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breast cancer and pleasure

Sex After Breast Cancer

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Sex After Breast Cancer

I often get asked by my female clients for alternative ways to get aroused during sex after breast cancer. They have little or no feeling in their nipples due to breast cancer or other types of breast surgery.

 

I have heard more than 100 women discuss changes in sensitivity around the nipple and breast, which impacts sex after breast cancer and even breastfeeding.

 

There is A LOT happening emotionally and spiritually while undergoing breast surgery and recovery.

 

The chest is an interesting body part for women, as it holds the heart and the breasts! It’s such a tender and vulnerable spot.

 

breast

 

After breast cancer surgery, many women indicate they do not feel ‘womanly’ anymore. Some feel they aren’t good enough. This is because they don’t like how they fill out their shirts, or they have unappealing scars, or they don’t get aroused easily. This creates anxiety and insecurity in their sex life.

 

Tips and Lessons Learned From My Clients for Sex After Breast Cancer (if your nipples aren’t sensitive anymore): 

  1. Identify your breast sensitivity: no sensation, minimal sensation, due to technique or something else.
  2. Talk to your doctor if you need to understand the cause
  3. Find another part of your body that is sensitive. Try the lower back and down the sides of the body. Go from your neck, around the chest, and down the rib cage (towards the belly). Once you find other areas that are sensitive have your partner touch you there.
  4. Reclaim your chest by either piercing your nipples or tattooing over surgery scars. 
  5. Incorporate other toys on the nipples, like nipple clamps, vibrators, or floggers (whips) to get a different feeling on the chest.
  6. Do a sexy photo shoot to reclaim your beauty.
  7. Do a mourning ritual for the chest you used to have so you can grieve and move on!

 

If you have had breast cancer or reconstruction, or possibly breast implants or breast reductions, how have you dealt with the feelings of insecurity, pain, embarrassment, etc.?  Please comment below, we would love to hear from you!

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

 

 

breast cancer

 

 

sex education

Sex Education – Why is it so Sexist?

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Sex Education – Why is it so Sexist?

 

Sex education in the United States is first introduced in schools in about 10th grade – if at all. According to the CDC, the following is supposed to be included, but it often isn’t: 

  • How to obtain and use condoms
  • Importance of using a condom at the same time as another form of contraception to prevent both STDs and pregnancy
  • How to access valid and reliable information, products and services related to HIV, STDs, and pregnancy
  • How HIV and other STDs are transmitted and their health consequences
  • Importance of limiting the number of sexual partners
  • Preventive care that is necessary to maintain reproductive and sexual health

 

Here is the stuff on the list that I paid for in higher sex education:

  • How to create and sustain healthy and respectful relationships
  • Influences of family, peers, media, technology and other factors on sexual risk behavior
  • Benefits of being sexually abstinent
  • Importance of using condoms consistently and correctly
  • Communication and negotiation skills
  • Goal-setting and decision-making skills
  • Influencing and supporting others to avoid or reduce sexual risk behaviors

 

We live in a culture of sexual health. Not a culture of sexual wellness or pleasure! 

 

Don’t believe me, the CDC says so!

Think about your sex education talk. While boys are taught about masturbation, girls are taught about periods and preventing pregnancy. 

Sometimes I feel like it is an “us” vs “them” mentality for the genders, but what about those beyond the binary? How do they get their sex education? 

All genders are included in sexually transmitted infections (STI) education and LGBTQ+ curriculum if schools are willing to pay for it. 

Great… so… no one knows ANYTHING!

 

Unless you had an older sibling that happened to share information, the “birds and the bees” talk typically goes something like… “don’t get pregnant” or “don’t get a disease.”  

 

Then, you move on to college and if you are blessed, as I was, your school offers sexual education or “human fertility” as it was called at Providence College! ::shaking my head:

sex education

Thankfully, no matter what, we all have the Internet to learn sex education from PORN! 

You know… another place where men and women are objectified for the pleasure of the voyeur at home. 

Porn sex education is not real! The waxed and bleached vulvas and anuses, humongous penises that are ALWAYS hard and ALWAYS cause an orgasm for the receiver are for entertainment.

Some people begin to rely solely on porn to masturbate and thus have no experience in developing or fixing a sexual connection and sexual routine with a committed partner. 

 

A Lack of Sex Education Can Lead to Other Life Problems

What I have seen, specifically in women, is that many feel shame about discovering and enjoying masturbation. Self-pleasure can become a normal part of sexual development if we discuss it!

