This is a custom category page for Lifestyle.

Behind the Sex Therapy Scenes! I Caught My Wife Masturbating!

/in , , , /by

Behind the Sex Therapy Scenes! I Caught My Wife Masturbating! 

 

“Help! I caught my wife masturbating!”

Even though we are living in the most open society ever when it comes to sexuality, we still live with so many taboos. 

Our fetishes have to live in this weird world of moving boundaries, where one minute you’re being sexually expressive, and the next minute you’re labeled as a freak. Even freaks can be good, up to a point, right? When and where we draw these implicit lines are complex and sometimes silly.

Have you ever been caught masturbating? There you were, feeling some kinda way all by yourself. Maybe you caught a hot scene in a movie, or an old crush flashed through your brain. The next thing you know you’re in your room doing your thing and Wham!, the door swings open.

I Caught My Wife Masturbating!

You shuffle your pants around or dive onto your side to face away, but your reaction probably made whatever you were doing way more obvious. It’s happened to so many of us, mostly in childhood, that we still to this day carry complex feelings of shame, embarrassment, and even guilt around jerking off.

 

What Is It About Self-Touch that makes it feel like “Too Much?”

Most have tried it, and of those who have tried, the majority continue to DO it, so what’s the big deal about self-touch feeling like too much?  

Why specifically is there so much embarrassment when it comes to catching your wife masturbating? 

Thanks to so many scenes in comedies and enough high-profile celebrity masturbation scandals, men catch a break on yanking it more than women do.

For reasons that stem back centuries, the idea of your wife or female partner self-pleasuring can come as a shock. 

Women’s pleasure has come a long way since the idea that their main purpose is to OFFER sexual pleasure and carry children, yet there’s still a lot of stigma tied up in the way we please ourselves.

If you’re here reading this and you haven’t caught your wife masturbating YET, first realize that she probably enjoys masturbation (maybe even as much as you do if you engage in self-touch).

How often she does it, where, and to what is her business. If she feels like telling you, that’s her prerogative and it would be a great way to introduce more trust in your relationship if you approach the conversation with curiosity instead of criticism or embarrassment. 

 

Catching Your Wife in the Act

If you’re together long enough, odds are you’re going to catch your wife engaging in a bit of one on one time at some point. You might walk in on her taking a bath or come home from work early one day to find her in her pleasure. 

Some people I speak with come to sex therapy with a lot of shame and embarrassment that catching their spouse masturbating is some sort of betrayal. 

I often like to bring up the point that consent and communication prior to being “caught” is ideal. 

For those of you who believe that all sexual encounters should involve the two of you, I would have you wonder if you hold yourself to that same standard and WHERE did this standard originate? 

Catching your wife masturbating does not have to be the end of your sexual life. It can be the beginning of opening a door to deeper discussions about sensual and sexual pleasure. 

 

How to Stop the Embarrassment After Catching Someone Masturbating

 

Here’s some food for thought on how you can handle the situation.

Prep Yourself – Repeat after me, “There’s nothing wrong with masturbation.” There you go. That’s the mindset you need. It will serve you well in dealing with your own sexuality, your wife’s sexual expression, and if you ever decide to have kids.

When you understand that there’s nothing to be ashamed of related to self-pleasure, then you’ll handle the situation much better.

Mind Your Manners – If you do catch your wife masturbating, treat the situation appropriately. Hopefully, your wife isn’t embarrassed about having sex with you, yet if your friend or family member walked in, the two of you might feel slightly embarrassed.

That’s because engaging in sexual acts – even masturbation – involves opening oneself up to vulnerability. You have to let your guard down to relax enough to accomplish the mission before you, so naturally, getting caught masturbating will be a little startling.

I Caught My Wife Masturbating!

The best thing you do if you come across your wife, or anyone else for that matter, masturbating, is to be accountable and then find somewhere else to go, as soon as possible. I suggest going to take a shower and meditating to center yourself. 

Don’t sit yourself down next to her to talk about it. Give her some space, as you intruded on an activity between her and her body.

Follow up later on with another apology and leave it at that. You might also try to make light of the situation. If masturbation isn’t something the two of you have discussed, she might feel a bit awkward.

Drop a light-hearted line about how you are glad she is experiencing pleasure and move on. It’ll break the ice in a way that lets you both know it’s not a big deal.

Follow Her Cues – Any discussion about masturbation and self-pleasure going forward can be on her terms. Let her bring it up. 

Don’t think for a second that it’s on you to discuss or that there’s some issue to resolve. Keep your emotional responses to yourself, because I suggest that they are about you, and wait for her to talk about it – if she wants. 

Be Encouraging – Masturbation can be a healthy behavior. It’s a wonderful way for people to be mindful about their own bodies, relieve stress, and find out accurately some of the ways that they like to be touched.

If anything, you can be GLAD you caught your wife masturbating!

I Caught My Wife Masturbating

Therapists deal with couples all the time that are sexually frustrated. 

For any number of reasons, wives struggle to feel comfortable with their bodies and being touched with a partner; because they have their ways they like to be touched and pleased as well. 

Many women have guilt about taking 20-30 minutes to achieve an orgasm, and more wives than I care to mention associate feeling aroused with something to be shameful about. 

Sometimes, it also takes one partner a longer time to get into the mood because they are more focused on the emotional labor of the home or the relationship.

 

Open the Doors to More Sexual Exploration

Now, if the stars align, your wife may want to talk about masturbation. You have two choices. First, you can feel insecure that your wife is self-pleasuring and take that as some personal affront on your sexuality and the bond the two of you have. That route is ridiculous and will get you nowhere.

Second, you can use the conversation – remember, started by your wife – to open your relationship up to greater sexual experiences.

If you choose correctly, not only will your wife feel better about herself sexually, but she’ll also be more inclined to include you and open up to you when it comes to sex.

Plenty of couples masturbate together, watch each other masturbate, or feed their partner’s masturbation with scintillating texts, pictures, and videos. Your wife may start to feel more comfortable masturbating during sex.

If you find yourself on the road traveling, your wife might be more inclined to engage in some phone sex. Anything you can do to make your wife more comfortable touching herself and feeling sexy is the right decision. 

 

Start your journey here

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

 

 

Is My Relationship Over

Is My Relationship Over?

/in , , /by

Is My Relationship Over?

As a sex therapist, I am often told stories and then asked “is my relationship over?”

This is a tough one. Knowing if, and when, your relationship is over is never easy. 

How could something that started so lovingly and bright decay into something where you are questioning is my relationship over?

Dealing with a struggling relationship is complex. Some moments you’re wishing you never met, and the next you remember good times in years past and wondering if it is salvageable.

Every relationship has some kind of volatility. Some ups and downs are great. 

They test our resolve and commitment to each other. 

Arguments and miscommunications are learning opportunities where you can examine your behavior and your partners, and work on self-improvement. 

Ideally, you’re with someone who pushes you to become better than you were before you met and opens you up to new experiences.

Is My Relationship Over

What happens when things aren’t so great? When the lows become more frequent, it can be harder to remember the highs.

 

The Slow Descent into Disconnection

Even in the more dire relationships, there are early warning signs that things aren’t right. It’s easy to look at something like infidelity and assign blame because it’s a climactic event. 

It’s disruptive and so in your face.

Many times, though, those issues are said to be an outward expression of inner sadness, anger, and disappointment that has festered for years. 

This doesn’t excuse any lying, coercive, or destructive behavior like unfaithfulness; it illustrates how many people are often unconscious to the turmoil that is within their relationships. 

What ends up happening, in my opinion, is that emotions seem to build even more, despite people saying or thinking they can handle the status quo of their romantic relationships.

