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Consequences of Divorce

Consequences of Divorce – It’s Not All About You

Consequences of Divorce – It’s Not All About You

 

Have you ever wonder about the consequences of divorce?

When you’re in the thick of marriage hell, breaking away seems like the only option. While you and your spouse are screaming at each other from different rooms, you’re probably dreaming about what life away from them would be like.

You’re sleeping in separate rooms, barely speaking, and you haven’t had sex in months. If you’re just roommates, why not make it official and call it quits? There’s probably someone out there waiting for you who’s kinder, kinkier, and will love you for you, right?

Divorce isn’t always the magic pill people who are struggling in their relationship expect it to be. Starting over can be just as hard, and the decision impacts the people around you as well.

 

The Divorce Disclaimer

Let me preface this discussion on divorce with support for anyone who is suffering or been through marital abuse. It’s been very saddening to hear that police are receiving higher numbers of domestic violence reports during the Coronavirus quarantine.

Too many, people, especially those with children, endure abuse in marriage. Your mental and physical health comes first.

 

Thinking About Getting Out?

This is for you if you’re considering divorce because things simply stopped clicking between you and your spouse. The state of your relationship is a far cry from the cohesive bond you shared once upon a time. Things have deteriorated to the point where you’re no longer happy.

Here are 8 consequences of divorce that you should consider as you put the divorce on the table.

 

  1. Communal Grieving

It’s easy to think of divorce as like some event where you break the chains negativity you’ve been bound in for years. In reality, divorce is like a slow grind filled with grief that often ends in a whimper. And you’re not the only one grieving.

While you may not care so much about what your spouse is going through, your parents, those great in-laws, your children, and all of the friends you’ve made throughout your marriage share in your grief.

 

  1. Financial Decisions Have a Huge Impact

 

So many unhappy couples are in such a rush to get out that they make unwise financial decisions that impact them for years. You should carefully comb through your finances and have good legal representation to make sure you’re getting a fair deal.

Unwinding your assets can be complicated. What if you own a business together? Does the prospect of paying spousal support for decades change your attitude toward divorce? Splitting up is often more work than you think.

 

  1. It’s Rarely as Amicable as You Think

    Consequences of Divorce

Even if you’re a couple that comes peacefully to terms that you no longer belong together, divorce is never going to be as easy or painless as you think.

All of a sudden, you’re going through who gets what and your partner digs their heels in over keeping the dog. You decide to retaliate by claiming the bedroom furniture. Things can spiral downhill quickly.

You need to be prepared for the worst.

 

  1. Disappearing Friends

Your friends are going to have a hard time accepting and navigating your divorce. Usually, they feel like they need to take sides.

Even if they remain cordial, eventually you’ll notice some of your friends have unfriended you on Facebook or get in touch less often. It’s not that they don’t like you. They just like your ex more and don’t want to have to guard what they say around you.

Consider that more than just the relationship with your spouse is going to be affected by divorce. Even though they may have good intentions, they’re going to feel uncomfortable with the new dynamic. As a result, some of your friends may distance themselves.

 

  1. Kids Get It the Hardest

As a parent, divorce is an excruciating decision. No matter how much you hate your spouse, you’ll worry about ruining your kids’ lives growing up in a single-parent household. Divorced parents have a very challenging time entering new relationships as well because they’re hesitant to put their kids through any more trauma.

Your children will no doubt suffer from divorce. You’ll likely get to see them less often, and during the divorce process, they’ll probably see sides of your and your spouse you’ll wish they didn’t.

 

  1. Your Ex May Flourish – Can You Handle It?

Are you emotionally stable enough to see your spouse thrive post-divorce? What if they find new love before you do or get a promotion at work with all that free time? You’re not the only one stuck in a challenging relationship.

You need to realize that your partner may benefit from divorce just like you’re hoping to, so get ready for that.

 

  1. Behavioral Patterns Exist

Whenever you are ready for another relationship, you’re going to bring emotional baggage along with you no matter what. If you were married for a long time, then behavioral patterns have set in that you may not be able to identify yourself.

Working with a therapist can help avoid dragging your new partner into bad old habits that are hanging over from your divorce.

 

  1. Not Everyone’s Going to Agree

Not everyone sees the intimate details of what unwound your marriage. There’s a chance even your family will carry some resentment because they love your ex! They always loved your ex and are sad to see them go.

They may harbor some resentment over your divorce, even while they say they completely support your decision.

The bottom line is divorce is hard. While some marriages can be saved, divorce is sometimes the only healthy option. Just know that, even without kids, it’s about more than just the two of you, and feeling that relief of separation isn’t everyone’s reality.

Divorce has significant consequences that will follow you for years. Certainly, staying in a state of misery with your marriage is not fun either! Weigh your options carefully and lean on professionals you can trust to make the best decision for you and your family.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Best Couples Therapy Near Me

Best Couples Therapy Near Me 

Best Couples Therapy Near Me 

 

When people type these words “best couples therapy near me” into their Google search field, they are often looking for a therapist near their home to help them out. 

Usually, those typing “best couples therapy near me” are typically at the stage in their relationship where things are “broken” and they are wondering what to do about it. 

Online couple counseling

Fairytales of high-school sweethearts who are so loving, yet the thought of touching their partner makes their skin crawl. 

They are often searching for ways to communicate with their partner in a more effective way and to see results in the moment instead of months later. 

Adults often want to know how to stop fighting and how to start communicating more effectively. They also want to have the joy they used to feel in their partnership.

Couples therapy can be emotionally intense. 

There’s this huge outpouring feeling, whether it be anger, love, regret, or hope. 

You might have some homework or things to work on with your partner or spouse until the next time you meet with your therapist.

You leave with high expectations and then life gets in the way. Sometimes, it is hard to remember all the things that worked as well as the issues you want to bring up in the next session. 

Individuals, and couples, come into our office because they realize they aren’t having the type of romance that they imagined, nor are they experiencing the degree of connection that they desire. 

If couples like what they see in the Google snippet or ad that describes our couples therapy practice, Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT), then we encourage you to click on the link and go to the website at www.lifecoachingandtherapy.com

One of the main reasons people may choose to visit the LCAT site is the 5-star reviews our clients post about us on Google. 

Best Couples Therapy Near Me

I am so grateful for each and every client that we have had, the ones we currently have, and the ones we have yet to meet. 

When clients get the sexual satisfaction they long for, when couples begin to have ease in communication, and when they begin to learn ways to improve connection in their partnerships, the results just speak for themselves.

What makes a couples therapy practice the best? 

The results! Sense of safety. A long assessment period. Take at least 4 sessions to see if you are a match!

Many individuals, for example, are afraid to be honest with their romantic partner.

A couples therapy practice that is open about their strategies, results, and that gives you the option of having homework is definitely a good sign that it is the best. 

If you believe that going to couples therapy is a sign of failure, think again!  

Couples therapy involves intellectual, physical, emotional, and spiritual perspectives, and sexual connection, which can make it incredibly complex. 

Being comfortable enough to ask your partner specific questions about what they need or like is essential to having great results as a couples therapy practice!

One of the first things people do when they visit the site is view the Therapy Team bios. You will see that there are a variety of clinicians with different specialities, including couples therapy, anxiety, depression, emotion regulation, and distress tolerance. 

