Best Sexy Gifts

Holiday Shopping! What are the Best Sexy Gifts to Buy Your Partner?

Holiday Shopping! What are the Best Sexy Gifts to Buy Your Partner?

 

You know it, the holidays are around the corner and its time to give the best sexy gifts for the ultimate night of seduction!

We are about to be stressing about what to buy for that special someone in our lives. If you’ve been together for a while, it’s hard to come up with the best sexy gift ideas. Instead of buying what we want, let's get partner gifts that keeps on giving!

So, what do you do when you don’t want to give your partner a gift card or a pair of socks? Thankfully, you’ve come to the right place! This year is the year when you should spice things up and buy a scintillating, sexy gift.

Stick the standard gifts under the tree and save a couple of the presents off this list for when you’re alone. Your partner will love the message it sends, and, hey, it’s really a present for the ultimate night of seduction!

 

Here are Some of the Best Sexy Gifts for your Lover! 

 

Crave Vesper Vibrator Necklace

Best Sexy Gifts
Crave Vesper Vibrator Necklace From LOVECRAVE.COM

Even though the Crave Vesper necklace has a beautiful, subtle design, there’s nothing subtle about your intentions when you give this to your partner.

The Vesper is something your partner can keep at home for intimate moments or wear out at night if you guys are feeling a little risqué. 

The necklace is made of high-polish stainless steel that comes in silver, gold and rose gold. 

It starts from $69 and has four different speed settings with two modes, quite impressive for something so small. You can personalize the vibrator with a special message, so she’ll think of you every time she puts it to good use.

 

Egyptian Cotton Bed Sheets

Best Sexy Gifts
Egyptian Cotton Bed Sheets from NYMAG.COM

If you and your partner aren’t at the “buy your partner a vibrator” stage, you can go for something a bit tamer like Egyptian cotton bed sheets.

Whenever you’ve laid on the bed in a high-end hotel, you’ve noticed how smooth and crisp quality sheets feel. Too many people neglect their beds even though it’s where we spend most of our time. Buying real Egyptian quality sheets will make a huge difference in how your partner will feel lying in bed to sleep or while making love.

Be careful while you’re shopping to buy 100% certified Egyptian cotton. Quality sheets vary in price, but you should expect to pay around $200-$300 for a nice set of queen or king sheets.

The smooth, silky feel of Egyptian cotton absorbs body moisture and regulate temperatures, so whatever you do in bed will feel a ton better.

 

Barbell by Betty Dodson

Best Sexy GiftsDr. Betty Dodson has spent years studying women’s sexual health issues, and the Betty Dodson Barbell is a revolutionary product that helps build pelvic muscle strength.

 

Everyone wants their partner to have a better time during sex, correct? Well, with stronger pelvic muscles, women experience more intense orgasms. It sounds like a pretty good investment. In addition to helping with sex, the Barbell increases pelvic floor control and overall vaginal health.

 

The Barbell is just under seven inches long, so it’s discreet. Make sure your partner reads up on how to use it so she gets the most out of it. There’s nothing more sexy than a woman confident in her sexuality, and the Barbell will help her feel like she’s got more control over her body.

 

Leather Cuffs, Chokers, and Other Toys

Add some kink into your relationship by getting your partner some leather cuffs or some similar toy for the bedroom. We’ve all been at points in our sex lives where things can get a bit routine. 

From B&M's Mart

You’ve seen how your partner reacts when you wear something different or try something new, so you know these sexy gifts work.

Thankfully, the sex industry has come a long way and people have much more open attitudes about things like light bondage play. Let your fantasies play out with your bedroom by taking turns with dominance and submission. Buying a gift like an elegant choker or stylish leather cuffs is a great signal to your partner you’re ready to spice things up.

If you’ve never done anything like this, the best thing about buying something light like handcuffs is that you can gauge your partner’s reaction. Who knows, maybe they’re up for more and you can explore that part of their sexuality together. Double present win!

 

Anything from Agent Provocateur

Sexy Gifts
Amanda Pasciucco wearing the Kiki Kimono Black/Pink

Getting your partner anything from Agent Provocateur is always a great idea. Agent Provocateur is a high-end nightwear, lingerie, and accessory company that makes exquisite pieces. The site has a variety of gifts you can buy anything from stocking stuffers like lipstick to pricey, intricate lingerie pieces.

You can find something practical like a luxury bra or nightgown, or you can get steamy and pick up a corset and a garter.

They even have a “naughty styles” section on their site for presents you want to see your partner in by yourself.

 

Tazapper

Sexy Gifts
Thekinkshop.com

 

If you are interested in things getting a little kinkier and spicier, I would suggest the tazapper!

It can give you a little excitement this upcoming holiday season, as it is the only toy of its kind! Try it out and let us know your thoughts about all the buzz in an Electrifying Role Play!

 

Toys for Two

If you’re into toys and you want to get something nice for your partner, getting a set that works for both of you is a nice way to blow away any anxiety or awkwardness. 

You guys can even make a game of it with a pair of remote-controlled toys.

Each of you will have a ton of fun giving and receiving pleasure as you make love.

Whether it’s a multi-setting vibrator, a cock ring, a butt plug or some other fun toy, buying one for each of you sends the signal that you want in as well. 

He, she, or they will love that you’re in it together and the present will send the right message.

 

Gifts Laced with Desire

For the ultimate night of seduction, give a sexy gift because you want more intimacy with your partner. 

 

Sexy Gifts

Don’t laugh it off like it’s a gag gift! Do your best to give a sexy gift and be clear that your desires are sultry. 

Let your partner know you can’t wait to see them wear or use whatever it is you’re giving them. 

They’ll love the gift, and they’ll love why you gave it to them even more.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco Signature

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Happy Thanksgiving from LCAT! 

Happy Thanksgiving from LCAT! 

 

We all know the research, that when you practice thankfulness and gratitude you are happier! Yes, contribution is THAT important, so I wanted to take the time to really say thank you for all that you do.

We have the greatest most dedicated clients! 

I am so grateful for all the hard work that they put in their individual lives, in their family life, and of course, their romantic relationships.

Here in Life Coaching and Therapy, we are grateful that you chose us to start your journey and we are grateful that you will continue your healing process with us in 2020.

Without you, the mission that we have in LCAT isn't possible so thank you.

If you have topics for 2020, email us: info@lcatllc.com.  Yes! I am always looking for more ideas!

Thank you so much for sharing your secrets, trying new things, and embracing the uncertainty.

We appreciate you so much. Thank you for choosing us and trusting us.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Life Coach

Do I Need a Life Coach? 8 Signs that Hiring a Life Coach Will Take You to the Next Level

Do I Need a Life Coach?

8 Signs that Hiring a Life Coach Will Take You to the Next Level

Here is a blog on why YOU need a life coach, from a new guest blogger, Charles Rojas, at https://www.knowledgeformen.com/

Men especially, please let us know in the comments what you think of Charles' insight, as he specializes in knowledge for men.

why do I need a life coach image

Can you guess what Michael Jordan, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tony Robbins, and Bill Gates all have in common?

Sure, they’re all successful beyond most people’s wildest dreams.