 

When A Breakup is the Best Option

The bottom line is that some relationships won’t last. Just look at how many of us get divorced every year. No matter how much everyone says this is forever, some things fall apart. 

As relationships crumble, there are clear warning signs that you can either accept or choose to ignore.

Typically, when resentment and criticism become a staple of your communication, that’s a major red flag. 

You may also be giving each other the silent treatment more. If you spend hours in silence and are avoiding the conversations about the state of the marriage, your sexual relationship, your needs, and your feelings, you will lose out on years of intimate time together.

Is My Relationship Over

An obvious warning sign to answer “is my relationship over” is when both of you refuse to accept responsibility for something you may have done (or said) wrong because you’ve built up so much resentment that you refuse to accept blame. 

Either that or, sometimes you are so angry at your partner that you don’t care if you were wrong. 

When this happens, we are often at our most core inner triggers and family of origin attachment styles. 

 

The Importance of Self-Love

When you’re in a rough patch with your partner, depending on your personality, you may be tempted to accept an outsized portion of the blame. 

What happens, though, is that you endanger your sense of self-worth. Sacrifice in relationships is important, only to the degree that it does not interfere with your ability to meet your own needs. 

Do not put yourself in a situation where you may be doing long-term damage to your confidence and self-esteem. You may end up with a warped view of what love is.

In the face of willfulness, domestic violence, and more contempt, resentment, or criticism than you feel comfortable with for your own sense of self-worth, the best choice can be to walk away. 

However cliché this sounds, letting someone go can be a true expression of love. 

After all, what’s worse, letting them and yourself free, or taking both of you down in flames, along with your family and friends, to the bitter end?

The thought of separation from a long-term partner or someone you loved so deeply once is often terrifying. 

It’s hard to see now that ending a relationship can lead to happiness in the future.

 

When It’s Worth the Fight

I’ll say this, as a systemic therapist and working in the field of trauma, I do not believe any romantic relationship is irreparable if everyone is willing to work on it. 

Everything can be fixed as long as you’re willing to put in the effort. 

Know this, though, that fighting to save a relationship that many people from the outside looking in would say is over may be like clawing your way out of quicksand. 

When things become so dire that you think breaking up is around the corner, walking yourself away from that edge can be very difficult.

It’s all about whether you’re willing to change, and that goes for your partner too. 

How can you bring yourself to express love to your partner when it’s been months or years since they gave you any sort of affirmation? 

How can you apologize for something that hurt your partner when you feel like you’ve done nothing wrong and are just trying to get your own needs met? 

Is My Relationship Over

Resolving differences in a relationship that’s on life support is multiples harder than what any securely-attached and more integrated couple has to deal with. 

There are layers of built-up resentment, insecurities, and hurt feelings to navigate. The key is whether each of you is willing and capable of taking small, meaningful steps toward reconciliation.

If there is a sincere effort, little by little, acts of goodwill, physical affection, acts of service, and other expressions of love will start creeping back in.

Repetitive positive changes of behavior build trust. However, if it took you years to get to this place, you have to know it will take time to get out!

The real concern is whether enough goodwill can be built up in time before the next storm hits and you face conflict, which inevitably will happen again.

If you and your partner have both experienced trauma and you are asking “is my relationship over,” the stakes appear much higher. 

There is rarely a bank of understanding where each of you has been making deposits for years. 

One mistake triggers whatever trauma the both of you have been through, and then resentment and criticism threaten to rise again like flames out of a volcano (it’s that Pele energy).

 

How Your Therapist Can Help

Working with a licensed therapist won’t solve all of your relationship problems overnight. 

It’s no panacea that will transport you and your partner instantly back to the good old days when things were romantic, deep, and exciting.

A competent therapist can help you come to grips with what you’re feeling, which will guide you towards greater understanding. 

When you understand who you are and what you’re feeling more, it helps generate the determination to make decisions that will benefit you.

If that means getting out of a relationship with no heartbeat, then so be it. Sometimes that has to happen for you to be who you need to be. 

And, if greater understanding can help you hang on, and ultimately improve, a relationship you still want and cherish, then a therapist can help facilitate the healing that needs to take place.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Am I Bisexual

Licensed Therapist Answers “Am I Bisexual?”

/in , , , /by

Licensed Therapist Answers “Am I Bisexual?”

 

Today, we answer a common client question:“Am I bisexual” 

How do you know if you are bisexual?

Am I Bisexual

We wish there was a clear answer that could be used for everyone, and there is not. We are all unique and special in what we desire.  What I will share is what I have learned from my education, my experience, and my private practice. Please consider these as some general questions to reflect on if you are wondering if you are bisexual.

 

What is Bisexuality?

Stereotypically, the definition of bisexuality is being sexually attracted to “both” genders (ex. Men and women). Some would say it would be attracted to cisgender men and women and someone would include transgender individuals in this as well.

Cisgender is someone whos sex assigned at birth “matches” their gender presentation and/or expression (ex. Someone with a penis identifying as male). 

Transgender is someone whos sex assigned at birth does not “match” their gender expression and/or presentation (ex. Someone born with a vagina who identifies, dresses, and lives as a man.. because he is). 

I think it is important to note that there is conflict within the bisexual community regarding whether or not transgender individuals should be included.

Am I Bisexual

Unsolicited opinion: if you identify as a man or woman regardless of sex assigned at birth or what your genitals are… you are a man or a woman. Full stop. 

Stop transphobia.

 

What’s the difference between Bisexuality and Pansexuality?

Bisexuality focuses on the attraction exclusively to men and women, where as pansexuality is attraction to all genders (including non-binary, transgender, genderqueer, gender fluid, gender bending, etc.). 

Note: These are generally agreed upon definitions… it does not mean they are set in stone or that people within these identifies strictly adhere to these definitions.

 

Am I Bisexual?

Generally speaking, here are some indicators that you may be bisexual:

  • you are attracted to men and women – it does not have to be equal attraction!
  • you have had romantic relationships with men and women
  • you fantasize about men and women
  • you like pink, purple, and blue.. KIDDING, yet it is the flag!

Am I Bisexual

Basically the bottom line is that you are attracted to (romantically and/or sexually) to male and female humans. There is variation and does not necessarily mean the attraction is 50/50. It also does not mean that you have had to be in relationships or had sex with either or anyone else to know. You do not need to have had sex with someone to understand who you are and not attracted to. It helps, but is not necessary for your identity!

 

The Best Way is Self Exploration!

Any identity requires levels of self reflection and exploration. The only way to truly figure out your identity is through your knowledge and experience of yourself. If you need help with this please find an identity affirming therapist (like us at Life Coaching and Therapy, LLC) to help you through this process!

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

NEDA Week

NEDA Week for Those Recovering from Disastrous Eating Disorders

/in , , /by

NEDA Week for Those Recovering from Disastrous Eating Disorders

NEDA week is a special time of year where we come together to honor those who are struggling with eating disorders. 

I began heavily working in the eating disorder field in 2013. Soon enough, I would come to learn what it looks like to fight every day, with challenges are struggles. 

Eating disorders are a serious affliction affecting at least 11 million Americans, and probably more.

Eating disorders are when you have an unhealthy relationship with food that becomes priority over your relationship with others. NEDA week is a time where working in a Partial Hospitalization Program, we would “let loose” and fight back with rituals instead of CBT and DBT.

I will never forget smashing scales with a group of those recovering from their illness. I remember hearing clients say that “NEDA Week gives hope!” 

There are different forms of eating disorders that involve fasting, restricting calories, binge eating. Use of laxatives, over-exercising, and / or purging. 

People struggling with eating disorders might have a fear of being overweight, be obsessed with something in particular with their food, or have unrealistic expectations about how their body ought to look. 

