Sexless marriage

Why You’re In A Sexless Marriage – and How to Fix It!

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Why You’re In A Sexless Marriage- and How to Fix It!

 

If you find yourself in a sexless marriage, it is easy to feel rejected, hopeless and a little embarrassed. A sexless marriage is more common than you may think, and is rarely a standalone issue.

A sexless marriage is usually a symptom of another issue you are having as a couple. The great news is that with the help of a therapist, these issues can be tackled and bring you closer together than before.

 

A Sexless Marriage vs A Dry Spell

All marriages will have “dry spells”- perhaps you have a busy month, someone is sick, or any other zillion things that can get in the way of some time between the sheets (or on the couch, or on the kitchen table, or in the car….). A sexless marriage is a chronic, prolonged amount of time that is abnormal for you as a couple and leaves both parties with unmet needs. Some experts say this means having sex less than 10 times per year, other experts are hesitant to put a number on it because needs and the definition of sex varies greatly from couple to couple.

sexless marriage

 

Reasons Why You’re in a Sexless Marriage

Again, it is worth working with a therapist to unpack any issues that are contributing to a sexless marriage, however the following reasons you may be in a sexless marriage can help get you and your partner reflecting on why- and how to begin fixing it:

 

  1. Lack of Communication

     

It always comes down to a lack of communication, doesn’t it?! While communication doesn’t seem sexy, a lack of it can really make for a sexless marriage! Not communicating when something is bothering you is a recipe for building resentment, which is very unsexy. While it may take some professional input to unpack resentments that have built over years or are even the result of a traumatic breach of trust such as infidelity, you can begin to cultivate the habit of communication. When something bugs you, or if you feel hurt or rejected, don’t hold it in but also try to avoid these crucial conversations if either of you are stressed, tired, angry or otherwise emotionally raw. Cool, calm and collected and willing to stop and listen to the other side is a great start!

 

  1. You don’t ever talk about sex

 

A sexless marriage can also be a symptom of shame and embarrassment around fantasies, perceived lack of knowledge or a lack of open communication (there it is again!) around desires you worry are taboo. Remember: no one is magically born with amazing sexual skills! Just like any other skill, it requires practice and feedback. If you’re in a sexless marriage because sex just isn’t satisfying or you have a desire you feel you can’t share with your partner out of fear, take the plunge and start talking about sex. It isn’t about laying out everything you don’t like about sex with your partner, it is about encouraging what works and discussing your needs, desires and boundaries!

 

  1. Performance Anxiety

 

“If I don’t try, then I can’t fail”. A sexless marriage can sometimes be a case of crippling performance anxiety that has become an ingrained mentality, kind of a bad mental habit. This of course ties into so many other issues: self esteem, fear of rejection, lack of communication about sex and desires, or even a physiological response to underlying trauma. If you avoid sex altogether because you are afraid of letting your partner down or being criticized, it might be time to do a deep dive with a therapist together to fix your sexless marriage and improve your self worth! You deserve a healthy, satisfying sex life and you can learn how to please each other, even if it takes a little outside help!

 

  1. You’ve Fallen into a “roommate” dynamic

 

Maintaining a household, splitting bills, cooking meals, cleaning, doing laundry, arguing over who’s turn it is to empty the dishwasher- it can be easy to fall into a sexless marriage when the minutiae of day to day life takes over. You may be happily cohabiting, but is the small stuff piling up and getting in the way of seeing your partner in a way that invokes sexual desire? Obviously, as relationships progress that initial hormonal boost that made you so hot for each other int he beginning fades, but there’s no need to resign yourselves to a platonic existence!

 

A sexless marriage can be helped by deliberately making an effort to experience life (and your partner) erotically. Focus on parts of them that turn you on, or actions they take that make you feel aroused. Is paying a bill inherently sexy? No, but maybe the way your partner signs their name is, or how they lick their lips while they concentrate on how to reduce the overall energy expenditure next month, or the way their arm looks strong holding groceries can become new, more subtle turn ons.

