my husband hate me

I Think My Husband Hates Me & How To Solve It!

I Think My Husband Hates Me & How To Solve It!

 

If you have been feeling neglected, resented and anxious in your marriage, you may be thinking to yourself I think my husband hates me.

No marriage is picture perfect, and it could even be possible that he feels the same way about you! So instead of jumping to the conclusion “my husband hates me”, let’s look at why you may be feeling that way. Hatred and resentment can of course arise in marriages, though rarely out of the blue. 

“He is always choosing time with the guys instead of time with me!”

You may be feeling neglected if your hubby is choosing to spend time with the bros All. The. Time. This is understandable! 

While there is nothing wrong with him wanting time with his friends- friendships outside of a relationship are healthy and should be encouraged- it doesn’t have to be a battle of friends vs. wife. 

As with every relationship issue, communication is crucial. Here are some ideas of where he might be coming from with this behavior, and some suggestions to open up communication:

  • He may feel overwhelmed by the daily minutia of chores, bills and routine
  • He may feel like you are mothering him
  • He may just need time with other men
  • He may be stressed by financial or personal concerns and need a distraction
  • He may just want to connect with people who share his hobbies

Remember, one person cannot be everything to everyone, though as his spouse you shouldn’t have to feel neglected! Try opening up:

  • Ask him directly if something is wrong! He may be hurt by something you’ve overlooked, it can save a lot of time if you directly ask what’s going on. 
  • Say how much you love him and wish you could spend more time together. Does he feel like you spend enough time together? Are you having enough sex and fun, or have you become roommates? 
  • Tell him how hurtful it is when he ditches plans with you for plans with the guys. Does this information surprise him or does he seem unphased? He may just not understand and need to be told directly that his actions are hurtful. 
  • Both of you can share what you enjoy doing as a couple, and plan to do more of those things. This could be games, favorite tv shows, sports, cooking- any activity you enjoy doing together! 
  • Offer to host the next guy's night at your home- this may put your mind at ease if you know what they’re up to, though don’t feel the need to spy. This is about letting your husband know you care about his friendships. 

My Husband Hates Me

Likely, he just needs to blow off some steam and as a couple you can shake up the routine to be more fun. You’ll never know until you talk about it with each other!

“He is always giving me dirty looks, rolling his eyes and scowls at me”

It can be super hurtful if someone you love is giving you dirty looks- it feels like instant rejection and like they don’t care about your feelings. 

Think back to when you were a teenager and I’m sure you gave many of those looks to people around you, especially authority figures! Some reasons he may be giving you dirty looks:

  • You’re nagging him. Is this something you’ve asked him to do already, and he has said he will do it? Is there a reason you feel the need to remind him?
  • You’ve broached a no-go topic. Does he have any traumas and sensitivities you are unknowingly or knowingly bringing up? 
  • He is insulted. Did you say something critical about his job, his body, his family or his finances? While you should never be a doormat, criticism needs to come from a healthy, constructive and supportive place- not making fun of his belly, ranting about his sister’s money issues or telling him he’s a loser for not getting a better job. 
  • A difference of values. This is a very political day and age, and if you hold vastly different opinions about politics and social issues you’re probably both doing some eye rolling at each other! You may not have known how different your opinions are until now. 
  • He’s frustrated. Everyone gets frustrated. Ask him why. 

 

If it is a constant issue, it is wise to seek counseling. You shouldn’t be made to feel disliked in your own home, especially from someone you are building a life with, and he shouldn’t have to feel so frustrated and annoyed. There may be a solution to be found!

“So…does my husband hate me?”

It is impossible to know unless you communicate about it! He may not hate you- though he may feel resentment, rejection, or frustrations and these can all be addressed through communication and counseling. 

Chances are, this is a bump in the road that can be solved. There is also a chance that he is completely unaware of how his actions are affecting you! Asking yourself “does my husband hate me” is way less effective than simply opening up the conversation- though it may be awkward and difficult, it is always worthwhile!

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


what is new relationship energy

What is New Relationship Energy or What is NRE?

What is New Relationship Energy or What is NRE?

 

Today we will discuss “ What is New Relationship Energy ” or What is NRE... in the monogamous and open relationship world!

