how to last longer in bed

How to Last Longer in Bed

HOW TO LAST LONGER IN BED – 50 SEX EXPERTS SHARE THEIR TIPS

Amanda Pasciucco, LCAT founder was interviewed by TheEnhancedMale.com for this article.

Experts Take On Lasting Longer During Sex

 

Lasting longer in bed is a desire of most men. The reality is that it takes much more time for a woman to reach orgasm than for a man. Finishing before their partners can make males feel insecure regarding their sexual performance.

 

Although the intensity and what do you do during sex is more important than the time length, there are tricks that you can use to ensure that you will last longer in bed.

 

To give you the best advice possible, we decided to not limit this article to our experience and knowledge so we reached out to 50 sex experts and ask them the following question:

 

What is your best advice for men who want to last longer in bed?

 

We received a variety of tips that range from physical exercises, breathing techniques, to dealing with your emotions and improving the way you communicate with your partner.

 

Keep reading to see what the experts had to say.

 

Jessica O’Reilly – Sex With Dr Jess
Jessica O'Reilly

 

I offer a full online course on how to last longer in bed and overcome premature ejaculation in 6 steps. This involves:

 

1. Mindfulness practices in masturbation
2. Intentional masturbation to reduce external stimuli
3. Pelvic floor exercises to better understand the muscles that respond to arousal and ejaculation
4. Cognitive-behavioural adjustments to reframe expectations and reduce performance pressure
5. Sex education related to the sexual response cycle and how the body functions during arousal, orgasm and ejaculation

If you want to try an exercise on your own, try basic mindful masturbation:

Touch your entire body for pleasure for 10-20 minutes without trying to reach orgasm. Explore from head to toe. Don’t get hung up on your genitals, but don’t ignore them either.

 

Tune into your unique responses and physical sensations. What are there textures, pressure, rhythm, movements, temperatures and other sensations you feel in your skin?

Try this every day for a week and see what changes in your body. Can you start to recognize when ejaculation is imminent? What can you do to stave it off? Does slowing down help? How about changing positions or loosening your grip?

 

Our intention here isn’t to simply last longer, but to enjoy the process. There is no sense in “lasting longer” via distraction that detracts from pleasure; the point is to have the option to prolong the experience and also genuinely enjoy it.

As you tune into your body’s responses, you’ll likely find that your ability to be more present and enjoy pleasure (without worrying about orgasm/ejaculation) increases.

You may also want to experiment with different breathing patterns while you masturbate.

Try breathing more slowly and deeply. Take a big deep breath in and exhale slowly and purposefully; align your strokes with your breath to really slow things down.

 

See how the sensations and pleasure change as you slow your breath, but don’t worry about how long you last; simply enjoy and observe the process.

 

Diana Wiley – Dear Dr Diana

Diana Wiley

My advice for men who want to last longer in bed.

This is a frequent concern in my sex therapy practice. It’s frustrating for a man (as well as his partner) if he ejaculates too soon after intercourse begins.

 

A woman may want her lover to be able to thrust for a longer time to help her achieve more sexual satisfaction. I have two key pointers for this situation.

First, sometimes just being able to talk about it with your partner can relieve some of the anxiety at the root of the problem.

 

Performance anxiety releases stress hormones, which play havoc with a man’s sexual response. Repeated experiences can lead to this becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

Recognize that this is a couple’s problem—not just the man’s problem. Have some frank and heartfelt discussions, and do some research together to explore the varied treatment options (exercises, medications, counseling, etc.).

Second, see if you can cultivate a playful attitude about the issue. Sure, it can feel devastating at the time, but with help you can make progress. In the meantime, try to lighten up and not take it so seriously.

 

Sex is not a “job” or a “task” to complete. Relax and enjoy the process. And also avoid blaming each other. Work together and remind each other that this is not really about performance or perfection.

 

Megan Fleming – Great Life Great Sex

Megan Fleming

My best advice for men who want to last longer, backed up by Lori Brotto’s extensive clinical research is… to be in the moment, mindfulness, while knowing that the foundation of arousal is relaxation.

 

In my 20 years of clinical experience in NYC, I can tell you the #1 reason men come to my office is related to performance anxiety.

 

It can show up in ejaculating sooner than you’d like, finding it really difficult or not even being able to ejaculate with a partner or having difficulties getting or maintaining an erection.

 

Almost ubiquitously every single one of them was so interested and focused on giving their partner pleasure that they got into their heads and how it’s going to go or fear it will go (I call this anti-fantasy) and well, since none of that is erotic they unwittingly and unconsciously inhibit their own arousal.

 

Nina Rubin – After Deafeat

Nina Rubin

If a man wants to last longer in bed, he could wait longer to have intercourse.

 

Much of the time, sex is considered as intercourse: penis-in-vagina or penis-in-anus.

 

When also considering oral sex and performing it on a partner, that can be completely satisfying for the receiver and very much a turn-on for the giver.

 

There are many more sexual activities that will bring both people pleasure and prolong intercourse.

 

Consider massage, experimenting with kinks, and stimulating your partner.

 

Dainis Graveris – Sexual Alpha

Dainis Graveris

Stop your lousy masturbation habits. Most men have problems lasting longer in bed because of them. I personally experienced erectile dysfunction in my younger years because of porn overuse. If you want to resolve this issue, stop watching porn. In a few weeks, you’ll notice how sexy and attractive real women become.

Get fit and fix your health. Aside from looking more attractive to women, getting fit boosts your health and improves your performance in bed. Any exercise that elevates your heart rate for at least 30 minutes thrice a week will improve your cardiovascular health.

You’ll also notice how you can stay physically active for longer. Plus, an improvement in metabolism, including blood circulation to your heart, lungs, and (yup, you guessed it right) your penis.

And it’s not just about getting enough exercise. Cut drinking, smoking, and eating junk food. All these will hurt your health and your sex life. Make better health choices if you want to improve your love life and your life as a whole.

Strengthen your PC muscles by doing Kegel exercises. First, you need to know how to isolate your PC muscles. These are the muscles you use to stop peeing, and that’s actually a perfect time to start your Kegels. When you take a leak, stop yourself for 5-10 seconds by squeezing these muscles as strongly as possible and then releasing them.

In two weeks, you’ll notice a significant improvement in your control. You can then do regular Kegels anywhere besides the comfort room. For example, you can do it while sitting at your desk, driving, having lunch, etc. Don’t worry. Nobody will know what’s happening down there.

Do a mix of 30 quick squeezes and releases, followed by 5-10 seconds of holding your muscles and repeating it 5 times. Do this no more than 10 minutes per day.

Do the stop-start or edging technique. It involves stopping all sexual stimulation temporarily when you feel you’re about to cum. Once this feeling has passed, you can go back and stimulate each other. You can practice edging by yourself or with your partner. If you do it by yourself, make sure to focus.

Remember your Kegels? When you edge, you get yourself hard, get close to ejaculation, and squeeze your PC muscles as hard as you can, and hold it for 10 seconds.

While you’re squeezing, take deep, relaxed breaths. Imagine moving the sexual energy from your penis area to your whole body with each breath. Learn to control yourself as well as be aware of your hardness levels.

DURING SEX:

Switch positions and mix things up. Learn how your body works so you’ll know what positions make you less aroused and which ones make you cum sooner. If you find yourself getting too close to ejaculation, switch positions. Change the angle or tempo to make sex feel different.

Even if you’ve penetrated your partner, no rule states that you have to stay inside. It can be fun to thrust a few times, withdraw, and use your fingers to keep going. Teasing your partner this way will increase the intensity of the pleasure too.

Don’t be afraid to bring in backup (AKA sex toys). Make things easier by getting some sex toys to help you last longer. For example, when you’re about to cum, you can first withdraw and use a vibrator or dildo on your partner. Doing so helps you go back to step 1 and brings more pleasure to your partner.

When using any toy, make sure you don’t just pull the toy in and out. Instead, let your partner instruct you on the spot and then simply keep pressing up and down or a little bit back and forth. Adding toys to your sex life will not make you less of a man.

There’s still no toy that can replace a man and sensations you can bring with your magic touch, masculine energy, and passionate kisses. Ask any woman.

 

Anya Laeta – Sf Sex Coaching

Anya Laeta

To last longer with a partner, you need to learn how to last longer alone.

 

A lot of men for years “train” themselves to finish within minutes while masturbating.

 

It’s no wonder that is exactly what their body does in partnered sex.

 

Allowing yourself to take your time, breathe, and relax more during solo sex, as well as becoming comfortable with edging, will help you establish better ejaculation control.

 

Dr. Teralyn Sell

Teralyn Sell

For a man who wants to last longer in bed do the following:

 

1. Seek medical advice – Seek guidance from a medical professional to help rule out any underlying medical conditions.

 

2. Evaluate pornography use – Pornography impacts sexual physical, mental and sexual health in many ways and we aren’t talking about it enough.

 

3. Get out of your head (meaning your brain) – Use breathing and mindfulness techniques in the bedroom instead of worrying and stressing about lasting long enough.

 

Maj Wismann – Web Sexolog

Maj Wismann

As a Master of Sexology and clinical sexologist this is a question I hear many times during a workweek.

 

If you want to last longer in bed as a man you can focus on the mastery of your excitement and arousal.

 

This is something you can practice and learn to know your body’s signals.

 

When you are a Master of your body’s signals you can learn to slow down – move the focus to your partner etc. and in this way you can drag on the ejaculation and orgasm.

 

Audrey Hope – Ask Audrey Now

Audrey Hope

For men who want to last longer in bed, they must take a new inner approach to sex, change their perception and RELAX.

 

You can’t just pressure your sexual organs to make them do what you want. Our bodies need another way to communicate.

 

For men, it can’t be just about performance, that puts pressure to be superficially “good in bed.”

 

To last longer, learn self-esteem and not the need to prove yourself.

 

Get into the way it is making you feel and the joy of pleasing your partner. Have sex because you want to please another and share divine experiences.

 

Alma Ramirez-Acosta – Vibio

Alma Ramirez-Acosta

A simple step towards lasting longer in bed is to spend more time pleasuring your partner at the beginning of the session.

 

It sounds obvious, but it will help even up the stage of arousal between you.

For a more long-term approach, combining breathwork and edging gives great results.

 

This means that you should practice getting to the point right before climax and stop, take a couple of deep breaths, and repeat this cycle as many times as possible.

 

Edging helps you understand your body’s arousal journey, from stimulation to climax, and gain control over what you want to happen next or when.

 

Bonus point, it will give you explosive orgasms thanks to all the build up!

When practicing lasting longer in bed, the most important thing to bear in mind is that it is as much of a physical exercise as a mental exercise.

 

We often underestimate how our minds take control over our bodies, whether it is in the shape of nerves, low self-esteem or disbelief in our own capabilities.

 

But doubting ourselves in bed is something we all go through in one way or another – it’s all about unlearning what we think we should be and focusing on turning sex into the most pleasurable, fun experience possible.

 

Sameera Sullivan

Sameera Sullivan

Remove the stigma.

Stop getting in your head so much. Remember how your parents would tell you not to lose sleep over a problem, and how relaxing will help?

 

That advice turned out to be timeless and is actually the key to understanding how you can subconsciously get some control.

 

Often men are too worried and end up underperforming in the bedroom, which causes greater anxiety and leads you into a downward spiral. Watch out for the signs – and trust me, your partner just wants to help and doesn’t judge you for it.

Practice makes perfect!

Nobody expects you to turn into a rowdy porn star overnight. Foreplay is your best friend, so take your time to really study your partner.

 

Consider using a thicker condom to decrease sensation and practice building control by stopping just before ejaculation and waiting 10-20 seconds, taking deep breaths, and squeezing the head.

Expand your definition of sex.

There’s a lot more to intimacy than just vaginal sex. In fact, that’s just a small part of the overall experience, so why not try to mix things up?

 

Communication with your partner is key – so work together to see what else works for you.

 

A lot of my clients enjoy watching new types of porn together and discover something they’ve often never even thought of! Be brave, be curious, and be unexpected!

 

Sonya Schwartz – Her Norm

Sonya Schwartz

I’ve been a relationship expert and I can say that there are indeed people that are concerned about how fast they end sexual activity.

 

This scenario sometimes creates conflicts in relationships saying that their partners are being unsatisfied with their performance in bed. But there are things a man can do to make it last longer.

 

One of the best pieces of advice that I can give is to keep exploring different positions. Switching and changing position can help you prolong it.

 

This also gives you time to rest your penis and calm it to prevent reaching the climax that instant.

 

In between changing positions, try to calm down and postpone it. In this way, you don’t need to risk the moment and cut the pleasure that your partner is having.

 

Moreover, switching and changing positions can increase intimacy during sex.

 

Your mind will as well be more focused on the position and on keeping your balance while in it. This also adds wilderness and playfulness during sex. It will eventually contribute to happier intercourse.

 

And besides, exploring different positions is what increases excitement and interest during sex. This will prevent both of you from being bored in a single position.

 

Tyler Dårlig Ulv – Bad Wolf

Tyler Dårlig Ulv

Often times the root of insecurity about lasting “long enough” or “performing” for men is found in the toxic upbringing lots of guys came into adulthood with.

 

Those things—especially the idea of having to perform—create anxiety and stress that doesn’t make sex better and enhances worry (and sometimes the likelihood of erection problems).

Instead of fixating on how looong you’re lasting, reframe how you approach sex time. So you cum real quick. Ok. Can you cum again in 30 or 40 minutes?

 

Awesome! Stretch your session across that span and focus on your partner while you’re recharging. Two loads is always more fun than one.

Can’t cum again for a long time? Begin doing some internal work about why sex ends for you once you bust. Consider talking with a therapist about it. Seriously!

Why does your orgasm mean it’s over? If you know how your body/penis will likely respond, plan ahead. Dive into what your partner wants with toys, tools, or your whole face, once your boner is out of the equation.

And lose the idea that there’s a “right” amount of duration for sex. That’s a myth perpetuated by sitcoms, movies, and the high fantasy of pornography. It’s not making you better in bed, or giving anybody else any pleasure. Bin it.

 

Raffi Bilek – Baltimore Therapy Center

Raffi Bilek

One way to extend your time spent loving is to focus your attention on your partner’s pleasure.

 

Make sure they’re enjoying what you’re doing, and pay attention to whether they want more of this or less of that.

 

The more focus you put on your partner, the less focus you’ll have on your own sensations, and the longer you’ll be able to stick it out taking care of their needs.

Jordan D’Nelle Jones

Jordan D’Nelle Jones

For men that want to last longer in bed, I would recommend experimenting with edging and orgasm control.

 

Edging is a technique where you get close to the point of orgasm then back down and do not allow yourself to orgasm. Then keep repeating until you are ready to orgasm.

 

This also helps you have more intense orgasms when you do finally let yourself have an orgasm. You can be do this solo or partnered, whatever suits your desires.

