How Do You Know if You Are Bisexual?

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How Do You Know if You Are Bisexual?

 

You’re probably here because you wanted to find out the answer to the question, ‘How do you know if you are bisexual?’ Bisexuality refers to being attracted to two sexes. If you’re feeling confused about what this term means or simply want to learn more about bisexuality in general, make sure you read the entire article. At the end, we will share tips on how to explore your sexuality safely.

 

What Does It Mean to Be Bisexual?

Think of bisexuality as a romantic attraction or sexual attraction toward both males and females. In general, bisexual people are attracted to more than one gender, whether it’s their own sex or a different one. 

However, this definition doesn’t imply that all people experience bisexuality in the same way. Bisexuality exists on a spectrum, which means that attraction towards another person or people can vary in timing, intensity, and sexual expression. 

If you’re new to this term, you might confuse it with pansexuality at first. Pansexuality is attraction to all genders, while bisexuality is attraction to more than one gender. Pansexual people feel attracted to someone regardless of their sex or gender identity. Some people identify with both terms and use them interchangeably, so you don’t have to pick one. See an LGBTQIA+ specialist if you feel confused!  

 

Common Signs You Might Be Bisexual

If you think you’re bisexual, you’ve likely felt attracted to your own sex and another. You might have called it a phase, yet now you feel your attraction for someone of the same sex is back. Whatever the case may be, the important thing to remember is that, although we use the words “gender” or “sex” when we define bisexuality, attraction doesn’t depend strictly on gender. It is often more about the person’s energy, personality, or the connection you share with them. 

A bisexual person will often have crushes or fantasies about different genders. As crushes do, this crush can differ from admiration or even fantasize about being intimate with them. 

Before identifying themselves as bisexual, they might often question whether they are straight or gay because their feelings don’t fit neatly in one of these boxes. They may feel gay at one time and straight at another, which can lead to additional confusion. It is common that attraction can shift over time or in different contexts, as it can sometimes be a spectrum across a person’s life.

You don’t have to prove your bisexuality, but it may help you connect with other bisexuals. Below, find a list of questions that can help you determine if you are bisexual: 

  • Have you ever felt romantic or emotionally attached to people of more than one gender?
  • Have you experienced physical or sexual attraction toward more than one gender, even in imagination or dreams?
  • Do you sometimes develop crushes or deep connections with people regardless of their gender identity?
  • Have you ever imagined being in a relationship or intimate situation with someone of a gender different from your past partners?
  • When you see people of different genders, do you find yourself drawn to their personalities or appearances in similar ways?
  • Have you ever questioned whether you are straight or gay?
  • Have you avoided exploring attraction to a certain gender because of fear of judgment or internalized shame?
  • In the absence of social expectations or stigma, how might you describe your attractions?

 

Frequently Asked Questions

What does it mean to be bisexual?

Being bisexual means experiencing romantic and sexual attraction to more than one gender, which may not occur simultaneously, in identical ways, or with equal intensity; however, it is possible for these variations to happen. Some bisexual people may be more attracted to one gender, and that’s completely valid. It is as individual as a group of people going out to dinner – most people order different things! 

Do you have to date both men and women to be bisexual?

You don’t have to date men and women to be considered bisexual. Attraction defines bisexuality, not experience. You may identify as bisexual even if you have only dated individuals of one gender or none at all. 

Is bisexuality just a phase or confusion?

Bisexuality is not a phase or confusion. It is a valid and enduring sexual orientation. Some people discover or accept it later in life, yet that doesn’t make it a phase. 

 

Common Myths About Being Bisexual

Just like there are myths about almost anything in the sexual realm, the same goes for bisexuality. Unfortunately, such myths lead to people feeling confused about their sexuality, ashamed to talk about it with others, and isolated from the community that can provide them with the type of support they need. 

“It’s just a phase.”

Your sexuality can evolve, and you’re more than free to explore it as you wish. Each experience is unique, and making someone feel like their feelings are invalid is not beneficial for anyone. 

“Bisexual people are confused or greedy.” 

Bisexuality is a legitimate orientation that has nothing to do with confusion or greed. You have every right to feel attracted to, date, and love people of all genders. Even if your journey starts with confusion, remind yourself it’s completely normal to feel this way while figuring things out. 

“You have to like men and women equally.”

The myth that bisexuals are equally attracted to men and women is false. Don’t worry about the percentage or making sure you’re giving equal opportunities. Attraction is not something that can be or should be calculated.

“You’re only bisexual if you’ve dated both genders.”

 You are definitely bisexual even if you have not dated both genders. Bisexuality is not defined by dating or having sexual or romantic relationships with someone. Instead, bisexuality refers to feeling attracted to someone, and that attraction might or might not lead to dating, romance, and intimacy. 

 

How to Explore Your Sexuality Safely

If you’re new to identifying as bisexual or are still figuring out what it means, there are safe ways to do it. Depending on your personality, you may want to take your time before revealing your sexuality to the world. The best way to learn more about your sexuality is through journaling or reflecting on your attractions and emotional responses, or seeing an LGBTQ+ therapist.

Consider also talking to friends or family members who you know can support you during this journey. Having a support system is key to feeling relaxed when exploring a new territory, such as bisexuality. When you feel ready, you might want to join online LGBTQ+ communities or look for similar events and activities in your nearest safe city. 

Find movies or books that talk about bisexual experiences and consume content that resonates with you. Lastly, please keep in mind that you don’t have to explain or justify your sexuality to anyone. These labels are tools for understanding ourselves better and living our lives more authentically. Work with an identity-affirming therapist at our practice to get started understanding yourself today. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Heteroflexibility

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Between Straight and Bi: Exploring Heteroflexibility

 

Heteroflexibility can best be defined as predominantly attraction towards the opposite sex, yet with some level of attraction towards people of the same sex. If you’ve ever heard someone say they are “mostly straight,” they are probably heteroflexible. Such a person will be more open to sexual or romantic experiences with people of the same gender, without the limitation of staying within the label of heterosexuality. 

Please continue reading if you would like further clarification on what heteroflexibility involves and how to appreciate it fully. We’ll explain the key differences between being straight or bisexual and being heteroflexible, plus much more. 

 

Bisexuality vs. Heteroflexibility

At first, you might confuse bisexuality with heteroflexibility, yet these two terms are not synonyms. Bisexuality is being attracted to more than one gender, but not necessarily equally. A bisexual person will be attracted to people across genders. 

Heteroflexibility, on the other hand, implies a person is primarily heterosexual, yet they have occasional attraction to the same sex. This means that a heteroflexible person will be mostly straight with a tendency to be attracted to people of the same sex. 

Furthermore, bisexuality is considered a sexual identity, as it acknowledges attraction patterns that are consistent over time. Heteroflexibility is more a descriptor of behavior or preference than a sexual identity. It gives freedom to those who feel somewhat straight but not entirely. 

 

Heteroflexibility Signs

Heteroflexibility is often described as the space between straight and bisexual. It is a space in which someone is mainly attracted to the opposite sex yet experiences occasional same-sex attraction. Unlike bisexuality, which acknowledges attraction to multiple genders as an ongoing orientation, heteroflexibility is usually more situational or occasional. 

Recognizing the signs of heteroflexibility can help you better understand your desires. These signs don’t define anyone definitively. However, the signs listed below may point toward heteroflexible tendencies:

  • Primarily identifying as straight with occasional same-sex attraction
  • Feeling comfortable flirting, kissing, or experimenting with someone of the same sex without identifying as bisexual
  • Same-sex attraction tends to appear in specific contexts, such as nightlife, close friendships, etc. 
  • Viewing attraction as more situational than consistent
  • Having preferences for opposite-sex relationships while remaining open to rare same-sex encounters
  • Not feeling the need for a queer label, yet acknowledging some degree of fluidity
  • Being curious about same-sex intimacy without seeking it as a core identity

 

Heteroflexibility in Practice

Dating while heteroflexible can feel both freeing and complicated. On one hand, you may enjoy the flexibility of being open to attraction outside of the traditional “straight” label. However, that openness can create challenges in relationships. 

