kink therapist

Kink Therapist: Get the Right Sex-Positive Support

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Kink Therapist: Get the Right Sex-Positive Support

 

Although reaching out to therapists is becoming more popular as an effective way to get help in areas of our lives that are bothering us. Certain forms of it remain taboo, such as seeing a kink therapist. That is why finding quality information online about kink therapy is challenging. And most people looking for sex-positive support are left to wander. If you enjoy the kink lifestyle and everything that is not vanilla, this article is for you.

Find out when to choose a kink therapist over a general sex therapist. And what to expect from this type of therapy. Dive into sex positivity with us as we’re spilling the beans about everything you wanted to ask about kink therapy!

 

What Is Kink? 

Any “non-conventional” sexual behavior, dream, or desire is typically referred to as “kink.” Many assume that kink is the same as BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, masochism). Still, kink is more of the concept that a person’s sexual conduct “bends” compared to more “vanilla” or conventional sexual encounters.

BDSM is now just a catch-all term for any actions, thoughts, or situations that involve a transfer of power that both parties agree to. It refers to a set period where it is acknowledged that one individual has more power over another. The partners agree in advance on what they will do. It could entail restriction, physical restraint, sensory deprivation, discomfort, humiliation, etc. Everything that is normally forbidden may feel wonderful in kink. Actually, it’s something that many people simply dream of doing.

There are a lot of similarities between kink and rough sex, but the main goal of kink is to create an environment where people can try out sensations. Simply stated, kinky sex means engaging in more sensual and sensuous acts. 

 

What Is a Kink Therapist?

In kink therapy, your way of life will be acknowledged and welcomed. You’ll be welcomed just as you are. When you visit with a kink therapist, you are free to talk about this aspect of your life without worrying about criticism, humiliation, or shame. Maybe even more important, your sexual preferences or the way your relationships work won’t be seen as “the problem.”

Your sexuality, desires, or relationship structure doesn’t have to change throughout your treatment unless you want it to. For instance, if you’re in an open relationship and practicing BDSM, your kink therapist will not try to convince you of other sex and relationship lifestyles. Your therapist won’t attempt to correct or “change” your sexual identity or the type of relationships you want. 

Instead, they will try to get rid of any feelings of guilt or shame you might have about kink and help you incorporate it into your life and relationships. Let’s face it, there may be a lot of shame attached to being less traditional in a culture that continues to stress and support monogamous partnerships and “normal” sexual habits.

 

Areas that Kink Therapy Treats

Assuring that you and your partner(s) feel heard, supported, and comfortable enough to start exploring, your sex-positive therapist may also assist in setting up a place where you and your partner(s) can talk about sexual wants and relationship dynamics. When exploring kink, it’s important to communicate and set boundaries. As well as negotiate conditions and stand up for your needs. A healthy relationship, or “kink scene,” or “exploration,” will be exactly what you want and not what you don’t want if all partners feel valued and appreciated.

The ability to distinguish between their interests and those of their clients is another trait of kink therapists. Instead of attempting to stop or change specific sexual practices, they will meet you where you are and prioritize your needs.

As long as it is done in a safe and consenting manner, every one of you has a unique and healthy way of expressing yourself sexually and in a relationship. When you go to therapy, the therapist must make room for the entire you, both as a person and as part of a partnership. This covers those of you who are already kinksters, are considering becoming kinksters, or are in or want to be in a non-traditional relationship. This type of treatment validates your sexual identity and relationship style.

 

How to Find a Kink Therapist

Getting in touch with several counselors is best, so you can try a variety of therapists. Kink therapists will be open to this, just as it is okay to ask questions before paying for any other service.

It might not be comfortable to talk about your kink with a stranger; if you don’t want to. Just ask whether they are kink-positive or have expertise dealing with BDSM-related topics. If communicating through email is more convenient than speaking on the phone, you could also do that. It’s also OK to wait until you’ve established a relationship with your counselor and feel at ease talking about kink with them before bringing up this topic.

It is not always a personal judgment if a possible therapist is unwilling to deal with you. Many counselors have minimal training in sexuality and may view kink as something outside the scope of their expertise or training. They might be able to suggest another doctor if you ask them. It may take some time to find the right counselor because it is sometimes seen as a specialized field. Still, it is worth the effort because it can be constructive for everyone interested in kink. 

 

In Final Words

Therapy may be frightening, and kink therapists are here to help you. Therapy, where you address sensitive subjects like sex, can be even more so. Kink therapy is the place to start if you want to explore your needs and desires, deal with feelings of guilt or shame, communicate your sexual fantasies to your partner, set boundaries in your relationship so that all partners feel accepted. Or figure out how to fulfill your desires in a way that is safe, healthy, and consensual. 

Although there is still a lot of stigma around kink and BDSM, everyone deserves therapy if they feel they need it. A therapy relationship based on trust and mutual understanding can be healing and help you enjoy your life even more. Many great kink therapists are very good at helping with kink-related problems, and attitudes are getting better in the counseling and psychotherapy fields. Finding one may be pretty worthwhile if you have the resources to do so.

If you still need to, you could always explore text-based therapy and seek someone with experience. Ultimately, we all have the right to enjoy our lives to the fullest. So why not provide yourself with everything you need to be happy?

 

Check Out All Our Additional Sex Therapy Video

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Kink Friendly Therapist Near Me 🌟

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Kink Friendly Therapist Near Me

 

Couples’ sex education is an important part of making a relationship happier and closer, and kink-friendly therapist near me offer it. 

This post will teach you everything you need to know about choosing a kink-friendly therapist. We will discuss what to look for in a therapist, where to find one, and typical questions concerning kink-friendly treatment.

 

Why does being kink-friendly matter?

By getting rid of sex taboos, myths, and misconceptions, couples are given the tools they need to talk about their sexual needs and limits in a healthy way. 

Couples can learn about a variety of sexual positions and techniques, sexual health, and kink-friendly ideas for improving their sensations in the bedroom. Similarly, we can help you deal with common sexual problems like low desire, erectile dysfunction, or performance anxiety.

 

Finding a therapist that understands and accepts kink and alternative lifestyles might be difficult. Fortunately, there are numerous kink-friendly therapists who understand kink demands.

When looking for couples’ sex education, people may want a place where they won’t be judged and where they can ask questions and get accurate, useful information. 

They might also look for a kink-friendly therapist near me who is knowledgeable, experienced, and able to help them improve their sexual relationship. Even if this sexologist isn’t located near you, you can set up texting, emailing, or virtual sessions.

Shame, embarrassment, or the idea that sexuality is natural and doesn’t need to be taught could be getting in the way of their sex education. 

It’s critical to keep in mind that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to sex education and that every couple can gain from learning more about their sexual chemistry.

Why Pick a Kink-Friendly Therapist Near Me?

A therapist who is open to kink can give you a safe place to talk about any problems or worries you have that are related to kink. Also, a therapist near me who is open to kink can help you deal with the problems that come with living an alternative lifestyle in a society that is judgmental and stigmatizing.

A kink-friendly therapist can help you explore and understand your sexual desire in a healthy and consensual way and address any negative sentiments or shame you may have about your wants.

Where Can I Find a Kink-Friendly Therapist Near Me?

Look through online directories like the Kink Conscious Professionals Directory. Ask places that seem trustworthy. Ask for referrals from the community and attend kink-related events or classes. Similarly, see if there is a National Coalition of Sexual Freedom provider near where you are located. 

FAQs

What qualities should I seek in a kink-friendly therapist?