Dr. Betsy Greenleaf – Greenleaf Be Well

Betsy Greenleaf

Performance concerns are high amongst men. My biggest advice before trying blue pills and enhancement procedures has to do with muscle strength. We start to lose 3-5% of muscle mass yearly after the age of 30.

 

Though many go to the gym, most people forget to do exercises to strengthen their pelvic floor muscles.

 

It is the pelvic floor muscles that give us ( men and women ) the ability to enjoy sexual activity, lengthen our sexual response, and increase the intensity of orgasm.

 

Simply starting with Kegel exercises and making a habit of continuing these exercises throughout life.

 

Kegel exercises can be performed by envisioning tightening your pelvic floor muscles…..these are the muscles that are used to hold in urine, gas or stool.

 

Tighten for the count of 10 and then relax and repeat for 3 more sets. You can also do an exercise called “quick flicks.” Tighten the same muscles quickly and then relax 10 times in a row and then repeat 3 sets.

 

Abductor machines in the gym, or rolling up a towel, or placing a ball between the legs while seated in a chair and squeezing can also strengthen these muscles.

Kegels are my biggest secret that anyone can do anywhere. Strong pelvic floor muscles will improve your response, performance and make your partner smile.

 

Dr. Robin Buckley

Robin Buckley

When my male clients ask about sustaining their sexual performance, the most significant suggestion I offer is for them to focus on their partner’s pleasure rather than their own.

 

By concentrating on the feedback a partner’s reactions are providing, a man shifts his focus from his own pleasurable sensations to those of his partners.

 

His thoughts are centered around listening to the feedback, and adjusting technique to get responses which signal a better experience for the partner.

 

For some men who need a specific objective, I encourage them to discover or learn one new thing about their partner’s sexual response or sensual preferences each time they engage in physical intimacy.

 

Having a clearly defined objective often provides that appropriate “distraction” to stay engaged longer.

 

Because he is no longer focused on his own physical sensations or his own increasing sexual response, he is able to last longer in bed.

 

It is beneficial to both individuals because it allows for more playtime, the partner is fully cared for, and the man learns more about his partner’s preferences, enjoying the partner’s experience until he is ready to return his attention to his own fulfillment.

 

Sureya Leonara

Sureya Leonara

Lasting longer in bed is about quality of presence, breath, and relaxation.

 

Contrary to popular advice to “think of something else,” cultivating stamina and a high-level of sexual mastery requires: tuning into the subtleties of how your sexual energy is moving, knowing where your edge is, and maintaining awareness to ride that edge without slipping over too soon.

If you’re in your head fantasizing during sex you’ll likely push over your edge faster or distract yourself from tracking your edge and disconnect from your lover.

 

Anything that takes you out of your body and into your head diminishes your presence and performance.

When approaching orgasm most men breathe shallow and rapidly which squeezes out sharp, short, explosive orgasms.

 

Slow, deep belly breathing calms the nervous system and relieves tension in the genitals which spreads pleasure throughout the entire body.

 

This supports greater stamina, deeper, longer orgasms and allows multiple full-body, non-ejaculatory orgasms to happen without a refractory period or loss of erection in between.

 

Dr. Stephanie Buehler – Learn Sex Therapy

Stephanie Buehler

One thing that rarely gets mentioned in regard to rapid ejaculation is the need to learn how to relax and tune in to one’s physical sensations and one’s partner’s sexual needs.

 

Becoming hyper-focused on lasting longer caused a man to lose his connection with the entirety of his body.

 

All he feels is the sensations in his genitals, instead of noticing all of the pleasurable things happening—the quickening of the pulse, the tensing of muscles, and the tautness of the skin.

 

He also loses his connection to his partner, who may complain that he is “selfish,” even though he is trying so hard to have longer intercourse.

There are different ways to learn relaxation, of course, but the easiest is to try regular deep breathing.

 

There are applications to remind you to breathe, and applications to help you regulate your breath. Deep breathing helps to calm both the body and the mind.

 

Then, when a man is having sex with their partner, they can use the breath to help regulate and slow things down.

 

Then they can pay attention to something besides his penis, and stay confident about having intercourse while they connect emotionally with their partner, instead of worrying about this being a distraction.

 

Rebecca Blanton – Love Letters To A Unicorn

Rebecca Blanton

Many people believe that the longer penetrative sex lasts, the better the sex must be. This belief is fostered by popular culture representations of “great sex” lasting “hours.”

 

However, when marriage and sex therapists were surveyed about what client reported was a satisfying or desirable length for penetration, the time ranged from seven to 13 minutes.

 

Many reported that people having as little as three minutes of penetrative sex reported it being adequate.

 

Additionally, more than a third reported that sex lasting more longer than 10 to 30 minutes was “too long.”

My question for people seeking to “last longer” in bed would be, “What is your motivation behind this desire?”

 

If the motivation is a belief that you just don’t last “long enough” or that lasting longer would make you better in bed, I would suggest you are looking for solutions in the wrong place.

 

If you and your partner(s) are enjoying the length of time you have penetrative sex, there is no need to increase you duration.

If you do not know if you partner(s) are enjoying the sex you are having, it’s time for an honest and open conversation about your sex life.

If your motivation for increasing your sexual stamina is because you are trying to help your partner reach orgasm and your current stamina does not lead them to climax, the duration may not be the issue.

 

For many women and people with vaginas, penetration alone will not lead to climax. Most folks with a vagina need stimulation of the clitoris, the nipples, or other erogenous zones to reach climax.

 

If your partner(s) have a penis, the slowness to climax may be due to discomfort (add lube! Go slow) or need for additional penial or ball stimulation.

If your motivation for increasing your sexual stamina is to prevent the end of the sexual encounter too soon, your climax does not need to signal the end of the encounter.

 

You have a mouth, fingers, and can introduce toys and other sexual stimuli to continue sex even after you have climaxed.

If you are among the approximate 4 percent of men who climax prematurely, you may want to consider various techniques for delaying orgasm.

 

To qualify medically as someone who experiences premature ejaculation, you must meet these criteria: climax within one minute, this has happened for at least six months, you find this distressing, and there are no other medical reasons for early ejaculation.

These techniques can be used by anyone seeking to increase sexual duration.

Edging

Edging is a technique any gender can use to help delay orgasm. This involves stimulating penis (or genitals) until you feel close to orgasm and then stopping.

 

Practicing this repeatedly can help some people delay orgasm. It is also very fun to engage in with a partner. Bring you partner close to orgasm and then stop.

 

Doing this repeatedly before climax can lead to enhanced orgasms for many people.

Hypnosis

Hypnosis, either by a professional or learned with a partner, can help delay ejaculation. There are several prominent sex educators who regularly teach classes on hypnosis and how to use it for intimacy.

 

Take a few classes on hypnosis and sex. This can be a great option is you have a partner you trust to practice with.

Condoms

Condoms are a tried-and-true technique for many men in delaying ejaculation. If you are not currently using condoms with a partner, discuss adding them to your intimate encounters.

 

The additional layer between you and a partner can lessen sensations and delay orgasm.

Amanda Lambros

Amanda Lambros

Sexual preferences matters to some but not all couples.

 

Understanding why you are in a relationship and whether that is an important component to you is first and foremost.

 

If it is, seek help from a sexologist to learn some skills to apply in the bedroom and level up your sexual prowess.

 

If you aren’t able to collaborate on your sexual preferences and it’s a non-negotiable for you, say goodbye and move on to your next partner.

 

Erin Dierickx – Erin D Therapy

Erin Dierickx

The Stop-Start and Squeeze techniques. While in bed, you or your partner can begin stimulating the penis with a dry hand, lightly and slowly. Do this until you have a firm erection.

 

When you start to get close to ejaculating, signal to your partner to pause stimulation or squeeze the penis.

 

This increases your awareness of when you are about to ejaculate and can start to build a tolerance to last longer the more this is done.

Take turns pleasuring each other.

 

Focus on each other one at a time in order to heighten your enjoyment of the pleasure and focus on the sensations. This is a form of mindfulness in bed.

 

It is a way for you to stay present and by taking turns, this helps you last longer due to pleasuring your partner while you are pausing your own stimulation.

 

This will continue to build your tolerance over time for lasting longer.

Get on the bottom. Men are physiologically more able to control their ejaculation when they are on the bottom rather than on top during sex.

 

Lachlan Brown – Hack Spirit

Lachlan Brown

My best advice for men who want to last longer in bed is to combine effective mental and physical techniques.

 

On the physical side I’d recommend pelvic floor exercises, healthy diet and reducing the amount of red meat you are eating.

 

On the mental side, I’d recommend taking things slow in the bedroom and appreciating every inch of your lover instead of going straight to the “main course.”

 

This will slow down the idea of sex as some kind of prize or being all about the climax.

 

In sex, as in life, it’s the journey that counts more than just the destination.

 

Renée Mayne

Renée Mayne

The easiest way for men to last longer in bed is to change the way they view sex, we put so much focus on foreplay and orgasm we forget the depth and fun that we can experience in the middle.

 

You see, subconsciously we know the orgasm feels amazing and we just want to get there! Especially for men because they are so goal oriented.

We have a natural desire to speed up when we get excited, but instead we need to slow down and come back to the breath.

 

Learn to tap into the energy of your body and you can redistribute the energy from beyond the penis and move it throughout the body.

 

The key is to not contract the muscles and relax the muscles, this opens us up to not only lasting longer in bed but better orgasms.

 

Be patient with it and it requires presence and it’s so worth it.

 

James Kelly – Ed Clinics

Premature ejaculation (PE) can often be a problem for men who have erectile dysfunction (PE).

 

Since an erection goes away after ejaculation, it can be difficult to know if the problem is PE or ED.

Erectile dysfunction affects over 66% of men at some point in their lives, and becomes more likely with age.

 

If you are experiencing both the symptoms of ED and PE, it’s important that you speak to your doctor about the ED first, as for 90% of men over 40, it can be a symptom of an underlying health condition, most commonly cardiovascular disease or diabetes.

 

Your doctor may suggest lifestyle changes, medication, or treatments like shockwave therapy for ED. Once you have treated the root cause of the ED, you may find that the symptoms of PE disappear.

One simple action you can take at home to combat both the symptoms of ED and PE is pelvic floor exercises. These train the muscles that keep blood in the penis, making maintaining an erection and delaying ejaculation much easier.

 

Pelvic floor exercises are simple, and the easiest ones can be performed sitting at a desk.

 

  • Tense your muscles around the lower base of your penis, as if you were trying to stop urinating.
  • Hold for five seconds.
  • Release.
  • Repeat for five sets of ten, twice a day.

 

Dr. Laura Meihofer

Laura Meihofer

As a pelvic floor physical therapist, I recommend two simple exercises to increase orgasm control.

1. The first exercise starts outside the bedroom.

 

Start by gently tightening your pelvic floor muscles as if you are stopping the flow of urine. You should feel a lift or squeeze around your penis or perineum.

 

Next, take a slow deep breath into your belly. Pay attention to your penis, testicles, and/or perineum as you should feel a slight drop with inhalation.

 

This is relaxation and lengthening of the pelvic floor muscles that control erection and orgasm. It is important that you feel and control these motions inside and outside the bedroom.

 

Practice these motions in your daily life but also when you engage in sex.

2. Becoming familiar with your arousal spectrum and learning to control your orgasm is essential to lasting longer in bed.

 

Consider your arousal spectrum to be a 10 point scale. 0 is the equivalent to no sexual arousal while 10 is maximum sexual arousal and/or orgasm.

 

As you spend time with yourself and/or your partner, practice working your way up the scale and how your body reacts at each number.

 

When trying to last longer in bed, the aim is to stay around a 6 – 8 on this scale.

 

As you approach 7-9 on the scale, communicate the need to change things up with your partner such as changing positions, rhythm, and stimulation style to bring it back down to 6-8.

 

Stephanie Wijkstrom – Counseling and Wellness Center

Stephanie Wijkstrom

If you are concerned about being an adequate lover and want to fulfill your partners sexual needs, you do not necessarily need to be able to offer 30 minute sex sessions.

 

It is a cruel joke by nature that women take up to 20 minutes to reach orgasm and up to 9 minutes to reach full arousal, but men can reach arousal in under a minute and orgasm in 2-5 minutes.

 

Any true renaissance man can bridge this gap to greater sexual intimacy by offering more foreplay.

 

Keep in mind, 20 minutes of foreplay is worth 5 minutes of penetrative sex. Let there be a long build up as the key to helping your partner achieve orgasm.

 

Edwina Caito – Bedbible

There are a few ways for a man to last longer in bed, however, it depends on how far he is willing to go in order to achieve that longevity.

 

Other than thinking about baseball or great-aunt Ethel, here are some helpful tips:

Go slow: Slowing things down by prolonging foreplay, taking small breaks for water then starting in lesser-exciting sexual positions.

 

For instance, if he climaxes more quickly in the doggy style position, try spooning or missionary first.

A little help from a toy: Erection rings are an easy and pleasurable way to last longer in bed.

 

An erection ring is placed at the base of the penis or around the shaft and testicles. This creates a stronger erection, makes the penis more sensitive and delays ejaculation making sex better for both partners.

 

Best yet, some erection rings come with built-in clitoral stimulators! Who knows, you may climax together!

Practice makes perfect: You would think that masturbation is counterproductive.

 

But masturbating earlier in the day, before sex, can actually help in delaying climax later.

 

Some men have found great success using Fleshlights made specifically for building endurance (Stamina Training Kits), as well as penis pumps and erection rings combined.

 

Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn – Luvbites

Tara Suwinyattichaiporn

Last longer in bed with sexual mindfulness and tantric sex practices
In my years of researching the key to maximum and sustainable sexual satisfaction I found that sexual mindfulness is the most promising contributing factor for men to last longer in bed.

 

Sexual mindfulness therapy is already being used to treat various sex concerns including sexual desires, erectile dysfunction, and other sexual functioning. Tantric sex is more on a spiritual than scientific path, but both are similar.

To last longer, I recommend sexual mindfulness and tantric sex practices such as sensual meditation and edging.

 

Use guided meditation and touch to do sensual meditation. Don’t pursue if you get an erection.

 

Edging is when you’re about to cum and you stop (whether you’re having sex or masturbating). These practices should help you last longer in bed!

 

Shari James

Shari James

Most men’s sexual encounters start with anxiety and end in an oops!

These men are then diagnosed with premature ejaculation as the problem. I see their problem as simply being a lack of education and training.

These guys may place the blame on the woman that they are with… she gets him too excited. Or they may place the blame on being uncircumcised.

But I see the problem as how you are training yourself. You must understand that each time you self pleasure, you are creating neural circuitry in your brain and laying down tracks that create a habitual response.

 

If self pleasure is a quick stress reliever then that is how you are programming yourself.

Slow down and take your time during self pleasure.