We have all asked what love is and "what is new relationship energy" yet not all of us know how the answer. I will try to answer what is NRE today for those of you in new relationships.

In this video, I will teach you "What is New Relationship Energy" and how to enjoy this new relationship energy without neglecting our surroundings!

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, Cosmopolitan, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, HeadSpace, VICE, and more!

 

DOWNLOAD OUR "BEHIND THE SCENES OF COMMUNICATION" GUIDE

https://gn91oeao.pages.infusionsoft.net ←HERE

 

Watch now:

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 AM EST

 

Say hi on social:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/thesexhealer

Instagram: http://instagram.com/thesexhealer

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our teamof compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


BDSM dating

5 Steps for BDSM Dating on Vanilla Apps

5 Steps for BDSM Dating on Vanilla Apps

 

BDSM dating can be a challenge if you don’t want to out yourself to Facebook friends or work colleagues who might be on dating apps. At the same time, if you’re not sure what you’re looking for or want to sprinkle in some vanilla dating, using conventional dating apps can bring you a great variety of potential partners. 

BDSM dating doesn’t have to be much different than any other form of online dating. It is meant to be an easily accessible, instant and safe way of meeting as many new people as possible and can save you a lot of bad dates if done correctly. 

 

1.Ask Yourself “Why?”

Why do you want to use a general dating app instead of a BDSM dating app? It may seem counterintuitive, however more people are on apps like Tinder, Grindr and Bumble than the more specialized kink apps. 

If you use a kink app, you may find that there is a limited variety of people on the app, which means you can run out of potential matches more quickly than with the most popular dating apps. 

Also, there are lots of currently vanilla people who are wanting to explore kink with an experienced partner, so finding matches on a conventional app may be an opportunity to expand your community and meet new people. 

Why do you want to meet people online? Do you feel too exposed attending live kink events or conventions? Do you still feel shame around your kinks? If this is the case, online dating can be a safe and relatively anonymous way to meet people with similar fantasies with less exposure if you’re shy. 

BDSM dating

 

2.Set Your Boundaries

Outside of the boundaries that must come along with a BDSM dating experience, you should also set your boundaries for online dating specifically. 

What questions are you willing and unwilling to answer from matches? If someone isn’t up to speed on coded language or acronyms from the BDSM dating scene, how much are you willing to explain?

Deciding on these things will save you emotional labor and time when interacting with matches. 

You should decide what amount of privacy you are comfortable with- will you use your real name, or just your initials? Do you want a full face photo or something more anonymous? 

Keep in mind, ethical BDSM dating shouldn’t involve any deception or catfishing, though you can be open about hiding certain details until you get to know a match better. For example, maybe you don’t give out your number until you’ve met, or maybe you don’t give out your real name on your profile but will when you are chatting with a match. 

You may even consider not including your kinks on your profile and being open about it with matches later, though this can lead to disappointment if you are looking for kinky folx in the first pace. 

Always remember that your profile is public, so anyone can see what is on there. So only put what you are comfortable with strangers or your co-worker or friend stumbling across if they’re on the app! 

 

3.Find the Code Words

The easiest way to find kinky and kink-curious individuals on vanilla apps is by using the abbreviations, code words and acronyms that describe your kinks. 

Sometimes emoji are used in the community- the unicorn emoji for example, lets people know that you are an individual looking to join a couple for a threesome. 

Saying you like “D/s” means dominance/submissive and describing yourself as “open minded” can be an indicator you are kinky. These words and abbreviations can also help you find other kinksters on the app! Typically, terminology used in BDSM communities will be obvious if you are also a member of that community, so keep an eye out for fellow BDSM dating matches. 

 

4.Be Open to Conversation and Questions

If you are casting a wider net to include kink curious and vanilla partners when BDSM dating, be prepared to answer questions from matches who may not have picked up on your terminology- or even read your entire profile. This happens a lot as people swipe quickly based on appearances. 

Since you have already decided what your boundaries are, answer any questions from matches that you are comfortable answering. Hopefully, they are respectful and genuine!

