Does size matter?

Does Size Matter?

Does Size Matter?

Is it long enough? Thick enough? Hard enough? Does size matter?

"Why is the size of a penis one of the biggest sexual concerns?" she asks.

“Toxic Masculinity,” she whispers. 

We live in a culture that correlates penis size to how masculine a man is and / or his sexual identity.

“AHHH! Patriarchy!” she screams.


Whether you call it a penis, phallus, lingam, dick, cock, or any other name, we unfortunately live in a reality where everyone seems to be obsessed with penis size! 

We see it in advertising, movies, and in dozens of studies that are conducted annually to determine if it is important, both to men and women. 

Before debunking the stigma, here are some common phallus questions and answers.

Does size matter?

When does it stop growing?

The largest growth spurts occur during male adolescence, and continue until around 20 years old. From this point on, it is common for penis size to remain similar for the rest of a man's life.

Although the growth of the penis occurs in this period, the rate may vary from one teen to another, and may be faster in some cases than in others.

Why is a penis crooked?

Penises can grow slightly from one side or the other, because the urethra does not always accompany the development of the rest of the organ, causing a slight curve.

However, if the curvature produces pain and impedes penetration during intimate contact, it is caused by Peyronie's disease

Is it possible to increase the size of a penis?

The size of the penis varies greatly from one man to another, and from one country to another. 

In this way, it is difficult to determine an interval to assess whether the size of the penis can be considered normal.

However, for men who want to increase penis size, there are forms of “treatment” from pumps to creams to losing weight to not smoking.

What is a normal or average penis size?

In the Journal of Urology study, researchers found the following among the group of 80 men:

  • An average penis size length of 8.8 cm (3.5 inches) when flaccid (soft)
  • An average penis size length of 12.9 cm (5.1 inches) when erect (hard)
  • The size of a man's erect penis was not correlated with the size of his flaccid penis. This means that men whose penises are different lengths when flaccid may have similarly sized erect penises. There was also no relationship between mens' age and their penis size.

The Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2014 said that out of self-reported summaries:

  • An average erect penile length of 14.15 cm (5.57 inches) 
  • An average erect penile circumference of 12.23 cm (4.8 inches). This means the girth, width, or "fullness" around the base of the penis. 

How important is size?

The size of the penis is not as important as everyone thinks when it comes to sexually satisfying one's partner. 

Penis size isn’t that critical to sexual pleasure. If you are going to penetrate another person, dildos are much more reliable and you can select the size you want. 

The MOMENT you put pressure on the penis to get hard, it’s ALL OVER! You may as well just book an appointment now, because you will get stuck in the anxiety loop. 

Regardless of size, what is important to one's partner is that the penis can stay hard for as long as it needs to. This is why I suggest the use of dildos. 

Take the pressure off! 

If you are performing for a female partner, just know that only 18% of women orgasm through penetrative sex alone. Therefore, make sure you have lubricant and a vibrator.  

Women sometimes take up to 20 minutes to get warmed up so don’t rush them! Your penis being hard isn’t the concern. It is your patience in her getting to experience HER pleasure. 

So my answer to the question "Does size matter?" is "eh - not really."

Size seems to matter most when the penis is too big or too wide. Depending on the time of month, the cervix is located in different places.

This matters with vaginal penetration, because too much length can cause pain while hitting the cervix. There is actually a sexual health device that goes on the base of the penis so that it cannot go in as deep to help fix this problem!

Another issue is when the penis is too wide, there may be an hour of foreplay needed so that other orifices are warmed up and relaxed.

If you were to ask me in my experience "within the therapy room," when asking clients (women or those who enjoy penetrative sex with penises) to choose between what matters more, 9 out of 10 will choose girth (width / circumference) over length.

Out of all the clients I have seen over the last ten years, only about 5 out of 100 people state that they care about size at all. Usually 3 of those 5 will be identified as bisexual or gay men.


Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.


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National Donut Day

National Donut Day (GET HELP) isn't very exciting for those with eating disorders...