Our team is amazing! We work in the Inner Aspects Counseling Model of therapy, and thus far, the results have been compelling.

Sometimes, it is imperative for couples therapy to focus on using fantasy and the illusion of variety for sexual satisfaction in long-term romantic relationships. 

At times, the therapist can act as a creator and innovator to help rediscover interests and help the couple create a relationship framework for a better future. 

For example, one technique couples therapists use is to encourage intimacy through erotic writing, cuddling, date nights, sexual acts and gift giving.

Our West Hartford staff consists of 7 licensed therapists – specializing in communication, repairing from betrayal, organizing relationship agreements, and setting you up for more intimate pleasure! 

Best Couples Therapy Near Me

That means all of our therapists have gone to graduate school, taken an exam, been licensed by the state, did 1000+ more clinical hours, more supervision, and have spent probably over $250,000 each on their tuition at this point. 

Because we know not everyone can afford our licensed therapists, we are in the process of training coaches to begin to get you results at a lower price. If you are interested in learning more about becoming an Inner Aspects Model Coach, let us know!

When clients put in effort, so do we. 

It is as if you have your own personal couples therapy team in your pocket, because your clinician is just a text away. 

The great thing about technology is that it is advanced and secure enough to enable LCAT therapists to hold therapy sessions online – either through chats, text, or videos. 

This has a lot of mental health benefits, including being able to help clients during this challenging time of home quarantine.  

 

The Benefits of Online Psychotherapy are:

  • Flexible scheduling options and payment
  • Faster results and immediate interventions
  • Sometimes paid for by insurance companies
  • Request to record session to refer back to it if you would like
  • You can have complete discretion in your care 

 

It’s funny, because really, now with the online psychotherapy, the search phrase “best couples therapy near me” doesn’t even have to include the “near me” any more.”

Telehealth is global now! 

 

Why does LCAT get consistent 5 star reviews from customers on Google?

Best Couples Therapy Near MeWe strive to provide an identity-affirming environment to all.

If you aren’t satisfied, we will send you to someone who can help. 

And, if we believe we can help you, our team sensitively handles your presenting concerns. 

 

Get your guide to connect more today

Couples Communication Strategies

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

 

healing trauma

Is Healing Trauma Possible? A New Normal in the Age of COVID

Is Healing Trauma Possible? A New Normal in the Age of COVID

 

COVID-19 has taken the world by storm creating a system of stress, chaos, and trauma. 

As mental health professionals, our goal is to help our clients in healing trauma, yet what happens when there is systemic trauma? 

Many are wondering how we are going to heal from this trauma, and how will we recover as individuals, families, relationships, communities, as a nation, and as a world?

I have discussed systemic trauma in terms of oppression of marginalized populations, yet this pandemic is causing waves of trauma reverberating throughout the world. 

healing trauma

To be clear, marginalized populations have been hit hardest in terms of this pandemic. According to data from the State of Connecticut online, COVID-19 infection rate for the black population and the hispanic population is double the infection rate for the white population.

Yet the resources are still not going to the vulnerable communities. 

Loved ones are not seeing one another, people are isolated, people are dying, people are living in fear. It is CLEAR that the broader system has been impacted.

The level of uncertainty in the world around us can become overwhelming.

As a mental health professional, I see so many around me personally and professionally struggling in the face of this pandemic and they all seem to want to begin healing the trauma, even though we are in it. 

As families are trying to create a new “normal” in the face of this global, systemic trauma, some families are planning funerals. 

 

Healing Trauma

Unfortunately, we do not know the long term effects of this on individuals, communities, and broader systems. 

What we do know is that these impacts will be great and we will need more support… probably emotionally, intellectually, somatically, and specifically around healing trauma. 

The veil has been lifted in our communities, our political system, and the world. 

Now as a community, we urge those that can to work together to create a world that is better than when this began. 

 

What can you do to help, if you are able? 

  • Begin to notice your privilege. 
    • Not everyone has the same resources or safety that you do. 
    • Some people cannot afford food. 
    • When you say “we are all going to be fine,” realize that that isn’t true for everyone. We have seen countless lives already impacted in mental health. 
  • Realize that you impact others 
  • Take care of yourself – shower, feed yourself, socially distance, etc.
  • Sew some masks for people that you know are struggling with supplies. 
  • Cook meals for those who are in need. 

 

We cannot unsee the atrocities and lives lost. 

We cannot unsee how marginalized communities were hit harder than privileged communities.

We cannot unsee the value of mental health, the value of health care, the value of our communities.

My hope is that we can come together as a community, and work towards healing trauma together to address what we know more than ever to be true… Can we create a new normal together?

At Life Coaching and Therapy, LLC we are ready to collaborate with you!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

putting your family first

PUTTING YOUR FAMILY FIRST! Thanks to COVD19

PUTTING YOUR FAMILY FIRST!

Thanks to COVD19

 

So you want to learn to start putting your family first?

I’m so glad that you are interested in joining the world of putting family first!

In this video, I’ll teach you how to start putting family first, ways to get through the pandemic, and how to remind yourself to continue doing this, even if you are feeling depleted.

In no time, you’ll take my advice to use for putting your family first, and hopefully yourself and a partner!

My tips for putting family first will surely enlighten you on how to create a different feeling in your house!

Can’t wait for you to learn how to start putting family first!

 

DOWNLOAD OUR FREE EGUIDE “THE PLEASURE PRACTICE”

https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/ ←HERE

-Learn How to Unleash Your Self Pleasure and Transform Your Sex Life!-

 

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, HeadSpace, VICE, and more!

 

Watch now:

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 PM EST

 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

coming out

Coming Out is Not Just One and Done

Coming Out is Not Just One and Done

 

Coming out is a complicated process within the LGBTQ/queer community. Coming out is when someone within the queer community discloses their identity to others. These experiences can be complicated for a variety of different reasons. 

Coming out can be complicated for people due to an internalized process known as internalized queerphobia which is an individual internalizing the messages (covert or overt) from their culture, community, family, and friends around queer identities. Generally speaking, the dominant cultural narrative is not one of overt support of queer identities. 

A common misconception around coming out is that you do it once or twice and then it’s over. That is DEFINITELY not the case. As a queer person, coming out happens often and is a process that continues throughout your life. Everytime you meet someone or have a new stage happen in your life or your relationship it creates another opportunity to come out.

 

What Does that Look Like?

Just like in our brains we replay what we do not heal from our childhoods, the same things show up in the coming out experience. If you initially have a difficult coming out experience or have lived in a community that does not support the LGBTQ+ community this will likely come out at each major juncture or time you have to come out.

News flash: our community and culture has only recently been remotely inclusive so most queer people have underlying messages and meanings that have been created as a result. These underlying messages or meanings that are created begin to impact the way queer people think and see themselves consciously or unconciously (internalized queerphobia). 

 

Wait… what?

So basically what I am saying (from my experience in the field) is that when queer people come out on a day to day and then in large moments of their life it activitates those pathways created around internalized queerphobia from the course of their coming out experience. 

When you are going through a new stage in your life or having to come out again and again, the pathways from the original experiences you have around coming out or around disclosing a vulnerable identity are likely to reactivate. 