Sexless marriage

 

  1. You rely on spontaneity

 

At the beginning, you couldn’t keep your hands off each other and now you can’t even remember the last time you saw each other naked “for fun”. If your sexless marriage is a byproduct of feeling more like sex should “just happen”, why not add sex to the to-do list? It may seem like making sex “a chore”, but the opposite is true: it gives you something to look forward to, and a mandated opportunity to connect, touch, and experience intimacy. You can even plan themes or games that you want to try! Think of it like this- Valentine’s Day isn’t necessary or the only opportunity to show someone you love them, and it isn’t spontaneous, but having a specific day devoted to love and romance in addition to your day to day love or unexpected rendezvous is something to look forward to and make special. So make these planned “date nights” special, you deserve it! And who knows, it may become second nature and prompt more spontaneous encounters!

 

What now?

You’ve scoured the internet for advice on how to fix your sexless marriage and have picked up a few tips, so what now? Try them out! 

And most importantly, communicate, communicate, communicate! 

Take some time to discuss creative, kind and productive solutions, as well as what has been contributing to your sexless marriage- yet, listen to and empathize with your partner, and above all… don’t criticize. 

A sex therapist can help facilitate these conversations if you find you’re having trouble opening up or making productive changes. 

Never forget: it takes some work, vulnerability and communication, yet you can fix a sexless marriage!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Talk About Oral Sex

Let’s Talk About Oral Sex

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Let’s Talk About Oral Sex

 

So, today, we will talk about oral sex!

I will teach you my 5 most important tips to give and receive the best oral sex!

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Watch now! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, PornHub, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, Playboy, Maxim, Daily Mail, HeadSpace, and more!

 

WATCH THE VIDEO “HOW TO SEDUCE YOUR SPOUSE”

https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/ ←HERE

-Learn How to Unleash Your Self Pleasure and Transform Your Sex Life!-

 

GET THE BEDROOM NEGOTIATIONS VANILLA & KINK CHECKLIST!

https://qrzbdtau.pages.infusionsoft.net  ←HERE

 

Watch now:

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 PM EST

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer.

 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

addictive personality

What is an Addictive Personality?

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What is an Addictive Personality?

 

You may ask yourself, what is an addictive personality?

Addiction has multiple parts to it and many people state they have “addictive personalities.”

What the heck does that mean?

Do you know someone who becomes consumed with different things or people?

Do you or others you know seem to become obsessive in relationships?

Do you know someone who is compelled and seems out of control in various aspects of their life?

Do you wonder why you are out of control or do you struggle to be able to manage relationships without becoming obsessive?

Do you often find yourself going from one substance or “high” of New Relationship Energy (NRE) to another?


Big “A” vs Little “a”

These may be indicators of an “addictive personality.”

In my clinical practice, I use the “A”ddiction and “a”ddiction.

To me, “A” is the one most referred to in our society and within clinical settings and surrounds drugs, alcohol, compulsive gambling, and some schools of thought would include sex and/or food.

In that regard, I do not treat as many people with or specialize in the “A”.

To be clear, neither is more valid or important – both are equally important to focus on and treat. 

I would say I work with a lot of folks who engage in obsessive or addictive patterns that would fall under the little “a.” 

In my experience, addiction often focuses on someone’s need to numb or escape some type of emotion or experience.

This could be from trauma, anxiety, depression, dysfunctional relationships or family systems, etc.

People with “addictive personalities” often use addiction as a strategy to feel differently than they do in order to “function.” 

Whether people are experiencing “A” or “a”, both result in what I would consider a chemical reinforcement in our brain and often a physical or emotional reinforcement in our minds and bodies.

This chemical high is a major reinforcement of the strategy or the “thing” (person, drink, drug, etc) that becomes the compulsion. Does this sound like anyone you may know? 

Have you ever been this person?

