Learn How to Manage Holiday Stress and Anxiety

December 2, 2019/in Lifestyle/by Amanda Pasciucco

Learn How to Manage Holiday Stress and Anxiety

It’s that time of year, and we thought we would help you learn how to manage holiday stress and anxiety. If you’re like us, you’ve got a love-hate relationship with the holidays. Along with the nostalgic joy of music, food, and family gatherings comes the stress of dealing with it all.

For some people, handling the holidays can be tough. Even though we know what will set us or others off, we think things will be different every year, and we put ourselves in situations filled with anxiety triggers.

Who gets a present? Who doesn’t? How many people do you invite? Which parties should you go to? Will anyone show up at yours? Have you overcommitted again?

All of these questions are enough to make us wish the holidays never existed. There is, however, hope. Here are some tips on handling the holiday season.

Take a Personal Inventory

Before you get stressed out this holiday season, sit down and take a personal inventory. Some years, you’re up for everything. Maybe it’s been too long since you’ve seen your family, or you’re flush with cash, so you want to buy everyone presents. Other years, though, you need to be low key.

You need to know how much you can handle before you start filling out your schedule. Avoid holiday burnout by pacing out your activities. Don’t overcommit yourself. If you spend all your time and emotional energy ticking off obligations, you won’t be able to enjoy the parties and activities that really mean something.

Set Clear Boundaries

Why do you keep spending two weeks with your parents when you know one week is all you can take? For some reason, maybe a sense of duty or being too idealistic, we keep putting ourselves in situations we know are fraught with anxiety and stress.

Before the holiday season comes, set clear boundaries for yourself and others. Let your parents know you’ll be coming for only a week this year. Finally, say no to the parties you don’t want to go to and fight for that time off at work so you’re not responding to emails on New Year’s Eve.

Make time for yourself so you can handle the stress and anxiety that comes with the holidays. Do something that makes you feel good.

The Gift Exchange

Some people are just better than others at giving gifts. It’s easy to feel like a total failure if it’s something you struggle with, particularly if your partner excels at it.

Giving family gifts is also very tricky. Why should you have to buy gifts for a million people just because your brothers and sisters decided to have a ton of kids?

Try a proactive approach and set a money limit on gifts with the family. Set expectations so you’re not stressed and scrambling right up to the holidays. If you’ve got a big family, think about a gift exchange where you buy for just one sibling and their family each year.

Having to buy fewer gifts will mean less holiday stress and you’ll have more time to spend with people you love rather than running around in stores.

Don’t Party Hard, Party with a Purpose!

We’ve all had years where we cut super loose and went a bit crazy over the holidays. Going to parties is awesome. We see our friends, celebrate with colleagues, and blow off some steam.

While there’s certainly an argument for partying hard over the holidays, remember that you’re headed into the new year as well. You don’t want to go into 2020 with an extended hangover from weeks of partying too much.

Remember that the holidays are supposed to refresh you as well. You want to start the new year feeling great, healthy and ready for what comes.

When it comes to parties, go to the ones with people you enjoy the most. Leave behind the random invites and banquets so you can spend a bit more time reflecting on what you want for the new year.

Manage Stress as It Comes, Not When You Can’t Handle It Anymore

Holiday stress tends to fester and build under the surface. There’s a reason there are a million movies about family fights and holiday chaos. People can handle a lot of stress before they finally explode.

When stress bubbles to the surface and detonates all over you and your relatives, it’s really not about whether the stuffing is moist enough. It’s just the final straw and a way to release anger without addressing what’s going on.

This holiday season, do your best to take on stress as it comes. Don’t take a perceived slight and let it bother you for days. Address it so you can have peace of mind. Ultimately, if you can’t have frank conversations with your relatives for your own mental health, then you probably should limit the time you spend around them.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

In a 2005 article titled “Seasonal Affective Disorder: An Overview and Update”[1], Dr. Roecklien and Dr. Rohan reported that between 10 and 20 percent of recurrent depression happened on a seasonal schedule, mostly during fall and winter months.

What that tells us is that it’s no accident to feel a bit down around the holidays. It’s not just because you didn’t get the present you wanted. Be aware that Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is real. If you find yourself stressed or depressed every year during the holidays, talk to a therapist and see if they can help. There may be treatments that can help you enjoy the holidays more.

Make Yourself a Priority

The best thing you can do for the holidays to fight off and handle stress and anxiety is to remember what you need to feel happy.

Find your stress relief – exercising, volunteering, reading, massage, or maybe even organizing your closet.

What do the holidays mean to you? Answer that question and then do what it takes to make your holiday season successful. It may take people time to adjust to your new reality, but in the end, you will be better off for it.

[1] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3004726/

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer.

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Happy Thanksgiving from LCAT!

November 28, 2019/in Events, Lifestyle, Videos/by Amanda Pasciucco

Happy Thanksgiving from LCAT!

We all know the research, that when you practice thankfulness and gratitude you are happier! Yes, contribution is THAT important, so I wanted to take the time to really say thank you for all that you do.

We have the greatest most dedicated clients!

I am so grateful for all the hard work that they put in their individual lives, in their family life, and of course, their romantic relationships.

Here in Life Coaching and Therapy, we are grateful that you chose us to start your journey and we are grateful that you will continue your healing process with us in 2020.

Without you, the mission that we have in LCAT isn’t possible so thank you.

If you have topics for 2020, email us: info@lcatllc.com. Yes! I am always looking for more ideas!

Thank you so much for sharing your secrets, trying new things, and embracing the uncertainty.

We appreciate you so much. Thank you for choosing us and trusting us.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Do I Need a Life Coach? 8 Signs that Hiring a Life Coach Will Take You to the Next Level

November 27, 2019/in Lifestyle/by Amanda Pasciucco

Do I Need a Life Coach?

8 Signs that Hiring a Life Coach Will Take You to the Next Level

Here is a blog on why YOU need a life coach, from a new guest blogger, Charles Rojas, at https://www.knowledgeformen.com/

Men especially, please let us know in the comments what you think of Charles’ insight, as he specializes in knowledge for men.

Can you guess what Michael Jordan, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tony Robbins, and Bill Gates all have in common?

Sure, they’re all successful beyond most people’s wildest dreams.

But, more importantly, they all achieved success by following a similar strategy.

They all had a life coach who helped them accelerate their success and achieve their goals faster.

In recent years, internet marketers and sketchy “Gurus” have given the coaching industry a bad rap.

Most men have a completely warped and unrealistic view of what a coach is and how they can help you achieve your goals and dreams.

If you’re wondering, “Do I need a life coach?” I’m going to set the record straight explaining exactly what a life coach does.

Then I will explain why you should hire a life coach to break through your biggest obstacles so you can achieve your big, hairy audacious goals in life.

What Does a Life Coach do and Why do I Need a Life Coach?

While life coaches vary in their expertise, abilities, and specialties, I can tell you for a fact that a life coach is not:

Someone who has all the answers to everything…
A superhuman who has access to knowledge that you don’t…
Someone you hire to achieve your goals for you…

If you see a coach making any of these claims run in the opposite direction.

Life coaches are simply professionally trained individuals who can see things that you can’t, hold you accountable to your word and help you achieve results faster.

And for men – your word is everything. That’s it.

Think about Michael Jordan.

Every year of his professional career, he had numerous coaches who helped him improve his game, overcome his weaknesses, and capitalize on his strengths.

Were any of these coaches better at basketball than Michael?

Of course not!

His coach simply knew the game and he knew how to instruct Michael to have the right mindset and become a more powerful player.

And a life coach is the same way.

It’s not that they are better at life than you are, it’s simply that they can recognize patterns in your mindset, actions, and subconscious programming that you cannot.

And because they can see these patterns, they can help you overcome them so you can achieve your biggest goals in life.

