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PORNOSEXUAL

Is Porn Cheating?

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Is Porn Cheating?

 

Ask yourself this question: Is porn cheating? This is one of the most common questions I hear as a certified sex therapist. 

The answer is – it depends! 

To me…lying is cheating. An omission of truth is a lie. So, for me personally and professionally, porn is cheating if it is something that is being hidden in the couple. 

When it comes to protecting your relationship against infidelity, communication is key. 

You need to have conversations about what it means to cheat with your partner. 

Be prepared to ask:  

  • Is talking to an ex cheating? 
  • Is visiting a strip club or dancing with someone else cheating? 
  • Is sexting someone else cheating? 

In my experience, and in many of my clients experiences, when conversations are NOT had and truth is withheld…it becomes sneaky and thus becomes lying.

If watching porn isn’t a big deal to you, but it is to your partner, consider his/her boundary before continuing the relationship. 

You may think it is just a little secret to watch porn. Something for YOU! 

I agree. AND, I also know that what my partner defines as cheating is important to me.

If you are open about it with your partner and you can discuss it – that’s not cheating. 

 

That’s called effective communication. YAY! 

 

Pornography is a means to get into an altered state of reality. It is a product created to entertain us, and I believe it should be treated as such. 

Some couples do not consider watching porn cheating and they actually encourage their partner to use porn to get new ideas to bring into the bedroom. 

Is Porn Cheating?

However, there is a limit like everything in life. 

When the hobby becomes something else and it changes your reality. Do you find yourself using porn and not leaning into your sexual relationship with your partner? 

For some, this is an issue, and for others, it really is not! 

Using porn to replace sex in real life is like using a drug for some people, because it reduces their desire to be intimate or have any deep personal connection.. 

If pornography is used long enough (YES – I have seen this happen numerous times), it may become the only way a person can get aroused and have an orgasm to meet their sexual need.

When this happens, we can say that person has gradually become a pornosexual.

 

What is a Pornosexual?

This is a relatively new term. It refers to people who tend to love watching porn more than having sex with someone in person. 

Basically, being pornosexual means finding more pleasure when it comes to watching porn and intimacy alone than with partnered sex and touch. 

I have seen this type of behavior cause problems with intimacy, and in turn can cause problems in a marriage.

Pornosexuals experience all of their sexual pleasure in isolation instead of shared. Sometimes, I have heard clients who identify as pornosexuals also say they have a fear of intimacy.

Since they can get sexual pleasure online, without the effort of intimacy or connection, they are fulfilled. 

If a pornosexual starts dating someone who wants an in-person sexual relationship, and omits his/her porn behavior, then porn again can become cheating. 

 

So…is porn cheating?

 

Watching porn can be great and even fun if you view it as a movie, and if everyone in the relationship is okay with it. 

 

Get your guide to connect more today

Couples Communication Strategies

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Surviving Infidelity

Surviving Infidelity: How To Reboot Your Relationship

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Surviving Infidelity: How To Reboot Your Relationship

Have you been surviving infidelity? 

Have you ever been cheated on? 

Or have you been a home-wrecker? 

Adultery – as with other supplements and shopping sprees and pleasure quests – is at least a reliable way of proving to ourselves that we’re not in the ground quite yet, especially when feeling a little dead inside. Or at least until a better solution comes along. – Laura Kipnis

For those who are surviving infidelity, I commend you! This is SO challenging.

I personally have been fascinated and curious about affairs my entire life. From age 19, I began reading every single book and article I could get my hands on. 

WHY do people cheat? What is this devastation that lingers in the heart after you find out your partner is unfaithful? 

If you are surviving infidelity, you know that incredibly intense feeling you have that your world is falling apart and you will die of heartbreak. 

When you discover that your partner was unfaithful and has been having an affair, the world you once knew starts to become questionable. 

In a flood of angry, sad, and fearful emotions, not even the most prepared person is able to manage the emotional, mental and physician damage when this type of secret is revealed or found out. 

It is possible to overcome infidelity!

Infidelity affects a critical  part of a couple’s relationship – the breaking of trust and intimate connection. It is not surprising that it ends up being one of the three most common reasons why couples come to see us for therapy in the first place! 

Questioning why infidelity happened?

Coupledom isn’t always simple. Although we love to pair-bond as a species, the truth is that cohabitation, extended family dynamics, financial stressors, the monotony of the weekly routine, and raising children (or pets or neither) makes it an incredibly complex and intertwined reality.

Behind most cases of infidelity, there are usually other aspects of the relationship that have caused a huge gap between you as partners… a gap in which the infidelity may have been consummated.

Surviving infidelity

How long will it take you to overcome the pain of infidelity?

The most honest answer I can offer you is… it all depends. The most important thing is that you do not have a deadline for your healing.

Overcoming infidelity and improving your relationship is possible, and I have seen at least a hundred couples do it. Sometimes it takes four months, sometimes longer! You are NOT obligated to do this alone though. This would be between you and your partner. 

It will not be easy, but ensuring that you are both on the same team is crucial! 

For some couples, coming into therapy can be the difference between staying together or divorcing.

Things You Need To Do:

Take it Easy – Don’t Rush Thing

After finding out that your partner has been unfaithful, there is usually a mix of anger, fear, and pain that manifests itself within the partner who has been betrayed. 

You have to create someplace that is a “safe place” where you can go alone to take breaks if you need to from the emotional intensity. 

Sometimes, this is in your bed, sometimes a separate room, and sometimes for me, it has been in the closet surrounded by “stuff” because it makes me feel contained. 

Talk To Your Partner About Surviving Infidelity

If you want to stay in the relationship, you must talk to your partner about the infidelity – no matter how difficult it may seem. 

If you think you have questions and you need certainty (to ask why, how often, with whom, where, etc), reach out to your partner about the questions. 

Let them have time to think on it. Just because YOU want them to tell you NOW doesn’t mean you are allowed to force them to answer. I KNOW… that may sound challenging. 

However, it is the way to face what happened and to try to overcome it, as a couple. It is important to show your partner that you still are respecting their boundaries, even though trust was broken. 

