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5 Signs You Need Therapy 

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5 Signs You Need Therapy 

 

You might ask ‘What are the signs you need therapy? ’At some point in our lives, we encounter stress, anxiety, mood swings, and other types of emotional suffering. Whether it’s because of a failure in the workplace, rejection, problems with money, interpersonal conflicts, a death in the family, or another reason, we usually are able to recover eventually. However, occasionally, we might want a little extra assistance to do so.

You might not be able to “snap out of it” because you’re feeling down or empty. Or perhaps you’ve noticed some unhealthy patterns in your behavior that you find difficult to change. The symptoms of mental or emotional strain might sometimes be plain to see. However, sometimes it is more difficult to identify them.

Our energy, productivity, and general health are directly impacted by our emotions, thoughts, and actions. Taking care of your mental health makes it easier for you to deal with stress and problems in daily life. This is why it’s so important to pay attention to your mental health and get assistance if you feel that things are out of control.

What is Therapy?

When they hear the word “therapy,” a lot of people panic. Contrary to popular belief, however, psychotherapy is not only for people who are experiencing mental illness. Anyone who wants to improve their life yet is under stress, going through high emotions, or going through life transitions may find it helpful.

You can explore your options, vent about your experiences, and get the skills to deal with a variety of life difficulties through psychotherapy or talk therapy.

Psychotherapy comes in a variety of formats. Knowing what to anticipate from the treatment you or your child is undergoing is so crucial. These are the main types of psychotherapy:

  • interpersonal psychotherapy 
  • psychoanalytic psychotherapy
  • cognitive analytical therapy 
  • systemic psychotherapy 
  • humanistic therapy 

It’s critical to keep in mind that asking for help is not a sign of weakness yet a crucial step on the road to self-care. You can get back on track more quickly the earlier you seek assistance. Below, you can find the signs that indicate you should consider therapy.

1. You find it difficult to manage your emotions successfully. 

Even while everyone experiences sadness, anxiety, or anger at some point in their lives, it’s crucial to be aware of how frequently or strongly a person experiences any of these feelings. Anger frequently appears as part of a depressed episode. In fact, because men’s irritability or short temper is mistakenly seen as a masculine trait, melancholy in males is frequently overlooked. Uncontrolled rage can also signify negative thoughts about oneself or the outside world, frustration, or a poorly controlled stress response, in addition to despair. 

In a similar vein, persistently feeling down, empty, and uninterested in anything could be an indication of clinical depression. This is distinct from a depressed mood, which everyone experiences occasionally. 

Many adolescents and young people exhibit impatience, wrath, or hostility toward others rather than experiencing increasing grief. Therapy can help you to better manage emotions. Think of your therapy as an honest, objective, and private environment that helps you to examine painful sensations, comprehend their underlying causes, put them in context, and learn coping mechanisms to overcome such sentiments.

2. Your performance in school or at work is decreasing. 

One of the symptoms of psychological or emotional problems is a decline in performance at work or school. Mental health problems can affect one’s ability to pay attention, concentrate, remember things, have energy, and be energetic. They can also cause apathy, which can make it difficult to enjoy or even want to go to work. It could cause a lack of interest and mistakes at work, which would lower production. Even more so, it could endanger you or others.

For instance, whether you’re a caregiver, doctor, law enforcement official, or someone who drives or operates machinery. By actively solving problems and practicing relaxation techniques, a therapist can help you learn how to successfully self-regulate your behavior and develop more adaptive coping mechanisms for stress.

3. You notice changes or distruption in sleep or appetite.

Our sleep and appetite can be significantly impacted by mental health problems. A person who is worried or manic may have trouble sleeping, yet a person who is really sad may sleep all the time. 

When under stress, some people overeat to numb their emotions, while others find they can barely eat. Therefore, it may be time to take a step back and carefully evaluate the issue if you realize that you have been eating or sleeping either less or more than usual for an extended length of time.

4. It is difficult for you to build and maintain relationships.

Our mental health can have a range of effects on our relationships, including making us withdraw from those who are important to us, creating uneasiness in a partnership, or making us severely rely on another person for emotional support. People experiencing psychological or emotional difficulties may find it challenging to build relationships at work or school, collaborate in teams, or communicate with superiors, coworkers, or subordinates. 

New or ongoing relationships may suffer as a result of any of these circumstances. Therapy can be helpful if you frequently find yourself at odds with people or struggle to express your emotions to others. You can learn better social skills from a qualified therapist, like respectful assertiveness. 

5. You experienced a traumatic event. 

Talk therapy can also help those who have experienced past physical or sexual abuse or other trauma from which they have not yet entirely recovered. In a private, judgment-free setting, psychotherapy enables a person to discuss these traumatic events with a professional skilled at listening to these concerns. 

Additionally, the client is not concerned with “protecting” the therapist from learning about these experiences. A therapist can also assist the patient in learning skills for overcoming associations and the hold that the trauma has over them as well as new ways of thinking about the terrible incident.

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Why Unicorn Hunting is Taboo in Open Relationships

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Why Unicorn Hunting is Taboo in Open Relationships

 

Unicorn hunting is a term used in a relationship where a couple seeks a third person for their relationship. Together as a couple, unicorn hunting is seen as unethical in ways because what they are looking for is as rare as a unicorn. 

Moreover, the pair is thinking that they are such an amazing relationship, why wouldn’t someone want to join them? Many times an other-sex couple will be looking for a bisexual partner. 

So why are some people in open relationships called unicorn hunters? 

What’s the Fuss Around Unicorn Hunting?

Many polyamorous people consider the fact that heterosexual couples exclusively want to date together. 

The reality is that many LGBTQIA2+ individuals – and women in particular – frequently feel objectified by couples looking for a third partner on dating apps. Instead of an ethically non-monogamous relationship with others. The couple anticipates their unicorn to be sexually and romantically exclusive with just them. 

Unicorn hunting is seen as taboo because it is expected that the unicorn is attracted to both them. The unicorn is supposed to be only interested in being with the couple romantically and sexually. Yet unless they have exclusivity and fidelity, the dynamic between the original couple and their unicorn is unique and separate, because if you are unicorn hunting, the pair is not looking to integrate the third person into the relationship.

In fact, if the couple is successful in their search, things might not always turn out well for that unicorn, because the couple is objectifying that person as a way to meet their needs. Sometimes, it can be severely strained by the inclusion of a third party. And sometimes this leads to chaos in households while integrating the unicorn. 

Furthermore, many people believe that “unicorn hunting” is just a means for men in relationships to have extramarital affairs with other women, while remaining confident their partner isn’t cheating.

Who is a Unicorn Hunter?

Sometimes it is difficult to know if a couple is a unicorn hunter, or actually an ethically non monogamous dyad where each individual is looking to date. 

At times, unicorn hunters will often use the wife’s / woman’s profile on their dating apps, and the majority of the photos in these profiles are of the woman in the couple, with only a few with her partner. 

When you read “M+F,” “couple looking for a third,” then we know that they are looking for an add-on of exclusivity. 

If a couple is approaching a person outside the dating apps, they must be honest about their intentions from the beginning. 

Putting Feelings in the Center

Every relationship has its challenges and most of them will affect our feelings in one way or another. In an open relationship, there is a need to take care of more than just yourself and your partner. This might even be more complicated if you and your partner have been in a relationship for a while and are inviting a new person to your relationship.

The dynamic of your relationship will change, and if you don’t manage it well, the relationship might end up with more than one broken heart. This is why honesty and open communication are pillars of successful open relationships. Being aware of the needs and feelings of your partners allows you to understand and treat them better, which ultimately leads to a healthier relationship.

Tips for a Successful Unicorn Hunting

If you and your partner are interested in finding a person to join your relationship. Certain things might help you have a positive experience. 

Please, consider having a conversation with your partner about the idea of bringing others into your relationship. This helps you avoid any misunderstandings or issues that might arise between the two of you. 

If you’re not on the same page, it is difficult to imagine that a new person will ease the tension. Quite the opposite, a new person will only be one more reason for your disagreement. 

Also, consider talking to another couple that was unicorn hunting if you decide you want to do it. 

Someone who has already had a successful throuple or triad might provide you with the best advice on what to do and what to avoid. If you can’t find that person, you can seek people who have shared their positive unicorn hunting experiences online.

In Final Words 

As you can see, there are plenty of reasons why unicorn hunting remains a taboo in open relationships. 

Communication is key to successful relationships, both monogamous and polyamorous. Talk to your partner first about the idea of unicorn hunting and brainstorm some ways to ethically date instead. 

You may find the right person for your relationship, it just might require 5x the time and effort, with patience and attempts to make requests and use boundaries. 