Whether you are struggling with restriction of calories, purging or excessive exercise, or binging, it is time to gain control of your life again and celebrate with us during NEDA week. 

We want you to love the person you see in the mirror!

NEDA Week

 

Our Favorite Exercises: 

  • Cover 60% of your mirrors with things that make you smile 
  • Unfollow EVERY single account that has messages that encourage disordered behaviors
  • Pick one part of your body that you don’t mind. Write yourself a love letter as if you were an admirer!
  • Draw a family tree and track all the people in your life that had negative beliefs about food and body image. Learn to challenge those beliefs! NEDA Week

 

 

 

 

Body Image Therapy: Learn to Love Your Look

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Pansexual Flag and Pansexuality

The Pansexual Flag and Pansexuality

/in , , /by

The Pansexual Flag and Pansexuality

 

Often in my practice or working with others in the mental health field, people ask me what various sexual and gender identities mean – one example we often get is “what is pansexuality?” Or “why does pansexual have a different flag?” 

 

Pansexuality

Pansexual is someone is who is attracted (emotionally or sexually) to all genders regardless of biological sex. 

This differs from bisexuality as the definition of bisexuality is attracted to “both” genders or the gender binary. 

 

What does that mean?

Pansexual Flag and Pansexuality

It means people who identify as pansexual are attracted to people outside the gender binary, including non-binary, gender queer, gender fluid individuals. 

Pan means “all” which is why the identity is “pansexual” as it includes attraction to “all.”

 

Pansexual Flag

The Pansexual Flag is used to show visibility to this identity and is three horizontal lines pink on top, yellow in the middle, and blue line on the bottom.

  • Pink to represent sexual attraction to those on feminine scale of gender regardless of biological sex. 
  • Pansexual Flag and PansexualityYellow in the middle to represent those who are not on the gender binary (e.g. non-binary people, gender fluid, etc.). 
  • Blue at the bottom is which is indicative of attraction to those who identify on the masculine scale of gender regardless of biological sex. 

If you have more questions about the pansexual flag, let us know! 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out our Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help with a variety of identity issues.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

rainbow

The Rainbow Flag –  The Story of “Our Rainbow” 

/in , /by

The Rainbow Flag – The Story of “Our Rainbow” 

One night, I was reading a book to my six-month-old daughter about the Rainbow flag (“Our Rainbow”), and I learned that each color of the flag had a meaning and representation to the community itself. 

Of course this makes sense when you think about it, but the rainbow flag was not something I had given much thought to.  

This obviously speaks to my privilege as a millennial, queer person who has been able to not have to learn the meaning because there has been some great shifts in acceptance around my identity. 

However, to many who do not have access to fly this rainbow flag freely, there is a great meaning!

So I learned, I learned from the book my six-month-old child received from my best friend. 

 

A History of the Rainbow Flag

I wanted to share what each color represents. 

First, I should share that the flag has changed over the course of time. 

At one time, it had 8 colors and then after 1979 went to 6 colors and within the last couple years there has been additions to include queer people of color. 

After a quick google, the original flag had 8 colors with meanings: 

  • pink (sex) 
  • red (life)
  • orange (healing)
  • yellow (sunlight)
  • green (nature) 
  • teal (magic) 
  • indigo (serenity)
  • violet (spirit). 

After Harvey Milk’s death in 1978, the rainbow flag increased in popularity, and due to difficulty with accessing hot pink fabric, pink was dropped from the flag. To keep it “even,” they dropped teal as well (gilbertbaker.com) to bring you the rainbow flag with the 6 colors we know now. 

The 6 colors continued to hold the same meaning they did on the previous rainbow flag creating a rainbow flag to represent various aspects of life and connect them to the queer community. 

As someone in the community, I never knew what the individual flag colors meant until I read this book. Therefore, I wanted to share it with our readers who are interested! 

Over the last several years the colors black and brown have been added to the rainbow flag. 

These colors are perhaps the most important on the flag because through these additions, the queer community is sharing love, acceptance, and the intersecting of identities and sexuality. 

Acknowledging people of color within the flag through the black and brown stripes creates significance and importance to these identities and also bringing the flag back to its original 8 stripes! 

 

Why are the Black and Brown Stripes important?

I want to say it clearly and strongly, that the addition of these two colors is integral in supporting all parts of the queer community, especially queer people of color. 

Although the queer community is marginalized in and of itself, people of color have been further marginalized within the queer community.

This is a step in overtly including people of color and acknowledging the unique contributions the various races and cultures have within our queer community. 

If you are interested in learning more about yourself and your identity, join us at Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT), as we would love to support you on this journey!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

LGBTQ in the Media Over the Past 3 Decades

/in , , /by

LGBTQ in the Media Over the Past 3 Decades

 

Over the course of the last 30 years there has been a noticeable shift in the representation of individuals who identify as LGBTQ in the media. 

 

The 90’s and Early 2000s

As I was growing up in the 90’s and early 2000’s, there were some “gay” characters. Characters were typically gay or lesbian if any representation, and sometimes bisexual. 

Often characters at this time were used as comic relief and were not seen as serious.

Characters who identified as LGBTQ in media had stereotypical presentations and were usually side kicks or in the background. Stereotypes such as men being overly feminine, women being overly masculine. These characters were seen to be comic relief and characters with no substance. 

I learned that people were either gay or straight, and if bisexual people were included, they were shown to be promiscuous or confused. 

I watched people in these roles get made fun of and heard comments shaming those in the LGBTQ community. 

However, when Ellen came out on her show in the 90’s, the world would be forever changed! Ellen’s career took a drastic turn after coming out, resulting in her being shamed within pop culture. 

This showed queer people everywhere the social consequences of coming out and being authentically yourself. 

I think it is important to note systemically at this time, the Defense of Marriage Act was being signed into action – limiting marriage between a man and a woman, thus making it impossible for those of the same sex or gender to become legally married. 

Furthermore, what little representation there was of those on the gender spectrum were limited and often misused. Often times, main male characters dressed up as women to be “funny,” yet rarely anyone who actually within the queer community. 

If anything, at times you would see drag queens in the background of more mainstream shows at parties main characters were attending. It was rare that you saw a non-binary or transgender character within the media at all. 

Although there was much negative representation of those identifying LGBTQ in the media, “Will and Grace” was a notable transitional show in highlighting queer people in main stream, heteronormative culture. 

Straight and queer people both adored this comical sitcom. 

Additionally, shows like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Queer as Folk, and the L Word also made appearances showing queer people as main characters. 

Many beloved starter packs for queer millennials as they began to come out! 

 

The Obama-Era

As the LGBTQ movement progressed post 2008, there became more shows that included LGBTQ individuals in the media and on television. 

Shows in the mainstream like Glee highlighted the queer community in more positive ways, celebrating various identities within the LGBTQ community. 

LGBTQ in the Media

Ellen DeGeneres receives the Presidential Medal of Freedom from Ex President Obama.

Celebrities like Lady Gaga, Ellen, and others began to be out publicly in ways that many queer people young and old were able to relate to. 

In Obama’s presidency, we saw some massive changes in the legal system around adoption rights, marriage rights, and protections in various states surrounding sexuality and gender identity. Further supporting growth for LGBTQ individuals to be more present in the media. 

 

YASSSSSSSSS QUEEN: Now

Now in the age of Ru Paul, Queer Eye, and Orange is the New Black, there are countless shows, celebrities, and LGBTQ icons. 

LGBTQ in the Media

RuPaul by David Shankbone

Those who identified as LGBTQ in the media were once seen as a comic relief or shameful, and now are getting more air time and being celebrated. 

This includes people who identify outside the gender binary. There are more and more celebrities coming out as non-binary or gender queer such as Janelle Monae, Jonathan Van Ness, Sam Smith, and Miley Cyrus. 

