BDSM Toys

The Wonderful World of BDSM Toys – Part 2

/in , , /by

The Wonderful World of BDSM Toys

– Part 2 –

 

BDSM toys are more and more popular, and there are so many questions out there! This is Part 2 of our BDSM Toy Series! Part 1 can be found here. 

To help you head to the store (online or otherwise) with curiosity, confidence and good questions, here is a small guide to BDSM toys – from immediate to expert! 

We have a hookup with thekinkshop.com if you need personalized and discreet attention! 

Most intermediate BDSM toys can be safely enjoyed by beginners as well, though they may push your communication and trust boundaries if you (and the humans you are exploring with) are new to BDSM. 

Gagging, light sensations, and blindfolds can be played with safely and intuitively for the most part, you just have to dare to go there!

 

Intermediate BDSM Toys: 

  • Pinwheels/Wartenberg Pinwheels: You probably had one of these in your toy doctor kit as a kid- it looks a little like a pizza cutter, it’s essentially a wheel with poking out spikes that can be dull or slightly sharp for a tingling to prickling sensation as you roll it along skin. 
    • Some are quite sharp and designed for breaking the skin/blood play, so make sure you have the sharpness you and your partner are comfortable with.
    • Any play that involves blood or breaking the skin should be prepped with thorough cleaning and disinfecting of toys as well as the skin being cut. 
    • BDSM ToysAlcohol swabs can be purchased cheaply at any pharmacy.
    • Ask us for a personal recommendation on where you can get trained to do blood play safely! It will be private lessons for a cost with a professional! 
  • Ball Gags: Pretty self explanatory and the poster child of BDSM thanks to movies and tv. The ball gag usually features a rubber, silicone or steel ball that is attached to a strap that wraps around the wearer’s head, with the ball, of course, securely in their mouth.Great for kidnapping fantasies, sub/dom scenarios, and in combo with bondage.
    • Make sure you establish a non-verbal signal as a safe word.
  • Clamps: You can get small clamps for nipples, clitorises, cocks, balls- anywhere that needs a good, firm pinch.
  • Spanking Paddles or Floggers: For much firmer, harder and more painful spanking. 

You can even get paddles that have grooves or spikes for different sensations. A hairbrush is a suitable DIY alternative too!

 

Expert BDSM Toys

This is a mere sampling of the toys available for BDSM experts, as it would be impossible to list everything for every kink. A lot of these toys require some safety precautions and considerations to keep things fun and within your partner’s acceptable boundaries. As always, communicate before trying any of these, and seek out classes or courses on some of these more advanced toys that require a little more technique.

  • Ropes: rope bondage can be a tricky technique to learn, and some of the knots and binds are beautiful works of art. Due to the nature of constricting someone’s body, this is a toy that would benefit from taking a class or two- talk about a fun date night!
  • Electro-Stimulators: There are various toys that provide a safe electric shock, ranging from tingley to downright painful depending on your preference. There are clamps, stickers, and insertables available, so there’s bound to be a toy made for your style of e-stim. If you have a pacemaker, e-stim isn’t recommended as it may interfere with your pacemaker’s settings.
  • Speculums: If you have a vagina and have ever gone for a PAP smear, this is almost exactly what is used by your doctor. Usually made with medical grade steel, it is perfect for Doctor/Patient fantasies, stretching, and training for larger insertable toys/fisting.

There are varieties available for both vaginal and anal play. 

Lube is a great accessory for this toy.

  • Sounding Rods: Sounding is basically pain play that involves inserting items into the urethra of the penis. Surgical grade steel rods in gradual sizes will be safest- you don’t want any sharp edges, no sudden movements and definitely make sure you aren’t pushing the rod far enough to reach the bladder.

This is an example of a toy that requires some knowledge to enjoy safely, but if something ever goes wrong do not hesitate to go to the ER- they have seen it all, and generally don’t judge.

BDSM can be fun, pleasurable and exciting to explore with a willing playmate. 

Chat with your partner and open up about your fantasies- you never know what kinks may come up that could be explored! 

There are amazing online resources and communities surrounding kink and BDSM, so you can seek out information and advice through forums, group chats and even in person conventions. There’s an endless variety of BDSM toys out there, so open your mind and start playing! 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

 

BDSM Toys

The Wonderful World of BDSM Toys

/in , , /by

The Wonderful World of BDSM Toys

 

BDSM toys are getting more and more popular, and there are so many options out there! This is Part 1 of our BDSM Toy Series! 

To help you head to the store (online or otherwise) with curiosity, confidence and good questions, here is a small guide to BDSM toys – from beginner to expert!

 

Prerequisite to Understanding BDSM Toys: 

What is BDSM?

The idea of BDSM toys may be intimidating, though you may be surprised to find you already incorporate some light BDSM or BDSM toys in your sex life!

BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism.

These words may sound extreme and intense, and they can be, however they can also be as tame as using handcuffs or blindfolds or tickling. 

It is a broad and beautiful dynamic to explore! 

In fact, you don’t even have to incorporate what you consider to be sex at all in order to enjoy or participate in BDSM. 

WHAT? It’s true! 

Consent, respect, pleasure, trust and exploration are key elements to incorporating BDSM enjoyably. The most important element of all is CONSENT though, so more on that! 

 

Consent and BDSM

There is a common misconception that BDSM is inherently about hurting your partner or controlling them. Healthy BDSM activities depend on conscious trust, boundaries and ground rules and aftercare (tending to your partner’s emotional and physical needs post-playtime, from clean-up to cuddling to checking in the day and a week after).

Prior to playing, partners can decide who will take on the more dominant role and who will be submissive. 

This doesn’t have to be the same all the time, though it does need to be established explicitly.

Being submissive doesn’t mean the dominant can do whatever they want to you. 

Clear boundaries are established, and your body = your rules.

Great playtime depends on clear consent, and the kink community has a couple terms that clarify this.

  • SSC: Safe, Sane and Consensual: Consent is given under circumstances where all players are of sound body and mind and are not under any pressure that may affect their ability to consent. For example, if you are drunk or if a person in a position of authority over you is pressuring you to participate and you feel you can’t say no for fear of repercussions.
  • RACK: Risk Aware Consensual Kink: Some kinks are messier or more dangerous than others, and anyone participating must be aware of all the risks before truly being able to consent. For example, anything involving bodily fluids, weapons, pain, etc. Have a plan in place should things go wrong, including safe words.

In BDSM a traffic light system can be helpful when discussing which fantasies and kinks are going to be explored- and which ones are a no-fly zone. 

They also make for a quick check-in/safe word when in the heat of playtime:

BDSM Toys

Having your own safe words can also be fun, and you can define them however you wish. Something nonsexual like “pineapple” or something is recommended, especially if you are exploring scenarios that mimic non-consensual interactions (ex: rape fantasy scenarios).  