But, more importantly, they all achieved success by following a similar strategy.

They all had a life coach who helped them accelerate their success and achieve their goals faster. 

In recent years, internet marketers and sketchy “Gurus” have given the coaching industry a bad rap.

Most men have a completely warped and unrealistic view of what a coach is and how they can help you achieve your goals and dreams.

If you’re wondering, “Do I need a life coach?” I’m going to set the record straight explaining exactly what a life coach does.

Then I will explain why you should hire a life coach to break through your biggest obstacles so you can achieve your big, hairy audacious goals in life.

What Does a Life Coach do and Why do I Need a Life Coach?

While life coaches vary in their expertise, abilities, and specialties, I can tell you for a fact that a life coach is not:

  • Someone who has all the answers to everything…
  • A superhuman who has access to knowledge that you don’t…
  • Someone you hire to achieve your goals for you…

If you see a coach making any of these claims run in the opposite direction.

Life coaches are simply professionally trained individuals who can see things that you can’t, hold you accountable to your word and help you achieve results faster.

And for men – your word is everything. That’s it.

Think about Michael Jordan.

Every year of his professional career, he had numerous coaches who helped him improve his game, overcome his weaknesses, and capitalize on his strengths.

Were any of these coaches better at basketball than Michael?

Of course not!

His coach simply knew the game and he knew how to instruct Michael to have the right mindset and become a more powerful player.

And a life coach is the same way.

It’s not that they are better at life than you are, it’s simply that they can recognize patterns in your mindset, actions, and subconscious programming that you cannot.

And because they can see these patterns, they can help you overcome them so you can achieve your biggest goals in life.

When you have a coach you are acting and living in full alignment to what you value in most in life.

This helps you move closer every day towards the person you want to become.

It’s that simple. So what are the signs that it might be time for you to hire a life coach?

Keep reading, because this may be exactly what you’ve been looking for all this time.

1. You Feel Unsure of Your Purpose in Life

Have you been floating around life without any real aim or purpose in life?

Have you struggled to find your “calling” or wasted years of your life pursuing the wrong things that don’t fulfill you?

The right coach will ask you powerful questions that will help you wake up to the realities of your life. This will enable you to consider potential paths that you had never imagined.

They will ask questions that will help guide you to understand who you are on a deeper level so that you can understand what you really want to do with your life.

A life coach can help you develop rock-solid certainty in your path and purpose in life. This will give you crystal clear clarity not only who you are, but who you want to be and where you want to go.

You will save you years of climbing up a ladder that is leaned up against the wrong wall.  Don't you want wake up every day with passion and excitement?

A lost person is a leaf in the wind chasing approval from friends, family, society, and partners for their entire life. A person on a mission is respected by high-value people and attractive to high-value partners.

If you don’t have a vision, you need to get a life coach.

2. You Have a Huge Vision, but You’re Unsure of How to Achieve It

Let’s say you have a clearly defined purpose that motivates you.

The only problem is that you’ve had that same vision and purpose since you were a kid.

Now 15-20 years later still no real progress has been made, and you don’t know how to achieve the ambitions you’ve set.

why do I need a life coach image

You’ve spent years going through the same motions, getting the same results, or NO results.

You're feeling frustrated that you can’t motivate yourself to take action, and become the person you’ve always wanted to be.

You feel like there are simply too many options and considerations to make and so you suffer from paralysis by analysis. You learn plenty, but accomplish very little.

If this sounds like you, then hiring a life coach might the vaccine for your no-action-itis.

When you get a life coach, you will have access to decades of wisdom and experience that can help you cut through the b.s.

You will uncover the steps that you need to take to turn your dreams into your reality.

A life coach provides high level accountability. You’ll be making consistent progress towards realizing your vision within weeks.

The life coach will put an end to talking about your vision and goals all day and help you turn them into a reality so you can live it.

3. You Have Struggled to Overcome the Same Addictions for Years

why hire a life coach image

Have you been stuck in an endless cycle of addiction for years?

Maybe you’ve quit your specific addiction, whether it was smoking, alcohol, or drugs, several times only to revert back to it when things get hard and times become stressful?

Maybe you are addicted to something that seems innocuous like porn, video games, social media or TV.

This can still cripple your drive and holding you back from reaching your full potential.

Addictions steal your finite time, cost money and prevent you from living your best life. There is no benefit to an addiction that hurts your body and mind.

When you get a life coach, they will provide the heavy accountability that you need to break your addiction and finally achieve the freedom you’ve so desperately been searching for.

In fact, I have an employee who has been working with me since the earliest days of Knowledge for Men.

He’s been a heavy smoker for almost two years and even though he would try to quit often, he would always fall back into the bad habit after a few weeks.

He decided to hire a coach several months ago and after his first session, he completely quit smoking and hasn’t had a single puff since. He now uses that extra time and money to move towards his goals. By hiring a coach he likely added a few years to his life.

What are your years worth to you?

4. Your B.S. Stories Stop You From Achieving Your Dreams

life coach

“I’m not good enough”

“There’s too much competition”

“She doesn’t want to date a guy like me”

“I was born poor so this is just my destiny”

“It’s genetics, there’s nothing I can do about it”

“Someone will just steal my idea”

If any of these statements sound familiar then you need to hire a life coach...yesterday.

Philosophers from east to west have concluded that “Man is his own worst enemy” and most people fail to realize how true this is and the implications of this.

The biggest thing that you have to fear is not nuclear attacks, political unrest, or world war. The biggest thing that you have to fear stares back at you in the mirror every single day.

You and you alone are both the greatest champion and the greatest enemy of your dreams and ambitions.

If you haven’t achieved your biggest goals, if you don’t have the body, the business, the relationships, and the spiritual connection that you’ve always wanted then there is only one person to blame...you.

There is always someone out there who had it worse than you and still gone on to achieve great things in their life, so there is no reason why you can’t too.

Just think about a few of the guests that I’ve had on this podcast.

  • Grant Cardone: $50,000 in debt, addicted to drugs, unemployed, and unmotivated. Today is worth nearly $700,000,000 and is one of the most widely known and respected real estate and sales experts in the world
  • Bedros Keulian: He was raised so poor that he literally had to dig through the garbage to find food. Today he owns one of the largest fitness empires in the world.
  • T. Harv Eker: He was raised in a poor family and failed at every business he started. He was living with his parents without a dollar to his name and after he received one word of advice from a mentor, he became a multimillionaire in two years.

These stories and countless others clearly show that if other people can achieve greatness, it’s not an accident, it’s a science. It is something that is within your reach too!

Your internal narratives and stories are one of the biggest traps holding you back from your dreams and the fastest way to overcome them is to identify them and work with a coach to rewire your brain to eliminate them.

This is where a life coach can unleash the most effective tool – deep internal mindset development.

The right coach can help you identify your b.s. stories and eradicate them from your subconscious mind for good. This enables you to get out of your own way and finally achieve the success you’ve always desired.

5. You Are Crippled by Stress, Anxiety, and Depression

life coach

Do you constantly feel overwhelmed, anxious, or depressed?

Does it seem like your emotions are running your life?

Are you one step away from a mental and physical breakdown?

