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say no

Best Tips to say NO to Someone Without Excuses

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Best Tips to say NO to Someone Without Excuses

 

Say No is a complete sentence, and “no” can be said in a kind tone and with loving intentions. People can be polite and gracious; “no, thank you. It doesn’t meet my needs.”

You don’t have to make excuses. The best tips to say no work when you are in a place where it is safe to do so.

In other words, you can say “no, I am not able to commit to that right now.”

Saying no can be challenging at first, yet knowing your priorities can make it easier. 

 

What If Someone Wants To Know Your Why

Others often want a justification or an explanation, yet no one has a right to that information. 

Protecting energy, time, and peace is vital for all individuals to live harmoniously. 

Actually, the intention behind a “no” is a place of love. The way that other individuals respond is not your responsibility.

If others benefit from being around you because it meets their needs, your job is to protect how it affects you. 

You have to be true to yourself and how you want to feel. 

For example, saying “thank you for the invite, and I cannot be there” is a boundary. 

A boundary is the distance between how much I can love you and myself at the same time. 

Sometimes those you set boundaries with will not understand. On the other hand, some may start to respect you for having set the boundary, and give themselves permission to do so, too. 

 

No is Allowed

What the other person thinks about receiving a “no” to their request is on them. 

This is not in the control of the person who said “no,” nor are their feelings.

For example, if your family invites you to a conversation or an event, you can say no. 

If your coworker asks for you to do them a favor, you can say no. 

You are at choice, as an empowered adult. If others think that you are selfish, they are wrong. It is everyone’s individual duty to engage in self-love, create their space, and decide who gets to come in and out of those boundaries. 

Even though it may seem like your family benefits from your time with them…if it’s ultimately doing damage to your energy, your spirit, your mindset…then where does that leave YOU?

It’s not selfish to create your space and protect it.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Demisexuality

What is Demisexuality? 

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What is Demisexuality? 

Demisexuality is a broad sexual identity that focuses on sexual attraction being strongly linked to someone’s emotional bond with someone. Someone who is demisexual does not [often] feel attraction without emotional connection. 

Someone who is demisexual can be attracted to any gender or person and may identify as straight or same or all sex or gender attracted (LGBTQI+). 

When working with demisexual people, often I hear that they do not identify physical attraction to anyone UNLESS they have an emotional bond and connection. Therefore, for them, there isn’t love at first sight. Demisexuality is an identity where connection is where sexual energy comes from. 

Demisexuals rarely report that they have attraction to someone they have only seen in passing. 

Emotional bonds are emotional connections between people. 

There are a variety of people who will not have partnered sex with someone until they feel like time has passed and they “have gotten to know someone”. However, that is different from what demisexual people’s experience may be. 

Demisexuality Explained

People who are demisexual do not feel attraction to someone else unless emotional connection happens. People who choose to wait to have sex with someone usually still feel attracted to someone much earlier in the process. 

For example, with clients who do not want to have sex until they feel comfortable while online dating they still are able to “swipe right or left” based on their initial response to people’s profile (pictures and information). 

My clients who identify as demisexual have reported having a much harder time online dating in “swiping.” 

Luckily, they begin to know as they start messaging or dating someone rather than just based on pure attraction.

Demisexual individuals value sex as important to them. The common thing in my clients who identify as demisexual is that it matters about the person. And their connection and that that connection is of primary importance. 

People who are demisexual often report the following: 

  • Rarely feel sexual attraction to strangers or acquaintances
  • Felt sexual attraction towards people close to them (friends, romantic partners, etc)
  • Emotional connection determines the level of attraction (sexual, romantic, platonic, etc)
  • Limited interest in engaging in sexual activities regardless of the way someone looks
  • Want a variety of romantic, platonic, etc. relationships because emotional connection is a primary need they have
  • Often need increased levels of emotional bonds (communication and connection) from those in their life

This does not mean that demisexual people do not have sex with people that they are not attracted to. People of variety of identities choose to have sex or not have sex with people regardless of their attraction. Or just because someone feels sexual attraction to someone does not automatically mean they will have sex with them.

I think it is important to recognize that people’s choice around who they choose to have sex with is their own. Allow the individual to identify their own identities rather than others trying to define what someone else’s identity is. 

If you do not understand, please seek to understand and be curious rather than engage in behavior where judgments occur. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

take charge of your life using IAM

Take charge of your life using Inner Aspects Method (IAM)

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Take charge of your life using Inner Aspects Method (IAM)

 

Take charge of your life using the Inner Aspects Method if your life feels out of control. 

In American culture, it is common and normal to control and punish children. The idea behind this is that punishment can turn individuals into those that comply and obey. 

Research shows that individuals are more traumatized, repressed, suppressed, or depressed. Many people are overmedicated or experiencing distress and soothing it with their own “medicine”. Some turn to impulsions – food, sex, drinking, drugs, self-harm, affairs, etc. 

We turn to plastic surgery, eating disorders, shaming, and / or blaming to get our way and alleviate the pain. Instead of turning inward, we go outward to feel better. 

Then, sometimes, we may take advantage of others while being overly focused on ourselves. 

Individuals that are seeking power over others because they feel powerless. 

There are many individuals who report profound pain – emotional and / or physical due to their life. Many individuals choose to live in what they know. And what is certain to them, in an attempt to avoid feeling. 

It is important to begin to take charge of your life. Through the IAM model, we can do this. 

Are others confused by you? Or do those around seem to be contradictory? 

Sometimes, people will say one thing one day, and then do something the next day that doesn’t align or match up. 

When others are speaking conflicting statements, does it cause you to wonder if they are crazy? 

More often than I am comfortable with, I realize that individuals make agreements one day. And then with another day and in another context, they are acting an entirely different way. 

Are others lying to themselves or is the world lying? 

It all felt confusing until I learned the Inner Aspect Method (IAM) created by Francesca Gentille. As the creator of the model, she founded this based on Evidence-Based Principles within clinical practice. 

