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How To Quit Porn: A Step-By Step Guide

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How To Quit Porn: A Step-By Step Guide

 

Let’s be frank, we have all explored the world of sexual fantasies in our own ways, yet how to quit porn for good if it’s no longer serving your curiosity and creativity? You’ve probably consumed enough porn materials and now you feel like it’s time for a porn detox. 

However, this is easier said than done. As it is with all the habits, once you are used to something, it’s not that easy to just kick it out of your life. And don’t get confused, nobody is saying porn is bad! There are no good and bad sites to it, the only deciding factor about it should be how YOU feel about it. 

So, if you no longer feel the same level of curiosity when consuming porn content. Maybe it’s time to rethink it and create some space for other habits that will make you happier. Here are the things you should do to make your porn detox a bit easier for yourself. 

 

Embrace the Rollercoaster

You might think that once you decide something, all you have to do is stick to it until that habit disappears, yet unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. In reality, some days will be a success, while others will seem like a complete disaster. Once you try to get rid of any habit, your emotions will become very intense and it will be really challenging to feel in control. Therefore, you will need to let go of the need to control. 

Two steps forward and one step back is still one step forward. When you have a bad day, just embrace it as something that needs to happen and know that day will end. It will be difficult to stay away from porn content, however, once you accept that this is not a linear process, you will feel a bit relieved. 

 

Set Small Targets

Don’t think about how to quit porn forever, think about quitting it first for one week. Forever is a very frustrating concept when you are trying to either adopt or kick out a habit. Instead, set smaller targets for yourself. Why don’t you just quit porn for one week? And then one more? This way, you will also experience mini achievements with your habit project and feel good about it. 

The reason why this battle ‘person vs. habit’ fails is that there is nothing positive and encouraging for you during your habit change. You are trying to stop consuming porn content and giving yourself some credit on this difficult path is surely a motivating trick. 

Below, you can find a few useful tips for those who have decided to quit porn:

  • Create your calendar and mark the days you haven’t been consuming any porn content. Seeing it all in one place can help you see how much you’re accomplishing every day.
  • If you usually watch porn in the evenings. Plan something interesting at that time (going for a jog or cooking dinner).
  • Try to stay away from all devices in your home as this will remind you too much of your addiction. Use your computer and mobile phone only when needed. 
  • Celebrate your first week of being porn-free with something that will motivate you. E.g. dinner with friends, an expensive massage or a new pair of sneakers.

 

Reboot Your Brain 

If you’re addicted to porn, just like any other addiction, there is a chemical response in your brain when you are consuming it. The number of dopamine receptors is being reduced due to the dopamine attack which happens while watching porn. This chemical reaction is to blame when a person starts having problems such as erectile dysfunction, delayed ejaculation, anxiety, depression, etc. 

So, to reboot your brain would mean to allow your brain to restore those dopamine receptors which were lost during overconsumption of porn. The idea of rebooting is to get you to that point of your life where there was no pornography. The bad news is rebooting your brain takes more time than rebooting your mobile device or computer. Expect to spend weeks or even months to see an improvement. After the rebooting process has been successfully completed, you should also get your sex urge back.

 

Creating Your Own System

People are not equally addicted to, let’s say, smoking, drinking, drugs or even porn. This means that addiction triggers also differ from one person to another. In other words, a system that worked for your friend struggling with the same addiction may not work for you because you are addicted due to different reasons, have different triggers and consume differently.

When do you usually watch porn? On which occasions do you feel you need more of it? Deeply analysing your addiction will help you fight it and ultimately win it. For instance, if you watch porn in the evening because you are bored alone at home, find hobbies in the evening or schedule more events with your friends at that time. 

If you turn to porn each time something bad happens at work and you want to escape the real world, find a person you can talk to about the work situations. It can be a colleague who is going through the same thing or your friend who is simply a good listener. The key is to understand why and when you need pornography in order to quit it successfully. 

 

Action!

It’s very admirable if you’ve decided to quit porn, however, in the majority of addiction cases, it simply won’t be enough. There is so much porn addiction around us because it’s so easy to find and consume it. What can you do to make it harder for yourself to consume porn content? Is it maybe canceling the subscription to your prefered websites? Deleting all the porn content you have downloaded on your computer? Blocking the free websites where you used to go when you had porn cravings? 

Anything you can do to prevent yourself from watching porn, you should do it. It might seem exaggerated at the beginning, yet keep in mind it’s very easy to fall into the addiction trap again. It’s not easy to free your mind from pornography, you will have to be persistent. With time, you will think less and less about porn and find other things that will bring you excitement in life!

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

become an LMFT

How to Become an LMFT

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How to Become an LMFT

 

How does one become an LMFT? 

Great question – and we get asked how do therapists become therapists ALL the time! 

I am often asked how to become a therapist and what path I took to become one. There are often a lot of assumptions surrounding the process. And so I wanted to offer some insight for people who either want to become one, have a therapist, or just are generally curious. 

There is not one way to become a therapist. There are several different paths to accomplish this. First and foremost, you have to complete a bachelor’s degree and at least a masters and in some cases a doctorate. By and large, most therapists have a Master’s degree in some specific type of therapy or counseling. 

 

Therapists who Prescribe

Although not as common, therapists that prescribe are usually Psychiatrists (MD) or Advanced Practice Registered Nurse (APRN) or Psychiatric Nurse. Some of these practitioners may engage in some counseling, but often it seems that they work in conjunction with a therapist to help support a client/patient in the medication therapy. In order to be in either of these roles requires various certifications and training and/or medical school (in the case of the Psychiatrist). Obviously time to accomplish these certifications varies based on trajectory but can be anywhere from 3 to 8 years. 

