This is a custom category page for Lifestyle.

Sex and Intimacy Workshops

Sex and Intimacy Workshops

/in , , , , /by

Sex and Intimacy Workshops for Couples and Singles

Finally…sex and intimacy workshops for couples and singles are being held in September. Two workshops will be held at Middletown and Rocky Hill, CT locations.

There are several components to having a healthy relationship with ourselves and others, and amazing sex is one factor.

Across the genders, everyone wants and craves sex and intimacy. Whether we are married or single or in some unclassifiable state in between.

According to multiple studies, sex boosts happiness, because it makes people feel more satisfied with their significant other and with their selves.

If your sex life has fizzled out and you’re having trouble getting it back on track, you and your partner might consider attending our Sex and Intimacy Workshops. Additionally, talking with a Certificated Sex Coach is another option if you prefer on-site sessions, text or video chat therapy.

My colleague, Dr. Sara Frawley, and I will present two workshops in September about dating, cultural shame, codependency, self love, and the Erotic Anatomy. 

Sex and Intimacy Workshops:

For Singles – The Sex Ed You Never Got in High School

Join us to get a refresher course on erogenous anatomy, discuss applying a Zen philosophy to dating, and explore different aspects of human sexuality. 

Date/Time: Wednesday, September 18th at 6:30 p.m

Location: Middlesex Community College (Chapman Hall Room 808), 100 Training Hill Rd, Middletown, CT

Cost:  $30 each

Register at Eventbrite

For Couples – The Sex Ed You Never Got in High School 

Join us to explore those burning relationship questions and take your relationship to the next level. 

Date/Time:  Sunday, September 22nd at 2:30 p.m

Location: The Barre CT, 412 Cromwell Ave., Rocky Hill, CT

Cost:  $35 per couple

Register at Eventbrite

Facebook Event

Tickets include light refreshments, Kava Kava ‘cocktails’ and all the supplies needed for a great class. For more information please call Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) at (203) 293-7293 or email us at: info@lcatllc.com 

 

About the Sex and Intimacy Webinar Educators

Sara B. Frawley

Sara B. Frawley

Sara B. Frawley is a Naturopathic Doctor (ND), a chemist, and a human biology professor. Dr. Frawley is the owner of Ground Force Medicine in Wallingford and Cromwell, CT, as well as the founder of Ground Force Supplements.

Amanda Pasciucco

Sex and Intimacy Workshops

Amanda Pasciucco is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and has certification as a Sex Therapist from the American Association of Sexuality Educators Counselors & Therapists (AASECT). She is a national sexuality educator, and the practice owner of Life Coaching and Therapy in West Hartford, CT.

 

Few of us know everything about sex, however, here’s your chance to learn more.

Please join Sara B. Frawley, ND and Amanda Pasciucco, LMFT at these two amazing Sex and Intimacy Workshops.

 

Amanda Pasciucco

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Couples Cure text therapy program.

If you know someone who would benefit from sex, intimacy and relationship knowledge, feel free to send them a link to Amanda’s YouTube channel – The Sex Healer! 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

Tied Up Sex

Tied Up Sex – Why do People Enjoy it?

/in , , /by

Tied Up Sex – Why do People Enjoy it?

Are you curious about what people enjoy about tied up sex?

Are you confused or afraid of people’s motivation for doing bondage or binding with their partners?

When you ask people what they enjoy about tied up sex, you will get a wide variety of answers and a few awkward jokes.

You will find that most binding practitioners are motivated largely by their partners pleasure.

To really understand tied up sex, you first have to tunderstand what makes a person want to be bound.

Why do People Enjoy Tied Up Sex?

Control

Some do it for control, or the “feeling of control.”

We’re talking about consensual bondage so your partner (the one being tied up) can take control back at any moment with a safeword or a prearranged signal. 

Why control though?  

What is it about control that is so appealing?  

I think that in many cases it is related to the contrast with daily life.  

Very  often at work and in life we feel no sense of certainty or structure at all.  

Your boss may seem to micromanage your every move. You may feel like your life isn’t your own if you have to care for a crying baby every day. Or you are held captive to your mobile phone to respond to pinging text messages.

During the bondage process,, you can experience an awesome feeling of “presentness” that we rarely achieve in our daily lives.

This can lead to a powerful sense of caregiving.

Fun and Mischief

I think another reason people like to tie people up during sex is for fun – pure mischief.  

There are some people that just can’t resist the opportunity for mischief.  You may have felt this before when you unexpectedly encountered a friend sleeping.  

Did you stop to consider for just a moment the fun of that situation?  Wasn’t that thought fun, even if you didn’t act on it? 

It is no coincidence that often one of the first things neophyte bondage do is tickle their “victims.”

Relieve Modesty

For some it can be about enjoying the helplessness of their partner.  This may be particularly true if your partner is a bit shy with their body. Binding enables you to relieve them of their modesty while you explore them more 

carefully at your leisure.

Exhibitionism and Thrill Seeking

For some, it is about exhibitionism and thrill seeking.  This is particularly true of those that attend bondage events.  

They enjoy showing off their skills doing crazy circus tricks to be admired by other attendees.  It isn’t as shallow as it sounds, because it’s a bonding community experience to share kinks with other like-minded people.

Overcome the Fear of Rejection

If your partner is bound and gagged, then they can’t really express judgement of what you want, however with consensual bondage, they can withdraw consent.  

Sometimes this can be helpful for those that may suffer from performance anxiety or shame about their sexual desires.  

Often the person tying can discover desires that they didn’t realize they even had once their partner is bound.

Aesthetic

There are some that simply enjoy the aesthetic appeal of the bound body. They are willing to go to great lengths to decorate and adorn their partner to make them into their fantasy object.

It is a way that many people receive significance. They create art with their bodies in beautiful rope patterns between the rigger (or rope artist) and the model. Then, they take pictures so they have their art in their mind. It can be printed so the moment is captured forever. 

Fetish

This article wouldn’t be complete without addressing the pure fetish aspect of it.  Some people just need bondage to be able to function sexually at all.    

For these people who so often feel rejected for their deviant desires, the trust of a willing participant is incredibly healing.

 

Kinky Sex: How to Get Started

kinky sex

 Kinky Sex 2.0: Escape Boredom in the Bedroom

sex therapy videos

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Open Relationships

Open Relationship – Get Ready, Get Set, Go For It!

/in , , , /by

 Open Relationship – Get Ready, Get Set, Go For It!

 

I’m excited to announce that I did an interview last Monday with The New York Times on open relationship trends! (I will post the article once it is published.)