Story by Meaghan:


I want to tell you about this guy that  I met. I'm not going to use any names because I feel it could really ruin someones reputation. Him and I met about ten years ago. You could say that our relationship has been pretty serious, always ups and downs but when push comes to shove he really has always been there for me. I was a freshman when we met, he has taught me so much about life, love and happiness. He taught me about strength and persistence. He taught me how to love myself, even when I wasn't very lovable. He taught me self-care, taking time for myself. Throughout high school we had lunch together almost every single day. Once we went to college, things got kind of complicated you could say. I wanted to be alone and figure myself out, and he wanted to support me. I'd push him away and then call him back whenever I needed him. He comforted me when I was scared. He guided me when I felt I couldn't make decisions and always gave me the greatest advice. He'd constantly show me who my real friends are and push away every negative person that got in my way.


    He's great, he'd go shopping with me, out to eat, parties and even take me on little vacations. He's perfect right? The only thing is he insisted that we kept our relationship top secret. However I was treated like a princess, so it was worth it. Wouldn't you kill for a relationship like that? Having a man that stands by your side for ten years even if it's just in the role of a friend. Someone who is honest, who fights for you, who is patient and waits for you to discover yourself? Someone who is willing to wait for you and as soon as you are ready, he's back, like nothing ever changed.


    How lucky am I? I'd say very. I found my Prince Charming at such a young age and the best part is I knew he'd never, ever leave me. No matter how poorly I treated him. No matter how stubborn I was. No matter how many other relationships I got into, I always knew he'd be there. He would never let me be lonely. It's a dream come true.


   There's a flip side though. This guy, as much of a dream that he is also did some pretty terrible stuff to me. Do I keep him or do I let him go? That's where I need your help.


   When I say he taught me how to love myself, I mean- he told me what I needed to do to be beautiful. Make-up, hair-dye, tanning, gym memberships, and the latest 'diet' trends. When I was scared he'd teach me control, like "If you ever want to get anywhere in you life you have to learn to punish yourself when you do wrong." When I was getting dressed he'd tell me I'm ugly, and that clothes will never ever fit me. If I had a friend or a significant other he'd find ways to push them away because the only love I needed was his. He'd help my avoid awkward social gatherings and fight with my loved ones so I could ensure keeping him around. He HATED seeing me in dresses, it just wasn't a pretty site. He'd comment on how my calves were too big and my thighs shouldn't touch. He'd convince me that no one loved me, no one cared. Whenever I was alone he'd keep me company. Whenever I was with people he would always be right.there.


       He made me sick. I never wanted to leave my house, I couldn't work, I couldn't sleep. I was scared and nervous, I couldn't make a move without him noticing. I wasn't allowed to cry, or be angry, or be anything but "happy." If I felt anything else, he'd become enraged, he wouldn't leave me alone. he convinced me that I'm not worthy. I was fat. I was ugly and he always had to be number one in my life. He gave me what I wanted, attention. He was manipulative, he made me cling to love. He was intimidating, constantly reminding me that I had to earn the body image I longed for. He was always there for me, he loved me despite my longing to be beautiful, despite always failing him.


     Does this still sound like a fairytale? Is love like that worth it? If love means something different to everyone shouldn't I accept this man? I should love him back. Here's the scary thing though, I don't. I'd be lying to you if I told you I even wanted him around. Honestly I want him to leave forever.


   Don't you want to help me get away from this man? Once we break up would you want to watch chick flicks and eat ice cream out of the carton with me? Why could I so easily tell a friend to get away from a relationship like that but I'm stuck? Can people really convince you of all that? How many second chances do I have to give someone?


   Now, what if I told you this man doesn't really exist. What if I told you I completely made him up? Would you get me a one way ticket for the crazy train? Here's the thing. He does actually exist. His name is Ed. He lives in my brain and everything I just told you is very true. When I told you we met for lunch every day, I meant in the bathroom. Ed is an eating disorder. It's a mental illness. My body isn't perfect, and  I rarely go to the gym. But if I was dealing with a break up and you showed up with ice cream, I'd have to refuse because it's just not worth the extra calories. It's always there. I've been fighting this for months, you could even say years.


   Eating disorders are the cancer of the mental health world. The only difference is there isn't a chemo or radiation. It's just as deadly. For an eating disorder I am the chemo, the radiation, the strength and the cancer. It effects your muscles, slows your heart rate down, reduces your bone density and can even cause heart disease. Anorexia nervosa has the highest fatality rate of any mental illness. Eating disorders are a daily struggle for ten million females and one million males in the United States.


