Sexual Anxiety

When Sexual Anxiety Takes Over: What Drives Sexual Inhibition and Stress In Penis-Bodied Humans

When Sexual Anxiety Takes Over: What Drives Sexual Inhibition and Stress in Penis-Bodied Humans

 

While most of us can be intimidated taking off our clothes during sex, some people state that sexual anxiety takes over and ruins the entire encounter.

There you are, exposing yourself with nowhere to hide. 

Some people are so afraid of letting their physical and emotional walls down that it prevents them from enjoying true intimacy. Instead, they’re filled with sexual anxiety that can detract from intimate encounters.

Sexual anxiety can range from mild nervousness about things like body image, to full-blown anxiety attacks that stop people from having sex at all.

 

Performance Anxiety

A lot of people have anxiety issues around whether they’ll be able to “perform” when called upon. Penises can be a bit unreliable. 

If worry over performance continues it can turn into a serious mental block. 

For some people, whether they’ll be able to maintain an erection enters their mind the minute there is an attraction with someone else. 

Like any anxiety attack, worries over performance build and build until it’s all they can think about.

People with penises also worry about premature ejaculation. It’s more common than you’d think. 

According to the Mayo Clinic, 1 out of 3 penis and testicle-bodied humans say they deal with premature ejaculation or have dealt with premature ejaculation in the past

When there’s so much pressure on being able to please your partner, it’s easy to see why someone who’s had that happen would experience sexual anxiety.

 

Body Image

While we hate to stereotype, generally speaking, penis and testicle-bodied humans have less trouble looking in the mirror than their vagina-bodied counterparts.

Sexual Anxiety

Traditionally, men didn’t have to deal with the same societal pressure placed on other genders by the media and fashion. 

However, this has changed with the advent of digital options. The ideal physique is communicated a lot through all types of advertising, social media and even porn.

Penis and testicle-bodied humans, often struggle with sexual anxiety around the size and look of their genitals. Maybe your penis curves or has a slight bend in it. 

Perhaps you are concerned about the fact that you are, or aren't circumcised. 

 

Lack of Experience

This applies to anyone who is seen as the one “in charge.”

In many sexual encounters, many penis-bodied humans FEEL there is an expectation that they ought to take the lead. 

That might be ok if you’ve got a lot of sexual experience, but it can trigger sexual anxiety for people who don’t want that type of pressure. 

We all worry about, to a varying degree, reading sexual cues or being able to please our partner. 

 

Ways to Help Reduce Sexual Anxiety:

  • Breathe in and out through your belly. Focus more on your exhales.
  • Masturbate with a condom on to try a new way of experiencing sensation!
  • Increase the use of sex toys, such as those that provide clitoral stimulation. This will help take the pressure off your penis and bring excitement to the moment.

You are in charge of your own arousal and your partner is in charge of theirs. Don’t force yourself to be the deliverer of orgasms to your partner, because it is way too much pressure! 

What are some other reasons people that may cause sexual anxiety? 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer.

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Cheating Wives

Are Cheating Wives As Common As Cheating Husbands? 

 

Are Cheating Wives As Common As Cheating Husbands? 

 

Until death do us part is a bit shorter now that we live in the paradox of choice, and many wonder, are cheating wives as common as cheating husbands?

Infidelity is one of the main causes of breakups. ALL PEOPLE are easily capable of choosing to be unfaithful.

Cheating Wives

If you have found yourself involved in a lie, being the other woman or partnered with cheating wives…we are going to help you understand why today!

According to couples therapist and author of The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity, Esther Perel, infidelity is "a universal taboo and yet it is universally practiced.” 

As a certified sex therapist, I can assure you that infidelity is more common than you think. 

Why is this? Well, cheating starts quick! You may see each other weekly at a platonic location, and then all of the sudden, the mind kicks in and begins to project a fantasy.

Our brains assess someone’s value instantly to keep ourselves safe from perceived danger and threats.

Therefore, our minds project a story as people walk by and make comparisons of their value in relationship to ourselves. 