Try To Trust

Yes, some people say that this sounds impossible, yet if you have decided that you want to continue with the relationship, you need to work on trusting in small steps. Trusting with work, or chores, or date night. If you want, sit down and talk about how both of you can assure this situation is not going to happen again.

Do Not Live In Fear

It is possible that the unfaithful person is afraid that his or her or their partner will get revenge. However, not all relationships work this way. Not everyone retaliates to get even. In fact, if the other person loves you, they will end up forgiving you.

A Special Note of Divorce – from what I have witnessed as a therapist, many women, especially those who don’t work, and those that have kids, are very afraid of getting a divorce. 

They are concerned about what happens to them, their kids, and their home. Find out from a lawyer instead of living in fear. Ask the questions and get the information. 

The truth sets us free!

Regain Sexual Passion

Sometimes, infidelities occur because the relationship fell into the routine or there is not enough passion. Try to rekindle the passion as well as the trust. Seek out sex therapy if you have no idea where to start! 

Couples Therapy

Couples therapy can be an important part of the healing process. Many couples therapists see infidelities and know how to best handle them. Although surviving infidelity is complicated, couples therapists know the patterns to get you to a place of healing. 

Surviving infidelity

Start a New Relationship 

Understand that forgiveness is not synonymous with surviving infidelity and continuing on as if nothing had happened. Nor is it the same as ignoring it and following the path that led you to this place within the relationship. 

The main part of surviving infidelity is the willingness to START A NEW RELATIONSHIP. 

Your old marriage is over… you get to both consent to wanting a new one! 

You must find real reasons to convince your partner and yourself that there are still emotional building-blocks of trust needed to rebuild your relationship, and ultimately, forgive the infidelity.

If you want to hold onto anger at your partner, just know that as a couples therapist, I would not want you to continue to berate the other person due to what has happened. 

Sooner or later, this pattern of not-forgiving will end up causing a huge conflict that will end the relationship. 

If your partner is willing to rebuild trust and end the affair, then it is up to you to decide if you want to continue in the relationship. 

If you want to learn more about surviving infidelity, please comment below!

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

Plus Size Sex

Plus Size Sex

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PLUS SIZE SEX

 

For those of you who are considered “plus size” or those of you who have sex with people who are considered overweight, it is time to have the BEST PLUS SIZE SEX EVER.

Common Themes:

  • “I am plus size, should I be on top when I have sex? I do not want to break my girlfriend”
  • “I’m embarrassed to be on top, because my partner can see all my rolls and jiggles.”
  • “I am plus size and I want to take things to another level with my partner. What positions might work for us for penetrative sex? 

Plus Size SexIf this sounds like you or your partner, I have the plus size sex answers you have been waiting for! Believe it or not peoplehave sex no matter what their size! Ranging from masturbation, to partnered sex, to kinks, different body types have sex all the time. 

Self-consciousness can be deep within you and it feels insurmountable. I understand that you might feel shy about your body in front of your partner, especially if you’re feeling insecure.

Your jiggly hips, soft bellies, full chests, and dimpled thighs are all a part of you, and they are beautiful and perceived as VERY sexy. 

All individuals deserve the sex life they want!

While unleashing your body, try to remember that the person showing up in the bedroom vulnerably with you knows what you look like if they are going to have sex with you.

The fact is that confidence comes from radical acceptance of who you are. 

Plus Size Sex

Another fun fact is that the more you do something (for example, show yourself nude to a partner), the easier that THING becomes, AND the more CONFIDENT you become about it.

Love yourself like no other, AND love your body like no one else can. You DO NOT need anyone’s permission to do so. With confidence, you can attract whoever you are attracted to. Confidence is sexy.

It is key to talk to your partner about what sex you want to try. Do whatever position it is that you need to do to get your “rocks” off.

If you are worried about getting on top or sitting on your partner’s face, ask him/her/them. If they/he/she says yes and you want to, JUST DO IT! You will not suffocate your partner to death!

Your plus size sex has the best chance of being AMAZING if you keep an open conversation and talk to your partner about it.

 

Sexy Time

Whether you’re plus size, your partner is, or you both are, these are penetrative plus size sex positions you will love to try:

  • Reverse Cowgirl – booty is in! 
  • Doggy Style –  this is an oldie, but a goodie! Especially for receiving partners that want a harder sensation. 
  • The Pretzel – this is more of a sensual sex position than a wild one. Receiver is in a spooning position on their side and the penetrative partner (man or the one with a phallus) is on top, like in missionary. The person penetrating can get into the body at the best angle this way and the receiver can use a sex toy if they want on their other genitals.  
  • Edge of The Bed – try one person laying on the edge of the bed to receive penetration while the giver is STANDING and thrusting.
  • The Elevated Starfish – this is a variation of missionary, but with accommodations that can make it more exciting. Legs open, legs closed, knees bent and tucked up. 

If these positions don’t work, no problem! 

Not only did I work as the sex therapist for those with binge eating disorders at an eating disorder facility, but I myself have ranged in weight from average size to plus-size. 

Non-Penetrative Plus Size Sex Tips You Are Going To Love:

Masturbate

  • Learn about your pleasure and erroneous zones.
  • Experiment with your body and your orgasms! 

 

Someone Who You Feel Safe With

Find someone you can “lose the shame” with. If you are with someone who shames you for your body, please do not stay with this partner.. You’re beautiful!

  • Someone else is dying to appreciate you – I promise! You don’t need to waste your time on someone that doesn’t make you feel special for who you are.
  • Consider having a sexual relationship with someone you could keep the lights on with during sex. 

 

Use Toys

  • The choices are endless from vibrations to sensations! Move away from penetrative sex and get in the habit of making the entire body the sexual region instead of focusing on just penetrative sex, which is incredibly limiting. 

 

Buy Sexy Clothes For Yourself 

  • While finding lingerie in stores is IMPOSSIBLE (in my experience it was), plenty of online retailers make gorgeous plus size lingerie. 
  • My personal favorite is to get a costume to spice things up! NOTE: the one size fits all (in the plus-size category) used to work best for me because the material is stretchy, and that made me feel like it hugged more appropriately.

