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Biggest Divorce Regrets

7 Biggest Divorce Regrets You Should Be Aware Of

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7 Biggest Divorce Regrets You Should Be Aware Of

 

There is another side of getting married and it might come with many Biggest Divorce Regrets.

If you have chosen to get married, it will probably be difficult for you to imagine that your marriage might end one day. However, divorces do happen, and it’s quite important to listen to stories of those who have divorced their spouses to try to avoid making the same mistakes.

Being informed about the most common divorce regrets will not harm your marriage. On the contrary, it might save it and allow you to fall in love even more with the person you are hoping to spend the rest of your life with. So, if you’re keen to have the marriage you will be proud of. Make sure you read our list of divorce regrets, think about them. And maybe even discuss them with your spouse.  

1.Depending On My Spouse

There are many people who will enter a marriage with unrealistic expectations or even wrong intentions. Getting married is something often seen as an achievement in life, instead of something that is your decision that came out of a place of love. Some people will assume that being married will make them seem adult in the eyes of others. While completely ignoring the fact that marriage needs constant work and investment to work. Another area where many people will choose to depend on their spouse is their happiness. Married couples will often blame one another for their misery, sadness, frustration, or any other negative emotion when in reality. Your happiness is your own responsibility. 

2.Not Communicating Your Feelings

The most common reason why both relationships and marriages don’t work is the lack of quality communication. Choosing to fix problems on your own or having your feelings not shared with your partner instead of discussing it all with your partner will cause additional problems in your marriage. During your marriage, you will experience difficult situations together on your own. And connecting with each other in times like these can only strengthen your relationship even more. 

3.Not Being Accountable Enough

Many divorced people will often regret they have spent all this time arguing with their partner and blaming each other for different marital issues when they were supposed to be more accountable. After all, by not listening to each other and realizing what you can do to improve your marriage. It will be almost impossible to solve any issue you two might have. So, next time, instead of activating your fighting mode. Try to talk about it with your partner, listen to them carefully and determine what you can do to improve the situation. 

4.Taking Couples Therapy More Seriously

It’s not just about going to couples therapy, it’s about taking it seriously. In other words, you have to be willing to put in the work that’s necessary for your marriage to function. For instance, your counselor might advise you as a married couple to go out more often or to talk more about your emotions. And not doing so will not result in how you want it to. You can go how many times you want and talk to as many therapists as you like. Yet the most important piece of that ‘marriage happiness’ puzzle is you. Whatever your therapist suggests because it might enhance the connection between you two, make sure you truly dedicate yourself to it. 

5.Not Setting Boundaries With In-Laws

When you marry the person you want to build your life with, keep in mind you are not marrying their family. As much as they should be important to you, they should never be equally important as your marriage. These relationships you build with the in-laws will affect your marriage, so it’s crucial to set boundaries. Regardless of whether they are rude, intrusive, or maybe even the best in-laws in the world. You will need to let them know that your marriage comes first. This also implies that you and your spouse have every right to decide whatever you want for yourselves. Yet also that you are keen on keeping everything that falls under your intimacy away from them.

6.Combing Their Finances

Often in marriage, we will think that everything needs to be shared, even the finances. However, if you were to ask the divorced couples, they would advise you quite the opposite. Not only will the money be difficult to divide if the marriage doesn’t work, yet it might also cause a lot of marital issues. For instance, one person might spend more than the other. Which might lead to blaming this person if you’re not able to pay or purchase the thing you were saving for. Such as a new house, car, or your child’s university. 

7.Being Addicted To Social Media

Yes, we’re all on social media, however, the hours we spend on these platforms should be used for something more valuable and real. Spending hours on Facebook or Instagram can harm your relationship because you might be oblivious of the signs your partner is showing. They might be unhappy, stressed, or sad, and you will not see that because you’re attached to your phone. Use social media as little as possible for distraction. Remind yourself that the fun you can have with your partner exceeds any entertainment your phone can provide you with. 

All in all, each marriage comes with its sets of challenges. This doesn’t mean you need to give up, it means you need to work harder to make it work. Having a beautiful, successful marriage will provide you with so much happiness in your life that no other thing can replace. So make sure you cherish it while it lasts.

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Fetish Life: How To Find Your Spot & Connect With The Community

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Fetish Life: How To Find Your Spot & Connect With The Community

 

If you always knew there is a little bit of kink to you, you have probably researched a bit about what a fetish life implies. At first, it might seem quite challenging to understand what you want to experience in it and more importantly. How to connect with the kink community and potentially find someone you’ll explore this world with. 

One of the reasons why it is harder to become a part of a subculture like this is that it is more disguised than the rest of them. Although recently sex topics have been put on the mainstream agenda, fetishes and BDSM lifestyle are still kind of taboo. 

Fetish Explained

If you’re fantasizing about stepping out of the vanilla sex and trying something different, you will probably have a fetish you want to explore deeper. Kinky sex is an umbrella term that involves all sexual behaviors that are not considered vanilla or traditional sex, however, there is no official definition of it. What someone considers kinky, another person might consider vanilla. For instance, you might think that doggy style with a few spankings means having kinky sex. While another person will want to be blindfolded and ball-gagged in this type of sex to consider it kinky. 

A big part of kinky sex involves fetishes, fixations on something that seems nonsexual – feet, latex, leather, tickling, uniforms, etc. Many people who are a part of the fetish world will need their preferred fetish to become sexually aroused. The difference between fetishes and kinks is that kinks can be a part of a sexual play with your partner. Yet it’s not necessary to get you sexually aroused. 

Different Types of Fetishes

There are probably more fetishes that you could count, yet there are a few of them that are pretty common in this community, such as feet fetish, role play, exhibitionism, voyeurism, breath play, and dominant and submissive play. Once you start meeting other people who are into this lifestyle. They will probably prefer these fetishes, and also have a few others that you probably never heard of. After all, a fetish can be so unique that it’s only applicable to that one person. 

For instance, among the rarest fetishes, you can find arousal to statues (agalmatophilia), arousal to touch a stranger in a public space (frotteurism), arousal to touch, lick. And kiss someone’s nose (nasolingus). And arousal to being tickled by feathers (pteronphilia).

Places For Kinksters

As you could have imagined, there are not so many physical places where people with fetishes will gather and discuss deliberately their lifestyle. Most of these interactions happen online on the websites, platforms, and apps targeting this community. To help you connect with people who share your passion, we have gathered a list of such online places:

  • Fetlife: A place that gathers the entire BDSM, fetish, and kinky community. Think of it as Facebook for kinksters.
  • Feeld: This sex-positive app will help you find someone who matches your kink, and you can even use it as a couple. 
  • #open: The app allows you to list your kinks and fetishes on your profile and is also ideal for polyamorous couples. 
  • KinkD: This is a perfect place for open-minded people who are considered about the privacy and security of dating apps like this because of ti photo verification process. 

Pros & Cons of a Fetish Life

If you’re certain you wish to learn more about your kinky side, by all means – go for it. Just by allowing yourself to dive deeper into the side of your sexuality that is yet to be explored, you will already feel free and motivated to share it with the right people. However, there are definitely pros and cons of such a lifestyle. 

Pros:

  • You will discover new things about yourself by accepting this form of sexuality.
  • You will be able to connect with people who are interested in the same things in sex. And also potentially find someone who might teach you how to enjoy it even more.
  • As sex boosts our creativity and productivity, by finding your kinks. You might feel more efficient in other areas of your life. 

Cons:

  • It’s not a secret that this type of lifestyle is not warmly accepted in society. So you will need to be careful who you share it with. 
  • Depending on your and your sexual partner’s kinks, you might need to spend more money on tools, equipment. And clothes for sex than you used to before. 
  • With fetishes, you will need to determine your boundaries, and until you know what you like and dislike. You might have a few experiences that you’ll wish to forget because they were uncomfortable or painful. 

How To Join the Fetish Community

The easiest way to join the fetish community is by creating your kink profile on one of the above-mentioned apps and platforms. There, you will easily find people to talk to and maybe even meet in person. On these apps, users will often plan a dinner together or an activity where you will have a chance to meet them personally. So make sure you are involved as much as you can when making plans. 

