National Sex Day

7 Solo Sex Tips for All Adults on National Sex Day

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7 Solo Sex Tips for All Adults on National Sex Day

 

Did you know there is a National Sex Day? Even though June 9 is not an official holiday, get a little creative with the date (6/9) and you’ll see why so many people have declared it a day of sex.

We’re trying to get the message out that this year’s National Sex Day is more important than ever. With everything that’s going on, and after spending months in quarantine and worried about the coronavirus, it’s time we all had some well-deserved sex! It’s the best stress reliever and releases much-needed endorphins that improve mental health.

Whether you’re flying solo or involved in a relationship with a partner or partners, we’re focused on solo sex this National Sex Day. Solo sex has several mental and physical benefits, and the better you get at it, there more benefits there are to be had.

Here are 7 tips for adults on how to have incredible solo sex on June 9. Let’s all join in and send out some positive sexual energy.

 

Get a Sex Toy!

Sex toys close the orgasm gap between men and women. In surveys, the majority of men, over 90% of them, report achieving orgasm, while only around 60% of women say the same. Sex toys close the gap between different people. With toys, everyone has a chance to have some fun.

Betty Dodson brought vibrators back onto the scene decades ago and solo sex has never been better. Get a magic wand with different settings that can be used on all parts of the body. They come with different attachments and even come wireless and waterproof.

You may also want to try putting on a blindfold. Yes, you hear that right, blindfolds are great for solo sex as well! With a sexy blindfold on, you’re shutting off your other senses and focusing on sexual touch. It’s easier to slip into a sexy fantasy or experiment with different breathing patterns and how they affect your orgasms.

Watch my video about sex toys here for more information:

 

Try Edging

If you’ve been in quarantine for months, chances are you’re ready to experiment with new ways to get more out of solo sex and your orgasms. Edging is a way to delay climax which ultimately ends with more intense and longer-lasting orgasms.

Edging is all about effort. It takes time to build that anticipation in your mind and body that explodes once you reach climax. You may spend your time masturbating to a fantasy or pornography, walking back from the edge just as you’re about to orgasm.

Part of the fun with edging is embracing the anxiety that you may lose the orgasm altogether. This risk-reward play raises the stakes of solo sex. It can also be a fantastic body control exercise that will help you in bed with partners.

 

Experimenting with Anal

Anal orgasms aren’t only for people with penises. All body types can experience pleasure with anal sex. People with vaginas often climax by stimulating themselves through the wall between the vagina and the rectum.

Make sure you have enough lube on hand to make entering nice and easy. Start by slowly massaging your opening to help your body relax before you insert any toys or fingers. Alternate between vertical and horizontal motions in your anus. Add speed and pressure as you become relaxed and comfortable.

 

Use a Mirror

Too many people are still struggling with body issues! If that’s you, take advantage of National Sex Day by sitting yourself in front of a mirror for a solo session.

With a mirror, you can explore your body and work on body acceptance. Massage yourself, use lotion or lube to get yourself lathered up. Put on something sexy to get yourself in the mood.

Caress your legs, stomach, and genitals with your eyes open. Follow what feels good and try new things to see if they work.

 

Talk Dirty to Me

This might feel a bit silly at first, but just trust me. National Sex Day is the perfect time for a little solo sex with a dash of dirty talking. Talking dirty will heat up your solo time and is great practice for fun with partners. If you haven’t played with dirty talk during sex, then this is a great intro.

Push the boundaries on what you’re comfortable with to see where it will take you. Talking dirty to yourself will help you overcome sexual anxiety and embrace the sexual experience.

National Sex Day 

Get a Workout on National Sex Day

No, I’m not saying to masturbate while you’re doing yoga or in between sets of pushups. Instead, exercise your pelvic floor muscles to improve genital control. Squeezing and holding your pelvic muscles tight should also give you a more intense orgasm. All that clinching takes work and has a huge payoff.

Pelvic workouts are all about body control. As you get better, you can sync your hand or toy strokes with your clenching and releasing to make sensations stronger. As you progress, try to hold your squeezes longer and longer to see what kind of difference it makes in your orgasm.

 

Give Tantric Breathing a Try

Many people who struggle to orgasm are found to hold their breath during sex, especially when things heat up during sex. Failing to take deep, measured breaths can prevent orgasm.

National Sex Day is a great time to try out tantric breathing and see whether it can give you an amazing orgasm. Tantric breathing involves inhaling deeply into the belly to increase blood flow which enhances sexual pleasure.

Start by laying down or getting into a sitting position and inhale deeply. Focus on your muscles as they expand and tense. As you exhale, notice the sensations on your skin, your arms, your legs, and focus on erotic thoughts.

Continue breathing like that as you begin to touch and stroke your genitals until you reach orgasm. For many people, tantric breathing helps them get into higher states of arousal and experience intense orgasmic experiences.

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

Stiff: Solutions for Erectile Dysfunction On-Demand Webinar

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Signs of Insecurity

11 Signs of Insecurity that Turn Others Off

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11 Signs of Insecurity that Turn Others Off

 

I’m going to teach you the most common signs of insecurity.

Everyone is insecure about something. No matter how confident you are, there’s always that one thing someone can say that will send you reeling back into past trauma whether all of a sudden you’re back in high school being teased or thrown into a memory of being rejected by a crush.

For most people, building confidence is a lifelong pursuit. We learn, bit by bit, to do things like not be overly self-deprecating, maintain good eye contact, and how to overcome self-doubt. It’s not easy. As the saying goes, nothing worth doing is, right?

The process of building confidence and defeating insecurity means we have to try to take out our insecurities one by one.

There are things you do right now, probably without even knowing it, that turn others off to you. They communicate the wrong message. Getting it right is important, especially if it’s someone you want to turn on! Let’s take a look at 11 signs of insecurity and what you can do to correct them.

 

1.Body Negativity

Almost everyone has some part of their body they feel insecure about. Many of my female-bodied clients are worried about the shape of their breasts and thighs. There’s so much pressure to look a certain way, it’s no wonder so many of us lack confidence.

We all need to work on being body positive. That means you need to be proud of your body! Your body is part of what makes you who you are. You’ll be surprised how feeling good on the outside can change the way you feel inside.

You can start working toward body positivity by focusing on your strengths. Use affirmations as a way to emphasize your beautiful hair, gorgeous eyes, or some other feature you love.

Signs of Insecurity 

2.Rejecting Praise

Knowing how to receive a compliment is part of being confident. For some reason, insecure people often try to deflect or dismiss praise. It’s as if you don’t want to believe there’s something praiseworthy about you.

What you think is being humble can be a turn off to others. It’s as if you’re rejecting their compliment or even their attempts to flirt or express interest.

If you find yourself shying away from compliments, focus on changing your response. Start with a simple, “Thank you,” if that’s all you can manage. Another great method is to say thanks and return a compliment.

 

3.Making a Bad First Impression

Not “caring” about how you come off when you meet people one of the most common signs of insecurity. People who lack confidence often try to mask it with ambivalence. However, it’s a massive turnoff social, professional, and romantic relationships.

People you meet will take it to mean either you’re not confident in yourself or that you simply don’t care. Both aren’t great.

Whether you’re meeting a first date, going for a job interview, or meeting your partner’s family for the first time, put in some effort to communicate confidence in who you are and what you look like.

Wear clothes that fit you – go on YouTube and look up videos on clothes that fit different body shapes. Feeling good is important on a first date. Make it look like you put in a little effort. You want to look like someone who cares.

 

 

4.Poor Eye Contact

Poor eye contact is one of the signs of insecurity easiest to spot. It’s hard to disguise your inability to meet someone’s gaze. It may also nonverbally tell someone you’re genuinely interested in that you aren’t. Poor eye contact can also be a sign someone has suffered trauma in the past.