When you have a coach you are acting and living in full alignment to what you value in most in life.

This helps you move closer every day towards the person you want to become.

It’s that simple. So what are the signs that it might be time for you to hire a life coach?

Keep reading, because this may be exactly what you’ve been looking for all this time.

1. You Feel Unsure of Your Purpose in Life

Have you been floating around life without any real aim or purpose in life?

Have you struggled to find your “calling” or wasted years of your life pursuing the wrong things that don’t fulfill you?

The right coach will ask you powerful questions that will help you wake up to the realities of your life. This will enable you to consider potential paths that you had never imagined.

They will ask questions that will help guide you to understand who you are on a deeper level so that you can understand what you really want to do with your life.

A life coach can help you develop rock-solid certainty in your path and purpose in life. This will give you crystal clear clarity not only who you are, but who you want to be and where you want to go.

You will save you years of climbing up a ladder that is leaned up against the wrong wall. Don’t you want wake up every day with passion and excitement?

A lost person is a leaf in the wind chasing approval from friends, family, society, and partners for their entire life. A person on a mission is respected by high-value people and attractive to high-value partners.

If you don’t have a vision, you need to get a life coach.

2. You Have a Huge Vision, but You’re Unsure of How to Achieve It

Let’s say you have a clearly defined purpose that motivates you.

The only problem is that you’ve had that same vision and purpose since you were a kid.

Now 15-20 years later still no real progress has been made, and you don’t know how to achieve the ambitions you’ve set.

You’ve spent years going through the same motions, getting the same results, or NO results.

You’re feeling frustrated that you can’t motivate yourself to take action, and become the person you’ve always wanted to be.

You feel like there are simply too many options and considerations to make and so you suffer from paralysis by analysis. You learn plenty, but accomplish very little.

If this sounds like you, then hiring a life coach might the vaccine for your no-action-itis.

When you get a life coach, you will have access to decades of wisdom and experience that can help you cut through the b.s.

You will uncover the steps that you need to take to turn your dreams into your reality.

A life coach provides high level accountability. You’ll be making consistent progress towards realizing your vision within weeks.

The life coach will put an end to talking about your vision and goals all day and help you turn them into a reality so you can live it.

3. You Have Struggled to Overcome the Same Addictions for Years

Have you been stuck in an endless cycle of addiction for years?

Maybe you’ve quit your specific addiction, whether it was smoking, alcohol, or drugs, several times only to revert back to it when things get hard and times become stressful?

Maybe you are addicted to something that seems innocuous like porn, video games, social media or TV.

This can still cripple your drive and holding you back from reaching your full potential.

Addictions steal your finite time, cost money and prevent you from living your best life. There is no benefit to an addiction that hurts your body and mind.

When you get a life coach, they will provide the heavy accountability that you need to break your addiction and finally achieve the freedom you’ve so desperately been searching for.

In fact, I have an employee who has been working with me since the earliest days of Knowledge for Men.

He’s been a heavy smoker for almost two years and even though he would try to quit often, he would always fall back into the bad habit after a few weeks.

He decided to hire a coach several months ago and after his first session, he completely quit smoking and hasn’t had a single puff since. He now uses that extra time and money to move towards his goals. By hiring a coach he likely added a few years to his life.

What are your years worth to you?

4. Your B.S. Stories Stop You From Achieving Your Dreams

“I’m not good enough”

“There’s too much competition”

“She doesn’t want to date a guy like me”

“I was born poor so this is just my destiny”

“It’s genetics, there’s nothing I can do about it”

“Someone will just steal my idea”

If any of these statements sound familiar then you need to hire a life coach…yesterday.

Philosophers from east to west have concluded that “Man is his own worst enemy” and most people fail to realize how true this is and the implications of this.

The biggest thing that you have to fear is not nuclear attacks, political unrest, or world war. The biggest thing that you have to fear stares back at you in the mirror every single day.

You and you alone are both the greatest champion and the greatest enemy of your dreams and ambitions.

If you haven’t achieved your biggest goals, if you don’t have the body, the business, the relationships, and the spiritual connection that you’ve always wanted then there is only one person to blame…you.

There is always someone out there who had it worse than you and still gone on to achieve great things in their life, so there is no reason why you can’t too.

Just think about a few of the guests that I’ve had on this podcast.

Grant Cardone: $50,000 in debt, addicted to drugs, unemployed, and unmotivated. Today is worth nearly $700,000,000 and is one of the most widely known and respected real estate and sales experts in the world
Bedros Keulian: He was raised so poor that he literally had to dig through the garbage to find food. Today he owns one of the largest fitness empires in the world.
T. Harv Eker: He was raised in a poor family and failed at every business he started. He was living with his parents without a dollar to his name and after he received one word of advice from a mentor, he became a multimillionaire in two years.

These stories and countless others clearly show that if other people can achieve greatness, it’s not an accident, it’s a science. It is something that is within your reach too!

Your internal narratives and stories are one of the biggest traps holding you back from your dreams and the fastest way to overcome them is to identify them and work with a coach to rewire your brain to eliminate them.

This is where a life coach can unleash the most effective tool – deep internal mindset development.

The right coach can help you identify your b.s. stories and eradicate them from your subconscious mind for good. This enables you to get out of your own way and finally achieve the success you’ve always desired.

5. You Are Crippled by Stress, Anxiety, and Depression

Do you constantly feel overwhelmed, anxious, or depressed?

Does it seem like your emotions are running your life?

Are you one step away from a mental and physical breakdown?

Then it’s time to hire a life coach.

When you are caught in an emotional rut, it can be difficult to understand what’s causing your problems and get to the bottom of why you feel this way.

A life coach can help cut through the noise, dig deep and point out the underlying problems and struggles that have been running your entire life.

With the right coach, you can identify and eliminate the root causes of stress, anxiety, and depression and move towards a life where emotions you experience every day are joy, growth, and accomplishment.

Yes, there are real people who live almost every day of their life exactly like I just described.

Recognize that this is your own negative mindset (likely fueled by anxiety, stress, or depression) that is trying to keep you where you are.

A coach isn’t a cure-all, you’re right. We aren’t miracle workers. But the right coach can help you figure out what’s really going on beneath the surface.

They can help you overcome past traumas and accept your current reality.

This will enable you to live each day with power, joy, and peace instead of wallowing in self-pity and sabotaging every chance of success that you have.

6. You Want to Shorten Your Learning Curve and Achieve Success Faster

Maybe life is good, you have a vision, and you are on the path to realizing it. Great!

If this is the case then a life coach can help you achieve your vision faster. A coach can help you shorten your learning curve and growth hack your path to success.

Billionaires and the world’s best athletes agree that having a coach is a good idea even though they are already at the top of their game, so why not you?

Did you know that most high achievers are only running at about 70% capacity?

Sure, they have the foundations figured out and they are ahead of 99% of the population, but they are missing out on the 2-millimeter shifts.

These improvements can 10X your results and help you achieve your goals in half the time that you would otherwise spend.

Using a coach is a tool that will help you get to your destination faster than you ever thought possible.

Just consider a few of the following statistics:

80% of life coaching clients claim that they increased their confidence
73% measurably improved their relationships
72% improved their communication skills
67% improved their work-life balance

As long as you are working with the right professional, life coaching will help you get results.

The only question is…is it worth it?

To answer this question, I want you to consider the following.

If you had to go from Los Angeles to New York City would you rather go it alone and “work hard” by foot travel or just buy a plane ticket (a tool) to get there faster.

A coach is an investment in yourself to help you get results faster and for most – those results more than pay for the coaching itself.

When you have the right life coach, you can quickly identify and stop potential obstacles before they happen.

You can figure out how to get more done in a month than most people accomplish in a year.

A coach can help you leverage your inherent strengths to accelerate your results and live a truly incredible life.

