after the session. 

 

Overcoming Common Challenges

You may notice certain challenges when it comes to your first efforts to become more productive in your therapy sessions. The lack of productivity can make it seem like you’re not benefiting from your therapy as much as you’d like. Applying all the tips mentioned above allows you to see a clear overview of your healing process. You can see how you felt months ago, which triggers you had, and what new techniques your therapist was suggesting. You can compare that information with the present situation and see what has improved. 

Being more productive, especially writing down and reflecting, enables you to manage more efficiently intense feelings during and after sessions. Once you start applying these suggestions, you will notice so many benefits. 

You will feel more concentrated and prepared for your next session. You will pay closer attention to your therapist’s words. You will notice how the work from therapy shows up in your daily situations with minimal conscious effort. All of this is possible due to the progress made during your therapy sessions. 

 

In Final Words

You don’t have to use all of our productivity tips at once. Make notes for your next therapy session, and after you’re done, take some time to think back on it. Doing it all at once could overwhelm you and make it feel like a systematic rather than emotional process. 

Also, not all techniques work for all people. Some might prefer to track progress in their therapy journals, while others prefer writing key words and phrases on sticky notes and having them where they can see them. It’s up to you to decide which of these ideas can help you become more productive. After all, you will enjoy its benefits!

Schedule a session today! 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Lesbian Couples Therapy

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Lesbian Couples Therapy: How It Can Strengthen Your Relationship

 

If you’re looking for tips on how to choose the best lesbian couples therapy for you and your significant other, we’ll share with you everything you need to keep in mind. From choosing a therapist to preparing for your first session, this blog will help you succeed. 

 

Reasons to Seek Lesbian Couples Therapy

If you and your partner are seeking a therapist to help you strengthen your relationship, you might consider going to a conventional therapist. However, keep in mind that a therapist without previous work with lesbian couples might be insufficient for you. This is because they could be unaware of the unique challenges a lesbian couple could face, whether it’s among partners, in the family, or in society.

Find a therapist who treats clients like you; check their reviews! The therapist’s knowledge and skills on what your contextual world is will help you and your partner with not explaining and teaching the therapist beyond heterosocial norms. 

Here are the most common reasons why a lesbian couple would seek therapy:

  • Communication and conflict resolution
  • Intimacy and emotional connection
  • Identity and societal pressures
  • Life transitions and external stressors
  • Lesbian-specific relationship dynamics

 

How to Prepare for Lesbian Couples Therapy

Even if you still need time to search for the best therapist or decide whether that’s the best solution, there are certain things you can do as a couple to work on issues within your relationship. 

 

Talk About Each Other’s Feelings

It is alright if you or your partner is experiencing grief, hurt, frustration, or any other emotion. Recognizing these emotions allows you both to provide each other with what you need. Oftentimes, conflicts arise when we assume how the other partner is feeling and act or say in a the wrong way.

When and where you both feel comfortable, share your feelings and needs. Don’t interrupt each other when speaking. If any of you find it difficult, assign a certain amount of time for each of you to speak. Asking her questions will help you understand her better if you’re unsure.

 

Respect Her Perspective

Oftentimes, we’ll focus only on the facts and search for the truth. Instead of doing that, remember that each person has a unique perspective on a certain event. Without arguing over who is right, you can get to know each other better. 

Even if your perspective is different, allow your partner to share hers. Learning how you both perceive and experience situations can help you build a stronger relationship. 

 

Learn Each Other’s Love Language

In all relationships, many conflicts arise because we are unable to give each other what we need. This might happen because of misunderstandings, external factors or simply because you’re not aware of each other’s love language. 

Love languages refer to our preferred way to give and receive love. This can be through words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts. 

 

Don’t Forget About Physical Intimacy

You need to work on all aspects of your relationship, not just communication. Working on physical intimacy is essential. The term can mean different things to different people. For instance, your partner might need more hugs or cuddles before sleep, while you will want more sexual activity during the week to keep things spicy.

 

Spend Time with Mutual Friends

Spending time with friends can help you feel more accepted, loved, and protected. Beyond that, it reminds you both who is in your community and who matters. This can be quite beneficial if you don’t feel understood by your family or coworkers. 

Time spent with friends can also meet some of the needs that your partner can’t. For instance, you might be working a lot, and you don’t have time for a wild night out. If you decide to go out with friends, you can go to bed early, and your partner can have a great time dancing and talking to people you both love.  

 

How to Choose the Right Lesbian Couples Therapist

Before you just schedule an appointment with the first therapist you find online, make sure you check a few things first. If you’ve found a therapist online, you can find their experience and areas of expertise there as well. 

If you can’t find that information online or you’re seeing a therapist in person, you can ask them to send it to you before you schedule the first session. Once you and your partner have decided on one option, make sure you also keep alternative options if the first person doesn’t seem like a right fit after the session. 

It would be helpful to hear from past clients about what makes this therapist good, so read their reviews on Google. After all, even if a person is a lesbian couple therapist, they might not feel like the right fit due to their approach, personality, or something else. 

If you have any questions or concerns, it’s best to address them before or during your first session. Any technical details like price, insurance coverage, methods, and approaches should be discussed during your first interaction.

If, for whatever reason, you and your partner decide to look for another therapist, you’d better do it sooner rather than later. These steps will save you time and energy, and you won’t have to repeat the same information to another professional. 

 

Final Words

Therapy can help you strengthen the positive parts of your relationship and work on the parts that typically end in discussion. Being in a relationship is not easy, and it requires significant effort. Addressing unique challenges that lesbian couples face can help you heal from them and reconnect with your romantic partner.

Lesbian couples therapy can help you walk down that healing path together and lean on each other when times are tough. As time passes, you will both see how your relationship is developing and be encouraged to celebrate that! 

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

LGBT Therapist

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The Value of an LGBT Therapist in Your Mental Health Journey

 

Although mental health should be a priority for everyone, a queer person benefits tremendously from seeing an LGBT therapist. The LGBT community faces unique challenges in accessing mental health services, which makes it essential that the person you talk to about your well-being is someone who is experienced in this area. 

One of the most important steps in the mental health process is definitely finding an LGBT-affirming therapist. You may be able to create the life you truly deserve if you learn how to heal your traumas and wounds and become the best version of yourself. If you identify with this topic, know that working closely with an experienced LGBT therapist is essential for your healing journey. We hope that this article will inspire you to take the most significant step toward your ideal future by providing you with additional information.  