I am beyond excited to be one of the millennial pioneers revolutionizing how we embrace all types of sexual and romantic relationships! 

As many of you may know from my article on polyamory, times are changing and monogamy is not the only style of relationship that couples are considering. 

According to a study in 2017, it is estimated that about one in five people have been in a consensually non-monogamous relationship at some point in their life. That is over 20% of Americans! 

With our changing times, I expect that number to keep rising. 

Open RelationshipSCORE CARD. We are only using A’s for results! 

  • If you scored 0 A’s – Go out and find a willing partner! Maybe your partner isn’t ready, then you have a choice to make on whether or not you wait for them to get ready or not. 
  • If you scored 1 – 3 A’s – a few tweaks is all you need. You may not realize it, but you may have a compulsive avoidance, anxious attachment, or you may be wanting to use an open relationship as a way to get “high” to take away the pain of something else. 
  • If you scored 4 or more on the left side A column, I do NOT suggest you go into an open relationship at this time. These statements can OFTEN be signs that you are not emotionally intelligent enough to understand your own needs. You may not know how to do your own inner work yet. You may get incredibly confused, because you are projecting fantasies onto others.

Common Pitfalls in Open Relationships

  • Lack of Honesty and Trust Issues
  • Inability to See One’s Addiction / Trauma 
  • Self-Centeredness
  • Communication Issues
  • Jealousy, Envy, and Insecurity
  • Family Conflicts (who do you do holidays with?)
  • Overcoming Social Norms (what happens when you only get a plus 1 to the wedding?)
  • Limitation of Partners (you can’t find anyone and your partner already has someone)
  • And More! 

Healthy relationships take TWO or MORE people who have integrity, honesty, creativity, willingness to be vulnerable, and ability to engage in their own Inner Growth and Non-Defensiveness. Sometimes a Sex Coach is needed to understand these changes and address them in the right direction.

Before you transition from monogamy to polyamory in a current partnership, make sure you understand the story each of you will have about a shared meaning when it comes to sex and love with other people. 

Sometimes we project shame from our sexual past into our sexual future with our monogamous partners. For example, you may become annoyed that your partner is frequently insecure about their body (their penis is too small or their vulva is ugly). This is usually an indicator that you have some blind spots to work on prior to adding another person to your sexual and loving relationship. 

You cannot directly fix your partner’s insecurity.

You can only change the system of how you respond to the stimulus of your “partner’s insecurity.” 

So if you are capable of fixing your own issues within your partner’s problems, then you may be ready for an open relationship!  

Below are strategic considerations for those participating in an open relationship: 

Open Relationships

Time is a Limited Resource

Love is not limited. Time is though. No matter what, every single one of us only has 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. 

In practice, your time allocation could be that you make four hours for each partner per week without phones. You could also attend an event with one partner one week, and then another event with another partner the week after. 

Sexual Education 

You have to understand safe sex due to the sexual-health considerations of open relationships. 

You are ready for an open relationship from a sexual education standpoint if you have:

  • The ability to fully discuss sexually transmitted infection status (for example: herpes type 1 vs type 2, hpv, PReP status)
  • Prepared to discuss in detail the act of Fluid Bonding (defined as a safer-sex strategy in which committed partners agree to have unprotected sex only with one another and to use barriers and/or stick to low-risk sexual behaviors with all of their other partners). 
  • The grace of how to discuss what is sexually sacred, and what are the sexual boundaries with both your new partner and your metamour (your partner’s partner). Because NOTHING is private anymore when you are polyamorous. You are part of one big happy family! 
  • Understanding of the term “New Relationship Energy (NRE)”.It is the intense feelings that may accompany the “honeymoon” phase of a new connection. This is sometimes also called “limerence.” You must check yourself while falling in love with the new person and remind yourself “this is not real, these are hormones.” Phenylethylamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin are the same hormones that you also find in serial monogamists or those practicing tantra. 

Communication Strategies

  1. Right Timing 

Implement email instead of texting when it comes to communicating important topics. It is too much to receive alarming text messages in the middle of a thread of memes. Here is an example email:

Open RelationshipsThe goal is that you learn how to ask consent while stating your needs. 

Once you get to that conversation, set a timer for 30 minutes! Make sure to disengage electronics! Do not discuss it ahead of time. Show them that you can practice patience. 

If you cannot wait 5-7 days to discuss your needs, you are not ready to be in an open relationship. In the variety of open relationships that I have tried, I find that it is mostly about waiting for someone. I had to remain centered while listening to things that I didn’t want to hear without getting triggered or responding. Then, I had to reflect back what I thought I heard to the best of my ability. If I was told “that wasn’t it” then I had to start over.

It takes a ton of patience and willingness to communicate effectively. 

2. Use A Compassionate Tone

Watch your tone intention in the beginning of all emails. “I mean this with loving eyes” or “I know you are improving and I still have another request based on my need to connect.” 

Notice the difference between “you let me down and broke a promise again” and “a part of me is hurt and feels let down by you breaking our commitment.” 

3. Observation Without Attitude

Example: saying “I noticed you left the plate in the sink. Did that mean anything to you?” sounds different than “it is so annoying when you leave your plate in the sink.”

A good way to practice polyamory is to ensure that EVERYONE in the partnership / poly family is mindful of the needs that polyamory is satisfying in each of their own lives. 

For example, we all have a need for connection. You can meet that need through monogamy or polyamory. Understanding how polyamory fulfills your needs in addition to connection (certainty, uncertainty, significance, growth, and contribution) is critical. 

Understanding your needs is critical to discussing conversations around relationship orientation (polyamory, swinging) and/or sexuality. 

4. Willingness To Be Flexible And Collaborative!

Start asking your partner once a week what you can do to meet THEIR needs better and address the feedback in the upcoming week. 

If you aren’t willing to extend yourself for just one partner now, you will not be able to manage polyamory dating, let alone a polyamorous community. 

Open relationships are for those who are interested in living life a bit differently. You will constantly be faced with multiple opportunities to meet the needs of partners, so make sure your time management is on point! 

So if you are interested in getting help before you begin your open relationship journey, text us at 203-733-9600. 

If you know someone who would benefit from this knowledge, feel free to end the stigma around open relationships and send them a link to my YouTube channel – The Sex Healer! 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Couples Cure text therapy program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

The Pleasure Practice Amanda Pasciucco

eGuides on Relationship and Sex Tips

/in , , , , , /by

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]

eGuides on Relationship and Sex Tips

Amanda Pasciucco, The Sex Healer, and founder of Life Coaching and Therapy, in West Hartford, CT brings you free eguides on relationship and sex tips.