Find a kink-savvy, non-judgmental therapist. Ask about their work with kinksters and how they handle sexuality and intimacy in their practice.

What can I anticipate from kink-friendly therapy?

You may anticipate the same level of care and professionalism as in any treatment setting. However, if you have problems because of your kink, a therapist who is “kink-friendly” will be more understanding and helpful. They may even use your kink as part of your treatment if it makes sense.

I imagine if you are coming to us, you are looking for something new to spice up your bedroom activities. 

In coaching with us, we will offer a mix of visual and written content for you. Meaning, you may be asked to watch instructional videos, browse online resources and podcasts, and read books that offer ideas. 

Also, some of our sex therapy videos offer demonstrations so you can do hands-on learning at home!

Sensual ideas are tough to explore with other couples around you, so our sex help therapy video help! These videos challenge couples’ assumptions by pushing you to the edge of your growth zone! 

Our content is inclusive and diverse, showcasing a range of perspectives and experiences. If you are over 18 and interested, our webinars are engaging, educational, and inspiring.

By providing high-quality, diverse content that meets these needs, couples sex education providers can attract and retain sensuality explorers as loyal and excited customers.

Kinky Sex: How to Get Started

Kink Friendly Therapist Near Me

Kinky Sex 2.0: Escape Boredom in the Bedroom

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate therapists help clients with a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Kink Ideas You Will Want to Apply In Your Everyday Life

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Kink Ideas You Will Want to Apply In Your Everyday Life

 

Many couples often fantasize about spicing things up in the bedroom or outside of it, yet they feel clueless when looking for kink ideas. What is kink? How kinky should you and your partner be? These are all the questions that newbies think about when exploring this new exciting world.  

Regardless of your kink experience, this article will inspire you to play harder and more often with your sexual partner(s). Find out what experienced kink couples suggest to new members of the kink community. Before diving into these ideas, let’s look at what kink is. 

What Is Kink?

With its broad definition of “non-normative” sexual acts that go beyond customary or accepted sexual behaviors, the term “kink” is often used to describe these practices. However, kink encompasses a wide range of activities outside BDSM, known as an acronym for bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. Anything from role-playing to using blindfolds and feathery props to having a threesome might be considered kink. The most important guideline is to talk openly with your partner about what it is about kink that turns you on and what you feel comfortable doing if you both enjoy kinky sex.

Kink is a collection of enjoyable behaviors that individuals choose to partake in with one another yet which are uncommon or unappealing in other settings. Another name for it is BDSM, a catch-all phrase for any actions, thoughts, or situations involving a pleasant power transfer and acknowledging that one individual has more influence on another. The partners agree in advance on what they will do. It could entail restriction, physical restraint, sensory deprivation, discomfort, humiliation, or being reprimanded. All the things that would often be terrible might feel exciting in kink. It’s something that many people simply imagine.

Often, non-kinky or non-kinky objects are referred to as “vanilla” things. It’s just not kink; vanilla isn’t dull or worse than kink. The term “kink” is even sometimes used liberally to describe everything else outside of a monogamous sexual relationship, although that might not always be the case. The focus of kink in this article is mainly on BDSM-related activities.

1. Watch a Kinky Movie Together

According to the experts, seeing a movie with a kink aspect might be a fantastic place to gain some ideas if you’re not ready to delve in. Don’t make it porno, though. In porn, BDSM is used in various genuinely nasty and dangerous ways.

Considering that not everybody in the kink community approves of the way BDSM is depicted in the movie, the experts also do not advise 50 Shades of Grey. Play The Secretary on Netflix instead, or become sexy researchers who search kinky movies together and discover something exciting to watch.

2. Get Inspired by a Blindfold or a Tie. 

You may have a scarf or a tie lying around your bedroom. Tying one on takes away one of your primary sensations, which amplifies the intensity of the other senses—touch, taste, smell, and sound—for you or your spouse. You may enjoy yourself differently by doing this. A power imbalance is further emphasized by the blindfold, which places your companion at your mercy. How sexy is that?

3. Play Gently Restrained.

Using belts, ties, and scarves can also be a simple, unthreatening technique to practice restraint (a.k.a. bondage). In reality, testing it out is as easy as securing someone’s hands with a bandana or scarf.

A beginner’s kink kit is also available; it contains items like fuzzy handcuffs and blindfolds. In addition to things like a feather on a stick for sensation play or a soft flogger for spanking, most sex shops offer beginner’s packages that will be more than enough for you to relish in the kink world. 

4. Visit a Sexual Dungeon.

Before you freak out, the experts endorse BDSM dungeons as a terrific spot to watch kinky sex from a distance. Beginner lessons are available in several local dungeons where you may practice spanking and knotting ropes. Additionally, this is a fantastic location to pick up some kink safety advice.

However, if the name “dungeon” turns you off, try out the kink workshops your neighborhood sex-positive sex shop offers to learn some kinky tricks in the open air. That might also help you observe the variety of kinks and see which ones seem exciting and which are a big NO for you.

5. Let the Spanking Begin.

A surprisingly private method to enter kink is via spanking. Because of its tactile nature and close skin contact, it may indeed be a bonding activity. However, there is also a transfer of power. A gentle touch with a hand swat or a soft, padded flogger from your local sex-positive shop can help you get comfortable.

6. Enjoy Dress-Up Games.

Costumes may be a fun way to get kinky, whether your fantasy is a silk French maid uniform, a sexy police outfit studded with leather, or a fuzzy animal print catsuit. Tell your partner that you’d like to play with clothing and see how you feel about role-playing. If you don’t know what to wear, it’s a great way to make your partner’s fantasy come true. A math teacher? A hot girl from a recent action movie? A heroine from his favorite comic book? Go for it!

Is Kink for You? 

These kink ideas might be for you, and they might not be. Kink is not for everyone, and that’s completely okay. Some people choose to engage in activities only with partners who share negligible power.

The perception that we should constantly expand and push ourselves to achieve more is often untrue. For instance, just because you and your partner have started practicing kink doesn’t mean you can rebuild intimacy or solve other issues in your relationship. Due to BDSM being performed without consent during sex, many people are completely turned off to it.

Most people struggle to grasp that what they enjoy sexually may be off to others and that what they find repulsive may be their ultimate happiness.

Ultimately it’s up to you whether you want to give it a shot or not. If you do, make sure you only try out things you and your partner are excited about!

Kinky Sex: How to Get Started

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Kink Shaming

Kink Shaming: What Is It & How To Recognize It

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Kink Shaming: What Is It & How To Recognize It

 

We’ve all heard of body shaming, slut shaming, and fat shaming, however, have you heard of kink shaming? To simplify it as much as possible. Any type of shaming is definitely not an acceptable behavior regardless of the person you are talking about. People shouldn’t be ashamed of who they are just because they don’t understand, approve or practice it. 

To help you educate the ones that need to learn more about acceptance, tolerance, and inclusivity. We’ve decided to explain what kink shaming is, how it looks when someone is doing it. And everything else you will need to know about it. 

Kink Shaming vs Sex Positive

So, what is kink shaming? It’s when you cite a person’s sexual predilections as a reason that they are not a good person. Or trying to embarrass someone for things they like in bed. The opposite of kink shaming. And what’s encouraged of all of us, is to have a sex-positive attitude towards everyone we meet. 

Being sex-positive means that you are accepting everyone’s sexual choices without the need to question them. Or make a judgment about them. After all, what one person does privately in their bedroom is completely their own business, not yours. 