 

Unique Challenges of the LGBT Community

Unfortunately, certain societal attitudes toward LGBT people can contribute to stress, anxiety, and depression. We cannot claim that society as a whole is stagnant. Despite this, we continue to see terrible instances of discrimination everywhere we look. The significance of queer folks having LGBT therapists for mental health care is just one part of that. 

Many of these mental health issues are caused entirely or in part by oppressive institutions and behaviors that are still in place in our culture. Providing positive treatment as a mental health practitioner requires understanding these detrimental systems and how they impact LGBT people. LGBT issues like healthcare access, employment and housing discrimination, gendered violence, and social exclusion are major concerns. 

The list of difficulties for the LGBT community goes on and on. These challenges will evolve and take on different shapes as time and society change. Keeping up with how the landscape is evolving and impacting LGBT clients is crucial for mental health professionals because it provides authentic support to those who need it the most. 

 

Why Choose an LGBT Therapist?

If you’re thinking between choosing a mental health therapist with no experience in this area and an LGBT-affirming therapist, there are certain factors you should keep in mind when making this decision. 

The most obvious one is cultural competence. Your therapy can only be successful if your therapist can truly understand the challenges you’re facing and is able to provide realistic tools and techniques in your healing journey. LGBT therapists are trained to understand and affirm diverse sexual orientations and gender identities, making it easier for you to feel understood and supported. 

It goes beyond saying how important it is for members of the LGBT community to feel they’re in a judgment-free environment. Without it, it would be impossible to foster trust and achieve deeper therapeutic work. 

An LGBT therapist will also be able to navigate issues like minority stress, coming out, or family rejection. As someone who has been hurt and is openly looking for support, seeing yourself reflected in a therapist can enhance feelings of belonging and understanding. 

 

The Benefits of LGBT Therapy

LGBT therapy is essential because it provides a safe space for people to explore their thoughts, feelings, and experiences related to their gender identity or sexual orientation in a supportive and nonjudgmental setting. By addressing the particular cultural, family, and internal issues that LGBT people may encounter, this specialized type of counseling goes beyond regular therapy. It is essential for building resilience, increasing self-awareness, and enabling people to deal with the complexity of who they are. 

When talking about the numerous benefits of LGBT therapy, the most noticeable ones include: 

  • Building self-acceptance
  • Healing relationships
  • Resilience and empowerment 
  • Community resources and support

 

Through LGBT counseling, you can develop healthy coping strategies, boost your self-esteem, and develop deeper, more meaningful relationships with others. LGBT therapy’s supportive framework ensures self-acceptance and personal growth are respected and supported, which is essential for living fully.

 

How to Find the Right Therapist

If you want an LGBT-affirming therapist but are already seeing one, ask your current therapist for referrals. The majority of therapists would gladly assist with a reference since they care about their client’s best interests. 

Using an LGBT health search engine is another way to locate a qualified therapist. Within a given zip code, you may look for therapists, psychiatrists, and sex therapists. Therapists indicate their areas of expertise, such as LGBT-affirming and gender-affirming care. If you are looking to pay privately, we have many virtual options for coaching available. 

Lastly, your community might be your finest resource. Ask for referrals from other LGBTA+ people you know who are undergoing therapy. You can also reach out to Facebook and other social media or internet groups and ask for advice. Dozens of recommendations will likely appear quickly, making it easier than searching online. 

 

Conclusion

Therapy is unquestionably crucial for LGBTA+ individuals to overcome mental health obstacles in their lives. If you’re looking for someone to help you feel fulfilled and accomplished, consider reaching out to a queer therapist. These professionals will be able to truly understand and support you on your journey. After all, sometimes we need more than just our friends’ support. 

A qualified therapist can help you get to know yourself better. Once you do that, you will be able to understand better your needs and what you’re looking for in others. The most important part of a queer person’s life is acceptance. However, this is often easier said than done. There are various reasons why you may not feel comfortable about your life. It’s a therapist’s job to make you fall in love with yourself and become excited about the life you have and are building for yourself. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibile, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Somatic Exercises to Release Trauma

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Learn Somatic Exercises to Release Trauma

 

There are numerous ways to use somatic exercises to release trauma, and learning how to make the most of them can alleviate a lot of pain and stress. Your body and mind can both hold trauma. If you want to recover from a stressful situation more quickly, it will require working on releasing these emotions and sensations.

Somatic therapy is a body-focused approach that may be especially beneficial if you suffer from symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or chronic stress.

It was created by Peter Levine in the late 1970s and was designed as a substitute for existing trauma-focused therapies, which, while beneficial for many, proved ineffective for others.

 

Connection Between Your Trauma, Mind, and Body

Somatic exercise starts the trauma recovery from the bottom up. This method centers on how the body reacts to trauma and how it impacts the brain rather than beginning with discussions of emotions or cognition. Traumatized people frequently lose touch with their bodies. The sympathetic nervous system goes into overdrive when someone experiences trauma, and it can be difficult for them to rebalance their nervous system and return to a state of peaceful awareness.

It indicates that your brain adapts as necessary following one or many incidents, repeated stressors, or both. As a defense mechanism, the brain fragments rather than completely processes unpleasant memories. This explains why you experience what are known as flashbacks or triggers. Details such as colors, sounds, scents, or images that resemble a portion of the fragmented memory elicit a response as though the past experience were reliving itself in the present.  

However, trauma can also make it difficult for you to recall traumatic events or significant details of them. These are typical reactions to trying and stressful situations. Your brain makes the necessary adaptations to ensure your survival, but it does not always revert to your pre-existing state of affairs. 

Either an under-reactive (numb and detached) or an over-reactive (on edge or overwhelmed) state may become apparent in you. Common emotional experiences include feeling overwhelmed by strong emotions, struggling to connect with happy feelings, or experiencing more shame, remorse, self-blame, and despair. 

The way you see the environment, other people, and yourself in your thoughts frequently shifts. You might discover that it’s difficult for you to unwind or get enough sleep. This is the result of your mind being unduly ready, or primed, for an upcoming threat. Feeling tense, becoming startled more quickly, and being extremely sensitive to your surroundings are some symptoms of this. 

 

Somatic Exercises for Trauma Release

The exercises are a part of the somatic experience, which emphasizes intentional movement and heightened bodily awareness as a means of releasing trauma-related energy that has become stuck.

Somatic activities support trauma rehabilitation by utilizing the profound relationship between the body and mind. These exercises integrate the cerebral, physical, and emotional selves while calming the nervous system through deliberate movements and attention.