As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, Amanda has more than 15,000 client hours of experience. She has helped hundreds of distant couples reignite their erotic spark after only a few sessions.

Additionally, Amanda is a national educator, speaker and is featured in CNN, Playboy, Men’s Health, Maxim, Daily Mail and more!

She has helped transform the intimate lives of those struggling with infertility, sexless relationships, low-desire, arousal, orgasm, and penetration problems.

Amanda shares her best, most effective techniques, practices and beliefs.

Are you ready to download, read and practice these tips at home?

It is time to improve your intimate life!

 

Free eguide on Relationship and Sex tips

Click to Download: The Pleasure Practice – A Guide to Unleashing Self Pleasure to Heal Yourself and Transform Your Sex Life

 

If you know someone that would benefit from free eguides on relationship and sex tips, please share this information with them!

 

Check out Amanda’s Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

 

Learn more about Life Coaching and Therapy. 

 

Amanda Pasciucco

 

Sign up to receive our newsletter, eguides, blog posts, webinars and special offers![/vc_column_text]

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

[/vc_column][/vc_row]

Sex and Submission

Sex and Submission

/in , , , /by

Sex and Submission

Do you like to combine sex and submission? You’re not the only one! Sex and submission is a perfectly normal fantasy.

There are many reasons we crave sexual submission. 

Submission is an act of trust. It is turning over your body and your well-being into another’s care.

Sexual submission can be thrilling and empowering.

When we are talking about kinky sex, being submissive is an honored role. 

Submission during sex means trusting another enough to temporarily relinquish control and be guided on a journey. 

To get started in the games of domination and submission it is best to do it with your partner or with someone  you have total confidence in and trust. e Be very clear that it is only a game. 

 

 

Are You Willing to Submit?

This is the first question you have to ask yourself if you want to experience the game of domination. 

If your erotic fantasy is to have your partner dominate you and make love to you by force, I encourage you to put it into practice. 

And, why not? Maybe your partner likes to be submissive too!

You just have to ask! Communicate! 

 

Pleasure or Pain?

The games of domination and submission are usually related to bondage, ties and spanking, and the roles of master and slave. Use your creativity!

The only rule is to do it with respect and self-control. You don’t really want to be hurt and you don’t want to hurt your partner. .

 

 

Control Your Role

When you are in the game of sex and submission, sometimes you will have to play the role as the dominant and other times as the submissive partner. 

Sex and Submission

In both roles you have to feel comfortable and know what limits are in advance.

If you are exercising as a mistress, make sure your partner is doing well and enjoying the game. 

When it is the other way around, stop and speak clearly if you do not like something or feel that your partner is overreacting. 

But, above all, get into the role and have fun. 

Pretending to be someone else can help you feel much sexier and uninhibited.

 

 

Only in the Bedroom

Domination or submission games could get you hooked so much that you end up getting too much into your role even out of bed. 

The game can take place during a dinner, in an exchange of messages, or even in the gym! 

As soon as someone says stop, you immediately stop and get out of sex and submission.

CONSENT is key! Everyone has to be engaged and interested. 

My motto is a DEEP YES is consent. I don’t want anything other than a HELL YES to a moment…including sex and submission!

Sex and Submission

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimiate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Couples Cure text therapy program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

When you have a minute, check out amazing video tips on sex and relationships from LCAT founder, Amanda Pasciucco, The Sex Healer.

 

Why Do Couples Cheat?

Why Do Couples Cheat? 

/in , , /by

Why Do Couples Cheat? 

Why do couples cheat? 

Or better…

Why don’t couples just break up instead of cheating?

During my years as a therapist, I’ve come across many situations where couples were on the brink of divorce, and infidelity was the main cause.

Here are the two main reasons why couples cheat based on my ten years of therapy experience:

#1 Reason: Unfulfilled Sexual Needs

Even if a relationship is stable and there’s an emotional connection between a couple, one partner -the cheater-, may feel their sexual needs are not being met. 

Maybe their partner hasn’t wanted to get intimate with them. Maybe their partner hasn’t wanted to get intimate in a way that satisfies them. Or their partner is long distance.

Why Do Couples Cheat?

When the cheater meets someone outside the relationship who they click with emotionally and physically, they come to a conflict. 

They are in this committed relationship with someone who loves them or who they have been secured with long-term, yet they also have interest in this other person that fulfills them sexually. 

Another sexual need could be a desire to have multiple sexual partners or to engage in new sexual experiences, but they are afraid of expressing this to their partner.

They feel that not being sexually satisfied by their partner is not a good enough reason to end the relationship, or bring up issues when things are “good” between them.

They think it’s not right, because they morally believe that having love SHOULD be enough for a relationship. Thus, the cheater feels the need to maintain their committed relationship while having an affair. 

Having an affair is not an act of love to your partner. 

Believe me when I say it’s in your right to express your sexual needs to your partner.

Sex may be important to you, and that’s can be a good reason to leave your relationship and go elsewhere if your partner isn’t willing to work with you on the issue. 

It’s not right to lie to your partner and seek sexual needs behind their back.

Why aren’t affairs “okay?” Because… consent IS key.

If you are having an affair… you are not getting your partner’s consent. 

You are omitting the truths of your actions and not allowing your spouse to consent.

 

#2 Reason: Unfulfilled Emotional Needs

 

These cheaters feel they lack love, intimacy, and attention from their partners. 

There’s an emotional disconnect that has developed. the cause for the disconnect could be many reasons such as: not feeling like they can talk to their partner, not feeling appreciated by their partner, or not excited by their partner anymore. 

They seek emotional validation and nurturing elsewhere. 

 

Why Do Couples Cheat?

 

So, now you ask, why don’t they just leave?

It could be that they’ve been together for so long, that it takes too much emotional effort to have the conversation to end it. They don’t want to go through the pain or guilt of breaking hearts. 

They stay in the relationship until the other feels like breaking it apart first. 

The relationship wasn’t a priority for them, so they feel no need to maintain it. 

They don’t consider their partner’s feelings when they don’t want to go through the trouble of breaking hearts. In fact, this is not considering them at all. 

It’s lazy behavior and the cheater’s partner deserves better.

What’s my answer to this?

Say it with me, communication!

Express your discontent and work through it. 

How? 

Identify what your partner NEEDS. 

Ask them questions. 

When they answer, ask them what it would look like if you were both getting your needs met. 

What would each of you being doing differently? How would you spend your time? 

If you can’t get your needs met alone, my favorite strategy of all is to bring your partner to therapy! 

This will help you assess how to clearly get your needs met or how to respectfully end the relationship in conscious uncoupling. 