Practicing maintaining eye contact to develop the habit. This is something that can be learned. You can give it a try in front of the mirror or with friends you trust. Just don’t overdo it or you’ll end up scaring people off! It’s a good rule of thumb to hold eye contact for a few seconds and then look away before returning.

 

 

5.Automatically Assuming Something Negative

There are enough negative people out there in the world. It’s a turnoff when people always assume the worst. The person you date, people you work with, your friends, and your family want to be surrounded by positive people with bright outlooks.

The people you spend time with are going to have the biggest influence on your life. That means you should be around people who lift you and are striving for good outcomes.

Review conversations you have to analyze whether you were being overly pessimistic. Start correcting negative thoughts in your head, and eventually it will change the way you speak and act.

 

 

6.Easily Offended

People who are easily offended are that way because they lack confidence in the face of other people’s opinions. It’s one of the signs of insecurity that is most obvious. People with poor self-image try to avoid attention on their behavior by constantly going on the attack. Either that or they’re overly sensitive to constructive feedback from friends, family, or lovers.

If you find yourself quickly moving into defensive mode, then spend some time reflecting on how you come across. Instead of reacting rashly, instead, ask probing questions to discover how other people feel.

 

 

7.Difficulty Talking About Sex

One of the signs of insecurity in a relationship is Discomfort talking about sex. When you lack confidence in something, you’re quick to change the subject or shut down someone’s attempts at digging under the surface. I meet with clients who struggle to talk about sex because they’re unsure of what they want or feel performance anxiety around sex.

To overcome insecurity around talking about sex, try to create conditions where you feel safe discussing intimacy. Removing anything that makes you feel threatened or overwhelmed will help facilitate conversations.

Talking about sex is so important in a successful relationship. You need to be able to express your sexual needs and understand what your partner needs as well.

 

 

8.Avoiding Sex

Some people avoid sex altogether to hide their insecurity. They say things like they don’t enjoy sex or it’s not particularly fun for them.

I find that many times this happens because they feel anxiety over their lack of sexual inexperience, or they may have suffered trauma in the past that’s inhibiting their ability to enjoy sex.

If you feel insecure about having sex or feeling turned on by your partner, meeting with a sex therapist can help. I give my clients the psychosexual therapy exercises they use to relax and open the door to enjoy sexual experiences.

Signs of Insecurity 

 

9.Being Passive in Bed

Insecure people are often passive in bed. They wait for their partner to make the first move or take the initiative at every turn. Not only is this a turnoff, it’s also no fun!

When insecure people hear that they should be more active in bed, many of them interpret that as their partner saying they should put on a show. Like they’ll only be happy if you install a stripper pole before you have sex the next time.

In reality, your partner likely wants to be equal partners in your sexual relationship. They want you engaged because it communicates to them that you love and desire them.

 

 

10.Codependence

Codependence is the result of insecurity and it perpetuates other people’s poor behavior. You make your needs subservient to someone else’s needs and then become resentful.

I work with people to transition their codependent relationship into an interdependent one, where both of you are meeting each other’s needs on equal footing.

 

 

11.You Struggle with Trust

Do you sneak looks into your partner’s phone while they’re not looking? Are you suspicious of their relationships with other people? Difficulty trusting people is a major sign of insecurity. It’s you simply yelling that you think you’re not good enough for your partner, so you have to constantly follow-up on their activities. Who did they talk to and where were they?

This can be very trying for any partner in a relationship.

Rather than constantly worry about what your partner is doing and with whom, try to grow your social circle to fill your time with something else. When you pursue your passions, you’ll become more confident and start to realize that anyone you’re with is lucky to have you.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Grapefruit Technique

The Grapefruit Technique

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The Grapefruit Technique

 

Have you heard of The Grapefruit Technique in Bed?

Maybe it has been a while since you’ve been a little freaky, and you have a feeling that your partner feels things are a bit stale in your sexual techniques lately?

We all fall into sexual doldrums from time to time. Work, family, or just life, in general, gets to us. 

We feel like we can barely make it into bed much less put on a show.

You don’t have to go wild in bed every time you have sex. 

Sometimes though, you need to do something new to juice up the sex life a bit… so: the grapefruit technique.

I meet with people all the time that want more out of sex, and they don’t know where to start. 

Well, this blog is for the adventurer in you. 

This is a quick guide to something called the grapefruit technique, brought to us by Angel, otherwise known as the “Grapefruit Lady.” If your partner’s got a penis, this is something fun that is sure to blow their mind.

 

The Setup

Anytime old friends get together, they talk about sex. How much they’re getting, if it’s good, what they wish would happen, who’s the hottest, what’s the craziest thing they’ve done, and anything else you can think of. Don’t believe whatever your partner tells you. If they’re hanging around friends, sex is on the table.

One of the time-tested sex topics is a preference between oral sex and intercourse. What feels better, getting head or getting inside?

What if you could find a way to make it feel like you’re doing both at the same time? With the grapefruit technique, that’s exactly what you’ll get.

First, you’re going to need a grapefruit. Oh, you thought this was just a name for something else? No, you need an actual grapefruit.Grapefruit Technique

Now, if your partner is allergic to grapefruit for any reason, skip it and buy a large orange or something comparable.

Cut a hole in the middle of the grapefruit that’s approximately the size of your partner’s penis. Again, you should have a good idea of how big they are. This isn’t exactly something you want to bust out on the first night.

Just before you’re ready for sex, place the grapefruit under your bed where you can reach it. Your partner will probably think you have some scented candle burning or an oil diffuser on.

 

The Get Down

 

You must get your partner blindfolded before you bring the grapefruit out. The element of surprise is important here. Your partner may be resistant to the idea of having a grapefruit rubbed all over their penis, so get the blindfold on them and lay them down.

Trust me, practically no partner will ever reject the idea of being blindfolded by their lover. If you haven’t tried it yet, put it on your list immediately.

Once the blindfold is on, lay your partner on the bed and get started doing what you do. Give your best blow job intro to get them hard, then reach under the bed and pull out the grapefruit.

Slide it over their penis and move it up and down with your hand in sync with your mouth. Your partner’s not going to believe what they’re feeling. How can they be getting an incredible blowjob and feel like they’re inside of you at the same time?

After you’ve been going for a while, feel free to take the blindfold off to give them a view of what’s happening. Now the grapefruit is going to be a pleasant surprise instead of too much to handle.

You can bet they’re going to be asking for it again soon.

There’s good news for the giver as well! Grapefruit is probably going to make giving head more fun and tastier than ever.

 

Keep It Playful

The grapefruit technique is just one example of ways you can mix it up in bed to keep your sex life interesting and fresh. Life’s too short to worry about how you’ll look or what they’ll think. Break free from prudish thinking and push the limits of your sexual boundaries.

Break out the handcuffs, buy a sexy outfit, start roleplaying, get some toys. Do whatever you think would be fun to try. Inserting flirty games into your relationship lets your partner see more of your sexual side, and they’ll feel more comfortable about expressing themselves too.

The grapefruit technique is awesome because it’s a sexual tool that’s fun and feels great. That’s a great combo. If anything, else, you can laugh at trying without taking yourself too seriously. Odds are, though, your partner is going to remember it forever. It may even be the topic of the next meet up between friends.  Your partners’ friends are going to go home begging their spouses and lovers to get to the market and buy some grapefruits.

 

Lean on Your Sex Therapist for Advice

Sex therapy is all about this type of exploration. While we do also focus on overcoming past sexual trauma and relationship issues that get in the way of sexual fulfillment, we spend a lot of time helping you become the sexual being you’re meant to be!

Talk to your therapist about fun ways to mix things up with your partner. Break out of your routine with easy steps we can provide you.

