Veterans Day

Veterans' Day

Veterans' Day

 

Do Us All a Favor and Thank A Vet this Coming Veterans' Day!

If you’re living in the U.S., odds are you know a veteran. Every year, millions of Americans serve in our all-volunteer military service. They come from all walks of life. Rich and poor, all different genders, and races. Immigrants even joined the armed forces for a chance to become a U.S. citizen. They answer the call of sacrifice and duty to country that protects the freedoms we often take for granted.

Given the sheer number of people over the years who’ve served, you probably know several veterans. They’re our schoolteachers, they train us at the gym, they work at grocery stores, and run successful companies all across the United States.

So yeah, obviously, we shouldn’t just celebrate our veterans one day a year, but if you haven’t had the chance, use the holiday to show some love to the people who gave up time and being around the people they love for something bigger. Here are some great ways you can show love for our veterans this year.

Veterans Day

 

Give Thanks by Understanding the Tradition of Service to Country

If you ask vets or active duty personnel, a lot of them will tell you that they tired, “Thank you for your service” can make their skin crawl. Sometimes it’s sincere, but so often it’s a canned line filled with political undertones.

Show a veteran you care by trying to understand what they’ve been through. Sure, you’ll never fully understand what it’s like to serve in wartime or be posted somewhere far overseas, but context goes a long way.

 

What Does Veterans Day Even Mean?

The U.S. has celebrated veterans since World War I ended in the early 1900s. On November 11 a year after the war, people flocked to the streets to celebrate peace, knowing the hell they’d been through. The holiday was initially called Armistice Day, but President Eisenhower changed it to celebrate all veterans.

America has been involved in the conflict for so long, that a lot of vets feel like what they do overseas is too far removed from normal American life. Unless you’re directly impacted, say, having a direct family member or close friend serve in a warzone, it’s hard to relate. A lot of the time they come home frustrated that normal people don’t understand what they’re doing over there.

We’re not out celebrating in the streets, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be showing thanks for what our soldiers, sailors, and marines are doing abroad. We’re lucky that current wars aren’t impacting us at home the way previous wars did.

When you meet a vet, the best way to thank them is to get to know them. If you know them, talk to them about their time in the military. Don’t be afraid to ask them questions about their time and what it meant. Don’t pry. Learn to take the subtle hints when something’s out of bounds. But don’t act like it never happened. Validate them with your interest.

Veterans Day 

Hold It Down for Our Vets

If you’re wondering what to do for our veterans this Veterans Day, there are tons of ideas. Here are a few good ones.

  • Donate to a Good Cause – There are a ton of charities and service organizations focused on helping veterans find jobs, get therapy, find a place to live, and plenty more as they transition out of service. The money you give goes directly to helping the life of a veteran in need.
  • Acts of Service – If you know a veteran, think of something you can do for them that they would enjoy. Get them tickets to the game or buy them some movie tickets. Take them out and treat them to a meal.
  • Show Respect – You may not notice it, but most veterans pay attention to how people around them act concerning respect for the military and country. You may have strong opinions about certain political decisions but try your best to refrain from severe criticism if you’re around a veteran.
  • Send a Care Package – You can mail a package of candy, clothes, electronics and other supplies to military personnel overseas for Christmas and other holidays. It’s easy to do and they love it.
  • Show Your Vet Some Love – Hopefully, you noticed that we wrote “your vet” there. Some of us are extremely lucky to be in relationships or dating veterans. They bring so much to our lives. They work hard, are disciplined, honor us, and strive to progress. On Veterans Day it’s the least we can do to show them some fun, right? This Veterans Day let loose a bit and give your partner a good time.

 

On A More Serious Note

Everyone should know that every veteran returns from service as a changed person. Some changes are harder than others. Tens of thousands of veterans who served our country come home with physical injuries, emotional scars, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Putting the pieces back together takes time and patience. Most of all it takes a network of caring people who are there for them when they need them.

If you know someone who is struggling with issues they experience in the military, talk to them. You may not be able to give them the help they need, but you can help them find it. There are resources available for veterans to call on.

 

 

There are Still People Out There Fighting

Ask a vet, and they’ll tell you one of the best things you can do to support them is to support the brave people still out there fighting. Brave service people are stationed in bases all over the world ready to move on a moment’s notice.

