IAM Communication

Using IAM Communication to negotiate for a Win – Win

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Using IAM Communication to negotiate for a Win – Win

By Francesca Gentille & Edited by Amanda Pasciucco

 

Have you heard of IAM Communication?

For some of us, due to lack of attunement in childhood, attachment fears, hypervigilance and projections can cause communication issues. 

The Inner Aspects Method (IAM) created by Francesca Gentille discusses trauma triggers and missing skill sets so our relationships can thrive.

Instead of giving up or giving in, begin to question how you used to negotiate. In the beginning of the relationship, what was different? 

You may wonder how the relationship transformed from loving to where it is. 

It is difficult to find ways to collaborate that are connective. 

 

Most people were not taught how to do so. 

In most cases, caretakers used the “Old Paradigm” ways of raising children or talking to one another. 

These common yet dysfunctional communication styles view The Other (unconsciously) as an enemy or a flawed being that needs to be controlled, or punished. 

You may recognize some of these common, yet dysfunctional statements: 

  • You don’t get to!
  • Back off!
  • Who do you think you are?
  • I’m in charge. 
  • As long as you’re under my roof, you will do things my way. 

 

To collaborate and get creative in designing a win-win relationship is entering a New Paradigm. 

For many, it will take healing in some way to reduce reactivity to sensitized projections. 

In the New Paradigm, others we choose are friends, collaborators, and co-researchers in life as to what might work. Therefore, release knowing what is right or wrong. This is a journey of discovery to something new. 

Similarly, training in healthy forms of communication, like the ¨Non-Violent Communication¨ designed by psychotherapist Marshall Rosenberg (www.CNVC.org), may be helpful. 

 

Functional Adult Qualities:

  • Collaborative
  • Creative
  • Consensual 
  • Able to postpone immediate gratification
  • Able to grow at edges of comfort to give toward the relationship without resentment

 

From the Wise Functional Adult State we can ask ourselves and one another:

  1. How could it work?
  2. What else is possible?
  3. On a scale of 1 to 10 how important is this strategy, desire, wish to you (or to myself)?
  4. What is the underlying need that this is designed to fulfill?

A favorite phrase to ask as an empowered, functional adult is something like “would you be willing to collaborate with me to get BOTH our needs met? Then, we can then brainstorm possible options together.”

We might choose to try on a particular strategy for a week, a month, a couple months or some other period of time. Sometimes it feels easier to experiment for a limited time period than commit indefinitely. 

I recommend thinking of being collaborators and Field Researchers in the experiment of love and life. With a compassionate, creative, open mind, so much is possible!

We might take turns as to whose strategies get to lead, or base the decision as a couple on who has the most need (scale of 1 to 10). Also, consider professional guidance, support, mediation, coaching, or psychotherapy. 

We will make mistakes. Once we have agreements we will find out that not all of them were realistic or workable. I appreciate how this is described in The 5 Reasons Agreements Fail by Dawn Davidson. 

 

If we find it difficult to forgive or trust our partner, it is time to go back into therapy and-or other healing modalities. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Body Image Issues and Loving Yourself

Body Image Issues and Loving Yourself [RADICAL SELF LOVE!]

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Body Image Issues and Loving Yourself [RADICAL SELF LOVE!]

 

Body image issues and loving yourself is highly controversial in Western society.

Whatever those around you say about your body image is their business and has nothing to do with you. Loving yourself is radical because self love isn’t common! However, question what you know about the body… because more often than not, we have learned things that do not make sense and keep us stuck in negative thoughts about ourselves.

Amanda Pasciucco has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, and Men’s Health. Amanda is an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success!

Watch now!

 

 

DOWNLOAD OUR FREE EGUIDE “THE PLEASURE PRACTICE”

https://www.lifecoachingandtherapy.com/​ ←HERE

-Learn How to Unleash Your Self Pleasure and Transform Your Sex Life!-

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 AM EST

 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Transgender Teen

Supporting A Transgender Teen and Family in Transitioning 

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Supporting A Transgender Teen and Their Family in Transitioning

 

Part of our work at Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is supporting transgender teen clients and their families to adjust. Coming out as a transgender teen is a process.

Often, it is complex for teens and their families, because it is a transition for the entire family system.

 

Basic Terms

Identifying as transgender is when someone is born as male or female and ascribed a gender of boy or girl at birth based on their genitals. When someone is transgender it means that they do not feel the gender ascribed to them at birth is accurate. 