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Dating with Social Anxiety: Tips & Tricks on How to Manage It

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Dating with Social Anxiety: Tips & Tricks on How to Manage It

 

You might have thought that dating with social anxiety is off the table for you and everyone else diagnosed with this psychological disorder which affects romantic relationships in every aspect. 

Social anxiety disorder or shortly SAD is a psychological disorder that prevents people from being comfortable and active in social interactions with other people. So, when thinking about dating, it might seem far-fetched, yet many have mastered the art of dating with social anxiety and are living fulfilled romantic lives, whether they’re only dating or in serious relationships.

If you’re new to this and don’t know how to successfully meet new people without social anxiety affecting these experiences, this article is for you. 

What Is Social Anxiety?

A severe, ongoing worry of being observed and evaluated by others is referred to as social anxiety disorder. Work, school, and other daily activities may be affected by this constant concern. Even making and maintaining friends may become challenging, yet the good news is that social anxiety can be treated with adequate therapy. 

A typical form of anxiety condition is a social anxiety disorder. When confronted with circumstances where they might be observed, judged, or evaluated by others, such as speaking in front of an audience, interacting with strangers, dating, participating in a job interview, responding to a question in class, or having to interact with a cashier in a store, a person with a social anxiety disorder experiences symptoms of anxiety or fear.

Common actions like eating or drinking in public or using the restroom can also make people feel anxious or afraid because they worry about being rejected, judged, or humiliated. People with social anxiety disorder experience such overwhelming fear in social settings that they believe they are powerless to control it. 

Some people may find that this fear prevents them from going to work, school, or performing daily tasks. Other people might be able to carry out these tasks, yet they do it with a great lot of worry or anxiety.

Some people might experience anxiety during performances rather than anxiety linked to social interactions. In situations like giving a speech, competing in sports, or performing on stage, they experience sensations of anxiousness.

Typically developed in late infancy, social anxiety disorder might resemble severe shyness or a need to avoid social situations or interactions. It affects girls more commonly than boys, and this gender disparity is especially obvious in adolescence and early adulthood. Social anxiety disorder can persist for a long time, or perhaps a lifetime, without therapy.

Tips for Your First Date

There are a few things that might make it easy for you when you decide to go on your first date with someone. You don’t have to immediately admit to having social anxiety. Be sincere when describing the setting where you feel most at ease. For instance, if they suggest going bowling, dining at a restaurant, or any other activity that makes you uneasy, let them know. Being socially anxious is challenging enough without having to contend with uneasy settings.

The opportunity to meet many new individuals is one of the best things about dating apps. Why not go on a few practice dates to boost your confidence if you find the dating world to be intimidating? You can exchange messages, talk about mutual interests, and see how you feel about that level of interaction. This will prepare you for a conversation when you decide to go on a first date with the person you like.

Also, consider arriving at the location before your date. This will allow you some time to settle in and get comfortable with the setting and people around you.  That said, aim to arrive a maximum of ten minutes earlier because anything more than that might trigger your anxiety even more. 

Never experiment with a new haircut or cosmetics appearance before a first date. Your stress levels will already be high enough from the mere prospect that everything will go wrong. Just maintain it simple and pick an option that gives you a comfortable, confident feeling.

Social Anxiety & Romantic Relationships

Unfortunately, social anxiety can negatively impact your capacity to form, nurture, and sustain romantic connections. Even with someone you love and trust, it might be challenging to let down your guard and feel vulnerable. Because you can perceive emotional intimacy as being too risky, it might be harder the more anxious you are.

A healthy and happy relationship is entirely possible for those who receive social anxiety treatment and are able to find the right supporting partner. Identifying and interrupting distorted thoughts is something you can work on beforehand. As soon as you hear that voice in your head telling you that someone isn’t into you or they think you’re weird, challenge those thoughts! For example, questions like, “Is it possible I misinterpreted their text?”

Practicing this will help you have more faith in a relationship you start building with another person as these doubts tend to appear more than once. Of course, the best advice someone could give you is to start therapy and talk to a therapist or a mental health professional who can provide you with valuable tools that enable you to start and nurture a romantic relationship.

Be Patient while Falling In Love

Avoid making assumptions about how your date could be feeling about you. Making assumptions about what other people think or feel can make us anxious, yet doing so is unjust to both the other person and you. Instead, focus on your positive sides. For example, if you have a hobby or a favorite band, think about the things you would like to share with your date.

 If you occupy your mind with positive thoughts, there will be no room for negative ones. Lastly, keep in mind that dating is difficult for everyone. Nobody has it all figured out and we’re just doing our best to make the most of all experiences, both pleasant and unpleasant. Take it easy on yourself and give love a chance!

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

The Positive Side of Being a Sugar Baby

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The Positive Side of Being a Sugar Baby

 

If you’re surprised about the title of this article, we invite you to continue exploring with us the upsides of being a sugar baby. After all, it’s so easy to judge something or someone, yet what do we actually know about this lifestyle? What does it contain? Instead of putting a label, let’s find out together what it means to be a sugar baby and how to benefit from it.

What Is a Sugar Baby? 

A “sugar baby” is a high-standard individual working with wealthy, older men, giving them the “girlfriend experience.” Sometimes they are young women attending college. They can be high school females much less frequently. It’s important to say right away that sugar babies can also be boys who are gay or bisexual.

They have clear minds and are free to jump into the bowl of sugar for a variety of reasons, such as curiosity or personal interest. These ladies typically come from a variety of backgrounds, including mature women, staff members, and college students. In general, sugar babies are eager to pay for a connection. 

Sugar babies are typically young women who are given money by a more attractive individual in exchange for company and sometimes consensual sex at parties. Despite the controversy surrounding the phrase, it is a well-known form of dating and older men of various ages frequently refer to themselves as “sugar” or “sugar daddies”. For those interested in this type of relationship, the phrase “sugar baby” offers a seductive opening.

A Peek into the Relationship 

A young person who has become financially dependent on their particular elder partners is known as a “sugar baby.” The relationship is often one of exchange, with the other party looking for the financial security that comes with it. The sugar baby frequently seeks mentoring and financial support from their more experienced peers.

A sugar daddy is typically an older, wealthy man who yearns for the companionship of a lovely, fascinating woman. A sugar baby is quite clear about her expectations and needs in a relationship. Above all, a sugar relationship is profitable for both parties. A sugar daddy might enjoy the company of a younger, attractive woman in restaurants, parties, or at business or private gatherings. That said, the relationship can blossom into a romantic one with time if both partners are interested, although most relationships continue to be so-called glucose arrangements. 

Seeking a Sugar Daddy

It is crucial to remember that anyone who would give you sugar is not the same as someone looking for a decent friend. Your future sugar daddy might become your friend, yet mostly this doesn’t happen, often because of the age difference. No matter what the situation is, a great sugar daddy will make every effort to make you as comfortable as possible.

People frequently assume that sugar daddies are ugly and old. Yet, it’s completely false and only a stereotype. Unbelievably, as sugar dating has become more and more common in recent years, more newcomers are joining the sugar bowl. The older, less appealing male is no longer the only option. 

On sugar baby dating websites, it’s simple to find the profiles of attractive and youthful sugar daddies. The bad news is that there are up to four to eight sugar babies in the bowl for every sugar daddy. Finding a date is quite challenging for a young sugar baby due to the intense competition.

Why Someone Becomes a Sugar Baby

Such inquiries may arise if you decide to become a serious sugar baby. Why do so many teenage females opt for a sugar lifestyle? Why are they able to give their money to strange, mature men? Is sugar dating right for me? Since each event is unique, it is difficult to predict what will happen in every instance. The four main causes are summarized here:

  1. Money problems. Most young people struggle financially in some way.
  2. A thirst for achievement. Getting connected to the wealthy is one of the quickest ways to become wealthy and successful.
  3. Interest and curiosity. Sugaring has become more and more popular among young people, who view it as a new type of fashionable lifestyle.
  4. Aiming for treatment. Some young girls who don’t receive the proper care join the bowl because they want to be treated like princesses.

On the other hand, most sugar daddies are wealthy, time-crunched individuals who value their privacy. They want to always have lovely women by their side, yet they don’t want to divulge too much about their private lives in public. Appropriately, sugar dating is a fantastic compromise plan for wealthy guys dating attractive women. 

The benefit of this type of connection is that there are “no strings connected,” allowing sugar daddies to enjoy a lovely sugar baby’s companionship without having to worry about the future. Therefore, it is not surprising that sugar dating is particularly common among the wealthy.

Sugar Practice Foundations

Being a sugar baby, in the eyes of these proponents of the practice, entails developing a relationship with a wealthy and kind man. Respect, feelings, independence, and no-strings-attachedness are the prerequisites for all sugar relationships, not sexual activity. Prostitution cannot be considered to exist in this practice.

