Foot Fetish Therapy: Are You A Foot Fetishist?

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Foot Fetish Therapy: Are You A Foot Fetishist?

 

You’ve probably heard that many therapists are now helping people dealing with various fetishes yet have you heard of foot fetish therapy? When talking about the sexual love of feet, besides foot fetishism, you are maybe familiar with terms such as foot worship and foot partialism. All of these three terms have in common the sexual attraction towards human feet. For instance, if you only enjoy seeing beautiful feet and don’t feel any attraction to them, then you wouldn’t be considered a foot fetishist or podophile, as psychology often refers to it. 

What Does It Take To Be A Foot Fetishist?

Just by doing a simple search on Google for ‘foot fetishes’, you will find hundreds of web pages and if you dig deeper, there’s an incredible number of variations and styles for those who are new to this. From finding porn movies that focus on feet and build the story around it to the articles that discover names of a few famous people who were allegedly foot fetishists, such as Elvis Presley, Ted Bundy and Thomas Hardy. 

A food fetish can be very specific, so the podophile might care a lot about one’s foot dimensions and features. Usually, they will be interested in the size of the foot, toes and heel; the shape of the foot, adornments and embellishments, and many other details that wouldn’t even come to mind to somebody who doesn’t fantasize about feet. A podohile will be aroused when thinking about their interaction with the feet, for instance, massaging, kissing, tickling, touching, sucking, and so on. 

There are also sub-categories of the foot fetish. A person can be really into footwear instead of just feet (retifism) or they can be sexually excited only when they see naked feet (aretifism).

How Psychologists See Foot Fetishes

When looking from the perspective of psychology, the foot fetishes concerns early childhood experiences where sexual responses are usually paired with non-sexual objects. Moreover, the feet are typically the first part of the parent’s body a toddler will touch and vise versa. A more general view of this fetish would be that sexual attraction towards something will be much stronger if the object of your desire is less available.

Think about it, you will often notice someone’s smile, eyes, hands, yet you will rarely see a person’s feet when you meet them. As this explanation is definitely not a rule, various factors might affect developing a foot fetish. Having a fetish like this means absolutely nothing for your physical and mental health. In other words, being attracted to beautiful feet will not affect your life in any way as long as your fetish is not dominating your other aspects of life. 

First-time Experimenting with Feet

It might be that you’ve always been attracted to feet yet you never shared that with anyone or tried it. So, if you’re curious to see how your love for feet can lead to a great sexual experience. Here’s a few tips to make it as enjoyable as possible:

  • Always be aware of hygiene. The person who will have its feet touched, kissed or licked should make sure that their feet are clean. As much as some people get excited by the smell of sweat after a long day of wearing footwear, try to avoid this type of game as many bacterias might lead to health issues later.
  • Both sides need to agree on the foot game. Even if your partner said they wish to try it with you. Make sure that you ask them if this is the first time for both of you as they might feel really uncomfortable. 
  • Be creative. If you’re not sure whether you’ll be into kissing feet immediately, start slow. There are numerous ways to interact with your partner’s feet, from painting nails and massaging to taking photos of your partner’s feet. 
  • Dust yourself off and try again if the first time was a failure. Maybe you or your partner need more practice and if you’re both open to it, why not continue doing it?

Foot Fetishist or Just Curious?

You will easily know are you a foot fetishist or just curious and willing to explore different ways of playing games and having sex. Does the idea of feet excite you? When a person is showing their feet, is it hard for you to focus on anything else? When in bed with someone, do you take a look at their feet more than at their face?

If your answer to each of these questions is ‘YES’, then you are a foot fetishist. If your answer to all of them was ‘NO’. Then it might be you just love trying out different things sexually. This, of course. Doesn’t mean that a person that is not a foot fetishist doesn’t notice feet or doesn’t find them attractive. It’s just not as crucial for them as it is for foot fetishists.

A foot fetishist will usually be aware of his fetish as it will come up every time they see beautiful feet. They might have noticed it in their teen years or even earlier. Yet it rarely happens that an adult person wasn’t aware they have a foot fetish. However, if you feel confused and are not sure whether you’re a foot fetishist or not. It’s always a great idea to talk to a professional.

Foot Fetish Therapy

Just like it is with any issue you might have in your life. The best advice someone can give you is to talk to a therapist. As much as they seem harmless, fetishes can sometimes become out of our control and start affecting our everyday life. For instance, you might talk to your best friend’s wife and you get aroused by her feet. Or you’ll have an interview to work at the local beach bar and the people there will wear flip flops.

Just like with everything else, having a foot fetish is only good if it’s not too much. If your foot fetish leads to more creative, sensual sex with your partner, that’s great. On the other hand, if it turns normal, everyday situations into something challenging and stressful for you. It’s best to seek help and obtain tools that will help you deal with your foot fetish. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Mommy Kink: Definition & Ways To Practice It

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Mommy Kink: Definition & Ways To Practice It

 

You’ve probably already heard about daddy kink, yet mommy kink is not as known. The reason for it is that both of these concepts are not as commonly discussed! 

Yet, there’s no doubt that mommy kink is here to stay. 

Mommy kink is a sexual or/and romantic attraction for women who care for you, protect you, and provide you with “unconditional” positive regard. This woman will be in a relationship with you and will treat you like her loving little child. The goal with a mommy kink is that you’ll be the center of her attention.

In a mommy kink, you can have the feeling of your ‘mommy’ caressing your hair, kissing your forehead, and pulling you into her arms. In a mommy kink, her arms are the safe, protected, loved and nurtured place. 

Who’s Your Mommy? 

In this context, a ‘mommy’ is a woman that enjoys caring for and treating her partner as a child, while in role. Also known as a mommy fetish, mommy kink is similar to daddy kink. 

Yet there are subtle differences between mommy and daddy kinks. The daddy kink is often based on guidance, as the little one needs a ‘daddy’ to protect them and tell them right from wrong. On the other hand, the mommy kink is primarily loving and nurturing. The mommy is protecting her little one and nurturing them from the rest of the world.

She is here to take away the problems you have and be your support for the time you are in role. This type of relationship is common for those who lead stressful lives. For instance, if a person is experiencing problems at work, they might need that certainty of nurturance at night. A mommy could help a person like this get out of bed and feel motivated.

This kink can occur in strictly sexual relationships as well, where there is no romantic attachment to the other person. Here, an individual will get sexually excited to think of their partner in the role of mom. They will enjoy the love and care coming from her, as they can leave responsibilities aside, and simply be taken care of by another. 

Mommy, Come Play With Me

So, if a woman is taking care of her submissive, how does this look in the sheets? 

The foreplay and the intercourse can be different from couple to couple. Therefore, there are various ways to practice mommy kink with your partner. 

Before you start practicing, it’s vital to discuss this kink with them. 

With every kink a person might have, it’s recommended to inform the other partner instead of surprising them with it during the scene. 

Tell your partner you’re fantasizing about trying out the roles of mommy and little. If they’re unfamiliar with this kink, explain it to them and share some of the examples or this blog. 

Whatever you do, do not share the hardcore examples of your kink with your partner if they are new to it. This will not provide you with what you want and chances are it will leave a mark on your sex life and your relationship. 

Once your partner has accepted wanting to try this role, introduce small things to your relationship. It’s best to start with small changes even if your partner is interested in exploring the kink, because sometimes they change their mind. 

Mommy Kink Sex

When it comes to sex, there are a variety of things you and your partner can try out. Some of them you’ve already tried, yet you weren’t aware they are part of the mommy kink concept. 

For instance, you might cuddle with your partner, or ‘mommy’ and ask her to breastfeed you. While enjoying kissing and licking her nipples, you can ask her to caress your hair and talk with a nice, calming voice.

