Top 10 Christmas Sex Ideas to be Naughty on a Budget

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Top 10 Christmas Sex Ideas to be Naughty on a Budget

 

It is no secret that the holidays are best spent with loved ones so here is the top 10 Christmas Sex Ideas to be Naughty this year. Due to the pandemic, you may need to get creative to enjoy some quality time on a budget. Having a great time with a romantic partner can be a rewarding way to spend holiday time.

When on a budget, creativity is key! You can amp up sexy time with your partner with a number of fun activities that you can easily do at home. 

Here are 10 ways to spice things up for the holidays with little to no cost.

 

1.Write Love Letters

There is something beautiful about words of affirmation. Write down something you love about your partner. You and your partner can write each other letters. You can decide the subject of the letters, whether it be your deepest desires or what you love about each other.Christmas Sex

Writing letters is an age old way that has been used by lovers to convey matters of the heart. Repackage this tradition and have fun writing down all the sexy things you like about your partner.

 

2.Sex

In the spirit of writing, how about incorporating technology to spice things up? Writing your deepest darkest desires to your partner can act as an aphrodisiac itself. You can send and receive text messages filled with naughty little snippets of what you will do to each other when you get to have sex. Sexting will give you and your partner the chance to discover each other anew. You may be surprised to find out some new kinks of your partner’s in the process.

 

3.Extra Mistletoes

The mistletoe has been used for generations as a Christmas decoration. It is believed to be mythical. Some believe it is designed to make people closer, and spark romantic interest in others. The mistletoe rule is you have to kiss the person who stands under one with you.

You can put up extra mistletoes around the house to get in more kisses with your partner. If you can’t find mistletoe, order an artificial version, as having it will ensure more kisses throughout the holiday.

 

Christmas Sex

 

4.Costumes and Role-Play

Dressing up in costumes is always a great way to channel inner selves. You can pull together different looks based on what you have in your closet.

There are numerous options, from the characters in The Nightmare before Christmas to the innocent little elf. 

You can dress up as your partner’s favorite character even! This can be from a movie, book or period piece. Don your most accurate impression of the character and act out your version of them. This will definitely get your partner’s juices going.

 

 

5.Stay in Bed All Day

Not getting out of bed is a sure way to not spend any money. You can hang out with your favorite person in the most comfortable place in the whole house. It will get the two of you a chance to talk and connect with each other, especially if routine does not allow for it often. Dedicate a day to do nothing on your day planner and everything to reconnect with your partner. Talk, cuddle, gossip, laugh and make love for a whole day to remind yourselves how much you like each other, in case either of you forgot.

 

 

6.Bubble Bath

Take an hour or two to take a calming bath together. Bubble baths are incredibly relaxing to the body. 

Getting one with your partner is a sure way to get closer to them. Add in some candles, essential oils and romantic music for a more special effect. You can share a bottle of champagne or sparkling seltzer, and see where the night will take you. This will probably be something you will end up doing quite often… just like we do in our house. 

 

 

7.Sex in A New Location

Sex can be best when enjoyed with a hint of exploration. 

Finding new places to have sex can give an already pleasurable act immense effects. 

You and your partner can make a list of all the places in your home where you have already had sex, and places you would both like to try. If there are places that match in both lists, start off with those, then go down the list ticking off the new locations. It gives you a chance to have more sex, and have fun while doing it, if at all that is possible.

 

 

8.Kiss in The Rain

Kissing is a very important factor in a relationship. Kissing in the rain has been played out in more movies than we care to admit. It is the kiss that ties everything together. When you and your partner get caught in a shower without an umbrella, take a few seconds… or minutes and recreate those heart-warming scenes from your favorite romantic comedy.

 

 

9.20 Questions

You may already know everything there is to know about your partner, except maybe you don’t. It takes a lifetime to get to know someone well enough. Some couples have lived together for decades and still keep discovering new things about each other. A game of 20 Questions is the best way to get to know someone’s kinks. Whether you are just starting out with your partner or have been married for years, the game will definitely bring something new to your view. Open a bottle of wine and search for questions to ask on the internet.

 

 

10.Sit Under the Tree with A Ribbon

When you want to get naughty with your partner, you can give him the perfect gift; you. Wear only a ribbon and wait for your partner under the tree like the perfect Christmas present. If you are not comfortable sitting in the nude and waiting, you can have your pick at lingerie, or clothing that will be easy to remove. You should also remember to get them an actual present, just in case they were expecting one.

Christmas Sex

There are a number of ways in which you can get naughty having Christmas Sex with your partner during the holidays. Being romantic does not necessarily require an elaborate budget. You can easily have a great time together by being creative. Invent new ways to spice things up with your partner to keep things interesting.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Cervical Orgasm

How to Get a Cervical Orgasm

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How to Get a Cervical Orgasm

 

If there is one way that you can get the best out of your sexual experience, it has to be by exploring new pleasurable zones such as a cervical orgasm. 

This is particularly great for those with vaginas that have sex with all genders. 

Achieving climax for some can be difficult, and some women have gone well into their thirties without “finishing” during sex. 

If this is you, we recommend that you try some of our other guides, including the pleasure practice as a warm up. 

This guide will teach you about getting different sensations, If you have achieved many orgasm types, and now want to know how to get a cervical orgasm.

If you are one such woman, you may want to try seeking a cervical orgasm in addition to the common clitoral pleasure.

 

Discovering the Location for Cervical Orgasm

The cervix is the deep center of the vagina, and it is the connecting point between the uterus and vagina. It can be reached only by penetration. It is the part that dilates when you are in labor to have a child. 

For those of you with IUDS, the string will be coming out of the cervix.

Cervical Orgasm

Cervical Orgasm and Cervix Drawing Copyright © Nucleus Medical Media, Inc.

Some women have called a cervical orgasm a “deep” or “full-body orgasm.” Those who have experienced it report an increase in sensation on the “inside” compared to the jittering sensations of a clitoral orgasm. 

This type of orgasm brings a pleasurable (and sometimes reported as “intense”) vibration throughout the whole body. 

Unlike the clitoral orgasm that lasts for waves of seconds, the sensation of the cervical orgasm sometimes is reported to last for hours (meaning you will feel different sensations in your body even after the orgasm is over). 

Are you tempted to try this type of pleasure? 

Here are suggestions to help you achieve a cervical orgasm either with your partner or on a solo mission.

 

Is Penetration Involved in a Cervical Orgasm?

Ensure that the receiver of this orgasm is relaxed, aroused, and already in a state of receiving bliss. If not, cervical pleasure may feel more painful than anything else. 

  • The cervix itself is not going to be penetrated. 
  • See the drawing above. The opening of the cervix is no wider than a finger width. 
  • It is too narrow for a dildo, dilator, or penis to go into. 

However, the penetrating object that you are choosing for a cervical orgasm does need to have contact with the cervix for this type of orgasm to occur.

Penetration involves the dildo or penis entering the vagina and applying pressure on the cervix. It pushes and rubs against the cervix to create a pleasurable sensation.

It is important to note that initial contact with the cervix can be painful. 

The receiver may feel some pain when something first touches her cervix. 

It would be better if you first warmed up with easier sexual pleasure like external clitoral glans stimulation, and then ease into it when she is relaxed. 

You can try going slow to allow the cervix time to relax.

 

Positions

One of the best positions to achieve a cervical orgasm is doggy style. When anatomy fits together, the phallus has almost a straight gateway to the cervix. 