In working with addiction, it would seem that most addiction comes from some level of trauma someone experienced within their life and their addiction is a way or strategy to manage this.

We so often focus on the behavior in treatment, and to be clear that can be VERY necessary, HOWEVER, I would argue that until we are able to treat what is below that behavior [and have someone understand the why and the what the pattern of behavior (or strategy)] will just continue.

Common Underlying Issues Related to “Addictive Personality”: 

  • Codependency
  • Trauma (physical, emotional, sexual, etc.)
  • Family members (biological) who have history of substance use (research shows genetic component)
  • Family members or community members who have substance use history
  • Common coping is avoidance
  • Narcissism or increased self-focus
  • Systemic Trauma (institutional racism, white supremacy, heteronormativity)
  • Frequently invalidated throughout life
  • External locus of control
  • Significant difficulty in self-regulation

The list of “addict personality” traits can go on and on!

Seriously, there are many more, and these are just common ones that I have noticed in our practice. 

We hope this answers your question for “what is an addictive personality?”

If you feel like this post speaks to yourself or someone you know, therapy can be a very effective way in doing this work. Various providers engage in different techniques to help people who struggle with addiction. I truly encourage people to really do the inner work to find more adaptive strategies that do not reinforce these addictive patterns. 

We are here to help at LCAT, we have various therapists who have training and understanding in all the A/a’s. Please join us on your healing journey!

YouTube page where she provides free information at The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

male sex toys

Male Sex Toys

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Male Sex Toys

 

It’s a common mistake that people with penises often make – they think toys are for other people and that there aren’t male sex toys. If they’re going to use a toy, it’s going to be used on someone they’re having sex with.

This approach is obviously very narrowminded because there are some great male sex toys out there. 

Yes, that’s what they’re still called in stores and online. 

Here, we know this means that these toys are designed for use on bodies with penises.

I love working with clients who are in the beginning stages of sex play with toys. It’s opening up a new, fun, erotic sexual layer they haven’t yet discovered or spent time with. Toys bring out some kink, and that’s always a great idea!

Granted, male sex toys don’t get the shine that the rest of the sex toy market does. That can change, though, and more companies are innovating some amazing toys that will elevate your intimacy.

Here are some of the basic and best sex toys out there right now. Some of these are designed to be used solo, some of them together, and some of them are up to you. Sex toys are where creativity pays off.

 

male sex toys

Penis Rings

Penis rings sometimes referred to as cock rings, are essentially a ring that goes around the base of your penis. The tighter the ring, the more that the blood flow inside your penis is restricted. This often results in longer-lasting erections and more intense orgasms.

Penis rings come in a huge variety. Some of them vibrate, there are all sorts of colors and shapes, and they even come in edible versions. If you’re new to the cock ring game, try out some basic silicone rings. You can usually buy them in a set that comes with a few different shapes and textures. Have some fun and go from there.

 

Prostate Massager

A prostate massager is just that. It’s placed around the anus or inserted into the anus. The toy has several different settings on it that range in speed and intensity. If you’re an anal sex pro, go all out. If you’re new to this game, take it slow and remember to use lube.male sex toys

Some prostate massages are inventive. There are some available for sale now that have another section that’s placed and designed to massage your perineum, the sensitive area of skin between your anus and your scrotum.

You can use a prostate massage on yourself as you masturbate and it’s a ton of fun with a partner taking turns and using the remote to control how intense their pleasure is.

 

The Fleshlight

The fleshlight is undoubtedly the most famous male sex toy out there. The fleshlight is a brand, and it’s so famous that an entire sex toy category, rubber vaginas, is referred to by that term. Another name you’ll often hear is pocket pussies. The fleshlight gets its name because it’s designed to look like a common flashlight. Pop the top off, though, and that’s where the fun begins.male sex toys

Sex toy manufacturers are pulling out all of the stops with male sex toys. You can design a fleshlight to very specific measurements to simulate a certain level of tightness or even one of your lover’s vaginas.