Can you think of any other reasons that someone may want to seek a physical relationship elsewhere?

Tell me in the comments below!

If you want to learn more about how to face infidelity and or tantra techniques to enhance intimacy, please reach out to us at LCAT.

 

Amanda Pasciucco

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

family systems theory

Family Systems Theory – What is it?

/in , , /by

Family Systems Theory – What is it?

Family Systems Theory grew out of old-school psychotherapy.

Why do we do it and why should you? 

Do you ever think your issue comes from your family? 

So did the founders of systems theory back in the day! 

Do you notice that when someone in your family is in a better mood, then you can be in a better mood too? 

It’s almost like we all work together in our family to help nurture each other’s temperaments and responses. 

The founder of family systems theory, Murray Bowen, MD, realized that no therapy issue could be treated outside the context in which it was located. 

Family systems theory promotes the interrelationship of everything to everything else. 

Family systems theory works for couples as well as families! 

How often do we think about the things that make our family the way it is?

How often do we consider how we affect our romantic partner? 

Family systems therapy is based on the idea that each family (or couple) is a unique social system with its own structure and patterns of communication. 

Each family member is impacted by the family system. As a result, a change in one member of the family will affect the family system and the other family members.

If you can get into see a licensed marriage and family therapist, or someone trained in family systems theory, you WILL find the key to long-lasting change. This type of approach is amazing!

Why Family Systems Therapy is Effective

Family therapy can be very effective for any family where one or more members is experiencing emotional distress.

Families dealing with these issues especially may benefit from family therapy: 

  • An eating disorder
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Trauma
  • Families with a high degree of conflict
  • Families with poor communication skills
  • Religious conflicts
  • Values conflicts
  • Divorce
  • Remarriage

How Family Systems Therapy Works 

During family systems therapy, the family works individually and together to resolve a problem that directly affects one or more family members.

Each member has the opportunity to express their thoughts and feelings about how they are affected.

So together, the family works to help the individual in distress. 

This approach will help relieve the strain on the family. 

The family learns ways to support and help each other with the goal of restoring family relationships and rebuilding a healthy family system.

Family Systems Theory

These are some of our favorite concepts from Bowen’s Systems Theory:

Emotional Triangles 

In Bowen’s theory, a triangle – a relationship between three people – is the smallest stable relationship unit.

A frequent scenario found in emotional triangles is that two people are in agreement with each other and the third is in conflict with them. This can lead to emotional problems for the person in conflict with the others.

Differentiation of Self 

In family systems theory, differentiation of self refers to a person’s sense of identity and ability to function on their own, rather than as a member of a group.

It can be someone with a low level of differentiation or with a high level of differentiation, both need to reconnect with the group without losing their personal and individual essence.

Family Projection Process 

The family projection process is the process by which parents transfer their worries, anxieties, and other emotional problems to their children.

The family projection process can lead to children inheriting their parents’ emotional problems and anxieties from birth! This frequently comes out when you get to your first romantic relationship though!  

Multigenerational Transmission Process

In family systems theory, the multigenerational transmission process means family patterns repeat through generations.

Sibling Position

Many are familiar with this concept that focuses on development due to birth order. 

  • The oldest is the one that would inherit the kingdom and with the most responsibility. 
  • Middle children often grow up to be peacemakers, able to work well with most people.
  • Youngest often become the light-hearted one, the comedian, with a great sense of humor
  • Each child’s sibling position significantly influences the person they eventually become. 

Conclusion

Your family of origin has an impact on who you are and the relationships that you have. 

If you have never considered a family systems therapist or a licensed marriage therapist, you are missing out on the miracles that can happen! 

The most important thing when having problems, especially if you have a willing immediate family system, is to contact a professional trained in this therapy! 

 

Family Systems Theory

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

PORNOSEXUAL

Is Porn Cheating?

/in , , /by

Is Porn Cheating?

 

Ask yourself this question: Is porn cheating? This is one of the most common questions I hear as a certified sex therapist. 

The answer is – it depends! 

To me…lying is cheating. An omission of truth is a lie. So, for me personally and professionally, porn is cheating if it is something that is being hidden in the couple. 

When it comes to protecting your relationship against infidelity, communication is key. 

You need to have conversations about what it means to cheat with your partner. 

Be prepared to ask:  

  • Is talking to an ex cheating? 
  • Is visiting a strip club or dancing with someone else cheating? 
  • Is sexting someone else cheating? 

In my experience, and in many of my clients experiences, when conversations are NOT had and truth is withheld…it becomes sneaky and thus becomes lying.

If watching porn isn’t a big deal to you, but it is to your partner, consider his/her boundary before continuing the relationship. 

You may think it is just a little secret to watch porn. Something for YOU! 

I agree. AND, I also know that what my partner defines as cheating is important to me.

If you are open about it with your partner and you can discuss it – that’s not cheating. 

 

That’s called effective communication. YAY! 

 

Pornography is a means to get into an altered state of reality. It is a product created to entertain us, and I believe it should be treated as such. 

Some couples do not consider watching porn cheating and they actually encourage their partner to use porn to get new ideas to bring into the bedroom. 

Is Porn Cheating?

However, there is a limit like everything in life. 

When the hobby becomes something else and it changes your reality. Do you find yourself using porn and not leaning into your sexual relationship with your partner? 

For some, this is an issue, and for others, it really is not! 

Using porn to replace sex in real life is like using a drug for some people, because it reduces their desire to be intimate or have any deep personal connection.. 

If pornography is used long enough (YES – I have seen this happen numerous times), it may become the only way a person can get aroused and have an orgasm to meet their sexual need.

When this happens, we can say that person has gradually become a pornosexual.

 

What is a Pornosexual?

This is a relatively new term. It refers to people who tend to love watching porn more than having sex with someone in person. 

Basically, being pornosexual means finding more pleasure when it comes to watching porn and intimacy alone than with partnered sex and touch. 

I have seen this type of behavior cause problems with intimacy, and in turn can cause problems in a marriage.

Pornosexuals experience all of their sexual pleasure in isolation instead of shared. Sometimes, I have heard clients who identify as pornosexuals also say they have a fear of intimacy.

Since they can get sexual pleasure online, without the effort of intimacy or connection, they are fulfilled. 

If a pornosexual starts dating someone who wants an in-person sexual relationship, and omits his/her porn behavior, then porn again can become cheating. 

 

So…is porn cheating?

 

Watching porn can be great and even fun if you view it as a movie, and if everyone in the relationship is okay with it. 

