80/20 Relationship Rule

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80/20 Relationship Rule: Is It Good For Your Relationship? 

 

If you’re not familiar with the term, the 80/20 relationship rule refers to the idea that no partner will meet 100% of all your needs. This principle says to expect your partner to meet 80% of your needs, not to be perfect. The area of your relationship that falls into the remaining 20% will depend on you as a couple. After all, each relationship is different.

We will cover both the advantages and disadvantages of the 80 20 relationship rule to help you decide if you are implementing it or not. Learn why some couples benefit from it, while others stay away and decide what works best for you and your partner. 

 

What’s the 80/20 Relationship Rule? 

The 80/20 relationship rule is a concept adapted from the Pareto Principle, used initially in economics and productivity. The principle states that 80% of outcomes come from 20% of causes. In the context of relationships, this idea has taken on a more emotional and personal twist.

The 80/20 rule suggests that in a healthy relationship, your partner is likely to meet approximately 80% of your needs and desires. The remaining 20% refers to the part they don’t meet. This category might include emotional gaps, unmet preferences, or lifestyle differences. This gap often becomes the space where dissatisfaction or temptation can creep in.

Depending on the unmet needs, you can either seek alternatives or work with your partner to meet them. For instance, instead of waiting for your partner to satisfy one of your unmet needs (for instance, adventure through dancing), you could occasionally invite your friends who would enjoy a night of salsa. 

You will need to pay more attention to your relationship if these 20% pertain to a vital component like stability, loyalty, or respect. Depending on how open your partner is to discussing these matters, you could work on it as a couple or seek help from a trusted couple therapist.

In a healthy relationship, a couple is typically able to provide each other with the following:  

  • Emotional safety and support
  • Shared values or long-term goals
  • Respect, loyalty, and commitment
  • Fun, adventure, and spontaneity
  • Enjoyment of each other’s company 
  • Reliable conflict resolution after an argument
  • A sense of desiring individual and mutual growth
  • A desire to give back to the community in similar ways

 

Why the 80/20 Rule Makes Sense

It’s impossible to find a person who can fulfill all our emotional, intellectual, physical, and spiritual needs. If you expect someone to do that, it will generate discussions, dissatisfaction, and a potential breakup. You won’t meet all your partner’s needs, and they won’t meet yours. Letting go of this expectation can help you as a person and as a couple because it can replace the stress with love and acceptance.

The 80/20 rule encourages gratitude and realistic expectations for both of you. We often forget to be thankful for what we have and focus on what we lack. If one or both of the people in a relationship has unrealistic goals, they often decide to end their relationship instead of working on these goals. 

Ultimately, it all depends on how significant your unfulfilled needs are to you. It would make sense to seriously consider living by this belief system to minimize stress on a beneficial bond!

 

The Risk of Misusing the Rule

This rule has both pros and cons that you should know. Sometimes, certain partners will use the remaining 20% as a justification for infidelity or emotional affairs. You shouldn’t allow someone to hurt you just because they can’t meet your specific needs, meaning there are boundaries.  

When there are unmet needs, certain people will start romanticizing what’s missing and undervaluing what they already have. You may feel frustrated, thinking that if you had that one missing thing, your life would be perfect. In most cases, whether we’ll receive what’s missing is out of our control, and it depends completely on our partner.

 

How to Apply the 80/20 Rule in a Healthy Way

If you’re considering applying the 80/20 rule to your relationship, there are certain steps you should follow. Firstly, you will want to identify your 80%. What are the core values and needs your partner meets? Write them down for clarity and provide explanations and examples where needed. 

Secondly, identify the 20% of needs that your relationship fails to meet.  Can you live without those unmet needs or fulfill them elsewhere? If your relationship lacks deep, meaningful conversations about life, consider engaging in these conversations with your best friend. If you’re lacking physical activity, you can join a hiking group or start going to the gym on your own. 

Find a method to rebalance things with your partner as soon as you begin to feel that something is wrong and that the 80/20 rule has changed. Discuss with them how you feel, ask them the reason for the change, and find a solution together.

 

Is It Right For Every Relationship?

As much as many relationships benefit from the 80/20 rule, it doesn’t immediately imply that it’s the right decision for every couple. Couples struggling due to toxicity, abuse, or emotional neglect may find it challenging to implement this rule. Especially during difficult times, you may find this principle annoying as you have already overgiven; thus, disregard it. 

It’s challenging to be aware of everything that falls under the 80% if the remaining 20% is simply impossible to ignore. Maybe you’ve been okay with your partner not spending a lot of time with you, yet now you feel like you’re drifting apart and want to spend some quality time with them. If quality time is in the 20% of the needs they can’t meet, it might require heart-to-heart conversations or seeking help from a therapist to navigate the entire situation.  

If you’re uncertain whether this rule is supporting or hurting your relationship, ask yourself the following questions: 

  • What are the top qualities I consistently appreciate in my partner?
  • Do I feel emotionally safe, respected, and supported most of the time?
  • Are we aligned in our values, long-term goals, and vision for the future?
  • How often do I laugh, feel joy, or experience meaningful connection with my partner?
  • What is it that I feel is missing, lacking, or frustrating in the relationship?
  • Have I clearly communicated my unmet needs or desires?
  • Does the missing 20% cause emotional harm or undermine the rest of the relationship?
  • Do I have a pattern of focusing on what’s missing in relationships, no matter who I’m with?

These questions can help you learn what you want from your partner and your relationship. You can answer these questions with your partner to hear their perspective. This can help you find the best solution that can support you as a couple to grow and thrive together. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

office affairs

Office Affairs

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The Impact of Romantic Relationships and Office Affairs in the Workplace

 

Over the past week, office affairs have probably been the most discussed topic across the United States. This is thanks to the Coldplay kiss cam video scandal. Maybe you’ve followed it for entertainment, or to take your mind off of more problematic issues. Yet, it’s important to consider this incident from a different perspective.

Just because we’re appalled with this latest scandal, it doesn’t mean that all affairs at work will end and nobody will feel the desire to cheat anymore. The best way to prevent this from happening to you is to understand the reasons behind how and why workplace romances begin in the first place.

We spend most of our time working, which for many implies they spend more time with their coworkers than their loved ones. Being able to connect by talking about their shared experiences at work also contributes to office affairs.

 

How Common Are Office Affairs?

According to recent studies, 36% of employees report they’ve been involved in a romantic relationship with a coworker. What’s even more concerning is that nearly 1 in 4 office romances involve a direct manager-subordinate dynamic. This dynamic also explains why the affair between the Astronomer CEO and the head of HR is more than just juicy public gossip. 

Even if the relationship was consensual, this power imbalance raises ethical and legal concerns for the corporation. The subordinate may experience pressure to do or say things they don’t want to, and they may perceive their options as limited. You may fear losing your job or being demoted if you break up. If one person could face more serious consequences than the other, is it a genuine relationship or compliance driven by fear?

 

Consequences and Risks of Workplace Romances 

We can’t choose who we fall in love with, yet we have to be aware of all the consequences and risks this relationship might bring us. It’s always best to check with your company first, as some companies might have HR procedures regarding coworkers who are in a romantic relationship. 

 

Conflict of Interest and Favoritism

If two coworkers are in a romantic relationship and one of them is in the position of power, this can raise questions about bias in workplace decisions. It can often feel like promotions, raises, performance reviews, or project assignments are swayed more by feelings than by actual merit. Even if the person involved in the workplace affair is not enjoying benefits from it, other members of the team can lose trust and motivation over time. This can compromise fairness and may lead to a lack of motivation among other employees who feel they are being treated unequally.

 

Decreased Team Morale

Workplace romances can make colleagues feel excluded, uncomfortable, or unsure of professional boundaries. When couples engage in inside jokes or support each other on crucial issues, it can significantly affect the rest of the team. They might feel excluded, jealous, or unmotivated, or they may simply lose their respect for the people involved in the affair. The more visible the affair is to everyone else, the more the rest of the coworkers will probably start separating themselves from the couple, causing damage to the team dynamic. This leads to reduced cooperation, resentment, and a decline in overall team spirit.