All it takes is a sense of adventure combined with our training and expertise to take you to the next level. Soon, you’ll be having the best sex of your life. The best part is that as you hand out sexual favors to your partner, you’re going to get the payback soon enough.

He’ll be thinking long and hard about how to one-up you on the grapefruit technique. Who knows what that’ll be? We’d love to find out!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Sexy Time

Sexy Time

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Sexy Time

 

Odds are you still think about that one sexy time with that one person from time to time. Maybe it was a college hookup or could have been a serious relationship a long time ago. For whatever reason, they just knew how to get it done.

They could touch you, tease you, and feel you in all the right ways. Something about it was so intense, primal even, that it’s a bit like chasing the dragon trying to get sex to that level again.

What’s funny is those intense sexual experiences we find ourselves daydreaming about are often far from our current reality. When you’re in a stable, long-term relationship, even sex becomes routine. That’s not to say we won’t take it. All consensual sex is good sex, right? Well, there’s good sex, and then there’s GREAT sex.

Here are some easy ways you can get more of what you want from sexy time.

 

Leave Your Assumptions Out the Door

I talk to so many people who are frustrated with their sexual partners. They complain that they can’t find people who know what they’re doing in bed or how to please them. Sex is filled with a lot of “You’re close” and “not quite!”.

Starting from scratch can be hard to do with every partner, especially if you’re coming off a relationship or being with a partner with amazing sexual chemistry. What you shouldn’t do, though, is assume every person has the same experience.

Be verbal before, during, and after sex! Tell your partner what you want and how to do it. Use a guiding hand if you have to show them how it’s done. Their feelings aren’t going to be hurt. They’ll probably be ecstatic.

Imagine if every intimate partner you have lays out exactly how to give them mind-blowing orgasms. Wouldn’t you be stoked to try?

Don’t assume your partner knows how to go down on a woman or give a great blowjob. Tell them what works for you and ask what they like in return.

Sexy Time

 

Avoid Negative Triggers During Sex

Sex sometimes requires difficult discussions. When you’re committed to someone who has a different sex drive or has more or less experienced, it takes adjustment. The last thing you want to do is spring something on them unexpectedly right in the middle of sex.

If you want to try, for instance, anal sex and your partner is apprehensive, discuss experimenting before you give it a shot. See if there’s anything you can do to make things easier for them.

Triggering negative reactions in the middle of sex can tie a bad experience to lovemaking, something no one wants. Keep things positive while you’re in the groove and hold the feedback for another time.

 

Engage in Some Self Experimentation

Masturbate. Masturbate a lot. I talk to so many people who struggle to verbalize what they like and don’t like with sex. It’s almost as if their life depended on it, they wouldn’t be able to tell you what feels good.

Certainly, for many people being comfortable with your sexuality is a mixed basket full of past experiences, religious backgrounds, and upbringing. Your exposure to sex will also affect how you feel.

The best thing for this is some self-exploration. If you can’t point to or talk about where your “on” buttons are, then do some searching. Masturbation is a great stress reliever in general. It’ll also help take any pressure or anxiety you feel when your partner is trying to help get you off.

 

Own It

If you’re feeling like you’re in a sexual rut, you’ve got to take more charge of your sex life. Own what happens in those sheets! Move around, take charge, pull out some handcuffs. Do something that will mix things up and make them more exciting.

Don’t wait for your partner to take the lead every time you have sex. Let your dominant side free every once in a while. Tell them where to go and what to do. Break up the routine a bit. It doesn’t have to be every time, but a little effort is a great reminder that you’ve still go it and things don’t have to be lame.

Sexy Time

 

Everybody Loves a Bit of Dirty Talk

Yes, you heard me. Sounds so silly though, right? No, it doesn’t. Dirty talk only sounds ridiculous until you try it. Trust me, it might feel weird the first time you whisper “Give it to me harder…” into your partner’s ear as their thrusting on top of you, however, you’re going to love how stimulating it is when they’re asking, “You like that?” when they’re pulling your hair from behind.

Talking dirty takes some getting used to. Once the cat’s out of the bag, though, sexy time is never going to be the same. Sex becomes more playful, and about more than just the physical act. You get to add a bit more personality and rev the intensity up.

 

The Personal Pep Talk

All of us deal with some level of insecurity tied to sex. We all have a bit of flab here or a dimple there we wish we didn’t have. Maybe it’s been a while since we’ve had sex and we feel like we’re out of practice.

Understand that everyone carries a bit of baggage into the bedroom. The people that enjoy sex most are usually those who can toss the baggage aside for half an hour or so and experience some pure pleasure.

Try giving yourself a sex pep talk before things heat up. Sneak into the bathroom if you have to and look yourself in the mirror. Relax your shoulders, breathe a bit, and get over yourself. Laugh at how nervous you are and tell yourself it’s just sex. It’s how adults have fun. And get out there and have some fun!

Sex is too great a gift to be boring or mundane. Juice things up, have fun, and get a little kinky. You’ll never regret it and, trust us, neither will your partner.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

 

Sensual Meditation: Strategies to Fall in Lust Again

Sensual Meditation: Strategies to Fall in Lust Again

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

orgasm anxiety

5 Ways to Decrease Orgasm Anxiety – For All Genders

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5 Ways to Decrease Orgasm Anxiety – For All Genders

 

Orgasm anxiety happens all the time at work, on stages, sales pitches, and a million other meetings where something’s on the line. We all react to pressure differently.

For many reasons, a lot of people experience this kind of stage fright when it comes to sexual encounters. Maybe it’s happened to you before. You meet someone you’re interested in, things click, you progress along the intimacy scale, and eventually find yourselves in bed together.

Suddenly, when it’s time to “shine,” you can’t pull it off and orgasm anxiety spikes. 

Your partner assures you that it’s no big deal. 

Still, it’s awkward all the same. 

Don’t agonize too much over it, as we’ve all been there.

Orgasm anxiety is a real thing, and it’s not always what you think. 

Unfortunately, there’s a stigma around failure to orgasm. 

For some people, it threatens to shatter the image they portray of masculinity or femininity. Often, we EXPECT the person we are with to be more like a porn star than a human. 

Sex without orgasm can also be taken as a signal that you weren’t, “into it”, and your partner will quietly wonder if a rejection is on the horizon. Sex is a complicated, messy ice cream sundae, and orgasms are the cherry on top.

orgasm anxiety

Sexing While Stressing

Your mind can be your worst enemy when it comes to sex. You can hype yourself too much or psych yourself out of the moment. All of a sudden, we find ourselves in the middle of a pandemic. People initially thought being stuck at home would trigger a huge baby boom. Everyone would be having massive amounts of sex!

The evidence indicates the opposite is happening. People are losing their jobs, worried about markets, and watching people they love fall ill. Everyone’s stressed out, and no one’s having sex.

While we’re all justifiably worried about what’s next, we must control what we can in our immediate circles. Sex, of course, is a proven stress-reliever. It can help you lower blood pressure and release endorphins to lift your mood and improve your health.

Overcoming orgasm anxiety will help you feel better about initiating sex and enjoy it more while it’s happening. Here are five ways to decrease orgasm anxiety you can try.

 

  1.   Take It Slow

Have you ever been watching porn when the first clip you come across is just the one? The people are beautiful, the scene looks great, it’s amateur porn and that’s what you’re into.

You start doing your thing, trying to get there, and you just can’t. No matter how hard or fast you go, you can’t get over the mountain.

When you’re anxious about having an orgasm, you’re more likely to try and come quickly. For that to happen, though, the conditions need to be right.

You’re better off controlling the pace and using a slow build to reach climax. The slower you go, the less you have to force it. Your body does the talking for you.