 

Get your guide to connect more today

Couples Communication Strategies

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Surviving Infidelity

Surviving Infidelity: How To Reboot Your Relationship

/in , , /by

Surviving Infidelity: How To Reboot Your Relationship

Have you been surviving infidelity? 

Have you ever been cheated on? 

Or have you been a home-wrecker? 

Adultery – as with other supplements and shopping sprees and pleasure quests – is at least a reliable way of proving to ourselves that we’re not in the ground quite yet, especially when feeling a little dead inside. Or at least until a better solution comes along. – Laura Kipnis

For those who are surviving infidelity, I commend you! This is SO challenging.

I personally have been fascinated and curious about affairs my entire life. From age 19, I began reading every single book and article I could get my hands on. 

WHY do people cheat? What is this devastation that lingers in the heart after you find out your partner is unfaithful? 

If you are surviving infidelity, you know that incredibly intense feeling you have that your world is falling apart and you will die of heartbreak. 

When you discover that your partner was unfaithful and has been having an affair, the world you once knew starts to become questionable. 

In a flood of angry, sad, and fearful emotions, not even the most prepared person is able to manage the emotional, mental and physician damage when this type of secret is revealed or found out. 

It is possible to overcome infidelity!

Infidelity affects a critical  part of a couple’s relationship – the breaking of trust and intimate connection. It is not surprising that it ends up being one of the three most common reasons why couples come to see us for therapy in the first place! 

Questioning why infidelity happened?

Coupledom isn’t always simple. Although we love to pair-bond as a species, the truth is that cohabitation, extended family dynamics, financial stressors, the monotony of the weekly routine, and raising children (or pets or neither) makes it an incredibly complex and intertwined reality.

Behind most cases of infidelity, there are usually other aspects of the relationship that have caused a huge gap between you as partners… a gap in which the infidelity may have been consummated.

Surviving infidelity

How long will it take you to overcome the pain of infidelity?

The most honest answer I can offer you is… it all depends. The most important thing is that you do not have a deadline for your healing.

Overcoming infidelity and improving your relationship is possible, and I have seen at least a hundred couples do it. Sometimes it takes four months, sometimes longer! You are NOT obligated to do this alone though. This would be between you and your partner. 

It will not be easy, but ensuring that you are both on the same team is crucial! 

For some couples, coming into therapy can be the difference between staying together or divorcing.

Things You Need To Do:

Take it Easy – Don’t Rush Thing

After finding out that your partner has been unfaithful, there is usually a mix of anger, fear, and pain that manifests itself within the partner who has been betrayed. 

You have to create someplace that is a “safe place” where you can go alone to take breaks if you need to from the emotional intensity. 

Sometimes, this is in your bed, sometimes a separate room, and sometimes for me, it has been in the closet surrounded by “stuff” because it makes me feel contained. 

Talk To Your Partner About Surviving Infidelity

If you want to stay in the relationship, you must talk to your partner about the infidelity – no matter how difficult it may seem. 

If you think you have questions and you need certainty (to ask why, how often, with whom, where, etc), reach out to your partner about the questions. 

Let them have time to think on it. Just because YOU want them to tell you NOW doesn’t mean you are allowed to force them to answer. I KNOW… that may sound challenging. 

However, it is the way to face what happened and to try to overcome it, as a couple. It is important to show your partner that you still are respecting their boundaries, even though trust was broken. 

Try To Trust

Yes, some people say that this sounds impossible, yet if you have decided that you want to continue with the relationship, you need to work on trusting in small steps. Trusting with work, or chores, or date night. If you want, sit down and talk about how both of you can assure this situation is not going to happen again.

Do Not Live In Fear

It is possible that the unfaithful person is afraid that his or her or their partner will get revenge. However, not all relationships work this way. Not everyone retaliates to get even. In fact, if the other person loves you, they will end up forgiving you.

A Special Note of Divorce – from what I have witnessed as a therapist, many women, especially those who don’t work, and those that have kids, are very afraid of getting a divorce. 

They are concerned about what happens to them, their kids, and their home. Find out from a lawyer instead of living in fear. Ask the questions and get the information. 

The truth sets us free!

Regain Sexual Passion

Sometimes, infidelities occur because the relationship fell into the routine or there is not enough passion. Try to rekindle the passion as well as the trust. Seek out sex therapy if you have no idea where to start! 

Couples Therapy

Couples therapy can be an important part of the healing process. Many couples therapists see infidelities and know how to best handle them. Although surviving infidelity is complicated, couples therapists know the patterns to get you to a place of healing. 

Surviving infidelity

Start a New Relationship 

Understand that forgiveness is not synonymous with surviving infidelity and continuing on as if nothing had happened. Nor is it the same as ignoring it and following the path that led you to this place within the relationship. 

The main part of surviving infidelity is the willingness to START A NEW RELATIONSHIP. 

Your old marriage is over… you get to both consent to wanting a new one! 

You must find real reasons to convince your partner and yourself that there are still emotional building-blocks of trust needed to rebuild your relationship, and ultimately, forgive the infidelity.

If you want to hold onto anger at your partner, just know that as a couples therapist, I would not want you to continue to berate the other person due to what has happened. 

Sooner or later, this pattern of not-forgiving will end up causing a huge conflict that will end the relationship. 

If your partner is willing to rebuild trust and end the affair, then it is up to you to decide if you want to continue in the relationship. 

If you want to learn more about surviving infidelity, please comment below!

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

Plus Size Sex

Plus Size Sex

/in , , /by

PLUS SIZE SEX

 

For those of you who are considered “plus size” or those of you who have sex with people who are considered overweight, it is time to have the BEST PLUS SIZE SEX EVER.

Common Themes:

  • “I am plus size, should I be on top when I have sex? I do not want to break my girlfriend”
  • “I’m embarrassed to be on top, because my partner can see all my rolls and jiggles.”
  • “I am plus size and I want to take things to another level with my partner. What positions might work for us for penetrative sex? 

Plus Size SexIf this sounds like you or your partner, I have the plus size sex answers you have been waiting for! Believe it or not peoplehave sex no matter what their size! Ranging from masturbation, to partnered sex, to kinks, different body types have sex all the time. 

Self-consciousness can be deep within you and it feels insurmountable. I understand that you might feel shy about your body in front of your partner, especially if you’re feeling insecure.

Your jiggly hips, soft bellies, full chests, and dimpled thighs are all a part of you, and they are beautiful and perceived as VERY sexy. 

All individuals deserve the sex life they want!

While unleashing your body, try to remember that the person showing up in the bedroom vulnerably with you knows what you look like if they are going to have sex with you.