On days where you are not feeling your best, you are more susceptible to receiving a hit of dopamine from a flirting stranger or by posting a selfie on IG that gets you DMs. 

Only a few clicks are needed before thoughts take over to become action. You can fall for someone instantly and have an emotional and sexual affair with your keyboard. 

No matter if you are a cheating wife or the other woman, part of you wonders WHY you are RISKING this. 

 

Why Do Wives and Husbands Cheat? 

It’s not something that’s comfortable to discuss, let alone talk about with others. The reality is that affairs happen in all types of marriages.

 

When a partner cheats it is because they are looking for a strategy to meet their needs. 

Cheating Wives

So, cheating wives aren’t consciously out to hurt you. 

Sometimes, cheating wives will justify why they cheated, and they often have good reasons that parts of them have justified. 

Consider that humans only do things for 6 reasons: 

  • Certainty - structure, ritual, time, planning
  • Uncertainty - adventure, passion, chaos, spontaneity
  • Significance - feeling special, being recognized, receiving
  • Connection - human to human, intimacy, desire for love
  • Growth - healing, vision, mission, purpose 
  • Contribution - giving, serving, paying it forward

When you try to notice the need behind the behavior, it helps bring compassion and empathy to everyone involved in the infidelity. 

 

Let’s Get to The Facts!

In a study done in 2014 on 229 lesbian, bisexual, queer and questioning women, between ages of 18-59 currently in a romantic relationship stated that they engage in sex for pleasure and love/commitment. 

In 2009, Doring did a study showing more women identified problematic Internet sexual behaviors. One behavior was women involved in an act of betrayal such as secretly engaging in cybersex with a third party when in a coupled relationship. 

A few quantitative studies have compared heterosexual perceptions of an imagined gay or straight affair, which produced mixed results. Sagarin et al. found that same‐sex infidelity induced less jealousy than heterosexual infidelity. 

By contrast, Wiederman and LaMar found that female-female sexual infidelity evoked the least amount of jealousy and upset (among men and women). In comparison, male-male infidelity was the most upsetting type of infidelity among women. 

What about in your experience? If you are willing to share, we would love to hear your thoughts! 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


psychosexual therapy exercises

Psychosexual Therapy Exercises You Have Been Waiting For! 

Psychosexual Therapy Exercises You Have Been Waiting For! 

Come get the psychosexual therapy exercises that have helped people just like you. 

Do you have an inner “boss bitch” who hits the streets after your morning coffee or a “nerdy researcher” who uses 15-minute breaks for Instagram motivation? 

psychosexual therapy exercises

What about an inner goddess who is desires being served by a forbidden Casanova? 

Are you drained by “Mommy-Mode” or working long hours to the point where you have no sex drive for your partner by the end of the day? 

You can stop the mundane with some of the best Pyschosexual Therapy Exercises.

Internal Family Systems, Psychodrama, Gestalt Therapy, or Inner Aspects work are some of the most powerful tools to boost your sexual pleasure.

For the following psychosexual therapy exercises, I am identifying “needs” as the universal traits that unite us as human beings. The Tony Robbins model is my favorite, because it is the most effective: 

 

  • Certainty - structure, ritual, time, planning
  • Uncertainty - adventure, passion, chaos, spontaneity
  • Significance - feeling special, being recognized, receiving
  • Connection - human to human, intimacy, desire for love
  • Growth - healing, vision, mission, purpose 
  • Contribution - giving, serving, paying it forward

These needs are true of all people! 

psychosexual therapy exercises

 

Inner Aspects Model by Francesca Gentille

The Inner Aspects Model discusses scripts of behavior used to get your internal needs met that YOU now have downloaded into your psyche. 

Each moment you are awake, the movements you make, the way you speak, and your emotional responses are ways you have learned to get your internal needs met. 

Learning to control your mind by bringing presence to the part of you that is in control in each moment. For example, right now - yes, right now - the version of you that is reading this is possibly the “Stoic Voyeur” while I wrote this post in “Teacher Amanda” mode. 