 

  1. Use a Toy, a Hand, a Mouth, and/or All of the Above

Whoever was handing out the orgasm awards in heaven wasn’t fair. Some people come super easy, and for others, it takes a lot of work. Vaginal orgasms are different than clitoral orgasms and orgasms triggered with anal sex.

Some people can only come when you go down on them, and for others, a vibrator is a must. Don’t get stuck in the self-defeating thinking that you’re broken if you can’t come a certain way. Have fun finding out what makes you cum!

Go on a shopping spree and buy a bunch of lube, vibrators, plugs, and other sex toys and experiment!

For a lot of people, orgasms take a bit of hand stimulation, some oral sex, and then a little of the old-fashioned type to get off. What’s wrong with that?

Orgasm Anxiety

 

  1. Work with Your Therapist

Meet with a sex therapist to work on mechanisms you can use during sex to decrease anxiety. A lot of our clients who have trouble orgasms struggle with mental blocks that prevent climax. It’s not so much that they aren’t being stimulated correctly, it’s that they are stopping themselves from enjoying it.

If you’re thinking about how you look, what your partner is doing, the laundry that needs to be done or whatever else, you may be subconsciously stopping the urge to orgasm. Every individual is, of course, different, and a lot of times distraction during sex is a coping mechanism that deals with whatever hang-ups or anxiety you’re feeling.

A good therapist can help you establish the right mindset before sex and fight back when anxiety starts to creep in.

 

  1. Talk to a Doctor

If you struggle to orgasm, it could be a medical issue. I mean, sexual performance drugs were invented for a reason. There was enough demand that pharmaceutical companies developed the medications.

Just like stress can impact your sexual performance, so can medications you take, weight issues, and depression. Talk to your doctor to see if there’s something you can do to decrease your sexual anxiety without putting your health at risk.

 

  1. Practice!

We’re all in quarantine whether we like it or not, right? Make the effort and shake the dust off. One of the best ways to decrease anxiety related to any activity is to do it over and over again.

“So, what you’re saying is that I should masturbate and have sex as much as I can to decrease orgasm anxiety?” 100% YES!

Having an orgasm, for most people, is like building a house of cards. You have to spend time building a foundation that will get you to the top. A couple of wrong moves during the process will send everything tumbling down.

You need to know what it takes to set the groundwork for a fast orgasm, a delayed orgasm, multiple orgasms, intense orgasms, and however many other types of orgasms there are. Learn your body in and out.

Tell your partner where you want them to touch you. You aren’t there to sit silently while they try to figure things out! Give them a hand and have fun doing it together. Hopefully, it will make our time at home together more entertaining. A little exercise never hurt either.

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

Stiff: Solutions for Erectile Dysfunction On-Demand Webinar

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

masturbation

How Often Should You Masturbate?

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How Often Should You Masturbate?

 

The question “How Often Should You Masturbate?” has probably been entered into Google more times during the Coronavirus than ever before in history. I mean, we’re quarantined, what else are we supposed to do? 

NYC government even went so far as to recommend masturbation, saying that you are your safest sex partner and that masturbation was the surest way not to contract the virus from sex! 

The only caveat being you wash your hands, with soap, regularly… please. 

If you’re someone with high sexual desire, all it takes is a change of the wind, a single fleeting thought floating across your mind to trigger the thought, “Hey, maybe I should get off right now.”

If you’re not so high in desire, you might also be masturbating more than you were pre-pandemic. That’s normal given how much time we have on our hands. After all, there’s only so much Netflix you can watch, right?

Thankfully, masturbation is a godsend for people locked away in quarantine. Especially for our single readers, masturbation can give you a dose of self-love while you abstain from sex with partners due to health concerns.

Is there such a thing as too much masturbation? Let’s take a look!

masturbation

 

The Health Effects of Masturbation

Well, we know for sure that masturbation doesn’t spread STDs, and you won’t get pregnant, so check those boxes

The main concern with masturbation is self-harm. If you’re masturbating a lot, or if you’re not following a few steps, you can end up chafing your skin or get sore. That’s not that serious, yet it can be uncomfortable.

You want to wank it knowing that there’s the potential to go again another day soon, so make sure you do the following:

Wash your hands – keep things as sanitary as possible. Germs or dirt can cause an infection that can last for days.

Use Lubricant – Take it easy on your genitals. This will go a long way in preventing sores or redness. It will also feel better and likely will make your orgasms more intense.

Pace Yourself if It Hurts – You know your own body, so don’t let your desperation for an orgasm cause you to hurt yourself. Stop masturbating if you start to feel more pain than you’d like.

Use a Good Vibrator if You Can – Get a quality sex toy that will take you over the edge!

 

Masturbation is Normal!

Unfortunately, for religious, cultural, or other societal reasons, masturbation lived in the shadows for decades. It was something we all did; we just couldn’t talk about it.

A lot of people grew up with a lot of shame around self-stimulation and still struggle to talk about it today. Thankfully, there’s much less stigma around masturbation these days. Maybe enough people have been caught or there have been enough movie scenes featuring masturbation that we’ve all learned to get over ourselves a bit.

Masturbation is a great way to relieve stress, feel good and engage with your sexuality. Indeed, it’s one of the best ways people who struggle with sexuality can become familiar with their bodies.

I often counsel clients who can’t orgasm or wrestle with shame around sex to masturbate more so they can become more comfortable with their genitals and feeling turned on. It’s too bad when people feel negative about the way their bodies can make them feel.

If you ever feel shame or doubt about your masturbation, you can talk to a therapist about your emotions. They can help you realize that it’s completely normal and even can be a healthy activity. Don’t waste any more time worrying about masturbation. If anything, try to learn how to do it better so you have more fun and orgasm more intensely!

 

The Social Exception to Masturbation

Perhaps the one exception to masturbation is if you’re denying yourself human connection or masturbation is getting in the way of being productive.

Some people with trauma or who want to hide from other problems can masturbate obsessively. In these cases, it’s not the masturbation itself that’s “too much”. It’s the inclination to distract from real life. Running and hiding is something we should avoid whether it’s jerking off, drugs, video games, shopping, you name it.

masturbation

Hopefully, we’re all leaning a bit harder on masturbation during quarantine to blow off some steam and tide us over until we can get back out on the dating scene. However, if you’re finding that you’re jerking off multiple times a day and you just can’t get to that work project, then maybe you need to pace yourself.

Don’t let masturbation, or any behavior for that matter, get in the way of doing the things you need to feel good about yourself. That means exercise, work, interactions with family and friends, and a slew of other things you should be doing in quarantine to get emotional and physical support.

The one thing I will say, though, is to avoid demonizing masturbation. Technically, there is no such thing as masturbation too much. No, you’re not going to go blind. Relax.

 

Saving Your Bullets for the Big One

If you’re a pro masturbator, then you know that masturbation frequently affects how your orgasms feel. Blasting off a bunch of rapid-fire bullets is different than saving up for a few days and dropping an orgasm bomb.

If you’ve been on a solid run of one to two times per day, add a little suspense to your life and wait a couple of days. Your orgasm will probably be longer and more intense because you’ve built up for a bit. Learn about edging and how it can supercharge your orgasms.

Most of all, make sure you’re enjoying the act. I talk to clients to whom masturbation is like brushing teeth, it’s just part of the daily routine. That’s fine if it works for you, all I would say it to take some time every once in a while, to feel your body and experience your sexuality at a deeper level.

Masturbation, when done right, can be an intense, healing experience. While it’s never going to hold a candle to sexual connection and intimacy with another person, it is still awesomely available.

During all of our downtime, make the extra effort to make masturbation better than ever!

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

postpartum sex

5 Tips to Protecting Yourself from Postpartum Sex Disasters

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5 Tips to Protecting Yourself from Postpartum Sex Disasters

 

So, are you struggling with postpartum sex?

Postpartum Sex can cause great stress in the relationship, but it is normal and has a solution!