 

1.Grounding

 

One of the most effective somatic healing exercises is grounding. When unpleasant memories or worries surface, they help you stay grounded by re-establishing the connection between your body and mind through the activation of your senses.

These are the common examples:

  • Strolling at a leisurely pace, observing the sensation of each step as your feet make contact with the earth.
  • When warm or cold water flows over your hands, notice how the warmth makes you feel calmer.
  • Hug yourself gently or wrap yourself in a soft blanket or grounding sheet. 
  • To absorb the energy of the earth, use grounding mats or sheets that are connected to your home’s electrical socket.
  • Stroking a pet’s fur and noticing its texture and warmth.
  • Squeezing a stress ball and focusing solely on the force.
  • Letting yourself be soothed by the tune of soothing music. According to research, listening to calming music can reduce stress and heart rate, as well as release endorphins and boost general well-being.

 

2.Visualization

 

Visualization turns your mind into an effective therapeutic instrument. By using constructive images, you can establish communication between your mental and physical responses. Research demonstrates the impact of mental imagery on cognitive processes, for instance, by demonstrating that the mere act of imagining an activity triggers the same brain processes as carrying it out physically.

This technique relieves disturbing pictures by renegotiating experiences at a physiological level and creating a healing and balanced internal space. Studies show, for example, that visualization and guided imagery techniques can successfully lower stress and anxiety by inducing a relaxation response.

Examples of visualizations are: 

  • Imagine the first light of morning illuminating every cell in your body and getting you ready for the day.
  • Imagine yourself in a calm, secure place where all anxiety disappears when things get tough.
  • Before going to bed, visualize the epitome of ease and relaxation to help you fall asleep and wake up feeling refreshed.

 

3.Breathing

 

One of the most effective ways to feel focused and soothe the nervous system is to practice conscious breathing. Breathing mindfully allows you to remain in the present moment rather than losing yourself in worry or emotion.

Here are some suggestions:

  • Imagine tension dissipating with each deep breath out. Breaths promote calmness and serenity.
  • Try box breathing: four counts of inhalation, four counts of holding the breath, and four counts of exhalation.
  • To activate the diaphragm, try belly breathing. Put your hands there and inhale to feel it grow.
  • Check out my article with seven different exercises on somatic breathwork!
  • Breathing deeply has a great effect. At first, build up to 5 to 10 minutes a day. As you learn, be patient with yourself.

 

Conclusion

The foundation of somatic therapy is the idea that stress and trauma are not just psychological issues but also physically visible. Chronic stress and unresolved trauma can cause emotional instability, bodily strain, and a disconnection from one’s own body. By bridging the gap between the mind and the body, somatic therapy helps people let go of pent-up emotional energy and reclaim their sense of safety and control.

Somatic therapy uses the body to process and release trauma in a way that verbal therapy may not be able to fully address. To promote healing, this method strongly emphasizes the recognition of physical sensations, movement, and breathing.

 

Quick Ways to Reduce Anxiety and Stress

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibile, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Why Am I So Angry All the Time?

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Why Am I So Angry All the Time?

 

You should read this article if you have been wondering, “Why am I so angry all the time?” Even though you may think you are the only one going through this, many others are going through the same thing. They constantly feel angry, sometimes for no apparent reason. 

Instead of blaming you for feeling angry, it would make more sense to stop and have an honest conversation with your anger. As we know that this is something that feels unusual, we’ve decided to write an article dedicated to all people who feel angry all the time and don’t know what to do about it. Continue reading as we’ll explain what anger is, why it appears, what its purpose is, and what to do when you’re overwhelmed with this uncomfortable emotion. 

What Is Anger? 

When something goes wrong or someone wrongs you, you will probably experience anger. This is a very intense emotion, followed usually by stress and frustration. It’s important to say that all human beings experience anger and that it’s a completely natural emotion. Just like sadness, happiness, and fear, anger has its reasons for appearing on the surface. You might feel it in a challenging or stressful situation, whether it’s related to work, family, relationships, or something else. Anger often appears in moments of injustice or when we feel like we’ve been deprived of something. 

Anger only becomes an issue when it manifests excessively and starts interfering with day-to-day functioning and interpersonal relationships. The level of anger can vary, ranging from mild irritation to fury. It may occasionally be exaggerated or unreasonable. It might be challenging to control your emotions in certain situations, and you might act differently than you usually would. Anger could mean you lose control over your words and behavior, which might result in hurting someone else. 

Sings of Anger

Our bodies undergo certain physiological and biochemical changes when we are angry. The following are some examples of these changes your body may experience: 

  • Energy boost
  • Elevated blood pressure 
  • Increase in hormones (noradrenaline and adrenaline) 
  • Increase in body temperature  
  • Heightened tension in the muscles 

It’s important to note that everyone experiences anger differently, and we all display it in various ways. When you’re upset, you may exhibit the following:

  • Raising your voice
  • Clenching your fists
  • Fowning 
  • Tightness in your jaw area
  • Trembling 
  • Rapid heartbeats 
  • Sweating 

What Makes Me Angry?

There is nothing wrong with experiencing all the emotions. However, suppose you’re noticing that the anger is starting to impact your life. In that case, it’s time to do something about it, whether it’s destroying your romantic relationship or making your friends distant from you. That said, even if nobody around you is aware that you’re angry all the time, if you’re feeling like this most of the time, you shouldn’t ignore it.

As much as it’s true that anger is a strong emotion that often overwhelms you so much that you’re struggling to stay rational, it’s essential to start recognizing your triggers. What triggers your anger? These triggers can include things like your boss criticizing you, hearing your partner yelling at you, misplacing your phone or keys, etc. 

Once you start recognizing these triggers, it might help to create a plan for each of these triggers. For instance, if you keep losing your things, you might want to create a space for these things and try your best to leave them there. Keep in mind that thinking of these tricks will not make the anger go away. The idea of identifying triggers is to be able to analyze these situations and see what’s underneath them. People tend to be angry because they’re not satisfied with their life choices, are afraid to lose control over the most critical aspects of their lives, or are feeling sad.

Although sadness and anger are two individual emotions, often they are two sides of the same coin. Feeling angry provides us with a sense of control. It makes us feel like we’re stronger than when we’re crying. That is why many people who have lost someone important in their lives experience more anger than sadness. 

What To Do With My Anger?

We all experience anger occasionally, and most people can find healthy methods to vent it. Exercise is an excellent way of releasing anger and stress. However, if you find yourself wondering, why am I so angry all the time? and notice that anger is present in your everyday life, seeking therapy could be beneficial. Therapy is the most popular treatment for excessive anger for a reason.