 

Productivity Issues

Romantic relationships at work can blur personal and professional boundaries, causing emotional distractions. If the couple goes through a disagreement or breakup, that tension can spill into the work environment. Gossip and speculation from coworkers can also become a significant distraction for the entire team. Relationship drama often consumes time and energy meant for work tasks.

 

Legal and Ethical Concerns

Workplace romances, particularly those that involve power differentials, can potentially lead to sexual harassment claims and lawsuits. Even if the relationship begins consensually, it may later be interpreted as coercive. This is especially true if the subordinate believes they couldn’t say no. If the relationship ends badly, accusations of retaliation or discrimination can arise. Companies are legally obligated to protect their employees from harassment, which makes such dynamics a legal liability.

 

Organizational Policies and Best Practices

Even though office affairs can cause many complications for businesses, it’s impossible to expect them to stop existing. Companies can best deal with romantic relationships at work by implementing organizational policies and best practices for their employees. It is key to educate your team on this matter before somebody starts a love affair with their coworker. 

 

Disclosure Requirements

Most companies will encourage or require employees to disclose romantic relationships, especially when there’s a power imbalance involved. Disclosure helps the organization manage potential conflicts of interest and protect both parties legally. It allows HR to take steps like reassigning reporting lines to maintain fairness. 

 

No-Dating Policies

No-dating policies prohibit or restrict romantic relationships between coworkers, particularly between managers and subordinates. These policies prevent favoritism, conflicts of interest, and legal risks such as harassment claims. However, given how much time people spend at work, such rules can feel invasive and unrealistic for some. That is why today’s businesses need to establish a balance between professionalism and personal freedom for their employees.

 

Conflict Management

HR is critical in managing workplace relationships by offering support, mediation, and policy guidance. When issues arise, HR is responsible for ensuring confidentiality and protecting the rights of all employees involved. They can also assist in reallocating roles or teams to minimize conflict or favoritism. Taking a proactive stance in HR can help nip minor issues in the bud before they turn into major disruptions.

 

Ethical Training and Communication

Ethical training and clear communication help employees understand acceptable behavior in the workplace. Workshops, seminars, and internal guidelines teach staff how to navigate romantic relationships professionally and respectfully. These programs also cover harassment prevention, consent, and conflict resolution. When done well, they foster a healthy work culture rooted in respect, boundaries, and accountability.

 

Conclusion

Office affairs have a major impact on the workplace and the personal lives of the people involved. Both companies and employees should be aware of the consequences such relationships bring. A company’s approach to romantic relationships and office affairs in the workplace should be integrated into company values. That way, your employees would know beforehand what type of behavior is expected of them. 

If you’re involved in a relationship with someone at work, make sure you’re well aware of all the risks and that your behavior complies with your company’s policies. If there’s anything we can all take as a learning lesson from that incident at the Coldplay concert, it’s that nowhere is safe to hide your affair.

We can help if you need coaching on how to navigate a workplace affair.

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

What Is an Act of Service?

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What Is an Act of Service? Men Learning the Love Language

 

What Is an Act of Service? It’s more than a kind deed—it’s a powerful way to express love without saying a word.

Ever feel like your partner melts when you take out the trash or surprise them with a clean kitchen? 👀 That’s not just good manners—it might be their love language in action.

In this quick 4-minute video, we break down what an Act of Service truly means—why it matters, how it builds trust, and how you (yes, YOU) can use it to deepen your emotional connection.

Acts of Service aren’t about grand romantic gestures or expensive gifts. They’re the quiet, thoughtful ways we say, “I see you. I’ve got you.” From brewing her favorite tea after a long day to handling that one errand she dreads—these small choices speak volumes. When you act with intention and presence, you create safety, desire, and unwavering devotion.

Whether you’re in a new relationship, nurturing something long-term, or hoping to reignite a fading spark, understanding what is an Act of Service could be the key to transforming how love is felt and received. Sometimes, love isn’t a grand speech—it’s simply doing what needs to be done, without needing to be asked.

Watch now. Start showing love in the language that lingers—the one she truly feels.

Couples Communication Strategies

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Relationship Stress

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Relationship Stress: How to Recognize & Treat It

 

Relationship stress refers to emotional or mental tension that arises within a relationship, whether it’s romantic, familial, platonic, or professional. Also relationship stress happens when the dynamics between people become strained or imbalanced, often due to unmet needs, poor communication, or external pressures.

There are several common causes of relationship stress, and identifying them in your relationship is essential to improve its quality. Learn how to recognize relationship stress and ways to heal from it together as friends, romantic partners, or family. 

 

Common Causes of Relationship Stress 

Numerous causes of relationship stress exist, from communication issues and unmet emotional needs to differences in values and goals. Whatever the reason is, it’s important to be aware of it to work on it and strengthen the bond you have with another person. 

Below are the most common causes of stress in relationships: 

  • Communication issues (e.g., misunderstandings, criticism, lack of openness)
  • Unmet emotional needs (e.g., not feeling heard, loved, or appreciated)
  • Trust issues (e.g., betrayal, jealousy, insecurity)
  • Life stressors (e.g., money problems, work stress, parenting challenges)
  • Differences in values or goals (e.g., conflicting future plans or beliefs)
  • Emotional baggage (e.g., unresolved trauma, past relationship issues)

Other causes of relationship stress exist, which means that the cause for the stress in your relationship can be something entirely unique. If you’re unsure, ask the other person to brainstorm with you. 

 

Signs of Relationship Stress

Relationship stress can express itself in different ways. Talking to your friend may reveal that their relationship is stressed by constant arguments, while you are one to avoid your partner. Although every relationship is unique, you will notice that any sign can be categorized in one of these groups:

  • Frequent arguments or silent treatments
  • Emotional distance or withdrawal
  • Anxiety, sadness, or resentment toward the other person
  • Physical symptoms like headaches, trouble sleeping, or fatigue
  • Avoiding time together or feeling drained after interactions

When you notice any of these signs, consider them before discussing them with your partner, friend, or family. For example, you can ask yourself when this sign starts appearing in your relationship. You can ask yourself about the triggers that led to the current situation.

If you’re avoiding spending time together, when did it start? When do you most avoid each other, and on which occasions are you there for each other? Is it two-sided? What do you think the possible reasons are for avoiding each other? 

By asking yourself these questions, you can gain a deeper understanding of the issue. We suggest you answer these questions before discussing them with the other person to gain clarity. When you’re more aware of the situation and the issues you’re dealing with, you will be more prepared to listen and have a constructive conversation. 

 

Why Managing Relationship Stress Matters

Stress is common, but prolonged exposure can harm your relationships and health. When not addressed, relationship stress can lead to lowered self-esteem and emotional well-being. You may eventually discover that it inhibits your ability to make sound decisions and leads to impulsive behavior. 

Unsurprisingly, relationship stress breaks intimacy and connection. If this keeps happening, you may have to talk about ending the relationship. Find an effective way to deal with stressors before it’s too late, just like you would with any other stressor in your life. 

If you want to strengthen your relationship, open and honest communication is the key. Instead of judging the other person, be curious to learn about their perspective on the issue. Invite them to share how they feel and ask them about their suggestions to overcome these obstacles. 

Also, you will want to set healthy boundaries. Think about what you need for this relationship to work. Do you need to spend more time alone to have a better understanding of your emotions? Maybe you will want to invest less time in changing the other person and more in giving yourself what you need. Healthy boundaries are the basis for any thriving relationship. 

If you struggle to find a way to recover, you might want to consider therapy. Depending on the nature of your relationship with the other person and their willingness to work on it, consider going to therapy together. If they are not interested in talking to a therapist, find one for yourself. Individual therapy can help you navigate the relationship in a healthier way and teach you techniques to deal with stress. 