Types of Kink Shaming

Those who are shaming other people for choices in their lives, including sexual ones, are typically this judgemental because the behavior. Or taste that someone else has is very different from their own. So, when talking about kinks. The more unusual they are for the common society. The more is the person going to be shamed for it by others. 

Examples of kink shaming would be fetishes such as one person pretending to be a dog, a baby, or a corpse. Of course, there are numerous kink shaming examples. And it depends on the person who will shame someone for their sexual choice to decide what to target of the shame will be.

Also, any rape or non-consent fantasies, even the daddy and mommy fetishes, will receive a lot of shaming. Deep within, those who aim to shame others are seeking validation for their choices and approval from others that they are the ones doing everything right. In reality, this type of person will lack tolerance, empathy, creativity, and appreciation for differences in life. 

Interestingly, as BDSM became mainstream due to the globally popular ‘50 Shades of Grey’, people are not being as shamed for it as they were before. Yet, it’s important to understand that they are cases of people losing the custody of their childer over their sexual preferences. So, not only individuals are shaming other individuals, institutions are doing exactly the same and creating existential. And emotional problems for these individuals. 

Diving Even Deeper

As much as some decide their sexual choices can be something they privately and intimately discuss only with their partners, others have the freedom to choose how much of their sexual identity they want to share with others. It can be a bare minimum or it can be a lot more than that – both choices are completely fine! 

Kink shaming is a much bigger problem than just making someone feel ashamed for their sexual choices. It sends the message that not everyone can live an authentic life. And there is a system of what is acceptable and unacceptable, and people need to follow it.

Thinking about this system that those shaming others are living by, it’s interesting to hear the arguments for it. For instance, ‘this is not normal’, ‘it’s not supposed to be like that’. And similar responses don’t provide a valuable answer to WHY a certain lifestyle, choice. Or preference is not acceptable if all the parties involved gave their mutual consent. 

So, not only each of your choices should be accepted, yet they should also be encouraged and separated from other aspects of your life. In other words, you should never be considered a bad parent just because you love spanking or role-playing with your partner.

People With Fetishes

One of the biggest misconceptions about people with fetishes is that they are ‘weird’ or ‘different’. Having a certain taste in something such as sex, music, food or fashion, doesn’t make a person weird nor different. Imagine you’re at a kink festival with 300 people who enjoy kinky sex. And you are the only one who doesn’t share their sexual preferences. By applying the same logic here, you would be considered ‘weird’ or ‘different’. 

There is no scientific proof of the connection between having a fetish and having any type of emotional or mental issues. We all have different triggers and turn-ons, and what works for you, may not work for someone else. For those who are looking to stop shaming others for their sexual preferences, keep in mind you don’t have to jump immediately to having a sex-positive attitude. 

You don’t have to understand something to lose the negative opinion about it. It takes time and practice, yet just knowing that shaming someone for their choices is never a desirable thing is a good start. Stop judging, and when you see that you’ve successfully stopped shaming others, try to understand and connect with them. Once you realize that someone can share many similar interests with you. And have a different sexual preference in bed, it will be easier to understand and be more acceptable. 

And, if you or any of your loved ones are being shamed for their sexual choices, make sure they have the support they need. If they would benefit from talking to a therapist, suggest to them a good professional nearby. Not everyone will have the confidence and the strength to go through such challenges where society is not accepting their authentic self. And it’s vital to be as supportive as you can. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Mommy Kink: Definition & Ways To Practice It

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Mommy Kink: Definition & Ways To Practice It

 

You’ve probably already heard about daddy kink, yet mommy kink is not as known. The reason for it is that both of these concepts are not as commonly discussed! 

Yet, there’s no doubt that mommy kink is here to stay. 

Mommy kink is a sexual or/and romantic attraction for women who care for you, protect you, and provide you with “unconditional” positive regard. This woman will be in a relationship with you and will treat you like her loving little child. The goal with a mommy kink is that you’ll be the center of her attention.

In a mommy kink, you can have the feeling of your ‘mommy’ caressing your hair, kissing your forehead, and pulling you into her arms. In a mommy kink, her arms are the safe, protected, loved and nurtured place. 

Who’s Your Mommy? 

In this context, a ‘mommy’ is a woman that enjoys caring for and treating her partner as a child, while in role. Also known as a mommy fetish, mommy kink is similar to daddy kink. 

Yet there are subtle differences between mommy and daddy kinks. The daddy kink is often based on guidance, as the little one needs a ‘daddy’ to protect them and tell them right from wrong. On the other hand, the mommy kink is primarily loving and nurturing. The mommy is protecting her little one and nurturing them from the rest of the world.

She is here to take away the problems you have and be your support for the time you are in role. This type of relationship is common for those who lead stressful lives. For instance, if a person is experiencing problems at work, they might need that certainty of nurturance at night. A mommy could help a person like this get out of bed and feel motivated.

This kink can occur in strictly sexual relationships as well, where there is no romantic attachment to the other person. Here, an individual will get sexually excited to think of their partner in the role of mom. They will enjoy the love and care coming from her, as they can leave responsibilities aside, and simply be taken care of by another. 

Mommy, Come Play With Me

So, if a woman is taking care of her submissive, how does this look in the sheets? 

The foreplay and the intercourse can be different from couple to couple. Therefore, there are various ways to practice mommy kink with your partner. 

Before you start practicing, it’s vital to discuss this kink with them. 

With every kink a person might have, it’s recommended to inform the other partner instead of surprising them with it during the scene. 

Tell your partner you’re fantasizing about trying out the roles of mommy and little. If they’re unfamiliar with this kink, explain it to them and share some of the examples or this blog. 

Whatever you do, do not share the hardcore examples of your kink with your partner if they are new to it. This will not provide you with what you want and chances are it will leave a mark on your sex life and your relationship. 

Once your partner has accepted wanting to try this role, introduce small things to your relationship. It’s best to start with small changes even if your partner is interested in exploring the kink, because sometimes they change their mind. 

Mommy Kink Sex

When it comes to sex, there are a variety of things you and your partner can try out. Some of them you’ve already tried, yet you weren’t aware they are part of the mommy kink concept. 

For instance, you might cuddle with your partner, or ‘mommy’ and ask her to breastfeed you. While enjoying kissing and licking her nipples, you can ask her to caress your hair and talk with a nice, calming voice.

Doesn’t sound so out of your realm, right? 

Of course, there are many other ways to practice mommy kink and it will depend on what you and your partner want. 

You might decide that this gentle, caring foreplay is perfect for those days when you both want to make love. Or, you might use this role play to get excited and continue with your regular partnered sex pattern. 

One thing is for sure, the options are limitless!

Mommy Kink Ideas

Now, it’s time to enjoy your mommy kink side! As mentioned above, it’s up to you to choose how you will practice it. If you’re thinking about ideas, you’ll see a list here for practicing mommy kink:

  • Seduce one another over the text messages by calling each other according to your roles. This will help prepare yourselves for action when you both get home. 
  • Start calling her ‘mommy’ as an invitation to come to bed and give you some love.
  • Use the time for foreplay to gently caress each other’s bodies and ask for her to hold you.
  • When you’re having an orgasm, call each other by your role names. 
  • This can also prolong the time you stay in bed after sex and simply cuddle. 

It’s up to you both to determine which are your mommy kink games and which aren’t. You should explore your kink and have fun with it. If it makes you both feel good and the sex is even better, the ideas will start appearing on its own!

