No Sexual Desire

How To Go From No Sexual Desire to Willing in 15 Steps!

How To Go From No Sexual Desire to Willing in 15 Steps!

By Amanda Pasciucco, LMFT AASECT CST & CE Provider

I wrote this out for a few clients of mine that felt no sexual desire for their partners after 20+ years of sex and self-pleasure. These individuals wanted the option of “how to set the mood” without using Role Play. 

Prerequisite – WILLINGNESS

  1. TIME! You know this one. I am going to break it down ANYWAY. But don’t forget it. Set a time. If you can’t find the time then you are sending a message to your partner that they are not a priority to you. The sexual connection we have must be a priority in a monogamous romantic relationship. If it isn’t, your partner and you won’t be fulfilled by one another and there will be no sexual desire. TIME TOGETHER SHOWS LOVE. No Sexual Desire
  2. Showering. To me, the shower is a reset. Take a shower with dimighting.. Always have a nightlight 24/7 in the bathroom if possible. (are you by yourself or with a partner?)

  1. Setting the scene. Keep your bathroom and bedroom as clutter-free as possible that night. Keep children or your pets away from the space if possible. We want to bring AWARENESS to the amazingness that is about to happen.

  1. Clean, black or dark scrumptious SOFT sheets.

  1. Light candles in your bedroom, and have water and light snacks, such as fruit ready. 

  1. Brush your teeth, floss and use mouthwash. . Not because you have to, but because it’s nice to go the extra step for the person you love.

  1. Smell is CRITICAL. Do NOT put on any perfume,cologne, or scented ANYTHING – enjoy each other’s natural scent.

  1. FINALLY, it’s time to get together. TAKE THREE DEEP BREATHS IN and OUT while looking into each others eyes and smiling (you can blink).

  1. Discuss the need you are trying to get met.Oral Sex For Woman

 

  1. Pick the “personas” you want to be in to get those top 1 or 2 needs for each of you met, or decide to focus on one of you one week and then one of you the next week. Personas / roles can include, but are not limited to the following: the school girl / teacher role play, the “wife / husband” newlyweds, the college, wild, party parts, the primal parts,  the make-up sex part, the Dom/sub parts, the young, playful parts, or something else? 

  1. Pick a playlist. And set a time for how long the phones and TVs will be off. Stay in an intimate space with your partner unless there is a life or death emergency. Nothing else matters. NOTHING. Prioritize and focus.

And then the night begins. You can do anything in here that fits with the roles of those mentalities that would meet the needs you discussed. If you need help with suggestions, message me with roles and I can help.

  1. End the night by saying what you are THANKFUL for in that experience and what you want to try again next time or try MORE of. No insults here. Appreciations only.

  1. Drink water, and blow out the candles with INTENTION and RESPECT. Sex magic and adult play is so amazing, because it is an exciting way to turn no sexual desire into sexual ectasy. 

  1. Turn off the music. Wash all props, sex toys, lube off of everything. Put away anything you don’t want to get altered by children or pets.                                                                                                                                                                                                    
  2. End scene. Use the bathroom.. Get a snack. Lay together and talk about what went well. 

Bonus:  Shower if you want. Journal about it if you want.

No sexual desire can happen to all of us, we just have to be willing to find a way. 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Shave your pubic hair

To Shave or Not to Shave Your Pubic Hair

To Shave or Not to Shave Your Pubic Hair  

Think twice before you laser or shave your pubic hair! 

If you have been wondering whether or not to shave your pubic hair entirely, trim it closely, or let it grow bushy, we are happy to tell you the trend is to do whatever makes you happy.

If you grew up before the late nineties, you may have gotten your first glimpse of a stranger’s naked body in an adult magazine. Remember, this was before the internet and the explosion of online porn. People sometimes had to learn the birds and the bees from printed publications or VHS tapes.

Back in the old days, the centerfolds laid out on the pages had a healthy bush. It was almost as if no one had ever heard of shaving pubic hair. Large tufts of pubic hair on all genders were in full effect.

For the past two decades, however, shaving has been in.

 

Smooth Sexy Parts

Many years ago, Brazilian wax salons started popping up all over the country. At first, we all giggled at the thought of ripping hair off vulvas, balls, and other body parts. Waxing scenes removing underarm hair, chest hair, and pubic hair played in movies and jokes between friends.

The no pubic hair trend caught fire and stuck. All you have to do is take a look at some popular porn sites to take sampling. Most of the videos feature people of all genders with no pubic hair.

So why did pubic hair removal become so popular? A lot of people prefer it, because they feel like it’s a cleaner look. You’re not worried about pubes poking out of a swimsuit or falling all over the bathroom floor. Others like how it gives a better view of what you’re working with down there.

Celebrity voices added to the popularity of the no-bush trend. Some have spoken out about their personal preference for laser hair removal and waxing. Even for celebrities who’ve remained silent, all you have to do is take a look at their social media posts in tight swimsuits to see they’re pubic hair-free.

 

Don’t Look Now, Yet Bush is Back!

Even though pubic hair removal is still extremely popular, having pubic hair is becoming less of a taboo. Before, if you had pubic hair, you’d probably get some heat for being lazy or sloppy. Now, however, it’s becoming a sort of personal statement.

We’ve all heard that fashion trends repeat. Could it be the same for pubic hair? Well, in the past few years, pubic hair is making somewhat of a comeback.

Shave your pubic hair

Pubic Hair (Photo Credits: Needpix)

As is usually the case, a trend starts when a small group of people decide they want to go against the crowd. They decide they don’t want to do what everyone else is doing. They want to stand out.

Eventually, people take notice and want to hop on the early beginnings of a trend. More and more people do it until whatever was popular in the beginning is hard to find at all. Then the cycle repeats.

The same is happening with shaving and other ways of pubic hair removal. The bush is creeping back into the mainstream. You can find it online in pornographic videos, pictures, and even in Hollywood productions.

 

Here are some of the most common NEGATIVE examples of why people shave:

  • They feel disgusted to kiss their partners after going down on them. 
  • Sometimes, partners refuse cunnilingus or intercourse with menstruating women or women with pubic hair. 
  • Joking about vulvas and vaginas smelling “like fish” or ejaculation is “gross” and “repulsive.”
  • Partners shave off their body hair because they state it smells bad and holds the sweat.