Non-binary, gender creative, and gender expansive individuals are people who do not ascribe to the gender binary of male/female or man/woman. These individuals typically see gender as fluid or do not ascribe to one gender at all. 

Dead name refers to the name the individual was given at birth, not the name the individual chooses as they come out. 

Pronouns  are the way a person identifies. The most common pronouns are: she/her, they/them, he/him, ze/zir. When someone misgenders someone it is when someone uses the incorrect pronoun. This happens often when people come out as transgender or non-binary. The deliberate misuse and misgendering causes significant harm to the individual coming out.

Due to our society adjusting our perspectives on the LGBTQ+ community, we have made head way in seeing the people are able to come out earlier in their life (usually in adolescence where identity is a primary developmental task) thus allowing them to lead healthier adult lives. I will say it 10000 times that these outcomes are based on how the community, family, and close individuals around the person coming out respond or react to them coming out. 

If you are a close friend or family member of someone in the LGBTQ community, especially within the gender non-conforming or transgender population, it is incredibly important for you to learn and understand how your response can cause harm to the individual coming out. 

 

Transitioning the Family

For the family, adjusting to their teenage family member using a different name and pronoun can be incredibly difficult. Even in the most supportive environments this is complicated. If you had any beliefs that may make the circumstance less supportive it can result in massive issues for the teen themselves and the family. 

One of the most important things to do as a family member is to work through the grief you have. Grief is a normal part of any major changes in someone’s life, this is no different. What I see most in families is the need to grief what they expected and how to integrate that with who the teen is and the memories they have with them. 

The most common thing I see in families is people not addressing their grief and projecting (putting it on) those around them, especially the transgender teen who is coming out. This looks like making it about themselves, arguing about what pronoun is appropriate, using the teens name vs. dead naming them, or misgendering. This makes someones coming out experience about you rather than the person coming out, which is a problem.

To be extremely clear, I am not saying you should not address your own personal feelings, grief, and experience – in fact I am saying the opposite. HOWEVER, this should be done NOT with the person who is coming out. The person coming out has enough of their own stuff to deal than trying to help you manage your experience and reaction to this. I would suggest finding a therapist or joining a support group where you can process your feelings and experiences safely without causing harm to the person who is coming out. 

 

Progress not Perfection

It is okay if you are having a difficult time with your teen transitioning. However, it is not okay to take that confusion out on those around. 

Family and friends do not have to be perfect. Yet, if you mess up – OWN IT. Owning can look like a simple “I am sorry.” Or owning it means asking clarification! Similarly, it could be learning more about transitioning through finding helpful resources. 

This does not look like making it about yourself or justifying why you did what you did. Please, do not have the individual coming out teach you before you do research.  

  • taking accountability
  • asking for clarification
  • apologizing
  • doing your research.

 

Please, try your best to respect someone’s name and pronouns. 

Think about how as a culture we shift last names of those that are married or when celebrities change their name. Therefore, an individual can use the same cognitive shifts for those in their life.

If you are finding it challenging or difficult please seek support from a professional to deconstruct why that is.

You are not perfect, I do not ever expect perfection from my clients. I do expect progress tho. Progress not perfection.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

How to get out of depression How to get out of depression

How to Get out of Depression – Step by Step Guide!

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How to Get out of Depression – Step by Step Guide!

 

Depression is a complex illness and how to get out of depression is even more challenging. 

Depression can affect mental and emotional health, including physical, social, and professional side effects. How to get out of depression may be good for all to learn, as those we love may hide it. 

Put simply, the disorder is exhausting, life-altering, and sometimes deadly. 

Here are some ways to help you learn how to get out of depression! 

 

Step by Step Guide – You Can Read It In Order Or Apply Out Of Order!

 

Step One:

The low feeling might be caused by a chemical imbalance. Start by accessing what you are putting in your body. This includes smoking, drinking and food choices for those who are sensitive. After you have reviewed a couple days worth of intake choices, try by keeping the foods that are working and eliminating those that make your mental illness feel worse. If it has no effect, no problem. 

 

Step Two:

Do light exercising to get out of depression. Moving your body allows you to have a different relationship with your body. Not only does exercise allow for a distraction, it creates endorphins to help boost your mood. 