This is of course just a basic primer on BDSM, so if your curiosity is piqued there are lots of great, non judgmental communities online where you can ask more questions or find friends!

 

Beginner BDSM Toys

Now for the fun stuff! If you are new to BDSM, there are lots of simple toys you can find at a sex shop- or even find around the house! Beginner BDSM toys are about safely and subtly exploring light bondage, tickling, teasing and perhaps a little light spanking.

  • Blindfolds: this is an intro sensory deprivation. Use a scarf, sleeping mask, tie or bandana to keep yourself or your partner from seeing what is happening. This can intensify other senses and give an exciting sense of surprise and suspense! DIY Edition – Try blindfolding with household items like neckties or scarves, or 
  • Handcuffs/ties: Tie or handcuff your partner to the bed or a chair- this can be their hands or their feet or both. This is some light bondage and can make them squirm with desire!
  • Feathers/Ticklers: They kind of look like cat toys (and if you had to sub in a cat toy we wouldn’t judge! Meow!) and are basically anything with feathers or fabric for tickling. These can be especially fun when used in combination with some bondage.  
  • Riding Crops: A lightweight leather or pleather stick essentially, and is a great tool for some light, sharp spanking. Make sure you listen to your lover’s boundaries as it can get painful with harder spanking.
  • Anal plugs/beads: if you are interested in exploring “butt stuff,” there are anal plugs available in every imaginable size. Anal stimulation can be an entirely new sensation to explore, and with some lube and an open mind, you could be in for a LOT of fun!
  • Your own body as a toy: Not sure who wrote this meme, yet who doesn’t want a spank once in a while… a single-handed applause for a beautiful bottom! 

Even rubber bands or hair ties can be gently snapped on your playmate’s body for a short, snappy tingle of pain. 

A feather from your pillow can make for some great tickling if consensual!

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.

Female Sexual Anxiety

5 Ways to Solve Female Sexual Anxiety! NO SHAME IN YOUR BODY!

/in , /by

5 Ways to Solve Female Sexual Anxiety!

NO SHAME IN YOUR BODY!

 

Address a Top Woman’s Performance Anxiety issue.

Performance anxiety is difficult and is a key reason couples struggle with female sexual anxiety and performance issues.

In this video, we will teach you how to Address Female Sexual Anxiety, by addressing shame, informing you of your body, and about managing anxiety.

I’m so glad that you are interested in joining us in this topic of how to Solve Female Sexual Anxiety! No more shame in your female anatomy! AND… NO SHAME IN YOUR BODY!

I will Address a Female Sexual Anxiety Issue and then learn to use pleasure for sexual satisfaction.

We hope you will take some of this advice to use for your own fun with how to make female sexual anxiety go away.

My tips will hopefully break through months or years of stuckness in strategies to solve female sexual anxiety. I want you to experience no shame in your body.

Experience pleasure as fun!

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Watch now! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, PornHub, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, Playboy, Maxim, Daily Mail, HeadSpace, and more!

 

Watch more:

 

WATCH THE VIDEO “HOW TO SEDUCE YOUR SPOUSE”

https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/ ←HERE

-Learn How to Unleash Your Self Pleasure and Transform Your Sex Life!-

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 AM EST

 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

 

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.

 

Couples Counseling Near Me

Couples Counseling Near Me

/in , , /by

Couples Counseling Near Me

 

Have you looked online recently for “couples counseling near me”? Whether you’ve recently moved or are completely new to therapy, finding the right counselor to work with you and your partner is so important.

The right therapist is like a bridge between the couple you are now and the one you want so badly to be. They can guide you through the fog of learned behaviors, past trauma, and communication roadblocks into a healthier and fuller relationship.

The bottom line is, don’t stop your search for a therapist until you know you’ve found the right one. If you hold back or enter into couples counseling being guarded, then it’s going to impede your progress.

Knowing exactly what you want from counseling isn’t absolutely necessary at first. Most couples turn to therapy when they start to fight more, the sex isn’t great, or your goals aren’t aligned.  

Eventually, you’ll want to focus on things that make the most difference and areas where your therapist can help you most effectively.

Couples Counseling Near Me

 

Improving Communication in Your Relationship

Managing communication in your relationship is one of the most important aspects of building a good foundation. That means monitoring and improving your communication patterns, as well as adjusting to how your partner communicates.

Many couples who say they aren’t communicating well are simply talking past each other and dealing with residual resentment that prevents you from being vulnerable.

When you resent your partner on some level, getting candid feedback can be a challenge. When resentment levels are high, then even things like receiving compliments on your physical appearance or professional accomplishments becomes hard.

You think your partner is being sarcastic or question their motives when they make overtures. You wonder, whether secretly or aloud, whether they mean it or if they’re trying to manipulate you.

Those things may be true, but before you go to bed with those convictions, you should do some self-inventory alone or with the help of a therapist. A quick online search for “couples counseling near me” can get you started in the right direction.

People I meet with are often surprised at how deeply they’ve fallen into poor communication habits. Learning to speak with the right emotions and message is a skill that takes practice. It doesn’t come equally for everyone.

In my experience, it’s important to arm ourselves with strategies that we can use in real-time when dealing with conflict or confusion. We also need to learn how to reaffirm and uplift our partners, especially if words of affirmation is one of their love languages.

Couples Counseling Near Me

Couples Counseling for Intimacy

Along with finances, sex is one of the biggest reasons that drive couples apart. It underscores how important deep intimacy, meaningful touch, and the occasional wild sexcapade are to our emotional and physical health.

If you find yourself searching for couples counseling near me because you’re having trouble in your sex life, here are some tips that can help your search.

First, you want to find a certified sex therapist with experience dealing with similar situations. Of course, the kind of experience you’ll need depends a great deal on where you are personally.

Some people going to couples counseling to deal with intimacy issues are confronting difficult pasts that inhibit sexual expression. Others are trying to find new ways to push the boundaries of their sexuality with things like roleplaying, BDSM, anal sex, and other types of kink.

I can’t stress enough how vital it is to work with someone who knows how to use pleasure in healing relationships between partners. I work with people to set and achieve sexual goals, something many people haven’t done in their lives even though everyone should!

The right therapist will work with you to improve the sexual dynamics in your relationship, and also dig deep into any issues like shame or problems with body image that are holding you back. We can open up new parts of your sexual experience by exploring power dynamics, toys, and things like tantric breathing to inject excitement into a sex life that’s become a bit bland.

 

Couples Counseling Near Me and How to Choose

You should know that a good therapist will be feeling you out as much as you are. This alignment starts from the first phone call and emails into the early sessions. We want to see your progress, and after some time meeting and talking with couples, we have a good idea of whether we’ll be able to see change.

A therapist and the couples they counsel need to be on the same page. For example, I take a flexible, open approach that often focuses on sex-positivity to help you improve your sex life and your connection with your partner. I communicate directly and sometimes combine therapy with tantric techniques for deeper immersion into learning.