Actually, Dr Joe Dispenza says that 95% of who we think we are by the time we are 35 are our Survival Programs.

 

The first step in the IAM process is to slow down your thoughts and emotions, so that you can observe the patterns of your behavior to see what need they are meeting. 

So, have you heard of nonviolent communication theory? If not, this is the approach that we use in some of the IAM modality. 

For individuals that are sensitive to their emotions and feel that they want a new way of approaching them, this method is incredibly useful. 

Don’t just jump to anger or upset feelings; learn to speak for your feeling (“on behalf of the feeling”). Instead of from your feeling (using a tone of voice to express emotion). 

For example, saying this: My feelings are hurt, so I request 30 minutes or more to process them so I can better communicate with you after. If we can allow some time, I will be able to speak on behalf of the message of my feelings instead of with an emotional tone. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Communication exercizes for couples

Communication exercizes for couples using Inner Aspects Method

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Communication exercizes for couples using Inner Aspects Method

 

When you think of Communication exercizes for couples, you often think of what your partner could do to be better. 

Sometimes, we can sit with our couples therapist and ask for exercises, yet we think that our partner is in the wrong. 

A part of you may be young and scared to show that you too have messed up, and feel something like “Am I safe to say this?” 

Or you could have a part of you that is a rebellious teen saying, “you know, my partner made me go to this therapy session, but I really don’t want to be here.”

Think about all these various parts of you and bring up a picture that represents what your inner aspects look like. 

What’s actually going on inside your mind? 

Who is in bed in your head? 

The Inner Aspects Method (IAM) created by Francesca Gentille is a way to bridge between the personal, the clinical, and the deeper subconscious parts of self. 

The method behind the IAM model is life-changing, personally and professionally, as you start to incorporate its principals. 

For those looking to bring this into their love life, and for clinicians looking to experience this with your clients, you are able to dive deeper into communication exercizes for couples and yourself! 

In the inner aspect method (IAM), participants discover that life follows intentions. 

While having the intention of integrating this into your life, it became clear that it is important to continue growing to the next level. In communication, and in collaboration. The reason we need to practice is because we were mostly trained in communication that was demanding, commanding, criticizing, complaining or coercive. 

This Dominator form of communication is normal yet does not value consent, sovereignty, and / or collaboration. If we want a world of empowered consent within couples relationships, we must train ourselves to utilize language in a new way. 

Meaning, this will take practice. 

As we practice, we get the results we desire. 

So, in the Dominator Model we communicated to get our way, get what we wanted. Who cares if the other person is hurt by that, or didn’t consent? 

In the NEW Model of communication we communicate to achieve collaboration, connection and to look for the win/win. 

It isn’t healthy communication if only one partner is heard, happy, and/ or satisfied. 

Use phrases like: 

  • I’m noticing…
  • A part of me feels…. (insert feeling word)

Energetically, choose to: 

  • To be Centered & Open.

In Nonviolent Communication, we take the war out of words. 

Meaning, we do not use: 

  • ACCUSING: 
    • You did this! 
    • She said this. 
    • You did too! 
    • He yelled at me. 
    • They did it first. 
    • You violated, betrayed, used me. 
  • BLAMING: You made ME do or say it.
  • GUILTING: If you hadn’t done/said X, I never would have done Y. 

So, are you ready to learn more about how to use these in your life?

Start your journey!

Technology Addiction

Stop Technology Addiction by Setting Boundaries with Social Media Engagement

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Stop Technology Addiction by Setting Boundaries with Social Media Engagement

 

Do you have a technology addiction where you spend hours scrolling? 

Maybe technology, television, or social media is more appealing than spending time with others.

If you are missing out on what you love though, learn to set boundaries with social media engagement and your technology addiction of choice. 

Why Are Boundaries Important with Technology Addiction? 

Setting boundaries are necessary when it comes to social media. Constant scrolling, engaging or focus on social media causes increased stress, anxiety, and depression. 

The social comparison piece of social media has grown so intensely that I have clients who truly struggle with seeing the lives of those around them. And the problem with this snapshot on social media is it is often only one aspect of that person’s life. 

Other’s have found that they are more irritable, anxious, angry, or depressed. Through exploration, it became clear that my clients were spending an extraordinary amount of time on social media. And were becoming more activated as they were scrolling and seeing various things within their feed, stories, or reels. 

If you are spending hours upon hours on social media and struggling with sleep, mood, or completing tasks these all may be signs that you need to re-evaluate your boundaries around your social media usage. 

These technology boundaries can look like: 

  • Having specific times that you engage with social media
  • Changing your notification settings on your devices
  • Limiting the types of social media platforms you use
  • Have a time limit for each device (including Netflix or your firestick) 
  • Changing those that you are “following” or “friends” with 
  • Unfollow is an option for those that 
  • Identify the reasons and purpose of following certain things 
  • If it is someone providing advice or health information, figure out how that information is related to their experiences and make informed choices!

If you have any questions about technology addiction for yourself or others, let us know. Take your life to the next level through personalized sessions using Text Therapy.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Anxiety Quiz

Anxiety Quiz or Is My Life Out of Balance? [WORKSHEET]

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Anxiety Quiz or Is My Life Out of Balance? [WORKSHEET]

By Francesca Gentille & Edited by Amanda Pasciucco

 

Do I need an anxiety quiz or is my life just out of balance? Sometimes when life is challenging, it can feel like anxiety and depression are taking over.

One might notice:

  • Eating more or controlling/restricting food and movement
  • Sleeping more or having trouble staying focused and awake throughout the day
  • Sleeping less or having trouble sleeping
  • Shopping more and becoming present less
  • Feeling more irritable, withdrawn, depleted, depressed, or anxious
  • Feeling more aches and pains
  • Impulsively seeking substances more
  • Having a lower sex drive or feeling sexually compulsive

These could be signs of:

    • Hormonal imbalance
    • Loss and grieving
    • Systemic trauma and enculturation
    • A life that is out of balance

If it is due to a life that it is out of balance that means that there are more situations, activities, relationships, agreements, or expectations that might be inauthentic, over giving, lacking in support, high in criticism or something else. 