Doggy style allows for deeper penetration, as the whole shaft is able to go inside you, thus allowing as much room to access the cervical orgasm as possible.

Secondly, you can try the receiver on top of a dildo while she or a partner stimulates the external clitoris. 

Cowgirl style allows control of a number of factors. The person with the cervix gets to control:

  • The angle of the insertion object
  • How fast to move 
  • The rhythm of which way to move (bounce up and down, wiggle side to side, or move their vagina clockwise or counterclockwise).
  • The depth at which the insertion object touches the cervix. 

The one trying to get a cervical orgasm may like this, as then they are able to achieve orgasm on their own terms. 

Finally, another alternative is to use a deep missionary position, possibly on a sex pillow. This will help you in increasing how deep penetration can reach.

Cervical Orgasm

The psychological It is also a great way to give her power over her body, which lets the psychological factor come into play.

 

Psychological readiness

A cervical orgasm is not something you can achieve during casual sex. If you are not comfortable with a partner, you can explore this using a long girth-y dildo.

You need to have your mind focused on getting there, and allow your body to relax. The mind is a powerful tool and after a few successful cervical orgasms, you may be able to feel the ring and deep sensation of pleasure in the cervix just having your ear touched or by fantasizing. 

 

Psychological Mindset To Receive

Mental readiness is important in all sexual encounters, even more in getting a full body orgasm.

You need to be able to let go – a concept is intangible and cannot really be quantified. 

However, letting go simply means:

  • you should not have any inhibitions, be it physical or psychological.
  • Free from any tension. Take a shower or ask for touch first. 
  • Allow yourself to relax from the stress of the day and compartmentalize them in a way that is healthy. 

If you are wanting to try to obtain cervical orgasm with a partner, ensure unresolved arguments are put to rest until another time (you can even schedule that conversation for a later time).. Any tension will make you not open up fully, which means penetration may be painful and the goal will not be achieved.

Go in knowing what you want to do, and be willing to let your partner help you get there. If you are using a dilator on yourself, relax your body and muscles. 

Breathe out and exhale. 

Try to achieve a mental thought of “receiving,” from a part of your mind and body that enjoys the exploration of pleasure and curiosity of playfulness. 

By doing this, your inner muscles will in turn relax to allow the object of penetration easier access.

 

Physical readiness

You need to make sure that you are completely aroused before trying to get this kind of orgasm. 

If you need to, you can use water-based lubrication to help ease the process. Using lube in all types of penetration for sexual pleasure is NOT uncommon. 

Some vaginas are not trained enough to withstand a cervical orgasm. The positive news is that a vagina without pelvic floor muscle tone can be improved. 

There are helpful vaginal weight lifting practices that help women restore strength. 

These practices can even increase sensation.

 

Menstrual cycle

If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again.

You can try having a cervical orgasm at different points in your menstrual cycle. As your hormones change during the month, so does the cervix. It is softer, higher and wetter during ovulation as compared to other days in your cycle.

Looking for the elusive orgasm at different points in your cycle increases your chances of finding it. Since the position of the cervix changes, you have a better chance of getting it at one specific position and condition.

 

Is it possible to have a cervical orgasm without penetration?

Yes.

However, this cannot happen to you when you are just beginning, because your body will not know what to do, thus not allowing a cervical orgasm. 

You will need to have had several penetrative orgasms to stimulate the area. Opening up your cervix is one of the most coveted sexual awakening experiences. 

In the end, you may discover that you are more comfortable with clitoral orgasms as compared to cervical ones. Luckily, as humans, we have the advantage of having multiple pleasure zones – the most important of which is the mind. 

Finding the pleasurable menu that works for you is what matters.

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

How to Save Your Marriage

How to Save Your Marriage

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How to Save Your Marriage

 

We are here to give you strategies on how to save your marriage from a doomed fate. 

There comes a point in marriage when things start to turn a bit sour, and your relationship or marriage ceases to be the ‘happily ever after setting’ it once was. 

At such junctures, where the intimacy you once had with your partner starts to fizzle out, there are a few ways we want to teach you on how to save your marriage: 

  • Focus on positives 
  • Don’t live in the past
  • Don’t forget the good
  • Talk and listen to your spouse
  • Be determined and seek help
  • Learn when to end the marriage

 

Focus on Positives

Your marriage may not be as bad as it seems. Surely, there has got to be an element of positivity still present in your relationship with your spouse.

However, with the myriad of negativities currently overwhelming you, these good sides may be difficult to recognize. Here comes the effort you’ll be making to save your marriage – paying more attention to the good parts.

So, instead of being upset that your spouse is not making as much effort in footing the bills as you are, be grateful that they are also trying their best to see that the bills are paid.

 

Don’t Live In the Past

Maybe your marriage ceased to be blissful after you discovered a not-so-pleasant-thing about your spouse. It could also be that somebody cheated or disrespected the other. Whatever the case may be, you have to let go – if saving your marriage is your goal.

If you keep dwelling on what was done to you in the past, you may never get to experience a blissful future in your marriage. Accept whatever has happened between you and your spouse, forgive, and stay committed to the course of trust and intimacy.

How to Save Your Marriage 

Don’t Forget the Good Things of Yesterday

You must indeed learn to forget whatever hurt you in the past to save your marriage. Yet the things that brought sunshine to your union should not be forgotten with the past.

In fact, conflict and the arrival of children can sometimes get in the way of the intimate things you did with your spouse early in your marriage. Now maybe the right time to start doing those things again.

What are those things you did with your spouse that got you attracted to them? What did they do to brighten your existence, and make you appreciate them more?

This point is the best time for you and your partner to remember those things, and work your way around reviving them in your relationship.

 

Talk to Your Partner and Listen to Them

Sometimes, what you think is a huge, deliberate effort to offend you may be a simple omission by your partner. They may not even be aware of the void that is gradually replacing the love in your marriage.

To help salvage trust and friendship in your marriage, try talking with your partner, and listen to what they have to say. When they open up about their view towards the matter, also make effort to see things from their perspective. This way, you’ll avoid assumptions and re-establish a partnership with your spouse.

 

Be Determined Not to Let Go

At the point where a marriage starts to need fixes and salvage, it can be quite difficult not to think about ending it. Yet if you would rather learn how to save your marriage, you will have to be strongly determined to do so.

You and your partner have to both understand that marriages – just like every other human relationship – will experience tough periods and moments without harmony.

This understanding will help you to stay committed to the institution of marriage even when it seems like the hardest thing to do.

How to Save Your Marriage

 

It Could be Time to Lean Away

When your spouse is no longer meeting your clear expectations, trust and intimacy may dwindle in your marriage. Similarly, if you are overly dependent on your partner, you may start to feel neglected when they frequently fail to meet your needs.

At this point, it will be wise to lean away – not disconnect.

Start to think about doing some of those things yourself, and also consider the fact that your partner is a human being too. It could be that the responsibility is simply weighing them down, and it may not have crossed their minds to talk to you about it.

 

Maybe You Need to Change

One interesting thing about conflict – in marriage, and life – is that the blame is always on the other person. Only a few people would first consider looking inward in a bid to settle a conflict.

If you’re out to save your marriage in the face of a dilemma, try to consider the different ways you could be doing things wrongly. Maybe your responses at different instances were somewhat uncalled for. Or you are probably expecting too much of your spouse.

Simply take out some time to properly analyze the role you’re likely playing to alleviate the state of things in your marriage.