Example time. So often times during the initial coming out people can be rejected by people and/or they may also have their boundaries violated. Ask most queer people and they will tell you 100000 inappropriate questions that they were asked when they came out (who’s the man/woman? Who’s baby is it? Who’s on top? What do you even do? What parts do you have? The list goes on and on).

Yes. People do ask these things. So when a queer person begins to move towards a new stage of your life or begin to engage witih a new community… these boundary violations happen again. This often triggers experiences similar to when this has happened before. If you have had a particularly challenging coming out experience (rejection, abandonment, shaming, violation of boundaries, dismissal of identity) and this has not been processed through, this can all erupt again for you. 

 

Coming out and Trauma

Often in my practice, I see clients have some level of regression each time they take these steps. These steps can be something minor like coming out to someone from their past to marriage, to having children, to losing someone, etc. The regression can show up in a variety of different ways like increased anxiety, irritability, or more extreme through reacting in trauma (the flight, fight, freeze, or fawn response). 

In many, coming out has been traumatic to varying degrees whether it is their coming out or the coming out process of their partner(s).

coming out

I believe this to be because it activates their internalized queerphobia (unconscious process) and any remaining struggles that they experienced during their coming out (conscious process). This can happen to varying degrees depending on the significance of the internalized queerphobia or the un-healed parts during their coming out. When people are responding from a place of trauma, they are often unaware of the impact they have on themselves or those around them. 

This may seem really confusing, I totally feel and hear that. What I am trying to encourage people to consider is the long term impact of how internalized queerphobia and the ongoing coming out process impact queer people’s quality of life over the course of their life. There is not enough awareness of this impact across the world or an understanding of ways to support the queer community in a real way. 

 

Prevention: A Call for Community Healing

This is the systemic impact of being a marginalized community, the multitude of layers of complexity that can be created is a crap storm for individuals and those around them. Working together to heal ourselves, our cultural beliefs, and supporting those around us can help lessen the blow to the queer community and those they love.

Prevention would be the best medicine. That would require a systemic change in the way we as a community, see, support, and engage with the queer community. It would be creating a culture of inclusivity, support, learning, and access. Prevention requires the community to do things differently. We have ample evidence (through multiple marginalized communities) that this system doesn’t work.  “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” – Margaret Mead

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Microaggressions In Our Society

Microaggressions In Our Society

 

Alright Folks, we need to talk about microaggressions because they are everywhere! 

Microaggressions are statements (verbal or non-verbal) that are common in everyday life. 

They can come off as insensitive comments that are “well-intentioned” or unintentionally passive-aggressive, oblivious, or naive and harm a group of people. 

Microaggressions can be based in gender, age, body size, race, culture/ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, religion, ability, etc.  They communicate a negative message or meaning towards a particular group.

 

Examples of Microaggressions: 

  • Saying to a black man… “you speak really well” or “you are really smart” (playing into the stereotype that black people speak improperly or are not intelligent)
  • A cis, het human saying to a queer person “you are too pretty to be gay.” 
  • A person without disabilities speaking louder and slower to someone in a wheelchair… The implication is that because this person has a disability, they must not be intelligent or able to hear.
  • Saying to a larger-bodied individual “wow, you are in really good shape and can move quickly” because the assumption is large bodies are not “in shape.” 
  • A patient at the hospital, speaking to a female, and requesting a doctor when they are being attended to by a female doctor. (The patient often does not realize that she is a doctor because the assumption that women are not doctors)

microaggressions

 

Implications

We all make mistakes and fall into taking on messages from the dominant culture. 

AND that does not give us the excuse to not examine our words and actions. 

It also does not give us the right to check our own privilege and biases! At LCAT, we try to do this daily. 

Microaggressions show each of us which messages we have internalized, and they provide information on what we need to examine and shift. It is not advised to use this as a style of communication

It is not a strategy that creates connection, contribution, growth, and/or significance. 

migroaggressions

Do better!

We need to be mindful of the messages we are receiving and giving. 

It does not matter if you were “well-intentioned” if your impact was not consensual.  

If you want to change, then you have to do “the work.” 

When you have the knowledge, do you believe it is your responsibility to alter your behaviors and actions to reflect that knowledge? 

Let us know in the comments! 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

COVID Anxiety

COVID Anxiety with Children

COVID Anxiety with Children

 

COVID anxiety is a real thing.

The last three weeks have been a crazy whirlwind. All of our lives have been turned upside down because of the Coronavirus. Schools have been canceled, millions of people have lost their jobs, and we can’t even enjoy being outside like we did just last month.

Even if you are one of the lucky ones able to work from home, you’re probably still feeling a great deal of disruption. By now, you’ve socially distanced yourself into isolation. Regular life is now Zoom conference calls and sweatpants at home all day. Maybe you get out for a run or a walk, and that’s about it.

The impact of what’s going on has so many layers it’s hard to process. Managing working from home with kids out of school all while watching the news of new cases and rising casualty numbers is nerve-wracking. The financial markets are in turmoil and there’s a general feeling of uncertainty.

How can you manage stress and COVID anxiety when the future is so unsure, and everything looks so bleak?

 

Shrink Your Circle

This is not the time to be worried about whether your kid is getting points for doing the extra credit assignment. Don’t fret over missing yoga or not getting in your gym time. During a crisis that threatens all of your normal, do what you can to shrink your circle into things you can control. Leave everything else outside.

Most people do well with a routine. You may be struggling with anxiety because yours has been torn to pieces. Start again new by making a fresh routine based on your reality. Avoid starting every day with a question mark or vague outlines of what’s supposed to happen. Break up your day into time slots. Dedicate specific time to work, cleaning, and homework.

Pay attention to your mood and your body. It will tell you what you need to feel calm and secure. You may need a clean house to feel grounded. Maybe it’s a shower. Whatever it is, your body will communicate what it needs as well.

If you’ve got kids, they’ll thrive on routine. Think about it. All day, they’re at school where every fifteen minutes is planned. They walk in lines and complete assignments. Suddenly, they’re dealing with online portals and weekly communications from their teachers. They haven’t seen their friends in weeks.

A routine can shield your kids from the COVID anxiety so many of them are feeling.

 

Reach Out Instead of Looking In

Times like this it’s easy for anxiety to snowball and spiral out of control. How can you break your attention away from all of the negativity?

Serving others is a way out if you’re lost in worry and stress. And it doesn’t mean you have to start a massive donation drive for your local hospital. 

You can contribute to ongoing efforts to help people affected deeply by Coronavirus by helping those in your inner circle who may be struggling.

After weeks of social distancing, think about how grateful you are for the friends and family who randomly check in on you from time to time. 

Are you doing the same for the people you care about? 🤔

Try talking to your neighbors. Make sure they’re ok. Have frank conversations with your spouse or partner(s) to let them know you are there for them and care about how they’re doing.

You’ll notice that as you focus your attention outwards, you’ll be less stressed about how quarantine and the virus are affecting you. 

It can be a nice paradigm or perspective adjustment to just try to contribute more in ways that bring YOU joy. 

Quarantine Self Care

Get Physical!

Exercise, hug the people you live with, and have as much sex as you can! 

We take for granted what a handshake, a hug from a friend over coffee, and a kiss from a lover can do for us. 

Humans are so physical by nature that a month of standing six feet apart has huge implications for our mental health.

