The Art of Oral Sex For Women or Those With Vulvas
Some individals seem concerned when performing oral sex for women or on those with vulvas!
Can you imagine how successfully brainwashed we are that we believe there is something extra dirty or wrong with them, simply because they are internal.
Most women who perform oral sex on women report that they love to give it.
Yet, many discuss how difficult it is for those who are raised as girls to be patient in a world of consumerism and productivity.
In the past ten years of therapy, I have heard thousands of stories where individuals of all socioeconomic backgrounds, race, ethnicities, education levels, socioeconomic status, and ability were telling me that their is something incredibly taboo about providing oral sex on the labia.
I have been blessed with wonderful sexual education thanks to Betty Dodson and my professor, Jim Moorhead.
If you ever feel that your labia isn’t normal, I suggest looking at a variety of lips.
If you are concerned about the smell of your genitals, remember that many people enjoy the scent of sexual organs.
Your feelings of disgust or shame around your bits may just be conditioning of society, family, your religion, or your limited exposure to the world of pleasure.
Go under the feels of “yuck” and see if there is any part of you that can show up and receive the compliment or the gift of pleasure.
Discuss Which One of Your 6 Need Is Being Met!
::ask your sexual partner PRIOR to giving or receiving oral sex, so that your mind can relax::
Can you tell me like how it looks and how it smells.
Validation from a partner is probably more helpful than anything you can read in my blog!
If both of you are concerned with genital odors, try to incorporate a shower as part of the foreplay and aftercare (and, if there is a “significant odor,” and you have the privilege of affording healthcare, go to a trusted ob-gyn or a local Planned Parenthood to get checked for bacterial vaginosis).
While going down on your partner or giving oral sex, make sure you ask your partner what feels good.
- Get an idea of the pressure that works, the spot that is most sensitive, and what does not feel good.
- Make sure as the giver and the receiver, that your body is in a comfortable position.
- If you need to move your partner, then do so.
- If you have long hair, tie it out of your face.
- Kneel along the side of the bed if you have to. You CAN find ways to incorporate this for all body shapes and abilities.
Check in Again With Your Partner Before Going In and Touching Them.
Reassure them of what mental state you are in, what your desires are, what your needs are.
Discuss in feelings, needs, and utilizing parts cards if possible!
Note to everyone involved, as you can receive oral sex from multiple partners at one time.
Be sure that you are not focusing on what you look like and focus on your pleasure receiving, or you are focused on your partner’s experience while giving.
Give positive feedback to your partner about how you are enjoying this experience.
Verbally, with sounds, with smiles! Ask if they like dirty talk, talk about fantasies, if they want a different type of sensual touch instead of just the oral touch of mouth to vulva.
Communicate and experiment with an open mind. The brain is the most important organ in sexual pleasure!
If You Are Nervous As The Receiver, Here Are Some Mantras To Practice:
- I let myself to experience pleasure;
- I allow my sexual selves to appear;
- I am worthy of sexual satisfaction and connection;
- I am opening my life to positive sexual experiences;
- I feel seen in my expression of sexuality;
- The more I experience my own understanding of my inner parts, the more I can communicate and direct my language to the part my partner is requesting of me.
Receiving oral sex is about the sensual art of receiving, accepting, creating, exploring, releasing, and intuitiveness.
How and When To Talk To Your Partner About Changing Their Oral Sex Technique
There is no “magic way” to be comfortable with the words coming out of your mouth so that your partner may hear of judge you based on what you said about sexuality.
What I can say is that the more your practice and acknowledge that it may be uncomfortable or difficult to talk about, the more confident you can get in this type of intimate compassionate communication and conversation style.
One partner may be more willing to engage in conversations around sex than the other, which is actually normal!
Quick Tips To Address In The Moment:
- If your partner is not hitting the right spot on your clit or is missing your clit entirely, you can say things like, “Up a little” or “To the right a little.”
- You can adjust your body so you are in the right position. Partners, please note that if a woman adjusts her body while you are touching her, do not move your hand or mouth. Ask if she is squirming with pleasure or if she wants to move.
- When your partner does hit the right spot, provide positive reinforcement, like, “YES!” or “It feels so good. Stay right there,” or “YAY! This is amazing. Keep doing that.”
Communicating during a Sexual Encounter:
Old Way: “Stop. You always try to have sex with me too quickly.”
New Way: “It would be so hot if you touched me gently right now. I like when you tease me a little bit more before you touch my clit.”
Communicating outside of a Sexual Encounter:
Old Way: “It hurts when you have sex with me.”
New Way: “Our sex is great, and sometimes it hurts. Can we add more foreplay and lubricant before we have sex? I think if we focused on 20 minutes of body pleasure prior to penetrative sex, I could physically be engaged more. Is that of interest to you?”
Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?
About Life Coaching and Therapy
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!
Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.