However, according to some who despise sugar babies, the practice of becoming a sugar baby is akin to prostitution, and sugar babies are dependent, lazy young women. They rely on sugar for their livelihood and don’t want to try to improve the situation on their own. We are unable to agree with the latter’s position in general. Between prostitution and sugar dating, there are some key distinctions. A prostitute is not a sugar baby.

Responsibilities & Benefits of a Sugar Baby

A sugar baby must provide something in return for her sugar daddy in order to profit financially from the relationship. These are the common responsibilities:

  • Spend time with a sugar daddy,
  • Pretend to be a mistress or a girlfriend,
  • Sexual encounters,
  • Business journeys,
  • Take part in formal banquets.

And here are some of the benefits if you decide to become someone’s sugar baby:

  • Be as spoiled as you want, 
  • Extensive financial support, 
  • Receive numerous gifts and attention,
  • Say goodbye to your traditional job,
  • A mentor and great career opportunities,
  • Enjoy luxury shopping, expensive dinners, and vacations multiple times throughout the year,
  • Have independence in the relationship.

In Final Words

There is no right or wrong with being a sugar baby. The only question is whether you want to be one or not. After all, you might not be looking into a romantic relationship at the moment and simply want to spoil yourself with attention, gifts, and great vacations. As long as you’re happy about it, everyone around you should feel happy for you as well! 

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Sex after breast cancer

Sex After Breast Cancer: How It Affects Your Life? 

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Sex After Breast Cancer: How It Affects Your Life? 

 

Sex after breast cancer is probably one of the uncomfortably awkward topics to discuss with your partner, let alone with someone else. Even though you may not be aware of the problem or the solution, you are quite aware that something has changed and is affecting one more area of your life – your sex life. 

For many reasons, many women report having less sex than they did before cancer. The breast cancer experience causes your body to slow down. Many things take longer, such as becoming interested in, initiating, and concluding sexual activity.

If you’re facing the sudden onset of menopause, sex may be uncomfortable or even painful. Undoubtedly, it’s not surprising that you currently have less sex. Between the time of diagnosis and the end of treatment, many women just like yourself may have had little to no sex. 

Yet, none of this solves your situation. It’s nice to know you’re not alone in the boat, however, what is there to do? What can you do to go back to how things were or even better? 

Accepting Your Body During and After Treatment

The first step to becoming more sexually active and, more importantly, feeling good about it is to learn how to accept your body and everything that is affecting it through this experience. Many women with breast cancer deal with changes in their looks as a result of their treatment in addition to the emotional, mental, and financial burden that cancer and its treatment can create.

Hair loss is one change that might only last a short while. However, even minor adjustments can have a significant impact on how a woman feels about herself. Women have a variety of options, such as wigs, hats, scarves, and other accessories, to help them deal with hair loss. As an alternative, some people decide to utilize their baldness as a sign of surviving breast cancer.

Other alterations, such as the complete or partial loss of a breast (or breasts) following surgery, might be permanent. While some women may opt not to have reconstructive surgery to rebuild the breast mound, others may. You can choose whether or not to use a breast shape or prosthesis if you opt against having breast reconstruction.

Re-Building Sexuality in Your Relationship

After breast cancer, you can be worried about your sexuality. Some women may feel less confident in their bodies as a result of physical changes, particularly those following breast surgery. The damaged breast could lose its feeling. Your hormone levels may vary as a result of various breast cancer therapies like chemotherapy and hormone therapy, which could impact your sexual interest and/or responsiveness.

Relationship problems are also crucial. Your partner could be concerned about how to show their affection after therapy, particularly after surgery. However, breast cancer can be an opportunity for relationships to grow, particularly when both spouses participate in decision-making and receive treatment.

Accept the Loss of Your Sexual Desire

As much as sex is important for couples, it can be replaced until you feel interested in it again with different types of physical intimacy. You can kiss, hug, touch, massage each other, or find other ways to be intimate with your partner. 

It’s completely expected to lose sexual desire for weeks or months, and you can explore other ways of reconnecting with your partner, which ultimately might even help you find your sexual appetite again. 

That said, if you think it’s been too long and you are willing to work towards having more sex with your partner now, you can also consider going to therapy and discussing it with a mental health professional. 

Understanding What Sex Means For You Now

Set aside some uninterrupted time for you and your partner when you feel ready to increase or resume sexual activity. It could be beneficial to reflect on what you and your partner now desire from sexual closeness and look into new approaches on how to do that.

At this moment, communication amongst each other is crucial. You both need the chance to express your feelings and get to know one another. Talking about sex may not always be simple, so it may be easier to do so somewhere you both feel at ease, perhaps outside the bedroom.

You may need to consider experimenting with other sexual positions as a result of your treatment’s side effects. That may be due to pain or discomfort or a desire to avoid drawing attention to a specific body region. Menopausal symptoms, for example, can have an impact on your sex life.

Tips for Having Sex After Breast Cancer

A few tips might help make the sexual experience more enjoyable for you and your partner. However, not all of them will work for you as every person is unique, and their journey can differ significantly from another person’s journey. 

1. Start fresh.

Avoid comparing your current situation to what it was before receiving your breast cancer diagnosis. Accept the changes brought on by breast cancer, and also accept it may take some time and patience to feel good about what you see in the mirror.

2. Apply moisturizers or lubricants.

Regular use of a vaginal lubricant or moisturizer will lessen dryness and aid to prevent pain. Also, it might be useful to have something else to focus on while heating things instead of wondering how your body looks and how your partner sees you. 

3. Explore your body.

To start, it may be helpful to examine your body independently. You could want to use a vibrator or your fingers. Utilizing vaginal lubrication might be beneficial. This might assist you in determining what types of touch are still pleasurable and where they cause pain.

4. Exercise your pelvic floor.

Exercises for the pelvic floor improve blood flow to the vaginal region, which can heighten sexual arousal and relax these muscles.

5. Be patient.

Initially moving slowly could be beneficial. Consider your energy level and the degree of intimacy that you find comfortable. There might be useful things to think about, including using painkillers if necessary.

6. Create a calm atmosphere.

Setting the proper mood could reduce your tension and boost your confidence. An inviting and seductive ambiance can be created with the use of lighting, music, or aromatherapy products.

Conclusion

Whatever you do, try to remain a positive attitude. As you’re aware that you’re going through recovery after cancer and the treatment, your sex life will need to go through recovery on its own. If you allow yourself to be patient and kind to yourself, you might notice that your sexual desire comes back before you expected it. Lastly, enjoy every moment with your partner because sometimes a hug means more to you than sex – and that is something you should be aware of when rebuilding intimacy with your partner. 

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

how the other guy feels when it’s over

How the Other Guy Feels When It’s Over

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How the Other Guy Feels When It’s Over

 

Love is complicated, especially if you’re in a triangle, and we often forget to talk about how the other guy feels when it’s over. Most conversations in the media are about the other woman or the broken-hearted couple who has gone through this experience and decided to either peacefully terminate the relationship or save it. Yet, we rarely think about how the other guy feels when it’s over.

Affairs and secretive non-monogamy happen more than we’d like to admit. However, we’re still treating it as something to judge and afraid it might happen to us eventually. As bizarre as it is, something happening this often is not that taboo. 

Talking About Affairs

You might decide not to talk to anyone about this experience, and that’s completely fine. Yet, talking about how we felt when it occurred, the reasons for it, and emotions might help someone currently going through it. Let’s say you were the one having an affair with the other guy. That person was present for some time in your life, and pretending they never existed is not doing a favor to anyone.

Who was this other guy? What made him so attractive to you? How did he make you feel? Responding to these and similar questions can help you to understand better what was missing in your relationship. 

how the other guy feels when it’s over

The Other Guy

Besides the individual level, we barely talk about the other guy. If anything, we tend to put all the blame on the third person for causing damage to the relationship or marriage. Or, we’ll portray the other guy as the villain of the story because he seduced the woman he wasn’t supposed to. 

When listening to stories about affairs, have you ever wondered how the other guy feels when it’s over? Considering their feelings and thinking about them is essential to understand not only love affairs yet also romantic connections and love in general. So, let’s take a look at how he might feel when the affair is over, and their beloved woman decides to either work more on her marriage or relationship or simply move on. 

Things Left Unsaid

When the husband finds out about the affair without the woman wanting it to happen, the affair will most probably end without too many explanations. A guy who was in love is left behind without a conversation explaining what happened. Did the woman get bored of their relationship? Did she fall in love with her husband again? Is she still in love yet fearing that the husband will do something to him? It is difficult to move on from a relationship if things are left unsaid.

Broken Illusions

As much as the other guy knows that the woman he is spending time with is in a relationship or a marriage with another person, he knows that she chose him for a reason. She decides to see him over and over again because she likes spending time with him. It is easy to start imagining that she will leave her partner and dedicate time only to him. After all, even affairs that are purely sexual can lead to having romantic feelings for the other person. 