 

Because ejaculation is an involuntary response of the sympathetic nervous system you’ll want to combine masturbation with meditation by breathing deep, full and slow all the way down into your belly…this will put you in a state of relaxed arousal.

During self pleasure shift your context from “getting off” to preparing to be an amazing lover.

 

Carrie Leaf

Carrie Leaf

The reasons to why a man may struggle to last long in bed can be because of many different issues, but one general shift a man could try to work on would be to truly be present in the moment and noticing the details of the experience.

 

Particularly the details of their partners experience as opposed to their own.

 

When there is a shift from a physical experience alone to a spiritual level and a connection between partners, it is often an entirely different experience.

 

Dr. Joe Kort

Here is some advice to help men last longer in bed:

 

  1. Masturbate a few hours before you plan to have sex. This will help you last longer because the penis is desensitized. Unlike women, men need a longer refractory period – from a few minutes to a few hours.
  2. Use a Trojan Extended Pleasure condom. It contains a small amount of climax-control lubricant, which decreases sensitivity and slows down ejaculation.
  3. Try edging (intentionally stopping yourself right before the point of orgasm and then starting up again). It prolongs pleasure as well as the duration of sexual activity.
  4. Slow down. Focus on pleasuring your partner first and you last.
  5. Squeeze the head of your penis for 10 to 20 seconds if you feel you are ready to ejaculate. The pinching will reduce your erection and help you last longer.
  6. Try a penis sleeve. Some sleeves lessen sensation and help you last longer.
  7. If your partner is a woman, have her on top and facing away from you. This “reverse cowgirl” position allows the woman to stimulate her clitoris and climax before you.
  8. Use Trojan’s new Extended Pleasure benzocaine delay spray, an endurance enhancer that temporarily prolongs the time until ejaculation. Apply a small amount to the head and shaft of the penis before intercourse. It can be used with Trojan latex condoms.

 

Indigo Stray Conger – Choosing Therapy

Indigo Stray Conger

Practice lasting longer on your own, especially if you tend to masturbate to climax quickly.

 

Stimulate your penis as you typically would and then try to pause multiple times once you arrive at a high excitation point.

 

Learn to extend the period of excitation before release. This is called edging or orgasm control and it is the best way to learn how to improve performance during sexual activity.

 

Men who orgasm quickly often feel as if they have no control over the excitation process or when they orgasm.

 

However, climaxing quickly is usually the result of habit and can be overcome by paying attention to your body’s excitation cycle.

 

Amanda Pasciucco – Life Coaching and Therapy

Amanda Pasciucco

My best advice for men who want to last longer in bed is to notice the difference between penetrating a mouth, vagina, or anus vs that of a hand or a sex toy.

 

Solo sex is different than partnered sex. If you are having partnered sex, chances are the orifice you are penetrating feels different than that of your hand.

 

Be mindful and switch up your hand techniques.

 

Similarly, if that isn’t enough, be aware that using a condom is not something to be ashamed of. It helps many men last longer and therefore, I know men who decide to wear them for this reason.

 

Andrew Aaron – Help For Passion

Andrew Aaron

Most men want to be great lovers. For that purpose they wish to maintain erections as long as possible.

 

Strategies exist to succeed at that, but lasting longer is also possible by holding realistic expectations and eliminating some obstacles.

 

Confident men who know their feelings, who are able to relax and enjoy a quality emotional connection with their sexual partners will have greater success.

 

So eliminating anxiety, like the kind produced by worry about too-soon ejaculation, as well as internal pressure to perform promotes lasting longer. Sex is a very emotional activity!

 

How can I use my hammer to produce a butterfly? Many women do not orgasm from intercourse (though many fake it).

 

The hardest erection and the most vigorous thrusting still may not result in her orgasm because intercourse doesn’t provide clitoral stimulation. Being realistic about this is important.

 

Talk to your partner. To last longer it is best to be relaxed, playful and have fun during sex. To do so, stay out of your head (the big one, I mean). You may shift your attention to slow your pace towards ejaculation.

 

If you are getting too aroused, move your attention to away from the sensations that are most arousing, such as your penis and to a less arousing place or activity like caressing or kissing your partner.

 

Where your attention goes, there also will go your hot sexual energy. So if you are speeding to orgasm before the time is right, shift your attention to your breathing or other body sensations instead of the exciting action.

 

Requesting a change and reduction in stimulation from your partner at this time can help. When orgasm grows near before the right time, you will notice the heat in your pelvis and penis.

 

Through visualizing the hot energy flowing out of your pelvis and spreading throughout your body you will cool your pelvis, interrupting it from building to an explosion through ejaculation.

 

Getting good at lasting longer can help you be a better man in every part of your life.

 

Rachel Sommer – My Sex Toy

Rachel Sommer

While we can’t shun away from the excitement and adrenaline of quickies, sex should be, for the most time, enjoyed without time constraints.

 

Unfortunately, certain factors like age, disease, medication, and anxiety might lead to premature ejaculation.

 

So, here’s my best advice for lasting longer in bed: Train Your Pelvic Muscles Located just below your prostate, the pelvic floor is vital in sexual stamina training. Yes!

 

A 2005 study, among others, found that 3 in 4 men improved erectile function after Kegel exercises.

 

Strengthening the pelvic floor – pubococcygeal (PC) muscles help you control yourself during sex to withhold the urge to orgasm, thus delaying ejaculation.

 

And the best thing about it is just like every other muscle in your body, these muscles can be strengthened with regular exercise.

 

To work out the pelvic muscles, simulate the act of stopping yourself from peeing midstream or passing gas, and you’ll feel the muscles between your penis and rectum move.

 

You can also identify the pelvic floor muscles by trying to lift your balls without using your hands. You feel them. Don’t you?

 

And to tone the muscles:

 

  • Tighten the muscles – standing, sitting, or lying down.
  • Hold tight for 3 seconds before releasing for another 3 seconds.
  • Repeat as many times as needed – at least 10 reps a day. Kegel exercising combined with other tactics like switching positions, wearing the right condoms, and edging can make a great difference in your sex life.

Samantha Moss – Romantific

Samantha Moss

Since women take a longer time to orgasm, men need a lot of stamina to last longer in bed. As a dating and relationship expert, factors like inexperience, overstimulation, and anxiety may cause premature ejaculation in men.

 

However, these concerns can be addressed, and doing so can lead to happier, healthier sex life.

Take it slow. To help your partner last longer in bed, ask him to take things slow. This gives him enough time to stimulate you and slow down his ejaculation.

 

Pacing himself can also help, starting with slow thrusts that gradually increase into faster ones.

Change positions. Shifting positions requires you to take a break and slow down movements. It allows your body to cool down because it doesn’t get as much stimulation.

 

A great tip would be to switch to positions that don’t penetrate as deeply, giving you more time to last in bed.

Talk to your partner. Getting support from your partner is the best thing to do under the circumstances. Being open and honest can do a lot of good for your relationship, as well as improve intimacy.

 

Explain to your partner your desire to last longer, so that they can understand what’s happening.

 

Sarah Rose Bright

Sarah Rose Bright

Most men contract their bodies during arousal (whether clenching their buttocks, thighs etc) and amplify this even more hoping this will help them last longer in bed.

 

If you want to last longer, put your attention on relaxing and enjoying the pleasure in the moment rather than focusing on the goal of lasting longer.

 

Men can be worried that if they relax into their pleasure they will ejaculate more quickly however with practice they will find that it is in relaxation that their pleasure can expand and grow and they last longer.

 

This is best explored on your own at first.

 

Also, be mindful of your breath – is it shallow? are you holding your breath at times? Both are very common.

 

Take slower and fuller breaths  and make some sound, even if only on the exhale. It helps you to relax.

 

Kate Sloan – Girly Juice

Kate Sloan

Best advice for men who want to last longer in bed: Take a break and do something else.

 

The majority of people with vulvas don’t reach climax from penetration alone anyway, so if giving your partner pleasure is the goal, penetration isn’t always the right thing to focus on.

 

Try stopping what you’re doing and giving your partner oral sex for a while instead, or using your hands on them.

 

Michelle Devani – Love Devani

Michelle Devani

As a relationship expert, I understand it’s normal for guys to finish too fast every once and a while, however if you ejaculate during less than a minute of intercourse regularly then you may have a problem.

If you’re having trouble finishing so soon, seeking the help of your spouse might be really beneficial. To initiate, inform your spouse that you really want to attempt lasting longer and see if they are willing to take part.

 

Additionally, because hypersensitivity can cause sexual dysfunction, using a condom is a simple treatment that can help sex lasting longer.

 

The condom serves as a barrier around the penis, lessening orgasm and possibly causing ejaculation to be disrupted.

 

The pause-squeeze method also helps sex last longer, having sex till you feel like you’re about to get done. Then, for a second, pull out and squeeze the head of your penis, or until the urge to ejaculate subsides.

 

Finally, continue to have sex as needed while repeating the method. Thrusting aggressively produces orgasm in a short period of time.

 

Positions and styles that restrict your movements, such as having your spouse on top of you, can be beneficial since you won’t lose control and start thrusting too fast.

 

April Maccario – Ask April

April Maccario

It’s humiliating, it’s unexpected, and it turns what should be one of life’s greatest joys into one of life’s greatest disappointments, but as the founder of a dating website who understands relationships, it’s both frustrating and common among men.

 

There are several smart and healthy strategies to reduce your premature ejaculation and extend your time in bed.

 

The following tactics will boost your chances of being able to have longer sex sessions than you’re used to:

Seek assistance from your partner. This may help your partner understand your frustrations.

 

Once you’ve established a line of communication with your partner, you may talk about what causes your orgasm and try out some techniques.

Do pelvic floor exercises. Experts feel that if your pelvic floor muscles are too weak, delaying your ejaculation would be more difficult.

 

Act as if you’re attempting to stop yourself from peeing or passing gas to flex your pelvic floor muscles, and notice which muscles move.

Do the slower pace. Slow down as much as possible, then take frequent breaks to go even slower.

 

Thrusting frequently produces intense sensations and may increase your chances of orgasming after a short period.

 

Nikolina Jeric – 2Date4Love

Nikolina Jeric

Here are some tactics that can help men last longer in bed:

Practice Kegels exercises.

 

Unlike common opinion, Kegels exercises aren’t for women only – men also have pelvic floor muscles that can be built and straightened.

 

The point is – if your pelvic floor muscles are weak, you’ll have a hard time controlling premature ejaculation. If you work on building muscles in this area, you’ll have more control over your ejaculation and last longer in bed.

 

One way to practice Kegels exercises is to lay down and flex pelvic floor muscles for 3 seconds and relax them. Repeat this process a few times for maximum results

Try the cowgirl position.

 

If you haven’t tried, maybe it’s the right time to practice more the cowgirl position. The secret hides in the fact that women control the pace and thrust, allowing you to delay the orgasm.

 

Jackie Golob – Shameless Therapy

Jackie Golob

My best advice for men who want to last longer in bed is seek out a sex therapist for this work!

 

In sex therapy, that therapist is going to help with realistic expectations, correcting mythology of “lasting long,” incorporating bibliotherapy to read up on this topic from reputable sources.

 

Also, changing thoughts related to worrying about maintaining an erection, anxiety reduction techniques, focusing on communication skills with their partner(s), expanding sexual repertoire with various levels of desire and maintaining an erection, and exercises with their partner for sex therapy work.

 

There is no magic way to last longer in bed.

 

Another thing to look into is if there is something medically/biologically/genetically going on, and seeking out a doctor if this is the case.

 

30% of sexual disorders are medical and 70% is mental, so there’s got to be a both and approach.

 

Balancing out let’s check to see if there is something medically going on and mentally what’s getting in the way of maintaining an erection.

 

Have there been shameful messages? Unsupportive partners? Negative thoughts?

 

The best advice is to seek help from a sex therapist professional that specializes in this field and this is their niche to get the best support.

 

Marsha Jackson – FoxTail

Marsha Jackson

It’s no secret that many males find orgasm more easily than women.

 

That, along with the fact that premature ejaculation is the most common sexual illness in males under the age of 40, means you may find yourself unsatisfied after he’s done.

 

It’s a terrible bummer to discover his good times are ended before you’ve even begun.

Some people may discover that foreplay allows them to extend their sexual activity. These people may enjoy and please their spouse without having to worry about ejaculating too soon.

 

As a result, incorporating oral sex or manual stimulation into one’s sexual activities may be beneficial, especially if penetrative sex is unlikely to endure long enough for all partners to experience orgasm.

Exercises for the pelvic floor muscles supporting the bladder and facilitating ejaculation can be strengthened using Pelvic Floor Exercises.

 

When urinating, one can tighten up and stop the flow for 5–10 seconds before restarting. They should be able to progress to longer holds by performing this several times each day.

Premature ejaculation can be helped with medication, but doctors typically only do so when all other options have failed.

Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), a class of antidepressants, can alter the sexual function and make orgasm more difficult. As a result, SSRIs may assist in postponing ejaculation and extend a person’s lifespan.

 

Dr. William Kolbe Jr.

Dr. William Kolbe Jr.

Let’s start with Socrates; “Know yourself.”

 

Exploring our erogenous zones, engaging in sexual arousal, consciously gauging the sexual energy concentrating in our genitalia and flowing throughout the body, and ultimately practicing ‘edging orgasms’ are all means to lasting longer in bed.

 

‘Edging orgasms’ refers to getting to the threshold of having a full body orgasm but without passing over to the point of spasm and ejaculation.

 

A practical approach to edging orgasms is by exercising ‘sensate focus’, or focusing attention on the changing intensity of sexual neuromuscular euphoria and consciously controlling sexual stimulation.

In essence, ‘sensate focus’ is akin to ‘mindfulness’ with which we can develop the ability to exercise greater discipline of our sexual stimuli and responses.

 

An ideal means to practice lasting longer in bed is to practice ‘mindful masturbation’ or holistically exploring our erogenous zones and acknowledging what feels good or not.

 

This level of self-knowledge can make us better communicators and have more fulfilling partnered sex.

 

Our focus is not on rushing to orgasm but instead on generating and sustaining different levels of sexual pleasure.

 

Joel Flynn – Gentleman Zone

Joel Flynn

Sex is pretty much like any other physical activity. You get better at it when training. To get the best of you, train your pelvic floor muscles.

 

Exercises called kegels or kegel are series of different contraction and release sequences that ultimately and literally train and increase your sexual strength and ejaculation control.

 

Of course, going ahead with more complex sports, such as swimming, hugely benefits durability and stamina, too.

 

How long do kegels need to kick in, you’d ask? In my opinion, you should aim for at least a month.

 

Carmel Jones – The Big Fling

Carmel Jones

While there are products that men can try to last longer in bed, I have found that more organic techniques are the most effective.

 

Lasting longer is a mental challenge just as much as it is a physical challenge. That’s why I often don’t recommend techniques that require too much thought as it might take away from the pleasure of sex itself.