Then it’s time to hire a life coach.

When you are caught in an emotional rut, it can be difficult to understand what’s causing your problems and get to the bottom of why you feel this way.

A life coach can help cut through the noise, dig deep and point out the underlying problems and struggles that have been running your entire life.

With the right coach, you can identify and eliminate the root causes of stress, anxiety, and depression and move towards a life where emotions you experience every day are joy, growth, and accomplishment.

Yes, there are real people who live almost every day of their life exactly like I just described.

Recognize that this is your own negative mindset (likely fueled by anxiety, stress, or depression) that is trying to keep you where you are.

A coach isn’t a cure-all, you’re right. We aren’t miracle workers. But the right coach can help you figure out what’s really going on beneath the surface.

They can help you overcome past traumas and accept your current reality.

This will enable you to live each day with power, joy, and peace instead of wallowing in self-pity and sabotaging every chance of success that you have.

6. You Want to Shorten Your Learning Curve and Achieve Success Faster

life coach

Maybe life is good, you have a vision, and you are on the path to realizing it. Great!

If this is the case then a life coach can help you achieve your vision faster. A coach can help you shorten your learning curve and growth hack your path to success.

Billionaires and the world’s best athletes agree that having a coach is a good idea even though they are already at the top of their game, so why not you?

Did you know that most high achievers are only running at about 70% capacity?

Sure, they have the foundations figured out and they are ahead of 99% of the population, but they are missing out on the 2-millimeter shifts.

These improvements can 10X your results and help you achieve your goals in half the time that you would otherwise spend.

Using a coach is a tool that will help you get to your destination faster than you ever thought possible.

Just consider a few of the following statistics:

  • 80% of life coaching clients claim that they increased their confidence
  • 73% measurably improved their relationships
  • 72% improved their communication skills
  • 67% improved their work-life balance

As long as you are working with the right professional, life coaching will help you get results.

The only question is…is it worth it?

To answer this question, I want you to consider the following.

If you had to go from Los Angeles to New York City would you rather go it alone and “work hard” by foot travel or just buy a plane ticket (a tool) to get there faster.

A coach is an investment in yourself to help you get results faster and for most – those results more than pay for the coaching itself.

When you have the right life coach, you can quickly identify and stop potential obstacles before they happen.

You can figure out how to get more done in a month than most people accomplish in a year.

A coach can help you leverage your inherent strengths to accelerate your results and live a truly incredible life.

7. You are a Serial Procrastinator

do I need a life coach image

Do you constantly find yourself cramming for tasks before the deadline, putting off things that are important, or struggling to make moves towards your goals?

A life coach could be the best solution to your procrastination.

A life coach can give you accountability so that you cannot procrastinate, and b.s. yourself or anyone else with the excuse “I didn’t have enough time” any longer.

You will shift your “shoulds” into “musts” which changes the entire game.

Now you’re ready to crush it!

With the help of a life coach you can beat procrastination where it lives and finally take action towards the life you’ve always wanted. Not tomorrow…today!

8. You Can’t Afford a Life Coach

Life Coach

If you are truly struggling and can’t afford to put groceries on your table then you don’t need to go and hire a life coach. Read some books and watch some youtube videos teaching you about success.

But if you’ve tried that and your first thought is “I want a coach but I probably can’t afford a life coach,” you likely need a life coach more than anyone else!

Here’s what I mean.

Imagine that you are horrible at playing guitar. You’ve read all the books, watched all the videos, and even tried the fancy new apps.

But nothing has worked.

If you are committed to becoming a better guitar player, you are going to hire an experienced guitar instructor.

An instructor who has proven results with dozens of other students can help you shorten your learning curve and achieve the results that you desire.

In fact, this might be the only way to achieve the levels of success that you desire.

And it’s no different in life.

I understand that many people have genuine financial struggles and if that’s you then I’m not speaking to you.

I’m talking about those of you in the audience who don’t think that you can afford a life coach.

I speak with potential clients all the time who say “I love what you’re doing but I just can’t afford it right now”.

These are the same people who wear $200 sneakers, spend $500 a month going out, and waste more than $300 every month on useless digital subscriptions.

If you make enough money to cover basic expenses and believe that you can’t afford a life coach, I want to challenge you to look at your values.

Do you value fashion, entertainment, and comfort?

Or do you value growth, achievement, and living life to the fullest.

If you value the latter, you would greatly benefit from working with a life coach.

They can help you develop a better understanding of money and business so that you can increase your income and have financial freedom.

Never say the words “I can’t afford that” again.

Conclusion

The most prolific and successful individuals in the world get a life coach to go from good to great, so why wouldn’t you?

The highest achievers know that they can’t do the journey alone. They know that they need accountability, guidance, and an outside perspective to achieve their dreams and aspirations.

It’s time to step up to the plate and stop playing small.

Hire a life coach if you need someone to hold you accountable, push you towards your greatness, and help you identify your blind spots.

Invest in yourself and step into your greatness.

It’s not going to be easy, but it will be worth it.

Thank you Charles for this great information!

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

 

About LCAT

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


My Naked Female Weekend with Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross

The following may contain a story and images of intimacy and pleasure in the body (including what is viewed by LCAT as tasteful). You have a choice to continue reading, as we value our community and your right to agree to read this information. Our core beliefs are confidentiality, integrity, respect of all beings, and consent on all levels.

My Naked Female Weekend with Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross - Pleasure is Healing

 

On July 14, 2013, I met Betty Dodson for the first time. She hugged me, whispered "you're a very naughty girl...I like you" to me, and then slapped my ass. Life was good. 

Have you ever heard of Betty Dodson? If not, have you ever heard of a vibrator

Betty Dodson
Carlin Ross, Amanda Pasciucco and Betty Dodson

If yes, consider saying “thank you” to Betty Dodson!

Betty put the vibrator on the “map” for women’s sexual pleasure, and the movement that she began decades ago has changed sexuality for the better! 

Betty Dodson is not only a sexologist and the author of Sex For One (it sold over a million copies) and Orgasms for Two, she is a phenomenal artist. 

Soon, she will have some of her work in an exhibition at The Museum of Sex in New York City. 

If you would like to see some of Betty’s illustrations, you can find them here

A few months ago, I realized that Betty is 90 years old, and I had yet to attend one of her events. 

I wanted to see Betty and her “right-hand woman,” Carlin Ross, in action! 

Immersing myself in Betty and Carlin’s energy for the first time in six years didn’t feel scary or intimidating to me. It almost felt like “coming home” while attending Dodson and Ross’ BodySex Weekend.

 

What Is BodySex? 

The best description I can come up with for BodySex is a sacred, two-day weekend workshop where women overcome their body shame and/or past traumas by practicing sensual pleasure. 

Carlin says that “Betty developed these workshops using the consciousness raising model of second wave feminism where women got together and shared their experience first person.” 

 

How does it work? 

A group of more than 10 women from all over the WORLD come to learn from Betty and Carlin about their bodies, their orgasms, all while feeling the strong bond of sisterhood. 

This event is for women only.

 

The first thing you do when you walk into the BodySex event is take off all of your clothing. 