If you struggle to pinpoint the feelings and situations that cause your rage, talking to a mental health expert could be extremely helpful. Besides teaching you efficient methods to deal with anger, they can also help you uncover the underlying problem. Sometimes, anger appears years after we’ve experienced a traumatic event, making it difficult to connect the emotion to the specific situation.

It is crucial to learn coping mechanisms for anger, whether alone or with the help of an expert. When anger rules our lives, it can lead to issues at work and harm relationships with loved ones.

Meditation significantly improves one’s ability to regulate emotions. Simple techniques, such as deep breathing exercises, are great places to start. When faced with a situation that makes you angry, think before you react. Try taking a few deep breaths or counting to help yourself relax and feel more at ease.

Finding Another Way

The most important thing is to not suppress your anger. The best method to deal with your anger is to express it when you feel it’s healthy. Suppressing the emotion will likely result in an unexpected, explosive explosion. So, instead of yelling at people in your life, why not journal how you feel? This can help you express your emotions without hurting yourself or others. 

If you feel hopeless, seek a therapist in your area or online. With the help of therapy, you will notice how the intensity of your anger is reduced over time, and you’ll probably learn a thing or two about the real cause of this strong emotion. A competent therapist will help you find a balance between all the emotions and support you while you explore what works best for you. 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibile, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Changing Therapists

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Changing Therapists: How I Know It’s Time to Switch

 

In this video, I’ll walk you through important questions to ask yourself if you’re considering a therapist change.

Therapy is a personal journey, and it’s essential to feel that your therapist is genuinely supporting your growth. Sometimes you might feel like you’re not progressing as you’d hoped. Or that certain aspects of your therapy are causing more frustration than relief.

I’ll discuss how to evaluate these feelings and recognize whether they’re part of the natural process of therapy or signs that it’s time for a change.

We’ll dive into common reasons people switch therapists. You may feel uncomfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings, or your therapist’s approach might not align with your expectations.

Maybe their communication style doesn’t resonate with you, or they aren’t providing the structured guidance you need.

Therapy should feel like a safe, judgment-free space where you can explore your challenges openly. So if you don’t feel this comfort, it’s worth reflecting on.

Another sign that it may be time to switch is if your therapy seems to have plateaued. Meaning you’re no longer experiencing growth or insight.

This could indicate that your therapist isn’t as engaged as you’d hoped. Or that their approach is too limited for your evolving needs.

A healthy therapeutic relationship includes a sense of momentum and progress.

Finally, I’ll share some tips on approaching the search for a new therapist, including finding someone who uses a style that aligns with your personal goals and preferences.

If you’re questioning whether your current therapy is the right fit, this guide will empower you to make a well-informed decision.

Choosing the right therapist can make a significant difference in your mental health journey, helping you find the support and care you deserve.

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibile, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Types of Couples Therapy

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Types of Couples Therapy: Understanding Different Clinical Methods

 

The types of couples therapy offered have evolved significantly over the years, tailored to the unique dynamics between partners. Understanding the theoretical foundations of each couples therapy clinical method can help couples choose the best therapy for their relationship. In this blog, we’ll explore several key types of couples therapy, discuss their founding figures, and highlight how it helps couples navigate their challenges.

 

1.Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

One of the most widely used and research-backed methods of couples therapy is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which was developed by Dr. Sue Johnson in the 1980s. EFT is based on attachment theory, emphasizing the emotional bonds between partners and how these attachments shape behavior. Dr. Johnson’s approach works by helping couples identify and break negative cycles of communication and fostering secure emotional connections. By focusing on understanding and transforming emotions, EFT provides a framework where partners can express vulnerabilities and rebuild trust and closeness.

This is ideal for couples who struggle with emotional disconnection, frequent arguments, or feelings of insecurity in their relationship. You can do this therapy in person, virtually, or even via text.

 

2.The Gottman Method

Developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, the Gottman Method is another popular approach rooted in over 40 years of research. The Gottmans identified key predictors of relationship success or failure, such as the presence of “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. The Gottman Method emphasizes communication skills and emotional regulation, using structured interventions to improve relationship dynamics. Couples learn tools for conflict resolution, fostering intimacy, and increasing affection.

The Gottman Method is particularly well-known for its use of empirical data to guide therapy, and it incorporates exercises that couples can practice outside of sessions to build a healthier relationship foundation.

This service is ideal for couples seeking assistance in communication, resolving conflicts, and fostering emotional and physical closeness. You can do it in person or virtually, in the comfort of your own home.

 

3.Imago Relationship Therapy

Developed by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt in the 1980s, Imago Relationship Therapy is based on the idea that our childhood experiences shape how we interact in romantic relationships. According to this method, we often unconsciously choose partners who mirror unresolved issues from our early lives. Imago therapy encourages couples to engage in structured dialogues that foster empathy and mutual understanding. By recognizing how past wounds influence present behavior, couples can work toward healing and achieving greater connection.

This program is ideal for couples who want to explore how past traumas or childhood experiences impact their current relationship. This is wonderful for those who like text therapy and quick solutions. 

 

4.Narrative Therapy

Narrative Therapy, founded by Michael White and David Epston, offers a unique approach to couples therapy by emphasizing the stories couples tell about their relationship. This framework perceives problems as external to the relationship, not inherent to the individuals involved. We guide couples to “rewrite” their relational stories in ways that foster agency and positive outcomes. Narrative therapy helps partners break habits and create empowering relationship narratives.

This approach is ideal for couples experiencing recurring conflict or seeking to reinterpret their relationship challenges from a more optimistic perspective. Sessions can be done in person or virtually. At our practice, we can do text therapy as well. 

 

5.Esther Perel’s Framework

Developed by Esther Perel, her view that mating in captivity is what leads to affairs is a no-nonsense, direct approach to couples counseling. This method combines practical strategies with deep emotional work to help couples confront difficult truths about their relationship and desire. This often addresses gender dynamics and power imbalances in relationships, aiming for mutual empowerment and respect between partners. Perel emphasizes the need for both partners to take responsibility for their actions and offers straightforward guidance on how to improve relationship patterns. 

This approach is ideal for couples seeking a straightforward, practical method to tackle relationship problems or manage power disparities. You can conduct this via text or virtually. 

 

Conclusion

These couples therapy methods offer different tools and perspectives to help partners navigate their relationships. Whether you’re seeking to improve communication, reconnect emotionally, or address deep-rooted issues, there’s likely a therapeutic method that aligns with your needs. By understanding the focus of these different types of therapy, couples can make informed decisions about the best way to spend their time and money on making their relationship work. 