Doesn’t sound so out of your realm, right? 

Of course, there are many other ways to practice mommy kink and it will depend on what you and your partner want. 

You might decide that this gentle, caring foreplay is perfect for those days when you both want to make love. Or, you might use this role play to get excited and continue with your regular partnered sex pattern. 

One thing is for sure, the options are limitless!

Mommy Kink Ideas

Now, it’s time to enjoy your mommy kink side! As mentioned above, it’s up to you to choose how you will practice it. If you’re thinking about ideas, you’ll see a list here for practicing mommy kink:

  • Seduce one another over the text messages by calling each other according to your roles. This will help prepare yourselves for action when you both get home. 
  • Start calling her ‘mommy’ as an invitation to come to bed and give you some love.
  • Use the time for foreplay to gently caress each other’s bodies and ask for her to hold you.
  • When you’re having an orgasm, call each other by your role names. 
  • This can also prolong the time you stay in bed after sex and simply cuddle. 

It’s up to you both to determine which are your mommy kink games and which aren’t. You should explore your kink and have fun with it. If it makes you both feel good and the sex is even better, the ideas will start appearing on its own!

 

Check Out All Our Additional Sex Therapy Video

Kinky Sex: How to Get Started

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Kinky Sex 2.0: Escape Boredom in the Bedroom

sex therapy videos

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Daddy Kink: Explore Everything Behind It

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Daddy Kink: Explore Everything Behind It

 

What does it mean if a person has a daddy kink? Well, if you’re no stranger to juicy games that happen in the sheets, you’ve probably already heard of this term. Daddy kink implies you get excited from calling your partner ‘daddy’ and building your sex fantasies around it. As one of the kinks we barely talk about, it’s time to see what daddy kink is and how you can enjoy it without the feeling of guilt or embarrassment. 

What’s the Fuss With Daddy Kink?

Sex used to be a big taboo in the past and now, we’re all opening up a bit more and discussing our sexuality with our partners and friends. However, you don’t feel the same about all topics in the sex talks you’re having with your close ones, right? Talking about the way you get excited when calling your partner ‘daddy’ is one of these topics. 

As many will interpret this desire as a sign you have a problem in a relationship with your father, you’ll hold this as your biggest secret and share it only with your partner. There are even relationships where one partner is ashamed sharing this kink with the other as they think they will be judged, laughed at or they will harm their relationship. 

Daddy kink is just like any other kinks a person might have. Your sexuality is a place where there should only be acceptance and curiosity. Yet, before sharing it with others, it’s inevitable that you have accepted that this kink turns you on and that there’s nothing wrong with it. 

Daddy Kink Sex

Although the majority of sex games will begin before the actual act of intercourse, let’s take a look at what’s different in bed if you decide to practice your daddy kink. This type of spanking, name-calling and sometimes degrading domination would mean that a person calls their partner ‘daddy’ and they play the role of his baby. Putting the power into the hands of the partner, the person is submissive during the sexual act, and sometimes before and after it.

One of the common practices of the daddy kink sex would be the reward-punishment system. As your ‘daddy’, your partner has the right to reward or punish you, depending on how well you behave. So, he might ask you to be ‘good’ and kneel in front of him without saying a word, and if you perform well, he will reward you. 

On the other hand, if he feels like you’ve been ‘bad ’ during the day or the sex game, he might punish you. There are no limits when it comes to rewards and punishments. You can have a system in place with your partner or you can let him surprise you with his ideas. 

Your Man as a Daddy

When talking about daddy kink, we’ll usually cover the woman’s perspective on it. As much as women are the ones who will develop this type of kink, a man’s perspective is nothing less interesting. It’s not uncommon for a man to be turned on by his partner calling him daddy. 

A man who wants you to call him ‘daddy’ enjoys the power he has in order to bring sensational pleasure to both of you. He will think of the games, his own reward-punishment system and other details he’d like to try out with you. If you’re both determined to make the most of daddy kink, you’ll be in for more fun in the sheets and probably, outside of them as well.

Each Game Needs Two

Unfortunately, unlike many other sex kinks and games, this scenario has two roles to fill. There cannot be a baby without the daddy, and there cannot be a daddy without the baby. Even if you’re in a relationship, what happens if your partner is not into the daddy kink as much as you are? Understanding and accepting a concept like this can require some time. Maybe your partner is not so open to accepting a daddy kink idea at first instance, yet this might change with time.

Always communicate that this has nothing to do with your actual dad. It’s just a sex game, the same way you might ask to be a teacher and your partner your student. That doesn’t mean you want to become a teacher, it simply means you enjoy these roles and the power play it represents.

For those who are still not sure whether they like daddy kink or not, there are light versions of it as well. For example, you can just start with the name-calling, and the male partner can have more power in sex, such as being on top or asking for a blow job. 

Daddy Kink Ideas

There’s plenty of things you and your partner might come up with when it comes to letting your daddy kink shine. For those who are willing to explore it and don’t know how to start, here’s a list of ideas for daddy kink games. They are organized from the light to hardcore ones. 

  • During the foreplay, start calling each other ‘daddy’ and ‘baby girl/baby boy’. 
  • Before the penetration, he can decide which is the right moment and the position to penetrate.
  • He can tie your hands and/or blindfold your eyes during intercourse. In this case, he is the one making all the moves in bed and deciding when the game ends.
  • The baby can seduce the ‘daddy’ with their innocent, childish behavior which then leads to sex.
  • The man can use its ‘daddy’ power to dominate his partner into doing what he wants before, during and after sex.

Whatever you choose, thinking of it as something you’re currently exploring. You might like some of these things and you might reject others. It all depends on your and your partner’s preferences. As long as you’re both communicating about your desires, you will enjoy your daddy kink sex!

 

Check Out All Our Additional Sex Therapy Video

Kinky Sex: How to Get Started

kinky sex

 

Kinky Sex 2.0: Escape Boredom in the Bedroom

sex therapy videos

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

kink ideas

Kink Ideas Every Couple Needs to Try Out

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 Kink Ideas Every Couple Needs to Try Out

 

You don’t have to be a ‘50 Shades of Grey’ fan to know one or two kink ideas that will spice up your sex life. After all, turning your wildest fantasies into reality with your sex partner is something we all need from time to time to avoid getting stuck in the routine. So, how many of these ideas have already been crossing your mind, yet you somehow missed to fulfill them?

Well, if you still need a bit of motivation and to hear about a few more ideas that other kinksters recommend. You will easily find something you and your partner will want to try out. So, from the tame to the wild, these are all the ideas that might shake things up for you!

The Mirror Game

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the kinkiest of them all? If you and your sex partner would love to see how your kinky sides look like, why not start having sex in front of the mirror? You can explore each other bodies better and enjoy the faces your partner is doing while you’re having sex. 

This will give you both a better view and also add an additional dimension to your sex life. From enjoying how their touch feels to fall in love with their facial expressions, there is nothing you will not love when it comes to the mirror game. 

Ice Me, Baby

When we’re stuck with our daily responsibilities, we often forget that just a little prop that everyone has in their homes can light that flame and lead to the wildest sex of your life. For instance, you might get ice cubes and start rolling them down your partner’s neck while kissing them on the lips and asking them to close their eyes.

Then, you can start going lower with the ice cube all the way to their belly button. During all of this icy game, you can kiss, lick, bite, and tease them to heighten their sense. For those who want to take it a step further, you can blindfold your partner, so they can get a more sensual experience. 

Text Dirty To Me

Working hard is not a good enough excuse to stop heating things up between the two of you, right? Although sometimes it’s really challenging to find time for sex games, you will always have a minute to text. So, why not send a dirty text to your partner and share with them what’s on your (dirty) mind? Forget about the limitations, share with them the juiciest details on how you would like to do it, where, for how long, etc. 