 

Tips for when you shave your pubic hair: 

Make sure you use an organic balm on the gentle skin of the pubic region. If you want to shave your pubic hair, just know that there will be some itching as it grows back. 

Test for allergies! I was using organic products for years, and then found out I was still allergic to some of the products themselves, not just the pesticides of the pharmacy brand version).

If you love that bare look of no hair, enjoy a fun slip and slide with a hairless partner! I know some people who actually tweeze or thread their pubic hair to get the smoothest sensation imaginable. Yes, this takes hours to do if you are tweezing.  

These are long-standing beliefs that keep our pleasure repressed, and keep us self-conscious instead. Find a happy medium for YOURSELF!

If you want bush, go for it. If you want to shave, go for it.

Or find a happy medium!

 

Keeping It Trim

An alternative for pleasure-enhancement is trimming! 

At my Betty Dodson BodySex weekend, one of the women came in Day 1 donning a beautiful bush and the next day, she trimmed and was equally joyful and orgasmic Day 2!

We haven’t made a full return to the glory days when huge bush was in style…

Now when pubic hair makes an appearance [in pornography], it’s often neatly trimmed. 

Closely-cropped pubic hair is easier to manage – there are fewer painful waxing or lasering sessions – and many individuals find this trimmed, “natural-state” highly desirable. 

 

Grooming Tips

Thankfully, personal grooming is easier than ever. There are widely available grooming shavers that are adjustable to match whatever length or shape you’re looking for. 

If you are thinking about letting your pubic hair make a comeback, start slowly. Buy a grooming tool that you can use to keep things trim and take it from there.

Shave your pubic hair

[Photo: Getty]

You still have a lot of choices in pubic grooming! 

There’s waxing, shaving, threading, laser hair removal, chemicals that remove hair and other forms of trimming. 

It’s not an “all or nothing” proposition when it comes to pubic hair.

 

Check out some LCAT Fan Favorites:

  • The best razor for a close shave without nicks
  • Shaving cream choice, especially for those with sensitive skin
  • Baby trimmer for those who have never done it
  • Body trimmer reported to prevent cutting
  • Multigroom series

If you are going to get a brazalian or an anal wax, make sure that the person you are going to has hygenic facilities and that they are experienced. This is not a place you want any infections. 

 

Body Positivity and Personal Preference

One of the best things about recent trends in pubic hair is the underlying support for personal preference when it comes to your body. We still have some ways to go, but the return of pubic hair and the debate over whether bald is better is becoming less about what’s “hot” and more about doing whatever you want concerning your body.

That sense of body sensitivity has sexual maturity, acceptance from sexual partners and even helped push choice feminism. 

With the reemergence of bushier pubic hair, women should feel less confined to a certain body image or personal grooming standards. 

Everyone has better sex when we feel good about our bodies.

More and more people, including people with large public followings, are proudly announcing their preference for the natural look. 

That may seem a bit trite, but it goes a long way to breaking down barriers. Sometimes, when public figures open the door to how many people feel, it’s easier for them to take the leap and make changes.

The trend, for now, remains overwhelmingly in favor of total hair removal or very limited pubic hair. However, the stigma of bushy or trimmed pubic hair on all genders is slowly fading away. That’s good news for everyone.

Some people do what their partner prefers. I would consider that choosing what makes you feel the most confident about your body is what matters. 

 

Can You Go Back if You’ve Done Laser Hair Removal?

What about people who chose laser hair removal to permanently remove their pubic hair? 

A few years ago, they were so sure they’d never want pubic hair again. 

The trend is changing, though, and so are some people’s minds.

With laser hair removal, your pubic hair may not be completely gone forever, and it’s likely that hair that grows back will be lighter, thinner, and that there will be fewer of them.

Believe it or not, in recent years, some medical facilities have started performing hair transplants on people – for those balding, those who want a fuller bush, or those who regret past laser hair removal. 

The procedures are expensive and are by no means mainstream, yet if the trend towards pubic hair continues, expect there to be more developments here.

Still, even with the potential for hair removal reversal, permanent laser removal should be something you consider at length. 

Focus instead on feeling good about your body and taking small steps to find out what works best for you.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Sexy Couples

Why Are Sexy Couples So Damn Hot?

Why Are Sexy Couples So Damn Hot?

 

Have you ever come across sexy couples and realize that you’re drawn to them for some strange reason? Perhaps you’ve seen them interacting across a restaurant or chatted with them at a dinner party.

Sometimes, we’re attracted to couples we’re more intimate with. It could be close friends we’ve known for a long time. Secretly, we envy something about their relationship.

When we see sexy couples, we admire the way they touch each other, laugh together, or just the way they look at each other. There’s something about them or their relationship that feels deeply desirable.

Usually, we’re too shy to tell them how we feel. Inside, we hunger for something similar. The couples become a mini obsession we grow to desire.

At times, the couples we find sexy aren’t people we are traditionally attracted to. They don’t match the physical or personality attributes we’d list to friends.

Outside Attraction is Natural Even Among Committed Couples

It’s ok to admit it, we all fantasize about people from time to time. It’s unrealistic to think that your current partner is the only one you’ll ever find sexy. That doesn’t mean we’re going to be unfaithful.

Once we realize the sexual desire for others is normal, it can even add a lot more fun into our committed relationships!

Supportive partners help each other fulfill fantasy within boundaries. Add a little adventure into your sex life by introducing a bit of roleplaying. 

If you know your partner is feeling a certain kind of way about someone, try to play that up. Take on some of their personality traits or dress the way they do to make sex more interesting.

Hopefully, you nor your partner is overly jealous. It’s great when both of you are willing to talk about attraction or desire for other people. 

Let loose, and let sexy couples improve your own love life with a little fantasy. 

Try to embody aspects of their relationship that draw you in. Fantasy is an important part of the intoxication with sexy couples! 

 

Sexual Desire is Fluid

Sexy Couples

Many people experience changes in sexual desire. As we grow into our sexuality, we realize attraction and desire are fluid. They don’t always stay the same.