With over 15,000 client hours, I know that approach doesn’t work for everyone. It’s part of my job to recognize early on if there is enough progress to indicate future success.

My passion is helping use physiology to improve sexual satisfaction in an environment free from judgment. If you’re dealing with desire discrepancy with your partner, or you’re eager to experiment with bondage or an open relationship, I have sexual strategies that can help you manage change.

Wherever you’re at in your relationship, there is always hope. I see people in dire situations where it seems like all is lost and therapy is their last gasp at saving a marriage. I also meet with people all the time to talk about our bodies and how we can use sex to improve our quality of life.

Every couple who enters therapy is different. There may be slight similarities in the motivation for seeking counseling. The strategies and techniques you will use to better yourself and your relationship will be unique.

Learn about how you can become a better partner by finding a counselor who speaks to your body and mind. Break the patterns you find yourself stuck in and carve a new path for the future.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

 

Couples Communication Strategies

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

How To Save My Marriage! 

/in , , /by

How To Save My Marriage! 

 

Step by step guide on how to save my marriage is here for you. 

Seriously, how long has it taken you to google how to save my marriage?

If longer than a year, that’s an eternity in our fast-changing, “what’s new today” world. 

You may be here because you or your partner(s) feels: 

  • Annoyed
  • Irritated
  • Betrayed
  • Degraded
  • Shamed
  • Blamed

 

Step 1 on How To Save My Marriage

Accept that to save your marriage is going to be slow and tedious, yet really helpful! 

I imagine a part of you feels your partner is confusing because they excuse their behaviors, and yet aren’t willing to learn about you or hear what you are saying. 

My take is that because your partner and you are needing help on “how to save my marriage,” that I can give you a very strange take on how to slowly yet practically unwind the tangled mess. 

 

Step 2 is to Use Your Psyche!

Go to therapy or use the Inner Aspects Method (IAM) by Francesca Gentille!how to save my marriage

A quick synopsis of the IAM model is that ALL OF US have 100s of inner aspects on the inside. 

They are brilliant parts of us created by our psyche to survive. 

We can be heroes and villains in our own story. 

Sometimes, it goes awry in a partnership and tangles up though. 

You may not even be aware subconsciously of the many inner parts of your personality. 

My truth is that there is no “ONE” thing that we are as a partner though. I wish there were… it would feel really comforting to know. Life, relationships, and relationships with responsibility and/or power dynamics are more nuanced and layered than one answer. 

 

Step 3 Nonviolent Communication will save your marriage! 

Nonviolent communication and Tony Robbins’ 6 Human Needs will teach you exactly how to save my marriage! 

Each part of our psyche has different needs! See the graphic of the human needs here!

Humans WILL get these needs met (in HEALTHY or UNHEALTHY ways). 

If we can slow down our world a bit and self-reflect and evaluate who we are on the inside… we can slow down enough to get conscious of who we are inside. 

And then, figure out what STRATEGIES  (examples of strategies: 

  • Work
  • Yoga
  • eating healthy
  • Attraction
  • Drugs

What are some of the ways you get your needs met through work? Which parts of you are getting those needs met? 

For me, the therapist parts of me get my needs of contribution, uncertainty, connection, and certainty through some of the strategies I use daily with my clients and my staff. 

 

Step 4 is Reconciliation on the past. 

Whoever is MOST accountable wins. Continue to own parts of what you did to contribute to the current state of events. Seek a licensed marriage and family therapist, someone trained with a license in couples counseling, or seek someone who knows about balancing out the foundation of the relationship. 

Begin moving through old stories and blame or shame. 

Realize that these inner messages, if you have a partner willing to do the work and grow with you, are not going to be helpful for the relationship you are building. 

 

Step 5 is where we envision a new marriage! 

New rituals, vows, and more consciousness. Begin feeling inspired. Looking at your partner, and even friends, with loving eyes. New visions and recalibrating what you would like to create is often helpful to move through times that are uncertain and uncomfortable.

 

Couples Communication Strategies

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

interracial couples

Preserving Connection in Interracial Couples

/in , /by

Preserving Connection in Interracial Couples

 

In all relationships, and especially with interracial couples, sometimes all you have is each other. With the odds seemingly stacked against you, you must build a solid foundation to stand on. One of the most damaging characteristics in some relationships is when partners turn on each other when things get tough.

Conflicts happen in every relationship. Yours will be different because you’re struggling with yourselves and others over claiming your identity. You have to fight all of the feelings that try to tell you what you should like, who you should be, and how you should act.

Make a concerted effort to build each other up so you have armor to face any racism, misconceptions, and other forms of mistreatment from outside your relationship. When you disagree, do so with respect.

If you ever find yourselves fighting consistently over a topic, whether it’s race-related or not, seek out help from a therapist who can help you navigate complicated issues. They’ll be able to give you tools to help you communicate better so without damaging your partner.

interracial couples

Accepting Your Partner’s Context

Context means a lot in every day life, and specifically in interracial dating.

It opens up a new sense of clarity and meaning when we have the proper context. Have you ever walked into a situation without knowing the background? You’re woefully unprepared. Once you have context, though, you’re better equipped to manage work, relationships, and anything else.

In an interracial couple, each partner has their own context. The way they grew up, the relationship they had with their parents, what they were exposed to, and how their views on race developed all have a huge impact on who they are.

If you’re part of an interracial couple or are interested in being in one, do the work to understand your partner’s context. It will be easier for some. Think about how differently a first-generation immigrant will react to cultural and racial issues versus someone whose family has been here for generations and may only hold a loose connection to their ethnic heritage.

When you have context, you can support each other more effectively in good times and bad. You’ll be attuned to what may trigger negative emotions in your partner, so you’ll be there earlier to support them when they need it.

 

Embrace the Differences

There’s so much beauty in the differences we all have. So often, people try to use differences to drive people apart, though, they should bring us together. Dating someone from a different race is a great opportunity to learn, whether it’s exposure to a new culture or different attitudes.

Fight complacency by talking to your partner frequently about how they are feeling. Accentuate the positives, laugh about the misconceptions. Air it all out and build from what you find. You can both create an intimate safe zone where all questions are allowed in the spirit of learning and discovery.

Conversations about race aren’t easy, particularly when they’re with the partner you love and want an intimate connection with. Feelings can be hurt, and statements misconstrued. Keep any inherent privilege in mind when you make decisions that affect both of you. Keep communication open and honest.

If you find yourself spending too much time with one race over another, change things up a bit. If, for example, you’re an Asian man dating a white woman and each of your social circles is racially homogenous, try to get everyone together. You’ll have a terrific impact on changing more than just your perspectives.

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Fettlife

Fettlife – The Truth About Fetlife Accounts! 