 

Check Out All Our Additional Sex Therapy Video

Kinky Sex: How to Get Started

kinky sex

 

Kinky Sex 2.0: Escape Boredom in the Bedroom

sex therapy videos

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Daddy Kink: Explore Everything Behind It

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Daddy Kink: Explore Everything Behind It

 

What does it mean if a person has a daddy kink? Well, if you’re no stranger to juicy games that happen in the sheets, you’ve probably already heard of this term. Daddy kink implies you get excited from calling your partner ‘daddy’ and building your sex fantasies around it. As one of the kinks we barely talk about, it’s time to see what daddy kink is and how you can enjoy it without the feeling of guilt or embarrassment. 

What’s the Fuss With Daddy Kink?

Sex used to be a big taboo in the past and now, we’re all opening up a bit more and discussing our sexuality with our partners and friends. However, you don’t feel the same about all topics in the sex talks you’re having with your close ones, right? Talking about the way you get excited when calling your partner ‘daddy’ is one of these topics. 

As many will interpret this desire as a sign you have a problem in a relationship with your father, you’ll hold this as your biggest secret and share it only with your partner. There are even relationships where one partner is ashamed sharing this kink with the other as they think they will be judged, laughed at or they will harm their relationship. 

Daddy kink is just like any other kinks a person might have. Your sexuality is a place where there should only be acceptance and curiosity. Yet, before sharing it with others, it’s inevitable that you have accepted that this kink turns you on and that there’s nothing wrong with it. 

Daddy Kink Sex

Although the majority of sex games will begin before the actual act of intercourse, let’s take a look at what’s different in bed if you decide to practice your daddy kink. This type of spanking, name-calling and sometimes degrading domination would mean that a person calls their partner ‘daddy’ and they play the role of his baby. Putting the power into the hands of the partner, the person is submissive during the sexual act, and sometimes before and after it.

One of the common practices of the daddy kink sex would be the reward-punishment system. As your ‘daddy’, your partner has the right to reward or punish you, depending on how well you behave. So, he might ask you to be ‘good’ and kneel in front of him without saying a word, and if you perform well, he will reward you. 

On the other hand, if he feels like you’ve been ‘bad ’ during the day or the sex game, he might punish you. There are no limits when it comes to rewards and punishments. You can have a system in place with your partner or you can let him surprise you with his ideas. 

Your Man as a Daddy

When talking about daddy kink, we’ll usually cover the woman’s perspective on it. As much as women are the ones who will develop this type of kink, a man’s perspective is nothing less interesting. It’s not uncommon for a man to be turned on by his partner calling him daddy. 

A man who wants you to call him ‘daddy’ enjoys the power he has in order to bring sensational pleasure to both of you. He will think of the games, his own reward-punishment system and other details he’d like to try out with you. If you’re both determined to make the most of daddy kink, you’ll be in for more fun in the sheets and probably, outside of them as well.

Each Game Needs Two

Unfortunately, unlike many other sex kinks and games, this scenario has two roles to fill. There cannot be a baby without the daddy, and there cannot be a daddy without the baby. Even if you’re in a relationship, what happens if your partner is not into the daddy kink as much as you are? Understanding and accepting a concept like this can require some time. Maybe your partner is not so open to accepting a daddy kink idea at first instance, yet this might change with time.

Always communicate that this has nothing to do with your actual dad. It’s just a sex game, the same way you might ask to be a teacher and your partner your student. That doesn’t mean you want to become a teacher, it simply means you enjoy these roles and the power play it represents.

For those who are still not sure whether they like daddy kink or not, there are light versions of it as well. For example, you can just start with the name-calling, and the male partner can have more power in sex, such as being on top or asking for a blow job. 

Daddy Kink Ideas

There’s plenty of things you and your partner might come up with when it comes to letting your daddy kink shine. For those who are willing to explore it and don’t know how to start, here’s a list of ideas for daddy kink games. They are organized from the light to hardcore ones. 

  • During the foreplay, start calling each other ‘daddy’ and ‘baby girl/baby boy’. 
  • Before the penetration, he can decide which is the right moment and the position to penetrate.
  • He can tie your hands and/or blindfold your eyes during intercourse. In this case, he is the one making all the moves in bed and deciding when the game ends.
  • The baby can seduce the ‘daddy’ with their innocent, childish behavior which then leads to sex.
  • The man can use its ‘daddy’ power to dominate his partner into doing what he wants before, during and after sex.

Whatever you choose, thinking of it as something you’re currently exploring. You might like some of these things and you might reject others. It all depends on your and your partner’s preferences. As long as you’re both communicating about your desires, you will enjoy your daddy kink sex!

 

Check Out All Our Additional Sex Therapy Video

Kinky Sex: How to Get Started

kinky sex

 

Kinky Sex 2.0: Escape Boredom in the Bedroom

sex therapy videos

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

kink ideas

Kink Ideas Every Couple Needs to Try Out

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 Kink Idea Every Couple Needs to Try Out

 

You don’t have to be a ‘50 Shades of Grey’ fan to know one or two kink ideas that will spice up your sex life. After all, turning your wildest fantasies into reality with your sex partner is something we all need from time to time to avoid getting stuck in the routine. So, how many of these ideas have already been crossing your mind, yet you somehow missed to fulfill them?

Well, if you still need a bit of motivation and to hear about a few more ideas that other kinksters recommend. You will easily find something you and your partner will want to try out. So, from the tame to the wild, these are all the ideas that might shake things up for you!

The Mirror Game

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the kinkiest of them all? If you and your sex partner would love to see how your kinky sides look like, why not start having sex in front of the mirror? You can explore each other bodies better and enjoy the faces your partner is doing while you’re having sex. 

This will give you both a better view and also add an additional dimension to your sex life. From enjoying how their touch feels to fall in love with their facial expressions, there is nothing you will not love when it comes to the mirror game. 

Ice Me, Baby

When we’re stuck with our daily responsibilities, we often forget that just a little prop that everyone has in their homes can light that flame and lead to the wildest sex of your life. For instance, you might get ice cubes and start rolling them down your partner’s neck while kissing them on the lips and asking them to close their eyes.

Then, you can start going lower with the ice cube all the way to their belly button. During all of this icy game, you can kiss, lick, bite, and tease them to heighten their sense. For those who want to take it a step further, you can blindfold your partner, so they can get a more sensual experience. 

Text Dirty To Me

Working hard is not a good enough excuse to stop heating things up between the two of you, right? Although sometimes it’s really challenging to find time for sex games, you will always have a minute to text. So, why not send a dirty text to your partner and share with them what’s on your (dirty) mind? Forget about the limitations, share with them the juiciest details on how you would like to do it, where, for how long, etc. 

Of course, it can also be voice messages or phone calls. You can call your partner and talk dirty to them, and use it as an invitation to spend the lunch break together in a car having sex. Or, you can send a sexy massage to your partner with instructions for the game you both will be playing once you get home. 

Role Play

There are no limitations when it comes to all the scenarios you can play out with your partner in bed. You can do whatever you want, and you can also be whoever you want. So, if you or your sex partner have a thing for doctors, teachers, handymen. Or any other role, why not turn it into reality?

You can be the sexy teacher and your partner can be a naughty student who hasn’t finished their homework and needs to be punished. Or, your partner can be a hot doctor and you are a worried patient in a lot of pain. Whichever role you chose, make sure you get into it completely. You can choose an accent, put on a wig, buy an appropriate outfit, and take your game to a place where your characters will come to life even more.