It’s a hard phenomenon to understand, and sometimes we are drawn to a person or sexy couples for reasons we can’t explain.

Most people, if they’re honest, can pinpoint times in their lives when they were attracted to someone who was not their “type.” People attracted to the other sex can feel the desire for same-sex individuals at times. 

Sometimes, it’s difficult to reconcile our feelings with our understanding of who we are as individuals. What does it mean, as a female, you find yourself attracted to both partners in a sexy couple you come across? It can be confusing when our sexual desires change. 

Labels are Helpful Yet Not Always Necessary

Over the years, labels have helped marginalized people or misunderstood claim space in society. 

The emphasis on labels, though, has led a lot of people to feel the need that everything must be labeled so that it’s understood. 

We often feel a need to declare what something is so we know how to approach and process our feelings.

Don’t be so quick to label yourself over your feelings of attraction and desire. We shouldn’t put pressure on ourselves to define every feeling or desire. Labels are good as long as they don’t put you in a box that you don’t want to be in.

If you are struggling, on the other hand, with defining your feelings of attraction and desire, the Kinsey Scale can help. For decades, the Kinsey Scale has helped people realize that sexual feelings change over time and aren’t always constant.

 

The Kinsey Scale

Dr. Alfred Kinsey led a team of researchers in interviewing thousands of people about their sexual attractions. It gauged over time how attractions and desires changed. The study found that sexual orientation shifts. Sometimes people declared themselves strictly attracted to the other sex, while at other times expressing a greater openness to homosexual feelings.

The Kinsey Scale[1] was created to help people understand the fluidity in sexual attraction better. It rates sexual attraction from 0-6, with 0 being exclusively heterosexual (other sex) and 6 being exclusively homosexual (same sex).

Sexy CouplesThe study was completed decades ago, and it’s had a huge impact. Books on the subject have sold millions of copies in a multitude of languages. Many of the conversations we have about sexual attraction today have roots in the Kinsey Scale.

We Can’t Explain Attraction

It’s not always possible to explain how we feel. Certain people, places, and conditions trigger a variety of emotions in people. You can find a couple or another individual extremely sexy at a certain point in your life, and then laugh about how you felt ten years later. Things change.

It’s important to embrace our feelings of attraction and try to understand what they mean about our sexuality. Fighting against feelings can lead to unnecessary internal struggles that could trigger depression or anxiety. Don’t force a definition on yourself. Embrace your feelings of attraction. The best thing you can do is remain open and enjoy the ride. 

 

Don’t Be Afraid to Explore What Drives Your Attraction

Is a man in a relationship with a woman who is attracted to another man bisexual? Can there be an attraction between a gay man and a woman? When we understand there are no hard rules for sexuality and who we desire, then we can free ourselves.

Becoming more open sexually can be a wonderfully personal journey for people who want to learn more about themselves and explore where sexual desire comes from.

Knowing this opens us up to deeper connections. whether they be with committed partners, new relationships, or strangers we interact with.

So, the next time you find yourself staring or daydreaming about that sexy couple you’ve come across, don’t be afraid to dive a little deeper into your psyche about where those feelings come from and what that means about you.

Of course, a qualified sex therapist can help guide you through sexual discovery. If you feel like you need someone to talk to, find a sex coach who has experience dealing with changes in sexual desire.

 You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

My Fertility Journey

My Fertility Journey – Do Not Downplay the Impacts of Those Struggling With Infertility! 

 

Fertility. Ugh.  It really is one of my least favorite “F” words.

Fertility (or infertility, as many say) is a complex concept that is generally misunderstood by anyone who has not undergone it themselves. 

The assumptions and statements made to those undergoing treatment by those who have not experienced it is at best minimally supportive to, at worst, completely harmful. 

It is only in the last year, that I have watched this topic be addressed in mainstream society from Michelle Obama discussing that she conceived both her children through IVF to the Today Show’s Dylan Dryer sharing her story around fertility. It is basically 2020. 

Fertility struggles can have major impacts on individuals and relationships. 

Fertility

I, personally, have struggled with fertility and the impacts on my life were far greater than what I was prepared for.

I began my fertility journey in 2015, and my daughter was born in 2019. Over three years later. Overall, I was blessed with the support I received, as the nurse connected me with the resources for my personal struggles.

My case was unique, as I was half of a same-sex couple; thus, our fertility issues were unique because we could not just “have a baby.” That was just step one of the hurdles. 

Below are some important lessons surrounding fertility for you to get through it!

There is not enough support for those undergoing fertility treatments, and there are not enough resources. 

The impacts of fertility treatment far outweigh what we see or are told. The process for creating life is considered fun, intimate, and sacred for some couples. 

For couple’s undergoing fertility treatment, this is not often the case. 

Imagine trying to conceive IN a hospital room!

Depending on the fertility procedure, sometimes, your partner may not be able to be with you. This can cause a disconnect from the magic of what is happening… the creation of a child. 

 

Fertility ImpactsFertility

 

Pain

The procedures are invasive and, at times, painful. Some parts of the body are incredibly sensitive to the areas where shots are required (abdomen, lower back, arms, thigh, vagina, uterus, and/or cervix). 

Sexual contact or any sort of physical activity can become painful and hard for the person who is undergoing treatment to get pregnant. 

 

Monotonous Sex Life

If you are an other-sex couple (sometimes called a heterosexual couple), sexual activity may become about ovulation and be scheduled on a timeline. 

As couples engage in fertility treatment, sexual intimacy may become non-existent, creating disconnection between the future parents. 

 

Disconnection

If you are a same-sex or a queer couple, sexual intimacy is taken out of creating your child. Thus fertility treatment can cause a disconnection within the romantic relationship.

Also, sometimes children are created by donors and there is no overt sexual connection involved in the creation of your child.  

 

Performance Anxiety

Performance anxiety for partner’s providing sperm, having to provide sperm at a specific time each day during a certain window of time is anxiety provoking and creates extreme pressure on that partner.

 

Hormonal Shifts

Throughout any type of assisted fertility treatment hormones are used. These hormonal shifts can have massive impacts on the body (water retention, weight changes, pain, lubrication, skin issues, bloating, insomnia, decreased sex drive, excessive hair growth, etc) and emotions (low self-esteem, shame, menopause symptoms, drastic mood shifts, depression, anxiety, trauma symptoms, grief, loneliness).