In this video, I’ll teach you 5 essentials points to have the best Postpartum Sex, and keep the spark in the relationship without neglecting your parenting role.

These tips for Postpartum sex will surely enlighten you on how to maintain a balance and enjoy parenthood without losing passion in the room!

Can’t wait for you to learn how to have improve your Postpartum Sex!

 

GET “HOW TO SEDUCE YOUR SPOUSE” FOR FREE

https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/ ←HERE

-Learn How to Unleash Your Self Pleasure and Transform Your Sex Life!-

 

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, HeadSpace, VICE, and more!

 

Watch now:

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 PM EST

 

ClickToTweet: https://ctt.ac/Ud3aa

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

LCAT provides video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

sex playlist

Sex Playlist

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Sex Playlist

 

Hopefully, as you age, you learn more about your body and what makes it tick – including a great sex playlist. 

I meet often with clients who struggled through adolescence and early adulthood trying to understand touch and stimulation. It seems everyone understands the language of music though!

For my clients, thankfully, as their confidence and experience grew, they became more comfortable with intimacy. That helped them overcome roadblocks to amazing orgasms and close connections with themselves and their partner(s).

Whatever stage you’re in along the path of sexual growth is where you’re supposed to be. 

Fighting your body and giving in to negative emotions is only going to make things more difficult. 

Acceptance is the only way to free yourself and your body to become a sexual being!

I try to communicate to clients that incredible sex is possible… and sometimes we need music to help us get there! 

We created a sex playlist on Spotify that you can check out here! 

 

Why Use A Sex Playlist?

Getting there is about more than just deciding you’ll “do better” or “try harder”.

A lot of people find success progressing along the stages of sexual expression with the help of music. The right songs can bring out your inner sexual being and trigger the right emotions for the kind of sex you want.

Remember, not all sex is the same. It can be angry, joyous, playful, dominating, submissive, and so much more. Here’s a playlist and how it correlates to the sexual stages to help you learn more about how music can stimulate the kind of sex you’re looking for.

 

  1. Vital Sex – The Primal Stage – (“Freak Like Me” by NoMBe)

Sex is part of being human. On a genetic level, we all have an innate drive to mate, it’s part of who we are. Sure, there are some a-sexual outliers, and that’s fine if it’s truly who you are. For the most part, humans need to have sex to get the kind of connection and physical expression that makes life real.

If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, you know what we’re talking about. Sometimes you need to have sex just to have sex. That’s great! The same goes for single people who for whatever reason feel the urge to get off no matter who it’s with or what the circumstances are. Sex is a vital part of being you.

The song’s a great choice for vital sex because it does a great job of blocking everything else out. You’re there to fulfill your own sexual needs and get the job done.

 

  1. Personality Sexing – Romantic Codependence – (“Orange Sky”– Alexi Murdoch)

Most people seek relationships because being alone can suck. Codependence with the right person can be a wonderful thing. A lot of people use sex as a form of romantic codependence. We use sex to express love and feel another person’s acceptance of us. This helps us feel love for ourselves.

That’s important for people who struggle with self-acceptance. It is, though, important to not rely too much on personality sexing. The wrong person can use codependence against you to manipulate your emotions.

“Orange Sky” is a great song that evokes a strong emotion of love and gratitude. The line, “my salvation lies in your love” is repeated over and over. It can create a special moment between you and your lover.

 

  1. Pleasure Sexing – Liberated Sex – (“Wicked Games” – The Weeknd)

This is a liberated sexual expression. You’re comfortable with your body and what makes it feel amazing. You crave orgasm and know how to get there. It’s fun, it’s hot, it’s intense, and it’s about you.

Getting to this stage takes a bit of work, and it’s often where most people peak on their sexual journey. 

That’s not a negative thing. 

Many people work their whole lives to get here, to give themselves permission to soak into their body and steer sex in the direction they want it to go.

“Wicked Games” is a sultry, sexy song about lovemaking. It tosses away any notion of romantic sex and dives straight into the heat you’re craving.

 

  1. Sex as Guide and Guided – Dominance and Submission – (“One Last Night” – Vaults)

If you haven’t come to grips with your sexuality, this step is going to be difficult. It involves either taking charge of someone else’s sexual experience or letting them guide you. You’re either seizing or ceding control. 

That’s hard to do if you don’t yet have control of yourself.

However, guiding and being guided through sex can be an amazing experience. It’s more about your body. Orgasm happens when it happens.

People at this stage learn about the joy of being used, taking turns as the dominant partner, and submitting to sexual pleasure. It can be a ton of fun when toys, some light bondage, and some of the other good stuff get introduced in the bedroom.

“One Last Night” is a song about letting your partner take you where they want you to go. It’s about ceding control over the sexual experience.

 

  1. Sex as Gods – Transcendent Sex – (“Rise” – Katy Perry)

This stage of sex is fiercely creative. You enter into the sexual experience with full acceptance of yourself and your partner. You take in all of each of your weaknesses and each own your own pleasure. You are equal partners as you transcend the binds of traditional sex.

It’s unrealistic to expect this level of sexual experience all of the time. Remember, sometimes sex will be vital, sometimes it will be liberating. When sex is transcendent, though, it’s an amazing experience you should feel grateful to be part of.

“Rise” by Katy Perry is a great song to make love to. It’s about rising above any negativity to the level you want to be.

 

  1.     Prayer Sex – Conscious and Sacred Sex – [“(I Just) Died in Your Arms” – Hidden Citizens] 

This stage of sex is rare AND achievable. It enters into the sacred and involves healing.

Before I even knew what sacred sex was, I tripped into this layer.

I have also heard many clients describe moments where they “transform” and become one with their partner(s) and the world.

Erotic Recess, a workshop where women gather to masturbate and overcome hang-ups about physical appearance, genitals, and orgasm is a great example of prayer sex.

It’s helping people reach a level of sexual acceptance they’ve never been able to achieve. It can HEAL the world. When more people are having great sex there will be fewer problems. Relationships will be happier, and most importantly, you’ll be happier with yourself.

“Died in Your Arms” and the epic music can help it permeate through your soul.

This type of sex playlist reminds us that we are who we are for a reason. Our bodies are exactly the way they’re supposed to be, and sex offers a direct route to true expression.

 

 

 

Check Out All Our Additional Sex Therapy Video

Kinky Sex: How to Get Started

kinky sex

 

Kinky Sex 2.0: Escape Boredom in the Bedroom

sex therapy videos

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Sexy Time for Singles

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Sexy Time for Singles

 

So you want to have more sexy time as a single?

I’m so glad that you are interested in joining the world of Sexy Time for Singles and getting through this time period.

In this video, I’ll teach you how to make the best of Sexy Time for Singles, how to love yourself, and how to have fun through this time.

In no time, you’ll take my advice to use for your own Sexy Time for Singles.

My tips for Sexy Time for Singles will surely enlighten you on how to create a more adventurous and pleasure-focused sex life for you and your romantic partner(s)!

Can’t wait for you to learn how to have celebrate Sexy Time for Singles!

 

DOWNLOAD OUR FREE EGUIDE “THE PLEASURE PRACTICE”

https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/ ←HERE

-Learn How to Unleash Your Self Pleasure and Transform Your Sex Life!-

 

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, HeadSpace, VICE, and more!

 

Watch now:

 

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 PM EST

 

Say hi on social:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/thesexhealer

Instagram: http://instagram.com/thesexhealer

ClickToTweet: https://ctt.ac/Ud3aa

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Female Masturbation – Owning Pleasure with Virtual Erotic Recess

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Female Masturbation – Owning Pleasure with Virtual Erotic Recess

 

In November 2019, I wrote about my first time attending Betty Dodson’s Bodysex weekend – a weekend centered on female masturbation. 