These toys come in starter packs that include lubrication and other accessories. You insert your penis into the rubber vagina and masturbate with it on.

 

Anal Plugs

male sex toys

Anal plugs, or butt plugs, can be enjoyed by everyone. Basic plugs are made from metal, silicone, or some other material and are inserted into the anus and left there to offer a constant stream of stimulation.

Many butt plugs include vibrating tips and even remote controls that your partner can use to change vibration speed and tempo.

 

Water-based Lubricant

Water-based lubricants are typically recommended for use with male sex toys because they do less harm and leave less residue once you’re finished. Silicon-based lubricants that are commonly found on condoms and other materials degrade over time.

There are some excellent water-based lubes on the sex toy market that will facilitate whatever you’re trying to do with your toy without that filmy, slimy feel that some other lubricants leave around whenever you’re done.

 

Penis Pumps

male sex toys

If you’ve watched pornography, you’ve likely seen web ads touting penis enlargement. Some of them may include some type of pump where, after use, a penis grows exponentially.

While claims about easy penis enhancement should be approached with suspicion, there is some sexual performance value to be gained from using a penis pump.

Penis pumps are a device people use to overcome erectile dysfunction. The pump goes over the penis and air is pumped into a cartridge that drives more blood to the penis. The increased blood makes your penis larger for short amounts of time.

All it takes is a quick pump session before you’re about to have sex. It could help you stay erect and keep your partner satisfied for longer.

 

Sex Dolls

Ok, so years ago sex dolls were something embarrassing and using dolls was much more underground. Today, there are some very interesting things going on in the sex doll world.

Doll makers are creating incredibly lifelike toys with all body shapes based on customer specifications. You can buy rubber sex dolls, silicone sex dolls, portions of sex dolls with just the butt and a vagina, or one with a full torso as well.

 

Blow Job Toys

People with a penis who have been masturbating the same way for years should check out some of the new blow job toys for sale.

Modern blow job toys simulate getting a real blow job. The openings are shaped like a mouth and the design is meant to mirror the stimulation of swallowing or penetration.

They come in both reusable and disposable models, and several different mouth shapes. You can purchase electric models that require a plug but make masturbating easier. Some use batteries too.

The important thing with blow job toys is to choose one that fits your penis tightly to increase pleasure and make the feeling more realistic.

 

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

Stiff: Solutions for Erectile Dysfunction On-Demand Webinar

Women on Penis Size

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

stop comparing

How to stop comparing yourself to others and other couples

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How to stop comparing yourself to others and other couples

 

Is it finally time to stop comparing yourself to others… especially other couples? 

Whether a pair of celebrities or a couple in your circle of friends, there’s usually a couple in your life that you compare yourself to. 

STOP COMPARING! 

Yes… another couple may be physically beautiful, or somehow manage that magical balance of having creative careers and a satisfying sex life that they can’t help but brag about. 

A dynamite celebrity couple like John Legend and Chrissy Teigen may have you looking at yourself and your partner with disappointment – like what if you had the money, the fame, or chemistry… if only then, your relationship could be just as perfect!

You know though… that is what you want to believe.

Intellectually, you know they have issues too, yet at the back of your mind, you can’t help but hear the seductive whisper from your insecure subconscious: couples goals! 

You want to believe that the grass is greener on the other side… because that feels somehow enticing to compare.

Comparisons are often, if not usually, problematic, and especially when comparing your relationship to one that you only know through social media. 

Social media is where people can post a carefully curated version of themselves – you know “the projected” masked self. 

The version that is “airbrushed” without the flaws, the loneliness, and the lack of communication. 

We see this when people post a heavily-filtered selfie, or perhaps embellish their accomplishments to seem higher status. The same goes for relationships and couples goals that you are judging from afar.

So, seriously… Before you get too preoccupied with couples goals, stop your frantic, unrealistic comparisons and turn them into healthy aspirations for your own relationship.