 

Relationship

As you can imagine, all of these things stated above can result in issues in the relationship such as increased conflict, difficulty empathizing, increased difficulty 

Fertility

communicating, disconnection, and decreased sexual and physical intimacy. 

 

Loss

People are often not prepared for the loss that often occurs during fertility treatment (loss of pregnancy, loss of fertility, and the loss of biological pro-creation). 

 

*THIS DOES NOT INCLUDE ALL IMPACTS OR EVEN IDENTIFY THE FULL SCOPE OF IMPACTS OF FERTILITY. 

 

  • Fertility vs. Infertility
  • Educate
  • Couple/Partner Work
  • Name your Fear and Shame
  • Identify What You Need

So, Basically… Get Therapy

 

Moral of the story, do not downplay the impact, identify your emotions, your needs, and SEEK support! However you embark on this journey, please be sure to access supports, community, and connection. Creating a family is emotional without fertility, add fertility and it can truly be a very complex circumstance that can make you forget what your doing it for. 

If you need help, feel free to come to LCAT, we are here to help you and your loved ones through this process! This could look like couples therapy or individual therapy. Our focus in treatment would be helping guide you emotionally through the process, providing psychoeducation, communication skills, expressing your needs, engaging in self care, engaging in relationship care, and creating connections. We want to help combat shame and fear and build connections as you grow your family!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do or Make an Appointment.

Christmas sex

Why Christmas Sex is So Good

Why Christmas Sex is So Good

 

Even when people get stressed with all of the parties, the family drama and everything else, Christmas sex is one hell of a way to blow off some steam.

Christmas is a fantastic time for sex. People are in great moods, there’s a romance in the air with all of the wonderful holiday tunes and is a great time for intimate gift giving.

If you’re like us, you start to get into the holiday spirit right as December rolls around. That way, you have more fun to enjoy everything there is to love about Christmas and all the other winter holidays.

But this is a blog about intimacy, right? What’s that got to do with Christmas and feeling some holiday cheer. Well, we’re here to tell you that Christmas is a great time for love and holiday cheer shouldn’t be the only thing you’re feeling this month.

Here are some of the best reasons why Christmas sex is so good.

 

There’s Something in the Air

Unless you’re a total scrooge, you probably love the end of year holidays. As we move through December and into January, it’s a time of reflection about the year that has gone by. We feel gratitude for the people in our lives who mean so much, and we start planning how we’re going to take over in 2020.

Christmas Sex

One of the absolute best ways to show someone you care is to capitalize on the nostalgia and romance in the air with some amazing sex. If you’re in a committed relationship, Christmas sex can be about deep connections.

If you’re single, just know that other people are feeling the same draw to people around them that you are. There’s never a better time to shoot your shot. Take a chance and ask out your secret crush or that person you’ve noticed you have incredible chemistry with. You never know, you could soon be having some of the best Christmas sex of your life.

The holidays are all about showing love and receiving love. Make sure to show that special someone in your life how much you love them this Christmas.

 

Christmas Sex is Better than Yoga

Ok, so this might depend on if you LOVE yoga, but Christmas sex is one of the best stress relievers out there. When you get wound up with all the celebrating, driving, gift buying, and other activities, lock the doors so you and your partner can get a healthy sweat in. 

It’s easy for some people to get overwhelmed during Christmas. A lot is going on. Just remember to make time for yourself and your partner. Don’t neglect intimacy because you’ve got a million things on your to-do list.

Making Christmas sex a priority can turn into some of the best sex of your life! With so much built-up tension, it’s bound to play out in the bedroom or wherever you decide to let it all out. Focus the stress and channel it into the passion between you and your lover.

 

Giving Gifts in Private can be More Fun

Giving presents is one of the best perks of the holiday season. Not only is it fun to splurge a bit for the people you love, but it’s a great way to show family and friends how much you care.

Christmas is also the perfect time to give your partner something a bit spicier. When all the presents in the living room are opened, take your special someone aside and give them a gift for both of you. 

Sexy Gifts

Here are some naughty gift ideas:

  • Lingerie
  • A stack of cards that can be turned in for sexual favors
  • High-end massage oils
  • A weekend getaway without the kids
  • A vibrator or some other sex toy

Whether it’s a vibrator or some fancy handcuffs, it’ll send a clear message that you want to keep things steamy. Remember, these gifts are really for two. Hopefully, you’ll find yourself in some crazy Christmas sex before too long.

 

The Kids are Preoccupied

If you have small kids, it’s hard to find time for sex. Even older kids can make love making tough. They likely know what locked doors and noises coming from the bedroom mean. With kids, a lot of couples find that sex becomes a routine. It’s something that can only happen after kids’ teeth have been brushed and bedtime is over.

When it’s Christmas, though, you have a shot at spontaneous sex that you probably haven’t had all year. Kids are busy playing with toys, watching Christmas movies, or hanging out with friends while school is out. Don’t waste this precious opportunity! Have all the morning and afternoon sex you can. Do it in the dining room, in the laundry room, wherever.

Couples can capitalize on holiday distractions to have tremendous sex. Changing up the timing and the routine is sometimes all it takes to breathe new life into your sex life.

 

Keep It Hot Indoors While It’s Snowing Outside

In a lot of places, it’s freezing at Christmas. People are stuck indoors because it’s brutal outside. Sometimes people complain that winters are rough because they can get out and run, the days are shorter because the sun’s up less, and as a result, people can get a bit melancholy.

Christmas Sex

Use Christmas sex to beat back the winter blues. If you’re lucky enough to have a fireplace, get a fire going and set the mood. Pour some wine and turn on some music. Get close to your partner and make it happen.

Listen, there’s a reason September is the most popular birth month. In a 2017 Time article, it said that researchers at Harvard University found that between 1973 and 1999, the most common birthday was September 16. 

Yep, you guessed it, that’s nine months after Christmas

People love Christmas sex so much they’ve been using the holidays to make babies for decades.