So, when a woman decides to terminate the affair, the other guy is left with broken illusions. Everything he wanted is disappearing, and he probably didn’t even see it coming. As risky as it was to start an affair with someone committed to another person, it is equally risky to daydream about becoming a duo instead of a triangle. 

Low Self Esteem

 If it’s over, it’s probably because the woman reconciled with her partner. When somebody chooses another person over us, we tend to feel like we don’t matter to them. Not only that, we often start comparing ourselves to that person and start experiencing self-esteem issues. In this case, the other guy might feel that he is not worthy of the woman’s love because he is not handsome enough, smart enough, successful enough, rich enough, etc.

Although women more openly discuss these topics with each other, men will also feel this way, especially if they are left with a broken heart. Instead of blaming them, we should all remind ourselves that the other guy is probably not having fun when going through the breakup. They will more often feel either sad, confused, frustrated, angry, or despair than nothing at all. 

How to Help the Other Guy

If your friend is going through this situation, instead of saying to them ‘You should know better’ or ‘Next time, don’t fall in love with someone who is already taken’, provide a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen without any judgment. It doesn’t matter what you think about it as it already happened, and you were not one of the protagonists of that story to act in it. 

If you wish to be involved in any way, choose the kind way. Listen to how they feel and be there for them. When they are ready, suggest going out to a restaurant or for a walk, depending on their preferences. Help them close that chapter when it’s the right time and you see they are stuck in a circle of emotions. Invite them to activities they would enjoy, watch their favorite movies with them, or take them to a place they’ve never been before. These things tend to take the mind off the thing we’re worried about and remind us of many other beautiful things and people in love waiting for us. 

If you’re the woman who ended your affair with the other guy, don’t confuse him by sending messages or calling him. And if you decided to end it, stick by your decision if you don’t want to play with the emotions of another person. 

If you’re the husband in this story, don’t blame someone outside your marriage for your marital problems. Focus on strengthening the connection between you two and let the other guy process what happened on his own. It’s nobody’s objective to destroy someone’s spirit yet to learn from each experience and think about what is good for your wellbeing. 

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Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Celebrity Therapist: Helping Famous People to Have a Better Life

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Celebrity Therapist: Helping Famous People to Have a Better Life

 

You’ve probably seen something about famous people going to a celebrity therapist if you watch television. Read publications, or browse the internet. You may wonder what makes celebrity therapists so great and how they differ from a therapist you or your friends are seeing on a regular basis.

In this article, we bring you everything you ever wanted to know about therapy for celebrities. Find out the most common issues for famous people and how they learn new techniques to manage their personal and professional lives better.

What Is a Celebrity Therapist?

As a celebrity therapist in ‘Darcey and Stacey’ a reality show about the life of these twin sisters and other high-profile executives internationally, I think the best way to describe my role is as someone who understands the challenges and issues a famous person faces and helps them acquire practical techniques to become happier, healthier, and more fulfilled in their lives.

Because they are under the spotlight, celebrities will struggle with a range of issues. From their ego affecting negatively their decisions and relationships to feeling unworthy or without the right to complain about their issues. Undoubtedly, fame brings a set of situations that are untypical for people who are not under the public’s eye. For example, a celebrity will need to face their business failures in front of everyone and the media will exhaustively report about it. Their personal problems are also under the spotlight. A famous actress or singer who is going through her divorce will often not be able to do it privately and allow herself to feel sad and grieve.

What I Learnt From Working with Celebrities

Famous people are humans too, and that is something we all need to remind ourselves of every now and then. We shouldn’t feel amused reading about someone’s heartbreak, affair, poor business decision, etc. If you and I can make mistakes and have our internal struggles, so can celebrities. 

There are many things I learned from being a celebrity therapist that can be an eye opener to all of us. 

1. Humanizing Celebrities 

If someone is an excellent actor, do we really need to know about their love life? We should treat famous people by the way they do their job, not by the way they are in a sphere we’re not included in. They have every right to feel things we all feel on a daily basis. And, more importantly, be treated as humans in every situation. This often means talking to a therapist that provides them with a safe space where they can be who they are, and not who the world is expecting them to be. 

2. Compassion

In celebrity therapy, compassion is everything. As therapists, we are not part of the celebrity world and we probably haven’t experienced most of the situations troubling our patients. However, therapists don’t need to experience everything to be good at what they do. You don’t have to experience family betrayal or infidelity to be able to help your client. Your compassion and therapeutic skillset allow you to understand your client and think of ways that will help them heal from a certain situation.

Celebrity therapy is not about working with famous people. Yet it is about giving them the same amount of attention and care you would give to the next person. After all, clients can easily pick up if they are not heard or treated with the respect they deserve.

3. Building Trust & Self Esteem

Before anything, a celebrity therapist will need to build trust with their client. Just because their team or a colleague has highly recommended you don’t mean that you don’t have to establish a relationship with your client first. Another trap that I noticed many celebrity therapists fall into is expecting they already have trustworthy relationships with their famous clients just because they know a lot about them from the media, Facebook, and Instagram.

After the trust is established between the therapist and the client, it’s time to strip down all the expectations everyone has from the client, maybe even including you. Your client will probably need to work on their self-esteem to understand who they are and what they actually want, instead of thinking about everyone else. 

4. Creating Healthy Boundaries

Sometimes, you can even experience that your famous patient unintentionally doesn’t respect your time or space. For instance, they might call you late at night to ask for advice or come into your office although you haven’t scheduled a session with them. Setting boundaries is crucial in the healing process like therapy. Even our non-celebrity clients need to be reminded of this often. 

Because celebrities are surrounded by their team of professionals, they might start treating their therapists as one as well. However, this only means you need to help them understand that as much as they appreciate their job, they should do the same with yours. This can also help them have better relationships with other people they work with and have more empathy for everyone around them. 

5. Curiosity Is Not Listening

What differentiates the celebrity therapist from the one working with non-celebrity clients is that they need to eliminate completely their curiosity and focus only on listening. The time in therapy is when the client talks about what is important to them, and not you or anyone else. For instance, a recent business failure can trigger childhood traumas that the client wants to address in therapy. Healing is a process that is guided by you as a therapist. Yet you should never pressure someone into talking about something they are not ready to address. 

Celebrity therapists must be really good listeners because it might be difficult for a famous person to trust someone who is new in their life. That is why it takes patience to give the client exactly what they need from the therapy. The better you listen, the easier they will open up, and talk about the real reasons for seeing you. Make sure that they feel safe with you and it will turn into a valuable experience for both of you. 

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Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Teens Sex Talk: Everything You Needed To Know

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Teens Sex Talk: Everything You Needed To Know

 

Teens sex talk is one of the most significant and impacting conversations parents can have with our kids. Therefore, we must take a deliberate and considered approach.

You might be lucky enough for your kid to approach you directly with inquiries. You will probably need to talk about each topic as they come. It might happen when your teenager asked about a well-known song about a failed relationship. Maybe it is when you catch their eyes light up when they spot someone they find attractive. Or perhaps it will happen when you find a condom in a desk drawer (hopefully sooner than that!).

Perhaps you discover that the subject will be covered in health class and want your child to know that you are always a reliable resource. Once you start talking, every subsequent exchange will be more relaxed.

Let’s Talk About Sex … And Then Again … And Again

Let’s not pretend that discussions about sex and sexuality are easy to start, even though we recognize their fundamental necessity. To help make it a little bit easier, we decided to write this article. Please keep in mind that this shouldn’t be “The Talk.” That suggests that it is a singular experience, after which you are done talking about it. That puts the subject under far too much pressure. Sexuality and sex talk are meant to be continual topics of discussion.

It should be a comfortable conversation that develops over time and where your beliefs around healthy sexuality are persistently reinforced. It is crucial to teach young people how to make healthy and safer sexual decisions in addition to the relevant sexuality-related information. According to research, parents who are upfront with their children about their sexuality impact their sexual practices as they mature.

Let’s be clear: Sex is not the same as sexuality. A healthy regard for our bodies and respect for others are only two of the many topics that make up the complex topic of sexuality. Human connections are entwined with healthy sexuality. Contrarily, the sexual activity involves physical activities that, when done sensibly and with the appropriate person at the right time, may be a magnificent aspect of the human experience. To enter adulthood in good health, adolescents must learn about both.

Feeling Comfortable Talking About Sex

It varies from person to person how comfortable they feel talking about sexual health issues. We can admit that discussing sex is uncomfortable as long as we equally admit that we transmit our discomfort to others. It will go more smoothly, and your kid will feel more at ease approaching you if you can get comfortable more. Also, keep in mind that there are numerous concerns related to sex and sexuality. It is OK to only address certain concerns and rely on other dependable adults in your community, especially specialists, to address situations outside your comfort zone.