As you speak and make decisions, you are acting from a different PART of you. Think of these parts in terms of gender, age, living being form (human, animal, plant). 

When you open your mind to the POSSIBILITY that you can have fun playing this inner parts game, you can reach levels of pleasure that are more fulfilling and not just based on your current mood. 

You can consciously choose to AWAKEN every part of your inner mind. You can achieve results by accessing pleasure from simple actions, such as someone blowing against your skin. 

 

Psychosexual Therapy Exercises For Everyone!

 

Put aside your skepticism for an evening, and come get extraordinary results. 

If you implement fun, ritualistic practices of play, I guarantee your intimate life will change. 

Quote

Look over the Inner Aspects and consider how your inner parts affect your views on pleasure! 

Which part of you is saying “yes” to others and saying “no” to yourself? There are inner parts within us that are young and value CONNECTION so we say yes! 

You can use the inner aspects model to wake up the sleeping mind - the part of you that is on autopilot. 

Sex and relationships are directly connected to how much we can control our mind to understand who is giving, who is receiving, what is our intention, and what we are going to create.

Notice your parts and ask them what they need and then what strategies can be taken to get that need met on their own! 

 

Inner Aspects Game Date Night for Couples - Francesca Gentille’s Method! 

Learn to find your runaway bride, inner school girl, seductress siren, or inner rebellious teen!

psychosexual therapy exercises

Identify them all individually first. 

Have your partner identify theirs too!

Then write down all the inner aspects you have on small pieces of paper. Fold the paper into pieces and put it in a bag. 

Your partner should do the same. 

 

Pro Tip: Agree on a minimum number of inner aspects! HAVE FUN! Be willing to laugh.

If you want different results, you must try something new! 

 

If you are interested in an inner aspects parts sex deck of cards say YES in the comments below! 

 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


cosplay sex

Get Into the Halloween Spirit with Cosplay Sex

Get Into the Halloween Spirit with Cosplay Sex

 

Even grown ups love dressing up for Halloween, so why not stay in costume for some scintillating cosplay sex after the trick-or-treating is done? Kids get their treats, and grown ups deserve treats as well.

Whether you’re more of a sexy maid or want to channel your inner queen dressed as Khaleesi from Game of Thrones®, Halloween is a great time of year where we can all let loose a bit and have some fun.

It’s also perhaps the perfect segue into bringing dress up and roleplaying into the bedroom.

When we’re in relationships, it’s easy to settle into defined roles. You do the laundry; he does the dishes. He feeds the pets; you make the bed. It’s the same with sex. After a while, you’re in a set rotation of positions like it’s a dinner recipe. A lot of us struggle with how to break out of sexual ruts.

Cosplay sex is fun because it frees us from inhibitions. We dress in costumes that empower us to express ourselves sexually. It becomes a game, so consequences like embarrassment or fear of rejection are less severe. And guess what? Your partner will love it! Here are some tips on how to incorporate a bit of dress up into your sex life.

cosplay sex

 

Take Advantage of Halloween for Cosplay Sex!

Halloween is the best time to add a little spice between the sheets. Chances are you’ll be attending a party in costume with coworkers or friends. You’re in character already, so when you get home, don't be afraid to tell Iron Man what you’d really like to do to him.

When you’re choosing your costume this year, go for something edgier that will help your partner take the hint. Cosplay sex is all about fantasy, so grab an outfit that fits a sexual role you’ve been wanting to try.

A lot of people who are into cosplay sex love it, because it helps them alter sexual dynamics. Maybe you want to be dominant for a change or to roleplay an innocent person seduced by a police officer. Ever wonder what it would be like to make love to Thor or a vampire?

 

Check Out Some Cosplay Events

If dressing up seems foreign, you don’t have to look far to see it’s gone mainstream. Every decent-sized town has anime and cosplay events. Fans of superheroes, video games, comic books and movies all dress up and roleplay. There are international events that draw huge crowds with exquisite cosplay costumes.