Of course, it can also be voice messages or phone calls. You can call your partner and talk dirty to them, and use it as an invitation to spend the lunch break together in a car having sex. Or, you can send a sexy massage to your partner with instructions for the game you both will be playing once you get home. 

Role Play

There are no limitations when it comes to all the scenarios you can play out with your partner in bed. You can do whatever you want, and you can also be whoever you want. So, if you or your sex partner have a thing for doctors, teachers, handymen. Or any other role, why not turn it into reality?

You can be the sexy teacher and your partner can be a naughty student who hasn’t finished their homework and needs to be punished. Or, your partner can be a hot doctor and you are a worried patient in a lot of pain. Whichever role you chose, make sure you get into it completely. You can choose an accent, put on a wig, buy an appropriate outfit, and take your game to a place where your characters will come to life even more.

Watch Me Get It On

You might not be immediately encouraged to try to masturbate in front of your partner. Yet this is great foreplay for both of you. Allow your partner to watch you pleasure yourself, and don’t restrain yourself from anything you’d like to do. Whatever turns you on will turn on your partner even more!

For those who feel great about this kink idea, you can even put on a show where you start dancing to your partner’s favorite music and start touching yourself until you end up on a bed or a couch next to them masturbating. 

 

Ready, Set, Record!

Many couples feel incredibly sexy and motivated to throw on a great sex performance when they know they are recording themselves. Ask your partner how they feel about it, and if they like the idea, start recording your sex. You don’t need any special equipment like a professional camera and lighting. After all, you’re not interested in a well-produced movie. 

Instead, you and your partner are looking for some fun, and having a tape of you two in between the sheet might light that kinky flame between you. Maybe you will not even watch your hot piece of art. Yet you might get additional pleasure just by knowing you’re recording.

Outdoor Sex

Feeling a little bit of fear of being exposed while having sex is like an aphrodisiac for many people. Having sex in public places has this intensive combination of fear, uncertainty, and it’s spontaneous – most of the time. It’s up to you and your partner to choose a place where you want to do it. For instance, it can be a bathroom of a cafe or a restaurant, a parking lot during late hours, a bench in a park, behind a tree, etc. 

As long as it’s outdoor, it’s considered to be public sex. For those who are a little bit shy yet still want to try out this kink idea, you should start with places that have a very minimal possibility of someone catching you in your wildest moments. 

When it comes to kink ideas, it’s completely up to your partner and yourself to determine what you want to try out and what is not for you. If an idea doesn’t seem comfortable to you for whatever reason, just don’t do it. You should only be up for the ideas that will improve your sex life, not make it worse!

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Sex With Wife

Sex With Wife: No More Taboos in the Bedroom

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Sex With Wife: No More Taboos in the Bedroom

 

If you’re married, a topic like sex with wife is something that will always catch your attention, right? There are plenty of reasons why sex in marriage is always an interesting topic, even for those who are still not married. Nobody can deny that sex is one of the crucial aspects of each relationship. So, if you and your wife have ever had issues in the bedroom, you know how frustrating it can be to discuss these issues and find quality solutions.

Marriage takes a lot of effort, and sex comes as a result of that effort. What changed from that era when you two were having a lot of sex? Are there any things you are missing during the intercourse? Is your career, health or maybe the relationship between you two affecting your or your wife’s sexual appetite? 

If any of these questions seem relevant to you, here is everything you’d like to know about sex with your wife, yet haven’t had the time or courage to explore it deeper. 

When does sex with wife change in marriage?

There is no precise moment when changes in your marriage start occurring, and the same is with your sexual life. Once married, some people will start to take many things for granted – eating breakfast together, cooking a new meal together, holding hands, cuddling in bed, and everything else that’s considered a typical activity for passionate couples.

The issues occur when routine kicks in, and you put your other responsibilities above your marriage and don’t make time for each other. And, that’s where the problem lies – intimacy. When you meet a new person, by talking to her, cuddling with her and, of course, having sex with her, you are both being intimate. 

Once people feel they know each other well enough, they stop being curious about each other. Yet, intimacy has nothing to do with new things or people in our lives. You can be intimate with your wife when sharing a stressful event from work or talking about a discussion you had with a family member.

These moments create intimacy between spouses, and the more you create of them, the more you will feel that sexual desire. Luckily, even if you find yourself in this unpleasant situation where you don’t know how to light a flame between the two of you, there are a few things you can do to improve things. 

What can I do to have more sex with my wife? 

If your wife is not interested to have sex with you when you propose it, there are several things you can do to change the situation. Start creating more time for the both of you which doesn’t have to lead to sex. For example, you can take her out on a dinner date in the same restaurant where the first one took place. Or, you can suggest doing an activity you both have never done so far (bowling, bungee jumping, snorkeling, etc.). 

It might sound harsh, yet you need to create more room for your relationship in your wife’s life. She is probably too tired of all the responsibilities and doesn’t have enough energy after a long day to dedicate her quality time to you. So, although you might not be motivated to do the dishes or wash the clothes, if it’s going to give her more time to be intimate with you, just do it. 

How to be more intimate with my wife?

You might think that you know all about each other, and even if that’s the case, do you know what she did today or yesterday? Keep in mind that topics for marriage conversations shouldn’t always involve daily activities and responsibilities. Talk about things that you miss, that you wish to do more with her, and ask her what she needs. These conversations are incredibly valuable and can improve the quality of your relationships.

You cannot expect to have more sex with your wife if other aspects of your marriage are failing. Clear the air first, and then the sexual desire will appear in both of you. There is no magic trick to bring the fire into the bedroom, yet it never appears when the couple has lost their intimacy.

Here are some ideas on what you can do to increase intimacy and have more sex with your wife:

  • Surprise her with a home cooked dinner. Light some candles, put on some nice music and turn off your devices. Make the night all about her.
  • Take her for a road trip to a charming city or village nearby. Use the drive to talk more about your relationship and tell her how you wish to use this day to make a beautiful memory for both of you.
  • If she is having a stressful day, text her you’ll do the house chores and that you already booked her a massage in her favorite spa saloon. 
  • If you’re working on weekends, invite her friends to surprise her with a bottle of wine and a nice talk in your home.
  • Write her a letter. It can be about how you feel about her, what you wish for in your marriage or anything else that might bring you closer together.

It’s quite simple actually! If your sexual desire hasn’t changed and hers did, something else must have changed for her as well. Does she have more responsibilities at home now? Has she accepted a promotion that leads to more stress? Is she doing all those little things that make her happy? If the answer to any of these questions is ‘no’, think about how you can help her. 

Which things can harm your sexual life in marriage?

Even with the best intentions, one can easily harm their marital life. If your wife said she is not interested, don’t push her. Rather, try to find out what makes her uninterested in having sex with you at that moment. Maybe the timing is not right as she feels tired, in pain or stressed out.

Also, don’t turn sex conversations into a taboo in your marriage. When you both have a moment, talk about what sex represents for you and what needs to change in order to be more sexually intimate with each other. The more you understand each other, the easier it will be to restore that connection.

 

How can you expect her to understand you need more sex or want to change a few things if you are unable to understand her first? Talk first, and once you really have more understanding of the situation you are both in, it will be easier to act.

Maybe you will need to plan to spend more time together during the week, send kids to their grandparents for the weekend, or travel somewhere to enjoy that good sex you used to have. And, don’t think of these ideas as a solution. You will not always be able to escape the city, or spend endless hours together on days you’re both working. Instead, think of it as a fresh start of a marriage you will both nurture by being more intimate daily.