A lack of sex education is problematic, because individuals enter sexual relationships without knowing what gives them pleasure and assuming it will naturally work. 

If you do not know your sexual anatomy and how the different areas are designed for pleasure, then you do not have the foundation to take control of your pleasure or your relationship. 

What often happens is a ripple effect across the entire life cycle of not getting what you want and living life on half-empty. 

 

Pleasure-Centered Sex Education Should Be Mandatory

I don’t even like the word “should,” but I feel passionate about our mission in helping others love themselves and their relationships! 

Over the past six years hundreds of individuals have come to see us at Life Coaching & Therapy to help them overcome  to sexual pain, shame, and insecurities. 

I’ve struggled with sexual addiction and relationship issues all of my life. I have spent years in traditional therapy with everyone from social workers to psychologists to psychiatrists. And then I found Amanda. She has an expert knowledge of the field she works in. But it’s her love and passion and new approach for her work that separates her from the rest! In a short period of time she gave me feedback and solutions to my problems. She changed my life! If you’re tired of traditional therapy, don’t wait… try Amanda! She will change your life! – Gary .

It took one visit for me to realize that Amanda was a godsend. It was a turning point in my life. Over the next few years, I experienced a lot of “aha” moments and Amanda guided me through them all. I’ve gained so many valuable lessons on: self-esteem, the ability to receive, confidence, letting emotions out, intimacy, communication, languages of love, knowing your value and much more.These lessons don’t come naturally in everyone’s life and there is no shame in seeking out assistance. Amanda’s technique was exactly what I needed. She is compassionate and helps you explore your situation and feelings, but she will be honest with you and challenge you in ways that will help you grow if you are open to it. – Al.

 

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Sex Toys

Sex Toys – When Vanilla Just Isn’t Enough

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SEX TOYS

 

Do you remember the first time you heard about a sex toy? Or even better… you bought one!

Sex toys usually enable a quicker  orgasm and thus, clients always ask me about them. As a former  consultant in the sex toy industry, I have a lot of knowledge about these products. 

Below is a summary of the main types of sex toys and how to use them.

 

Bullets: sex toys

The job of the bullet is to add increased pleasure on the clitoris. If you have never bought a sex toy before, this is a great place to start. 

  • It packs a lot of power into one condensed spot and jolts the nerve endings in the clitoris. 
  • Adding a bullet to masturbation and intercourse can greatly increase the intensity and amount of orgasms that you experience. 

 

Warning: Please note that bullets are external toys and not to be used inside the vagina.

 

G-spot toys: sex toys

G-spot toys are made for inside the vagina. They usually have a curve in them that angles upward to stimulate the area  known as the G-Spot. 

Some women experience additional pleasure with this type of toy because they can turn it and stimulate the wall of the vagina that they feel is the most sensitive.

Any more tips on finding your G-Spot with a sex toy?

Some couples may just run these up and down the body as a part of massage.

 

Dual-action vibrators: sex toys

The famous “rabbit” is a dual-action vibrator. It has one spot that is designated to stimulate the clitoris and a shaft that is made to fill the vagina. 

If you have never masturbated with a sex toy before or never had an orgasm, I would not recommend this type as a first sex toy. 

Make ake sure you can control each part of the toy separately. It’s no fun without the ability to calibrate each of them. 

.

 

Dildos:

A hard shaft, best when made of silicone, glass, or other solid material, gives the feeling of fullness inside orifices. 

 

Many people use dildos accompanied by hands, fingers, and/or a bullet on another erogenous zone. 

 

 

Butt Plugs:sex toys

Butt plugs are made of a variety of materials, the most common being latex. Other materials used include silicone, neoprene, wood, metal, glass, stone, and many other materials. Silicone is a particularly good material, as it can be disinfected in boiling water.

These add pleasure to the erogenous zone of the anus. The feeling of fullness often adds an added sensation alone or in use with other toys!

 

Cock Rings:sex toys

The purpose of a cock ring is to trap blood inside the penis in order to maintain an erection, or encourage a stronger erection. In order to do this it must be placed at the base of the penis.

A ring made of stretchy material is simply stretched over the penis (and optionally also the scrotum, except when used with a pump for impotence) and situated against the body. Rigid rings are used differently: first each testicle is fed through the ring and the entire scrotum is pulled through, then the flaccid penis is pushed through the ring and situated against the body.