Harmful Comparison: “They are always all over each other! We never even hold hands.”

Healthy Aspiration: “I would love to connect more by holding hands or physical touch in our daily lives. Is that something you are open to?” 

First of all, why are you envious (wanting what they have) about another couple’s PDA? 

If you find you are admiring couples that are physically affectionate on public platforms, it might be that you need more connection via touch in your relationship, or you’re more shy about PDA and wish you were able to be open about how much you are valued and appreciated in your relationship. 

Or… you may be single and focusing on others rather than working on yourself! 

You don’t need to do exactly what your inspirational couple is doing, or do anything you’re not comfortable with, yet taking the time to learn about yourself and to communicate to your partner about your needs and requests is a great start. 

It could be as simple as taking more photos together!

Harmful Comparison: “They post so many photos as a couple! My partner must be ashamed of me because they never post my picture.”

Healthy Aspiration: “How do I want to be shown I am loved? How does my partner? Is the way I am showing them love landing for them?”

Different strokes for different folks! #couplesgoals! 

When you see a couple posting a lot of photos, it can make you begin to wonder why you aren’t posting about your partner, or why they don’t post about you. 

Did this bother you before, or just after seeing another couple post about each other all the time? 

Is it about the public declaration of love, or do you genuinely prefer a quieter, more private relationship?

stop comparing yourself

Chances are your partner is NOT ashamed, and is just respecting your privacy as a couple or they just aren’t that into social media. 

Chances are you picked up on something that is more about you and your need than it is about them! It is your job to communicate THAT with your partner or to yourself to process in therapy. 

The most important thing is finding out what expression of love makes you feel most valued by your partner and yourself, and if it means more selfies, let them know! 

Be open to the new and creative approaches that come about! 

For example, putting a date night on the schedule, could mean more time spent together on hobbies, or them doing more stuff around the house, or even just telling you they love you!

Harmful Comparison: “Wow, they’re on another vacation together? We can’t even find a weekend getaway.”

Healthy Aspiration: “We need to make more time for adventures together- even if it has to be local!”

A tropical vacation would obviously be awesome, whether you bring your partner or not! Yet, the reality is, sometimes the money just isn’t there… or there is covid19. 

Also, the couple you are comparing yourself to may just have different priorities… so what makes you think using their strategies will actually bring you the same joy or pleasure it brings them? 

Perhaps you are saving for a house, yet they want to rent forever and never have children so they can travel. Or perhaps you have student debt because you have your dream career, yet they just have financial freedom. 

Notice the difference between what feels urgent and what actually is important to you. I have a bunch of clients who realized that they were just living a life that was photo worthy without actually getting pleasure from it. 

If you find yourself longing for more adventures, try and be creative with local options – a picnic, a night in a local hotel (with room service!), a short road trip to a nearby outdoor tourist attraction.  

Everyone can use a staycation – anything that will shake up the routine and get you out of the house… individually or preferably if partnered, together. 

Your envy towards this couple could also be a sign or dissatisfaction in areas of your life other than your relationship. 

Are there ways you can carve out more time for yourself and/or your partner? Are there areas of your life that are causing you more stress than they’re worth? 

It is worth discussing solutions with your therapist if you feel exhausted or like you need to escape in order to spend some quality time with your partner.

Harmful Comparison: “They look so perfect. We’ve really let ourselves go…”

Healthy Aspirations: “I’m happy we are so comfortable with each other and I would request you support me in my individual health goals if you can.”

It can be so hard not to hate on yourself when you see someone who you believe is more attractive, slim, or stylish than you. 

And if you’re a couple that are more the stay-at-home-in-sweatpants type you might feel a little inferior. But why should you?

stop comparing yourself

It can be a wonderful thing to be candid and comfortable with each other! 

Of course, everyone likes to put in some effort now and then, yet you can be sure that the couple you’re envying have days where they don’t want to glam up. 