When it’s cold outside and you feel a bit bored, there’s nothing better than some amazing Christmas sex to get you feeling right.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Oral Sex for Woman

The Art of Oral Sex For Women or Those With Vulvas

The Art of Oral Sex For Women or Those With Vulvas

 

Some individals seem concerned when performing oral sex for women or on those with vulvas! 

Can you imagine how successfully brainwashed we are that we believe there is something extra dirty or wrong with them, simply because they are internal. 

Most women who perform oral sex on women report that they love to give it. 

Oral Sex For Woman

Yet, many discuss how difficult it is for those who are raised as girls to be patient in a world of consumerism and productivity. 

In the past ten years of therapy, I have heard thousands of stories where individuals of all socioeconomic backgrounds, race, ethnicities, education levels, socioeconomic status, and ability were telling me that their is something incredibly taboo about providing oral sex on the labia.

I have been blessed with wonderful sexual education thanks to Betty Dodson and my professor, Jim Moorhead. 

 

Educate Yourself! 

If you ever feel that your labia isn’t normal, I suggest looking at a variety of lips

If you are concerned about the smell of your genitals, remember that many people enjoy the scent of sexual organs.

Your feelings of disgust or shame around your bits may just be conditioning of society, family, your religion, or your limited exposure to the world of pleasure. 

Go under the feels of “yuck” and see if there is any part of you that can show up and receive the compliment or the gift of pleasure. 

 

Discuss Which One of Your 6 Need Is Being Met! 

Oral Sex For Woman

Examples: 

::ask your sexual partner PRIOR to giving or receiving oral sex, so that your mind can relax:: 

Can you tell me  like how it looks and how it smells. 

Validation from a partner is probably more helpful than anything you can read in my blog! 

If both of you are concerned with genital odors, try to incorporate a shower as part of the foreplay and aftercare (and, if there is a “significant odor,” and you have the privilege of affording healthcare, go to a trusted ob-gyn or a local Planned Parenthood to get checked for bacterial vaginosis).

While going down on your partner or giving oral sex, make sure you ask your partner what feels good. 

  • Get an idea of the pressure that works, the spot that is most sensitive, and what does not feel good. 
  • Make sure as the giver and the receiver, that your body is in a comfortable position. 
  • If you need to move your partner, then do so. 
  • If you have long hair, tie it out of your face. 
  • Kneel along the side of the bed if you have to. You CAN find ways to incorporate this for all body shapes and abilities. 

 

Check in Again With Your Partner Before Going In and Touching Them.

Reassure them of what mental state you are in, what your desires are, what your needs are. 

Discuss in feelings, needs, and utilizing parts cards if possible! 

Note to everyone involved, as you can receive oral sex from multiple partners at one time. 

Be sure that you are not focusing on what you look like and focus on your pleasure receiving, or you are focused on your partner’s experience while giving. 

Give positive feedback to your partner about how you are enjoying this experience. 

Verbally, with sounds, with smiles! Ask if they like dirty talk, talk about fantasies, if they want a different type of sensual touch instead of just the oral touch of mouth to vulva. 

Communicate and experiment with an open mind. The brain is the most important organ in sexual pleasure!

If You Are Nervous As The Receiver, Here Are Some Mantras To Practice: 

 

  •   I let myself to experience pleasure;
  •   I allow my sexual selves to appear;
  •   I am worthy of sexual satisfaction and connection;
  •   I am opening my life to positive sexual experiences;
  •   I feel seen in my expression of sexuality;
  •   The more I experience my own understanding of my inner parts, the more I can communicate and direct my language to the part my partner is requesting of me. 

Receiving oral sex is about the sensual art of receiving, accepting, creating, exploring, releasing, and intuitiveness. 

 

How and When To Talk To Your Partner About Changing Their Oral Sex Technique 

female anatomy

There is no “magic way” to be comfortable with the words coming out of your mouth so that your partner may hear of judge you based on what you said about sexuality. 

What I can say is that the more your practice and acknowledge that it may be uncomfortable or difficult to talk about, the more confident you can get in this type of intimate compassionate communication and conversation style. 

One partner may be more willing to engage in conversations around sex than the other, which is actually normal! 

 

Quick Tips To Address In The Moment:

  • If your partner is not hitting the right spot on your clit or is missing your clit entirely, you can say things like, “Up a little” or “To the right a little.”
  • You can adjust your body so you are in the right position. Partners, please note that if a woman adjusts her body while you are touching her, do not move your hand or mouth. Ask if she is squirming with pleasure or if she wants to move. 
  • When your partner does hit the right spot, provide positive reinforcement, like, “YES!” or “It feels so good. Stay right there,” or “YAY! This is amazing. Keep doing that.”

 

Communicating during a Sexual Encounter:

Old Way: “Stop. You always try to have sex with me too quickly.”

New Way: “It would be so hot if you touched me gently right now. I like when you tease me a little bit more before you touch my clit.”

 

Communicating outside of a Sexual  Encounter:

Old Way:  “It hurts when you have sex with me.”

New Way: “Our sex is great, and sometimes it hurts. Can we add more foreplay and lubricant before we have sex? I think if we focused on 20 minutes of body pleasure prior to penetrative sex, I could physically be engaged more. Is that of interest to you?”

You can get more free content on oral sex for woman, relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco Signature

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

 

Pornosexual

Are You a Pornosexual?

Are You a Pornosexual?

 

Have you ever considered yourself a pornosexual? 

Partnered sex is one form of intimacy and self-pleasure is another. 

With the advent of the internet, many say that porn numbs out their desire to be intimate with their partner. The literature is split! Those who identify as pornosexuals feel that it is easier to get off alone and thus, they engage in this instead of desiring connection from a partner.

 

Some researchers state that if pornography with similar masturbation patterns are used long enough, it becomes the only reliable method for a person to get aroused and then achieve orgasm.

The age of losing your virginity is getting higher, and many young people who have access to pornography since a young age remain virgins. 

Those who identify as “pornosexuals,” although they don’t always refer to themselves by this label, often have limited experience with intimacy, sexuality, and arousal outside of their computers and phones. 

The longer they remain with their computer, the less likely they are to even have interest in sex with another. 

If you are partnered with a pornosexual, you may understand what it is like for your partner to not understand your needs and desires. You may notice that your partner doesn’t respond emotionally or physically because they have trained themselves to orgasm in one specific way. 