BDSM dating

If you’ve matched with someone and aren’t sure if they’ve understood you’re kinky, it is worth having a direct conversation. Something like “Hey! Just fyi, I am into _____, if that’s not you’re thing we can unmatch, no hard feelings!” can be effective and quick.

The downside of dating apps is that people can take a turn for the rude, scary or abusive. If someone is speaking to you in a way that is disrespectful or abusive, report, unmatch and block that person without hesitation. Keeping your boundaries firm will make for the best online dating experience. 

 

5.Be Safe & Have Fun

As someone experienced in BDSM dating, you probably already know how to date and have sex in a way that is consensual and safe. It always bears repeating though! 

When meeting a stranger from an app, make sure you are going to a public place, and make sure that you let someone know where you are. Having a friend make a call at some point during the night can give you an opportunity to confirm you are safe, and have a potential escape if you feel the date is not going well and can’t say it outright. 

If you want to meet for play, make sure you feel safe. Hide any valuables in a safe or lock them away, and let a friend know you have someone coming over. This seems over the top, however meeting strangers on apps can have risks that wouldn’t come with traditional courtship or meeting people IRL at events. 

With all that out of the way, have FUN! You’re meeting new people, and are trying new things and that is worth celebrating! BDSM dating can be fun and rewarding and pleasurable if done with safety, boundaries and an open mind. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


High Functioning Anxiety

All Your Questions About High Functioning Anxiety

All Your Questions About High Functioning Anxiety

 

Did you know that high functioning anxiety isn’t officially a diagnosable condition? This is because it can be so subtle, and yet not as debilitating as anxiety disorders. As such, there is very little research on the subject compared to general anxiety disorders.

High functioning anxiety is also different from diagnosed anxiety disorders because there is very little acute biological response. Their palms aren’t getting sweaty, no significant increase in heart rate, no dizziness, and yet the chronic stress can definitely make a physical impact through lack of sleep and overworking. 

High functioning anxiety refers to the fact that people with this condition usually appear outwardly successful, calm or put together, though inside they are suffering. They are “functioning” at a “high level” despite how they feel inside.

 

What Does It Look Like?

To someone on the outside, people with high functioning anxiety are hyper successful, driven and organized. They may be perceived as being stoic or unemotional, even cold, or abrupt. On the flipside, they can be very outgoing and passionate about what they do. 

When people have diagnosed anxiety disorders, they are frozen by fear. This is the more typical media representation of anxiety. People who can’t leave their homes because they are so afraid, or break down and have panic attacks when triggered, or who even need medication in order to cope with day to day life. 

The high achievement, organization and attention to detail with the elusive high functioning anxiety makes it hard to see that anything is wrong at all. In fact, the high functioning anxiety sufferer may appear to be thriving. 

 

What Does It Feel Like?

For the person dealing with high functioning anxiety, it’s a different story. On the inside, they feel a constant churning of anxiety, usually related to feelings of perfectionism, overthinking and need for approval. 

  • Fear of failure
  • Need to be liked
  • Need for approval
  • Rumination, racing thoughts
  • Obsession over the most minor details
  • Unwilling to be vulnerable, a fear of vulnerability
  • Fear of seeming stupid or uneducated
  • Inability to enjoy the present moment
  • Insomnia

 

What Causes Anxiety?

Even with diagnosable anxiety disorders, uncovering the cause can be a long, mysterious process. Sometimes, there may not even be an obvious cause, rather a complex synergy of many factors. 

Factors could be environmental, genetic, the result of a trauma or brain injury: there are so many potential factors even for diagnosable anxiety disorders, so the elusiveness of high functioning anxiety is even tougher to pin down. It may be possible to identify triggers for your anxiety, even if you never uncover how it began in the first place. 

 

The Downside of High Functioning Anxiety

High functioning anxiety can have numerous adverse effects in your life and on your health. Including:

  • Sleep deprivation
  • Chronic stress
  • You may avoid eye contact
  • You may be a people pleaser 
  • A cycle of procrastination
  • The inability to say “no” even when you’re too busy or overwhelmed
  • Loyal to a fault
  • Never go beyond your comfort zone
  • Never show your feelings
  • May think your feelings are normal and never seek help because outwardly you’re successful
  • Living a life of denial, simply labeling yourself as a “workaholic” or “list-maker”
  • A reliance on substances to cope, such as alcohol, weed, caffeine or sleeping pills.