Furthermore, there are many individuals in the media showing allyship and speaking out in support of the queer community. 

There seems to be a cultural shift allowing those on the queer spectrum and their allies to be able to create a varied experience of queer people in the media. There still is work to be done to include more people of color within media representation as LGBTQ characters and people in the media continue to be more seen.

Breaking down barriers and stereotypes helps diversity us and create a vibrant community!. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Body Positivity

Body Positivity for People of all Identities and Abilities

/in , , /by

 Body Positivity for People of all Identities and Abilities

Body positivity for all people is our goal!

What is body positivity, you may ask?

Body positivity is a view of the body that is focused on the strengths and characteristics of our bodies, while avoiding discussions of “fat” or “skinny” and shaming of other bodies.

One of the main complaints in sexual satisfaction is that individuals, of all identities and abilities, discuss that they “hate their body.”

If you hate your body, it is going to be challenging to be body positive, AND it is may have a strong correlation between experiencing difficulty in achieving pleasurable sex.

 

Why It’s Easy to Hate Your Body!

Body Positivity can be a challenge for all, especially since we are conditioned to look for the negative instead of the positive.

Although looking for the negative is a survival mechanism that keeps us safe and alive, it often deprives us of the richer feelings of life that positivity brings.

Whether you know it or not, messages about how to design your relationships and your sexual satisfaction, who we ought to be, and what we ought to look like are culturally conditioned into us.

If you think about your upbringing… think about how everything you have learned has been filtered to you through your family, schools, media, or other communities you are a part of.

When I really think about it, it is no wonder hate is easier than love.

However, let’s not accept this! Let’s strive for MORE BODY POSITIVITY!

Since I was 19 years old, I began my journey of radical body positivity.

Here are some of the things I have learned to break through old thought patterns and start with body positivity for people of ALL Identities and Abilities.  

 

Ways to Love Your Body!

 

1. Fall in love with your hygiene

Hygiene is something we “have” to do, and it is something that we can gain satisfaction from.

Brushing your teeth and flossing daily can significantly improve how you feel about yourself. When you love your smile, it shows!

Body Positivity

Have gatherings with some friends where you do face masks, file and paint nails, and agree to give each other hand or shoulder massages.

Get your nails done. Most nail salons in my area have seating to fit all body sizes. Similarly, some have portable water basins, stations, and dryers which are set up for wheelchair accessibility.

Showers and bathing can transform from MUST DO to PLEASURE-CENTERED. If you can, make more time in your schedule by taking away a TV show and adding a candle and some music in the bathroom.

For those who have hair – get a shampoo and conditioner you LOVE. It will be icing on the cake of how you feel about yourself, regardless of your identity or your abilities.    

 

2. Tell yourself in the MIRROR daily “I love you and your body, ________.” (Add your name!)

Body Positivity

It doesn’t matter how silly it seems. This is important. Self-love MATTERS. Think about all the times you tell yourself, silently, mean things.

You have to start combatting some of those thoughts and REPLACING that negative, mean comment with a more positive belief about yourself.

 

3.     Begin practicing mind-body integrations!

Many of us weren’t modeled self-love, due to generations of trauma that our families carried before us.

Now that we have the luxuries of the modern world, we have not had the mentors to teach us about integration of mind, body, and emotions.

Body Positivity

We all know it is important and have heard about mind-body connection before… have you practiced it though?

If you aren’t actively integrating this, you are missing out on a huge aspect of loving yourself.

Whether it be EMDR therapy, yoga, meditation, or sound baths (especially for those who have limited movement), try to find some way connect your mind with your body.

 

4.     Hydration!

A personal favorite of mine. Drink water! Take your body weight (in pounds) and divide it by 2. This is your suggested daily water intake!

When you are hydrated, your body functions better. Please remember to consult with a doctor!

Body Positivity 

5.     Visit an APRN!

If you are blessed with health insurance, visit an advanced practice registered nurse, who has the ability and experience to provide psychiatric medications.

If you don’t love your body, talking with someone in the medical field is important. They have answers on the body that a mental health professional would not.

 

What are your favorite techniques for body positivity?

If you can’t begin to fathom any of these options, please see a body-positive mental health professional or clinician. 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer.

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Bisexuality

Bisexuality and Other Invisible Identities 

/in , , , , /by

Bisexuality and Other Invisible Identities 

 

Being attracted to more than one gender bisexuality (and pansexuality) can be complicated and wonderful! 

In my work and over 8 years of experience as a therapist, I have learned an extraordinary amount about these identities that allow individuals and their partner(s) to manage their needs. 

 

Some people ask “how do I overcome bisexuality,” and we want them to know what the bisexuality definition is AND how they can learn to celebrate who they are!

 

Sexual Identity

Bisexuality Definition – attraction to “both genders or sexes,” while the Pansexuality Definition is being attracted to all genders.

 

In working with individuals who identify with the bisexuality definition, it is clear that there are many ups and downs in the identity.

 

When people within these identities are in a monogamous relationship, some have shared that it feels like their identity is not known – like a part of them is missing or hidden.

 

Sexual identity and bisexuality definition is confusing because it is fluid, which is not easy to describe to those who are “black and white” thinkers.

 

Relational Identity

Another invisible identity is being in a monogamous relationship when you identify as polyamorous or on the continuum of non-monogamous. 

There are many people who identify as polyamorous that choose to be in a monogamous relationship with their partner due to a variety of reasons. 

Whether that be that they are polyphobic (scared of being polyamorous), their partner is not okay with the idea of it, because there is no protection for employment for open relationships (you can get fired or Child Custody Services called on you if you identify with being in open relationships), or for other personal reasons. 

Polyamory is the idea of loving multiple partners. Polyamory, also known as consensual non-monogamy (CNM) is increasingly becoming common. 

Being in love with more than one person isn’t as radical as it seems and if you want to learn more, check out this blog.

Polyamory can mean having a relationship with more than one person or feeling love, affection, and or having a sexual relationship with more than one person. 

This identity is often misunderstood and has been given a bad wrap because of nonconsensual forms of it (for example: infidelity, cheating, and affairs). 

The key to polyamory is consent. Consent from all people involved and a level of attunement and erring on the side of over-communicating with all partners involved are often essential for those who identify as polyamorous.

Bisexuality

How do you show that you are bisexual or pansexual in a monogamous relationship? 

In other-sex/gender or same-sex/gender relationships, when you are seen holding hands or being affectionate with that partner, you are assumed to be straight or gay/lesbian. 

When you are bisexual, pansexual, or polyamorous in a monogamous relationship, unless you are wearing something (or tattoo it across your forehead haha), there is limited ability to show your identity without verbally speaking it, and often. 

This can be exhausting! To have to constantly come out or correct people can be challenging and overwhelming! 

Some choose to passively accept the label of “gay” or “straight” and others “correct” those who mislabel them. Either can feel defeating as a person with an invisible identity. 

Furthermore, there is a lot of bi/pan/polyphobia in both the heteronormative and queer worlds. 

Many do not believe in these sexualities or I have also heard others sharing that it takes away from the queer identity because people in this identity can access “straight privilege.” 

In the case of people who identify as poly, this can show in the form of making assumptions about what “poly” is because it is very misunderstood. 

Stop the bi/pan/polyphobia! 

Show support for our bi/pan friends and stop invalidating these identities. 

It’s not okay! 

If you don’t get it, learn about it! 

Bisexuality

Being Unseen and the Impacts

There are a variety of ways on how to manage the feeling that a part of your identity is unseen or erased. 