 

 

Sex Toys  – Introducing Them to Your Partner

Incorporating sex toys with your partner can be intimidating! I SO get it!

However, once you bring it up, excitement grows and new types of pleasure are possible. 

You can explain to your partner that this adds additional stimulation that your body desires. 

Most sex toys with vibration come with a remote so you can choose the levels of pleasure and make it even more sensational. 

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

Stiff: Solutions for Erectile Dysfunction On-Demand Webinar

Women on Penis Size

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

sex counseling

What Does A Sex Therapist Do?

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What Does A Sex Therapist Do?

 

So you heard someone mention a sex therapist, but… what does a sex therapist do?

First – a little bit about who they are!

Sex therapists hold valid state regulatory license in one of the following disciplines: marriage and family therapy, psychology, medicine, social work, counseling, or nursing.

Unlike other types of counseling, sex therapy focuses on human sexuality and intimacy of desire discrepencies in a comfortable non-judgmental atmosphere where single and partnered individuals feel safe.

 

What Does A Sex Therapist Do?

A sex therapist does not help you have sex in the literal sense. They are not sex workers.

A sex therapist takes the tools of therapy, addresses your concerns, thoughts, and feelings, and puts this together with how this is inhibiting your sexuality.

According to AASECT, “sex therapy training must involve the learning of specific sex therapy techniques and interventions, not just theory.”

So therefore, you could attend a workshop on sex therapy theory on this particular therapeutic technique. Then, a certified sex therapist would usually attend “an additional workshop on how to present this technique, what kind of language to use, how to time and pace the specific assignments, and in which order the assignments are given” says AASECT.

Often then give you the tools to complete the goal of resolving the issue.

Sex therapists listen to your concerns within the realm of sex, such as:

  • Concerns over intimacy, sexual desire, or arousal
  • Sexual anxieties or interests
  • Sexual orientation (and gender identity)Impulsive or compulsive sexual behavior
  • Difficulties, such as early ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, or painful intercourse
  • Concerns over past unwanted or traumatic sexual experiences
  • Low sexual desire or difficult arousal
  • Reckless sexual activity
  • Inability to achieve orgasm

The list does not end here!

Are you going through new changes such as having a baby, moving in together, making a major purchase, getting married, or going through menopause?

All of these mean bumps in a person’s sexual experiences that a sex therapist can help you through. Together, you find new ways to achieve your intimate goal.

 

What happens in a sex therapy session?

A sex therapist will listen to you describe your problems and assess whether the cause is likely to be psychological, physical, emotional, or a combination.

Talking about and exploring your experiences will help you get a better understanding of what is happening and the reasons.

What Does A Sex Therapist Do?

The therapist may also give you exercises and tasks to do with your partner in your own time.

Each therapy session is completely confidential and different. You can see a sex therapist by yourself or with a partner.

Sessions usually last for 30 – 60 minutes depending on what you are interested in!

The therapist may advise you to have weekly sessions or to see them less frequently, such as once a month.

At Life Coaching and Therapy we can offer you a variety of therapies like:

We can help you get the life you want and the results you desire related to passion, connection, and growth. Through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training, we transform our clients intimate lives!

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do.

Call us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment!

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Latin sex therapist

Couples Sex Counseling

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Couples Sex Counseling

 

Couples sex counseling is a powerful type of therapy that can enable couples to work through issues and transform their relationships. Most of us have not had much training or education in relationships and sex, yet these areas are critical to maintaining happy and fulfilling lives. This is why counseling can be a very valuable tool.

Couples Counseling

Why Try Couples Sex Counseling?

Have you ever considered going to couples sex counseling? Couples sex counseling benefits those who want to improve the quality of their sex life, regain intimacy and ignite passion in their lives. Counseling can address many other issues that impact a relationship, for example:

  • Low sexual self-esteem
  • Traumas
  • Relationship difficulties
  • Anxiety
  • Emotional distance
  • Jealousy
  • Infidelity
  • Lack of trust
  • Family conflicts

If you or your partner are interested in going to a professional, you need to trust your therapist. He or she is not there to benefit one client and blame the other.

