Behind the Sex Therapy Scenes! I Caught My Wife Masturbating!
“Help! I caught my wife masturbating!”
Even though we are living in the most open society ever when it comes to sexuality, we still live with so many taboos.
Our fetishes have to live in this weird world of moving boundaries, where one minute you’re being sexually expressive, and the next minute you’re labeled as a freak. Even freaks can be good, up to a point, right? When and where we draw these implicit lines are complex and sometimes silly.
Have you ever been caught masturbating? There you were, feeling some kinda way all by yourself. Maybe you caught a hot scene in a movie, or an old crush flashed through your brain. The next thing you know you’re in your room doing your thing and Wham!, the door swings open.
You shuffle your pants around or dive onto your side to face away, but your reaction probably made whatever you were doing way more obvious. It’s happened to so many of us, mostly in childhood, that we still to this day carry complex feelings of shame, embarrassment, and even guilt around jerking off.
What Is It About Self-Touch that makes it feel like “Too Much?”
Most have tried it, and of those who have tried, the majority continue to DO it, so what’s the big deal about self-touch feeling like too much?
Why specifically is there so much embarrassment when it comes to catching your wife masturbating?
Thanks to so many scenes in comedies and enough high-profile celebrity masturbation scandals, men catch a break on yanking it more than women do.
For reasons that stem back centuries, the idea of your wife or female partner self-pleasuring can come as a shock.
Women’s pleasure has come a long way since the idea that their main purpose is to OFFER sexual pleasure and carry children, yet there’s still a lot of stigma tied up in the way we please ourselves.
If you’re here reading this and you haven’t caught your wife masturbating YET, first realize that she probably enjoys masturbation (maybe even as much as you do if you engage in self-touch).
How often she does it, where, and to what is her business. If she feels like telling you, that’s her prerogative and it would be a great way to introduce more trust in your relationship if you approach the conversation with curiosity instead of criticism or embarrassment.
Catching Your Wife in the Act
If you’re together long enough, odds are you’re going to catch your wife engaging in a bit of one on one time at some point. You might walk in on her taking a bath or come home from work early one day to find her in her pleasure.
Some people I speak with come to sex therapy with a lot of shame and embarrassment that catching their spouse masturbating is some sort of betrayal.
I often like to bring up the point that consent and communication prior to being “caught” is ideal.
For those of you who believe that all sexual encounters should involve the two of you, I would have you wonder if you hold yourself to that same standard and WHERE did this standard originate?
Catching your wife masturbating does not have to be the end of your sexual life. It can be the beginning of opening a door to deeper discussions about sensual and sexual pleasure.
How to Stop the Embarrassment After Catching Someone Masturbating
Here’s some food for thought on how you can handle the situation.
Prep Yourself – Repeat after me, “There’s nothing wrong with masturbation.” There you go. That’s the mindset you need. It will serve you well in dealing with your own sexuality, your wife’s sexual expression, and if you ever decide to have kids.
When you understand that there’s nothing to be ashamed of related to self-pleasure, then you’ll handle the situation much better.
Mind Your Manners – If you do catch your wife masturbating, treat the situation appropriately. Hopefully, your wife isn’t embarrassed about having sex with you, yet if your friend or family member walked in, the two of you might feel slightly embarrassed.
That’s because engaging in sexual acts – even masturbation – involves opening oneself up to vulnerability. You have to let your guard down to relax enough to accomplish the mission before you, so naturally, getting caught masturbating will be a little startling.
The best thing you do if you come across your wife, or anyone else for that matter, masturbating, is to be accountable and then find somewhere else to go, as soon as possible. I suggest going to take a shower and meditating to center yourself.
Don’t sit yourself down next to her to talk about it. Give her some space, as you intruded on an activity between her and her body.
Follow up later on with another apology and leave it at that. You might also try to make light of the situation. If masturbation isn’t something the two of you have discussed, she might feel a bit awkward.
Drop a light-hearted line about how you are glad she is experiencing pleasure and move on. It’ll break the ice in a way that lets you both know it’s not a big deal.
Follow Her Cues – Any discussion about masturbation and self-pleasure going forward can be on her terms. Let her bring it up.
Don’t think for a second that it’s on you to discuss or that there’s some issue to resolve. Keep your emotional responses to yourself, because I suggest that they are about you, and wait for her to talk about it – if she wants.
Be Encouraging – Masturbation can be a healthy behavior. It’s a wonderful way for people to be mindful about their own bodies, relieve stress, and find out accurately some of the ways that they like to be touched.
If anything, you can be GLAD you caught your wife masturbating!
Therapists deal with couples all the time that are sexually frustrated.
For any number of reasons, wives struggle to feel comfortable with their bodies and being touched with a partner; because they have their ways they like to be touched and pleased as well.
Many women have guilt about taking 20-30 minutes to achieve an orgasm, and more wives than I care to mention associate feeling aroused with something to be shameful about.
Sometimes, it also takes one partner a longer time to get into the mood because they are more focused on the emotional labor of the home or the relationship.
Open the Doors to More Sexual Exploration
Now, if the stars align, your wife may want to talk about masturbation. You have two choices. First, you can feel insecure that your wife is self-pleasuring and take that as some personal affront on your sexuality and the bond the two of you have. That route is ridiculous and will get you nowhere.
Second, you can use the conversation – remember, started by your wife – to open your relationship up to greater sexual experiences.
If you choose correctly, not only will your wife feel better about herself sexually, but she’ll also be more inclined to include you and open up to you when it comes to sex.
Plenty of couples masturbate together, watch each other masturbate, or feed their partner’s masturbation with scintillating texts, pictures, and videos. Your wife may start to feel more comfortable masturbating during sex.
If you find yourself on the road traveling, your wife might be more inclined to engage in some phone sex. Anything you can do to make your wife more comfortable touching herself and feeling sexy is the right decision.
Start your journey here
About Life Coaching and Therapy
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!
Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.