Partners who identify as straight may not fully understand what heteroflexibility means and could dismiss it as “just a phase. Members of the queer community might question whether it’s a valid identity or see it as avoiding the bisexual label. These misunderstandings can lead to feelings of not fully belonging in either world. 

Because of this, open communication is key. Being honest about your experiences, your sexuality, and what it means for your commitment to a partner can help prevent insecurity or assumptions. Being heteroflexible encourages deeper conversations about attraction, boundaries, and authenticity in relationships.

 

How to Explore Heteroflexibility in a Safe Way

Exploring heteroflexibility can be exciting and also deeply personal. Safety is crucial for both emotional and physical levels. If you’re curious about same-sex attraction while primarily identifying as straight, the process doesn’t have to feel rushed or pressured. Moving at your pace and being intentional about the situations you step into are crucial.

This is how you can start exploring heteroflexibility in a safe way and at your own pace: 

  • Journal or think through what you’re curious about (e.g., emotional connection, physical intimacy, or simply testing boundaries).
  • If you’re dating or in a relationship, be transparent with your partner about your curiosity and experiences you would like to try.
  • Your exploration doesn’t need to be sexual. Instead, start with what you feel most comfortable with, whether that is flirting, conversations, or entering a queer-friendly social space.
  • Whether online or in person, ensure any experiences are mutual and respectful.
  • Use safe sex practices and be mindful of emotional well-being as much as physical.
  • Seek supportive spaces like LGBTQ+ groups, forums, or events that spark your interest. 

 

Frequently Asked Questions

What does heteroflexible mean?

Being heteroflexible entails having an interest in the opposite sex yet experiencing occasional attraction to the same sex. People who are heteroflexible will often describe themselves as mostly straight. 

How is heteroflexibility different from bisexuality?

Bisexuality is a sexual identity, and it refers to being attracted to people across all genders. Heteroflexibility can be considered a descriptor of behavior or preference. Although both terms share interest in more than one gender, heteroflexible people will mostly feel attraction to heterosexual people of the opposite sex.

Is heteroflexibility just a phase?

Heteroflexibility is typically not just a phase, although it could be. For some, it may be part of exploring their sexuality before adopting another label. For others, heteroflexibility is a long-term identity that best describes their experiences.

Do heteroflexible people belong in the LGBTQ+ community?

There is an ongoing debate on whether heteroflexible people belong in the LGBTQ+ community because some community members feel it minimizes bisexuality. Others strongly feel that heteroflexibility is a part of queer identity. Whether someone belongs to a certain community depends mostly on how they relate to it. 

Do I need to label myself as heteroflexible?

You don’t have to label yourself as heteroflexible to enjoy heteroflexible experiences with the same sex. Labels can be quite helpful when understanding your sexual identity and desires, yet it’s not mandatory to use them. 

 

Conclusion 

If you are still exploring the meaning of heteroflexibility and do not feel comfortable experiencing it yet, please take your time. Each person can discover aspects of their sexuality as they wish. You could spend some time researching or talking to heteroflexible people first. If you believe you would benefit by talking about it, meet our team. We are able to help you explore the subject for yourself without judgment. 

That being said, keep in mind that labels are useful when you want to connect with like-minded people, whether that’s finding them online or attending an event in your city. However, focusing too much on labeling yourself might limit you more than you realize. You could rush into defining yourself as heteroflexible and skip certain steps of this journey. Discovering your own sexual identity should be fun, safe, and freeing. Labels emerge naturally from that process. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Sexually Fluid Guide for Beginners

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Sexually Fluid Guide for Beginners

 

Being sexually fluid means your sexuality can change over time. It doesn’t mean you’re indecisive or confused about your sexuality. Sexual fluidity often gets confused with pansexuality, an attraction regardless of gender. A sexually fluid person will not be attracted to all genders at once; they will rather have shifts of interest when it comes to genders. 

If you want to understand sexual fluidity better or determine whether it’s something that resonates with you, continue reading this article. We’ve gathered all relevant information for sexually fluid people, including tips on how to embrace your authentic self and live your life to the fullest. 

 

Defining What It Means to Be Sexually Fluid 

Sexual fluidity is a natural process of feeling attracted to different genders at different times in your life. Although the shift itself is what makes sexual fluidity different from all other sexual orientations, identities, and processes, it is not its most essential characteristic. It is important to note that a sexually fluid individual does not necessarily experience constant changes in their sexuality. Their attractions and self-identifications may develop over time, but this evolution does not have to look any certain way.

 

Key Characteristics of Sexual Fluidity

If you’re uncertain whether you or someone in your circle is sexually fluid, there are certain characteristics that can provide additional clarification:

  • Changes in attraction: You may feel attracted to one gender now and another gender or multiple genders in the future. 
  • Changes in identity labels: The way you identify yourself can change from being a lesbian/gay to bisexual or vice versa. 
  • Not a fixed state: You don’t see your sexual orientation as something permanent. It’s something that evolves with time and experience. 
  • It’s not a phase: Sexual fluidity is not a phase; it’s a process. Just because there are changes in this process, it doesn’t mean it’s not permanent. 

 

How Fluidity Shows Up in Real Life 

Besides knowing these characteristics, are there other ways that sexual fluidity appears in our lives? Can you tell if someone is sexually fluid without knowing the key aspects mentioned above?

Think about all the people you felt attracted to on some level. What were their sexual identities? This doesn’t imply that all these people have nothing in common. For instance, you might like their sense of humor or intelligence, yet their gender wasn’t something that was a determining factor for you. 

When talking about fluidity, it’s important to consider time and context. Don’t look into your current or last relationship to define whether or not you’re sexually fluid. Context refers to the type of relationship and the connection level you had with that person. This information can help you clarify if you’re sexually fluid, pansexual, or something else. 

Keep in mind that being sexually fluid means you don’t have to change the way you label yourself. As a sexually fluid person, you can be interested in different genders across years, and your label will stay the same. Sexual fluidity means that the status quo can change, and these changes make you fluid. 

 

Becoming the Real You 

If our article helps you confirm you’re sexually fluid, you will want to continue reading the tips on how to truly enjoy your sexual fluidity and connect with others who celebrate you. Please ensure you feel confident about this information before sharing it with others. Highlight the best moments of this beautiful process and make a list of things you’re grateful for. 

Once you feel ready to let the world know you’re sexually fluid, think about the people who will be happy for you. Share it with your close friends and loved ones before opening up about it to everyone. If you feel stressed about it in any way, consider talking to a therapist with experience in this field. A therapist can help you navigate challenges you stumble upon and support you on the path toward embracing yourself completely. 

Another way to memorize all crucial moments of your sexually fluid journey is by journaling. Just imagine how exciting it will be to read your thoughts in a few years from now! Journaling or similar self-help techniques can help you if you feel confused or scared or want to work more on accepting yourself. 

 

Navigating Relationships and Communication 

A wonderful aspect of sexual fluidity is the inclusion of diverse relationships. Your well-being and happiness depend on how you connect and communicate romantically with loved ones. Once you’re certain that you’re sexually fluid, you will probably want to make the most of your relationships. 

Just like it is in any other relationship, sexually fluid people will need to be transparent and honest if they want to connect in a meaningful way with someone else. In this case, you will probably want to talk about your fluidity. If your partner is not familiar with sexual fluidity, please explain it to them. 

People should process new information at their own pace, but for a relationship to succeed, mutual respect and transparency are crucial. 