We’re indebted every day to their willingness to serve and what they stand for. Veterans Day is more than a holiday. It’s an annual reminder that we should all be doing more to thank and give back to our veterans.

No go out there and show them some love.


Anal Sex For Penetration

Anal Sex For Penetration

Anal Sex For Penetration

 

You can find Part One of our Two-Part Anal Sex Series here! In part one you will learn about:

  • Key Definitions
  • Preparation You Can Do on Your Own
  • Exercises

Please be mindful that I am not a physician and these are just suggestions. Consult with a physician before trying! 

Try this on your own and begin your own exploration of anal receiving. Do not try anal penetration with someone else first. You should be comfortable with your own body enough to know its signals so you will be ready when you are with someone else. 

 

Anal Sex Preparation Exercise 

Apply firm inward pressure with your finger against your anus, but do NOT penetrate the opening! 

Keep your finger tip pressed firmly against your anus and give a BRIEF GENTLE "push out" for 1 second, then stop. 

It is important that it be GENTLE and BRIEF when you “push out.” 

Keep your middle finger pressed firmly against the center of your anus. You will feel your sphincters change shape when you “push.” 

This is the voluntary ability you can apply to opening your anus. 

You will also feel your anus clinch up after you stop “pushing out.” 

 

Continue to “push out” for one second at a time, then rub your finger in a circle around your anus and return to the middle of the hole before "pushing out" again. 

Do this for 10 minutes, but do not penetrate. 

Pay close attention to the way your anal sphincters change shape in relation to your “pushing out” and how your anus begins to slightly open when you do.

It may feel odd at first to “push,” since you are used to only using this muscle action when expelling waste. It takes a moment or two before you are fully at ease with doing this under conditions not associated with defecation. 

However, it’s this physical action, the opening of your sphincter, which you’re trying to gain better control of for anal sex and anal penetration! 

If you clean yourself out properly before performing this exercise, you’ll be empty and shouldn’t worry about a mess. If you’re concerned, try to use the bathroom one more time.

After 10 minutes of short and gentle “pushing” motions, you may have a sense of control over your anus and it’s now time to penetrate with a finger. 

 

Deeper Anal Sex Penetration Exercise 

Lubricate your gloved finger again and place it directly over the anus. 

Apply slightly firmer pressure with your finger this time and give a gentle "push out" as you slide your finger into your anus. 

Keep “pushing out” as your finger slides into your anus. Once your finger passes through the sphincters as deeply as you can get it, stop “pushing out.” 

You will feel your anus grip down on your finger when you relax and stop “pushing.” 

If you “push out” again with your finger inside you, you’ll feel your anus loosen its grip around your finger.

 

GO SLOW!

Anal Sex Penetration

You can gently massage your finger into the anus by wiggling it back and forth as you push it in. 

Take time to feel inside and explore your sphincters. 

Curve your finger in a hook shape and you’ll feel your sphincters from the inside. 

At this point, your finger tip will be inside your rectum, which is beyond the anus. 

Note the sensation of gentle penetration your anus feels in relationship to the squeezing sensation on your finger. 

Pay attention to the control you have over your sphincters when you “push out” versus when you relax.

IMPORTANT! Anytime you slide your finger into or out of your anus, you should "push out" to open the sphincters. This will facilitate the least resistance during insertion or withdrawal of anything that penetrates your anus. 

Remove your finger and repeat this penetration exercise for another 10 minutes. 

This exercise can help you gain better control of your anus, which is the first step in learning to enjoy smooth and pleasant anal penetration! 

Thank you Fetlife Educator @HoleTrainer for your contribution to this piece and your wisdom. I am grateful that I was able to site your knowledge on this type of sex act!

 

Anal Sex with a Partner

Begin to do anal prepping for penetration together! This could be something you do with a partner to build up the mood and be part of the scene. 

When you are done prepping for hygiene, make sure you use fingers or a sex toy to prep the anus for penetration. 

It would be best if you used a toy that is similar in diameter to the penis that will be doing the penetration. 

Because the anus doesn’t lubricate like the vagina, use a bunch of lube - you will not regret it. Just like with vaginal sex, condoms are recommended. 