I was greeted by the lovely Ms. Ross, who I had met six years ago, and who still remembered me, by name. I smiled and felt honored, because Carlin and Betty are such heroes to me. 

Women who spend their days teaching other women about pleasure has enabled me to live my life in exactly the way I want. Since I was 19, I was able to choose the profession I chose, because of the Sexual Revolution that Betty Dodson began.

We sat in a circle for two days (for a total of 10 hours), without any clothing, without any men, and we were led through the following practices by two Fearless Women:

  • Conversation on Cultural Body Messages
  • Vulva Show and Tell for all Participants
  • Erotic Recess Focused on Pleasure
  • Group Massage Focused on Non-Sexual Touch

I believe that all women can gain something from this experience. 

Sitting in the nude isn’t comfortable for everyone when they begin. But, by the end of Day 2, after sharing your genitals and your pleasure with the other women, I am uncertain how anyone leaves without making LIFELONG friends! 

 

Change occurs when you do something new!

 

Take Away Messages

1. If you are a woman struggling to orgasm, go to BodySex. It will change your life.

  • By spending time with other women, especially other vulnerable, Bad-Ass women, your view of female bodies, orgasm, competition, and internal narratives begin to change. 
  • The idea that multiple women went in disliking their vulvas, and most did not know how to appreciate them (Day 1) and then left (Day 2) feeling pleasure and connection is MIRACULOUS! 
  • In 10 hours, Betty and Carlin undo YEARS of sexual shame and cultural fear that women’s bodies are “not enough.” 

2. Women are GORGEOUS! Especially, women in their pleasure!  

  • The entire woman, including her VULVA, is beautiful. 
  • If you had to match a face to a vulva, you probably could NOT do it! 
  • One of my favorite quotes from the weekend is that “P--sy is fresh, no matter what age.” 
  • When you aren’t looking at sex from the lens of pornography, there is much more to enjoy and experience. 

3. Many successful women are having children after the age of 40. 

  • For those of you who struggle with choosing between children and your career, I just want to share that I met multiple women this weekend who had babies after age 40. 
  • Until this weekend, I had never been in a room where women were willing to talk about the connection between their bodies, fertility and motherhood. 

I witnessed multiple women orgasm for the first time in their lives, and it was SO beautiful to share that with them. 

I believe ALL individuals can be healed from learning the beauty of their own pleasure. Just like Betty and Carlin's tagline and mission “Better orgasms. Better world.”

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco Signature

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


How To Give A Blowjob

How to Give a Blowjob - A Mindblowing One!

How to Give a Blowjob - A Mindblowing One!

 

If you don’t know how to give a blowjob, or have ever been told you suck at it, worry no longer. 

Here are some of the most amazing secrets I have learned about blowjobs while studying sexuality over the last 12 years that will help you give a mindblowing blowjob! 

 

Have a Positive Mindset 

If you want to give your partner an awesome blowjob experience, you first have to commit to the process and be authentic in your desire to please your partner orally. 

Don’t just fake it until you make it. Find a part of you that can help you out mentally while in the process. 

Something like “I am giving the best blowjob” or “I am great at giving head.” 

Why? 

Because if you repeat “I am so bad at this” or “I hate this. This penis is gross,” it will translate into your blowjob technique. 

Make sure your mind knows that this is what you want to be doing. 

If you are not in this mindset, your oral skills won’t be up to par, so you may as well not even start. Mindset DOES matter. 

Some people get overwhelmed by the thought of giving a blowjob. They start to fear that it will hurt them or that they will get tired. 

This thought can stop you from even starting oral sex, but it shouldn’t. 

It is perfectly fine to tell your partner, “I am going down on you to start things off and then I want you inside of me.” 

This gives you the power to go down on your partner for as long as it is enjoyable, and then you can switch to something else. 

 

Be Prepared

Hydrate! Your mouth can’t be dry.

Stretch your neck - left and right. Hold for 10 seconds on each side. 

Open and close your jaw to prepare for penetration. 

For those of you with long hair, get a hair tie! Your hair will get in the way. 

Make sure you have lube in case you need it. 

Discuss what you will do if your partner ejaculates BEFORE the beginning of the blowjob. 

Make sure you discuss STIs prior to beginning oral sex. You can ask to use a condom over the penis if you want to protect from certain STIs. 

One other thing before you start, ask if any parts of the body are off limits. 

Ask if you have free reign to touch thighs, ass, anus, stomach, etc. before you begin giving a partner oral sex. 

Make sure your body is in a comfortable position while giving. 

If you need to move your partner or yourself at any time to get more comfortable, do it. People get injured and pull muscles giving blowjobs, because they are too embarrassed to ask their partner to move. 

 

Calibrate Your Touch

While giving a blowjob, make sure you ask what feels good. 

Get an idea of the pressure that works, the spot that is most sensitive for them, and the speed they are enjoying. 

Give positive feedback to your partner about how you are enjoying this experience. 

Giving positive feedback during any type of sex is always a good idea! 

 

Provide Visual Stimulation

When giving a blowjob, try to provide visual stimulation. 

Some angles, like 69 or queening, are often huge turn ons prior to beginning the blowjob or during it. 

If you can, cup your chest together and stroke his shaft up and down.

How To Give A Blowjob

Gently caress and touch his package with your hands and other parts of your body. 

Sometimes, wearing a certain outfit or performing a strip tease can enhance the blowjob moment. 

 

Perfect Your Stroke Technique

Saliva or lube? It depends!  If you are going to use lube, apply it at this point by putting some in your hands and stroking his shaft. 

When putting your mouth on a penis, be sure to use your lips and tongue to wet the area. Go up and down the shaft, kind of like a harmonica. 

Ask for input on desired speed, intensity, and pressure. 

No Vampires! Be careful of teeth and keep them away unless he asks for it. There are only a FEW cases where I have heard individuals enjoying the sensation of teeth. Most often, it is NOT wanted. 

If you want to try deepthroating, cover your teeth with your lips and try to fit the shaft in your mouth (without using your hands). 

Try to go as deep as you can without being uncomfortable or gagging. If you gag in the beginning, I have been told that it is attractive to some receivers of the blowjob. 

Assess your partner and ask if they are enjoying the deepthroating sensation. 

You do not have to suck on anything. You do not need to put ice or mints in your mouth! 

Remember… blowing does not have to be involved. 

 

Perfect Your Hand Techniques

Recalibrate together, and see if your receiver is interested in having your hand wrapped around their shaft. 

How to Give a Blowjob

If yes, move your hand directly under your mouth, creating a warm, wet space for the penis to go in and out of. 

Move your hand/mouth up and down and make sure you don’t create friction.

Ask the receiver if they enjoy testicles being played with, because you can use one hand to touch those. Feel free to lick them while playing if you have consent. 

I recommend starting out by touching the testicles, perineum, and anus, with a brush of your hand, and asking your partner “did you like that?” or “do you want me to do more?” 

Look up at your receiving partner once in a while to see if there is enjoyment. 

Ask about the pressure and speed. 

If you want to use your hands, which makes for an easier blowjob for the person giving, there are a couple different techniques to try that are often a success! 

