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Shave your pubic hair

To Shave or Not to Shave Your Pubic Hair

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To Shave or Not to Shave Your Pubic Hair  

 

Think twice before you laser or shave your pubic hair! 

If you have been wondering whether or not to shave your pubic hair entirely, trim it closely, or let it grow bushy, we are happy to tell you the trend is to do whatever makes you happy.

If you grew up before the late nineties, you may have gotten your first glimpse of a stranger’s naked body in an adult magazine. Remember, this was before the internet and the explosion of online porn. People sometimes had to learn the birds and the bees from printed publications or VHS tapes.

Back in the old days, the centerfolds laid out on the pages had a healthy bush. It was almost as if no one had ever heard of shaving pubic hair. Large tufts of pubic hair on all genders were in full effect.

For the past two decades, however, shaving has been in.

 

Smooth Sexy Parts

Many years ago, Brazilian wax salons started popping up all over the country. At first, we all giggled at the thought of ripping hair off vulvas, balls, and other body parts. Waxing scenes removing underarm hair, chest hair, and pubic hair played in movies and jokes between friends.

The no pubic hair trend caught fire and stuck. All you have to do is take a look at some popular porn sites to take sampling. Most of the videos feature people of all genders with no pubic hair.

So why did pubic hair removal become so popular? A lot of people prefer it, because they feel like it’s a cleaner look. You’re not worried about pubes poking out of a swimsuit or falling all over the bathroom floor. Others like how it gives a better view of what you’re working with down there.

Celebrity voices added to the popularity of the no-bush trend. Some have spoken out about their personal preference for laser hair removal and waxing. Even for celebrities who’ve remained silent, all you have to do is take a look at their social media posts in tight swimsuits to see they’re pubic hair-free.

 

Don’t Look Now, Yet Bush is Back!

Even though pubic hair removal is still extremely popular, having pubic hair is becoming less of a taboo. Before, if you had pubic hair, you’d probably get some heat for being lazy or sloppy. Now, however, it’s becoming a sort of personal statement.

We’ve all heard that fashion trends repeat. Could it be the same for pubic hair? Well, in the past few years, pubic hair is making somewhat of a comeback.

Shave your pubic hair

Pubic Hair (Photo Credits: Needpix)

As is usually the case, a trend starts when a small group of people decide they want to go against the crowd. They decide they don’t want to do what everyone else is doing. They want to stand out.

Eventually, people take notice and want to hop on the early beginnings of a trend. More and more people do it until whatever was popular in the beginning is hard to find at all. Then the cycle repeats.

The same is happening with shaving and other ways of pubic hair removal. The bush is creeping back into the mainstream. You can find it online in pornographic videos, pictures, and even in Hollywood productions.

Here are some of the most common NEGATIVE examples of why people shave:

  • They feel disgusted to kiss their partners after going down on them. 
  • Sometimes, partners refuse cunnilingus or intercourse with menstruating women or women with pubic hair. 
  • Joking about vulvas and vaginas smelling “like fish” or ejaculation is “gross” and “repulsive.”
  • Partners shave off their body hair because they state it smells bad and holds the sweat.

 

Tips for when you shave your pubic hair: 

Make sure you use an organic balm on the gentle skin of the pubic region. If you want to shave your pubic hair, just know that there will be some itching as it grows back. 

Test for allergies! I was using organic products for years, and then found out I was still allergic to some of the products themselves, not just the pesticides of the pharmacy brand version).

If you love that bare look of no hair, enjoy a fun slip and slide with a hairless partner! I know some people who actually tweeze or thread their pubic hair to get the smoothest sensation imaginable. Yes, this takes hours to do if you are tweezing.  

These are long-standing beliefs that keep our pleasure repressed, and keep us self-conscious instead. Find a happy medium for YOURSELF!

If you want bush, go for it. If you want to shave, go for it.

Or find a happy medium!

 

Keeping It Trim

An alternative for pleasure-enhancement is trimming! 

At my Betty Dodson BodySex weekend, one of the women came in Day 1 donning a beautiful bush and the next day, she trimmed and was equally joyful and orgasmic Day 2!

We haven’t made a full return to the glory days when huge bush was in style…

Now when pubic hair makes an appearance [in pornography], it’s often neatly trimmed. 

Closely-cropped pubic hair is easier to manage – there are fewer painful waxing or lasering sessions – and many individuals find this trimmed, “natural-state” highly desirable. 

 

Grooming Tips

Thankfully, personal grooming is easier than ever. There are widely available grooming shavers that are adjustable to match whatever length or shape you’re looking for. 

If you are thinking about letting your pubic hair make a comeback, start slowly. Buy a grooming tool that you can use to keep things trim and take it from there.

Shave your pubic hair

[Photo: Getty]

You still have a lot of choices in pubic grooming! 

There’s waxing, shaving, threading, laser hair removal, chemicals that remove hair and other forms of trimming. 

It’s not an “all or nothing” proposition when it comes to pubic hair.

 

Check out some LCAT Fan Favorites:

  • The best razor for a close shave without nicks
  • Shaving cream choice, especially for those with sensitive skin
  • Baby trimmer for those who have never done it
  • Body trimmer reported to prevent cutting
  • Multigroom series

If you are going to get a brazalian or an anal wax, make sure that the person you are going to has hygenic facilities and that they are experienced. This is not a place you want any infections. 

 

Body Positivity and Personal Preference

One of the best things about recent trends in pubic hair is the underlying support for personal preference when it comes to your body. We still have some ways to go, but the return of pubic hair and the debate over whether bald is better is becoming less about what’s “hot” and more about doing whatever you want concerning your body.

That sense of body sensitivity has sexual maturity, acceptance from sexual partners and even helped push choice feminism. 

With the reemergence of bushier pubic hair, women should feel less confined to a certain body image or personal grooming standards. 

Everyone has better sex when we feel good about our bodies.

More and more people, including people with large public followings, are proudly announcing their preference for the natural look. 

That may seem a bit trite, but it goes a long way to breaking down barriers. Sometimes, when public figures open the door to how many people feel, it’s easier for them to take the leap and make changes.

The trend, for now, remains overwhelmingly in favor of total hair removal or very limited pubic hair. However, the stigma of bushy or trimmed pubic hair on all genders is slowly fading away. That’s good news for everyone.

Some people do what their partner prefers. I would consider that choosing what makes you feel the most confident about your body is what matters. 

 

Can You Go Back if You’ve Done Laser Hair Removal?

What about people who chose laser hair removal to permanently remove their pubic hair? 

A few years ago, they were so sure they’d never want pubic hair again. 

The trend is changing, though, and so are some people’s minds.

With laser hair removal, your pubic hair may not be completely gone forever, and it’s likely that hair that grows back will be lighter, thinner, and that there will be fewer of them.

Believe it or not, in recent years, some medical facilities have started performing hair transplants on people – for those balding, those who want a fuller bush, or those who regret past laser hair removal. 

The procedures are expensive and are by no means mainstream, yet if the trend towards pubic hair continues, expect there to be more developments here.

Still, even with the potential for hair removal reversal, permanent laser removal should be something you consider at length. 

Focus instead on feeling good about your body and taking small steps to find out what works best for you.

 

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Relationship Goals

Eight Relationship Goals for the New Year

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Eight Relationship Goals for the New Year

 

Are you ready to start making your New Year’s Relationship Goals? Yes, it’s that time of year when we all start thinking about resolutions. 

Don’t let the Debbie Downers in your life make you think resolutions are lame. What’s not to love about a little self reflection and a bit of planning… especially in the name of romance!

Another variation of having a new year’s resolutions is to say you have GOALS. Although the end of each year is a convenient time to think about the year that’s gone by, it is important to examine quarterly what you’d like to accomplish moving forward.

If you’re not in the habit of setting goals, give it a try. 

There’s something magical about writing down your hopes and aspirations. They tend to come true! 

Not just by luck, the act of verbalizing and documenting relationship goals commits us subconsciously. We speak our vision into being.

 

Relationship Goals

We’re not here today to talk about getting in the gym more often or getting that raise at work. Those are great, and if it’s something you want to shoot for, go for it. Today, we are here to talk about relationships.

We spend so much time focusing on falling in love and finding the right person, but we don’t focus enough on what it takes to stay in love or even fall deeper into love. Yes, there are levels to emotional connection in relationships that take effort but are so, so worth it.

Whether you and your partner are stuck in a rut and need to ignite your sex life, or you’re looking to take things in your relationship to the next level, here are 8 relationship resolutions to consider heading into 2020.

 

  1. Work on Yourself

 

We all catch ourselves wishing our partner would lose a little weight, spend less time on their phone, or quit smoking. It’s easy to project our wishes on other people. New Year’s isn’t the time for projecting our wishes on other people, it’s time to focus on ourselves.

It’s fine if you want to commit yourself to certain standards. Saying you resolve to not date anyone who smokes is much different than a resolution to help your current partner quit. The sooner you realize you can’t change other people, the better. Emphasize self-improvement and get a better perspective on what you can control.