 

Put Your Comfort First 

  • Don’t go out of your way to satisfy another partner orally (eating out or giving blowjobs) while kneeling if it’s too hard on your knees. 
  • Don’t feel like you have to have shower sex if you feel you are stuffed in there too tightly. Feeling claustrophobic during shower sex (yes this happens) is much worse. 
  • Share your desires with your partner, and ask questions to find out what feels good to him/her. Lie down to give oral sex if needed. 

 

Thigh Chafing

  • If you find your thighs chafing during sex, put a dab of lotion or uberlube that neither you or your partner are allergic to on the inside of your thighs. NOT on your genitals yet.
  • This will make your skin super soft, and prevent rashes, and irritation..
  • Also, for those who like lingerie, you can buy amazing lingerie thigh garters for chafing. If those don’t work for you, cotton shorts under clothing help. 

 

Stay Hydrated

  • Don’t be afraid to take breaks during sexual activity. 
  • Sex can be hard work and it’s important to hydrate yourself. 
  • Do not push yourself past your limits, because it will affect the entire body later! 

 

Body Image Therapy: Learn to Love Your Look

body image and social media

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Does size matter?

Does Size Matter?

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Does Size Matter?

Is it long enough? Thick enough? Hard enough? Does size matter?

“Why is the size of a penis one of the biggest sexual concerns?” she asks.

“Toxic Masculinity,” she whispers. 

We live in a culture that correlates penis size to how masculine a man is and / or his sexual identity.

“AHHH! Patriarchy!” she screams.

 

So… wait… DOES SIZE MATTER?

Whether you call it a penis, phallus, lingam, dick, cock, or any other name, we unfortunately live in a reality where everyone seems to be obsessed with penis size! 

We see it in advertising, movies, and in dozens of studies that are conducted annually to determine if it is important, both to men and women. 

Before debunking the stigma, here are some common phallus questions and answers.

Does size matter?

 

When does it stop growing?

The largest growth spurts occur during male adolescence, and continue until around 20 years old. From this point on, it is common for penis size to remain similar for the rest of a man’s life.

Although the growth of the penis occurs in this period, the rate may vary from one teen to another, and may be faster in some cases than in others.

 

Why is a penis crooked?

Penises can grow slightly from one side or the other, because the urethra does not always accompany the development of the rest of the organ, causing a slight curve.

However, if the curvature produces pain and impedes penetration during intimate contact, it is caused by Peyronie’s disease. 

 

Is it possible to increase the size of a penis?

The size of the penis varies greatly from one man to another, and from one country to another. 

In this way, it is difficult to determine an interval to assess whether the size of the penis can be considered normal.

However, for men who want to increase penis size, there are forms of “treatment” from pumps to creams to losing weight to not smoking.

 

What is a normal or average penis size?

In the Journal of Urology study, researchers found the following among the group of 80 men:

  • An average penis size length of 8.8 cm (3.5 inches) when flaccid (soft)
  • An average penis size length of 12.9 cm (5.1 inches) when erect (hard)
  • The size of a man’s erect penis was not correlated with the size of his flaccid penis. This means that men whose penises are different lengths when flaccid may have similarly sized erect penises. There was also no relationship between mens’ age and their penis size.

The Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2014 said that out of self-reported summaries:

  • An average erect penile length of 14.15 cm (5.57 inches) 
  • An average erect penile circumference of 12.23 cm (4.8 inches). This means the girth, width, or “fullness” around the base of the penis. 

 

How important is size?

The size of the penis is not as important as everyone thinks when it comes to sexually satisfying one’s partner. 

Penis size isn’t that critical to sexual pleasure. If you are going to penetrate another person, dildos are much more reliable and you can select the size you want. 

The MOMENT you put pressure on the penis to get hard, it’s ALL OVER! You may as well just book an appointment now, because you will get stuck in the anxiety loop. 

Regardless of size, what is important to one’s partner is that the penis can stay hard for as long as it needs to. This is why I suggest the use of dildos. 

 

Take the pressure off! 

If you are performing for a female partner, just know that only 18% of women orgasm through penetrative sex alone. Therefore, make sure you have lubricant and a vibrator.  

Women sometimes take up to 20 minutes to get warmed up so don’t rush them! Your penis being hard isn’t the concern. It is your patience in her getting to experience HER pleasure. 

So my answer to the question “Does size matter?” is “eh – not really.”

Size seems to matter most when the penis is too big or too wide. Depending on the time of month, the cervix is located in different places.

This matters with vaginal penetration, because too much length can cause pain while hitting the cervix. There is actually a sexual health device that goes on the base of the penis so that it cannot go in as deep to help fix this problem!

Another issue is when the penis is too wide, there may be an hour of foreplay needed so that other orifices are warmed up and relaxed.

If you were to ask me in my experience “within the therapy room,” when asking clients (women or those who enjoy penetrative sex with penises) to choose between what matters more, 9 out of 10 will choose girth (width / circumference) over length.

Out of all the clients I have seen over the last ten years, only about 5 out of 100 people state that they care about size at all. Usually 3 of those 5 will be identified as bisexual or gay men.

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

Stiff: Solutions for Erectile Dysfunction On-Demand Webinar

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Polyamory

Polyamory – THE #1 DIVORCE ALTERNATIVE

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 Polyamory –THE #1 DIVORCE ALTERNATIVE 

2 out of 3 Millennials choose this alternative rather than divorcing. 

polyamory

If you aren’t in the queer, non-heteronormative communities, you may not even know what I am talking about. 

Polyamory is the new norm. Polyamory is the practice of loving multiple people – intimately and sometimes sexually. 

Why go through a divorce when you can just be honest about desiring an open sexual and romantic relationship? 

“Is swinging becoming a thing again?” asks one of my Baby Boomer clients after reading something on Facebook.

“Swinging never really went anywhere. However, they have added love. It’s called polyamory.” I respond. 