7. You are a Serial Procrastinator

Do you constantly find yourself cramming for tasks before the deadline, putting off things that are important, or struggling to make moves towards your goals?

A life coach could be the best solution to your procrastination.

A life coach can give you accountability so that you cannot procrastinate, and b.s. yourself or anyone else with the excuse “I didn’t have enough time” any longer.

You will shift your “shoulds” into “musts” which changes the entire game.

Now you’re ready to crush it!

With the help of a life coach you can beat procrastination where it lives and finally take action towards the life you’ve always wanted. Not tomorrow…today!

8. You Can’t Afford a Life Coach

If you are truly struggling and can’t afford to put groceries on your table then you don’t need to go and hire a life coach. Read some books and watch some youtube videos teaching you about success.

But if you’ve tried that and your first thought is “I want a coach but I probably can’t afford a life coach,” you likely need a life coach more than anyone else!

Here’s what I mean.

Imagine that you are horrible at playing guitar. You’ve read all the books, watched all the videos, and even tried the fancy new apps.

But nothing has worked.

If you are committed to becoming a better guitar player, you are going to hire an experienced guitar instructor.

An instructor who has proven results with dozens of other students can help you shorten your learning curve and achieve the results that you desire.

In fact, this might be the only way to achieve the levels of success that you desire.

And it’s no different in life.

I understand that many people have genuine financial struggles and if that’s you then I’m not speaking to you.

I’m talking about those of you in the audience who don’t think that you can afford a life coach.

I speak with potential clients all the time who say “I love what you’re doing but I just can’t afford it right now”.

These are the same people who wear $200 sneakers, spend $500 a month going out, and waste more than $300 every month on useless digital subscriptions.

If you make enough money to cover basic expenses and believe that you can’t afford a life coach, I want to challenge you to look at your values.

Do you value fashion, entertainment, and comfort?

Or do you value growth, achievement, and living life to the fullest.

If you value the latter, you would greatly benefit from working with a life coach.

They can help you develop a better understanding of money and business so that you can increase your income and have financial freedom.

Never say the words “I can’t afford that” again.

Conclusion

The most prolific and successful individuals in the world get a life coach to go from good to great, so why wouldn’t you?

The highest achievers know that they can’t do the journey alone. They know that they need accountability, guidance, and an outside perspective to achieve their dreams and aspirations.

It’s time to step up to the plate and stop playing small.

Hire a life coach if you need someone to hold you accountable, push you towards your greatness, and help you identify your blind spots.

Invest in yourself and step into your greatness.

It’s not going to be easy, but it will be worth it.

Thank you Charles for this great information!

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it.

About LCAT

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

LGBTQ Definition: Beyond the Binary with LGBTQIA2+

November 15, 2019/in LGBTQIA2+, Lifestyle, Relationship Tips/by Nicole Scrivano

LGBTQ Definition: Beyond the Binary

By Nicole Scrivano, LMFT – Director at Life Coaching and Therapy

Read our latest blog post: “LGBTQ Definition: Beyond the Binary” to help you understand the LGBTQ+ community and the definitions within them.

There are many identities and labels for people that have become more commonplace.

Often in sessions, clients and their families frequently comment on all the identities “nowadays.”

Despite the alphabet soup that has become the LGBTQIA2+ community identities, most of these identities have actually been around to varying degrees.

The most salient and well known identities are lesbian, gay, bisexual, and more recently transgender. Then, adding to LGBTQIA2+ we have intersex, asexual, two-spirit, etc.

However, the spectrum of sexuality identities and gender identities has always been present, it is just now that we have a more common language to communicate identities effectively.

The Alphabet Soup – How Do I Use These Terms?

An entire blog can be written on individual identities, and there are plenty of resources to help you familiarize yourself with varying identities and definitions.

Here are LGBTQIA2+ definitions and resources that I would suggest you read to learn more:

True Colors (local LGBTQIA2+ non-profit): www.ourtruecolors.org

Definitions From LGBTQIA2+ National Help Center: http://www.glnh.org – glossary

CISGENDER – Abbreviated as “Cis” s a Latin prefix which means “to remain on the same side of,” the antonym of the Latin prefix “Trans.” Someone whose gender identity conforms to the sex assigned to them at birth.
GENDERFLUID – An individual who is highly flexible about their gender expression and presentation. They may fluctuate between presentations and identities, or combine them.
GENDERQUEER – Someone who identifies outside the normative gender binary. This term is used as both an umbrella term and as an identity in itself. There is often a connotation of transgressiveness for those who identify with this label.
GENDER NEUTRAL – Not specifying any particular gender. Definition can vary depending on context and individual using the term.
INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA- The experience of shame, aversion, or self-hatred in relation to one’s own attractions to a person of the same sex.
PANGENDER – A nonbinary identity. Someone who identifies as pangender may identify with two or more genders, with any/all genders, or as a separate, third gender.
QUEER – A catch-all umbrella term for gender and sexuality minorities who are either not cis, not straight, or both. The word queer is a reclaimed slur, and sometimes still used as such, so use it with sensitivity – do not use it for others unless they already have for themselves.
SEXUAL ORIENTATION – Defined by whom you are attracted to, emotionally, sexually, and/or romantically. Has nothing to do with gender.
TRANSGENDER – Abbreviated as “trans”. People whose gender identity differs from the sex assigned to them at birth.

Once you have learned the LGBTQIA2+ terms it is important to do your best to use them appropriately. This means not as insults or not saying “a gay” or “a queer.”

identities

Using person first language like someone “is gay” rather than “a gay,” allows the person to be seen as a human first not just their identity. A general rule of thumb is not to start with “a” or end with “s” (ex. Gays, queers, a gay, a queer, etc.).

In regards to gender, the term transgendered is not accurate. Please utilize trans, transgender, trans. “Tranny” and words like this are harmful and problematic. DO NOT USE THEM!

There are many terms that are offensive around gender, so please, please, please be mindful of the language you are using.

Google exists for a reason!

We suggest finding appropriate terms and language for each of these identities.

The Identity Evolution

Sexuality and gender have both been shown to be on more of a spectrum and fluid rather than within dichotomies and stagnant.

Although people often maintain their attraction towards a specific sex/gender/identity, that does not mean that it can’t change over time.

For example, someone may identify as a lesbian earlier in their life, and then through self-exploration or a variety of sexual experiences, may identify as pansexual later on.

Often a mistake I see is that people struggle to evolve with the individual as their identity evolves.

Think of sexuality and gender as a continuum or a spectrum of colors. Break beyond the mold of choosing one or the other, and see it as evolving and dynamic.

The queer (LGBTQIA2+) community is ever changing and evolving like most other communities.

As the queer community has become more widely accepted, identities have become acknowledged or are more common place with the community (heteronormative) as a whole.

People around the individual coming out or figuring out their identity would benefit from standing back and allowing that individual to explore themselves and to validate the evolution of that individual’s identity.

Some people may remain consistent in their identities, other identities may ebb and flow for people, and that is okay. It is even normal.

When we try to stick those individuals into boxes, we begin to limit people’s ability to express who they really are.

It is vital that we as a community (family, friends, providers, and partners alike) work towards learning and supporting people’s identities.

Do Labels Really Matter?

In one word, YES!

identities

Misgendering or dismissing one’s identity has a lasting impact.

As the great Dr. Maya Angelou said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

As we dismiss and misgender or misidentify people we are creating a feeling – a harmful one – that breaks their boundaries.

We as a community need to work together to lean in and examine our biases to address our impact. Good intentions are not enough.

The impact needs to meet those intentions as well, otherwise, intentional or not, we are causing harm.

At the end of the day, does it really matter if you have to “label” someone different or identify a different pronoun for them? It really doesn’t.

Although it may be challenging for you, isn’t it better to adjust than for someone to spend another moment hiding themselves or stifling their growth?