Being sexually fluid doesn’t mean you want to explore how it feels to be in a relationship with all genders. You may see that you only dated one gender at first, but now you prefer others. Your experience can be very different from that of another sexually fluid person. That is why it’s important to explore it in alignment with your needs and desires. 

 

Final Words

As a sexually fluid person, you will want to embrace curiosity and self-compassion. Being curious about how you feel about other people can help you understand yourself better. The better you know yourself, the easier it will be to find the right partners to enjoy this exciting journey with you!

Be kind to yourself. Don’t compare yourself to others, and embrace all the positive things sexual fluidity can bring to your life. Having compassion for yourself can help you make the most of your relationships and allow others to fall in love with the best version of yourself – the authentic one. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Lesbian Couples Therapy

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Lesbian Couples Therapy: How It Can Strengthen Your Relationship

 

If you’re looking for tips on how to choose the best lesbian couples therapy for you and your significant other, we’ll share with you everything you need to keep in mind. From choosing a therapist to preparing for your first session, this blog will help you succeed. 

 

Reasons to Seek Lesbian Couples Therapy

If you and your partner are seeking a therapist to help you strengthen your relationship, you might consider going to a conventional therapist. However, keep in mind that a therapist without previous work with lesbian couples might be insufficient for you. This is because they could be unaware of the unique challenges a lesbian couple could face, whether it’s among partners, in the family, or in society.

Find a therapist who treats clients like you; check their reviews! The therapist’s knowledge and skills on what your contextual world is will help you and your partner with not explaining and teaching the therapist beyond heterosocial norms. 

Here are the most common reasons why a lesbian couple would seek therapy:

  • Communication and conflict resolution
  • Intimacy and emotional connection
  • Identity and societal pressures
  • Life transitions and external stressors
  • Lesbian-specific relationship dynamics

 

How to Prepare for Lesbian Couples Therapy

Even if you still need time to search for the best therapist or decide whether that’s the best solution, there are certain things you can do as a couple to work on issues within your relationship. 

 

Talk About Each Other’s Feelings

It is alright if you or your partner is experiencing grief, hurt, frustration, or any other emotion. Recognizing these emotions allows you both to provide each other with what you need. Oftentimes, conflicts arise when we assume how the other partner is feeling and act or say in a the wrong way.

When and where you both feel comfortable, share your feelings and needs. Don’t interrupt each other when speaking. If any of you find it difficult, assign a certain amount of time for each of you to speak. Asking her questions will help you understand her better if you’re unsure.

 

Respect Her Perspective

Oftentimes, we’ll focus only on the facts and search for the truth. Instead of doing that, remember that each person has a unique perspective on a certain event. Without arguing over who is right, you can get to know each other better. 

Even if your perspective is different, allow your partner to share hers. Learning how you both perceive and experience situations can help you build a stronger relationship. 

 

Learn Each Other’s Love Language

In all relationships, many conflicts arise because we are unable to give each other what we need. This might happen because of misunderstandings, external factors or simply because you’re not aware of each other’s love language. 

Love languages refer to our preferred way to give and receive love. This can be through words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts. 

 

Don’t Forget About Physical Intimacy

You need to work on all aspects of your relationship, not just communication. Working on physical intimacy is essential. The term can mean different things to different people. For instance, your partner might need more hugs or cuddles before sleep, while you will want more sexual activity during the week to keep things spicy.

 

Spend Time with Mutual Friends

Spending time with friends can help you feel more accepted, loved, and protected. Beyond that, it reminds you both who is in your community and who matters. This can be quite beneficial if you don’t feel understood by your family or coworkers. 

Time spent with friends can also meet some of the needs that your partner can’t. For instance, you might be working a lot, and you don’t have time for a wild night out. If you decide to go out with friends, you can go to bed early, and your partner can have a great time dancing and talking to people you both love.  

 

How to Choose the Right Lesbian Couples Therapist

Before you just schedule an appointment with the first therapist you find online, make sure you check a few things first. If you’ve found a therapist online, you can find their experience and areas of expertise there as well. 

If you can’t find that information online or you’re seeing a therapist in person, you can ask them to send it to you before you schedule the first session. Once you and your partner have decided on one option, make sure you also keep alternative options if the first person doesn’t seem like a right fit after the session. 

It would be helpful to hear from past clients about what makes this therapist good, so read their reviews on Google. After all, even if a person is a lesbian couple therapist, they might not feel like the right fit due to their approach, personality, or something else. 

If you have any questions or concerns, it’s best to address them before or during your first session. Any technical details like price, insurance coverage, methods, and approaches should be discussed during your first interaction.

If, for whatever reason, you and your partner decide to look for another therapist, you’d better do it sooner rather than later. These steps will save you time and energy, and you won’t have to repeat the same information to another professional. 

 

Final Words

Therapy can help you strengthen the positive parts of your relationship and work on the parts that typically end in discussion. Being in a relationship is not easy, and it requires significant effort. Addressing unique challenges that lesbian couples face can help you heal from them and reconnect with your romantic partner.

Lesbian couples therapy can help you walk down that healing path together and lean on each other when times are tough. As time passes, you will both see how your relationship is developing and be encouraged to celebrate that! 

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

What Does Demisexual Mean?

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What Does Demisexual Mean & Am I Demisexual?

 

If you Googled ‘What does demisexual mean’ and ended up here, you’re in the right place. In this article, we will explain the meaning of demisexuality, talk about its characteristics, and discuss everything else that is demisexual-related. 

A demisexual person experiences sexual attraction only after developing an emotional bond with another person. You probably came to this page because you are keen to learn more about demisexuality, believe you may be demisexual, or know someone who is. Whichever the reason, you will find all your answers below. 

 

Demisexuality Explained

Demisexuality, to put it simply, is a sexual orientation in which emotional connection takes precedence over sexual desire. Not every emotional bond leads to sexual attraction. For demisexuals, emotions are the foundation of sexual connection. This phenomenon leads to them experiencing sexual attraction towards someone much rarer than other non-demisexual people. 

Because they need to be emotionally involved first, many might consider them asexual. In some cases, demisexuals might even call them asexual because of the rarity of such occasions. Still, it’s critical to understand demisexuality, especially when you want to connect with someone and explain to them your perspective on relationships and connections. 

Another point to distinguish demisexuals from non-demisexual people is their attitude toward sex while dating. Non-demisexual people will follow a set of rules or recommendations when it comes to sex. It might be waiting for the third date or learning more about the person before having sex. 

On the other hand, demisexual people don’t wait for society or themselves to impose certain requirements. In their case, there is a lack of sexual desire until they feel emotionally connected to the person they are dating. If they don’t feel emotionally compatible, they won’t want sex, regardless of appearance. 

 

Are You Demisexual?

Now, you might have an idea why you or many other people feel confused when it comes to defining demisexuality. So, if you’re still not certain whether you or someone close to you is demisexual, answering these questions might help:

  • Do you lack an interest in having one-night stands or casual flings with other people? 
  • Have you ever felt attracted to someone after having a deep conversation with them, something you didn’t feel before that conversation? 
  • Did most of the individuals you found sexually attractive or engaged in sexual activity have close friendships with you? 
  • Do people around you sometimes say you’re playing hard to get while you’re actually just not interested?

If you responded positively to these questions, it means that you’re probably demisexual. If you’re not a fan of labels, that’s completely fine, too. Labels typically help identify ourselves and introduce that part of us to other people. Understanding yourself better can help you find the people you can have that connection to more easily. 

 

How Demisexual People Connect with Others

If you’re a demisexual or you’re dating someone who is, it makes sense to learn the pathway to establishing a significant relationship with them. Although there are many similarities with dating non-demisexual people, there are a few things to keep in mind.

Firstly, don’t feel pressured into having sex if you don’t feel ready. People who don’t understand demisexuality might have certain expectations of you. It is up to you to remind yourself that you must first establish the emotional connection and that this process is perfectly normal for many people. 