 

Therapists who Conduct Assessments

Most therapists conduct some level of assessments in their practice. These can range from intake assessments and ongoing assessments to identify appropriate diagnosis and course of treatment for their clients. 

Psychologists (Masters or Doctor of Philosophy) and Doctors of Psychology (PsyD or PhD) often specialize in various areas of standardized assessments or testing. This can include things like neuropsychological exams, learning disabilities, mental status and cognitive testing, etc. Commonly we see these types of therapists or psychologists connected with universities, school systems, or medical facilities (hospitals, etc). 

Psychology is a broad field, but in terms of therapy we typically see a Masters, Psychology Doctorate, or Doctorate of Philosophy connected to Clinical Psychology. Clinical psychology focuses on treatment and assessment of emotional, mental, and behavioral disorders. In order to engage in this type of practice, you must complete a masters degree of usually 3 years or a doctoral degree of 4+ years. 

 

Therapists and Counselors

When we think of therapists we more commonly think of therapists who received Masters or Doctorate Degrees in Social Work (LCSW),  Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), Clinical Psychologists (PsyD or PhD) or Professional Counselors (LPC). Each of these specialities focus on providing clinical services, therapy, and counseling to their clients. Many of these therapists have different specializations and certifications to support their practice whether that is in substance abuse treatment, trauma treatment, sex therapy, couples therapy, etc. Although, each may have specialties, generally, each degree allows for therapists and counselors to be able to practice individual, group, or relational therapy in a clinical setting. In addition to case management and assessment. 

Below I have described the most common types of therapists noted above. 

  • Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) 
      • A LCSW is someone who has completed their Masters or Doctorate degree in Social work. A licensed clinical social worker focuses on the clinical aspects of social work rather than other concentration areas of community organization, case management, or other social work tracks. Simply completing a social work degree does not necessarily mean that they are therapists or clinicians
  • Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT)
      • I am totally biased on this one because this is what my degree and specialization is in. A person who is a LMFT has a Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy or in a related area with a concentration in MFT. This training focuses specifically on relational therapy and systemic thinking. This degree is predominately clinical and is often connected to family therapy or couples therapy.
  • Licensed Professional Counselors (LPC)
    • A person who is an LPC may have a Master’s Degree in various fields (school counseling, general counseling, psychology, etc). LPC’s are trained in a variety of clinical practices depending on their base degree, but are predominantly clinical professionals. Often specializing in individual, group, and substance abuse treatments. 

These tracks vary in requirements, however on average Master’s Levels Programs take about three years to complete and an additional two years to become licensed. In addition to our degrees, licenses, and certifications we are also required to take a certain number of Continued Education (CE) courses each year to be sure we are remaining up to date with our clinical practice. This is not the case for all practitioners. 

 

Typical Requirements to be a Licensed Practitioner

Although this varies state to state and is also dependent on the type of clinical degree you have. Generally the following criteria has to be met: 

  • Completion of Masters or higher degree
    • Practicum (supervised clinical experience)
    • Internship (a clinical experience unpaid in the field)
    • Specific amount of clinical hours (sometimes specified by individual, group, relational, and/or case management)
    • Specific amount of supervision by licensed professional
    •  Usually somewhere around 50-60+ credits hours
    • Coursework in clinical, developmental, and theoretical models of treatment
    • Thesis or Capstone presentation on your therapeutic methods and/or research
  • Post graduate Clinical Hours (usually about a year or two of clinical or case management experience)
  • Post graduate supervision hours (supervised by a licensed clinical practitioner within your field)
  • Successful Completion of Exam (Licensure or Board Certification) with passing score

 

State Licensure

Each state has different requirements for licensure and are also dependent on the type of clinician/therapist you are. Some licenses are more transferable than others across states. It is important before getting licensed in specific state that you research what your state requires in way of credits from masters, hours, and Continuing Education Credits, etc (see above). 

In Connecticut, we pay $320 per year to maintain a license and need a specific amount of Continuing Education Credits (CEs) per year. There are also certain types of CE’s that we are required to have. For instance, in MFT we need to get a certain amount of CE’s surrounding veterans and diversity. 

 

Insurances

As with other medical providers, in order to accept insurances therapists have to be paneled with each specific insurance company. Each insurance company has its own contracted rate for each provider based on credentials and area of service. Credentialing with insurance companies can be time consuming and arduous for therapists. 

Therapists can choose to contract with different insurance companies based on their access to patients, reimbursement rates, etc. If therapists do not want to contract with a specific company, they do not have to. They are still able to work with clients with that insurance company but charge a private pay rate and the client can bill their insurance for full or partial reimbursement or bill towards their deductible if they have one.

 

Associations

In addition to licensure and insurances, therapists also usually associate with various associations which require their own benefits and memberships. These can be general based on educational/certifcation background or specializations such as sexuality, trauma, addiction, couples, etc. 

Some of the most common ones are:

There are also associations for people based on their specialities, some of these include: 

These are some examples above, however there are many that have more specifications and more general. Each association allows various benefits, resources, and membership requirements. As therapists, we maintain various certifications and associations to support having the most up to date information within the mental health field. 

Obviously this is a broad overview on how to become a practicing therapist and clinician. Basically, we do a lot of work to become therapists and maintain our abilities to practice clinically. 

If you need help finding a therapist for you, feel free to reach out and we are happy to help you here at LCAT! We are a staff of LPC, LCSW, and LMFT’s (now you know what these mean!). 