/in , , /by

Fettlife – The Truth About Fetlife Accounts! 

 

Fettlife

As a certified sex therapist, I often get asked “what is fettlife?” 

Just so you know, my brand is “The Sex Healer,” and I also own a private practice, called Life Coaching and Therapy, where we hold a sex-positive perspective at.

I immediately imagine the horror that they must feel asking.

Fetlife.com (sometimes misspelled fettlife) is a website that is essentially known as “Facebook for Kinky people.” 

The back of the website is black and the headlines are in red coloring! 

It appears evidently NSFW (or Not Safe For Work) from the first moment you lay eyes on “Fettlife.” 

Just because you know what fettlife is doesn’t make you part of the community. 

Like regular Facebook, Fetlife.com isn’t really something to be afraid of. 

Treat fetishes, kink, and sexuality mindfully, comprehensively, and with respect. 

The reason for this is because there is still a notion that people who are kinky have a history of “abuse,” therefore, you may get questioned as to why you want to join. 

Local community events on Fetlife.com can help you feel like you are KIND of part of a family though. When you go to the website, you will see you have to make a login. 

 

IMPORTANT MUST KNOWS WHEN MAKING A PROFILE:

  • Nickname – don’t use the name you usually use!
  • Gender – identify how you are comfortable
  • Relationship and sexual orientation
  • Your “role” in kink (such as submissive, Rigger, bottom, Dominant, masochist, etc). 

 

When you get on your page, make a bio! 

Do not put provocative or face photos until you know what you are doing. At first, just explore anonymously. Explore and say you live far away. 

Fettlife

You don’t even have to use your actual name! 

Make sure you practice safety, integrity, radical honesty, and erring on the side of CAUTION! They are still going to be strangers on the internet at first, so practice discretion.

Please know that you have the right to consensual sexual behavior is neither inherently negative nor pathological between adults, unless shown to be otherwise…

Fun fact: A fetish is something you have to have in order to complete orgasm. 

People who have a fetish for feet NEED feet to be there to climax, for example. 

Two people can be engaged in the same exact behavior (one partner getting off to the foot fetish – feeling that it is pleasurable and empowering, while for the other person it can be experienced as abusive or troubling (the other partner perhaps). 

 

Visit https://ncsfreedom.org/legal-issues/ with any legal issues that you may get into while discovering fettlife. They are knowledgeable and understanding. I personally am a coalition member of theirs and have had positive experiences! 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

 

 

Start your journey here

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

 

 

How To Make Long Distance Relationships

DISCOVER How To Make Long Distance Relationships WORK for YOU!

/in , /by

DISCOVER How To Make Long Distance Relationships WORK for YOU!

 

How to make long distance relationships work and what is a long distance relationship (LDR)?

How to make long distance relationships work is a part of the key for developing strategies you need to guarantee your Satisfaction!

So, today, we will answer what is a long distance relationship (LDR) and how to make long distance relationships work!

I’m so glad that you are interested in joining us in this topic of how to make long distance relationships work and what is a long distance relationship?

In this video, I’ll be answering :what is a long distance relationship (LDR)?

How to make long distance relationships work, How to make long distance relationships work to have your sex and love life last, and I will answer your questions about how to make long distance relationships (LDR) work and using them for sexual satisfaction.

We hope you will take some of this advice to use for your own sexual fun with how to make long distance relationships work!

My tips will hopefully break through months or years of stuckness in strategies to get sexual connection with the use of how to make your long distance relationship actually work

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, HeadSpace, VICE, and more!

 

DOWNLOAD OUR “BEHIND THE SCENES OF COMMUNICATION” GUIDE

https://gn91oeao.pages.infusionsoft.net ←HERE

 

Watch now:

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 AM EST

 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer.

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our teamof compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Queer Women

/in , /by

Queer Women

 

Queer women are wonderful. Even though I may be biased that queer women are wonderful, hear me out and let me explain the why! 

 

What does Queer even mean?

Back in the day being dubbed “queer” was a slur and negative. 

People used that to insult people in the LGBTQ+ community or to insult someone’s perceived identity (often feminine men). 

Recently, we as a community have reclaimed the term “queer”  to be empowering and create a sense of community rather than as an insult. 

When you hear the word queer (not “what a queer” or “you are sucha queer” those are still negative), it indicates someone within the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, etc (LGBTQ+) community. 

The word queer encapsulates for many relational, sexual, and gender identties. 

 

Queer Women

So queer women are people who identify as women and are on some piece of the LGBTQ+ community spectrum. 

As queer women, we come in a variety forms, identities, and belief systems. Some of these identities are within sexuality identities of bisexual, lesbian, gay, pansexual, etc. Some of these identities are within gender: transgender, cisgender, nonbinary, femme, genderflexible, etc. 

Relational identities such as monogamous, polyamorous, swinging, open, etc. 

Often queer women, specifically “lesbians” are boiled down to either being super “butch” or about lesbian orgasms. Some queer women are butch, many like to orgasm, but in my experience queer women show up in so many different ways. Please do not boil us down that simply. 

Queer women are on a spectrum of gender and sexual fluidity. In my practice, I work with many queer women. As a queer woman, it is amazing to learn the diversity of this part of my community. 

Not one of us is the exact same, but we all seem to intersect in some way or another. 

This intersectionality is important in our collective growth, and learning from one another allows us to reach new levels of empowerment and discovery.

I learn so much from my queer clients, in general, and my clients who identify as queer women. 

Being able to break the stereotypes, defy the patriarchy, and show up and be who we are is an empowering process to be a part of. 

I have so much pride to know and work with them on this collective, healing journey towards growth and empowerment. 

 

Collective Healing

In my practice, I have bore witness to collective trauma of the queer community. 

This includes, yet is not limited to queer women. 

The intersection of the identity as “queer” and “woman” has created a unique experience for queer women. The intersection of sexism and homophobia and if they are people of color add racism in the mix.

Bearing witness to the pain, the hurt, the trauma is heartbreaking. These brave women, who have fought and been harmed by a system of oppression. 

This harm has reverberated through their beings and they are wanting to heal. 

It is so sad to hear the stories of failed attempts at therapy – not on their part – but on the therapists part. 

Therapists have tried to hold space for them and their experiences but were far beyond their depth in being able to facilitate a space to heal or to recognize the intersections of systems of play that were continuing their trauma as queer women. 

When we (collectively) are able to hold space for queer women in therapy, where we recognize the various intersections and systems at play, we allow for the trauma and harm to be confronted in a way that allows for healing. 

As therapists, it is our job to work towards facilitating a space of healing, growth, and change. In order to do that, we have to allow for the space to be one of vulnerability. 

My hope is that through more therapists and clients being able to work together to create more spaces for (yet not limited to) queer women, we allow for collective healing and growth. 

Queer women, I am sorry that in so many ways you have not felt seen or heard in the mental health field. I am sorry that in so many ways you were retraumatized in your experiences. 