Secondly, invest in people you have shared interests with, as it will help you connect with them on a deeper level. Having the same hobby, working in the same industry, or growing up in the same city can all contribute to the development of an emotional bond with that person. Otherwise, you might feel a lack of encouragement to go on dates if your experiences have been boring. 

Thirdly, it might be a beneficial idea to connect with other demisexual people. If you live in a bigger city, maybe there’s even an online community with people who feel the same way you do about dating and romantic relationships. Going out with them can make you feel understood without having to explain yourself too much. Furthermore, it can be a connective topic to bond over. 

Lastly, remind yourself of all the perks of being demisexual. If you’re unable to find like-minded people, it can become discouraging to date. However, demisexuality can have several benefits, and remembering that can give you motivation to meet new people. For instance, your relationship could last longer because you’ve established strong foundations for it before taking it to the next level. Also, you won’t waste time waiting to see if the sex is good. Because emotional connection is more important to you in the beginning, you will be aware of everything this person has to offer you and can determine whether they are the right fit for you. 

 

Final Words

Demisexual or not, your sexuality is who you are, and you should celebrate yourself. Surround yourself with people who support you, and you will find it easier to go on dates that are precisely the type of experience you’re looking for. 

It’s also a wonderful idea to learn more about demisexuality, as there might be a lot of what you don’t know. However, if you decide to go about it, remind yourself frequently that how we feel about our sexuality and how our sexual desire arises is unique to each of us. Comparing yourself to others or forcing yourself to do something unnatural won’t help. 

Once you have a clearer idea of what matters to you, it will become easier to pursue it. In no time, you will feel more interested in dating and meeting new people, sharing interests with them, and allowing yourself to enjoy every step of each experience. After all, meeting new people is exciting, and you should make the most of it!

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

LGBT Therapist

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The Value of an LGBT Therapist in Your Mental Health Journey

 

Although mental health should be a priority for everyone, a queer person benefits tremendously from seeing an LGBT therapist. The LGBT community faces unique challenges in accessing mental health services, which makes it essential that the person you talk to about your well-being is someone who is experienced in this area. 

One of the most important steps in the mental health process is definitely finding an LGBT-affirming therapist. You may be able to create the life you truly deserve if you learn how to heal your traumas and wounds and become the best version of yourself. If you identify with this topic, know that working closely with an experienced LGBT therapist is essential for your healing journey. We hope that this article will inspire you to take the most significant step toward your ideal future by providing you with additional information.  

 

Unique Challenges of the LGBT Community

Unfortunately, certain societal attitudes toward LGBT people can contribute to stress, anxiety, and depression. We cannot claim that society as a whole is stagnant. Despite this, we continue to see terrible instances of discrimination everywhere we look. The significance of queer folks having LGBT therapists for mental health care is just one part of that. 

Many of these mental health issues are caused entirely or in part by oppressive institutions and behaviors that are still in place in our culture. Providing positive treatment as a mental health practitioner requires understanding these detrimental systems and how they impact LGBT people. LGBT issues like healthcare access, employment and housing discrimination, gendered violence, and social exclusion are major concerns. 

The list of difficulties for the LGBT community goes on and on. These challenges will evolve and take on different shapes as time and society change. Keeping up with how the landscape is evolving and impacting LGBT clients is crucial for mental health professionals because it provides authentic support to those who need it the most. 

 

Why Choose an LGBT Therapist?

If you’re thinking between choosing a mental health therapist with no experience in this area and an LGBT-affirming therapist, there are certain factors you should keep in mind when making this decision. 

The most obvious one is cultural competence. Your therapy can only be successful if your therapist can truly understand the challenges you’re facing and is able to provide realistic tools and techniques in your healing journey. LGBT therapists are trained to understand and affirm diverse sexual orientations and gender identities, making it easier for you to feel understood and supported. 

It goes beyond saying how important it is for members of the LGBT community to feel they’re in a judgment-free environment. Without it, it would be impossible to foster trust and achieve deeper therapeutic work. 

An LGBT therapist will also be able to navigate issues like minority stress, coming out, or family rejection. As someone who has been hurt and is openly looking for support, seeing yourself reflected in a therapist can enhance feelings of belonging and understanding. 

 

The Benefits of LGBT Therapy

LGBT therapy is essential because it provides a safe space for people to explore their thoughts, feelings, and experiences related to their gender identity or sexual orientation in a supportive and nonjudgmental setting. By addressing the particular cultural, family, and internal issues that LGBT people may encounter, this specialized type of counseling goes beyond regular therapy. It is essential for building resilience, increasing self-awareness, and enabling people to deal with the complexity of who they are. 

When talking about the numerous benefits of LGBT therapy, the most noticeable ones include: 

  • Building self-acceptance
  • Healing relationships
  • Resilience and empowerment 
  • Community resources and support

 

Through LGBT counseling, you can develop healthy coping strategies, boost your self-esteem, and develop deeper, more meaningful relationships with others. LGBT therapy’s supportive framework ensures self-acceptance and personal growth are respected and supported, which is essential for living fully.

 

How to Find the Right Therapist

If you want an LGBT-affirming therapist but are already seeing one, ask your current therapist for referrals. The majority of therapists would gladly assist with a reference since they care about their client’s best interests. 

Using an LGBT health search engine is another way to locate a qualified therapist. Within a given zip code, you may look for therapists, psychiatrists, and sex therapists. Therapists indicate their areas of expertise, such as LGBT-affirming and gender-affirming care. If you are looking to pay privately, we have many virtual options for coaching available. 

Lastly, your community might be your finest resource. Ask for referrals from other LGBTA+ people you know who are undergoing therapy. You can also reach out to Facebook and other social media or internet groups and ask for advice. Dozens of recommendations will likely appear quickly, making it easier than searching online. 

 

Conclusion

Therapy is unquestionably crucial for LGBTA+ individuals to overcome mental health obstacles in their lives. If you’re looking for someone to help you feel fulfilled and accomplished, consider reaching out to a queer therapist. These professionals will be able to truly understand and support you on your journey. After all, sometimes we need more than just our friends’ support. 

A qualified therapist can help you get to know yourself better. Once you do that, you will be able to understand better your needs and what you’re looking for in others. The most important part of a queer person’s life is acceptance. However, this is often easier said than done. There are various reasons why you may not feel comfortable about your life. It’s a therapist’s job to make you fall in love with yourself and become excited about the life you have and are building for yourself. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

LGBTQ+ Sex Education: Equal and Inclusive Sex Education for All 

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LGBTQ+ Sex Education: Equal and Inclusive Sex Education for all 

 

All youth deserve a comprehensive sex education, including LGBTQ+ youth. Yet many sex education classes do not include the LGBTQ+ community at all. This keeps LGBTQ+ students from learning about safe sex and health interactions and creates a school environment where they are mistreated. 

There is tons of evidence that comprehensive sex education reduces high-risk sexual behaviors, promotes safer sex practices and prevents pregnancy and STIs among youth. Furthermore, LGBTQ youth are more often affected by negative sexual health outcomes. Unfortunately, this is a population that is removed from the conversation during sex education classes. 

 

Current Sex Education promotes prejudice or ignores LGBTQ+ youth

Most US states do not require sex education programs to include sexual orientation, and many teach that same-sex is “bad” and “undesirable.” 

This provides LGBTQ+ youth with an environment that will promote discrimination, bullying, and hate. This stigma and discrimination against LGBTQ+ youth can cause mental-health issues and substance use abuse among LGBTQ+ youth. Promoting a safe and inclusive environment for those students can reduce suffering and improve mental health and school performance. 