“O”-Gasm: Make the sign-language letter “O” with your dominant hand and wrap your hand around their shaft. Use your hand as an extension of your mouth.

Slide it up and down the shaft; as your mouth moves, your hand moves. 

You can try different things with this move such as twisting your hand (one inch in either a clockwise or counterclockwise direction) down his shaft. 

Weave: Interlock both hands (palms facing one another) together at the fingers. Have the base of both your palms touching and let the shaft glide in between your hands. 

Double Hands: Another variation is to place one hand over the other one if needed for more pressure. 

Sometimes, those receiving the blowjob will put their hand on their shaft for you, to help you out. That is a blessing, because it helps you know what you are lacking. 

If needed, use more saliva or lube to ensure a pleasurable sensation.

 

Completion of The Blowjob

You can begin to use your tongue to flick under the head of the penis, the frenulum, which creates an instant sensation.

Pick up speed if you feel your partner’s muscles begin to tense. 

Usually, you will notice the leg muscles or stomach muscles begin to clench pre-ejaculation. 

Keep constant pressure and do not change technique at this moment. 

Continue stimulation until the agreed upon (discuss this before giving head) end of the blowjob or until your partner ejaculates.

In summary, giving a blowjob to ejaculation is kind of like riding a bike uphill. It is important to maintain a steady progression to the top. If you slow down, you may go backwards. 

Keep your speed and pressure consistent or increase it as you go. 

Ejaculation vs Orgasm - there are times that men do NOT ejaculate, yet they orgasm. When you have the feeling of energy surge through your entire body, that is an orgasm. Sometimes ejaculate happens at the same time. 

Pleasure is the goal. Orgasm is a great side-effect! Just like Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross say, “Better Orgasms. Better World!”

Now that you know how to give a blowjob, try out these techniques and let us know if you have any other suggestions to share. 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco Signature

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

Check out our Text Therapy Program for QUICK ADVICE in time for the holidays! 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

 


Couple Fighting

Couple Fighting: Stop Arguing and Start Loving

Couple Fighting: Stop Arguing and Start Loving

 

Couple Fighting! Tips to Stop Arguing and Start Loving TODAY! 

Far too often, we let our romantic relationships deteriorate to the point where it’s so hard to claw back the pain and resentment that’s been left to fester. 

Couple fighting becomes a classic Western shootout. 

Both of you are standing on either side, tense and ready to grab at your weapon. 

You wait for your partner to flinch before you unleash all of your hurt and anger in their direction.

Of course, we know, it doesn't have to be like this. It’s hard, though, to see through the fog of anger and give love when we’re not sure we’re going to get it in return. How do we get from where we are to a better place with less couple fighting?

First off, let me commend you for considering couples therapy. If you’re already taking sessions, wonderful. That’s even better. But recognizing that you need help with your relationships is a brave and honorable thing.

 

The Silence Surrounding Unmet Needs

Couple Fighting

Couple fighting can almost always be drawn back to unmet needs. Each of us, though wonderfully unique, has needs that must be filled for us to feel confident, loved, and engaged in a relationship. 

It’s been decades since Gary Chapman first presented his five love languages. They are: 

  • Physical Touch
  • Words of Affirmation
  • Acts of Service
  • Quality Time
  • Receiving Gifts

These aren’t just simple niceties. They’re fundamental to our happiness. Denying we have needs is denying who we are, eventually, you’re going to have to face that reality.

When your needs are met, life is better. Everything seems easier. You’re not worried about doing the dishes three times in a row if you love language is physical touch and the sex is great. Your partner is happy to let your work long hours at the job you love because you give them the affirmation they crave.

The problems most people have that lead to couple fighting have to do with unmet needs that go unaddressed for too long. Silence allows resentment, the relationship destroyer, space to move in. 

 

Overcoming Resentment by Quieting the Ego

 

Couple Fighting

When the couple fighting has been going on too long, motivations change. You’re no longer giving acts of service out of love; you’re doing them to see if they’ll earn you the quality time or gifts that you crave for validation. If they don’t come, we tell ourselves that we were right all along, it’s their fault things are bad. We’re doing our part, aren’t we?

Each feeling is driven by some innate need. We act out of a desire to connect, grow, contribute to a cause, or to gain certainty. When relationships stumble, uncertainty plays an outsized role in our communication. We overanalyze our partners’ and our actions, questioning why they said what they said or what will happen if I do this or that.

Our desire to create certainty can be destructive. It’s easy to draw into ourselves and shut others out to create some semblance of certainty in our lives.

The only way to fight back resentment in a relationship and create certainty is to quiet the ego and act out of love. 

That, however, is very hard to do, especially when you feel like working on your relationship is a one-way street. 

That’s where working with a therapist who specializes in relationship communication can help.

 

Setting Conditions for Nonviolent Communication

To overcome couple fighting, working with a therapist can be a huge help identifying damaging patterns in your communication with each other. Indeed, when relationships turn sour, the way we communicate becomes tainted with venom.

Our lack of certainty leads to hurt, and we become desperate that our partner understands that hurt. Too often, we try to get them to understand by doling out the same hurt we’re harboring inside through violent communication.

One of the biggest benefits of seeing a relationship therapist is that they can offer third-party insight into how the two of you are communicating. You can identify unhealthy patterns and start shifting to a better form of nonviolent communication.

In Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication: a Language of Life, he lays out the steps for developing nonviolent communication. They are:

  1. State Observations – It’s very important that you’re honest with your partner and yourself about why you say and nonverbally communicate the way you do. Understanding why you are behaving or speaking the way you do will help you avoid saying something inflammatory or hurtful.
  2. State Feelings – We must emphasize that putting words to feelings is the only way for resentment to subside. If you know that something you’re doing is hurting your partner, you’ll find ways to stop doing it if you love them and want to connect.
  3. State the Need – Frequently, we’re embarrassed or afraid of being vulnerable, so we don’t verbalize our needs. How can our partners know how to fill our needs if we aren’t explicit in what they are?
  4. Be Specific – Don’t rely on innuendo to build a healthy, loving relationship. Have the confidence to be direct in you what you want and instill confidence in your partner to do the same. Less misunderstanding will mean less resentment. 

Nonviolent communication is so critical to fighting back resentment. It’s the best way to break negative cycles and start building on common ground.

 

Decide to Make Room for Love

When we communicate without fear or uncertainty, we open ourselves up to giving and receiving love. Think about the times in your life when you’ve felt deeply loved. You weren’t worried about the other person’s judgment or concerned about how they slighted you yesterday. You were open, wonderfully vulnerable, and certain in the moment.

Each of us has challenges in our romantic relationships. At times, resentment and communication barriers trigger couple fighting that can threaten to destroy foundations that took years to build.

With the help of a qualified, understanding therapist, struggling relationships can thrive again. Armed with nonviolent communication skills, clear about our needs, and doing our best to push ego and resentment to the side, we can rebuild and reclaim love.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco Signature

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


LGBTQ Definition: Beyond the Binary

LGBTQ Definition: Beyond the Binary

LGBTQ Definition: Beyond the Binary

By Nicole Scrivano, LMFT - Clinic Director at Life Coaching and Therapy

 

Read our latest blog post: “LGBTQ Definition: Beyond the Binary” to help you understand the LGBTQ+ community and the definitions within them.