Although, I cannot take away that pain for you, I can offer a space in a practice where we are committed to growth, learning, social justice, and doing better! 

We want to hear you, we want to see you, and we want to support you. We are here to empower you at Life Coaching and Therapy, LLC. Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

YouTube page where she provides free information at The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Masturbation Addiction

Do I Have A Masturbation Addiction?

/in , , /by

Do I Have A Masturbation Addiction?

 

Most of us enjoy a little – or a lot of – solo pleasure time and then we may wonder if too much of a good thing is considered a masturbation addiction?

If you’re worried you might have a masturbation addiction, you should probably take a step back and consider a few things first.

Here are some tips to determine if you have a problem – spoiler alert, you likely don’t! The reason I know this is because I have studied sexuality for over a decade at this point. 

 

Masturbation Addiction vs. Compulsive Behavior

First thing’s first: masturbation addiction and sex addiction are not considered to be true addictions by all AASECT Certified Sex Therapists, most yet not all clinical sexologists, and other psychological professional associations.

Frequently, people don’t even feel like they have a problem until they see a magazine article or news story about the “pandemic of sex addiction” or shamed by their partner who read a blog on “masturbation addiction” during covid19.

Remember, statistics are a measurement used to study and quantify human sexuality- falling outside of the “average” doesn’t mean you are gross or sick or wrong!

  • When we see statistics – about ANYTHING – begin to question! 
  • Reflect on who chose to do the study… and then get the actual study and read the “results” section of the study. 
  • I have a Hartford public library card that gives me access to many articles from my home computer.

For those of you who won’t want to further investigate, I will share my thoughts with you on masturbation addiction.

Here are some important considerations when comparing true addiction and compulsive (out of control) behavior:

Masturbation Addiction

Keep in mind, your masturbation habits are almost certainly not an addiction, and are even unlikely to be a compulsion unless you truly feel out of control.

 

Don’t Let Social Stigmas Kill The Mood

Masturbation is healthy and normal human behavior and even has some health benefits. Some people masturbate multiple times a day, some virtually never!

Even in modern societies there is a lot of stigma around anything outside of heteronormative, procreative sexuality, and masturbation is no exception.

Old wives tales about going blind from masturbation or religiously motivated warnings about “spilling/wasting your seed” perpetuate negative feelings around this very common and very human behavior, especially in regard to female and queer sexuality.

Your first question if you are worried about masturbation addiction should be: 

Am I truly experiencing negative consequences from my masturbation, or am I just ashamed because of social conditioning?

As with any behavior, it is only harmful if:

  • It interferes with your goals, career, or day to day obligations. Are you regularly skipping work to wank? Are you frequently flaking on friends to flick the bean? Did you drain your savings to diddle with new dildos?
  • It is negatively affecting sexual relationships. You have nothing left to give your partner, or you often forgo sex with your monogamous partner to masturbate instead. This may be a sign to consider telehealth therapy for you and your partner. 
  • It is causing you physical harm. Are you getting frequent infections or injuries from masturbation that interfere with day to day life? Do you keep masturbating despite painful consequences that don’t bring you any pleasure? 
  • You are preoccupied with masturbation to the point of distraction. Are you unable to focus at work or school without frequent masturbation breaks to cope?
  • You break the law. Are you so compelled to masturbate that you willingly break public decency laws or expose yourself in public?

When you see this list of consequences, it can be easy to understand why some people consider themselves masturbation addicts. What lies behind these behaviors are usually traumas, psychological conditions, and coping mechanisms to deal with stress, anxiety or depression, not a physical dependency on masturbation itself. These are all issues that can be worked through with a sex therapist or psychologist if you truly find your masturbation habits to be self-destructive. 

 

The Health Benefits of Masturbation

If you’re still feeling some shame about masturbation, these benefits may help you see masturbation in a better light!

  • It’s the safest sex around! You can’t get yourself pregnant, and you can’t give yourself a sexually transmitted infection. Just make sure you use clean hands and clean toys!
  • Exploration: masturbation is an excellent way to figure out your likes and dislikes, making partnered sex even more enjoyable. It is also a safe and empowering way to begin reclaiming your sexuality and establishing boundaries after experiencing sexual trauma.
  • Improved Mind/Body Connection: masturbation can help you connect to your body if you are feeling body dysphoria or disconnection.
  • Orgasms: we love orgasms! If you can orgasm, it releases endorphins, which are a natural feel-good chemical.
  • Nature’s painkiller: if you have menstrual cramps or a headache, that same endorphin release can ease muscle tension and increase your pain tolerance!
  • Masturbation as meditation:  the focus it takes to orgasm pushes other petty distractions from your mind, like meditation! This provides great stress relief.
  • Zzz: incorporating masturbation into your nighttime routine can help you sleep better. It can be hard work getting off!
  • Strengthen your pelvic floor: if incontinence is an issue for you or you want to strengthen your pelvic floor after trauma or giving birth, masturbation can be a great tool. In fact, physiotherapists who specialize in pelvic floor rehabilitation often prescribe toys and masturbation as a form of physio exercises. Cool!

 

Masturbation Addiction in Summary

Masturbation addiction is truly in the eye of the beholder, and more likely than not you are letting social stigmas interfere with a perfectly normal sexual habit.

It is normal to masturbate, and people have different libidos and sexual needs- just because you masturbate more than “average” or your partner or friends doesn’t make it an immoral or problematic activity!

Any behavior that is interfering with your life is worth examining with the guidance of a therapist, so if your masturbation habits are truly disrupting your life rather than enhancing it you should book an appointment. Hopefully this has helped open your eyes to the many benefits of enjoying masturbation, and the unlikeliness of having a masturbation addiction!

 

Stiff: Solutions for Erectile Dysfunction On-Demand Webinar

Women on Penis Size

Sensual Meditation: Strategies to Fall in Lust Again

Sensual Meditation: Strategies to Fall in Lust Again

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

multiple orgasms

Yes, You Can Have Multiple Orgasms – Here’s How!

/in /by

Yes, You Can Have Multiple Orgasms – Here’s How!

 

If you’ve ever envied those people who can have multiple orgasms, this post is definitely for you! 

It may seem unfair, yet some people with vaginas can achieve multiple orgasms, sometimes without any latency period in between. 

A lot of women believe they are unable to have multiple orgasms, and while not everyone can reach this peak of pleasure, it may surprise you that it isn’t as difficult as you’d think- with a few tips and tricks!

 

Time Is Your Friend

One of the most important secrets to having multiple orgasms is taking your time. I know, pleasure can be hard work and we get tired- though I promise the results will definitely be worth it!

You will find you have more success if you are able to take your time building a really great first orgasm and then sort of “start from scratch” with the following orgasms. It seems cliche, though good things come to those who wait- so be patient with yourself and make a real moment out of pleasuring yourself.