In the meantime, you can also practice any stress-reducing techniques, such as mindfulness or journaling. Think about the best way to express yourself and connect with your emotions. Do you feel better after writing, painting, exercising, meditating, talking to a friend, or sitting still in nature? Whatever works for you, practice it more often. 

 

Conclusion

Relationship stress is a natural part of human connection. When it becomes chronic or overwhelming, it can seriously affect your emotional health and relationship. The good news is that stress doesn’t have to signal the end. In fact, it can be an invitation to grow, communicate more honestly, and reconnect with yourself and your partner.

By recognizing the relationship stress signs early, understanding the root causes, and taking proactive steps to manage it, you can transform tension into trust and conflict into a deeper connection. Clearer communication, better boundaries, or professional support are all efficient ways to make a deeper connection. 

Remember, every relationship faces challenges. What matters most is how you show up for yourself and the people you care about when stress arises. Healing starts with awareness, and real change begins with even the smallest step forward. If the other person is not interested in healing the wounds your relationship is causing both of you, start the journey on your own. You might even inspire them to do so when they see how it’s impacting you in a positive way. 

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

What Is a Female-Led Relationship?

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What Is a Female-Led Relationship? Why Woman Led Marriages Last Longer

 

Have you ever wondered what it truly means to be in a female-led relationship (FLR)? Is it about control, dominance, or something much deeper, more empowering, and mutually fulfilling?

In this episode, I’m diving into what a woman-led marriage really looks like. Beyond the stereotypes and into the real dynamics that make these relationships thrive. We’re talking about emotional intelligence, shared values, and the power of flipping traditional roles to create more balance and respect.

We’ll unpack how women taking the lead in decision-making, communication, and even intimacy can contribute to greater satisfaction and longer-lasting marriages. It’s not about one person “ruling”—it’s about creating a dynamic where the woman’s strengths are celebrated, and both partners feel secure, seen, and supported.

And guess what? Research shows these relationships are not just surviving—they’re thriving! 🙌✨ Tune in and let’s reimagine what love and leadership can look like.

 

 

Couples Communication Strategies

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

 

 

Premarital Counseling Questions that Build a Lasting Marriage

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Premarital Counseling Questions that Build a Lasting Marriage

 

Premarital counseling questions can be quite helpful in getting to know your partner better before saying ‘I do.’ There are probably several topics you haven’t covered yet that can significantly impact your marriage, whether negatively or positively.  As life partners, you will work together towards mutual goals, and ensuring these goals are aligned with your personal goals is essential. 

Do you want kids? What do you want to save money for? These and similar questions are a wonderful conversation starter. More than that, discussing these topics can make your lives easier. When you know the person you want to marry well, the marriage will help you avoid negative surprises. Just imagine being married for five years to learn that your partner wants different things from you. 

 

Why Asking the Right Questions Matters 

Asking the right questions is a powerful tool to get to know anyone, especially people you let into your personal space. Marriage is a serious commitment that you want to last. Avoiding talking about certain areas does not guarantee your marriage will last. In most cases, it’s quite the opposite. 

That is why it’s important to ask these premarital counseling questions and share your perspective with your partner as well. Instead of treating it like a questionnaire, use each topic to initiate a conversation. That way, you will both feel more relaxed and share more information with each other. Conversation allows you to go further than just responding with yes or no. 

While talking about these topics, you might also get inspired by each other’s answers. What our partner shares can help us understand how we feel about something and why. Below, find the areas with question examples you can use to start a conversation with your future spouse. 

 

Which Areas to Cover in Premarital Counseling

There are no wrong topics to discuss with your partner. However, exploring key premarital counseling questions can be crucial if you plan to get married. As much as getting married is a romantic decision, it will also impact other areas of your life.

 

Values and Life Goals

Each person has their set of values. Do yours and your partner’s align? Remember, there are no wrong or right values in life. Some might align more with another person’s values, while others will be less aligned. 

Talking about your life goals can also help you determine whether your aspirations align. For instance, knowing that you both aspire to have a big family one day is a positive sign. You wouldn’t even be aware that you and your partner share similar life goals if you didn’t discuss it.

These are the questions you can ask:

  • What does a meaningful life look like to you?
  • What are three major goals you still want to achieve?
  • How do you define success for yourself?

 

Communication Styles and Conflict Resolution

The way we communicate with each other has a greater impact than what we communicate about. Respect, honesty, and curiosity are the three pillars of quality and healthy communication in any type of relationship. 

When conflict arises, how do you approach it? How does your partner approach it? Do you talk about it first, or do you prefer to have some time to think about it? Learning each other’s communication style and the way you approach conflict is essential for the well-being of your relationship.

These are the questions you can ask: 

  • Do you prefer to talk things out immediately or take time to process first?
  • What makes you feel truly heard and understood?
  • What does “emotional safety” in communication look like for you?
  • What’s your go-to reaction when you feel hurt or misunderstood?
  • How were conflicts handled in your family growing up, and how has that shaped you?
  • Do you tend to avoid conflict, confront it directly, or do something else?
  • What helps you calm down when you’re feeling upset?

 

Finances and Money Management

Many arguments in marriages happen due to money. As much as love is what brought you together, money is what helps you get through the day. Having financial struggles will make it more difficult to enjoy your marriage and stay happily in love. 

That is why it is important to learn about your partner’s approach to earning money, financial responsibilities, and managing money. For instance, one person might prefer to earn as much money as possible, while another enjoys spending all they have and living in the moment. These opposite perspectives toward money could result in arguments. 

These are the questions you can ask: 

  • How do you feel about saving vs. spending?
  • What does financial security mean to you?
  • Do you see money as a source of freedom, stress, power, or something else?
  • Are you more of a planner or spontaneous when it comes to finances?
  • How do you feel about debt?

 

Family and Children

Before marriage, it’s vital to talk about your partner’s views on family and kids. Do you want kids? Does your partner want kids? If you don’t share the same views, it might take more work to maintain the marriage. 

Also, learn about how they think of family. Is it a priority for them, or do they want to stay focused on their career? This talk should help you recall your youth and learn about your partner’s side you may not have heard before. 

These are the questions you can ask:

  • Do you want to have children? If so, how many?
  • What are your reasons for wanting (or not wanting) kids?
  • At what point in our marriage would you ideally want to start a family?
  • How do you imagine us dividing parenting roles (day-to-day tasks, emotional labor, decision-making)?
  • How would we handle disagreements about parenting?

 

Intimacy and Affection

A successful marriage is one that satisfies both partners’ needs for intimacy and affection. Intimacy can mean different things to different people. You might prefer physical touch, while your partner prefers long conversations as a form of intimacy. Talking about it helps you understand each other’s needs better and allows you to give your partner what they need.

These are the questions you can ask: 

  • How do you most naturally give and receive love (words, touch, gifts, quality time, acts of service)?
  • What makes you feel most emotionally connected to me?
  • How important is regular affection (hugging, kissing, cuddling) to you?
  • How would you like emotional support when facing a challenging situation?

 

Conclusion

Make sure that these questions lead to relevant conversations. You don’t have to cover all areas in one conversation. Instead, find a moment when you both feel relaxed and willing to talk and bring up one of the topics mentioned above. You can even share your answers first to motivate your partner to open up if they have a hard time communicating about similar topics. If you disagree, do your best to find a way to give you both what you need. 

If you lack ideas on how to overcome an obstacle, visiting a marital therapist is always a good idea. They could also help you prepare for marriage. 

If you need premarital counseling, schedule a session now.

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

How to Deal with a Lazy Husband

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How to Deal with a Lazy Husband

 

Learning how to deal with a lazy husband or wife is necessary for the well-being of your marriage. Laziness could become a huge problem if you prefer an active lifestyle. For instance, you might want to spend the weekend in nature or visiting new places, while your spouse prefers staying at home and watching Netflix until they fall asleep. 