 

People don’t just dress up either. They BECOME the person they’re dressed as. They take on their identity, speak like they do, and carry similar emotions. That’s why cosplay sex is so much fun! You and your partner are immersing yourselves into two different characters. It’s sex with someone new, and you’re lying if you don’t think that’s hot.

cosplay sex

 

Do Some Online Research

If you’re curious how dressing up works in the bedroom, just google “Cosplay Sex” and you’ll learn quick! 

Also, if you’re wondering if your partner is into it, do me a favor and take a look at the view count on some of the videos. You’ll quickly notice that cosplay sex is very popular online. 

Maybe your partner ISN’T into it, but you will definitely not feel alone. 

Watching some cosplay sex videos, you’ll see that the awkwardness lasts barely a second. Before you know it, you’ve bought into the roles each partner is playing and the interplay feels natural. 

That’s the way it will work at home too. You might feel a little timid calling your partner Batman or whoever, but once you dive in, it’ll be pure FIRE!

Watching videos can be a great inspiration for what kind of costumes and scenarios you’re interested in.

It’s hard to start from scratch, so don’t be afraid to look online for people to copycat at first. Soon enough you’ll be writing your cosplay scripts in your head as you dream up something new for your next cosplay sexual adventure.

 

Set the Scene for Your Cosplay Adventure!

Don’t just say, “let’s have sex in our costumes”. Dressing up sex is fun, but we’re talking about something different! We’re not saying dressing up isn’t hot. We’re all for lingerie and costumes, but remember, cosplay is about dress AND roleplaying. Dive a bit deeper and see what happens.

A perfect way to transition into cosplay sex is to set the scene. It can be as basic as you, dressed as Mystique from X-men, walk in on Wolverine undressing. 

If you want to get a bit more intricate, set up a scenario that starts before you even get home. Get into character early and let the drama of the cosplay build all day until it climaxes.

The first few times you try cosplay sex, you need to show a bit of grit. There will be giggling and one of you will probably break character a few times. Stay true to your role and explore what it can do for your sex life. 

As you become more comfortable, you can start to test the boundaries of your sexuality. People who are into cosplay sex regularly experiment by dressing up as someone of different age, race or gender. It’s the ultimate form of expression, because there are no rules.

cosplay sex

 

Take a Chance this Halloween

Pushing Halloween dress up into cosplay sex is so easy! We’re already a little silly, we’ve bought the costumes, and we’re down for some fun. If you’ve always wanted to try a bit of dress up, now’s your chance. Buy something a little naughtier this year and let him know what’s coming. Tell him to up his game as well.

It’s amazing what happens to us when we let go of imaginary sexual boundaries we place on ourselves.

With cosplay sex, we can explore parts of our sexuality we haven’t experienced before. Even among couples who have been together for years, cosplay sex can breathe new life into the relationship by making things new and exciting.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Millennial Problems for Therapists

Top Millennial Problems for Therapists

Top Millennial Problems for Therapists

 

Extra, extra! Read all about the top Millennial problems for therapists!

Do Millennials require better communication for sex, or would most Millennials rather just be on their cell phone than sharing intimacy?

Get an INSIDER’S View of What Millennials Discuss Most Often with their Therapists!

In case you weren’t aware, Millennials are a very pro-therapy, growth and self-exploration generation. It wasn’t too long ago that people reported shame or embarrassment when seeing a therapist. However, I have witnessed countless clients over the last 10 years pick up their phone during a session and say, “let me call you back, because I am in therapy right now.”

Millennials have helped normalize therapy in the public sphere! I can’t even remember feeling a stigma when I decided I wanted to go to therapy as a career.

Therapy is no longer only for people that are “mentally broken.” It’s now recognized for the enormous benefits it provides in helping people work through issues, manage relationships, and try to better themselves. This change is incredibly positive!

Millennials take pride in getting outside help when they need it. Depression, anxiety, and trauma are not things people must struggle with alone anymore.

As more people see therapists and discuss their mental health issues online, we see recurring themes across the country that surround intimacy and romantic relationships.