 

The Benefits of High Functioning Anxiety

Having high functioning anxiety isn’t all doom and gloo m however. Many studies have proven that those with a livable amount of anxiety are more driven, more organized and even have less accidents causing injury. Other benefits include:

  • Punctuality
  • Outgoing
  • Detail oriented
  • Helpful
  • Loyal
  • A good leader
  • A person of action
  • Focused 
  • Incredibly driven
  • More successful than non anxious peers

While these are all excellent qualities that clearly great for achieving success in your career and following your dreams, there are ways to find a healthier balance so you don’t have to put up with the negative aspects of your high functioning anxiety. 

 

How to Cope

It is worth noting that even if you feel like you have an undiagnosable condition like high functioning anxiety, if you feel overwhelmed or need help figuring out how to make your life easier you should seek out a therapist. 

We’re not just for crises, we can help you overcome anxiety, depression, and anything that is making life difficult by giving you the tools for coping and thriving. 

Some steps you can begin to take on your own include meditation to encourage stillness and stopping the cycle of rumination. 

Channeling anxious energy through exercise can be helpful, and avoiding caffeine may help with insomnia and feelings of anxiety. 

Proper sleep hygiene can increase your quality of life drastically. This means taking time to wind down at the end of the day, avoiding caffeine after lunch and no screen time an hour or two before bed. Try reading a fiction book, soothing yoga or sleep meditations to prepare your mind for rest. If you find you can’t fall asleep, try leaving your bedroom and reading somewhere else until tired again. 

 

If It Isn’t a Real Disorder, Is It All In My Head?

When your thoughts, habits and behaviors are impacting your quality of life negatively, then it doesn’t matter if there is an official definition or diagnosis. Something can still be done, and there is no need to suffer that deeply for success. 

 

Can a Therapist Still Help Me? 

Therapists don’t just deal with diagnoses, we help you uncover the root of your high functioning anxiety and build a plan for coping with it to make your life as enjoyable as possible. We can help you harness the positive benefits of high functioning anxiety and minimize the negative aspects in a healthy way. 

If you think you are living with high functioning anxiety, know that you don’t need to struggle and can find help! It may be hard to admit you need help or aren’t “fine”, and overcoming your high functioning anxiety will certainly be worth it! 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


What is a Poly Relationship

What is a Poly Relationship? [STEP BY STEP Explanation!]

What is a Poly Relationship?

[STEP BY STEP Explanation!]

 

Today we will be discussing polyamory and questions that you ought to consider asking if you are deciding on a poly relationship for yourself?

Poly relationship is the new norm. Polyamory is the practice of loving multiple people – intimately and sometimes sexually.

Have you thought about having a poly relationship? What is a Poly Relationship?

In this video, I will teach you what is a poly relationship and how a poly relationship works!! Polyam is often the common term now, instead of poly.

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, HeadSpace, VICE, and more!

 

DOWNLOAD OUR "BEHIND THE SCENES OF COMMUNICATION" GUIDE

https://gn91oeao.pages.infusionsoft.net ←HERE

 

Watch now:

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 AM EST

 

Say hi on social:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/thesexhealer

Instagram: http://instagram.com/thesexhealer

 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


Gender Non-Conforming

Gender Non-Conforming or Gender Creative

Gender Non-Conforming or Gender Creative

 

Gender Non-Conforming or Gender Creative individuals are people whose gender expression does not follow the stereotypical “rules” surrounding what is expected in male or female within our society. 

You may wonder what is gender non-conforming or what does it mean when people are gender creative? 

In our society, we commonly categorize individuals as male or female. 

Therefore, those people who identify themselves as either side of the binary are expected to conform to a particular style and behavior. 

Someone who identifies as female is expected to wear “feminine” clothing such as dresses, leggings, skirts, specific shirts, etc. Females are also assumed to wear makeup, have longer hair, and no facial hair. 

Those who identify themselves as male are expected to wear “masculine” clothing such as sports attire, pants, more solid colors, and usually not bright clothing. These are some of the “rules” that are gender conformity. 