   You see, I'm far from alone. This IS serious. Anyone can struggle. This "relationship" I'm in is just as serious as an abusive relationship, it's similar to having an addiction to heroin. Except I'm addicted to the feeling of having an empty stomach. I physically can't JUST have one more bite. I can't just STOP my desire to be a size 0.


    I can't just call the police and say I'm in danger. I have to become smarter than my own mind. I have to face challenges every day because I can't just run away from food. You can't escape your own mind, or your heart.


    I'm okay and I'm surviving. Every day brings new struggles and new accomplishments.It's not easy- but the moment you realize that recovery is worth it everything changes. The fight becomes worth it, the exhaustion becomes worth it. And in the end, you gave up a relationship and you may feel lonely. What you gain is irreplaceable though.


   You gain a clear mind, an adventurous spirit. You gain love- maybe not from others but for yourself, and the others will follow suit. Loving yourself means happiness, confidence, strength, courage and compassion. You gain pride, you gain insight, you learn how to actually fight.


   This doesn't mean Ed won't call, or text, or show up in a commercial, or even knock on your door he may even barge in. However he will find someone happy to be eating ice cream out of a carton because they can finally enjoy good company. Because that's my decision and getting rid of him, gives me back control of my life and after all isn't that what I wanted from the beginning?


   Be brave, take chances. Talk about your struggles with loved ones. Seek help, because being able to think and make decisions for yourself is worth far more than fearing life. I'm 24 years old, I'm no longer claiming to "have" an eating disorder, because I am far too busy recovering from one.

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Body Image

Body Image by Meaghan


Body image in an ideal world for me would not exist. Stressing about a temple you were given seems foolish to me. Yet every day I wake up and lose my mind of how unfortunate my "temple" is.


"Why can't my thighs be smaller and my stomach flatter?" I think. "Why can't my arms be toned and my face be less round?" I often wonder if anyone can see the difference that I see. Do they see also that I've gained weight, or is it just me? How long am I going to sabotage myself for the body that I want? When will my temple be enough for me?


When your soul starts to speak louder than your brain, that's when. When I begin to rely on my soul self as the leader of my temple all will be well in my world. Body image for me in an ideal world won't be prominent. I won't wake up in the morning and body check to hate myself but rather to glorify myself. Saying things like "my legs are here to help my do my job, they get me from one point to another."


By feeding my body I am giving it fuel not making it far. In an ideal world I'll be proud of the body that I have. I will realize all that my body does for me. I'll be thankful for the gifts it offers me and the strength it gives me.


In an ideal world body image won't be the forefront of every advertisement. Women won't compare but actually encourage each other to rise above. Body image will take a back seat; women will love every body. Bodies will be celebrated for what they do and not what they look like.


Everyone will treat their body like a temple. Preserving it. Loving it. Honoring it. Worshipping it for the challenges it faces every day. Our bodies should of be nourished, and loved, and honored.


My body is a temple it deserves the best. It deserves an apology because, my body doesn't need to go through hell on a daily basis just to meet non-realistic beauty standards. It serves me. It gets me to and from where I need to be. It cars my heart and soul. It helps me gain strength and develop knowledge. It radiates goodness. My body is my temple it deserves the love I so freely give everyone else. In an ideal world my body would be loved.


Peace. Freedom. Mindfulness. Fun. Sleep. Are all examples of things I can focus on if my mind isn't focused on weight. I could do yoga for strength instead of burning calories. I could leap across the dance floor and feel like I'm flying as opposed to heavy. Being involved in a conversation rather than the ones in my head. Enjoying a meal without worrying about how it's going to effect me.


If I let go of my focus on weight I'll be able to live again, without that burden of being heavy of fat. If I take my focus off weight and bring it inward I'd be able to see my strength. I'd be able to focus on my smarts, my intellect, my courage. If I stopped focusing on weight I'd be free. Free from the chains that constantly tie me up.


I'd be able to live the life I imagined as opposed to being tied down. You can't trust a disease that wants you dead; and I don't plan to. Between death and life, I choose life- and that's why I have to focus on anything but weight. From this day forward, I'll focus my attention on health. On life. On living and laughing. I can focus on yoga, dance, and photography. I'm going to focus on recovery and my ability to help others. Weight will no longer define me and weight won't won't hole me back anymore. My no's will mean no and my yes's will mean yes, and I'm choosing to say yes to life and all it has to offer me.