 

  1. Dedicate Time to Each Other

    Relationship Goals

We get it. It’s easy to get in a zone where you take each other for granted. Life throws so much at us that it can be easy to forget why we’re together sometimes. The only way to beat back the complacency that creeps into relationships is by spending time with your partner to remember what it is you love about them.

And guess what? You’ll probably be surprised when you do. People change. The person you’re with now is different than the person you first fell in love with one, five, or fifteen years ago. Spending time alone together is a process of continual learning where you connect with your partner and discover new parts of them you didn’t know before.

 

  1. Make Sex a Priority!

In 2020, sex should be on your mind! Physical intimacy is a huge component of a relationship’s well-being. If sex has become a bit drab, make it a New Year’s relationship resolution to spice things up between the sheets.

Check out my video on “How to Seduce Your Spouse” 

Buy some sex toys, lingerie, or whatever else will get you or your partner in the mood. Try out a bit of role-playing, light BDSM, or some other way to change things up so it’s not the same old every time.

 

  1. Support Your Partner

Remember that time your partner said they wanted to quit their job to pursue art? Or that one year they said they wanted to take up cooking lessons? Resist the urge to be negative or critical when your partner wants to try something new. After all, they’re probably thinking about 2020 resolutions too.

Instead of resisting or poking fun, resolve this year to lend support to your partner with whatever they want to pursue. When your partner feels more fulfilled, you’ll be happier too.

 

  1. Get Your Finances in Order

If you’re married or in a long-term committed relationship, odds are you’ve fought over money in the past. Financial stress is one of the main challenges to relationships.

Relationship Goals

When the finances are a mess, it has a direct impact on how happy the two of you are.

Resolve in the new year to pay down debt, save a bit more, and spend on activities that will benefit your relationship. When you don’t have to spend so much time worrying about the bills, you have more mental space to give to the person you love.

 

  1. Give Therapy a Try

If you haven’t tried couple’s counseling yet, make 2020 the year you finally give it a shot. Couple’s counseling isn’t only for people struggling in a relationship. Even if things are great, you can benefit from seeing a licensed therapist.

Counseling is a great way to arm yourselves with communication tools for when any challenges arise. Counselors  also help you practice empathy and see things from your partner’s perspective.

Text therapy is a secure and convenient way to get frequent and intensive coaching from any location. 

 

  1. Implement a No-Phone Zone

Have you ever tried to bring up something serious with your partner, only to have them staring down at their phone? It’s deflating and chances are you’re not innocent either. More and more families and couples are instituting a no-phone zone to help people pay more attention to each other.

In a February 2019 article, Sehar Shoukat wrote that, “Excessive use of smartphone paired with negative attitude and feeling of anxiety and dependency on gadgets may increase the risk of anxiety and depression…”. The more we can push away from our phones, we can interact with people we love and improve our overall moods. 

Set a part of the house as a no-phone zone, or tell yourself that after a certain time, there’s no more phone or screens allowed. Instead of scrolling through social media, you’ll have more time to listen to your partner and engage one on one.

 

  1. Set a Goal Together

Relationships, like life, are about growth and progress. No matter who we are, we all feel stunted if we’re stalled in life. We need hobbies, work, or some other project to give us meaning.

Set a goal with your partner that’s something you are both interested in. Be careful, because you need to make sure the goal is something you both want to do. The goal cannot just be something one of you wants to do, and the other tags along. When you do something together you’ll build more common interests. Down the road those interests will be the thread that holds the two of you together.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Sexy Couples

Why Are Sexy Couples So Damn Hot?

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Why Are Sexy Couples So Damn Hot?

 

Have you ever come across sexy couples and realize that you’re drawn to them for some strange reason? Perhaps you’ve seen them interacting across a restaurant or chatted with them at a dinner party.

Sometimes, we’re attracted to couples we’re more intimate with. It could be close friends we’ve known for a long time. Secretly, we envy something about their relationship.

When we see sexy couples, we admire the way they touch each other, laugh together, or just the way they look at each other. There’s something about them or their relationship that feels deeply desirable.

Usually, we’re too shy to tell them how we feel. Inside, we hunger for something similar. The couples become a mini obsession we grow to desire.

At times, the couples we find sexy aren’t people we are traditionally attracted to. They don’t match the physical or personality attributes we’d list to friends.

Outside Attraction is Natural Even Among Committed Couples

It’s ok to admit it, we all fantasize about people from time to time. It’s unrealistic to think that your current partner is the only one you’ll ever find sexy. That doesn’t mean we’re going to be unfaithful.

Once we realize the sexual desire for others is normal, it can even add a lot more fun into our committed relationships!

Supportive partners help each other fulfill fantasy within boundaries. Add a little adventure into your sex life by introducing a bit of roleplaying. 

If you know your partner is feeling a certain kind of way about someone, try to play that up. Take on some of their personality traits or dress the way they do to make sex more interesting.

Hopefully, you nor your partner is overly jealous. It’s great when both of you are willing to talk about attraction or desire for other people. 

Let loose, and let sexy couples improve your own love life with a little fantasy. 

Try to embody aspects of their relationship that draw you in. Fantasy is an important part of the intoxication with sexy couples! 

 

Sexual Desire is Fluid

Sexy Couples

Many people experience changes in sexual desire. As we grow into our sexuality, we realize attraction and desire are fluid. They don’t always stay the same.

It’s a hard phenomenon to understand, and sometimes we are drawn to a person or sexy couples for reasons we can’t explain.

Most people, if they’re honest, can pinpoint times in their lives when they were attracted to someone who was not their “type.” People attracted to the other sex can feel the desire for same-sex individuals at times. 

Sometimes, it’s difficult to reconcile our feelings with our understanding of who we are as individuals. What does it mean, as a female, you find yourself attracted to both partners in a sexy couple you come across? It can be confusing when our sexual desires change. 

Labels are Helpful Yet Not Always Necessary

Over the years, labels have helped marginalized people or misunderstood claim space in society. 

The emphasis on labels, though, has led a lot of people to feel the need that everything must be labeled so that it’s understood. 

We often feel a need to declare what something is so we know how to approach and process our feelings.

Don’t be so quick to label yourself over your feelings of attraction and desire. We shouldn’t put pressure on ourselves to define every feeling or desire. Labels are good as long as they don’t put you in a box that you don’t want to be in.

If you are struggling, on the other hand, with defining your feelings of attraction and desire, the Kinsey Scale can help. For decades, the Kinsey Scale has helped people realize that sexual feelings change over time and aren’t always constant.

 

The Kinsey Scale

Dr. Alfred Kinsey led a team of researchers in interviewing thousands of people about their sexual attractions. It gauged over time how attractions and desires changed. The study found that sexual orientation shifts. Sometimes people declared themselves strictly attracted to the other sex, while at other times expressing a greater openness to homosexual feelings.

The Kinsey Scale[1] was created to help people understand the fluidity in sexual attraction better. It rates sexual attraction from 0-6, with 0 being exclusively heterosexual (other sex) and 6 being exclusively homosexual (same sex).

Sexy CouplesThe study was completed decades ago, and it’s had a huge impact. Books on the subject have sold millions of copies in a multitude of languages. Many of the conversations we have about sexual attraction today have roots in the Kinsey Scale.

We Can’t Explain Attraction

It’s not always possible to explain how we feel. Certain people, places, and conditions trigger a variety of emotions in people. You can find a couple or another individual extremely sexy at a certain point in your life, and then laugh about how you felt ten years later. Things change.

It’s important to embrace our feelings of attraction and try to understand what they mean about our sexuality. Fighting against feelings can lead to unnecessary internal struggles that could trigger depression or anxiety. Don’t force a definition on yourself. Embrace your feelings of attraction. The best thing you can do is remain open and enjoy the ride. 

 

Don’t Be Afraid to Explore What Drives Your Attraction

Is a man in a relationship with a woman who is attracted to another man bisexual? Can there be an attraction between a gay man and a woman? When we understand there are no hard rules for sexuality and who we desire, then we can free ourselves.

Becoming more open sexually can be a wonderfully personal journey for people who want to learn more about themselves and explore where sexual desire comes from.

Knowing this opens us up to deeper connections. whether they be with committed partners, new relationships, or strangers we interact with.

So, the next time you find yourself staring or daydreaming about that sexy couple you’ve come across, don’t be afraid to dive a little deeper into your psyche about where those feelings come from and what that means about you.

Of course, a qualified sex therapist can help guide you through sexual discovery. If you feel like you need someone to talk to, find a sex coach who has experience dealing with changes in sexual desire.

 You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

My Fertility Journey

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My Fertility Journey – Do Not Downplay the Impacts of Those Struggling With Infertility! 

 

Fertility. Ugh.  It really is one of my least favorite “F” words.

Fertility (or infertility, as many say) is a complex concept that is generally misunderstood by anyone who has not undergone it themselves. 

The assumptions and statements made to those undergoing treatment by those who have not experienced it is at best minimally supportive to, at worst, completely harmful. 

It is only in the last year, that I have watched this topic be addressed in mainstream society from Michelle Obama discussing that she conceived both her children through IVF to the Today Show’s Dylan Dryer sharing her story around fertility. It is basically 2020. 