If you have time to pop on a face mask for twenty to thirty minutes, you definitely have time to give yourself a spine tingling orgasm. Try lying down in a cozy bed, light some candles, lock your door and put your phone on silent. This is a truly special time to honor your magnificent body and explore what makes you feel good!

 

Variety Is The Spice of Life

In research conducted by the Kinsey Institute, researchers discovered that most women were only able to achieve their second (and third, and fourth…) orgasms if they stimulated a slightly different area or in a different way.

Put plainly, if you have stimulated your clit to the point of orgasm, it’ll be super sensitive and almost be overwhelmed with sensation to the point of being desensitized. 

Instead, most women had great success by then stimulating their labia, vulva or vagina to achieve second orgasm, or by stimulating their clit in an entirely different way.

Sexual Anatomy

Try different pressure, speed, movement, texture and even temperature to keep your body from becoming desensitized to stimuli. Researchers said if you approach the orgasm as if you’re dealing with “a whole new body,” you’re much more likely to achieve multiple orgasms.

 

Play Around With Toys

Keeping with the theme of switching up sensations, toys can be a really helpful (and fun!) way to mix it up, especially if you or your partner are getting a little tired.

Toys are also great if you find you’re unable to orgasm from your own touch- kind of the same as people being unable to tickle themselves, some people find it tricky to stimulate themselves without some sort of extension or barrier, like a toy or fabric.

Toys are a great supplement if you are looking to stimulate more than one area at once, which you may find helpful when trying to have multiple orgasms. You can use a rabbit style vibrator to stimulate your clitoris and g-spot simultaneously, or you can even tease the area surrounding your clit, including your labia, inner thighs and bikini line to create a sort of “aftershock”.

If anal stimulation is pleasurable for you it can be great foreplay for that second orgasm, giving your more sensitive bits time to cool down while you stay aroused through other activities.

 

To Lube Or Not To Lube

I always lube! 

Don’t be afraid to use a little lube – or a lot! 

If dryness is preventing you from reaching peak pleasure, let alone multiple orgasms, a silky, silicone based lube can really get things going.

Personally, I am a water-based lube person. That is my personal favorite even though you must reapply regularly.

If you are looking for different sensations to prompt that second orgasm, you can even try lubes that are designed to warm up or tingle wherever they’re applied. Some people find the sensation pleasurable, and some feel an uncomfortable burning sensation, so maybe try any lubes with extra features prior to use in sexy situations. Feeling like your crotch is on fire is a sure way to NOT get an orgasm!

For a safe and certain way to switch up your lube, try storing some in the fridge. It will become delightfully chilly and give you a whole other dimension of sensation.

You can also experiment with a lack of lube. Friction can be incredibly stimulating, and a “dry rub” can be a creative way to switch things up!

 

Tell It Like It Is to Get Multiple Orgasms

If your sexual partner is embarking on this multiple orgasm journey with you, communication and expectations will be crucial.

Chances are, if they are excited by the idea of giving you multiple orgasms they will also be excited to research and willing to listen to your directions, so don’t be afraid to speak up!

Do some research together and come up with a list of fun ways you can switch things up, in case you’re both at a loss for ideas in the moment!

In the moment, you should feel empowered to tell them what is and isn’t working. This applies to all sexual activities, positive reinforcement and a little direction can make a world of difference in how pleasurable sex is for all involved.

 

Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls

About 43% of women are able to achieve multiple orgasms- which leaves a perfectly healthy 57% of women potentially out of luck. It is likely that more are technically able to have multiple orgasms and choose not to or are satisfied with one- or none!

If this is the case, please know that this is perfectly normal! It can be difficult if you have set a goal for yourself or if your partner really wants to give you multiple orgasms, so be kind to yourself and manage your expectations.

Multiple orgasms don’t necessarily mean multiple AMAZING orgasms- likely, the following orgasms are a little smaller, or some of them are prolonged orgasms that sort of blend into one another. This can feel amazing of course, and so can a single, powerful orgasm!

And we also know that even if you are unable to achieve orgasm at all, this does not exclude you from an amazing, pleasurable sex life. You can self pleasure, connection with a partner or connection to your own body and sexuality- with or without multiple orgasms! 

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

get high school students talking

High school love advice and how to get high school students talking!

/in , , /by

High school love advice and how to get high school students talking!

 

Finally… high school love advice and how to get high school students talking!

Do you want to know more about high school love advice or how to get high school students talking? So did some of our friends!

So a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist EXPLAINS high school love advice and how to get high school students talking!

This video will answer some of your questions.

So, you are here because you want to know high school love advice and how to get high school students talking!

In this video I will answer “Do you want to know more about high school love advice” and “how to get high school students talking” whoo hoo!

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, HeadSpace, VICE, and more!

 

DOWNLOAD OUR “BEHIND THE SCENES OF COMMUNICATION” GUIDE

https://gn91oeao.pages.infusionsoft.net ←HERE

 

Watch now:

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 AM EST

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer.

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Telehealth Therapy

Is Telehealth Therapy Right For You?

/in , /by

Is Telehealth Therapy Right For You?

 

What Is Telehealth Therapy?

Telehealth therapy is kind of an umbrella term that encompasses any remote therapy that uses telecommunications. 

In other words, telehealth therapy means you and your therapist are having sessions via confidential Skype, Zoom, telephone, FaceTime, app services or even via text.

Telehealth therapy has originally been used to provide behavioral therapy for people who live in more remote areas without access to a therapist locally.

Obviously during the COVID19 pandemic telehealth has become a lifeline for many people dealing with mental health issues. Since mental health issues are only bound to increase given the amount of fear, uncertainty and hardships that have accompanied this difficult time, telehealth therapy will only become more prevalent and essential moving forward.

 

How Do I Access Telehealth Therapy?

If you are already working with a therapist, call their office and see what telehealth options they have implemented for their patients. Hopefully, they have already reached out to you about this!

Telehealth Therapy

Depending on your own telecommunication set up, different options may be right for you.

  • Text therapy on your cell phone
  • Online chat
  • Therapy via phone call (landline or cellular)
  • Video conference apps like Zoom, Skype, FaceTime. The privacy and security of these apps vary, so choose one that you are comfortable with. These can be used on your laptop, smartphone or home computer.

There has also been a boom in telehealth therapy services via apps, such as BetterHelp and Talkspace, which will match you with a licensed professional therapist. This is an option if you don’t know where to start or are on a tight budget and need counseling, though the therapists are unable to make any official diagnoses, fulfill court orders or prescribe medications.

 

Is Telehealth Therapy Covered By Insurance?

This will of course depend on your individual insurance provider, so it is worth checking out. Many insurance companies have waived their co-pay or changed their remote telehealth therapy policies temporarily to accommodate COVID19 restrictions.