Here are some of our favorite tips at Life Coaching and Therapy:

  • Talk about it! Make it visible! Share your feelings with those you trust, especially your partner. Discuss what it is like and ask your partner to hold that space for you.
  • Educate yourself on open relationships or polyamory to see if that is a choice for you.
  • Strategize! Is there something you and your partner can do that would allow your identity to be seen more?
  • Engage in role play or fantasy play with your partner or by yourself! Why not use masturbation and fantasy 
  • Allow yourself to grieve this through ritual, therapy, spirituality, or other means.
  • Use “radical acceptance” in being able to accept your identity and your choice of person. 
  • COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE!

If you are really struggling with feeling unseen or not sure about your experience, reach out to a professional to help. 

This can allow you to explore your identity, ways to grieve, cope, or change. 

The impact of not doing this is ending up feeling resentful, unseen, or causing emotional harm to yourself and others. 

If this is hitting home for you or someone you know, please consider some of the suggestions and finding support. Here at LCAT, we are here to help! Identity, sex, and relationships are our thing!

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

How the Other Woman Feels When It’s Over!

/in , , , /by

How the Other Woman Feels When It’s Over!

 

How does the other woman feel when they’re caught up in an affair? Most of the time, they get overlooked or accused of wrecking what was a healthy marriage or partnership. That, though, isn’t always true.

When affairs happen, it’s easy to throw around absolutes over who was wrong and why things went down the way they did. Emotions run hot in relationships anyway. Add infidelity to the mix and things can get explosive.

Just as is the case in steady relationships, affairs happen on a spectrum. Some people get involved in affairs because of nefarious reasons. They love the thrill of cheating or are too cowardly. They can’t be honest with their spouse or partner. The cheating partner knows they’re doing something awful, but their ego overpowers their sense of morality.

Affairs aren’t always evil, as weird as that sounds. Going around your partner’s back for sex, connection, touch, or any other reason is never good, but if we’re honest with ourselves, we can empathize why it happens. Throw in children, financial responsibilities, religious conviction, and societal pressure into the mix, and it’s possible to understand why it happens.

 

Our Yearning for Connection

“How could she? She knew he was married! She’s a homewrecker.” The other woman always catches a ton of heat when affairs go down.

It’s easy to demonize the other woman. After all, why would any woman want to be with someone who is living a double life? It must be that their intentions are bad, because, why would they ever agree to be with someone they know is unable to fully commit?

Understand, too, that people who drive themselves into affairs are often master manipulators. They use guilt, flattery, humor, or whatever else it takes to capitalize on a woman’s weakness. Remember, people who take no thought of how infidelity will affect their faithful partner aren’t usually worried about a little emotional manipulation to get what they want.

 

The Other Woman and Her Six Human Needs

For decades, psychologists have preached about Maslow’s needs and how survival, safety, love, belonging, esteem, and self-realization drive everything we do. The motivations on why anyone, including the other woman, enters into an affair is no exception.

Other women have affairs because they want safety knowing exactly what their relationship is. They like knowing that whatever this “relationship” is, it can only go so far because he or she has someone waiting for them at home.

 

They enjoy the casualness of the affair because it gives them a bit of belonging but doesn’t get in the way of their journey towards self-realization.

 

Sometimes Affairs Fill a Need

 

Perhaps the person having an affair who they’re involved with offers them the companionship they’re seeking but unable to get elsewhere. Maybe the sex is great. Other times, an affair offers her a transactional human connection that doesn’t encroach on other parts of her life like a career, education, or some other form of personal development.

In our experience, women get caught up in affairs for several reasons. If you’ve had an affair before, you know that it doesn’t start with any sort of desire to destroy someone else’s life.

Usually, women accept the constraints of living in an affair because what they’re getting is filling a gaping need, even if what they’re receiving is shallow.

That doesn’t mean it’s acceptable, but knowing affairs happen for many reasons can help us be more fully aware of what it takes to sustain a loving, fulfilling relationship.

 

What It’s Like for the Other Woman

The other woman is an interesting role. It’s a role that doesn’t get a lot of attention because it goes against the popular narrative that women generally seek emotional connections before physical ones.

If that was the case, though, affairs would never happen because the other woman is often short changed when it comes to time and affection from the person they’re sleeping with.

It’s true, some women find themselves in affairs at low points in their lives when they’re willing to accept less than they deserve. That’s not always the case though. Some women love the thrill of flirting with danger, of tasting the forbidden fruit, being a little naughty.

After all, if the feeling is mutual with someone, you’re super attracted to, it’s very tempting. You get to go home by yourself without all the obligations and emotional baggage of a committed relationship. Your life is still very much yours. It can be pretty appealing for some people.

 

Dwindling Taboos Make Affairs Easier

It’s important to understand as well that life is different these days. The hookup culture that most of us have grown up with has meant fewer people are settling down. More people are ok with a bit of sex and personal connection without it overwhelming our lives.

The other woman is often someone who wants to have good sex, go out to a nice place on occasion, and have some fun without it getting in the way of their personal goals. Whether or not the person they’re sleeping with is having an affair is no business of theirs.

 

Lingering Hopes They’ll Change

A lot of other women get caught up waiting. They wait endlessly the person they’re involved with promises over and over again that they’re leaving their partner behind to be with them. When the promised deadline passes, they get a gift, an apology, and another promise it’ll happen soon.

When real feelings are involved, it’s easy for the other woman to view the spouse at home or wherever they are as the bad one. They’re abusive, manipulating, or holding the kids as leverage. All they have to do, they think, is wait for her out and the new couple can make a happy life together.

Realize, as well, that not all other women even know about the committed relationship their partner is in. Plenty of women have been lied to while the person they’re seeing is living a double life. All along they thought they just had to travel for work a bunch. There are, however, things you can do to spot an affair.

 

When It Ends

Just like normal relationships, affairs can end messily or amicably. It’s common for the other woman to feel a sense of relief after an affair. The longer the affair goes on, the heavier the emotional burden can get. Not having to worry about getting caught, when you can call, and all the other ‘rules’ in an affair can be freeing.

Perhaps the best lesson from non-consensual affairs we can take is that they help us better understand what we crave and what it takes to find something fulfilling.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Natural Male Enhancement

Natural Male Enhancement

/in , , , /by

Natural Male Enhancement

 

When did the obsession over penis size start? I mean, if you take a trip to Rome, you’ll see row after row of statues with a beautiful muscular physique. Draft your eyes a bit lower, though, and you see some pretty small penises. Some say small penises were idealized then. It wasn’t too long ago, so why the shift?

These days, from grade school locker rooms to professional pornography shoots, people look at and talk about penis size. Now it’s a huge part of sex culture. People with penises silently judge themselves based on their “size”. It’s not their defining trait, but it’s certainly on the mind.

Sure, if you’ve got an average-sized package, you’re always looking for a bit of an edge. Maybe in the right lighting, whoever’s looking at your waist region will look fantastic after a nice night out. Additionally, a few compliments from partners or casual hookups on your size are enough to never make you worry about it again.

There are, though, people who struggle over their penis size. They worry about what impression it makes and how it affects sexual performance. There’s so much emphasis on large penises these days, that it’s easy to get trapped into self-consciousness if you feel like you’re smaller than average.

The good news is that you can help enhance your penis naturally by taking a few steps. It’s not going to take you from four inches to twelve, but natural male enhancement works. What’s best? It will make you feel better about yourself and more confident in dealing with intimate situations.

 

Stop Smoking

This is not a joke. Smoking can shrink your penis size. Unfortunately, sometimes smokers suffer from permanent penis shrinkage that cannot always be reversed.

It’s a small minority of smokers, yet any chance is reason enough not to do so. Especially when you think about all the other reasons not to smoke cigarettes.

When you smoke, it affects blood vessels in the body, including the penis. 