Depression is common among people who have had major surgeries or injuries, so be careful not to overdo it. A small chart or journal to record your daily activities will help you see the progress from the beginning. QUICK intervals of exercise are more effective than hurting yourself. 

 

Step Three:

If you are experiencing isolation, try a new or different environment. 

Maybe the living room of your house has little light and you feel extra gloomy in there. Have you considered that you can add a lamp? Even rearranging the furniture so your favorite chair is closer to the window might help create a new vibe in the room. 

In some cases, just finding 20 minutes to sit outside for fresh air can be the change of environment you need. Additionally, considering breaking out of the same routine each night can be a game changer too. Step by step on how to get out of depression is important. It isn’t going to happen all of the sudden!

 

Step Four:

Do something for someone else if you desire. So, by doing even the smallest thing for someone else (making them a card), your mood may get a boost. 

Sometimes depression can cause one to feel hopeless. Instead of focusing on what you cannot do, focusing on what you change in the world is important. 

It could be as small as picking a flower on your walk to the bus stop and giving it to the lady you see daily. In response to a kind gesture, sometimes, people are gracious back. That warm feeling does not have to cost you money and you get the endorphins by contributing to someone’s day being brighter. Contribution is a basic human need and it will help our mental health if we can access it. 

 

Step Five:

Find a way to reduce stress. Therefore, care for yourself in ways that comfort you. Wear comfortable clothes, draw a warm bath weekly, or simply pick up a book. Each person is different. So, maybe for you it is taking a painting class or cooking a new recipe for dinner.

For me, looking up recipes can be calming, yet the making of the meal can get overwhelming. If this is also true for you, this will not help you get out of depression. 

Attune the activity for your benefit. Check in and ask yourself what you did for hours as a child that brought you joy. 

 

Step Six:

Find “you” time by keeping boundaries. It is important to ensure time for yourself and a space where you feel relaxed. 

While life may take its toll, remember to shut all the daily bothers at a certain time of day (even for 15 minutes) just focus on you. 

The time away from the troublesome bothers of your day will help you refresh and be able to handle them better.

If this doesn’t work, put in 15 minutes a day to actually fixate on what is bothering you, so then the rest of the day, you eliminate the automatic negative thoughts. 

 

Step Seven: Reconnect with Nature. While it seems easier said than done, many people do this daily and do not realize it. How many of you noticed the lack of attunement to others and nature during the pandemic quarantine? 

While some may think of reconnecting with nature as going hiking or camping, it could be as simple as opening your Uber window. The littlest observations with nature can help soothe and give your mind a new focus.

Buying a bird feeder and hanging out a window each day is one example of how to appreciate nature. 

As the seasons change you can observe what new birds come back during the year. This is something that I learned from living in a first responder family, because nature can be incredibly healing when you are terrorized weekly by what you see in your career.

 

Step Eight:

Chart & record your progress. Even the smallest improvements can be celebrated. Whether you choose to try all of the steps above or simply pick one and see how your mood changes, remember the smallest improvement can help you combat depression.

Overall, there is not one set way on how to get out of depression or cure your symptoms. It is important that we are equitable with ourselves and others to give them what they need. 

Depression does take time to combat, and each step in this guide can help lead you in the right direction. Of course, if you need personalized attention, seek counseling and psychotherapy! 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Coping with Depression

Coping with Depression in a Loved One

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Coping with Depression in a Loved One

 

If you are coping with depression in a loved one, it can sometimes feel hopeless.

Depression is a serious yet treatable disorder that affects millions of people – irregardless of age. From young to old and from all walks of life, coping with depression in a loved one can be a challenge. 

Symptoms of depression can cause tremendous pain; hurting not just those suffering, yet impacting loved ones around them. 

If someone you love is depressed, you may be experiencing difficult emotions. You may feel helplessness, frustration, anger, fear, guilt, and sadness. These feelings are all normal. 

It is not easy coping with a loved one’s  depression, yet be mindful not to neglect individual health and wellness.

 

Depression is a serious condition

Do not underestimate the seriousness of depression. 

Depression drains a person’s energy, optimism, and motivation. 

Your depressed loved one can’t just “snap out of it” by sheer force of will.

 

The symptoms of depression are not personal

Depression makes it difficult for a person to connect on a deep emotional level with anyone, even the people they love the most. It’s also common for depressed people to say hurtful things and lash out in anger. Remember that this is the depression talking, not your loved one, so try not to take it personally.