Prepare mentally: Make sure there is no time rush on your sexual encounter. Anal sex may take longer than regular sex, so it is best to begin by going slowly. 

Again, make sure you have plenty of lubricant. 

As the receiver of anal sex, you need to learn how to relax the muscles in the anus to enjoy the sensations.

 

The anus has two sets of sphincter muscles. Sometimes it is easier to relax the first set. 

When you push something into the anus, you need to be able to relax both sets of muscles or else you can encounter problems. 

Most people can relax the first set of muscles, and then when something gets inserted, the receiver will tense up and resist, preventing any further penetration. 

Hence why all the training in the beginning of this blog! 

At this point your partner may continue to force the object (be it a penis or a sex toy) into the anus. 

I recommend that you do not force anything into the anus, but instead take time and use patience while allowing the second set of sphincter muscles to relax as you become more comfortable.

 

Make sure that you pick a position that is comfortable in which you can control the speed on the penetration the first time you engage in anal sex. 

The spooning position and female on top helps the woman control the action. Missionary and doggie style sex work as well, yet some people report that these positions feel too aggressive. 

When you have anal sex, and it feels good, make sure you are vocal about what is enjoyable and what is too much. Tell your partner if they ought to go slower or change the pressure.

After anal sex is complete, it is important to discuss what went well and what didn’t. Spend extra time with one another to discuss the differences of anal sex instead of oral or genital penetration. 

There should not be any pain after anal sex if you have prepared and taken time to do it carefully. 

It is important to penetrate with condoms on until you are more advanced, because the condom with lube provides an easier insertion than a penis with no condom. There is a chance of infection without condoms as well, just like with any type of penetrative sex. 

When having anal sex, you must not go from the anus to the vaginal hole without changing up condoms or washing hands. 

Make sure that any penetration objects (finger, toy, penis) that go near the anus do not then go near the vagina. This can cause infections. 

If you penetrate the anus with a penis or a toy that is the same width as average stool, there should not be any problems. If you have pain after penetrative anal sex or have problems with stool, please see a physician. 

Anal sex is more common than you think and doctors hear about it often.

 

If you are comfortable with your physician, you can always ask them ahead of time the most safe way to practice penetrative anal sex, since your physician knows your physical health more than we could! 

You can get more content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Anal Sex Beginners

Anal Sex For Beginniners

Anal Sex For Beginniners

Have you ever had anal sex? 

Whether you have or haven’t, there is something novel, uncommon, and special in the supposed rarity of anal sex. 

Many people publicly scoff at the idea of anal sex. 

Yet you would be surprised at how many times it comes up in my therapeutic sessions, because people are doing it incorrectly. 

Anal sex can be pleasurable if you decide this is something you want to do, but it can be a horrible experience if you go into it as you would vaginal intercourse. 

The following should help you decide to engage in anal sex! 

No matter what your sexual identity, all people are interested in receiving anal sex or anal play from what I have seen. Even straight men.

Must-Know Terms for Anal Sex Beginners: 

  • ANUS – The posterior opening at the end of the digestive tract that is a canal from which solid waste is eliminated. Also known as the asshole! The anus does not self-lubricate. 
  • COLON – the canal that removes water from digested food and sends solid waste to the rectum.
  • COLORECTAL – Having to do with the entire large intestine.
  • EXTERNAL ANAL SPHINCTER (EAS) – The “pushing out” process. The muscle you tighten when “holding in gas”. It is a voluntary fibrous muscle forming a ring around the anus. 
  • INTERNAL ANAL SPHINCTER (IAS) – An involuntary smooth muscle forming a ring around the anus which you don’t control. The urgent sensation of having to move your bowels is what you feel when this involuntary muscle is relaxing or about to relax.
  • INTESTINAL EPITHELIUM – A thin layer of specialized cells lining the intestines.
  • PERISTALSIS – A ripple like contraction of muscles in the digestive system which moves food through the stomach and intestines, eventually expelling it via the anus as solid waste.
  • RECTUM – The final 6-8 inches of the large intestine leading to the anus. Solid waste builds up here before exiting through the anus.

Did you know what all of these meant? 