When the blood flow is impaired, it prevents the penis from stretching and filling with blood during an erection. 

Not only could you suffer a frustrating episode right before sex, but it also affects your ability to maintain an erection. That’s bad news for you and could be bad news for whoever you’re having sexual interactions with. 

After you’ve stopped smoking, not only will you notice a difference in your size and the ability to get and maintain an erection; you’ll feel better overall! It may be a worthwhile goal for any of you still smoking!

 

Try to Lose Some Weight

If you’re overweight, excess fat may restrict blood flow inside blood vessels as well. Of course, consult your doctor whenever you attempt to lose weight. Some people don’t have the weight to lose!

There are ways you should go about losing weight that make it healthy, so find what works for your overall lifestyle.

Losing weight can be great for your overall health if you are on the heavier side, and it can bring some positive news for your penis!

Proportions matter, right? 

When you have excess weight above the waist, it can make your penis look small in comparison. Certainly, even a large penis can look small on a large person. 

When you lose weight, some of the fat on the pubic bone disappears, leaving more room for your penis to shine. 

Fun Fact – your penis also extends back into your body. Losing excess fat from your waist and pelvis will reveal more of your penis root and allow for greater sensation and deeper penetration during sex.

 

Take Inventory of When You Feel the Firmest and Hardest

Enhancement isn’t just about size all the time. The great thing about penises is that they get bigger when you need them to! Natural male enhancement deals also with getting better, harder, and longer erections. 

Hormones feed erections. In bodies with penises, testosterone feeds your ability to get and keep an erection. Higher levels of testosterone mean you become aroused more frequently and easily. 

Lower testosterone equates to lower sex drive, among other negative symptoms. 

Hormone levels change regularly. They shift when you’re in different physical shapes, based on your diet, the time of day, your age, and other factors.

One thing you can do for natural male enhancement is to understand your body and take stock of what’s going on when you have a great erection. 

Natural Male Enhancement

Don’t just say that you get a great erection because you’re about to make love to someone very attractive.

Is your erection better in the morning? Is it more firm at night? How are your erections after one drink? After four? What about after you smoke? What about if you don’t sleep well?

Notice the patterns in your erections. When you can zero in on what makes your erection great, then you can get started working on creating those conditions over and over.

 

Try Some Ginseng for Performance Enhancement

Let’s just get this out of the way. Sometimes it’s hard to get or hold an erection. Don’t let yourself get too down about it, and see what natural male enhancement can do for you. 

People with penises all over the world have dealt with this. It can be embarrassing, especially when you’re eager to impress, and let’s just admit that it’s a fact of life, and normalize this!

Chronic erectile dysfunction may need attention from a physician. Sometimes chronic erectile dysfunction is a sign of something else! 

Sometimes people experience more difficulty getting and staying hard based on age and other factors. 

Ginseng is one thing you can try to overcome erection challenges!

Red ginseng is a traditional Korean herbal remedy that’s long been used overseas to treat several conditions. 

Recently, it’s made its way into the United States because of its ability to help with erectile dysfunction. The science behind red ginseng is still being researched. Our favorite types are Herb Pharm Asian (Panex) Ginseng Tincture or Pure Encapsulations Panex Ginseng. 

However, Ginseng is believed to increase levels of nitric oxide in the blood which can improve blood flow and help you get a better erection faster.

In 2008, the British Journal of Clinical Pharmacology published a review that pointed to red ginseng as improving ED in multiple studies. Since then, more and more people with penises struggling with ED have benefitted from taking ginseng. I have seen it in my practice numerous times!

 

Work with What You’ve Got

You need to recognize that, without surgery, there’s only so much you can do. 

Every natural enhancement can marginally improve your erections and the size of your penis. 

When added up together, however, they can make a massive difference! 

You’ll feel great and your partners will start to take notice.

Love the skin, and penis you are in, and know what you can and cannot do to help!

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

Stiff: Solutions for Erectile Dysfunction On-Demand Webinar

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

self love

How to Love Yourself

/in , , /by

How to Love Yourself

 

Learning How to Love Yourself Takes Work!

Yes, it comes more naturally for some, and at times, it’s easier to do than when things aren’t going well. 

During hard times, it’s more important than ever to learn how to love yourself. Whether you’re facing trouble at work, with your family, or in romantic relationships, forgetting to love yourself can mean you’ll sacrifice your health and emotional well-being for others’.

By the end of this blog, you will learn what I have taught hundreds of others on how to love yourself. 

What does loving yourself mean? It certainly doesn’t mean that everything’s going great and you’re close to perfection. In fact, it’s the opposite. When you love yourself, you open yourself up to self-compassion. You stop holding yourself up to some imaginary standard that’s impossible to meet.

Self-compassion and love create a space where you can get to know yourself intimately. You can finally let go of real or perceived expectations, find out who you are, and what you need to thrive. When that happens, your newfound confidence will ripple around you and influence your career, your family, and the ones you love.

 

Embracing the Me First Mentality

Strangely, so many of us struggle to put ourselves before others. Maybe it’s because there’s so much cultural pressure to avoid anything that looks selfish, prideful, or self-obsessed.

Treating others well is a great principle, as long as you’re treating yourself well first. Too many of us focus emotion or time and effort on others from a place of weakness. We’re worried someone might not like us, or we are guilted into something we’d rather not do.

Love Yourself 

We’ve all felt that feeling of being manipulated emotionally. It’s never fun and ultimately leads to disappointment. We spend too much time stuck in disappointing relationships or doing favors for others when we don’t want to because we don’t love ourselves enough.

Deep down, we all know we should be spending more time on what makes us happy. Time spent focused on personal development positively impacts everyone we’re around. When we grow as individuals, we’re less reliant on external sources of affirmation. Then, acts of kindness, love, and service are sincere and not done out of hopes for a desired reaction.

 

I Instead of We

When you love yourself, you’re also more capable of navigating difficult times in relationships. Instead of avoiding blame at all costs and shying away from feedback, you seek it out. You’re more inclined to take ownership of your actions.

This has a tremendous effect on interpersonal relationships, especially romantic relationships. It’s easy to play the blame game in a budding romance or with a spouse or partner. Most often this takes the form of disguised criticism or negativity towards a partner with the cover of “we”.

“We need to work out more. We need to drink less. Maybe we should spend less money.” In any romantic relationship, these may be valid points. However, using “we” here is a form of passive-aggressive critique that doesn’t bode well for a healthy intimate relationship.

If you love yourself, you should be able to own statements and offer advice and feedback openly and honestly. “I think you should drink less.”, is a more direct, but honest way of communicating how you feel. You know what you need to be happy and you feel confident telling who you love how to make things work. Loving yourself also means being ok if things don’t work.

 

Staying Connected Through All the Mess

Loving yourself is so important because the hard times will come eventually. When they arrive, it gets harder and harder to suppress your ego for the good of your relationship. So many couples end prematurely because ego got in the way.

When you love yourself, who you are is defined less by how others treat you. You’re not popular because you get a million likes or comments. Your foundation is solid, so you can see that flash of anger, lack of patience, or uncertainty from your partner less as an attack on you, but as an opening for you to offer more love and affirmation.

 

Communicating Intimacy

Love Yourself

Nowhere is self-love more important than in creating and sustaining intimacy. There’s a quote from the famous poet Oscar Wilde that says, “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” We spend so much time thinking about and pursuing sex, it’s possible to get lost in the power dynamics and find ourselves in a bad emotional place.

When you love yourself, intimacy comes more naturally. Sex is less complicated because we’re confident expressing ourselves and giving earnestly with clear motivations. You aren’t motivated by guilt, and you’re less likely to do something you’ll regret later. Loving yourself allows you to give honest physical and emotional love. That’s great news because it helps make sure choices about sex between partners is more consensual and will lead to greater sexual satisfaction.