There are many identities and labels for people that have become more commonplace. 

LGBTQ Definition: Beyond the Binary

Often in sessions, clients and their families frequently comment on all the identities “nowadays.” 

Despite the alphabet soup that has become the LGBTQ+ community identities, most of these identities have actually been around to varying degrees.

The most salient and well known identities are lesbian, gay, bisexual, and more recently transgender. 

However, the spectrum of sexuality identities and gender identities has always been present, it is just now that we have a more common language to communicate identities effectively. 

 

The Alphabet Soup - How Do I Use These Terms? 

An entire blog can be written on individual identities, and there are plenty of resources to help you familiarize yourself with varying identities and definitions. 

Here are LGBTQ definitions and resources that I would suggest you read to learn more:

True Colors (local LGBTQ+ non-profit): www.ourtruecolors.org

Definitions From LGBT National Help Center: http://www.glnh.org - glossary 

  • CISGENDER - Abbreviated as “Cis” s a Latin prefix which means “to remain on the same side of,” the antonym of the Latin prefix “Trans.” Someone whose gender identity conforms to the sex assigned to them at birth.
  • GENDERFLUID - An individual who is highly flexible about their gender expression and presentation.  They may fluctuate between presentations and identities, or combine them.
  • GENDERQUEER - Someone who identifies outside the normative gender binary.  This term is used as both an umbrella term and as an identity in itself. There is often a connotation of transgressiveness for those who identify with this label. 
  • GENDER NEUTRAL - ​Not specifying any particular gender.  Definition can vary depending on context and individual using the term.
  • INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA- ​The experience of shame, aversion, or self-hatred in relation to one’s own attractions to a person of the same sex.
  • PANGENDER - A nonbinary identity.  Someone who identifies as pangender may identify with two or more genders, with any/all genders, or as a separate, third gender.
  • QUEER - A catch-all umbrella term for gender and sexuality minorities who are either not cis, not straight, or both.  The word queer is a reclaimed slur, and sometimes still used as such, so use it with sensitivity – do not use it for others unless they already have for themselves.
  • SEXUAL ORIENTATION - Defined by whom you are attracted to, emotionally, sexually, and/or romantically.  Has nothing to do with gender.
  • TRANSGENDER - Abbreviated as  “trans”. People whose gender identity differs from the sex assigned to them at birth. 

Once you have learned the LGBTQ+ terms it is important to do your best to use them appropriately. This means not as insults or not saying “a gay” or “a queer.” 

identities

Using person first language like someone “is gay” rather than “a gay,” allows the person to be seen as a human first not just their identity. A general rule of thumb is not to start with “a” or end with “s” (ex. Gays, queers, a gay, a queer, etc.). 

In regards to gender, the term transgendered is not accurate. Please utilize trans, transgender, trans. “Tranny” and words like this are harmful and problematic. DO NOT USE THEM

There are many terms that are offensive around gender, so please, please, please be mindful of the language you are using. 

Google exists for a reason! 

We suggest finding appropriate terms and language for each of these identities.

 

The Identity Evolution 

Sexuality and gender have both been shown to be on more of a spectrum and fluid rather than within dichotomies and stagnant. 

Although people often maintain their attraction towards a specific sex/gender/identity, that does not mean that itcan’t change over time. 

For example, someone may identify as a lesbian earlier in their life, and then through self-exploration or a variety of sexual experiences, may identify as pansexual later on. 

Often a mistake I see is that people struggle to evolve with the individual as their identity evolves. 

Think of sexuality and gender as a continuum. Break beyond the mold of choosing one or the other.

The queer (LGBTQ+) community is ever changing and evolving like most other communities. 

As the queer community has become more widely accepted, identities have become acknowledged or are more common place with the community (heteronormative) as a whole. 

People around the individual coming out or figuring out their identity would benefit from standing back and allowing that individual to explore themselves and to validate the evolution of that individual’s identity. 

Some people may remain consistent in their identities, other identities may ebb and flow for people, and that is okay. It is even normal.

When we try to stick those individuals into boxes, we begin to limit people’s ability to express who they really are. 

It is vital that we as a community (family, friends, providers, and partners alike) work towards learning and supporting people’s identities. 

 

Do Labels Really Matter? 

In one word, YES!

identities

Misgendering or dismissing one’s identity has a lasting impact. 

As the great Dr. Maya Angelou said, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” 

As we dismiss and misgender or misidentify people we are creating a feeling - a harmful one - that breaks their boundaries. 

We as a community need to work together to lean in and examine our biases to address our impact. Good intentions are not enough. 

The impact needs to meet those intentions as well, otherwise, intentional or not, we are causing harm. 

At the end of the day, does it really matter if you have to “label” someone different or identify a different pronoun for them? It really doesn’t. 

Although it may be challenging for you, isn’t it better to adjust than for someone to spend another moment hiding themselves or stifling their growth? 

I have had clients who have found ways to easily and effectively communicate shifts in their gender expression. 

Whether it is a certain accessory in their clothing, how they wear their hair, or verbal cues they give, there are many ways that this can be communicated to partners, parents, teachers, and/or community members. 

To some people, the specific term used may not matter to them. But to others, it matters immensely. 

If you do not know what to term to use - ASK THE PERSON.

When we ask and collaborate with one another we learn, we grow, and we all evolve. 

Will you learn, grow, and evolve with me?

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Veterans Day

Veterans' Day

Veterans' Day

 

Do Us All a Favor and Thank A Vet this Coming Veterans' Day!

If you’re living in the U.S., odds are you know a veteran. Every year, millions of Americans serve in our all-volunteer military service. They come from all walks of life. Rich and poor, all different genders, and races. Immigrants even joined the armed forces for a chance to become a U.S. citizen. They answer the call of sacrifice and duty to country that protects the freedoms we often take for granted.

Given the sheer number of people over the years who’ve served, you probably know several veterans. They’re our schoolteachers, they train us at the gym, they work at grocery stores, and run successful companies all across the United States.

So yeah, obviously, we shouldn’t just celebrate our veterans one day a year, but if you haven’t had the chance, use the holiday to show some love to the people who gave up time and being around the people they love for something bigger. Here are some great ways you can show love for our veterans this year.

Veterans Day

 

Give Thanks by Understanding the Tradition of Service to Country

If you ask vets or active duty personnel, a lot of them will tell you that they tired, “Thank you for your service” can make their skin crawl. Sometimes it’s sincere, but so often it’s a canned line filled with political undertones.

Show a veteran you care by trying to understand what they’ve been through. Sure, you’ll never fully understand what it’s like to serve in wartime or be posted somewhere far overseas, but context goes a long way.

 

What Does Veterans Day Even Mean?

The U.S. has celebrated veterans since World War I ended in the early 1900s. On November 11 a year after the war, people flocked to the streets to celebrate peace, knowing the hell they’d been through. The holiday was initially called Armistice Day, but President Eisenhower changed it to celebrate all veterans.