Swinging HAS been and will always be a thing. What is new is the amount of people who want to try polyamory as the newest form of relationship. 

Have you thought about OPENING up your relationship? 

What the hell is polyamory or non-monogamy? 

polyamory

Non-monogamy or open relationships are broad terms for sexual and romantic relationship styles ranging from SWINGING to POLYAMORY to KINK PLAY PARTNERS to MONOGAMISH!

Confused yet? I was too at first! 

Millennials appear to be opening the door to open relationships instead of just having one-night stands or fun with a partner on the weekend. 

From what I have heard, people state it is more of an intersectional feminist approach where everyone gets to build relationships and their IDENTITY on their own terms. 

Monogamy and polyamory are both relationship strategies. I know it may seem weird, but it is true. 

One is not superior to the other. It is a matter of choice and personal preference.

 

Are you scared of your partner asking you for polyamory? Well, you can suggest different forms of open relationship! 

  • Monogamish is a long-term committed relationship that bend the rules of monogamy with the consent of both parties. It can include dancing or kissing others. 
  • Open relationships means that you are in an open sexual and / or romantic relationship with more than one person.
  • Polyamory is the practice of loving more than one person at a time. Like… one time, I was married and had a boyfriend all at once. Those relationships are all over. But it was a part of me and a way of life for a long time! 

Successful polyamorous individuals establish guidelines about what is and is not cheating, and frequently have safer-sex conversations.

  • Non-monogamy means that people have sexual relationships other than their one partner. MAKE SURE YOU NOTE THAT THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN HAVE SEX WITH ANYONE! 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

 

porn addiction recovery

Is Porn An Addiction?

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Is Porn An Addiction?

 

“Psst… he has porn addiction.” She whispered.

“Did you hear they got divorced due to a porn addiction?” He gossiped. 

“Addiction” to porn has not been proven yet, but there are people who have reported to me the compulsions that porn has given them in their lives. 

Pornography is defined as “any sexually explicit material that is intended to, or is used as, a sexual outlet.” (The Porn Trap, 2008).

Porn use is individualized. We cannot lump it into one category, even though it would be easier!

I know people who literally have skipped out on dates, their job, and family functions due to their desire to masturbate and self-pleasure as a coping skill. 

Not everyone has a “porn addiction” or compulsive porn use though. Honestly, the AASECT Sex Therapy board doesn’t even believe there is enough evidence to prove that it exists! 

Fun fact… some pornography sometimes can awaken desire and paint fantasies in the psyche. 

My Quick Tips For Using Pornography while self-pleasuring: 

  • Still photos are always better.
  • It is better to read erotica than watch it. 
  • If you can, mute the sound.
  • It is better to see a GIF than it is a movie. 

Why do people say they have porn addiction though? 

Self-diagnosis of porn addiction usually comes when people say they are escape into fantasies rather than dealing with their realities. 

People believe “porn addiction” is real because it is similar to other addictions:

  • Immediate reward – masturbation leads to orgasm. 
  • It can be repeated as many times as you want. It is mostly free and private.
  • You start with a small dose. By seeing light scenes, enough for the stimulation and the release of dopamine. Some people will say that they travel down the path of kinkier scenes because they need greater stimulus and more “raw” footage. Others DO NOT report this. It really seems that this depends on a person’s sexual appetites. 

Is there such a thing as porn addiction?

Not yet. Researchers all over are debating if excessive use of pornography is considered a porn addiction in the scientific sense of the word.

However, many people come to therapy due to their fears and sexual dysfunctions that they believe are caused by porn use. 

“Pornography…really, really messed up my life in a lot of ways,” Crew said. “I believed that I was more valuable than my wife as a human being because I was a man. And when you believe that you are more valuable than another person, you kind of feel like they owe you. And I was wrong.” -Terry Crew.

I have seen pornography ruin marriages, families, and people’s careers. I have had clients that have been caught and the shame causes a rippling effect into their home. 

 

So… what can you do?! 

  • 12-Step Programs 

A community of others who are struggling with a similar experience and come together just to get over this particular issue. 

  • Individual Therapy

Individual therapy with a qualified mental health professional usually consists of 45-60 minute sessions, focusing on the behaviors related to the “porn addiction.”

CBT often focus on negative thoughts about oneself and the world to change these into more positive and less-intrusive thoughts.

Couples counseling can be important for partners when one, or both, feel porn and masturbation are being used in unhealthy ways.

This type of counseling focuses on both resolving individual behaviors, improving communication, and bridging the barriers between the two partners when it comes to sexual functioning and conversation. 

If you feel you have a porn addiction and can’t stop “using,” consider contacting a mental health professional experienced in treating compulsions and sexual dysfunction.

A trained therapist can help you overcome unhealthy behaviors and improve your quality of life TODAY! 

 

Get your guide to connect more today

Couples Communication Strategies

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

breast cancer and pleasure

Sex After Breast Cancer

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Sex After Breast Cancer

I often get asked by my female clients for alternative ways to get aroused during sex after breast cancer. They have little or no feeling in their nipples due to breast cancer or other types of breast surgery.

 

I have heard more than 100 women discuss changes in sensitivity around the nipple and breast, which impacts sex after breast cancer and even breastfeeding.

 

There is A LOT happening emotionally and spiritually while undergoing breast surgery and recovery.

 

The chest is an interesting body part for women, as it holds the heart and the breasts! It’s such a tender and vulnerable spot.

 

breast

 

After breast cancer surgery, many women indicate they do not feel ‘womanly’ anymore. Some feel they aren’t good enough. This is because they don’t like how they fill out their shirts, or they have unappealing scars, or they don’t get aroused easily. This creates anxiety and insecurity in their sex life.