Have they always been like this, or have they become lazy over the years? Understanding the root of their laziness can help you find the best approach to addressing this issue. In this article, we’ll take a look behind laziness and suggest techniques you can try to work on with your husband or wife. 

 

Defining Laziness

To understand your options, we’ll look into what laziness is first. Laziness is the lack of motivation or energy to do something, even if the person can do it. One thing that is important to highlight here is that saying that someone is lazy is often a subjective judgment. What one person considers lazy might be considered normal by another. 

That said, there could be many causes of laziness, such as boredom, fatigue, and lack of interest. In some cases, people who are struggling with depression or burnout can be described as lazy, so it’s crucial to understand what is behind your spouse’s laziness. 

Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Was he/she always like this?
  • In which area of their life are they showing signs of laziness?
  • What do situations in which you’ve seen them motivated have in common?
  • Is their laziness sometimes more pronounced than it was in the past?
  • What signs do you notice when you refer to them as a lazy person?

Responding to these questions can help you understand if there is a pattern in your partner’s laziness. They might feel a lack of motivation in their personal life yet be very active in their career. On the other hand, they could show a lack of desire to be active around the house while maintaining an active social life with their friends. Learning about the characteristics of your partner’s laziness is crucial if you want to understand them better and help them. 

 

How Your Husband’s Laziness Affects You 

Before you address this issue with your husband, you will want to learn how their laziness is impacting you. Do you expect your partner to meet certain needs, but they can’t because they’re putting it off? Maybe you want them to help with chores or become more proactive in planning your weekends. Whatever it is, it’s important you’re clear on it before approaching them for a conversation. If you’re wondering how to deal with a lazy husband in a way that feels fair and constructive, getting clarity on how it affects you is a crucial first step.

If it helps, you can make a list of reasons why your husband’s laziness is annoying you. Be honest, as you will not read the list to them. This exercise aims to help you express your feelings and understand how their laziness affects you.

Another tool you can use every day is journaling. Seeing how your spouse’s laziness is affecting you every day can help you prepare better for a conversation with them. Once you know what’s bothering you, clarify what you want from your partner. Do you want to talk to them more? Spend time in nature? Would having more help around the house allow you to have more free time?

Lastly, you will also want to define the boundaries you wish to set. These boundaries can refer to your emotional and mental health, behavior, words, or anything else that would make you feel better about the current situation. For example, you won’t clean up their mess in the apartment.

Depending on the person and their partner, laziness can be a minor issue or a big obstacle to your marriage.

Talking to Your Spouse

When discussing something that may hurt your spouse, think carefully about what you want to say. It’s reasonable to assume that they won’t feel comfortable having this conversation as you discuss their actions. That is why it’s essential to avoid blaming language.

Instead of accusing them of their laziness, try to explain to them how you feel. So, you will want to say something like “I feel overwhelmed/sad/frustrated when you …” 

Tell them how their laziness affects you, but also offer to help. If you think they’re open to it and it’s the right moment, suggest visiting a therapist. 

You will also want to speak with your spouse at a time and place they feel most relaxed. Don’t just jump into the conversation as soon as they arrive. Ask them when they can talk about something important. When you start talking, ensure there are no distractions, whether that’s phones, TV, music, or similar. 

Avoid setting ultimatums. You don’t want to make your husband do something differently; you want them to feel the need to do so. The problem will not disappear if they stop acting lazy around you. This will just pressure them into acting unnatural. You will want to find the root of the cause and support them in their journey. 

 

Work Together Towards a Solution

After the talk, don’t leave your partner alone to find the solution. Offer them help, talk to them, and ask what they would need from you to feel more motivated. As much as their laziness is their problem, you need two people for a successful marriage. Your aim is to be the best you can be, not to fix your husband’s laziness.

Still unsure how to deal with a lazy husband in a way that doesn’t drain you or create more resentment? Working together is key—but it’s okay if you need support along the way.

If you cannot discuss this tender topic, come seek couples therapy. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

 

Silent Divorce Trend: Living Together, Growing Apart

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Silent Divorce Trend: Living Together, Growing Apart

 

You probably know what silent divorce stands for; you just weren’t familiar with the name. Silent divorce refers to a married couple who live together yet are not emotionally connected anymore. The reasons for staying together can vary from finances to not being willing to make such a change in your life. Whatever it is, there has been a rise in silent divorces across the US. 

Although it is becoming more common, we’re rarely talking about silent divorce. It is taboo, resulting in a lack of support for people experiencing it. What are your options if you’re in a silent divorce? How can you ensure you feel supported throughout this experience? Let’s explore it together. 

 

What Is a Silent Divorce?

Silent divorce differs from the traditional divorce concept you have in mind. Both have the same or similar causes, yet their direction is not the same. Being in a silent divorce doesn’t imply that the couple is initiating a legal divorce. So, what is a silent divorce?

It is a phase of a marriage in which both partners have lost emotional connection to each other, including physical intimacy, and still live together. Unlike many misconceptions, silent divorce has nothing to do with cheating. The phase your marriage is in has nothing to do with the third person. It is just a result of an emotional distance between you and your spouse. ‘

 

“I see many clients who indicate they feel like they are a roommate instead of a partner,” indicates Dr. Amanda Pasciucco, owner of Life Coaching and Therapy.

“This issue has become more commonplace since the COVID-19 pandemic and continues to be a leading problem among couples today,” adds Pasciucco. 

 

This emotional distance includes mental and often physical disengagement. It can show up as a lack of interest in your partner’s activities, emotions, or whereabouts. Couples going through a silent divorce can also experience a lack of communication, shared goals, and engagement in each other’s lives in general. 

 

Common Causes of Silent Divorce

While each marriage is unique, we can identify certain factors that commonly lead to silent divorces. One of the most common reasons for a silent divorce is emotional neglect. Both partners are neglecting each other and are not interested in each other’s emotional needs. They are not behaving this way to hurt each other or to prove a point. Emotional neglect is two-directional and is a result of a lack of interest in each other, not an external factor. 

Almost all silent divorces are characterized by poor communication habits. This doesn’t have to imply that the couple was communicating poorly prior to this phase. On the contrary, the couple could have been close before, sharing secrets and talking about each other’s emotions and personal experiences. 

Another cause of silent divorce is unresolved conflicts or resentment. For whatever reason, the couple hasn’t worked on these issues, or they haven’t found an efficient solution. Over time, this situation caused the couple to grow apart and cease functioning as a team. 

Also, life transitions such as children, aging parents, and career shifts can lead to silent divorce. You may have different views on these topics, or you may have changed over the years due to these events. 

 

The Hidden Impact of Silent Divorce 

Just because the emotional distance is mutual, it doesn’t make it a pleasant experience. It can be quite challenging not to be intimate with the person who used to mean everything to you. It takes time to get used to the new dynamics in the house, and you may both find it difficult to adapt. 

There could be a variety of feelings, including anxiety, loneliness, and low self-esteem. You might worry about how your behavior affects your children and other family members. Over time, you may experience some health symptoms, particularly in relation to your physical and mental well-being. Because of this, it’s critical to get help before you feel overburdened. 

During this time, speaking with a reputable mental health therapist can make you feel more supported. Therapy can also make you more aware of what is in your control and what is not, which is especially important if you have kids.

Keep in mind that, although a silent divorce is a better alternative than marriage with a lot of arguing and stress, it is not the best solution for either of you. Staying together because of financial issues or family stability can backfire emotionally and create more damage than good for everyone involved. 

 

Are You in a Silent Divorce?

If you’re uncertain whether your marriage is going through a silent divorce or something else, there is a quick self-assessment exercise you can do to find out. The exercise consists of a list of questions or indicators that you can answer. Your spouse is not required to do this exercise with you. 

Ask yourself the following questions to assess your marriage situation: 

  • Do you feel more like roommates than lovers?
  • Do you avoid meaningful conversations?
  • Is there emotional or physical intimacy?
  • Do you feel you must hide things from them, as they wouldn’t want to be disturbed? 