It might also mean that I am undernourished with situations, activities, and relationships that are replenishing. 

I may also have unresolved trauma or missed functions from childhood that have me:

  • Feel powerless and/or trapped
  • Blame others for my emotions and thoughts
  • Feel reactive, uncomfortable, and unsettled
  • Feel fearful, anxious, and / or insecure

If I am noticing that I either feel collapsed, numb, unable to make choices, overgiving, resentful, and/or reactive, then this is a sign that I have Inner Work to engage in to heal from childhood trauma.

 Not doing this Inner Work will deepen a sense of anxiety, reactivity, powerLESSness and depression. 

If I am unclear, I make 3 lists.

  1. What is not working, or not working as well as I would like. 
  2. What is working; Notice what nourishes me, gives to me, delights me, supports me, in some way. 
  3. I make notes of where I can take positive action. (Taking positive action is taking my personal power to make requests, express boundaries, and invite collaborations. I cannot make anyone else do or feel anything. My empowerment is over myself not another.)

If the list of what isn´t working is short, the list of what is working is short, I know that the issue is NOT that my LIFE is out of balance, yet that there might be something physically and or mentally wrong. Get professional help for your anxiety and / or mental health issues and instead of taking a quiz, see a psychotherapist. 

NOTE: Not all columns will be the same length. 

Anxiety Quiz

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Yoga For Better Sex & Satisfaction

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Yoga For Better Sex & Satisfaction

 

We know that yoga is popular, and yoga for better sex is a topic that is often asked about. 

This blog will help you understand the ways in which body postures can help pleasure outcomes.

Put yoga into your schedule daily, or else you won’t see progress.

Similarly, when you have a ritual… it’s more likely to stick with it! 

Begin to follow the poses so you can have yoga and get your desired result of better sex! Similarly, if you have been waiting for your partner(s) to start practicing with you, this may be something that motivates them. 

DOWNWARD DOG

  1. Stretches entire body – including hands and feet
  2. Lengthens spine 
  3. Works the thigh muscles

Yoga For Better Sex

PLANK:

  1. Tones your core
  2. Lengthens the spine and back muscles
  3. Full-body engagement

Yoga For Better Sex

UPWARD DOG

  1. Increases blood flow through the body
  2. Strengthens butt, thighs, and some core
  3. Stretches upper body

Yoga For Better Sex

CAT-COW POSE

  1. Lengthen spine
  2. Engages pelvis and blood flow which promotes orgasm
  3. Engages belly breathing for better oxygen intake

Yoga For Better Sex

LEGS-UP-THE-WALL-POSE

  1. Blood flow to pelvic region
  2. Allows for relaxation

Yoga For Better Sex

HAPPY BABY POSE

  1. Opens hips and works the inner thighs
  2. Releases tension in the upper body

Yoga For Better Sex

BRIDGE-POSE

  1. Hips thrusting in the air to work on strength
  2. Helps with core strength for stamina

Yoga For Better Sex

These are some common poses that are practiced to increase blood flow and strength. Similarly, yoga for better sex is one of the main reasons that people have told me they started going to class to begin with! 

Whatever your reason for practicing yoga, recognize that there are benefits beyond the poses! 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Setting Boundaries

Using the Inner Aspects Method for Setting Boundaries in Conversations

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Using the Inner Aspects Method for Setting Boundaries in Conversations

 

Many times, clients ask how to use the Inner Aspects Method (IAM) for setting boundaries in conversations. 

When it comes to conversation, be intentional about what you can offer and what you cannot.

Boundaries within communication are important to any respectful exchange.

Yet most of us know that if we respond and engage too quickly in a conversation without awareness of our limits, boundaries, and true needs, that we often can cause a disconnect between ourselves and another.

We use the Inner Aspects Method to stop, take a breath, and observe what is going on. 

Often, our adult part, our representative is a mask of a younger self that is often more nervous, anxious. This part may be afraid of abandonment or afraid of entrapment. 

Parts Theory

To have more responsible and respectful conversations and connections, it is important to look at a situation from various angles and perspectives.

You ever see people get rageful on the road driving? What about silly and playful? What about numb and mindless. This is a quick way to discuss parts theory. Moment to moment, we can get hijacked by different parts of us.

Even though we only have one body, we have multiple parts of our identity. 

While observing, it is often necessary to take a step back from how you usually view the world to find a more observational self (a helicopter view of your life) to identify what you are feeling and what you need.

Emotions are the messenger and not the message. An emotion lets us know that we are feeling something strongly. A boundary has been crosse, something is important to us, etc. 

Our emotions are for us to know. In healthy boundary setting and conversations, the emotion is something to process with yourself or with someone who consents to hearing the emotion. 

If another person consents to hearing what you have to say, let them know up front what you are comfortable with as a response. Ask the person speaking if they want reflective listening, one of your life experiences, or something else. 

Examples of Setting Boundaries and Accountability in Conversations

  • I feel unheard and disrespected in our relationship.. 
  • I choose to share my time with those that are respectful, accountable, compassionate. And work towards their own growth and healing.
  • When I perceive to be disrespected, teased, when sarcasm is used, when my boundaries are not heard or acknowledged, it results in me feeling less connected to you and less of a desire to be with you in the future. If your goal is to create a healthy relationship with me. I ask you to find an alternative approach with me when expressing your emotions… 
  • I feel frustrated and harmed when I receive advice from you that I have not requested. Or when you tell me how much you love me and then react angrily. I feel upset and hopeless when you use guilt as I then try to set boundaries.
  • Also I would feel more willing to create connections if my requests and boundaries were value. And to see that you are dedicated to making shifts in our relationship. If you are confused on what I need, I can share that more clearly. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Life sucks

What to Do When You Think Your Life Sucks? 