Pornosexual

If you don’t know much about pornography, check out the statistics from Pornhub’s 2016 Year in Review, where the site received 729 hits a second, or 64 million a day. 

A 2014 study in JAMA found 66% of men and 41% of women watch porn at least once a month. The perceived anonymity offered by free online porn has contributed to the rise of more people being a pornosexual. 

Habitually using porn as the only source of sexual pleasure can desensitize the brain’s reward center. In a 2014 study, published in JAMA Psychiatry, German researchers found the level of changes in the brain correlated with the amount of porn a person watched. This means the more porn watched, the lower the activity in their brain’s reward centers (after seeing sexual videos on screen).

The brain begins to require more dopamine each subsequent time it watches porn in order to feel its effects. Sometimes, the brain halts the production of dopamine and leaves the viewer wanting more without the ability to reach it. 

This can lead the person to watch more porn to replicate the same “high” they had the first time. 

Pornosexuals experience all of their sexual pleasure in isolation instead of shared. We advice that porn is not your only sexual outlet. 

 

Instead, you can channel your focus on fantasizing while self-pleasure while using your imagination. 

Porn can be helpful in exploring sexual desires, but unhealthy use can have a negative consequence on the brain. The problem isn’t porn, it’s the way you choose to use it. Unfortunately, porn users and those who identify as pornosexuals report purposely avoiding talking to their partner, and fear the rejection of being denied. 

 

Without wanting to experience rejection or fear, pornosexuals avoid uncomfortable situations so they do not have the opportunity to intimately connect with others. This perpetuates a cycle which makes them more self-conscious, anxious, fearful, and rejected 

 

If they are with a partner, pornosexuals identify that they would rather use online porn than work through it with their partner. At Life Coaching and Therapy, we have a great success rate of individuals who overcome this problem. Yet it is contingent on the patient’s willingness to succeed.

I have been fortunate that everyone that has come through my door wanted something other than continuing being a pornosexual! If one partner came in and wanted their spouse to “stop being a pornosexual,” we would have a lower success rate.

In our therapy, we focus on the one who identifies as a pornosexual and the one dating a pornosexual. We will go over the difference in desire levels between both partners, and we will talk about fulfilling both partners needs and address the negative emotions for both partners. So, if you want to stay together, you have to find new ways to learn about each other.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco Signature

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

 

Male Masturbation Techniques

Sex Therapist Secret Male Masturbation Techniques Revealed!

Sex Therapist Secret Male Masturbation Techniques Revealed!

 

What are your favorite male masturbation techniques?

Mine is edging, and I am going to teach you how to get longer, and stronger orgasms.

Male Masturbation Techniques

It’s time to take control back of your member!

A brief introduction into a variety of male masturbation techniques encourages conscious self-pleasuring.

In recent years, there has been a new term that has entered the sexual lexicon – a favorite one of my male masturbation techniques, according to internet research.

“Edging” is the practice of extending and intensifying the period of sexual stimulation and pleasure by delaying orgasm, specifically ejaculation.

DISCLAIMER: For the sake of brevity rather than priority, we will be limiting our conversation to humans with external genitals in the context of “male” sexuality. Please email us if you want more on masturbation techniques across the binary!

Masturbation is Good for You!

Self-pleasure is an excellent way of providing for your own needs! It is fun, self-soothing, and feels good.

Most men stumble onto this natural wonderment in puberty and joyfully or shamefully retreat to the privacy of their room and their receptive sweat socks and lotion bottles with great regularity.

No harm, no foul! 

As young men mature, so do their sexual and emotional needs, and many begin to seek out intensifying factors such as porn; and occasionally other fetishistic behaviors, like self-bondage, panty-sniffing and about a million other things, including edging. 

These patterns will certainly shape the sexual behavior and preferences for the rest of his life, occasionally in unpleasant ways. 

Male Masturbation Techniques

Masturbation is powerful in its potential to “program” our sexual behavior.

Here is where edging can be beneficial to our sexual performance when we add a partner into the mix.

Often, there is shame associated with ejaculation before your partner is ready for it. 

This shame is not helpful, so I’ll bypass the tropes and point out that, generally speaking, the ability to control orgasm and ejaculation is considered a desirable trait in a male lover, and the lack thereof would be high on the list of frustrations by people who find sex with their partners unfulfilling.

A good start is to not ejaculate until you have been masturbating for at least 20 minutes. 

This will help you develop the ability to sense and delay the onset of ejaculation with pacing, a good second step is to not allow yourself to ever stop masturbating, but rather slow down and speed up to gain even greater control. 

At more advanced levels, this will help you to develop the muscles required to delay ejaculation and maintain a firm erection even when pleasure increases or is momentarily interrupted.

There are even videos on Pornhub to assist you in this practice. 

In my opinion, most of them are too short, but they may be helpful to you (search JOI or edging challenge)! Some even have a guide sound or visual to require you to stroke at a certain intensity.

Hopefully your solitary practice of edging will benefit your sexual relations as well!

Male Masturbation Techniques

Wouldn’t it be nice to know going into a sexual encounter that you have perfect control of your own orgasm and will be able to please your partner with a mutually satisfactory experience without anxiety over orgasming too soon or that awkward feeling of being “done” when your partner is still raring to go?

So far, we have only spoken of this as a means to an end, and it can be helpful that way; however, edging with a partner can be a wonderful experience. 

It can be done as pure hedonism or with with an edge of power exchange where control of orgasm and prolonging of pleasure becomes kind of a game. 

In porn, it seems to be popular when combined with humiliation play or bondage and “ruined orgasm” videos abound where a man is made to edge over several days, or weeks even, and is then stimulated to the point of orgasm and then stimulation stops just at the onset of orgasm. 

It seems mean, but the guys don’t seem to mind – LOL.

The increased volume of semen that is often a result of edging is also a factor for some people as is the increased “horniness” that prolonged edging over days or weeks can cause. 

There are many reasons to give all of these considerations a try in your self-pleasure practice.

Have fun with your new Male Masturbation Techniques!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer.

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it.