I have had clients who have found ways to easily and effectively communicate shifts in their gender expression.

Whether it is a certain accessory in their clothing, how they wear their hair, or verbal cues they give, there are many ways that this can be communicated to partners, parents, teachers, and/or community members.

To some people, the specific term used may not matter to them. But to others, it matters immensely.

If you do not know what to term to use – ASK THE PERSON.

When we ask and collaborate with one another we learn, we grow, and we all evolve.

Will you learn, grow, and evolve with me?

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Veterans’ Day

November 11, 2019/in Events, Lifestyle/by Amanda Pasciucco

Veterans’ Day

Do Us All a Favor and Thank A Vet this Coming Veterans’ Day!

If you’re living in the U.S., odds are you know a veteran. Every year, millions of Americans serve in our all-volunteer military service. They come from all walks of life. Rich and poor, all different genders, and races. Immigrants even joined the armed forces for a chance to become a U.S. citizen. They answer the call of sacrifice and duty to country that protects the freedoms we often take for granted.

Given the sheer number of people over the years who’ve served, you probably know several veterans. They’re our schoolteachers, they train us at the gym, they work at grocery stores, and run successful companies all across the United States.

So yeah, obviously, we shouldn’t just celebrate our veterans one day a year, but if you haven’t had the chance, use the holiday to show some love to the people who gave up time and being around the people they love for something bigger. Here are some great ways you can show love for our veterans this year.

Give Thanks by Understanding the Tradition of Service to Country

If you ask vets or active duty personnel, a lot of them will tell you that they tired, “Thank you for your service” can make their skin crawl. Sometimes it’s sincere, but so often it’s a canned line filled with political undertones.

Show a veteran you care by trying to understand what they’ve been through. Sure, you’ll never fully understand what it’s like to serve in wartime or be posted somewhere far overseas, but context goes a long way.

What Does Veterans Day Even Mean?

The U.S. has celebrated veterans since World War I ended in the early 1900s. On November 11 a year after the war, people flocked to the streets to celebrate peace, knowing the hell they’d been through. The holiday was initially called Armistice Day, but President Eisenhower changed it to celebrate all veterans.

America has been involved in the conflict for so long, that a lot of vets feel like what they do overseas is too far removed from normal American life. Unless you’re directly impacted, say, having a direct family member or close friend serve in a warzone, it’s hard to relate. A lot of the time they come home frustrated that normal people don’t understand what they’re doing over there.

We’re not out celebrating in the streets, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be showing thanks for what our soldiers, sailors, and marines are doing abroad. We’re lucky that current wars aren’t impacting us at home the way previous wars did.

When you meet a vet, the best way to thank them is to get to know them. If you know them, talk to them about their time in the military. Don’t be afraid to ask them questions about their time and what it meant. Don’t pry. Learn to take the subtle hints when something’s out of bounds. But don’t act like it never happened. Validate them with your interest.

Hold It Down for Our Vets

If you’re wondering what to do for our veterans this Veterans Day, there are tons of ideas. Here are a few good ones.

Donate to a Good Cause – There are a ton of charities and service organizations focused on helping veterans find jobs, get therapy, find a place to live, and plenty more as they transition out of service. The money you give goes directly to helping the life of a veteran in need.
Acts of Service – If you know a veteran, think of something you can do for them that they would enjoy. Get them tickets to the game or buy them some movie tickets. Take them out and treat them to a meal.
Show Respect – You may not notice it, but most veterans pay attention to how people around them act concerning respect for the military and country. You may have strong opinions about certain political decisions but try your best to refrain from severe criticism if you’re around a veteran.
Send a Care Package – You can mail a package of candy, clothes, electronics and other supplies to military personnel overseas for Christmas and other holidays. It’s easy to do and they love it.
Show Your Vet Some Love – Hopefully, you noticed that we wrote “your vet” there. Some of us are extremely lucky to be in relationships or dating veterans. They bring so much to our lives. They work hard, are disciplined, honor us, and strive to progress. On Veterans Day it’s the least we can do to show them some fun, right? This Veterans Day let loose a bit and give your partner a good time.

On A More Serious Note

Everyone should know that every veteran returns from service as a changed person. Some changes are harder than others. Tens of thousands of veterans who served our country come home with physical injuries, emotional scars, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Putting the pieces back together takes time and patience. Most of all it takes a network of caring people who are there for them when they need them.

If you know someone who is struggling with issues they experience in the military, talk to them. You may not be able to give them the help they need, but you can help them find it. There are resources available for veterans to call on.

There are Still People Out There Fighting

Ask a vet, and they’ll tell you one of the best things you can do to support them is to support the brave people still out there fighting. Brave service people are stationed in bases all over the world ready to move on a moment’s notice.

We’re indebted every day to their willingness to serve and what they stand for. Veterans Day is more than a holiday. It’s an annual reminder that we should all be doing more to thank and give back to our veterans.

No go out there and show them some love.

When Sexual Anxiety Takes Over: What Drives Sexual Inhibition and Stress In Penis-Bodied Humans

October 28, 2019/in Lifestyle, Sex Tips, The Sex Healer/by Amanda Pasciucco

When Sexual Anxiety Takes Over: What Drives Sexual Inhibition and Stress in Penis-Bodied Humans

While most of us can be intimidated taking off our clothes during sex, some people state that sexual anxiety takes over and ruins the entire encounter.

There you are, exposing yourself with nowhere to hide.

Some people are so afraid of letting their physical and emotional walls down that it prevents them from enjoying true intimacy. Instead, they’re filled with sexual anxiety that can detract from intimate encounters.

Sexual anxiety can range from mild nervousness about things like body image, to full-blown anxiety attacks that stop people from having sex at all.

Performance Anxiety

A lot of people have anxiety issues around whether they’ll be able to “perform” when called upon. Penises can be a bit unreliable.

If worry over performance continues it can turn into a serious mental block.

For some people, whether they’ll be able to maintain an erection enters their mind the minute there is an attraction with someone else.

Like any anxiety attack, worries over performance build and build until it’s all they can think about.

People with penises also worry about premature ejaculation. It’s more common than you’d think.

According to the Mayo Clinic, 1 out of 3 penis and testicle-bodied humans say they deal with premature ejaculation or have dealt with premature ejaculation in the past.

When there’s so much pressure on being able to please your partner, it’s easy to see why someone who’s had that happen would experience sexual anxiety.

Body Image

While we hate to stereotype, generally speaking, penis and testicle-bodied humans have less trouble looking in the mirror than their vagina-bodied counterparts.

Traditionally, men didn’t have to deal with the same societal pressure placed on other genders by the media and fashion.

However, this has changed with the advent of digital options. The ideal physique is communicated a lot through all types of advertising, social media and even porn.

Penis and testicle-bodied humans, often struggle with sexual anxiety around the size and look of their genitals. Maybe your penis curves or has a slight bend in it.

Perhaps you are concerned about the fact that you are, or aren’t circumcised.

Lack of Experience

This applies to anyone who is seen as the one “in charge.”

In many sexual encounters, many penis-bodied humans FEEL there is an expectation that they ought to take the lead.

That might be ok if you’ve got a lot of sexual experience, but it can trigger sexual anxiety for people who don’t want that type of pressure.

We all worry about, to a varying degree, reading sexual cues or being able to please our partner.

Ways to Help Reduce Sexual Anxiety:

Breathe in and out through your belly. Focus more on your exhales.
Masturbate with a condom on to try a new way of experiencing sensation!
Increase the use of sex toys, such as those that provide clitoral stimulation. This will help take the pressure off your penis and bring excitement to the moment.

You are in charge of your own arousal and your partner is in charge of theirs. Don’t force yourself to be the deliverer of orgasms to your partner, because it is way too much pressure!

