My Naked Female Weekend with Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross

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The following may contain a story and images of intimacy and pleasure in the body (including what is viewed by LCAT as tasteful). You have a choice to continue reading, as we value our community and your right to agree to read this information. Our core beliefs are confidentiality, integrity, respect of all beings, and consent on all levels.

My Naked Female Weekend with Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross – Pleasure is Healing

 

On July 14, 2013, I met Betty Dodson for the first time. She hugged me, whispered “you’re a very naughty girl…I like you” to me, and then slapped my ass. Life was good. 

Have you ever heard of Betty Dodson? If not, have you ever heard of a vibrator? 

Betty Dodson

Carlin Ross, Amanda Pasciucco and Betty Dodson

If yes, consider saying “thank you” to Betty Dodson!

Betty put the vibrator on the “map” for women’s sexual pleasure, and the movement that she began decades ago has changed sexuality for the better! 

Betty Dodson is not only a sexologist and the author of Sex For One (it sold over a million copies) and Orgasms for Two, she is a phenomenal artist. 

Soon, she will have some of her work in an exhibition at The Museum of Sex in New York City. 

If you would like to see some of Betty’s illustrations, you can find them here. 

A few months ago, I realized that Betty is 90 years old, and I had yet to attend one of her events. 

I wanted to see Betty and her “right-hand woman,” Carlin Ross, in action! 

Immersing myself in Betty and Carlin’s energy for the first time in six years didn’t feel scary or intimidating to me. It almost felt like “coming home” while attending Dodson and Ross’ BodySex Weekend.

 

What Is BodySex? 

The best description I can come up with for BodySex is a sacred, two-day weekend workshop where women overcome their body shame and/or past traumas by practicing sensual pleasure. 

Carlin says that “Betty developed these workshops using the consciousness raising model of second wave feminism where women got together and shared their experience first person.” 

 

How does it work? 

A group of more than 10 women from all over the WORLD come to learn from Betty and Carlin about their bodies, their orgasms, all while feeling the strong bond of sisterhood. 

This event is for women only.

The first thing you do when you walk into the BodySex event is take off all of your clothing. 

I was greeted by the lovely Ms. Ross, who I had met six years ago, and who still remembered me, by name. I smiled and felt honored, because Carlin and Betty are such heroes to me. 

Women who spend their days teaching other women about pleasure has enabled me to live my life in exactly the way I want. Since I was 19, I was able to choose the profession I chose, because of the Sexual Revolution that Betty Dodson began.

We sat in a circle for two days (for a total of 10 hours), without any clothing, without any men, and we were led through the following practices by two Fearless Women:

  • Conversation on Cultural Body Messages
  • Vulva Show and Tell for all Participants
  • Erotic Recess Focused on Pleasure
  • Group Massage Focused on Non-Sexual Touch

I believe that all women can gain something from this experience. 

Sitting in the nude isn’t comfortable for everyone when they begin. But, by the end of Day 2, after sharing your genitals and your pleasure with the other women, I am uncertain how anyone leaves without making LIFELONG friends! 

 

Change occurs when you do something new!

 

Take Away Messages

1. If you are a woman struggling to orgasm, go to BodySex. It will change your life.

  • By spending time with other women, especially other vulnerable, Bad-Ass women, your view of female bodies, orgasm, competition, and internal narratives begin to change. 
  • The idea that multiple women went in disliking their vulvas, and most did not know how to appreciate them (Day 1) and then left (Day 2) feeling pleasure and connection is MIRACULOUS! 
  • In 10 hours, Betty and Carlin undo YEARS of sexual shame and cultural fear that women’s bodies are “not enough.” 

2. Women are GORGEOUS! Especially, women in their pleasure!  

  • The entire woman, including her VULVA, is beautiful. 
  • If you had to match a face to a vulva, you probably could NOT do it! 
  • One of my favorite quotes from the weekend is that “P–sy is fresh, no matter what age.” 
  • When you aren’t looking at sex from the lens of pornography, there is much more to enjoy and experience. 

3. Many successful women are having children after the age of 40. 

  • For those of you who struggle with choosing between children and your career, I just want to share that I met multiple women this weekend who had babies after age 40. 
  • Until this weekend, I had never been in a room where women were willing to talk about the connection between their bodies, fertility and motherhood. 

I witnessed multiple women orgasm for the first time in their lives, and it was SO beautiful to share that with them. 

I believe ALL individuals can be healed from learning the beauty of their own pleasure. Just like Betty and Carlin’s tagline and mission “Better orgasms. Better world.”

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

How To Give A Blowjob

How to Give a Blowjob – A Mindblowing One!

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How to Give a Blowjob – A Mindblowing One!

 

If you don’t know how to give a blowjob, or have ever been told you suck at it, worry no longer. 

Here are some of the most amazing secrets I have learned about blowjobs while studying sexuality over the last 12 years that will help you give a mindblowing blowjob! 

 

Have a Positive Mindset 

If you want to give your partner an awesome blowjob experience, you first have to commit to the process and be authentic in your desire to please your partner orally. 

Don’t just fake it until you make it. Find a part of you that can help you out mentally while in the process. 

Something like “I am giving the best blowjob” or “I am great at giving head.” 

Why? 

Because if you repeat “I am so bad at this” or “I hate this. This penis is gross,” it will translate into your blowjob technique. 

Make sure your mind knows that this is what you want to be doing. 

If you are not in this mindset, your oral skills won’t be up to par, so you may as well not even start. Mindset DOES matter. 

Some people get overwhelmed by the thought of giving a blowjob. They start to fear that it will hurt them or that they will get tired. 

This thought can stop you from even starting oral sex, but it shouldn’t. 

It is perfectly fine to tell your partner, “I am going down on you to start things off and then I want you inside of me.” 

This gives you the power to go down on your partner for as long as it is enjoyable, and then you can switch to something else. 

 

Be Prepared

Hydrate! Your mouth can’t be dry.

Stretch your neck – left and right. Hold for 10 seconds on each side. 

Open and close your jaw to prepare for penetration. 

For those of you with long hair, get a hair tie! Your hair will get in the way. 

Make sure you have lube in case you need it. 

Discuss what you will do if your partner ejaculates BEFORE the beginning of the blowjob. 

Make sure you discuss STIs prior to beginning oral sex. You can ask to use a condom over the penis if you want to protect from certain STIs. 

One other thing before you start, ask if any parts of the body are off limits. 

Ask if you have free reign to touch thighs, ass, anus, stomach, etc. before you begin giving a partner oral sex. 

Make sure your body is in a comfortable position while giving. 

If you need to move your partner or yourself at any time to get more comfortable, do it. People get injured and pull muscles giving blowjobs, because they are too embarrassed to ask their partner to move. 

 

Calibrate Your Touch

While giving a blowjob, make sure you ask what feels good. 

Get an idea of the pressure that works, the spot that is most sensitive for them, and the speed they are enjoying. 

Give positive feedback to your partner about how you are enjoying this experience. 

Giving positive feedback during any type of sex is always a good idea! 

 

Provide Visual Stimulation

When giving a blowjob, try to provide visual stimulation. 

Some angles, like 69 or queening, are often huge turn ons prior to beginning the blowjob or during it. 

If you can, cup your chest together and stroke his shaft up and down.

How To Give A Blowjob

Gently caress and touch his package with your hands and other parts of your body. 

Sometimes, wearing a certain outfit or performing a strip tease can enhance the blowjob moment. 

 

Perfect Your Stroke Technique

Saliva or lube? It depends!  If you are going to use lube, apply it at this point by putting some in your hands and stroking his shaft. 

When putting your mouth on a penis, be sure to use your lips and tongue to wet the area. Go up and down the shaft, kind of like a harmonica. 

Ask for input on desired speed, intensity, and pressure. 

No Vampires! Be careful of teeth and keep them away unless he asks for it. There are only a FEW cases where I have heard individuals enjoying the sensation of teeth. Most often, it is NOT wanted. 

If you want to try deepthroating, cover your teeth with your lips and try to fit the shaft in your mouth (without using your hands). 

Try to go as deep as you can without being uncomfortable or gagging. If you gag in the beginning, I have been told that it is attractive to some receivers of the blowjob. 

Assess your partner and ask if they are enjoying the deepthroating sensation. 

You do not have to suck on anything. You do not need to put ice or mints in your mouth! 

Remember… blowing does not have to be involved. 

 

Perfect Your Hand Techniques

Recalibrate together, and see if your receiver is interested in having your hand wrapped around their shaft. 

How to Give a Blowjob

If yes, move your hand directly under your mouth, creating a warm, wet space for the penis to go in and out of. 