You can answer these questions in writing or use them to think about the current situation. You can share this list of questions and your answers with your partner if you think it will help.

 

Conclusion

It will depend on you two as to how your situation develops in the future. You might both decide to seek marital counseling and work on the underlying problems or conflicts that have been present for years. You might choose to live apart to figure out what you want. Some couples decide to try reconnecting through shared activities before thinking about separating or divorcing. 

During this experience, it’s crucial to take care of yourself. Doing your best to save or end your marriage shouldn’t cost you your well-being. If you have kids, they should see that their parents are emotionally stable even in difficult times. Being true to yourself will lead you to the best option, whether that’s staying together or divorcing. Lastly, be kind to yourself. It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. The same goes for your spouse. You can only function as a team, even in the final act, when both of you prioritize your personal needs. Prioritize yourself today by scheduling a session. 

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

What Is True Love In A Relationship?

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What Is True Love In A Relationship?

 

Numerous songs, poems, and books were written in an attempt to respond to the question: What is true love in a relationship? We all think we know love, yet recognizing it may not be as easy as it seems. We love different people in different ways. We also build romantic relationships differently from our friends or family members. Is it possible, then, to answer the question of what true love in a relationship is? 

The short answer is yes. True love is based on certain pillars, and without them, the relationship wouldn’t be considered healthy. If you want to understand what it means to be in a healthy, loving relationship, we’ve explained it in detail below. 

 

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships

Before we talk about what true love is, let’s compare healthy and unhealthy relationships first. Toxic relationships are those in which one or both partners act or speak harmfully to each other. For instance, signs of a toxic relationship would include going through your partner’s phone or insulting them during a discussion. 

That said, keep in mind that healthy relationships are not perfect either. It doesn’t mean that partners will never yell at each other or do something they’ll regret later. The difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship is the way you and your partner deal with such situations. Do you learn from them? Do you ask for forgiveness? Do you do your best not to repeat that same mistake?

Partners in unhealthy relationships are not interested in growing together. Due to their treatment of each other, everything stays the same — or worse. They don’t work on improving destructive areas of their relationship. Instead, they blame each other. They blame each other for feeling a certain way or doing a certain thing. In a healthy relationship, the partners work together as a team. In an unhealthy relationship, partners will see each other as opponents.

 

Foundations of Healthy Relationships

It might be simple for you to understand what toxic relationships are. After all, there is so much online content about red flags in dating and relationships that it’s easy to compare that list against your relationship. Some signs might be obvious, while others might not be so obvious.

On the other hand, defining a healthy, loving relationship is a bit trickier. Just because a relationship is not toxic doesn’t make it true love. In other words, there are certain things such relationships need to have in common. Without it, the relationship will either not last long, or it won’t reach a deeper level of intimacy, which is the main requirement for true love. 

 

Accountability 

As much as accountability doesn’t sound romantic, it is one of the main foundations of true love. In this context, responsibilities go much further than creating separate to-do lists and being in charge of certain activities in a relationship.  Accountability refers to being responsible for your actions, words, and emotions. 

If both partners are accountable for themselves, it becomes easier to celebrate wins and face challenges together. In an unhealthy relationship, one partner will blame the other or have expectations that the other can’t meet. When both partners become responsible for themselves, they are able to grow together without being each other’s obstacle. 

 

Freedom 

Freedom might be another word you don’t understand when talking about true love. The best way to describe freedom is to give yourself and your partner the space and time needed to be your authentic selves. As long as you can express, do, and feel whatever you want, so should your partner. 

By saying that, keep in mind that your freedom shouldn’t harm the other person. Freedom allows you to explore a range of possibilities and choose the one that seems best for you. When we are free and happy, we make others happy, including our loved ones. 

 

Respect 

Every relationship should be based on respect. Respecting yourself and your partner is essential for your relationship to work. Where there is a lack of respect, true love will also be absent. You cannot love somebody and not have respect for them. Respect implies that you will treat the other person with politeness. In relationships, respect also implies your admiration for the other person.

When we don’t feel respected, it’s difficult to give our best to someone else. We start to isolate ourselves from those who don’t respect us. We put energy into protecting ourselves from them. Instead of becoming closer, the lack of respect distances people from each other. 

 

Common Objective

A healthy, loving relationship is like a team. Two players work together toward a common goal. Relationship goals don’t have to be material or physical, although most couples will have such aspirations for their future. Examples might be buying their first home together, getting married, or getting pregnant. 

Your common objective can be to learn about each other’s love language to support each other better. Or, you might want to address a certain issue that’s been present in your relationship for a while, so you seek a couples therapist. As a couple, you can have as many objectives as you want, both big and small. Being aware of your motivation to pursue that goal and being on the same page are crucial. 

 

Conclusion

Love is what makes relationships stable, long-lasting, and thriving. Loving someone and receiving love from that person not only helps you grow your relationship. You also grow as a person. Healthy relationships allow us to feel safe, regardless of what life throws at us. 

If you’re currently in a relationship and experiencing difficulties, keep in mind the foundation we previously discussed. Accountability, freedom, respect, and having common objectives can help you build a stronger, more profound relationship. If you feel like you need guidance, reach out to a couples therapist. Investing time and energy in your relationship is the best investment you can make for yourself, too. 

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Couples Therapy TV Celebrities: Providing Discreet Guidance

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Couples Therapy TV Celebrities: Providing Discreet Guidance

 

When I was at the beginning of my education and training path toward a career as a therapist, I never thought about providing couples therapy TV celebrities. It’s one of those things that just naturally happened. I still remember when I received my first call from a famous person asking me to become their relationship therapist. As much as many professionals would say that it doesn’t matter whether a client is a celebrity, I believe there are a few differences. 

By working with celebrities over the past years, I noticed they need certain prerequisites to continue seeing their chosen therapist. After all, therapy doesn’t work like a bandage. It’s a process that requires time and effort from all sides involved. When talking about couples therapy for celebrities, the distinction is even more evident. 

For example, if you and your spouse are not in the public eye, you will not be worried about someone taking a photograph of you while leaving the therapist’s office. This aspect is just one of the things both a famous person and a therapist should keep in mind. As someone fairly experienced in providing couples therapy for TV celebrities, I’d like to explain the differences and help you understand the therapy process for famous people. 

 

Regular Couples Therapy vs. Couples Therapy for Celebrities

I’ve mentioned the first example of discretion above. However, there are a few more differences between regular and famous couples going to a therapist. Many famous people communicate with their therapist via video call to avoid exposure. This allows both partners to participate from any location without the risk of press leaks.

 

Privacy & Confidentiality

Just think about the headlines once a journalist receives the information that a famous Hollywood marriage is seeing a couples therapist. Millions of spectators would be entertained by assumptions of divorce, infidelity, and the search for the family’s hidden secrets. On the other hand, a couple whose careers are not that public will not have an issue walking to the therapist’s office or even sharing that information with their circle of intimate friends. 

Confidentiality is a must for a celebrity couple therapist. I always warn my celebrity clients of the risk, even if they share that info. If they still want to share it for whatever reason, I advise them to do so after there is no more need for therapy or after they’ve built a solid strategy on how to communicate that information to the media. 

Of course, some couples will want to share their experience while going to therapy. Darcey and Georgi visited my office during their show on TLC. Make sure this decision is communicated with your romantic partner and your manager to avoid any unwanted consequences. Discretion is the most important part of my work with celebrities.

 

External Pressure

Although celebrity couples reach out to therapists to work on their relationship, it’s not the only area of their lives we have to focus on. Celebrities face external pressure around their public image and professional careers. Even in cases where both sides agree that divorce might be the best solution, this decision can be postponed due to external pressure. 

Examples can be a movie or album promotion, a recent private or professional scandal, or a big business deal in the near future. All of these external pressures can affect therapy and the decision-making process. Not being able to close a multi-million dollar deal because of divorce news could lead to lower life standards for everyone involved, including children. 