The fact is that confidence comes from radical acceptance of who you are. 

Plus Size Sex

Another fun fact is that the more you do something (for example, show yourself nude to a partner), the easier that THING becomes, AND the more CONFIDENT you become about it.

Love yourself like no other, AND love your body like no one else can. You DO NOT need anyone’s permission to do so. With confidence, you can attract whoever you are attracted to. Confidence is sexy.

It is key to talk to your partner about what sex you want to try. Do whatever position it is that you need to do to get your “rocks” off.

If you are worried about getting on top or sitting on your partner’s face, ask him/her/them. If they/he/she says yes and you want to, JUST DO IT! You will not suffocate your partner to death!

Your plus size sex has the best chance of being AMAZING if you keep an open conversation and talk to your partner about it.

 

Sexy Time

Whether you’re plus size, your partner is, or you both are, these are penetrative plus size sex positions you will love to try:

  • Reverse Cowgirl – booty is in! 
  • Doggy Style –  this is an oldie, but a goodie! Especially for receiving partners that want a harder sensation. 
  • The Pretzel – this is more of a sensual sex position than a wild one. Receiver is in a spooning position on their side and the penetrative partner (man or the one with a phallus) is on top, like in missionary. The person penetrating can get into the body at the best angle this way and the receiver can use a sex toy if they want on their other genitals.  
  • Edge of The Bed – try one person laying on the edge of the bed to receive penetration while the giver is STANDING and thrusting.
  • The Elevated Starfish – this is a variation of missionary, but with accommodations that can make it more exciting. Legs open, legs closed, knees bent and tucked up. 

If these positions don’t work, no problem! 

Not only did I work as the sex therapist for those with binge eating disorders at an eating disorder facility, but I myself have ranged in weight from average size to plus-size. 

Non-Penetrative Plus Size Sex Tips You Are Going To Love:

Masturbate

  • Learn about your pleasure and erroneous zones.
  • Experiment with your body and your orgasms! 

 

Someone Who You Feel Safe With

Find someone you can “lose the shame” with. If you are with someone who shames you for your body, please do not stay with this partner.. You’re beautiful!

  • Someone else is dying to appreciate you – I promise! You don’t need to waste your time on someone that doesn’t make you feel special for who you are.
  • Consider having a sexual relationship with someone you could keep the lights on with during sex. 

 

Use Toys

  • The choices are endless from vibrations to sensations! Move away from penetrative sex and get in the habit of making the entire body the sexual region instead of focusing on just penetrative sex, which is incredibly limiting. 

 

Buy Sexy Clothes For Yourself 

  • While finding lingerie in stores is IMPOSSIBLE (in my experience it was), plenty of online retailers make gorgeous plus size lingerie. 
  • My personal favorite is to get a costume to spice things up! NOTE: the one size fits all (in the plus-size category) used to work best for me because the material is stretchy, and that made me feel like it hugged more appropriately.

 

Put Your Comfort First 

  • Don’t go out of your way to satisfy another partner orally (eating out or giving blowjobs) while kneeling if it’s too hard on your knees. 
  • Don’t feel like you have to have shower sex if you feel you are stuffed in there too tightly. Feeling claustrophobic during shower sex (yes this happens) is much worse. 
  • Share your desires with your partner, and ask questions to find out what feels good to him/her. Lie down to give oral sex if needed. 

 

Thigh Chafing

  • If you find your thighs chafing during sex, put a dab of lotion or uberlube that neither you or your partner are allergic to on the inside of your thighs. NOT on your genitals yet.
  • This will make your skin super soft, and prevent rashes, and irritation..
  • Also, for those who like lingerie, you can buy amazing lingerie thigh garters for chafing. If those don’t work for you, cotton shorts under clothing help. 

 

Stay Hydrated

  • Don’t be afraid to take breaks during sexual activity. 
  • Sex can be hard work and it’s important to hydrate yourself. 
  • Do not push yourself past your limits, because it will affect the entire body later! 

 

Body Image Therapy: Learn to Love Your Look

body image and social media

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Does size matter?

Does Size Matter?

/in , , , /by

Does Size Matter?

Is it long enough? Thick enough? Hard enough? Does size matter?

“Why is the size of a penis one of the biggest sexual concerns?” she asks.

“Toxic Masculinity,” she whispers. 

We live in a culture that correlates penis size to how masculine a man is and / or his sexual identity.

“AHHH! Patriarchy!” she screams.

 

So… wait… DOES SIZE MATTER?

Whether you call it a penis, phallus, lingam, dick, cock, or any other name, we unfortunately live in a reality where everyone seems to be obsessed with penis size! 

We see it in advertising, movies, and in dozens of studies that are conducted annually to determine if it is important, both to men and women. 

Before debunking the stigma, here are some common phallus questions and answers.

Does size matter?

 

When does it stop growing?

The largest growth spurts occur during male adolescence, and continue until around 20 years old. From this point on, it is common for penis size to remain similar for the rest of a man’s life.

Although the growth of the penis occurs in this period, the rate may vary from one teen to another, and may be faster in some cases than in others.

 

Why is a penis crooked?

Penises can grow slightly from one side or the other, because the urethra does not always accompany the development of the rest of the organ, causing a slight curve.

However, if the curvature produces pain and impedes penetration during intimate contact, it is caused by Peyronie’s disease. 

 

Is it possible to increase the size of a penis?

The size of the penis varies greatly from one man to another, and from one country to another. 

In this way, it is difficult to determine an interval to assess whether the size of the penis can be considered normal.

However, for men who want to increase penis size, there are forms of “treatment” from pumps to creams to losing weight to not smoking.

 

What is a normal or average penis size?

In the Journal of Urology study, researchers found the following among the group of 80 men:

  • An average penis size length of 8.8 cm (3.5 inches) when flaccid (soft)
  • An average penis size length of 12.9 cm (5.1 inches) when erect (hard)
  • The size of a man’s erect penis was not correlated with the size of his flaccid penis. This means that men whose penises are different lengths when flaccid may have similarly sized erect penises. There was also no relationship between mens’ age and their penis size.

The Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2014 said that out of self-reported summaries:

  • An average erect penile length of 14.15 cm (5.57 inches) 
  • An average erect penile circumference of 12.23 cm (4.8 inches). This means the girth, width, or “fullness” around the base of the penis. 

 

How important is size?

The size of the penis is not as important as everyone thinks when it comes to sexually satisfying one’s partner. 

Penis size isn’t that critical to sexual pleasure. If you are going to penetrate another person, dildos are much more reliable and you can select the size you want. 