When going to meet people you talked to online, always make sure you have all the information. For instance, they might have something that will separate them from the rest groups when in a restaurant. So it’s important to know it before you go. So you don’t miss out on a great kink event.

Another great way to inform yourself about the fetish lifestyle is by reading about it. There are many books written on this topic, and you can even find a bunch of articles online that might give you ideas on how to play with your kinkiness. You can find even movies and other types of art about fetishes. One thing is for sure, the more you research, the more things you will find. And it will become easier for you to come into this exciting community that might change how you perceive your sexual life completely. 

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Divorce Counseling: How To Prepare For It When It’s Time 

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Divorce Counseling: How To Prepare For It When It’s Time 

 

Divorce counseling aims to help you and your partner to resolve the burning issues in your marriage. Or to help you go through a divorce. Sometimes, married couples will go into divorce counseling after a divorce was finalized as it provides the closure many couples seek to move on with their lives.

Regardless of the reason why you are considering going into this type of therapy, you will get valuable tools that will help you manage conversations between you and your spouse in a more beneficial way. After all, whether you’re at the beginning or end of your marriage, you both should be able to communicate your needs, fears, and emotions that help you get closer to your goal. 

Do You Need a Divorce Counseling? 

Conflicts are normal and expected in any relationship or marriage, however, some couples will struggle to address their conflicts in a way that’s productive for them. For instance, if the discussions with your spouse escalate quickly and turn into arguments, talking to a divorce counselor will help you find more efficient ways to manage your marital issues. 

If you and your spouse are at that place where one of you is just waiting to file for divorce, counseling will provide you with a safe space to talk about your problems and get tools you can use outside of counseling as well. After all, the real work will be done after you walk out of your counselor’s office and return home.

Also, if one of you two has already filed for divorce, counseling will provide the support you need while going through this stressful process of deciding on custody, alimony, and child support. Some couples will be able to work through their issues without a divorce counselor, yet it’s much easier to have a space for discussions and get a help of a professional in sorting things out. 

How To Find the Right Divorce Counselor? 

Of course, to get the most of divorce counseling, you will need to find a therapist that will make you and your spouse feel comfortable. You will be opening up to their person about your intimate and marital issues so it’s important that you feel like you can trust your chosen therapist. This decision will differ from when you’re choosing your own therapist as you will need to consider your spouse’s opinion as well. 

Many couples have said they feel a lot more comfortable talking to a therapist who is more or less of their age. When choosing your divorce counselor, another thing you will like to think about is finding someone who shares your religious beliefs. Or has experience in counceling LGBTQ couples. 

To avoid bad quality and wasting your time, make sure you choose a licensed therapist who has credentials related to solving relationship or marital problems. If the cost of therapy is concerning you. Ask if they accept multiple insurance plans and if not, seek fees that will fit your budget. 

What Can I Expect From Divorce Counseling? 

As mentioned above, people seek divorce counselors for many reasons. Whether you’re trying to save your marriage or end it. Having a professional there might make this entire experience less painful and frustrating for both of you. When talking about areas in which divorce counseling helps, these are the areas you can expect to improve: 

  • Communication problems: You and your spouse will probably have different communication styles, so therapy will help you learn how to communicate without arguing.
  • Intimacy issues: Maintaining an intimate connection with your spouse can be lost due to stress, so it’s crucial to find a way to restore it. 
  • Mental illness: If you or your spouse has depression, anxiety or any other psychological disorder, you will be able to learn how to avoid its effect on your marriage.
  • Healing from trauma: If one of you or both went through a traumatic event, you will need the help to heal and reconnect with each other. 
  • Family disagreements: You will not always agree on everything that involves your children and this might affect your marriage if you don’t manage it the right way. 

How Can I Prepare For Divorce Counseling? 

You might feel awkward before and during your first counseling session, and that’s completely normal. With that being said, you will need to prepare before going into counseling as it will help your therapist determine the most efficient way to help you as a couple. It would be beneficial for your therapist if you’d write down all the issues you wish to work on in therapy. 

Thinking of how long each issue has been going on and what have you both done to resolve it will also help your therapist to get a better understanding of how you manage these discussions and what you both need in moments when a discussion occurs. The same goes if you’re filing for divorce. Just write down issues that motivated you to go into therapy and what you are hoping to get out of it. 

Depending on the level of motivation your spouse has when it comes to divorce counseling. You can ask them to also write down things they wish to address in therapy. If you both put as much effort as you can into it, you will more likely obtain your set goal for the therapy. 

Conclusion

Reaching out to a divorce therapist is never a mistake. Couples always get something out of it, as long as they are ready to put in some work as well. If your spouse is not as eager as you to try therapy, before forcing them into it, have a deep conversation with them where you explain to them that you want to solve issues that are bothering you both so you can be happy and satisfied with your lives and your relationship. 

If you’re considering therapy during or after a divorce, share the reasons for it with your ex-spouse and tell them the benefits you would both have from it. Understanding your reasons for it will help the other person to sympathize with you and discover that therapy is exactly what they need as well. They just weren’t aware of it before. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Talking To A Teen About Sex

A Parent’s Guide On Talking To A Teen About Sex

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A Parent’s Guide On Talking To A Teen About Sex

 

As a parent, your responsibility is to teach and prepare your child for adulthood, including talking to a teen about sex. After all, it’s completely normal for your teenager to have many questions and a lot of thoughts about sex, so it’s vital to approach this entire topic maturely and allow your child to ask you everything that’s on their mind.

Keep in mind that teens who have frequent and open conversations with their parents about sex will more likely step into sexual activities when they are older, while also protecting themselves from unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) when they become sexually active. 

If you wish to be the biggest influence in your teenager’s decisions about sex, you can start planning these conversations in your mind. Please make sure that they feel comfortable enough to come to you with their questions as well. 

Prepare Yourself

In all honesty, accepting that your child is entering the adult world is not easy. As parents, we often continue seeing them as too vulnerable for the real world, and that’s why you will need to prepare yourself first if you wish to avoid confusing your teen even more. 

What are your personal values and beliefs about sex? What is that you want to share with your teen? Ask yourself about what you have learned from your first sexual experiences and which mistakes you would wish they avoid making. 

If this conversation is uncomfortable for you, make sure you are well prepared. Include in your conversation information about protections such as birth control and condoms, sexually transmitted diseases, and everything else that might be important for them. Think about this as the first step to building a mature relationship with your teen where you will start discussing topics you never have before. 

Start the Sex Talk First

It would be really good if you would be the one starting this conversation so you can dedicate your full attention to it. They might ask you some questions before you decide to sit with them and have the ‘big talk’, yet make sure you start it first as it will show you are open to discussing this topic and you’d love to hear your teen’s view on it. 

Make sure you have chosen a day where both you and your kid have enough time to dedicate to this conversation. When you’re ready, start the conversation casually and try to not make a big deal out of it. Remember, you should make this conversation as less uncomfortable for them as possible, and being stiff about it will not help at all. 

Guiding the Conversation

Your teen will probably have a few questions for you as well. Try to respond to them accurately and straightforward. For instance, if they ask for a proper age to start having sexual relations, try not to get too philosophical about it and provide them with facts and your personal opinion. Keep in mind that your child will form their own opinion about sex topics as they go through life, so it’s vital to give them all vital information before stepping into this world.

If you personally feel uncomfortable sharing some of your sexual experiences with your child, you can talk about it in the third person. If your teen asks a question you don’t know how to answer, be honest and invite them to look for that information together. 

Common Misconceptions Teens Have About Sex

When talking with your teenager, they will maybe share with you one or two of the common misconceptions teens have about sex. For instance, they might think that sex will make them appear adult. Be supportive and offer alternative ways that might show them as adults in their friends’ eyes. For instance, they can get a summer job or volunteer.

If they want to have sex just because all of their friends are already doing it, why not focus on things that make them unique and stand out from the crowd? Explain that not following blindly every step their friends make is a good thing and that they should start having sex when they feel the need, instead of when their friends are doing it. Also, make them aware that many lie about their sexual experiences and that on average, teens start having sex at 18.