 

Unique Stressors

As a celebrity couples therapist, it’s difficult to truly provide guidance if not aware of the uniqueness of the celebrity lifestyle. How do they deal with fame? How important is their privacy to them? Do they spend a lot of time apart due to work commitments? How important is public perception of their relationship to them? 

If you’re not a famous person, someone who never met you personally will not be aware of your existence and your relationship. With social media, everyone can publicly share their opinion about someone’s relationship, marriage, or family. Dealing with all these stressors is not easy. After all, fame doesn’t make you immune to critics. 

 

Professional Barrier

Most celebrities received some type of media training, so they might be reluctant to be authentic in the first few therapy sessions. I’ve noticed such behavior with every one of my celebrity clients, and I completely understand why. Although they hired me, I’m someone they don’t know, and I ask all kinds of personal questions. Of course, they will not jump into their vulnerability from the first second. 

It is my job to show them that I can provide them with a safe, non-judgmental space. I often acknowledge the importance of confidentiality in my first session to show them how it’s perfectly expected for them to be a bit reserved towards me at first. That is why it’s one of my proudest moments when I see this type of client opening up to me, and we’re able to dive deeper to help them heal together as couples. 

 

Are You Looking for a Celebrity Couples Therapist? 

 If you and your partner have never been in couples therapy, it’s important to find a professional with experience in this area. As much as your goal might be the same as that of a regular couple, having a therapist who understands the celebrity lifestyle can be quite helpful. 

A therapist without experience in therapy for famous people will need to learn what it means to be a celebrity from your perspective. We all know what the word celebrity means, yet can we imagine how it feels to be one? A therapist with this experience knows the pros and cons of public life. 

My final piece of advice is to trust your instincts when selecting a therapist. If it seems natural and easy when talking to them, they are probably a good choice for you. Take it slow and share as much as you feel comfortable at the beginning. You don’t have to rush to find the solution. Therapy should provide you with long-lasting guidance and support, so make sure you choose the right therapist. 

Make an appointment today. 

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Is He Cheating + What To Do About It

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Is He Cheating + What To Do About It

 

Relationships are filled with a range of emotions and concerns, and one of the most common ones you’ll hear is, ‘Is he cheating?’ It could be a new relationship or a long-term one, but something is suspicious.

Sometimes, we think of infidelity due to our insecurities or past traumas, and sometimes, it’s because our partner is acting weird. Whatever it is, feeling like this is not pleasant. You could start doubting everything your partner does and says. You might feel the urge to check their messages or to follow them. Before you realize it, you’ll find yourself engrossed in this discovery and questioning how you got here in the first place.

So, we will look at the most typical indications of cheating along with suggestions for what to do in this situation. Keep in mind that every relationship is unique. Just because your partner is behaving in a certain way doesn’t automatically mean that they are cheating on you. 

 

Signs of Cheating

If you’ve never cheated or been cheated on, you probably know someone who did. As much as we’d like to be safe and loved in all of our relationships, the other side of intimacy is vulnerability. In other words, we can’t control other people’s behavior. Instead of wasting your energy on controlling your partner, take a moment to analyze how they act. It won’t prove they’re cheating, yet it will reveal their feelings about your relationship.

 

Lack of Time

You used to spend a lot of time together, whether it was traveling, going to restaurants, or cuddling at home in front of the TV. Something has changed, although you’re not really sure why. You’ve suggested various plans for the weekend, yet they always have the perfect excuse. 

 

Change of Priorities

Maybe you’ve been considering buying a home together or going on a long vacation to a foreign country, yet they don’t seem interested anymore. They even have a reason for it. They would rather not move because they just realized they prefer living in the center or they don’t need this vacation anymore. If their explanation doesn’t make sense or you see it’s not true, the true reason could be something they don’t want you to know about. 

 

Changes in How They Look

When we fall in love with someone, we want to impress that person. This is what you did when you fell in love with them as well. Going to the gym, buying a new perfume, or investing in their clothes could all be signs of a significant change in their life. However, make sure to double-check that their motivation is not caused by the simple desire to become the best version of themselves. 

 

Behavioral Changes

There are several changes you can notice in somebody’s behavior if they are cheating. They might start to hide their phone or leave it face down. They might show new social media behaviors such as being active online at late-night hours or downloading an app he was never interested in before. 

Furthermore, some men will start accusing their partners of cheating when they are the ones cheating. This is due to feeling guilty and wanting to distract you from finding what’s really going on. 

When it comes to behavioral changes, just think of how he was behaving before and how he is behaving now. If you notice major changes and can’t find a different explanation than cheating, you could be right. 

 

What to Do About It

Believing you’re cheated on can lead to feeling many emotions. The most common are fear, sadness, and anger. Before you decide to act on it, make sure you take care of yourself first. Whatever the outcome might be, you should prioritize your well-being over anything else. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help, whether that’s talking to a therapist or your close friends. 

 

1.Listen to His Version 

Give him the opportunity to share his story, even if he meets all the requirements. Starting an argument and threatening to leave can become a big wound in your relationship, especially if you realize he wasn’t cheating at all. Do your best to start the conversation respectfully. You already know your version and what you want to say, so allow him to share his side. 

 

2.Address How You Feel

When they finish their conversation, or if they choose not to discuss this topic at all, it’s appropriate to express your feelings. If you believe that someone has betrayed you, you have the right to confront them. Tell them what this experience has been like for you. Remember, you’re not doing this to make them feel bad; you’re doing it to stand up for yourself. If you’re not going to be your advocate, who will?

 

3.Suggest Ways to Deal with This Situation

Suggestions on how to deal with this situation will greatly depend on whether he cheated or not. It’s not about solving the problem; it’s about agreeing on the next steps and conserving your energy. For instance, you might decide to spend some time apart or to sleep in separate bedrooms. You could decide to seek relationship counseling and get professional support during these difficult times. You could even discuss long-term expectations to remind each other what the end goal of the path you’re deciding to take is. 

 

4.Begin the Healing Process

Alone or with him, you will need to start to heal. Infidelity or doubts of infidelity can trigger so many things inside you, and you will need time and space to express that. Talk to a therapist, write a journal, or spend more time with your close friends. Prioritizing yourself is essential to healing. You might feel tempted to focus on him and your relationship, yet you’re the one who needs that level of care and support. 

Even in situations in which the partner was actually not unfaithful, you were still afraid and angry. You still believed you’d lose your relationship. That part of you deserves to be taken care of. In fact, ensuring you’re both taking care of your needs first will help you see with more clarity what steps make the most sense for you in the future. 

 

Begin the journey to help now with one of our staff members. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

How to Talk to Ladies Without Fear

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How to Talk to Ladies Without Fear: A Confidence Guide for Men

 

If you’re not certain about how to talk to ladies without fear, you will want to read this article. After all, you’re not the first guy who struggles to find the best approach to new women you meet in your life. Communication with the opposite sex is difficult, but knowing how to handle the challenges will make you successful. 

The good thing about confidence is that if you don’t have it, you can build it. There are certain techniques that can help you improve your communication with women without it sounding weird or forced. In this article, we’ve decided to share the best tips for single guys looking to make new connections with women they find attractive. Before we delve into the topic, we’ve compiled a list of warning signs that most women will quickly identify.

 

Red Flags When Talking to Ladies

Approaching someone you don’t know and hoping they are interested requires courage. However, some guys might try too hard to impress or act too cool, and both of these decisions will most likely result in a lack of success. 

One of the most significant warning signs that women identify when encountering new men is their tendency to approach multiple girls until one eventually agrees to converse, dance, go home, or engage in similar activities. Trying to have more options when dating could lead to a negative outcome, especially if other women are aware of it. Instead, look for one person who seems attractive or intriguing to you.