Watch Me Get It On

You might not be immediately encouraged to try to masturbate in front of your partner. Yet this is great foreplay for both of you. Allow your partner to watch you pleasure yourself, and don’t restrain yourself from anything you’d like to do. Whatever turns you on will turn on your partner even more!

For those who feel great about this kink idea, you can even put on a show where you start dancing to your partner’s favorite music and start touching yourself until you end up on a bed or a couch next to them masturbating. 

 

Ready, Set, Record!

Many couples feel incredibly sexy and motivated to throw on a great sex performance when they know they are recording themselves. Ask your partner how they feel about it, and if they like the idea, start recording your sex. You don’t need any special equipment like a professional camera and lighting. After all, you’re not interested in a well-produced movie. 

Instead, you and your partner are looking for some fun, and having a tape of you two in between the sheet might light that kinky flame between you. Maybe you will not even watch your hot piece of art. Yet you might get additional pleasure just by knowing you’re recording.

Outdoor Sex

Feeling a little bit of fear of being exposed while having sex is like an aphrodisiac for many people. Having sex in public places has this intensive combination of fear, uncertainty, and it’s spontaneous – most of the time. It’s up to you and your partner to choose a place where you want to do it. For instance, it can be a bathroom of a cafe or a restaurant, a parking lot during late hours, a bench in a park, behind a tree, etc. 

As long as it’s outdoor, it’s considered to be public sex. For those who are a little bit shy yet still want to try out this kink idea, you should start with places that have a very minimal possibility of someone catching you in your wildest moments. 

When it comes to kink ideas, it’s completely up to your partner and yourself to determine what you want to try out and what is not for you. If an idea doesn’t seem comfortable to you for whatever reason, just don’t do it. You should only be up for the ideas that will improve your sex life, not make it worse!

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Rigger Kink

Do You Have A Rigger Kink? Learn The Ropes in Bondage

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Do You Have A Rigger Kink? Learn The Ropes in Bondage

 

Have you heard of a rigger kink or rope bondage before? 

Sometimes known as the art of kinbaku or shibari. Those that have a rigger kink fantasize about tying up a partner in rope. 

Shibari or rope bondage is one of the most artistic forms of sensuality, intimacy, and surrender. 

Imagine the rope as a tool to express connection and attunement between those involved. The rigger (the person tying) and the rope model / rope bottom or guided (the person getting the rope on their body) explore the notion of give and take while embodied into one connective medium of rope. Immediately, non-verbal communication and cuing of body language comes into play between those involved. Rigger Kink

If you are the type of person who likes to learn a new skill set, if you are the type of person who wants to practice submission by physically being bound, if you are interested in the idea of trusting someone to tie you up, this may be a kink for you. 

 

Go to FetLife

Go to fetlife.com and look for rope / shibari dojos or who the teachers are in your local community. Although youtube videos are great for rope (I have made some myself), it is not like going into a place where someone will teach you more about the type of rope to use, the tension of rope, and beginner ties. 

When you think of a rigger kink, imagine creating something intimate for the person you are guiding. Imagine surrendering into something that feels safe and containing. 

People practice BDSM relationship styles just like others practice egalitarian lifestyles. You know how you may really look forward to getting or giving an engagement ring. A person within a BDSM relationship with a rigger may see the same amount of significance with their rope kit. 

A rope kit contains your rope (nylon, hemp, or jute), cutting shears, and all hardware you will need for the rope scene you want to do! 

When you have a rigger kink, usually you have a style of rope you enjoy receiving or being put in. 

The rope kit will get cut to your body size and shape so that when you are doing certain ties, the knots fall in places that will not harm your body. 

 

Some Common Facts If You Want To Be A Rigger

Rigger kink is fun…until we get to the warnings! Rope is edgeplay. You are allowed to consensually hurt one another as adults. Yet “do no harm” is an important motto for when you are getting into more serious rigger kink play. Suspensions and tying rope around certain limbs incorrectly or for too much time will cause damage. Similarly, if you are going to tie someone in rope and you have never CUT your rope, you must do this first. 

What this means is you must know how to cut the person out of the rope! If you check out the work of Lew Rubens or Georg Barkas, you will see two very different styles of rope bondage. 

Those who are riggers carry a rope kit on them, their carabiner hardware, often two (or more) cutting implements, a first aid kit with liquid bandage. A blanket for their rope bottom after the rope scene, a water bottle, a granola or protein bar. 

I strongly recommend that you take lessons privately or at least visit your local rope dojo in the beginning. If you are not tying weekly, or daily, you are significantly behind those who practice the art of rope bondage for rigger kink. 

Learn a somerville bowline and watch some of our rope videos: 

 

Rigger Kink Supports Your Love Languages

Practicing rigger kink can provide both rigger and rope bottom with a strategy that meets their love languages. Acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation exchanged, gift giving of rope kits, and physical touch of the bondage are all achieved in rigger kink. Rigging and rope bondage can be a great way to experience intimacy and fun with your partner.

Additional Help Available with LCAT’s Sex Therapy Video:

Kinky Sex: How to Get Started

kinky sex

Kinky Sex 2.0: Escape Boredom in the Bedroom

sex therapy videos

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

National Kink Month

National Kink Month: Learn About BDSM & Kink Lifestyle

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National Kink Month: Learn About BDSM & Kink Lifestyle

 

Did you know that in October we’re celebrating National Kink Month. A day for all kinksters and BDSM lovers out there? You might be a kink expert or someone who is only exploring what it entails. So it’s a great moment to learn more about kink, BDSM, and everything else such a lifestyle involves. 

The goal of this article is to inform, educate, and inspire those who are looking to learn more about kink or simply wish to celebrate National Kink Month and remind themselves of what’s important to them. 

So, let’s dive into it right away, shall we? 

What is a Kink Lifestyle? 

If you’re to compare a person with a kink lifestyle to a one without it, the obvious difference between them would be the engagement in kinky activities. These activities might be performed in the bedroom, outside the house, at a party, or anywhere else, and they would need to be present in one’s life in order to say this person leads a kink lifestyle. 

Also, how are you integrating your kink into your life in general? Do you know some places in your city where people with similar interests gather and just hang out? Are you a member on forums or platforms where other kinksters share their experiences and look for friends and partners? Don’t worry because even without it, you would still be considered a person with a kink lifestyle, however, you’d probably be the only one knowing it. 

When someone has a certain interest, whether the nature of that interest is sexual or not. It’s very common that they wish to connect with people who share that interest and feel like a part of the community.

How to Live Your Best Kink Life?

No matter if you’re new to the kink lifestyle or not, you will probably be focused on making the most of it and finding ways to always feel happy and positive with your kinky side. Depending on your preferences, your life as a kinky person can be very different from someone else’s. If you’re still thinking about your kink personality and not sure what your options are, here is a list that might help you with it:

  • Explore kink culture by reading articles and books, watching movies, and listening to music.
  • You can start exploring dominance/submission in the bedroom, and also when you’re out with your partner.
  • You can sign up on BDSM or kink forums and dating apps to meet other kinksters. 
  • Visit events where people with kink interests also go, e.g. concerts, theater, festivals, etc.
  • You can work on integrating kink long-term into your life and applying kink philosophies and beliefs into other areas as well.

How Can I Become a Kinkster?

If you’re not already, the only reason why you’re reading this is that you want to become a part of the kink community. So, how can you start living a kink lifestyle? The best way to do it is by talking to people you’re interested in and sharing your kink side with them. They might also be open to exploring their kinkiness, so you can both immerse yourself into the exciting world of BDSM. 