 

Including LGBTQ+ youth in sex education classes benefits all students

Sex education that includes everyone affirms LGBTQ+ youth, normalizes different identities. And teaches cis and straight students to interact respectfully with queer people. Inclusive sex education and honest conversations about sex and gender can help people come to terms with their own identities and decrease harmful stereotypes. 

Incorporating a comprehensive sex education teaches all students about consent and how to navigate difficult and awkward conversations regarding sex. Learning about consent, boundaries, and safe sex is essential for all students, regardless of their sexuality or gender.

Additionally, learning about sexuality and gender in sex education classes promotes positive outcomes for LGBTQ+ youth and helps to normalize and affirm their identities. This will reduce bullying and stigma and teach cis and straight students proper terminology and ways to respectfully speak to their peers. 

 

Sex Education should not be a “one-size-fits-all” approach 

Sex education should value all identities and incorporate LGBTQ+-specific content. This should include specific struggles that members of the LGBTQ+ community face, such as coming out, STI protection, and gender identity formation. 

All young people should learn about healthy sex and relationships.

Ignoring many students due to outdated views on heterosexuality is unacceptable and unsafe.

 

What would LGBTQ+ inclusive sex education look like in practice?

LGBTQ+ inclusive sex education would address sexual health information for people of all identities. It would educate students on safe sexual practices and give them tools to navigate boundaries and consent. Also, it aims to tackle LGBTQ+ disparities and challenges, allowing students to discuss sex and gender.

It would also educate students on pronouns and the difference between sexuality and gender identity. It would not only focus on heterosexual relationships or stigmatize queer relationships. Further legislation should be passed in order to mandate that schools be inclusive of all students in order to foster positive relationships and identities. 

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know Melody Atkinson, LMFT-A by making an appointment. Her specialization is trauma-informed practices, alternative methods to explore ADHD, LGBTQIA+ relationships, and identity.

Start your journey here with Melody.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us with a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Lesbian Relationship Issues: Communication and Connection

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Lesbian Relationship Issues: Communication and Connection

 

Lesbian relationship issues are unique stressors for lesbians in committed relationships. Communicating with your partner when issues arise is crucial, even though managing lesbian relationship issues can be difficult (before resentment builds). Lesbian couples may face isolation, family rejection, and the high cost of starting a family. 

 

Because our society is patriarchal in nature, lesbian relationships are frequently stigmatized and invalidated. Sometimes, lesbian couples feel unsafe holding hands in public or kissing each other goodbye. 

 

This could be the result of a real or perceived threat. Unfortunately, a lot of lesbian couples have experienced harassment or threats from strangers for showing their love in public. This is why it is so important to have conversations with your partner about what feels safe for you and how you want to handle things like PDA and social media. Many of us have been shamed to not show affection in public, yet it is different with a same-sex partner. In some countries, it may be easier for lesbian couples than it is for gay men. 

 

In addition to harm from strangers, many lesbian couples face issues that come from their own families. While our society has had a large shift around acceptance of the LGBTQIA+ community, many families still reject or tolerate their queer children rather than celebrate them and their relationship.

 

One or both partners often lack family support, which can strain the relationship. This can damage someone’s identity and self-esteem, causing lesbian relationship issues. 

 

Because their families do not accept them, many LGBTQIA+ people have chosen families. It is very important to have support from others while navigating lesbian relationship issues. 

 

Lesbian couples looking to start a family can also face significant financial challenges. Like their straight counterparts who have fertility issues, lesbians are unable to conceive without medical intervention, which is typically not covered by insurance. This may cost thousands of dollars per child for lesbian couples. In addition to fertility treatments or insemination, financial hardship can strain any relationship. 

 

The best way to overcome lesbian relationship issues is to have honest and open conversations with your partner. Being honest with your partner about your feelings, witnessing one another, and supporting one another in times of crisis can create a stronger bond within the couple. 

 

Ask your partner how they are doing mentally, emotionally, and practically. By doing so, you can support each other lovingly when lesbian relationship issues arise. Having trouble caring for each other? Seek help from an LGBTQIA+ affirming therapist. 

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know Melody Atkinson, LMFT-A by making an appointment. Her specialization is in trauma-informed practices, alternative methods to explore ADHD, LGBTQIA+ relationships, and identity.

Start your journey here with Melody.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Counseling for LGBTQ+ Folks

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Counseling for LGBTQ+ Folks

 

Since the pandemic, virtual counseling for LGBTQ+ folks has boomed.

Making it easier than ever to receive mental health care from the comfort of your home. For many people in the LGBTQ+ community, this can help them gain access to quality care without having to step foot into an office. 

For some queer people, doctors and medical professionals can be intimidating. It can be hard to know if a provider will be affirmative or not, and the consequences of a provider discriminating against someone due to their sexuality and gender are great. This is why online counseling can be a great tool for LGBTQ+ clients seeking online couples counseling.

 

Why counseling for LGBTQ?

Long-term relationships come with challenges. For many, after the honeymoon stage of the relationship, conflict can arise, which can strain the relationship. Virtual counseling for LGBTQ+ couples can help navigate this conflict and teach them communication skills and emotional regulation skills that they may not have been taught in childhood. These skills can help the couple manage conflict in a way that does not harm each other or the relationship. 

For many people in the LGBTQ+ community, life comes with hardships that can show up in relationships. For example, many LGBTQ+ people have difficult relationships with family. This outside stressor can cause relational issues for the couple. LGBTQ+ people also experience more discrimination and stigma from society than their straight counterparts. This can affect someone’s mental health, which will impact the couple. 

Having a safe and affirming space to navigate these issues and learning communication and regulation skills can help LGBTQ+ couples have a more satisfying relationship. This is true for couples of all sexualities, yet especially true for people in the LGBTQ+ community. 

 

How do I know if a therapist is affirming?

If possible, finding a therapist who is also part of the LGBTQ+ community can be invaluable, as they will understand nuances about being LGBTQ+ that a straight therapist would not. If you are unsure about your therapist’s views, you can always ask! Your therapist works for you, and you are allowed to ask questions so you can feel comfortable. If your therapist has a reaction or response that is not in alignment with your values, then you are allowed to find another. 

 

How do I find an online LGBTQIA+ therapist? 

There are a few ways to find counseling for LGBTQ+ therapists. Sites like Psychology Today and TherapyDen have search filters where you can specify wanting an LGBTQ+ affirming counselor. And even searches where you can find a therapist who is in the community themselves. You can also google “online LGBTQ+ couples counselor” and find a practice that looks like it could be a good fit. 

Sometimes people need to try a few different therapists until they find the provider that is the best fit for the couple. This is perfectly normal, and this person will play a big role in helping you mend your relationship. It is important that you find someone with whom you feel validated and safe. 

 

In Conclusion

In the evolving field of mental health, the rise of online therapy has become a symbol of hope and accessibility for the LGBTQ+ community needing care. This has allowed LGBTQ+ couples to find a lifeline and safe haven in a world that still stigmatizes them. This can allow couples to have happier and more fulfilling relationships. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know Melody Atkinson, LMFT-A by making an appointment. Her specialization is in trauma-informed practices, alternative methods to explore ADHD, LGBTQIA+ relationships, and identity.

Start your journey here with Melody.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

5 Things To Know About Your First Lesbian Relationship 

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5 Things To Know About Your First Lesbian Relationship 

 

Being in your first lesbian relationship can be a beautiful time of growth and self-acceptance. It can also be a vulnerable time and bring up intense feelings. Your first lesbian relationship can be an opportunity for you to learn about yourself, your boundaries, and how you show up in your relationships. 

 

  • Your first lesbian relationship can be a time of self-discovery and acceptance 

Coming out can be beautiful and bring you closer to your authentic self. Many people feel more connected to themselves after understanding their sexuality and identity. Meaning, coming out gives many queer people community and understanding.  