Even in places that are in total lockdown, you can still get out for a jog or a brisk walk. Make sure you do something physical every day.

Intimacy with your partner should also be a priority. Prioritize sex. 

Don’t let the doldrums of working from home and the kids around all the time stop you from expressing love for your partner physically. 

Get a sound machine and a lock on your bedroom door!

Sex can be the renewal you need and releases critical endorphins that can sustain you in times of stress.

Hug your children, or tell them how much you love them. Offer whatever reassurances you can.

COVID Anxiety

 

What’s Life Going to Look Like on the Other End?

Eventually, normal life will start to return. The stores will reopen, and you can go see a movie on the weekend. Normal probably isn’t going to look the same anymore. 

We’re all probably going to have a mask at the ready… and we’re going to be warier of touching things when we don’t know where they came from.

How is your life going to be different when that happens? Think about what made you the most stressed when Coronavirus hit. 

Was it not enough emergency cash? Did you feel insecure in your job? Did you have the medical supplies or the food storage to get you through?

Downtime during Coronavirus is the perfect time to practice some goal setting for the future. You can avoid COVID anxiety and stress by creating conditions in which past pain has less chance of happening again.

 

Celebrate the Victories

Someone I know used time at home during the Coronavirus to teach his five-year-old daughter how to ride a two-wheel bike. There’s a lot of bad that has happened during the pandemic. 

Still, years down the road when he’s reminded of what we’re all going through now, he’s going to remember running around in the parking lot, bent over, killing his back as he ran after his daughter as she pedaled. 

It’s not going to be all bad… 

Create memorable moments with people who mean something in your life. 

Express gratitude for family and friends. 

Check-in, follow up and persist. 

We’ll all get through this.    

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Trauma in the LGBTQ

Trauma in the LGBTQ Community

Trauma in the LGBTQ Community

 

Trauma in the LGBTQ+ community is unique and often underestimated or misunderstood. 

One of our specializations here at Life Coaching and Therapy, LLC is trauma and the intersection of that experience with other identities including gender and sexuality.

Systemic trauma is a different experience that other types of trauma. A variety of communities experience systemic trauma (i.e people of color, black people, people with disabilities, women, etc.). Systemic trauma, in my eyes, is trauma that comes from being a part of an identity that our greater culture does not support through social systems in place. 

 

Systemic Trauma: Heteronormativity

In the LGBTQ community, this looks like heteronormativity. Heteronormativity is the dominant culture being one that supports other sex couples who are straight (presenting) and cis gender (assigned gender at birth matches gender identification and presentation).

A dominant culture of heteronormativity equates to various systems that do NOT support same sex couples, queer people, and people who are outside of “gender norms.” This can be overt through laws or can be through microaggressions (verbal or non-verbal behaviors or statements that are insensitive, discriminatory, and problematic towards a particular group). An example of a microaggression towards the queer community would be “which one of you is the man?” to a same sex female couple. 

Something as simple as finding a greeting card for your partner, in a same sex couple, can be very difficult. The perceived relational make-up of couples in greeting cards is that of other-sex or gender couples. Laws around marriage, adoption, and workplace all create additional barriers to LGBTQ individuals, couples, and families. 

In addition to microaggressions, dominant narratives in our culture can create layers of trauma to an individual’s identity. A common cultural narrative that creates feelings of intense shame in the queer community is religions. Many religions have outward, unsupportive language or outright hostility towards the LGBTQ/queer population. 

The way pronouns are used and assumed in a heteronormative culture also lends to creating levels of microaggresions AND harm to the LGBTQ community. Specifically people in the transgender community, gender queer community, and non-binary community. 

 

Trauma in the LGBTQ

Interpersonal Trauma

When most people consider trauma and the LGBTQ community they think of someone coming out to loved ones and being rejected. This CERTAINLY is traumatic and is common place for people within the LGBTQ community.

Coming out is the process of disclosing your sexual or gender identity to people in your life. In many cases this experience is vulnerable, challenging, and emotional. Often this results in rejection of the LGBTQ+ individual from friends, family, workplace, or the community at large. 

There are devastating impacts of being rejected from those you love. Please review various resources available on GLADD, HRC, and other LGBTQ specific organizatons to learn specific impacts of being rejected. In general, from my observation in my practice and what I have read, rejection after coming out leads to higher levels of homelessness, suicide, mental health issues, and substance abuse issues.

 

How does this = trauma?

In my experience in specializing in trauma and the queer community, I have learned so much from my clients on how systemic trauma and interpersonal trauma has impacted them. The information is important and I want to share it with you. My hope is, in understanding this it will allow you the opportunity to learn more and imagine what this experience is like for this population.

Systemic, community, and cultural barriers create passive and intended harm in the LGBTQ community. How? Thank you for asking!

 

IMAGINE:

  • That someone feels it is appropriate to ask you really personal questions after just meeting you because of your relationship with your partner. 

  • Growing up in the wrong body. 

  • That you are limited to celebrate certain religions due to your identity. Imagine you grow up being taught that liking or loving someone is bad. 

  • Growing up being told that your not dressing right. 

  • Having to consider where you are traveling based on how they respond to people within your identity.

  • Growing up and learning that people who are like you should be punished, harmed, or go to hell. 

  • Watching people getting harmed or made fun of for liking who they are. 

  • Hearing people use your identity as synonymous with “stupid.” 

  • People making fun of people “dressing up” as the other gender and its “funny.”

  • Being told your marriage doesn’t count.

  • Having to adopt your child.

  • Being told your relationship is seen differently than someone elses and you have less rights because of it.

  • Having to hide who you are from your friends, family, community, or workplace. 

  • The only way to have children and start a family is to pay a lot of money to adopt or do fertility OR go through the state and risk having that child returned to biological parents.

  • Having to come out over and over again anytime you meet someone, have a big step happen in your life, or really anything.

  • People saying “it’s not like it used to be, its so confusing now” effectively dismissing your identity. 

  • Having to pick a place to live based on how accepting they are of you and what resources there may be for you if there becomes an issue. 

  • Being scared to have to share who you are often because you do not know how the other person will respond.

  • Having to explain your identity all the time.

  • That some of these “choices” are not even realistic for you because you live somewhere that will never allow you to come out or be safe.

Trauma in the LGBTQ

If you were able to truly sit with some of these statements and reflect on it, you may be able to see how a system that supports people in feeling this way is indeed traumatic. It creates something known as internalized homophobia or internalized queerphobia. This is what happens to people in the LGBTQ community all the time, taking these systemic, dominant narratives within our culture and internalizing them to feel shame and disgust with who they are. Sometimes people are aware of it and sometimes they aren’t. 

Regardless of one’s understanding and awareness of it, it has a massive impact on the individual and their relationships. 

It is for this reason that I specialize in this intersection and LCAT does the work it does. There are not enough systems in place to address the intersection of trauma and identity. Here at LCAT we are committed to doing this work and providing a safe space for healing from trauma, microaggressions, and the patriarchal, heternormative, racist society we live in. 

In the coming weeks, we will have further blogs to continue to address issues like this one!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

trauma therapy

Trauma – Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Trauma – Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

 

Trauma – Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or TF CBT is an evidenced based model that uses CBT techniques to help aid in trauma treatment. This is done through the “PRACTICE” model.