This commonality is likely tied to changes all of us have witnessed with regard to how we connect and communicate. The more we become culturally competent and aware of how others are living, the more we realize how similar we all are.

Millennials’ openness around their treatment can benefit everyone willing to learn from their experiences.

Here are some of the top Millennial problems for therapists, particularly when it comes to intimacy:

  1. Technology and the Lack of Intimacy

It’s a crazy statistic, but it’s true. Jean M. Twenge’s article in The Archives of Sexual Behavior, reports that “Millennials are more likely to report having no sexual partners as adults (15%) compared to GenX’ers born in the 1960s and 1970s (6%).” That’s right, Millennials have less sex and fewer sexual partners than in previous generations.

Why the decline in sexual encounters? A lot of people point fingers at the advent of technology and how it affects the way we socialize. Decades ago, people interacted almost solely in person.

People went out to mingle at bars, restaurants, and sporting events. They spent time in close proximity to each other. The odds of intimate physical connections were higher, because more contacts were being made.

Millennials do a significant amount of interacting digitally.

Whether it’s texting, commenting and liking on social media, or even playing online video games, Millennials interact with each other much more, but not always in person.

People today can get social satisfaction out of spending time online together without the hassle of going out. Of course, the way we communicate isn’t the same.

One of the commonly discussed topics between Millennials and their therapists is the lack of intimacy in their relationships.

Millennials report feeling less connected to the world around them. Even though they have plenty of people to text, they feel they lack close friendships, and even dating is often regarded as a superficial interaction.

Millennial Problems

  1. Mismatching Sex Drives Between Couples

Even though Millennials are having less sex than past generations, open modern attitudes around sex have made people more comfortable addressing differences in sex drive.

In the past, sexually incompatible partners were more likely to have struggled in silence with physical intimacy issues. Gender roles were more restricted, and in general, there was limited freedom of expression around sex drives.

Today, sexual compatibility is recognized as a vital component of a healthy relationship.

Millennial women are less inclined than their female predecessors to be sexually unfulfilled, and men report wanting deep physical connections with their partners. 

Even though differences in the sexual drive between partners is more readily discussed, it’s still not an easy issue.

Many Millennial relationships struggle under the weight of expectations in the bedroom. With the help of their therapists, Millennials are learning to navigate the sensitive waters of sexual expectations where collaboration, creativity, and curiosity are of utmost importance.

  1. The Strain of Media Expectations on Relationships

We’ve already touched on how digital communications are affecting Millennial intimacy. Another effect of us always being connected these days is that we’re constantly exposed to media input.

Psychologists and therapists still don’t know the extent to which media exposure affects our thoughts and attitudes. What we do know, though, is that it changes how we look at relationships.

Think about it…Millennials grew up watching romantic comedies where love and intimacy were fun, constantly exciting, and always worked out in the end. The result is that many Millennials feel like their real relationships don’t match up to their ideals of what they should be.

The prevalence of pornography has had a huge influence on Millennial sexual relationships. It’s changed the way many view things like consent, sexual power dynamics, and even what constitutes as appropriate sexual etiquette.

Therapists report that Millennials often say they feel some level of disappointment in their romantic relationships. They constantly want more. Millennials are perpetually looking for a deeper connection, which often leads to constant let down and frustrated partnerships.

They can, however, utilize therapy to develop more realistic expectations of themselves and the people they date.

  1. The Paradox of Choice

It’s easy for people on the outside to tell Millennials they’ve got it easy. They’re constantly told that barriers to dating are much lower today, that there is a more open exchange of ideas around sex and love, and that no one has to settle. What Millennials encounter, though, is the Paradox of Choice.

Barry Schwartz, the author of “The Paradox of Choice: My More is Less” explains that an abundance of choice often leads to disappointment. Millennials, who have more choice than ever before obsess over which choice to make. They can be frozen by fear of making the wrong decision. 

This paradox has a huge impact on our intimate relationships. How can you fully commit yourself to someone if you’re always wondering if there’s someone better out there waiting for you? 