Prior to coming out, many people in the LGBTQIA+ community “mask” or hide their true identity in order to survive. It can be a deeply liberating experience to share your identity with your loved ones and the world. In addition, when experiencing your first lesbian relationship, you finally get to experience attraction and love in the way that you may have yearned for in failed relationships with men. 

 

  • Your first lesbian relationship is a time to openly communicate with your partner and learn about each other’s boundaries. 

Your first lesbian relationship is a perfect time to practice relational skills such as open communication and boundaries. It can be very easy in the “honeymoon phase” of your first lesbian relationship to fall hard and fast. However, we need to be clear about where our boundaries lie around things like PDA, being shown on social media, and consent. 

Because of the unique intensity of a first lesbian relationship, this is especially important. Sit down with your partner, ask what their boundaries are, and have an open dialogue. This can make a world of difference in your relationship. 

 

  • Things can feel intense

Your first lesbian relationship may feel more intense than other relationships you have had in the past. This makes sense, as you may have only dated men whom you do not find attractive. Because of this, you may find yourself falling in love quickly and intensely. This is something to be mindful of before making long-term decisions after only knowing someone in the short term. 

“Uhauling” is a term used frequently in lesbian discourse that refers to the idea that lesbians will fall in love very quickly and move in with one another almost immediately (hence the “uhaul”). This term is often used in a humorous manner, but it is a real phenomenon that happens in lesbian relationships. 

 

  • Gender roles look different (or don’t apply)

If you are in a lesbian relationship for the first time, you may find yourself perplexed about navigating a relationship without gender roles. In queer relationships, gender roles are not as strictly defined. You may find yourself unclear about what tasks your partner expects of you and what you expect of them. This is another opportunity to get to know each other better by figuring out what works for you as a couple. 

Some lesbian couples will take on more traditional roles where one partner is the homemaker and the other partner works. Some couples will split things up more evenly around the home so that they can both prioritize their careers. It all depends on what works for you and your partner. 

 

  • Now is the time to build a support system

Navigating your first lesbian relationship can be emotionally challenging, and it is extremely important that you have people in your life who can help support you through this time. Friends and family who are safe and affirming can be integral steps to healing. It is very important to not solely rely on your partner to support you emotionally so that you don’t become isolated within your relationship. 

Many people in the LGBTQ+ community will find other people in the community to lean on at this time. 

 

One final thought

There is not nearly enough representation in the media for lesbians, and if you are struggling to navigate your first lesbian relationship, you are not alone. Consider seeking out an LGBTQ+ affirming therapist to help you navigate your emotions and connect you with others in your community. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know Melody Atkinson, LMFT-A by making an appointment. Her specialization is in trauma-informed practices, alternative methods to explore ADHD, LGBTQIA+ relationships, and identity.

Start your journey here with Melody.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Aromantic or Asexual: What is The Difference?

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Aromantic or Asexual: What is The Difference?

 

Asexuality and aromantic don’t have the same meanings. As the terms imply, asexual individuals have little to no sexual attraction, whereas aromantic people have little to no romantic attraction. Each of these terms has several variations as well, meaning that not all people with little or no sexual attraction are immediately asexual. The same goes for aromantics. Those who are asexual are commonly known as “ace” and those who identify as aromantic use the term “aro.” 

Some people claim to be both asexual and aromantic. There are times that someone who is panromantic and is in love with another, for an aesthetic reason, yet may not find them sexually attractive. 

Therefore, just because you identify with one of these concepts doesn’t mean you do so with the other. To understand it better, let’s dive deeper. 

The Meaning of Asexuality

People who are asexual rarely or never feel sexual attraction. In other words, they experience little or no desire to engage in sexual activity with others. Since asexuality is a  spectrum, some asexuals are more attracted to other people sexually than others.

It’s possible to have sex with someone without feeling sexually attracted to them, thus this doesn’t imply that asexual individuals never engage in sexual activity. While some members of the asexual community refrain from having sex, others who are asexual could still have sex for a variety of reasons. Asexuals do not feel sexual attraction, while allosexual individuals do. 

The Meaning of Aromantic

Few or no romantic attractions are felt by aromantic individuals. Wanting to be in a committed relationship with someone is what romantic attraction is all about. A romantic connection can mean different things to different people.

Even though they don’t sense romantic attraction for a particular person, some aromantic individuals may have romantic relationships or may still want one. Someone who does not experience romantic attraction is the opposite of an aromantic. Alloromantic refers to this kind of individual.

Being Aromantic Asexual (aro, ace) 

Not all aromantic individuals are asexual, and not all asexual people are aromantic; nevertheless, some people are both.

Aromantic and asexual people rarely, if ever, feel sexual or romantic desire. However, that doesn’t mean they never form romantic attachments or engage in sexual activity. An individual who considers themselves to be both asexual and aromantic may fall entirely on different ends of either spectrum.

Asexuality and Aromantics: Other Terms 

Other words are also used to define people’s sexual and romantic identities. A few of the identities that fall under the asexual or aromantic category are:

  • Grayromantic or graysexual: One who only occasionally feels sexual or romantic desire is referred to as “graysexual” or “grayromantic.” They may only occasionally or with very little intensity feel sexual or romantic attraction.
  • Demimantic or demisexual: A person who can only feel sexually or romantically attracted to someone with whom they already have a close relationship is referred to as “demisexual” or “demiromantic.”
  • Recipromantic or reciprosexual: These phrases describe someone who only feels sexually or romantically attracted to someone who initially felt that way about them.
  • Akinomantic or akiosexual: These phrases describe someone who experiences sexual or romantic desire yet does not wish for that attraction to be reciprocated.
  • Aceflux or aroflux: These phrases describe people whose potential for romantic or sexual desire varies throughout time.

One or more of these terms might describe who you are, and your identity might change over time.

Signs of Aromanticism or Asexuality

Every aromantic asexual individual is distinct, and everyone has varied experiences in relationships.

But if you’re asexual and aromantic, you might relate to one or more of the following:

  • You haven’t felt much desire for a romantic or sexual relationship with a particular person.
  • You have a hard time picturing what being in love feels like.
  • You have a hard time picturing what lust feels like.
  • You find it difficult to relate when other people talk about being attracted to someone romantically or sexually.
  • The prospect of engaging in sexual activity or being in a romantic relationship makes you feel neutral or maybe disgusted.
  • You’re unsure if your desire for relationships or having sex is solely motivated by social expectations.

Being Asexual and Aromantic in Relationships

Depending on their feelings, aromantic asexual people may still engage in romantic or sexual interactions. After all, there are numerous reasons to have sex with someone or start a relationship; it’s not just because you’re attracted to them.

Keep in mind that being asexual or aromantic does not exclude a person from experiencing love or commitment. People may desire sexual activity for reasons other than sexual attraction, including:

  • providing or receiving enjoyment,
  • relationship with their partner,
  • sign of affection,
  • potential for children.

In a similar way, individuals might desire romantic connections independent of sexual attraction in order to:

  • parent together with someone,
  • commit to someone they love,
  • encourage one another emotionally.

Not Wanting a Relationship or Sex

To be happy, you don’t need to be in a romantic or sexual relationship. Social support is crucial, yet you may obtain it by developing close friendships and family ties, which everyone can do, whether or not they are in love relationships.

The term “queerplatonic relationships,” which describes close relationships that aren’t necessarily romantic or sexual, may be preferred by some asexual or aromantic individuals. They have a stronger bond than a typical friendship.

For instance, a queerplatonic partnership can entail co-parenting, providing emotional and social support for one another, or splitting costs and obligations. 

Similarly, there are instances where people can be sex-favorable or aesthetically attracted to one another, such as doing a hobby together, so it feels like a bond, yet behaviors do not go further. 

It’s acceptable to not want to have sex. It doesn’t imply that there is a problem with you or that there is a problem you need to resolve. Some asexuals engage in both sex and masturbation, while some people don’t engage in sexual activity.