 

Couples Sex Counseling Method

 

At Life Coaching & Therapy (LCAT), we utilize the PLISSIT model.This is a system used in the field of clinical sexology to determine the different levels of intervention for clients. The PLISSIT model offers a succinct method for introducing sex into a clinical conversation, narrowing the scope of a patient’s concern and offering effective counseling and treatment. Its name is derived from the four levels of the model: permission, limited information, specific suggestions, and intensive therapy. (source: www.psychiatryadvisor.com)

Our clients go home and try different techniques to work on their sexual issue. The issues we work on with our clients can include: erectile dysfunction, pelvic pain, low desire, no desire, or desire discrepancy.

 

Asking for Help is Not Failing!

If you believe that going to couples sex counseling is a sign of failure, think again!  Sex involves intellectual, physical, emotional, and spiritual perspectives, which can make it very complex. Physical, psychological, and emotional issues all directly affect our sexuality.

Being comfortable enough to ask your partner specific questions about what he or she needs and likes is essential to having amazing sex! For instance, ask your partner “Do you like this level of pressure?”

Sex can be complicated. Sex can be wonderful. However you may experience new problems due to unresolved sex issues.

 

What Can Couples Sex Counseling do for You?

 

Change the perspective of the relationship

The therapist encourages both partners to see their relationship in a more objective way, including from each other’s perspective.

 

Improve communication

Many couples have difficulties, and many are not able to reach practical solutions. Only by discussing their problems can couples start to fix them. Our therapy process and Amanda’s 90-Day Couples Makeover promote a constructive, respectful dialogue where couples can openly express their emotions and ideas. We enable clients to communicate more effectively and listen more attentively.

 

Build on the strengths of the relationship

It is better for couples to focus on the positives in their relationship. For this purpose, the therapist can act as a mediator to help rediscover common interests and help the couple create the relationship for a better future. One technique couples sex counselors use is to encourage intimacy through erotic writing, cuddling, date nights, sexual acts and gift giving.

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

individual sex therapy

Exercise to Improve Emotional Health

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Exercise to Improve Emotional Health and Increase Happiness

Exercise not only helps you lose weight and keep your body healthy, it is also a great help to improve emotional and mental health and well being.

 

Have you ever wondered why athletes tend to have more energy, less stress and a regular sleep cycle?

 

There is a large number of researches concerning the advantages of sport over our health – both physical and mental. Practicing any type of exercise allows us to feel joy and tranquility, and reduce stress, anxiety and even pain.

As a general rule all types of exercise are positive for improving physical and mental health (including activities such as housework, although its impact is less intense), but some of the sports that have the greatest advantage for mental health are those that involve teamwork, aerobic or a gym.

 

Although the hormonal response to exercise depends on age, sex, health and weight, these four hormones will be the first to appear when you put your body in motion:

  • Serotonin:

    A very important hormone to fight depression! It is a substance that significantly influences our mood and is released after physical activity, especially in the open air. Serotonin appears after movement and is responsible for a sensation of calm that moves us away from depressive states, and also allows us to sleep better and regulate food intake, avoiding excesses.

 

  • Dopamine:

    While this chemical is known to be responsible for feelings such as love and lust, it has more to do with motivation and the cost-benefit relationship, than with the pleasure itself. This is the hormone that allows us to experience a pleasant sensation after exercising, which creates a link between this feeling of pleasure and the activity that pushes us to continue practicing it, as it “hooks” us.

 

  • Adrenaline:

    Who does not like to feel the rush of adrenaline? We feel adrenaline in extreme moments, sometimes in situations that are not so positive, but we can experience it thanks to extreme sports or adventure sports. This hormone gives us a super human power. It also helps to fight depression, since the release of adrenaline stimulates the creation of our friend – dopamine, which increases mental well being.

 

  • Endorphins:

    These are the most popular of all hormones and are those that, after exercise, allow us to feel happiness, joy and even euphoria. It works as a natural analgesic, as it reduces the feeling of pain as well as anxiety and stress. It is released immediately after exercise, so you can feel it right away.

 

Using hormones as our partners we can help our body fight against daily stress and problems that in any other case we would fight with drug medications.

 

1. Builds Self-Image and Self-Esteem

 

The continued practice of sports has a positive impact on body image, which has an impact on self-image and self-concept, and enables us to feel more attractive, thus increasing self-esteem.

 

2. Increases Opportunities to Socialize and Meet New people

 

Sports are activities that involve a large number of people, and can be a hobby shared by many. This enables common interests with other people, as well as facilitating contact with them. In addition, there are a lot of exercises and sports, such as football or basketball, which have teamwork as one of their main components.