Move your hand/mouth up and down and make sure you don’t create friction.

Ask the receiver if they enjoy testicles being played with, because you can use one hand to touch those. Feel free to lick them while playing if you have consent. 

I recommend starting out by touching the testicles, perineum, and anus, with a brush of your hand, and asking your partner “did you like that?” or “do you want me to do more?” 

Look up at your receiving partner once in a while to see if there is enjoyment. 

Ask about the pressure and speed. 

If you want to use your hands, which makes for an easier blowjob for the person giving, there are a couple different techniques to try that are often a success! 

“O”-Gasm: Make the sign-language letter “O” with your dominant hand and wrap your hand around their shaft. Use your hand as an extension of your mouth.

Slide it up and down the shaft; as your mouth moves, your hand moves. 

You can try different things with this move such as twisting your hand (one inch in either a clockwise or counterclockwise direction) down his shaft. 

Weave: Interlock both hands (palms facing one another) together at the fingers. Have the base of both your palms touching and let the shaft glide in between your hands. 

Double Hands: Another variation is to place one hand over the other one if needed for more pressure. 

Sometimes, those receiving the blowjob will put their hand on their shaft for you, to help you out. That is a blessing, because it helps you know what you are lacking. 

If needed, use more saliva or lube to ensure a pleasurable sensation.

 

Completion of The Blowjob

You can begin to use your tongue to flick under the head of the penis, the frenulum, which creates an instant sensation.

Pick up speed if you feel your partner’s muscles begin to tense. 

Usually, you will notice the leg muscles or stomach muscles begin to clench pre-ejaculation. 

Keep constant pressure and do not change technique at this moment. 

Continue stimulation until the agreed upon (discuss this before giving head) end of the blowjob or until your partner ejaculates.

In summary, giving a blowjob to ejaculation is kind of like riding a bike uphill. It is important to maintain a steady progression to the top. If you slow down, you may go backwards. 

Keep your speed and pressure consistent or increase it as you go. 

Ejaculation vs Orgasm – there are times that men do NOT ejaculate, yet they orgasm. When you have the feeling of energy surge through your entire body, that is an orgasm. Sometimes ejaculate happens at the same time. 

Pleasure is the goal. Orgasm is a great side-effect! Just like Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross say, “Better Orgasms. Better World!”

Now that you know how to give a blowjob, try out these techniques and let us know if you have any other suggestions to share. 

 

Sensual Meditation: Strategies to Fall in Lust Again

Sensual Meditation: Strategies to Fall in Lust Again

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Couple Fighting

Couple Fighting: Stop Arguing and Start Loving

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Couple Fighting: Stop Arguing and Start Loving

 

Couple Fighting! Tips to Stop Arguing and Start Loving TODAY! 

Far too often, we let our romantic relationships deteriorate to the point where it’s so hard to claw back the pain and resentment that’s been left to fester. 

Couple fighting becomes a classic Western shootout. 

Both of you are standing on either side, tense and ready to grab at your weapon. 

You wait for your partner to flinch before you unleash all of your hurt and anger in their direction.

Of course, we know, it doesn’t have to be like this. It’s hard, though, to see through the fog of anger and give love when we’re not sure we’re going to get it in return. How do we get from where we are to a better place with less couple fighting?

First off, let me commend you for considering couples therapy. If you’re already taking sessions, wonderful. That’s even better. But recognizing that you need help with your relationships is a brave and honorable thing.

 

The Silence Surrounding Unmet Needs

Couple Fighting

Couple fighting can almost always be drawn back to unmet needs. Each of us, though wonderfully unique, has needs that must be filled for us to feel confident, loved, and engaged in a relationship. 

It’s been decades since Gary Chapman first presented his five love languages. They are: 

  • Physical Touch
  • Words of Affirmation
  • Acts of Service
  • Quality Time
  • Receiving Gifts

These aren’t just simple niceties. They’re fundamental to our happiness. Denying we have needs is denying who we are, eventually, you’re going to have to face that reality.

When your needs are met, life is better. Everything seems easier. You’re not worried about doing the dishes three times in a row if you love language is physical touch and the sex is great. Your partner is happy to let your work long hours at the job you love because you give them the affirmation they crave.

The problems most people have that lead to couple fighting have to do with unmet needs that go unaddressed for too long. Silence allows resentment, the relationship destroyer, space to move in. 

 

Overcoming Resentment by Quieting the Ego

 

Couple Fighting

When the couple fighting has been going on too long, motivations change. You’re no longer giving acts of service out of love; you’re doing them to see if they’ll earn you the quality time or gifts that you crave for validation. If they don’t come, we tell ourselves that we were right all along, it’s their fault things are bad. We’re doing our part, aren’t we?

Each feeling is driven by some innate need. We act out of a desire to connect, grow, contribute to a cause, or to gain certainty. When relationships stumble, uncertainty plays an outsized role in our communication. We overanalyze our partners’ and our actions, questioning why they said what they said or what will happen if I do this or that.

Our desire to create certainty can be destructive. It’s easy to draw into ourselves and shut others out to create some semblance of certainty in our lives.

The only way to fight back resentment in a relationship and create certainty is to quiet the ego and act out of love. 

That, however, is very hard to do, especially when you feel like working on your relationship is a one-way street. 

That’s where working with a therapist who specializes in relationship communication can help.

 

Setting Conditions for Nonviolent Communication

To overcome couple fighting, working with a therapist can be a huge help identifying damaging patterns in your communication with each other. Indeed, when relationships turn sour, the way we communicate becomes tainted with venom.

Our lack of certainty leads to hurt, and we become desperate that our partner understands that hurt. Too often, we try to get them to understand by doling out the same hurt we’re harboring inside through violent communication.

One of the biggest benefits of seeing a relationship therapist is that they can offer third-party insight into how the two of you are communicating. You can identify unhealthy patterns and start shifting to a better form of nonviolent communication.

In Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication: a Language of Life, he lays out the steps for developing nonviolent communication. They are:

  1. State Observations – It’s very important that you’re honest with your partner and yourself about why you say and nonverbally communicate the way you do. Understanding why you are behaving or speaking the way you do will help you avoid saying something inflammatory or hurtful.
  2. State Feelings – We must emphasize that putting words to feelings is the only way for resentment to subside. If you know that something you’re doing is hurting your partner, you’ll find ways to stop doing it if you love them and want to connect.
  3. State the Need – Frequently, we’re embarrassed or afraid of being vulnerable, so we don’t verbalize our needs. How can our partners know how to fill our needs if we aren’t explicit in what they are?
  4. Be Specific – Don’t rely on innuendo to build a healthy, loving relationship. Have the confidence to be direct in you what you want and instill confidence in your partner to do the same. Less misunderstanding will mean less resentment. 

Nonviolent communication is so critical to fighting back resentment. It’s the best way to break negative cycles and start building on common ground.

 

Decide to Make Room for Love

When we communicate without fear or uncertainty, we open ourselves up to giving and receiving love. Think about the times in your life when you’ve felt deeply loved. You weren’t worried about the other person’s judgment or concerned about how they slighted you yesterday. You were open, wonderfully vulnerable, and certain in the moment.

Each of us has challenges in our romantic relationships. At times, resentment and communication barriers trigger couple fighting that can threaten to destroy foundations that took years to build.

With the help of a qualified, understanding therapist, struggling relationships can thrive again. Armed with nonviolent communication skills, clear about our needs, and doing our best to push ego and resentment to the side, we can rebuild and reclaim love.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco Signature

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

LGBTQ Definition: Beyond the Binary

LGBTQ Definition: Beyond the Binary with LGBTQIA2+

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LGBTQ Definition: Beyond the Binary

By Nicole Scrivano, LMFT – Director at Life Coaching and Therapy

 

Read our latest blog post: “LGBTQ Definition: Beyond the Binary” to help you understand the LGBTQ+ community and the definitions within them.

There are many identities and labels for people that have become more commonplace. 

LGBTQ Definition: Beyond the Binary

Often in sessions, clients and their families frequently comment on all the identities “nowadays.” 

Despite the alphabet soup that has become the LGBTQIA2+ community identities, most of these identities have actually been around to varying degrees.

The most salient and well known identities are lesbian, gay, bisexual, and more recently transgender. Then, adding to LGBTQIA2+ we have intersex, asexual, two-spirit, etc. 

However, the spectrum of sexuality identities and gender identities has always been present, it is just now that we have a more common language to communicate identities effectively. 

 

The Alphabet Soup – How Do I Use These Terms? 

An entire blog can be written on individual identities, and there are plenty of resources to help you familiarize yourself with varying identities and definitions. 