If they are in a relationship and they want to feel closer to their partner, make sure you understand their motives behind it. Many teens will have sex just because of fear of losing that person. There are many ways to show you love someone, and sex is just one of them. If done because of the pressure, tell them that the sex experience will not be enjoyable at all and that it doesn’t imply that it will improve their relationship. 

Safe Sex

As a parent, it’s your job to inform your teen of sexually transmitted infections, unwanted pregnancy, and any other consequences having unprotected sex can have for them. You don’t have to be a sexual health expert to help your teen avoid these consequences, just talk to them about it and motivate them to learn about safe sex. Encourage reading Scarleteen online!

Make sure they know they have to use protection once they start having sexual relations. Talk to them about pregnancy and how it changes life for a young person, so they are aware of all the negative outcomes if they decide to practice unsafe sex even once. Also, make them aware they are not alone in this, their decisions on sex affect one more person and they should be responsible for them as well. 

Conclusion

Your child will find out about sex, one way or another. It’s best if you can be their source of information and help them shape their opinion on sex topics which will ensure they have a healthy sexual life later. Don’t assume they know something just because you do, they still need to be educated about sex from the start. Allow them to ask you whatever they need and always encourage them to start the sex talk whenever they feel the need. 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

tantric sexology near me

Tantric Sexology Near Me: Learn All About It

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Tantric Sexology Near Me: Learn All About It

 

If you’re interested in connecting sexually with your partner, you might look online for terms such as ‘tantric sexology near me’ or ‘best tantric sex’ to understand better what it’s all about. With tantric sex, you are able to dive deeper into a sexual connection that provides you with access to more profound levels of feelings, sensations, and energy, and most importantly, a better understanding of who you are.

In tantra, we celebrate the sacredness of our bodies and sexual desires, while at the same time, we’re buying mindfully aware of the shared pleasure. Learning tantric sexology can help in releasing shame, trauma, and any obstacles you might have around sex by unleashing the very transformative power of erotic energy and the most incredible orgasms you’ve ever had. 

 

Tantric Sex

This sexual practice is one aspect of the ancient spiritual philosophy known as tantra. Its purpose is to reveal an ecstatic union with life that goes beyond our sense of self. Tantric sex is often looked at as one doorway to transcendent experience which once learned, can never be forgotten. Tantric intimacy is something that awakens the fire in your sexual energy, passion, creativity, and personal desires aligned with your heart and spirit. 

With tantric sex, your lovemaking will feel healing, empowering, transcendent, and beyond. You will also feel connected to your partner, and you will notice how your relationship is blossoming, along with your sexual life. During lovemaking, you both will feel as if the time is slowing down and your intuition is expanding as you’re both diving into almost psychedelic realms of the erotic world. 

 

During Tantric Sex

Once your start exploring tantric sex, you will notice it actually involves a variety of erotic activities. Some of them will not involve penetration or any physical stimulation that we typically connect with sex, yet it will provide you with such pleasure that you will want to repeat it as soon as possible. 

A typical tantra encounter will involve many subtle sexual realms, from gentle caresses to being focused on the way that energy flows between two bodies. At times, you will even barely move, as you will be focused on the meditative aspect of the tantra, and this stillness combined with your partner’s energy will lead you to precious romantic and erotic moments. Once you start practicing tantric sex, try to be as relaxed as you can be and truly take things slowly. Play with the rhythm of your sexual games, speed it up and then slow it down to really make the most of this erotic energy that’s exchanged between you two.  

 

Sexual Energy vs Tantric Energy

The difference between regular sex and tantric one is in its awareness. Tantric sex is so much than sex and it emphasizes so much more than bodies. You will be more aware of your and your partner’s breath, how you both move, how it feels when you touch each other. And how you’re both filling up the room with your combined erotic energy. Not to say that tantric sex cannot be raw and intense. Yet it’s always aiming to connect two souls through intercourse instead of just aiming for pleasure.

As we mentioned awareness quite a few times, it’s evident that breathwork is crucial for tantric sex. You will use your breath and awareness, and learn to move your sexual energy through your entire body. This will also help you feel the sexual pleasure throughout the body as you give into the cosmic play with your sexual partner. 

 

Neotantra Or Classical Tantra?

The earliest evidence of someone mentioning tantra dates back to the seventh century. In Hindu books, many texts were written about it. However, there is a bit of difference in how the eastern world and western world define it. Typically, when people from western countries use the word ‘tantra’, they are actually referring to ‘neotantra’.

When talking about classical tantra, there are numerous complex and quite rigorous spiritual paths that aim to achieve enlightenment. Often, these paths will involve serious study and dedication, many meditative practices, etc. Focusing on sexual energy is only a small part of it and usually is reserved for advanced practitioners only. 

On the other hand, neotantra has been developing over the past two centuries and its goal is to enhance intimacy and connection in people. A more profound connection to our bodies and emotions, while also opening ourselves to orgasmic ecstasy. What you will usually find in the media is a set of practices from modern tantric sex practitioners. These practices are not a part of ancient wisdom, however, their relevance and meaning are unquestionable. 

 

Tantric Sex Benefits

We already mentioned many benefits from having tantric sex with your partner. Yet there are so many of them that it doesn’t hurt to mention a few more. As you continue practicing tantric sex, you will notice how you’re receiving more of what you want in sex. While also releasing sexual blocks and shame you have from before. Indeed, tantric sex is therapeutic as it helps you even heal from sexual trauma and rediscover intimacy with your partner.

Also, you will notice how your sexual energy is slowly increasing as you’re allowing it to flow freely throughout your body. Overall, you can expect to experience an entirely new level of heart connection, a deeper sense of intimacy. And purer love for each other. There are plenty of ways you can start exploring tantric sex. You can start reading about it on your own, and once you feel confident, share it with your partner.

Or, you can start discovering the world of tantric sex together. Find what you wish to try out first, and start with smaller steps. Sit opposite to one another and focus on your breath. Look into each other eyes and pay attention to what happens in your body. This can be a great introduction for those who are choosing to have tantric sex for the first time as it’s gradually preparing you both for a very unique erotic experience. 

 

Tantric Sex Best Practices: Breathing, Desire & Arousal

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Setting Goals For The New Year

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Setting Goals For The New Year

 

As we’re saying goodbye to the year that’s already behind us, it’s always a good time for setting goals for the new year as well. It’s another opportunity to start over, dedicate your attention to things you wish to achieve or change. Whether you want to get rid of a bad habit or introduce a healthy routine in your life, having an entire year in front of you is sometimes all the motivation you need. 

In this blog, we’ve gathered useful tips for setting goals for the new year and ways to achieve those goals. Prepare a pen and paper, or for those who prefer everything digitized, open a new google document and simply follow our suggestions! 

New Year Exercise

If you’re passionate about setting new goals, whether they’re personal or professional, you’ve probably done some exercise on your own, however, this one combines all of your goals for the upcoming year, while also looking back at the year that’s behind us. You can do this exercise alone, with your partner, your best friend, or anybody else you wish to share it with.

What did I Accomplish in 2021?

Start thinking about your proudest moments in the past year. Maybe you’ve learned a new language, made a new friend, started going to the gym regularly, began to eat more healthily, or something completely else. This exercise is about you, so whatever you think it’s relevant to celebrate from 2021, point it out. To create more order in the way you’ll approach thinking in retrospect, make sure you separate your personal goals from your professional goals. 

Examples: 

  • I reconnected with an old friend from high school and had a great time with them.
  • Stopped drinking unhealthy beverages and replaced them with freshly squeezed juices.
  • I successfully completed a long project and everyone congratulated me on it.
  • Advocated for my boundaries and that helped improve my life quality.
  • I discovered a cafe shop in my neighborhood and I often go there to read books or work on my computer.
  • This year, I expanded my knowledge in speaking Italian (or insert any subject you desire).

What did I WANT to Accomplish yet didn’t in 2021?

When asking yourself this question, it’s important to approach it with a clear mind. 

Forget “I should have done this…” type of language. 

Instead, recognize that you are envisioning it in the next year. The point is that you are recommitting to smaller steps to help achieve success. 