 

3. Stimulates Proactivity and Creativity

 

Exercise increases our blood flow, which helps increase our creativity. In addition, it takes us away from the routine and gives us time to have new ideas.

 

4. Improves Concentration and Memory

 

Another advantage that has been observed is that sports help to improve concentration and targeting capacity, as well as memory and general cognitive capacity. This can result in improved academic and work performance.

 

5. Improves the Sleep Cycle

 

We have all done some exercise on occasion. After doing it, we have probably felt tired and relaxed, and were able to sleep more easily and soundly. It has been scientifically proven that regular exercise makes it easier to fall asleep.

 

6. Stops Cognitive Decline

 

It has been observed that people who exercise regularly tend to be less likely to suffer cognitive impairment or dementia such as Alzheimer’s, or to slow down its deterioration in the early stages.

 

7. Combats Abstinence Syndrome and Addictions

 

Regular exercise is a recommended activity to combat addictions since it slows down the feeling of desire to consume.

 

Make exercise a regular part of your life to improve your mental well-being. If vigorous exercise is not possible, consider yoga and tantra, which are also great at increasing our famous hormones: serotonin, dopamine and endorphin. The key is to wake up the sleepy hormones caused by a sedentary lifestyle in order to enjoy a healthier and happier life.

 

Stay happy and healthy!

Pascale Lean and Amanda Pasciucco

 

Please learn more about how Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What we do, call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

what does a sex therapist do sex therapy exercises (6/12/19) sex therapy techniques female sex therapist (this could be your bio and why you think females make great sex therapists) certified sex coach (can list the education/certification requirements link to the certification organization, how you find one, the current number of them in CT, etc) what is sex therapy intimacy counseling sex counseling couples intimacy workshops intimacy therapists near me.

STOPP Skill

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STOP

Just pause for a moment.

 

TAKE A BREATH

Notice your breathing in and out.

In through the nose, out through the mouth.

 

OBSERVE

  • What thoughts are going through your mind right now?
  • Where is your focus of attention?
  • What are you reacting to?
  • What sensations do you notice in your body?

 

PULL BACK – PUT IN SOME PERSPECTIVE

  • DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK!
  • What’s the bigger picture?
  • Take the helicopter view.
  • What is another way of looking at this situation?
  • What advice would I give a friend?
  • What would a trusted friend say to me right now?
  • Is this thought a fact or an opinion?
  • What is a more reasonable explanation?
  • How important is this?  How important will it be in 6 months time?
  • It will pass

 

PRACTICE WHAT WORKS – PROCEED

  • What is the best thing to do right now?
  • What is the most helpful thing for me, for others, for the situation?
  • What can I do that fits with my values?
  • Where can I focus my attention right now?
  • Do what will be effective and appropriate.

 

what does a sex therapist do sex therapy exercises (6/12/19) sex therapy techniques female sex therapist (this could be your bio and why you think females make great sex therapists) certified sex coach (can list the education/certification requirements link to the certification organization, how you find one, the current number of them in CT, etc) what is sex therapy intimacy counseling sex counseling couples intimacy workshops intimacy therapists near me.

Embracing Masochism Tendencies

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Embracing Masochism Tendencies

 

To those afraid of Admitting To Masochist Tendencies:

For the longest time I denied that I was a masochist.  “There must me something wrong with me.  What kind of person enjoys pain?”  Ummm……me.  I do!  I enjoy a certain amount of consensual pain.  I am a masochist.  It’s been a long journey to get to the point where I can “own” that statement and I’ve learned a few things about myself along the way.

The first step on the journey to claiming my masochism was to define it…… for me.  (Your mileage may vary).  I questioned at what point does having pain consensually inflicted upon me go from pleasure from a simple rush of endorphins to an unhealthy mental state?

To start with, I differentiated the terms “hurt” and “harm”.  Hurt= good.   Harm=bad

Hurt, pain, or discomfort is a physical sensation.  It goes away either immediately, in a while, in a day, or in a few days.  Sometimes, it leaves a mark, and sometimes it doesn’t.  Either way, no medical assistance is required for the body to go back to its natural state.

Harm, the way I chose to define it, means that medical intervention is required to heal it, or there is permanent, and/or long-lasting damage.  I don’t want to be harmed, but I do want to be hurt.