Psychoeducation/Parenting Skills – focuses on learning about trauma and supporting caregivers and primary supports in supporting the trauma survivor

Relaxation – building relaxation skills to relax the body. The belief is that if you engage in focusing on the body that it helps support ability to manage trauma

Affect Modulation – learning about emotions to help connect your physiological reactions with your emotions

Cognitive Coping – recognizing thought patterns and different thoughts or beliefs the survivor has about themselves. Connecting these thoughts to the physiological and emotional responses 

Trauma Narrative -where the survivor writes or creates an account of their story with the therapist in session. 

In vivo gradual exposure – in each session the therapist works with the client and their supportive other in gradually bringing the trauma into the room from the beginning and reading the trauma narrative to the client and the supportive other separately to prepare for the client reading or sharing it in session. 

Conjoint Sessions with Client and Supportive others – Sessions can be individual for the client or the supportive other(s), and there are some sessions that are conjoint (relational). The most notable of these is where the client/survivor shares their trauma narrative with the caregiver/support

Enhancing Safety – this is not about victim blaming! This is about supporting people who have experienced trauma in learning what are healthy ways to set boundaries, recognize red flags, and work on self-advocacy.

This model was developed predominantly to work with children, but has been used with all age ranges. Although it is most effective with children.

trauma therapy

 

Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing Therapy

Eye Movement Den-sensitization Reprocessing Therapy or EMDR is another evidenced based model that has been shown to have incredible results in treating trauma and a variety of other mental health diagnoses.

EMDR utilizes eye movement or bilateral stimulation (BLS) to reprocess memories or images that represent the trauma or an event in a clients life. The BLS accesses neural pathways in the brain to help aid the client in reprocessing the memory and the negative belief that was created about themself in that event or memory. In using the BLS it allows the client to access multiple parts of their brain to reprocess the memory in a safe secure environment.

In the event of a trauma or difficult experience, the brain responds in crisis and is not usually able to access the part of the brain that allows for reason and understanding, the brain is most times responding out of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. These are automatic responses that we have no control over. Our brain goes into autopilot. EMDR accesses these memories and allows for us to reprocess these memories while also engaging our frontal lobe creating a different experience and allowing new pathways to be created. For more information regarding EMDR read Getting Past Your Past by Francine Shapiro, PhD.

 

Inner Aspects

A sex-positive, trauma-informed care model that we use at Life Coaching and Therapy is called “The Inner Aspects” or the “Parts Theory” Model, informed by, and not limited to the following models:

Francesca Gentille’s Inner Aspects Model, Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication Theory, Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, Bowbly’s Attachment Theory, Tony Robbin’s 6 Human Needs Theory, Hendrix’s Imago Model, Jung’s Archetypes, Schwartz’s Inner Family Systems, and Shapiro’s Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing.

For short, The Inner Aspects or Parts Theory is a life hack to better communication in sex and intimate relationships.

The concept is that who we are internally is complex.

We may have only one body – AND we have multiple “identities” within us. Identifying our parts helps us slow ourselves and our thoughts down, to understand the types of strategies we have been using to end up with our current presenting problems. Emotions arise because our needs aren’t being met. Arguments and conflict arise because humans argue over strategies on how to get their needs met. (Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication).

We each have various parts of us that hold onto different stories and beliefs about life.

 

Qualities of Parts of Us:

  • Sweet and Innocent
  • Saboteur and toxic
  • Animalistic or barbaric
  • Sensual and sexual
  • Divine or inspired
  • Selfish, childish, rebellious, or manipulative
  • Competitive and athletic

The inner parts work that you are responsible for is to find an inner nurturer that represents your younger selves.

The external work is to find the parts of you that can be the most open to strategizing the best ways to meet both your needs and the needs of those individuals and communities that you state that you value. Through gaining this insight towards your inner aspects, you allow space for healing and growth.

Identifying and learning which parts of you have been impacted by trauma allows for you to reintegrate these parts of you fully and meet their needs to work towards healing these wounded parts. This integration allows you to reduce the experience of being “hijacked” by these parts (or losing control of your responses through being reactive). As Francesca Gentille would say you want “from reactivity to creativity” which is to say “responding” from a more centered integrated space.

Inner Aspects uses insight and empowerment to help individuals and relationships heal from the impact of trauma.

Trauma in Children

 

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) was created by Marsha Linehan initially to treat Borderline Personality Disorder. DBT became one of the most popular models in treating BPD and was evidenced based. Linehan utilized both “western” and “eastern” medical models to create DBT which differed from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

The foundation of DBT is mindfulness and dialectics. Dialectics are the focus of being able to see the “both/and” rather than the polarizing beliefs of the “either/or.” Dialectics challenges our brains to see the “inbetween” or grey rather than being stuck “black or white thinking.” Whereas mindfulness focuses on being fully present in the moment, being non-judgmental, and focusing on one thing at a time. The combination of these two foundational factors allowed for clinicians to utilize this effectively with clients with Borderline Personality Disorder, but quickly began to show efficacy in a range of other mental health disorders.

In addition to mindfulness and dialectics, there were other sections of DBT that clients use to learn how to lead a more balanced life. The sections of DBT are: Dialectics, Mindfulness, Distress Tolerance, Emotion Regulation, Interpersonal Effectiveness, and Cognitive Modification. Each of these sections build on dialectics and mindfulness to help clients deal with crisis, manage emotions, engage in healthy relationships (with themselves and others), and adjust thinking patterns. DBT uses acronyms to help remember various skills so skills can be applied and easily recalled.

From my education and experience as a therapist, I see a strong correlation between Borderline Personality Disorder and trauma. Given that Linehan and others have done ample research to support the use of DBT with BPD, I do not think it is a far assumption to see how DBT can also support people who have been traumatized.

Mindfulness and Distress tolerance focus on building self-awareness and grounding techniques which are vital to trauma treatment. Furthermore, emotion regulation and interpersonal effectiveness support people who have experienced trauma in managing their emotions, learning skills to recognize their emotional experiences, and learning how to engage in healthy relationships through boundaries, building self-esteem, and other social techniques.

A signature of trauma is the cognitions created, so the use of cognitive modification within DBT is very important in addressing challenging thought patterns. Challenging these thought patterns are healing for clients and allows for them to engage in life and relationships more fully and genuinely.

Review Therapists Website, Social Media posts, and ads to learn about their policies, beliefs. A therapist who is trauma informed will show that somewhere. And being able to see their social media pages, blog posts, etc. will show you what that therapist or practice values. If you see information regarding trauma, that is a good sign. However, just because they are posting does not mean that they are competent, that is why you have to see multiple points.

If you already have a therapist, you can still review what is stated above and also have conversations with the therapist about their experience with trauma work. Recognizing the red flags for you and what may be barriers or strengths in working with this particular therapist around trauma.

Trauma work requires a safe place for clients to disclose some very challenging experiences. I would recommend finding a trauma therapist who is able to provide that safe space, one that is non-judgmental, supportive, and can sit with you and attune while you are working through these tough experiences.

People who have experienced trauma, do not feel safe in many places so finding a therapist who is attuned to you and you feel that you are able to connect with is important. Safety is not an easy thing to come by if you have a trauma history, so connection, attunement, vibe, and trust are steps to getting towards safety. If you feel safe from the get, that is amazing! However, it is normal to feel levels of anxiety in beginning therapy.