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What to Do When You Think Your Life Sucks? 

 

Today, we are explaining how we help clients when they say “my life sucks”.

Life sucks is a common thing heard in sessions these days and clients often ask us “why does my life suck,” in hopes that they can shift their life around.

Life Sucks in a Pandemic

First off, we are living in a pandemic that has turned our world and our way of living upside down. 

That is a legit piece of why “life sucks” right now. 

As humans, we are wired to NEED connection. The pandemic has created shifts in how we get connection and the way we can access closeness with others. 

Additionally, the pandemic has increased loss globally. 

There has been a massive loss of life, health, connection to others, employment, and even privacy. This is because many are stuck in their homes with the same people for over a year now. 

Loss and grief have continued to become a more prominent part of our day-to-day lives, and that has certainly impacted why you may think your life sucks right now.

The pandemic has caused many of us to feel hopelessness, disconnected, under-resourced – emotionally, physically and financially – and fearful. These feelings have contributed to increased rates of depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues.

Lifes sucks

Taking a look at the above chart, we see mental health rates were on the incline for millennials prior to the pandemic hitting. Now, imagine a crisis where most providers are at capacity for taking new patients. 

Individuals are needing more and more certainty in their lives, because the pandemic has increased the amount of uncertainty in our households, communities, country, and world.

Creating Certainty in Uncertain Times

Outside of the pandemic, I encourage people to focus on what they can control and ways that they can create certainty. 

Although it is incredibly important to look at the contextual and systemic factors at play, it is vital for each to reflect on accountability and ways that you yourself are contributing to why your life sucks. 

It is critical to empower ourselves to address what we can change rather than focusing on what we cannot. 

Parts of the “suckage” are within our control and require us to focus on the things we can create certainty in – what we can control vs. what we cannot control. 

Similarly, taking a cue from the serenity prayer, individuals must recognize the difference of what they can and cannot change.

Many clients are working hard to find ways to empower themselves in what they can do to help create more certainty in their lives. 

Here are some strategies to consider: 

  • Acknowledge your feelings and recognize WHAT you are feeling. When we ignore our feelings, it does not help in the long run.
  • Notice your most common thoughts. If you are constantly thinking negatively or focusing on things you cannot control,you are depleting yourself of valuable energy..
  • Shift negative thoughts. To be clear, it is shifting the WAY or the PROCESS of the message or way that you are thinking, rather than DISMISSING those thoughts.
  • Take APPROPRIATE responsibility. . Recognize what piece of the circumstances are yours to own. I work with so many people who take on MORE responsibility than is appropriate and also have seen people deflect responsibility completely. RECOGNIZE the difference and be fair to yourself and to others.
  • Create something. For some, that is through building, painting, art, gardening, etc. For others, it is creating certainty and predictable structure (including meals or bedtimes). Create community or connection! When we focus on creating we are OPENING our mind to new possibilities and building ways for us to feel empowered.
  • Focus on that which is in your control.We can only control ourselves, our reactions, and the way we do things. You do not have control over the pandemic, your partner,and to some extent your kids, etc. When we focus on controlling things outside of ourselves it creates POWERLESSNESS, because we cannot control others. Focus on what you can do, which is empowering. 
  • Find the good, find the beauty, find the pleasure in your life. In our group practice, we share each day on a group chat something that brought us pleasure. For some it is about connection, others it is about love or sex. It can be something simple, or something huge, but whatever it is, sharing openly  has created a pleasure-centered culture in our practice of self care..

 

Instead of asking yourself why your life sucks, find ways to empower yourself. 

Find a voice and ways to connect. Also find ways to grow and ways to create. Find ways to love yourself and others. Find ways to build mastery. 

When you try to attend to your underlying needs, life sucks a little less each day. Does this solve all the suckage? No. Will it help if you are willing? Absolutely. 

LCAT can help you transform your problems and start experiencing a pleasure centered, self accountable, empowering life.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Self Sabotage

How to Stop Self Sabotage

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How to Stop Self Sabotage

 

Many individuals ask how to stop self sabotage while simultaneously setting themselves up for failure. 

Avoiding individual needs chronically over years and decades is the most common way that individuals continue to self sabotage.

 

Why Do People Self Sabotage?

  • It’s too hard to do something new
  • Toxicity is familiar
  • Looking for instant gratification
  • Lack of fulfillment in other areas of life
  • They feel guilty or uncomfortable with being perceived differently

Taking attachment theory and imago therapy into account, individuals are often seeking the love of a caretaker, and thus have natural attraction to people that embody these traits. If a parent was aloof, or one was incredibly clingy, an individual may end up dating someone very similarly. 

If you want your relationships to be rewarding instead of triggering, it is important to notice the attachment patterns that you are attracted to so you stop self sabotaging relationships. 

Similarly, for individuals who are bothered by this fact – of being attracted to what is familiar – it isn’t enough to just talk about noticing the pattern. The ability to identify something is not the same as changing a pattern.

Self Sabotage

A Self-Sabotage Behavior People Don’t Notice

Warning: Individuals do not learn how to stop self sabotage by discussing self sabotage. They learn when they are heard in a way that is compassionate and understanding. When others hear themselves in a mirrored way, and then they decide they want to take action.

If someone says “You know, people abandon me… it’s just what always happens,” the mirrored response is “so I think I hear you saying that you feel more often than you have been comfortable with in your life, others have not been there when you had a need for connection.” 

When someone can hear themselves in what you reflect back, sometimes they are then able to open up new ways of thinking about the situation and then be able to alter the way in which they approach situations where they perceive they’re abandoned. 

Please be mindful of people that say they are “sabotaging,” because telling others what you are doing does not mean you are holding yourself accountable. 

Best Advice on How To Stop Self Sabotage

Notice your own self sabotage behaviors. 

Use a critical eye when observing the behaviors that you often find yourself doing. Instead of focusing on others, see what is happening in your decision making. 