Knowing the truth leads to feeling more at ease with everything that has to do with sex. These young people must learn the fundamentals. They need to be ready for changes as they approach puberty in their bodies, emotions, and sexual experiences. Many reliable, trustworthy sites can show you how to provide information that is age and developmentally appropriate for children. Keep in mind that there are some subjects in which you are already an expert that books cannot teach. Although these aren’t “facts,” they are nonetheless quite significant. 

Don’t Exclude Values

Your adolescent can find out about the specifics of puberty and growth in a variety of settings. The internet, books, and health classes are among the examples. You must make sure that they pick up these principles of healthy sexuality from you. If you and other people in their lives don’t talk about these issues, they will get their morals from the internet, TV, and music. 

In the worst situation, youngsters might pick up harmful and uncomfortable portrayals of sex and sexuality through internet pornography. Additionally, they will pick up values from their friends, which may be positive yet are not always seasoned by life.

Don’t Forget to Discuss Safety

We are aware that teenagers value their parents’ advice and that instilling parental knowledge in children is essential to setting them up for future success. We also know that teenagers reject parental advice when they feel it intrudes on their privacy, yet cherish it when it helps them negotiate the world shrewdly and safely. 

This information is essential in guiding our discussions about sex and sexuality, which can surely feel extremely, intensely personal. So, if you discuss particular relationships, you’re probably getting too intimate. Similar to this, if you inquire about your teen’s specific sexual activities, you are likely entering uneasy territory and risk provoking a rejection.

On the other hand, keeping talks casual enables you to have extremely serious conversations more successfully and comfortably. Young people believe that it is the responsibility of their parents to keep them safe, and we often talk about healthy sexual practices while talking about safety issues. Also, emotional security is on the line. We need to talk about respect for one another and ourselves. Limits and personal boundaries. Observe the oral and nonverbal cues of others to avoid engaging in acts that they do not want.

Don’t Assume

Don’t assume that simply because things seem to be happening quickly, young people are knowledgeable or informed about everything. Our children deserve factual knowledge about sexuality that is presented clearly and is rooted in the ideals of self-preservation and respect for others. We deprive people of the fundamental knowledge that is the cornerstone of healthy sexuality when we presume they know too much. That means that we must begin by learning how our bodies work and the beauty of love connections as well as the potential for manipulative or exploitative ones.

Conclusion

Teenagers claim that their parents—not friends—have the greatest impact on their sex decisions, yet only if their parents communicate with them. Having open and honest discussions about sexuality so enables us to mold our kids into people who will be better prepared for healthy, meaningful relationships, as challenging as they may at times seem.

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Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Sexual Freedom: Protect Your Rights By Voting

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Sexual Freedom: Protect Your Rights By Voting

 

Sexual freedom is a fundamental right that every human has. It is at the heart of our dignity, equality, and civil liberties captured in the U.S. Constitution and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Our sexuality is a natural, fundamental, and valuable aspect of life that cannot be prescribed or legislated. As humans, we should always strive to acknowledge, protect, and celebrate our sexual freedom because they are part of human rights.

Unfortunately, many events in the everyday lives of Americans have been affecting our freedom, and one of the recent ones concerns our sexual rights. To win these short-term races, many politicians use sexual freedom as a tool to get more votes and defeat their opponents in their beliefs and values. You might not be interested in politics (neither are we), yet politics is very much interested in you, especially your sexual freedom.

Ignoring the impact politics has on our lives leads to our lives being guided by people who don’t represent what we stand for and believe in. That is why we need to protect our rights by voting for those who will protect them with us. We’ll refrain from commenting on politicians and parties and analyze how those considered leaders shape our future and affect our lives.

What Is Sexual Freedom? 

To truly understand this problem, we must first understand what sexual freedom is. Fundamental human rights that are focused on sexual freedom include:

  • rights to equality and non-discrimination,
  • the right to be free from torture or any cruel, inhumane, or degrading treatment/punishment,
  • the right to privacy,
  • rights to the highest standard of health possible – including sexual health – and social security,
  • the right to marry and found a family with the free and full consent of involved individuals, and equality during and at the dissolution of marriage,
  • the right to decide the number and spacing of their children,
  • rights to information and education,
  • the rights to freedom of opinion and expression, 
  • the right to an effective remedy in case of a fundamental right violation.

Going through this list, you might feel confused about the terms ‘sexual freedom’ and ‘sexual rights’. Although they are often considered synonyms, there cannot be sexual freedom if there is a violation of even one sexual right. You are not a free being if any of the rights from the list above gets violated, including sexual rights.

And violating a human right doesn’t require an aggressive method, especially in the public arena. As we’re used to associating the word ‘violation’ with aggressive and violent human behaviors, we assume that attempts or acts that are less physically aggressive or visual are not as serious, bad, or concerning as the more obvious ones. And that is where we are all wrong.

Attacking Our Sexual Freedom

Over the past few weeks, we’ve been hearing a lot about Roe v. Wade. On June 24th, 2022, millions of women across the United States lost their right to decide over their bodies once the Supreme Court overturned abortion rights in half of the states. That led to further political discussions where 26 states are considering how to completely ban or severely restrict abortion, with already 13 states with trigger laws. 

This event is not impactful just because it affects more than one state in the United States. It has been a number one topic in the media because it is a pure presentation of a violation of human rights. Just because there is no physical act of aggression doesn’t make it less terrifying. 

According to the Guttmacher Institute, there were 930,160 abortions in 2020. If all states were to ban or restrict abortion, this would mean that a million women in the U.S. would be denied to decide over their bodies. One million women would be denied their freedom and fundamental human rights. Almost 50 years ago, back in 1973, the Supreme Court legalized the abortion in Roe v. Wade case. Why are we returning to a time when society denied women adequate medical care, support, and their rights?

Effects of Losing Sexual Freedom

In this case, unfortunately, history repeats itself. Instead of going into politics and understanding why someone would use abortion as a way to win elections and improve their public image, let’s consider what happens on a more individual level.

Anytime someone is denied their sexual freedom or any other type of freedom, they are not able to eliminate a part of themselves to fit in better. For instance, a pregnant woman who doesn’t want to proceed with her pregnancy cannot just become un-pregnant because abortion is illegal in her country. A man in love with another man who wants to enter a same-sex marriage won’t suddenly stop being gay just because he lives in a closed-minded community.

That leads to a wide spectrum of people who fall out of the public sphere. The United States must provide each individual with equal human rights and protect these rights by all means possible. However, there is still a lot of room for improvement when it comes to sexual freedom. Such discussions, whether presented in media or converted into laws, result in people feeling unheard, invisible, rejected, weird, unnatural, miserable, and so on.

How to Fight For Our Fundamental Rights

Understanding the gravity of things helps us understand better and react more rationally. We cannot change the political leaders, yet we can choose more wisely the next time. You don’t have to be a fan of politics. Nor even have to know everything about the politician or political party. You should know how well these people would represent your beliefs and values if elected. Would they care enough to protect someone like you? Or do they see people as a set of numbers used in a popularity contest?

Voting helps you protect all your fundamental rights, from your sexual freedom to the freedom to work and education. Would you be okay with 13 states prohibiting girls from going to school under the pretension of nurturing traditional values? Would you be okay with 13 states allowing child slavery under the pretension of teaching children practical skills? If that provoked a strong ‘hell no’, why should it be any different with sexual freedom? After all, each of our fundamental rights is protected by the U.S. Constitution for a reason.

Stop considering voting a political activity and think of it as voting for a safer and more inclusive future that improves how we treat each other and teaches us how to set a better example for generations to come. 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Is My Husband Gay & What To Do About It

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Is My Husband Gay & What To Do About It

 

If you’re asking yourself ‘Is my husband gay?’ then this article is for you. Not every gay person will come out to you easily, even if we’re talking about spouses. Our sexuality can be something we struggle to understand on our own, let alone be able to have conversations about it. 

So, before you accuse your partner of hiding this secret from you, let’s look at the most common signs to answer is my husband gay and if he, then what.