 

Hiding the problem will not make it go away

It does not help anyone involved if you try making excuses, covering up the problem, or lying for a friend or family member who is depressed. In fact, this may keep the depressed person from seeking treatment.

 

Your loved one isn’t lazy or unmotivated.

When you are suffering from depression, just thinking about doing the things that may help you to feel better can seem exhausting or impossible to put into action. Have patience as you encourage your loved one to take the first small steps to recovery. One way to help is also, by leading by example. If your loved one struggles trying to see something positive for the day try to find something each day and point it out.

 

You cannot “fix” someone else’s depression.

As much as you may want to, you can’t rescue someone from depression nor fix the problem for them. You are not to blame for your loved one’s depression or responsible for their happiness (or lack thereof). While you can offer love and support, ultimately recovery is in the hands of the depressed person. But you can help, encourage them to be active. Whether it is taking a walk together each night or going out to dinner just changing the scenery for them can help boost their overall mood.

Sometimes just being able to be someone your loved one can talk to is the best thing for them. Most people feel that when someone comes to you to talk, you have to have a solution or an answer to fix what is going on. With someone who is depressed, by you just being a listener is a huge thing for them. Also know going in one heart to heart conversation is not going to “fix” them. By being a willing listener and encouraging them to open up about their feelings and be willing to listen without judgement is an important factor in helping them cope.  Remember, by being supportive means offering encouragement and hope. This also means being able to talk to them in a language they understand and can respond to in their depressed state of mind.

It may be hard to believe that the person you know, and love would ever consider something as drastic as suicide. But a depressed person may not see any other way out. Depression clouds judgment and distorts thinking, causing a normally rational person to believe that death is the only way to end the pain they are feeling. If your loved one is mentioning or has thoughts of suicide, do not wait to talk to them about their feelings. Many people feel uncomfortable when the topic arises. But it is one of the best things you can do for someone who is contemplating suicide. If you feel you cannot help your loved one, please reach out and get professional help.

While you cannot control someone else’s recovery from depression, you can start by encouraging your loved one to seek help for coping with depression. 

Your loved one might be overwhelmed in making the appointment or seeking the correct clinician. Ask if they want your help to motivate them into securing an appointment. 

This just might be what they need to start coping with the symptoms and get the ball rolling to recovery. 

The most important part of your loved one’s journey to coping from depression is support. 

Whether it means being there to listen after seeking help from a therapist, support is huge in recovery. 

Any steps to help overcome the larger hurdles in daily lives will help your loved one create the life they want. 

If you need extra support, seek help.  

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

top questions for therapist

Top Questions For Therapist Regarding Intimacy!

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Top Questions For Therapist Regarding Intimacy!

 

Time to discuss the TOP questions for therapist that specialize in sex and trauma. It is important to understand that top questions for therapist can be different depending on what is happening in the world. Like, this past year, there were a lot of questions on how to spice up the bedroom during a pandemic.

Overall though, we want to answer the top questions for therapists that come into our practice on a weekly basis!

If you would like to learn more answers to top questions for therapists regarding intimacy, this is the video for you.

Amanda Pasciucco has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, and Men’s Health. Amanda is an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success!

 

Watch now!

 

 

DOWNLOAD OUR FREE EGUIDE “THE PLEASURE PRACTICE”

https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/​ ←HERE

-Learn How to Unleash Your Self Pleasure and Transform Your Sex Life!-

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 AM EST

 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

May Mental Health Awareness Month

May is Mental Health Awareness Month

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May is Mental Health Awareness Month

 

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. 

The purpose of Mental Health Awareness in May is to create opportunities to advocate about mental health and why it’s important.

I cannot say enough the importance of building more awareness, education, and compassion around various aspects of mental health. 

 

Mental Health Matters! 

Every person has mental health. Mental health does not only matter for those who fit into specific categories in the DSM. For many years, mental health and therapy have been stigmatized in our society resulting in inaccurate information and harmful stereotypes.

Many of the clients I work with are focused on deconstructing these narratives that there is “something wrong with them” for seeking therapy. We often explore where these beliefs came from, where they learned it, and provide education around what mental health is. 

Mental health matters!

And if we ignore our own mental health there are higher likelihood of engaging in maladaptive strategies to deal with our emotions, within our relationships. And usually increases likelihood of physical health issues. 