 

Take a Break If You Need to

Without considering or threatening your spouse with divorce, you may want to consider giving your partner some time to come around. Ideally, this period shouldn’t be unreasonably long, and should not come as a way of paying your spouse in their own coin.

Simply consider this break as a time for you and your partner to think deeply about your relationship. It should also be a time to reevaluate and restructure things in your marriage.

 

Think about the Future

Your spouse and their behavior may not be reason enough for you to pick up the pieces of your marriage. Your children, the things you’ve built together, as well as the plans you have for the future can give you the strength to do so.

Think about the effects a divorce or separation would have on your kids and your intended future. In the end, you’ll realize that separation may not be the right answer to your marital troubles.

 

Conclusion

Marriage is a union between two adults – who, ideally, are mature enough to decide as they committed on their wedding day. Hence, the decision to save your marriage can be made and worked upon by you and your partner.

 

 

Couples Communication Strategies

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Talk About Marriage

Let’s Talk About Marriage! 

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Let’s Talk About Marriage! 

 

Have you ever wondered if there is a talk about marriage that could help yours? 

I did back in the day, and I know many of my clients have too! 

The courtship process of dating used to be about testing this exchange in a way. Sometimes now, we bypass courtship for love, then we have marital problems. 

While I bring you videos like, 7 Things That Destroy a Marriage, and then provide you with useful communication techniques that will guide you to recover from those topics, I want to talk about marriage today in a way that will help you improve communication with your partner… even with anyone.

In the book, The Good Marriage, we talk about marriage in four ways: 

 

The Traditional Marriage – roles were very defined. 

  • Back in the day relationships and sexuality were witnessed as  an exchange. The most common exchange in marriage from one partner, often the man, was I will give you my name, my commitment, and finances to shelter you. For the other partner, often the caretaker of the house, to provide children, companionship, and sexual desire.
  • The man would make more money in the house. Deep respect for the distinction of the roles they had. 

 

The Companion Marriage – more friendly. 

  • Ride or die commitment. 
  • Flexible roles with who does what in the marriage. 

 

The Healing Marriage – savior marriage

  • Often in this marriage, both individuals came from trauma and had a deep level of healing to do themselves. 
  • Then, they help their partner to do the same!

 

The Romantic Marriage – the one that had the most vibrant sex life. 

  • Keeping a live story of the couples’ romance. 
  • Often sharing the narrative of how the couple met. Romantic and repeated. 
  • Prioritize dates and adventures to keep the passion and romance alive. 

 

In summary, whatever type of partnership you have, it’s good to talk about it. 

It is especially important to talk about marriage. 

Love is unconditional. Relationships, including marriage, take agreements, collaboration, and commitment! 

On the level of consciousness, we are infinite… yet, we have a finite human body and only one body in this lifetime.

Instead of taking our body and mind to project onto others, let’s learn and grow. 

  • The mind is tricky and often projects.
  • Usually when I am in hatred, I am also more likely to act out. 
  • Usually when I am in pain, I can justify my behavior to defend, deflect, and deny.
  • Often, I must do the inner work to choose a new type of communication style with grace, and with accountability. 

While we talk about marriage, may we experience ourselves as bigger, more profound, and more complex. The more intricate, the more passionate!

Adulting and creating safe space for your inner selves to talk about marriage, in the way that most of us did not see modeled growing up! 

Being able to work with our partner to help them self-analyze and assess their choices. 

We don’t want to suppress ourselves or our partners too far, because there is a chance it can turn into self-hate. We want to know the way to include all parts of our psyche into the conversation. 

For me, my world has transformed when I love myself enough to take responsibility without collapsing into overly dramatic feelings of guilt. 

 

Couples Communication Strategies

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Love Addiction

How to Know if You Have a Love Addiction

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How to Know if You Have a Love Addiction

 

We all love the thrill of a new relationship; however, if that is the feeling you cling to for the entirety of every relationship only to have it end in heartbreak, it is likely that you have a love addiction.

A love addiction can be sabotaging your relationships and ultimately your happiness within relationships. It is also tricky to recognize because relationships are so romanticized in the media: if you’re not madly, passionately in love all the time and for years on end,  the relationship is a failure. 

The reality is, relationships ebb and flow and while some do not make it past the honeymoon phase anyway, truly healthy relationships are built on trust, companionship, shared values and of course some attraction

 

What is Love Addiction?

A love addiction is the chronic, obsessive pursuit of romantic love. Healthy relationships don’t stay in the “honeymoon” phase forever, so if you are constantly chasing that feeling from relationship to relationship you may have a love addiction. 

It consists of behaviors that end up affecting you and your partner negatively, and can mean you have a tough time letting go of the fantasy of a relationship when the reality sets in. 

 

Is Love Addiction Real?

Love addiction is not a recognized disorder by the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). However, the DSM-5 lists 11 criteria for substance addictions that can be applied to understanding and treating a process addiction or negative behavior pattern like love addiction. 

To be diagnosed with a substance addiction, you only need to have two of the eleven criteria. Not all of them apply to love addiction, so here are the top three that indicate there may be an addictive element in play:

  • An ongoing (6+ months) preoccupation/ obsession with romantic fantasies and new relationships
  • No self control over romantic fantasies and new relationships
  • Negative consequences from these out of control fantasies

So while not technically recognized as an “addiction” in the DSM-5, it is a pattern of behavior that can be harmful and hurtful and prevent you from enjoying fulfilling, healthy relationships. This is why it is always worth seeking help to overcome love addiction. 

 

What’s So Wrong About Being Romantic?

Romance is an exciting and essential element of courtship and attraction. There is even a physiological explanation for those butterflies you feel when around your new crush!

A neurochemical rush floods your system when your new partner is in sight (or in mind) and when you touch. The evolutionary necessity of this is to provide a temporary fierce attraction while two humans build a real relationship, getting to know each other and build a foundation of trust and intimacy. Ideally once the honeymoon phase ceases, this foundation is set and the relationship can progress. 

The difficulty arises when you associate those rushes/butterflies and romance with the substance of a relationship, or the idea of being in a relationship. Once they fade, you’re either no longer interested or you feel like the relationship is failing when it is naturally progressing in many ways. 

Failing to move beyond seeking that rush can leave you lonely, heartbroken, and stuck in a pattern where you don’t open up for real intimacy and connection because you’re always chasing the rush of romance. 

This of course doesn’t mean long term relationships should be devoid of romance! It merely means that the definition and spontaneity of it may shift. Sharing common values, learning and acting upon each other’s love languages, making your partner feel appreciated and special are all romantic and I definitely encourage romance! You can’t put on delicious whipped frosting without a cake first, and if you’re always chasing frosting you’ll be left hungry! 

 

Signs of Love Addiction

So, what are some of the signs of a love addiction?

  • Confusing sexual and romantic intensity with true intimacy
  • Skipping out on commitments, friends and family for your relationships
  • A wandering eye that seeks new, exciting relationships while you’re still in a monogamous relationship
  • Feeling alone, desperate and unworthy when not in a relationship
  • Defining yourself by your relationships
  • Always changing yourself to keep partners/fear of being dumped if you’re yourself
  • Relying on romantic/sexual intensity to escape your problems/find comfort

Love Addiction

 

Love Addiction and Codependency 

If you’re familiar with codependency, a lot of these signs may seem vaguely familiar. In fact, it could be argued that while not all codependents are love addicts, all love addicts are codependent. 

Codependency is in simplest terms the inability to decipher where you and the person you are codependent with ends. 

You may do everything in their best interest, even at expense of your own needs and wants. 