Amanda Pasciucco Signature

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

 Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

 LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

 Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

 Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Best Sexy Gifts

Holiday Shopping! What are the Best Sexy Gifts to Buy Your Partner?

Holiday Shopping! What are the Best Sexy Gifts to Buy Your Partner?

 

You know it, the holidays are around the corner and its time to give the best sexy gifts for the ultimate night of seduction!

We are about to be stressing about what to buy for that special someone in our lives. If you’ve been together for a while, it’s hard to come up with the best sexy gift ideas. Instead of buying what we want, let’s get partner gifts that keeps on giving!

So, what do you do when you don’t want to give your partner a gift card or a pair of socks? Thankfully, you’ve come to the right place! This year is the year when you should spice things up and buy a scintillating, sexy gift.

Stick the standard gifts under the tree and save a couple of the presents off this list for when you’re alone. Your partner will love the message it sends, and, hey, it’s really a present for the ultimate night of seduction!

 

Here are Some of the Best Sexy Gifts for your Lover! 

 

Crave Vesper Vibrator Necklace

Best Sexy Gifts

Crave Vesper Vibrator Necklace From LOVECRAVE.COM

Even though the Crave Vesper necklace has a beautiful, subtle design, there’s nothing subtle about your intentions when you give this to your partner.

The Vesper is something your partner can keep at home for intimate moments or wear out at night if you guys are feeling a little risqué. 

The necklace is made of high-polish stainless steel that comes in silver, gold and rose gold. 

It starts from $69 and has four different speed settings with two modes, quite impressive for something so small. You can personalize the vibrator with a special message, so she’ll think of you every time she puts it to good use.

 

Egyptian Cotton Bed Sheets

Best Sexy Gifts

Egyptian Cotton Bed Sheets from NYMAG.COM

If you and your partner aren’t at the “buy your partner a vibrator” stage, you can go for something a bit tamer like Egyptian cotton bed sheets.

Whenever you’ve laid on the bed in a high-end hotel, you’ve noticed how smooth and crisp quality sheets feel. Too many people neglect their beds even though it’s where we spend most of our time. Buying real Egyptian quality sheets will make a huge difference in how your partner will feel lying in bed to sleep or while making love.

Be careful while you’re shopping to buy 100% certified Egyptian cotton. Quality sheets vary in price, but you should expect to pay around $200-$300 for a nice set of queen or king sheets.

The smooth, silky feel of Egyptian cotton absorbs body moisture and regulate temperatures, so whatever you do in bed will feel a ton better.

 

Barbell by Betty Dodson

Best Sexy GiftsDr. Betty Dodson has spent years studying women’s sexual health issues, and the Betty Dodson Barbell is a revolutionary product that helps build pelvic muscle strength.

 

Everyone wants their partner to have a better time during sex, correct? Well, with stronger pelvic muscles, women experience more intense orgasms. It sounds like a pretty good investment. In addition to helping with sex, the Barbell increases pelvic floor control and overall vaginal health.

 

The Barbell is just under seven inches long, so it’s discreet. Make sure your partner reads up on how to use it so she gets the most out of it. There’s nothing more sexy than a woman confident in her sexuality, and the Barbell will help her feel like she’s got more control over her body.

 

Leather Cuffs, Chokers, and Other Toys

Add some kink into your relationship by getting your partner some leather cuffs or some similar toy for the bedroom. We’ve all been at points in our sex lives where things can get a bit routine. 

From B&M’s Mart

You’ve seen how your partner reacts when you wear something different or try something new, so you know these sexy gifts work.

Thankfully, the sex industry has come a long way and people have much more open attitudes about things like light bondage play. Let your fantasies play out with your bedroom by taking turns with dominance and submission. Buying a gift like an elegant choker or stylish leather cuffs is a great signal to your partner you’re ready to spice things up.

If you’ve never done anything like this, the best thing about buying something light like handcuffs is that you can gauge your partner’s reaction. Who knows, maybe they’re up for more and you can explore that part of their sexuality together. Double present win!

 

Anything from Agent Provocateur

Sexy Gifts

Amanda Pasciucco wearing the Kiki Kimono Black/Pink

Getting your partner anything from Agent Provocateur is always a great idea. Agent Provocateur is a high-end nightwear, lingerie, and accessory company that makes exquisite pieces. The site has a variety of gifts you can buy anything from stocking stuffers like lipstick to pricey, intricate lingerie pieces.

You can find something practical like a luxury bra or nightgown, or you can get steamy and pick up a corset and a garter.

They even have a “naughty styles” section on their site for presents you want to see your partner in by yourself.

 

Tazapper

Sexy Gifts

Thekinkshop.com

 

If you are interested in things getting a little kinkier and spicier, I would suggest the tazapper!

It can give you a little excitement this upcoming holiday season, as it is the only toy of its kind! Try it out and let us know your thoughts about all the buzz in an Electrifying Role Play!

 

Toys for Two

If you’re into toys and you want to get something nice for your partner, getting a set that works for both of you is a nice way to blow away any anxiety or awkwardness. 

You guys can even make a game of it with a pair of remote-controlled toys.

Each of you will have a ton of fun giving and receiving pleasure as you make love.

Whether it’s a multi-setting vibrator, a cock ring, a butt plug or some other fun toy, buying one for each of you sends the signal that you want in as well. 

He, she, or they will love that you’re in it together and the present will send the right message.

 

Gifts Laced with Desire

For the ultimate night of seduction, give a sexy gift because you want more intimacy with your partner. 

 

Sexy Gifts

Don’t laugh it off like it’s a gag gift! Do your best to give a sexy gift and be clear that your desires are sultry. 

Let your partner know you can’t wait to see them wear or use whatever it is you’re giving them. 

They’ll love the gift, and they’ll love why you gave it to them even more.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco Signature

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

How To Give A Blowjob

How to Give a Blowjob – A Mindblowing One!

How to Give a Blowjob – A Mindblowing One!

 

If you don’t know how to give a blowjob, or have ever been told you suck at it, worry no longer. 

Here are some of the most amazing secrets I have learned about blowjobs while studying sexuality over the last 12 years that will help you give a mindblowing blowjob! 

 

Have a Positive Mindset 

If you want to give your partner an awesome blowjob experience, you first have to commit to the process and be authentic in your desire to please your partner orally. 