I can think of a lot of loopholes in my definition of harm, such as my branding. It was consensual, it caused permanent damage, which was the intent, but it did not require medical attention to heal.  Hurt? Harm?  I’m okay with it.

Sometimes, the hurt leads to unintentional harm.  Yet another loophole.  I enjoyed the pain from a particular hip harness one day, but it led to nerve damage that took two years to heal and a small tear in my hip labrum.  I accepted the risk that “harm” may come as a result of the “hurt”.  In my brain, I wasn’t asking for harm, I was asking for hurt, so my definition still made sense as I viewed it.  I know hurt vs harm is not a perfect definition, but it feels right for me.

In order to be comfortable with the label “masochist”, I wanted to understand “why” I liked pain.  This was a lot easier to wrap my brain around.  Quite simply, I like the endorphin rush that gets triggered from pain.  I learned that I really only like pain when it is in conjunction with or leading up to orgasms — piling endorphins on top of more endorphins for a super good rush that gets me to a happy place.

The last thing on my journey was learning how to communicate.  Not all pain is good pain and my tolerance to pain varies from day to day.  I like pain to start off slow and easy and then build.  This was easy to communicate.

At some point pain stops being pleasurable for me and just becomes pure pain. Communicating this type of information was way more difficult.  I learned three things about myself:

1) If my pain was really pleasing my top/partner/Dominant and it was making him happy, then not only can I tolerate more pain but I WANT more pain

2) Breathing and relaxing around the pain allowed me to tolerate a greater intensity of pain.

3) I needed to communicate in advance of play, by either arranging a code word or a signal that let my partner know before the pain went from good to bad.

 

The final and unexpected benefit of owning by masochism was learning the technique of breathing and relaxing around the pain and discomfort.  This skill has helped me way beyond what I ever imagined.  I now find myself using this technique frequently; for headaches, for when I walk into the sharp corner of the table, for when I smash my knee against the desk, stub my toe and a whole host of other unintended, non-consensual, self-inflicted pain that is just a general result of me being clumsy.  So, to my fellow “masochists in denial”, I say figure out what’s in it for you and then go embrace your masochism!

~ Shana Silver

 

 

 

Check Out All Our Additional Sex Therapy Video

Kinky Sex: How to Get Started

kinky sex

 

Kinky Sex 2.0: Escape Boredom in the Bedroom

sex therapy videos

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Communicating About Difficult Matters

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Communicating About Difficult Matters

 

I know I talk a lot about communication and how important it is to the health of relationships. WELL, I’ll never stop! It’s SO important to keep honing your communication skills in all types of settings, especially difficult ones.

Something that’s been on my mind lately is how to break news to a partner. It might not necessarily be bad news, but news that you think may change their perception of you in any way. For example, if you have an illness, disability, or other difficult matters that are extremely personal. I know how intimidating it can be to communicating someone these things. Here’s what I suggest:

 

 1.) Decide on how much you’re willing to share before.

2.) Know that you HAVE TO tell the story directly – no rambling, no beating around the bush. 👌

3.) Practice several times. Keep in mind the context of your news to handle your style and tone appropriately. If you’re breaking it to them about a disability, maybe you can start with, “I really enjoy the relationship I’ve had with you so far, and I feel really comfortable with you. I really care for you, and that’s why I think I should finally share something about myself to you. It’s really personal and I’ve been worried about your reaction to it, but you should really know.”

4.) Ask if you can clarify anything to help them better understand your situation.

I hope these tips can help you in the future. REMEMBER that if you KNOW that your partner loves you, there’s NO DOUBT that they’ll take in every single bit of you, whether it be your flaws or strengths, and love 👏 it 👏 all👏.

communicating

Communication is the KEY!

 

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Couples Communication Strategies

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Sex Education Netflix Series Review (REAL THERAPIST REACTS!)

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Sex Education Netflix Series Review (REAL THERAPIST REACTS!)

 

Within the first week that this came out, SIX people told me to watch this! And I’m so glad I did. It gave a fun, yet deep spin on topics that may be embarrassing to those who experience it and opened conversation on how to deal with these matters. I enjoyed every minute of watching the characters interact with each other and see them grow throughout season 1! If you want to see my reaction on specific scenes, go ahead and click the link on my profile to find it! If you haven’t watched the series, I encourage that you do! I hope you enjoy it!