Learn more about CE for therapists – learn unique couples counseling and sex therapy methodologies to help you with your clients.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

non monogamous meaning

Non Monogamous Meaning Explained! 

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Non Monogamous Meaning Explained! 

 

Please raise your hand if you are confused about the non monogamous meaning of romantic relationships. 

When asked about what non monogamous means, there are a variety of responses. 

In general, a non monogamous relationship means that individuals, single or within a couple, are able to love and / or connect sexually with more than one person. 

There are various types of non monogamous relationships with various meanings, and it’s important to know what they mean because non monogamous romantic relationships are complicated. 

There are a variety of non monogamous meaning definitions to learn: 

  • Monogamish – (brought to you by Dan Savage) which means mostly monogamous with some wiggle room in terms of their fidelity. So basically, it means monogamous with exceptions. 
  • Polyamory – more than one committed or love based relationship. This is also called “poly” or “polyam” in the community. 
  • Solo-Poly – more than one committed relationship with no hierarchy or primaries assigned. Primary relationship would be with oneself.
  • Kinky Play Partners – partners agreeing to a negotiated commitment of time, service, and an exchange of some sort. It can be once, yet often this term means it is ongoing. This arrangement can be based on love, friendship, and / or shared interest in some type of kink. 
  • Intentional Community – known as “communes” at times. A planned community designed to have a degree of cohesion and teamwork, where they share resources. This design may include non-monogamous relationship structures where individuals sleep in different bedrooms on different nights of the week.

What Do These Have In Common?

Non monogamous meaning to relationships includes communicating openly and honestly with all partner(s), even if you would rather avoid it. 

non monogamous meaning

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Transgender Teen

Supporting A Transgender Teen and Family in Transitioning 

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Supporting A Transgender Teen and Their Family in Transitioning

 

Part of our work at Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is supporting transgender teen clients and their families to adjust. Coming out as a transgender teen is a process.

Often, it is complex for teens and their families, because it is a transition for the entire family system.

 

Basic Terms

Identifying as transgender is when someone is born as male or female and ascribed a gender of boy or girl at birth based on their genitals. When someone is transgender it means that they do not feel the gender ascribed to them at birth is accurate. 

Non-binary, gender creative, and gender expansive individuals are people who do not ascribe to the gender binary of male/female or man/woman. These individuals typically see gender as fluid or do not ascribe to one gender at all. 

Dead name refers to the name the individual was given at birth, not the name the individual chooses as they come out. 

Pronouns  are the way a person identifies. The most common pronouns are: she/her, they/them, he/him, ze/zir. When someone misgenders someone it is when someone uses the incorrect pronoun. This happens often when people come out as transgender or non-binary. The deliberate misuse and misgendering causes significant harm to the individual coming out.

Due to our society adjusting our perspectives on the LGBTQ+ community, we have made head way in seeing the people are able to come out earlier in their life (usually in adolescence where identity is a primary developmental task) thus allowing them to lead healthier adult lives. I will say it 10000 times that these outcomes are based on how the community, family, and close individuals around the person coming out respond or react to them coming out. 

If you are a close friend or family member of someone in the LGBTQ community, especially within the gender non-conforming or transgender population, it is incredibly important for you to learn and understand how your response can cause harm to the individual coming out. 

 

Transitioning the Family

For the family, adjusting to their teenage family member using a different name and pronoun can be incredibly difficult. Even in the most supportive environments this is complicated. If you had any beliefs that may make the circumstance less supportive it can result in massive issues for the teen themselves and the family. 

One of the most important things to do as a family member is to work through the grief you have. Grief is a normal part of any major changes in someone’s life, this is no different. What I see most in families is the need to grief what they expected and how to integrate that with who the teen is and the memories they have with them. 

The most common thing I see in families is people not addressing their grief and projecting (putting it on) those around them, especially the transgender teen who is coming out. This looks like making it about themselves, arguing about what pronoun is appropriate, using the teens name vs. dead naming them, or misgendering. This makes someones coming out experience about you rather than the person coming out, which is a problem.

To be extremely clear, I am not saying you should not address your own personal feelings, grief, and experience – in fact I am saying the opposite. HOWEVER, this should be done NOT with the person who is coming out. The person coming out has enough of their own stuff to deal than trying to help you manage your experience and reaction to this. I would suggest finding a therapist or joining a support group where you can process your feelings and experiences safely without causing harm to the person who is coming out. 

 

Progress not Perfection

It is okay if you are having a difficult time with your teen transitioning. However, it is not okay to take that confusion out on those around. 

Family and friends do not have to be perfect. Yet, if you mess up – OWN IT. Owning can look like a simple “I am sorry.” Or owning it means asking clarification! Similarly, it could be learning more about transitioning through finding helpful resources. 

This does not look like making it about yourself or justifying why you did what you did. Please, do not have the individual coming out teach you before you do research.  

  • taking accountability
  • asking for clarification
  • apologizing
  • doing your research.

 

Please, try your best to respect someone’s name and pronouns. 

Think about how as a culture we shift last names of those that are married or when celebrities change their name. Therefore, an individual can use the same cognitive shifts for those in their life.

If you are finding it challenging or difficult please seek support from a professional to deconstruct why that is.

You are not perfect, I do not ever expect perfection from my clients. I do expect progress tho. Progress not perfection.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

May Mental Health Awareness Month

May is Mental Health Awareness Month

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May is Mental Health Awareness Month

 

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. 

The purpose of Mental Health Awareness in May is to create opportunities to advocate about mental health and why it’s important.