What are some other reasons people that may cause sexual anxiety?

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

Stiff: Solutions for Erectile Dysfunction On-Demand Webinar

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

How to Deal With a Breakup!

I wrote this blog post to help those people who feel like it’s the end of the world learn how to deal with a breakup!

Breakups hurt, because people aren’t skilled at communicating why they no longer want to be in their relationship. They are especially painful if you were living with your partner and your entire pattern of living changes.

If you haven’t learned it yet, throughout interpersonal relationships, it is important to OPENLY communicate. Why?

Well, if you don’t have the difficult conversations about what you need during a relationship, you can create a system of long-term dysfunction, causing the pain of breaking up to be tumultuous and traumatic.

The beginning of love is so beautiful and the end is often so tragic, but does it have to be? At Life Coaching and Therapy, we believe that loving yourself and your relationships is a mission worth prioritizing!

We long for belonging, long for touch, and we long to matter! We also want to break from the suffering or that “longing for connection.” But it isn’t worth staying with someone who has broken up with you.

Where in your body do you “need” them?

Notice that place in your body and tell your therapist! There is a message there for you to uncover that will help your growth.

What is the core universal need that is underneath your strategy of marriage, monogamy, or romantic partnership – OTHER than this specific person?

What Are Universal Needs?

A Person (your partner) is NOT a universal need.

Needs are qualities that connect us all as human beings, and we all share. Look up Nonviolent Communication for an inventory of all needs.

I use Tony Robbin’s 6 Human Needs:

Certainty
Uncertainty
Significance
Connection
Growth
Contribution

I believe that other than these six needs, every other behavior comes from an attempt to meet one of these. All anyone is ever trying to do is to meet their needs.

Therefore, your partner is NOT a need.

Underneath “I want to be in a romantic partnership with ______” is a need such as:

I want to matter
I want pleasure
I want to be seen, felt, and heard
I want connection
I want certainty of quality time

ALL OF US WANT TO BE SEEN, FELT, and HEARD. Even those people that say they don’t, often, there is someone who they would like to be seen, felt, or heard by.

All of us have the exact same amount of time, so if someone you are relating to says that they don’t have the time to prioritize you right now, then you are not their priority right now.

IDENTIFY YOUR NEEDS!

Express them with words and with consensual actions.

If you decide to split up, there may be pain, and pain can be a pathway back to ourselves.

If you try to prevent the pain by staying in a relationship when it is not fulfilling your needs, you will ultimately get hurt in the future.

Breakups don’t have to be the end of the world, and you can learn how to deal with a breakup and still be happy and ok on your own.

The key is to remain accountable and be open about the pain and the impact you are causing. Sometimes this can help mitigate harsh truths that are said without graciousness or love in the “heat of the moment.”

How To Deal With A Breakup

You will get through this, even though it may not feel like it mentally.

Disconnect from destructive thoughts and let the waves of emotion come in and go back out.

DON’T focus on your obsessions though (easier said than done, but necessary for your health and growth).

Breakups

Encourage yourself to do the WORK necessary to become a happy, positive person who DOES NOT NEED the affirmation of others to feel good inside.

First off, begin weight training and doing aerobic exercise (rowing, running, etc.) in addition to stretching and yoga. The weights and cardio will do wonders for your well being, releasing powerful endorphins and boosting your self esteem. If you abuse working out to the point where you are no longer experiencing the highs from it, then this is no longer a recipe for a healthy lifestyle.

If you are still feeling overwhelmed, depressed, or find it hard to do your day-to-day activities talk to a mental health practitioner. You may need to consider medication.

No matter how disciplined you are, your nature is your nature, and it can be a difficult battle. Daily exercise will help; however, the correct supplements or prescriptions will help fill in those valleys, which can be self sabotaging.

If you are you obsessed with fixing other people – like your ex – stop! You need to fill the hole in YOUR heart. Watch my video on codependency to rule out if you are one of those people trying to fix everyone.

Find two to three new hobbies instead. Meetup.com is a must for a breakup. You can often find multiple options in a city near you!

What are your tips for how to deal with a breakup?

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Is Poor Breathing Hurting Your Sex Life?

October 3, 2019/in Lifestyle, Relationship Tips/by Amanda Pasciucco

Is Poor Breathing Hurting Your Sex Life?

Learn How Breathing Can Enhance Sexual Pleasure

Millions of us walk around every day going to work, doing chores, and spending time with loved ones without breathing properly. Breathing correctly doesn’t get a lot of attention because it comes as second nature.

We do it without thinking and a lot of us feel that as long as we’re still alive, we must be breathing well. In fact, some simple lessons on which muscles we should use to activate breathing can improve posture, build core strength and increase energy.

Better oxygen flow helps us live healthier lives free from anxiety.

Managing breath improves sleep, puts us in better moods and can also enhance sexual pleasure!

In addition, focusing on driving air into our bellies when we inhale helps activate our diaphragms. When the diaphragm is activated, lungs expand more fully and improves the gas exchange that takes fresh oxygenated blood to the heart and expels old air.

Deeper breaths help us relax and improve our state of mind.

Following simple steps can have a profound impact on our lives. It’s driven research into various ways specific breathing behaviors can affect other areas of life. One particularly interesting area is the study of breathing and enhancement of sexual pleasure.

Follow this guide to learn about how controlling your breathing can make you feel better during sex, have better orgasms and connect more deeply with your partner.

Controlled Breathing Helps You Relax

It’s hard for some of us to get in the zone romantically.

While men seem to be able to conjure a sexual state of mind almost instantly, it isn’t necessarily true. Additionally, many women report that clearing their minds is necessary to focus on giving and receiving sexual pleasure.

Taking controlled, deep breaths facilitates a clear mind and a relaxed mood.

There are reasons why yoga and meditation focus so heavily on breathing. Controlling airflow calms the body.

As we calm down, we become more aware of our bodies, what’s occurring around us, and how something makes us feel.

Focused breathing helps take us away from worrying and centers us into intimate moments.

Remembering to Breathe Can Get You to Orgasm

Believe it or not, researchers have found that many women who struggle to orgasm tend to hold their breath during sex. Even when they breathe, it’s often shallow and indicative of stress as they make love.

When it is a challenge to orgasm, it can be burdensome to intimacy in relationships.

Men can feel like they are doing something wrong, and women struggle with the pressure to orgasm. This pressure often builds and develops into a harmful cycle of shaming and blaming.

We don’t want to oversimplify intimacy struggles. We know that women deal with deep-rooted issues around sexuality that make opening up to intimacy hard. However, state of mind is so important in sexual situations.

Tantric Breathing Basics

Deep breathing into the belly increases blood flow around the body. Your touch receptors will be activated, resulting in enhancement of sexual pleasure.

Just like we’re taught to drive breaths into our bellies throughout the day, pushing breaths into the genitals and pelvic area can heighten sensitivity and make achieving orgasm easier.

This is sometimes referred to as tantric breathing.

Tantric breathing involves the heightening of sexual pleasure by using the breath to achieve higher erotic states. Tantric sex has been practiced in other parts of the world for thousands of years but has become more popular in the United States in recent decades.

Here’s a basic tantric breathing exercise you can try:

Laying down or in a sitting position, place one hand on your abdomen and the other on your chest. Inhale deeply, feeling the expansion of your chest and then belly. As you exhale, pay attention to the tightening of muscles in your lower abdomen and pelvis. Focus energy in your pelvis as you breathe out.
As you breathe out, visualize love and energy being emitted from your heart across your whole body. Let it encompass you and build slowly.
As the energy builds, try breathing with your mouth somewhat heavily. Many women report the panting noise of their breath is sometimes enough to get them aroused. Picture your breaths moving down your chest as you inhale and up your back on exhale.
Once you’re comfortable with the this pattern, start to gently contract pelvic muscles each time you exhale to direct blood flow to your vagina.
Repeat the exercise regularly to develop body and muscle control. As you do it more often, it will help you feel more comfortable. You will enter into a state of arousal that will help things move along faster when you’re having sex.