And if they don’t, who cares? What works for YOU is what matters. 

Now, if you want to get into fitness together or change it up in other areas of life, it helps to be able to support each other. 

After all, you are two independent people with lives, goals, and aspirations. Therefore, helping each other achieve these dreams is about as noble of a goal you can have as a couple!

Bottom line – TLDR: comparison is harmful and you cannot know what other people are going through in their couples goals! 

It is much more productive to have couples goals for your unique needs as a couple – that reflect the needs of your unique relationship. 

Being in a couple and doing your own thing, being supportive of each other, and growing and developing with new communication strategies and new shared experiences? 

Now, THOSE are some couples goals!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

What Happens When We Fall In Love

Sex Therapist Explains: What Happens When We Fall In Love?

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Sex Therapist Explains: What Happens When We Fall In Love?

 

So, you want to know what happens when we fall in love?

I’m so glad that you are interested in knowing what happens when we fall in love! and that you are getting through this time period by learning!

In this video, I’ll teach you what happens when we fall in love, how to know if you are falling in love, lust, attraction, or attachment, and how to tell the difference between if you are in love or just in a “high.”

Soon, you will know what happens when we fall in love better than most!

My tips for what happens when we fall in love will surely provide psychoeducation for you and your romantic partner(s)!

Can’t wait for you to learn and ask more questions on what happens when we fall in love!

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, HeadSpace, VICE, and more!

 

DOWNLOAD OUR “BEHIND THE SCENES OF COMMUNCATION” GUIDE

https://gn91oeao.pages.infusionsoft.net ←HERE

 

Watch now:

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 PM EST

 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Feeling Lost – Hello, My Name is Uncertainty

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Feeling Lost – Hello, My Name is Uncertainty

Feeling Lost?

Over the last several years, and especially the last several months, there has been a lot of uncertainty for many of the clients I work with. What I have noticed is that with this level of uncertainty, people feel lost, confused, and overwhelmed. People are expressing more and more stress at the current state of our world between the civil rights/social justice call to action and the pandemic.

People are reporting feeling “trapped,” “lost,” “overwhelmed,” and even paranoid. All these feelings, I liken to the level of uncertainty in our world right now. Many of my clients symptoms of trauma are flaring up and I am noticing a lot of regression in people. As a therapist, all of these things make A LOT of sense to me given looking at the greater factors at play in our world and the systemic impact this has throughout our world, our communities, our families, and ourselves.

For many clients who have been marginalized or oppressed – the uncertainty is bringing a resurgence in the feelings of “learned helplessness.” When we unpack this dynamic, it is a feeling of extreme difficulty and people often feel stuck because they have so many barriers to access change. This concept is used in a variety of ways, but to me it makes most sense as we are looking at it through the eyes of those who have been oppressed by the way our world works. For many clients in this category, I am noticing that any movements they have felt at a personal or community level have been removed, recreating the intense feelings of uncertainty and learned helplessness.

 

What is Uncertainty? Why do we need it?lost and confused

Uncertainty can exacerbate symptoms of anxiety, depression, and trauma. This often results in people engaging in strategies that have been unhelpful in the past when they have had these feelings of loss or uncertainty. These strategies to get people’s needs met that are no longer adaptive can look like overcontrolling, secrecy, impulse spending, explosive emotions, avoidance, isolation, chasing or pursuing people, eating disorders, self destructive/injurious behavior, addiction, affairs, and numbing. 

People who experience symptoms anxiety, depression, and trauma often feel needs for the direct opposite of uncertainty – certainty. Certainty allows people struggling with these disorders to feel more control and predictability. When uncertainty increases, it often results in feelings of chaos and disorder around people – this unpredictability results in stress. 

When working with my clients, I work hard to support them in creating ways to balance their need for certainty and uncertainty. Here are some ways to help create more certainty and uncertainty in your life.