Overall, the goal is to enhance their relationship and build a stronger, more connected partnership. Choosing the right therapist matters most of all! An excellent couples therapist is one who shares the same common goals as you: fostering a healthier, more fulfilling relationship. Come see one of our staff members today.

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibile, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Therapy for Depression

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Therapy for Depression: Causes, Symptoms & Treatment

 

Therapy for depression aims to help those who have been diagnosed or believe they have depression. When it comes to the recommended type of therapy, your specific type of depression will be the determining factor. 

Depression is a prevalent mental health illness that alters your thoughts, sleep patterns, eating habits, and behavior. The important thing to remember is that depression can be treated, usually with medication, talk therapy, or both. It is critical to get medical attention as soon as you notice symptoms. That’s why we’ll also mention the causes and symptoms of depression in this article. 

 

What Is Depression?

A depressive state differs from normal mood swings or exchanges of feelings we experience in our daily lives. It can impact all areas of our lives, including social and romantic relationships. Depression may originate from or contribute to issues at work and in the classroom. Although anyone can experience depression, it is more likely to affect those who have experienced abuse, significant losses, or other stressful situations. 

During a depressive episode, a person will feel a depressed mood (feeling sad, angry, and empty), and they often report a lack of interest in their favorite hobbies and activities.

 

Depression Symptoms

Different depression symptoms exist, yet these are the most common: 

  • Lack of focus
  • Excessive guilt 
  • Low self-worth
  • Having a pessimistic outlook on the future
  • Suicidal thoughts
  • Disturbed sleep
  • Changes in eating or weight
  • Extreme exhaustion 
  • Lack of energy

 

Causes of Depression

Depression results from a combination of biological, psychological, and social factors. It is more common in people who have experienced adverse life experiences, such as unemployment, bereavement, or traumatic events. Depression can exacerbate a person’s living circumstances as well as the depression itself, resulting in increased stress and dysfunction.

Physical health is intimately tied to and impacts depression. Numerous characteristics that have been linked to depression, including unhealthy alcohol consumption or physical inactivity, recognized risk factors for conditions like diabetes, cancer, heart disease, and respiratory disorders. As a result of the challenges involved in managing their illness, individuals with certain conditions may also experience depression.

When it comes to the most common causes of depression, this is the overview:

  • Stressful or traumatic events
  • Personality
  • Family history
  • Menopause
  • Loneliness
  • Substance or alcohol abuse
  • Illness
  • Pregnancy or giving birth
  • Other mental health problems

 

Therapy Types for Depression

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to depression therapy; instead, the best kind of treatment depends on a number of criteria. Your treatment choice may depend on your preferences and symptom severity. To help you choose the depression therapy that might be best for you, think about some of the following popular forms:

 

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy 

Cognitive behavioral therapy employs both behavioral and cognitive therapy because both are effective in treating anxiety and depression. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) aims to address the negative cognitive patterns and behaviors that underlie depression.

In your journal, your therapist may ask you to record the week’s events and any negative or self-defeating responses. During CBT, you may address patterns of thought, such as automatic negative reactions or habitual negative responses to events. Two prominent cognitive distortions that are associated with certain reaction patterns are overgeneralization and all-or-nothing thinking. 

 

Cognitive Therapy

The notion that our ideas impact our emotions lies at the core of cognitive therapy. For instance, we are more likely to feel content if we choose to see the positive aspects of every encounter rather than concentrating solely on the bad.

Depression can be aggravated and contributed to by negative thinking. It’s difficult to feel joyful when your mind is always racing with negative ideas. Through cognitive therapy, patients can learn to recognize frequent negative thought patterns or cognitive distortions and replace them with more upbeat ones to elevate their mood.

 

Behavioral Therapy

Behavioral treatment is concentrated on altering habits that impact emotions, whereas cognitive therapy focuses on the unfavorable beliefs that lead to melancholy. And behavioral activation is critical in treating depression. This includes assisting patients with activities that will improve their sense of well-being.

 

Psychodynamic Therapy

Psychodynamic therapy is sometimes less concentrated and requires a longer duration of care than certain other depression treatment modalities. This method helps you connect past events and determine how they affected your depression. It can also improve emotional skills and self-awareness.

 

Interpersonal Therapy 

Depression can also result from interpersonal conflict and a lack of social support. One kind of therapy that addresses these problems by focusing on interpersonal interactions and past and present social roles is called interpersonal therapy. The therapist usually selects one or two areas of concern to concentrate on throughout treatment.

This kind of treatment is typically quick and entails assessing your social ties with significant others. Your relationships with your spouse, friends, family, and coworkers might all fall under this category.

 

The Value of Therapy for Depression

The initial line of treatment for depression is psychological. With moderate to severe depression, you might be advised to take certain antidepressant drugs.

Cognitive behavioral therapies can impart new ways of thinking, adjusting, or interacting with people. They could consist of both supervised therapists and professional talk therapy. Talk therapy can take place online or in person, depending on what suits you best. To schedule a session, you can either use an app, visit a website, send an email, or simply call the number of the therapist’s office.

Regardless of the kind of therapy you choose, psychotherapy ought to be a secure and encouraging environment. You should always feel comfortable talking to a therapist about your depression-related feelings and struggles.

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibile, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Therapy for Men

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Therapy for Men: A Guide to Finding the Answers

 

We’re so glad to hear that men’s mental health is no longer taboo, and that goes for therapy for men as well. It’s about time that all people get the support they need to live more fulfilled lives. However, it’s a fact that men are still less likely than women to seek therapy. 

As society is becoming more open-minded about this topic, we’d taken a moment to look into the options of therapy for men, reasons why they usually seek help, and what to expect from your first session with a therapist. 

 

Reasons to Seek Therapy for Men

Men and those who identify as men face mental health issues just like everyone else. This could involve problems and illnesses like bipolar disorder, PTSD, anxiety, sadness, anger issues, eating disorders, problems with body image, and more. It might also just be as simple as having someone to talk to in order to get past uncomfortable emotions and ideas and enhance your general perspective on life. 

In addition to being able to support you through these mental health issues, therapists who specialize in treating men will be trained to approach counseling with an awareness of the outside influences on men’s lives.

Because of societal perceptions of masculinity, men have encountered a variety of particular obstacles while seeking therapeutic services. Although there are other factors influencing men’s mental health besides gender, men may face particular challenges due to limited notions of what it means to be a man, such as achievement, control, and power. These may negatively affect behavior, feelings of self-worth, emotions, and interpersonal relationships.