Try to eliminate blaming and shaming thoughts that might arise when answering this question. The point is that you are going to recommit to what is still important to you. After all, if you care about it one year later, you have plenty of motivation to break it into steps in the next year! 

Examples: 

  • I didn’t manage to go to bed before midnight and have more quality sleep.
  • Wanted to cook more at home yet I mostly ordered in or went to a restaurant.
  • I tried spending more time with friends, however, I had too many work obligations. 

  • I wanted to learn how to use a new tool that would make my work easier and didn’t do it in the end.
  • Tried arriving at work on time, yet somehow I was late more often than I am comfortable with.

COUPLES EDITION: 

What did We ACCOMPLISH in the Relationship in 2021?

This part can be done alone or with your partner. If you’re going through this exercise with your partner, make sure that both of you have the space to voice your answers without affecting each other’s responses or getting off track. 

When thinking about these accomplishments, you will need to think about those areas of your relationships you managed to improve in some way. Whatever you feel was an accomplishment in your relationship, celebrate it with your partner.

Couple Examples:

  • We managed to spend more time together and try out new activities.
  • Improved our intimacy by hugging more and having sex. 
  • We started going to couple therapy and successfully resolved many issues from before. 

What did We ACCOMPLISH in the Relationship in 2021?

Like your personal desired accomplishments, approach this question without any resentment or frustration. What were the important things for you both at the beginning of 2021, yet you couldn’t do them? If they still seem relevant to you, make sure you talk about them as it might give you a better idea of how to accomplish them. 

Couple Examples:

  • We tried to do more outdoor activities, yet we spent too much time watching TV.
  • Wanted to cook dinners together, and often ended up ordering take out because we were too tired. 
  • We wanted to have deeper and more intimate conversations, yet we spent more time talking about our complaints and household obligations.  

New Vision & Recommitment

Here, you will need to think about what you wish to celebrate by the end of 2022. Think about the things that matter to you personally and your relationship. What do you wish to start implementing in your everyday life? What are the things or habits you wish to say goodbye to? 

The great thing about doing this exercise with your partner or your friend is they will motivate you throughout the year as they will be aware of your new year goals. Also, you can invite them to hold you accountable. For instance, if you want to spend more time with your friends, your best friend or partner can encourage you to do so by reminding you of your goals. 

When talking about committing to something, think about how you will hold yourself accountable? Having the help of others is great, yet if not doing your best, it will be hard to achieve any goal you want to set for the new year. 

There are plenty of ways you can make sure your 2022 will align with your goals:

  • If you wish to be more active, pay an annual membership instead of monthly.
  • Also if you wish to spend more time with friends, book the times in your calendar and share them with your friends. 
  • If you want to be more proactive at work, talk with your colleagues and find a way that will help you to deliver more.

Whatever it is, think about the easiest way to achieve your goals. If you think about ways to do something, it will be easier to achieve it than just focusing on goals. Please think big; you can do anything you set your mind to. 

Happy new beginnings!

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Psychological Dependence

Psychological Dependence: Definition & How To Deal With It

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Psychological Dependence: Definition & How To Deal With It

 

Each psychological and emotional process has a physiological basis. And every behavior that is not simply reflex action has a vital emotional and psychological component. Therefore, thinking of mind and body as two separated entities leads to unrealistic and incorrect ways of looking at any behavior type. It is mostly seen in cases of substance use disorders and process additions. 

For instance, claiming that “gambling addiction is not a choice’’ is equally wrong as claiming it is a choice. Human beings are too complex to say their behavior is “entirely physical” or “entirely psychological”. To truly understand how addictive behavior develops, both physical and psychological dependence will need to be considered. 

Psychological Dependence Definition

Psychological dependence is a term used to describe the emotional and mental processes associated with development. And recovery from a substance use disorder or process addiction. It must be viewed as a combination of emotions and cognitions, as they intertwine in their existence. 

When talking about psychological dependence, most cases refer to the cognitive and emotional aspects of addictive behaviors or withdrawing from drug or alcohol use. This is quite different from attempting to classify certain substances or activities as addictive either in a physiological or physical way. 

Psychological Dependence Symptoms

There are several symptoms associated with the psychological components of any type of addictive behavior (psychological dependence). Not every person will have all of these symptoms and some of them will be expressing them mildly, while others more than that. People with psychological dependence will often have cravings, mostly food-related ones. Also, they might have anxiety issues that occur each time someone tries to stop their addictive behavior. Instead of anxiety, a person can have depression issues when not being able to proceed with their addictive behavior due to someone or something. 

They might also struggle with sleeping well as their sleep often is disrupted when trying to stop consuming the substance or it’s not available to a person. When not consuming or trying to quit their addiction, whichever it might be, they will probably feel irritability and restlessness. A wide variety of moods might happen each time a person is not able to use their substance of choice or is trying to quit. These mood swings are usually quite obvious externally, too. 

Besides how they feel, their behavior will change significantly as well. For instance, they will have issues with concentration, memory, problem-solving, and judgment in general. When talking about physical dependence, symptoms such as nausea, vomiting, seizures, diarrhea, hallucinations are quite common. 

Substances In Psychological Dependence

It’s considered that all substances of abuse are associated with both psychological and physical aspects of dependence. Yet, numerous sources are separating the aspects related to the development of a substance use disorder and withdrawing from it into substances associated with withdrawal symptoms which are psychological. Usually, they include: 

  • Most stimulants, which include cocaine and Ritalin
  • Most hallucinogenic drugs (e.g. LSD)
  • Cannabis products
  • Numerous inhalant products
  • Numerous psychotropic medications (e.g. antidepressant medications)

When talking about substances relate to the development of strong physical dependence usually include:

  • Alcohol
  • Opiate drugs – heroin, morphine, Vicodin, etc.
  • Benzodiazepines – Xanax, Valium, Ativan, etc.
  • Barbiturates – Seconal and phenobarbital.

Psychological Dependence Treatment 

The use of drugs that are considered to lead to physical dependence, such as alcohol, barbiturates. And benzodiazepines, can lead to the development of potentially fatal seizures. Yet, this generally doesn’t occur with withdrawal from opiate drugs, which are considered to be very physically addicting. 

Individuals with a substance use disorder will need to be strictly monitored by a physician or psychiatrist specialized in addiction medicine during their recovery. Such level of care and caution is required to be able to identify and potential seizure activity and if it occurs, act on time and help the individual. When treating any substance use disorder, the initial program of physician-assisted withdrawal management is essential for recovery. 

This type of approach is recommended because initial recovery from any substance of abuse can be intertwined with emotional and physical distress that might lead to dangerous scenarios for the person. Examples of such dangerous scenarios are overdosing during a relapsed, being involved in accidents, or trying to commit suicide. 

When compared to those with physical addition or physical dependence, individuals with psychological dependence will not have much difference in the overall plan of recovery. It will be required that they are thoroughly assessed, guided by a physician. And treat for any issues that might appear as a consequence of their substance use. Also, they are often involved in substance use disorder therapy, which is crucial for their recovery. 

Most of the time, they will also get involved in social support groups or seek support from their family and friends. Understanding how challenging and frustrating at the time the recovery process can be. A strong support system is essential to recover.

Conclusion

Without a doubt, psychological dependence is associated with various emotional and cognitive symptoms. By separating physical dependence from psychological dependence, enormous damage is done in understanding this condition and, more importantly, in treating it. Treatment of any substance use disorder must be seen as with both emotional and cognitive symptoms.  

While psychological dependence is definitely associated with both emotional and cognitive symptoms. Physical dependence is usually associated with tolerance development and withdrawal symptoms that are not emotional nor cognitive. 

To understand addictive behavior means to accept the interplay of both emotional and cognitive mechanisms. Any treatment that aims to help a person recover from substance use disorder should be holistic in nature and consider all possible treatment options that lead to recovery. And, although the recovery plan might be long, frustrating. And scary, many individuals have successfully recovered from psychological dependence and are now enjoying their lives with their loved ones.

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Teen Counseling

Teen Counseling: What Every Parent Should Know

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Teen Counseling: What Every Parent Should Know

 

If you’re a parent of a teenager or have one in your family, you know that it can be quite challenging. And seeking teen counseling arises as a natural suggestion to help the person struggling. 