Don’t Be Afraid to Practice Breathing Techniques

Improving breathing and the enhancement of sexual pleasure takes work. You’re probably not going to notice a dramatic change the first time you try. Using breathing to manipulate your body takes time and practice.

Don’t be afraid to spend some time alone with yourself to find out how your body responds to different breathing patterns. Try focusing on breathing into your pelvis without touch first. See if vaginal lubrication can happen just by focusing on breathing into the pelvis.

Slowly progress into self-touch and then touch with a partner and see what happens.

Breathing Can Improve Orgasms

Breathing and the enhancement of sexual pleasure aren’t just for women who have a hard time achieving orgasm. We’re all on a journey to discover and develop our sexual selves. Even if you don’t struggle with intimacy, breathing practices can help improve orgasm frequency and intensity. Just like a lot of women who have a hard time acheiving orgam and hold their breath during sex, most women breath shallowly and less often as they approach climax.

Pay attention to your breathing the next time you make love or masturbate. Notice how things change as you move through the stages of arousal. If you notice yourself holding your breath before or during orgasm, try to relax. You might learn something that works better for you and your partner. A lot of women report longer, more intense orgasms, which are never a bad thing!

Sensual Meditation: Strategies to Fall in Lust Again

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Five Love Languages

September 9, 2019/in Couples, Lifestyle, Relationship Tips/by Amanda Pasciucco

Five Love Languages

Do you know what the Five Love Languages are and how this concept can solve your relationship problems?

In 10 years of practicing individual and couples therapy, I’ve found that the five love languages helps pretty much any relationship, not just romantic ones.

It is useful to understand what matters to people and what type of love they want to receive from you! It is different if they are a romantic partner.

The Five Love Languages was created by relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman in his book, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts in 1992.

It outlines five ways to express and experience love between romantic partners that Chapman calls “love languages.”

It takes more than the occasional great date to keep your relationship afloat. In fact, Dr. Gary Chapman, says the key to a lasting relationship is learning love languages.

Getting to know a person in a romantic relationship is a gradual process. Over time, you learn more and more about them, including their likes and dislikes and how they think.

When you realize what your partner does and doesn’t care about, you can have a better relationship.

The concept of love languages is actually quite simple. There are five of them, each describing an expression of—you guessed it—love. The key, according to Chapman, is discovering which love language you and your partner respond to the most, then regularly putting that into practice.

The Five Love Languages Defined

Gifts:

This love language might seem materialistic, but you don’t have to drop hundreds of dollars if this is your partner’s love language. It could be one flower or a favorite chocolate or dessert.

A gift says, “my partner was thinking about me.” Gifts could be tangible or intangible items that make you feel appreciated or noticed.

Going to your partner’s favorite concert, for example, is as much of a gift as flowers or that new wine decanter you want.

To individuals who favor this love language, the absence of everyday gestures that show you remember them or a missed special occasions can be particularly harmful.

Quality Time:

This means giving your partner your undivided attention! Taking a walk together or sitting on the couch with the TV and cell phones off – talking AND listening.

Put phones aside, turn all noise off, and just be with each other.

Try your hardest not to flake on a date or check your phone when you’re together, because this can be hurtful to a quality time person.

Acts of Service:

Doing something for your spouse that you know they would like. Cooking a meal, washing dishes, vacuuming floors, are all acts of service.

Another part of acts of service is not doing what you need to do to take care of yourself.

On the flip side, the way to disappoint a partner who appreciates act of service is through inaction. Either being too lazy or too disengaged to notice that you are making a mess or taking away your partner’s free time by the extra work you create.

If you are someone who leaves a mess behind, sometimes this hurts your partner, because it increases your partner’s workload.

Physical Touch:

Physical expressions of love, whether sexual or cuddling are important! These include: holding hands, a back massage, a hug, making out, sexual connection, or dancing.

The absence of physical touch can leave some individuals feeling isolated in a relationship.

This one can sometimes be seen as particularly important in monogamous relationships where one partner has no other choice for physical connection.

Words of Affirmation:

These are verbal expressions of care and affection.

“Thanks for putting the kids to bed” or “you looked really nice today.”

Other examples include: writing a poem, or sending your partner a song that reminds you of them and telling them to listen to the lyrics.

Also consider telling your partner what you love about them, and writing a list of their greatest characteristics.

Insults can be particularly upsetting to people who favor words of affirmation.

How Do I Know My Love Languages?

To learn which love language best represents you, head to 5lovelanguages.com and take their quiz. Then, you will get scored from 1 to 12 on all five love languages.

The one you score highest on is your primary language, while the lower scores are languages that you use less often and have less of an emotional affect on you.

You and your partner can consider taking this quiz together, then you both know how to best communicate and act to support each other’s needs.

Love languages can’t fix everything, of course. But the concept does go a long way in communicating better, and we all know how much that matters in a relationship.

If you want more information similar to this, check my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer and sign up for our weekly posts.

(LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

If you like this post, share it on social media. If you want to start your journey into the love languages, start here!

Sex and Intimacy Workshops

September 5, 2019/in Couples, Events, Life Coaching and Therapy News, Lifestyle, Relationship Tips/by Amanda Pasciucco

Sex and Intimacy Workshops for Couples and Singles

Finally…sex and intimacy workshops for couples and singles are being held in September. Two workshops will be held at Middletown and Rocky Hill, CT locations.

There are several components to having a healthy relationship with ourselves and others, and amazing sex is one factor.

Across the genders, everyone wants and craves sex and intimacy. Whether we are married or single or in some unclassifiable state in between.

According to multiple studies, sex boosts happiness, because it makes people feel more satisfied with their significant other and with their selves.

If your sex life has fizzled out and you’re having trouble getting it back on track, you and your partner might consider attending our Sex and Intimacy Workshops. Additionally, talking with a Certificated Sex Coach is another option if you prefer on-site sessions, text or video chat therapy.

My colleague, Dr. Sara Frawley, and I will present two workshops in September about dating, cultural shame, codependency, self love, and the Erotic Anatomy.

Sex and Intimacy Workshops:

For Singles – The Sex Ed You Never Got in High School

Join us to get a refresher course on erogenous anatomy, discuss applying a Zen philosophy to dating, and explore different aspects of human sexuality.

Date/Time: Wednesday, September 18th at 6:30 p.m

Location: Middlesex Community College (Chapman Hall Room 808), 100 Training Hill Rd, Middletown, CT

Cost: $30 each

Register at Eventbrite

For Couples – The Sex Ed You Never Got in High School

Join us to explore those burning relationship questions and take your relationship to the next level.

Date/Time: Sunday, September 22nd at 2:30 p.m

Location: The Barre CT, 412 Cromwell Ave., Rocky Hill, CT

Cost: $35 per couple

Register at Eventbrite

Facebook Event

Tickets include light refreshments, Kava Kava ‘cocktails’ and all the supplies needed for a great class. For more information please call Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) at (203) 293-7293 or email us at: info@lcatllc.com

About the Sex and Intimacy Webinar Educators

Sara B. Frawley

Sara B. Frawley is a Naturopathic Doctor (ND), a chemist, and a human biology professor. Dr. Frawley is the owner of Ground Force Medicine in Wallingford and Cromwell, CT, as well as the founder of Ground Force Supplements.

Amanda Pasciucco

Amanda Pasciucco is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and has certification as a Sex Therapist from the American Association of Sexuality Educators Counselors & Therapists (AASECT). She is a national sexuality educator, and the practice owner of Life Coaching and Therapy in West Hartford, CT.

Few of us know everything about sex, however, here’s your chance to learn more.