Fertility struggles can have major impacts on individuals and relationships. 

Fertility

I, personally, have struggled with fertility and the impacts on my life were far greater than what I was prepared for.

I began my fertility journey in 2015, and my daughter was born in 2019. Over three years later. Overall, I was blessed with the support I received, as the nurse connected me with the resources for my personal struggles.

My case was unique, as I was half of a same-sex couple; thus, our fertility issues were unique because we could not just “have a baby.” That was just step one of the hurdles. 

Below are some important lessons surrounding fertility for you to get through it!

There is not enough support for those undergoing fertility treatments, and there are not enough resources. 

The impacts of fertility treatment far outweigh what we see or are told. The process for creating life is considered fun, intimate, and sacred for some couples. 

For couple’s undergoing fertility treatment, this is not often the case. 

Imagine trying to conceive IN a hospital room!

Depending on the fertility procedure, sometimes, your partner may not be able to be with you. This can cause a disconnect from the magic of what is happening… the creation of a child. 

 

Fertility ImpactsFertility

 

Pain

The procedures are invasive and, at times, painful. Some parts of the body are incredibly sensitive to the areas where shots are required (abdomen, lower back, arms, thigh, vagina, uterus, and/or cervix). 

Sexual contact or any sort of physical activity can become painful and hard for the person who is undergoing treatment to get pregnant. 

 

Monotonous Sex Life

If you are an other-sex couple (sometimes called a heterosexual couple), sexual activity may become about ovulation and be scheduled on a timeline. 

As couples engage in fertility treatment, sexual intimacy may become non-existent, creating disconnection between the future parents. 

 

Disconnection

If you are a same-sex or a queer couple, sexual intimacy is taken out of creating your child. Thus fertility treatment can cause a disconnection within the romantic relationship.

Also, sometimes children are created by donors and there is no overt sexual connection involved in the creation of your child.  

 

Performance Anxiety

Performance anxiety for partner’s providing sperm, having to provide sperm at a specific time each day during a certain window of time is anxiety provoking and creates extreme pressure on that partner.

 

Hormonal Shifts

Throughout any type of assisted fertility treatment hormones are used. These hormonal shifts can have massive impacts on the body (water retention, weight changes, pain, lubrication, skin issues, bloating, insomnia, decreased sex drive, excessive hair growth, etc) and emotions (low self-esteem, shame, menopause symptoms, drastic mood shifts, depression, anxiety, trauma symptoms, grief, loneliness).

 

Relationship

As you can imagine, all of these things stated above can result in issues in the relationship such as increased conflict, difficulty empathizing, increased difficulty 

Fertility

communicating, disconnection, and decreased sexual and physical intimacy. 

 

Loss

People are often not prepared for the loss that often occurs during fertility treatment (loss of pregnancy, loss of fertility, and the loss of biological pro-creation). 

 

*THIS DOES NOT INCLUDE ALL IMPACTS OR EVEN IDENTIFY THE FULL SCOPE OF IMPACTS OF FERTILITY. 

 

  • Fertility vs. Infertility
  • Educate
  • Couple/Partner Work
  • Name your Fear and Shame
  • Identify What You Need

So, Basically… Get Therapy

 

Moral of the story, do not downplay the impact, identify your emotions, your needs, and SEEK support! However you embark on this journey, please be sure to access supports, community, and connection. Creating a family is emotional without fertility, add fertility and it can truly be a very complex circumstance that can make you forget what your doing it for. 

If you need help, feel free to come to LCAT, we are here to help you and your loved ones through this process! This could look like couples therapy or individual therapy. Our focus in treatment would be helping guide you emotionally through the process, providing psychoeducation, communication skills, expressing your needs, engaging in self care, engaging in relationship care, and creating connections. We want to help combat shame and fear and build connections as you grow your family!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do or Make an Appointment.

Christmas sex

Why Christmas Sex is So Good

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Why Christmas Sex is So Good

 

Even when people get stressed with all of the parties, the family drama and everything else, Christmas sex is one hell of a way to blow off some steam.

Christmas is a fantastic time for sex. People are in great moods, there’s a romance in the air with all of the wonderful holiday tunes and is a great time for intimate gift giving.

If you’re like us, you start to get into the holiday spirit right as December rolls around. That way, you have more fun to enjoy everything there is to love about Christmas and all the other winter holidays.

But this is a blog about intimacy, right? What’s that got to do with Christmas and feeling some holiday cheer. Well, we’re here to tell you that Christmas is a great time for love and holiday cheer shouldn’t be the only thing you’re feeling this month.

Here are some of the best reasons why Christmas sex is so good.

 

There’s Something in the Air

Unless you’re a total scrooge, you probably love the end of year holidays. As we move through December and into January, it’s a time of reflection about the year that has gone by. We feel gratitude for the people in our lives who mean so much, and we start planning how we’re going to take over in 2020.

Christmas Sex

One of the absolute best ways to show someone you care is to capitalize on the nostalgia and romance in the air with some amazing sex. If you’re in a committed relationship, Christmas sex can be about deep connections.

If you’re single, just know that other people are feeling the same draw to people around them that you are. There’s never a better time to shoot your shot. Take a chance and ask out your secret crush or that person you’ve noticed you have incredible chemistry with. You never know, you could soon be having some of the best Christmas sex of your life.

The holidays are all about showing love and receiving love. Make sure to show that special someone in your life how much you love them this Christmas.

 

Christmas Sex is Better than Yoga

Ok, so this might depend on if you LOVE yoga, but Christmas sex is one of the best stress relievers out there. When you get wound up with all the celebrating, driving, gift buying, and other activities, lock the doors so you and your partner can get a healthy sweat in. 

It’s easy for some people to get overwhelmed during Christmas. A lot is going on. Just remember to make time for yourself and your partner. Don’t neglect intimacy because you’ve got a million things on your to-do list.

Making Christmas sex a priority can turn into some of the best sex of your life! With so much built-up tension, it’s bound to play out in the bedroom or wherever you decide to let it all out. Focus the stress and channel it into the passion between you and your lover.

 

Giving Gifts in Private can be More Fun

Giving presents is one of the best perks of the holiday season. Not only is it fun to splurge a bit for the people you love, but it’s a great way to show family and friends how much you care.

Christmas is also the perfect time to give your partner something a bit spicier. When all the presents in the living room are opened, take your special someone aside and give them a gift for both of you. 

Sexy Gifts

Here are some naughty gift ideas:

  • Lingerie
  • A stack of cards that can be turned in for sexual favors
  • High-end massage oils
  • A weekend getaway without the kids
  • A vibrator or some other sex toy

Whether it’s a vibrator or some fancy handcuffs, it’ll send a clear message that you want to keep things steamy. Remember, these gifts are really for two. Hopefully, you’ll find yourself in some crazy Christmas sex before too long.

 

The Kids are Preoccupied

If you have small kids, it’s hard to find time for sex. Even older kids can make love making tough. They likely know what locked doors and noises coming from the bedroom mean. With kids, a lot of couples find that sex becomes a routine. It’s something that can only happen after kids’ teeth have been brushed and bedtime is over.

When it’s Christmas, though, you have a shot at spontaneous sex that you probably haven’t had all year. Kids are busy playing with toys, watching Christmas movies, or hanging out with friends while school is out. Don’t waste this precious opportunity! Have all the morning and afternoon sex you can. Do it in the dining room, in the laundry room, wherever.

Couples can capitalize on holiday distractions to have tremendous sex. Changing up the timing and the routine is sometimes all it takes to breathe new life into your sex life.

 

Keep It Hot Indoors While It’s Snowing Outside

In a lot of places, it’s freezing at Christmas. People are stuck indoors because it’s brutal outside. Sometimes people complain that winters are rough because they can get out and run, the days are shorter because the sun’s up less, and as a result, people can get a bit melancholy.

Christmas Sex

Use Christmas sex to beat back the winter blues. If you’re lucky enough to have a fireplace, get a fire going and set the mood. Pour some wine and turn on some music. Get close to your partner and make it happen.

Listen, there’s a reason September is the most popular birth month. In a 2017 Time article, it said that researchers at Harvard University found that between 1973 and 1999, the most common birthday was September 16. 

Yep, you guessed it, that’s nine months after Christmas. 

People love Christmas sex so much they’ve been using the holidays to make babies for decades.

When it’s cold outside and you feel a bit bored, there’s nothing better than some amazing Christmas sex to get you feeling right.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

they/them

They Them Beyond the Binary UPDATE!

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They Them – Beyond the Binary UPDATE!

 

Today I heard some great news for those who identify as they them!

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary has added they them as new pronoun and the word of the year!

This is a huge win for the non-binary and LGBTQ community.

For years, people have commented that using they/them as pronouns is “grammatically incorrect” therefore people refused to use they/them as pronouns for people who identified that way. Thus alienating many in the LGBTQ community, specifically the non-binary and gender queer folks, from their friends and family. 

This argument was hurtful and insensitive to so many who already experience daily marginalization and harm. To have Merriam-Webster add they them to the dictionary erases that argument and empowers a community who has experienced significant harm as a result. 