 

Tips and Lessons Learned From My Clients for Sex After Breast Cancer (if your nipples aren’t sensitive anymore): 

  1. Identify your breast sensitivity: no sensation, minimal sensation, due to technique or something else.
  2. Talk to your doctor if you need to understand the cause
  3. Find another part of your body that is sensitive. Try the lower back and down the sides of the body. Go from your neck, around the chest, and down the rib cage (towards the belly). Once you find other areas that are sensitive have your partner touch you there.
  4. Reclaim your chest by either piercing your nipples or tattooing over surgery scars. 
  5. Incorporate other toys on the nipples, like nipple clamps, vibrators, or floggers (whips) to get a different feeling on the chest.
  6. Do a sexy photo shoot to reclaim your beauty.
  7. Do a mourning ritual for the chest you used to have so you can grieve and move on!

 

If you have had breast cancer or reconstruction, or possibly breast implants or breast reductions, how have you dealt with the feelings of insecurity, pain, embarrassment, etc.?  Please comment below, we would love to hear from you!

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

 

 

breast cancer

 

 

sex education

Sex Education – Why is it so Sexist?

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Sex Education – Why is it so Sexist?

 

Sex education in the United States is first introduced in schools in about 10th grade – if at all. According to the CDC, the following is supposed to be included, but it often isn’t: 

  • How to obtain and use condoms
  • Importance of using a condom at the same time as another form of contraception to prevent both STDs and pregnancy
  • How to access valid and reliable information, products and services related to HIV, STDs, and pregnancy
  • How HIV and other STDs are transmitted and their health consequences
  • Importance of limiting the number of sexual partners
  • Preventive care that is necessary to maintain reproductive and sexual health

 

Here is the stuff on the list that I paid for in higher sex education:

  • How to create and sustain healthy and respectful relationships
  • Influences of family, peers, media, technology and other factors on sexual risk behavior
  • Benefits of being sexually abstinent
  • Importance of using condoms consistently and correctly
  • Communication and negotiation skills
  • Goal-setting and decision-making skills
  • Influencing and supporting others to avoid or reduce sexual risk behaviors

 

We live in a culture of sexual health. Not a culture of sexual wellness or pleasure! 

 

Don’t believe me, the CDC says so!

Think about your sex education talk. While boys are taught about masturbation, girls are taught about periods and preventing pregnancy. 

Sometimes I feel like it is an “us” vs “them” mentality for the genders, but what about those beyond the binary? How do they get their sex education? 

All genders are included in sexually transmitted infections (STI) education and LGBTQ+ curriculum if schools are willing to pay for it. 

Great… so… no one knows ANYTHING!

 

Unless you had an older sibling that happened to share information, the “birds and the bees” talk typically goes something like… “don’t get pregnant” or “don’t get a disease.”  

 

Then, you move on to college and if you are blessed, as I was, your school offers sexual education or “human fertility” as it was called at Providence College! ::shaking my head:

sex education

Thankfully, no matter what, we all have the Internet to learn sex education from PORN! 

You know… another place where men and women are objectified for the pleasure of the voyeur at home. 

Porn sex education is not real! The waxed and bleached vulvas and anuses, humongous penises that are ALWAYS hard and ALWAYS cause an orgasm for the receiver are for entertainment.

Some people begin to rely solely on porn to masturbate and thus have no experience in developing or fixing a sexual connection and sexual routine with a committed partner. 

 

A Lack of Sex Education Can Lead to Other Life Problems

What I have seen, specifically in women, is that many feel shame about discovering and enjoying masturbation. Self-pleasure can become a normal part of sexual development if we discuss it!

A lack of sex education is problematic, because individuals enter sexual relationships without knowing what gives them pleasure and assuming it will naturally work. 

If you do not know your sexual anatomy and how the different areas are designed for pleasure, then you do not have the foundation to take control of your pleasure or your relationship. 

What often happens is a ripple effect across the entire life cycle of not getting what you want and living life on half-empty. 

 

Pleasure-Centered Sex Education Should Be Mandatory

I don’t even like the word “should,” but I feel passionate about our mission in helping others love themselves and their relationships! 

Over the past six years hundreds of individuals have come to see us at Life Coaching & Therapy to help them overcome  to sexual pain, shame, and insecurities. 

I’ve struggled with sexual addiction and relationship issues all of my life. I have spent years in traditional therapy with everyone from social workers to psychologists to psychiatrists. And then I found Amanda. She has an expert knowledge of the field she works in. But it’s her love and passion and new approach for her work that separates her from the rest! In a short period of time she gave me feedback and solutions to my problems. She changed my life! If you’re tired of traditional therapy, don’t wait… try Amanda! She will change your life! – Gary .

It took one visit for me to realize that Amanda was a godsend. It was a turning point in my life. Over the next few years, I experienced a lot of “aha” moments and Amanda guided me through them all. I’ve gained so many valuable lessons on: self-esteem, the ability to receive, confidence, letting emotions out, intimacy, communication, languages of love, knowing your value and much more.These lessons don’t come naturally in everyone’s life and there is no shame in seeking out assistance. Amanda’s technique was exactly what I needed. She is compassionate and helps you explore your situation and feelings, but she will be honest with you and challenge you in ways that will help you grow if you are open to it. – Al.

 

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Sex Toys

Sex Toys – When Vanilla Just Isn’t Enough

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SEX TOYS

 

Do you remember the first time you heard about a sex toy? Or even better… you bought one!

Sex toys usually enable a quicker  orgasm and thus, clients always ask me about them. As a former  consultant in the sex toy industry, I have a lot of knowledge about these products. 

Below is a summary of the main types of sex toys and how to use them.

 

Bullets: sex toys

The job of the bullet is to add increased pleasure on the clitoris. If you have never bought a sex toy before, this is a great place to start. 

  • It packs a lot of power into one condensed spot and jolts the nerve endings in the clitoris. 
  • Adding a bullet to masturbation and intercourse can greatly increase the intensity and amount of orgasms that you experience. 

 

Warning: Please note that bullets are external toys and not to be used inside the vagina.

 

G-spot toys: sex toys

G-spot toys are made for inside the vagina. They usually have a curve in them that angles upward to stimulate the area  known as the G-Spot. 

Some women experience additional pleasure with this type of toy because they can turn it and stimulate the wall of the vagina that they feel is the most sensitive.

Any more tips on finding your G-Spot with a sex toy?