Lastly, don’t isolate sex from intimacy, think of it as an entire package. The more you both are attentive to each other, that intimacy will spread around other aspects of your lives, including sexual. In the end, what’s better than having sex with the person you have chosen for a lifetime?

 

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Real Orgasm: No Need To Fake It Anymore

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Real Orgasm: No Need To Fake It Anymore

 

When was the last time you had a really good, real orgasm? Yeah, we’re talking about the ones where you really enjoyed it and didn’t fake it just to get it over with. Having an orgasm is so much more than just finalizing the intercourse between you and your sexual partner. Unfortunately, there are still a lot of discussions to be held until we all feel comfortable talking about what excites us, what we don’t like and what is necessary for one person to have a good orgasm.

Why fake it?

Although you will instantly imagine a woman when talking about faking orgasms, did you know that men can also fake an orgasm? So, why does one feel the need to fake an orgasm? This happens more often in long-term relationships than in only-sex agreements between two people. The reason for that is pretty obvious – you don’t want to hurt the other person. However, why have we normalized working on every aspect of our relationships besides the sexual? 

Maybe sex is no longer a taboo in media or on social platforms yet it still is in relationships. Hurting your partner is not the only bad outcome you can have from faking an orgasm. That feeling of mutual excitement and satisfaction is very unique and denying yourself the right to enjoy it every time you have sex would mean losing something pretty valuable.

Which benefits does an orgasm have for a person?  

Having a real orgasm will provide you with incredible health benefits. So, the next time you think about faking it, think about it as something good for your health, not just for your sex life. Here are just some of the benefits you can expect to notice from good, real orgasms:

  • An orgasm has impressive sedating powers. When climaxing, it triggers surges of oxytocin and prolactin, the relaxant hormones in our bodies, which when combined with the release of endorphins can result in feeling sleepy. 
  • It regulates your cycle. When you’re having an orgasm, blood and nutrients rush to the vagina making sure everything is working perfectly down there. 
  • It lowers your cortisol levels and takes care of your heart. This way, you don’t have to fear heart diseases that come from elevated levels of cortisol. 
  • During orgasm, the human growth hormone is being released, which also stimulates collagen.
  • Each time you have an orgasm, your pelvic muscles will contract and release, toning your pelvic floor which is pretty important for your core strength, bladder control, etc. 

Besides these stunning health benefits, a real orgasm also makes you closer to your partner. The oxytocin will surge after the orgasm and it will even deepen the connection you have with your partner. If you were wondering what makes you want to cuddle so much after sex, there’s your explanation!

How to get there?

Faking it or not, we all know that to get to orgasm takes more than just snapping your fingers. How to orgasm more often is what many of us want to learn, so to help you enjoy sex more, here are the best tips on how to orgasm more. 

For women, the clitoris is their go-to climaxing place. Many pleasures and releases of orgasm come actually from the clitoris, yet not every woman prefers the same touch. You will need to treat it very individually and learn what each woman likes and dislikes. After all, the preferred touch will help a woman climax quicker and better.

Others will climax when their partner is in contact with their G-spot, placed between the vaginal opening and cervix. Although you cannot see it, you can easily feel it with your finger. When pressing on the G-spot with a finger, penis or vibrator, many women will feel very excited which will then lead to a very pleasant orgasm.  

For those looking for more pleasure, you should go for blended orgasm. This type of climax occurs when more than one of your erogenous zones are being stimulated at the same time. For instance, it can be a G-spot penetration with a little bit of clitoral touching. What you can expect is an explosive orgasm due to the fact of feeling pleasure in different spots of your body. 

In reality, the more orgasms you have, the more you can expect in the future. More practice brings more pleasure. Have an honest conversation with your sexual partner about what you both like and dislike in bed and dedicate some time to explore how both of you can reach maximum pleasure while having sex. 

How to know if your partner is faking it?

Maybe your partner will not be so opened to this conversation and you’ll need to point out the signs that they are not enjoying sex as much as they say they do. These signs are not too obvious and sometimes, they will depend on the person, yet there are several things you might notice if you suspect your sexual life is not as good as you both wish it to be. 

Orgasming on demand.

If your partner comes after you’ve repeatedly asked them to, chances are they are faking it. Adding too much pressure will not get the person to orgasm faster. Instead, focus more on doing the things you know your partner enjoys in bed and forget about the orgasm as the goal.

No foreplay.

This is more for women as they tend to need more foreplay to climax. Skipping foreplay and jumping into sex immediately might be good for a quicky every once in a while, however, don’t turn it into a habit. Try out that thing you read about in your favorite magazine or do something you both once talked about and never did. Don’t limit yourself, explore the world of pleasure and orgasm will come as a delicious dessert for the both of you. 

No contractions.

When the majority of women are climaxing, you will be able to feel their vagina is pulsing. These pelvic muscle contractions will indicate that the vagina walls are gripping. In other words, the woman is experiencing a real orgasm. So, if you hear her screaming that she’s about to come, focus a bit on her pelvic muscles and see if they’re pulsing. If not, it’s time for that real sex talk!

Make your pleasure a priority

Man or woman, we all deserve to feel sexual pleasure. The reason why women don’t have so many orgasms as men do is that they don’t prioritize their pleasure. They will usually think that sex is enough, often forgetting how liberating and sensual an orgasm can be for them. If you and your sexual partner are planning to heat the atmosphere today, think about the things you need to feel the pleasure you deserve. 

Maybe it’s longer foreplay, maybe it’s more clit-game, or maybe you need a bit of a role play. Whatever it is, share it with your partner and get yourself that orgasm you deserve!

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

Stiff: Solutions for Erectile Dysfunction On-Demand Webinar

Women on Penis Size

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Anger After Sex & 5 Ways To Cope With It

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Anger After Sex & 5 Ways To Cope With It

Have you ever experienced anxiety, sadness or anger after sex? As much as it sounds unusual, this is a pretty common condition that might happen to anybody. However, if it only happened once or twice while having sex with your partner, it’s quite different than when it starts happening frequently. The name behind this condition when a person gets sad or angry after sex with their partner is postcoital dysphoria or PCD.

Before talking about the best ways to cope with anger after sex, let’s take a look at what is postcoital dysphoria and how to know if you have it. 

Postcoital Dysphoria

If you’re feeling sad or angry after having consensual sex with your partner, you might have postcoital dysphoria or PCD. Another way to refer to this condition is having ‘post-sex blues’. 

Most people describe it as experiencing one or more negative feelings after having wanted sex. This means that their condition before sex was quite different from the one they end up with after the intercourse. This feeling doesn’t have to be only anger, a person can also experience sadness, anxiety, agitation and depression. 

Keep in mind that postcoital dysphoria differs from sexual dysfunctions as they refer to the stage of before or during sexual activity. People who experience PCD tend to feel melancholic, irritated or depressed after sex. Postcoital dysphoria can also happen after the person has had enjoyed the sex and had an orgasm. Although it occurs more in women, it can happen to both men and women. 

PCD Symptoms & Causes

There are various symptoms a person with postcoital dysphoria can experience. Here are some of the most common ones:

  • Irritability
  • Tearfulness
  • Sadness
  • Anxiety 
  • Depression
  • Unsatisfaction

What’s important to say is that postcoital dysphoria only refers to negative feelings after consensual sex that the person has actually enjoyed. It definitely doesn’t refer to assaults or forced sexual activities. 

Many factors can lead to postcoital dysphoria, and the majority of them are of physical or emotional nature. 

Abuse

If a person experienced sexual abuse in their childhood, it means they might be more at risk for PCD. As a victim of sexual abuse, a person might have difficulties enjoying their own sexuality and connect with their partner on that level. Even if many years have passed, a person can develop postcoital dysphoria later in life. 