As a result, Millennials turn to their therapists for help. Therapists speak often with Millennials who have a hard time with commitment and developing deep connections with partners. It’s important to develop an understanding of needs to help make decision making easier.

Practice Self-Compassion

Every generation has to deal with unique circumstances of their time. Millennials are no different, and the generations to follow will have to face new challenges too. 

Be grateful for the openness and acceptance of growth and self-improvement through therapy. The more we seek answers, the more likely we are to get them. 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Breakups

How To Deal With A Breakup!

How to Deal With a Breakup! 

 

I wrote this blog post to help those people who feel like it’s the end of the world learn how to deal with a breakup! 

Breakups hurt, because people aren’t skilled at communicating why they no longer want to be in their relationship. They are especially painful if you were living with your partner and your entire pattern of living changes. 

If you haven’t learned it yet, throughout interpersonal relationships, it is important to OPENLY communicate. Why?

 

Well, if you don’t have the difficult conversations about what you need during a relationship, you can create a system of long-term dysfunction, causing the pain of breaking up to be tumultuous and traumatic. 

The beginning of love is so beautiful and the end is often so tragic, but does it have to be? At Life Coaching and Therapy, we believe that loving yourself and your relationships is a mission worth prioritizing! 

We long for belonging, long for touch, and we long to matter! We also want to break from the suffering or that “longing for connection.” But it isn’t worth staying with someone who has broken up with you. 

Where in your body do you “need” them? 

Notice that place in your body and tell your therapist! There is a message there for you to uncover that will help your growth. 

What is the core universal need that is underneath your strategy of marriage, monogamy, or romantic partnership - OTHER than this specific person? 

Breakups

What Are Universal Needs? 

A Person (your partner) is NOT a universal need. 

Needs are qualities that connect us all as human beings, and we all share. Look up Nonviolent Communication for an inventory of all needs. 

I use Tony Robbin’s 6 Human Needs

  1. Certainty
  2. Uncertainty
  3. Significance
  4. Connection 
  5. Growth 
  6. Contribution

I believe that other than these six needs, every other behavior comes from an attempt to meet one of these. All anyone is ever trying to do is to meet their needs. 

Therefore, your partner is NOT a need. 

Underneath “I want to be in a romantic partnership with ______” is a need such as:

  • I want to matter
  • I want pleasure
  • I want to be seen, felt, and heard
  • I want connection
  • I want certainty of quality time

 

ALL OF US WANT TO BE SEEN, FELT, and HEARD. Even those people that say they don’t, often, there is someone who they would like to be seen, felt, or heard by. 

All of us have the exact same amount of time, so if someone you are relating to says that they don’t have the time to prioritize you right now, then you are not their priority right now. 

IDENTIFY YOUR NEEDS!

Express them with words and with consensual actions. 

If you decide to split up, there may be pain, and pain can be a pathway back to ourselves. 

If you try to prevent the pain by staying in a relationship when it is not fulfilling your needs, you will ultimately get hurt in the future. 

Breakups don’t have to be the end of the world, and you can learn how to deal with a breakup and still be happy and ok on your own.

The key is to remain accountable and be open about the pain and the impact you are causing. Sometimes this can help mitigate harsh truths that are said without graciousness or love in the “heat of the moment.” 

 

How To Deal With A Breakup

You will get through this, even though it may not feel like it mentally. 

Disconnect from destructive thoughts and let the waves of emotion come in and go back out.

DON'T focus on your obsessions though (easier said than done, but necessary for your health and growth).

Breakups

Encourage yourself to do the WORK necessary to become a happy, positive person who DOES NOT NEED the affirmation of others to feel good inside. 

First off, begin weight training and doing aerobic exercise (rowing, running, etc.) in addition to stretching and yoga. The weights and cardio will do wonders for your well being, releasing powerful endorphins and boosting your self esteem. If you abuse working out to the point where you are no longer experiencing the highs from it, then this is no longer a recipe for a healthy lifestyle. 