 

Men will read about edging or the squeeze technique. While those work, they are also very specific. Here are two of the easiest ways to last longer in bed:

Increase the amount of foreplay: Lasting longer in bed doesn’t have to mean just penetrative sex. “In bed” can refer to the sexual experience as a whole.

 

Increasing the amount of time you dedicate to foreplay or teasing your partner’s pleasure zones before penetrating will make their sexual experience last longer.

 

While it doesn’t technically keep you from ejaculating sooner, it lengthens the amount of time your partner receives pleasure before you ejaculate.

Masturbate before sex: Masturbating before sex is an easy thing you can do to help yourself last longer; however, it works better for older men. This is because men have a refractory period after they orgasm.

 

The younger the man, the shorter the period. It can range anywhere from 20 minutes to several hours. On average, it’s about 45 minutes to an hour.

 

So, if you masturbate less than an hour before you have sex, you will last longer in bed as your body will still be in that refractory period.

 

Rose Collette Aston – London Tantric

Rose Collette Aston

If you want to last longer in bed, you need to harness your sexual energy. That’s not easy if you haven’t been taught how to listen to your body.

 

You must develop a greater awareness of the physical and mental triggers that lead you to orgasm — the only way to learn about these is by paying close attention to the things that stimulate your body and mind when you’re experiencing genuine intimacy.

 

Only then will you be able to gain greater control of your unconscious urges.

Through tantric massage, you’ll learn everything you need to know about how your body responds to erotic, intensely pleasurable triggers.

 

With the help of a professional masseuse — preferably a qualified massage therapist trained in the ancient art of tantra — you’ll be taught how to channel your sexual energies.

 

This can help you access incredible, other-worldly pleasures without finishing before your partner.

By making yourself more aware of what turns you on, you’ll acquire greater control of your body and mind to have sex for longer.

 

The most important thing is that you still experience sensual pleasure that can be enjoyed long before a final, blissful release.

 

Lacie Mae Gabor

Lacie Mae Gabor

Staying power in bed is a struggle for many men. The good news is there are several things men can do to help themselves last longer.

 

One of the easiest ways is to purchase thicker condoms which decrease sensitivity.

 

Waiting until your partner is begging for sex before inserting yourself is key.

 

The woman will be close to achieving an orgasm due to her high level of arousal and you will (hopefully) be able to last long enough during penetration to ensure she achieves an orgasm.

 

Less stimulating foreplay and sexual positions will also help. If you know you’re easily aroused, then spend the majority of your foreplay pleasuring your partner.

 

Change things up before you get too turned on. Turn the attention back to her and make sure she’s turned on since women typically require more foreplay.

 

Finally, working on your mind game is essential. Men who are able to distract themselves with other thoughts and decrease their arousal, are able to last longer.

 

So, the next time you’re about to have sex and want to make sure you can go the distance, try implementing some of the above strategies!

 

Paul J Hunter – Cork Hypnosis Clinic

Paul J Hunter

The number one tip I would have for guys to help them last longer in bed is to improve their level of self love and self esteem.

 

Sex can become like a judgement to a lot of guys if they wonder if are they good enough or do they measure up to their partners last partner.

 

We are constantly unconsciously looking for signs that our partner is enjoying it.

 

The moment a guy spots a reaction that’s less that might be expected, if he has a self esteem problem, he can self criticize and negatively impact his performance.

 

Confidence and self belief are key to good sexual performance.

 

Robert Thomas – Sextopedia

Robert Thomas

The more pressure you put on yourself to perform well in bed, the sooner you will actually ejaculate. Being anxious about lasting long is precisely what will make you orgasm quicker.

 

So, going into sex with a relaxed and confident mindset will surely have an impact on your performance in bed.

 

You can also try edging – stopping physical stimulus to your penis just as you’re about to orgasm.

 

While masturbating, be very aware of how close to orgasm you are, and stop right before you’re reaching an orgasm. Let your arousal go down for about 10 seconds, and then start masturbating again.

 

Do this several times during your masturbation session. You can transfer this to actual sex by stopping when you think you’re about to reach an orgasm.

 

Instead, try giving oral sex to your partner, or simply switch up positions. This will surely be a game changer for you to last longer in bed!

 


Thank you to all the experts that have contributed to this expert roundup! If you enjoyed reading this post then please share it with your friends and followers on social media.

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

How Instagram Affects Dating

How Instagram Affects Dating! [SOCIAL MEDIA CONSIDERATIONS]

How Instagram Affects Dating! [SOCIAL MEDIA CONSIDERATIONS]

How Instagram Affects Dating is a special consideration in today’s world! IG is something that many use and we don’t even realize the impact that it has on us. Come learn the ways in which instagram does affect your dating and relationship life.

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, Men’s Health. Hartford Courant, HeadSpace, VICE, and more!

Watch now:

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 AM EST

 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Grieving an Affair

Grieving An Affair: Being The Other Person

Grieving An Affair: Being The Other Person

 

When talking about grieving an affair, we rarely talk about how the third person feels in that scenario. We will talk about the poor wife or husband who didn’t have a clue what was happening behind their back. We will talk about the juicy details and comment with others. However, understanding how the other person feels and showing empathy for them is not as usual as it should be. 

So, instead of being quick to judge, let’s take a look at how one becomes the other person, how they feel during the affair and when they should end it.

The other person

We all dream of having the right person falling for us. We are helplessly in love with them, we marry them and we have a family with them. Yet, this sounds more like a fairy tale than a real scenario to those who have been dating for a while without success. Sometimes, regardless of being a man or a woman, you can even fall in love with a person that is already committed to another person.

You will try to resist it and not think about them, yet your feelings for that person will be strong, maybe even stronger than your decision not to see them again. So, you go for that coffee as you only want to talk to them and you convince yourself that what you are feeling will go away if you spend 30 minutes with this person. Unfortunately, you fall in love and become the other person.

You know you are not the person they come home to, cuddle in bed every morning before going off to work, and do everything else that you wish to do with them. The relationship they have with their partner is a bigger priority than your moments of passionate lovemaking, electrified conversations and endless illusions. 

And, as if these mixed feelings you have are not enough, you know that society will judge you, so you keep it a secret. Nobody will think about the way you feel as long as there is someone innocent in the story and you and your lover are the bad guys here. Incredibly unfair, right?

The lamb and the wolf

Usually, the affair starts somewhat similar to hunting. One person wants the other one for one or more reasons, and they start to hunt their prey. The person that is the prey is usually someone who is simply looking for love and has lower self-esteem. They might think they are not worthy of love because all of their friends are already married or they can’t get the attention of the people they like. There can be various reasons why someone will end up in a relationship like this. 

On the other hand, the wolf in this story knows what it wants. It will use flattery, manipulation, seduction, power, humor, intelligence and any other tool that will help it to hunt its prey. This dynamic of the lamb and the wolf is what attracts them to each other and as much as it’s an interesting game between them, it has its ugly side too. 

The other person knows that their existence is completely denied if a wife, friend or family member calls their lover. The other person will not be in the vacation photos that will later be shared with their friends or posted on Instagram. They will not be buying a home together and planning on how to decorate it. The other person stays in the shadows while their lover has another life with their couple. 

When it becomes too much to handle…

Affairs will happen regardless of what society thinks of them. Even your small circle of friends might have a strong opinion when it comes to infidelity, yet you might be caught in it. These things happen, but when it’s time to put an end to this and walk away? Here is a list of symptoms and situations you can use as a guide:

  • You only feel happy and in love when you are together. Once they leave, you immediately start feeling abandoned, sad, frustrated and/or hurt and it’s incredibly difficult to go back to your other activities. 
  • You spend your time spying on their online activities and sometimes, you are even stalking their partner to see what they are doing. You feel like you always need to know what’s happening in their lives.
  • You are comparing yourself with your lover’s partner. From the way you look and dress to the profession, earnings and hobbies. 
  • You try to start a fight over the phone when you’re not together because it hurts you to think they are happy, and you are left alone.
  • All of your plans will change if they wish to meet you. You might have planned something, yet as soon as your phone rings, everything around you disappears.

To simplify it, if it’s affecting you negatively in any way, it’s time to stop it. Maybe it was all fun and games until you fell in love and now you want commitment. If this happens, talk about it and explain that you cannot stay in this type of relationship anymore. If they are not willing to end it with their partner and focus only on you, they are not worth your time nor love. 

Focus on your healing process

Can you heal from being the other person? It might seem difficult, yet it’s not impossible. Most people who decide to have an affair when faced with challenges and doubts will feel completely alone as they need to keep their affair a secret. So, what can you actually do?

If you don’t feel ready to end it at the moment, that’s completely fine. Take a few days for yourself or you can even plan a short vacation. Think about what type of relationship you actually need and the partner you wish to have in your life. You can write it all down on a piece of paper or on your phone to understand what you are looking for. Once you know what you want, it’s easier to let go of something that doesn’t meet your criteria. 

Remind yourself who you were before you met this person and got caught up in this affair. How did you spend your free time? Did you use to go out with your friends on the weekends? Were you passionate about art, visiting concerts or maybe spending time with your family? Think about these things and start practicing them more and you’ll notice how the feeling of loneliness and sadness is slowly disappearing. 

As much as you want to keep this a secret, you probably have one person in your life who will listen to you without judging. It might be your best friend, cousin, neighbor or even your mother or father. Getting the support you need will help you make the right decisions and take care of yourself. After all, to love someone you need to learn how to love yourself first!

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

How To Catch A Cheater

How To Catch A Cheater

How To Catch A Cheater

 

If you’ve even been suspicious of your partner’s whereabouts, knowing how to catch a cheater should be a part of your love skillset. Usually, when your gut is telling you there is something wrong, it is because there is, yet it’s not easy to make decisions solely based on that, right? You will maybe notice subtle changes in your partner’s appearance, from being absent from home to being very protective of their phone or computer.

Let’s face it, with all these dating apps around us, it’s quite easy to find another person and even easier to cover your tracks. However, there is still a lot one can do to find out whether their partner is cheating on them or not. From looking closely at how they are with their phone to analyzing your intimate moments, here is what you will need to do if you want to find out if your partner is a cheater. 

 

Study Their Behavior When on Phone

Your friends might advise you to start checking your partner’s phone when they are not around and as much as this could provide you with more information, try to avoid it. Once you start going through their messages, phone calls and social media accounts, you will become addicted to the idea of checking it constantly. Even if nothing is happening and your partner is not cheating on you, you will be more focused on going through their phone than enjoying a beautiful moment with them. 

Instead, try to be more observant of their behavior when they are on their phone. What has changed? Maybe they are spending more time on their phone than usual or they are going to another room to take the calls. Be direct, ask who they are texting with or who is calling them, yet avoid sounding suspicious or jealous. Also, think about the time this person is calling your partner. For instance, if their coworker is calling them late and you know they usually don’t work at these hours, ask why they are calling and if everything is alright.

Another trick that a cheater will usually use is to change the name of the person they are seeing to something that will not raise suspicions, such as John from legal or Sarah from yoga. That’s why you must consider the time of the interaction and how your partner behaves before, during and after that interaction.

 

Review Their Social Media Accounts

Again a big ‘NO’ to hacking social media accounts as you will not be able to stop yourself and soon, you’ll be reading conversations your partner had with their ex five years ago and become upset about it. Just by visiting their social media accounts, you will be able to find a clue of infidelity if your partner is a person that shares a lot of details about their life on Facebook or Instagram. Of course, don’t expect they will publish a photo with the other person in the background, yet you might spot some other things.

For those who like to impress on social media, once they meet a new person and want to impress them, they will likely publish selfies, gym photos, their car, apartment or anything else that might show them as a great catch. You will probably not be able to find likes or comments from the other person on your partner’s profile, yet once you see they have changed their act on social media, it’s typically for a good reason.

This type of person will avoid publishing photos of you two, although they have maybe done it previously. So, take a cute photo with your partner and ask them nicely to post it on their social media just to see their reaction. If they post it yet don’t feel good about it, maybe it’s time to start being more observant of other signs of infidelity. If your partner doesn’t care much about social media, looking for signs there will be a waste of your time.

 

Changes in Lifestyle

Your partner will probably not buy a new car when they start seeing someone, yet other smaller things might change. For instance, they might purchase new clothes and spend more time getting ready to go to work or for dinner with friends. They might enroll in the gym even though they never showed interest in it before. Anything that doesn’t correlate with their personality and their personal objectives, be suspicious of it. 

Also, changes in your relationships might happen due to another person. If they always had dinner with you after a long day at work and suddenly, they are no longer interested or available, your partner could be cheating you. Ask yourself also what other aspects of your relationship have changed. Do they still try to spend their free time with you or have they found another hobby that’s taking most of their time? Are they still talking about the same plans you both had for the future?

 

Loss of Intimacy

If your partner is seeing another person, it will be quite challenging to keep the passion alive at home and in the streets. Most of the time, the cheater will have less motivation to have sex with their partner or to even talk in bed before going to sleep. Think about any of the intimate moments you used to share and enjoy and analyze if something changed. 

For instance, you both used to love drinking coffee in the morning and talking about everything, and now you cannot remember when was the last time you did that. If they are avoiding spending time with you, something is happening. Yet, don’t jump to conclusions. Make sure you are not feeling insecure due to your personal issues and whatever you decide to do, don’t attack your partner.

The reason why you shouldn’t attack is also that it will be different to study their behavior and body language. When someone is caught cheating, it’s never a pleasant situation, so you should be calm and rational to notice all the possible signs. And don’t skip the conversation and break up with them, each person deserves a chance to explain. Whatever the outcome, make sure you do all you can from your end.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Top 5 Couples And Social Media Issues

Top 5 Couples And Social Media Issues

 

Learn what couples struggle with most when it comes to social media issues. Let us tell you what we have learned and help you problem solve.

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, Men’s Health. Hartford Courant, HeadSpace, VICE, and more!

Watch now:

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 AM EST

 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Fetster: BDSM Dating App Like No Other

Fetster: BDSM Dating App Like No Other

 

You have probably already heard about Fetster, a dating app perfect for those who are unable to find what they need on other popular apps like Tinder or Bumble. So, if you’ve spent quite some time trying to find your match on a dating app or two, maybe it’s time to pull out your kink side and explore alternative options!

Fetster is a dating site for BDSM and kink enthusiasts who are looking to spice up their everyday lives and turn their fantasies into reality. However, it’s also for those who are tired of talking to people who will turn out to be a waste of their time. We’re talking about scammers, liars, people looking to hook up who later disappear, married ones who are hiding it, etc. 

Fetster vs other dating apps

The reason why Fetster is becoming so increasingly popular is that it’s a place focusing on sex games instead of selling a fairytale with an expiration date. On Fetster, you can easily find people who are single or in an open relationship, and willing to meet and play. What differentiates it from other dating apps on the market is the ability to search for specific people using filters such as gender, sexual orientation, age, location, body type, sexual preferences, kinks and so much more. 