Resentment

A victim of sexual abuse might feel resentful toward sex or any sexual experience they had. The feeling of not having complete control over these experiences can cause anxiety and create resentment which then shows after the sex. 

Anxiety

Any childhood trauma might lead to anxiety and depression, and one of the most vulnerable parts of our identity is usually our sexuality. So, having mental health conditions can make it almost impossible for you to take pleasure in the act of sex. 

Postnatal Depression

After pregnancy‌, a woman will still experience hormonal fluctuations which might lead to postnatal depression. Also known as postpartum depression, this type of depression occurs shortly after the person gives birth. Similar to anxiety, postnatal depression can make a woman feel really sad after sex she truly enjoyed.

5 Ways to Cope With Anger After Sex

If any of this sounds familiar to you, what can you do to manage the anger you feel after sex? Take a look at the best ways to cope with postcoital dysphoria and soon, you will be able to enjoy the sex with your partner.

#1 Focus on breathing.

With anything that makes us feel uncomfortable, breathing should usually make it a bit better. So, if you and your partner have just had great sex and anger start kicking in, try recentering and focusing back on your body and simply breathing while doing so. Being present in the moment will help you lower the anger and remove your focus from it until it disappears. 

#2 Communicate during sex.

Make sure you let your partner know if something makes you feel uncomfortable or angry. Don’t ignore it thinking it will go away because it won’t. You don’t have to start a deep conversation during sex, just take control over how you are feeling and ask for what you need. 

#3 Share it with your partner.

If your partner is aware of what you are going through, it will be easier for them to support you. Have an honest conversation on what happens and how you feel during and after sex. This will help your partner to also give you want you might need without you asking it. For instance, they will give you more control in bed or they will be more gentle instead of just fulfilling their needs.

#4 Clarify when you want to have sex.

As much as it’s important to communicate with your partner about the anger you feel after sex, you will need to have that conversation with yourself as well. After all, you are the only person that can change the situation when you start feeling uncomfortable. So, think about when you feel motivated to have sex and always focus on your feelings before initiating it. Think about what causes this anger and find an alternative solution for it. 

#5 Cuddle after sex.

The majority of the postcoital dysphoria causes are from childhood traumas. Not having a caring, gentle component, sex can seem to an abuse victim as something unpleasant. So, suggest to your partner that each time after sex, you stay in bed and cuddle. This will help you feel protected, loved and secured in the arms of a person you love. You can also share intimate moments like this more even when you’re not having sex as it improves intimacy and brings you closer. 

Feeling anger after sex is not untreatable. However, if you and your partner aren’t able to solve it on your own, it would be a good idea to see a therapist who might have a better idea of how you should cope with this. Maybe the causes of your postcoital dysphoria are not what you are assuming and you will need the help of a professional to finally start enjoying sex with your partner. Once you find us what’s causing the anger, the way how you feel about sex and intimacy will change completely as well!

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Fetster: BDSM Dating App Like No Other

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Fetster: BDSM Dating App Like No Other

 

You have probably already heard about Fetster, a dating app perfect for those who are unable to find what they need on other popular apps like Tinder or Bumble. So, if you’ve spent quite some time trying to find your match on a dating app or two, maybe it’s time to pull out your kink side and explore alternative options!

Fetster is a dating site for BDSM and kink enthusiasts who are looking to spice up their everyday lives and turn their fantasies into reality. However, it’s also for those who are tired of talking to people who will turn out to be a waste of their time. We’re talking about scammers, liars, people looking to hook up who later disappear, married ones who are hiding it, etc. 

Fetster vs other dating apps

The reason why Fetster is becoming so increasingly popular is that it’s a place focusing on sex games instead of selling a fairytale with an expiration date. On Fetster, you can easily find people who are single or in an open relationship, and willing to meet and play. What differentiates it from other dating apps on the market is the ability to search for specific people using filters such as gender, sexual orientation, age, location, body type, sexual preferences, kinks and so much more. 

You can even create your own groups, create pages, write a blog, add links to your website. Friend app members, upload photos and videos, and use numerous other features it has. It’s created in a way that each member determines the level of privacy they wish for each information they share on Fetster, understanding that a person doesn’t want to reveal everything to everyone.

So, if you’ve been wondering what the fuss is about, think about it as a place that connects over similar sexual interests and curiosity rather than being a general dating app with mediocre matching skills. By being a place that gathers all proud sex freaks and also those entering the BDSM world, Fetster tries to avoid scammers and anyone else trying to sell you something you are not interested to buy.

Diving into BDSM

Fetster is so much more than just a dating app as its goal is not to match you with your significant other and write a new chapter of your romantic life yet to explore and learn more about sex and the connection between two human beings. As it’s one of the most popular sites for those wishing to meet other fans of BDSM. You can expect to find all types of kinks there.

If you don’t know what BDSM stands for, it’s an acronym for bondage & discipline, domination & submission, sadism & masochism. Before explaining these erotic behavior groups, it’s important to know that BDSM involves more than just sex. Those practicing it for years even like to call it a philosophy. It’s also about a couple’s dynamic, their perspectives, fantasies, intrigue, and so much more. For them, sex is only one, although very important, aspect of BDSM.

However, if you still aren’t comfortable with letting your kink side out, yet are curious to learn more about it, make sure you do your research before jumping into BDSM. It’s a concept where you need to speak your mind, compromise with the person you decide to share this experience with, and set your limits before getting to the sex part. Also, keep in mind that you can take it slow, and learn about it step by step.

Bondage 

Bondage is a situation of restricting your sexual partner’s movement by using, for instance, handcuffs or ropes. For some people, this type of restraint increases sexual pleasure and produces various sensations in different areas of the body. 

Discipline

Similar to discipline in our everyday lives, discipline here involves a set of rules and punishments which are agreed on before the sexual encounter. It divides the couple into a dominant partner and a submissive one. Putting the dominant partner in charge of the discipline before, during and after sex. 

Dominance

Dominance refers to the act of dominating the other person in sex and outside it. Sometimes, those who are dominating will have different types of arrangement with their sexual partner on how the partner should behave in bed, and even out of it. This can be anything, from clothing style to food habits.

Submission

Where there’s dominance, there’s submission as well. The submissive partner will follow their dominant’s actions by ensuring that regulations from their arrangement are not broken. The dominant (dom) and the submissive (sub) are focused on communication. As it’s the crucial tool for them to set the boundaries, talk about their desires, and give permission to one another. 

Sadomasochism

Sadism is the pleasure of inflicting pain, while masochism is the pleasure of receiving pain from another person. In BDSM sex, a sadist is a person using pain to dominate their partner which gives them both pleasure. Rather than thinking of it as a violent act, BDSM is actually an intense sensation play that sometimes involves pinching. Hitting or any other consensual physical harm to a partner. 

How to Ace Dating Apps

Before we show you how to create a profile on Fester, let’s focus a bit on how to really stand out on all of these dating apps out there. First and most importantly, always be yourself.

Don’t try to sell an unrealistic image of yourself, whether it’s your personality, body or lifestyle. The good thing about dating sites like Fetster is that people connect more over shared interests and sexual desires rather than a well trained body, perfect face or money in the bank account.

Also, don’t reveal all of your cards at once. You don’t have to share everything about yourself, nor do you have to use all your tricks immediately. Leave some topics for other conversations or encounters. Revealing everything about yourself might also make you vulnerable if this person doesn’t contact you again. Instead, play it safe and slow.

Let’s not forget the privacy aspect. Before you start interacting with other people, you will need to fill out your profile with a few pieces of information. Always include information you feel comfortable with. Simply put, if you think that some things shouldn’t be shared with everyone, you should keep it for conversations. After all, you are the one making all the decisions. 