Here are LGBTQIA2+ definitions and resources that I would suggest you read to learn more:

True Colors (local LGBTQIA2+ non-profit): www.ourtruecolors.org

Definitions From LGBTQIA2+ National Help Center: http://www.glnh.org – glossary 

  • CISGENDER – Abbreviated as “Cis” s a Latin prefix which means “to remain on the same side of,” the antonym of the Latin prefix “Trans.” Someone whose gender identity conforms to the sex assigned to them at birth.
  • GENDERFLUID – An individual who is highly flexible about their gender expression and presentation.  They may fluctuate between presentations and identities, or combine them.
  • GENDERQUEER – Someone who identifies outside the normative gender binary.  This term is used as both an umbrella term and as an identity in itself. There is often a connotation of transgressiveness for those who identify with this label. 
  • GENDER NEUTRAL – ​Not specifying any particular gender.  Definition can vary depending on context and individual using the term.
  • INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA- ​The experience of shame, aversion, or self-hatred in relation to one’s own attractions to a person of the same sex.
  • PANGENDER – A nonbinary identity.  Someone who identifies as pangender may identify with two or more genders, with any/all genders, or as a separate, third gender.
  • QUEER – A catch-all umbrella term for gender and sexuality minorities who are either not cis, not straight, or both.  The word queer is a reclaimed slur, and sometimes still used as such, so use it with sensitivity – do not use it for others unless they already have for themselves.
  • SEXUAL ORIENTATION – ​Defined by whom you are attracted to, emotionally, sexually, and/or romantically.  Has nothing to do with gender.
  • TRANSGENDER – Abbreviated as  “trans”. People whose gender identity differs from the sex assigned to them at birth. 

Once you have learned the LGBTQIA2+ terms it is important to do your best to use them appropriately. This means not as insults or not saying “a gay” or “a queer.” 

identities

Using person first language like someone “is gay” rather than “a gay,” allows the person to be seen as a human first not just their identity. A general rule of thumb is not to start with “a” or end with “s” (ex. Gays, queers, a gay, a queer, etc.). 

In regards to gender, the term transgendered is not accurate. Please utilize trans, transgender, trans. “Tranny” and words like this are harmful and problematic. DO NOT USE THEM! 

There are many terms that are offensive around gender, so please, please, please be mindful of the language you are using. 

Google exists for a reason! 

We suggest finding appropriate terms and language for each of these identities.

 

The Identity Evolution 

Sexuality and gender have both been shown to be on more of a spectrum and fluid rather than within dichotomies and stagnant. 

Although people often maintain their attraction towards a specific sex/gender/identity, that does not mean that it can’t change over time. 

For example, someone may identify as a lesbian earlier in their life, and then through self-exploration or a variety of sexual experiences, may identify as pansexual later on. 

Often a mistake I see is that people struggle to evolve with the individual as their identity evolves. 

Think of sexuality and gender as a continuum or a spectrum of colors. Break beyond the mold of choosing one or the other, and see it as evolving and dynamic. 

The queer (LGBTQIA2+) community is ever changing and evolving like most other communities. 

As the queer community has become more widely accepted, identities have become acknowledged or are more common place with the community (heteronormative) as a whole. 

People around the individual coming out or figuring out their identity would benefit from standing back and allowing that individual to explore themselves and to validate the evolution of that individual’s identity. 

Some people may remain consistent in their identities, other identities may ebb and flow for people, and that is okay. It is even normal.

When we try to stick those individuals into boxes, we begin to limit people’s ability to express who they really are. 

It is vital that we as a community (family, friends, providers, and partners alike) work towards learning and supporting people’s identities. 

 

Do Labels Really Matter? 

In one word, YES!

identities

Misgendering or dismissing one’s identity has a lasting impact. 

As the great Dr. Maya Angelou said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” 

As we dismiss and misgender or misidentify people we are creating a feeling – a harmful one – that breaks their boundaries. 

We as a community need to work together to lean in and examine our biases to address our impact. Good intentions are not enough. 

The impact needs to meet those intentions as well, otherwise, intentional or not, we are causing harm. 

At the end of the day, does it really matter if you have to “label” someone different or identify a different pronoun for them? It really doesn’t. 

Although it may be challenging for you, isn’t it better to adjust than for someone to spend another moment hiding themselves or stifling their growth? 

I have had clients who have found ways to easily and effectively communicate shifts in their gender expression. 

Whether it is a certain accessory in their clothing, how they wear their hair, or verbal cues they give, there are many ways that this can be communicated to partners, parents, teachers, and/or community members. 

To some people, the specific term used may not matter to them. But to others, it matters immensely. 

If you do not know what to term to use – ASK THE PERSON.

When we ask and collaborate with one another we learn, we grow, and we all evolve. 

Will you learn, grow, and evolve with me?

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Veterans Day

Veterans’ Day

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Veterans’ Day

 

Do Us All a Favor and Thank A Vet this Coming Veterans’ Day!

If you’re living in the U.S., odds are you know a veteran. Every year, millions of Americans serve in our all-volunteer military service. They come from all walks of life. Rich and poor, all different genders, and races. Immigrants even joined the armed forces for a chance to become a U.S. citizen. They answer the call of sacrifice and duty to country that protects the freedoms we often take for granted.

Given the sheer number of people over the years who’ve served, you probably know several veterans. They’re our schoolteachers, they train us at the gym, they work at grocery stores, and run successful companies all across the United States.

So yeah, obviously, we shouldn’t just celebrate our veterans one day a year, but if you haven’t had the chance, use the holiday to show some love to the people who gave up time and being around the people they love for something bigger. Here are some great ways you can show love for our veterans this year.

Veterans Day

 

Give Thanks by Understanding the Tradition of Service to Country

If you ask vets or active duty personnel, a lot of them will tell you that they tired, “Thank you for your service” can make their skin crawl. Sometimes it’s sincere, but so often it’s a canned line filled with political undertones.

Show a veteran you care by trying to understand what they’ve been through. Sure, you’ll never fully understand what it’s like to serve in wartime or be posted somewhere far overseas, but context goes a long way.

 

What Does Veterans Day Even Mean?

The U.S. has celebrated veterans since World War I ended in the early 1900s. On November 11 a year after the war, people flocked to the streets to celebrate peace, knowing the hell they’d been through. The holiday was initially called Armistice Day, but President Eisenhower changed it to celebrate all veterans.

America has been involved in the conflict for so long, that a lot of vets feel like what they do overseas is too far removed from normal American life. Unless you’re directly impacted, say, having a direct family member or close friend serve in a warzone, it’s hard to relate. A lot of the time they come home frustrated that normal people don’t understand what they’re doing over there.

We’re not out celebrating in the streets, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be showing thanks for what our soldiers, sailors, and marines are doing abroad. We’re lucky that current wars aren’t impacting us at home the way previous wars did.

When you meet a vet, the best way to thank them is to get to know them. If you know them, talk to them about their time in the military. Don’t be afraid to ask them questions about their time and what it meant. Don’t pry. Learn to take the subtle hints when something’s out of bounds. But don’t act like it never happened. Validate them with your interest.

Veterans Day 

Hold It Down for Our Vets

If you’re wondering what to do for our veterans this Veterans Day, there are tons of ideas. Here are a few good ones.

  • Donate to a Good Cause – There are a ton of charities and service organizations focused on helping veterans find jobs, get therapy, find a place to live, and plenty more as they transition out of service. The money you give goes directly to helping the life of a veteran in need.
  • Acts of Service – If you know a veteran, think of something you can do for them that they would enjoy. Get them tickets to the game or buy them some movie tickets. Take them out and treat them to a meal.
  • Show Respect – You may not notice it, but most veterans pay attention to how people around them act concerning respect for the military and country. You may have strong opinions about certain political decisions but try your best to refrain from severe criticism if you’re around a veteran.
  • Send a Care Package – You can mail a package of candy, clothes, electronics and other supplies to military personnel overseas for Christmas and other holidays. It’s easy to do and they love it.
  • Show Your Vet Some Love – Hopefully, you noticed that we wrote “your vet” there. Some of us are extremely lucky to be in relationships or dating veterans. They bring so much to our lives. They work hard, are disciplined, honor us, and strive to progress. On Veterans Day it’s the least we can do to show them some fun, right? This Veterans Day let loose a bit and give your partner a good time.

 

On A More Serious Note

Everyone should know that every veteran returns from service as a changed person. Some changes are harder than others. Tens of thousands of veterans who served our country come home with physical injuries, emotional scars, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Putting the pieces back together takes time and patience. Most of all it takes a network of caring people who are there for them when they need them.