When you finally approach her, avoid using phrases other men, including you, typically use. Don’t be cheesy or rude. Notice something that makes her different from all the other women in that place and let her know you’ve noticed it. A comment like ‘I’ve noticed you’re the only person in this bar drinking water’ will probably be better accepted than ‘You look so hot in that dress.’

As much as we all want to make a fantastic first impression, your focus should be on her and not on you. All you have to be is yourself. While you’re talking, ask her about the things you are genuinely interested in. Answer her questions the same way you would if your friend were asking them. Being natural in a situation like this can go a long way. 

Useful Tips 

Now that we’ve covered what most women don’t like, it’s important to talk about how to actually improve the way you approach and talk to ladies. Knowing what to avoid doing or saying is only the first step. See a professional like Dr. Amanda if you are looking for dating results.

 

What’s Appropriate?

Approaching someone in a supermarket is very different from approaching someone in a club. Let’s say you’ve seen a woman you like in a supermarket while buying groceries. You will probably not go to her shopping cart and start talking to her about her interests. 

This type of environment requires a more laid-back comment, which hopefully could lead to a conversation. There, it would make more sense to ask for a product recommendation or to give one. Always think about what is appropriate in a situation where you see a woman you like. Not doing that could make her feel uncomfortable even if she liked you.

 

Talk to Your Female Friends or Family Members

If you think that you need help understanding women, that’s completely okay. Consider talking to your female friends, sister, cousin, or whoever you could trust. Ask them what they like about the men they’ve dated and what they want in a partner. 

This information can help you understand what other ladies find relevant when they approach you. You could learn which compliments make sense and which to avoid. You could also learn what nonverbal gestures women prefer. For instance, you could open the door for her if you’re leaving the place together, offer her your jacket if she’s cold, respect her space, and so on. These small gestures have a significant impact when interacting with a new individual. While some women may view these gestures as outdated, others may perceive them as a sign that you value her or find her significant. 

 

Don’t Set Expectations

The men who are most successful in dating are the ones who don’t get discouraged. It’s completely normal to get rejected. The funny thing about it is that it’s really not that personal. It’s possible that the woman you’ve approached is rushing or transitioning out of an emotionally taxing relationship. There are so many reasons why a person could not be interested in talking to someone they don’t know. 

When you decide to approach someone, don’t set expectations. Celebrate yourself for being brave enough to approach someone and start a conversation with them. All of these experiences will be helpful when the right woman comes along.

 

Build Your Self-Esteem

The way we feel about ourselves affects how we introduce ourselves to the world. Are you taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally? The better you feel about yourself, the easier it will be to make a connection with someone else. Just think about it! How many times did you feel excellent about yourself and then a random stranger treated you nicely, or maybe you’ve experienced something that made your day even better? 

When it comes to building your self-esteem, look at the things you can improve. Maybe you can enter a room with your head high instead of looking at the floor. You can also start exercising more regularly to feel positive about your body. Improve your eating and sleeping habits as well. Watch this if your body image won’t budge.

Think about getting a haircut before going out with friends if you want to feel more confident. Wear that shirt for which you receive compliments every time you put it on. Wear new black boots. You don’t have to try hard. Do only things that will make you feel good. What works for your single friends might not work for you. 

That is why it’s important to act as naturally as possible when interacting with a woman you’ve never met before. Being yourself can help you find the love of your life. 

If you are ready to start now, schedule an appointment with Dr. Amanda.

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

What Is the Meaning of Divorce

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What Is the Meaning of Divorce + What to Expect

 

Married or not, you’ve probably wondered one or more times about the meaning of divorce. How do you know when you should consider ending your marriage? What should you do if you’ve decided to divorce your spouse? If you ever find yourself in this situation, these and many other questions might be on your mind.

However, before you even step into the commitment of marriage, it would be worth learning more about divorce. Understanding why some couples divorce can highlight areas to focus on for a lasting marriage.

 

Common Reasons for Divorce

Of course, each marriage is unique, and it can end for a unique reason. However, there are certain reasons that marital counselors and divorce lawyers always refer to when talking about most of their clients. Most people think infidelity is the main cause of divorce, but other things can hurt your marriage and end it. 

 

Lack of Communication

All issues begin in marriage when a lack of communication occurs. Regardless of the reason for that lack of communication, you seem to focus on one thing and your spouse on another. You will potentially start making up a story on how they feel and what they need. Successful married couples often agree that communication and effort are key to lasting relationships.

 

Financial Issues

Financial issues are linked to stress and a range of negative emotions, such as fear, anxiety, guilt, frustration, and jealousy. Having financial issues in marriage can lead to blame instead of teamwork in finding solutions. As fear overcomes them, they may see each other as enemies and seek divorce. 

 

Infidelity 

Cheating is one of the most profound wounds of marriage, and it’s not just because there is another person involved in your intimate relationship. If you’ve been cheated on, you will probably have a difficult time trusting your partner, even with little things. Furthermore, it might lead to self-esteem issues and questioning whether or not you are attractive or intriguing enough for your spouse. The best way to get rid of all these doubts is by communicating them with your partner and learning the real reason why they cheated. In a complex situation like this one, it’s also important to discuss your mutual needs for security, love, and understanding. 

 

Growing Apart

When you marry, you hope that you and your partner will eternally be in love and grow old together. However, sometimes couples grow apart, and there is nothing you can do to force yourself to fall in love with your partner again. You may have had different experiences or learned different things from the same ones, making you incompatible. For instance, your partner might have stayed exactly the same person they were ten years ago, while you have changed and need different things or a deeper level of intimacy they cannot provide you with. 

 

Before the Divorce 

Deciding to divorce your spouse should not be a quick decision. If this is the first argument you had as a married couple, don’t even think about divorce unless the damage is unrepairable. Marriage consists of both good and bad moments. The key to a happy marriage is staying authentic and transparent through the tough times. 

Another piece of advice would be to talk to an expert on marital issues before you decide to divorce. Talking to a MFT (marriage and family therapist) can help you both listen to each other better and understand what is causing issues between you. As you share information about your marriage with a therapist, they will be able to provide you with a set of tools to strengthen the areas lacking. 

Even if you’re both certain that you want to end your marriage, having such guidance can help you make this process less painful and stressful. Given that divorce is one of the most stressful situations, any assistance will be greatly appreciated by both parties. 

 

Things to Avoid When Getting a Divorce

<p>Remember, a divorce is not something you can complete in a single day. It’s a process that often lasts longer than expected, and maybe you and your partner will need some time apart before you proceed with all of it. Whatever your situation might be, there are a few things that can make this process unnecessarily complicated or stressful.

Instead of telling everyone you’re divorcing and who your ex-spouse is, keep quiet. Remind yourself that this is an intimate moment. If you need to talk to someone, make sure it’s people you’re closest to and who have your best interest at heart. </span>

Secondly, instead of focusing on everything that’s wrong with your partner, focus on your needs. The split will not be an easy period for you, so ensuring you’re taking care of yourself is essential. You might need more time alone or want to journal your thoughts and emotions. Whatever it is, make sure you provide yourself with anything that will give you strength in these difficult moments. Focusing on yourself instead of your spouse can help you make the right decision at any moment and avoid getting hurt. If you need additional support, consider reaching out to a therapist to have space and time to focus on your well-being. They will also help you adjust to life without your spouse and all the changes after the divorce. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

What Are Words of Affirmation

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What Are Words of Affirmation & How to Use Them

 

Words of affirmation are one of the five main love languages. Besides words of affirmation, there is also physical touch, acts of service, quality time, and receiving gifts. One person can prefer one way over another to express and receive love and appreciation, while another might prefer another love language. Love languages help us understand and support our loved ones in a more efficient way.

If you’re interested in learning words of affirmation as a love language, continue reading. We’ll explain this in detail and provide examples to help you give your loved ones inspiring words of love. 

 

Words of Affirmation as a Love Language

What does it mean if words of affirmation are your preferred love language? Firstly, it means that verbal communication is essential for you to feel positive about your relationship. While others might prefer their partners helping them out with a clean home or doing chores, you need to hear your partner expressing their love for you. In return, you probably also love telling them how much they mean to you. 