Creating Your Profile on Fetster

Similar to all the other dating sites, you will need to create your unique profile with a username or email and a password. If you’re worried about the membership fee of Fetster, you will be happy to hear that it’s completely free and they are not planning to introduce any type of pricing anytime soon.

Once you’re in, you will be able to look for other members immediately. These are the filters you can use:

  • gender,
  • age,
  • sexual orientation,
  • location,
  • kink,
  • interests,
  • etc.

When it comes to groups, you can make your own if you don’t wish to join already created ones. Your group can be built around the topic(s) of your choice and you can invite any member you want. 

Some of the great free features Fetster’s members can also enjoy are messaging, friending, favorites, unlimited mail, forums, confessions, gift sending and receiving, blogs, links. And so much more. Are you ready to explore your kinky side? 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

intimacy coaching

Intimacy Coaching & Best Techniques To be Intimate with Your Partner

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Intimacy Coaching & Best Techniques To be Intimate with Your Partner

If you’re striving to feel free and more connected with your partner, you should consider intimacy coaching. Although we all know that intimacy is key in every relationship. Understanding what intimacy actually is and how to achieve it is not as easy as it seems. The reason for that is our past experiences where we’ve gotten hurt emotionally and/or physically. This led to fear of being intimate with another person and is a consequential issue for the majority of couples.

 

What does an intimacy coach do?

An intimacy coach is a person who will eliminate this intimacy blockage for you and help you feel safer and more connected to your lover or partner. By developing a sense of safety in their clients, intimacy coaches are replacing those unpleasant experiences by creating new. Positive ones. 

Being guided by an expert, a person will develop a greater sense of closeness, become more aware of their own emotions. As well as of other people’s emotions. All of this leads 

to healing attachment wounds which are not allowing people to connect on a deeper level with each other.

 

Understanding your fear of intimacy

You don’t have to be aware of your intimacy triggers before going into the session with your intimacy coach, yet realizing what is causing your fear is the first step to healing. As we are born with the need to connect and share with others. Something must happen in order to disconnect ourselves from that need. In reality, that need to connect and share never disappears, we just disconnect from it because something or someone hurt us before.

Because of the fear of intimacy, you will feel afraid when thinking of starting a new relationship or expressing your feelings during a discussion with your best friend, for instance. 

However, where there is fear, there is an opportunity for healing. More importantly, you don’t have to go down that road alone. An intimacy coach will turn it into an explorative experience rather than painful, ensuring you feel safe and nurtured during the process.

 

Intimacy Risk Factors

Our first intimate interaction is with our family. Often, these families are not healthy and safe environments for children to learn about intimacy. Some of the most common examples are: 

  • Blurred boundaries and roles in the family: Everything might seem perfect at first glance, yet some family members won’t fulfil their role responsibility. 
  • Emotional and/or physical neglect: Parents who are not there for their children – emotionally or physically – are teaching them they can’t rely on others. 
  • Parent loss: A feeling of abandonment will appear where a parent has been lost through death, divorce or any other event. 
  • Parent illness: Having an ill parent can lead to intimacy issues as the child takes on the role of the parent and cares for others in the family, sometimes including the ill parent as well. 

Unfortunately, there are many more risk factors such as verbal, physical or sexual abuse, parent substance use or any other type of addiction, yet regardless of the cause, each person can learn how to be intimate with their significant other. 

 

How to cope with intimacy issues? 

There are several crucial steps on the path of restoring intimacy with intimacy coaching. It’s worth saying that intimacy issues can only be solved once the person starts connecting again with their intimacy. Once you understand what caused you pain and disconnection from others, you will be able to change your patterns and feel safer during interactions.

To feel connected with others, here are the techniques that will create positive sensations and experiences and finally heal the intimacy issue a person has:

Embrace the uncertainty 

What if someone tells you that the most beautiful aspect of life is that you actually can’t plan or predict anything? The walls you have built in your childhood have been protecting you as a child, yet they don’t serve you anymore. You have created the illusion that you are safer when you are not engaging with others when in reality. That illusion is taking something incredibly valuable from you. With an intimacy coach, you will practice courage, and it will become easier to invest in new relationships without feeling like you are risking your wellbeing.

 

Accept yourself first

Under the fear of intimacy lies the fear of not being worthy of a connection with someone. If you’re afraid to express your feelings to your partner, you are probably not allowing yourself fully to feel them. It’s not easy to become comfortable with all your emotions. Yet it will be harder if you expect from others something you are not able to give yourself first. 

Congratulate yourself when you make that step towards others instead of focusing on the outcome. For instance, inviting someone to go for a walk will be less terrifying once you celebrate the achievement of solely inviting someone instead of waiting for their response. After all, once your focus changes, you will no longer care that much about the outcome. 

 

Write a letter to yourself from the past

You have probably heard this technique quite a few times, yet have you ever tried it? It’s incredibly powerful to take a walk into your past and talk to yourself as if you were two friends sitting on the school bench sharing secrets. What would you say to that little kid? Maybe it will be to speak up more when the opportunity presents. To accept every birthday party invitation although there’s not enough money in the house to buy a present or to write all those fiction stories down and practice its creativity? 

 

Determine what you want

In reality, it’s not so much what you want, it’s what you DON’T want. Maybe the feeling of anxiety comes because all your friends are married and you can’t find the person you wish to share your life with? Before blaming it all on yourself, ask yourself if this is something you want. Sometimes, we will try to be what we think we should be instead of doing things that truly make us happy. Keep in mind that the only person that always deserves your unconditional intimacy is you.

 

Practice patience

This is maybe the hardest technique of them all, yet it’s also the most important one. If you don’t practice patience, it will be difficult to progress. Putting too many expectations on yourself when you’re coping with something so vulnerable as your intimacy can only make things worse for you. Be patient. It will take some time and that’s perfectly fine. You have spent various years in unhealthy environments which led to fear of intimacy. So expecting this fear to disappear quickly is simply not rational.

 

Quick intimacy tips for couples

Let’s be clear, fear of intimacy can only be cured if someone like an intimacy coach has helped you understand what caused your fear and provide you with the tools to connect with others and feel good during it. However, there are several things that you can start practicing with your partner daily if you’re both looking to resolve your intimacy issues:

  • Hold hands more often. 
  • Be more emotionally aware and vulnerable during sex.
  • Initiate sex differently. 
  • Plan out your time together.
  • Every month, try out an activity that’s new for both of you. 
  • Talk about your relationship – share ideas, dreams, fears, etc.
  • Focus more on seduction instead of sex. 

 

A step to intimacy…

Don’t stop just by reading this article. You are worth every connection you wish to make in your life. You have every right to share your feelings with someone who will appreciate it and feel honoured you trust them so much. The more you start practicing being open to new people and experiences. This fear will slowly disappear and you will start enjoying connecting and sharing with those important to you.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

fetish vs kink

Learn the Difference between a Fetish vs Kink

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Learn the Difference between a Fetish vs Kink

 

One of the most common questions I get asked is what is the difference between a fetish vs kink. This blog will discuss what a fetish is and distinguish it from kinks. 

 

Explaining Kinks

Kinks are vast. Anything that deviates from the norm of penetrative sex in the basic positions is known as a kink. Like cowgirl, missionary, and doggy style, etc. Kink means anything that varies from what is considered common. Such as spanking or flogging, etc. 

My general thought is as long as the activity is mutual and consensual, have fun. 

There is a wide world of kinks out there and the vast majority is healthy as long as mutual and consensual. I am sure there are some kinks that come from places of woundedness and may be trying to self-medicate. Yet that is also something individuals can work out with their counselor/therapist if they choose they want to. 