Making “they” the word of the year shines a light on the queer community and more specifically the non-binary community. Recently there has been more visibility for those who do not fit in the gender binary coming out such as Sam Smith, Jonathan Van Ness, and Ruby Rose. 

I applaud the company for doing the right thing AND I think there is so much more work that needs to be done to support the non-binary, gender queer, and/or gender spectrum. This is a lovely step towards progress that continues to be needed and necessary. Especially putting a spot light of people on the gender spectrum who are also black or people of color – given that most celebrities highlighted have been white people. 

Here at LCAT we value the queer community and other marginalized populations.

 

We are here to utilize an intersectional approach surrounding the multiple identities our clients (whether it be gender, culture, sexuality, trauma, ethnicity, ability, race, religion, etc.) and how to address and work with the different parts and aspects to ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities. 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Pornosexual

Are You a Pornosexual?

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Are You a Pornosexual?

 

Have you ever considered yourself a pornosexual? 

Partnered sex is one form of intimacy and self-pleasure is another. 

With the advent of the internet, many say that porn numbs out their desire to be intimate with their partner. The literature is split! Those who identify as pornosexuals feel that it is easier to get off alone and thus, they engage in this instead of desiring connection from a partner.

Some researchers state that if pornography with similar masturbation patterns are used long enough, it becomes the only reliable method for a person to get aroused and then achieve orgasm.

The age of losing your virginity is getting higher, and many young people who have access to pornography since a young age remain virgins. 

Those who identify as “pornosexuals,” although they don’t always refer to themselves by this label, often have limited experience with intimacy, sexuality, and arousal outside of their computers and phones. 

The longer they remain with their computer, the less likely they are to even have interest in sex with another. 

If you are partnered with a pornosexual, you may understand what it is like for your partner to not understand your needs and desires. You may notice that your partner doesn’t respond emotionally or physically because they have trained themselves to orgasm in one specific way. 

Pornosexual

If you don’t know much about pornography, check out the statistics from Pornhub’s 2016 Year in Review, where the site received 729 hits a second, or 64 million a day. 

A 2014 study in JAMA found 66% of men and 41% of women watch porn at least once a month. The perceived anonymity offered by free online porn has contributed to the rise of more people being a pornosexual. 

Habitually using porn as the only source of sexual pleasure can desensitize the brain’s reward center. In a 2014 study, published in JAMA Psychiatry, German researchers found the level of changes in the brain correlated with the amount of porn a person watched. This means the more porn watched, the lower the activity in their brain’s reward centers (after seeing sexual videos on screen).

The brain begins to require more dopamine each subsequent time it watches porn in order to feel its effects. Sometimes, the brain halts the production of dopamine and leaves the viewer wanting more without the ability to reach it. 

This can lead the person to watch more porn to replicate the same “high” they had the first time. 

Pornosexuals experience all of their sexual pleasure in isolation instead of shared. We advice that porn is not your only sexual outlet. 

Instead, you can channel your focus on fantasizing while self-pleasure while using your imagination. 

Porn can be helpful in exploring sexual desires, but unhealthy use can have a negative consequence on the brain. The problem isn’t porn, it’s the way you choose to use it. Unfortunately, porn users and those who identify as pornosexuals report purposely avoiding talking to their partner, and fear the rejection of being denied. 

Without wanting to experience rejection or fear, pornosexuals avoid uncomfortable situations so they do not have the opportunity to intimately connect with others. This perpetuates a cycle which makes them more self-conscious, anxious, fearful, and rejected 

If they are with a partner, pornosexuals identify that they would rather use online porn than work through it with their partner. At Life Coaching and Therapy, we have a great success rate of individuals who overcome this problem. Yet it is contingent on the patient’s willingness to succeed.

I have been fortunate that everyone that has come through my door wanted something other than continuing being a pornosexual! If one partner came in and wanted their spouse to “stop being a pornosexual,” we would have a lower success rate.

In our therapy, we focus on the one who identifies as a pornosexual and the one dating a pornosexual. We will go over the difference in desire levels between both partners, and we will talk about fulfilling both partners needs and address the negative emotions for both partners. So, if you want to stay together, you have to find new ways to learn about each other.

 

Stiff: Solutions for Erectile Dysfunction On-Demand Webinar

Women on Penis Size

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Holiday Stress

Learn How to Manage Holiday Stress and Anxiety

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Learn How to Manage Holiday Stress and Anxiety

 

It’s that time of year, and we thought we would help you learn how to manage holiday stress and anxiety. If you’re like us, you’ve got a love-hate relationship with the holidays. Along with the nostalgic joy of music, food, and family gatherings comes the stress of dealing with it all.

For some people, handling the holidays can be tough. Even though we know what will set us or others off, we think things will be different every year, and we put ourselves in situations filled with anxiety triggers.

 

Who gets a present? Who doesn’t? How many people do you invite? Which parties should you go to? Will anyone show up at yours? Have you overcommitted again?

 

All of these questions are enough to make us wish the holidays never existed. There is, however, hope. Here are some tips on handling the holiday season. 

 

Take a Personal Inventory

Holiday Stress

Before you get stressed out this holiday season, sit down and take a personal inventory. Some years, you’re up for everything. Maybe it’s been too long since you’ve seen your family, or you’re flush with cash, so you want to buy everyone presents. Other years, though, you need to be low key.

You need to know how much you can handle before you start filling out your schedule. Avoid holiday burnout by pacing out your activities. Don’t overcommit yourself. If you spend all your time and emotional energy ticking off obligations, you won’t be able to enjoy the parties and activities that really mean something.

 

Set Clear Boundaries

Why do you keep spending two weeks with your parents when you know one week is all you can take? For some reason, maybe a sense of duty or being too idealistic, we keep putting ourselves in situations we know are fraught with anxiety and stress.

 

Before the holiday season comes, set clear boundaries for yourself and others. Let your parents know you’ll be coming for only a week this year. Finally, say no to the parties you don’t want to go to and fight for that time off at work so you’re not responding to emails on New Year’s Eve.

Make time for yourself so you can handle the stress and anxiety that comes with the holidays. Do something that makes you feel good. 

 

The Gift Exchange

 

Holiday Stress

Some people are just better than others at giving gifts. It’s easy to feel like a total failure if it’s something you struggle with, particularly if your partner excels at it. 

Giving family gifts is also very tricky. Why should you have to buy gifts for a million people just because your brothers and sisters decided to have a ton of kids?

Try a proactive approach and set a money limit on gifts with the family. Set expectations so you’re not stressed and scrambling right up to the holidays. If you’ve got a big family, think about a gift exchange where you buy for just one sibling and their family each year.

Having to buy fewer gifts will mean less holiday stress and you’ll have more time to spend with people you love rather than running around in stores.

 

Don’t Party Hard, Party with a Purpose!

Holiday Stress

We’ve all had years where we cut super loose and went a bit crazy over the holidays. Going to parties is awesome. We see our friends, celebrate with colleagues, and blow off some steam.

While there’s certainly an argument for partying hard over the holidays, remember that you’re headed into the new year as well. You don’t want to go into 2020 with an extended hangover from weeks of partying too much. 

Remember that the holidays are supposed to refresh you as well. You want to start the new year feeling great, healthy and ready for what comes.

 

When it comes to parties, go to the ones with people you enjoy the most. Leave behind the random invites and banquets so you can spend a bit more time reflecting on what you want for the new year.

 

Manage Stress as It Comes, Not When You Can’t Handle It Anymore

Holiday stress tends to fester and build under the surface. There’s a reason there are a million movies about family fights and holiday chaos. People can handle a lot of stress before they finally explode.

When stress bubbles to the surface and detonates all over you and your relatives, it’s really not about whether the stuffing is moist enough. It’s just the final straw and a way to release anger without addressing what’s going on.

This holiday season, do your best to take on stress as it comes. Don’t take a perceived slight and let it bother you for days. Address it so you can have peace of mind. Ultimately, if you can’t have frank conversations with your relatives for your own mental health, then you probably should limit the time you spend around them.

 

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

Holiday Stress

In a 2005 article titled “Seasonal Affective Disorder: An Overview and Update”[1], Dr. Roecklien and Dr. Rohan reported that between 10 and 20 percent of recurrent depression happened on a seasonal schedule, mostly during fall and winter months.

What that tells us is that it’s no accident to feel a bit down around the holidays. It’s not just because you didn’t get the present you wanted. Be aware that Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is real. If you find yourself stressed or depressed every year during the holidays, talk to a therapist and see if they can help. There may be treatments that can help you enjoy the holidays more.

 

Make Yourself a Priority

The best thing you can do for the holidays to fight off and handle stress and anxiety is to remember what you need to feel happy.

Find your stress relief – exercising, volunteering, reading, massage, or maybe even organizing your closet. 

What do the holidays mean to you? Answer that question and then do what it takes to make your holiday season successful. It may take people time to adjust to your new reality, but in the end, you will be better off for it.

[1] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3004726/

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco Signature

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Happy Thanksgiving from LCAT! 

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Happy Thanksgiving from LCAT! 