If you are still with me, congratulations! Now, we dive into the psychology of why people are biased towards anal sex. If you are like me, you have heard tons of horror stories, and I believe that these bad experiences are the reason most people aren’t interested in trying again. 

If there are stories that are preventing you from having fun with it, it may be worth talking to someone about these barriers. 

 

Barriers to Anal Sex after a “Bad” Experience

I have met a ton of people, clients and friends who have suffered from bad experiences with anal penetration; therefore, they developed a strong aversion. 

Anal Sex Beginners

While most tolerate unpleasant anal penetration the first time, because they don’t “know any better,” they usually end up “hating” anal play forever. 

If you have received (or given) anal sex, and you (or your partner) experienced constipation, discomfort, an unpleasant odor or mess, bleeding or injury, you were with someone who had no idea what they were doing. 

 

Avoiding A Messy Anal Sex Experience:

This is all a prep! 

  1. IN GENERAL, cleaning your colon is important too, so having a diet high in raw vegetable fiber helps! 
  2. Give yourself time to clean out! Focus on having a clean rectum for anal play. Buy a Liquid Glycerin Suppository at a pharmacy or on Amazon. The glycerol will induce peristalsis and force a bowel movement.
  3. After this, give yourself even more time! A series of enemas will complete the cleansing process. Three isotonic saline enemas (these have a salt concentration similar to your blood so you won’t get dehydrated or overhydrated) are often required to get to a clear discharge. I am not a physician or a pro at enimas, so please educate yourself by looking up medical resources before you begin using enemas.
  4. You may need to move your bowels a few times after you’ve expelled the last enema. This is especially true if you take large volume enemas and they penetrate deeply into your transverse or ascending colon. Once you feel like you’ve emptied your bowels sufficiently, take a warm bath and relax or take a long hot shower.

 

Solo Anal Pleasure

Start with your own exploration of anal receiving. Do not try anal penetration with someone else first. You should be comfortable with your own body enough to know its signals so you will be ready when you are with someone else. 

If you aren’t comfortable alone, think about why you are more comfortable with someone else? 

 

Items Needed:

  • Lubricant 
    • KY Jelly or something non-allergenic. 
    • This lubricant is my favorite! 
    • Nothing with warming or tingling
  • Get thin, disposable latex gloves (optional)
  • A towel

Make sure you have at least one hour to explore yourself, and that no one will interrupt you. Please, whatever you do, do not have an appointment or be rushing to go somewhere. Make an afternoon or evening out of it. 

  • Rub your finger in lubricant and slowly move your finger around the outside of the anus. 
  • Make circular motions gently. 
  • Rub up and down with a different intensity.
  • Don't penetrate your hole, just rub gently and slowly in circles around the opening of the hole. Keep a clock nearby and do this for 10 minutes. 
  • It may seem like an eternity, but continue for the full 10 minutes. As you do this, build an intimate mental map of where your finger is exploring. Take note in your mind of what you're anus is feeling in relation to where your finger is. After 10 minutes of feeling around your anus, you’ll begin to work on consciously controlling one of your anal sphincters.

When you have an urge to do more, try to penetrate into the anus and notice the ways in which you feel your body wrap around your own finger. 

Penetration is very scary for most and that is why we have a second blog on penetrative anal sex coming out on Friday! 

Thank you Fetlife Educator @HoleTrainer for your contribution to this piece and your wisdom. I am grateful that I was able to site your knowledge on this type of sexual act!

If you need help, please don’t let your shame or pride get in the way even though it might be  tough! 

Let us try and help! You can get more content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

 


Sexual Anxiety in Females

Sexual Anxiety in Females and Gendered “Girls” at Birth

Sexual Anxiety in Females and Gendered “Girls” at Birth

 

Sexual anxiety in females and gendered girls at birth is quite common.

From the moment women are socialized as a “girl,” their sex organs and their sexual pleasure is treated differently than it is for men

For example…did you know that the external genitalia is called a Vulva? 

I didn’t learn the difference until I was in college studying sexuality. It seems that Americans are sexually illiterate when it comes to the anatomy of pleasure. 

 

Defining Intimacy 

We often talk about intimacy in figurative terms - the sharing of an emotional and spiritual connection. While ex is an intimate physical exchange of the body.