Besides undergoing numerous changes physically, emotionally, and psychologically, this young person will also go through identity formation. All of these areas might be really difficult for an individual and they might lead to different forms of pressure, while experiencing social pressure, bullying, or even questioning their gender or sexual identity as they start their first valuable relationships with other people.

Another factor that needs to be taken into consideration in today’s culture is social comparison and lower self-esteem due to the prevalence of social media. There’s no question about it, being a teenager in our modern world is quite stressful and understanding all the benefits from teen counseling as they are navigating these challenges. 

Why Do Teens Need Counseling?

It’s quite crucial to memorize that teens, although they are becoming adults, are still children. The brain is in the process of fully forming, yet they are still not able to make mature decisions or handle mature situations the same way adults can. Also, understanding their bodies are changing and all the side effects of budding hormones. All of this can tip teenagers over the edge, even if an adult doesn’t realize how stressful it might be for the teenager. 

What’s making things even worse, today’s teenagers are not spending the same amount of time with their families as 10 or 20 years ago as today’s parents work long hours. However, family time is crucial in keeping stress levels low, so the lack of family time will be just another factor why it’s so beneficial for a teenager to seek counseling. 

Once a teenager reaches the point where they are not able to effectively handle school, social situations, or family stress, counseling can help them tremendously in learning how to cope with it all. Parents will typically consider this option once they notice that their teenager is struggling with one of the mentioned areas. Yet the smarter decision would be to send your teenager to talk to a professional before they reach that level of stress. 

Deciding that a teenager should go to therapy will benefit them in numerous ways. Especially as they will be able to talk about their current struggles and even past events that are troubling them. 

What Can Parents Expect From Teen Counseling?

As a parent, you should know what you and your teenager can expect from teen counseling. Once your teenager begins counseling, it might surprise you that parents are typically not invited to attend. All you can do is drive your teen to the doors and wait for his counseling to finish. Another thing to keep in mind is that the counselor cannot share information on these sessions due to therapist-client confidentiality. What a counselor can do is to provide you with more general information regarding progress and diagnosis. If you don’t feel supportive about this, be aware that your teenager needs a safe place to express their thoughts and emotions without fearing consequences. And if you know even one thing about teens, that would be that they value their privacy and want to have more autonomy from their parents.  

Types of Teen Therapy

The type of counseling will usually depend on the precipitating problem. For instance, you teenager will maybe start teen counseling because they are struggling with studying and their grades. So the counselor will start from there and gradually, dive deeper. The reason for that is that establishing trust and getting to know each other is crucial for success in therapy. 

The initial intake session, however, might include parents as well, yet from the next session. The therapist will spend only on getting to know the teenager and helping them learn useful tools to make their lives easier. As a parent, you will need to accept you’re not in control over the process and have faith in it. Just because it seems to you that the therapist is taking the wrong approach doesn’t mean you’re right. After all, you are not sitting in those sessions and you’re not the patient. 

What A Therapist Needs To Report?

As mentioned above, all the information your teenager decided to share with the counselor is considered confidential. Except anything the counsel will be legally mandated to report. The examples would be the intent to harm themselves or someone else, sexual or physical abuse, and suicidal thoughts. So, if your teenager is experiencing serious issues, you can be sure they will receive the help they need and you as a parent will be informed about it. 

When it comes to everything else, teenagers will be able to discuss any concerns they have without the fear that they will be shared with their parents or someone else. 

Preparing Teens For Counseling

Don’t feel discouraged if the first time you talk to your teenager about the therapy they feel resistant. It’s quite normal, so try to understand their point of view as well. To help you get your teenager to become more open about teen counseling, consider these helpful tools: 

They Should Lead

If you think your teenager would benefit from therapy, try starting a conversation on their thoughts about therapy. Inform them about the process and tell them you think it would be great for them to talk to someone who is not their parents. And will provide them with useful tips on how to deal with some situations in their lives.

Offering Incentives

There are plenty of ways to motivate your teenager to go to a counselor if the conversation didn’t produce results. And one of them is offering a reward. For instance, you can tell them that if they attend just one session. You will buy the concert tickets to see their favorite band or their favorite sports team. 

Including Them in the Process

If you’re thinking about teen counseling, you should also consider including your teenager in the process of choosing a therapist. And allow them to decide when they would like to schedule their appointments. They will more likely think that therapy is a good idea if they are a part of the decision-making process. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

dirty talking with a partner you live with

Dirty Talking with a Partner You Live With

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Dirty Talking with a Partner You Live With

 

Who said it’s impossible to enjoy dirty talking with a partner you live with? We usually suggest it to our friends as a great method of seduction, so we tend to forget about it once we go deeper into the relationship. After all, if you have ever been in a long-term relationship, you’re probably aware that you need this kind of relationship advice once routine kicks in.

Usually, the first few months are filled with passion and curiosity about each other, so there’s no need to give additional attention to the sexual aspect of your relationship. However, once you start feeling like you and your partner are falling into a routine, it’s time to think about all the tricks that can recover that passion, and one of them is definitely dirty talking. 

So, let’s take a look at how you can start practicing dirty talking with your partner and how to become a professional in it.

What is Dirty Talk?

Dirty talk is the term created to describe passionate, sexual vocabulary used to create desire between two people either in person or with the help of technology. One of the most common ways dirty talking is used is with long-distance relationships as it’s almost the only way to maintain sexual intimacy when apart.

So, is it possible to talk dirty to your partner you live with and it seems like you haven’t got any more tricks up your sleeve to surprise them? Of course, it’s even simpler and hotter than you could imagine. 

Dirty Talking in Relationships and Marriages

When was the last time you talked dirty to your partner? Let’s be honest, it has probably been a while, and nobody can blame you. With all the responsibilities, work and stress, it’s very challenging to keep the flame burning between the two of you. Yet, it doesn’t have to be that way. 

You can start changing the dynamic between you and your partner by introducing dirty talk into your relationships, and there are several ways on how to do it. Depending on your schedule, the day of the week and your preferences, you can play with different types of dirty talking. 

Juicy Messages at Work

Yes, you might be busy, just as he can be busy, yet we all have 3-5 minutes to send a few dirty texts per day, right? This way, you will pause your busy schedule and add sexy games into your daily routine. If you’re not an expert at it, don’t worry. 

There are no mistakes in dirty talking as you should just speak your mind. For instance, maybe you’ll mention you regret you didn’t have enough time in the morning to have sex or you will describe what you wish to do to your partner once you come home – either way, you’ll talk dirty and your partner will love it!

Out-of-blue Sex Invitations

Dirty messages are best for beginners as they provide you with enough time to think of something sexy to share. Sudden sex invitations are for those who want to take their dirty talking to the next level. If your meeting has just been canceled and you know your partner is having a slow day at work as well, why not send a dirty message to them inviting them for a little bit of sex in your office, at home, or in the bathroom of your favorite restaurant?

Action at Home

As most people will be in the mood for sex when they are both at home, far away from their work responsibilities, why not talk dirty with your partner at home? There are plenty of ways you can seduce each other with words, from talking dirty when eating dinner to talking dirty in the shower. 

Try practicing it more outside the bedroom as it will be more interesting and you might even end up having sex in the kitchen or on the balcony. Another great way to talk dirty can be in front of the mirror expressing everything you’d like to do to each other. 

Vacation Word Play

Going on a vacation is the perfect opportunity to turn up the heat before officially unpacking your suitcase in a new location. Usually, we will be really excited when going on a vacation so why not use this excitement to prepare your partner for wild days ahead? 

Use your imagination to think about all the places where you’d like to have sex with them and create hot scenarios together. This will also help you have more sexual desire for one another as you’d already have an idea or two on how you both wish to spend your vacation time. 

Be Playful With Your Photos

If you reach out to your friends and seek sex advice, at least one of them will recommend sending sexy, provocative photos to your partner. And as much as this will produce the result you want, how about sending regular photos and talking dirty in the photo description? 

For instance, you might want to send your selfie reading a boring report and write to your partner what you wish to do with them instead. Or, you can send a photo of you two together on your last vacation where you had a lot of sex and share with him you’d like to escape the boring daily routine again and enjoy even more sex.