When an individual does not ascribe to these set of rules or engages in shifting gender expressive play (through clothing, makeup, etc), this is breaking gender conformity or the binary. 

Gender non-conforming individuals are those we are focusing on here.

There are a variety of ways people can choose to break gender conformity through the varying ways gender is expressed. 

Some common options are: 

  • Mannerisms
  • Dress and attire
  • Makeup
  • Hair style
  • Accessories 

Individuals who are gender non-conforming or gender creative may have a different style completely or may fluctuate between what the culture considers masculine and feminine. 

Some people who identify as non-conforming may present more neutral or androgenous, while others may shift their gender expression based on activity, crowd, emotion, or internal desire. 

People who are gender non-conforming or gender creative may identify with their assigned gender or may identify with other identities. 

These identities can include, yet are not limited to:

  • Non-binary
  • Gender queer
  • Gender fluid
  • Gender bending
  • Gender non-conforming
  • Or something else. 

The important thing is learning to understand each person's identity and not making assumptions about those you meet. 

If you are wanting to learn more about someone’s identity, be sure you are doing it for them and their comfort, rather than for your own needs. This is often a good place to start by knowing your intentions. 

You can also seek therapy or reputable sources who can help support you in learning and understanding. 

It is your own responsibility to learn more rather than anyone in the community teaching you. Seek a professional if you need, that specializes in this area of focus. 

YouTube page where she provides free information at The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Orgasm Abuse

What is Orgasm Abuse - Not The Kinky Kind!

What is Orgasm Abuse - Not The Kinky Kind!

 

Do you know what orgasm abuse feels like in your body? We aren’t talking about the kinky kind either. What is the difference between orgasm abuse and orgasm pleasure? 

If you want to see our blog on orgasm denial, please go here

Orgasm abuse happens and when there is something as serious as abuse on the line, we feel differently than we do about boundaries being crossed. 

We all react to pressure differently… especially when it comes to orgasm and when it comes to abuse. 

So when we are talking about orgasm abuse, for many reasons, a lot of people experience it and have kind of stage fright when it comes to discussing the sexual encounter(s). 

Maybe it’s happened to you before. You meet someone you’re interested in, things click, you progress along the intimacy scale, and eventually find yourselves in bed together.

Suddenly, when it’s time to experience what you assume to be pleasure, abuse happens instead. 

Your sexual partner may even assure you that it’s no big deal after it happens...

Still, it’s uncomfortable all the same. 

Don’t agonize too much over it in the moment, yet we’ve all been there when the thoughts come back...

Orgasm abuse is a real thing, and it’s not always what you think. 

Unfortunately, there’s a stigma around orgasm, therapy, abuse, and discussing uncomfortable or “negative” emotions. 

For some people, it threatens to shatter the image they portray of the world. 

Often, we EXPECT the people that we are with and talk to regularly to have a life more like a celebrity or a social media start than a human. 

Abuse even if there is orgasm can also be taken as a signal that you weren“into it” and your sexual partner at that time may even think that they pleased you.

As a sex therapist, I often suggest talking about it, setting a boundary that it was not ok, and then following through in action steps to be certain that this type of abuse does not happen again. 

You may wonder if you are quietly making this a bigger deal than it is.

If you told people, maybe then rejection would be on the horizon. 

Sex is a complicated, like a messy ice cream sundae, and orgasms are the cherry on top, right? 

Not really when it comes to orgasm abuse. Some people can be in a trauma state and still have an orgasm. 

Therefore, it is important and imperative to know your boundaries and your requests within sexuality. 

If you have been in a situation where you have been on either side of orgasm abuse, this isn’t easy to sit with. 

At times, you may need support. Let a certified sex therapist help if you need. 

If you need more support, please check out the video on how to recover after trauma. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


Orgasm Denial

Orgasm Denial - How Not Getting Off Can Get You Off!

Orgasm Denial - How Not Getting Off Can Get You Off!

 

Orgasm denial (sometimes called “orgasm abuse”) is sort of an umbrella term for any play- especially in power exchange relationships where orgasm is delayed, deprived, or even then “forced.” We can get into forced orgasm in another blog! 