How to Tell if Your Husband Is Gay

Of course, the clearest and easiest way to find out if your husband is gay is if he tells you. Unfortunately, many gay husbands will hide their homosexuality from their heterosexual spouses, who begin to wonder should they confront their gay husbands and how. These are some of the signs you should look for:

  • The lack of or decrease in sexual activity throughout the years. He will maybe try to tell you that sex is not an important aspect of your marriage for him or that is normal for couples to have less sex when in long-term relationships. 
  • He doesn’t get sexually excited by normal sexual activities and accuses you of being too aggressive or a nymphomaniac when having normal sexual needs. 
  • In bed, he acts more mechanical than passionate with a lack of interest in foreplay.
  • He might claim he feels depressed, frustrated, or under a lot of pressure for a long period of time and blame it for his lack of sexual desire.
  • Hides sexual enhancers like Viagra or Cialis, yet doesn’t show interest in having sex with you.
  • He likes kinky sex and suggests using sex toys that will stimulate his prostate. 
  • His computer history is often deleted and doesn’t show any recent search results. 
  • You have found gay pornography on his phone, computer, or magazines hidden somewhere in the bedroom, while he claims they are not his. 
  • He has started investing more time in himself by going to the gym and working on changing the way he looks. 
  • Says he is not happy in the marriage, yet is unable to explain the reasons for it. 
  • He is often unavailable and tells you he is working long hours or doing activities you cannot track. 
  • He shared he was sexually abused in his childhood or adolescence. 
  • Refers a lot to homosexuality in conversations, whether it’s to make homophobic comments or any gay-related comments. 

Keep in mind that exposing just one of the signs doesn’t imply your husband is gay. For instance, if your husband has decided to go to the gym more often, it might be because he is worried about his health or he wants to impress you. However, if you noticed more than two signs in your marriage, it is time to seriously consider the fact that your husband is gay. 

Is He Gay? Yes, He Is Gay – What to Do? 

If these signs constantly appear in your marriage and you’ve been suspecting for a while now, chances are your husband is gay. It’s completely normal feeling a combination of emotions and feeling lost when trying to find the best way to handle it. Most women in this situation have reported experiencing guilt, shame, devastation, hurt, rage, betrayal, repulsion, and responsibility. Of course, each experience depends on the individual, so make sure you allow yourself some time to process all of it. 

The first thing you will need to do is accept it’s nobody’s fault. Your husband is not intentionally gay just to hurt you nor you are guilty because you haven’t realized your husband is gay before you married him. Your husband’s homosexuality is his responsibility and you couldn’t affect it in any way. There are many reasons why men are not embracing their homosexuality and marry a heterosexual woman, from thinking it will erase their homosexuality to belonging to a traditional family, like the one he grew up in. You will know the reason only if you talk to your husband. 

Try to first process it on your own because the conversation will not be productive for either of you if you’re unable to talk rationally. Try to explain how you feel to yourself first before going to your husband. Be clear on how to verbalize everything that is happening in your mind or heart, and find appropriate words. Prepare yourself for tears and don’t waste your energy on building the facade to show you’re not hurt. You are, and you have every right to be. 

The Talk

Once you feel prepared for the conversation, invite your husband to talk about it. As you will be the one who will reveal his secret, keep in mind that setting the tone for the conversation is important. Try not to attack, blame, shout, or say anything that might make him abandon the conversation. You deserve to know his side of the story and by being calm and asking the right questions, you might get that. 

First, tell him you’ve been suspecting for a while he is gay and lists the signs that confirm that suspicion. While doing so, make sure you’re not rushing into proving you’re right. Instead, share with him how all of this made you feel and that you understand there is nothing to do about his homosexuality, yet your marriage is the responsibility of both. Ask him why he has never told you that he is gay. Ask him how long he knows the truth about his same sex orientation.. 

Whatever was tormenting you while gathering evidence of is my husband gay,, ask him. However, make sure these questions are not filled with blame and accusations. For instance, instead of asking ‘How could you do this to me and our marriage?’, you can ask ‘What was stopping you from telling me the truth?’. 

Keep in mind it’s not just the words you choose, it’s the tone you use to talk to him. It’s the place and time you have chosen for this conversation. Besides having control over the conversation, you are the one who is putting his secret out in the open, so make sure you’re also aware of that. Not to say you’re not the victim here, because you are, yet you will get more value from an honest, open talk than blaming him for destroying your marriage. 

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

wealth psychologist

Wealth Psychologist: Helping High Net Worth Individuals and Families

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Wealth Psychologist: Helping High Net Worth Individuals and Families

 

Do you know what a wealth psychologist is? Licensed psychologists have a specialty in helping high-net-worth individuals and families cope with wealth stressors. Wealth psychologists will provide their clients with tools and insights that help them navigate concerns, enhance their relationships, reduce and manage their stress levels. And consult on inheritance concerns, struggles, and obstacles. 

It is one of the niches of psychology. Wealth psychologists will empathize with the struggles of wealthy individuals and families. Working with them to improve their life quality and the satisfaction that money brings instead of carrying a burden of guilt. For people who either earn significant amounts of money or come from highly wealthy families. Talking to a wealthy psychologist will bring tremendous benefits over undergoing regular therapy.

Money & Your Wellbeing

We are taught to think that having money solves all problems. Naturally, we work hard to get better at our jobs and earn more money. However, as we start making more money and advancing on that career ladder, we notice that our problems are not going away. Yes, you will probably be able to buy a nicer car or a bigger house. Yet money doesn’t guarantee more happiness or lack of problems in our lives.  

If money is not affecting positively your wellbeing, it will bring a set of unpleasant feelings and experiences. Oftentimes, when an individual starts earning enough money to cover their basic needs and certain conveniences, we start being driven by other desires that most of the time decrease our wellbeing.

Wealthy individuals have surpassed that earning limit and are trying to understand what would enhance their well-being and how to leave behind everything that will affect them negatively. As simple as it sounds. It is actually quite challenging to build a healthy relationship with money and not allow it to control you in any way. This is what wealth psychologists help with. 

Psychology & Wealth

Most of us are not taught to have a healthy relationship with money. Either we are saving too much because of fear of losing it or we’re spending more than we can afford. Besides these two extreme poles, there are dozens of unhealthy ways we approach money in our lives. For instance, many people who become high earners overnight will forget what makes them happy and will not know how to contribute to their wellbeing.

There are numerous examples of poor relationships with money, and they don’t all involve poor money management. On the contrary, wealthy individuals are noticing their well-being is being decreased as their bank account numbers continue growing. 

As said, money doesn’t guarantee happiness. That is why wealth psychologists tap into self-knowledge, self-awareness. And self-acceptance to help these individuals understand both their strengths and weaknesses. When working with a wealth psychologist, high-income earners start exploring the complexities of their thoughts, feelings, and emotions involving money.

Most of the time, these high-net-worth individuals seeking help from wealth psychologists will be:

  • Business leaders struggling to confide in others and need help with safely examining their thinking, assumptions, emotions, fears, and suspicions.
  • Families seeking to reduce tensions between partners by improving their communication skills and family dynamics.
  • Individuals wishing to improve their life-satisfaction levels, self-empowerment, and confidence, or reduce isolation, loneliness, anxiety, or sadness. 
  • Inheritors trying to reduce feelings of guilt due to inherited wealth and begin with self-actualization and creating their own legacy. 

Although these four categories are most common in wealth psychology, other individuals might also feel they are not improving their well-being with money. In situations such as divorce, business sales, or an unexpected windfall. Most individuals will find it challenging to build a healthy relationship with money. Which might even affect the emotional impact of stressors and the way they make their decisions. If not dealt with in the right way, a person might even lose all their money because they felt unworthy of it. Guilty of inheriting it or simply spent it on things that didn’t benefit their wellbeing.

Mental Health & Money

Mental health issues and disorders can affect literally anyone, and money cannot protect you from them. In fact, many high-net-worth individuals will face mental health disorders such as bipolar disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and major depressive disorder. A wealth psychologist can bring numerous benefits to these individuals and help them improve their life quality and satisfaction. 

For instance, high-earning individuals who have started working with a wealth psychologist have noticed their feelings of depression and anxiety have decreased. With the right therapy, the individual will learn valuable coping strategies and relaxation techniques that will help them manage stressful situations and preserve their mindfulness. 

Also, wealth psychologists help reduce feelings of guilt associated with wealth. Many times, when a person inherits wealth from another family member, they will feel like they don’t deserve this money. A wealth psychologist will help them explore what they wish to do with the inherited money. While also taking away the feeling of guilt associated with it. 

When someone is experiencing problems involving money or their relationship with it, they are unable to see anything outside their perspective. However, when in therapy, a person is gaining new perspectives and mapping their relationship with wealth, which helps them strengthen their wellbeing as well. 

Wealthy therapy also improves communication and teaches individuals how to improve their relationships with families and close friends when discussing topics around money. Whether that is inheritance or philanthropy. 

Conclusion

Just like it is with any event occurring in our life, being a high earner, inhering money. Or coming from a wealthy family, comes with its set of issues. These individuals will often struggle to find the right support as most people see wealthy people as more happier and fulfilled than themselves. This is why a wealth psychologist can help these individuals by understanding the challenges, emotions, and feelings they deal with and teaching them how to improve their well-being and feel good about their lives, regardless of their money. 