Some couples may just run these up and down the body as a part of massage.

 

Dual-action vibrators: sex toys

The famous “rabbit” is a dual-action vibrator. It has one spot that is designated to stimulate the clitoris and a shaft that is made to fill the vagina. 

If you have never masturbated with a sex toy before or never had an orgasm, I would not recommend this type as a first sex toy. 

Make ake sure you can control each part of the toy separately. It’s no fun without the ability to calibrate each of them. 

.

 

Dildos:

A hard shaft, best when made of silicone, glass, or other solid material, gives the feeling of fullness inside orifices. 

 

Many people use dildos accompanied by hands, fingers, and/or a bullet on another erogenous zone. 

 

 

Butt Plugs:sex toys

Butt plugs are made of a variety of materials, the most common being latex. Other materials used include silicone, neoprene, wood, metal, glass, stone, and many other materials. Silicone is a particularly good material, as it can be disinfected in boiling water.

These add pleasure to the erogenous zone of the anus. The feeling of fullness often adds an added sensation alone or in use with other toys!

 

Cock Rings:sex toys

The purpose of a cock ring is to trap blood inside the penis in order to maintain an erection, or encourage a stronger erection. In order to do this it must be placed at the base of the penis.

A ring made of stretchy material is simply stretched over the penis (and optionally also the scrotum, except when used with a pump for impotence) and situated against the body. Rigid rings are used differently: first each testicle is fed through the ring and the entire scrotum is pulled through, then the flaccid penis is pushed through the ring and situated against the body.

 

 

Sex Toys  – Introducing Them to Your Partner

Incorporating sex toys with your partner can be intimidating! I SO get it!

However, once you bring it up, excitement grows and new types of pleasure are possible. 

You can explain to your partner that this adds additional stimulation that your body desires. 

Most sex toys with vibration come with a remote so you can choose the levels of pleasure and make it even more sensational. 

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

Stiff: Solutions for Erectile Dysfunction On-Demand Webinar

Women on Penis Size

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

sex counseling

What Does A Sex Therapist Do?

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What Does A Sex Therapist Do?

 

So you heard someone mention a sex therapist, but… what does a sex therapist do?

First – a little bit about who they are!

Sex therapists hold valid state regulatory license in one of the following disciplines: marriage and family therapy, psychology, medicine, social work, counseling, or nursing.

Unlike other types of counseling, sex therapy focuses on human sexuality and intimacy of desire discrepencies in a comfortable non-judgmental atmosphere where single and partnered individuals feel safe.

 

What Does A Sex Therapist Do?

A sex therapist does not help you have sex in the literal sense. They are not sex workers.

A sex therapist takes the tools of therapy, addresses your concerns, thoughts, and feelings, and puts this together with how this is inhibiting your sexuality.

According to AASECT, “sex therapy training must involve the learning of specific sex therapy techniques and interventions, not just theory.”

So therefore, you could attend a workshop on sex therapy theory on this particular therapeutic technique. Then, a certified sex therapist would usually attend “an additional workshop on how to present this technique, what kind of language to use, how to time and pace the specific assignments, and in which order the assignments are given” says AASECT.

Often then give you the tools to complete the goal of resolving the issue.

Sex therapists listen to your concerns within the realm of sex, such as:

  • Concerns over intimacy, sexual desire, or arousal
  • Sexual anxieties or interests
  • Sexual orientation (and gender identity)Impulsive or compulsive sexual behavior
  • Difficulties, such as early ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, or painful intercourse
  • Concerns over past unwanted or traumatic sexual experiences
  • Low sexual desire or difficult arousal
  • Reckless sexual activity
  • Inability to achieve orgasm

The list does not end here!

Are you going through new changes such as having a baby, moving in together, making a major purchase, getting married, or going through menopause?

All of these mean bumps in a person’s sexual experiences that a sex therapist can help you through. Together, you find new ways to achieve your intimate goal.

 

What happens in a sex therapy session?

A sex therapist will listen to you describe your problems and assess whether the cause is likely to be psychological, physical, emotional, or a combination.

Talking about and exploring your experiences will help you get a better understanding of what is happening and the reasons.

What Does A Sex Therapist Do?

The therapist may also give you exercises and tasks to do with your partner in your own time.

Each therapy session is completely confidential and different. You can see a sex therapist by yourself or with a partner.

Sessions usually last for 30 – 60 minutes depending on what you are interested in!

The therapist may advise you to have weekly sessions or to see them less frequently, such as once a month.

At Life Coaching and Therapy we can offer you a variety of therapies like:

We can help you get the life you want and the results you desire related to passion, connection, and growth. Through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training, we transform our clients intimate lives!

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do.

Call us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment!

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Latin sex therapist

Couples Sex Counseling

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Couples Sex Counseling

 

Couples sex counseling is a powerful type of therapy that can enable couples to work through issues and transform their relationships. Most of us have not had much training or education in relationships and sex, yet these areas are critical to maintaining happy and fulfilling lives. This is why counseling can be a very valuable tool.

Couples Counseling

Why Try Couples Sex Counseling?

Have you ever considered going to couples sex counseling? Couples sex counseling benefits those who want to improve the quality of their sex life, regain intimacy and ignite passion in their lives. Counseling can address many other issues that impact a relationship, for example:

  • Low sexual self-esteem
  • Traumas
  • Relationship difficulties
  • Anxiety
  • Emotional distance
  • Jealousy
  • Infidelity
  • Lack of trust
  • Family conflicts

If you or your partner are interested in going to a professional, you need to trust your therapist. He or she is not there to benefit one client and blame the other.

 

Couples Sex Counseling Method

 

At Life Coaching & Therapy (LCAT), we utilize the PLISSIT model.This is a system used in the field of clinical sexology to determine the different levels of intervention for clients. The PLISSIT model offers a succinct method for introducing sex into a clinical conversation, narrowing the scope of a patient’s concern and offering effective counseling and treatment. Its name is derived from the four levels of the model: permission, limited information, specific suggestions, and intensive therapy. (source: www.psychiatryadvisor.com)

Our clients go home and try different techniques to work on their sexual issue. The issues we work on with our clients can include: erectile dysfunction, pelvic pain, low desire, no desire, or desire discrepancy.