 

Ways to Create Certainty

Certainty is the need for structure, predictability, and organization. Often people use inappropriate attempts to control their surroundings as a strategy to access certainty. The problem with this is that we cannot control anything other than ourselves, our reactions, and our choices. When we work to do that for others we create a false sense of security and conflict in our relationships.

Here are some strategies that you might find useful to create certainty: 

  • Creating hobbies
  • Predictable routines (waking, bedtime, etc)
  • Scheduling connection points with friends, family, or partners
  • Journaling
  • Organizing your space
  • Organizing your time 
  • Engaging in self-care
  • Planning a meal
  • Healthy connections with people you trust and are rejuvenating for you
  • Exercise
  • Watching movies or shows with people in your life, video calls, intentional shared time 
  • Join cause that you believe

 

Ways to Create Uncertainty

Often times we associate uncertainty with things “that are not good.” Uncertainty is the need for creativity, adventure, spontaneity, and chaos. Often times people can be stuck in uncertainty if they are unable to be reliable or may engage in addictive behaviors and/or relationship patterns to meet this need. With too much uncertainty people do not have any structure, predictability, and often live in chaos.

Here are some strategies that may be useful in meeting this need healthfully: 

  • Creativity or artistic endeavors
  • Exploring a new area of where you live or somewhere outdoors
  • Unplanned trips or adventures
  • Sex
  • Meeting new people (consensually)
  • Role play
  • Learning a new skill
  • Pushing your comfort zone
  • Work on your own healing
  • An activity that increases adrenaline (in a safe way)
  • Engage in a debate

 

Although these suggestions are helpful in a microlevel, it may allow to create some self-efficacy and mastery. This will not cure the feelings of learned helplessness or the uncertainty in the world, but these suggestions may offer some ability to have some personal empowerment. Steps towards personal empowerment can help each of us take steps towards change and hopefully if all of us take steps this change can make the changes that are NECESSARY at the macro level. As Margret Mead said “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed it’s the only thing that ever has.”

If you are looking for extra support during these tough times, we offer tele-therapy sessions here at LCAT and are happy to help!

YouTube page where she provides free information at The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Chronic Masturbation

What Is Chronic Masturbation?

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What Is Chronic Masturbation?

 

One of the keys to understanding chronic masturbation and why it can be harmful is knowing what it is. You may be wondering; how often do you have to masturbate for it to be classified as “chronic”? However, chronic masturbation isn’t simply masturbating a lot.

Like other behaviors, there’s no way to say a set amount of doing something is harmful because everyone’s different. A person may enjoy masturbating a lot and it doesn’t get in the way of their life.

On the other hand, we label chronic masturbation as something that often causes anxiety and sexual performance issues to the point where it’s difficult or even prevents you from orgasming with a partner.

Some people who struggle with chronic masturbation need, indeed absolutely require outside stimulants like pornography to achieve orgasm.

In short, masturbation becomes something other than a positive sexual expression or stress reliever. It becomes a ritual, to the point sometimes of becoming an addiction, that takes away from other aspects of your sexual and non-sexual life.

 

Recognizing Chronic Masturbation

Chronic Masturbation

Even though chronic masturbation may be difficult to define in terms of quantity or frequency because everyone is different, it’s easy to spot when you see it in yourself or a partner.

The basic baseline is when masturbation is used instead of a sexual connection with your partner.

This isn’t like you’ve had a hard day of work, so you’d prefer to skip sex today and spend some time along with your hand. That’s perfectly normal and something most people feel from time to time.

I’m referring to when you sacrifice meaningful sexual interaction regularly to participate in a masturbatory ritual that leaves you unfulfilled.

Chronic masturbation also occurs when people with penises fail to maintain an erection during sex or people with vaginas can get stimulated by their sexual partners. The person becomes reliant on checking the boxes of their ritual, which usually involves viewing pornography or visualizing certain fantasies to achieve orgasm.