If you know someone who is struggling with issues they experience in the military, talk to them. You may not be able to give them the help they need, but you can help them find it. There are resources available for veterans to call on.

 

 

There are Still People Out There Fighting

Ask a vet, and they’ll tell you one of the best things you can do to support them is to support the brave people still out there fighting. Brave service people are stationed in bases all over the world ready to move on a moment’s notice.

We’re indebted every day to their willingness to serve and what they stand for. Veterans Day is more than a holiday. It’s an annual reminder that we should all be doing more to thank and give back to our veterans.

No go out there and show them some love.

anal orgasm

Anal Sex For Penetration

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Anal Sex For Penetration

 

You can find Part One of our Two-Part Anal Sex Series here! In part one you will learn about:

  • Key Definitions
  • Preparation You Can Do on Your Own
  • Exercises

Please be mindful that I am not a physician and these are just suggestions. Consult with a physician before trying! 

Try this on your own and begin your own exploration of anal receiving. Do not try anal penetration with someone else first. You should be comfortable with your own body enough to know its signals so you will be ready when you are with someone else. 

 

Anal Sex Preparation Exercise 

Apply firm inward pressure with your finger against your anus, but do NOT penetrate the opening! 

Keep your finger tip pressed firmly against your anus and give a BRIEF GENTLE “push out” for 1 second, then stop. 

It is important that it be GENTLE and BRIEF when you “push out.” 

Keep your middle finger pressed firmly against the center of your anus. You will feel your sphincters change shape when you “push.” 

This is the voluntary ability you can apply to opening your anus. 

You will also feel your anus clinch up after you stop “pushing out.” 

Continue to “push out” for one second at a time, then rub your finger in a circle around your anus and return to the middle of the hole before “pushing out” again. 

Do this for 10 minutes, but do not penetrate. 

Pay close attention to the way your anal sphincters change shape in relation to your “pushing out” and how your anus begins to slightly open when you do.

It may feel odd at first to “push,” since you are used to only using this muscle action when expelling waste. It takes a moment or two before you are fully at ease with doing this under conditions not associated with defecation. 

However, it’s this physical action, the opening of your sphincter, which you’re trying to gain better control of for anal sex and anal penetration! 

If you clean yourself out properly before performing this exercise, you’ll be empty and shouldn’t worry about a mess. If you’re concerned, try to use the bathroom one more time.

After 10 minutes of short and gentle “pushing” motions, you may have a sense of control over your anus and it’s now time to penetrate with a finger. 

 

Deeper Anal Sex Penetration Exercise 

Lubricate your gloved finger again and place it directly over the anus. 

Apply slightly firmer pressure with your finger this time and give a gentle “push out” as you slide your finger into your anus. 

Keep “pushing out” as your finger slides into your anus. Once your finger passes through the sphincters as deeply as you can get it, stop “pushing out.” 

You will feel your anus grip down on your finger when you relax and stop “pushing.” 

If you “push out” again with your finger inside you, you’ll feel your anus loosen its grip around your finger.

GO SLOW!

Anal Sex Penetration

You can gently massage your finger into the anus by wiggling it back and forth as you push it in. 

Take time to feel inside and explore your sphincters. 

Curve your finger in a hook shape and you’ll feel your sphincters from the inside. 

At this point, your finger tip will be inside your rectum, which is beyond the anus. 

Note the sensation of gentle penetration your anus feels in relationship to the squeezing sensation on your finger. 

Pay attention to the control you have over your sphincters when you “push out” versus when you relax.

IMPORTANT! Anytime you slide your finger into or out of your anus, you should “push out” to open the sphincters. This will facilitate the least resistance during insertion or withdrawal of anything that penetrates your anus. 

Remove your finger and repeat this penetration exercise for another 10 minutes. 

This exercise can help you gain better control of your anus, which is the first step in learning to enjoy smooth and pleasant anal penetration! 

Thank you Fetlife Educator @HoleTrainer for your contribution to this piece and your wisdom. I am grateful that I was able to site your knowledge on this type of sex act!

 

Anal Sex with a Partner

Begin to do anal prepping for penetration together! This could be something you do with a partner to build up the mood and be part of the scene. 

When you are done prepping for hygiene, make sure you use fingers or a sex toy to prep the anus for penetration. 

It would be best if you used a toy that is similar in diameter to the penis that will be doing the penetration. 

Because the anus doesn’t lubricate like the vagina, use a bunch of lube – you will not regret it. Just like with vaginal sex, condoms are recommended. 

Prepare mentally: Make sure there is no time rush on your sexual encounter. Anal sex may take longer than regular sex, so it is best to begin by going slowly. 

Again, make sure you have plenty of lubricant. 

As the receiver of anal sex, you need to learn how to relax the muscles in the anus to enjoy the sensations.

The anus has two sets of sphincter muscles. Sometimes it is easier to relax the first set. 

When you push something into the anus, you need to be able to relax both sets of muscles or else you can encounter problems. 

Most people can relax the first set of muscles, and then when something gets inserted, the receiver will tense up and resist, preventing any further penetration. 

Hence why all the training in the beginning of this blog! 

At this point your partner may continue to force the object (be it a penis or a sex toy) into the anus. 

I recommend that you do not force anything into the anus, but instead take time and use patience while allowing the second set of sphincter muscles to relax as you become more comfortable.

Make sure that you pick a position that is comfortable in which you can control the speed on the penetration the first time you engage in anal sex. 

The spooning position and female on top helps the woman control the action. Missionary and doggie style sex work as well, yet some people report that these positions feel too aggressive. 

When you have anal sex, and it feels good, make sure you are vocal about what is enjoyable and what is too much. Tell your partner if they ought to go slower or change the pressure.

After anal sex is complete, it is important to discuss what went well and what didn’t. Spend extra time with one another to discuss the differences of anal sex instead of oral or genital penetration. 

There should not be any pain after anal sex if you have prepared and taken time to do it carefully. 

It is important to penetrate with condoms on until you are more advanced, because the condom with lube provides an easier insertion than a penis with no condom. There is a chance of infection without condoms as well, just like with any type of penetrative sex. 

When having anal sex, you must not go from the anus to the vaginal hole without changing up condoms or washing hands. 

Make sure that any penetration objects (finger, toy, penis) that go near the anus do not then go near the vagina. This can cause infections. 

If you penetrate the anus with a penis or a toy that is the same width as average stool, there should not be any problems. If you have pain after penetrative anal sex or have problems with stool, please see a physician. 

Anal sex is more common than you think and doctors hear about it often.

If you are comfortable with your physician, you can always ask them ahead of time the most safe way to practice penetrative anal sex, since your physician knows your physical health more than we could! 

You can get more content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Anal Sex Beginners

Anal Sex For Beginniners

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Anal Sex For Beginniners

Have you ever had anal sex? 

Whether you have or haven’t, there is something novel, uncommon, and special in the supposed rarity of anal sex. 

Many people publicly scoff at the idea of anal sex. 

Yet you would be surprised at how many times it comes up in my therapeutic sessions, because people are doing it incorrectly. 

Anal sex can be pleasurable if you decide this is something you want to do, but it can be a horrible experience if you go into it as you would vaginal intercourse. 

The following should help you decide to engage in anal sex! 

No matter what your sexual identity, all people are interested in receiving anal sex or anal play from what I have seen. Even straight men.

Must-Know Terms for Anal Sex Beginners: 

  • ANUS – The posterior opening at the end of the digestive tract that is a canal from which solid waste is eliminated. Also known as the asshole! The anus does not self-lubricate. 
  • COLON – the canal that removes water from digested food and sends solid waste to the rectum.
  • COLORECTAL – Having to do with the entire large intestine.
  • EXTERNAL ANAL SPHINCTER (EAS) – The “pushing out” process. The muscle you tighten when “holding in gas”. It is a voluntary fibrous muscle forming a ring around the anus. 
  • INTERNAL ANAL SPHINCTER (IAS) – An involuntary smooth muscle forming a ring around the anus which you don’t control. The urgent sensation of having to move your bowels is what you feel when this involuntary muscle is relaxing or about to relax.
  • INTESTINAL EPITHELIUM – A thin layer of specialized cells lining the intestines.
  • PERISTALSIS – A ripple like contraction of muscles in the digestive system which moves food through the stomach and intestines, eventually expelling it via the anus as solid waste.
  • RECTUM – The final 6-8 inches of the large intestine leading to the anus. Solid waste builds up here before exiting through the anus.

Did you know what all of these meant? 

If you are still with me, congratulations! Now, we dive into the psychology of why people are biased towards anal sex. If you are like me, you have heard tons of horror stories, and I believe that these bad experiences are the reason most people aren’t interested in trying again. 

