Kink Shaming: What Is It & How To Recognize It
We’ve all heard of body shaming, slut shaming, and fat shaming, however, have you heard of kink shaming? To simplify it as much as possible. Any type of shaming is definitely not an acceptable behavior regardless of the person you are talking about. People shouldn’t be ashamed of who they are just because they don’t understand, approve or practice it.
To help you educate the ones that need to learn more about acceptance, tolerance, and inclusivity. We’ve decided to explain what kink shaming is, how it looks when someone is doing it. And everything else you will need to know about it.
Kink Shaming vs Sex Positive
So, what is kink shaming? It’s when you cite a person’s sexual predilections as a reason that they are not a good person. Or trying to embarrass someone for things they like in bed. The opposite of kink shaming. And what’s encouraged of all of us, is to have a sex-positive attitude towards everyone we meet.
Being sex-positive means that you are accepting everyone’s sexual choices without the need to question them. Or make a judgment about them. After all, what one person does privately in their bedroom is completely their own business, not yours.
Types of Kink Shaming
Those who are shaming other people for choices in their lives, including sexual ones, are typically this judgemental because the behavior. Or taste that someone else has is very different from their own. So, when talking about kinks. The more unusual they are for the common society. The more is the person going to be shamed for it by others.
Examples of kink shaming would be fetishes such as one person pretending to be a dog, a baby, or a corpse. Of course, there are numerous kink shaming examples. And it depends on the person who will shame someone for their sexual choice to decide what to target of the shame will be.
Also, any rape or non-consent fantasies, even the daddy and mommy fetishes, will receive a lot of shaming. Deep within, those who aim to shame others are seeking validation for their choices and approval from others that they are the ones doing everything right. In reality, this type of person will lack tolerance, empathy, creativity, and appreciation for differences in life.
Interestingly, as BDSM became mainstream due to the globally popular ‘50 Shades of Grey’, people are not being as shamed for it as they were before. Yet, it’s important to understand that they are cases of people losing the custody of their childer over their sexual preferences. So, not only individuals are shaming other individuals, institutions are doing exactly the same and creating existential. And emotional problems for these individuals.
Diving Even Deeper
As much as some decide their sexual choices can be something they privately and intimately discuss only with their partners, others have the freedom to choose how much of their sexual identity they want to share with others. It can be a bare minimum or it can be a lot more than that – both choices are completely fine!
Kink shaming is a much bigger problem than just making someone feel ashamed for their sexual choices. It sends the message that not everyone can live an authentic life. And there is a system of what is acceptable and unacceptable, and people need to follow it.
Thinking about this system that those shaming others are living by, it’s interesting to hear the arguments for it. For instance, ‘this is not normal’, ‘it’s not supposed to be like that’. And similar responses don’t provide a valuable answer to WHY a certain lifestyle, choice. Or preference is not acceptable if all the parties involved gave their mutual consent.
So, not only each of your choices should be accepted, yet they should also be encouraged and separated from other aspects of your life. In other words, you should never be considered a bad parent just because you love spanking or role-playing with your partner.
People With Fetishes
One of the biggest misconceptions about people with fetishes is that they are ‘weird’ or ‘different’. Having a certain taste in something such as sex, music, food or fashion, doesn’t make a person weird nor different. Imagine you’re at a kink festival with 300 people who enjoy kinky sex. And you are the only one who doesn’t share their sexual preferences. By applying the same logic here, you would be considered ‘weird’ or ‘different’.
There is no scientific proof of the connection between having a fetish and having any type of emotional or mental issues. We all have different triggers and turn-ons, and what works for you, may not work for someone else. For those who are looking to stop shaming others for their sexual preferences, keep in mind you don’t have to jump immediately to having a sex-positive attitude.
You don’t have to understand something to lose the negative opinion about it. It takes time and practice, yet just knowing that shaming someone for their choices is never a desirable thing is a good start. Stop judging, and when you see that you’ve successfully stopped shaming others, try to understand and connect with them. Once you realize that someone can share many similar interests with you. And have a different sexual preference in bed, it will be easier to understand and be more acceptable.
And, if you or any of your loved ones are being shamed for their sexual choices, make sure they have the support they need. If they would benefit from talking to a therapist, suggest to them a good professional nearby. Not everyone will have the confidence and the strength to go through such challenges where society is not accepting their authentic self. And it’s vital to be as supportive as you can.
About Life Coaching and Therapy
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!
Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.