You can even come up with a plan and goals as a couple or you can do it just for yourself. Write a list of specific things you wish to explore. It can be anything, sex positions, games, outfits, role-playing, etc. 

Once you start practicing BDSM or kinky sex, make sure you do regular check-ins with your sex partner as it’s important to see are you still both enjoying it and if something needs to be addressed. Also, try to talk about your kink side with at least one friend. It’s nice to be able to share what excites you with supportive friends who don’t have to be interested in that type of lifestyle at all. 

Kinky Sex 

 BDSM is not the same as kinky sex. In reality, it’s just one of the categories that you can explore. Besides BDSM, there is also fantasy role-playing, fetishes, voyeurism or exhibitionism, and group sex. You can try out all of these kinky sex categories to see which of them you prefer and which of them you don’t want to practice under any circumstances. 

When it comes to kinky sex, the most essential part about it is consent. Make sure you always give and ask for consent when you’re practicing it. As much as communication is vital to healthy sexual relationships, the lack of it when exploring dominant/submissive roles or causing pain to each other might seriously harm the relationship.

Use safe words to avoid confusion and discomfort. As this type of sex might involve restraints or resistance, using safe words can help you communicate better in bed. The most common safe words are ‘red’ for ‘stop’ and ‘green’ for ‘go’. Of course, each person can choose their own safe words as long as they share them with their partner before having sex.

Another important element in kinky sex is pain. The pain in kinky sex should bring you pleasure and you should enjoy it completely. If it’s making you feel too uncomfortable, scared, or hurt, stop immediately. Thinking about the pain and experiencing it are often two very different things. So if you suggested something you are regretting now, make sure you’re using your safe word. 

The Bottom Line

There are many ways to dive deeper into your kink side. Whatever you do, just don’t ignore it! There are no right or wrong choices, and the best way to think about it is as a learning process and experimenting with something new. If you only want your kink to come alive in the bedroom, that’s fine. If you want it to be active 0-24, that’s also fine. Whatever makes you happy and satisfied is the best choice for you!

 

Additional Help Available with LCAT’s Sex Therapy Video:

Kinky Sex: How to Get Started

kinky sex

Kinky Sex 2.0: Escape Boredom in the Bedroom

sex therapy videos

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

fetish vs kink

Learn the Difference between a Fetish vs Kink

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Learn the Difference between a Fetish vs Kink

 

One of the most common questions I get asked is what is the difference between a fetish vs kink. This blog will discuss what a fetish is and distinguish it from kinks. 

 

Explaining Kinks

Kinks are vast. Anything that deviates from the norm of penetrative sex in the basic positions is known as a kink. Like cowgirl, missionary, and doggy style, etc. Kink means anything that varies from what is considered common. Such as spanking or flogging, etc. 

My general thought is as long as the activity is mutual and consensual, have fun. 

There is a wide world of kinks out there and the vast majority is healthy as long as mutual and consensual. I am sure there are some kinks that come from places of woundedness and may be trying to self-medicate. Yet that is also something individuals can work out with their counselor/therapist if they choose they want to. 

 

Defining a Fetish vs Kink

A fetish is often known as something that one has an enduring fascination about. And it includes specific sensory stimuli that may involve specific body parts or inanimate objects. 

Similarly, a fetish is something you need and must have to orgasm. 

Fetish literally means you cannot achieve orgasmic release without it. 

Sometimes, a fetish comes with guilt, because the fetish consumes the individual and partnered sex life. 

Also, finding a partner who is willing to incorporate your fetish each time you engage in partnered sex may be difficult to find. 

There are tons of individuals with kinks out there. Who are willing to date and partner with someone that has a fetish though, so all hope isn’t lost! 

 

Evolution of Kinks

As individuals grow, sometimes their kinks change too. Whereas, for those with a fetish, that person cannot orgasm without what they deem their fetish. 

So, for example, your partner may have a kink of chastity and you being the keyholder of that chastity, and then after a year, that partner changes their mind and has something new to explore.

Kinks and desires can evolve! This doesn’t mean that the original kink of chastity is any less important though! Actually, it shows that your partner has different internal parts of them that want to try different kinks. 

As a person who works in kink conscious practices, no kink or fetish is particularly harmful – as long as all adults are consenting and it isn’t negatively impacting the system around you. 

If you feel insecure about this part of your life, ensure that you find a clinician that understands that kink interests and behaviors are not necessarily a result of trauma and that if you are coming to therapy to talk about things other than your kink or fetish, that your therapist attunes to that. 

However, if you find yourself with a therapist that doesn’t get it, consider seeing someone that specializes in this type of work.

 

 

 

Check Out All Our Additional Sex Therapy Video

Kinky Sex: How to Get Started

kinky sex

 

Kinky Sex 2.0: Escape Boredom in the Bedroom

sex therapy videos

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

New Types of Apocalypse Pleasure With Sex Machines

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New Types of Apocalypse Pleasure With Sex Machines

 

As I work with more and more adults, I realize that sex machines are not common knowledge.

For those of you who have a difference of desire with your partners, and enjoy the sensation of penetrative pleasure, looking into a sex machine!

Apocalypse Pleasure

Honestly, it may save a sensual partnership between the two of you!

  • Are you looking for something adventurous?
  • Would you like to learn about sexual liberation?
  • Are you a bit on the edgy side?

If you said yes, I believe that sexual products, including sex machines, can be a way to get there.

Think of it like penetration – just without stopping.

For those of you who are feeling lonely during the pandemic, sex machines of high quality can help. It will give you the orgasm that you may desire, as it can help you relax. At first, receiving may seem weird, yet it’s actually quite natural to find daily pleasure.

Does it matter what others think, really? During the apocalypse, pleasure is needed. Pleasure is healing!

Sex machines range from cheap to expensive, just like any toy. Mostly, they come with just the machine, yet you can buy some where the dildo comes with it.

If you don’t know how to pick a dildo or detachable vibrator, see our blog on how to safely use a vibrator, and this can help you decide what is right for you.

Let’s Talk Price of Sex Machines

The cheaper the sex machine, the more likely it will not penetrate smoothly.

For example, sex machines under $250 USD are small, portable, and convenient in that one regard. However, at the exact same time, they don’t work well because they get stuck. Unfortunately, they do not penetrate deep enough. Which means that sometimes the vagina or anus can pull the machine off the floor!

This makes for more fun rather than pleasure.

Therefore, consider a $500 USD range of a toy where there is a drill-shaped sex machine where you can buy an inter-changable dildo toys to latch on tightly,

This sometimes looks like an electric drill you would use to build furniture, just with a different type of attachment.

For those of you who want the entire sex machine in all it’s glory, you are looking at spending $1000 USD or more. They will have the ability, like you may have seen in a porn or at a bunny ranch, to be adjusted to various angles and sometimes can have more than one thrusting mechanism on the machine.

Discretion is important, so find one that can fold up in a place where others would not find it. There is no shame in pleasure. However, there is a convenience to clear out your room and have a large object fit comfortably in a place that you have made for it.

Why Is It Weird?

Think back to when you were young, controlling the volume of your voice and containing your pleasure.

Now, as an adult, you can make your own fun choices. If you want to be creative, you can use a toy for pleasure – without shaming it!

If you are partnered, and you are concerned about a difference in pleasure between you and your partner, a sex machine alone or partnered can be fun.