You may find it difficult to establish healthy boundaries in the relationship for fear of rejection or loneliness. 

It can create a one sided dynamic in a relationship (this can include family and friends), and can create a pattern of dysfunction where both sides of the relationship play a fixed role: one person could be a martyr who needs the validation of caring for someone else, perhaps the other is an enabler of these behaviors etc. 

 

Can I Change? 

Love addiction is a compulsion that can be tamed, though it is important to recognize what seemingly normal comments and behaviors are actually love addiction rearing its head. 

The truth is, the pattern is the issue, not the people you date. Sure, they weren’t perfect, however you must focus on yourself and your behaviors in order to end the cycle of heartbreaking short term romances in exchange for meaningful connections and intimacy. 

Working with a therapist is essential for establishing new patterns and behaviors that are healthy and constructive. Well meaning friends will try to give advice and can be a good shoulder to cry on, though they are biased and will likely agree with all of your assessments of the situation as a sign of support. 

A therapist is a non partial party who knows that the larger goal is more important: ending your love addiction and creating relationship patterns that are healthy and fulfilling. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.

What is my Love Language

What is My Love Language? 5 Keys to Identify Your Desire!

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What is My Love Language? 5 Keys to Identify Your Desire!

 

What is my love language you may be asking!

It is worth noting that you and your partner(s) may have a different love language than you and asking what is my love language is only half of the question if you are partnered!

The 5 love languages are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Physical Touch. 

Have you ever reflected upon what is my love language? 

What about your partners’ love language? 

What is my Love Language

 

This can be a helpful tool to evaluate if the way you’re both expressing your love (and receiving love!) is being interpreted as such. 

  • Take a love language quiz together! 
  • Though it may feel kinda cheesy, you can discover a lot about each other!
  • Once you’ve figured out your love languages, talk about how to incorporate it. 

 

1. Words of Affirmation

If you desire to be praised, encouraged or told “I love you” regularly to feel connected to your partner, your love language may be words of affirmation!

The platinum rule trumps the golden rule EVERY TIME! Do unto others what they would have you do unto them (not what you would want done for you). 

 

2.Acts of service

If you desire things like your partner running you a bath, bringing you a hot cup of coffee in the morning while you’re just barely awake, scraping the ice off of your car because they know you hate doing it, this is an act of service. 

 

3.Quality Time

It can be hurtful if your partner is flaky with plans, is distracted or texting during a date or doesn’t seem to be engaged when you’re having conversations. It can make you feel unimportant or like you’re playing second fiddle to other aspects of your partner’s life and they never have time to see you.

 

4.Gifts

Do you like receiving trinkets? If so, you can answer what is my love language with presents! 

 

5.Physical touch

Hugs, cuddles, spanks, and intimate touch can be brought into your lives, depending on the love languages that you connect with most. 

 

What is My Love Language – Sex Edition!

As cliché as it seems, a lack of physical touch and sex in particular can drive partners away, regardless of gender. 

For many people, sex is more than just a pleasurable activity – it is confirmation they are attractive, desired, and loved. 

Interestingly, these studies also identified that men (in general, yet not always) desired to have sex to feel an intimate connection. 

 

As spouses, you are obviously beyond the nervous excitement of dating, though this can be a gentle reminder that we continuously need to reconnect, check in and grow together. 

Exploring your sexual connection can open the door to deepening your emotional connection. 

After all, great sex requires great communication – a cornerstone of healthy relationships! 

 

Want to start your journey?

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.

 

long gloves

Long Gloves for Costumed Sex Ideas

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Long Gloves for Costumed Sex Ideas

 

Instead of throwing away those long gloves from halloween or stuffing them in the closet for next year, how about you consider using them for a fun date night scene? 

It is my sense that human beings have core universal needs which is beautifully captured in http://www.cnvc.org/Training/needs-inventory. 

These inner human needs are like nutrients for our psyche and our sensuality. long gloves

When our needs are fulfilled we feel whole, joyful, comfortable, and expansive. 

When our needs are depleted or unmet, we feel uncomfortable, constricted, and unsatisfied. 

While most of us have a longing or desire for fulfillment so that we may return to a state of wholeness, partnered sex and role play can sometimes bridge the gap between a variety of consenting adults with different interpersonal and sexual needs. 

Long gloves are a common staple in a variety of closets and costumes, and one can say that an elegant role play is often in style. 

Here are some of our favorite role plays that include long gloves!

 

Inner Seductress

To play with this archetype, put your long gloves on and cultivate your confidence. 

One way to use long gloves is to imagine what other clothing your inner seductress wears. 

With the long gloves on, seduce your partners’ skin in a sensation of orgasmic bliss. Yes… the skin is orgasmic! This flavor isn’t about the genitals. It is about the skinsation! 

 

Mistress and sub

Bring you and a partner out in public, you as the Top and them as the submissive. 

This is a mental long gloves connection… The little touches and discrete affection in public when you are holding hands while wearing gloves is exciting and exhilarating. This all goes a long way mentally.

Adding another dimension to this is that kink and BDSM have a range of play. 

Behaviors like top and bottom are contained under the umbrella of kink terms, and they do not always involve sexual contact. Actually, some prefer the erotic change of being in charge or having their power and choices limited for some period of time. 

The long gloves can symbolize that even in your bedroom. 

long gloves

 

Photographer and Model

Put on your long gloves and have your partner (this can work with newer sex partners who have established trust and boundaries as well) take photos of you in the long gloves. 

And nothing other than the long gloves when it is someone you actually trust, vs someone you just met (or have known under 4-18 months). 

 

 

Check Out All Our Additional Sex Therapy Video

Kinky Sex: How to Get Started

kinky sex

 

Kinky Sex 2.0: Escape Boredom in the Bedroom

sex therapy videos

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Super Spooky Halloween Sex Tips

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Super Spooky Halloween Sex Tips

 

Halloween sex is a perfect time to let loose your inner witch, warlock or werewolf! Whether you are looking to try something a little different or push your boundaries to the extreme, there are plenty of tricks and treats to try this season.

Halloween sex can be fun, funny, scary (in a good way!) and is a perfect opportunity to unleash your creativity…and the beast within!

 

Sex for Witches

Halloween Sex

Spells, potions, candlelight, crystals and potions- these are real turn ons for sexy witches! Set the mood by lighting your favorite candles, away from your flowing robes of course. Place crystals around the bedroom to encourage sensuality and fantasy fulfillment. Rose quartz, red garnet and jasper can all encourage sexual energies.

Conjure arousal with potent aphrodisiacs like oysters or dark chocolate, or sexy botanicals like maca, red ginseng and fenugreek. Get out your favorite spell book and find a recipe for a delicious love potion. I find margaritas do the trick! 

What to wear? How about nothing? Dance naked in the moonlight with your partner, letting the glorious light cascade over your bodies as you intertwine passionately.

If you have no one in your coven to dance with, find your special, body-safe silicone broomstick with the ten different vibration settings and cast a love spell on yourself over and over again. If you can’t find a broom, you can also use a crystal dildo made from rose quartz or jade. Chakrub makes beautiful sex toys from crystals for sexy witches and mortals alike.

 

Sex for Ghosts

You don’t have to be into spectrophilia to enjoy the cold embrace of love in the afterlife. For a spooky Halloween sex idea, put your clean bedsheets in the freezer and lay them on the bed before getting down to business.

The cold sheets will give you a chill down your spine, and perk up all your senses.