These words of affirmation bring you comfort and safety. You don’t expect them to hear you only when you’re feeling down or uncertain about your partner’s feelings for you. For you, words of affirmation help build a stronger relationship between you and the other person. It’s a way to be clear and straightforward about the importance they have in your life. Simply put, you celebrate love with words!

These words can be verbal encouragement, compliments, and affirmations. If you’re just discovering that this is your love language or your partner’s, take a look at our list of examples that can help you familiarize yourself with these phrases and use them in your daily life with your loved ones.

 

Examples of Words of Affirmation 

When talking about words of affirmation, the most common way to express appreciation is through giving compliments. However, you can also encourage them and show your love with words.

Below is the list of our favorite examples of words of affirmation:

  • You are incredibly attractive, both on the inside and outside.
  • You mean the world to me.
  • I love the way you make me laugh.
  • I appreciate everything you do for me.
  • You make my life so much better just by being in it.
  • I believe in you—you can do anything you set your mind to!
  • I’m so proud of you and all that you’ve accomplished.
  • You inspire me every single day.
  • You’ve got this! I’m here to support you.
  • You are stronger than you think.
  • I love you more than words can express.
  • Being with you is my favorite part of every day.
  • You are my safe place, my home.
  • I feel so lucky to have you in my life.
  • I cherish every moment with you.
  • You are so special to me, and I never take you for granted.
  • You are enough, just as you are.
  • I admire your kindness and the way you care for others.
  • You make every day brighter with your presence.
  • The world is a better place because you’re in it.

 

How to Love Someone with Words of Affirmation 

Just because you know that your partner or a close friend prefers words of affirmation doesn’t mean that you’ll immediately be sure about the proper way to use them. When is the right time to say these loving phrases? How can you provide support and show appreciation if the person is not sitting next to you? 

Well, you can always send sweet text messages or voice notes. If your partner is having a busy day, seeing a loving, motivating message from you can help them get through it. Depending on both of your communication styles, these messages can be either short or long. You can send one of the phrases we’ve mentioned above in our list or use them as inspiration and write a longer message. Or you can even make these messages more personal by using nicknames, shared memories or dreams, or anything else that means a lot to you both. 

You can also leave little love notes on the mirror, nightstand, car, or on top of the phone. A message like ‘I love you’ can bring a smile to your partner’s face, especially if they aren’t expecting it.

When you’re complimenting them, make sure you do it genuinely. You don’t have to lie or exaggerate things. If you like their new haircut, the way that a particular shirt brings out their eyes, or how they look under the moonlight, tell them. Often in long-term relationships, couples tend to overlook compliments, thinking they’ve already expressed everything. However, hearing something positive about yourself can really boost your self-esteem and brighten up your day.  

Lastly, words of affirmation allow us to express gratitude. If your partner took care of you when you had a cold, what’s a better way to show gratitude than with words? Thanking them for being in your life shows that you recognize and appreciate their daily inspiration. 

 

Wrap Up 

Words have power, and this power can build intimate relationships that last. Making sure your partner knows how you feel about them eliminates uncertainty or confusion. When all is said, there’s no room for guessing. Don’t wait for the perfect moment, such as anniversaries, birthdays, or Valentine’s Day, to tell your significant other how you feel about them.

Say it today. If your partner doesn’t typically verbalize how they feel, your initiative can motivate them to do the same. Saying words of affirmation to each other every day brings you closer, reminds you of your best parts, and inspires you to grow together. Celebrating such moments through words is a wonderful way to make sure you remember them!

 

Start your journey at home with CONNECT. 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients’ lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Acts of Service Examples

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Acts of Service Examples You Can Start Doing Today

 

If your partner’s love language is the act of service or you simply are keen to learn more about it, you’ll want to go through the acts of service examples. Acts of service as a love language refer to doing certain activities that matter to the other person. An example can be running errands, buying them their favorite chocolate while they’re grocery shopping, or doing household chores. 

If you want to become more fluent in this love language, we’ve gathered everything you need to know about it. Get inspired by our acts of service examples and see which of them can be applied to your romantic relationships and friendships. 

 

What is an Act of Service?

Love language refers to the way we prefer to love and be loved. Besides an act of service, there is also gift-giving, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation. If you or your partner prefers the act of service as their dominant love language, you will want to familiarize yourself as much as possible with it. 

An act of service means you express your love or appreciation for another person through helpful actions instead of the other four love languages. Since this is your preferred language, you will appreciate it more if someone helps you thoughtfully rather than saying they love you or giving a hug. 

This is not to say you can only have one way you receive love. We can express love in different ways. However, one way will typically be dominant. In relationships with others, it’s important to be aware of our and their love language, as this allows us to grow and evolve together. 

 

Acts of Service List

Examples of acts of service can be quite different from person to person. For instance, you might enjoy it when your partner surprises you with a home-cooked meal after a long day at the office. Your friend, on the other hand, might prefer that their partner does all the chores if they have more spare time. 

These are some common examples of acts of service that can inspire you: 

  • Cook a meal for another person
  • Run errands for them 
  • Handle a task or chore you know they dislike
  • Surprise them with a clean home
  • Offer them a nice massage after a long day
  • Fix something you know they would use if it weren’t broken
  • Offer to drive them to work or somewhere else
  • Take care of them when they’re sick or tired
  • Offer to walk their dog for them 
  • Surprise them with a cup of coffee in the morning
  • Clean their car
  • Iron their clothes
  • Organize their closet
  • Prepare a nice bath for them
  • Pack them lunch on a busy day
  • Ask them how you can support them when they’re under stress

 

How to Give Acts of Service

If your partner’s love language is service, you understand that actions have a greater impact than words.  Below, you will find additional tips for performing acts of service. 

 

1.Express Gratitude for Support

Express gratitude to your spouse when they use your preferred language, and let them know you value it when they return the favor.  You will both feel appreciated in the relationship if you establish a pattern of showing each other love and gratitude. If acts of service are their preferred love language, enjoy the moments of their gratitude as well. Such moments can bring you closer. 

 

2.Ask About Their Preferred Acts of Service

Be specific.  Would they rather you just run that bath for them, or should you ask first?  Do they enjoy having you do the laundry yet, would rather handle the bill payment themselves?  Make sure your acts of service really serve your partner or friend. Occasionally, what we think would be best for others is not what they want at that moment.

 

3.Communication

Communication about what works for both of you is crucial in love languages.  It is important that you and your partner agree on the ways that you both like to show love.  Developing your communication skills in a partnership will come with numerous rewards.

 

4.Share What You Need

Both of you should practice asking for what you want. With time, the other person will learn which acts of service work best for you. For example, some people do not like it when you look through their drawers, while others want you to do their laundry and put it away for them. Remember that the goal is to show love and appreciation in the way your partner receives it, not to force yourself onto others.  

 

5.Don’t Compare

If your best friend and your boyfriend have a preference for acts of service, it doesn’t necessarily mean they will value the same actions. Every person is unique. Having an understanding of how to serve with love will be beneficial when meeting a new person with the same love language. However, listening carefully to them will show you what they really need from you. 

 

In Final Words

Acts of service are a wonderful way to show appreciation for other people in our lives, even if it’s not their dominant love language. If you notice your friend or family member stressed and without any spare time, offer your help. Maybe you can take their kids to school or take their clothes to the dry cleaner. Small acts like that can mean so much to someone who doesn’t have time or needs additional support in their life. 

By being supportive in that way, you not only show how much you care about this person. You help others who are in their inner circle. Being kind to each other benefits everyone around us. If you help your partner, their colleagues at work will notice they are much more relaxed. Your sister will have more time to spend with her spouse if you assist her with the children. 

If that’s the way you show love for others, you will want them to do the same for you. What’s a better way to receive it than give it to others first? 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients’ lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.