 

Benefits of Therapy

It’s not necessary to put on a front or appear to be someone you’re not when in therapy. You may be who you truly are there, express your emotions, and voice your worries without worrying about being judged. Since the therapeutic connection is based on acceptance and trust, you are free to freely explore your feelings and ideas. Besides being yourself, there are other benefits men should be aware of. 

 

Get to Know Yourself Better

Men are generally expected by society to be emotionally repressed, although therapy promotes appropriate emotional expression. Feelings connected to stress, worry, sadness, rage, or anything else can all be explored. You can better understand yourself and your responses by giving expression to your feelings.

 

Improve Your Communication Skills

Enhancing communication skills through therapy can help you in both personal and professional interactions. You’ll get improved communication skills for expressing your ideas and emotions, attentive listening skills, and constructive problem-solving techniques. Better relationships are the result of having stronger communication abilities.

 

Learn Different Coping Strategies

There are many obstacles in life, and therapy gives you useful coping mechanisms. Therapy offers strategies to handle and get past challenges, whether they are personal, relationship, or work-related stressors. Enhancing your coping skills can help you become more mentally resilient.

 

Become Healthier

Therapists focusing on men’s mental health are aware of the particular difficulties that guys encounter. They understand that men may be affected differently by problems such as controlling their aggression, substance misuse, and relationship troubles. Therapy offers a customized strategy to deal with these issues.

 

Effective Therapy Approaches for Men

Treatment is not a one-size-fits-all process. Everybody who seeks counseling will bring a unique context with them. Those belonging to the same demographic will possess distinctive qualities of their own. A skilled therapist will be able to establish a setting that accepts you for who you are. It is quite common for people to be uncertain about what to expect when they enter therapy. 

An intern, LMFTA, or licensed therapist can help you process emotions in a way that is comfortable for you. Therapy can be an open forum for discussion, or it can be highly action-oriented, with goals and steps to achieve them. 

Men are demonstrated to respond better to defined plans, action-oriented therapy, and the ability to track their progress toward goals, as opposed to talk therapy’s tendency toward more feelings-focused and abstract discussions. For many, it is inspiring to see how therapy works from the beginning, to know that skills can be acquired and that there will be greater control. 

Experts in mental health have also discovered that modifying terminology during therapy, such as outlining the procedure in detail and adopting a coaching stance, are useful strategies. Make sure you feel like you have a strong therapeutic fit before choosing a therapist. It’s entirely up to you if you find it easier to talk to another man or value the viewpoint of a therapist from a different group. This could involve locating someone who identifies as your gender identity or sexual orientation. 

 

When’s It Time to Seek Therapy? 

When it comes to depression, anxiety, and similar mental health issues, men frequently exhibit different symptoms than women. Men who experience these symptoms, their loved ones, and even some medical professionals and therapists may overlook these indicators. These symptoms are equally real, and it’s critical to recognize them in order to make an informed decision about when to see a therapist.

Indications that you should consider therapy include:

  • Feeling more easily agitated than usual
  • Sudden weight loss or gain
  • Aggressive outbursts of aggression
  • Feeling down or overwhelmed 
  • Drinking, gambling, or using drugs
  • Losing interest in your favorite activities
  • Frequent headaches
  • Difficulty to focus 
  • Feeling tired even after a good night’s sleep 

 

Remind yourself that these symptoms are nothing to be ashamed of and that you are not alone. Although it’s common to think that discussing your issues with others won’t help, this is untrue.

One of the best things you can do to start feeling better is to go to a therapist. Meaning that they can support you in overcoming your emotions and finding solutions that suit your needs. 

Regardless of your goal, whether you want to become more assertive in your workplace or improve how you are in your relationship, therapy can guide you toward it. Learning the tools you need to live the life you want is what any good therapist can give you. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibile, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Complex Trauma: Definition

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Complex Trauma: Definition, Examples, and Treatment

 

The deep effects of complex trauma are seen in the neurological system. That is why understanding how complex trauma grows is essential, as it allows us to treat it more effectively. 

Many of us have experienced some type of unpleasant experience that comes with being human, whether it be a breakup or the loss of a loved one. Although these experiences are now in your past, that doesn’t mean their consequences are not part of your present. 

This is why it’s important to learn more about complex trauma and how it impacts the quality of our lives. Learn how to heal from your trauma and inspire other people to take the healing path as well. 

 

What Is Complex Trauma? 

Complex trauma refers to the wide-ranging, long-term impacts of children being exposed to several traumatic incidents, many of which are of an invasive, interpersonal type. These are serious, widespread events, like extreme abuse or profound neglect. They typically start early in childhood and can interfere with a child’s growth in a variety of areas, including the creation of a sense of identity. 

These experiences generally involve a caregiver, which makes it difficult for the child to develop a stable relationship. This main supply of security and stability is essential for many elements of a child’s healthy physical and mental development.

A specific traumatic experience can lead to the development of trauma over the following years. It happens when the body and brain are overloaded to the point where they find it challenging to transition from a state of “fight, flight, or freeze” to one of relaxation. A single incidence can be referred to as trauma, while a sequence of stressful events occurring over several months or years is referred to as complex trauma.

 

Symptoms of Complex Trauma

When talking about the common symptoms and signs of complex trauma, be aware that they are very similar to those of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). If you or someone you love is uncertain whether or not they have experienced a complex trauma, these are the symptoms you should be looking for: 

  • Flashbacks of the painful incident or series of incidents
  • Lapses in memory
  • Difficulty regulating emotions
  • Aversion and disengagement from the people, things, and surroundings that are connected to the trauma
  • Excessive awareness of potential threats (hypervigilance)
  • Regular unpleasant feelings and thoughts
  • Extreme difficulty establishing and keeping deep connections.
  • Persistent feelings of guilt, failure, and shame

 

Causes of Complex Trauma

The brain’s limbic system is activated when you experience traumatic events. To prepare the body for fight, flight, or freeze, this “fire alarm” shuts down all unnecessary functions, including rest, digestion, and sleep, and fills it with stress chemicals like cortisol. Our parasympathetic nervous system provides inner calm once the threat has passed.

At this time, your cognitive function returns to normal. This allows you to resume your day with just minor side effects—you might feel a little jittery or a little on edge for a while. Yet, this balance doesn’t strictly come back fully for those who deal with complicated trauma.