 

We all know the research, that when you practice thankfulness and gratitude you are happier! Yes, contribution is THAT important, so I wanted to take the time to really say thank you for all that you do.

We have the greatest most dedicated clients! 

I am so grateful for all the hard work that they put in their individual lives, in their family life, and of course, their romantic relationships.

Here in Life Coaching and Therapy, we are grateful that you chose us to start your journey and we are grateful that you will continue your healing process with us in 2020.

Without you, the mission that we have in LCAT isn’t possible so thank you.

If you have topics for 2020, email us: info@lcatllc.com.  Yes! I am always looking for more ideas!

Thank you so much for sharing your secrets, trying new things, and embracing the uncertainty.

We appreciate you so much. Thank you for choosing us and trusting us.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Life Coach

Do I Need a Life Coach? 8 Signs that Hiring a Life Coach Will Take You to the Next Level

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Do I Need a Life Coach?

8 Signs that Hiring a Life Coach Will Take You to the Next Level

Here is a blog on why YOU need a life coach, from a new guest blogger, Charles Rojas, at https://www.knowledgeformen.com/

Men especially, please let us know in the comments what you think of Charles’ insight, as he specializes in knowledge for men.

why do I need a life coach image

Can you guess what Michael Jordan, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tony Robbins, and Bill Gates all have in common?

Sure, they’re all successful beyond most people’s wildest dreams.

But, more importantly, they all achieved success by following a similar strategy.

They all had a life coach who helped them accelerate their success and achieve their goals faster. 

In recent years, internet marketers and sketchy “Gurus” have given the coaching industry a bad rap.

Most men have a completely warped and unrealistic view of what a coach is and how they can help you achieve your goals and dreams.

If you’re wondering, “Do I need a life coach?” I’m going to set the record straight explaining exactly what a life coach does.

Then I will explain why you should hire a life coach to break through your biggest obstacles so you can achieve your big, hairy audacious goals in life.

What Does a Life Coach do and Why do I Need a Life Coach?

While life coaches vary in their expertise, abilities, and specialties, I can tell you for a fact that a life coach is not:

  • Someone who has all the answers to everything…
  • A superhuman who has access to knowledge that you don’t…
  • Someone you hire to achieve your goals for you…

If you see a coach making any of these claims run in the opposite direction.

Life coaches are simply professionally trained individuals who can see things that you can’t, hold you accountable to your word and help you achieve results faster.

And for men – your word is everything. That’s it.

Think about Michael Jordan.

Every year of his professional career, he had numerous coaches who helped him improve his game, overcome his weaknesses, and capitalize on his strengths.

Were any of these coaches better at basketball than Michael?

Of course not!

His coach simply knew the game and he knew how to instruct Michael to have the right mindset and become a more powerful player.

And a life coach is the same way.

It’s not that they are better at life than you are, it’s simply that they can recognize patterns in your mindset, actions, and subconscious programming that you cannot.

And because they can see these patterns, they can help you overcome them so you can achieve your biggest goals in life.

When you have a coach you are acting and living in full alignment to what you value in most in life.

This helps you move closer every day towards the person you want to become.

It’s that simple. So what are the signs that it might be time for you to hire a life coach?

Keep reading, because this may be exactly what you’ve been looking for all this time.

1. You Feel Unsure of Your Purpose in Life

Have you been floating around life without any real aim or purpose in life?

Have you struggled to find your “calling” or wasted years of your life pursuing the wrong things that don’t fulfill you?

The right coach will ask you powerful questions that will help you wake up to the realities of your life. This will enable you to consider potential paths that you had never imagined.

They will ask questions that will help guide you to understand who you are on a deeper level so that you can understand what you really want to do with your life.

A life coach can help you develop rock-solid certainty in your path and purpose in life. This will give you crystal clear clarity not only who you are, but who you want to be and where you want to go.

You will save you years of climbing up a ladder that is leaned up against the wrong wall.  Don’t you want wake up every day with passion and excitement?

A lost person is a leaf in the wind chasing approval from friends, family, society, and partners for their entire life. A person on a mission is respected by high-value people and attractive to high-value partners.

If you don’t have a vision, you need to get a life coach.

2. You Have a Huge Vision, but You’re Unsure of How to Achieve It

Let’s say you have a clearly defined purpose that motivates you.

The only problem is that you’ve had that same vision and purpose since you were a kid.

Now 15-20 years later still no real progress has been made, and you don’t know how to achieve the ambitions you’ve set.

why do I need a life coach image

You’ve spent years going through the same motions, getting the same results, or NO results.

You’re feeling frustrated that you can’t motivate yourself to take action, and become the person you’ve always wanted to be.

You feel like there are simply too many options and considerations to make and so you suffer from paralysis by analysis. You learn plenty, but accomplish very little.

If this sounds like you, then hiring a life coach might the vaccine for your no-action-itis.

When you get a life coach, you will have access to decades of wisdom and experience that can help you cut through the b.s.

You will uncover the steps that you need to take to turn your dreams into your reality.

A life coach provides high level accountability. You’ll be making consistent progress towards realizing your vision within weeks.

The life coach will put an end to talking about your vision and goals all day and help you turn them into a reality so you can live it.

3. You Have Struggled to Overcome the Same Addictions for Years

why hire a life coach image

Have you been stuck in an endless cycle of addiction for years?

Maybe you’ve quit your specific addiction, whether it was smoking, alcohol, or drugs, several times only to revert back to it when things get hard and times become stressful?

Maybe you are addicted to something that seems innocuous like porn, video games, social media or TV.

This can still cripple your drive and holding you back from reaching your full potential.

Addictions steal your finite time, cost money and prevent you from living your best life. There is no benefit to an addiction that hurts your body and mind.

When you get a life coach, they will provide the heavy accountability that you need to break your addiction and finally achieve the freedom you’ve so desperately been searching for.

In fact, I have an employee who has been working with me since the earliest days of Knowledge for Men.

He’s been a heavy smoker for almost two years and even though he would try to quit often, he would always fall back into the bad habit after a few weeks.

He decided to hire a coach several months ago and after his first session, he completely quit smoking and hasn’t had a single puff since. He now uses that extra time and money to move towards his goals. By hiring a coach he likely added a few years to his life.

What are your years worth to you?

4. Your B.S. Stories Stop You From Achieving Your Dreams

life coach

“I’m not good enough”

“There’s too much competition”

“She doesn’t want to date a guy like me”

“I was born poor so this is just my destiny”

“It’s genetics, there’s nothing I can do about it”

“Someone will just steal my idea”

If any of these statements sound familiar then you need to hire a life coach…yesterday.

Philosophers from east to west have concluded that “Man is his own worst enemy” and most people fail to realize how true this is and the implications of this.

The biggest thing that you have to fear is not nuclear attacks, political unrest, or world war. The biggest thing that you have to fear stares back at you in the mirror every single day.

You and you alone are both the greatest champion and the greatest enemy of your dreams and ambitions.

If you haven’t achieved your biggest goals, if you don’t have the body, the business, the relationships, and the spiritual connection that you’ve always wanted then there is only one person to blame…you.

There is always someone out there who had it worse than you and still gone on to achieve great things in their life, so there is no reason why you can’t too.

Just think about a few of the guests that I’ve had on this podcast.

  • Grant Cardone: $50,000 in debt, addicted to drugs, unemployed, and unmotivated. Today is worth nearly $700,000,000 and is one of the most widely known and respected real estate and sales experts in the world
  • Bedros Keulian: He was raised so poor that he literally had to dig through the garbage to find food. Today he owns one of the largest fitness empires in the world.
  • T. Harv Eker: He was raised in a poor family and failed at every business he started. He was living with his parents without a dollar to his name and after he received one word of advice from a mentor, he became a multimillionaire in two years.

These stories and countless others clearly show that if other people can achieve greatness, it’s not an accident, it’s a science. It is something that is within your reach too!

Your internal narratives and stories are one of the biggest traps holding you back from your dreams and the fastest way to overcome them is to identify them and work with a coach to rewire your brain to eliminate them.

This is where a life coach can unleash the most effective tool – deep internal mindset development.

The right coach can help you identify your b.s. stories and eradicate them from your subconscious mind for good. This enables you to get out of your own way and finally achieve the success you’ve always desired.

5. You Are Crippled by Stress, Anxiety, and Depression

life coach

Do you constantly feel overwhelmed, anxious, or depressed?

Does it seem like your emotions are running your life?

Are you one step away from a mental and physical breakdown?

Then it’s time to hire a life coach.

When you are caught in an emotional rut, it can be difficult to understand what’s causing your problems and get to the bottom of why you feel this way.

A life coach can help cut through the noise, dig deep and point out the underlying problems and struggles that have been running your entire life.

With the right coach, you can identify and eliminate the root causes of stress, anxiety, and depression and move towards a life where emotions you experience every day are joy, growth, and accomplishment.

Yes, there are real people who live almost every day of their life exactly like I just described.

Recognize that this is your own negative mindset (likely fueled by anxiety, stress, or depression) that is trying to keep you where you are.

A coach isn’t a cure-all, you’re right. We aren’t miracle workers. But the right coach can help you figure out what’s really going on beneath the surface.