For example, if you are saying yes to things when you really want to say no, just because you “feel bad” or “guilty,” you are going to continue to self sabotage. 

If you continue to do what you have done, your needs will continue to not be met. 

Say YES to yourself, and sit with the discomfort of putting up new boundaries. 

Being able to manage your time is one of the most important ways in which you can stop self-sabotaging. 

Sometimes, people sabotage in a way that hurts themselves (without even trying). They don’t necessarily know a new or different way to be healthier, and that is where psychotherapy may help.

Examples include yet aren’t limited to:

  • drinking wine to deal with stress
  • smoking cigarettes because of anxiety
  • binge eating when feeling uncomfortable
  • using non-prescribed drugs to take the edge off
  • using shopping as a way to cope with feelings

Similarly, if an individual has trauma that causes them to sabotage connections or relationships due to fear, this is something that has to be worked through in individual therapy. 

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Couples Communication Strategies

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Winter Depression

Winter Depression During a Pandemic

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Winter Depression During a Pandemic

 

For some people, winter weather seems like a magical scene out of a movie. Yet for others winter depression is a hard reality of the chilly season. 

 

When choosing where to settle down in life and deciding what place to call home, many factors come into play when picking a location.

 

For some living in an area of the country where it gets darker earlier in the day and the slushy, gloomy days seem to last forever is not ideal.  

 

Some though want to be able to experience all four seasons throughout the year, and winter depression comes with the regions.

 

Winter depression is also known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), which is how one is affected by light or lack thereof. 

 

Many studies have shown that people with seasonal affective disorder feel better after exposure to bright light. 

 

It seems simple enough: in higher latitudes, winter days are shorter, so you get less exposure to sunlight. Replace lost sunlight with bright artificial light, and your mood improves. 

 

Yet it’s actually far more complex. It’s not only a matter of getting light; it is about the right time too. The most important time to get light is in the morning, supposedly. 

Winter Depression

Some symptoms of Winter Depression but are not limited to:

  • Fatigue
  • Depression
  • Hopelessness
  • Social Withdrawal 

 

While some days seem better being that the sun is shining, the chilly fatigue can set in at any point in the day. Sometimes being awake for a short period of time is a struggle and your body just wants to rest. 

 

For some individuals with autoimmune diseases fatigue only seems to intensify during the winter months. Rheumatoid Arthritis is just one example where the winter months seem to cause more pain and fatigue for the clients that we serve. 

 

The more pain you feel the more fatigue you get being your body is over working to get through the day. When one bad day precedes the next, it might feel like a vicious cycle to get ahead of the tiredness and starting each day more tired than the next gets old.

 

Depression is something which can affect an individual throughout the year, regardless of the season. Many report that it intensifies to a winter depression in the colder months. Sunlight can do a world of wonders to the human body. The gloomy weather can affect a person’s mood from day to day. 

 

One might be more active one day due to the sun being out, and the next cloudy day could cause an individual to withdraw from wanting to do anything other than stay in bed. Hopelessness plays into depression, and one can lose faith things will get better. 

 

Seasonal Depression

Personally, it seems the colder the temperature gets and the earlier in the day the sun sets, some of my high motivation can get lost. I might have great plans to accomplish something after work. Yet by the time I get home, I may lose my excess energy. 

 

I am tender with myself, and I do not crawl into bed before 8pm, no matter how tired. Also I will not stay in bed past 11am ever. Sometimes, this can be a vicious cycle of going to bed early and waking up late. 

 

Social withdrawal is another battle in itself during the winter let alone during a pandemic. 

 

We have been cooped up for months on end and when we eventually go out for a night, we just want to retreat to the house. Sometimes, we do not want to deal with the conversations of people we meet or just not feeling up to socializing. 

 

Most nights even maintaining relationships via phone or texting can seem to be a struggle, especially while in a winter depression episode. 

 

Even though there are plenty of hours in a day to reach out, it seems like it is a huge burden or like climbing a mountain some nights to pick up the phone and check in on someone.

 

One thing that I have learned is that winter depression does not affect everyone the same. 

 

Some have mild cases where they can still carry on with day-to-day activities, where others need to seek extra therapy. There is no right or wrong answer to how to cope with winter depression. 

 

I prefer to give myself one day to relax or simply “do nothing” for others. Whether I read a book, spend all day in bed on a Sunday, or decide to order take in on a weeknight, self-care is important to stay healthy. 

winter depression

 

What methods do you prefer: 

  • Running? 
  • Going for a walk? 
  • Seeing your favorite therapist weekly? 
  • Doing a puzzle?
  • Moving your body?

 

Winter can be beautiful in many aspects. Just make sure that you seek help if your winter depression consumes you. If you feel it is too much, remember you are not alone.  

 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Behind the Scenes of a Woman Owned Business 

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Starting a woman owned business is fulfilling, terrifying, and a form of radical dedication and commitment. 

I compare my business to a part of my soul, kind of like Mike Michalowicz’ analogy of your business as a Siamese twin – you share the same vital organs.  

Having a woman owned business is similar to being a caretaker for an elderly family member – you do it because you love them – and it comes with challenges weekly, daily, and sometimes… hourly. 

When you’re starting your own business, you need to trust others to perform certain tasks, which creates a system of connection between staff. 

Doing this will allow enough time for you to enjoy the business, while delegating creates a system of collaboration. 

Why I Started It On My Own vs. Joining a Practice

I have wanted to be a therapist since I was 8 years old. I started a Woman-Owned Business because I knew that I would have my own practice and I had my mindset on that as my goal.

Although I knew I wanted to be a therapist, I didn’t exactly know the type of business to launch first. Visualizing a group practice full of wonderful licensed clinicians to help those who have trauma and problems within their lives find access to their pleasure again.   

Knowing what I wanted – a group practice – I was able to make it my priority, and my focus as I grew older.

Joining another practice is a great idea if you do not want to run a business; however, I enjoyed the business aspect.