Finding the right fit is tough, but hopefully some of these tips have helped you find some general things that can help you. Remember trauma is challenging and requires a space that is able to cultivate healing and growth, through safety and connection. Part of the therapist’s role is to help you grow in feeling safe in the therapeutic relationship to heal the impact of trauma. A safe place that is empowering, engaging, challenging, connecting, supporting, and healing.

At LCAT we are happy to help and many of us specialize in working in trauma. If you have any questions please contact us!

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

mobile porn

Mobile Porn Goes Mainstream – Why So Many People Consume It?

Mobile Porn Goes Mainstream – Why So Many People Consume It?

 

It’s funny how mobile porn has been treated over the past several decades.

For so long, it was relegated to the shadows. Religious groups came out in strong opposition to the adult film and print industry. They influenced lawmakers into restricting access to pornography even to consenting adults.

These days, though, the cat’s out of the bag. The amount of porn is so big and access to it so easy, that there’s no more pretending. Practically everyone, at some point in their lives, will view porn.

Online porn was the real gamechanger. It was harder to hide nude magazines or VHS tapes with adult movies on them under the bed. Finding your friend’s dad’s porn stash and sneaking a peek in the basement was almost a rite of passage a generation ago.

People were mostly concerned about dealing with the embarrassment of being caught. Enter today, the age of incognito browsers and VPNs. Search history that can be deleted and gone barely a trace. Nowadays, most of the porn viewed by billions of people around the world is done on mobile devices locked by passcodes that are used by only one person.

 

The Porn Industry Has Always Been a Tech Innovator

The adult entertainment industry has always been an early mover when it comes to technology. They moved online before many other mainstream media counterparts, pushing online traffic numbers in the internet’s early days.

Pornography publishers were quick to invest in high-speed modems so online users could have quicker access to their websites. They helped pioneer online streaming and helped normalize online payment systems when people were still suspicious about giving credit card information online.

Porn’s push into mobile began years ago, before retail and other consumer brands were even thinking about a mobile strategy. That early innovation has resulted in massive mobile porn consumption numbers today.

If you want to know what the future holds, take a look at what the adult entertainment industry is up to. Now, when you look online at pornography, you see things like virtual reality, personal engagement with adult entertainers, and greater privacy protections trending. They’re still pushing the envelope.

 

Porn Companies Were Early to Embrace Mobile as a Platform

If you’ve ever looked at porn on a phone or a tablet, it was probably a pretty good experience. There weren’t many bugs or hiccups during loading, and its photos, sites, and videos moved from portrait to landscape seamlessly.

It’s not the same for other industries. So many popular brands had a hard time moving to mobile. Email clients, popular websites, calendars, and other applications are playing catch up.

That’s because porn was so early in its shift to mobile platforms. They saw the day when phones and tablets would be everywhere and made sure to invest in the technology to make the mobile experience as good or even better.

 

Why Mobile is Such a Natural Fit for Porn

Think about it. How many spouses or teenagers have sat at the family computer at night, trying to get a peek at some pornography with one eye over their shoulder about someone walking around the corner?

It’s a classic scenario that’s played out in homes across the world. With mobile, porn users eliminate a lot of the risk of being “caught”. They’re viewing porn on a personal device that can be flipped over in a second or lock the screen instantly with the click of a button.

You also can use discreet browsers that don’t track history or searches, so if you’ve got a snoopy spouse or partner, you don’t have to worry about them looking through your phone when you’re not looking. Whether or not looking at porn without the support and understanding of your spouse is a subject for another discussion.

Mobile devices also make it easier to watch porn and, you know, do what you want to do while you watch porn. You can watch it on the bed, in the bathroom, or on the couch when no one’s around. You can one-hand it while your other hand is, ahem, busy.

 

Mobile Has Removed the Stigma Around Porn Use

Strangely, porn use on mobile platforms has done a lot to take away the stigma around porn use. It’s sort of pulled back the curtain and laid bare just how prevalent pornography use is in the U.S. and other countries.

Now, everyone has a device. When those mobile devices connect to porn sites and adult entertainment servers, they leave a mobile footprint. Porn companies can track and see where viewership is coming from, how long they’re staying at their sites, and what they’re looking at.

That not only helps the porn companies refine the movies and clips they produce (if they know what people are looking at, they make more of those videos), but it also helps them understand their audiences.

When porn companies publish statistics and other data on porn use, it’s evident that almost everyone is watching. Porn companies publish who is paying the most for subscriptions and which state consumes the most porn every year.

That’s made porn less of a secret activity and brought it out into the open. Once the tide goes out and everyone realizes that everyone else is watching as much porn as we are, it makes us less bashful about personal habits. People are thus more inclines to look at porn more often on their devices and be honest and what we’re looking at.

 

What’s Next?

It’s hard to tell what’s next. A lot of time, money and effort is being put into VR. Many porn sites are promoting their chat rooms where users can interact directly with individual porn actors and pay for certain types of shows. Sex toys have more technology than ever.

The newest toys can connect to mobile devices via Bluetooth, so it’s not impossible to envision interactive porn that connects to a toy like a vibrator. That will make porn and phone/video chat sex with your partner while you’re away on business a lot more interesting, no?

Whatever happens, you can expect the adult industry to be there at the cutting edge wherever technology goes. 

 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Trauma in Children

Secrets to Noticing Trauma in Children

Secrets to Noticing Trauma in Children

 

Trauma in children can be difficult to understand and recognize. 

Children do not have the language to identify what is wrong or if they are experiencing trauma. 

As parents, caregivers, professionals, and adults, it is important to be mindful of various signs that COULD mean a child is experienced trauma.

One of the first ways to notice trauma in children is to look for somatic symptoms. 

Often times, children express issues in their mental health through various physiological symptoms such as headaches, stomach pains, constipation, and even issues with skin.. 

To be clear, if your child has a stomach ache, it does not mean they have experienced trauma. 

If your child is experiencing stomach aches regularly, notice these consistent issues in your child and speak with a medical doctor and mental health therapist to assess for signs of psychological distress.

Trauma in ChildrenOther physical signs of abuse may be more obvious such as bruising, cuts, bleeding, avoidance of physical touch, or avoidance of being touched in certain areas, avoidance of eye contact, or bleeding from genitals (not related to menstruation). 

Children may also demonstrate various behaviors that can indicate some level of emotional distress due to trauma or adverse childhood experiences. Skin picking, hair pulling, over eating, restricting food, sexualize behaviors (not age appropriate… please consult with someone as to what is and is not age appropriate), self injury, avoidance of people or places suddenly and consistently, intense bursts of emotion, frequent nightmares, jumpiness, fear for personal safety, truancy, mutism, and frequent levels of negative self talk.

Trauma in childhood is also seen in their attachment to their caregivers. The behaviors and symptoms described above can be physiological or behavioral manifestations. Other attachment wounds can look like fear and/or confusion around various attachment figures in their life. Significant changes in their attachment to others can also be an indicator. 