They can help you overcome past traumas and accept your current reality.

This will enable you to live each day with power, joy, and peace instead of wallowing in self-pity and sabotaging every chance of success that you have.

6. You Want to Shorten Your Learning Curve and Achieve Success Faster

life coach

Maybe life is good, you have a vision, and you are on the path to realizing it. Great!

If this is the case then a life coach can help you achieve your vision faster. A coach can help you shorten your learning curve and growth hack your path to success.

Billionaires and the world’s best athletes agree that having a coach is a good idea even though they are already at the top of their game, so why not you?

Did you know that most high achievers are only running at about 70% capacity?

Sure, they have the foundations figured out and they are ahead of 99% of the population, but they are missing out on the 2-millimeter shifts.

These improvements can 10X your results and help you achieve your goals in half the time that you would otherwise spend.

Using a coach is a tool that will help you get to your destination faster than you ever thought possible.

Just consider a few of the following statistics:

  • 80% of life coaching clients claim that they increased their confidence
  • 73% measurably improved their relationships
  • 72% improved their communication skills
  • 67% improved their work-life balance

As long as you are working with the right professional, life coaching will help you get results.

The only question is…is it worth it?

To answer this question, I want you to consider the following.

If you had to go from Los Angeles to New York City would you rather go it alone and “work hard” by foot travel or just buy a plane ticket (a tool) to get there faster.

A coach is an investment in yourself to help you get results faster and for most – those results more than pay for the coaching itself.

When you have the right life coach, you can quickly identify and stop potential obstacles before they happen.

You can figure out how to get more done in a month than most people accomplish in a year.

A coach can help you leverage your inherent strengths to accelerate your results and live a truly incredible life.

7. You are a Serial Procrastinator

do I need a life coach image

Do you constantly find yourself cramming for tasks before the deadline, putting off things that are important, or struggling to make moves towards your goals?

A life coach could be the best solution to your procrastination.

A life coach can give you accountability so that you cannot procrastinate, and b.s. yourself or anyone else with the excuse “I didn’t have enough time” any longer.

You will shift your “shoulds” into “musts” which changes the entire game.

Now you’re ready to crush it!

With the help of a life coach you can beat procrastination where it lives and finally take action towards the life you’ve always wanted. Not tomorrow…today!

8. You Can’t Afford a Life Coach

Life Coach

If you are truly struggling and can’t afford to put groceries on your table then you don’t need to go and hire a life coach. Read some books and watch some youtube videos teaching you about success.

But if you’ve tried that and your first thought is “I want a coach but I probably can’t afford a life coach,” you likely need a life coach more than anyone else!

Here’s what I mean.

Imagine that you are horrible at playing guitar. You’ve read all the books, watched all the videos, and even tried the fancy new apps.

But nothing has worked.

If you are committed to becoming a better guitar player, you are going to hire an experienced guitar instructor.

An instructor who has proven results with dozens of other students can help you shorten your learning curve and achieve the results that you desire.

In fact, this might be the only way to achieve the levels of success that you desire.

And it’s no different in life.

I understand that many people have genuine financial struggles and if that’s you then I’m not speaking to you.

I’m talking about those of you in the audience who don’t think that you can afford a life coach.

I speak with potential clients all the time who say “I love what you’re doing but I just can’t afford it right now”.

These are the same people who wear $200 sneakers, spend $500 a month going out, and waste more than $300 every month on useless digital subscriptions.

If you make enough money to cover basic expenses and believe that you can’t afford a life coach, I want to challenge you to look at your values.

Do you value fashion, entertainment, and comfort?

Or do you value growth, achievement, and living life to the fullest.

If you value the latter, you would greatly benefit from working with a life coach.

They can help you develop a better understanding of money and business so that you can increase your income and have financial freedom.

Never say the words “I can’t afford that” again.

Conclusion

The most prolific and successful individuals in the world get a life coach to go from good to great, so why wouldn’t you?

The highest achievers know that they can’t do the journey alone. They know that they need accountability, guidance, and an outside perspective to achieve their dreams and aspirations.

It’s time to step up to the plate and stop playing small.

Hire a life coach if you need someone to hold you accountable, push you towards your greatness, and help you identify your blind spots.

Invest in yourself and step into your greatness.

It’s not going to be easy, but it will be worth it.

Thank you Charles for this great information!

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

 

About LCAT

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

LGBTQ Definition: Beyond the Binary

LGBTQ Definition: Beyond the Binary with LGBTQIA2+

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LGBTQ Definition: Beyond the Binary

By Nicole Scrivano, LMFT – Director at Life Coaching and Therapy

 

Read our latest blog post: “LGBTQ Definition: Beyond the Binary” to help you understand the LGBTQ+ community and the definitions within them.

There are many identities and labels for people that have become more commonplace. 

LGBTQ Definition: Beyond the Binary

Often in sessions, clients and their families frequently comment on all the identities “nowadays.” 

Despite the alphabet soup that has become the LGBTQIA2+ community identities, most of these identities have actually been around to varying degrees.

The most salient and well known identities are lesbian, gay, bisexual, and more recently transgender. Then, adding to LGBTQIA2+ we have intersex, asexual, two-spirit, etc. 

However, the spectrum of sexuality identities and gender identities has always been present, it is just now that we have a more common language to communicate identities effectively. 

 

The Alphabet Soup – How Do I Use These Terms? 

An entire blog can be written on individual identities, and there are plenty of resources to help you familiarize yourself with varying identities and definitions. 

Here are LGBTQIA2+ definitions and resources that I would suggest you read to learn more:

True Colors (local LGBTQIA2+ non-profit): www.ourtruecolors.org

Definitions From LGBTQIA2+ National Help Center: http://www.glnh.org – glossary 

  • CISGENDER – Abbreviated as “Cis” s a Latin prefix which means “to remain on the same side of,” the antonym of the Latin prefix “Trans.” Someone whose gender identity conforms to the sex assigned to them at birth.
  • GENDERFLUID – An individual who is highly flexible about their gender expression and presentation.  They may fluctuate between presentations and identities, or combine them.
  • GENDERQUEER – Someone who identifies outside the normative gender binary.  This term is used as both an umbrella term and as an identity in itself. There is often a connotation of transgressiveness for those who identify with this label. 
  • GENDER NEUTRAL – ​Not specifying any particular gender.  Definition can vary depending on context and individual using the term.
  • INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA- ​The experience of shame, aversion, or self-hatred in relation to one’s own attractions to a person of the same sex.
  • PANGENDER – A nonbinary identity.  Someone who identifies as pangender may identify with two or more genders, with any/all genders, or as a separate, third gender.
  • QUEER – A catch-all umbrella term for gender and sexuality minorities who are either not cis, not straight, or both.  The word queer is a reclaimed slur, and sometimes still used as such, so use it with sensitivity – do not use it for others unless they already have for themselves.
  • SEXUAL ORIENTATION – ​Defined by whom you are attracted to, emotionally, sexually, and/or romantically.  Has nothing to do with gender.
  • TRANSGENDER – Abbreviated as  “trans”. People whose gender identity differs from the sex assigned to them at birth. 

Once you have learned the LGBTQIA2+ terms it is important to do your best to use them appropriately. This means not as insults or not saying “a gay” or “a queer.” 

identities

Using person first language like someone “is gay” rather than “a gay,” allows the person to be seen as a human first not just their identity. A general rule of thumb is not to start with “a” or end with “s” (ex. Gays, queers, a gay, a queer, etc.). 

In regards to gender, the term transgendered is not accurate. Please utilize trans, transgender, trans. “Tranny” and words like this are harmful and problematic. DO NOT USE THEM! 

There are many terms that are offensive around gender, so please, please, please be mindful of the language you are using. 

Google exists for a reason! 

We suggest finding appropriate terms and language for each of these identities.

 

The Identity Evolution 

Sexuality and gender have both been shown to be on more of a spectrum and fluid rather than within dichotomies and stagnant. 

Although people often maintain their attraction towards a specific sex/gender/identity, that does not mean that it can’t change over time. 

For example, someone may identify as a lesbian earlier in their life, and then through self-exploration or a variety of sexual experiences, may identify as pansexual later on. 

Often a mistake I see is that people struggle to evolve with the individual as their identity evolves. 

Think of sexuality and gender as a continuum or a spectrum of colors. Break beyond the mold of choosing one or the other, and see it as evolving and dynamic. 

The queer (LGBTQIA2+) community is ever changing and evolving like most other communities. 

As the queer community has become more widely accepted, identities have become acknowledged or are more common place with the community (heteronormative) as a whole. 

People around the individual coming out or figuring out their identity would benefit from standing back and allowing that individual to explore themselves and to validate the evolution of that individual’s identity. 

Some people may remain consistent in their identities, other identities may ebb and flow for people, and that is okay. It is even normal.

When we try to stick those individuals into boxes, we begin to limit people’s ability to express who they really are. 

It is vital that we as a community (family, friends, providers, and partners alike) work towards learning and supporting people’s identities. 

 

Do Labels Really Matter? 

In one word, YES!

identities

Misgendering or dismissing one’s identity has a lasting impact. 