I cannot say enough the importance of building more awareness, education, and compassion around various aspects of mental health. 

 

Mental Health Matters! 

Every person has mental health. Mental health does not only matter for those who fit into specific categories in the DSM. For many years, mental health and therapy have been stigmatized in our society resulting in inaccurate information and harmful stereotypes.

Many of the clients I work with are focused on deconstructing these narratives that there is “something wrong with them” for seeking therapy. We often explore where these beliefs came from, where they learned it, and provide education around what mental health is. 

Mental health matters!

And if we ignore our own mental health there are higher likelihood of engaging in maladaptive strategies to deal with our emotions, within our relationships. And usually increases likelihood of physical health issues. 

When we do not acknowledge the person as a whole (mind, body, and spirit) we miss opportunities for healing and growth physically and mentally. May reminds us of the importance of focusing on our mental, emotional, and psychological needs rather than just our physical selves. 

 

Mental Health and Trauma

A large component of mental health is trauma. Trauma is “an emotional embodiment hangover” where an event or events occur resulting in the stress being stored in your body. And brain resulting in a variety of symptoms (re-experiencing, avoidance, depression, anxiety, nightmares, paranoia, hypervigilance, etc).

Trauma is NOT just extreme events like car accidents, death, gun violence, war, etc. Although these events certainly are traumatic, trauma is much more broad than what we have stereotypically acknowledged before. Acknowledging the depth of what trauma can be is necessary to engage in supporting people’s mental health. With the limited definition our society has worked within, it  minimizes and dismisses how trauma has impacted much of the population thus minimizing our ability to recognize and acknowledge mental health in each individual. 

As a therapist who does much of my work through a trauma lens, I see how significant trauma impacts people’s mental health. If we look at Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) we can see how trauma is a public health issue. 

Our brains and bodies get stuck in these events and often cannot differentiate between what is currently happening and the trauma that we experienced. This lights up pathways in our brain to tell us something is not right. When someone has experienced chronic trauma or has lived in “fight, flight, or fawn” for an extended period of time. People’s brains are more apt to respond as if the trauma is occurring again. 

 

Tips to Help Your Mental Health

  • Drink lots of water, staying hydrated actually helps you mentally as well as physically
  • Sleep the appropriate amount for your age (usually somewhere between 7-9 hours for the average adult). Sleep increases our emotional resources and functioning
  • Meditate! Meditation or other mindful activities has been shown to greatly aid people’s ability to self-regulate. Improve their mental and emotional well being. Increases Mind/Body connection
  • Deep breath… if you can practice deep breathing (diaphragmatic) you are finding the most accessible coping skill you can use anywhere. Breathing helps us calm our bodies in order to calm our minds
  • Move your body… emotion requires motion… moving our bodies allows us to move energy and emotion within us
  • Set boundaries for yourself around time to focus on your emotional and mental needs
  • Set boundaries in relationships and identify ways to communicate your needs to those around you
  • Find a therapist, life coach, or religious or spiritual support to aid you on your journey of healing and/or growth

 

 If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

say no

Best Tips to say NO to Someone Without Excuses

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Best Tips to say NO to Someone Without Excuses

 

Say No is a complete sentence, and “no” can be said in a kind tone and with loving intentions. People can be polite and gracious; “no, thank you. It doesn’t meet my needs.”

You don’t have to make excuses. The best tips to say no work when you are in a place where it is safe to do so.

In other words, you can say “no, I am not able to commit to that right now.”

Saying no can be challenging at first, yet knowing your priorities can make it easier. 

 

What If Someone Wants To Know Your Why

Others often want a justification or an explanation, yet no one has a right to that information. 

Protecting energy, time, and peace is vital for all individuals to live harmoniously. 

Actually, the intention behind a “no” is a place of love. The way that other individuals respond is not your responsibility.

If others benefit from being around you because it meets their needs, your job is to protect how it affects you. 

You have to be true to yourself and how you want to feel. 

For example, saying “thank you for the invite, and I cannot be there” is a boundary. 

A boundary is the distance between how much I can love you and myself at the same time. 

Sometimes those you set boundaries with will not understand. On the other hand, some may start to respect you for having set the boundary, and give themselves permission to do so, too. 

 

No is Allowed

What the other person thinks about receiving a “no” to their request is on them. 

This is not in the control of the person who said “no,” nor are their feelings.

For example, if your family invites you to a conversation or an event, you can say no. 

If your coworker asks for you to do them a favor, you can say no. 

You are at choice, as an empowered adult. If others think that you are selfish, they are wrong. It is everyone’s individual duty to engage in self-love, create their space, and decide who gets to come in and out of those boundaries. 

Even though it may seem like your family benefits from your time with them…if it’s ultimately doing damage to your energy, your spirit, your mindset…then where does that leave YOU?

It’s not selfish to create your space and protect it.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Demisexuality

What is Demisexuality? 

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What is Demisexuality? 

Demisexuality is a broad sexual identity that focuses on sexual attraction being strongly linked to someone’s emotional bond with someone. Someone who is demisexual does not [often] feel attraction without emotional connection. 

Someone who is demisexual can be attracted to any gender or person and may identify as straight or same or all sex or gender attracted (LGBTQI+). 

When working with demisexual people, often I hear that they do not identify physical attraction to anyone UNLESS they have an emotional bond and connection. Therefore, for them, there isn’t love at first sight. Demisexuality is an identity where connection is where sexual energy comes from. 

Demisexuals rarely report that they have attraction to someone they have only seen in passing. 

Emotional bonds are emotional connections between people. 