Please join Sara B. Frawley, ND and Amanda Pasciucco, LMFT at these two amazing Sex and Intimacy Workshops.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Couples Cure text therapy program.

If you know someone who would benefit from sex, intimacy and relationship knowledge, feel free to send them a link to Amanda’s YouTube channel – The Sex Healer!

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

Tied Up Sex – Why do People Enjoy it?

September 2, 2019/in Lifestyle, Relationship Tips, Sex Tips/by Amanda Pasciucco

Tied Up Sex – Why do People Enjoy it?

Are you curious about what people enjoy about tied up sex?

Are you confused or afraid of people’s motivation for doing bondage or binding with their partners?

When you ask people what they enjoy about tied up sex, you will get a wide variety of answers and a few awkward jokes.

You will find that most binding practitioners are motivated largely by their partners pleasure.

To really understand tied up sex, you first have to tunderstand what makes a person want to be bound.

Why do People Enjoy Tied Up Sex?

Control

Some do it for control, or the “feeling of control.”

We’re talking about consensual bondage so your partner (the one being tied up) can take control back at any moment with a safeword or a prearranged signal.

Why control though?

What is it about control that is so appealing?

I think that in many cases it is related to the contrast with daily life.

Very often at work and in life we feel no sense of certainty or structure at all.

Your boss may seem to micromanage your every move. You may feel like your life isn’t your own if you have to care for a crying baby every day. Or you are held captive to your mobile phone to respond to pinging text messages.

During the bondage process,, you can experience an awesome feeling of “presentness” that we rarely achieve in our daily lives.

This can lead to a powerful sense of caregiving.

Fun and Mischief

I think another reason people like to tie people up during sex is for fun – pure mischief.

There are some people that just can’t resist the opportunity for mischief. You may have felt this before when you unexpectedly encountered a friend sleeping.

Did you stop to consider for just a moment the fun of that situation? Wasn’t that thought fun, even if you didn’t act on it?

It is no coincidence that often one of the first things neophyte bondage do is tickle their “victims.”

Relieve Modesty

For some it can be about enjoying the helplessness of their partner. This may be particularly true if your partner is a bit shy with their body. Binding enables you to relieve them of their modesty while you explore them more

carefully at your leisure.

Exhibitionism and Thrill Seeking

For some, it is about exhibitionism and thrill seeking. This is particularly true of those that attend bondage events.

They enjoy showing off their skills doing crazy circus tricks to be admired by other attendees. It isn’t as shallow as it sounds, because it’s a bonding community experience to share kinks with other like-minded people.

Overcome the Fear of Rejection

If your partner is bound and gagged, then they can’t really express judgement of what you want, however with consensual bondage, they can withdraw consent.

Sometimes this can be helpful for those that may suffer from performance anxiety or shame about their sexual desires.

Often the person tying can discover desires that they didn’t realize they even had once their partner is bound.

Aesthetic

There are some that simply enjoy the aesthetic appeal of the bound body. They are willing to go to great lengths to decorate and adorn their partner to make them into their fantasy object.

It is a way that many people receive significance. They create art with their bodies in beautiful rope patterns between the rigger (or rope artist) and the model. Then, they take pictures so they have their art in their mind. It can be printed so the moment is captured forever.

Fetish

This article wouldn’t be complete without addressing the pure fetish aspect of it. Some people just need bondage to be able to function sexually at all.

For these people who so often feel rejected for their deviant desires, the trust of a willing participant is incredibly healing.

Kinky Sex: How to Get Started

Kinky Sex 2.0: Escape Boredom in the Bedroom

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Open Relationship – Get Ready, Get Set, Go For It!

August 29, 2019/in Couples, Life Coaching and Therapy News, Lifestyle, Relationship Tips/by Amanda Pasciucco

Open Relationship – Get Ready, Get Set, Go For It!

I’m excited to announce that I did an interview last Monday with The New York Times on open relationship trends! (I will post the article once it is published.)

I am beyond excited to be one of the millennial pioneers revolutionizing how we embrace all types of sexual and romantic relationships!

As many of you may know from my article on polyamory, times are changing and monogamy is not the only style of relationship that couples are considering.

According to a study in 2017, it is estimated that about one in five people have been in a consensually non-monogamous relationship at some point in their life. That is over 20% of Americans!

With our changing times, I expect that number to keep rising.

Open Relationship SCORE CARD. We are only using A’s for results!

If you scored 0 A’s – Go out and find a willing partner! Maybe your partner isn’t ready, then you have a choice to make on whether or not you wait for them to get ready or not.
If you scored 1 – 3 A’s – a few tweaks is all you need. You may not realize it, but you may have a compulsive avoidance, anxious attachment, or you may be wanting to use an open relationship as a way to get “high” to take away the pain of something else.
If you scored 4 or more on the left side A column, I do NOT suggest you go into an open relationship at this time. These statements can OFTEN be signs that you are not emotionally intelligent enough to understand your own needs. You may not know how to do your own inner work yet. You may get incredibly confused, because you are projecting fantasies onto others.

Common Pitfalls in Open Relationships

Lack of Honesty and Trust Issues
Inability to See One’s Addiction / Trauma
Self-Centeredness
Communication Issues
Jealousy, Envy, and Insecurity
Family Conflicts (who do you do holidays with?)
Overcoming Social Norms (what happens when you only get a plus 1 to the wedding?)
Limitation of Partners (you can’t find anyone and your partner already has someone)
And More!

Healthy relationships take TWO or MORE people who have integrity, honesty, creativity, willingness to be vulnerable, and ability to engage in their own Inner Growth and Non-Defensiveness. Sometimes a Sex Coach is needed to understand these changes and address them in the right direction.

Before you transition from monogamy to polyamory in a current partnership, make sure you understand the story each of you will have about a shared meaning when it comes to sex and love with other people.

Sometimes we project shame from our sexual past into our sexual future with our monogamous partners. For example, you may become annoyed that your partner is frequently insecure about their body (their penis is too small or their vulva is ugly). This is usually an indicator that you have some blind spots to work on prior to adding another person to your sexual and loving relationship.

You cannot directly fix your partner’s insecurity.

You can only change the system of how you respond to the stimulus of your “partner’s insecurity.”

So if you are capable of fixing your own issues within your partner’s problems, then you may be ready for an open relationship!

Below are strategic considerations for those participating in an open relationship:

Time is a Limited Resource

Love is not limited. Time is though. No matter what, every single one of us only has 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

In practice, your time allocation could be that you make four hours for each partner per week without phones. You could also attend an event with one partner one week, and then another event with another partner the week after.

Sexual Education

You have to understand safe sex due to the sexual-health considerations of open relationships.

You are ready for an open relationship from a sexual education standpoint if you have:

The ability to fully discuss sexually transmitted infection status (for example: herpes type 1 vs type 2, hpv, PReP status)
Prepared to discuss in detail the act of Fluid Bonding (defined as a safer-sex strategy in which committed partners agree to have unprotected sex only with one another and to use barriers and/or stick to low-risk sexual behaviors with all of their other partners).
The grace of how to discuss what is sexually sacred, and what are the sexual boundaries with both your new partner and your metamour (your partner’s partner). Because NOTHING is private anymore when you are polyamorous. You are part of one big happy family!
Understanding of the term “New Relationship Energy (NRE)”.It is the intense feelings that may accompany the “honeymoon” phase of a new connection. This is sometimes also called “limerence.” You must check yourself while falling in love with the new person and remind yourself “this is not real, these are hormones.” Phenylethylamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin are the same hormones that you also find in serial monogamists or those practicing tantra.

Communication Strategies

Right Timing

Implement email instead of texting when it comes to communicating important topics. It is too much to receive alarming text messages in the middle of a thread of memes. Here is an example email:

Open Relationships The goal is that you learn how to ask consent while stating your needs.