The limbic system remains active most of the time. It’s a coping strategy used to try to keep oneself safe when facing constant hardship. It’s the feeling of always being on edge or in survival mode. It eventually becomes the body’s and brain’s “new normal.”

When it comes to events and situations that lead to complex trauma, these are some examples:

  • Sexual or physical abuse in childhood
  • Prolonged domestic violence
  • Chronic neglect or abandonment
  • Medical abuse or medical trauma
  • Human trafficking
  • Torture
  • Genocide
  • Slavery

 

How to Heal from Complex Trauma

Everybody’s pain and traumas are distinct from one another, so treatment options might differ from one person to another. The good news is that trauma treatment approaches are developing along with our understanding of complex trauma. Providing a corrective emotional experience for healing is the aim of each treatment method.

These are a few efficient, complicated trauma therapies, and a mental health expert will know which approach could work best for you. 

 

Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT)

You examine how your ideas, feelings, and behaviors relate to one another in this type of therapy. You might be able to modify your behavior if you realize how they are related.

 

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

In order to help you reprocess traumatic events and create new beliefs about them, this treatment uses gentle tapping (or tones).

 

Internal Family Systems (IFS)

This method teaches you how to reconcile the disparate facets of your personality into a single, cohesive “self,” allowing you to process traumatic experiences in a way that will no longer be harmful.

 

Somatic (body-based) Therapy

Your body does not always need to be ready for trauma, according to somatic or body-centered therapies. This is because trauma originates in the limbic system of the brain rather than the frontal cortex, which is the section of the brain that communicates during therapy.

 

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

Those with complex trauma and borderline personality disorder (BPD), which share many symptoms, may find this method helpful. This therapeutic technique teaches radical self-acceptance, mindfulness, and discomfort tolerance.

 

How to Cope with Complex Trauma

The most important thing to do is find a good therapist who can guide you toward healing. However, there are certain things you can implement on your own to make sure you do everything you can to feel better, such as: 

  • Establishing goals for yourself
  • Recognizing and looking for situations, people, and circumstances that are comforting
  • Participating in a support group for trauma survivors
  • Being gentle and compassionate towards yourself (this is a tough one!)
  • Journaling
  • Finding a support group 

 

Wrap Up

You might feel as though complex trauma has taken over your life. Maybe you wonder if this will ever seem like less of a big issue and feel isolated in your experience. There are two things to remember: it will get better if you work on noticing your emotions, and you do not have to be alone in it. 

Spend some time learning about complex trauma because it is one of the best things you can do. There might be a support group or book club for recovery nearby that is worth a shot. Without a doubt, find a therapist who knows the right methods to help you and makes you feel heard and safe. Make sure you’re aware that getting therapy for complex trauma is crucial and that it will eventually help you recover.

 

Discuss your options for therapy with your provider. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibile, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Trauma And Dissociation

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Trauma And Dissociation: How Are They Connected?

 

Oftentimes, when you read about trauma and dissociation, you will learn that these two terms are connected to each other. Trauma is a stressful event that has occurred to you, and dissociation is often a consequence of that trauma. 

After a stressful event, detachment and dissociation may increase the risk of major mental health issues, according to research. Numerous events have the potential to induce dissociation. As a result, dissociation can be a brief or persistent reaction to specific events.

Read on to learn more about these terms and what to do if you suspect dissociation due to trauma.

 

What Is Trauma? 

Trauma is the emotional response to a traumatic event like a car accident, crime, abuse, neglect, violence, death, and more. After the traumatic event, shock and denial are common reactions. Unpredictable feelings, flashbacks, strained relationships, and even physical symptoms like headaches or nausea are examples of longer-term effects.

Events that cause trauma might be singular or recurring. Trauma can also strike someone after they observe someone else go through a painful event. Individuals respond to stressful circumstances in different ways. For instance, even though a natural disaster occurs, people who experience it may react extremely differently.

However, recently, there has been more talk about dissociation. Another common coping mechanism during traumatic circumstances is dissociation. For instance, during a medical emergency, a kidnapping, or a war, some people may disassociate. It can shield us from distress in situations we are unable to physically escape.

 

Dissociation and Its Connection to Trauma

Dissociation episodes lasting a few minutes are not uncommon. Everybody can experience them occasionally. For instance, when we’re extremely exhausted or under a lot of stress, some experience symptoms of derealization. That is, the feeling that one’s surroundings are not real. 

You could feel cut off from both the outside world and yourself if you detach. For instance, you might experience disassociation from your body or an illusionistic perception of your surroundings. Keep in mind that every person experiences dissociation in a unique way.

Dissociation experiences might endure for a few hours or days, or they can last for weeks or months. You could occasionally suffer dissociation when a terrible event is taking place. However, you might have picked up dissociation as a coping mechanism for tense situations, which you might have learned as a child.

It’s important to say here that dissociation typically appears as a protective mechanism for events or situations you can’t resolve. That is why, in the case of severe abuse, many children grow out to be adults who don’t feel anything recalling these memories. Dissociation helped them in that period to survive and not feel so much pain. However, with time, dissociation should be addressed. Otherwise, it might lead to serious issues. 

 

How Trauma Leads to Dissociation

According to experts, trauma can lead to dissociation because of the way our bodies react to danger. Various hypotheses exist to explain how this occurs. When faced with danger, there are a few natural reactions we might have.

You may be familiar with the fight-or-flight reaction. These are the natural reactions to danger, which include either fleeing the area or defending oneself against the threat.

You won’t always be able to accomplish these tasks and you will react differently. In situations where you are unable to flee or are extremely young, your reaction to the threat may be more subdued, like in the following cases:

  • The freeze response is when the body becomes immobilized. You can have immobility or paralysis. Dissociation is most frequently associated with this reaction. Human dissociation is similar to how animals freeze in times of danger.
  • The fawn response is when you attempt to appease or gain the favor of the threat’s origin in order to keep it from hurting you.

 

Common Signs of Dissociation

Dissociation can manifest in a variety of ways. The most notable way is the belief that you or the environment you live in are unreal. Additionally, you can have lapses in memory or have more frequent forgetfulness of certain situations or conversations.

Dissociation sufferers may also experience these symptoms:

  • Feeling like a different person at times
  • Experiencing horrific incident flashbacks
  • Being disconnected from the world around you
  • Feeling cut off from your feelings
  • Changed perception of space and/or time

As previously mentioned, derealization and depersonalization are two extremely severe types of dissociation, and both are quite serious. Depersonalization involves feeling as though you’re not genuine, while derealization involves feeling as though the world around you isn’t real. They frequently result from severe experiences. 