This seems to contradict everything we believe in mainstream society about sexual pleasure - after all, isn’t orgasm SUPPOSED to be the ultimate pleasure during sex? 

Turns out, pleasure and pain are two sides of a similar coin, and how we experience both varies widely from person to person. 

Both pain and orgasm release endorphins and provide a kind of catharsis, and both involve some sort of tension and release. Pain can even be meditative, much like the focus needed to have or delay an orgasm! 

Pain isn’t always physical either. Pain can be psychological, such as intentionally and consensually building frustration or anger. 

Orgasm denial play can be a safe and consensual way to explore tension and release - or denying that release entirely. 

Orgasm Denial

 

Delaying Orgasms

Lets start with the least intimidating form of orgasm denial: erotic sexual denial. This can range from teasing to edging, or even delaying orgasms as a form of “punishment” and “reward” in submissive/dominant play scenes. 

This is a form of play that is easy to incorporate, and an easy introduction to playing with control and domination in a sexual context. Discuss beforehand with your partner what they want to try, or what you would like them to do to you!

  • Tickling is a very tolerable tension and release. Decide on a safe word, and have a tickle fight! If you’re both into it, you can play with how much is tolerated, and even incorporate tickling just as the receiver is about to climax for a sort of bait and switch. 
  • Try edging! This can be done with a partner or solo, and the basic idea is to come really close to orgasm and then stopping just before climax. This can be repeated as many or as few times as wanted, and it can make the final orgasm even more delicious! 

 

What is Orgasm Denial?

Orgasm denial is a form of play where you or your partner are taken right to the edge of orgasm, then never given the release. 

If it sounds frustrating, it is, however it can be so much fun if you are exploring BDSM and want to explore an entry level Dom or sub dynamic.

This can get as kinky as you like, and can be a simple appetizer of domination and control, or the entire entrée!

  • If you’re new to sub/dom, try using orgasm denial as a small part of a controlled scene. You can even decide that later on, outside of the proposed scenario you will get off- just not during the scene!
  • This doesn’t have to even be successful! Sometimes the act of telling someone they can’t cum is enough to send them over the edge with powerful orgasm. You can always punish them for it later! 😉
  • Orgasm denial can be as prolonged or as frequent as you and your partner want. Maybe after a single sexual encounter without orgasm you’ll decide to “allow” orgasms next time, or maybe it will never happen until a special occasion or decided event- whatever scenario suits you and your partner! Remember, it is all about the pleasure and pain of frustration and control/being controlled. 
  • If you are really into orgasm denial and want to incorporate toys, there are chastity devices for penises and vaginas alike so you can physically deny your partner an orgasm. Naughty!

Ask yourself if you want to be playing with orgasm denial! 

Ask yourself the critical question of: does my inner Dominant or submissive really vibe with my partners inner Dominant or submissive? Maybe! 

Maybe not! 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


Hypersexuality

5 Must-Know Points about Hypersexuality [ARE YOU HYPERSEXUAL?]

5 Must-Know Points about Hypersexuality [ARE YOU HYPERSEXUAL?]

 

Hypersexuality is difficult and a relatively new topic we hear about.

Due to “sex addiction,” some people report that we have to understand the difference between what hypersexuality is and what hypersexuality is not.

There is a negative correlation and a key reason couples struggle with hypersexuality is because they are shaming their partner as an addict.

In this video, we will teach what is hypersexuality, what hypersexuality is not, what are signs that you are hypersexual or some hypersexual signs to look out for.

I’m so glad that you are interested in joining us in this topic of Hypersexuality.

No more shame in your hypersexual side.

We hope you will take some of this advice to use for your own fun and pleasure!

My tips will hopefully break through months or years of frustration in strategies to solve your issue with being hypersexual!

I want you to experience no shame in your body.

Experience pleasure as fun!

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Watch now! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, PornHub, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, Playboy, Maxim, Daily Mail, HeadSpace, and more!

 

Watch more:

 

 

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You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer.

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


5 Labor Languages

5 Love Language Quiz replaced by 5 Labor Languages in Relationships

5 Love Language Quiz replaced by 5 Labor Languages in Relationships

 

Have you heard about 5 Labor Languages?