Once you get to that conversation, set a timer for 30 minutes! Make sure to disengage electronics! Do not discuss it ahead of time. Show them that you can practice patience.

If you cannot wait 5-7 days to discuss your needs, you are not ready to be in an open relationship. In the variety of open relationships that I have tried, I find that it is mostly about waiting for someone. I had to remain centered while listening to things that I didn’t want to hear without getting triggered or responding. Then, I had to reflect back what I thought I heard to the best of my ability. If I was told “that wasn’t it” then I had to start over.

It takes a ton of patience and willingness to communicate effectively.

2. Use A Compassionate Tone

Watch your tone intention in the beginning of all emails. “I mean this with loving eyes” or “I know you are improving and I still have another request based on my need to connect.”

Notice the difference between “you let me down and broke a promise again” and “a part of me is hurt and feels let down by you breaking our commitment.”

3. Observation Without Attitude

Example: saying “I noticed you left the plate in the sink. Did that mean anything to you?” sounds different than “it is so annoying when you leave your plate in the sink.”

A good way to practice polyamory is to ensure that EVERYONE in the partnership / poly family is mindful of the needs that polyamory is satisfying in each of their own lives.

For example, we all have a need for connection. You can meet that need through monogamy or polyamory. Understanding how polyamory fulfills your needs in addition to connection (certainty, uncertainty, significance, growth, and contribution) is critical.

Understanding your needs is critical to discussing conversations around relationship orientation (polyamory, swinging) and/or sexuality.

4. Willingness To Be Flexible And Collaborative!

Start asking your partner once a week what you can do to meet THEIR needs better and address the feedback in the upcoming week.

If you aren’t willing to extend yourself for just one partner now, you will not be able to manage polyamory dating, let alone a polyamorous community.

Open relationships are for those who are interested in living life a bit differently. You will constantly be faced with multiple opportunities to meet the needs of partners, so make sure your time management is on point!

So if you are interested in getting help before you begin your open relationship journey, text us at 203-733-9600.

If you know someone who would benefit from this knowledge, feel free to end the stigma around open relationships and send them a link to my YouTube channel – The Sex Healer!

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Couples Cure text therapy program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

eGuides on Relationship and Sex Tips

August 29, 2019/in Couples, Free eGuides on Relationship and Sex Tips, Lifestyle, Relationship Tips, Sex Tips, The Sex Healer/by Amanda Pasciucco

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eGuides on Relationship and Sex Tips

Amanda Pasciucco, The Sex Healer, and founder of Life Coaching and Therapy, in West Hartford, CT brings you free eguides on relationship and sex tips.

As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, Amanda has more than 15,000 client hours of experience. She has helped hundreds of distant couples reignite their erotic spark after only a few sessions.

Additionally, Amanda is a national educator, speaker and is featured in CNN, Playboy, Men’s Health, Maxim, Daily Mail and more!

She has helped transform the intimate lives of those struggling with infertility, sexless relationships, low-desire, arousal, orgasm, and penetration problems.

Amanda shares her best, most effective techniques, practices and beliefs.

Are you ready to download, read and practice these tips at home?

It is time to improve your intimate life!

Click to Download: The Pleasure Practice – A Guide to Unleashing Self Pleasure to Heal Yourself and Transform Your Sex Life

If you know someone that would benefit from free eguides on relationship and sex tips, please share this information with them!

Check out Amanda’s Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer.

Learn more about Life Coaching and Therapy.

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Sex and Submission

August 19, 2019/in Couples, Lifestyle, Relationship Tips, Sex Tips/by Amanda Pasciucco

Sex and Submission

Do you like to combine sex and submission? You’re not the only one! Sex and submission is a perfectly normal fantasy.

There are many reasons we crave sexual submission.

Submission is an act of trust. It is turning over your body and your well-being into another’s care.

Sexual submission can be thrilling and empowering.

When we are talking about kinky sex, being submissive is an honored role.

Submission during sex means trusting another enough to temporarily relinquish control and be guided on a journey.

To get started in the games of domination and submission it is best to do it with your partner or with someone you have total confidence in and trust. e Be very clear that it is only a game.

Are You Willing to Submit?

This is the first question you have to ask yourself if you want to experience the game of domination.

If your erotic fantasy is to have your partner dominate you and make love to you by force, I encourage you to put it into practice.

And, why not? Maybe your partner likes to be submissive too!

You just have to ask! Communicate!

Pleasure or Pain?

The games of domination and submission are usually related to bondage, ties and spanking, and the roles of master and slave. Use your creativity!

The only rule is to do it with respect and self-control. You don’t really want to be hurt and you don’t want to hurt your partner. .

Control Your Role

When you are in the game of sex and submission, sometimes you will have to play the role as the dominant and other times as the submissive partner.

In both roles you have to feel comfortable and know what limits are in advance.

If you are exercising as a mistress, make sure your partner is doing well and enjoying the game.

When it is the other way around, stop and speak clearly if you do not like something or feel that your partner is overreacting.

But, above all, get into the role and have fun.

Pretending to be someone else can help you feel much sexier and uninhibited.

Only in the Bedroom

Domination or submission games could get you hooked so much that you end up getting too much into your role even out of bed.

The game can take place during a dinner, in an exchange of messages, or even in the gym!

As soon as someone says stop, you immediately stop and get out of sex and submission.

CONSENT is key! Everyone has to be engaged and interested.

My motto is a DEEP YES is consent. I don’t want anything other than a HELL YES to a moment…including sex and submission!

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimiate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Couples Cure text therapy program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

When you have a minute, check out amazing video tips on sex and relationships from LCAT founder, Amanda Pasciucco, The Sex Healer.

Learn How to Manage Holiday Stress and Anxiety

Happy Thanksgiving from LCAT!

Do I Need a Life Coach?

8 Signs that Hiring a Life Coach Will Take You to the Next Level

What Does a Life Coach do and Why do I Need a Life Coach?

1. You Feel Unsure of Your Purpose in Life

2. You Have a Huge Vision, but You’re Unsure of How to Achieve It

3. You Have Struggled to Overcome the Same Addictions for Years

4. Your B.S. Stories Stop You From Achieving Your Dreams

5. You Are Crippled by Stress, Anxiety, and Depression

6. You Want to Shorten Your Learning Curve and Achieve Success Faster

7. You are a Serial Procrastinator

8. You Can’t Afford a Life Coach

Conclusion

About LCAT

LGBTQ Definition: Beyond the Binary

By Nicole Scrivano, LMFT – Director at Life Coaching and Therapy

The Alphabet Soup – How Do I Use These Terms?

Here are LGBTQIA2+ definitions and resources that I would suggest you read to learn more:

The Identity Evolution

Do Labels Really Matter?

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Veterans’ Day

Give Thanks by Understanding the Tradition of Service to Country

What Does Veterans Day Even Mean?

Hold It Down for Our Vets

On A More Serious Note

There are Still People Out There Fighting

When Sexual Anxiety Takes Over: What Drives Sexual Inhibition and Stress in Penis-Bodied Humans

Performance Anxiety

Body Image

Lack of Experience

Ways to Help Reduce Sexual Anxiety:

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Top Millennial Problems for Therapists

About Life Coaching and Therapy

How to Deal With a Breakup!

What Are Universal Needs?

IDENTIFY YOUR NEEDS!

How To Deal With A Breakup

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Is Poor Breathing Hurting Your Sex Life?

Learn How Breathing Can Enhance Sexual Pleasure

Controlled Breathing Helps You Relax

Remembering to Breathe Can Get You to Orgasm

Tantric Breathing Basics

Here’s a basic tantric breathing exercise you can try:

Don’t Be Afraid to Practice Breathing Techniques

Breathing Can Improve Orgasms

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Five Love Languages

The Five Love Languages Defined