I could get my one-person business on track without issues because it’s what I enjoy doing. 

Prioritizing my tasks, setting long-term goals, and understanding my limitations mattered. 

Similarly, I also surrounded myself with supportive people who were great sources of motivation to ensure my woman owned business success. I networked and met those in my area to introduce myself. 

What Have Been My Challenges?

Every business comes with its challenges and woman owned businesses are not exempted. The first challenge I encountered was finding capital to begin the business.

Many individual business owners face this challenge because building a business comes with many roles. I have to plan, advertise my business, manage customers, and be accountable for everything in the business.

Ideally, I should be able to get employees for this role. However, it means I’ll be spending more money, which isn’t a financially wise decision when starting a business. However, I could spend less and overcome financial challenges by employing part-time contractors rather than full-time employees.

Taking leaps of faith to expand my business also helped a great deal. So, expanding my business gave me an opportunity to make more profit and overcome the financial challenges that come with a Woman Owned Business.

Many other challenges come with being a business owner, and here are some steps to take charge of the situation:

  • Critically assessing the cause of the challenge – is it your product or service? Are you marketing to the audience that wants these results? 
  • Having realistic, measurable goals, knowing the small steps needed to achieve these goals, tracking your progress, and managing your time.
  • Implementing cost-effective strategies for growing your business.
  • Streamlining and creating systems in your work to save time in the future.
  • Making your roles easy to delegate to maximize productivity.

How I Lead and Motivate

Developing a Woman-Owned business came with lots of obstacles for me, and I can assure you that there are times that I’m worn-out. However, this does not stop me because I know my goal. 

Owning a business also comes with responsibilities, and one of which is the ability to make decisions on my own. I work with coaches, marketing teams, and I read books to learn from other successful entrepreneurs.

Filter out the tips that don’t work for you and apply those that fit with your business.

I was able to lead and motivate by using nonviolent communication to point out an employee’s mistake. Doing this will make them realize that you respect them regardless of the fact that they work for you. Besides, arguing and blaming doesn’t solve anything.

I also prefer to ask questions instead of assuming the answer – to prevent accusations and blaming.

Similarly, I motivate my staff by paying them on time. 

This has been worth it, and it has helped me gain the trust of those that work for me. Unfortunately more often than I feel comfortable with, I hear of clinicians who aren’t getting paid on time in their small women-owned business.

By ensuring that we have sales and revenue, I’m certain that contractors deliver their scope of work at the right time, and that they are happy working with me.

Why is a Healthcare/Clinician Practice Even More Challenging to Start Than, Let’s say, a Retail Store, etc.?

The healthcare practice is a more challenging industry than a retail business because we are dealing with tender emotions. If you have a retail store, you can start your business, advertise your product and sell it the same day. 

It doesn’t work that way when you’re a clinician.

People want to be sure that they’re dealing with the right person before putting their lives and sharing their stories with you. 

Gaining that trust is a crucial part of the business. 

We also are a combined insurance and private pay business, keeping multiple hats on at once. 

All these are parts together with owning a healthcare practice. These and many other reasons make it more challenging than an average business.

Finally, as a business owner, you need to bring out the best in the people around you. 

Before starting a Woman-Owned business, be sure of what you want. If you’re skeptical, you can start by making it a side business venture before making it a full-time business.

This way, you can be sure that your major source of income is intact until your business starts to gain traction. 

It also makes you financially capable of moving your business forward as a woman-owned business when you leave your corporate job.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Visit The Sexiest Places on Earth

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Visit The Sexiest Places on Earth

You can visit the sexiest places on earth once the pandemic is over if you’re looking to spice up your love life?

With the vaccine on the horizon, it’s time to consider visiting the sexiest places once we are able to! 

Spicing up your love life is an essential part of your relationship to prevent boredom and loneliness. Sometimes, one or both of the individuals in a relationship become bored when you’re both not doing anything different, interesting, or fun.

Today, we will discuss visiting the sexiest places on earth to give you a fantasy to project with your partner(s) in the future! 

Before choosing any place, be sure that you both love the location. If you already know where your partner wants to go, telling them you want to plan a vacation is a great way to make it more exciting (don’t make it a surprise though – get consent!) 

Turks and Caicos (Grace Bay)

First up, Turks and Caicos are only a flight away from Miami. I have been told that the sand is gorgeous, the people are fun, and that the islands offers you an amazing chain of coral islands in the Atlantic, southeast of the Bahamas.

Sexiest Places on Earth

One of the sexiest places on earth, Grace Bay beach apparently has the largest underwater cave system in the whole of the Caribbean. Therefore, that makes it one of the coolest places on earth as well. 

Exotic, colorful rays, turtles, and fish in the calm azure waters and one of the best diving in the world are some of the beautiful experiences that await you and your partner in this location.

If all you want is to have a great time relaxing and soak in the sexiest vibes, you can choose from a world-class spa even to enjoy some exfoliation or massage sessions.

France (Saint-Tropez)

Forget Paris, France for visiting, and go to Saint Tropez instead. It is a popular destination visited by some of the hottest celebrities in the world.

Many wealthy and famous celebrities have visited this destination for decades. Exotic places like “Plage de Tahiti” I have heard is a hot place where you can soak up in the sun and enjoy your tan without bothering about tan lines. If you also want to enjoy some tasty local cuisine, you have several exclusive restaurants to choose from.

It’s on my list of places to visit at some point!

 

Greece (Mykonos Island)

Ohhhh…. Greece! How glorious! Mykonos Island is an island that is known as an adult’s playground. I have a friend that has a home there, and they talk about how beautiful it is. 

It is specially designated for the sexy and sophisticated who need R&R (Rest and Recreation).

You can find some of the hottest nightlife and stylish boutiques on Mykonos Island. It is also home to exquisite beaches like Psarrou, Paradise, and Super Paradise beaches.