Asexual individuals could be:

  • Sex-averse people are those who don’t want to have sex and find the idea repulsive (for example, think of someone you love as a mentor, yet you are not sexually attracted to them). 
  • Sex-indifferent individuals lack strong feelings regarding sex in either direction.
  • Sex-favorable if they enjoy some sex-related activities and don’t feel sexual attraction.

It’s possible for people to notice that their attitudes toward sex change throughout time and with each particular person they are interacting with.

In Final Words

If you are asexual or aromantic, it’s completely alright as long as you are okay with it. If being asexual or aromantic is having you feel negative or frustrated and you want to change that, you can reach out to a therapist or a mental health professional who specialize in this. You can also get trained by a specialized educator that we approved, like Aubri Lancaster. 

Be sure when you look on their website or forms, they include terms that you have seen. They have to have a general understanding of identity to be effective. 

Also, keep in mind that none of these two terms, or any term mentioned in this article, is permanent. The way you feel about sex, love, and relationships can change throughout your life and with each person. Therefore, giving yourself the chance to understand better how you feel is more important than memorizing these terms. After all, how you feel matters! 

Check Out All Our Additional Sex Therapy Video

Sex Therapy for Premature Ejaculation and Erection Issues

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Your Ultimate Guide To LGBTQ Mental Health

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Your Ultimate Guide To LGBTQ Mental Health

 

LGBTQ mental health is something that needs more attention. Members of this community have been experiencing a range of mental health issues, from anxiety and self-harm to considering suicide. Both adolescents and adults are more likely to experience any of the mental issue symptoms than a person who is not a part of the LGBTQ community. 

Many alarming statistics on LGBTQ mental health have been published in the past few years, showing the urge to put a spotlight on this issue. Learning where and how to find adequate mental health services is crucial. Also, educating yourself about common issues and conditions, risk factors, symptoms, and everything else related to mental health can help anyone experiencing these issues. 

Common LGBTQ Mental Health Issues

There are several mental health issues the LGBTQ community needs to be aware of. Unfortunately, most of these issues stem from the discrimination and oppression LGBTQ people will experience throughout their lives. It is essential to distinguish that we are not talking here about mental health disorders, rather about mental health struggles a member of this community might face. 

It’s not uncommon for a person within the LGBTQIA2+ community to experience fear or shame that adds to their existing struggle with mental health. Other common LGBTQIA2+ mental health issues include:

  • Depression or depressive symptoms,
  • Anxiety,
  • Having suicidal thoughts or attempts.

Being more aware of these mental health issues helps the entire society to have a better idea of how to help and where to find adequate help a person needs. 

LGBTQ Mental Health Risk Factors 

Numerous risk factors can potentially affect those in the LGBTQ community. Psychologists agree that LGBTQ individuals are at higher risk of experiencing depression, anxiety, substance use disorder, unemployment, homelessness, and suicidality. Besides the coming out process, many other difficult situations can cause additional stress for a young person. 

Mental health outcomes for LGBTQ are poorer than for the heterosexual community. There is also always a chance of issues of bias in discrimination when in therapy. That is why finding an LGBTQ therapist who can offer valuable guidance, reassurance, and advice to help individuals navigate these situations without triggering anxiety is important.

Coming Out

Undoubtedly, there is an increase in social acceptance for the LGBTQ community, yet coming out is not a pleasant experience for most members. Those who live in unsupportive environments fear their social experiences after coming out contribute to negative mental health consequences. 

Trauma from Discrimination

Many LGBTQ young adults experience some form of discrimination during their life, whether homophobia, transphobia, LGBTQ bullying, or something else. These all discrimination types can contribute to identity-based shame, which causes trauma in LGBTQ individuals. They will experience feeling labeled, denied opportunities, verbal, mental, or physical abuse, etc. Sometimes, this trauma leads to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Rejection

Fearing rejection or being rejected after coming out is a painful experience. When fearing rejection or being rejected by a family member or a close friend, the impact of it can be traumatic and very difficult to heal from. There are many benefits from talking to an LGBTQ therapist who can help set boundaries and protect yourself from this fear or unpleasant experience. 

Homelessness

Although not so much talked about, there is a much higher chance to become homeless in a lifetime if you are an LGBTQ individual. Several struggles an LGBTQ person will face are contributing to this, such as family rejection, discrimination at work/school or home, and an increased chance of abuse. When a person is left alone or needs to protect themselves from their family or friends because of lack of acceptance, they are faced with complex life challenges that might result in homelessness. 

Substance Use or Abuse

Members of the LGBTQ community are more likely to use or abuse substances. As an LGBTQ adolescent or young adult might feel anxiety about their identity and how others will accept them, they are more likely to consider substance use than those identifying themselves as heterosexual. Oftentimes, a person with this experience will benefit from group or individual therapy to learn how to manage addiction, unravel the pain that might be under it, and learn healthier coping techniques. 

Why LGBTQ Therapy?

Inadequate mental health care is common for the LGBTQ community. The issue derives from the fact that many therapists will address their patient’s sexual orientation or gender identity along with the mental health issue and combine them into one large issue. Generalizing might prevent therapists from providing adequate mental health as not all LGBTQ patients have the same personality, issues, and coping mechanisms. 

An LGBTQ therapist will treat the individual by focusing on the particular challenges they are facing. Conditions they have experienced, and suggest a therapy based on that. For any therapy to be efficient, it needs to be based on the individual’s needs and goals.

Not to mention that other relevant factors like economic status, race, and various identity factors might have a strong impact on the type of care someone might receive. With therapy being incredibly beneficial. It is important to address these issues to ensure everyone finds the mental health care they need. 

In Final Words

Although there is much more acceptance in society. There is still much work to be done to make everyone in the LGBTQ community feel equally included. If you’re experiencing one of the symptoms or feelings we’ve mentioned in this article or know someone who does. We suggest searching for an LGBTQ therapist nearby. 

An LGBTQIA2+ therapist helps LGBTQIA2+ individuals share their experiences, talk about feelings and fears. And learn techniques that help them enjoy their life without anxiety, depression. Or any of the mentioned mental health issues.

Another beneficial way for an LGBTQIA2+ person experiencing mental health issues is to talk openly about how they feel. And what they need from the people around them. Whether this article is for you, a friend. Or a family member, conversation with those you care about is the first step to accepting yourself. And sharing an authentic version of yourself with those who matter to you.

Check Out All Our Additional Therapy Video

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Transgender Teen

Supporting A Transgender Teen and Family in Transitioning 

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Supporting A Transgender Teen and Their Family in Transitioning

 

Part of our work at Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is supporting transgender teen clients and their families to adjust. Coming out as a transgender teen is a process.

Often, it is complex for teens and their families, because it is a transition for the entire family system.

 

Basic Terms

Identifying as transgender is when someone is born as male or female and ascribed a gender of boy or girl at birth based on their genitals. When someone is transgender it means that they do not feel the gender ascribed to them at birth is accurate. 

Non-binary, gender creative, and gender expansive individuals are people who do not ascribe to the gender binary of male/female or man/woman. These individuals typically see gender as fluid or do not ascribe to one gender at all. 

Dead name refers to the name the individual was given at birth, not the name the individual chooses as they come out. 

Pronouns  are the way a person identifies. The most common pronouns are: she/her, they/them, he/him, ze/zir. When someone misgenders someone it is when someone uses the incorrect pronoun. This happens often when people come out as transgender or non-binary. The deliberate misuse and misgendering causes significant harm to the individual coming out.

Due to our society adjusting our perspectives on the LGBTQ+ community, we have made head way in seeing the people are able to come out earlier in their life (usually in adolescence where identity is a primary developmental task) thus allowing them to lead healthier adult lives. I will say it 10000 times that these outcomes are based on how the community, family, and close individuals around the person coming out respond or react to them coming out. 