When we do not acknowledge the person as a whole (mind, body, and spirit) we miss opportunities for healing and growth physically and mentally. May reminds us of the importance of focusing on our mental, emotional, and psychological needs rather than just our physical selves. 

 

Mental Health and Trauma

A large component of mental health is trauma. Trauma is “an emotional embodiment hangover” where an event or events occur resulting in the stress being stored in your body. And brain resulting in a variety of symptoms (re-experiencing, avoidance, depression, anxiety, nightmares, paranoia, hypervigilance, etc).

Trauma is NOT just extreme events like car accidents, death, gun violence, war, etc. Although these events certainly are traumatic, trauma is much more broad than what we have stereotypically acknowledged before. Acknowledging the depth of what trauma can be is necessary to engage in supporting people’s mental health. With the limited definition our society has worked within, it  minimizes and dismisses how trauma has impacted much of the population thus minimizing our ability to recognize and acknowledge mental health in each individual. 

As a therapist who does much of my work through a trauma lens, I see how significant trauma impacts people’s mental health. If we look at Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) we can see how trauma is a public health issue. 

Our brains and bodies get stuck in these events and often cannot differentiate between what is currently happening and the trauma that we experienced. This lights up pathways in our brain to tell us something is not right. When someone has experienced chronic trauma or has lived in “fight, flight, or fawn” for an extended period of time. People’s brains are more apt to respond as if the trauma is occurring again. 

 

Tips to Help Your Mental Health

  • Drink lots of water, staying hydrated actually helps you mentally as well as physically
  • Sleep the appropriate amount for your age (usually somewhere between 7-9 hours for the average adult). Sleep increases our emotional resources and functioning
  • Meditate! Meditation or other mindful activities has been shown to greatly aid people’s ability to self-regulate. Improve their mental and emotional well being. Increases Mind/Body connection
  • Deep breath… if you can practice deep breathing (diaphragmatic) you are finding the most accessible coping skill you can use anywhere. Breathing helps us calm our bodies in order to calm our minds
  • Move your body… emotion requires motion… moving our bodies allows us to move energy and emotion within us
  • Set boundaries for yourself around time to focus on your emotional and mental needs
  • Set boundaries in relationships and identify ways to communicate your needs to those around you
  • Find a therapist, life coach, or religious or spiritual support to aid you on your journey of healing and/or growth

 

 If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

say no

Best Tips to say NO to Someone Without Excuses

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Best Tips to say NO to Someone Without Excuses

 

Say No is a complete sentence, and “no” can be said in a kind tone and with loving intentions. People can be polite and gracious; “no, thank you. It doesn’t meet my needs.”

You don’t have to make excuses. The best tips to say no work when you are in a place where it is safe to do so.

In other words, you can say “no, I am not able to commit to that right now.”

Saying no can be challenging at first, yet knowing your priorities can make it easier. 

 

What If Someone Wants To Know Your Why

Others often want a justification or an explanation, yet no one has a right to that information. 

Protecting energy, time, and peace is vital for all individuals to live harmoniously. 

Actually, the intention behind a “no” is a place of love. The way that other individuals respond is not your responsibility.

If others benefit from being around you because it meets their needs, your job is to protect how it affects you. 

You have to be true to yourself and how you want to feel. 

For example, saying “thank you for the invite, and I cannot be there” is a boundary. 

A boundary is the distance between how much I can love you and myself at the same time. 

Sometimes those you set boundaries with will not understand. On the other hand, some may start to respect you for having set the boundary, and give themselves permission to do so, too. 

 

No is Allowed

What the other person thinks about receiving a “no” to their request is on them. 

This is not in the control of the person who said “no,” nor are their feelings.

For example, if your family invites you to a conversation or an event, you can say no. 

If your coworker asks for you to do them a favor, you can say no. 

You are at choice, as an empowered adult. If others think that you are selfish, they are wrong. It is everyone’s individual duty to engage in self-love, create their space, and decide who gets to come in and out of those boundaries. 

Even though it may seem like your family benefits from your time with them…if it’s ultimately doing damage to your energy, your spirit, your mindset…then where does that leave YOU?

It’s not selfish to create your space and protect it.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Queerplatonic

Situationships: Queerplatonic or The Bond of Intimate Friendship?

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Situationships: Queerplatonic or The Bond of Intimate Friendship?

 

Queerplatonic or The Bond of Intimate Friendship?