If you love a party, unlike me, this is an excellent location for you and your partner as the party starts in the afternoon at Paradise beach and lasts throughout the night.

 

Grenada (Laluna)

Also known as the Island of Spice (not just sensual spice), Laluna has been producing different kinds of spices, including ginger, cinnamon, cloves, and nutmeg, for export worldwide. It sounds spicy… and sexy for sure! Everyone likes an aphrodisiac. 

 

Vail Village

Vail Village is one of the world’s top ski locations, which offers a jaw-dropping mountain setting for cuddling up with your partner. Cuddling is sexy, and it is enticing because of how it helps your brain and body start to build connection. Especially, if you are skiing and moving during the day. 

So you warm-blooded folx like me understand, this location also offers you an after-ski snuggling and / or romantic sleigh ride with your partner to a beautiful dinner where you can also have a cozy night together. Even in winter, there is romance here! 

 

Argentina (Buenos Aires)

Buenos Aires is a sultry city well known for its outstanding cuisine, European-style boulevards, hopping nightlife, rich red wine, and sexy dance moves. Dance floors are found both indoors and outdoors, where dancers of all ages and levels of experience mingle. The people of Buenos Aires are all about having a good time throughout the night.

Our intake coordinator, Dany, knows much more about this location than I do, and if you want more tips on what to visit, you can message her!

 

Seychelles

With over 115 small islands, deserted beaches, and other interesting spots to have an alone time together, Seychelles is a great spot to reignite the spark in your relationship. It seems to be a little more unique than Hawaii! 

Fregate Island is another private isle where you can enjoy a private time and enjoy your sexy escape. Enjoy the amazing beaches, romantic dining locations, and a unique treehouse sitting in one of the largest and oldest banyan trees on the island.

 

Thailand (Koh Samui)

This location is just one hour from Bangkok. It offers you a sexy and amazing vision of your desired escape with the golden sands sitting at the shore of the glistening waters in all shades of blue and green you can imagine.

Lively bars, delicious bowls of noodles, and Thai massage are a few of the many things you can enjoy here. If you want to have some nice dance time with your partner, the clubs around Chaweng Beach Road offers one of the most amazing dance parties. The Amari Palm Reef Hotel also provides you with a beautiful sight of the sunset – although I have never been there – I have read about! 

 

Brazil (Rio de Janeiro)

The hot beaches and beautiful people in Rio de Janeiro make it one of the sexiest places you can visit on earth.

It boasts of stunning landscapes and beaches like Ipanema, where different beach activities take place. You don’t want to miss this spot if you want to have an unforgettable getaway experience.

A few honorable mentions:

  • Los Angeles, US- For dating, sexual satisfaction, and great attitudes towards relationships; visit Los Angeles.
  • Liverpool, UK – This is the perfect place for dating, love, and reigniting your love flame.
  • Dublin, Ireland – Dublin is known for its Irish accent, one of the sexiest accents in the world. This may be the ideal place to spice things up.
  • Zurich, Switzerland- Many hot spots for unforgettable sexual experiences abound in this location. It is an excellent place to consider.
  • Cape Town, South Africa- Cape Town is another place you may want to consider if you want to have a pleasurable time with your partner.

So, in conclusion, there are many sexy places in different parts of our earth. Our suggestion is that if you plan to visit and plan a memorable time with your significant other, that you can keep your love burning and rekindle the spark!

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

New Year Resolution: 5 Questions For Couples to Consider as we End 2020

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New Years Resolution time as the year comes to an end, we offer 5 questions that couples should consider before ending the year.

  1. What did we ACCOMPLISH in the relationship in 2020?
  2. WHAT did I ACCOMPLISH in 2020?
  3. What did we WANT to accomplish in the relationship but didn’t in 2020?
  4. What did I WANT to accomplish but didn’t in 2020?
  5. THE NEW VISION: What do you want to be celebrating by the end of 2021?

These questions are brought to you by Francesca Gentille, and I see them as highly valuable for couples ending one year and beginning another.

Not everyone enjoys New Year Resolutions; however, this is something you can do together.

What Did We Accomplish in The Relationship in 2020?

As couples, you should reflect on how you’ve spent your year so far. It helps you to discover ways of making your relationship better and being a better version of yourself.

It will help if you ask yourselves questions about what you’ve accomplished so far as couples in 2020. Doing this will help you plan and have a better 2021.

Asking yourself if you’re becoming the kind of partner you want to be to your partner will help you know if you’ve accomplished all you wanted to in the year.

You should ask yourself if you’ve provided your support and empathy to your partner and how much you’ve encouraged them throughout the year.

As a couple, working as an individual and then together can help you set the right path for your future and that of your partner.

You can discover what you’ve achieved for the year by ticking the boxes of the plans you both had for the year.

  • Did we achieve what we want in our career?
  • Did we get to develop ourselves as a couple?
  • Did we meet our financial goals for the year?
  • Did we enjoy our hobbies more than the previous year?
  • Has our spiritual life improved?
  • Did we care for our health the way we wanted?

These are some aspects where you both need to ask questions about your vision. Create more questions as they suit you, and write them down in a journal.

Knowing if you’ve accomplished your vision for the year will help you get a good head start for the next year.

What Did I Accomplish In 2020?

Before finding what you’ve accomplished in your relationship, you need to realize your accomplishments first. You need to find out if you’ve accomplished all you want in 2020 and discover ways of improving yourself in the coming year.

To know what you’ve accomplished as an individual, you must ask yourself some questions to see how you can improve in the coming year. You can start by writing down what you’ve accomplished in the year.

Write down the good things that you’ve experienced in your career, marriage, and family. Write down the list of things you failed to achieve for the year.

It will also help if you write down every unfavorable condition you found yourself in during the year. With this, you can know the next step of action on having a better 2021.

What Did We Want to Accomplish in the Relationship But Didn’t in 2020?

When you write down the list of things you didn’t accomplish in 2020, you may discover that you have accomplished a little in your relationship. As soon as you discover the things that you fail to accomplish in 2020, the next step is to find the means of achieving them in 2021.