There are a variety of people who will not have partnered sex with someone until they feel like time has passed and they “have gotten to know someone”. However, that is different from what demisexual people’s experience may be. 

Demisexuality Explained

People who are demisexual do not feel attraction to someone else unless emotional connection happens. People who choose to wait to have sex with someone usually still feel attracted to someone much earlier in the process. 

For example, with clients who do not want to have sex until they feel comfortable while online dating they still are able to “swipe right or left” based on their initial response to people’s profile (pictures and information). 

My clients who identify as demisexual have reported having a much harder time online dating in “swiping.” 

Luckily, they begin to know as they start messaging or dating someone rather than just based on pure attraction.

Demisexual individuals value sex as important to them. The common thing in my clients who identify as demisexual is that it matters about the person. And their connection and that that connection is of primary importance. 

People who are demisexual often report the following: 

  • Rarely feel sexual attraction to strangers or acquaintances
  • Felt sexual attraction towards people close to them (friends, romantic partners, etc)
  • Emotional connection determines the level of attraction (sexual, romantic, platonic, etc)
  • Limited interest in engaging in sexual activities regardless of the way someone looks
  • Want a variety of romantic, platonic, etc. relationships because emotional connection is a primary need they have
  • Often need increased levels of emotional bonds (communication and connection) from those in their life

This does not mean that demisexual people do not have sex with people that they are not attracted to. People of variety of identities choose to have sex or not have sex with people regardless of their attraction. Or just because someone feels sexual attraction to someone does not automatically mean they will have sex with them.

I think it is important to recognize that people’s choice around who they choose to have sex with is their own. Allow the individual to identify their own identities rather than others trying to define what someone else’s identity is. 

If you do not understand, please seek to understand and be curious rather than engage in behavior where judgments occur. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

take charge of your life using IAM

Take charge of your life using Inner Aspects Method (IAM)

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Take charge of your life using Inner Aspects Method (IAM)

 

Take charge of your life using the Inner Aspects Method if your life feels out of control. 

In American culture, it is common and normal to control and punish children. The idea behind this is that punishment can turn individuals into those that comply and obey. 

Research shows that individuals are more traumatized, repressed, suppressed, or depressed. Many people are overmedicated or experiencing distress and soothing it with their own “medicine”. Some turn to impulsions – food, sex, drinking, drugs, self-harm, affairs, etc. 

We turn to plastic surgery, eating disorders, shaming, and / or blaming to get our way and alleviate the pain. Instead of turning inward, we go outward to feel better. 

Then, sometimes, we may take advantage of others while being overly focused on ourselves. 

Individuals that are seeking power over others because they feel powerless. 

There are many individuals who report profound pain – emotional and / or physical due to their life. Many individuals choose to live in what they know. And what is certain to them, in an attempt to avoid feeling. 

It is important to begin to take charge of your life. Through the IAM model, we can do this. 

Are others confused by you? Or do those around seem to be contradictory? 

Sometimes, people will say one thing one day, and then do something the next day that doesn’t align or match up. 

When others are speaking conflicting statements, does it cause you to wonder if they are crazy? 

More often than I am comfortable with, I realize that individuals make agreements one day. And then with another day and in another context, they are acting an entirely different way. 

Are others lying to themselves or is the world lying? 

It all felt confusing until I learned the Inner Aspect Method (IAM) created by Francesca Gentille. As the creator of the model, she founded this based on Evidence-Based Principles within clinical practice. 

Actually, Dr Joe Dispenza says that 95% of who we think we are by the time we are 35 are our Survival Programs.

 

The first step in the IAM process is to slow down your thoughts and emotions, so that you can observe the patterns of your behavior to see what need they are meeting. 

So, have you heard of nonviolent communication theory? If not, this is the approach that we use in some of the IAM modality. 

For individuals that are sensitive to their emotions and feel that they want a new way of approaching them, this method is incredibly useful. 

Don’t just jump to anger or upset feelings; learn to speak for your feeling (“on behalf of the feeling”). Instead of from your feeling (using a tone of voice to express emotion). 

For example, saying this: My feelings are hurt, so I request 30 minutes or more to process them so I can better communicate with you after. If we can allow some time, I will be able to speak on behalf of the message of my feelings instead of with an emotional tone. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Communication exercizes for couples

Communication exercizes for couples using Inner Aspects Method

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Communication exercizes for couples using Inner Aspects Method

 

When you think of Communication exercizes for couples, you often think of what your partner could do to be better. 

Sometimes, we can sit with our couples therapist and ask for exercises, yet we think that our partner is in the wrong. 

A part of you may be young and scared to show that you too have messed up, and feel something like “Am I safe to say this?” 

Or you could have a part of you that is a rebellious teen saying, “you know, my partner made me go to this therapy session, but I really don’t want to be here.”

Think about all these various parts of you and bring up a picture that represents what your inner aspects look like. 

What’s actually going on inside your mind? 

Who is in bed in your head? 

The Inner Aspects Method (IAM) created by Francesca Gentille is a way to bridge between the personal, the clinical, and the deeper subconscious parts of self. 

The method behind the IAM model is life-changing, personally and professionally, as you start to incorporate its principals. 

For those looking to bring this into their love life, and for clinicians looking to experience this with your clients, you are able to dive deeper into communication exercizes for couples and yourself! 

In the inner aspect method (IAM), participants discover that life follows intentions. 

While having the intention of integrating this into your life, it became clear that it is important to continue growing to the next level. In communication, and in collaboration. The reason we need to practice is because we were mostly trained in communication that was demanding, commanding, criticizing, complaining or coercive. 