 

Types of Dissociation Disorder

One of the serious consequences of dissociation can lead to different types of dissociation disorder, which are then more difficult to treat. 

 

Dissociative Identity Disorder

Multiple personality disorder was the previous term for dissociative identity disorder, which is characterized by the presence of two or more personality states. Childhood maltreatment, neglect, and other types of traumatic experiences are risk factors.

 

Dissociative Amnesia

Dissociative amnesia is characterized by a loss of memory for specific personal information or event details. Traumatic experiences are a risk factor, especially if there have been several traumatic occurrences or if the trauma was more intense, frequent, or violent.

 

Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder

It is characterized by a feeling of detachment or unreality toward your surroundings or your own body, respectively. Once more, trauma, especially from early life, is a significant risk factor. 

 

Conclusion

Regardless of your trauma, seeing a therapist is always recommended for people who feel like their past or current experiences are interfering with their way of life. If you notice dissociation as well, talking to an expert can help you understand why it happened in the first place and how to heal from your trauma.

In a safe environment, you discuss trauma with your therapist and learn tools and techniques that make you happy. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibile, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

10 Signs of Trauma Bonding

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10 Signs of Trauma Bonding: How to Recognize It On Time? 

 

Are you looking for 10 signs of trauma bonding to better understand how you connect with others? In this article, we’ll take a closer look into trauma bonding and the common signs you should pay attention to in order to avoid harmful consequences. 

It is most typical for trauma ties to form in romantic relationships, and it can be very difficult to leave these kinds of relationships. Processing emotions following emotional or physical abuse can be challenging and learning how to approach this confusing experience could be crucial for your wellbeing. 

 

What Is Trauma Bonding? 

Trauma bonding refers to a relationship that may develop into an abusive one. We develop a deep bond with someone who is hurting us in this circumstance. This can occur in any kind of connection, romantic or not, and it frequently feeds an abusive and affectionate cycle that is hard to escape.

When someone who is or has been abused connects with their abuser, it’s known as trauma bonding. This relationship is founded on the abuse the individual has experienced or is currently experiencing, be it psychological or physical.

The idea that you may get close to someone who treats you badly may surprise you, yet this is one of the key pieces in the abuse cycle. During the reconciliation and quiet period, the abuse cycle may give rise to a delusion of security (more on that in a moment).

Understanding trauma bonding is crucial when assisting those who have been abused. This is due to the fact that having an abusive relationship can be extremely difficult because it often elicits complex and contradictory emotions.

 

Signs of Trauma Bonding

In situations where the abusive individual never shows you any kindness or concern for your well-being, it’s usually easier to leave.

Sometimes, nevertheless, your partner will treat you nicely in an abusive relationship. They may take you out, proclaim you their soulmate, bring you gifts, or just tell you to unwind. With time, these moments are replaced with worry, anxiety, stress, or different types of abuse. Then, this person will use the same tactics they previously used to win you over and gain your trust again.

Although it might seem complicated to notice at first, there are certain signs that are common in such situations.

 

1.Making Excuses for Your Partner’s Behavior

If you’re trying to justify your partner’s poor behavior with excuses, you might be in a trauma-bonding relationship. Making excuses for their bad temper or lack of commitment is a typical reaction of someone who is bonding in this particular way. You might think you’re actually being supportive, yet if their behavior doesn’t improve, justifying their actions will not benefit your relationship.

 

2.Lying about Your Partner

You don’t have to lie to justify your partner’s behavior. You might also feel like you have to protect their past, their errors, or their intentions for the future. Assuming that other people will not react to it in the desired way, you choose to sugarcoat or completely lie about it. This is especially alarming if you don’t lie to protect yourself yet catch yourself doing it various times for your partner.

 

3.You Don’t Feel Comfortable Leaving

You might know deep in your heart that this relationship is not right for you, yet you decide to stay. Maybe your financial situation is making you feel insecure, or you’re ashamed of being the only single person in your group. Whatever the reason, you decide to stay in this relationship and consider it to be a better option for yourself. 

 

4.You Blame Yourself

If your partner comes home angry, you blame yourself for not being able to help them relax. If your partner yells at you, it’s your fault for aggravating them. You don’t see your partner as a person responsible for their own emotions and actions, so you choose to blame yourself. This often occurs when a victim feels hopeless, so they prefer to blame themselves.

 

5.You’re Trapped in a Repetitive Cycle

If you already know the pattern of your partner’s behavior, you’re probably trapped in a repetitive cycle. For instance, they might start a discussion with you only to later buy you flowers and spoil you with their attention. If you haven’t had many positive moments with them, hanging on to these actions that come after they hurt you might seem like a good thing. However, if your partner only acts nice to make up for the damage they have caused you, it’s a vicious cycle that is not good for either one of you. 

 

6.You Believe Their Promises

Even if you’ve heard all of their promises before, you still tend to believe there is a chance for a positive change in your relationship. You’re ignoring all their actions and only focusing on the idea of a happier future. For this promise to be true, you will need to see their behavior change. It’s one thing to promise to do better and another one to actually prove you’re changing for the better every day.

 

7.You Feel Controlled

When you start a relationship, sometimes it feels good to relax and allow your partner to make most of the decisions. With time, that type of dynamic can lead to them being more and more controlling. They might ask you to stop talking to your friends or family, stop working, or start a family without considering how you feel about it. 

 

8.You Feel Alone

One of the common traits of a person who wants to bond with you is isolation. They will want to isolate you from your friends and family. They do so by spending a lot of time with you or by making you feel guilty for leaving them alone. If your partner doesn’t want you to maintain your friendships, it’s probably because they’re afraid that someone might see right through them. 

 

9.Your Family or Friends Are Not On Your Side

If you’re unhappy in your relationship and can’t talk to your friends about it because they are on your partner’s side, something’s wrong. Many controlling people tend to use the confidence of people in their lives as leverage. In other words, if they have more people on their side, you will look like the ‘bad guy’ to everyone, regardless of the circumstances. 

 

10.You Cling to the Illusion and Not the Reality

If what you want for your relationship is better than what it actually is, it could be a sign of trauma bonding. Of course, it’s normal to experience unpleasant situations with your partner. However, if you feel like your relationship is not providing you with what you need, you might start fantasizing about it. You could think about how they might change one day, whether it’s after they change their job or you get married. Thinking that an external factor will change their behavioral problems will only lead to more despair and heartache. 

If any of these are happening, it may be a sign of trauma bonding. If you need help with how to manage this, please see one of our clinicians. 

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibile, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.