 

Defining a Fetish vs Kink

A fetish is often known as something that one has an enduring fascination about. And it includes specific sensory stimuli that may involve specific body parts or inanimate objects. 

Similarly, a fetish is something you need and must have to orgasm. 

Fetish literally means you cannot achieve orgasmic release without it. 

Sometimes, a fetish comes with guilt, because the fetish consumes the individual and partnered sex life. 

Also, finding a partner who is willing to incorporate your fetish each time you engage in partnered sex may be difficult to find. 

There are tons of individuals with kinks out there. Who are willing to date and partner with someone that has a fetish though, so all hope isn’t lost! 

 

Evolution of Kinks

As individuals grow, sometimes their kinks change too. Whereas, for those with a fetish, that person cannot orgasm without what they deem their fetish. 

So, for example, your partner may have a kink of chastity and you being the keyholder of that chastity, and then after a year, that partner changes their mind and has something new to explore.

Kinks and desires can evolve! This doesn’t mean that the original kink of chastity is any less important though! Actually, it shows that your partner has different internal parts of them that want to try different kinks. 

As a person who works in kink conscious practices, no kink or fetish is particularly harmful – as long as all adults are consenting and it isn’t negatively impacting the system around you. 

If you feel insecure about this part of your life, ensure that you find a clinician that understands that kink interests and behaviors are not necessarily a result of trauma and that if you are coming to therapy to talk about things other than your kink or fetish, that your therapist attunes to that. 

However, if you find yourself with a therapist that doesn’t get it, consider seeing someone that specializes in this type of work.

 

 

 

Check Out All Our Additional Sex Therapy Video

Kinky Sex: How to Get Started

kinky sex

 

Kinky Sex 2.0: Escape Boredom in the Bedroom

sex therapy videos

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Get Ready for Summer Love with Some Tips

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Get Ready for Summer Love with Some Tips

 

It’s that time of year where spring is in the air and summer love is on the horizon. 

We all love a great love story and hot, summer love is a fan favorite. 

We will discuss summer love ideas on how to stay cool while it heats up, body love and confidence, and a frequent fan favorite question – shaving tips! 

 

How To Stay Cool When It is Hot!

Literally and figuratively, we think about staying cool during the summer. Summer love is no different. 

On most days, I ask my clients to drink HALF their body weight (in lbs) in ounces of water daily. In the summer, you may need more. Add ice and a straw and keep drinking if you are dehydrated.

Dress in less layers, just like you would on the equator. There isn’t shame in keeping your body temperature regulated. 

 

Body Confidence – From 0 to 100

Do a body scrub to get your skin exfoliated. Add a little lotion and sunblock when you head outdoors, and this will help you caretake your skin! 

For those of you who have gained covid weight, it’s important to let your confidence lead. Honestly, no matter what your summer love body shape, be gracious in how you talk to yourself. It is easier said than done, yet you can practice this by using positive affirmations. 

Here are some examples: 

  • I enjoy the summer, and my body allows me to enjoy the heat
  • I love how I look in sunglasses
  • Bright clothes help me feel happier 

Those are just some examples of numerous positive body summer loving ideas you can say to yourself. 

Also, move your body when it feels comfortable. If this isn’t enough, please seek professional assistance. 

 

To Shave or Not in the Summer

Summer heat brings us sensual questions about hair! 

About a decade ago, smooth skin was known as the ultimate pleasure for a hot, sticky day. If you recall, Brazilian wax salons and sugar-ing places started popping up all over the United States of America. 

At first, we all giggled at the thought of ripping hair off vulvas, testicles, and other body parts. Similarly, waxing scenes of removing underarm, chest, and pubic hair played in movies as a joke. It isn’t a joke now though.

Body hair is discussed and thought about by many individuals. 

HAVING HAIR IS NOT A CAUSALITY! Hair actually has its own character, and the way it is styled (or our head or our body) is important to whoever wears it. This is what matters. 

Do what feels right for your comfort with your hair and do not let others dictate it for you! 

These are some of the best tips we have for hot, sizzling summer love! 

If you need more help, watch our body image webinar. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Sex Addict

Are You A Sex Addict? 

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Are You A Sex Addict? 

 

If you’re looking for answers on whether you are a sex addict or not, we will let you know. 

The best method to ensure you are not a sex addict. And to give you clarity of mind are found here. 

So if you think you are a sex addict, consider the following! 

If you are the source of your fantasies and recognize tha you are also in control of your desires and arousal, chances are you are not a sex addict. Much of what we are taught in the culture about sex in unhealhy, so we use porn and sex in a way to cope with uncomfortable feelings. 

This does not mean we are sex addicts who will build up a tolerance and then have a physiological withdrawal when stopping porn or sexually compulsive behaviors. 

International Classification of Diseases (ICD-10)

The ICD (international classification of diseases) has left sex addiction out of the new sexual compulsion diagnosis. Why? Because sex addiction is not actually an addiction. 

Although there may be overlaps in what we traditionally think of, sex addiction is missing components of: 

  • Tolerance
  • Withdrawal

You may have a compulsion and impulsion issue when it comes to sex, yet it’s not a sex addiction. 

If you want to use the label because it works for you, feel free to call yourself a sex addict though. 

Many clients may come to me thinking they have a sex addiction. 

If you have been diagnosed with a “sex addiction” or as a sex addict. Ensure your therapist is certified as a sex therapist. Many are not, so question the qualifications of the professional. 

If you are spending time masturbating, unable to keep a job because of your sexual practices. Have risky and problematic sexual behavior, these are all symptoms of needing treatment. Even if it isn’t called sex addiction, if it is causing you distress. It is important to see a sex therapist. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Evolve Fest

Evolve Fest – International Online Tantra Event

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Evolve Fest – International Online Tantra Event

 

EVOLVE FEST is a 5-day online festival internationally brought to increase connection.

 

“A journey of love, transformation and togetherness ONLINE!” now is the time to experience online tantra if you have been curious about it. 

 

For those that are interested in discovering what is possible with an open mind. 

 

If you feel a heavy weight on your chest, like it’s almost difficult to get through your days, consider an online community. Why? Because you will learn to connect more with yourself and enjoy the time you spend with YOU through tantric practices. 

 

So… may we tantalize, allure, and transform you?

 

Would you like to join us March 17-21, 2021, and specifically on 3/21/21 for a Sensuous Spring Equinox?

 

It may be that it’s time for you to take a break! If so, come rejuvenate and relax with us, while learning!

 

A special sneak peak of the Sunday finale of the 5 Day EVOLVE FEST ! 

 

What is EVOLVE FEST ONLINE TANTRA EVENT? 

 

More than 85 of the world’s top Relationship guides, coaches, teachers and facilitators share over 150 + hours of live workshops,  inspiring new ways of thinking and rejuvenated relational upgrades, because pandemic life has been tough globally. 

 

What this means is that for one ticket price you will receive:

  • A 5 day 24/7 journey fitting to all time zones. 
  • Full Access to the entire live program of 100+ workshops and lectures
  • Teachings from top facilitators internationally
  • Full Access to the Festival community group to meet, connect and share with others
  • 30 days of access to the workshops which will be recorded!

 

If you aren’t able to attend, you will have access to this evolve fest programming for up to 30 days after, consider the importance of doing something new to connect during a lonely time.

 

However, consider the wealth of knowledge from close to 100 leaders all over the world. There will be unique perspectives that maybe you haven’t considered for your life. 

 

So do you want to purchase a ticket? Find the Information here and then use the code “SEXHEALER” for 25% off! 