Trauma in Children

To be clear, any of these symptoms can be typical in children. Its when you notice clusters of them or frequency of these symptoms that should be cause for concern. Patterns of these behaviors usually indicate some level of emotional distress, if not trauma. Also, the context of what is age and stage appropriate is vital. So if a teenager is avoiding their parent, there is high likelihood that may be a normative behavior for developmental level. It’s important as your child(ren) grow that you learn what is and is not appropriate behavior. At the end of the day, YOU know your child best.

Another important aspect to remember in working with children is that if a child does report abuse or trauma, the likelihood they are lying is fairly low. Of course there are situations where that is the case, but the statistics do show that when kids share that something has happened to them, it usually has. So if your kid has trusted you enough to share with them, please take it seriously. Because it is serious!

 

Long Term Effects of Trauma in Children

There are long term impacts of childhood trauma. Untreated or unaddressed childhood trauma can lead to serious mental health issues over time and in adulthood as well as issues in future relationships. These impacts can be with physical health, relationships, sexual intimacy, parenting, etc. 

In many ways childhood trauma or “Adverse Childhood Experiences” have a long term impact in our world. There has been much research done to show how these experiences can shape a persons life and impact their health and whole being. Untreated trauma is an epidemic in my opinion. Engaging with children, caregivers, and families in addressing these issues as early as possible or to preventative work could have major change in our world and future generations.

For more information on childhood trauma, feel free to look into the research done around “Adverse Childhood Experiences” or ACES to learn more about the impacts about childhood trauma and what to look for. If you are unsure of what may or may not be occuring within a child’s life, support the child and/or family in engaging in therapy to learn more. At LCAT we can help!

 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

social distancing

3 PRUDENT STEPS TO SOCIAL DISTANCING

3 PRUDENT STEPS TO SOCIAL DISTANCING

[during the COVID-19 Pandemic]

 

We are facing hard times and we have been asked to take refuge within our homes, distancing ourselves socially to prevent more possible contagions in this COVID-19 pandemic.

So, in this video I explain 3 prudent steps for social distancing to cope with this quarantine in the best possible way.

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Watch now! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, PornHub, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, Playboy, Maxim, Daily Mail, HeadSpace, and more!

Check MORE videos:

Online Therapy for Couples or Individuals- Life Coaching and Therapy

Text Therapy – A New Therapy Method

Sensate Focus Therapy for Couples

 

GET THE PLEASURE PRACTICE E-GUIDE  & HOW TO SEDUCE YOUR SPOUSE VIDEO!

https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/ ←HERE

-Learn How to Unleash Your Self Pleasure and Transform Your Sex Life!-

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 PM EST

 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Trauma Symptoms

Hazard Warning! Identifying Trauma Symptoms

Hazard Warning! Identifying Trauma Symptoms

 

Those who experience trauma sometimes have trauma symptoms they are unaware of. 

 

Risk Factors for Trauma Symptoms

Some general risk factors that can increase someone’s likelihood of experiencing trauma symptoms are: 

  • Marginalization and/or institutional “isms” as that creates circumstances that are more challenging 
  • History of trauma within the family
  • Living in an unsafe environment (emotional and/or physical)
  • Difficult family relationships
  • One or multiple disrupted attachments in childhood
  • Temperament
  • Personality
  • Stress level
  • “ACES” (Adverse Childhood Experiences)

These are just some and there are certainly more to consider. 

When you know that someone is having intellectual and emotional responses to threatening or disturbing events, and struggling with their ability to cope in their current life experience, you may want to consider that they are experiencing trauma symptoms. 

Trauma can show up differently for different people; however, there are SOME things to notice or be mindful of in yourself or in others as trauma symptoms:

  • Feeling irritated, angry, or on edge
  • Being jumpy
  • Being paranoid or hypervigilant
  • Frequent fear of personal safety
  • Feeling depressed, powerless, hopeless, or helpless
  • Having nightmares or changes in sleep patterns
  • Re-experiencing an event or feeling (almost like deja-vu)
  • Dissociating or disconnection from reality or your body (feeling like you are watching yourself)
  • Difficulty trusting
  • Engaging in the same pattern of behaviors over and over again
  • Intrusive thoughts and difficulty letting thoughts go
  • Difficulty in relationships
  • High levels of reactivity
  • Avoidance of anything that reminds the individual about their trauma
  • Being frozen

These are some of the more common trauma symptoms and can be seen to meet clinical diagnostic criteria by a trained (and preferably licensed) mental health professional. 

HOWEVER, it is important to note that one of these does not necessarily mean that you have experienced trauma. 

Having several trauma symptoms on this list indicates that you may have experienced some trauma. As you can imagine, there is an overlap in various mental health conditions.

 

So What the Heck Do I Do About These Trauma Symptoms? 

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms or have any of these risk factors, you may be feeling stressed. 

Identifying symptoms is often the first step to identifying what we need. Way to go!Trauma Symptoms

This sense of awareness allows us to recognize patterns and work towards healing. 

The next thing I would recommend is find a trauma informed therapist and/or someone who specializes in trauma symptoms.

Trauma-informed care means a therapist who looks through a trauma perspective and can contextualize your experience and think systemically.  

After getting your consent, trauma-informed providers are often able to recognize which factors can be impacting triggers in mental health. 

Other than identifying symptoms, taking accountability for how your trauma(s) has impacted your life, or your relationships, can be another part of helping empowering yourself.

Engaging in trauma work with a therapist. 

There are a variety of ways to do trauma work, but it can be very useful to do therapy specifically geared towards trauma such as Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR), Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), Inner Aspects Model, mindfulness practice, and other models.

Trauma work is exactly that. It is WORK. So be ready to dive into doing some real emotional, cognitive, and somatic work. My colleague, Amanda, always says “trauma is in the body. Healing has to take place in the body.” Basically, you have to do somatic work for trauma work to be effective long term. 

Trauma Symptoms

Outside of some therapy models, some somatic work to consider is yoga, meditation, acupuncture, massage, chiropractic care, reiki, and osteopathic care.There are many more options to be considered!

If you are in a relationship and your trauma is showing up there. It is vital that trauma is addressed together. Trauma is relational, therefore it can be vital to your individual health as well as your relational health. Healing happens in the body and in our attachment to others.

Consider joining our staff at Life Coaching and Therapy, LLC (LCAT), we specialize in the body, trauma, and relationships!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Trauma Meaning

What is Trauma? Introducing the Trauma Meaning

What is Trauma? Introducing the Trauma Meaning.

There is so much debate as to what to include and exclude in the trauma meaning. 

Trauma. Ugh.

Throughout history, the trauma meaning specifically centered around serving those in the armed services, firefighters, war veterans, police officers, and first responders experiencing symptoms after exposure to one event.

The natural progression for trauma connected to symptoms after one event began to expand and connect to those individuals who have experienced physical abuse, domestic violence, and / or sexual violence. 

Those individuals who are exposed to a threatening or disturbing event or series of events that have lasting distressing mental or emotional responses, causing the individual to feel overwhelmed in their ability to cope and integrate into their current life experience is what we define as the most broad “trauma meaning.” 

trauma meaning

This quickly didn’t serve individuals experiencing trauma though, because more seemed to be happening. Why was it that two people who experienced the same event could each process this event differently – where one may have experienced it as a trauma, the other may not.

After 10 years of being a trauma therapist, I realize the massive amounts of individuals experiencing varying levels of trauma that this PTSD trauma meaning has left out.  