Dirty Talking = Happy Relationship

Dirty talking is actually so much more than sharing a bunch of sexy, provocative thoughts with your partner. It improves your sex drive, strengthens your relationship, enhances confidence, and keeps things pretty interesting. With dirty talking, you will be able to maintain the passion and learn more about each other. 

So, if this is your first time trying dirty talking, just relax and share the dirty thoughts you have. If you don’t have any, you can always talk about previous experiences you have both shared. Once you feel more relaxed, it will come to you naturally and you will enjoy all the little word games you can play and relish your sex life even more!

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Happy Couples

10 Habits of Happy Couples

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10 Habits of Happy Couples

 

In successful relationships, you can expect to find 10 habits of happy couples which lead to long-term commitments that will enrich your life. After all, having your partner by your side surpasses your relationship. They are your best friend, your go-to person when you’re feeling down, your partner in all the adventures, someone who already has dozens of beautiful memories with you, and most importantly, the person you see with yourself in the future.

Yet, we all know that finding such a person is not easy at all, not to mention that maintaining this type of relationship is even more complex. So, what do the happy couples which are still incredibly in love with each other do to keep the passion strong? How do they nurture their relationship? Read more below about the 10 habits of happy couples and start applying them from today. 

1. Practice Zero Violence and Aggression

We all know that physical violence and aggression are not acceptable, so what happens with other forms which are not that apparent? Violent verbal communication can also cause a lot of damage to your relationship, and it’s crucial to avoid it as much as possible. Don’t attack your partner just because you assume something. Always go with an honest and open conversation, and start with questions instead of accusations. 

When we’re feeling neglected in our relationship, we tend to make the other person feel as bad as we feel, yet it will never make you feel better. If you feel sad, frustrated or afraid, discuss it honestly with your partner by only focusing on your feelings instead of trying to put the blame on someone. 

2. Be Compassionate

It’s very challenging to love profoundly if you don’t possess compassion for that person. Most discussions in a relationship start because we want our partner to behave differently. We think we know better and that if they do what we suggest, our relationship will instantly improve. However, it doesn’t work that way. 

Practice being more compassionate. Think about how your partner feels and how he usually reacts in similar experiences. Comparing him to yourself will cause more stress, because, you’re two different people. So, the next time you feel like you want to change something regarding your partner, stop and think about it from their perspective. Offer support and love and you will definitely receive more of it in return. 

3. Be the Dream Team

If you’re in a relationship, this also means you two need to work as a team. And not just any team, this should be the best relationship you have in your life. Invest the time it takes to be the best partners you can be to each other. 

When making decisions, make sure you make them together. More importantly, ask for your partner’s opinion on various topics as it will strengthen your connection and help you understand each other better. 

4. Make the Most of Bedtime

Although this habit might sound obvious to you, sleeping together improves intimacy in couples. Use the time when you’re both in bed to reconnect after a long day, talk about the events that occurred, hug, kiss, laugh and make love. Have fun exploring other parts of your lives you maybe haven’t explored before.

Let the bed be your own world. Don’t treat it as just the place where you sleep. Whether it’s in the morning or in the evening, you should appreciate these rare moments when the outside world still hasn’t kicked in and you can be focused one on another.

5. Be Intimate

Sleeping together is just one of many ways you two can be intimate. Being intimate is what differentiates good relationships from the ones that end. Happy couples understand they need to work on their relationship to keep it interesting. Whether it’s through deep conversations, dancing or cooking together, hugging each other, making love or seducing each other, intimacy is crucial in a relationship.

Most people will think only of sex when talking about intimacy when in reality, it is so much more than just sex. Intimacy is about that feeling of safety that you can be yourself in front of that person, because you know they have already earned your trust. That way, you can laugh, cry or be afraid in front of them, and you’ll know you’re in your safe space.

6. Go on Regular Dates

When was the last time you went on a date with your partner? Dress up and go to your favorite restaurant. And, don’t just do it to share photos on social media. Really enjoy these moments, be present and talk about the delicious food and the atmosphere in the restaurant.

Avoid talking about responsibilities, issues or stress. You’ve decided to do something fun to step outside your everyday routine, so try to enjoy it as much as you can. Talk about fun memories you share, your first date, the first impressions you had about each other or anything else that will turn this night into yet another precious memory. 

7. Consider Reading Books Together

We usually talk about reading together when suggesting solutions for aspects of the relationship which are not quite working as expected. Proactively reading can provide couples with numerous benefits. 

Use reading as an opportunity to learn more about your partner and yourself. Talk about the potential areas of conflict and clear them out before they convert into endless discussions. Having a professional next to you when you’re tackling these issues can help you solve them quicker and more efficiently.  

8. Create Your Own Rituals

What makes you and your partner happy? Maybe it’s drinking coffee together on the terrace before going off to work, or cooking dinner together to relax after a long, stressful day. Whichever activity you two enjoy, turn them into your own rituals. Dedicate time to it as it will make you feel better and connected. 

It can be literally anything, from showering together, watching a TV program together, going to a favorite sports game to walking your dog or home improvement projects. 

9. Prioritize Your Partner

When living together, you might forget that your partner has to be at the top of your priority list. Happy couples will always prioritize one another knowing that the other person will appreciate this and do the same.

For instance, if you were planning on going to the gym and your partner feels really bad after a business meeting that didn’t go as planned, why not go to the gym tomorrow? You can plan something together and cheer up your partner instead of letting them feel down and alone. After all, wouldn’t you want to be cheered up after having a bad day?

10. Plan Your Future Together

Happy couples are the ones that honestly believe they will stay together in the future. As much as you cannot predict the future, knowing that somebody wants to share with you more than just present moments is wonderful. Your plans don’t have to be something serious as buying a house, you can simply daydream about how you wish your future to look.

Also, this will help you two as a couple to move in the direction of your desired future. Keep in mind that quality relationships require work. A happy couple is a couple that is aware of this and invests their time and effort in it!

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

How To Break Up With Someone Over Text

How To Break Up With Someone Over Text

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How To Break Up With Someone Over Text

 

How to break up with someone over text and not hurt their feelings? Sorry to disappoint you: it’s almost impossible to break up with someone, whether it’s in person, over text or a phone call, and not to impact the way they feel. With that being said, there are several approaches you can choose to break up with someone in a respectful way, even if it’s over a text message. 

So, if you’re currently in a relationship that is making you unhappy, learn here how to kindly break up with that person and give yourself a chance for a fresh start.

 

When should you break up with someone over text?

As much as you might think that this is not the best method to put an end to a relationship, there are many situations where it’s one of the most efficient and safest ways. For those who have been in a toxic or maybe violent relationship and their partner simply lacks comprehension and empathy, it’s almost naive to expect you’ll be able to break up with them successfully in person.

In general, if you have a partner that will not accept your decision on ending the relationship, you should always choose to inform them over text. Otherwise, you might get stuck in endless discussions which will lead nowhere. 

Also, if you went only on a few dates and you’re not sure whether this can be called a relationship yet you are certain you want to put a stop to it, text them about it. Making big announcements for something that is still in the casual phase of dating is a drama that everyone wants to avoid. 

If you have been in a long relationship with your partner and it’s no longer working out, don’t break the news to them over a text message. You can invite them for coffee or a walk in your text and do it respectfully in person. You wouldn’t want to be left by your partner of three years over a simple, plain text either, right?

 

How to craft your break-up text message?

If you have decided to break up with someone over text, you will need to be kind, yet straightforward. Don’t send an extra short or long text as they will not deliver the message properly. Instead, follow this simple break up formula:

  1. Start with a compliment. Say what you loved about the relationship or the person e.g. long talk, fun road trip or their kindness. Write it from your heart so your partner knows you were as honest as you could have been.
  2. Explain your reason. You are breaking up with them for a certain reason or more of them. Make sure you explain why that is the deal breaker for you.
  3. Wish them all the best. Consider that this is your last message to them and write what you wish for them. Avoid the sarcastic, angry or negative tone. It simply didn’t work out and that’s fine!