The MOMENT you put pressure on the penis to get hard, it’s ALL OVER! You may as well just book an appointment now, because you will get stuck in the anxiety loop. 

Regardless of size, what is important to one’s partner is that the penis can stay hard for as long as it needs to. This is why I suggest the use of dildos. 

 

Take the pressure off! 

If you are performing for a female partner, just know that only 18% of women orgasm through penetrative sex alone. Therefore, make sure you have lubricant and a vibrator.  

Women sometimes take up to 20 minutes to get warmed up so don’t rush them! Your penis being hard isn’t the concern. It is your patience in her getting to experience HER pleasure. 

So my answer to the question “Does size matter?” is “eh – not really.”

Size seems to matter most when the penis is too big or too wide. Depending on the time of month, the cervix is located in different places.

This matters with vaginal penetration, because too much length can cause pain while hitting the cervix. There is actually a sexual health device that goes on the base of the penis so that it cannot go in as deep to help fix this problem!

Another issue is when the penis is too wide, there may be an hour of foreplay needed so that other orifices are warmed up and relaxed.

If you were to ask me in my experience “within the therapy room,” when asking clients (women or those who enjoy penetrative sex with penises) to choose between what matters more, 9 out of 10 will choose girth (width / circumference) over length.

Out of all the clients I have seen over the last ten years, only about 5 out of 100 people state that they care about size at all. Usually 3 of those 5 will be identified as bisexual or gay men.

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

Stiff: Solutions for Erectile Dysfunction On-Demand Webinar

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Polyamory

Polyamory – THE #1 DIVORCE ALTERNATIVE

/in , , /by

 Polyamory –THE #1 DIVORCE ALTERNATIVE 

2 out of 3 Millennials choose this alternative rather than divorcing. 

polyamory

If you aren’t in the queer, non-heteronormative communities, you may not even know what I am talking about. 

Polyamory is the new norm. Polyamory is the practice of loving multiple people – intimately and sometimes sexually. 

Why go through a divorce when you can just be honest about desiring an open sexual and romantic relationship? 

“Is swinging becoming a thing again?” asks one of my Baby Boomer clients after reading something on Facebook.

“Swinging never really went anywhere. However, they have added love. It’s called polyamory.” I respond. 

Swinging HAS been and will always be a thing. What is new is the amount of people who want to try polyamory as the newest form of relationship. 

Have you thought about OPENING up your relationship? 

What the hell is polyamory or non-monogamy? 

polyamory

Non-monogamy or open relationships are broad terms for sexual and romantic relationship styles ranging from SWINGING to POLYAMORY to KINK PLAY PARTNERS to MONOGAMISH!

Confused yet? I was too at first! 

Millennials appear to be opening the door to open relationships instead of just having one-night stands or fun with a partner on the weekend. 

From what I have heard, people state it is more of an intersectional feminist approach where everyone gets to build relationships and their IDENTITY on their own terms. 

Monogamy and polyamory are both relationship strategies. I know it may seem weird, but it is true. 

One is not superior to the other. It is a matter of choice and personal preference.

 

Are you scared of your partner asking you for polyamory? Well, you can suggest different forms of open relationship! 

  • Monogamish is a long-term committed relationship that bend the rules of monogamy with the consent of both parties. It can include dancing or kissing others. 
  • Open relationships means that you are in an open sexual and / or romantic relationship with more than one person.
  • Polyamory is the practice of loving more than one person at a time. Like… one time, I was married and had a boyfriend all at once. Those relationships are all over. But it was a part of me and a way of life for a long time! 

Successful polyamorous individuals establish guidelines about what is and is not cheating, and frequently have safer-sex conversations.

  • Non-monogamy means that people have sexual relationships other than their one partner. MAKE SURE YOU NOTE THAT THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN HAVE SEX WITH ANYONE! 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

 

porn addiction recovery

Is Porn An Addiction?

/in , , /by

Is Porn An Addiction?

 

“Psst… he has porn addiction.” She whispered.

“Did you hear they got divorced due to a porn addiction?” He gossiped. 

“Addiction” to porn has not been proven yet, but there are people who have reported to me the compulsions that porn has given them in their lives. 

Pornography is defined as “any sexually explicit material that is intended to, or is used as, a sexual outlet.” (The Porn Trap, 2008).

Porn use is individualized. We cannot lump it into one category, even though it would be easier!

I know people who literally have skipped out on dates, their job, and family functions due to their desire to masturbate and self-pleasure as a coping skill. 

Not everyone has a “porn addiction” or compulsive porn use though. Honestly, the AASECT Sex Therapy board doesn’t even believe there is enough evidence to prove that it exists! 

Fun fact… some pornography sometimes can awaken desire and paint fantasies in the psyche. 

My Quick Tips For Using Pornography while self-pleasuring: 

  • Still photos are always better.
  • It is better to read erotica than watch it. 
  • If you can, mute the sound.
  • It is better to see a GIF than it is a movie. 

Why do people say they have porn addiction though? 

Self-diagnosis of porn addiction usually comes when people say they are escape into fantasies rather than dealing with their realities. 

People believe “porn addiction” is real because it is similar to other addictions:

  • Immediate reward – masturbation leads to orgasm. 
  • It can be repeated as many times as you want. It is mostly free and private.
  • You start with a small dose. By seeing light scenes, enough for the stimulation and the release of dopamine. Some people will say that they travel down the path of kinkier scenes because they need greater stimulus and more “raw” footage. Others DO NOT report this. It really seems that this depends on a person’s sexual appetites. 

Is there such a thing as porn addiction?

Not yet. Researchers all over are debating if excessive use of pornography is considered a porn addiction in the scientific sense of the word.

However, many people come to therapy due to their fears and sexual dysfunctions that they believe are caused by porn use. 

“Pornography…really, really messed up my life in a lot of ways,” Crew said. “I believed that I was more valuable than my wife as a human being because I was a man. And when you believe that you are more valuable than another person, you kind of feel like they owe you. And I was wrong.” -Terry Crew.

I have seen pornography ruin marriages, families, and people’s careers. I have had clients that have been caught and the shame causes a rippling effect into their home. 

 

So… what can you do?! 

  • 12-Step Programs 

A community of others who are struggling with a similar experience and come together just to get over this particular issue. 

  • Individual Therapy

Individual therapy with a qualified mental health professional usually consists of 45-60 minute sessions, focusing on the behaviors related to the “porn addiction.”

CBT often focus on negative thoughts about oneself and the world to change these into more positive and less-intrusive thoughts.

Couples counseling can be important for partners when one, or both, feel porn and masturbation are being used in unhealthy ways.