You can even create your own groups, create pages, write a blog, add links to your website. Friend app members, upload photos and videos, and use numerous other features it has. It’s created in a way that each member determines the level of privacy they wish for each information they share on Fetster, understanding that a person doesn’t want to reveal everything to everyone.

So, if you’ve been wondering what the fuss is about, think about it as a place that connects over similar sexual interests and curiosity rather than being a general dating app with mediocre matching skills. By being a place that gathers all proud sex freaks and also those entering the BDSM world, Fetster tries to avoid scammers and anyone else trying to sell you something you are not interested to buy.

Diving into BDSM

Fetster is so much more than just a dating app as its goal is not to match you with your significant other and write a new chapter of your romantic life yet to explore and learn more about sex and the connection between two human beings. As it’s one of the most popular sites for those wishing to meet other fans of BDSM. You can expect to find all types of kinks there.

If you don’t know what BDSM stands for, it’s an acronym for bondage & discipline, domination & submission, sadism & masochism. Before explaining these erotic behavior groups, it’s important to know that BDSM involves more than just sex. Those practicing it for years even like to call it a philosophy. It’s also about a couple’s dynamic, their perspectives, fantasies, intrigue, and so much more. For them, sex is only one, although very important, aspect of BDSM.

However, if you still aren’t comfortable with letting your kink side out, yet are curious to learn more about it, make sure you do your research before jumping into BDSM. It’s a concept where you need to speak your mind, compromise with the person you decide to share this experience with, and set your limits before getting to the sex part. Also, keep in mind that you can take it slow, and learn about it step by step.

Bondage 

Bondage is a situation of restricting your sexual partner’s movement by using, for instance, handcuffs or ropes. For some people, this type of restraint increases sexual pleasure and produces various sensations in different areas of the body. 

Discipline

Similar to discipline in our everyday lives, discipline here involves a set of rules and punishments which are agreed on before the sexual encounter. It divides the couple into a dominant partner and a submissive one. Putting the dominant partner in charge of the discipline before, during and after sex. 

Dominance

Dominance refers to the act of dominating the other person in sex and outside it. Sometimes, those who are dominating will have different types of arrangement with their sexual partner on how the partner should behave in bed, and even out of it. This can be anything, from clothing style to food habits.

Submission

Where there’s dominance, there’s submission as well. The submissive partner will follow their dominant’s actions by ensuring that regulations from their arrangement are not broken. The dominant (dom) and the submissive (sub) are focused on communication. As it’s the crucial tool for them to set the boundaries, talk about their desires, and give permission to one another. 

Sadomasochism

Sadism is the pleasure of inflicting pain, while masochism is the pleasure of receiving pain from another person. In BDSM sex, a sadist is a person using pain to dominate their partner which gives them both pleasure. Rather than thinking of it as a violent act, BDSM is actually an intense sensation play that sometimes involves pinching. Hitting or any other consensual physical harm to a partner. 

How to Ace Dating Apps

Before we show you how to create a profile on Fester, let’s focus a bit on how to really stand out on all of these dating apps out there. First and most importantly, always be yourself.

Don’t try to sell an unrealistic image of yourself, whether it’s your personality, body or lifestyle. The good thing about dating sites like Fetster is that people connect more over shared interests and sexual desires rather than a well trained body, perfect face or money in the bank account.

Also, don’t reveal all of your cards at once. You don’t have to share everything about yourself, nor do you have to use all your tricks immediately. Leave some topics for other conversations or encounters. Revealing everything about yourself might also make you vulnerable if this person doesn’t contact you again. Instead, play it safe and slow.

Let’s not forget the privacy aspect. Before you start interacting with other people, you will need to fill out your profile with a few pieces of information. Always include information you feel comfortable with. Simply put, if you think that some things shouldn’t be shared with everyone, you should keep it for conversations. After all, you are the one making all the decisions. 

Creating Your Profile on Fetster

Similar to all the other dating sites, you will need to create your unique profile with a username or email and a password. If you’re worried about the membership fee of Fetster, you will be happy to hear that it’s completely free and they are not planning to introduce any type of pricing anytime soon.

Once you’re in, you will be able to look for other members immediately. These are the filters you can use:

  • gender,
  • age,
  • sexual orientation,
  • location,
  • kink,
  • interests,
  • etc.

When it comes to groups, you can make your own if you don’t wish to join already created ones. Your group can be built around the topic(s) of your choice and you can invite any member you want. 

Some of the great free features Fetster’s members can also enjoy are messaging, friending, favorites, unlimited mail, forums, confessions, gift sending and receiving, blogs, links. And so much more. Are you ready to explore your kinky side? 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

How Damaging Is An Online Affair? [CHEATING HURTS!]

How Damaging Is An Online Affair? [CHEATING HURTS!]

 

Often, I am asked how damaging an online affair can be, because cheating hurts in person. Yet is it the same for online?

I want to say that online affairs are also damaging and hurt those who are involved.

Many times, the amount of damage in an online affair is just as painful as a physical cheating moment. Or an in person affair.

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, Men’s Health. Hartford Courant, HeadSpace, VICE, and more!

Watch now:

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 AM EST

 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

sexual incompatibility

Sexual Incompatibility – 40 Sex Experts Share Their Advice

Sexual Incompatibility – 40 Sex Experts Share Their Advice

 

It’s an issue that you both face not only your partner. You must fix it together because otherwise, it may lead to a life of frustration or to a breakup.

One problem that you may have is the frequency of sex. Maybe you want to have sex every day, or more than once a day, while your partner is happy to have sex once per week.

Perhaps you want to experiment with some kinks and fetishes but your partner looks down on such wishes considering them “wired”.

Or maybe your deepest fantasy is to have a threesome but your partner doesn’t even want to consider the idea.

There are many more situations in which a couple may not share the same needs or desires.

If you are committed to save the relationship, then you should wait for the problem to disappear. That’s not going to happen.

The best thing you can do is to get professional help.

Before you pay for an expensive consultation with a sex therapist, you should read this article. We reached out to 40 sex therapists, marriage counselors and sex experts and asked them to reply to the following question:

How can a couple improve their relationship if they

have sexual incompatibility?

We received amazing answers with lots of useful tips that you can try right away. Keep reading to see what the experts recommend.

Sameera Sullivan

 

Meet it, then beat it..

I’ve noticed my own clients having sex on the first date – or maybe the fourth maximum. I’m not one to slut-shame anyone here, but I am one who can recognize you often need emotional intimacy before you can get down and dirty.

Especially for women, orgasms are difficult since they’re more of a mental barrier than a physical one. Grab an interesting activity together.

My clients used a ‘Paint Your Canvas, Your Way’ activity – where they sensually rubbed (edible and non-toxic!) paint all over each other and then after about an hour of this foreplay, allowed themselves to proceed further. And yes, they still thank me for that recommendation.

A little foreplay never killed nobody.

Can’t seem to settle on what to do? Try something new entirely! That way, neither one of you ends up upset or unsatisfied.

Remember all those other things you both talked about trying, but were too shy or just never got around to it?

Well, bust out that checklist and strap on (literally, if that’s what you’re into!) for an all-new adventure that leaves you both out-of-breath.

Go slow or go fast?

The age-old question. I can never give a definitive answer for either side, if I’m honest. Sex is deeply personal, and it varies with each partner. Mix. it. up.

Don’t be afraid to dip your feet into either side, slowly, and then perhaps all at once – or the other way around, if that’s what you prefer. My bottom line is always: don’t knock it till you try it.

There’s a lot more to your relationship than your dilemma over sexual preferences – so, don’t hold back and see what else is out there for you both!

Diana Wiley – Dear Dr. Diana

 

Sometimes a couple may focus on an obvious sexual incompatibility, such as kink vs. vanilla, and this can lead to an impasse.

I recommend to my clients that instead, they find out what sexual activities they are both open to experience, and then explore those together.

Sometimes that exploration can lead to the discovery of unexpected mutual interests (“Hey, who knew we both would like spanking and fantasy role play?”).

More openness to trying new things can foster more experimentation, and that can lead to increased flexibility in what one partner might be willing to try.

Dainis Graveris – Sexual Alpha

 

It all starts with communication. Find time to talk to your partner about your sexual relationship (or your relationship as a whole).

Make it a weekly or biweekly thing to discuss your feelings. Checking in helps couples share their sexual preferences, expectations, then work toward finding a balance.

As much as possible, talk without blaming each other. Keep an open mind and be patient.

When discussions around sex lead to arguments or are unproductive, or if one partner shuts the topic down, it’s best to speak with a licensed sex therapist.

Seek professional help from someone who has experience helping partners talk about intimacy issues.

Issues surrounding sexual incompatibility tend to be complicated, painful, and full of emotions. However, when you have a third person in the room, communication becomes much more productive.

Aside from talking about sex, change the way you think about it. Hard work and effort from both partners could lead to sexual satisfaction.

Individuals who think this way experience higher satisfaction inside and outside of the bedroom than those who are all about finding the right partner.

Be willing to discuss and explore all sorts of physical and erotic sexuality with each other. Even if you have incompatible sexual preferences right now, who knows what new things you’ll discover when your sexual experiences overlap?

Getting out of your comfort zone may be challenging, but your efforts may be worth it in the end. Like checking in with your partner weekly, set a time to share ideas on some fun stuff and activities you can try together.

Come up with an agreement too that you or your partner shouldn’t make fun or put down the other with the sexual kink that you want to explore.

While doing something for your partner is a nice gesture, make sure that you aren’t doing something you feel bad about or are against your will.

Being sexual together can be a great way to move toward a different route of your sexual relationship.

Of course, you can also make compromises on sex as long as you feel fine about your compromises.

For example, make a weekly sexual date that alternates between your partner’s and your sexual interests.

Agree upon a safe word if one of you feels turned off or uncomfortable with what you’re doing.

Jessica O’Reilly – Sex With Dr Jess

 

Sexual compatibility is not something you stumble upon perchance. It can be cultivated with communication, effort and understanding.

This means that regardless of how compatible you are today, you can work to become more compatible in the future — if you’re willing to put in the effort to do so.

This, of course, doesn’t mean that you’re compatible with everyone — some issues make compatibility extremely difficult or impossible.

For example, if you want a monogamous relationship and your partner is consensually non-monogamous, it may be difficult to cultivate compatibility.

In order to cultivate compatibility, it can be useful to discuss your needs, desires and boundaries in detail. You can consider the following prompts to do so:

  • What does sex mean to you?
  • What are the emotional components of sex that are important to you?
  • What are the physical components of sex that are important to you?
  • What are the practical components of sex that are important to you?
  • What are the relational components of sex that are important to you?
  • What are the spiritual components of sex that are important to you?
  • What types of sex do you enjoy?
  • What were your early memories of arousal and pleasure? How do these affect the way you view sex today?
  • What holds you back when it comes to sex?
  • How do you want to feel before, during and after sex?
  • What do you fantasize about? What parts of your fantasies do you want to share/explore?
  • How often do you like to have sex (with a partner)?

Dr. Stephanie Buehler – Learn Sex Therapy

 

The kinky partner needs to get to the root of their sexual needs and negotiate with their partner how to get them met in a way that works for you both.

For example, if they want to spank their partner, maybe it means that they want them to submit to them.

They can ask their partner if there is a way that they would be comfortable showing submission without being spanked. Maybe they would be okay being blindfolded or having their wrists tied.

Another way that has worked for many couples is to negotiate a ratio of kinky to vanilla sex, so for every time they have kinky sex, they have vanilla sex twice, or vice versa.

Some couples with different interests will agree to open up the relationship. Sometimes a kinky partner gets a hall pass to have kinky sex with someone else, or they begin another relationship and develop a polyamorous arrangement.

Anya Laeta – Sf Sex Coaching

 

As a sex coach, I see many people thinking they are incompatible because their idea of sex is very narrow.

Ideally, if your sexual preferences are misaligned, you can still find things that each of you can do for each other at least once in a while. It will be easier to do by expanding your definition of sex.

If your partner is not open to talking, reading, exploring different options, or seeking out help from a sex coach or sex therapist, you can try using fantasy to merge your preferential gap.

This way, the partner who is into edgier play can still get their needs at least partially met by imagining it while engaging in sex that their spouse likes.

Court Vox – The Body Vox

 

Traditional therapists will tell you that being in relationship comes with compromise. I personally hate that concept and that word, as I don’t like to compromise my desires, and the fact is if a desire is deep rooted enough, one will move mountains to get it, live it, and experience it.

SO, I much prefer the concept of meeting your partner in their desires.

For someone who is into Vanilla sex, they may discover there are dynamics in kink or D/S (i.e. domination and submission) play that appeal to them enough, and they are willing to play in that space for their partner.

The pleasure of their partner becomes their pleasure, and vice versa for the kinkster who is willing to meet their partner in more sensual play.

If lovers can come to an agreement that connection, presence, and awareness are the common intentions in their sex lives, the type of play and the containers that hold these intentions can shift and vary with more ease.

Another option is to “eat out” or “outsource”. So your partner loves a good flogging or likes to get pegged and you are unwilling to do both. Within boundaries, you can support them in fulfilling this desire elsewhere with someone else.

It might feel safer for them to meet with a sex worker for this, or to have a f++k buddy that satiates this need in them, or maybe they are able to play when they are out of town.

As a couple/partnership you get to make the rules and create the boundaries that feel safe enough for everyone.

Nina Rubin – After Deafeat

 

Communication is key to sexual compatibility. Sometimes one partner is more experienced or has kinkier ideas/fantasies. The other partner may not know where to start in order to leave their comfort zones.

In these cases, it’s important to talk without judgment or domination and do a lot of listening.

Doing all sexual acts with consent is key.

Finding out where the line is and working gently and slowly up to it.

Talking about how it was.

Stopping at any time for whatever reason without being mad.

Convincing your partner, begging, or dominating the conversation to sway them in one direction is not going to be helpful. Your partner may feel pressured.

Instead, ask when a good time to talk about this is, and express your desires of wanting to enjoy new sexual acts together.

Sometimes seeing a relationship coach or therapist can be helpful to start these conversations.

Go to a sexual products store together and talk to a clerk. Most of the time, the people who work there are knowledgeable and helpful.

Often they offer classes (pleasure chest in Los Angeles) and can help couples become more familiar with safety and comfort leading up to certain sexual acts.

Dr. Talal H. Alsaleem – The Infidelity Counseling Center

 

Sexual Incompatibility

Sexual incompatibility is one of the leading relationship factors that can cause sexual affairs. This is why it’s crucial for couples to identify and address these issues whenever they become apparent.

Oftentimes, compatibility is confused with sameness. I conceptualize sexual compatibility as the couple’s ability to have healthy compromises that allow for fulfilling their sexual desires despite their differences.