As the great Dr. Maya Angelou said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” 

As we dismiss and misgender or misidentify people we are creating a feeling – a harmful one – that breaks their boundaries. 

We as a community need to work together to lean in and examine our biases to address our impact. Good intentions are not enough. 

The impact needs to meet those intentions as well, otherwise, intentional or not, we are causing harm. 

At the end of the day, does it really matter if you have to “label” someone different or identify a different pronoun for them? It really doesn’t. 

Although it may be challenging for you, isn’t it better to adjust than for someone to spend another moment hiding themselves or stifling their growth? 

I have had clients who have found ways to easily and effectively communicate shifts in their gender expression. 

Whether it is a certain accessory in their clothing, how they wear their hair, or verbal cues they give, there are many ways that this can be communicated to partners, parents, teachers, and/or community members. 

To some people, the specific term used may not matter to them. But to others, it matters immensely. 

If you do not know what to term to use – ASK THE PERSON.

When we ask and collaborate with one another we learn, we grow, and we all evolve. 

Will you learn, grow, and evolve with me?

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Veterans Day

Veterans’ Day

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Veterans’ Day

 

Do Us All a Favor and Thank A Vet this Coming Veterans’ Day!

If you’re living in the U.S., odds are you know a veteran. Every year, millions of Americans serve in our all-volunteer military service. They come from all walks of life. Rich and poor, all different genders, and races. Immigrants even joined the armed forces for a chance to become a U.S. citizen. They answer the call of sacrifice and duty to country that protects the freedoms we often take for granted.

Given the sheer number of people over the years who’ve served, you probably know several veterans. They’re our schoolteachers, they train us at the gym, they work at grocery stores, and run successful companies all across the United States.

So yeah, obviously, we shouldn’t just celebrate our veterans one day a year, but if you haven’t had the chance, use the holiday to show some love to the people who gave up time and being around the people they love for something bigger. Here are some great ways you can show love for our veterans this year.

Veterans Day

 

Give Thanks by Understanding the Tradition of Service to Country

If you ask vets or active duty personnel, a lot of them will tell you that they tired, “Thank you for your service” can make their skin crawl. Sometimes it’s sincere, but so often it’s a canned line filled with political undertones.

Show a veteran you care by trying to understand what they’ve been through. Sure, you’ll never fully understand what it’s like to serve in wartime or be posted somewhere far overseas, but context goes a long way.

 

What Does Veterans Day Even Mean?

The U.S. has celebrated veterans since World War I ended in the early 1900s. On November 11 a year after the war, people flocked to the streets to celebrate peace, knowing the hell they’d been through. The holiday was initially called Armistice Day, but President Eisenhower changed it to celebrate all veterans.

America has been involved in the conflict for so long, that a lot of vets feel like what they do overseas is too far removed from normal American life. Unless you’re directly impacted, say, having a direct family member or close friend serve in a warzone, it’s hard to relate. A lot of the time they come home frustrated that normal people don’t understand what they’re doing over there.

We’re not out celebrating in the streets, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be showing thanks for what our soldiers, sailors, and marines are doing abroad. We’re lucky that current wars aren’t impacting us at home the way previous wars did.

When you meet a vet, the best way to thank them is to get to know them. If you know them, talk to them about their time in the military. Don’t be afraid to ask them questions about their time and what it meant. Don’t pry. Learn to take the subtle hints when something’s out of bounds. But don’t act like it never happened. Validate them with your interest.

Veterans Day 

Hold It Down for Our Vets

If you’re wondering what to do for our veterans this Veterans Day, there are tons of ideas. Here are a few good ones.

  • Donate to a Good Cause – There are a ton of charities and service organizations focused on helping veterans find jobs, get therapy, find a place to live, and plenty more as they transition out of service. The money you give goes directly to helping the life of a veteran in need.
  • Acts of Service – If you know a veteran, think of something you can do for them that they would enjoy. Get them tickets to the game or buy them some movie tickets. Take them out and treat them to a meal.
  • Show Respect – You may not notice it, but most veterans pay attention to how people around them act concerning respect for the military and country. You may have strong opinions about certain political decisions but try your best to refrain from severe criticism if you’re around a veteran.
  • Send a Care Package – You can mail a package of candy, clothes, electronics and other supplies to military personnel overseas for Christmas and other holidays. It’s easy to do and they love it.
  • Show Your Vet Some Love – Hopefully, you noticed that we wrote “your vet” there. Some of us are extremely lucky to be in relationships or dating veterans. They bring so much to our lives. They work hard, are disciplined, honor us, and strive to progress. On Veterans Day it’s the least we can do to show them some fun, right? This Veterans Day let loose a bit and give your partner a good time.

 

On A More Serious Note

Everyone should know that every veteran returns from service as a changed person. Some changes are harder than others. Tens of thousands of veterans who served our country come home with physical injuries, emotional scars, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Putting the pieces back together takes time and patience. Most of all it takes a network of caring people who are there for them when they need them.

If you know someone who is struggling with issues they experience in the military, talk to them. You may not be able to give them the help they need, but you can help them find it. There are resources available for veterans to call on.

 

 

There are Still People Out There Fighting

Ask a vet, and they’ll tell you one of the best things you can do to support them is to support the brave people still out there fighting. Brave service people are stationed in bases all over the world ready to move on a moment’s notice.

We’re indebted every day to their willingness to serve and what they stand for. Veterans Day is more than a holiday. It’s an annual reminder that we should all be doing more to thank and give back to our veterans.

No go out there and show them some love.

Sexual Anxiety

When Sexual Anxiety Takes Over: What Drives Sexual Inhibition and Stress In Penis-Bodied Humans

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When Sexual Anxiety Takes Over: What Drives Sexual Inhibition and Stress in Penis-Bodied Humans

 

While most of us can be intimidated taking off our clothes during sex, some people state that sexual anxiety takes over and ruins the entire encounter.

There you are, exposing yourself with nowhere to hide. 

Some people are so afraid of letting their physical and emotional walls down that it prevents them from enjoying true intimacy. Instead, they’re filled with sexual anxiety that can detract from intimate encounters.

Sexual anxiety can range from mild nervousness about things like body image, to full-blown anxiety attacks that stop people from having sex at all.

 

Performance Anxiety

A lot of people have anxiety issues around whether they’ll be able to “perform” when called upon. Penises can be a bit unreliable. 

If worry over performance continues it can turn into a serious mental block. 

For some people, whether they’ll be able to maintain an erection enters their mind the minute there is an attraction with someone else. 

Like any anxiety attack, worries over performance build and build until it’s all they can think about.

People with penises also worry about premature ejaculation. It’s more common than you’d think. 

According to the Mayo Clinic, 1 out of 3 penis and testicle-bodied humans say they deal with premature ejaculation or have dealt with premature ejaculation in the past. 

When there’s so much pressure on being able to please your partner, it’s easy to see why someone who’s had that happen would experience sexual anxiety.

 

Body Image

While we hate to stereotype, generally speaking, penis and testicle-bodied humans have less trouble looking in the mirror than their vagina-bodied counterparts.

Sexual Anxiety

Traditionally, men didn’t have to deal with the same societal pressure placed on other genders by the media and fashion. 

However, this has changed with the advent of digital options. The ideal physique is communicated a lot through all types of advertising, social media and even porn.

Penis and testicle-bodied humans, often struggle with sexual anxiety around the size and look of their genitals. Maybe your penis curves or has a slight bend in it. 

Perhaps you are concerned about the fact that you are, or aren’t circumcised. 

 

Lack of Experience

This applies to anyone who is seen as the one “in charge.”

In many sexual encounters, many penis-bodied humans FEEL there is an expectation that they ought to take the lead. 

That might be ok if you’ve got a lot of sexual experience, but it can trigger sexual anxiety for people who don’t want that type of pressure. 

We all worry about, to a varying degree, reading sexual cues or being able to please our partner. 

 

Ways to Help Reduce Sexual Anxiety:

  • Breathe in and out through your belly. Focus more on your exhales.
  • Masturbate with a condom on to try a new way of experiencing sensation!
  • Increase the use of sex toys, such as those that provide clitoral stimulation. This will help take the pressure off your penis and bring excitement to the moment.

You are in charge of your own arousal and your partner is in charge of theirs. Don’t force yourself to be the deliverer of orgasms to your partner, because it is way too much pressure! 

What are some other reasons people that may cause sexual anxiety? 

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

Stiff: Solutions for Erectile Dysfunction On-Demand Webinar

Women on Penis Size

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Millennial Problems for Therapists

Top Millennial Problems for Therapists

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Top Millennial Problems for Therapists

 

Extra, extra! Read all about the top Millennial problems for therapists!

Do Millennials require better communication for sex, or would most Millennials rather just be on their cell phone than sharing intimacy?

Get an INSIDER’S View of What Millennials Discuss Most Often with their Therapists!

In case you weren’t aware, Millennials are a very pro-therapy, growth and self-exploration generation. It wasn’t too long ago that people reported shame or embarrassment when seeing a therapist. However, I have witnessed countless clients over the last 10 years pick up their phone during a session and say, “let me call you back, because I am in therapy right now.”