If you are a close friend or family member of someone in the LGBTQ community, especially within the gender non-conforming or transgender population, it is incredibly important for you to learn and understand how your response can cause harm to the individual coming out. 

 

Transitioning the Family

For the family, adjusting to their teenage family member using a different name and pronoun can be incredibly difficult. Even in the most supportive environments this is complicated. If you had any beliefs that may make the circumstance less supportive it can result in massive issues for the teen themselves and the family. 

One of the most important things to do as a family member is to work through the grief you have. Grief is a normal part of any major changes in someone’s life, this is no different. What I see most in families is the need to grief what they expected and how to integrate that with who the teen is and the memories they have with them. 

The most common thing I see in families is people not addressing their grief and projecting (putting it on) those around them, especially the transgender teen who is coming out. This looks like making it about themselves, arguing about what pronoun is appropriate, using the teens name vs. dead naming them, or misgendering. This makes someones coming out experience about you rather than the person coming out, which is a problem.

To be extremely clear, I am not saying you should not address your own personal feelings, grief, and experience – in fact I am saying the opposite. HOWEVER, this should be done NOT with the person who is coming out. The person coming out has enough of their own stuff to deal than trying to help you manage your experience and reaction to this. I would suggest finding a therapist or joining a support group where you can process your feelings and experiences safely without causing harm to the person who is coming out. 

 

Progress not Perfection

It is okay if you are having a difficult time with your teen transitioning. However, it is not okay to take that confusion out on those around. 

Family and friends do not have to be perfect. Yet, if you mess up – OWN IT. Owning can look like a simple “I am sorry.” Or owning it means asking clarification! Similarly, it could be learning more about transitioning through finding helpful resources. 

This does not look like making it about yourself or justifying why you did what you did. Please, do not have the individual coming out teach you before you do research.  

  • taking accountability
  • asking for clarification
  • apologizing
  • doing your research.

Please, try your best to respect someone’s name and pronouns. 

Think about how as a culture we shift last names of those that are married or when celebrities change their name. Therefore, an individual can use the same cognitive shifts for those in their life.

If you are finding it challenging or difficult please seek support from a professional to deconstruct why that is.

You are not perfect, I do not ever expect perfection from my clients. I do expect progress tho. Progress not perfection.

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know Nicole Scrivano, LMFT, LCAT’s Director, by making an appointment. Nicole specializes in working with individuals and couples to bring identity-informed care and strategies for success in overcoming trauma triggers. Start your journey here with Nicole.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

What is Gender Dysphoria? 

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What is Gender Dysphoria? 

 

Gender dysphoria is the term used when someone experiences distress from their body based on their gender identity or expression. 

In other words, someone who was born biologically one sex and assigned a specific gender. If this person feels distressed surrounding their body, genitals, and / or other aspects of their body. Anything that may amplify their biological sex or gender assigned at birth may cause more gender dysphoria. 

 

The Basics: 

Biological sex is determined based on genital presentation at birth (usually male or female) and then there is a “labeled” or assigned a gender based on that (for example: girl or boy). 

For some individuals, as they age throughout their life (and even as early as childhood), they do not identify with their assigned gender. 

Someone’s gender identity is what someone experiences as their gender. Whereas someone’s gender expression is how someone shows their gender through dress, hair, make up, etc.

When someone’s assigned gender does not feel congruent with their gender identity, it often results in gender dysphoria. 

 

This distress is common in folks who are gender non-conforming. Therefore, the result may lead to individuals engaging in gender affirmation treatments (such as surgeries, using hormones, or binding, etc.) 

 

What are the symptoms of Gender Dysphoria?

Here is what gender dysphoria may look like: 

  • Feelings that your biological sex does not match your gender identity
  • Feeling comfort with another gendered experience than what was assigned at birth
  • Strong desire to hide and / or get rid of physical signs of your sex
  • Discomfort around genitals or chest
  • Insistence of being a different gender
  • Distress while physical changes are happening during puberty (not typical experiences of hormones changing or mood swings, etc)

Although these may be the most common or obvious ways that dysphoria can be seen. This brief list does not cover the whole scope of what could be experienced by others’ experience of gender dysphoria.

 

How to Get or Give Support

Gender dysphoria is a complicated concept for many to understand and requires a level of competence and / or education to be able to support. 

Individuals who are experiencing gender dysphoria often get discrimination for this. It is important to consider medical providers who have experience in this area. 

Similarly, you can encourage someone that may be experiencing gender dysphoria to find new support systems and places where they are able to be themselves. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know Nicole Scrivano, LMFT, LCAT’s Director, by making an appointment. Nicole specializes in working with individuals and couples to bring identity-informed care and strategies for success in overcoming trauma triggers. Start your journey here with Nicole.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Gender Conforming

Are You Gender Conforming or Gender Non Conforming? 

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Are You Gender Conforming or Gender Non Conforming? 

 

Gender conforming and gender non conforming are common words utilized in our society today. Read our blog post to learn more about Gender Expression and Gender Non Conforming.

 

What is Gender Conforming?

Gender conforming individuals are people who adhere to “normative” cultural standards surrounding gender expression. 

This would be a woman dressing in feminine attire or what our culture would consider acceptable for a woman (dress, leggings, certain colors, skirt, heels, etc.) or a man dressing in “masculine” attire (pants, athletic gear, a suit, tshirts, etc). 

The majority of our culture is “gender conforming” because that is what is expected and acceptable. 

People, generally, like to feel connected and accepted in our culture so most people will follow or conform to what is “in style” or “appropriate” for their gender.

Gender conforming can also be defined as following the “rules”  to your assigned gender at birth or your natal sex. 

Some would not consider transgender people to be gender conforming, even if they are wearing clothes that match their gender. 

Most of the clients and the majority of individuals in our world are gender conforming. 

What I work on with these clients is challenging these “normative” beliefs in order for them to assess what truly is comfortable for them so that it is a conscious choice rather than an unconscious one. 

So often when we conform, we do not think, we just do without being conscious. 

Whatever your choice is, I want you to realize it is a choice.

 

Gender Non-Conforming or Gender Creative Individuals

Gender non-conforming individuals have gender expression that does not follow the stereotypical “rules” surrounding what is expected in for attire. For example, someone who presents as a woman yet is shopping for herself in the men’s department. 

Additionally, individuals who are gender non-conforming may have a different style completely or may fluctuate between what the culture considers masculine and feminine. Some people may present more neutral or androgenous, whereas others may shift their gender expression based on activity, crowd, emotion, or internal part of them that they are embodying. 

People who are gender creatives may identify with their assigned gender or may identify with other identities such as non-binary, gender queer, gender fluid, gender bending, gender non-conforming, or something else. 

For the clients that I work with who are gender creatives, often have a strong sense of internal identity and also really connect with the spectrum of masculinity and femininity. Others do not connect to either at all. 

 

Gender Conforming, Gender Identity, and Gender Expression are NORMAL!

To be clear, there is nothing clinically problematic or concerning about gender expression or being gender conforming AT ALL. 

The individuals who see licensed clinicians like me and are gender non-confomring yet are seeing me for a completely different reason (and just want an identity-affirming therapist).

As you may imagine, someone who is not conforming to societal norms experiences a lot of unique stressors, and with gender expression being something that you “show” the world – it creates a lot of difficulty due to people’s hate and inability to learn and grow. 

Regardless of how you express your gender, whether you conform or not, at LCAT, we see you and we are here to help provide a safe, comfortable environment for you to explore yourself and learn and grow to be in your best empowered self!

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know Nicole Scrivano, LMFT, LCAT’s Director, by making an appointment. Nicole specializes in working with individuals and couples to bring identity-informed care and strategies for success in overcoming trauma triggers. Start your journey here with Nicole.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.