 

Asking for Help is Not Failing!

If you believe that going to couples sex counseling is a sign of failure, think again!  Sex involves intellectual, physical, emotional, and spiritual perspectives, which can make it very complex. Physical, psychological, and emotional issues all directly affect our sexuality.

Being comfortable enough to ask your partner specific questions about what he or she needs and likes is essential to having amazing sex! For instance, ask your partner “Do you like this level of pressure?”

Sex can be complicated. Sex can be wonderful. However you may experience new problems due to unresolved sex issues.

 

What Can Couples Sex Counseling do for You?

 

Change the perspective of the relationship

The therapist encourages both partners to see their relationship in a more objective way, including from each other’s perspective.

 

Improve communication

Many couples have difficulties, and many are not able to reach practical solutions. Only by discussing their problems can couples start to fix them. Our therapy process and Amanda’s 90-Day Couples Makeover promote a constructive, respectful dialogue where couples can openly express their emotions and ideas. We enable clients to communicate more effectively and listen more attentively.

 

Build on the strengths of the relationship

It is better for couples to focus on the positives in their relationship. For this purpose, the therapist can act as a mediator to help rediscover common interests and help the couple create the relationship for a better future. One technique couples sex counselors use is to encourage intimacy through erotic writing, cuddling, date nights, sexual acts and gift giving.

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

individual sex therapy

Exercise to Improve Emotional Health

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Exercise to Improve Emotional Health and Increase Happiness

Exercise not only helps you lose weight and keep your body healthy, it is also a great help to improve emotional and mental health and well being.

 

Have you ever wondered why athletes tend to have more energy, less stress and a regular sleep cycle?

 

There is a large number of researches concerning the advantages of sport over our health – both physical and mental. Practicing any type of exercise allows us to feel joy and tranquility, and reduce stress, anxiety and even pain.

As a general rule all types of exercise are positive for improving physical and mental health (including activities such as housework, although its impact is less intense), but some of the sports that have the greatest advantage for mental health are those that involve teamwork, aerobic or a gym.

 

Although the hormonal response to exercise depends on age, sex, health and weight, these four hormones will be the first to appear when you put your body in motion:

  • Serotonin:

    A very important hormone to fight depression! It is a substance that significantly influences our mood and is released after physical activity, especially in the open air. Serotonin appears after movement and is responsible for a sensation of calm that moves us away from depressive states, and also allows us to sleep better and regulate food intake, avoiding excesses.

 

  • Dopamine:

    While this chemical is known to be responsible for feelings such as love and lust, it has more to do with motivation and the cost-benefit relationship, than with the pleasure itself. This is the hormone that allows us to experience a pleasant sensation after exercising, which creates a link between this feeling of pleasure and the activity that pushes us to continue practicing it, as it “hooks” us.

 

  • Adrenaline:

    Who does not like to feel the rush of adrenaline? We feel adrenaline in extreme moments, sometimes in situations that are not so positive, but we can experience it thanks to extreme sports or adventure sports. This hormone gives us a super human power. It also helps to fight depression, since the release of adrenaline stimulates the creation of our friend – dopamine, which increases mental well being.

 

  • Endorphins:

    These are the most popular of all hormones and are those that, after exercise, allow us to feel happiness, joy and even euphoria. It works as a natural analgesic, as it reduces the feeling of pain as well as anxiety and stress. It is released immediately after exercise, so you can feel it right away.

 

Using hormones as our partners we can help our body fight against daily stress and problems that in any other case we would fight with drug medications.

 

1. Builds Self-Image and Self-Esteem

 

The continued practice of sports has a positive impact on body image, which has an impact on self-image and self-concept, and enables us to feel more attractive, thus increasing self-esteem.

 

2. Increases Opportunities to Socialize and Meet New people

 

Sports are activities that involve a large number of people, and can be a hobby shared by many. This enables common interests with other people, as well as facilitating contact with them. In addition, there are a lot of exercises and sports, such as football or basketball, which have teamwork as one of their main components.

 

3. Stimulates Proactivity and Creativity

 

Exercise increases our blood flow, which helps increase our creativity. In addition, it takes us away from the routine and gives us time to have new ideas.

 

4. Improves Concentration and Memory

 

Another advantage that has been observed is that sports help to improve concentration and targeting capacity, as well as memory and general cognitive capacity. This can result in improved academic and work performance.

 

5. Improves the Sleep Cycle

 

We have all done some exercise on occasion. After doing it, we have probably felt tired and relaxed, and were able to sleep more easily and soundly. It has been scientifically proven that regular exercise makes it easier to fall asleep.

 

6. Stops Cognitive Decline

 

It has been observed that people who exercise regularly tend to be less likely to suffer cognitive impairment or dementia such as Alzheimer’s, or to slow down its deterioration in the early stages.

 

7. Combats Abstinence Syndrome and Addictions

 

Regular exercise is a recommended activity to combat addictions since it slows down the feeling of desire to consume.

 

Make exercise a regular part of your life to improve your mental well-being. If vigorous exercise is not possible, consider yoga and tantra, which are also great at increasing our famous hormones: serotonin, dopamine and endorphin. The key is to wake up the sleepy hormones caused by a sedentary lifestyle in order to enjoy a healthier and happier life.

 

Stay happy and healthy!

Pascale Lean and Amanda Pasciucco

 

Please learn more about how Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What we do, call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

what does a sex therapist do sex therapy exercises (6/12/19) sex therapy techniques female sex therapist (this could be your bio and why you think females make great sex therapists) certified sex coach (can list the education/certification requirements link to the certification organization, how you find one, the current number of them in CT, etc) what is sex therapy intimacy counseling sex counseling couples intimacy workshops intimacy therapists near me.

STOPP Skill

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STOP

Just pause for a moment.

 

TAKE A BREATH

Notice your breathing in and out.

In through the nose, out through the mouth.