Trauma as only from the perspective of the individual is not an trauma-focused approach to therapy. 

We must consider the effects that come from our societal beliefs, systemic impacts, and cultural constructs, so you can begin to notice what I see becoming a public health issue. 

 

The Progression of Our Understanding of Trauma

Initially, the definition focused on the individual and how the individual experienced the traumatic event. Similarly, the trauma meaning had to do with a specific event or events (like those listed above).

Massive research has been under way for the last fifty or so years, identifying that symptoms related to trauma is more about the way our brain responds to various events or experiences over time.

These experiences shape individuals and families and can reverberate through the family system into other relationships throughout the course of people’s lives, even if they were not direct experiencers of the trauma. 

Trauma effects are intergenerational. 

These dynamics can unconsciously continue from generation to generation, until one or more people decide to make the change. 

We now are able to see that trauma is relational, it does not exist in a vacuum affecting only one person. The trauma meaning has to include the ripple effect across that individual’s world. 

In my practice, I see that the massive impact of trauma on individuals, families, friendships, and their romantic relationships. 

Confronting these realities and having insight to them allows for opportunities for growth and healing. 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Behind the Sex Therapy Scenes! I Caught My Wife Masturbating!

Behind the Sex Therapy Scenes! I Caught My Wife Masturbating! 

 

“Help! I caught my wife masturbating!”

Even though we are living in the most open society ever when it comes to sexuality, we still live with so many taboos. 

Our fetishes have to live in this weird world of moving boundaries, where one minute you’re being sexually expressive, and the next minute you’re labeled as a freak. Even freaks can be good, up to a point, right? When and where we draw these implicit lines are complex and sometimes silly.

Have you ever been caught masturbating? There you were, feeling some kinda way all by yourself. Maybe you caught a hot scene in a movie, or an old crush flashed through your brain. The next thing you know you’re in your room doing your thing and Wham!, the door swings open.

I Caught My Wife Masturbating!

You shuffle your pants around or dive onto your side to face away, but your reaction probably made whatever you were doing way more obvious. It’s happened to so many of us, mostly in childhood, that we still to this day carry complex feelings of shame, embarrassment, and even guilt around jerking off.

 

What Is It About Self-Touch that makes it feel like “Too Much?”

Most have tried it, and of those who have tried, the majority continue to DO it, so what’s the big deal about self-touch feeling like too much?  

Why specifically is there so much embarrassment when it comes to catching your wife masturbating? 

Thanks to so many scenes in comedies and enough high-profile celebrity masturbation scandals, men catch a break on yanking it more than women do.

For reasons that stem back centuries, the idea of your wife or female partner self-pleasuring can come as a shock. 

Women’s pleasure has come a long way since the idea that their main purpose is to OFFER sexual pleasure and carry children, yet there’s still a lot of stigma tied up in the way we please ourselves.

If you’re here reading this and you haven’t caught your wife masturbating YET, first realize that she probably enjoys masturbation (maybe even as much as you do if you engage in self-touch).

How often she does it, where, and to what is her business. If she feels like telling you, that’s her prerogative and it would be a great way to introduce more trust in your relationship if you approach the conversation with curiosity instead of criticism or embarrassment. 

 

Catching Your Wife in the Act

If you’re together long enough, odds are you’re going to catch your wife engaging in a bit of one on one time at some point. You might walk in on her taking a bath or come home from work early one day to find her in her pleasure. 

Some people I speak with come to sex therapy with a lot of shame and embarrassment that catching their spouse masturbating is some sort of betrayal. 

I often like to bring up the point that consent and communication prior to being “caught” is ideal. 

For those of you who believe that all sexual encounters should involve the two of you, I would have you wonder if you hold yourself to that same standard and WHERE did this standard originate? 

Catching your wife masturbating does not have to be the end of your sexual life. It can be the beginning of opening a door to deeper discussions about sensual and sexual pleasure. 

 

How to Stop the Embarrassment After Catching Someone Masturbating

 

Here’s some food for thought on how you can handle the situation.

Prep Yourself – Repeat after me, “There’s nothing wrong with masturbation.” There you go. That’s the mindset you need. It will serve you well in dealing with your own sexuality, your wife’s sexual expression, and if you ever decide to have kids.

When you understand that there’s nothing to be ashamed of related to self-pleasure, then you’ll handle the situation much better.

Mind Your Manners – If you do catch your wife masturbating, treat the situation appropriately. Hopefully, your wife isn’t embarrassed about having sex with you, yet if your friend or family member walked in, the two of you might feel slightly embarrassed.

That’s because engaging in sexual acts – even masturbation – involves opening oneself up to vulnerability. You have to let your guard down to relax enough to accomplish the mission before you, so naturally, getting caught masturbating will be a little startling.

I Caught My Wife Masturbating!

The best thing you do if you come across your wife, or anyone else for that matter, masturbating, is to be accountable and then find somewhere else to go, as soon as possible. I suggest going to take a shower and meditating to center yourself. 

Don’t sit yourself down next to her to talk about it. Give her some space, as you intruded on an activity between her and her body.

Follow up later on with another apology and leave it at that. You might also try to make light of the situation. If masturbation isn’t something the two of you have discussed, she might feel a bit awkward.

Drop a light-hearted line about how you are glad she is experiencing pleasure and move on. It’ll break the ice in a way that lets you both know it’s not a big deal.

Follow Her Cues – Any discussion about masturbation and self-pleasure going forward can be on her terms. Let her bring it up. 

Don’t think for a second that it’s on you to discuss or that there’s some issue to resolve. Keep your emotional responses to yourself, because I suggest that they are about you, and wait for her to talk about it – if she wants. 

Be Encouraging – Masturbation can be a healthy behavior. It’s a wonderful way for people to be mindful about their own bodies, relieve stress, and find out accurately some of the ways that they like to be touched.

If anything, you can be GLAD you caught your wife masturbating!

I Caught My Wife Masturbating

Therapists deal with couples all the time that are sexually frustrated. 

For any number of reasons, wives struggle to feel comfortable with their bodies and being touched with a partner; because they have their ways they like to be touched and pleased as well. 

Many women have guilt about taking 20-30 minutes to achieve an orgasm, and more wives than I care to mention associate feeling aroused with something to be shameful about. 

Sometimes, it also takes one partner a longer time to get into the mood because they are more focused on the emotional labor of the home or the relationship.

 

Open the Doors to More Sexual Exploration

Now, if the stars align, your wife may want to talk about masturbation. You have two choices. First, you can feel insecure that your wife is self-pleasuring and take that as some personal affront on your sexuality and the bond the two of you have. That route is ridiculous and will get you nowhere.

Second, you can use the conversation – remember, started by your wife – to open your relationship up to greater sexual experiences.

If you choose correctly, not only will your wife feel better about herself sexually, but she’ll also be more inclined to include you and open up to you when it comes to sex.

Plenty of couples masturbate together, watch each other masturbate, or feed their partner’s masturbation with scintillating texts, pictures, and videos. Your wife may start to feel more comfortable masturbating during sex.

If you find yourself on the road traveling, your wife might be more inclined to engage in some phone sex. Anything you can do to make your wife more comfortable touching herself and feeling sexy is the right decision. 

 

Start your journey here

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.