And what happens if you are trying to get out of a really unhealthy relationship? In reality, your text should follow the same structure yet instead of focusing on complimenting the person, you should firmly explain why you wish to end this relationship. Show you are not looking to discuss things and that you’re not expecting a reply.

 

Can you break up and still be friends?

This doesn’t depend so much on your chosen break up method as it depends on you and your partner. For instance, maybe it was a blind date that didn’t go well, yet you both decided to give it another chance. After three or four times, you decide to end it. If they agree there was no spark between the two of you, and they wish to keep you in their lives, there is a pretty good chance you two will stay friends.

If this is something you want, you should write it clearly in your text. This is a good example of how to break up and show you still wish to be friends:

Hi Alex, it was great going to your favorite restaurant the other night. I had so much fun, yet, from my end – there’s no spark. It seems like it’s the same for you, am I right? I would love to continue having fun as friends!

If you’re looking to be friends with them, make sure your messages are written in a positive tone and that you are not focusing on the breaking up part. Highlight what you really like about them and keep it light and breezy!

 

What do you need to avoid when sending a break up text?

Never broken up with someone over text before? Don’t worry, it’s actually not that difficult. From all those who are already experts in this field, these are the common mistakes we gathered that they wish never happened. Make sure they never happen to you!

  • Don’t swear or insult. Besides being rude, you will show that your decision is not rational as it comes from anger.
  • Don’t be sarcastic or cynical. Breakups are already uncomfortable without comments which will make the person feel even worse.
  • Don’t write essays. Writing long breakup messages can seem like you’re sharing your point of view and asking them to share theirs. Keep it short!
  • Don’t send multiple texts. Send everyone in one message. Sending a few in a row can seem like you’re not so certain in your decision.
  • Don’t block them. As much as it helps you not to know if they replied, be reasonable and don’t treat them immediately like your worst enemy.
  • Don’t finish with a question. You are breaking up with them so your message shouldn’t be an opening for a discussion. Be affirmative.

If this is your first time you will break up with someone over text, just think about the text you would prefer if someone was breaking up with you. It doesn’t have to be poetic, beautiful and with perfect grammar, it just needs to be from the heart and with all the respect that person deserves!

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Sex Robots

Sex Robots Are A Thing of the Present – No Longer The Future

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Sex Robots Are A Thing of the Present – No Longer The Future

 

For years, I have thought about what it would be like to love and be intimate with sex robots.

Would it be similar to an actual person or more like a sex toy?

Would sex with a robot be similar to sex with a human or more like a silicone surrogate? If you have seen the movie Lars and the Real Girl, you could imagine the companionship one could have with sex robots.

If you have noticed the advances in technology, especially sex toys, you will know that they can be programmed even when you are far apart from a partner.

Long-distance sex toys are quite popular so that one partner can decide the speed and intensity for their partner from afar!

I think to myself… What would Betty Dodson do?

Then, I think she would probably try it out. And if she would, so would I! For science! I have a strong inner field researcher of life within me.

 

What about you?

Would you ever have sex with a robot? What about loving a machine, like in the popular movie Her?

Artificial intelligence can mimic interpersonal relationships so that everyone feels they have a partner.

Some people have told me it is easier to be intimate with someone or something that does not judge them.

Even if humans were capable of radical acceptance and non-judgement, I still believe that sex robots would exist.

Just like a sacred intimate experience, sex robots have a place too.

Even if it feels awkward, I think many partners in monogamous relationships would rather have a virtual or surrogate partner than a sex worker or opening up the relationship.

I am incredibly interested in your opinions on sex robots and what you and your partner(s) think about the idea of intimacy with a machine.

The conference for love with robots is actually coming up and you can find more information here.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

How To Quit Porn: A Step-By Step Guide

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How To Quit Porn: A Step-By Step Guide

 

Let’s be frank, we have all explored the world of sexual fantasies in our own ways, yet how to quit porn for good if it’s no longer serving your curiosity and creativity? You’ve probably consumed enough porn materials and now you feel like it’s time for a porn detox. 

However, this is easier said than done. As it is with all the habits, once you are used to something, it’s not that easy to just kick it out of your life. And don’t get confused, nobody is saying porn is bad! There are no good and bad sites to it, the only deciding factor about it should be how YOU feel about it. 

So, if you no longer feel the same level of curiosity when consuming porn content. Maybe it’s time to rethink it and create some space for other habits that will make you happier. Here are the things you should do to make your porn detox a bit easier for yourself. 

 

Embrace the Rollercoaster

You might think that once you decide something, all you have to do is stick to it until that habit disappears, yet unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. In reality, some days will be a success, while others will seem like a complete disaster. Once you try to get rid of any habit, your emotions will become very intense and it will be really challenging to feel in control. Therefore, you will need to let go of the need to control. 

Two steps forward and one step back is still one step forward. When you have a bad day, just embrace it as something that needs to happen and know that day will end. It will be difficult to stay away from porn content, however, once you accept that this is not a linear process, you will feel a bit relieved. 

 

Set Small Targets

Don’t think about how to quit porn forever, think about quitting it first for one week. Forever is a very frustrating concept when you are trying to either adopt or kick out a habit. Instead, set smaller targets for yourself. Why don’t you just quit porn for one week? And then one more? This way, you will also experience mini achievements with your habit project and feel good about it. 

The reason why this battle ‘person vs. habit’ fails is that there is nothing positive and encouraging for you during your habit change. You are trying to stop consuming porn content and giving yourself some credit on this difficult path is surely a motivating trick. 

Below, you can find a few useful tips for those who have decided to quit porn:

  • Create your calendar and mark the days you haven’t been consuming any porn content. Seeing it all in one place can help you see how much you’re accomplishing every day.
  • If you usually watch porn in the evenings. Plan something interesting at that time (going for a jog or cooking dinner).
  • Try to stay away from all devices in your home as this will remind you too much of your addiction. Use your computer and mobile phone only when needed. 
  • Celebrate your first week of being porn-free with something that will motivate you. E.g. dinner with friends, an expensive massage or a new pair of sneakers.

 

Reboot Your Brain 

If you’re addicted to porn, just like any other addiction, there is a chemical response in your brain when you are consuming it. The number of dopamine receptors is being reduced due to the dopamine attack which happens while watching porn. This chemical reaction is to blame when a person starts having problems such as erectile dysfunction, delayed ejaculation, anxiety, depression, etc. 

So, to reboot your brain would mean to allow your brain to restore those dopamine receptors which were lost during overconsumption of porn. The idea of rebooting is to get you to that point of your life where there was no pornography. The bad news is rebooting your brain takes more time than rebooting your mobile device or computer. Expect to spend weeks or even months to see an improvement. After the rebooting process has been successfully completed, you should also get your sex urge back.

 

Creating Your Own System

People are not equally addicted to, let’s say, smoking, drinking, drugs or even porn. This means that addiction triggers also differ from one person to another. In other words, a system that worked for your friend struggling with the same addiction may not work for you because you are addicted due to different reasons, have different triggers and consume differently.

When do you usually watch porn? On which occasions do you feel you need more of it? Deeply analysing your addiction will help you fight it and ultimately win it. For instance, if you watch porn in the evening because you are bored alone at home, find hobbies in the evening or schedule more events with your friends at that time. 

If you turn to porn each time something bad happens at work and you want to escape the real world, find a person you can talk to about the work situations. It can be a colleague who is going through the same thing or your friend who is simply a good listener. The key is to understand why and when you need pornography in order to quit it successfully. 

 

Action!

It’s very admirable if you’ve decided to quit porn, however, in the majority of addiction cases, it simply won’t be enough. There is so much porn addiction around us because it’s so easy to find and consume it. What can you do to make it harder for yourself to consume porn content? Is it maybe canceling the subscription to your prefered websites? Deleting all the porn content you have downloaded on your computer? Blocking the free websites where you used to go when you had porn cravings? 

Anything you can do to prevent yourself from watching porn, you should do it. It might seem exaggerated at the beginning, yet keep in mind it’s very easy to fall into the addiction trap again. It’s not easy to free your mind from pornography, you will have to be persistent. With time, you will think less and less about porn and find other things that will bring you excitement in life!