More into shape shifting Victorian ghosts? Halloween sex in a beautiful costume will help you live out the period romance you’ve been dreaming of! Corsets, ruffles, garters and nightgowns by candlelight can strike the perfect balance of spooky and sexy.

Want to get really weird? Set up a spooky haunted house scenario for your lover (with their consent of course!). Blindfold your partner and lead them through the house where you have set up spooky sensory experiences. A haunted house classic is a bowl of peeled grapes as eyeballs, let your imagination run wild, perhaps an ice cube in your mouth for cold, ghoulish kisses or a new toy to make them scream with pleasure.

 

Sex for Mummies

Massaged with perfumed oils from head to toe and then bound tightly? Who knew mummies could be so sexy!

Ancient Egyptians were known to use sweet almond oil, rose, and thyme during mummification, so use your lover’s favorite luxurious oils and perfumes to give them a relaxing massage before tying them up tightly.

Using ripped strips of cotton sheets instead of rope is beginner friendly and still gives the excitement of bondage. The power dynamic and the feeling of being tightly squeezed with no escape can be scary in all the right ways when done consensually.

Bind your mummy’s legs or arms and shower them with sensual affection that they cannot reciprocate. They’ll be dying to burst from their binds, so feel free to take turns torturing each other!

 

Sex for Vampires

Perhaps the sexiest creature of the night, vampire fantasies abound from Anne Rice to Twilight. There are even people who live like vampires and drink their lover’s blood!

Halloween Sex

You don’t need to go that far to enjoy vampire-approved sex. A few lube manufacturers have created blood colored lube to give a gory twist to your sex life. Not for the faint of heart, this is a safe and scary way to make a big mess.

Having sex during your period is an extra delight for creatures with blood lust and can save you from spending your money on that bloody lube. Lay down a soft towel to preserve Dracula’s sheets, or throw caution to the wind and just enjoy making a mess together.

If you love the romantic thrill of vampires however you’re squeamish about blood, kiss your lover’s neck, giving light to firm love bites. They may leave a mark, so make sure you have a turtleneck to wear to work! Wink wink.

Drink a blood inspired cocktail together, like a blood orange screwdriver or sangria, which is derived from the Spanish term for “bloodletting”. Yummy.

 

Sex for Werewolves

Instead of a silver bullet, how about a bullet vibrator? Tease your partner with this tiny and powerful vibrator until they howl at the moon!

Into hairy wolf people? Halloween sex is a fun night to break out some costumes and act out some aggressive, animalistic fantasies. Set boundaries and safe words beforehand and enjoy tearing each other apart. Dig your nails or teeth into their skin, pull their hair, and definitely let out some growls of passion.

You don’t have to be a furry to enjoy a beastly costume, have fun with the campiness and novelty of a different character in the bedroom.

 

Sex for Mortal Candy-Lovers

The best part of Halloween isn’t the scary movies or sexy costumes- it’s the candy of course! While it is fun to sit and eat a bowl of treats while watching Scream for the 85th time, why not try something a little naughtier?

Get tricks and treats by including you and your partner’s favorite goodies into sexy time. Just remember, no sweets in vaginas or you can risk an infection. Instead, try using candy in creative ways!

A candy necklace doesn’t have to go on your neck. Try putting it around your leg like a garter, or wrap it around the shaft of your partner’s penis. The biting can feel a little dangerous and can be oh so sexy. Just ask your vampire friends!

A little light bondage or choking with shoelace licorice, or placing small candies along your partner’s body and eating them off can be a sensual treat.

And if you have some whipped cream left over from pumpkin pie? Well, you know what to do…whipped cream isn’t just for Halloween sex!

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.

couple goals

Green Flags for Couple Goals

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Green Flags for Couple Goals

 

Whenever people talk about couple goals and relationships, there is a tendency to focus on the “red flags.” Instead of focusing on the things that should be avoided, or early warning signs that a relationship is “doomed,” we are going to focus on green flags for couple goals today! 

While it can certainly be helpful when creating couples goals to know what you want to avoid and what to look out for, it can leave you feeling directionless when knowing what you should be looking for!

Things that should be avoided, or early warning signs that a relationship is “doomed”. 

While it can certainly be helpful when creating couple goals to know what you want to avoid and what to look out for, it can leave you feeling directionless when knowing what you should be looking for! 

 

The Benefits of Positivity

It is definitely smart to avoid certain behaviors as a couple or as an individual, so red flags are something useful for identifying behaviors, habits and personality traits that may be harmful to a relationship or to oneself. 

Think about it: if you bought furniture and the assembly instructions only included what you shouldn’t do, you would have a lot of trouble trying to build something functional and structurally sound! 

The same goes for couple goals: using green flags is a great way to identify what is right about a relationship, what you may be looking for, and to remind you what is already working so you can focus on aspects to improve towards. 

 

So What Are The Green Flags?

Most couple goals or green flags can be sorted into five basic categories: 

  • Communication
  • Compromise
  • Boundaries
  • Respect
  • Sense of Self

Most red flags fall into these categories too, and green flags give you solutions rather than just identifying problems. 

Let’s dive into these green flags! 

 

Communication

Communication will always be the foundation of a great relationship can must be one of your couples goals. Most of the other green flags are an offshoot of communication, it is so important!couple goals

Some green flags to indicate strong communication include:

  • Listening to you talk when you have issues, and supporting you through them
  • Recognizes your love language and uses it to express their love instead of only using their own love language
  • Modeling what they would like to hear in an argument. Ex: “Next time this comes up, a way that would model a healthier approach for me would be to say “What I think I hear you saying is____, is that correct?”

Listening supportively and communicating in ways that you each find effective are good signs that you are building a foundation to set some serious couples goals. 

 

Compromise

Compromise should never mean becoming a doormat or consistently letting your own needs and wants take a backseat for the sake of your partner. 

Compromise means trying to find solutions that benefit both of you, and finding ideas and solutions that are maybe even better than anyone’s singular idea. Think synergistically: the sum is greater than the whole of its parts. 

This requires humility and letting go of the desire to “win”. A relationship where everyone is trying to win and outrank each other is a huge red flag, so look at these green flags when it comes to compromise:

  • Look for the mutually-empowering way (a win-win) to resolve issues
  • Postponing gratification in the moment 
  • Being able to apologize and take ownership of wrongdoing

Being humble and accommodating each other’s unique and evolving needs will benefit your couples goals by working together for a great relationship. 

 

Boundaries

Boundaries can go hand in hand with compromise. Setting boundaries isn’t about shutting out your partner, and is actually about letting them in. 

Knowing your partner’s boundaries and being mindful of them is a green flag. Here are some examples:

  • You partner stops doing things that you say make you uncomfortable
  • Don’t avoid sharing truths.

Taking actions that respect each other’s boundaries will strengthen trust. The ability to be honest and open about your boundaries can help build that trust too. 

 

Respect

Respect is like Communication’s close sister, they are so closely related and you can’t really have one without the other when working towards couples goals. 

It is hard to feel confident about yourself or even communicate this feeling if you don’t feel you are respected. All relationships rely on respect to keep them communicative, loving and lasting. 

Some green flags that indicate respect:

  • You don’t put each other down deliberately, especially in public
  • Uses a calm, rational tone during arguments
  • Support each other’s ambitions and aids in growth
  • Keeping your word, doing what you say you will do and follows through. 

 

Strong Sense of Self

You cannot set strong couple goals if you are not feeling complete as individuals, with your own goals, opinions, aspirations and ideas. 