If you are still feeling overwhelmed, depressed, or find it hard to do your day-to-day activities talk to a mental health practitioner. You may need to consider medication.

 

No matter how disciplined you are, your nature is your nature, and it can be a difficult battle. Daily exercise will help; however, the correct supplements or prescriptions will help fill in those valleys, which can be self sabotaging. 

If you are you obsessed with fixing other people - like your ex - stop! You need to fill the hole in YOUR heart. Watch my video on codependency to rule out if you are one of those people trying to fix everyone.

 

Find two to three new hobbies instead. Meetup.com is a must for a breakup. You can often find multiple options in a city near you! 

 

What are your tips for how to deal with a breakup? 

 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Breakups

Practice Personal Accountability

Practice Personal Accountability

 

What if I told you that your defensiveness is getting in the way of your growth and pleasure, and taking personal accountability can change your life?

When you become accountable for your actions instead of getting defensive [or sarcastic, or aggressive], you create opportunities for more growth and more connections!

Easy Ways to Practice Personal Accountability: 

Look for Clues

  • Our subconscious often wants us to go back to “why it didn’t work.” We are constantly looking for clues of failure…STOP that! 
  • Turn the negative “detective” part of you into something that searches for the WIN! 
  • Look for the breadcrumbs that others who have the life you want have left behind.

Don’t Blame

  • Whose fault is it? Blaming our circumstances, our spouse, our parents will not help. Often, we don’t look in the mirror and take full responsibility for our life. 
  • Take ownership and accountability of every single thing in your life and you will feel so much freer! If things go well, it’s on me. I get to take full responsibility for all of it!
  • One way to start is noticing all the times you say “yes” when you really mean “no.” 

Find The Good 

  • It’s so easy to find what is wrong. Try to make your obsession to find the good or the win-win in every situation. 
  • Instead of just giving in, get creative. 

Be proactively positive instead of reactively negative.

Being an adult is a balance beam walk between authenticity, boundaries, and understanding the pain of ourselves and those around us. 

Responsibility takes work. It takes sitting down and reviewing our lives. We have to look for patterns and have the courage to analyze our mistakes and determine how to do better.

Do you often get defensive with your partner? Or do you take accountability?

Practice Personal Accountability

Personal accountability helps us to rewire our nervous system to experience ownership and responsibility in a number of positive ways! 

When we own our decisions and remain responsible for all of the times we spoke or acted out of integrity, our capacity to handle stress, conflict, and intense emotions increases. 

Personal accountability enables more stability and security, and creates a pattern of wanting to own more accountability.

 

What are your favorite ways that you have been accountable in your life? 

I’m always looking for new suggestions! 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Is Poor Breathing Hurting Your Sex Life?

Is Poor Breathing Hurting Your Sex Life? 

Is Poor Breathing Hurting Your Sex Life? 

 

Learn How Breathing Can Enhance Sexual Pleasure

Millions of us walk around every day going to work, doing chores, and spending time with loved ones without breathing properly. Breathing correctly doesn’t get a lot of attention because it comes as second nature.

We do it without thinking and a lot of us feel that as long as we’re still alive, we must be breathing well. In fact, some simple lessons on which muscles we should use to activate breathing can improve posture, build core strength and increase energy.

Better oxygen flow helps us live healthier lives free from anxiety. 

Managing breath improves sleep, puts us in better moods and can also enhance sexual pleasure! 

In addition, focusing on driving air into our bellies when we inhale helps activate our diaphragms. When the diaphragm is activated, lungs expand more fully and improves the gas exchange that takes fresh oxygenated blood to the heart and expels old air.

Deeper breaths help us relax and improve our state of mind.

Following simple steps can have a profound impact on our lives. It’s driven research into various ways specific breathing behaviors can affect other areas of life. One particularly interesting area is the study of breathing and enhancement of sexual pleasure. 

Follow this guide to learn about how controlling your breathing can make you feel better during sex, have better orgasms and connect more deeply with your partner. 

 

Controlled Breathing Helps You Relax

It’s hard for some of us to get in the zone romantically.