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

become an LMFT

How to Become an LMFT

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How to Become an LMFT

 

How does one become an LMFT? 

Great question – and we get asked how do therapists become therapists ALL the time! 

I am often asked how to become a therapist and what path I took to become one. There are often a lot of assumptions surrounding the process. And so I wanted to offer some insight for people who either want to become one, have a therapist, or just are generally curious. 

There is not one way to become a therapist. There are several different paths to accomplish this. First and foremost, you have to complete a bachelor’s degree and at least a masters and in some cases a doctorate. By and large, most therapists have a Master’s degree in some specific type of therapy or counseling. 

 

Therapists who Prescribe

Although not as common, therapists that prescribe are usually Psychiatrists (MD) or Advanced Practice Registered Nurse (APRN) or Psychiatric Nurse. Some of these practitioners may engage in some counseling, but often it seems that they work in conjunction with a therapist to help support a client/patient in the medication therapy. In order to be in either of these roles requires various certifications and training and/or medical school (in the case of the Psychiatrist). Obviously time to accomplish these certifications varies based on trajectory but can be anywhere from 3 to 8 years. 

 

Therapists who Conduct Assessments

Most therapists conduct some level of assessments in their practice. These can range from intake assessments and ongoing assessments to identify appropriate diagnosis and course of treatment for their clients. 

Psychologists (Masters or Doctor of Philosophy) and Doctors of Psychology (PsyD or PhD) often specialize in various areas of standardized assessments or testing. This can include things like neuropsychological exams, learning disabilities, mental status and cognitive testing, etc. Commonly we see these types of therapists or psychologists connected with universities, school systems, or medical facilities (hospitals, etc). 

Psychology is a broad field, but in terms of therapy we typically see a Masters, Psychology Doctorate, or Doctorate of Philosophy connected to Clinical Psychology. Clinical psychology focuses on treatment and assessment of emotional, mental, and behavioral disorders. In order to engage in this type of practice, you must complete a masters degree of usually 3 years or a doctoral degree of 4+ years. 

 

Therapists and Counselors

When we think of therapists we more commonly think of therapists who received Masters or Doctorate Degrees in Social Work (LCSW),  Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), Clinical Psychologists (PsyD or PhD) or Professional Counselors (LPC). Each of these specialities focus on providing clinical services, therapy, and counseling to their clients. Many of these therapists have different specializations and certifications to support their practice whether that is in substance abuse treatment, trauma treatment, sex therapy, couples therapy, etc. Although, each may have specialties, generally, each degree allows for therapists and counselors to be able to practice individual, group, or relational therapy in a clinical setting. In addition to case management and assessment. 

Below I have described the most common types of therapists noted above. 

  • Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) 
      • A LCSW is someone who has completed their Masters or Doctorate degree in Social work. A licensed clinical social worker focuses on the clinical aspects of social work rather than other concentration areas of community organization, case management, or other social work tracks. Simply completing a social work degree does not necessarily mean that they are therapists or clinicians
  • Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT)
      • I am totally biased on this one because this is what my degree and specialization is in. A person who is a LMFT has a Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy or in a related area with a concentration in MFT. This training focuses specifically on relational therapy and systemic thinking. This degree is predominately clinical and is often connected to family therapy or couples therapy.
  • Licensed Professional Counselors (LPC)
    • A person who is an LPC may have a Master’s Degree in various fields (school counseling, general counseling, psychology, etc). LPC’s are trained in a variety of clinical practices depending on their base degree, but are predominantly clinical professionals. Often specializing in individual, group, and substance abuse treatments. 

These tracks vary in requirements, however on average Master’s Levels Programs take about three years to complete and an additional two years to become licensed. In addition to our degrees, licenses, and certifications we are also required to take a certain number of Continued Education (CE) courses each year to be sure we are remaining up to date with our clinical practice. This is not the case for all practitioners. 

 

Typical Requirements to be a Licensed Practitioner

Although this varies state to state and is also dependent on the type of clinical degree you have. Generally the following criteria has to be met: 

  • Completion of Masters or higher degree
    • Practicum (supervised clinical experience)
    • Internship (a clinical experience unpaid in the field)
    • Specific amount of clinical hours (sometimes specified by individual, group, relational, and/or case management)
    • Specific amount of supervision by licensed professional
    •  Usually somewhere around 50-60+ credits hours
    • Coursework in clinical, developmental, and theoretical models of treatment
    • Thesis or Capstone presentation on your therapeutic methods and/or research
  • Post graduate Clinical Hours (usually about a year or two of clinical or case management experience)
  • Post graduate supervision hours (supervised by a licensed clinical practitioner within your field)
  • Successful Completion of Exam (Licensure or Board Certification) with passing score

 

State Licensure

Each state has different requirements for licensure and are also dependent on the type of clinician/therapist you are. Some licenses are more transferable than others across states. It is important before getting licensed in specific state that you research what your state requires in way of credits from masters, hours, and Continuing Education Credits, etc (see above). 

In Connecticut, we pay $320 per year to maintain a license and need a specific amount of Continuing Education Credits (CEs) per year. There are also certain types of CE’s that we are required to have. For instance, in MFT we need to get a certain amount of CE’s surrounding veterans and diversity. 

 

Insurances

As with other medical providers, in order to accept insurances therapists have to be paneled with each specific insurance company. Each insurance company has its own contracted rate for each provider based on credentials and area of service. Credentialing with insurance companies can be time consuming and arduous for therapists. 

Therapists can choose to contract with different insurance companies based on their access to patients, reimbursement rates, etc. If therapists do not want to contract with a specific company, they do not have to. They are still able to work with clients with that insurance company but charge a private pay rate and the client can bill their insurance for full or partial reimbursement or bill towards their deductible if they have one.

 

Associations

In addition to licensure and insurances, therapists also usually associate with various associations which require their own benefits and memberships. These can be general based on educational/certifcation background or specializations such as sexuality, trauma, addiction, couples, etc. 

Some of the most common ones are:

There are also associations for people based on their specialities, some of these include: 

These are some examples above, however there are many that have more specifications and more general. Each association allows various benefits, resources, and membership requirements. As therapists, we maintain various certifications and associations to support having the most up to date information within the mental health field. 

Obviously this is a broad overview on how to become a practicing therapist and clinician. Basically, we do a lot of work to become therapists and maintain our abilities to practice clinically. 

If you need help finding a therapist for you, feel free to reach out and we are happy to help you here at LCAT! We are a staff of LPC, LCSW, and LMFT’s (now you know what these mean!). 

Learn more about CE for therapists – learn unique couples counseling and sex therapy methodologies to help you with your clients.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

non monogamous meaning

Non Monogamous Meaning Explained! 

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Non Monogamous Meaning Explained! 

 

Please raise your hand if you are confused about the non monogamous meaning of romantic relationships. 

When asked about what non monogamous means, there are a variety of responses. 

In general, a non monogamous relationship means that individuals, single or within a couple, are able to love and / or connect sexually with more than one person. 

There are various types of non monogamous relationships with various meanings, and it’s important to know what they mean because non monogamous romantic relationships are complicated. 

There are a variety of non monogamous meaning definitions to learn: 

  • Monogamish – (brought to you by Dan Savage) which means mostly monogamous with some wiggle room in terms of their fidelity. So basically, it means monogamous with exceptions. 
  • Polyamory – more than one committed or love based relationship. This is also called “poly” or “polyam” in the community. 
  • Solo-Poly – more than one committed relationship with no hierarchy or primaries assigned. Primary relationship would be with oneself.
  • Kinky Play Partners – partners agreeing to a negotiated commitment of time, service, and an exchange of some sort. It can be once, yet often this term means it is ongoing. This arrangement can be based on love, friendship, and / or shared interest in some type of kink. 
  • Intentional Community – known as “communes” at times. A planned community designed to have a degree of cohesion and teamwork, where they share resources. This design may include non-monogamous relationship structures where individuals sleep in different bedrooms on different nights of the week.

What Do These Have In Common?

Non monogamous meaning to relationships includes communicating openly and honestly with all partner(s), even if you would rather avoid it. 

non monogamous meaning

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.