 

If you have questions, learn about new insights on a range of topics such as: 

  • Monogamy/Non-Monogamy
  • Communication Skills
  • Sexuality: From BDSM/Kink to Tantra & Embodiment
  • Trauma and Shadow work
  • Conscious Community and Parenting in the New Century 
  • Conflict Resolution for Triggers – including Attachment theory & Breakups
  • Conscious Dating in the Pandemic
  • Passion/Attraction/Desire Throughout A Marriage
  • Non-Binary, Gender fluid and LBGTQ relating
  • The Science of Relating (neurobiology in the brain)
  • And more…

 

If you are interested, visit the presenters page to see the entire list. 

 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Valentine’s Day – Secrets to Having The Best Sex

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Valentine’s Day – Secrets to Having The Best Sex

 

If you want to understand how to have the best sex, this is the blog for you.

As you may know, society tells you pleasure is shameful and not acceptable. Apparently, sex and pleasure are for practical purposes only, like having a child. 

This is simply not true though. 

What ends up happening is that many people grow up confused on what the best sex can even be.

Often, in our practice, we are asked “how do I get better sex in my life?”

 

First, know that you deserve to have sexual needs and deserve the best sex. 

My goal is for all people to communicate more effectively, especially around sex and asking for what they want as the best sex. 

Let’s start here:

  • What do you consider sex is? 
  • What does sexuality mean to you? 
  • When does foreplay begin? 
  • How long does sex last for? 
  • How will you know you are satisfied and are having the best sex?
  • Have you actually had the best sex of your life already?

If you come see us at the practice I own, Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT), you will know that these are key components we want to understand to get you to your goal of the best sex possible. 

 

Similarly, is the best sex about orgasm, partnership, or something else? 

Not everyone has sex for the same reason every time they are engaging in what they consider sex is. 

Therefore, understanding WHY you are having the sex and what NEED you are trying to fulfill in it is often an important place to begin processing what the best sex will look like for you. 

Give yourself 15-30 minutes to reflect on your sexual fantasies, your desires, and your curiosities. 

Then record them either in writing, a video on your phone of you reading them or stating them, or record a voice memo for yourself. 

Think about where you like to be touched, and possibly how you like to be held.

  • With what pressure? 
  • For how long? 
  • With fingers or a massager?
  • Who is doing the holding and does that matter? 
  • Where would you want partner(s) to touch?

 

For those of you who do not want to analyze sex, remember that sex happens in multiple quadrants – according to the late Gina Ogden. Emotional, physical, intellectual, and spiritual. 

For those of you who don’t know where to start because these questions and concepts seem foreign, and you like to experience things in your body first, feel free to try this. 

Set a timer for 15 minutes. 

Slowly build sexual energy by facing a partner – cross legged or comfortable standing. If you are doing this solo, do it in a mirror. 

Make eye contact and establish a connection. Make sure to face one another, with your lips slightly open. Remember, try to inhale through the nose, and exhale through the mouth. 

 

Easy best sex tip: lock into your lovers breathing as a quick way to connect during sex. 

It’s the easiest way to figure out the flavor of sex they are interested in. 

Continue with long, deep breaths. Be curious in your mind, even if you are alone, about what next. 

You can end just like this or you can continue with a partner, or with self touch on your arms, belly, or thighs. 

It is not about orgasm. It is about touch, breath, or eye-gazing to wake up your body! 

Our heart has 5 times the magnetism of the brain. I believe I learned in sex therapy school that 90 to 95% of serotonin and 50% of the dopamine (or 500 million neurons) is stored in the brain and the gut… which is 5x the number of neurons in the spinal column). 

Being in connection with our hearts and emotional openness in the moment is the goal of the best sex, for me. What is the best sex for you? Have you spent enough time thinking about it? 

Being tuned into what is going on inside yourself and, if partnered, at the same time as you are holding that the other person is doing this as well. 

 

 

Sensual Meditation: Strategies to Fall in Lust Again

Sensual Meditation: Strategies to Fall in Lust Again

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

n appointment.

Learn The Buzz about Using a Vibrator

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Learn The Buzz about Using a Vibrator 

 

Many people have reported to me that using a vibrator seems too taboo for them. 

They report that they cannot wrap their mind around why you would need one. Or who would have the ovaries to buy one. 

Sometimes though, I think it is important to know what you could be missing out on. 

 

Who is with me that vibrators are a magical invention?

The key to awesome sex, even with yourself, is savoring sensations rather than solely chasing the orgasm. 

Start slow. Set the scene. Make sure you will have privacy. 

Use the vibrator to stimulate various parts of the body and tune into the sensations. We have found it does not matter necessarily on the style, size, or type they all do the same job. 

 

Here are some ways to utilize your vibrator:

cles around the clit which can cause stimulation in different ways with each woman. What might work for you might not for your partner or best friend.

  • Direct Hit- For a less sensitive clit, or at stages when the clit likes more direct stimulation, many women say circles right one the exposed clit felt wonderful. To do this, you can get the hood out of the way if the clit is a hider, either by lifting the entire pubic hair area upward with a hand. Or by pushing just the area right above the hood skin upward with the side of your thumb while using your vibrator.
  • On the Hood- Keeping the touch above the line, on the hood skin, without the circle ever touching the exposed clit beneath. The part of the skin that you touch and keep contact with is really important. Holding high on the hood feels less intense than holding lower down, near the bottom edge of the hood. This is similar to layering. Adding more layers between the vibrator, and the clit itself can help lessen the intensity of your vibrator.
  • Off and On (the hood)- Many women prefer circles that mostly stay on the hood and then occasionally swipe and glide below it, to include part of the clitoral gland that may be peaking out as exposed. The upper clit gets soft pressure through the hood, giving the exposed clit a small break between each time it is touched. This method seems to be a favorite with a vibrator, as you can use the vibrations to expand the pleasure and add shallowing techniques in as well.
  • Staying away- the least intense way to orbit the clit is to stay far away from it. Gliding in gentle circles that stay above, below, and to the sides of the hood and clit and never touch the exposed clit directly. Some women feel the vibration itself is satisfying without being overwhelming and this is a great way to ease into your first vibrator. 

Easing into your first experience can be overwhelming. Start out slow, and layering is one way we recommend breaking the ice.

Layering is where you put “layers” between your touch with the vibrator. And the clit or area you want to stimulate.

Laying it on thick – Through fabric this is the least direct way to touch the clit. Women prefer pressure and massage up on the triangle where the pubic hair is (or was— you are allowed to do with your hair what you please). Stroke all around this area called the mons pubic region. 

This area is on top of a nerve network that’s connected to the clit. Remember the exposed part of the clit is simply the tip of an iceberg. And there is a lot more going on below the surface all around it.

 

The Clit Sandwich- Yes this is a real thing!

1 in 5 women prefer squeezing the outer lips together around the clit like a sandwich. People also report liking this sensation in partnered sex with same sex or other sex partners! 

Why? The clit gets more subtle, indirect pressure. Because it goes through the thin hood skin and the thick skin of the lips. Some move the sandwich up and down or pull it out and push it in, so the skin inside slides back and forth around the slit.

Adding your vibrator to this technique, even on the outer lips, can create a unique stimulation.

Layering with a vibrator can help you achieve multiple orgasms. And even lessen the touch/sensation for the rebuild for the second orgasm.

So, adding a vibrator into your relationship can become a rewarding experience for you and others. Knowing your body will help give you a more satisfying experience.

I believe a vibrator can change around a sex life. Only if you are open to experiments with time and techniques as you learn. 

No matter the vibrator location on your body, the satisfaction you achieve while using it is all that matters. 

By starting out curious, you will be able to learn your body and what you like. And dislike the more you explore with your vibrator.

 

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.