 

The Gift of Choice

When confronted with adversity, loving yourself provides the gift of choice. You view challenges and opportunities through a lens of what will be the most helpful or beneficial rather than worrying about what others will think.

As you develop more self-compassion and establish a love for yourself, be aware, though, that other people are in different stages of development. They may not be ready to handle your decisions well. It may evoke negative emotional reactions.

In these instances, it can be helpful to work through decisions with a therapist. Their experience can help you gauge how your partner may react to an explanation or decision you’ve made. They can also help you recognize any factors you may be missing. It’s a great help when making impactful decisions about things like marriage, moving in together, splitting up, having kids, or overcoming serious disputes.

Talking with a therapist can also help you unpack whatever’s stopping you from establishing self-love. It may be that something in your past, whether it’s a trauma or bad habits that build up over time, an expert can help you get to the root of insecurities or whatever else is in the way.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Gender Stereotypes in Toys

/in , /by

Gender Stereotypes in Toys

Gender stereotypes in toys are recurring questions from parents! Parenting is complicated. Gender stereotyping in toys was normal in the past but times have changed!

 

Trying to parent children in an environment that allows for a child to explore their gender expression is complicated. 

GenXers and Millennials are the next generation of parents, and we are seeing them address gender and sexuality in new ways.

Young children and parents are bombarded with gender-specific clothing, toys, diapers, and everything in between.

Now parents are backlashing against the norms of our society around gender and sexuality. 

Many parents are trying to allow self-directed exploration around their children’s gender and sexuality. 

Gender stereotypes in toys

A recent article from CNN addresses that parents are now pushing back on the gendered toys created by the previous generations (December 2019). 

Toys and media representations are starting to show non-binary models, figurines, and playthings that are not the “stereotypical” in terms of form and color. 

The article addresses how gendered toys and marketing took off in the 1940’s and remained mainstream until recently, when parents began to pushback on these gendered ideals. 

These toys and “gender neutral” dolls are showing to be more representative of what adolescents and adults look like NOW! 

These new toys have various hairstyles, body shapes, abilities (some are in wheelchairs), different races, and a variety of clothing options regardless of the gender of the toy.  

As a parent, I want to support my child in exploring their gender identity and expression. 

I love that toys that are now more representative of many individuals and expressions of life, size, ability, and fashion. 

I think it is lovely that we are moving in a direction that focuses on building people’s individuality. Parents realize it is wrong to force anyone into a mold that they may not connect with.

Children who enjoy the more stereotypical gender expressions are not wrong. They can have their choice too!

It is a blessing that the new toys, clothes, and media representations will allow opportunities for all to figure out where they fit in. 

If children like pink, regardless of their gender, they ought to be allowed to play with toys that are pink.

Let’s stop “shoulding” on the next generation of children, parents, and extended families! Let everyone express themselves as they want. 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Shave your pubic hair

To Shave or Not to Shave Your Pubic Hair

/in , , , , /by

To Shave or Not to Shave Your Pubic Hair  

 

Think twice before you laser or shave your pubic hair! 

If you have been wondering whether or not to shave your pubic hair entirely, trim it closely, or let it grow bushy, we are happy to tell you the trend is to do whatever makes you happy.

If you grew up before the late nineties, you may have gotten your first glimpse of a stranger’s naked body in an adult magazine. Remember, this was before the internet and the explosion of online porn. People sometimes had to learn the birds and the bees from printed publications or VHS tapes.

Back in the old days, the centerfolds laid out on the pages had a healthy bush. It was almost as if no one had ever heard of shaving pubic hair. Large tufts of pubic hair on all genders were in full effect.

For the past two decades, however, shaving has been in.

 

Smooth Sexy Parts

Many years ago, Brazilian wax salons started popping up all over the country. At first, we all giggled at the thought of ripping hair off vulvas, balls, and other body parts. Waxing scenes removing underarm hair, chest hair, and pubic hair played in movies and jokes between friends.

The no pubic hair trend caught fire and stuck. All you have to do is take a look at some popular porn sites to take sampling. Most of the videos feature people of all genders with no pubic hair.

So why did pubic hair removal become so popular? A lot of people prefer it, because they feel like it’s a cleaner look. You’re not worried about pubes poking out of a swimsuit or falling all over the bathroom floor. Others like how it gives a better view of what you’re working with down there.

Celebrity voices added to the popularity of the no-bush trend. Some have spoken out about their personal preference for laser hair removal and waxing. Even for celebrities who’ve remained silent, all you have to do is take a look at their social media posts in tight swimsuits to see they’re pubic hair-free.

 

Don’t Look Now, Yet Bush is Back!

Even though pubic hair removal is still extremely popular, having pubic hair is becoming less of a taboo. Before, if you had pubic hair, you’d probably get some heat for being lazy or sloppy. Now, however, it’s becoming a sort of personal statement.

We’ve all heard that fashion trends repeat. Could it be the same for pubic hair? Well, in the past few years, pubic hair is making somewhat of a comeback.

Shave your pubic hair

Pubic Hair (Photo Credits: Needpix)

As is usually the case, a trend starts when a small group of people decide they want to go against the crowd. They decide they don’t want to do what everyone else is doing. They want to stand out.

Eventually, people take notice and want to hop on the early beginnings of a trend. More and more people do it until whatever was popular in the beginning is hard to find at all. Then the cycle repeats.

The same is happening with shaving and other ways of pubic hair removal. The bush is creeping back into the mainstream. You can find it online in pornographic videos, pictures, and even in Hollywood productions.

Here are some of the most common NEGATIVE examples of why people shave:

  • They feel disgusted to kiss their partners after going down on them. 
  • Sometimes, partners refuse cunnilingus or intercourse with menstruating women or women with pubic hair. 
  • Joking about vulvas and vaginas smelling “like fish” or ejaculation is “gross” and “repulsive.”
  • Partners shave off their body hair because they state it smells bad and holds the sweat.

 

Tips for when you shave your pubic hair: 

Make sure you use an organic balm on the gentle skin of the pubic region. If you want to shave your pubic hair, just know that there will be some itching as it grows back. 

Test for allergies! I was using organic products for years, and then found out I was still allergic to some of the products themselves, not just the pesticides of the pharmacy brand version).

If you love that bare look of no hair, enjoy a fun slip and slide with a hairless partner! I know some people who actually tweeze or thread their pubic hair to get the smoothest sensation imaginable. Yes, this takes hours to do if you are tweezing.  

These are long-standing beliefs that keep our pleasure repressed, and keep us self-conscious instead. Find a happy medium for YOURSELF!

If you want bush, go for it. If you want to shave, go for it.

Or find a happy medium!

 

Keeping It Trim

An alternative for pleasure-enhancement is trimming! 

At my Betty Dodson BodySex weekend, one of the women came in Day 1 donning a beautiful bush and the next day, she trimmed and was equally joyful and orgasmic Day 2!

We haven’t made a full return to the glory days when huge bush was in style…

Now when pubic hair makes an appearance [in pornography], it’s often neatly trimmed. 

Closely-cropped pubic hair is easier to manage – there are fewer painful waxing or lasering sessions – and many individuals find this trimmed, “natural-state” highly desirable. 

 

Grooming Tips

Thankfully, personal grooming is easier than ever. There are widely available grooming shavers that are adjustable to match whatever length or shape you’re looking for. 

If you are thinking about letting your pubic hair make a comeback, start slowly. Buy a grooming tool that you can use to keep things trim and take it from there.

Shave your pubic hair

[Photo: Getty]

You still have a lot of choices in pubic grooming! 

There’s waxing, shaving, threading, laser hair removal, chemicals that remove hair and other forms of trimming. 