If there are stories that are preventing you from having fun with it, it may be worth talking to someone about these barriers. 

 

Barriers to Anal Sex after a “Bad” Experience

I have met a ton of people, clients and friends who have suffered from bad experiences with anal penetration; therefore, they developed a strong aversion. 

Anal Sex Beginners

While most tolerate unpleasant anal penetration the first time, because they don’t “know any better,” they usually end up “hating” anal play forever. 

If you have received (or given) anal sex, and you (or your partner) experienced constipation, discomfort, an unpleasant odor or mess, bleeding or injury, you were with someone who had no idea what they were doing. 

 

Avoiding A Messy Anal Sex Experience:

This is all a prep! 

  1. IN GENERAL, cleaning your colon is important too, so having a diet high in raw vegetable fiber helps! 
  2. Give yourself time to clean out! Focus on having a clean rectum for anal play. Buy a Liquid Glycerin Suppository at a pharmacy or on Amazon. The glycerol will induce peristalsis and force a bowel movement.
  3. After this, give yourself even more time! A series of enemas will complete the cleansing process. Three isotonic saline enemas (these have a salt concentration similar to your blood so you won’t get dehydrated or overhydrated) are often required to get to a clear discharge. I am not a physician or a pro at enimas, so please educate yourself by looking up medical resources before you begin using enemas.
  4. You may need to move your bowels a few times after you’ve expelled the last enema. This is especially true if you take large volume enemas and they penetrate deeply into your transverse or ascending colon. Once you feel like you’ve emptied your bowels sufficiently, take a warm bath and relax or take a long hot shower.

 

Solo Anal Pleasure

Start with your own exploration of anal receiving. Do not try anal penetration with someone else first. You should be comfortable with your own body enough to know its signals so you will be ready when you are with someone else. 

If you aren’t comfortable alone, think about why you are more comfortable with someone else? 

 

Items Needed:

  • Lubricant 
    • KY Jelly or something non-allergenic. 
    • This lubricant is my favorite! 
    • Nothing with warming or tingling
  • Get thin, disposable latex gloves (optional)
  • A towel

Make sure you have at least one hour to explore yourself, and that no one will interrupt you. Please, whatever you do, do not have an appointment or be rushing to go somewhere. Make an afternoon or evening out of it. 

  • Rub your finger in lubricant and slowly move your finger around the outside of the anus. 
  • Make circular motions gently. 
  • Rub up and down with a different intensity.
  • Don’t penetrate your hole, just rub gently and slowly in circles around the opening of the hole. Keep a clock nearby and do this for 10 minutes. 
  • It may seem like an eternity, but continue for the full 10 minutes. As you do this, build an intimate mental map of where your finger is exploring. Take note in your mind of what you’re anus is feeling in relation to where your finger is. After 10 minutes of feeling around your anus, you’ll begin to work on consciously controlling one of your anal sphincters.

When you have an urge to do more, try to penetrate into the anus and notice the ways in which you feel your body wrap around your own finger. 

Penetration is very scary for most and that is why we have a second blog on penetrative anal sex coming out on Friday! 

Thank you Fetlife Educator @HoleTrainer for your contribution to this piece and your wisdom. I am grateful that I was able to site your knowledge on this type of sexual act!

If you need help, please don’t let your shame or pride get in the way even though it might be  tough! 

Let us try and help! You can get more content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Sexual Anxiety in Females

Sexual Anxiety in Females and Gendered “Girls” at Birth

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Sexual Anxiety in Females and Gendered “Girls” at Birth

 

Sexual anxiety in females and those gendered girls at birth is common.

From the moment women are socialized as a “girl,” her sex organs and her sexual pleasure is treated differently than it is for men

For example…did you know that the external genitalia is called a Vulva? 

I didn’t learn the difference until I was in college studying sexuality. Meaning, it seems that Americans are sexually illiterate when it comes to the anatomy of pleasure. 

 

Defining Intimacy 

We often talk about intimacy in figurative terms – the sharing of an emotional and spiritual connection. While ex is an intimate physical exchange of the body.

We literally bare ourselves to our partner. All that effort you put into wearing your favorite jeans or a flattering bra goes out the window. You’re there, they’re there, and there’s little in between.

 

Difficulty Achieving Orgasm

Many people with vaginas have a harder time climaxing sexually than those with penises. 

Some things aren’t equal when it comes to sex, and people who struggle to achieve orgasm often feel sexual anxiety.

It can be hard, but it’s also what makes having sex such a unique and dynamic interaction between people. If you’ve dealt with this issue in the past, you’ll understand why. 

A lot of sexual partners use orgasm as a sign of satisfaction with their performance. Lack of orgasm can be interpreted as you not being “into it” or that maybe your partner did something wrong. 

Most vulva and vagina-bodied people know that’s not the case. However, a lot of times stress over the situation leads them to fake an orgasm. Did you make the right sounds? 

Was it convincing? You’re dealing with stress over how your body feels as well as managing the emotional well being of your partner. It’s a lot to deal with, which is why sexual anxiety in females and gendered girls at birth is so common.

 

What Does Sex Mean?

Many women or trans men struggle with interpreting the significance of sex. This is especially true in the beginning stages of a relationship. 

Your sexual relationship certainly means a lot. It can bring you closer together as a couple. On the other hand, sexual incompatibility is real. 

If you’re not on the same page and neither of you is willing to compromise, then it could spell long-term discontent in the relationship.

You may have laid in bed after sex wondering what they were thinking. Did they enjoy it? When I did that one thing, did they like it? Overthinking and self-doubt can easily creep in and turn into sexual anxiety.

 

Being Happy with Your Body

We’ve touched on this a bit with body image among people who identify as men and trans women, but it’s typically magnified in different genders.

There’s so much pressure on having a certain physique that many are driven to eating disorders and other forms of self-harm for looks. 

Sexual Anxiety in Females

If you struggle with how others perceive your body in the normal course of the day, imagine how someone with body image issues handles being naked in front of someone they care deeply about.

Everyone who has sex or is involved with someone romantically wants to be an object of desire. 

It feels wonderful to be wanted, to be desired. You won’t be able to fully appreciate someone else’s love for your body until you can overcome your anxiety about the way you look.

 

Take A Breath and Enjoy the Ride

We’re all at various stages in our journey of self-acceptance and sexual expression. Sexual anxiety is normal, but if you find yourself wishing you could find a way out of sex, or not having sex at all, then consider counseling to find a way through. 

Take a breath and understand that everyone has hang-ups about how they look, how they’re doing and whether they’re able to please their partner. Don’t let it distract you from what’s most important about sex, that it’s fun and pleasurable!

 

Kegel Exercises

Keeping your pelvic floor strong is important for avoiding any embarrassing accidents and prolapses. It is also critical for a good sex life too!

Vaginas are pretty temperamental and sometimes the vaginal muscles squeeze or spasm when something is entering it. This feeling can range from mildly uncomfortable to painful. 

If intercourse has been painful, the pelvic floor muscles, which wrap around the vagina, tighten up and close the vagina protectively. 

That could be a good idea initially, but not if the muscles don’t open up again. Sex won’t be fun!

Kegel Exercises are often recommended when seeing a doctor or pelvic floor therapist. Here are some fun activities to try: 

  1. To perform Kegel exercises effectively, you’ll need to first identify the right muscles. The easiest way to do this is to stop urination midstream. The muscles that help you do that are the ones used in Kegel exercises. 
  2. Contract these muscles as much as possible and hold for a goal of five seconds. Release for five seconds. Repeat. 
  3. If you’re just starting, work your way up! Do a 50% squeeze instead of 100% for the first week! 
  4. For best results, especially if you have pelvic floor issues, I highly recommend going to a pelvic floor physical therapist. If you live near West Hartford CT, I know the best pelvic floor PT in the state! Feel free to reach out and I will give you the contact info. 

There are thousands of therapists who DON’T get it! Usually, our practice is the one people come to after not getting results elsewhere. 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Sexual Anxiety

When Sexual Anxiety Takes Over: What Drives Sexual Inhibition and Stress In Penis-Bodied Humans

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When Sexual Anxiety Takes Over: What Drives Sexual Inhibition and Stress in Penis-Bodied Humans

 

While most of us can be intimidated taking off our clothes during sex, some people state that sexual anxiety takes over and ruins the entire encounter.

There you are, exposing yourself with nowhere to hide. 

Some people are so afraid of letting their physical and emotional walls down that it prevents them from enjoying true intimacy. Instead, they’re filled with sexual anxiety that can detract from intimate encounters.