This Dominator form of communication is normal yet does not value consent, sovereignty, and / or collaboration. If we want a world of empowered consent within couples relationships, we must train ourselves to utilize language in a new way. 

Meaning, this will take practice. 

As we practice, we get the results we desire. 

So, in the Dominator Model we communicated to get our way, get what we wanted. Who cares if the other person is hurt by that, or didn’t consent? 

In the NEW Model of communication we communicate to achieve collaboration, connection and to look for the win/win. 

It isn’t healthy communication if only one partner is heard, happy, and/ or satisfied. 

Use phrases like: 

  • I’m noticing…
  • A part of me feels…. (insert feeling word)

Energetically, choose to: 

  • To be Centered & Open.

In Nonviolent Communication, we take the war out of words. 

Meaning, we do not use: 

  • ACCUSING: 
    • You did this! 
    • She said this. 
    • You did too! 
    • He yelled at me. 
    • They did it first. 
    • You violated, betrayed, used me. 
  • BLAMING: You made ME do or say it.
  • GUILTING: If you hadn’t done/said X, I never would have done Y. 

So, are you ready to learn more about how to use these in your life?

Start your journey!

Technology Addiction

Stop Technology Addiction by Setting Boundaries with Social Media Engagement

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Stop Technology Addiction by Setting Boundaries with Social Media Engagement

 

Do you have a technology addiction where you spend hours scrolling? 

Maybe technology, television, or social media is more appealing than spending time with others.

If you are missing out on what you love though, learn to set boundaries with social media engagement and your technology addiction of choice. 

Why Are Boundaries Important with Technology Addiction? 

Setting boundaries are necessary when it comes to social media. Constant scrolling, engaging or focus on social media causes increased stress, anxiety, and depression. 

The social comparison piece of social media has grown so intensely that I have clients who truly struggle with seeing the lives of those around them. And the problem with this snapshot on social media is it is often only one aspect of that person’s life. 

Other’s have found that they are more irritable, anxious, angry, or depressed. Through exploration, it became clear that my clients were spending an extraordinary amount of time on social media. And were becoming more activated as they were scrolling and seeing various things within their feed, stories, or reels. 

If you are spending hours upon hours on social media and struggling with sleep, mood, or completing tasks these all may be signs that you need to re-evaluate your boundaries around your social media usage. 

These technology boundaries can look like: 

  • Having specific times that you engage with social media
  • Changing your notification settings on your devices
  • Limiting the types of social media platforms you use
  • Have a time limit for each device (including Netflix or your firestick) 
  • Changing those that you are “following” or “friends” with 
  • Unfollow is an option for those that 
  • Identify the reasons and purpose of following certain things 
  • If it is someone providing advice or health information, figure out how that information is related to their experiences and make informed choices!

If you have any questions about technology addiction for yourself or others, let us know. Take your life to the next level through personalized sessions using Text Therapy.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Anxiety Quiz

Anxiety Quiz or Is My Life Out of Balance? [WORKSHEET]

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Anxiety Quiz or Is My Life Out of Balance? [WORKSHEET]

By Francesca Gentille & Edited by Amanda Pasciucco

 

Do I need an anxiety quiz or is my life just out of balance? Sometimes when life is challenging, it can feel like anxiety and depression are taking over.

One might notice:

  • Eating more or controlling/restricting food and movement
  • Sleeping more or having trouble staying focused and awake throughout the day
  • Sleeping less or having trouble sleeping
  • Shopping more and becoming present less
  • Feeling more irritable, withdrawn, depleted, depressed, or anxious
  • Feeling more aches and pains
  • Impulsively seeking substances more
  • Having a lower sex drive or feeling sexually compulsive

These could be signs of:

    • Hormonal imbalance
    • Loss and grieving
    • Systemic trauma and enculturation
    • A life that is out of balance

If it is due to a life that it is out of balance that means that there are more situations, activities, relationships, agreements, or expectations that might be inauthentic, over giving, lacking in support, high in criticism or something else. 

It might also mean that I am undernourished with situations, activities, and relationships that are replenishing. 

I may also have unresolved trauma or missed functions from childhood that have me:

  • Feel powerless and/or trapped
  • Blame others for my emotions and thoughts
  • Feel reactive, uncomfortable, and unsettled
  • Feel fearful, anxious, and / or insecure

If I am noticing that I either feel collapsed, numb, unable to make choices, overgiving, resentful, and/or reactive, then this is a sign that I have Inner Work to engage in to heal from childhood trauma.

 Not doing this Inner Work will deepen a sense of anxiety, reactivity, powerLESSness and depression. 

If I am unclear, I make 3 lists.

  1. What is not working, or not working as well as I would like. 
  2. What is working; Notice what nourishes me, gives to me, delights me, supports me, in some way. 
  3. I make notes of where I can take positive action. (Taking positive action is taking my personal power to make requests, express boundaries, and invite collaborations. I cannot make anyone else do or feel anything. My empowerment is over myself not another.)

If the list of what isn´t working is short, the list of what is working is short, I know that the issue is NOT that my LIFE is out of balance, yet that there might be something physically and or mentally wrong. Get professional help for your anxiety and / or mental health issues and instead of taking a quiz, see a psychotherapist. 

NOTE: Not all columns will be the same length. 

Anxiety Quiz

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Yoga For Better Sex & Satisfaction

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Yoga For Better Sex & Satisfaction

 

We know that yoga is popular, and yoga for better sex is a topic that is often asked about. 