The question you should keep asking yourselves is “What do we have to do to make this vision a reality.” Having a vision is different from accomplishing it. Accomplishing a vision comes with some unfavorable tasks that may want you to quit. It may even be the reason you weren’t able to accomplish it in 2020.

However, do not be discouraged or think that your vision is not right. Instead, accept the challenges that come with it. You can write down what you fail to accomplish in 2020 as a couple to find out where the problem is coming from. Do not be bothered or be negative about it in the coming year and always see the bigger picture.

What Did I Want to Accomplish But Didn’t in 2020?

It’s very normal to want to accomplish something but ended up not getting it throughout the year. Many factors could be responsible for this. So, do not flog yourself too hard. If you didn’t accomplish what you ought to in 2020 and they are a vital part of your vision, let them be at the top list of what you want to achieve in 2021.

Begin to work on them as soon as possible and they’ll be among your list of accomplishments for the year 2021.

The New Vision: What do You Want to Be Celebrating by The End of 2021?

You should know what you want and identify the things you have achieved and what you need to achieve by the end of 2021. When you have a vision, making it a reality will become easier.

Vision involves revising, recalling, and identifying your dream as a person and the one you also have with your partner. One way to discover your vision is by knowing what you want in your relationship and keeping to it, having a financial resolution ( buying a house, saving more, paying off your debts, e.t.c), and individual or personal resolution.

However, you may fail to realize your vision if you let some negative thinking and unhealthy behaviors take over your life. Some of these thinking include:

  • Feeling of guilt for wanting too much
  • Thinking that getting what you want is impossible
  • Believing that you’ll fail before even starting the new year
  • Being too anxious when you think about your vision
  • The thought that your partner will not support your vision or even laugh at you.

And the list goes on, so we recommend a New Year Resolution strategy for you and those around you!

Your vision may seem challenging when you look at it. This is normal as long as they excite you, are meaningful, and the results make a difference in your life as an individual or a couple.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Grief and COVID

Grief During Quarantining and COVID

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Grief During Quarantining and COVID

 

During the last 10 months something that has been clearer in my clinical practice is grief and the intersection of COVID-19.  During this pandemic there are varying levels of grief that my clients are experiencing as a result of COVID-19. 

 

What is Grief?

Grief is the experience of loss, usually associated with death. But we can experience it in a variety of different ways. Grief is typically experienced as high levels of emotional suffering and struggle. Following a loss (extreme sadness, depression, anxiety, fear, guilt, etc.).

Although, less talked about grief also comes with physical symptoms such as sleep difficulties, eating difficulties, changing in weight, fatigue, nauseous, aches and pains.

There are a variety of different processes of grief. One of the most well known is Kubler-Ross’ 5 stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance).

Although a foundational in the concept of grieving, it does not necessarily mean that it is a step by step process (as described) or that everyone will engage in every stage. Also, these 5 stages were identified after researching the Holocaust (a genocide). 

 

Types of Grief

Grief is not a one size fits all way to grief or one type of grief. Below are a list of different types of grief that people can experience: 

  • Anticipatory grief 
  • Complicated grief
  • Traumatic grief
  • Ambiguous loss
  • Delayed grief
  • Secondary Loss

There may be several various types of grief, these are the ones I see most clearly in my practice. 

 

Grief and COVID

Frief is a complicated and broad topic. The amount of grief experienced collectively in our families, communities, country, and world is unique as a result of this pandemic. 

COVID-19 has struck our world in massive proportions resulting in high levels of loss be it human life, jobs, access to friends and family, change in cultural norms, etc. 

 

Death

Obviously, the death of people as a result of contracting COVID-19 is a horrendous experience for anyone and would be considered “traumatic grief.” 

Many of my clients who have experienced the loss of someone to COVID-19 have had a difficult time. Many of my clients were not able to be with their loved one when they were hospitalized and then died. They were not able to hold celebrations or services for their loved ones. They were not able to access the support of others because of quarantine. Being isolated and not able to be with the loved one has been extremely difficult. 

If the death was of a person who was not someone you are close to, you may be experiencing “secondary” or “vicarious” grief which is the loss of someone you knew. But may not have as significant daily impact. Although it might not have been your spouse, your parent, your child, OR your best friend, does not minimize the grief you may be experiencing. 

 

Life in Quarantine

Life in Quarantine has created its own version of loss for our communities. People are social creatures and require connection so being in quarantine for as long as we have is not something healthy for us. Life in Quarantine has resulted in social isolation and connection via technology. People’s worlds have been turned upside down and have created high levels of struggle for many. 

As a therapist, I am seeing higher levels of depression, trauma, and anxiety across the board. Clients are finding it hard to manage their symptoms because their is a lack of resources and connection. Isolation has become easier, self care has become more difficulty, and conflict is on the rise. People are stuck in the same environment 24/7. 

People are needing to do everything from one space and as the weather gets colder. Options dwindle for being able to engage in some level of safe connection with others outside their household.

This dramatic change in the way we live our day to day lives is causing grief, a loss for life pre-covid. 

 

Loss of Job and Resources

Businesses are struggling or shutting down. Thousands of people are losing their jobs. Resources are becoming more expensive as a way for some businesses to stay afloat. More and more continues to changes as COVID continues to be a predominant issue in our life. 

The above stated losses are hard enough, add in the loss of jobs people have been experiencing, loss of financial stability and resources. And the ability to feel certainty is creating high levels of grief and stress culturally. 

 

How do we Cope with Grief

On a variety of levels we are all struggling with grief right now. The best that we can do is try to facilitate support, connection, validation, love.

Ask for help or offering help to those we love and our communities. Noticing the privileges we have and areas that we can help those around us and our communities can be an important part of collective healing. Make no mistake, COVID-19 is a global trauma and in order to heal and survive this we need to work together to collectively grief, support, and heal. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.