Sexual anxiety can range from mild nervousness about things like body image, to full-blown anxiety attacks that stop people from having sex at all.

 

Performance Anxiety

A lot of people have anxiety issues around whether they’ll be able to “perform” when called upon. Penises can be a bit unreliable. 

If worry over performance continues it can turn into a serious mental block. 

For some people, whether they’ll be able to maintain an erection enters their mind the minute there is an attraction with someone else. 

Like any anxiety attack, worries over performance build and build until it’s all they can think about.

People with penises also worry about premature ejaculation. It’s more common than you’d think. 

According to the Mayo Clinic, 1 out of 3 penis and testicle-bodied humans say they deal with premature ejaculation or have dealt with premature ejaculation in the past. 

When there’s so much pressure on being able to please your partner, it’s easy to see why someone who’s had that happen would experience sexual anxiety.

 

Body Image

While we hate to stereotype, generally speaking, penis and testicle-bodied humans have less trouble looking in the mirror than their vagina-bodied counterparts.

Sexual Anxiety

Traditionally, men didn’t have to deal with the same societal pressure placed on other genders by the media and fashion. 

However, this has changed with the advent of digital options. The ideal physique is communicated a lot through all types of advertising, social media and even porn.

Penis and testicle-bodied humans, often struggle with sexual anxiety around the size and look of their genitals. Maybe your penis curves or has a slight bend in it. 

Perhaps you are concerned about the fact that you are, or aren’t circumcised. 

 

Lack of Experience

This applies to anyone who is seen as the one “in charge.”

In many sexual encounters, many penis-bodied humans FEEL there is an expectation that they ought to take the lead. 

That might be ok if you’ve got a lot of sexual experience, but it can trigger sexual anxiety for people who don’t want that type of pressure. 

We all worry about, to a varying degree, reading sexual cues or being able to please our partner. 

 

Ways to Help Reduce Sexual Anxiety:

  • Breathe in and out through your belly. Focus more on your exhales.
  • Masturbate with a condom on to try a new way of experiencing sensation!
  • Increase the use of sex toys, such as those that provide clitoral stimulation. This will help take the pressure off your penis and bring excitement to the moment.

You are in charge of your own arousal and your partner is in charge of theirs. Don’t force yourself to be the deliverer of orgasms to your partner, because it is way too much pressure! 

What are some other reasons people that may cause sexual anxiety? 

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

Stiff: Solutions for Erectile Dysfunction On-Demand Webinar

Women on Penis Size

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Cheating Wives

Are Cheating Wives As Common As Cheating Husbands? 

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Are Cheating Wives As Common As Cheating Husbands? 

 

Until death do us part is a bit shorter now that we live in the paradox of choice, and many wonder, are cheating wives as common as cheating husbands?

Infidelity is one of the main causes of breakups. ALL PEOPLE are easily capable of choosing to be unfaithful.

Cheating Wives

If you have found yourself involved in a lie, being the other woman or partnered with cheating wives…we are going to help you understand why today!

According to couples therapist and author of The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity, Esther Perel, infidelity is “a universal taboo and yet it is universally practiced.” 

As a certified sex therapist, I can assure you that infidelity is more common than you think. 

Why is this? Well, cheating starts quick! You may see each other weekly at a platonic location, and then all of the sudden, the mind kicks in and begins to project a fantasy.

Our brains assess someone’s value instantly to keep ourselves safe from perceived danger and threats.

Therefore, our minds project a story as people walk by and make comparisons of their value in relationship to ourselves. 

On days where you are not feeling your best, you are more susceptible to receiving a hit of dopamine from a flirting stranger or by posting a selfie on IG that gets you DMs. 

Only a few clicks are needed before thoughts take over to become action. You can fall for someone instantly and have an emotional and sexual affair with your keyboard. 

No matter if you are a cheating wife or the other woman, part of you wonders WHY you are RISKING this. 

 

Why Do Wives and Husbands Cheat? 

It’s not something that’s comfortable to discuss, let alone talk about with others. The reality is that affairs happen in all types of marriages.

 

When a partner cheats it is because they are looking for a strategy to meet their needs. 

Cheating Wives

So, cheating wives aren’t consciously out to hurt you. 

Sometimes, cheating wives will justify why they cheated, and they often have good reasons that parts of them have justified. 

Consider that humans only do things for 6 reasons: 

  • Certainty – structure, ritual, time, planning
  • Uncertainty – adventure, passion, chaos, spontaneity
  • Significance – feeling special, being recognized, receiving
  • Connection – human to human, intimacy, desire for love
  • Growth – healing, vision, mission, purpose 
  • Contribution – giving, serving, paying it forward

When you try to notice the need behind the behavior, it helps bring compassion and empathy to everyone involved in the infidelity. 

 

Let’s Get to The Facts!

In a study done in 2014 on 229 lesbian, bisexual, queer and questioning women, between ages of 18-59 currently in a romantic relationship stated that they engage in sex for pleasure and love/commitment. 

In 2009, Doring did a study showing more women identified problematic Internet sexual behaviors. One behavior was women involved in an act of betrayal such as secretly engaging in cybersex with a third party when in a coupled relationship. 

A few quantitative studies have compared heterosexual perceptions of an imagined gay or straight affair, which produced mixed results. Sagarin et al. found that same‐sex infidelity induced less jealousy than heterosexual infidelity. 

By contrast, Wiederman and LaMar found that female-female sexual infidelity evoked the least amount of jealousy and upset (among men and women). In comparison, male-male infidelity was the most upsetting type of infidelity among women. 

What about in your experience? If you are willing to share, we would love to hear your thoughts! 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

psychosexual therapy exercises

Psychosexual Therapy Exercises You Have Been Waiting For! 

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Psychosexual Therapy Exercises You Have Been Waiting For! 

Come get the psychosexual therapy exercises that have helped people just like you. 

Do you have an inner “boss bitch” who hits the streets after your morning coffee or a “nerdy researcher” who uses 15-minute breaks for Instagram motivation? 

psychosexual therapy exercises

What about an inner goddess who is desires being served by a forbidden Casanova? 

Are you drained by “Mommy-Mode” or working long hours to the point where you have no sex drive for your partner by the end of the day? 

You can stop the mundane with some of the best Pyschosexual Therapy Exercises.

Internal Family Systems, Psychodrama, Gestalt Therapy, or Inner Aspects work are some of the most powerful tools to boost your sexual pleasure.

For the following psychosexual therapy exercises, I am identifying “needs” as the universal traits that unite us as human beings. The Tony Robbins model is my favorite, because it is the most effective: 

 

  • Certainty – structure, ritual, time, planning
  • Uncertainty – adventure, passion, chaos, spontaneity
  • Significance – feeling special, being recognized, receiving
  • Connection – human to human, intimacy, desire for love
  • Growth – healing, vision, mission, purpose 
  • Contribution – giving, serving, paying it forward

These needs are true of all people! 

psychosexual therapy exercises

 

Inner Aspects Model by Francesca Gentille

The Inner Aspects Model discusses scripts of behavior used to get your internal needs met that YOU now have downloaded into your psyche. 

Each moment you are awake, the movements you make, the way you speak, and your emotional responses are ways you have learned to get your internal needs met. 

Learning to control your mind by bringing presence to the part of you that is in control in each moment. For example, right now – yes, right now – the version of you that is reading this is possibly the “Stoic Voyeur” while I wrote this post in “Teacher Amanda” mode. 

As you speak and make decisions, you are acting from a different PART of you. Think of these parts in terms of gender, age, living being form (human, animal, plant). 

When you open your mind to the POSSIBILITY that you can have fun playing this inner parts game, you can reach levels of pleasure that are more fulfilling and not just based on your current mood. 

You can consciously choose to AWAKEN every part of your inner mind. You can achieve results by accessing pleasure from simple actions, such as someone blowing against your skin. 

 

Psychosexual Therapy Exercises For Everyone!

 

Put aside your skepticism for an evening, and come get extraordinary results. 

If you implement fun, ritualistic practices of play, I guarantee your intimate life will change. 

Quote

Look over the Inner Aspects and consider how your inner parts affect your views on pleasure! 

Which part of you is saying “yes” to others and saying “no” to yourself? There are inner parts within us that are young and value CONNECTION so we say yes! 

You can use the inner aspects model to wake up the sleeping mind – the part of you that is on autopilot. 

Sex and relationships are directly connected to how much we can control our mind to understand who is giving, who is receiving, what is our intention, and what we are going to create.

Notice your parts and ask them what they need and then what strategies can be taken to get that need met on their own! 

 

Inner Aspects Game Date Night for Couples – Francesca Gentille’s Method! 