If your mental health is causing you to struggle in your friendships, this is the how-to guide on responding when your friendships are struggling. 

Most common friendship myths: 

  • Friends do not move to cities, states, and/or countries to be with each other.
  • They do not celebrate anniversaries or special moments within their relationship.
  • Friends do not love as strongly as romantic partners. 

In one way or another, open communication is needed in all friendships, situationships, partnerships, and relationships. 

Queerplatonic is an umbrella term for relationships that differ (or “queer”) away from the platonic; therefore, bending the rules on what is considered acceptable or not. 

No two queerplatonic relationships are exactly alike, yet they break the idea of what is “normal.”

 

Queerplatonic situationships or friendships may (or may not):

  • go on “dates” or celebrate milestones
  • be emergency contacts
  • have shows together that are “theirs”
  • dedicate songs to one another
  • give each other cards
  • be physically affectionate; such as hug or cuddle often
  • kiss each other (on the lips, top of the head, forehead) 
  • live together or share a bed
  • plan vacations together 
  • partner exclusively or non monogamous
  • care about each other’s opinion of romantic partners

Typically, a queerplatonic relatedness values intimacy and loyalty.

If you are having difficulties in one of your queer platonic relatinoships, outline what would make it feel better. 

Discuss what your needs are and what you may be desiring. 

 

Example of Healthy Conversation in Friendships: 

At times, our friends will feel something is happening with us, and they may check in. If a queer platonic friend checks in, and says something like “I feel off. Are you mad?” that will likely cause reactions in the person they are speaking to. 

No matter what the bond, first responses to personal statements may feel uncomfortable or even unhealthy. 

In a healthy connection, saying something like:

“the part that is showing up is disappointed you are not understanding me. The story I am telling myself is that I am not clear and confusing. I am not feeling off in a blaming or disappointed sense towards you. I feel frustrated internally that as evidenced by your responses, you are not understanding me. This reminds me of when I was a child… so that has me pull back and that’s probably why you feel something is off.” 

Then, give them an appreciation of “thank you for checking in.” 

 

Followed with an attuning question, “what is going on for you when you hear me say this?” 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

how to do rough sex with a partner

How to Do Rough Sex with a Partner [Pain into Pleasure!]

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How to Do Rough Sex with a Partner [Pain into Pleasure!]

 

So you want to learn how to do rough sex with a partner. We are glad you joined us.

If you would like rough sex with a partner … I have created this video on how to understand more about confidentally perform rough sex.

In romantic relationships and sexual bonds, rough sex is something to be negotiated. That is the goal of this video today!

In this video, I’ll teach you how to understand rough sex, directionality, the difference between harm and hurt, and how to bring pleasure to your bedroom.

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Watch now! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, PornHub, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, Playboy, Maxim, Daily Mail, HeadSpace, and more!

 

GET THE BEDROOM NEGOTIATIONS VANILLA & KINK CHECKLIST!

https://qrzbdtau.pages.infusionsoft.net​  ←HERE

Watch more:

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 AM EST

 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Demisexuality

What is Demisexuality? 

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What is Demisexuality? 

Demisexuality is a broad sexual identity that focuses on sexual attraction being strongly linked to someone’s emotional bond with someone. Someone who is demisexual does not [often] feel attraction without emotional connection. 

Someone who is demisexual can be attracted to any gender or person and may identify as straight or same or all sex or gender attracted (LGBTQI+). 

When working with demisexual people, often I hear that they do not identify physical attraction to anyone UNLESS they have an emotional bond and connection. Therefore, for them, there isn’t love at first sight. Demisexuality is an identity where connection is where sexual energy comes from. 

Demisexuals rarely report that they have attraction to someone they have only seen in passing. 

Emotional bonds are emotional connections between people. 

There are a variety of people who will not have partnered sex with someone until they feel like time has passed and they “have gotten to know someone”. However, that is different from what demisexual people’s experience may be. 

Demisexuality Explained

People who are demisexual do not feel attraction to someone else unless emotional connection happens. People who choose to wait to have sex with someone usually still feel attracted to someone much earlier in the process. 

For example, with clients who do not want to have sex until they feel comfortable while online dating they still are able to “swipe right or left” based on their initial response to people’s profile (pictures and information). 

My clients who identify as demisexual have reported having a much harder time online dating in “swiping.” 