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

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Learn How To Flirt With A Guy

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Learn How To Flirt With A Guy

 

Do you remember the last time you saw a cute someone in your favorite restaurant and bar and spent the night observing them because you didn’t know how to flirt with a guy? Well, it happens to more people than you would imagine. Although it’s completely natural to come up and introduce yourself to someone you like, we often feel blocked, whether it’s because of our insecurities or something else.

As flirting is tied to having sex, it is a part of our biological instinct. In other words, it will not be that difficult for you to start flirting and enjoy it all the way. So, if you need a bit of encouragement for the next time you see a guy you like, you will find everything you need to know about flirting in this article.

Boosting Your Confidence

To really feel good when flirting, you will need to boost your confidence first. You’ll be surprised how little it takes for you to feel great about yourself. Even a new haircut or a pair of jeans will help you feel like the queen of flirting. If you haven’t worn makeup for a long time, why not put on a bit of lipstick and mascara, and you’ll notice the instant change in how you see yourself in the mirror? 

If you weren’t planning on flirting on the night you went out with your best friend, and still saw a guy you’d really like to get to know. There are a few tricks to boost your confidence even in an environment like that. Go into the ladies’ room and take a look at yourself in the mirror. Rapidly scan for the things you like about yourself tonight. For instance, how you did your hair, how your blouse matches your eyes, or how your face looks well-rested because of that afternoon nap. Literally, anything can be your confidence booster!

Master The Small Talk

If you plan to flirt, you have to be prepared to do the small talk as well. Getting good at the small talk will definitely upgrade your flirting game, so you can start practicing it with people you see in the grocery shop, people from other departments at work, your neighbors, etc. As much as most irrelevant small talks revolve around weather, traffic, or news. Make sure you avoid these topics when trying to flirt with the guy you like.

Instead, start the conversation with something observational. You can share with them you really like the DJ the bar has tonight or that your crush is eating your favorite dish from this restaurant. If there is some spark between you two, this will be more than enough to make them notice you and want to spend some time talking to you. 

Flirting Starts With The Eyes

If you feel shy when looking someone you like in the eye, you will need to practice it until you perfect it as the chemistry mostly happens in the stare. Think of eye contact as more than just seducing someone or feeling uncomfortable when they look at you. By maintaining eye contact, you will also get their feedback. You will see which topics they are interested to talk about and what makes their eyes wander across the room because they don’t feel invested in the interaction.

Similar to small talk, you can practice eye contact with the people around you. Oftentimes, those who feel a bit shy to look their crush in the eye and flirt with time are also uncomfortable with the eye contact with other people in their daily lives. 

Stay Positive And Smile

People will feel attracted to you if you’re positive, smiling, and laughing with the people you’re with. Of course, if the entire flirting situation is making you feel uncomfortable, it will be difficult to be the life of the party. Yet you can still have a smile on your face and laugh if someone said something funny.

Keeping a positive attitude will also help you feel good about yourself. That’s why you should think about who you bring with you to a night of flirting. Invite your friends that make you feel good and avoid inviting friends who prefer deeper conversations as it will be difficult to pay attention to both them and your crush. The friend who knows you’re trying to master the flirting game will be the friend who will be your best support in these moments. 

Tease Your Crush

Okay, this is where the really flirt comes in. Yes, you’ve gotten really good at small talk and maintaining eye contact, yet the teasing part is what will bring you the results you were hoping for since the moment you noticed him. A lot of guys will feel attracted to a woman with a great sense of humor and crack a few jokes about him. With that being said, you will need to be careful. The guy might not be amused by your joke, so keep it light.

The safe way to play it is to tease him by giving him a compliment. For instance, you can say that you won’t call a Uber to take you home because his big, strong hands can carry you and your friend. If you noticed he was bored by the company of his friend. You can make a joke about how glad you are to manage to talk to him before he rushed out of the place while his friend was at the restroom. 

In Final Words

Don’t think of flirting as an exam where you’ll fail or pass, think of it as a game. If you didn’t manage to get the attention of the guy tonight, there will be another one you will like. Try not to take it so seriously as you will miss all the fun that all this flirting and seducing brings.

Don’t focus too much on the results. Enjoy the game and if something doesn’t go as planned. Look at it from the positive side and make a joke or two about it with your friend. Keep in mind that nobody will have the perfect score when it comes to flirting. So just make the best of it. 

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

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How To Flirt Over Text Like A Pro

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How To Flirt Over Text Like A Pro

 

You’ve met someone you like, yet not sure how to flirt over text and invite them for a coffee? Don’t worry, this happens more often than you’d imagine, and luckily, it’s an art you can learn to master. Due to the beautiful little devices, we carry around with us all the time, we’re able to use them to start a conversation with someone we like, ask them out on a date, or chat a bit to see if they are the right fit for us. 

The key in texting with someone you like is to learn as much as you can about them, while also trying to raise their interest in you by sharing information you feel comfortable with. So, if you’re one of the many romantics who’d love to flirt over text with someone, here is everything you’ll ever need to know about it. 

K.I.S.S.

As much as you’re probably thinking this section is about kissing, it’s an acronym for ‘Keep it short and sweet’. Whenever in doubt about how to start a conversation over text or respond to a question that your crush asked you, it’s best to go back to this rule. Avoid complex sentences or sharing thoughts that will be challenging to explain over text. Postpone anything related to politics, religion, or any other philosophical topic as the conversation material on a date.

For instance, instead of inviting your crush for a coffee by explaining why you can’t stop thinking about them, invite them by asking a simple question, and then share why you are interested in them for the date.

Lighthearted Tone

When beginning to fall in love with someone, it typically feels like butterflies and rainbows regarding your age. Some people will maybe try to seem too serious or mature, so they’ll set the tone that will not seem flirty. To avoid that, you need to be cheerful, positive, and lighthearted. After all, you feel good about someone, so why not make them feel good about you too? 

Before sending your text, make sure you read it out loud to get an idea of the tone someone might read it once they receive it. For those who are not certain even after that, you can always share it with your best friend and ask them how they would feel if they received this text. Each person is different, and sometimes it’s good to hear different people’s opinions. 

Sincere Flattery

A sincere compliment goes a long way. With that being said, keep in mind that the focus here is on honesty. What did you like about this person? What makes them unique? Keep in mind that when complimenting them, you don’t complicate it too much. By simply saying that you liked how smart their observation was, how they looked cute today, or how curious you are to hear their thoughts on something will be sufficient for the text. 

If you know almost nothing about this person, try not to experiment with creativity as it might provoke an opposite effect. Avoid writing poetry to them or sending riddles as they might think it’s creepy to receive such texts from someone they don’t know. 

Ask a Question

Once you send that flirty, simple, positive text to your crush, the first concern you will have is whether they will respond or not. That’s why you should always end your text with a question. Depending on the message content, you should use the opportunity to start a brief conversation with them. 

The question can be about their opinion on the topic you started or simply about their availability to meet you. This means that inviting someone on a date over text should always include one of the following questions: ‘When would it fit your best?’, ‘When are you free to meet?’, ‘Would be interested in a coffee this weekend?’, etc.

 

No Response – How To Act?

Even though you’ve spent almost an hour polishing the perfect text and jumped each time someone texted you thinking it’s them, there is a chance this person will not text you back. Regardless of what their reasons for that might be, it’s not a pleasant feeling, especially if you’ll see this person around. 

To help you feel less awkward about the situation, just keep it breezy and positive. The next time you see them, smile and greet, and if you’re stuck near them, just address the elephant in the room. Tell them you’ve sent them that text, and you don’t want things to be awkward between you two, so you suggest you both pretend nothing happened. 

This type of uncomfortable situation might happen if you decided to ask a colleague or a person that worked with you on the same project, and they don’t respond. If they see that you’re not affected by it. They will feel more natural around you and you can go back to how it was before the text. 

The ‘NO’ List

If you’re new to flirting over text, you’ll need to be aware of the few things you should never include in your messages. We’ve already mentioned that it’s best to avoid poems and riddles. Yet there are other things that you’ll need to know. 

  • Don’t share your personal information such as your ID details, passwords, bank account details with anybody over text.
  • If you’ve never met the person, don’t share your home or office address with them over text. 
  • Don’t send explicit photos of yourself over text, especially if you’re just getting to know the person. 
  • Don’t swear or be rude regardless of the point you’re trying to make as anything that needs more context shouldn’t be in your text.
  • Avoid sharing photos that include other people.
  • Don’t exchange too many texts with them before meeting them as you’d want to leave some topics for your conversation in person. 