This type of counseling focuses on both resolving individual behaviors, improving communication, and bridging the barriers between the two partners when it comes to sexual functioning and conversation. 

If you feel you have a porn addiction and can’t stop “using,” consider contacting a mental health professional experienced in treating compulsions and sexual dysfunction.

A trained therapist can help you overcome unhealthy behaviors and improve your quality of life TODAY! 

 

Get your guide to connect more today

Couples Communication Strategies

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

breast cancer and pleasure

Sex After Breast Cancer

/in , , , , /by

Sex After Breast Cancer

I often get asked by my female clients for alternative ways to get aroused during sex after breast cancer. They have little or no feeling in their nipples due to breast cancer or other types of breast surgery.

 

I have heard more than 100 women discuss changes in sensitivity around the nipple and breast, which impacts sex after breast cancer and even breastfeeding.

 

There is A LOT happening emotionally and spiritually while undergoing breast surgery and recovery.

 

The chest is an interesting body part for women, as it holds the heart and the breasts! It’s such a tender and vulnerable spot.

 

breast

 

After breast cancer surgery, many women indicate they do not feel ‘womanly’ anymore. Some feel they aren’t good enough. This is because they don’t like how they fill out their shirts, or they have unappealing scars, or they don’t get aroused easily. This creates anxiety and insecurity in their sex life.

 

Tips and Lessons Learned From My Clients for Sex After Breast Cancer (if your nipples aren’t sensitive anymore): 

  1. Identify your breast sensitivity: no sensation, minimal sensation, due to technique or something else.
  2. Talk to your doctor if you need to understand the cause
  3. Find another part of your body that is sensitive. Try the lower back and down the sides of the body. Go from your neck, around the chest, and down the rib cage (towards the belly). Once you find other areas that are sensitive have your partner touch you there.
  4. Reclaim your chest by either piercing your nipples or tattooing over surgery scars. 
  5. Incorporate other toys on the nipples, like nipple clamps, vibrators, or floggers (whips) to get a different feeling on the chest.
  6. Do a sexy photo shoot to reclaim your beauty.
  7. Do a mourning ritual for the chest you used to have so you can grieve and move on!

 

If you have had breast cancer or reconstruction, or possibly breast implants or breast reductions, how have you dealt with the feelings of insecurity, pain, embarrassment, etc.?  Please comment below, we would love to hear from you!

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

 

 

breast cancer

 

 

sex education

Sex Education – Why is it so Sexist?

/in , , /by

Sex Education – Why is it so Sexist?

 

Sex education in the United States is first introduced in schools in about 10th grade – if at all. According to the CDC, the following is supposed to be included, but it often isn’t: 

  • How to obtain and use condoms
  • Importance of using a condom at the same time as another form of contraception to prevent both STDs and pregnancy
  • How to access valid and reliable information, products and services related to HIV, STDs, and pregnancy
  • How HIV and other STDs are transmitted and their health consequences
  • Importance of limiting the number of sexual partners
  • Preventive care that is necessary to maintain reproductive and sexual health

 

Here is the stuff on the list that I paid for in higher sex education:

  • How to create and sustain healthy and respectful relationships
  • Influences of family, peers, media, technology and other factors on sexual risk behavior
  • Benefits of being sexually abstinent
  • Importance of using condoms consistently and correctly
  • Communication and negotiation skills
  • Goal-setting and decision-making skills
  • Influencing and supporting others to avoid or reduce sexual risk behaviors

 

We live in a culture of sexual health. Not a culture of sexual wellness or pleasure! 

 

Don’t believe me, the CDC says so!

Think about your sex education talk. While boys are taught about masturbation, girls are taught about periods and preventing pregnancy. 

Sometimes I feel like it is an “us” vs “them” mentality for the genders, but what about those beyond the binary? How do they get their sex education? 

All genders are included in sexually transmitted infections (STI) education and LGBTQ+ curriculum if schools are willing to pay for it. 

Great… so… no one knows ANYTHING!

 

Unless you had an older sibling that happened to share information, the “birds and the bees” talk typically goes something like… “don’t get pregnant” or “don’t get a disease.”  

 

Then, you move on to college and if you are blessed, as I was, your school offers sexual education or “human fertility” as it was called at Providence College! ::shaking my head:

sex education

Thankfully, no matter what, we all have the Internet to learn sex education from PORN! 

You know… another place where men and women are objectified for the pleasure of the voyeur at home. 

Porn sex education is not real! The waxed and bleached vulvas and anuses, humongous penises that are ALWAYS hard and ALWAYS cause an orgasm for the receiver are for entertainment.

Some people begin to rely solely on porn to masturbate and thus have no experience in developing or fixing a sexual connection and sexual routine with a committed partner. 

 

A Lack of Sex Education Can Lead to Other Life Problems

What I have seen, specifically in women, is that many feel shame about discovering and enjoying masturbation. Self-pleasure can become a normal part of sexual development if we discuss it!

A lack of sex education is problematic, because individuals enter sexual relationships without knowing what gives them pleasure and assuming it will naturally work. 

If you do not know your sexual anatomy and how the different areas are designed for pleasure, then you do not have the foundation to take control of your pleasure or your relationship. 

What often happens is a ripple effect across the entire life cycle of not getting what you want and living life on half-empty. 

 

Pleasure-Centered Sex Education Should Be Mandatory

I don’t even like the word “should,” but I feel passionate about our mission in helping others love themselves and their relationships! 

Over the past six years hundreds of individuals have come to see us at Life Coaching & Therapy to help them overcome  to sexual pain, shame, and insecurities. 

I’ve struggled with sexual addiction and relationship issues all of my life. I have spent years in traditional therapy with everyone from social workers to psychologists to psychiatrists. And then I found Amanda. She has an expert knowledge of the field she works in. But it’s her love and passion and new approach for her work that separates her from the rest! In a short period of time she gave me feedback and solutions to my problems. She changed my life! If you’re tired of traditional therapy, don’t wait… try Amanda! She will change your life! – Gary .

It took one visit for me to realize that Amanda was a godsend. It was a turning point in my life. Over the next few years, I experienced a lot of “aha” moments and Amanda guided me through them all. I’ve gained so many valuable lessons on: self-esteem, the ability to receive, confidence, letting emotions out, intimacy, communication, languages of love, knowing your value and much more.These lessons don’t come naturally in everyone’s life and there is no shame in seeking out assistance. Amanda’s technique was exactly what I needed. She is compassionate and helps you explore your situation and feelings, but she will be honest with you and challenge you in ways that will help you grow if you are open to it. – Al.

 

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.