Luckily, they begin to know as they start messaging or dating someone rather than just based on pure attraction.

Demisexual individuals value sex as important to them. The common thing in my clients who identify as demisexual is that it matters about the person. And their connection and that that connection is of primary importance. 

People who are demisexual often report the following: 

  • Rarely feel sexual attraction to strangers or acquaintances
  • Felt sexual attraction towards people close to them (friends, romantic partners, etc)
  • Emotional connection determines the level of attraction (sexual, romantic, platonic, etc)
  • Limited interest in engaging in sexual activities regardless of the way someone looks
  • Want a variety of romantic, platonic, etc. relationships because emotional connection is a primary need they have
  • Often need increased levels of emotional bonds (communication and connection) from those in their life

This does not mean that demisexual people do not have sex with people that they are not attracted to. People of variety of identities choose to have sex or not have sex with people regardless of their attraction. Or just because someone feels sexual attraction to someone does not automatically mean they will have sex with them.

I think it is important to recognize that people’s choice around who they choose to have sex with is their own. Allow the individual to identify their own identities rather than others trying to define what someone else’s identity is. 

If you do not understand, please seek to understand and be curious rather than engage in behavior where judgments occur. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

take charge of your life using IAM

Take charge of your life using Inner Aspects Method (IAM)

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Take charge of your life using Inner Aspects Method (IAM)

 

Take charge of your life using the Inner Aspects Method if your life feels out of control. 

In American culture, it is common and normal to control and punish children. The idea behind this is that punishment can turn individuals into those that comply and obey. 

Research shows that individuals are more traumatized, repressed, suppressed, or depressed. Many people are overmedicated or experiencing distress and soothing it with their own “medicine”. Some turn to impulsions – food, sex, drinking, drugs, self-harm, affairs, etc. 

We turn to plastic surgery, eating disorders, shaming, and / or blaming to get our way and alleviate the pain. Instead of turning inward, we go outward to feel better. 

Then, sometimes, we may take advantage of others while being overly focused on ourselves. 

Individuals that are seeking power over others because they feel powerless. 

There are many individuals who report profound pain – emotional and / or physical due to their life. Many individuals choose to live in what they know. And what is certain to them, in an attempt to avoid feeling. 

It is important to begin to take charge of your life. Through the IAM model, we can do this. 

Are others confused by you? Or do those around seem to be contradictory? 

Sometimes, people will say one thing one day, and then do something the next day that doesn’t align or match up. 

When others are speaking conflicting statements, does it cause you to wonder if they are crazy? 

More often than I am comfortable with, I realize that individuals make agreements one day. And then with another day and in another context, they are acting an entirely different way. 

Are others lying to themselves or is the world lying? 

It all felt confusing until I learned the Inner Aspect Method (IAM) created by Francesca Gentille. As the creator of the model, she founded this based on Evidence-Based Principles within clinical practice. 

Actually, Dr Joe Dispenza says that 95% of who we think we are by the time we are 35 are our Survival Programs.

 

The first step in the IAM process is to slow down your thoughts and emotions, so that you can observe the patterns of your behavior to see what need they are meeting. 

So, have you heard of nonviolent communication theory? If not, this is the approach that we use in some of the IAM modality. 

For individuals that are sensitive to their emotions and feel that they want a new way of approaching them, this method is incredibly useful. 

Don’t just jump to anger or upset feelings; learn to speak for your feeling (“on behalf of the feeling”). Instead of from your feeling (using a tone of voice to express emotion). 

For example, saying this: My feelings are hurt, so I request 30 minutes or more to process them so I can better communicate with you after. If we can allow some time, I will be able to speak on behalf of the message of my feelings instead of with an emotional tone. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Communication exercizes for couples

Communication exercizes for couples using Inner Aspects Method

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Communication exercizes for couples using Inner Aspects Method

 

When you think of Communication exercizes for couples, you often think of what your partner could do to be better. 

Sometimes, we can sit with our couples therapist and ask for exercises, yet we think that our partner is in the wrong. 

A part of you may be young and scared to show that you too have messed up, and feel something like “Am I safe to say this?” 

Or you could have a part of you that is a rebellious teen saying, “you know, my partner made me go to this therapy session, but I really don’t want to be here.”

Think about all these various parts of you and bring up a picture that represents what your inner aspects look like. 

What’s actually going on inside your mind? 