While men seem to be able to conjure a sexual state of mind almost instantly, it isn’t necessarily true. Additionally, many women report that clearing their minds is necessary to focus on giving and receiving sexual pleasure.

Taking controlled, deep breaths facilitates a clear mind and a relaxed mood.

There are reasons why yoga and meditation focus so heavily on breathing. Controlling airflow calms the body.

As we calm down, we become more aware of our bodies, what’s occurring around us, and how something makes us feel.

Focused breathing helps take us away from worrying and centers us into intimate moments. 

 

 

Remembering to Breathe Can Get You to Orgasm

Believe it or not, researchers have found that many women who struggle to orgasm tend to hold their breath during sex. Even when they breathe, it’s often shallow and indicative of stress as they make love. 

When it is a challenge to orgasm, it can be burdensome to intimacy in relationships.

Men can feel like they are doing something wrong, and women struggle with the pressure to orgasm. This pressure often builds and develops into a harmful cycle of shaming and blaming.

We don’t want to oversimplify intimacy struggles. We know that women deal with deep-rooted issues around sexuality that make opening up to intimacy hard. However, state of mind is so important in sexual situations. 

 

Tantric Breathing Basics

Deep breathing into the belly increases blood flow around the body. Your touch receptors will be activated, resulting in enhancement of sexual pleasure.

Just like we’re taught to drive breaths into our bellies throughout the day, pushing breaths into the genitals and pelvic area can heighten sensitivity and make achieving orgasm easier.

This is sometimes referred to as tantric breathing.

Tantric breathing involves the heightening of sexual pleasure by using the breath to achieve higher erotic states. Tantric sex has been practiced in other parts of the world for thousands of years but has become more popular in the United States in recent decades.  

Here’s a basic tantric breathing exercise you can try:

  1. Laying down or in a sitting position, place one hand on your abdomen and the other on your chest. Inhale deeply, feeling the expansion of your chest and then belly. As you exhale, pay attention to the tightening of muscles in your lower abdomen and pelvis. Focus energy in your pelvis as you breathe out.
  2. As you breathe out, visualize love and energy being emitted from your heart across your whole body. Let it encompass you and build slowly.
  3. As the energy builds, try breathing with your mouth somewhat heavily. Many women report the panting noise of their breath is sometimes enough to get them aroused. Picture your breaths moving down your chest as you inhale and up your back on exhale.
  4. Once you’re comfortable with the this pattern, start to gently contract pelvic muscles each time you exhale to direct blood flow to your vagina.
  5. Repeat the exercise regularly to develop body and muscle control. As you do it more often, it will help you feel more comfortable. You will enter into a state of arousal that will help things move along faster when you’re having sex.

 

Don’t Be Afraid to Practice Breathing Techniques

Improving breathing and the enhancement of sexual pleasure takes work. You’re probably not going to notice a dramatic change the first time you try. Using breathing to manipulate your body takes time and practice. 

Don’t be afraid to spend some time alone with yourself to find out how your body responds to different breathing patterns. Try focusing on breathing into your pelvis without touch first. See if vaginal lubrication can happen just by focusing on breathing into the pelvis. 

Slowly progress into self-touch and then touch with a partner and see what happens. 

Is Poor Breathing Hurting Your Sex Life?

 

Breathing Can Improve Orgasms

Breathing and the enhancement of sexual pleasure aren’t just for women who have a hard time achieving orgasm. We’re all on a journey to discover and develop our sexual selves. Even if you don’t struggle with intimacy, breathing practices can help improve orgasm frequency and intensity. Just like a lot of women who have a hard time acheiving orgam and hold their breath during sex, most women breath shallowly and less often as they approach climax.

Pay attention to your breathing the next time you make love or masturbate. Notice how things change as you move through the stages of arousal. If you notice yourself holding your breath before or during orgasm, try to relax. You might learn something that works better for you and your partner. A lot of women report longer, more intense orgasms, which are never a bad thing!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

 

Amanda Pasciucco

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.