Learn to find your runaway bride, inner school girl, seductress siren, or inner rebellious teen!

psychosexual therapy exercises

Identify them all individually first. 

Have your partner identify theirs too!

Then write down all the inner aspects you have on small pieces of paper. Fold the paper into pieces and put it in a bag. 

Your partner should do the same. 

 

Pro Tip: Agree on a minimum number of inner aspects! HAVE FUN! Be willing to laugh.

If you want different results, you must try something new! 

 

If you are interested in an inner aspects parts sex deck of cards say YES in the comments below! 

 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

cosplay sex

Get Into the Halloween Spirit with Cosplay Sex

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Get Into the Halloween Spirit with Cosplay Sex

 

Even grown ups love dressing up for Halloween, so why not stay in costume for some scintillating cosplay sex after the trick-or-treating is done? Kids get their treats, and grown ups deserve treats as well.

Whether you’re more of a sexy maid or want to channel your inner queen dressed as Khaleesi from Game of Thrones®, Halloween is a great time of year where we can all let loose a bit and have some fun.

It’s also perhaps the perfect segue into bringing dress up and roleplaying into the bedroom.

When we’re in relationships, it’s easy to settle into defined roles. You do the laundry; he does the dishes. He feeds the pets; you make the bed. It’s the same with sex. After a while, you’re in a set rotation of positions like it’s a dinner recipe. A lot of us struggle with how to break out of sexual ruts.

Cosplay sex is fun because it frees us from inhibitions. We dress in costumes that empower us to express ourselves sexually. It becomes a game, so consequences like embarrassment or fear of rejection are less severe. And guess what? Your partner will love it! Here are some tips on how to incorporate a bit of dress up into your sex life.

cosplay sex

 

Take Advantage of Halloween for Cosplay Sex!

Halloween is the best time to add a little spice between the sheets. Chances are you’ll be attending a party in costume with coworkers or friends. You’re in character already, so when you get home, don’t be afraid to tell Iron Man what you’d really like to do to him.

When you’re choosing your costume this year, go for something edgier that will help your partner take the hint. Cosplay sex is all about fantasy, so grab an outfit that fits a sexual role you’ve been wanting to try.

A lot of people who are into cosplay sex love it, because it helps them alter sexual dynamics. Maybe you want to be dominant for a change or to roleplay an innocent person seduced by a police officer. Ever wonder what it would be like to make love to Thor or a vampire?

 

Check Out Some Cosplay Events

If dressing up seems foreign, you don’t have to look far to see it’s gone mainstream. Every decent-sized town has anime and cosplay events. Fans of superheroes, video games, comic books and movies all dress up and roleplay. There are international events that draw huge crowds with exquisite cosplay costumes.

People don’t just dress up either. They BECOME the person they’re dressed as. They take on their identity, speak like they do, and carry similar emotions. That’s why cosplay sex is so much fun! You and your partner are immersing yourselves into two different characters. It’s sex with someone new, and you’re lying if you don’t think that’s hot.

cosplay sex

 

Do Some Online Research

If you’re curious how dressing up works in the bedroom, just google “Cosplay Sex” and you’ll learn quick! 

Also, if you’re wondering if your partner is into it, do me a favor and take a look at the view count on some of the videos. You’ll quickly notice that cosplay sex is very popular online. 

Maybe your partner ISN’T into it, but you will definitely not feel alone. 

Watching some cosplay sex videos, you’ll see that the awkwardness lasts barely a second. Before you know it, you’ve bought into the roles each partner is playing and the interplay feels natural. 

That’s the way it will work at home too. You might feel a little timid calling your partner Batman or whoever, but once you dive in, it’ll be pure FIRE!

Watching videos can be a great inspiration for what kind of costumes and scenarios you’re interested in.

It’s hard to start from scratch, so don’t be afraid to look online for people to copycat at first. Soon enough you’ll be writing your cosplay scripts in your head as you dream up something new for your next cosplay sexual adventure.

 

Set the Scene for Your Cosplay Adventure!

Don’t just say, “let’s have sex in our costumes”. Dressing up sex is fun, but we’re talking about something different! We’re not saying dressing up isn’t hot. We’re all for lingerie and costumes, but remember, cosplay is about dress AND roleplaying. Dive a bit deeper and see what happens.

A perfect way to transition into cosplay sex is to set the scene. It can be as basic as you, dressed as Mystique from X-men, walk in on Wolverine undressing. 

If you want to get a bit more intricate, set up a scenario that starts before you even get home. Get into character early and let the drama of the cosplay build all day until it climaxes.

The first few times you try cosplay sex, you need to show a bit of grit. There will be giggling and one of you will probably break character a few times. Stay true to your role and explore what it can do for your sex life. 

As you become more comfortable, you can start to test the boundaries of your sexuality. People who are into cosplay sex regularly experiment by dressing up as someone of different age, race or gender. It’s the ultimate form of expression, because there are no rules.

cosplay sex

 

Take a Chance this Halloween

Pushing Halloween dress up into cosplay sex is so easy! We’re already a little silly, we’ve bought the costumes, and we’re down for some fun. If you’ve always wanted to try a bit of dress up, now’s your chance. Buy something a little naughtier this year and let him know what’s coming. Tell him to up his game as well.

It’s amazing what happens to us when we let go of imaginary sexual boundaries we place on ourselves.

With cosplay sex, we can explore parts of our sexuality we haven’t experienced before. Even among couples who have been together for years, cosplay sex can breathe new life into the relationship by making things new and exciting.

 

Kinky Sex: How to Get Started

kinky sex

 

Kinky Sex 2.0: Escape Boredom in the Bedroom

sex therapy videos

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Millennial Problems for Therapists

Top Millennial Problems for Therapists

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Top Millennial Problems for Therapists

 

Extra, extra! Read all about the top Millennial problems for therapists!

Do Millennials require better communication for sex, or would most Millennials rather just be on their cell phone than sharing intimacy?

Get an INSIDER’S View of What Millennials Discuss Most Often with their Therapists!

In case you weren’t aware, Millennials are a very pro-therapy, growth and self-exploration generation. It wasn’t too long ago that people reported shame or embarrassment when seeing a therapist. However, I have witnessed countless clients over the last 10 years pick up their phone during a session and say, “let me call you back, because I am in therapy right now.”

Millennials have helped normalize therapy in the public sphere! I can’t even remember feeling a stigma when I decided I wanted to go to therapy as a career.

Therapy is no longer only for people that are “mentally broken.” It’s now recognized for the enormous benefits it provides in helping people work through issues, manage relationships, and try to better themselves. This change is incredibly positive!

Millennials take pride in getting outside help when they need it. Depression, anxiety, and trauma are not things people must struggle with alone anymore.

As more people see therapists and discuss their mental health issues online, we see recurring themes across the country that surround intimacy and romantic relationships.

This commonality is likely tied to changes all of us have witnessed with regard to how we connect and communicate. The more we become culturally competent and aware of how others are living, the more we realize how similar we all are.

Millennials’ openness around their treatment can benefit everyone willing to learn from their experiences.

Here are some of the top Millennial problems for therapists, particularly when it comes to intimacy:

  1. Technology and the Lack of Intimacy

It’s a crazy statistic, but it’s true. Jean M. Twenge’s article in The Archives of Sexual Behavior, reports that “Millennials are more likely to report having no sexual partners as adults (15%) compared to GenX’ers born in the 1960s and 1970s (6%).” That’s right, Millennials have less sex and fewer sexual partners than in previous generations.

Why the decline in sexual encounters? A lot of people point fingers at the advent of technology and how it affects the way we socialize. Decades ago, people interacted almost solely in person.

People went out to mingle at bars, restaurants, and sporting events. They spent time in close proximity to each other. The odds of intimate physical connections were higher, because more contacts were being made.

Millennials do a significant amount of interacting digitally.

Whether it’s texting, commenting and liking on social media, or even playing online video games, Millennials interact with each other much more, but not always in person.

People today can get social satisfaction out of spending time online together without the hassle of going out. Of course, the way we communicate isn’t the same.

One of the commonly discussed topics between Millennials and their therapists is the lack of intimacy in their relationships.

Millennials report feeling less connected to the world around them. Even though they have plenty of people to text, they feel they lack close friendships, and even dating is often regarded as a superficial interaction.

Millennial Problems

  1. Mismatching Sex Drives Between Couples

Even though Millennials are having less sex than past generations, open modern attitudes around sex have made people more comfortable addressing differences in sex drive.

In the past, sexually incompatible partners were more likely to have struggled in silence with physical intimacy issues. Gender roles were more restricted, and in general, there was limited freedom of expression around sex drives.