You can approach relationships in a healthier way if you let go of the mindset that someone else will “complete” you. 

As romantic as that is in movies, in the real world it can leave you disappointed and co-dependent!

Some green flags:

  • You both engage in your own inner work, consistently over and over
  • Support each other’s ambitions and goals
  • Celebrate each other’s accomplishments without jealousy 
  • Each have goals outside of the relationship
  • Self respect

The statement “you can’t give someone a drink from an empty cup” is cliché though true: if you aren’t continuing to grow, work on yourself and find fulfillment in your own life, you won’t have much to give a partner or to a relationship. 

In the same vein, you don’t need to sacrifice your entire cup to someone else- it is yours to drink from and share as you please!

couple goals

 

Redefining Couple Goals

The point of focusing on a “green flag” system instead of or adjacent to a red flag mindset is to give you actionable habits and behaviors to work towards in your relationships. 

Knowing what to work on and what to look for in relationships can be immensely helpful when working towards growth and relationship health. 

Which of these green flags do you already look for in relationships? Are some of these the answer to the red flags you actively avoid? Which green flags do you want to try out first in your couple goals? 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.

Cosplay Sex

Dress-up for Adults: The Fun World of Cosplay Sex

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Dress-up for Adults: The Fun World of Cosplay Sex

 

Cosplay sex is one of the most fun, creative ways to spice up the bedroom, explore fantasies and channel your favorite characters. Cosplay sex may sound kinky and wild, and it can be, though it is a great way to wade into the waters of kink and roleplay!

 

What is Cosplay?

Cosplay sex is only one context for the fun and freedom of dressing up as your favorite characters. Have you ever seen images of comicon? People dressed as their favorite film, comicbook and tv characters? Well, that’s cosplay!

Cosplay simply means “costume play”. It doesn’t have to be sexual at all, and for most it is just an opportunity to show their love of specific fandoms, or showcase their creativity when it comes to reimagining these characters in real life. It can be a literal interpretation of characters or a look inspired by characters or stories the cosplayer connects to.

Cosplay is even making its way into drag culture as we see more performers interpret characters and include them in their live performances.

Cosplay also involves embodying the character to certain degrees, so it can be a fun way to escape and roleplay in sexual or non-sexual situations.

 

Is Cosplay a Fetish?

It should be noted that there is a huge issue of female cosplayers in particular being fetishized by people without permission, which can put a damper on the fun.

Just because someone is dressed like Wonder Woman or Princess Leia in a bikini does not mean that they are open to sexual advances, lewd online comments or want to be fetishized. They are simply appreciating a character and having fun dressing up!

Some people do have fetishes around certain characters. If you are sexually obsessed with Batman, maybe you’ll get a kick out of having sex with someone dressed as Batman, or it is a fantasy you want to fulfil.

Cosplay in and of itself, however, is not a fetish or an expression of someone’s fetish.

 

Making Cosplay Sexy

Incorporating cosplay into sex can be a fun, lighthearted and creative way to dip your toes into some light kink and fantasy fulfilment.

Roleplay can help you release your inhibitions, be more assertive or submissive, and help you realize fantasies.

Cosplay can help you by having a character that is already well known, a specific personality you can channel and improvise around without starting from scratch.

Cosplay doesn’t need to be expensive or fancy, though you can certainly drop a lot of cash on movie replica costumes and accessories. If you want a movie perfect Darth Vader costume for $10,000, that’s your prerogative!

Cosplay Sex

All you need is an indication of costume. This could be thick gold bracelets to channel Wonder Woman, or a black domino mask to become Zorro, or even white gloves to become Mickey Mouse if that’s your thing. Use your imagination and creativity to have as much or as little costume as you want.

The most important part of cosplay sex is the character you channel in the moment. Costumes are part of the name, however it is less about the appearance and more about the character!

 

Here are some ways to incorporate your favorite character into cosplay sex:

  •   Use sexy props: some bondage rope for Wonder Woman’s Lasso of Truth, a dildo as your “lightsaber”, a small whip for Indiana Jones, a full faced mask for Batman, the options are as vast as the characters you create! Find ways to repurpose sex toys to fit with your chosen character
  •   Use catchphrases: does your character have any memorable quotes or catchphrases that you can use in the bedroom? Luke, I am your Daddy…they don’t have to be entirely serious! Cosplay sex can be fun and funny.
  •   Use your favorite scenes: Is there a scene that really gets you going? Maybe you want to re-enact the fight between Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman and Michael Keaton’s Batman- sexy! Is there a sex scene from Outlander you want to replicate word for word, touch for touch?
  •   Imagine New Relationships: This happens a lot in fan fiction, and crosses over into cosplay sex seamlessly. Ever wish there had been a hot moment between Edward and Jacob? Want James Bond to hook up with M? How about Frodo and Sam? Now’s your chance to make that fantasy happen!   

This is by no means an exhaustive list, so let your imagination run wild!

 

Some Practical Considerations

  •   Safety first: just because your character throws knives or whatever doesn’t mean you should dive headfirst into knifeplay without a mentor or training. Same goes for choking or bondage: take an online class or workshop in rope tying and knots so you can safely bind your partner without cutting off circulation or accidental injuries.
  •   Consent: I know it goes without saying, though it can’t be said enough! All activities must be consensual, and since cosplay sex can wade into the realm of kink, it is helpful to talk with your sexual partner about boundaries and safe words before diving into the scene.
  •   Finances: Never feel like you have to break the bank to have the perfect costume. Some people love to invest in and collect movie-quality costumes, however it isn’t necessary to engage in cosplay sex or enjoy roleplay as your favorite characters!
  •   Cleaning: Some costumes are easier to clean than others, so this may be a consideration for you if you plan on using your costume for sex. As always, clean any toys, props or costumes before and after sex, and ideally use new toys for new partners.
  •   Exit rituals: If you are playing in a particularly intense or violent scene, it can be helpful to have an exit ritual. This can be as simple as taking a bath or meditating, or just cleaning up and putting away your costume. Whatever you need to do to transition out of your cosplay persona into your regular persona. Some people don’t need this at all, though if you are having trouble separating your actions from the character’s actions, these rituals can help you put them to rest and pick them up again later when you’re ready for more fun.

 

Cosplay sex is a fun, creative and exciting way to try something new and perhaps fulfill a longheld fantasy. Costumes aren’t just for Halloween, so get some fabric and ideas and try out cosplay sex!

 

Kinky Sex: How to Get Started

kinky sex

Kinky Sex 2.0: Escape Boredom in the Bedroom

sex therapy videos

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Tantric Sex

A Virtual Tantric Sex Weekend

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A Virtual Tantric Sex Weekend

 

Why would you explore tantric sex at an online location like zoom? That’s SO weird.

Well… most people are finding their information about sexuality from pornography anyway. 

In the USA… recent statistics show that only 22 out of 50 states require health ed. And of those 22 states, only 17 are required to provide accurate info. That is actually terrifying. 

A weekend of sex, cave dwelling, exploring erotic fantasies, and moving the darkness of our self from the subconscious to the conscious! 

“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” – Carl Jung

It makes sense given this cultural climate. I continue to hope that people wake up the societal notions that we “assume” as real that are actually just sociological ideologies. 

This weekend, at the Shadows and Light Virtual tantra festival, shattering cultural myths was at the center of the 3-day online weekend retreat. 

No matter HOW OLD people are, they are lacking sexual information… and information that is focused on mind-body connection and courage. 

 

So What Do You Learn at a Tantric Sex Weekend? 