Remember, be sure to clean all toys after using them.

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

Stiff: Solutions for Erectile Dysfunction On-Demand Webinar

Women on Penis Size

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

How To Tie Two Ropes Together Tightly For Kinbaku Bondage

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So you want to learn how to tie two ropes together tightly  and you are ready to learn to extend your kinbaku rope bondage skill set.

In many videos with bondage, there are more than one rope involved in the piece to get the desired outcome.

If you don’t know much about tying rope, watch the entire shibari kinbaku videos listed below to understand.

Yet, when you are at the stage of leveling up on how to tie two ropes together tightly for kinbaku, this is the video for you.

Listen to the tips ahead of time, to ensure you understand how to do this process in your rope bondage.

I have created this video with the goal of teaching you how to tie two ropes together tightly for kinbaku and hope it helps! Hit like if yes!

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Watch now! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, PornHub, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, Playboy, Maxim, Daily Mail, HeadSpace, and more!

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Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Learn The Buzz about Using a Vibrator

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Learn The Buzz about Using a Vibrator 

 

Many people have reported to me that using a vibrator seems too taboo for them. 

They report that they cannot wrap their mind around why you would need one. Or who would have the ovaries to buy one. 

Sometimes though, I think it is important to know what you could be missing out on. 

 

Who is with me that vibrators are a magical invention?

The key to awesome sex, even with yourself, is savoring sensations rather than solely chasing the orgasm. 

Start slow. Set the scene. Make sure you will have privacy. 

Use the vibrator to stimulate various parts of the body and tune into the sensations. We have found it does not matter necessarily on the style, size, or type they all do the same job. 

 

Here are some ways to utilize your vibrator:

cles around the clit which can cause stimulation in different ways with each woman. What might work for you might not for your partner or best friend.

  • Direct Hit- For a less sensitive clit, or at stages when the clit likes more direct stimulation, many women say circles right one the exposed clit felt wonderful. To do this, you can get the hood out of the way if the clit is a hider, either by lifting the entire pubic hair area upward with a hand. Or by pushing just the area right above the hood skin upward with the side of your thumb while using your vibrator.
  • On the Hood- Keeping the touch above the line, on the hood skin, without the circle ever touching the exposed clit beneath. The part of the skin that you touch and keep contact with is really important. Holding high on the hood feels less intense than holding lower down, near the bottom edge of the hood. This is similar to layering. Adding more layers between the vibrator, and the clit itself can help lessen the intensity of your vibrator.
  • Off and On (the hood)- Many women prefer circles that mostly stay on the hood and then occasionally swipe and glide below it, to include part of the clitoral gland that may be peaking out as exposed. The upper clit gets soft pressure through the hood, giving the exposed clit a small break between each time it is touched. This method seems to be a favorite with a vibrator, as you can use the vibrations to expand the pleasure and add shallowing techniques in as well.
  • Staying away- the least intense way to orbit the clit is to stay far away from it. Gliding in gentle circles that stay above, below, and to the sides of the hood and clit and never touch the exposed clit directly. Some women feel the vibration itself is satisfying without being overwhelming and this is a great way to ease into your first vibrator. 

Easing into your first experience can be overwhelming. Start out slow, and layering is one way we recommend breaking the ice.

Layering is where you put “layers” between your touch with the vibrator. And the clit or area you want to stimulate.

Laying it on thick – Through fabric this is the least direct way to touch the clit. Women prefer pressure and massage up on the triangle where the pubic hair is (or was— you are allowed to do with your hair what you please). Stroke all around this area called the mons pubic region. 

This area is on top of a nerve network that’s connected to the clit. Remember the exposed part of the clit is simply the tip of an iceberg. And there is a lot more going on below the surface all around it.

 

The Clit Sandwich- Yes this is a real thing!

1 in 5 women prefer squeezing the outer lips together around the clit like a sandwich. People also report liking this sensation in partnered sex with same sex or other sex partners! 

Why? The clit gets more subtle, indirect pressure. Because it goes through the thin hood skin and the thick skin of the lips. Some move the sandwich up and down or pull it out and push it in, so the skin inside slides back and forth around the slit.

Adding your vibrator to this technique, even on the outer lips, can create a unique stimulation.

Layering with a vibrator can help you achieve multiple orgasms. And even lessen the touch/sensation for the rebuild for the second orgasm.

So, adding a vibrator into your relationship can become a rewarding experience for you and others. Knowing your body will help give you a more satisfying experience.

I believe a vibrator can change around a sex life. Only if you are open to experiments with time and techniques as you learn. 

No matter the vibrator location on your body, the satisfaction you achieve while using it is all that matters. 

By starting out curious, you will be able to learn your body and what you like. And dislike the more you explore with your vibrator.

 

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Are You Using Vibrators Safely?

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Are You Using Vibrators Safely?

 

Vibrators are in some ways the ideal sex toy. They come in all shapes, sizes, colors and materials. They come at different speeds, different intensities and are available for any budget.

However, like any toy, vibrators must be used safely and smartly to ensure a pleasurable experience and health.

Whether you are dealing with a penis, vagina or anus, vibrators can enhance your sexual pleasure. Solo or as a part of sex with others. There are some things to consider to ensure you are not hurting yourself or exposing yourself to harmful chemicals.

 

Materials

vibrators

The materials used for vibrators can vary from cheap plastics to silky silicones to even glass, metal or crystal. Most toys are constructed with pleasure and sensation in mind and sometimes neglect legitimate safety concerns in order to create something that feels good- or can be made cheaply.

Some of the softeners that make plastic vibrators smooth and flexible are actually harmful chemicals that may harm your body. BPA, phthalates, PVC, and Bisphenol A are just a few of the materials used. These are recognized both internationally and in the USA as having harmful effects on hormone production. 

This has been known to lead to myriad issues, so knowing what your vibrators are made of is no small matter. 

The porosity of the vibrators (if it has pores like a sponge, that is not a good material for a sex toy) is a crucial factor in determining if this toy is made of safe materials. 

When playing with vibrators, it is important to keep them clean. And a high porosity material is more likely to absorb and transmit infections, viruses, bacteria and yeasts that are stuck in the material despite cleaning. 

Porous materials to avoid include PVC, rubber, jelly and any rigid, cheap plastics. 

Medical grade silicone, glass, and surgical steel are options that are less porous and less likely to absorb bacteria that you don’t want to expose to your mucous membranes.

If you use vibrators made from those more porous materials, consider adding a condom to your vibrator to prevent potential exposure to chemicals and bacteria.

 

Shapes

vibrators

There are vibrators like the magic wand that do not go into the body. They are used for external touching. 

We have an entire blog coming out about learning the buzz on how to use that type of vibrator so stay tuned. 

If you are using insertion vibrators to pleasure yourself – be sure to get the right type for the right oraffice. 

For those who want insertion anally, you must use vibrators with a flared base.

You would be surprised how much suction there is when you penetrate the anus, and non-flared toys can easily get sucked up before you notice.

Prevent a trip to the ER and use vibrators with either two prongs or a flared base to avoid “losing” the toy inside yourself. 

That said, if you have used a toy and it is stuck, do not try to remove it yourself. Go to the ER to avoid fissures and internal damage, and don’t worry, those nurses have truly seen everything before.

If you are using vibrators anally or vaginally, I advise training yourself to the size you ultimately desire. 

Aim a little smaller than you think you can handle, and use lots and lots of lube. 

Eventually you can work your way up to more girthy toys, just know your limits so you can stretch safely instead of tearing or ripping!