 

OBSERVE

  • What thoughts are going through your mind right now?
  • Where is your focus of attention?
  • What are you reacting to?
  • What sensations do you notice in your body?

 

PULL BACK – PUT IN SOME PERSPECTIVE

  • DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK!
  • What’s the bigger picture?
  • Take the helicopter view.
  • What is another way of looking at this situation?
  • What advice would I give a friend?
  • What would a trusted friend say to me right now?
  • Is this thought a fact or an opinion?
  • What is a more reasonable explanation?
  • How important is this?  How important will it be in 6 months time?
  • It will pass

 

PRACTICE WHAT WORKS – PROCEED

  • What is the best thing to do right now?
  • What is the most helpful thing for me, for others, for the situation?
  • What can I do that fits with my values?
  • Where can I focus my attention right now?
  • Do what will be effective and appropriate.

 

what does a sex therapist do sex therapy exercises (6/12/19) sex therapy techniques female sex therapist (this could be your bio and why you think females make great sex therapists) certified sex coach (can list the education/certification requirements link to the certification organization, how you find one, the current number of them in CT, etc) what is sex therapy intimacy counseling sex counseling couples intimacy workshops intimacy therapists near me.

Embracing Masochism Tendencies

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Embracing Masochism Tendencies

 

To those afraid of Admitting To Masochist Tendencies:

For the longest time I denied that I was a masochist.  “There must me something wrong with me.  What kind of person enjoys pain?”  Ummm……me.  I do!  I enjoy a certain amount of consensual pain.  I am a masochist.  It’s been a long journey to get to the point where I can “own” that statement and I’ve learned a few things about myself along the way.

The first step on the journey to claiming my masochism was to define it…… for me.  (Your mileage may vary).  I questioned at what point does having pain consensually inflicted upon me go from pleasure from a simple rush of endorphins to an unhealthy mental state?

To start with, I differentiated the terms “hurt” and “harm”.  Hurt= good.   Harm=bad

Hurt, pain, or discomfort is a physical sensation.  It goes away either immediately, in a while, in a day, or in a few days.  Sometimes, it leaves a mark, and sometimes it doesn’t.  Either way, no medical assistance is required for the body to go back to its natural state.

Harm, the way I chose to define it, means that medical intervention is required to heal it, or there is permanent, and/or long-lasting damage.  I don’t want to be harmed, but I do want to be hurt.

I can think of a lot of loopholes in my definition of harm, such as my branding. It was consensual, it caused permanent damage, which was the intent, but it did not require medical attention to heal.  Hurt? Harm?  I’m okay with it.

Sometimes, the hurt leads to unintentional harm.  Yet another loophole.  I enjoyed the pain from a particular hip harness one day, but it led to nerve damage that took two years to heal and a small tear in my hip labrum.  I accepted the risk that “harm” may come as a result of the “hurt”.  In my brain, I wasn’t asking for harm, I was asking for hurt, so my definition still made sense as I viewed it.  I know hurt vs harm is not a perfect definition, but it feels right for me.

In order to be comfortable with the label “masochist”, I wanted to understand “why” I liked pain.  This was a lot easier to wrap my brain around.  Quite simply, I like the endorphin rush that gets triggered from pain.  I learned that I really only like pain when it is in conjunction with or leading up to orgasms — piling endorphins on top of more endorphins for a super good rush that gets me to a happy place.

The last thing on my journey was learning how to communicate.  Not all pain is good pain and my tolerance to pain varies from day to day.  I like pain to start off slow and easy and then build.  This was easy to communicate.

At some point pain stops being pleasurable for me and just becomes pure pain. Communicating this type of information was way more difficult.  I learned three things about myself:

1) If my pain was really pleasing my top/partner/Dominant and it was making him happy, then not only can I tolerate more pain but I WANT more pain

2) Breathing and relaxing around the pain allowed me to tolerate a greater intensity of pain.

3) I needed to communicate in advance of play, by either arranging a code word or a signal that let my partner know before the pain went from good to bad.

 

The final and unexpected benefit of owning by masochism was learning the technique of breathing and relaxing around the pain and discomfort.  This skill has helped me way beyond what I ever imagined.  I now find myself using this technique frequently; for headaches, for when I walk into the sharp corner of the table, for when I smash my knee against the desk, stub my toe and a whole host of other unintended, non-consensual, self-inflicted pain that is just a general result of me being clumsy.  So, to my fellow “masochists in denial”, I say figure out what’s in it for you and then go embrace your masochism!

~ Shana Silver

 

 

 

Check Out All Our Additional Sex Therapy Video

Kinky Sex: How to Get Started

kinky sex

 

Kinky Sex 2.0: Escape Boredom in the Bedroom

sex therapy videos

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Communicating About Difficult Matters

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Communicating About Difficult Matters

 

I know I talk a lot about communication and how important it is to the health of relationships. WELL, I’ll never stop! It’s SO important to keep honing your communication skills in all types of settings, especially difficult ones.

Something that’s been on my mind lately is how to break news to a partner. It might not necessarily be bad news, but news that you think may change their perception of you in any way. For example, if you have an illness, disability, or other difficult matters that are extremely personal. I know how intimidating it can be to communicating someone these things. Here’s what I suggest:

 

 1.) Decide on how much you’re willing to share before.

2.) Know that you HAVE TO tell the story directly – no rambling, no beating around the bush. 👌

3.) Practice several times. Keep in mind the context of your news to handle your style and tone appropriately. If you’re breaking it to them about a disability, maybe you can start with, “I really enjoy the relationship I’ve had with you so far, and I feel really comfortable with you. I really care for you, and that’s why I think I should finally share something about myself to you. It’s really personal and I’ve been worried about your reaction to it, but you should really know.”

4.) Ask if you can clarify anything to help them better understand your situation.

I hope these tips can help you in the future. REMEMBER that if you KNOW that your partner loves you, there’s NO DOUBT that they’ll take in every single bit of you, whether it be your flaws or strengths, and love 👏 it 👏 all👏.

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Communication is the KEY!

 

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