Tantric Sex

Presenters from all over the world were sharing their knowledge while volunteers, like myself, provided emotional support to those participants that were diving deep.

When in a workshop like this, you are at choice, yet sometimes, it feels safe to know you have someone in the room that will be there for a private message. 

From virtual dating, to energy play, to sacred sensual dance, to meditation and yoga… the virtual retreat had everything you could imagine. 

The secret of tantric sex lies in putting aside the urgency of orgasm, and concentrating on thoughtful and delicate movements. 

Tantric sex is about using your entire body, your hands especially, your breath, and your mind. 

Therefore, even a simple, yet constant present mind awareness of asking yourself “am I breathing” acts as a strategy to enable you to melt into yourself. 

In the practice of tantric sex and shadow work, there is nothing more important than connecting with your breath, your voice, and your sensations. 

Taking notice of making sounds consciously with your voice! Sounds are also stimulating, such as a whisper, sigh, moan, cry and scream.

 

Tantric Sex Questions To Consider: 

  • How do I communicate in a sexual way with my body? 
  • How do I communicate in a sexual way with others? 
  • What does the sound you make during tantric sex, or any sex, say about your experience with your pleasure?

 

When Someone Shares their Sex Story With You, Respond By Saying: 

  • I believe you
  • I honor your experience
  • I witness your strength
  • I thank you for your bravery

 

Virtual Tantric Sex Dating Practices: 

  • Instead of focusing on Duration of your relationship —> Focus on going DEEP! 
  • Instead of focusing on Attraction of others to you  —> Focus on your own authentic sense of Self-Expression and have your tribe find you. 
  • Instead of focusing on Sacrifice for your partner  —> Focus on Supporting your own sense of Self-Care, so others do not have to take care of you.

 

Online Shadow Festival for Tantric Sex – My Takeaways:

  • Learn to build intimacy from self to self (and with others)
  • Ignite your pleasure centers by touching them with your hands
  • Improve communication by practicing it in a conscious way
  • Share in a way where others are supportive 
  • Challenge societal norms by noticing what Disney and pop culture frames as the “norm” within your romantic relationships
  • Practice consent instead of giving up, giving in, or overgiving

 

If you have any questions about a virtual tantric sex weekend, feel free to ask! 

Start your journey here

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

 

 

Sex Positive Parenting

Sex Positive Parenting! Let’s Talk about Sex… Baby.

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Sex Positive Parenting! Let’s Talk about Sex…Baby.

 

Sex and sexuality are more often than not stigmatized in our society, especially around our children and sex positive parenting. 

Often, parents shame, objectify, or stigmatize most sexual behavior throughout child and adolescent development. In doing so, we set children up to have a lack of knowledge and understanding about their own sexuality, body, identity, and pleasure. 

In our country, we do a disservice to all by not engaging in age-appropriate sexuality education throughout childrens’ lives and avoiding sex positive parenting into adulthood. 

As parents, adults, educators, and therapists we are all responsible for helping break this pattern to build curiosity and appropriate understanding of their bodies, identity, and pleasure. 

 

Sex Positive Education for All Ages

I am fortunate to be a mother of a one and a half year old. 

You can bet I am starting her education around her body now. 

So you literally start sex positive parenting with babies… how do you ask?

  • Use accurate terms for different parts of their body (including genitals) 
    • ex. Vulva, penis, vagina, clitoris, anus, butt, etc.
  • Allow exploration of their bodies. 
    • With age and understanding you can create boundaries as to when and how this is appropriate
  • Support appropriate curiosity 
  • Include clitoris-centered pleasure 
  • Discuss body safety and informed consent
  • Allow space to discuss and learn about the different stages of sexual development 
    • Self exploration, terminology, questions about their bodies, resources, etc.
  • If you find your child or adolescent looking at porn or other sexually explicit material DO NOT SHAME them! 
    • Instead… collaborate and provide accurate information and explanations
  • Find reputable sources to help you learn to provide accurate and inclusive information around sexuality 
    • Do not assume your child’s sexual identity
    • Do not be heteronormative in your explainations (not just penis in vagina, etc)

 

Pornography

It is normative for children and adolescents to be curious about sexuality and due to our lack of ability to discuss this as a society, families, and in education one of the most accessible ways to learn about their sexuality is through pornography or through peers.

Pornography depicts various experiences around sexuality and sometimes focusing on fantasy. Although pornography does not always depict sexuality accurately and can often fetishize different populations, it also can be a very normal part of people’s sexuality. 

If you find you your child or adolescent looking at pornography DO NOT SHAME THEM. 

Here are things to consider doing instead of SHAME and PUNISHMENT:

  • Work on building curiosity, education, and providing accurate, realistic resources surrounding sexuality. 
  • Support your child in learning about sexuality and providing them accurate information about pornography, sex, and sexual exploration. 
  • Allow space for questions 
  • Reinforce they are not in trouble and allow space to talk about their emotions
  • Discuss boundaries and consent
  • Discuss difference between fantasy and reality
  • Pleasure centered conversations 
  • Provide information that pornography has been historically catered towards cis gender, heterosexual, white men and may not accurately depict sexual behavior across various identities and experiences

 

If you and/or other partner(s) or adults in your life are uncomfortable practicing sex positive parenting or discussing sexuality, find a therapist or AASECT sex educator who can help facilitate these conversations so that you can work towards building a healthy relationship with sexuality and your child. 

At LCAT, we are here to help! 

YouTube page where she provides free information at The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

my husband hate me

I Think My Husband Hates Me & How To Solve It!

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I Think My Husband Hates Me & How To Solve It!

 

If you have been feeling neglected, resented and anxious in your marriage, you may be thinking to yourself I think my husband hates me.

No marriage is picture perfect, and it could even be possible that he feels the same way about you! So instead of jumping to the conclusion “my husband hates me”, let’s look at why you may be feeling that way. Hatred and resentment can of course arise in marriages, though rarely out of the blue. 

“He is always choosing time with the guys instead of time with me!”

You may be feeling neglected if your hubby is choosing to spend time with the bros All. The. Time. This is understandable! 

While there is nothing wrong with him wanting time with his friends- friendships outside of a relationship are healthy and should be encouraged- it doesn’t have to be a battle of friends vs. wife. 

As with every relationship issue, communication is crucial. Here are some ideas of where he might be coming from with this behavior, and some suggestions to open up communication:

  • He may feel overwhelmed by the daily minutia of chores, bills and routine
  • He may feel like you are mothering him
  • He may just need time with other men
  • He may be stressed by financial or personal concerns and need a distraction
  • He may just want to connect with people who share his hobbies

Remember, one person cannot be everything to everyone, though as his spouse you shouldn’t have to feel neglected! Try opening up:

  • Ask him directly if something is wrong! He may be hurt by something you’ve overlooked, it can save a lot of time if you directly ask what’s going on. 
  • Say how much you love him and wish you could spend more time together. Does he feel like you spend enough time together? Are you having enough sex and fun, or have you become roommates? 
  • Tell him how hurtful it is when he ditches plans with you for plans with the guys. Does this information surprise him or does he seem unphased? He may just not understand and need to be told directly that his actions are hurtful. 
  • Both of you can share what you enjoy doing as a couple, and plan to do more of those things. This could be games, favorite tv shows, sports, cooking- any activity you enjoy doing together! 
  • Offer to host the next guy’s night at your home- this may put your mind at ease if you know what they’re up to, though don’t feel the need to spy. This is about letting your husband know you care about his friendships. 