 

 

Sex Education from Netflix! I will give my Netflix Sex Education reaction. I will dive into some themes from Netflix Sex Education! If you’re looking for a Netflix Sex Education Review, watch this video! I react to scenes from Sex Education Episode 1, and many other parts of the season! Don’t miss this review for Sex Education Netflix! You’ll want some insight from my Sex Education Episode 1 reaction! I ain’t called the Sex Healer for nothing!

Codependent Relationship To Interdependence

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Codependent Relationship To Interdependence

Are you in a codependent relationship and want to be codependent no more?.

 

Let’s focus on interdependence and having interdependent relationships!.

 

After looking at the codependent relationship signs, we can be on the road to codependent relationship recovery! Codependency in relationships is not healthy, so interdependence is the way to go!.

 

We’ll look at interdependence theory and the difference between interdependence vs codependency.

 

How would you describe a perfect relationship in one word?

 

For me, that word is interdependence! Now you’re probably asking, Amanda, haven’t you already talked about this? Aren’t codependency and interdependence the same? Not at all! The type of relationship you DON’T WANT is one based in codependency. Strive for interdependence, at least that’s what we strive for in my therapy sessions with clients.

 

Interdependence is that goals relationship.— Where you have a long-term partner that may do anything for and vice versa. However, the difference to codependency is that this type of relationship gives you the freedom to be… you!.

 

You and your partner support each others goals and give trust in one another, allowing you to be flexible in your relationship as well. Who doesn’t want this?

 

What does interdependence mean to you? Learn more on how to get there in my video!

 

Rebuild Trust In A Relationship

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Rebuild Trust In A Relationship (Therapist Advice To Save It!)

 

Are you working towards rebuilding trust in relationship? It’s important to build trust with our partner or rebuild trust in broken relationship because you are with a person you love. Wouldn’t you want them to be comfortable in telling you anything that bothers them? Wouldn’t you want to extend that same courtesy to them. Sometimes relationships are broken because of trust issues in relationship and that’s okay — you can still rebuild trust in relationship. Relationship trust issues are not to be taken lightly!  All it takes is hard work to build trust again, so let me tell you how!

 

As a therapist, I understand the significance of the trust between me and my clients. The same significance goes for my personal relationships as well. In both situations, I have a responsibility to uphold and protect the trust instilled in it. If you ask me, I’d say that trust is definitely the glue in any relationship. When meeting someone new, trust is generally a given because you both haven’t given each other any reason for “distrust”.

 

Now, when that trust is violated, that is a problem that is not to be taken lightly– If you are the one who breaks your partner’s trust, it will be a long, uphill battle to return to the comfort of the relationship you once had.

 

It takes delicacy to pick up the pieces of the broken relationship. You can make things worse if you aren’t careful!! You can check out my video for tips! Thanks for watching! <3

What is Codependency?

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Codependency In Relationships Explained (BE CODEPENDENT NO MORE!)

 

Have you ever asked yourself what is codependency and what are its symptoms? On your way to codependency recovery? Don’t even know what is codependency in relationships even looks like or ask what does codependency mean? This video is for you to learn more about the ties between codependency and narcissism as well as codependency and addiction.

 

Codependency is such an important relationship topic to learn and initiate conversations about. Keep yourself and others aware of just how common and unhealthy this can be, as it can be a pattern that is repeated until conscious action is taken!

 

Codependency is when one partner disproportionately gives more in a relationship, and in doing so, perpetuates their partner’s bad behaviors.

 

If you want to learn more about how codependency traits develop, check out more details in this video!

 

How To Catch A Cheater

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How to Catch A Cheater: Explained by The Sex Healer 

 

Don’t know how to go about confronting infidelity? Have you ever wondered “are they cheating on me” or “why did they cheat on me” when looking at your partner? Is your husband cheating on you? Is your wife cheating on you? Is your girlfriend cheating on you? Is your boyfriend cheating on you? It’s a big question why cheaters cheat, but it doesn’t mean you should be a blind victim of it any longer. Catch cheaters and stop relationship cheating!

 

Fun topic, right? I’m so excited! Here’s three of my tips to catch a cheater:

 

1.) Make A List

2.) Be Where They Don’t Expect You

3.) Look Through Social Media

 

 

If you want to see the rest of my tips and get some elaboration on why these ideas can even work, check out my video on YouTube and search TheSexHealer for more!

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CBD

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Medical marijuana. What are your thoughts on medical cannabis?

Check out my contribution to CNN here:

Marijuana