This blog will help you understand the ways in which body postures can help pleasure outcomes.

Put yoga into your schedule daily, or else you won’t see progress.

Similarly, when you have a ritual… it’s more likely to stick with it! 

Begin to follow the poses so you can have yoga and get your desired result of better sex! Similarly, if you have been waiting for your partner(s) to start practicing with you, this may be something that motivates them. 

DOWNWARD DOG

  1. Stretches entire body – including hands and feet
  2. Lengthens spine 
  3. Works the thigh muscles

Yoga For Better Sex

PLANK:

  1. Tones your core
  2. Lengthens the spine and back muscles
  3. Full-body engagement

Yoga For Better Sex

UPWARD DOG

  1. Increases blood flow through the body
  2. Strengthens butt, thighs, and some core
  3. Stretches upper body

Yoga For Better Sex

CAT-COW POSE

  1. Lengthen spine
  2. Engages pelvis and blood flow which promotes orgasm
  3. Engages belly breathing for better oxygen intake

Yoga For Better Sex

LEGS-UP-THE-WALL-POSE

  1. Blood flow to pelvic region
  2. Allows for relaxation

Yoga For Better Sex

HAPPY BABY POSE

  1. Opens hips and works the inner thighs
  2. Releases tension in the upper body

Yoga For Better Sex

BRIDGE-POSE

  1. Hips thrusting in the air to work on strength
  2. Helps with core strength for stamina

Yoga For Better Sex

These are some common poses that are practiced to increase blood flow and strength. Similarly, yoga for better sex is one of the main reasons that people have told me they started going to class to begin with! 

Whatever your reason for practicing yoga, recognize that there are benefits beyond the poses! 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Setting Boundaries

Using the Inner Aspects Method for Setting Boundaries in Conversations

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Using the Inner Aspects Method for Setting Boundaries in Conversations

 

Many times, clients ask how to use the Inner Aspects Method (IAM) for setting boundaries in conversations. 

When it comes to conversation, be intentional about what you can offer and what you cannot.

Boundaries within communication are important to any respectful exchange.

Yet most of us know that if we respond and engage too quickly in a conversation without awareness of our limits, boundaries, and true needs, that we often can cause a disconnect between ourselves and another.

We use the Inner Aspects Method to stop, take a breath, and observe what is going on. 

Often, our adult part, our representative is a mask of a younger self that is often more nervous, anxious. This part may be afraid of abandonment or afraid of entrapment. 

Parts Theory

To have more responsible and respectful conversations and connections, it is important to look at a situation from various angles and perspectives.

You ever see people get rageful on the road driving? What about silly and playful? What about numb and mindless. This is a quick way to discuss parts theory. Moment to moment, we can get hijacked by different parts of us.

Even though we only have one body, we have multiple parts of our identity. 

While observing, it is often necessary to take a step back from how you usually view the world to find a more observational self (a helicopter view of your life) to identify what you are feeling and what you need.

Emotions are the messenger and not the message. An emotion lets us know that we are feeling something strongly. A boundary has been crosse, something is important to us, etc. 

Our emotions are for us to know. In healthy boundary setting and conversations, the emotion is something to process with yourself or with someone who consents to hearing the emotion. 

If another person consents to hearing what you have to say, let them know up front what you are comfortable with as a response. Ask the person speaking if they want reflective listening, one of your life experiences, or something else. 

Examples of Setting Boundaries and Accountability in Conversations

  • I feel unheard and disrespected in our relationship.. 
  • I choose to share my time with those that are respectful, accountable, compassionate. And work towards their own growth and healing.
  • When I perceive to be disrespected, teased, when sarcasm is used, when my boundaries are not heard or acknowledged, it results in me feeling less connected to you and less of a desire to be with you in the future. If your goal is to create a healthy relationship with me. I ask you to find an alternative approach with me when expressing your emotions… 
  • I feel frustrated and harmed when I receive advice from you that I have not requested. Or when you tell me how much you love me and then react angrily. I feel upset and hopeless when you use guilt as I then try to set boundaries.
  • Also I would feel more willing to create connections if my requests and boundaries were value. And to see that you are dedicated to making shifts in our relationship. If you are confused on what I need, I can share that more clearly. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Life sucks

What to Do When You Think Your Life Sucks? 

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What to Do When You Think Your Life Sucks? 

 

Today, we are explaining how we help clients when they say “my life sucks”.

Life sucks is a common thing heard in sessions these days and clients often ask us “why does my life suck,” in hopes that they can shift their life around.

Life Sucks in a Pandemic

First off, we are living in a pandemic that has turned our world and our way of living upside down. 

That is a legit piece of why “life sucks” right now. 

As humans, we are wired to NEED connection. The pandemic has created shifts in how we get connection and the way we can access closeness with others. 

Additionally, the pandemic has increased loss globally. 

There has been a massive loss of life, health, connection to others, employment, and even privacy. This is because many are stuck in their homes with the same people for over a year now. 

Loss and grief have continued to become a more prominent part of our day-to-day lives, and that has certainly impacted why you may think your life sucks right now.

The pandemic has caused many of us to feel hopelessness, disconnected, under-resourced – emotionally, physically and financially – and fearful. These feelings have contributed to increased rates of depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues.

Lifes sucks

Taking a look at the above chart, we see mental health rates were on the incline for millennials prior to the pandemic hitting. Now, imagine a crisis where most providers are at capacity for taking new patients. 

Individuals are needing more and more certainty in their lives, because the pandemic has increased the amount of uncertainty in our households, communities, country, and world.