America has been involved in the conflict for so long, that a lot of vets feel like what they do overseas is too far removed from normal American life. Unless you’re directly impacted, say, having a direct family member or close friend serve in a warzone, it’s hard to relate. A lot of the time they come home frustrated that normal people don’t understand what they’re doing over there.

We’re not out celebrating in the streets, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be showing thanks for what our soldiers, sailors, and marines are doing abroad. We’re lucky that current wars aren’t impacting us at home the way previous wars did.

When you meet a vet, the best way to thank them is to get to know them. If you know them, talk to them about their time in the military. Don’t be afraid to ask them questions about their time and what it meant. Don’t pry. Learn to take the subtle hints when something’s out of bounds. But don’t act like it never happened. Validate them with your interest.

Veterans Day 

Hold It Down for Our Vets

If you’re wondering what to do for our veterans this Veterans Day, there are tons of ideas. Here are a few good ones.

  • Donate to a Good Cause – There are a ton of charities and service organizations focused on helping veterans find jobs, get therapy, find a place to live, and plenty more as they transition out of service. The money you give goes directly to helping the life of a veteran in need.
  • Acts of Service – If you know a veteran, think of something you can do for them that they would enjoy. Get them tickets to the game or buy them some movie tickets. Take them out and treat them to a meal.
  • Show Respect – You may not notice it, but most veterans pay attention to how people around them act concerning respect for the military and country. You may have strong opinions about certain political decisions but try your best to refrain from severe criticism if you’re around a veteran.
  • Send a Care Package – You can mail a package of candy, clothes, electronics and other supplies to military personnel overseas for Christmas and other holidays. It’s easy to do and they love it.
  • Show Your Vet Some Love – Hopefully, you noticed that we wrote “your vet” there. Some of us are extremely lucky to be in relationships or dating veterans. They bring so much to our lives. They work hard, are disciplined, honor us, and strive to progress. On Veterans Day it’s the least we can do to show them some fun, right? This Veterans Day let loose a bit and give your partner a good time.

 

On A More Serious Note

Everyone should know that every veteran returns from service as a changed person. Some changes are harder than others. Tens of thousands of veterans who served our country come home with physical injuries, emotional scars, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Putting the pieces back together takes time and patience. Most of all it takes a network of caring people who are there for them when they need them.

If you know someone who is struggling with issues they experience in the military, talk to them. You may not be able to give them the help they need, but you can help them find it. There are resources available for veterans to call on.

 

 

There are Still People Out There Fighting

Ask a vet, and they’ll tell you one of the best things you can do to support them is to support the brave people still out there fighting. Brave service people are stationed in bases all over the world ready to move on a moment’s notice.

We’re indebted every day to their willingness to serve and what they stand for. Veterans Day is more than a holiday. It’s an annual reminder that we should all be doing more to thank and give back to our veterans.

No go out there and show them some love.


Anal Sex For Penetration

Anal Sex For Penetration

Anal Sex For Penetration

 

You can find Part One of our Two-Part Anal Sex Series here! In part one you will learn about:

  • Key Definitions
  • Preparation You Can Do on Your Own
  • Exercises

Please be mindful that I am not a physician and these are just suggestions. Consult with a physician before trying! 

Try this on your own and begin your own exploration of anal receiving. Do not try anal penetration with someone else first. You should be comfortable with your own body enough to know its signals so you will be ready when you are with someone else. 

 

Anal Sex Preparation Exercise 

Apply firm inward pressure with your finger against your anus, but do NOT penetrate the opening! 

Keep your finger tip pressed firmly against your anus and give a BRIEF GENTLE "push out" for 1 second, then stop. 

It is important that it be GENTLE and BRIEF when you “push out.” 

Keep your middle finger pressed firmly against the center of your anus. You will feel your sphincters change shape when you “push.” 

This is the voluntary ability you can apply to opening your anus. 

You will also feel your anus clinch up after you stop “pushing out.” 

 

Continue to “push out” for one second at a time, then rub your finger in a circle around your anus and return to the middle of the hole before "pushing out" again. 

Do this for 10 minutes, but do not penetrate. 

Pay close attention to the way your anal sphincters change shape in relation to your “pushing out” and how your anus begins to slightly open when you do.

It may feel odd at first to “push,” since you are used to only using this muscle action when expelling waste. It takes a moment or two before you are fully at ease with doing this under conditions not associated with defecation. 

However, it’s this physical action, the opening of your sphincter, which you’re trying to gain better control of for anal sex and anal penetration! 

If you clean yourself out properly before performing this exercise, you’ll be empty and shouldn’t worry about a mess. If you’re concerned, try to use the bathroom one more time.

After 10 minutes of short and gentle “pushing” motions, you may have a sense of control over your anus and it’s now time to penetrate with a finger. 

 

Deeper Anal Sex Penetration Exercise 

Lubricate your gloved finger again and place it directly over the anus. 

Apply slightly firmer pressure with your finger this time and give a gentle "push out" as you slide your finger into your anus. 

Keep “pushing out” as your finger slides into your anus. Once your finger passes through the sphincters as deeply as you can get it, stop “pushing out.” 

You will feel your anus grip down on your finger when you relax and stop “pushing.” 

If you “push out” again with your finger inside you, you’ll feel your anus loosen its grip around your finger.

 

GO SLOW!

Anal Sex Penetration

You can gently massage your finger into the anus by wiggling it back and forth as you push it in. 

Take time to feel inside and explore your sphincters. 

Curve your finger in a hook shape and you’ll feel your sphincters from the inside. 

At this point, your finger tip will be inside your rectum, which is beyond the anus. 

Note the sensation of gentle penetration your anus feels in relationship to the squeezing sensation on your finger. 

Pay attention to the control you have over your sphincters when you “push out” versus when you relax.

IMPORTANT! Anytime you slide your finger into or out of your anus, you should "push out" to open the sphincters. This will facilitate the least resistance during insertion or withdrawal of anything that penetrates your anus. 

Remove your finger and repeat this penetration exercise for another 10 minutes. 

This exercise can help you gain better control of your anus, which is the first step in learning to enjoy smooth and pleasant anal penetration! 

Thank you Fetlife Educator @HoleTrainer for your contribution to this piece and your wisdom. I am grateful that I was able to site your knowledge on this type of sex act!

 

Anal Sex with a Partner

Begin to do anal prepping for penetration together! This could be something you do with a partner to build up the mood and be part of the scene. 

When you are done prepping for hygiene, make sure you use fingers or a sex toy to prep the anus for penetration. 

It would be best if you used a toy that is similar in diameter to the penis that will be doing the penetration. 

Because the anus doesn’t lubricate like the vagina, use a bunch of lube - you will not regret it. Just like with vaginal sex, condoms are recommended. 

Prepare mentally: Make sure there is no time rush on your sexual encounter. Anal sex may take longer than regular sex, so it is best to begin by going slowly. 

Again, make sure you have plenty of lubricant. 

As the receiver of anal sex, you need to learn how to relax the muscles in the anus to enjoy the sensations.

 

The anus has two sets of sphincter muscles. Sometimes it is easier to relax the first set. 

When you push something into the anus, you need to be able to relax both sets of muscles or else you can encounter problems. 