Can you imagine female masturbation occurring online for pleasure, instead of for pornography? 

Coronavirus created a space where that was possible! Globally! 

 

Then Coronavirus Hit

It’s been months since my Bodysex experience, and naturally, I was aching for more; yet Betty and Carlin’s BodySex was sold out the Goop episode, BodySex 2020 would be sold out… 

All of their workshops are done in person. 

The effect of showing your genitals and orgasming in front of people you just met is incredibly delicious and empowering; so much so that most attendees report it to be “life changing.” 

Coronavirus threw a wrench into the plans of pleasure though. 

All of BodySex workshops were canceled to meet social distancing requirements. As I would imagine Betty and Carlin must have been bummed. However, within a couple weeks, the news came forward that Erotic Recess would be moving forward… on Zoom!

Yes, you read that right. Female masturbation for pleasure on Zoom. 

We would be part of piloting a new program of sexual pleasure from our own homes. 

Imagine a bunch of women on the same screen – totally nude – exploring and celebrating their own body together! 

I was intrigued to be a part of seeing if this experiment would “work” in the pandemic. 

Would the virtual Erotic Recess seminar hold a candle to the in-person BodySex that included female masturbation?

 

How Did It Go? 

Being a part of a virtual seminar is obviously different from meeting in person. 

Sitting in a circle with attendees facilitates a natural interaction and conversation flow. 

You take turns by… going around the circle. 

It’s also easier to read people’s moods when you can feel their energy up close.

Still, I was just excited that technology has enabled us to do this! 

After all, even in the face of a pandemic, pleasure must go on…

We started with a bit of boundary setting to begin! 

That happens in every seminar anyway, and it’s especially important over webcams. 

Carlin held a sacred space and was clear about no penises in the circle!

 

Female Masturbation For Global Healing

Erotic Recess leaves no room for avoidance or shame. 

We embrace our bodies, own our pleasure, and celebrate our vulvas for the incredible gift they are! As the workshop progressed, we talked about orgasms and masturbated in front of our computers, focused totally on pleasure and the solidarity of connection. 

It was great seeing how so many women experience and approach orgasm so differently. All of us better understand that there is no “right” way to be in pleasure. All of us realize that there is no “one” camera angle that works for all adult female bodies and movement abilities. 

 

My Virtual Female Masturbation Takeaways

Here are some of my main takeaways:

  • Ownership is SO important – During the workshop, attendees are discouraged as much as possible from talking about how others have affected their sexuality. The emphasis is on owning your eroticism. You get to decide that you deserve pleasure and bask in its glory!
  • The Right Tool Helps – millions of women will celebrate Betty Dodson for the rest of their lives to thank her for making the vibrator mainstream. Due to Carlin Ross and the future of BodySex, the pleasure continues… virtually! 
  • Sex tools are a godsend for women, particularly those who struggle to orgasm. My husband recently bought me the Le Wand Feel My Power Special Edition. 
  • I have to say, along with lubing up and Betty’s Barbell, it works wonders! 
  • Strategize with different toys and options until you find the one for you.
  • Once again… pleasure is gorgeous and healing! I have seen thousands of nude bodies at this point, and I just want to say that during female masturbation, most bodies have similar responses, and have sounds of joy.  Instead of shaming self-touch, celebrate it. This process works if you work it.

 

Virtual Erotic Recess Works

In the end, even Coronavirus could not stop our pleasure.

The 16+ women who have shared their screens alongside me have adapted to our new reality, and it didn’t dampen the experience. Each of us came away refreshed and excited to feel more pleasure and be free with our bodies. As Betty always says, “Better orgasms, better world”.

I am so grateful that I get to do this for a living! Erotic Recess is a wonderful reminder to me of how impactful sex therapy is and how many women can change their lives, not just with intimacy, through this process. It’s an incredible experience and I’m moved every time to be a part of it.

If you’re interested in Betty Dodson seminars like Bodysex, check them out now! You’ll be glad you gave it a try.

As some of you may know, pleasure is healing and female masturbation is often the key to unleash the power within. 

We grow through pain and pleasure, usually when we are uncomfortable. 

During this time of a global pandemic, we use female masturbation and self-pleasure during the sexual stimulation process to increase the feel-good hormones in your body! 

Whether or not you reach the release of orgasm, the bodily function that sometimes occurs during sexual interaction, isn’t the goal. The purpose is to connect with you. 

Follow the advice of Dr. Betty Dodson, the Queen of Female Masturbation, by checking out her NYT article. 

Female masturbationYou Are Your Safest Sex Partner: Betty Dodson Wants to Help

 

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

couple sex

Essential Rules for Couples Sex – 10 Things You’re Allowed to Say During Sex!

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Essential Rules for Couples Sex – 10 Things You’re Allowed to Say During Sex!

 

Couples don’t start sex therapy because everything’s great. There’s usually some issue where they’re at an impasse. It’s something that, for whatever reason, they just can’t work their way through.

If you’re having intimacy issues in a committed relationship, you’ve probably been through the wringer a time or two. Whether it’s imbalances in sex drive, different levels of comfort with sexual exploration, or some other underlying issue, disagreements over sex are tough!

There’s so much tied up in the way we make love. Knowingly or unwittingly, you’re bringing your background, your trauma, and anything else that’s molded your sexuality into the bedroom with your partner.

We have to remember that sex is fun and it’s also complicated. It’s a way you can fill your own needs and the needs of your partner. When sex is great, it’s extremely fulfilling. When it’s not, it can be scarring.

Sometimes we lose sight of our boundaries in the pursuit of pleasing our partners. Each of us has to do what it takes to make sure sex stays fun, engaging, and positive. Here are some things you need to remember that you’re allowed to say and feel.

Couple sex

  1. Can We Slow Down?

There’s hot sex and there’s slow sex. Sex can be kinky, and it can also be romantic. Sometimes it’s fast and sometimes it’s slow. You always have the right to tell your partner to slow down. That’s critical when you’re trying something new like BDSM or roleplaying. Go at your own pace! It’s ok if you don’t want to go from 0-100 on the first try. Find a speed you feel good with.

 

  1. I Like That

I meet with so many people that have a hard time explaining what they like. If you ask them, they’re great at saying, “Well, I know I don’t like it when he touches me here or when she does that.” One of the best things you can do for your sexual enjoyment is taking control of what turns you on. If necessary, spend some alone time masturbating so you can get to know your body better. Once you know, make sure you clue your partner in as well!

 

  1. I Don’t Like That and I Would Rather ____

There’s a compromise in sex, and both you and your partner should work together to find a happy medium where you’re both getting the sex and sense of adventure you crave while also keeping each other safe. Verbalize with your partner any time you feel uncomfortable with a sex act or situation. You’re an even part of what’s happening!

couple sex

  1. I Feel Nervous

Many of us hold anxious feelings inside because we’re afraid it might spook our partner or make it into a big deal. Your partner will probably be happy if you reveal you’re nervous. A good partner wants sex to be amazing for both of you, not just them. If they know you’re nervous they can be more attentive to how you’re feeling and do more to make sex a positive experience.

It will also help with pacing. When you start a sexual relationship with someone, it’s all about progression. Hopefully, the way you have sex in later months and years will be much different than the first time. You’ll be more comfortable about experimenting and pushing the boundaries of your sexuality. For that to happen you need a solid foundation on which you both feel comfortable as you move forward.

 

  1. I Feel Complete. I Would Like to Be Done

Ego comes to play when you have sex. Some people are driven by self-pleasure and others crave the pleasure of others. If you’re with a partner that’s a giver or a pleaser, you need to be firm about when you’ve had enough. That can happen with positive feedback you give your partner, telling them how great they are at oral sex or how amazing your orgasm was.