Millennials have helped normalize therapy in the public sphere! I can’t even remember feeling a stigma when I decided I wanted to go to therapy as a career.

Therapy is no longer only for people that are “mentally broken.” It’s now recognized for the enormous benefits it provides in helping people work through issues, manage relationships, and try to better themselves. This change is incredibly positive!

Millennials take pride in getting outside help when they need it. Depression, anxiety, and trauma are not things people must struggle with alone anymore.

As more people see therapists and discuss their mental health issues online, we see recurring themes across the country that surround intimacy and romantic relationships.

This commonality is likely tied to changes all of us have witnessed with regard to how we connect and communicate. The more we become culturally competent and aware of how others are living, the more we realize how similar we all are.

Millennials’ openness around their treatment can benefit everyone willing to learn from their experiences.

Here are some of the top Millennial problems for therapists, particularly when it comes to intimacy:

  1. Technology and the Lack of Intimacy

It’s a crazy statistic, but it’s true. Jean M. Twenge’s article in The Archives of Sexual Behavior, reports that “Millennials are more likely to report having no sexual partners as adults (15%) compared to GenX’ers born in the 1960s and 1970s (6%).” That’s right, Millennials have less sex and fewer sexual partners than in previous generations.

Why the decline in sexual encounters? A lot of people point fingers at the advent of technology and how it affects the way we socialize. Decades ago, people interacted almost solely in person.

People went out to mingle at bars, restaurants, and sporting events. They spent time in close proximity to each other. The odds of intimate physical connections were higher, because more contacts were being made.

Millennials do a significant amount of interacting digitally.

Whether it’s texting, commenting and liking on social media, or even playing online video games, Millennials interact with each other much more, but not always in person.

People today can get social satisfaction out of spending time online together without the hassle of going out. Of course, the way we communicate isn’t the same.

One of the commonly discussed topics between Millennials and their therapists is the lack of intimacy in their relationships.

Millennials report feeling less connected to the world around them. Even though they have plenty of people to text, they feel they lack close friendships, and even dating is often regarded as a superficial interaction.

Millennial Problems

  1. Mismatching Sex Drives Between Couples

Even though Millennials are having less sex than past generations, open modern attitudes around sex have made people more comfortable addressing differences in sex drive.

In the past, sexually incompatible partners were more likely to have struggled in silence with physical intimacy issues. Gender roles were more restricted, and in general, there was limited freedom of expression around sex drives.

Today, sexual compatibility is recognized as a vital component of a healthy relationship.

Millennial women are less inclined than their female predecessors to be sexually unfulfilled, and men report wanting deep physical connections with their partners. 

Even though differences in the sexual drive between partners is more readily discussed, it’s still not an easy issue.

Many Millennial relationships struggle under the weight of expectations in the bedroom. With the help of their therapists, Millennials are learning to navigate the sensitive waters of sexual expectations where collaboration, creativity, and curiosity are of utmost importance.

  1. The Strain of Media Expectations on Relationships

We’ve already touched on how digital communications are affecting Millennial intimacy. Another effect of us always being connected these days is that we’re constantly exposed to media input.

Psychologists and therapists still don’t know the extent to which media exposure affects our thoughts and attitudes. What we do know, though, is that it changes how we look at relationships.

Think about it…Millennials grew up watching romantic comedies where love and intimacy were fun, constantly exciting, and always worked out in the end. The result is that many Millennials feel like their real relationships don’t match up to their ideals of what they should be.

The prevalence of pornography has had a huge influence on Millennial sexual relationships. It’s changed the way many view things like consent, sexual power dynamics, and even what constitutes as appropriate sexual etiquette.

Therapists report that Millennials often say they feel some level of disappointment in their romantic relationships. They constantly want more. Millennials are perpetually looking for a deeper connection, which often leads to constant let down and frustrated partnerships.

They can, however, utilize therapy to develop more realistic expectations of themselves and the people they date.

  1. The Paradox of Choice

It’s easy for people on the outside to tell Millennials they’ve got it easy. They’re constantly told that barriers to dating are much lower today, that there is a more open exchange of ideas around sex and love, and that no one has to settle. What Millennials encounter, though, is the Paradox of Choice.

Barry Schwartz, the author of “The Paradox of Choice: My More is Less” explains that an abundance of choice often leads to disappointment. Millennials, who have more choice than ever before obsess over which choice to make. They can be frozen by fear of making the wrong decision. 

This paradox has a huge impact on our intimate relationships. How can you fully commit yourself to someone if you’re always wondering if there’s someone better out there waiting for you? 

As a result, Millennials turn to their therapists for help. Therapists speak often with Millennials who have a hard time with commitment and developing deep connections with partners. It’s important to develop an understanding of needs to help make decision making easier.

Practice Self-Compassion

Every generation has to deal with unique circumstances of their time. Millennials are no different, and the generations to follow will have to face new challenges too. 

Be grateful for the openness and acceptance of growth and self-improvement through therapy. The more we seek answers, the more likely we are to get them. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Breakups

How To Deal With A Breakup!

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How to Deal With a Breakup! 

 

I wrote this blog post to help those people who feel like it’s the end of the world learn how to deal with a breakup! 

Breakups hurt, because people aren’t skilled at communicating why they no longer want to be in their relationship. They are especially painful if you were living with your partner and your entire pattern of living changes. 

If you haven’t learned it yet, throughout interpersonal relationships, it is important to OPENLY communicate. Why?

Well, if you don’t have the difficult conversations about what you need during a relationship, you can create a system of long-term dysfunction, causing the pain of breaking up to be tumultuous and traumatic. 

The beginning of love is so beautiful and the end is often so tragic, but does it have to be? At Life Coaching and Therapy, we believe that loving yourself and your relationships is a mission worth prioritizing! 

We long for belonging, long for touch, and we long to matter! We also want to break from the suffering or that “longing for connection.” But it isn’t worth staying with someone who has broken up with you. 

Where in your body do you “need” them? 

Notice that place in your body and tell your therapist! There is a message there for you to uncover that will help your growth. 

What is the core universal need that is underneath your strategy of marriage, monogamy, or romantic partnership – OTHER than this specific person? 

Breakups

What Are Universal Needs? 

A Person (your partner) is NOT a universal need. 

Needs are qualities that connect us all as human beings, and we all share. Look up Nonviolent Communication for an inventory of all needs. 

I use Tony Robbin’s 6 Human Needs: 

  1. Certainty
  2. Uncertainty
  3. Significance
  4. Connection 
  5. Growth 
  6. Contribution

I believe that other than these six needs, every other behavior comes from an attempt to meet one of these. All anyone is ever trying to do is to meet their needs. 

Therefore, your partner is NOT a need. 

Underneath “I want to be in a romantic partnership with ______” is a need such as:

  • I want to matter
  • I want pleasure
  • I want to be seen, felt, and heard
  • I want connection
  • I want certainty of quality time

 

ALL OF US WANT TO BE SEEN, FELT, and HEARD. Even those people that say they don’t, often, there is someone who they would like to be seen, felt, or heard by. 

All of us have the exact same amount of time, so if someone you are relating to says that they don’t have the time to prioritize you right now, then you are not their priority right now. 

IDENTIFY YOUR NEEDS!

Express them with words and with consensual actions. 

If you decide to split up, there may be pain, and pain can be a pathway back to ourselves. 

If you try to prevent the pain by staying in a relationship when it is not fulfilling your needs, you will ultimately get hurt in the future. 

Breakups don’t have to be the end of the world, and you can learn how to deal with a breakup and still be happy and ok on your own.

The key is to remain accountable and be open about the pain and the impact you are causing. Sometimes this can help mitigate harsh truths that are said without graciousness or love in the “heat of the moment.” 

 

How To Deal With A Breakup

You will get through this, even though it may not feel like it mentally. 

Disconnect from destructive thoughts and let the waves of emotion come in and go back out.

DON’T focus on your obsessions though (easier said than done, but necessary for your health and growth).

Breakups

Encourage yourself to do the WORK necessary to become a happy, positive person who DOES NOT NEED the affirmation of others to feel good inside. 

First off, begin weight training and doing aerobic exercise (rowing, running, etc.) in addition to stretching and yoga. The weights and cardio will do wonders for your well being, releasing powerful endorphins and boosting your self esteem. If you abuse working out to the point where you are no longer experiencing the highs from it, then this is no longer a recipe for a healthy lifestyle. 

If you are still feeling overwhelmed, depressed, or find it hard to do your day-to-day activities talk to a mental health practitioner. You may need to consider medication.

No matter how disciplined you are, your nature is your nature, and it can be a difficult battle. Daily exercise will help; however, the correct supplements or prescriptions will help fill in those valleys, which can be self sabotaging. 

If you are you obsessed with fixing other people – like your ex – stop! You need to fill the hole in YOUR heart. Watch my video on codependency to rule out if you are one of those people trying to fix everyone.

Find two to three new hobbies instead. Meetup.com is a must for a breakup. You can often find multiple options in a city near you! 

What are your tips for how to deal with a breakup? 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.