I always give the analogy of language.

Two people with completely different languages can find a way to have meaning and effective interactions if they can learn to be bilingual rather than abandoning their native tongue and assimilating into a language that is completely different and foreign to them.

In order for this to happen, both partners need to have a clear idea of their sexual identity and preferences and the ability to communicate about it directly and effectively.

Once that is achieved, the couple must determine whether or not those desires are healthy vs. pathological, and it’s important to note that different doesn’t mean pathological. Sexual pathology is defined by very specific clinical criteria.

Once it’s determined that those sexual desires are healthy yet different, the couple needs to negotiate the parameters of what would allow for the fulfillment of those desires without causing distress or harm.

They should distinguish the difference between “going out of my comfort zone by doing something that is not my cup of tea vs. doing something that would cause me physical or emotional harm.”

Exploration and Discovery

It’s important to see this as a process of exploration and discovery which lends itself to learning and making corrections.

Exploration and discovery are processes that take time which warrants the need for being methodical and strategic about trying out new things.

In other words, if you want to be successful, don’t jump into the deep end of the pool right away.

First, talk about it, research it, and find reasonable small steps to work toward it.

Rules and Boundaries

Lastly, clear rules and boundaries are a must, and those boundaries must be honored to ensure safety. It’s also important to treat this endeavor as an exciting opportunity to grow together through learning about one another’s sexuality.

Nikolina Jeric – 2Date4Love

 

Here are some ways sexually incompatible partners can do to improve their relationship:

Consider going to therapy.

Problems in the bedroom aren’t just physical in their nature. It happens that partners just have some psychological obstacles they need to overcome to improve their relationship.

However, the journey to resolution might be trickier than you might think and a visit to a trusted professional might help.

Free your mind, and the rest will follow.

Sometimes partners have strict visions of how sex should look like and they’re too afraid to try something new.

If your partner has a difficult time trying out new things, maybe they need to loosen up a bit. Try with small things at first, and one step at a time. Watch porn together, have longer foreplay, and introduce new things gradually, so it doesn’t come as a great shock.

Try an open relationship.

If you think there’s no cure to your sex life with your partner, but you want to stay together, maybe you should try having an open relationship.

They’re hard by default, but they do work for many people. Having other partners who’d be more eager to explore the things you find interesting will help you get the pressure off the relationship you have.

Audrey Hope – Ask Audrey Now

 

If you and your partner are having different sexual appetites in the bedroom- then you have to compromise to make it work. This means you make a plan to include all flavors of sexual activity- vanilla and spice.

It might seem difficult to do what is out of your comfort zone, but it is always beneficial to break out of your pattern. If you are kinky, it can be good to have plain vanilla and learn about another kind of intimacy.

If you’ve only done vanilla, it can be good to try something new and change the routine.

The important thing is that you both are grounded in love and the willingness to please each other. Talk about it with your partner, negotiate and plan nights where you can have your preference and they could have theirs.

Branching out sexually is good for opening the heart, letting your relationship grow and become stronger. CHANGE IT UP- the soul will benefit from crashing down walls.

Darren Pierre – The Invitation To Love

 

I believe that relationships are built on communication and trust – with intimate partnerships, I see no difference.

When navigating sexual relationships with a significant other, I believe it is not only appropriate but also something to be celebrated to call into consideration how physical intimacy is (or is not) satisfying your needs.

To come into the conversation clear of judgments (of your partner and more importantly yourself) are crucial first steps in improving the dynamics within a sexual relationship.

Joel Flynn – Gentleman Zone

 

Don’t put your kink cards off the table for too long. It won’t grow easier to talk about it over time.

Instead, you’ll feel increasingly strange for suddenly bringing it up, and you’ll both become more sexually dissatisfied in the meantime.

The most important thing is to be willing to talk. Communication acts as if a switch was flipped, and one might become a completely new person sexually.

The person who thought anal was gross and had no interest in role-playing or BDSM at all surprised me by building a dungeon in our basement while I was away.

The goal is to keep trying different toys, scenarios, and twists.

Leah Carey – Good Girls Talk

 

For instance, if a partner who wants kink play is with a partner who wants only vanilla play, conversations can be had around whether the ‘vanilla’ partner is willing to let their partner seek kink outside the relationship. If so, under what conditions?

Perhaps they agree the kinky partner will visit a sex worker to reduce the likelihood of romantic entanglements. Or perhaps they agree that the kinky partner can go to kinky public events as long as they don’t participate in any penetrative activities.

The most important part of these negotiations is that both partners are invested in their partner’s happiness and fulfillment. That doesn’t mean that they give in to everything their partner wants, rather they consider their partner’s wants, needs and desires to be valid and reasonable – no matter how tame or extreme they may judge them to be.

Whatever the boundaries are, they need to be clear, defined, and agreeable to both partners. Any time someone feels like they’ve been forced into a situation they didn’t choose, resentment will fester.

Dr. Joe Kort

 

First, and most important, couples must have a conversation about their sexual preferences – and the earlier the better. It would be ideal if they had this conversation at the very beginning of their relationship, but sadly, most couples wait too long.

One partner says “yes” to something they wish to do sexually, and one partner says “no,” and wants the other person to respect their boundaries, however, the partner who still wants the sexual act should be able to have their sexual pleasures met, too.

So, where do you begin when one wants one type of sex only and the other wants to try many flavors?

First, start the conversation about what you like and don’t like and get it all out in the open.

The next step can be reading and/or watching erotica together and then begin fantasizing about the two of you in “erotica” together.

You also can talk about bringing in another person who is agreeable to more adventurous sex.

Take these steps slowly and carefully, examining each person’s desires, and try to problem-solve together honestly and openly.

If you find that, even after taking these steps, your sexual preferences still are not compatible and you have found no common ground, you may want to consider letting go of the relationship. You may not be with the right partner for you.

And yes, it is okay to end a relationship over sexual preferences. It is part of your identity. You don’t want to force your partner and you also don’t want to be caged.

Rebecca Blanton – Love Letters To A Unicorn

 

When a couple have different sexual desires andneeds, open communication and negotiation are the keys to making the relationship work.

For the partner who enjoys vanilla sex, they need to beclear about what they need for fulfilling intimacy. The vanilla partner should expressissues they have with the desired BDSM activities.

For the partner into BDSM, be clear about what your desires are and what you get out of the kink activities.

Sexual behaviors meet needs beyond the physical:psychological intimacy, emotional connection, and power exchange.

People whoengage in BDSM often enjoy the power play, the ability to be vulnerable, andthe physical intensity.

Likewise, is the dislike of the kink activity because the person sees it a humiliating, reminiscent of abuse they experienced, or arethey just unfamiliar.

The more both partners can communicate about their, the more space they have for negotiation. Every sexual activity has a spectrumfrom simple/easy to complex.

If partners are not on the same page initially, they can negotiate about engaging in parts of the activities they enjoy or findmutual new activities which meet both physical and psychological needs ofintimacy.

Dr. Sheva Assar

 

Effective and strong communication skills are necessary for any successful and fulfilling relationship, especially an intimate relationship.

Openly and nonjudgmentally discussing our sexual preferences, desires, expectations, and boundaries with our partner is just as important as discussing any other aspect of the relationship that is impacting one or both individuals.

Open communication starts with being clear on what you are sexually wanting within your relationship, your limits, and what feels safe and comfortable for you to share with your partner.

When communicating your needs, consider focusing solely on your own experience, rather than focusing on what you think the other person may want to hear.

A helpful skill is utilizing the “I feel” statement format to express one’s emotional reactions and needs, which can help reduce any defensiveness or discomfort the other person may be feeling.

It’s important to also consider if your preferences/desires are connected to an emotional need of yours, which can help your partner more deeply understand your experience and allow for greater emotional connection.

Effective communication is also being open to your partner’s responses, experiences, and reactions, and demonstrating a willingness to engage in dialogue as it feels safe and comfortable for both people.

Maj Wismann – Web Sexolog

 

I would ask the couple to focus on the times they felt good intimacy together and see where they could be a match.

It is normal to have different preferences – but sometimes the different preferences in bed get so problematic, that the couple forgets to look at all the things that actually work.

They could also focus on sensuality and eroticism and see if there could be new ways and paths they could walk together to create an “us”-erotic-love map.

Claudia Cox – Text Weapon

 

Communication is always important in relationships, but in situations like this, it’s key.

Even if you find it difficult to talk to your partner about sex, you need to share your desires. If you want to introduce more kink, explain what you mean. Spanking? Sex toys? Dirty talk?

Using a word like kink or rough sex might be intimidating, but when you break it down to specifics, it’s easier for them to digest.

Once you have gotten the conversation flowing, ask them what they would be comfortable with. Starting a dialog can open up the door to new possibilities.

You never know until you ask. Sometimes just bringing up the subject and talking it through can be a turn-on.

The key is to understand their hard limits and then respect them. Be patient. Something that starts out vanilla could turn into something adventurous…even for you.

Marsha Jackson – FoxTail

 

Love and sex are not the same, yet they all contribute to our sexual identity. We can only define our sexuality, yet many words are perplexing.

“Sexual compatibility” is one word used in many ways, but what does it mean to you?

In a relationship, physical compatibility is vital, and your bodily demands need to be addressed.

However, some of the couples do not have physical compatibility, and others cannot talk about and fully work on their physical requirements.

In a long-term relationship with low sexual compatibility, it is difficult to adjust and be happy. A flawless future relationship is not a given; however, the repercussions of every decision you make are entirely up to you.

If you’re dedicated, good dialogue and collaboration with your partner towards a common objective would be the finest strategy to handle this problem.

Frequently, couples are dissatisfied with the quantity and quality of intimacy they have with their partner. Couples frequently begin to feel a spiritual, emotional, and bodily disconnect from a loved one.

As the months and years pass, we may begin to feel exploited or taken for granted. Even the most experienced couples find it difficult to talk about sexual intimacy.

It’s generally considered “forbidden,” but after years of working with couples in therapy, it’s even more taboo to be sexually dissatisfied.

Lachlan Brown – Hack Spirit

 

Sex is an important part of any relationship, but sexual preferences don’t always match. The best way to improve your sexual connection if you’re on different pages is two-fold.

1. Communicate

Your partner can’t know what you like if you don’t tell them. If it’s not their thing that’s OK. Don’t be weird or pushy about it but see if they’d be willing to try something new.

2. Compromise

If you each like different things then do your best to compromise. I’ll guarantee there will be at least some overlap between your desires and that the compromises won’t hurt too badly if the overall chemistry is strong!

Dr. Robin Buckley

 

Sexually incompatible couples can use an “A, B, Z” list strategy to attempt to find commonalities or compromises in their disparate sexual preferences.

The “A” list includes physical intimacies or affection both individuals enjoy and want to continue in their sex life, or sexual activities both are excited to explore. The “B” list are sexual activities that can fall into a few categories:

· something one individual wants to try and the other is open to trying,

· something the couple has tried once and aren’t sure if they like it or not and want to revisit,

· something the couple or one individual has heard about and both are willing to try.

The “Z” list are sexual activities that neither member of the couple wants to try. This is important to discuss because it allows for the identification of similarities based on mutual dislike, rather than the more frequent tendency to focus on differences which create a divide in the relationship.

The lists are dynamic in that items can move among the lists as the couple tries new things or learns about new options. It also acts as a tool to encourage open discussion within the relationship about physical intimacy as the couple adds to or changes the lists.

Dr. David Rakofsky – Wellington Counseling Group

 

In any relationship, communication is key. Unfortunately, many couples neglect to effectively communicate their issues with one another when it comes to sex.

However, if you find that your sexual preferences are not compatible, then speak to one another about it. Just remember to be sensitive to each other’s needs and to listen to what the other person is saying.

Some individuals may struggle to talk openly and honestly about sex. Others may become defensive and uncomfortable when discussing the subject.

If you encounter difficulties when trying to discuss your sexual preferences, then it’s best to seek out a sex therapist, a couples counselor, or another mental health professional for help.

Their personalized and professional guidance will help you talk openly about sex and get to the root of your relationship problems.

Jackie Golob – Shameless Therapy

Couples can improve sexual preferences by seeking help from a sex therapist to navigate preferences and negotiations.

Preferences meaning, let’s run through yes, no, maybe checklists, because not everyone is 100% vanilla sex lovers or 100% kinky.

It’s important to determine that sexuality isn’t dualistic and the importance of exploration or curiosity. There, sex therapy can also dive into turn-ons/offs, fantasies, role-playing, and experimentation.

If one partner is saying nope no kinky sex ever, and the other person loves kinky sex so much that it’s a part of their sexuality, then can we negotiate.

Are there ways to practice ethical non-monogamy with a play partner. This way the person who loves kinky sex isn’t sacrificing their sexual pleasure or a part of them that is so deep and satisfying.

If the other partner doesn’t understand, then it can be important to process this with a sex therapist to navigate sex in the relationship to come up with a compromise.

Lots of times there also desire discrepancies that need to be taken into consideration as well.

Peter Cellarius – Your Growth Counseling

 

How do you know whether your sexual preferences are compatible?

Well, it’s more about similar erotic turn-ons (and turn-offs), preferences for tried-and-true versus experimentation, shared fantasies, and some alignment on what frequency meets each person’s wants.

That’s great, but what do you do if you miss your partner in one or more of these? How can you improve your relationship, despite differences?

Step one is – stop guessing and start talking. It can be awkward and scary to even talk about sex in a relationship. But here is why it matters.

Happy couples will say that 15-20% of their happiness comes from their sex life. But for unhappy couples, they will say over 50% of their unhappiness comes from their sex life.

Not only that, but a key driver in satisfaction is how each person rates their partner’s ability to communicate, with a more positive rating leading to greater emotional and sexual intimacy.

So in other words – if your partner communicates well about your sexual life, you will already feel more satisfied and compatible.

There is even research that shows that sexual self-disclosure may prevent a decline in sexual satisfaction over time in long-term committed couples.

How do we start, you ask? Sometimes a structured exercise can get you started. A gentle one is called Fishbowl. Here is a dramatization –  you start with 100 questions in a bowl.

Take turns pulling out a question and answering it. And see what happens! You may surprise yourself by finding it is not so scary, and maybe even fun.

From here, it will be easier to say – “shall we talk about our sex life some more?” Good luck!

Chris Pleines – Dating Scout

 

Compromise but take things slow

Couples who are incompatible when it comes to sexual preferences should find a middle ground and work their way to meet each other’s needs somehow. Taking things slow is the key here.

For instance, if the other partner is into kink, they can start with kinks that are beginner-friendly and won’t take too much pressure such as blindfolding or a little rope-tying action.

Of course, you shouldn’t force your partner into things that are too uncomfortable. Take it one step at a time – eventually, you’ll both find the sweet spot of enjoying each other’s sexual preferences.