It can also mean giving your partner clear signals that you’re through. As always, it’s vital you feel safe when you have sex. You’re not there solely for the enjoyment of your partner. It’s only part of the equation.

 

  1. I am Thirsty/Hungry, Can We Take a Break?

Have you ever been with someone who loves marathon sex sessions? You’re French kissing and making love for hours. You may have read about tantric sex and how delaying orgasms can accentuate eventual pleasure.

Still, everyone has a limit. Make sure you don’t cross yours. Don’t let your partner make you feel guilty about needing a break during sex. A break can often increase tension and result in better orgasms!

 

  1. I Would Like to Use More Lube

For whatever reason, many of you may feel embarrassed about asking for more lube. 

For me personally, I don’t recommend any sex without it!

The stigma around lube is something most people deal with at some point. 

Your partner may become insecure and take your asking for lube as an affront. 

“What, I don’t turn you on enough to keep you lubricated?” is something I commonly hear.

First of all, those kinds of partners need to do a bit more learning about body fluids. 

Secondly, please do not let embarrassment or anxiety about someone’s actions keep you from staying healthy and comfortable during sex. Lube makes it way more pleasurable for the sensitive skin of the body!

 

  1. This is Fun!

couple sex

That’s right, give yourself the right to have fun! Repeat after me, “Sex is supposed to be fun!” 

Do whatever it takes to remove feelings of obligation, shame, abuse, or any other negative motivator.

Tell yourself that sex is fun. Reinforce the idea of what it should be. Don’t forget to tell your partner, too. They need to hear it sometimes as well.

 

  1. Is This Meeting Your Needs?

Resist the urge to become so self-involved in your sexual growth that you leave your partner behind. Check-in on them regularly. Solicit feedback so you know what they’re feeling. Ask them if they’d like to try something new and follow up afterward to talk about how it went. You’ll be happier when your partner is digging sex as much as you are.

 

  1. How Can We Find the Win-Win for Our Time Together?

Don’t forget, you’re in this together. Your sex can only climb as high as your partner is going to let it. Lift each other. Push each other up with positive reinforcement and transparency. When you strip away all the distractions that get caught up in sex, you’ll find a deeper connection. Sex will feel incredible and you’ll get extra comfort out of getting there with someone you love.

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Interracial Dating for Couples

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Interracial Dating for Couples

 

Even today, people from different races and ethnic backgrounds face relationship challenges most people will never experience. 

Never mind navigating intimacy with a partner whose race influences their perspective and behavior, interracial couples deal with more outside prejudice many would be surprised to hear. 

Whether done consciously or not, different treatment due to race is something couples and marriages face daily in America.

Choosing love seems so easy when it’s just you and your partner alone together. What happens when family and culture get involved? Compromise can be even harder to reach if one partner in an interracial relationship is from a different country or background.

 

Beating Back Stigma and Bias

Interracial couples often report feelings of external judgment. Some particularly reflective individuals admit they also struggle with internal judgment; this is typically the result of cultural conditions we experience as children and adolescents.

In some best-case scenarios, stigma and bias attached to interracial couples are done mentally. Others and even you will struggle with conflicting emotions over dating someone who’s not the same race as you are. That, unfortunately, is not where things stop for most interracial couples.

Comments, neglect, subversion, and even overt acts of hate and violence is something mixed couples deal with all the time. Whether it’s someone calling you a ‘traitor’ or expressing views on the virtues of shortcomings of one race over another, it’s still a stain on the American experience. It’s too bad that, for many couples, things like this simply comes with the territory.

Views on race are certainly better than they were in the past; however, we still have a long way to go. Interracial couples show, in many cases, impressive bravery by simply acting on their feelings of love for another person when the world has unsolicited opinions.

 

You Don’t Owe Anyone

If you’re interested in dating someone from another race or are struggling with difficult emotions in your current interracial dating, realize that you don’t owe anyone anything. Even though it’s hard to be resolute, you don’t owe your allegiance to a race, culture, or ethnicity because you were born that way.

You get to choose which parts of your culture and heritage belong to you. You set the rules. This realization, or rather resoluteness, can be extremely freeing. Many interracial couples can face external biases more effectively once they start actively working on overcoming any internal turmoil.

While race is a method of social identification, it doesn’t define who you are. You are more than your physical traits.

 You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Polyamory: Jealousy vs Envy

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Polyamory: Jealousy vs Envy

 

What’s the difference between jealousy and envy? We’re taught not to covet or desire something someone else has. It’s ok to aspire, but for generations, we’ve been warned against crossing the line into jealousy and envy.

Even though they’re often interchanged in common language, jealousy and envy aren’t the same. They have different meanings that matter greatly when it comes to our relationships.

Struggling with jealousy is something most couples deal with, but today we’re talking about how people in polyamorous relationships or who are considering polyamory.

 

What is Polyamory?

Polyamory is the practice of loving more than one person. Usually, when you’re in a polyamorous relationship, you’re connected to two or more people intimately, and often sexually. This isn’t a side piece or an illicit affair. All partners understand the basic guidelines of polyamory and adjust accordingly.

Polyamory is also commonly referred to as open relationships. On the most basic level, it’s when people feel they can’t restrict feeling attraction and connection to just one person. It’s not that they’re driven by simply the act of sex with other people, but want to enjoy the same love, support, and intimacy with multiple partners.

Bringing up polyamory always triggers mixed reactions. Depending on your age, belief system, how you were raised, current relationship status, and many other factors, you’re either eager to read on or questioning how on earth people navigate life like that.

Well, it’s not easy. But neither is staying in a committed monogamous relationship. The main difference is, instead of dealing with the emotions of one partner, you have to be aware of how you are affecting multiple people. When things are misinterpreted or miscommunicated in intimate relationships, it’s typical for people to get jealous or envious. Keep an open mind as we explore how jealousy and envy affect polyamorous relationships.

jealousy envy

 

Jealousy & Envy: What’s the Difference?

The main difference between envy and jealousy is that envy is when you want something that someone else has. You’re envious of how much attention your partner is giving someone else in a polyamorous relationship. You crave the time they’re spending with someone else or want to hoard or keep things you share between just the two of you.

With jealousy, there’s a fear of something being stolen or taken away from you. You guard things you care about closely to prevent them from slipping away. Jealousy in its worst form can turn nasty and even dangerous.

 

Navigating Envy in Polyamory

Envy strikes everyone in polyamorous relationships at some point. Both people new to polyamory and the seasoned pros struggle. Particularly for people who were in monogamous relationships opening up to polyamory, avoiding envy is a challenge.

Envy in open relationships is going to happen. The real issue is stopping it from damaging the relationships beyond repair.

One of the best things you can do to combat envy is to encourage frank and frequent communication. Partners who are afraid to express envious feelings can lose confidence in how other partners feel about them. Once they start questioning their footing in an open relationship, it can spell disaster for multiple people who care about them.

Remember, open relationships aren’t easy. Think about the times you’ve questioned your feelings and the feelings of your partner in past monogamous relationships. Now you’re dealing with a situation with much more fluidity and definitions that are new to most of society.

Keep an open mind, talk often, counsel with your therapist, and come to grips that envy will be there and that you can navigate it successfully.

jealousy envy

The Stain of Jealousy

Jealousy, not just for polyamorous relationships, can kill. When you or your partner is jealous, there’s resentment and a scarcity mentality that poisons the relationship between you and whoever else you’re in love with.

Jealous lovers are constantly comparing. They measure how much time you’re spending with other people in the relationship, how often you tell them you love them vs how frequently you say it to them. Who has a better sex life, and so on. It’s a constant practice of comparison that pits them against other people in the relationship.

Even in polyamorous relationships with clearly defined boundaries, feelings get hurt. Emotions change and so should your approach to how you deal with emotional reactions from your partners.