As with any sex toy, make sure that you have vibrators with smooth sides. No sharp or pointy edges and that all the parts are secure and won’t fall off in an unfortunate location.

 

Hygiene & Cleaning

The most important safety tip of all is to keep your vibrators clean! Ideally clean them before and after use, though you should definitely clean them every time before use.

It also helps if you are clean too! While you don’t need to be fresh from the shower, using a wet wipe can clear away any debris that may get into the wrong places when things get heated. This is a personal call, if you feel clean enough for your own comfort that is all that matters. Just ensure you never use your vibrators on your anus and genitals during the same session without cleaning in between.

Just a reminder that porous materials (jelly, PVC, cyberskin) will not ever be totally clean. However if you insist on using them try to clean them thoroughly with mild fragrance-free soap and hot water. You can also use an antibacterial spray made especially for sex toys as an added precaution.

vibrators

 

Here is how to properly wash your vibrators:

  1. Remove any batteries.
  2. If your vibrator is rechargeable, has batteries or isn’t marked as “waterproof,” do not submerge your toy into the water completely. Trust me – they are not all waterproof and will break.
  3. Wash the vibrators gently with hot water and a mild, fragrance free soap. Dish soap is a suitable alternative if you avoid brands that contain perfumes. Really try to get into every curve, nook and cranny to remove any potential bacteria.
  4. Rinse off the soap with hot water and dry off your toy with a clean towel or put it out on a windowsill in the sun to dry.
  5. Put the batteries back in, and store your vibrators in a cool, dry place.

Please do not let your vibrators touch one another, as some toys will eat away at one another. 

Another hygiene tip: don’t share sex toys with new partners without using condoms on them. And clean before sharing even with usual partners. 

STI’s and other infections can be passed along with toys the same as they are passed along with skin to skin contact.

 

Safety Reminders for Fun, Pleasurable Vibrator Use

Here is a roundup of advice for using your vibrators in a way that is fun, pleasurable and safe!

  •   Purchase vibrators made from body safe, non porous materials such as silicone to ensure that your toys can be cleaned properly
  •   Avoid cheap plastics, rubber and jelly vibrators to ensure you’re not being exposed to harmful chemicals
  •   Use vibrators with flared bases if you plan on using them for anal insertion
  •   Don’t use a vibrator that is too big without working up to the size with time, stretching and lots of lube.
  •   Make sure your vibrator is free of sharp edges, pointy ends and cracks to avoid injuries and infections.
  •   Clean your vibrators before and after use with hot, soapy water.

If you follow these tips, you’ll ensure your vibrators are always ready for fun when you are!

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

BDSM dating

5 Steps for BDSM Dating on Vanilla Apps

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5 Steps for BDSM Dating on Vanilla Apps

 

BDSM dating can be a challenge if you don’t want to out yourself to Facebook friends or work colleagues who might be on dating apps. At the same time, if you’re not sure what you’re looking for or want to sprinkle in some vanilla dating, using conventional dating apps can bring you a great variety of potential partners. 

BDSM dating doesn’t have to be much different than any other form of online dating. It is meant to be an easily accessible, instant and safe way of meeting as many new people as possible and can save you a lot of bad dates if done correctly. 

 

1.Ask Yourself “Why?”

Why do you want to use a general dating app instead of a BDSM dating app? It may seem counterintuitive, however more people are on apps like Tinder, Grindr and Bumble than the more specialized kink apps. 

If you use a kink app, you may find that there is a limited variety of people on the app, which means you can run out of potential matches more quickly than with the most popular dating apps. 

Also, there are lots of currently vanilla people who are wanting to explore kink with an experienced partner, so finding matches on a conventional app may be an opportunity to expand your community and meet new people. 

Why do you want to meet people online? Do you feel too exposed attending live kink events or conventions? Do you still feel shame around your kinks? If this is the case, online dating can be a safe and relatively anonymous way to meet people with similar fantasies with less exposure if you’re shy. 

BDSM dating

 

2.Set Your Boundaries

Outside of the boundaries that must come along with a BDSM dating experience, you should also set your boundaries for online dating specifically. 

What questions are you willing and unwilling to answer from matches? If someone isn’t up to speed on coded language or acronyms from the BDSM dating scene, how much are you willing to explain?

Deciding on these things will save you emotional labor and time when interacting with matches. 

You should decide what amount of privacy you are comfortable with- will you use your real name, or just your initials? Do you want a full face photo or something more anonymous? 

Keep in mind, ethical BDSM dating shouldn’t involve any deception or catfishing, though you can be open about hiding certain details until you get to know a match better. For example, maybe you don’t give out your number until you’ve met, or maybe you don’t give out your real name on your profile but will when you are chatting with a match. 

You may even consider not including your kinks on your profile and being open about it with matches later, though this can lead to disappointment if you are looking for kinky folx in the first pace. 

Always remember that your profile is public, so anyone can see what is on there. So only put what you are comfortable with strangers or your co-worker or friend stumbling across if they’re on the app! 

 

3.Find the Code Words

The easiest way to find kinky and kink-curious individuals on vanilla apps is by using the abbreviations, code words and acronyms that describe your kinks. 

Sometimes emoji are used in the community- the unicorn emoji for example, lets people know that you are an individual looking to join a couple for a threesome. 

Saying you like “D/s” means dominance/submissive and describing yourself as “open minded” can be an indicator you are kinky. These words and abbreviations can also help you find other kinksters on the app! Typically, terminology used in BDSM communities will be obvious if you are also a member of that community, so keep an eye out for fellow BDSM dating matches. 

 

4.Be Open to Conversation and Questions

If you are casting a wider net to include kink curious and vanilla partners when BDSM dating, be prepared to answer questions from matches who may not have picked up on your terminology- or even read your entire profile. This happens a lot as people swipe quickly based on appearances. 

Since you have already decided what your boundaries are, answer any questions from matches that you are comfortable answering. Hopefully, they are respectful and genuine!

BDSM dating

If you’ve matched with someone and aren’t sure if they’ve understood you’re kinky, it is worth having a direct conversation. Something like “Hey! Just fyi, I am into _____, if that’s not you’re thing we can unmatch, no hard feelings!” can be effective and quick.

The downside of dating apps is that people can take a turn for the rude, scary or abusive. If someone is speaking to you in a way that is disrespectful or abusive, report, unmatch and block that person without hesitation. Keeping your boundaries firm will make for the best online dating experience. 

 

5.Be Safe & Have Fun

As someone experienced in BDSM dating, you probably already know how to date and have sex in a way that is consensual and safe. It always bears repeating though! 

When meeting a stranger from an app, make sure you are going to a public place, and make sure that you let someone know where you are. Having a friend make a call at some point during the night can give you an opportunity to confirm you are safe, and have a potential escape if you feel the date is not going well and can’t say it outright. 

If you want to meet for play, make sure you feel safe. Hide any valuables in a safe or lock them away, and let a friend know you have someone coming over. This seems over the top, however meeting strangers on apps can have risks that wouldn’t come with traditional courtship or meeting people IRL at events. 

With all that out of the way, have FUN! You’re meeting new people, and are trying new things and that is worth celebrating! BDSM dating can be fun and rewarding and pleasurable if done with safety, boundaries and an open mind. 

 

Check Out All Our Additional Sex Therapy Video

Kinky Sex: How to Get Started

kinky sex

 

Kinky Sex 2.0: Escape Boredom in the Bedroom

sex therapy videos

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.