Who is in bed in your head? 

The Inner Aspects Method (IAM) created by Francesca Gentille is a way to bridge between the personal, the clinical, and the deeper subconscious parts of self. 

The method behind the IAM model is life-changing, personally and professionally, as you start to incorporate its principals. 

For those looking to bring this into their love life, and for clinicians looking to experience this with your clients, you are able to dive deeper into communication exercizes for couples and yourself! 

In the inner aspect method (IAM), participants discover that life follows intentions. 

While having the intention of integrating this into your life, it became clear that it is important to continue growing to the next level. In communication, and in collaboration. The reason we need to practice is because we were mostly trained in communication that was demanding, commanding, criticizing, complaining or coercive. 

This Dominator form of communication is normal yet does not value consent, sovereignty, and / or collaboration. If we want a world of empowered consent within couples relationships, we must train ourselves to utilize language in a new way. 

Meaning, this will take practice. 

As we practice, we get the results we desire. 

So, in the Dominator Model we communicated to get our way, get what we wanted. Who cares if the other person is hurt by that, or didn’t consent? 

In the NEW Model of communication we communicate to achieve collaboration, connection and to look for the win/win. 

It isn’t healthy communication if only one partner is heard, happy, and/ or satisfied. 

Use phrases like: 

  • I’m noticing…
  • A part of me feels…. (insert feeling word)

Energetically, choose to: 

  • To be Centered & Open.

In Nonviolent Communication, we take the war out of words. 

Meaning, we do not use: 

  • ACCUSING: 
    • You did this! 
    • She said this. 
    • You did too! 
    • He yelled at me. 
    • They did it first. 
    • You violated, betrayed, used me. 
  • BLAMING: You made ME do or say it.
  • GUILTING: If you hadn’t done/said X, I never would have done Y. 

So, are you ready to learn more about how to use these in your life?

Start your journey!

Be more confident in relationship

Be More Confident In Relationship [with Love & Others!]

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Be More Confident In Relationship [with Love & Others!]

 

So you want to learn how to be more confident in relationship? We are glad you joined us.

If your emotional needs are not met, and you are feeling less confident that you would like in a relationship, I have created this video on how to understand more about confidence interpersonally. In romantic relationship and friendship, and families as well.

In this video, I’ll teach you how to understand confidence, love and sex, and communication of feeling through confidence.

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, HeadSpace, VICE, and more!

 

Get the “2021 Communication Guide”

https://bkib2xu0.pages.infusionsoft.net​ ←HERE

 

Watch now:

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 AM EST

 

If you have any questions about technology addiction for yourself or others, let us know. Take your life to the next level through personalized sessions using Text Therapy.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Technology Addiction

Stop Technology Addiction by Setting Boundaries with Social Media Engagement

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Stop Technology Addiction by Setting Boundaries with Social Media Engagement

 

Do you have a technology addiction where you spend hours scrolling? 

Maybe technology, television, or social media is more appealing than spending time with others.

If you are missing out on what you love though, learn to set boundaries with social media engagement and your technology addiction of choice. 

Why Are Boundaries Important with Technology Addiction? 

Setting boundaries are necessary when it comes to social media. Constant scrolling, engaging or focus on social media causes increased stress, anxiety, and depression. 

The social comparison piece of social media has grown so intensely that I have clients who truly struggle with seeing the lives of those around them. And the problem with this snapshot on social media is it is often only one aspect of that person’s life. 

Other’s have found that they are more irritable, anxious, angry, or depressed. Through exploration, it became clear that my clients were spending an extraordinary amount of time on social media. And were becoming more activated as they were scrolling and seeing various things within their feed, stories, or reels. 

If you are spending hours upon hours on social media and struggling with sleep, mood, or completing tasks these all may be signs that you need to re-evaluate your boundaries around your social media usage. 

These technology boundaries can look like: 

  • Having specific times that you engage with social media
  • Changing your notification settings on your devices
  • Limiting the types of social media platforms you use
  • Have a time limit for each device (including Netflix or your firestick) 
  • Changing those that you are “following” or “friends” with 
  • Unfollow is an option for those that 
  • Identify the reasons and purpose of following certain things 
  • If it is someone providing advice or health information, figure out how that information is related to their experiences and make informed choices!

If you have any questions about technology addiction for yourself or others, let us know. Take your life to the next level through personalized sessions using Text Therapy.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.