If you are covered under Medicare, many of the restrictions on your use of telehealth therapy services have been suspended for the duration of the public health emergency.

The use of phones and apps has previously been restricted under the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA), so now you can not only have sessions over the phone or internet with your therapist, you can actually select a therapist from any distance, including out of state. Therapy has never been more accessible than now, so hopefully this will continue beyond the pandemic!

 

Who Can Benefit From Telehealth Therapy?

Before the pandemic, telehealth therapy was primarily intended for use in rural areas with little access to mental healthcare professionals. Now, telehealth therapy can help anyone with a phone or internet connection.

Telehealth therapy may be right for you if:

  • You already have an established therapist and want to continue your treatment plan/routine
  • You are experiencing increased anxiety, depression or any relapses of other mental health conditions brought about by the pandemic
  • You are grieving the loss of a loved one, job or major plans such as a cancelled wedding.
  • You are experiencing relationship issues due to stress, job loss, or simply being stuck at home together all day
  • You are having trouble establishing a healthy routine
  • You are struggling with many aspects of working at home, whether this be productivity, loneliness, stress or feeling like it is difficult to turn off “work mode” when the workday is over
  • You have fear and anxiety around getting sick or are unable to leave your home to go for a walk or safely run errands
  • The political climate is giving you fear, anxiety, depression or exhaustion, especially as a person who is racialized
  • You have stress, anxiety and/or depression due to health concerns related to a disability or chronic illness that is affected by COVID19 restrictions/lack of accessibility
  • Your children being home all the time is overwhelming. Your children can also access telehealth therapy if they are struggling to adjust to new routines, can’t sleep, feel scared, miss their friends or are struggling with homeschooling. Therapy can truly be for the entire family.

This is not an exhaustive list, so please know that if you are feeling unable to cope in any way about anything, there is a therapist out there who can help you and they are more accessible than ever.

Telehealth Therapy

What Are The Disadvantages of Telehealth Therapy?

At its core, telehealth therapy depends on certain privileges: a phone, an internet connection, and the means to pay for services whether out of pocket or through insurance.

Accessibility to mental health care is an ongoing issue, and while the pandemic has made it more accessible and affordable, there is still a long way to go for everyone to get the support they need.

Telehealth therapy can be adapted for deaf and blind, but often requires some extra settings (and potential extra costs) to make it accessible.

Telehealth therapy can be less than ideal if patients require a more tactile experience, which can be the case for various reasons.

 

Are There Alternatives To Telehealth Therapy During COVID19?

As some restrictions are lifted, you may find that certain therapists are allowed to open their offices back up. This is dependent on state and local laws, as well as their own level of comfort.

It is important to realize that every person, including your therapist, will have different levels of anxiety and caution when re-opening, and it may not align with your own needs. If you feel really safe and want life to be as normal as possible, you may find it frustrating if your therapist has chosen to keep their office closed and only provide telehealth therapy.

This is their prerogative, and if you truly need in person sessions you should discuss getting a referral to another therapist that is open to in-person appointments, or discuss what your therapist’s reopening plans are for the near future. Telehealth therapy can be as effective as “regular” behavioral therapy, so keep an open mind if possible!

On the other hand, if your therapist has decided they no longer are providing telehealth therapy, it is worth discussing what measures they have in place to ensure your safety and theirs. Maintaining a six foot distance, mutual masking, having hand sanitizer available and frequent cleaning are all preventative measures that can be taken to ensure your safety. If they are unable to accommodate your needs, see if they can recommend a colleague who is still conducting telehealth therapy.

As the pandemic wears on, it is important to practice self care, and that includes therapy! 

It is hard to say how long restrictions will be in place or how long telehealth therapy will be unrestricted, though hopefully the accessibility and convenience of telehealth therapy will prove to be worth keeping beyond this crisis. 

At LCAT our certified therapists are all available to help you and your loved ones, so we encourage you to give our telehealth therapy options a try, whether you prefer video, phone or even text. 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

National Couples Day

The 3 Parts of an Optimal Sexual Experience on National Couples Day!

/in , , , /by

The 3 Parts of an Optimal Sexual Experience on National Couples Day!

It is National Couples Day on August 18! How do you celebrate? 

Have you ever heard of this hallmark holiday? 

For me, National Couples Day just solidifies my wedding anniversary! 

Do you have special traditions or celebration ideas? I’m often in favor of a tradition or celebration with my partner… especially if it is just us!

 

9 Things to Do Other Than Watch a Screen Tonight! National Couples Day

  1. Evening stroll
  2. Listen to an Audiobook
  3. Sit outside
  4. Biking or hiking
  5. Meetup.com to go to an appropriate event
  6. Bedroom date night
  7. Dress up and take photos together in the house
  8. Cook your favorite dinner
  9. Journal together on your goals for the upcoming year

If you do what you have always done, you will get the results you have gotten. 

Do not move too quickly into deciding what you will do. 

Enjoy the process of discussing it with your partner(s). Why not? 

Describe your idea of an amazing couples erotic template to them. 

See if it is even close. 

Then ask if you can describe yours. You may be off, and that’s ok. 

There is a bridge to connection if you are both willing!

 

National Couples Day Tips for a Relationship Reboot

Being yourself, authentically seen, and the presence and ability to let go! Connection with your partner in the moment is a wonderful goal for National Couples Day. Just connect. No expectations – just fun and pure pleasure. 

Activate what you felt in the beginning again! 

 

The 3 Major Components of an Optimal Sexual Experience!

National Couples Day

1.Updated Communication Strategies – learn to use NVC or our communication e guide! 

Hear out your partners’ needs and be honest about what you are/aren’t open to, and what you’re willing to explore. Once you have gone back-and-forth talking about your preferences and desires, clearly outline what is in your comfort for the night!

Speak to them the way they like to be spoken to. Ask your partner their favorite nicknames to be called by you. Ask them which one has an effect on them erotically (if any). 

2.Revitalizing Passion – the tricky part is being tuned into what’s going on inside yourself and being connected with another person. 

What is your partner’s vision or desire for this ritual? Can you do another one next week for what you desire? Why only have one night? 

3.Scheduling Time without Screens – Why no phones or screens? Because being embodied is about being alive to THE PRESENT moment in each other’s embrace (eye gaze or touch) with the goal that nothing can distract you.

More specific considerations that have worked for me that may or may not work for you:National Couples Day

  • Take loving care of myself and my spouse by lighting candles
  • Keeping our home neat
  • Listening to white noise sound machines, or agreeing to the playlist of the night. 
  • No television, no movies, and no radio. My team even helps me publish all these posts on days that I am with my partner, so it seems like I am here, yet it’s really them. I am ACCEPTING the support instead of feeling guilty that I can’t do it all! 

Give yourself more than your usual amount of time to plan and prepare for days with your partner that are supposed to be sacred or special! 