Comparison is the thief of joy, as they say. Jealousy will threaten to destroy your relationship if left unchecked.

 

Keeping Jealousy in Check

The worst thing you can do in a polyamorous relationship is to let jealousy run wild. So many couples just “have” a jealous partner. They laugh about it and avoid the issue by covering it up with humor or avoidance.

Eventually, though, jealousy will build until it craters your relationship. If you truly care about your jealous partner, you need to fight jealousy head-on.

Overcoming jealousy does not mean accommodating their negative behavior. If you respond to jealousy over time spent together by spending more time and sacrificing time with other partners, all you’re doing is reinforcing that jealousy will get them what they want.

Discussing jealousy should be done openly with as many partners as it’s affecting! You should also include your therapist in these discussions to guide you away from hurt feelings and any resentment.

 

Keeping Your Management Skills Sharp in Polyamory

A lot of Americans find great fulfillment in open relationships. In fact, among younger generations, it seems that moving into polyamory is saving relationships that have been on the rocks previously.

Monogamy certainly isn’t for everyone, but neither is polyamory. If you’re curious, give it a try, but you should be honest with yourself if you recognize that it’s not for you.

Many people are attracted by the thought of the multiples of love by connecting intimately and sexually with more people. However, enter with caution because you’re also managing a web of interpersonal relationships each with individual needs.

The best way to nourish an open, loving relationship is through constant feedback, encouragement, and acts of love. Find out what your partners respond to and do what you can to love them how they need to be loved.

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

bdsm video

How to Make a BDSM Video

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How to Make a BDSM Video

 

How to make a BDSM Video for Sexual Partners are part of a fun strategy to guarantee your Sexual Satisfaction while socially distancing.

So, Time to Learn How To Make One!

In this video, I’ll be answering: how to make a BDSM video, and my Best Practices and how to use BDSM videos for your Love Life!

We hope you will take some of this advice to use for your own sexual fun with the BDSM Videos.

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Watch now! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, PornHub, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, Playboy, Maxim, Daily Mail, HeadSpace, and more!

GET THE BEDROOM NEGOTIATIONS VANILLA & KINK CHECKLIST!

https://qrzbdtau.pages.infusionsoft.net  ←HERE

 

GET THE PLEASURE PRACTICE E GUIDE

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-Learn How to Unleash Your Self Pleasure and Transform Your Sex Life!-

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 PM EST

 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Sexual Cheat Sheet for Exhausted Couples

Sexual Cheat Sheet for Exhausted Couples

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Sexual Cheat Sheet for Exhausted Couples

 

You may be surprised to hear that more and more men are seeking help from sexual therapists. These days more men are seeking sex therapy than women at our practice. 

The availability of sex therapy and more open attitudes around talking about sex and getting help have made men more comfortable seeking therapy. That’s a great thing!

In talking to many of the men I come in contact with, a lot of them express similar feelings with regards to intimacy challenges with female partners. They want sex more, they want it longer, and they sometimes feel like their wives, girlfriends, or partners don’t care as much as they’d like.

In long-term relationships, it can almost feel like you’re playing roles. One of you is more sexual, one is better with the finances. You might be a kid person, while your partner is better with fixing the sink.

It’s easy to fall into defined roles in all aspects of life, even with sex. However, the great news is that things aren’t so set in stone, and you can work with your partner to make things better.

Sexual Cheat Sheet for Exhausted Couples

The Ebb and Flow of Sexual Passion

Understand that passion, and certainly, sexual passion rests on a spectrum at any given moment. Think about your sexual desire. Sometimes you’re burning hot with desire for your wife or partner, and sometimes you’re not so on fire.

Think about a time when you’ve been apart for a longer period. Have you ever traveled for work or been away for more than a week? How do you feel if your wife comes out of the bathroom at night dressed in sexy new lingerie or asks you to use a vibrator on her? Chances are that your sex drive and desire for your partner experience a significant spike.

The point is, sexual desire is impacted by so many factors, internal and external. The way you and your partner feel, what’s happened to you during the day, how you’ve been treating each other recently, the way you look, and so many other things influence both of your interest in sex.

 

Understanding Male and Female Sexual Perception

The frustration that a lot of men have is they feel their female partners are just not into it. There are certainly genetic differences in humans when it comes to sex drive. The variance, though, is probably not as large between men and women as so many people believe.

Most men and women are simply programmed a bit differently. We also project our impressions on our partners, which isn’t always helpful.

A lot of women, for instance, believe their partners are only interested in quickies. So many women tell me their male partners are all about the climax, and that everything else is simply a garnish to them.

That, though, is a huge oversimplification about men’s’ sexual motives. Most men want, certainly with their partners, engaging and loving sex that’s fulfilling to everyone involved.

Sexual Cheat Sheet for Exhausted Couples

Women, on the other hand, tend to be much more cerebral when it comes to sex. They have to be emotionally engaged and clear of the distractions we carry throughout the day.

Most of the time, women carry a great deal of emotional strain, worried about work, children, the house, and a million other things.

Adding initiating sex at the end of the day to that list can be exhausting. Additionally, many women struggle with not knowing what kind of sex they want or like.

What ends up happening is a lot of “duty sex”, where the male partner initiates, women obliged to please their partner, and everyone is a 6/10 on the happy scale.

 

Stoking Your Partner’s Passion for Sex

Things don’t have to be this way! Many of the women and men I work with come to realize that sex can be fun and deeply fulfilling for both partners. All it takes is some legwork to understand your partner’s sexual cues and doing the work to get in the right headspace.

For men, and I hate to generalize but this typically rings true, some grabbing and kissing, and a hand on their penis is usually all it takes to set the mood.

Women, though, are not so easy. Here are some ways you can help your female partner feel more comfortable about sex and initiating the type of sex she wants.

 

  1. Don’t always bring up sex right before you want to have sex

Find a time to talk about how your sex life has been going and what you want out of it. Telling your partner you’d like to try anal sex as you’re lying naked in bed isn’t the best approach. A partner will feel more comfortable getting feedback and talking about what they’d like if they are sure that you’re paying attention and not discussing it to serve your interests.

 

  1. Make-out more with nothing else

You and your partner may have settled into a pattern when both of you (or one of you) equate physical touch with initiating sex. Engage in some kissing and cuddling more often. Small investments over time will help build up your intimacy when sex happens.

 

  1. Share physical touch that is focused on her. THEN ASK HER ABOUT IT!

Find time to focus physical touch on her without you orgasming or anything like that. Invest the time in making her feel good about sexual touch and build trust that you’re interested in pleasing her.

After your “touch” sessions, ask her about it! Find out what she liked and didn’t like and use that to inform your interactions going forward.

 

  1. Share sexual touch that ends in orgasms for no one

This is another thing you can do to help your wife or partner feel more comfortable with touch and feel aroused. It helps a lot of women to know that you enjoy touching, kissing, and feeling her as much as you like having an orgasm.

 

  1. Encourage her to talk about her orgasm the next day. Use encouragement!

Remember to follow up on the times when sex is fantastic. Always offer more positive feedback than you think is necessary.

 

  1. Ask about sex dates you can commit to just her, and some dates that are all about you

Many women flourish when boundaries and intent are clear. If you’re both going into a weekend or a night away at a hotel knowing that it’s all about her, then she’ll be more likely to open up. She’ll also have the time to mentally prepare for the intimacy. The better things are for her, the better they’ll be for you when it’s your turn.

Recognize when your partner’s not up for the whole show and only wants a preview. These steps help but there’s so much more you can do! Over time, it will build trust and give her the space to feel comfortable initiating sex.

Tantric Sex Best Practices: Breathing, Desire & Arousal

Sensual Meditation: Strategies to Fall in Lust Again

Sensual Meditation: Strategies to Fall in Lust Again

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.