My Husband Hates Me

Likely, he just needs to blow off some steam and as a couple you can shake up the routine to be more fun. You’ll never know until you talk about it with each other!

“He is always giving me dirty looks, rolling his eyes and scowls at me”

It can be super hurtful if someone you love is giving you dirty looks- it feels like instant rejection and like they don’t care about your feelings. 

Think back to when you were a teenager and I’m sure you gave many of those looks to people around you, especially authority figures! Some reasons he may be giving you dirty looks:

  • You’re nagging him. Is this something you’ve asked him to do already, and he has said he will do it? Is there a reason you feel the need to remind him?
  • You’ve broached a no-go topic. Does he have any traumas and sensitivities you are unknowingly or knowingly bringing up? 
  • He is insulted. Did you say something critical about his job, his body, his family or his finances? While you should never be a doormat, criticism needs to come from a healthy, constructive and supportive place- not making fun of his belly, ranting about his sister’s money issues or telling him he’s a loser for not getting a better job. 
  • A difference of values. This is a very political day and age, and if you hold vastly different opinions about politics and social issues you’re probably both doing some eye rolling at each other! You may not have known how different your opinions are until now. 
  • He’s frustrated. Everyone gets frustrated. Ask him why. 

 

If it is a constant issue, it is wise to seek counseling. You shouldn’t be made to feel disliked in your own home, especially from someone you are building a life with, and he shouldn’t have to feel so frustrated and annoyed. There may be a solution to be found!

“So…does my husband hate me?”

It is impossible to know unless you communicate about it! He may not hate you- though he may feel resentment, rejection, or frustrations and these can all be addressed through communication and counseling. 

Chances are, this is a bump in the road that can be solved. There is also a chance that he is completely unaware of how his actions are affecting you! Asking yourself “does my husband hate me” is way less effective than simply opening up the conversation- though it may be awkward and difficult, it is always worthwhile!

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.

Orgasm Abuse

What is Orgasm Abuse – Not The Kinky Kind!

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What is Orgasm Abuse – Not The Kinky Kind!

 

Do you know what orgasm abuse feels like in your body? We aren’t talking about the kinky kind either. What is the difference between orgasm abuse and orgasm pleasure? 

If you want to see our blog on orgasm denial, please go here! 

Orgasm abuse happens and when there is something as serious as abuse on the line, we feel differently than we do about boundaries being crossed. 

We all react to pressure differently… especially when it comes to orgasm and when it comes to abuse. 

So when we are talking about orgasm abuse, for many reasons, a lot of people experience it and have kind of stage fright when it comes to discussing the sexual encounter(s). 

Maybe it’s happened to you before. You meet someone you’re interested in, things click, you progress along the intimacy scale, and eventually find yourselves in bed together.

Suddenly, when it’s time to experience what you assume to be pleasure, abuse happens instead. 

Your sexual partner may even assure you that it’s no big deal after it happens…

Still, it’s uncomfortable all the same. 

Don’t agonize too much over it in the moment, yet we’ve all been there when the thoughts come back…

Orgasm abuse is a real thing, and it’s not always what you think. 

Unfortunately, there’s a stigma around orgasm, therapy, abuse, and discussing uncomfortable or “negative” emotions. 

For some people, it threatens to shatter the image they portray of the world. 

Often, we EXPECT the people that we are with and talk to regularly to have a life more like a celebrity or a social media start than a human. 

Abuse even if there is orgasm can also be taken as a signal that you weren“into it” and your sexual partner at that time may even think that they pleased you.

As a sex therapist, I often suggest talking about it, setting a boundary that it was not ok, and then following through in action steps to be certain that this type of abuse does not happen again. 

You may wonder if you are quietly making this a bigger deal than it is.

If you told people, maybe then rejection would be on the horizon. 

Sex is a complicated, like a messy ice cream sundae, and orgasms are the cherry on top, right? 

Not really when it comes to orgasm abuse. Some people can be in a trauma state and still have an orgasm. 

Therefore, it is important and imperative to know your boundaries and your requests within sexuality. 

If you have been in a situation where you have been on either side of orgasm abuse, this isn’t easy to sit with. 

At times, you may need support. Let a certified sex therapist help if you need. 

If you need more support, please check out the video on how to recover after trauma. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.

Orgasm Denial

Orgasm Denial – How Not Getting Off Can Get You Off!

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Orgasm Denial – How Not Getting Off Can Get You Off!

 

Orgasm denial (sometimes called “orgasm abuse”) is sort of an umbrella term for any play- especially in power exchange relationships where orgasm is delayed, deprived, or even then “forced.” We can get into forced orgasm in another blog! 

This seems to contradict everything we believe in mainstream society about sexual pleasure – after all, isn’t orgasm SUPPOSED to be the ultimate pleasure during sex? 

Turns out, pleasure and pain are two sides of a similar coin, and how we experience both varies widely from person to person. 

Both pain and orgasm release endorphins and provide a kind of catharsis, and both involve some sort of tension and release. Pain can even be meditative, much like the focus needed to have or delay an orgasm! 

Pain isn’t always physical either. Pain can be psychological, such as intentionally and consensually building frustration or anger. 

Orgasm denial play can be a safe and consensual way to explore tension and release – or denying that release entirely. 

Orgasm Denial

 

Delaying Orgasms

Lets start with the least intimidating form of orgasm denial: erotic sexual denial. This can range from teasing to edging, or even delaying orgasms as a form of “punishment” and “reward” in submissive/dominant play scenes. 

This is a form of play that is easy to incorporate, and an easy introduction to playing with control and domination in a sexual context. Discuss beforehand with your partner what they want to try, or what you would like them to do to you!

  • Tickling is a very tolerable tension and release. Decide on a safe word, and have a tickle fight! If you’re both into it, you can play with how much is tolerated, and even incorporate tickling just as the receiver is about to climax for a sort of bait and switch. 
  • Try edging! This can be done with a partner or solo, and the basic idea is to come really close to orgasm and then stopping just before climax. This can be repeated as many or as few times as wanted, and it can make the final orgasm even more delicious! 

 

What is Orgasm Denial?

Orgasm denial is a form of play where you or your partner are taken right to the edge of orgasm, then never given the release. 

If it sounds frustrating, it is, however it can be so much fun if you are exploring BDSM and want to explore an entry level Dom or sub dynamic.

This can get as kinky as you like, and can be a simple appetizer of domination and control, or the entire entrée!

  • If you’re new to sub/dom, try using orgasm denial as a small part of a controlled scene. You can even decide that later on, outside of the proposed scenario you will get off- just not during the scene!
  • This doesn’t have to even be successful! Sometimes the act of telling someone they can’t cum is enough to send them over the edge with powerful orgasm. You can always punish them for it later! 😉
  • Orgasm denial can be as prolonged or as frequent as you and your partner want. Maybe after a single sexual encounter without orgasm you’ll decide to “allow” orgasms next time, or maybe it will never happen until a special occasion or decided event- whatever scenario suits you and your partner! Remember, it is all about the pleasure and pain of frustration and control/being controlled. 
  • If you are really into orgasm denial and want to incorporate toys, there are chastity devices for penises and vaginas alike so you can physically deny your partner an orgasm. Naughty!

Ask yourself if you want to be playing with orgasm denial! 

Ask yourself the critical question of: does my inner Dominant or submissive really vibe with my partners inner Dominant or submissive? Maybe! 

Maybe not! 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

Kinky Sex: How to Get Started

kinky sex

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.