Plan it into your calendar, just like you would an event, and schedule LESS work or “distractions” to prioritize your partner. 

This shows our partner that we are putting in the enthusiasm we did in the beginning of our partnership. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.

Hypersexuality

The Harmful Myth of Hypersexuality

/in , /by

The Harmful Myth of Hypersexuality

 

Did you know that hypersexuality, sometimes referred to as “sex addiction,” is not a universally recognized or scientifically recognized addiction?

This may bring you a sense of relief, it may bring you a sense of confusion – how is it that so many people, especially celebrities in the media, are claiming to be “sex addicts?” then?

To give you perspective on how treatment for hypersexuality was born, you should know that in the late 70’s a chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous decided they would try and apply the famous 12 step program to their perceived issues around infidelity, porn watching and “out of control” sexual desires.

This model not only relied on oversimplifying human sexuality and trying to cram it into the framework of substance abuse, it also relied on a religious or spiritual component.

While religion can be a beautiful thing, and science shows that those with faith have overall happier, and more productive lives, there are many misconceptions, binaries, and narrow definitions around sex and sexuality in religious contexts.

According to David Ley, a clinical psychologist, and the author of The Myth of Sex Addiction “sex addiction is truly a social phenomenon, not a clinical or medical one.”

Is your mind blown yet? In an interview for Vice, Ley goes on to say, “most people who self-identify as sex addicts do so because they or their spouse read an article or saw a talk show about sex addiction.”

So, are you a sex addict or just experiencing hypersexuality?

 

What does “Sex Addiction” have to do with Hypersexuality?

The conclusion you can reach here is that most people didn’t even know they had a “problem” or “deviant sexual behavior” until they found out about it in the media or googling it!

This is the same media that objectifies women, reaffirms stereotypes around sex, race and class, and ultimately misrepresents the healthy sexual habits and desires of “normal people.”

It is the same media that salivates over Tiger Woods’ cheating on his wife and reveals salacious details of celebrity sex tapes.

Agents, managers and PR people know this to be true and use it to their client’s advantage (just imagine Harvey Weinstein blamed his atrocities on his “sex addiction” rather than his misogyny, narcissism and sociopathy).

Sex addiction is a great scapegoat for not finding “consent,” and after all, if addictions are a disease that can’t be helped, it may absolve you of accountability when you violate someone’s trust or consent.

 

Why is “Sex Addiction” a Problem?

Unfortunately, people who have hypersexual tendencies tend to have more sex, enjoy exploring their sexuality, may have multiple sexual partners, or view sex as a priority in their lives, are stigmatized and painted with the same brush as those with a “sex addiction.”

People who are hypersexual can be portrayed as untrustworthy, out of control, disgusting, immoral and even criminal. Meanwhile, criminals can avoid accountability due to their “sex addiction,” creating a lose-lose situation.

The reality is, hypersexuality in and of itself is not a bad thing!

North American culture is notoriously puritanical when it comes to sex and sexuality, so with an open mind and mutual respect, one can be safely, and ethically, hypersexual.

In fact, being hypersexual can be a great thing!

 

What Hypersexuality is NOT! Busting Hypersexuality Myths!

Don’t get it twisted: being hypersexual isn’t necessarily negative, yet it is stigmatized and unfairly (and often unscientifically) associated with other problems.

  •   Hypersexuality is NOT infidelity. Infidelity is when someone violates a partner’s trust or their agreed upon terms in their relationship. Open relationships and polyamorous partnerships are built on communication, boundaries and intimacy, and they can be an ethical way to enjoy sex with multiple people without violating trust.

  •   Hypersexuality is NOT a moral failing. Unfortunately, most of us are raised to believe that you grow up, fall in love, and marry someone that you will have sex with for the purpose of having children. Anyone who has sexual desire fell outside of this “norm” can be deemed a sex addict, a slut, whore, or pervert.

Did you know that sex addiction is most frequently self diagnosed by gay and bisexual men?

This is likely because they are taught to feel ashamed of their desires for other men or their “deviant” needs, and this feeling of judgment and embarrassment around sex is often found in people who come in stating they are sex addicts.

Are you ashamed because you feel you are hurting other people, or do you feel ashamed because society has told you you’re wrong for loving and desiring sexual experiences outside of the heterosexual, monogamous relationships?

  •   Hypersexuality is NOT the same as a side effect: Hypersexuality, as we are discussing it, is consensual, pleasurable, and healthy sex that happens more often than others feel comfortable with, and we are not discussing the physiological side effect of some medication or time of month where arousal is higher.

Just as some meds can lower your libido, some medications and health conditions actually put your libido into overdrive, which is only a problem if you feel it is tiring, out of control or unwanted. Like mentioned earlier, sometimes partners are the ones who “diagnose.”  

  •   Hypersexuality is NOT an excuse.

TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual Assault.

Hypersexuality is never a valid excuse for violating a person’s trust or consent. Period.

Acting as a rapist not hypersexual, it is a criminal act. As research states, sexual assault rarely has to do with sexual gratification, yet much more about power (and sometimes entitlement).

A high libido is not associated with pedophilia, bestiality, or any other sexual crimes.  

This blog post may seem a bit more serious than usual, yet it is important to know the answers to “WHY” stigmas around hypersexuality are so harmful!

 

The Benefits of Being Hypersexual

Now for the fun stuff: what are some advantages to being hypersexual?

  •   The world is your oyster: hypersexual people tend to be more open minded about their sexuality, and this can mean opening yourself up to new experiences with a variety of people. This of course doesn’t mean that all hypersexual people identify as queer or alternative, rather that they are able to experience a lot of different types of sex, whatever their sexuality orientation or preferences may be.
  •   Communication: people who are successfully hypersexual are often excellent communicators. If you take your pleasure seriously and love having sex, you are more likely to ask for what you want and ask your sexual partner what they desire. This makes for better, more satisfying sex because communication is often so sexy!
  •   A vivid imagination: If you enjoy a lot of sex and are constantly wanting to better yourself sexually, you probably have an awesome imagination! Hypersexual people fantasize about sex more often than people with lower libidos, and that means a lot of brain activity, a rich fantasy life and a boost in creativity.
  •   Confidence & Empowerment: When you embrace who you are and pursue a life that is pleasurable, ethical, and fun, you ooze confidence. Not just the confidence of feeling attractive (though that is a nice feeling), you also have the empowerment of being an independent thinker, and the confidence of someone who challenges social norms with healthy questioning.

As you can see, hypersexuality can be empowering and a lot of fun!

Issues with hypersexuality are often the same issues we come across in heteronormative relationships: jealousy, a need for communication, and fulfillment of sexual desire.

If you are practicing safe sex, enthusiastic and informed consent and are satisfied, there is no need to be ashamed or seek “treatment” for “sex addiction,” so we suggest proudly and confidently calling yourself hypersexual!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.