Be open to new things

Familiarity is often the more comfortable choice but a couple’s mindset should always be about change. B

e open to new things and let your relationship grow with these changes. This includes being open to trying new things outside your comfort zone in the sex department.

It does not hurt to experiment as a couple. Aside from exposing you to wonderful experiences, you will have something to look forward to together and actually helps keep the spark alive in the relationship.

You don’t need to go extreme; small baby steps are perfect as long as you both consent to it and enjoy what you are doing.

Katie Lasson – Peaches and Screams

 

Do differences in sexual needs always mean relationship failure? Not at all. But the couple must be willing to engage in a fair conversation and accept compromises.

Both sides need to work to find a common language and agree on the best solution.

The focus should be on how sexual intimacy helps and is valuable in the relationship, not on what each person’s individual needs are.

You probably aren’t too surprised by the importance of strong communication in sex life.

Sex can be a sensitive topic, especially if the partners do not feel harmony, but it is still important to express your thoughts.

I encourage my clients to pay attention to the ways in which their needs and insecurities are expressed.

Talk more about your feelings about sex and intimacy. If you communicate respectfully, you will be better able to understand the issue.

As long as you are able to express your views openly and really listen to your partner without blaming or embarrassing them, this aspect should not lead to the termination of the relationship.

Differences in sexuality can only lead to a break-up if you are unable to communicate effectively on the subject and get stuck in a situation where one or both partners are in a defensive position, feel hurt, or have unfounded expectations.

Robyn Dalzen

 

First of all, it’s important to note that it’s not uncommon for couples to have different sexual preferences. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong.

In fact, it can add a healthy dose of sexual tension. I suggest a practice of taking turns for my clients where each person has time and space to explore their desires.

How it looks in practice: decide together how much time to spend in this experimental container – 30 minutes, 1 hour, 2 hours…and each person will have half that time for their turn. When it’s your turn, you get to ask for whatever you want.

Bring your desires forward, while respecting the limits of your partner. You might ask your partner, ‘will you spank me?’ or, ‘can I spank you?’ or, ‘can I pull your hair?’ Notice what sounds great to you at the moment.

Make the request and give your partner space to respond with a yes or no, or to ask for more information. If it’s a no, move on to another request. If it’s a yes, you get to do the action and then make another request. When the time is up, say ‘thank you’ and switch roles.

Now it’s your partner’s turn to ask for what they want. They might ask to be cuddled, or for soft strokes down their back, or for you to tell them five things you love about them. It’s their turn to put their desires forward.

Your job is to pay attention to your limits – are you willing to give them this gift? It may not be what you would ask for, but can you set aside what you want for this time to allow them to find what feels great for them? When the time is up, say ‘you’re welcome’ and close your container.

Amanda Pasciucco – Life Coaching and Therapy

 

To overcome sexual incompatibility I would use Betty Martin’s Wheel of Consent with that couple and see if we can find common ground.

Maybe one enjoys vanilla sex and one enjoys kinky sex, yet can we find a collaboration in both of them engaging in tantric sex?

This is different than either, yet incredibly pleasurable for those who enjoy long-term partnered sex especially for a couple that is planning on staying monogamously faithful.

Some would also say that they can engage in their preferences during solo sex, yet try to go back and forth each partnered sex time with vanilla sex to kinky sex, so that each of them has their desires met.

Lori Ann Kret – Aspen Relationship Institute

 

The most amazing, mind-blowing sex you can have is with a long-term committed partner, and it has nothing to do with positions or styles.

True sexual ecstasy is created by being with someone who knows you and loves you deeply. If a couple has that foundation, then there should be enough trust and safety for each partner to explore their desires and boundaries.

Being curious and finding a middle ground starts with identifying the stories they have about sex. Often we think “This is just the way I am..” without recognizing all of the factors throughout our lives that have influenced us to land in this place.

Family culture, religion, societal messages, and early sexual experiences can lock us into certain sexual beliefs and patterns.

When we understand these influences, we’re more empowered to see what else might be true or possible for us in the bedroom. But without taking this step, partners may try to compromise simply for the sake of their partner, creating the potential for more friction, dissatisfaction, and resentment.

Erica Caparelli – A Good Place Therapy

I have found that if couples are not compatible in their sexual interests, this is not a deal breaker! There are many ways that couples can find a way to connect intimately while also having differing sexual needs.

My first suggestion would be for the couple to try to find a middle ground: are there any kinky activities, for example, that are more vanilla-leaning that the vanilla partner would be willing to try out for the kinky partner that is within their limits?

If there is absolutely no middle ground, I would suggest that the couple outsource! This is a suggestion that often scares couples, but there is so much information about how opening a relationship can actually bring partners closer together because of the communication and trust required.

For example, if one partner really wants a dominant partner, but their partner is submissive, the couple can seek out a dominant sex partner for the kinky partner.

They can search together trying to find a good match, while discussing boundaries, wants, and goals, etc–which actually increases their intimacy.

If this isn’t something they’re open to, they could also try non-sexual intimacy exercises focused on emotions and general touch.

Rachel Sommer – My Sex Toy Guide

 

Having a good sex life is often overlooked by most people. And while it’s an important aspect of a healthy relationship, it’s not always there. Disregarded sexual incompatibility can lead to a sexless marriage or, even worse, lead partners into infidelity.

So, what do you do if your partner doesn’t share the same sexual preferences as you?

The most important remedy is to communicate your sexual needs and desires with your partner. Pick the place and time and have an honest conversation. This way, you can understand each other’s situation, and most importantly, negotiate a compromise frequency.

For instance, if you love bondage and kink and they don’t, you can agree to introduce kink to sex every once in a while so that both parties are happy.

Other interventions might include scheduling sex dates and talking to a sex therapist to help you understand and treat underlying reasons in severe cases.

Gill Jackson Counselling

Sometimes we meet the person of our dreams- they’re smart, funny, have great taste in music and food and you get on brilliantly but something isn’t quite right in the bedroom.

Either your labidos or sexual tastes simply dont match. In these situations sometimes relationships simply cannot work.

However, for the relationship to continue good, positive communication is key, keep each other relaxed and speak positively about the things you do enjoy sexually with each other rather than focusing on the things you don’t enjoy.

Experiment together as far as both parties are comfortable- slowly. Use of a safe word to say when things are getting a bit much- this can be helpful rather than saying stop which can totally ruin the mood.

Find intimacy in other ways, date nights, romantic trips away, snuggling up on the sofa and gentle sexual play are all wonderful ways of being intimate and improving that bond without necessarily involving full blown penetration.

Sarah Melancon – Sex Toy Collective

 

When there is little sexual overlap, it may be hard to sustain a relationship, but if you share at least some common interests it’s possible to negotiate so everyone is happy.

Have open conversations about your sexual likes, dislikes, and boundaries – and the “why” behind each.

Even if you don’t engage in all your favorite sex acts together, understanding and respecting one another’s desires and limits are still important.

Categorize your sexual desires into: need (cannot live without), want (great but not necessary), and maybe (interested or willing to try).

In a successful relationship, each partner’s “needs” and some of their “wants” must be satisfied, with potential for at least a few of their “maybe’s.”

However, with respectful communication and negotiation, partners don’t HAVE to be the ones fulling all of each other’s desires.

Some of these desires may be addressed through fantasizing, watching porn, reading erotica, enjoying webcam services, non-monogamy, or paid in-person sex work services (such as hiring a dominatrix).

You get to agree on the rules, and what’s most important is that you’re both comfortable — if one or both isn’t fully on board, it’s only a matter of time before it starts affecting your relationship.

Erin Dierickx – Erin D Therapy

 

Maintain conversation around your sexual preferences and needs. Sex is a huge aspect of relationships and when it gets put on the backburner, this can impact other parts of your relationship down the road.

To have dialogue around your sexual preferences, each partner shares which of their needs are met and which ones are falling short.

If you enjoy or want to explore some kinks or new sexual positions, for instance, discuss what you’d prefer, while also maintaining curiosity about your partner’s preferences.

What draws them to or away from certain preferences? What excites or scares them the most about trying this out? Oftentimes, a lack of experience or knowledge around these kinds of topics is the biggest barrier.

No one should ever feel pressured to try something they are not comfortable with or do not want.

But that does not mean there cannot be a conversation around their discomfort or fears regarding a new way of experiencing sex with their partner.

Through conversation around your sexual relationship, not only can you gain clarity on your partner’s preferences, but you may also find a way to compromise.

The continual dialogue will make conversations moving forward easier to have and may offer opportunities for new sexual experiences in the future.

If you are having difficulty with conversations around sexual preferences, needs, and differences, couple, relationship, and sex therapy can be helpful with navigating these conversations while also strengthening your relationship.

Justin Brown – Ideapod

 

When a couple has different sex preferences it can be difficult to compromise. The example of one partner liking kink and the other preferring vanilla sex is quite common.

The best solution is to communicate openly and express your desires to your partner. They can’t know what you want if you don’t tell them.

In addition, it’s important to be a little bit open to compromise. Never do something you’re uncomfortable with, but consider trying what your partner wants at least once and seeing if it’s your cup of tea.

Gabrielle Usatynski – Power Couples Education

 

There’s a huge difference between a couple having different preferences for sexual positions versus having major differences in sexual lifestyle choices that reflect each partner’s fundamental values or identity.

The latter type of difference is a big ticket item that should be discussed by the couple right from the start of their relationship as part of deciding if they’re a good match.

One partner may feel that certain alternative sexual practices, whether that’s kink, BDSM, or polyamory are not in line with who they are as a person.

In this case, getting into a relationship with a partner who experiences these practices as a basic need is a big mistake.

Many couples come to therapy because they’re well into their relationship and they didn’t deal with these major sexual differences right away.

They knew that these differences were probably going to be deal breakers for the relationship, so they chose to ignore the issue. Now they’re two kids and a house in and up the creek without a paddle.

The moral of the story: Communication is key, right from the beginning. Be true to who you are and what you want. Be willing to walk away if it’s not the right match.

Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey

 

I recommend trying something your partner prefers, which often leads to something new that works for both.

For example, May prefers sex with a rough edge and likes her lover to scratch her or bite her during sex. Jay prefers gentle, slow sex but doesn’t hate rough sex.

May and Jay talk openly about their preferences and their needs and agree to have some gentle, slow sex and some rough sex. Obviously, this works best if one partner feels neutral about the other’s preference.

If a partner has an aversion to their partner’s preference, then these negotiations can be more difficult. Sometimes considering consensual non-monogamy (having more than one partner) is a good solution.

For example, Jeff prefers BDSM and gets the most sexual satisfaction when he is receiving pain (like spankings). Robin doesn’t like BDSM. They agree to Jeff finding a BDSM partner to play with but not have genital sex with.

Jeff and Wendy meet for BDSM dates every few weeks. Because Jeff is getting his needs met and the pressure is off Robin to do something they don’t want to do, the relationship improves.

Adding another partner requires lots of communication and clear agreements, which is where I recommend working with a professional coach or therapist.

Saba Harouni Lurie – Take Root Therapy

 

My first suggestion is exploring your own sexual preferences, and becoming curious about your partner’s sexual interests.

From a place of curiosity and authenticity, have open discussions.

Take special care to be respectful and generous in how you receive information from your partner, and how you communicate about your own.

Dr. Carla Marie Manly

 

Research shows that actual sexual compatibility is less important than a couple’s perception of being well-matched in the realm of sexuality.

So for couples who have some areas of sexual incompatibility, it’s a wise idea to focus on the areas where compatibility is high.

For example, if one partner enjoys vanilla sexual intercourse and the other likes to get a bit wild, it’s important to focus on finding a middle ground that feels inviting to both partners.

And, if there are areas that are naturally pleasing to both partners—such as massage, kissing, and taking baths together—spend more time focusing on the areas that do provide mutual pleasure.

As with all other areas of romantic relationships, when we focus on the positive—the areas of sexual compatibility and connection—we’re far more likely to be satisfied.

Sexual Incompatibility Advice – Thank You Experts!

Thank you so much to all the experts that have contributed to this expert roundup on sexual incompatibility! If you feel that this post helped you in any way, then please share it with your friends and followers on social media.

Anger Management Therapy

Anger Management Therapy

 

To recognize and avoid anger triggers in people, psychologists and clinicians will often recommend anger management therapy. 

This type of therapy serves as a tool to successfully manage your anger and prevent it from affecting areas of your life. The target of that anger might be anyone, from you and your loved ones to a stranger in the street. 

Most of the time, you will find yourself furious over different events you can’t even control. 

So, when does anger become more than just a standard human emotion?  

 

Understanding Anger

We all get mad, and that’s completely normal. 

However, if your anger is misplaced or uncontrolled, then consider seeking help to manage it better. 

When talking about how this uncontrolled anger looks, it’s important to know that it depends on the person. 

Someone will feel furious on the inside, yet people around them will not be able to see signs of anger.

Another person might have a quick temper and they might even exhibit aggressive behavior. 

Although uncontrolled anger is common, it can be quite dysfunctional, especially because those who experience it are not aware of the impact it has on their lives and the people around them.

The reason why anger leads to bigger problems is because at first, it seems effective. 

For instance, you might lose your temper with your team members at work and it leads to better employee performance. 

Or, you might scream at your kids because they haven’t made their bed or brushed their teeth. In these and similar scenarios, you may get what you want, yet not for long.

People will often overlook the long-term consequences when it comes to anger. 

It can easily lead to undesired health effects such as high blood pressure and even an increased risk of heart disease. 

Yet, the most important effect uncontrolled anger will have is on your social life, including your family members, friends, coworking and everyone else close to you. 

 

Uncontrolled Anger Signs

Before talking about anger management therapy, let’s take a look at some of the common signs of uncontrolled anger. 

If you or someone close to you is showing these signs, consider anger management therapy:

  • More than one person has already told you that you have an anger problem.
  • You have distanced yourself from family and friends because of your behavior.
  • There are business establishments or private gatherings you’re no longer invited to.
  • You feel anger most of the day.
  • You often have a grudge or think about getting revenge. 
  • When angry, you act aggressively or violently or have aggressive or violent thoughts. 

 

Seeking Help

As already explained, it’s not so common that a person with uncontrolled anger is aware they need help. Often, they will be suggested to seek help from their loved one, a family member or a friend. When it comes to treating anger, the therapy has proven to be very efficient with most people.

A therapist will treat anger by focusing on cognitive-behavioural therapy mostly. For a person with uncontrolled anger, this means they will learn how to identify patterns that are harmful in any way. This way, they can change their inaccurate thoughts on how anger solves their problems. 

You can even expect to be exposed to imaginary events that usually provoke anger for you, which is known as Stress Inoculation. 

With this method, a counselor can see your anger in action and help you find coping methods that will work for you. 

Of course, the chosen method will depend on the therapist and the client’s emotions. The point is though, that to overcome uncontrolled anger, you will need to dive into it. 