Most people can relax the first set of muscles, and then when something gets inserted, the receiver will tense up and resist, preventing any further penetration. 

Hence why all the training in the beginning of this blog! 

At this point your partner may continue to force the object (be it a penis or a sex toy) into the anus. 

I recommend that you do not force anything into the anus, but instead take time and use patience while allowing the second set of sphincter muscles to relax as you become more comfortable.

 

Make sure that you pick a position that is comfortable in which you can control the speed on the penetration the first time you engage in anal sex. 

The spooning position and female on top helps the woman control the action. Missionary and doggie style sex work as well, yet some people report that these positions feel too aggressive. 

When you have anal sex, and it feels good, make sure you are vocal about what is enjoyable and what is too much. Tell your partner if they ought to go slower or change the pressure.

After anal sex is complete, it is important to discuss what went well and what didn’t. Spend extra time with one another to discuss the differences of anal sex instead of oral or genital penetration. 

There should not be any pain after anal sex if you have prepared and taken time to do it carefully. 

It is important to penetrate with condoms on until you are more advanced, because the condom with lube provides an easier insertion than a penis with no condom. There is a chance of infection without condoms as well, just like with any type of penetrative sex. 

When having anal sex, you must not go from the anus to the vaginal hole without changing up condoms or washing hands. 

Make sure that any penetration objects (finger, toy, penis) that go near the anus do not then go near the vagina. This can cause infections. 

If you penetrate the anus with a penis or a toy that is the same width as average stool, there should not be any problems. If you have pain after penetrative anal sex or have problems with stool, please see a physician. 

Anal sex is more common than you think and doctors hear about it often.

 

If you are comfortable with your physician, you can always ask them ahead of time the most safe way to practice penetrative anal sex, since your physician knows your physical health more than we could! 

You can get more content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Anal Sex Beginners

Anal Sex For Beginniners

Anal Sex For Beginniners

Have you ever had anal sex? 

Whether you have or haven’t, there is something novel, uncommon, and special in the supposed rarity of anal sex. 

Many people publicly scoff at the idea of anal sex. 

Yet you would be surprised at how many times it comes up in my therapeutic sessions, because people are doing it incorrectly. 

Anal sex can be pleasurable if you decide this is something you want to do, but it can be a horrible experience if you go into it as you would vaginal intercourse. 

The following should help you decide to engage in anal sex! 

No matter what your sexual identity, all people are interested in receiving anal sex or anal play from what I have seen. Even straight men.

Must-Know Terms for Anal Sex Beginners: 

  • ANUS – The posterior opening at the end of the digestive tract that is a canal from which solid waste is eliminated. Also known as the asshole! The anus does not self-lubricate. 
  • COLON – the canal that removes water from digested food and sends solid waste to the rectum.
  • COLORECTAL – Having to do with the entire large intestine.
  • EXTERNAL ANAL SPHINCTER (EAS) – The “pushing out” process. The muscle you tighten when “holding in gas”. It is a voluntary fibrous muscle forming a ring around the anus. 
  • INTERNAL ANAL SPHINCTER (IAS) – An involuntary smooth muscle forming a ring around the anus which you don’t control. The urgent sensation of having to move your bowels is what you feel when this involuntary muscle is relaxing or about to relax.
  • INTESTINAL EPITHELIUM – A thin layer of specialized cells lining the intestines.
  • PERISTALSIS – A ripple like contraction of muscles in the digestive system which moves food through the stomach and intestines, eventually expelling it via the anus as solid waste.
  • RECTUM – The final 6-8 inches of the large intestine leading to the anus. Solid waste builds up here before exiting through the anus.

Did you know what all of these meant? 

If you are still with me, congratulations! Now, we dive into the psychology of why people are biased towards anal sex. If you are like me, you have heard tons of horror stories, and I believe that these bad experiences are the reason most people aren’t interested in trying again. 

If there are stories that are preventing you from having fun with it, it may be worth talking to someone about these barriers. 

 

Barriers to Anal Sex after a “Bad” Experience

I have met a ton of people, clients and friends who have suffered from bad experiences with anal penetration; therefore, they developed a strong aversion. 

Anal Sex Beginners

While most tolerate unpleasant anal penetration the first time, because they don’t “know any better,” they usually end up “hating” anal play forever. 

If you have received (or given) anal sex, and you (or your partner) experienced constipation, discomfort, an unpleasant odor or mess, bleeding or injury, you were with someone who had no idea what they were doing. 

 

Avoiding A Messy Anal Sex Experience:

This is all a prep! 

  1. IN GENERAL, cleaning your colon is important too, so having a diet high in raw vegetable fiber helps! 
  2. Give yourself time to clean out! Focus on having a clean rectum for anal play. Buy a Liquid Glycerin Suppository at a pharmacy or on Amazon. The glycerol will induce peristalsis and force a bowel movement.
  3. After this, give yourself even more time! A series of enemas will complete the cleansing process. Three isotonic saline enemas (these have a salt concentration similar to your blood so you won’t get dehydrated or overhydrated) are often required to get to a clear discharge. I am not a physician or a pro at enimas, so please educate yourself by looking up medical resources before you begin using enemas.
  4. You may need to move your bowels a few times after you’ve expelled the last enema. This is especially true if you take large volume enemas and they penetrate deeply into your transverse or ascending colon. Once you feel like you’ve emptied your bowels sufficiently, take a warm bath and relax or take a long hot shower.

 

Solo Anal Pleasure

Start with your own exploration of anal receiving. Do not try anal penetration with someone else first. You should be comfortable with your own body enough to know its signals so you will be ready when you are with someone else. 

If you aren’t comfortable alone, think about why you are more comfortable with someone else? 

 

Items Needed:

  • Lubricant 
    • KY Jelly or something non-allergenic. 
    • This lubricant is my favorite! 
    • Nothing with warming or tingling
  • Get thin, disposable latex gloves (optional)
  • A towel

Make sure you have at least one hour to explore yourself, and that no one will interrupt you. Please, whatever you do, do not have an appointment or be rushing to go somewhere. Make an afternoon or evening out of it. 

  • Rub your finger in lubricant and slowly move your finger around the outside of the anus. 
  • Make circular motions gently. 
  • Rub up and down with a different intensity.
  • Don't penetrate your hole, just rub gently and slowly in circles around the opening of the hole. Keep a clock nearby and do this for 10 minutes. 
  • It may seem like an eternity, but continue for the full 10 minutes. As you do this, build an intimate mental map of where your finger is exploring. Take note in your mind of what you're anus is feeling in relation to where your finger is. After 10 minutes of feeling around your anus, you’ll begin to work on consciously controlling one of your anal sphincters.

When you have an urge to do more, try to penetrate into the anus and notice the ways in which you feel your body wrap around your own finger. 

Penetration is very scary for most and that is why we have a second blog on penetrative anal sex coming out on Friday! 

Thank you Fetlife Educator @HoleTrainer for your contribution to this piece and your wisdom. I am grateful that I was able to site your knowledge on this type of sexual act!

If you need help, please don’t let your shame or pride get in the way even though it might be  tough! 

Let us try and help! You can get more content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.