You may be here because you are looking for a 5 love language quiz to try. 

Here is the thing… I am a millennial therapist, so I talk about emotional, cognitive, physical, relational labor… and the idea of bringing those all to consciousness often. 

Through my experience in working with individuals and relationships, many people discuss the 5 love language quiz, yet they are still in therapy. 

I have learned that Labor Languages are FAR less talked about than it should be. 

So buckle up, today we are talking about “labor” instead of the 5 love language quiz! 

Before we begin, I want you to take stock of which pieces or aspects of labor in relationships (romantic and otherwise) you do!

 

Physical labor

Physical labor looks like what is done in a relationship that are often seen as tasks or chores. This labor could look like taking out the garbage, cleaning, organizing, yard work, physical intimacy, fixing things in shared space, cleaning the dishes, mowing the lawn, etc. These are not all the ways to do physical labor, I am just noting some examples.

Physical labor requires one to do some physical or manual work. Often these tasks or chores are day to day (such as cleaning the kitchen or cooking) or multiple times per week (such as vacuuming)  or weekly (mowing the lawn) or larger tasks such as fixing something in the household, etc. 

Admittedly, this has not always been my personal strength, but I have used this as a growth edge for me. I have worked hard at building ways to increase my ability to engage in these type of labor and I am rocking it out!

 

Emotional Labor

Emotional labor is placing your own personal resources or energy into someone else’s emotions or feelings to support them in what may be occurring. This can be done through conversation, holding space for someone, physical reassurance, listening to them, communicating, etc. 

Emotional labor is one that we see in various types of relationships (not just romantic ones). I am very lucky as a therapist to have so many people in my life who are great at this and to have the skills to engage in this.

 

Cognitive Labor

Cognitive labor is often known as the “invisible” work in relationships. 

It is how someone organizes tasks, keeps the household running, and often includes planning, forethought, and looking at the big picture. 

Cognitive labor can look like running the family calendar, managing family finances, planning meals, scheduling appointments, organizing events, and coordinating with other systems (family, friends, daycare, etc.). 

Boom! This is 100% my strength in almost all my relationships. 

My friends and family know that when I am at my highest and best version of me, I am usually really engaged with cognitive (and emotional!) labor in my relationships. 

 

Relational Labor

Relational labor is a combination of all of the above listed ones. I say this because this is the labor where we have to communicate and work together in our relationships to engage in each of the above (physical, emotional, and cognitive). In relational labor, it is our responsibility to communicate, share, collaborate, and create within our relationships in order to make sure our needs are met within that relationship. Relational labor looks like having conversations about the relationship, setting boundaries, clarifying, and communicating. 

For me, this is a growth edge that I have had. There have been times in my life where I rocked at this and there have certainly been times in various relationships where I have struggled with this piece. I think it is important that we take stock and look at which relationships this was hardest to do and why. When I do that, I notice this has showed up in many of my friendships and because of my own traumas, me not engaging in this labor was for fear or loss so setting boundaries or talking about my needs was often so scary I didn’t address it.

 

Boom Shaka Laka - Bring the Unconscious to the Conscious!

Alright, now we have looked at each of these sections and we are sitting and considering which areas in which relationships are on point and which are a growth edge for us. Wahoo!

This is so important to reflect on because often times we unconsciously engage in this labor. When this labor is done unconsciously it can result in feelings of resentment towards others. The problem is, is if we are not conscious or aware of it we may not be able to truly communicate what is showing up for us - and if we cannot do that we are not going to feel fulfilled in our relationships. 

I urge you to bring the unconscious to the conscious. Reflect. Learn. Growth. Communicate. HEAL. Healing is a process, when we truly begin to do it - it looks like conscious, intentional, consensual growth. When we are unconsciously doing, we are not truly choosing or consenting. When we do not choose or consent, we resent and (re)experience trauma. When we choose and consent, we are empowered and work within our relationships to negotiate, collaborate, and create. 

We are here to help at LCAT, we have various therapists who have training and understanding in all the A/a’s. Please join us on your healing journey!

YouTube page where she provides free information at The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.