We literally bare ourselves to our partner. All that effort you put into wearing your favorite jeans or a flattering bra goes out the window. You’re there, they’re there, and there’s little in between.

 

Difficulty Achieving Orgasm

Many people with vaginas have a harder time climaxing sexually than those with penises. 

Some things aren’t equal when it comes to sex, and people who struggle to achieve orgasm often feel sexual anxiety.

It can be hard, but it’s also what makes having sex such a unique and dynamic interaction between people. If you’ve dealt with this issue in the past, you’ll understand why. 

A lot of sexual partners use orgasm as a sign of satisfaction with their performance. Lack of orgasm can be interpreted as you not being “into it” or that maybe your partner did something wrong. 

Most vulva and vagina-bodied people know that’s not the case. However, a lot of times stress over the situation leads them to fake an orgasm. Did you make the right sounds? 

Was it convincing? You’re dealing with stress over how your body feels as well as managing the emotional well being of your partner. It’s a lot to deal with, which is why sexual anxiety in females and gendered girls at birth is so common.

 

What Does Sex Mean?

Many women or trans men struggle with interpreting the significance of sex. This is especially true in the beginning stages of a relationship. 

Your sexual relationship certainly means a lot. It can bring you closer together as a couple. On the other hand, sexual incompatibility is real. 

If you’re not on the same page and neither of you is willing to compromise, then it could spell long-term discontent in the relationship.

You may have laid in bed after sex wondering what they were thinking. Did they enjoy it? When I did that one thing, did they like it? Overthinking and self-doubt can easily creep in and turn into sexual anxiety.

 

Being Happy with Your Body

We’ve touched on this a bit with body image among people who identify as men and trans women, but it’s typically magnified in different genders.

There’s so much pressure on having a certain physique that many are driven to eating disorders and other forms of self-harm for looks. 

Sexual Anxiety in Females

If you struggle with how others perceive your body in the normal course of the day, imagine how someone with body image issues handles being naked in front of someone they care deeply about.

Everyone who has sex or is involved with someone romantically wants to be an object of desire. 

It feels wonderful to be wanted, to be desired. You won’t be able to fully appreciate someone else’s love for your body until you can overcome your anxiety about the way you look.

 

Take A Breath and Enjoy the Ride

We’re all at various stages in our journey of self-acceptance and sexual expression. Sexual anxiety is normal, but if you find yourself wishing you could find a way out of sex, or not having sex at all, then consider counseling to find a way through. 

Take a breath and understand that everyone has hang-ups about how they look, how they’re doing and whether they’re able to please their partner. Don’t let it distract you from what’s most important about sex, that it’s fun and pleasurable!

 

Kegel Exercises

Keeping your pelvic floor strong is important for avoiding any embarrassing accidents and prolapses. It is also critical for a good sex life too!

 

Vaginas are pretty temperamental and sometimes the vaginal muscles squeeze or spasm when something is entering it. This feeling can range from mildly uncomfortable to painful. 

If intercourse has been painful, the pelvic floor muscles, which wrap around the vagina, tighten up and close the vagina protectively. 

That could be a good idea initially, but not if the muscles don’t open up again. Sex won’t be fun!

  

Kegel Exercises are often recommended when seeing a doctor or pelvic floor therapist. Here are some fun activities to try: 

  1. To perform Kegel exercises effectively, you’ll need to first identify the right muscles. The easiest way to do this is to stop urination midstream. The muscles that help you do that are the ones used in Kegel exercises. 
  2. Contract these muscles as much as possible and hold for a goal of five seconds. Release for five seconds. Repeat. 
  3. If you’re just starting, work your way up! Do a 50% squeeze instead of 100% for the first week! 
  4. For best results, especially if you have pelvic floor issues, I highly recommend going to a pelvic floor physical therapist. If you live near West Hartford CT, I know the best pelvic floor PT in the state! Feel free to reach out and I will give you the contact info. 

Reducing sexual anxiety in females can be a challenge, but we at LCAT understand how to help.  

There are thousands of therapists who DON’T get it! Usually, our practice is the one people come to after not getting results elsewhere. 

 

If you need help, please don’t let your shame or pride get in the way. Let us try and help! 

You can get more content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.