You have to feel it to heal it!

 

Anger Management Therapy

The core of anger management therapy consists of learning how to handle your anger in a positive way. As much as we all want to completely destroy anger as an emotion, we tend to forget that every emotion we experience can be good for us, it only depends on how we react to it.

So, if the coping mechanisms you have are not serving you, regardless of whether we’re talking about sadness, loneliness or anger, you need to change them. To change the way you feel or react when you’re feeling angry, you need to understand what exactly are your triggers and the ways you reach in these types of situations. 

In most cases, you will need a clinician who does anger management therapy with their clients. 

They can help you learn how to manage your anger constructively and positively by staying calm. As it is with everything else that causes dysfunction in our lives, it will take time until you replace your old coping mechanisms with new beneficial ones.

Think of anger management as a new skill you will need to develop. It will require commitment, effort and more than anything else, time to build the patience to manage your anger. Once you recognize the trigger patterns and behaviors that come out of them, it will be easier to be in control of your anger. 

 

Managing Anger Without Therapy

If you are unable to see a therapist, there are still a few techniques that might be useful when trying to manage your anger. Make sure you remember them and use them anytime you start feeling the anger coming in. 

  • Breathe and while exhaling, think of the anger coming out of your body.
  • Do tension release exercises which move focus to your muscles by contracting and releasing them.
  • Start meditating to shift your mind from anger to a more neutral state.
  • Find a channel that works well for your anger such as running or exercising.
  • Boost your creativity with writing, drawing or listening to music as art.
  • Sleep at least six to eight hours because sleep deprivation leads to irritability!

When it comes to anger management, the most important thing to do is not to suppress it. 

Try expressing it from the moment you notice your anger kicking in as it still allows you to be in control. Express to yourself what this may mean for you. 

The more you practice it, the easier it will become. Once you learn how to manage your anger, you will be able to build quality relationships, be more concentrated on your work and lead a healthier life. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Does He Just Want to Hookup or Does He Like Me

Does He Just Want to Hookup or Does He Like Me

Does He Just Want to Hookup or Does He Like Me

[UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE!]

 

Does he just want to hookup or does he like me?

I get asked this question all the time.

How can I tell if she wants to hookup? Or how can I tell is she likes me?

Do they just want to hookup with me, or do they actually like me and want to date?

Here is a video to consider!

 

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, Men’s Health. Hartford Courant, HeadSpace, VICE, and more!

 

Watch now:

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 AM EST

 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

How To Break Up With Someone Over Text

How To Break Up With Someone Over Text

How To Break Up With Someone Over Text

 

How to break up with someone over text and not hurt their feelings? Sorry to disappoint you: it’s almost impossible to break up with someone, whether it’s in person, over text or a phone call, and not to impact the way they feel. With that being said, there are several approaches you can choose to break up with someone in a respectful way, even if it’s over a text message. 

So, if you’re currently in a relationship that is making you unhappy, learn here how to kindly break up with that person and give yourself a chance for a fresh start.

 

When should you break up with someone over text?

As much as you might think that this is not the best method to put an end to a relationship, there are many situations where it’s one of the most efficient and safest ways. For those who have been in a toxic or maybe violent relationship and their partner simply lacks comprehension and empathy, it’s almost naive to expect you’ll be able to break up with them successfully in person.

In general, if you have a partner that will not accept your decision on ending the relationship, you should always choose to inform them over text. Otherwise, you might get stuck in endless discussions which will lead nowhere. 

Also, if you went only on a few dates and you’re not sure whether this can be called a relationship yet you are certain you want to put a stop to it, text them about it. Making big announcements for something that is still in the casual phase of dating is a drama that everyone wants to avoid. 

If you have been in a long relationship with your partner and it’s no longer working out, don’t break the news to them over a text message. You can invite them for coffee or a walk in your text and do it respectfully in person. You wouldn’t want to be left by your partner of three years over a simple, plain text either, right?

 

How to craft your break-up text message?

If you have decided to break up with someone over text, you will need to be kind, yet straightforward. Don’t send an extra short or long text as they will not deliver the message properly. Instead, follow this simple break up formula:

  1. Start with a compliment. Say what you loved about the relationship or the person e.g. long talk, fun road trip or their kindness. Write it from your heart so your partner knows you were as honest as you could have been.
  2. Explain your reason. You are breaking up with them for a certain reason or more of them. Make sure you explain why that is the deal breaker for you.
  3. Wish them all the best. Consider that this is your last message to them and write what you wish for them. Avoid the sarcastic, angry or negative tone. It simply didn’t work out and that’s fine!

And what happens if you are trying to get out of a really unhealthy relationship? In reality, your text should follow the same structure yet instead of focusing on complimenting the person, you should firmly explain why you wish to end this relationship. Show you are not looking to discuss things and that you’re not expecting a reply.

 

Can you break up and still be friends?

This doesn’t depend so much on your chosen break up method as it depends on you and your partner. For instance, maybe it was a blind date that didn’t go well, yet you both decided to give it another chance. After three or four times, you decide to end it. If they agree there was no spark between the two of you, and they wish to keep you in their lives, there is a pretty good chance you two will stay friends.

If this is something you want, you should write it clearly in your text. This is a good example of how to break up and show you still wish to be friends:

Hi Alex, it was great going to your favorite restaurant the other night. I had so much fun, yet, from my end – there’s no spark. It seems like it’s the same for you, am I right? I would love to continue having fun as friends!

If you’re looking to be friends with them, make sure your messages are written in a positive tone and that you are not focusing on the breaking up part. Highlight what you really like about them and keep it light and breezy!

 

What do you need to avoid when sending a break up text?

Never broken up with someone over text before? Don’t worry, it’s actually not that difficult. From all those who are already experts in this field, these are the common mistakes we gathered that they wish never happened. Make sure they never happen to you!

  • Don’t swear or insult. Besides being rude, you will show that your decision is not rational as it comes from anger.
  • Don’t be sarcastic or cynical. Breakups are already uncomfortable without comments which will make the person feel even worse.
  • Don’t write essays. Writing long breakup messages can seem like you’re sharing your point of view and asking them to share theirs. Keep it short!
  • Don’t send multiple texts. Send everyone in one message. Sending a few in a row can seem like you’re not so certain in your decision.
  • Don’t block them. As much as it helps you not to know if they replied, be reasonable and don’t treat them immediately like your worst enemy.
  • Don’t finish with a question. You are breaking up with them so your message shouldn’t be an opening for a discussion. Be affirmative.

If this is your first time you will break up with someone over text, just think about the text you would prefer if someone was breaking up with you. It doesn’t have to be poetic, beautiful and with perfect grammar, it just needs to be from the heart and with all the respect that person deserves!

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

How To Stop Your Spouse’s Affair [QUICKLY]

How To Stop Your Spouse’s Affair [QUICKLY]

 

How To Stop Spouse’s Affair [QUICKLY it is time to recover!]

We are wanting to show you how each person can help end the affair and recover the marriage!

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, Men’s Health. Hartford Courant, HeadSpace, VICE, and more!

 

Watch now:

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 AM EST

 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

intimacy coaching

Intimacy Coaching & Best Techniques To be Intimate with Your Partner

Intimacy Coaching & Best Techniques To be Intimate with Your Partner

If you’re striving to feel free and more connected with your partner, you should consider intimacy coaching. Although we all know that intimacy is key in every relationship. Understanding what intimacy actually is and how to achieve it is not as easy as it seems. The reason for that is our past experiences where we’ve gotten hurt emotionally and/or physically. This led to fear of being intimate with another person and is a consequential issue for the majority of couples.

 

What does an intimacy coach do?

An intimacy coach is a person who will eliminate this intimacy blockage for you and help you feel safer and more connected to your lover or partner. By developing a sense of safety in their clients, intimacy coaches are replacing those unpleasant experiences by creating new. Positive ones

Being guided by an expert, a person will develop a greater sense of closeness, become more aware of their own emotions. As well as of other people’s emotions. All of this leads 

to healing attachment wounds which are not allowing people to connect on a deeper level with each other.

 

Understanding your fear of intimacy

You don’t have to be aware of your intimacy triggers before going into the session with your intimacy coach, yet realizing what is causing your fear is the first step to healing. As we are born with the need to connect and share with others. Something must happen in order to disconnect ourselves from that need. In reality, that need to connect and share never disappears, we just disconnect from it because something or someone hurt us before.

Because of the fear of intimacy, you will feel afraid when thinking of starting a new relationship or expressing your feelings during a discussion with your best friend, for instance. 

However, where there is fear, there is an opportunity for healing. More importantly, you don’t have to go down that road alone. An intimacy coach will turn it into an explorative experience rather than painful, ensuring you feel safe and nurtured during the process.

 

Intimacy Risk Factors

Our first intimate interaction is with our family. Often, these families are not healthy and safe environments for children to learn about intimacy. Some of the most common examples are: 

  • Blurred boundaries and roles in the family: Everything might seem perfect at first glance, yet some family members won’t fulfil their role responsibility. 
  • Emotional and/or physical neglect: Parents who are not there for their children – emotionally or physically – are teaching them they can’t rely on others. 
  • Parent loss: A feeling of abandonment will appear where a parent has been lost through death, divorce or any other event. 
  • Parent illness: Having an ill parent can lead to intimacy issues as the child takes on the role of the parent and cares for others in the family, sometimes including the ill parent as well. 

Unfortunately, there are many more risk factors such as verbal, physical or sexual abuse, parent substance use or any other type of addiction, yet regardless of the cause, each person can learn how to be intimate with their significant other. 

 

How to cope with intimacy issues? 

There are several crucial steps on the path of restoring intimacy with intimacy coaching. It’s worth saying that intimacy issues can only be solved once the person starts connecting again with their intimacy. Once you understand what caused you pain and disconnection from others, you will be able to change your patterns and feel safer during interactions.

To feel connected with others, here are the techniques that will create positive sensations and experiences and finally heal the intimacy issue a person has:

Embrace the uncertainty 

What if someone tells you that the most beautiful aspect of life is that you actually can’t plan or predict anything? The walls you have built in your childhood have been protecting you as a child, yet they don’t serve you anymore. You have created the illusion that you are safer when you are not engaging with others when in reality. That illusion is taking something incredibly valuable from you. With an intimacy coach, you will practice courage, and it will become easier to invest in new relationships without feeling like you are risking your wellbeing.

 

Accept yourself first

Under the fear of intimacy lies the fear of not being worthy of a connection with someone. If you’re afraid to express your feelings to your partner, you are probably not allowing yourself fully to feel them. It’s not easy to become comfortable with all your emotions. Yet it will be harder if you expect from others something you are not able to give yourself first. 

Congratulate yourself when you make that step towards others instead of focusing on the outcome. For instance, inviting someone to go for a walk will be less terrifying once you celebrate the achievement of solely inviting someone instead of waiting for their response. After all, once your focus changes, you will no longer care that much about the outcome. 

 

Write a letter to yourself from the past

You have probably heard this technique quite a few times, yet have you ever tried it? It’s incredibly powerful to take a walk into your past and talk to yourself as if you were two friends sitting on the school bench sharing secrets. What would you say to that little kid? Maybe it will be to speak up more when the opportunity presents. To accept every birthday party invitation although there’s not enough money in the house to buy a present or to write all those fiction stories down and practice its creativity? 

 

Determine what you want

In reality, it’s not so much what you want, it’s what you DON’T want. Maybe the feeling of anxiety comes because all your friends are married and you can’t find the person you wish to share your life with? Before blaming it all on yourself, ask yourself if this is something you want. Sometimes, we will try to be what we think we should be instead of doing things that truly make us happy. Keep in mind that the only person that always deserves your unconditional intimacy is you.

 

Practice patience

This is maybe the hardest technique of them all, yet it’s also the most important one. If you don’t practice patience, it will be difficult to progress. Putting too many expectations on yourself when you’re coping with something so vulnerable as your intimacy can only make things worse for you. Be patient. It will take some time and that’s perfectly fine. You have spent various years in unhealthy environments which led to fear of intimacy. So expecting this fear to disappear quickly is simply not rational.

 

Quick intimacy tips for couples

Let’s be clear, fear of intimacy can only be cured if someone like an intimacy coach has helped you understand what caused your fear and provide you with the tools to connect with others and feel good during it. However, there are several things that you can start practicing with your partner daily if you’re both looking to resolve your intimacy issues:

  • Hold hands more often. 
  • Be more emotionally aware and vulnerable during sex.
  • Initiate sex differently. 
  • Plan out your time together.
  • Every month, try out an activity that’s new for both of you. 
  • Talk about your relationship – share ideas, dreams, fears, etc.
  • Focus more on seduction instead of sex. 

 

A step to intimacy…

Don’t stop just by reading this article. You are worth every connection you wish to make in your life. You have every right to share your feelings with someone who will appreciate it and feel honoured you trust them so much. The more you start practicing being open to new people and experiences. This fear will slowly disappear and you will start enjoying connecting and sharing with those important to you.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Sex Robots

Sex Robots Are A Thing of the Present – No Longer The Future

Sex Robots Are A Thing of the Present – No Longer The Future

 

For years, I have thought about what it would be like to love and be intimate with sex robots.

Would it be similar to an actual person or more like a sex toy?

Would sex with a robot be similar to sex with a human or more like a silicone surrogate? If you have seen the movie Lars and the Real Girl, you could imagine the companionship one could have with sex robots.

If you have noticed the advances in technology, especially sex toys, you will know that they can be programmed even when you are far apart from a partner.

Long-distance sex toys are quite popular so that one partner can decide the speed and intensity for their partner from afar!

I think to myself… What would Betty Dodson do?

Then, I think she would probably try it out. And if she would, so would I! For science! I have a strong inner field researcher of life within me.

 

What about you?

Would you ever have sex with a robot? What about loving a machine, like in the popular movie Her?

Artificial intelligence can mimic interpersonal relationships so that everyone feels they have a partner.

Some people have told me it is easier to be intimate with someone or something that does not judge them.

Even if humans were capable of radical acceptance and non-judgement, I still believe that sex robots would exist.

Just like a sacred intimate experience, sex robots have a place too.

Even if it feels awkward, I think many partners in monogamous relationships would rather have a virtual or surrogate partner than a sex worker or opening up the relationship.

I am incredibly interested in your opinions on sex robots and what you and your partner(s) think about the idea of intimacy with a machine.

The conference for love with robots is actually coming up and you can find more information here.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

How To Stop Feeling Angry At Your Ex [MANAGE ANGER]

How To Stop Feeling Angry At Your Ex [MANAGE ANGER]

 

Learn how to stop feeling angry at your ex in this video! Learn how to manage your anger and use our anger management techniques to help you. Get over the past with an ex specifically… or manage the anger that comes up in the moment!

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, Men’s Health. Hartford Courant, HeadSpace, VICE, and more!

Watch now:

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 AM EST

 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do