Today, sexual compatibility is recognized as a vital component of a healthy relationship.

Millennial women are less inclined than their female predecessors to be sexually unfulfilled, and men report wanting deep physical connections with their partners. 

Even though differences in the sexual drive between partners is more readily discussed, it’s still not an easy issue.

Many Millennial relationships struggle under the weight of expectations in the bedroom. With the help of their therapists, Millennials are learning to navigate the sensitive waters of sexual expectations where collaboration, creativity, and curiosity are of utmost importance.

  1. The Strain of Media Expectations on Relationships

We’ve already touched on how digital communications are affecting Millennial intimacy. Another effect of us always being connected these days is that we’re constantly exposed to media input.

Psychologists and therapists still don’t know the extent to which media exposure affects our thoughts and attitudes. What we do know, though, is that it changes how we look at relationships.

Think about it…Millennials grew up watching romantic comedies where love and intimacy were fun, constantly exciting, and always worked out in the end. The result is that many Millennials feel like their real relationships don’t match up to their ideals of what they should be.

The prevalence of pornography has had a huge influence on Millennial sexual relationships. It’s changed the way many view things like consent, sexual power dynamics, and even what constitutes as appropriate sexual etiquette.

Therapists report that Millennials often say they feel some level of disappointment in their romantic relationships. They constantly want more. Millennials are perpetually looking for a deeper connection, which often leads to constant let down and frustrated partnerships.

They can, however, utilize therapy to develop more realistic expectations of themselves and the people they date.

  1. The Paradox of Choice

It’s easy for people on the outside to tell Millennials they’ve got it easy. They’re constantly told that barriers to dating are much lower today, that there is a more open exchange of ideas around sex and love, and that no one has to settle. What Millennials encounter, though, is the Paradox of Choice.

Barry Schwartz, the author of “The Paradox of Choice: My More is Less” explains that an abundance of choice often leads to disappointment. Millennials, who have more choice than ever before obsess over which choice to make. They can be frozen by fear of making the wrong decision. 

This paradox has a huge impact on our intimate relationships. How can you fully commit yourself to someone if you’re always wondering if there’s someone better out there waiting for you? 

As a result, Millennials turn to their therapists for help. Therapists speak often with Millennials who have a hard time with commitment and developing deep connections with partners. It’s important to develop an understanding of needs to help make decision making easier.

Practice Self-Compassion

Every generation has to deal with unique circumstances of their time. Millennials are no different, and the generations to follow will have to face new challenges too. 

Be grateful for the openness and acceptance of growth and self-improvement through therapy. The more we seek answers, the more likely we are to get them. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Breakups

How To Deal With A Breakup!

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How to Deal With a Breakup! 

 

I wrote this blog post to help those people who feel like it’s the end of the world learn how to deal with a breakup! 

Breakups hurt, because people aren’t skilled at communicating why they no longer want to be in their relationship. They are especially painful if you were living with your partner and your entire pattern of living changes. 

If you haven’t learned it yet, throughout interpersonal relationships, it is important to OPENLY communicate. Why?

Well, if you don’t have the difficult conversations about what you need during a relationship, you can create a system of long-term dysfunction, causing the pain of breaking up to be tumultuous and traumatic. 

The beginning of love is so beautiful and the end is often so tragic, but does it have to be? At Life Coaching and Therapy, we believe that loving yourself and your relationships is a mission worth prioritizing! 

We long for belonging, long for touch, and we long to matter! We also want to break from the suffering or that “longing for connection.” But it isn’t worth staying with someone who has broken up with you. 

Where in your body do you “need” them? 

Notice that place in your body and tell your therapist! There is a message there for you to uncover that will help your growth. 

What is the core universal need that is underneath your strategy of marriage, monogamy, or romantic partnership – OTHER than this specific person? 

Breakups

What Are Universal Needs? 

A Person (your partner) is NOT a universal need. 

Needs are qualities that connect us all as human beings, and we all share. Look up Nonviolent Communication for an inventory of all needs. 

I use Tony Robbin’s 6 Human Needs: 

  1. Certainty
  2. Uncertainty
  3. Significance
  4. Connection 
  5. Growth 
  6. Contribution

I believe that other than these six needs, every other behavior comes from an attempt to meet one of these. All anyone is ever trying to do is to meet their needs. 

Therefore, your partner is NOT a need. 

Underneath “I want to be in a romantic partnership with ______” is a need such as:

  • I want to matter
  • I want pleasure
  • I want to be seen, felt, and heard
  • I want connection
  • I want certainty of quality time

 

ALL OF US WANT TO BE SEEN, FELT, and HEARD. Even those people that say they don’t, often, there is someone who they would like to be seen, felt, or heard by. 

All of us have the exact same amount of time, so if someone you are relating to says that they don’t have the time to prioritize you right now, then you are not their priority right now. 

IDENTIFY YOUR NEEDS!

Express them with words and with consensual actions. 

If you decide to split up, there may be pain, and pain can be a pathway back to ourselves. 

If you try to prevent the pain by staying in a relationship when it is not fulfilling your needs, you will ultimately get hurt in the future. 

Breakups don’t have to be the end of the world, and you can learn how to deal with a breakup and still be happy and ok on your own.

The key is to remain accountable and be open about the pain and the impact you are causing. Sometimes this can help mitigate harsh truths that are said without graciousness or love in the “heat of the moment.” 

 

How To Deal With A Breakup

You will get through this, even though it may not feel like it mentally. 

Disconnect from destructive thoughts and let the waves of emotion come in and go back out.

DON’T focus on your obsessions though (easier said than done, but necessary for your health and growth).

Breakups

Encourage yourself to do the WORK necessary to become a happy, positive person who DOES NOT NEED the affirmation of others to feel good inside. 

First off, begin weight training and doing aerobic exercise (rowing, running, etc.) in addition to stretching and yoga. The weights and cardio will do wonders for your well being, releasing powerful endorphins and boosting your self esteem. If you abuse working out to the point where you are no longer experiencing the highs from it, then this is no longer a recipe for a healthy lifestyle. 

If you are still feeling overwhelmed, depressed, or find it hard to do your day-to-day activities talk to a mental health practitioner. You may need to consider medication.

No matter how disciplined you are, your nature is your nature, and it can be a difficult battle. Daily exercise will help; however, the correct supplements or prescriptions will help fill in those valleys, which can be self sabotaging. 

If you are you obsessed with fixing other people – like your ex – stop! You need to fill the hole in YOUR heart. Watch my video on codependency to rule out if you are one of those people trying to fix everyone.

Find two to three new hobbies instead. Meetup.com is a must for a breakup. You can often find multiple options in a city near you! 

What are your tips for how to deal with a breakup? 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Breakups

Practice Personal Accountability

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Practice Personal Accountability

 

What if I told you that your defensiveness is getting in the way of your growth and pleasure, and taking personal accountability can change your life?

When you become accountable for your actions instead of getting defensive [or sarcastic, or aggressive], you create opportunities for more growth and more connections!

Easy Ways to Practice Personal Accountability: 

Look for Clues

  • Our subconscious often wants us to go back to “why it didn’t work.” We are constantly looking for clues of failure…STOP that! 
  • Turn the negative “detective” part of you into something that searches for the WIN! 
  • Look for the breadcrumbs that others who have the life you want have left behind.

Don’t Blame

  • Whose fault is it? Blaming our circumstances, our spouse, our parents will not help. Often, we don’t look in the mirror and take full responsibility for our life. 
  • Take ownership and accountability of every single thing in your life and you will feel so much freer! If things go well, it’s on me. I get to take full responsibility for all of it!
  • One way to start is noticing all the times you say “yes” when you really mean “no.” 

Find The Good 

  • It’s so easy to find what is wrong. Try to make your obsession to find the good or the win-win in every situation. 
  • Instead of just giving in, get creative. 

Be proactively positive instead of reactively negative.

Being an adult is a balance beam walk between authenticity, boundaries, and understanding the pain of ourselves and those around us. 

Responsibility takes work. It takes sitting down and reviewing our lives. We have to look for patterns and have the courage to analyze our mistakes and determine how to do better.

Do you often get defensive with your partner? Or do you take accountability?

Practice Personal Accountability

Personal accountability helps us to rewire our nervous system to experience ownership and responsibility in a number of positive ways! 

When we own our decisions and remain responsible for all of the times we spoke or acted out of integrity, our capacity to handle stress, conflict, and intense emotions increases. 

Personal accountability enables more stability and security, and creates a pattern of wanting to own more accountability.

What are your favorite ways that you have been accountable in your life? 

I’m always looking for new suggestions! 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.