Creating Certainty in Uncertain Times

Outside of the pandemic, I encourage people to focus on what they can control and ways that they can create certainty. 

Although it is incredibly important to look at the contextual and systemic factors at play, it is vital for each to reflect on accountability and ways that you yourself are contributing to why your life sucks. 

It is critical to empower ourselves to address what we can change rather than focusing on what we cannot. 

Parts of the “suckage” are within our control and require us to focus on the things we can create certainty in – what we can control vs. what we cannot control. 

Similarly, taking a cue from the serenity prayer, individuals must recognize the difference of what they can and cannot change.

Many clients are working hard to find ways to empower themselves in what they can do to help create more certainty in their lives. 

Here are some strategies to consider: 

  • Acknowledge your feelings and recognize WHAT you are feeling. When we ignore our feelings, it does not help in the long run.
  • Notice your most common thoughts. If you are constantly thinking negatively or focusing on things you cannot control,you are depleting yourself of valuable energy..
  • Shift negative thoughts. To be clear, it is shifting the WAY or the PROCESS of the message or way that you are thinking, rather than DISMISSING those thoughts.
  • Take APPROPRIATE responsibility. . Recognize what piece of the circumstances are yours to own. I work with so many people who take on MORE responsibility than is appropriate and also have seen people deflect responsibility completely. RECOGNIZE the difference and be fair to yourself and to others.
  • Create something. For some, that is through building, painting, art, gardening, etc. For others, it is creating certainty and predictable structure (including meals or bedtimes). Create community or connection! When we focus on creating we are OPENING our mind to new possibilities and building ways for us to feel empowered.
  • Focus on that which is in your control.We can only control ourselves, our reactions, and the way we do things. You do not have control over the pandemic, your partner,and to some extent your kids, etc. When we focus on controlling things outside of ourselves it creates POWERLESSNESS, because we cannot control others. Focus on what you can do, which is empowering. 
  • Find the good, find the beauty, find the pleasure in your life. In our group practice, we share each day on a group chat something that brought us pleasure. For some it is about connection, others it is about love or sex. It can be something simple, or something huge, but whatever it is, sharing openly  has created a pleasure-centered culture in our practice of self care..

 

Instead of asking yourself why your life sucks, find ways to empower yourself. 

Find a voice and ways to connect. Also find ways to grow and ways to create. Find ways to love yourself and others. Find ways to build mastery. 

When you try to attend to your underlying needs, life sucks a little less each day. Does this solve all the suckage? No. Will it help if you are willing? Absolutely. 

LCAT can help you transform your problems and start experiencing a pleasure centered, self accountable, empowering life.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Self Sabotage

How to Stop Self Sabotage

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How to Stop Self Sabotage

 

Many individuals ask how to stop self sabotage while simultaneously setting themselves up for failure. 

Avoiding individual needs chronically over years and decades is the most common way that individuals continue to self sabotage.

 

Why Do People Self Sabotage?

  • It’s too hard to do something new
  • Toxicity is familiar
  • Looking for instant gratification
  • Lack of fulfillment in other areas of life
  • They feel guilty or uncomfortable with being perceived differently

Taking attachment theory and imago therapy into account, individuals are often seeking the love of a caretaker, and thus have natural attraction to people that embody these traits. If a parent was aloof, or one was incredibly clingy, an individual may end up dating someone very similarly. 

If you want your relationships to be rewarding instead of triggering, it is important to notice the attachment patterns that you are attracted to so you stop self sabotaging relationships. 

Similarly, for individuals who are bothered by this fact – of being attracted to what is familiar – it isn’t enough to just talk about noticing the pattern. The ability to identify something is not the same as changing a pattern.

Self Sabotage

A Self-Sabotage Behavior People Don’t Notice

Warning: Individuals do not learn how to stop self sabotage by discussing self sabotage. They learn when they are heard in a way that is compassionate and understanding. When others hear themselves in a mirrored way, and then they decide they want to take action.

If someone says “You know, people abandon me… it’s just what always happens,” the mirrored response is “so I think I hear you saying that you feel more often than you have been comfortable with in your life, others have not been there when you had a need for connection.” 

When someone can hear themselves in what you reflect back, sometimes they are then able to open up new ways of thinking about the situation and then be able to alter the way in which they approach situations where they perceive they’re abandoned. 

Please be mindful of people that say they are “sabotaging,” because telling others what you are doing does not mean you are holding yourself accountable. 

Best Advice on How To Stop Self Sabotage

Notice your own self sabotage behaviors. 

Use a critical eye when observing the behaviors that you often find yourself doing. Instead of focusing on others, see what is happening in your decision making. 

For example, if you are saying yes to things when you really want to say no, just because you “feel bad” or “guilty,” you are going to continue to self sabotage. 

If you continue to do what you have done, your needs will continue to not be met. 

Say YES to yourself, and sit with the discomfort of putting up new boundaries. 

Being able to manage your time is one of the most important ways in which you can stop self-sabotaging. 

Sometimes, people sabotage in a way that hurts themselves (without even trying). They don’t necessarily know a new or different way to be healthier, and that is where psychotherapy may help.

Examples include yet aren’t limited to:

  • drinking wine to deal with stress
  • smoking cigarettes because of anxiety
  • binge eating when feeling uncomfortable
  • using non-prescribed drugs to take the edge off
  • using shopping as a way to cope with feelings

Similarly, if an individual has trauma that causes them to sabotage connections or relationships due to fear, this is something that has to be worked through in individual therapy. 

 Get CONNECT now

Couples Communication Strategies

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.