It’s not an “all or nothing” proposition when it comes to pubic hair.

 

Check out some LCAT Fan Favorites:

  • The best razor for a close shave without nicks
  • Shaving cream choice, especially for those with sensitive skin
  • Baby trimmer for those who have never done it
  • Body trimmer reported to prevent cutting
  • Multigroom series

If you are going to get a brazalian or an anal wax, make sure that the person you are going to has hygenic facilities and that they are experienced. This is not a place you want any infections. 

 

Body Positivity and Personal Preference

One of the best things about recent trends in pubic hair is the underlying support for personal preference when it comes to your body. We still have some ways to go, but the return of pubic hair and the debate over whether bald is better is becoming less about what’s “hot” and more about doing whatever you want concerning your body.

That sense of body sensitivity has sexual maturity, acceptance from sexual partners and even helped push choice feminism. 

With the reemergence of bushier pubic hair, women should feel less confined to a certain body image or personal grooming standards. 

Everyone has better sex when we feel good about our bodies.

More and more people, including people with large public followings, are proudly announcing their preference for the natural look. 

That may seem a bit trite, but it goes a long way to breaking down barriers. Sometimes, when public figures open the door to how many people feel, it’s easier for them to take the leap and make changes.

The trend, for now, remains overwhelmingly in favor of total hair removal or very limited pubic hair. However, the stigma of bushy or trimmed pubic hair on all genders is slowly fading away. That’s good news for everyone.

Some people do what their partner prefers. I would consider that choosing what makes you feel the most confident about your body is what matters. 

 

Can You Go Back if You’ve Done Laser Hair Removal?

What about people who chose laser hair removal to permanently remove their pubic hair? 

A few years ago, they were so sure they’d never want pubic hair again. 

The trend is changing, though, and so are some people’s minds.

With laser hair removal, your pubic hair may not be completely gone forever, and it’s likely that hair that grows back will be lighter, thinner, and that there will be fewer of them.

Believe it or not, in recent years, some medical facilities have started performing hair transplants on people – for those balding, those who want a fuller bush, or those who regret past laser hair removal. 

The procedures are expensive and are by no means mainstream, yet if the trend towards pubic hair continues, expect there to be more developments here.

Still, even with the potential for hair removal reversal, permanent laser removal should be something you consider at length. 

Focus instead on feeling good about your body and taking small steps to find out what works best for you.

 

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Relationship Goals

Eight Relationship Goals for the New Year

/in , , /by

Eight Relationship Goals for the New Year

 

Are you ready to start making your New Year’s Relationship Goals? Yes, it’s that time of year when we all start thinking about resolutions. 

Don’t let the Debbie Downers in your life make you think resolutions are lame. What’s not to love about a little self reflection and a bit of planning… especially in the name of romance!

Another variation of having a new year’s resolutions is to say you have GOALS. Although the end of each year is a convenient time to think about the year that’s gone by, it is important to examine quarterly what you’d like to accomplish moving forward.

If you’re not in the habit of setting goals, give it a try. 

There’s something magical about writing down your hopes and aspirations. They tend to come true! 

Not just by luck, the act of verbalizing and documenting relationship goals commits us subconsciously. We speak our vision into being.

 

Relationship Goals

We’re not here today to talk about getting in the gym more often or getting that raise at work. Those are great, and if it’s something you want to shoot for, go for it. Today, we are here to talk about relationships.

We spend so much time focusing on falling in love and finding the right person, but we don’t focus enough on what it takes to stay in love or even fall deeper into love. Yes, there are levels to emotional connection in relationships that take effort but are so, so worth it.

Whether you and your partner are stuck in a rut and need to ignite your sex life, or you’re looking to take things in your relationship to the next level, here are 8 relationship resolutions to consider heading into 2020.

 

  1. Work on Yourself

 

We all catch ourselves wishing our partner would lose a little weight, spend less time on their phone, or quit smoking. It’s easy to project our wishes on other people. New Year’s isn’t the time for projecting our wishes on other people, it’s time to focus on ourselves.

It’s fine if you want to commit yourself to certain standards. Saying you resolve to not date anyone who smokes is much different than a resolution to help your current partner quit. The sooner you realize you can’t change other people, the better. Emphasize self-improvement and get a better perspective on what you can control.

 

  1. Dedicate Time to Each Other

    Relationship Goals

We get it. It’s easy to get in a zone where you take each other for granted. Life throws so much at us that it can be easy to forget why we’re together sometimes. The only way to beat back the complacency that creeps into relationships is by spending time with your partner to remember what it is you love about them.

And guess what? You’ll probably be surprised when you do. People change. The person you’re with now is different than the person you first fell in love with one, five, or fifteen years ago. Spending time alone together is a process of continual learning where you connect with your partner and discover new parts of them you didn’t know before.

 

  1. Make Sex a Priority!

In 2020, sex should be on your mind! Physical intimacy is a huge component of a relationship’s well-being. If sex has become a bit drab, make it a New Year’s relationship resolution to spice things up between the sheets.

Check out my video on “How to Seduce Your Spouse” 

Buy some sex toys, lingerie, or whatever else will get you or your partner in the mood. Try out a bit of role-playing, light BDSM, or some other way to change things up so it’s not the same old every time.

 

  1. Support Your Partner

Remember that time your partner said they wanted to quit their job to pursue art? Or that one year they said they wanted to take up cooking lessons? Resist the urge to be negative or critical when your partner wants to try something new. After all, they’re probably thinking about 2020 resolutions too.

Instead of resisting or poking fun, resolve this year to lend support to your partner with whatever they want to pursue. When your partner feels more fulfilled, you’ll be happier too.

 

  1. Get Your Finances in Order

If you’re married or in a long-term committed relationship, odds are you’ve fought over money in the past. Financial stress is one of the main challenges to relationships.

Relationship Goals

When the finances are a mess, it has a direct impact on how happy the two of you are.

Resolve in the new year to pay down debt, save a bit more, and spend on activities that will benefit your relationship. When you don’t have to spend so much time worrying about the bills, you have more mental space to give to the person you love.

 

  1. Give Therapy a Try

If you haven’t tried couple’s counseling yet, make 2020 the year you finally give it a shot. Couple’s counseling isn’t only for people struggling in a relationship. Even if things are great, you can benefit from seeing a licensed therapist.

Counseling is a great way to arm yourselves with communication tools for when any challenges arise. Counselors  also help you practice empathy and see things from your partner’s perspective.

Text therapy is a secure and convenient way to get frequent and intensive coaching from any location. 

 

  1. Implement a No-Phone Zone

Have you ever tried to bring up something serious with your partner, only to have them staring down at their phone? It’s deflating and chances are you’re not innocent either. More and more families and couples are instituting a no-phone zone to help people pay more attention to each other.

In a February 2019 article, Sehar Shoukat wrote that, “Excessive use of smartphone paired with negative attitude and feeling of anxiety and dependency on gadgets may increase the risk of anxiety and depression…”. The more we can push away from our phones, we can interact with people we love and improve our overall moods. 

Set a part of the house as a no-phone zone, or tell yourself that after a certain time, there’s no more phone or screens allowed. Instead of scrolling through social media, you’ll have more time to listen to your partner and engage one on one.

 

  1. Set a Goal Together

Relationships, like life, are about growth and progress. No matter who we are, we all feel stunted if we’re stalled in life. We need hobbies, work, or some other project to give us meaning.

Set a goal with your partner that’s something you are both interested in. Be careful, because you need to make sure the goal is something you both want to do. The goal cannot just be something one of you wants to do, and the other tags along. When you do something together you’ll build more common interests. Down the road those interests will be the thread that holds the two of you together.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.