 

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Top Phrases That Doomed Couples Say

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Top Phrases That Doomed Couples Say

 

If you’re wondering what might be these top phrases that doomed couples say, you’ll be surprised how many times you have heard them so far. Whether it’s from parents in your child’s school, your neighbors, or your colleagues at work, how someone talks and what they talk about tells a lot about their relationship and life in general. 

For instance, couples that are trying to make you feel miserable, trying to make you live their lives, or putting you in the middle of their drama are some of the situations we’ll cover in this article. Words are a powerful weapon, yet they are also a great indicator of relationship quality.

Maybe you have an old friend and you’re worried about their partner not being the best choice for them or you don’t want to be near messy relationships. Whatever the reason might be, these phrases will help you understand when you should stop spending time with a couple that takes the fun out of every lovely dinner or barbeque party.

1. “This was the first time we fought in public.”

You’re at a great restaurant with this couple your spouse invited after a business meeting and as much as you were looking forward to it, the tension between the couple destroyed the entire night. They are sarcastically responding and interrupting each other until the moment when things get so heated that they start to fight loud in front of you and the entire restaurant. 

After the fight, they will start apologizing and saying this was the first time they fought in public. They will show all the signs of embarrassment and ask you to forgive them. However, this type of couple rarely does only one show like this in their relationship and you might end up in the middle of another scene if you continue spending time with them. 

2. “You have to have kids, it will fulfill your life just like it did to us.”

When will you get married? When will you two have kids? Why don’t you work on the second child so your kid doesn’t feel lonely? 

How many times have you heard these questions from your family, distant relatives, and colleagues, and when a couple with kids starts asking these questions, they become even more frustrated. Many couples who others will only be happy if they do the same things they did are not happy at all. 

These people rarely don’t know what happiness or fulfillment is because happiness can mean different things to different people. One person can be perfectly happy in a marriage with children, while another will feel more fulfilled with their career or having a vivid social life. 

3. “You can do so much better.”

Although we’ve all been in one of those relationships where we know that the other person is not right for us, judging your new date just on their looks or the short amount of time a couple spent talking to your date is unacceptable. Mostly, this phrase will refer to the way someone looks or their profession, and doesn’t consider other. More relevant factors like the connection you two share, their emotional intelligence, the way they treat you, etc.

Many couples who believe that their status is the most important thing on the planet will try to get you in that game with them. They will advise you to spend too much money on clothes you can’t afford, go out only with people who are at your level or higher, go with them on luxury trips, and more. Yet, if this is not something you are looking for yourself, this type of comment might make you feel uncomfortable and the best thing would be just to leave with your date.

4. “Men/women here are difficult to date, you should try to find someone in more exotic countries.”

Don’t take dating advice from people who blame the entire culture when it’s difficult to find someone to click with. There is indeed nothing wrong with falling in love with someone from a different country, yet that isn’t the factor that will make someone a more desirable partner. If the person is interesting to you, it truly doesn’t matter if they are from your city, another country. Or even continent. 

By following such advice, you are setting yourself up for failure. You don’t fall in love with someone’s culture, you fall in love with them as a person. If you haven’t been on a nice date for a while, the least you can do is not to listen to a couple who has been in your shoes long ago.

5. “We’re the nicest couple you’ll ever meet.”

 Wow, how many times have you heard this one? Typically, those who will say they are the nicest couple or persons are the opposite of it in general. That said, it doesn’t mean they will convert to your worst enemies. It simply means that these people feed off impressing other people and not making real connections with them.

They will often lack social skills and emotional intelligence. So when talking to them each time, you might feel like they are not listening to you or don’t care about you. And probably, you are right. While you’re interacting with them, they are already scanning the room to find a new person to impress.

The Bottom Line

You will know you are talking to a doomed couple if, during the conversation. They are making you feel uncomfortable in any way. They can be passive-aggressive with a smile on their face and seem like they are trying their best to be your friends, yet something doesn’t feel right. You will often not know how to describe it or explain it to another person, and you will not have to. If you feel this way, it means that you are dealing with a doomed couple. So, the best thing to do would be to just leave and never put yourself in this type of situation anymore.

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Attachment Theory In Practice: Avoidant, Anxious & Beyond

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Attachment Theory In Practice: Avoidant, Anxious & Beyond

 

Attachment theory in practice helps us understand and respond better to the needs of humans in the context of their life and relationships. It is focused on connections between people, especially in long-term relationships, including romantic partners and bonds between a parent and a child. 

Before going deeper into learning about attachment theory in practice and naming the benefits it provides for clients, it is essential to understand what attachment is first. Once we know this, we can understand how attachment theory in practice has an impact on different types of relationships.

What is Attachment?

Attachment can best be described as an emotional bond one person has with another. The first bonds we form as children are with our caregivers, and it has an enormous impact on how we connect with other people throughout our lives. Attachment is also valuable when keeping the infant close to its mother, which improves its chances of survival. 

Behavioral theories of attachment suggest that we learn to attach, while other theories challenge that idea by proposing that children are born with a natural drive to dorm attachment with their caregivers. 

It is more likely that the children who maintain close to their attachment figure and receive comfort and protection from them will survive to adulthood more easily than those who don’t. Yet, defining successful attachment is not as simple as it seems. Behaviorists will suggest it is the food that leads to forming an attachment behavior, while others propose nurturance and responsiveness instead of food. 

In attachment theory, the central theme is that primary caregivers, available and responsive to the needs of an infant, will allow it to develop a sense of security. The child knows that its caregiver is dependable and that forms a secure base for the infant to later explore the world. 

Stages of Attachment

Many researchers have analyzed the number of attachment relationships children form from an early age. This led to the attachment theory accepting four different phases of attachment which help therapists and mental health professionals to provide adequate care and treatment.  

  • Pre-Attachment Stage – Up to three months, infants will not demonstrate any particular attachment to their caregivers. The common signals of an infant, crying and fussing, will attract the attention of their caregivers and the infant’s positive response will motivate the caregiver to stay close. 


  • Indiscriminate Attachment – Between 6 weeks to 7 months, the infant will start showing preferences for its primary and secondary caregivers. During this period, children develop trust that their caregivers will respond to their needs. They accept care from others, yet they are beginning to distinguish between familiar and unfamiliar faces, providing a more positive response to the primary caregiver. 


  • Discriminate Attachment – From 7 to 11 months, an infant will show a strong attachment and preference for one specific person. When separated from that person, a child will protest and show symptoms of separation anxiety, while also displaying anxiety around unfamiliar people, known as stranger anxiety.

  • Multiple Attachments – When 9 months old, a child will start forming strong emotional bonds with their secondary caregivers as well, so their attachment will extend beyond the primary attachment figure. This might include the father, older siblings, or grandparents. 

Attachment Factors

As much as developing attachment towards someone seems like a pretty straightforward process, two main factors can influence how these attachments develop. One of them is an opportunity for attachment, in which children who don’t have a primary care figure may fail to develop the trust needed to create an attachment. 

The other factor is quality caregiving, which refers to caregivers responding quickly and consistently, so a child will learn they can depend on those responsible for their care. To me, this is the essential basis for any attachment. 

Attachment Patterns

When looking closer into it, there are four main patterns of attachment:

  • Ambivalent attachment: This child will be very distressed when their parent leaves. It is also one of the most uncommon patterns in the United States. As a result of parents being absent in a certain way, a child cannot depend on their primary caregiver to be around when they need them. 
  • Avoidant attachment: A child with an avoidant attachment tends to avoid its parents or caregivers, displaying no preference between its caregiver and an unfamiliar person. This attachment pattern is often a result of abusive or neglectful caregivers and makes children avoid seeking help later in life because they were punished for doing it with their caregivers. 
  • Disorganized attachment: A child with a disorganized attachment will show a confusing combination of behavior, seeming confused, disoriented, or dazed. They might even seem to avoid or resist the parent and their lack of attachment is typically connected to inconsistent caregiver behavior. Here, caregivers may even serve as both a source of comfort and fear, resulting in disorganized behavior later in life as well.
  • Secure attachment: A child depending on their caregivers show distress each time they are separated and joy when reunited with them. Even if the child seems upset, they feel safe because they know their caregiver will return. When feeling scared, a securely attached child will comfortably look for reassurance from caregivers. 

Attachment Theory in Practice

Understanding attachment theory in practice can be challenging. That’s why whether you or someone you love is experiencing attachment issues, the suggestion is to consider a mental health professional. Because we start forming bonds from an early age, it is often difficult to understand why our current behavior. And beliefs are affected by something that happened decades ago.

That said, regardless of the attachment pattern mentioned above, therapy can help every individual to learn a set of techniques that will facilitate their life, especially the aspect of relationships. Even if a person suffered trauma in their childhood and has attachment issues from it in adulthood. There are types of therapy that specifically help patients looking to improve their romantic lives, yet also bonds they form with everyone else in their life. 

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.