Don’t just fake it until you make it. Find a part of you that can help you out mentally while in the process. 

Something like “I am giving the best blowjob” or “I am great at giving head.” 

Why? 

Because if you repeat “I am so bad at this” or “I hate this. This penis is gross,” it will translate into your blowjob technique. 

Make sure your mind knows that this is what you want to be doing. 

If you are not in this mindset, your oral skills won’t be up to par, so you may as well not even start. Mindset DOES matter. 

Some people get overwhelmed by the thought of giving a blowjob. They start to fear that it will hurt them or that they will get tired. 

This thought can stop you from even starting oral sex, but it shouldn’t. 

It is perfectly fine to tell your partner, “I am going down on you to start things off and then I want you inside of me.” 

This gives you the power to go down on your partner for as long as it is enjoyable, and then you can switch to something else. 

 

Be Prepared

Hydrate! Your mouth can’t be dry.

Stretch your neck – left and right. Hold for 10 seconds on each side. 

Open and close your jaw to prepare for penetration. 

For those of you with long hair, get a hair tie! Your hair will get in the way. 

Make sure you have lube in case you need it. 

Discuss what you will do if your partner ejaculates BEFORE the beginning of the blowjob. 

Make sure you discuss STIs prior to beginning oral sex. You can ask to use a condom over the penis if you want to protect from certain STIs. 

One other thing before you start, ask if any parts of the body are off limits. 

Ask if you have free reign to touch thighs, ass, anus, stomach, etc. before you begin giving a partner oral sex. 

Make sure your body is in a comfortable position while giving. 

If you need to move your partner or yourself at any time to get more comfortable, do it. People get injured and pull muscles giving blowjobs, because they are too embarrassed to ask their partner to move. 

 

Calibrate Your Touch

While giving a blowjob, make sure you ask what feels good. 

Get an idea of the pressure that works, the spot that is most sensitive for them, and the speed they are enjoying. 

Give positive feedback to your partner about how you are enjoying this experience. 

Giving positive feedback during any type of sex is always a good idea! 

 

Provide Visual Stimulation

When giving a blowjob, try to provide visual stimulation. 

Some angles, like 69 or queening, are often huge turn ons prior to beginning the blowjob or during it. 

If you can, cup your chest together and stroke his shaft up and down.

How To Give A Blowjob

Gently caress and touch his package with your hands and other parts of your body. 

Sometimes, wearing a certain outfit or performing a strip tease can enhance the blowjob moment. 

 

Perfect Your Stroke Technique

Saliva or lube? It depends!  If you are going to use lube, apply it at this point by putting some in your hands and stroking his shaft. 

When putting your mouth on a penis, be sure to use your lips and tongue to wet the area. Go up and down the shaft, kind of like a harmonica. 

Ask for input on desired speed, intensity, and pressure. 

No Vampires! Be careful of teeth and keep them away unless he asks for it. There are only a FEW cases where I have heard individuals enjoying the sensation of teeth. Most often, it is NOT wanted. 

If you want to try deepthroating, cover your teeth with your lips and try to fit the shaft in your mouth (without using your hands). 

Try to go as deep as you can without being uncomfortable or gagging. If you gag in the beginning, I have been told that it is attractive to some receivers of the blowjob. 

Assess your partner and ask if they are enjoying the deepthroating sensation. 

You do not have to suck on anything. You do not need to put ice or mints in your mouth! 

Remember… blowing does not have to be involved. 

 

Perfect Your Hand Techniques

Recalibrate together, and see if your receiver is interested in having your hand wrapped around their shaft. 

How to Give a Blowjob

If yes, move your hand directly under your mouth, creating a warm, wet space for the penis to go in and out of. 

Move your hand/mouth up and down and make sure you don’t create friction.

Ask the receiver if they enjoy testicles being played with, because you can use one hand to touch those. Feel free to lick them while playing if you have consent. 

I recommend starting out by touching the testicles, perineum, and anus, with a brush of your hand, and asking your partner “did you like that?” or “do you want me to do more?” 

Look up at your receiving partner once in a while to see if there is enjoyment. 

Ask about the pressure and speed. 

If you want to use your hands, which makes for an easier blowjob for the person giving, there are a couple different techniques to try that are often a success! 

“O”-Gasm: Make the sign-language letter “O” with your dominant hand and wrap your hand around their shaft. Use your hand as an extension of your mouth.

Slide it up and down the shaft; as your mouth moves, your hand moves. 

You can try different things with this move such as twisting your hand (one inch in either a clockwise or counterclockwise direction) down his shaft. 

Weave: Interlock both hands (palms facing one another) together at the fingers. Have the base of both your palms touching and let the shaft glide in between your hands. 

Double Hands: Another variation is to place one hand over the other one if needed for more pressure. 

Sometimes, those receiving the blowjob will put their hand on their shaft for you, to help you out. That is a blessing, because it helps you know what you are lacking. 

If needed, use more saliva or lube to ensure a pleasurable sensation.

 

Completion of The Blowjob

You can begin to use your tongue to flick under the head of the penis, the frenulum, which creates an instant sensation.

Pick up speed if you feel your partner’s muscles begin to tense. 

Usually, you will notice the leg muscles or stomach muscles begin to clench pre-ejaculation. 

Keep constant pressure and do not change technique at this moment. 

Continue stimulation until the agreed upon (discuss this before giving head) end of the blowjob or until your partner ejaculates.

In summary, giving a blowjob to ejaculation is kind of like riding a bike uphill. It is important to maintain a steady progression to the top. If you slow down, you may go backwards. 

Keep your speed and pressure consistent or increase it as you go. 

Ejaculation vs Orgasm – there are times that men do NOT ejaculate, yet they orgasm. When you have the feeling of energy surge through your entire body, that is an orgasm. Sometimes ejaculate happens at the same time. 

Pleasure is the goal. Orgasm is a great side-effect! Just like Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross say, “Better Orgasms. Better World!”

Now that you know how to give a blowjob, try out these techniques and let us know if you have any other suggestions to share. 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco Signature

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

Check out our Text Therapy Program for QUICK ADVICE in time for the holidays! 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.