 

Fixing Chronic Masturbation

The good news is that there is help for people, and I’m referring to all people involved in a relationship with a partner who struggles with chronic masturbation as well. Once identified, a sex therapist can work with clients to adjust behaviors so that masturbation resumes its normal healthy role in people’s lives. A licensed sex therapist can develop techniques that help along the way.

One of the critical factors in fixing chronic masturbation is the desire to change. This isn’t obvious for everyone. Sometimes chronic masturbation becomes so engrained in a person’s life that they can’t envision living without it. Their ritual is part of their daily process. They may feel like their entire life will be out of whack if they stop or do something differently.

When people understand how their habits are affecting the people they love, or the ability to love at all, then they can start on the path to change.

This often requires relearning masturbation.

 

Relearning Masturbation

How can you relearn to masturbate? By now, most people have it down pat! We’ve been masturbating so long we know what will turn us on and get us to the finish.

A lot of people can tell what kind of orgasm they’re going to have within the first minute of masturbating. It may be a quick session to get some relief. It also could be the type of masturbation where you settle in for a while, giving yourself some much needed alone time.

Changing a habit that’s so second nature can be difficult.

I find that masturbation rest days are effective. When a person is masturbating very frequently, telling them to do it differently can affect results. They sometimes report back that they couldn’t finish or had a hard time staying focused without their old sequence.

Going without for a few days can reset the body and recharge your sexual receptors. Your body will be more responsive to touch and external stimuli.

I like to tell clients to be present when they masturbate. Many times, it helps to sit or lay in front of a mirror where you can see yourself and what you’re doing.

Touch yourself slowly, and purposefully! Celebrate your body and what it gives you. Practice gratitude for your sexuality and the potential to give and receive touch.

If possible, try to get back to the point of being able to orgasm without pornography or any external stimuli. That may require you to abstain for more than one or two days until your body is ready.

 

Working with Your Partner

Partners play a critical role in changing sexual habits. Now, to be very clear, we are not laying blame or placing responsibility for change on a partner. It is not their fault nor their job to fix someone’s chronic masturbation.

It is, though, important to emphasize that as someone’s partner, you play a part in the overall sexual health of your relationship.

The goal here is to support someone trying to overcome or shift away from chronic masturbation. If you’re the one struggling with chronic masturbation, then you need to try and work to explain how your partner can support you.

That may mean having sex more often. It can also mean trying to up the intensity of your sexual encounters. Incredible, passionate sex is a wonderful motivator. It also brings the two of you together in a connected way that’s undeniable.

Partners should work together to create a healthy sexual dynamic that meets everyone’s needs individually.

 

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

coworker sex

Coworker Sex

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Coworker Sex

 

Most corporate policy manuals will have some lengthy explanation about why coworker sex is banned and penalties and blah blah blah. Reality shows that most people have sex with a coworker at some point.

It’s the ultimate taboo, so it’s a wonder so many of us find ourselves mixed up in it. Workplace romances are scandalous, which makes them a bit more fun! Odds are, if you ask most couples how they met, it will have some connection to work or their professional lives. It’s a game of odds.

The Coronavirus pandemic has taught us a lot of things. One of them is how much we rely on social interactions at work to fulfill us. This, of course, is something the work from home crowd has known for years. We often overlook how important that chit chat in the lunchroom is and how much those work happy hours sustain us.

People tend to find sexual partners amongst the people they spend time with. While mobile dating apps make it a bit easier to meet people, romantic relationships naturally develop when you’re close to someone.

It’s unrealistic to expect coworkers to not have any sexual contact. Most offices play out like an old soap opera. They’re complex webs of who’s dating who and which person stole someone away from someone else. We love it and hate it and love it again some more.

Coworker sex is bound to happen. If you feel it coming on and you’re down to get frisky, here are some things you should know before you jump in.

 

Don’t Get Anyone in Trouble

Unless you’re in some sort of small business or start-up, the chances are coworker sex and romantic relationships are forbidden. The extent to which a company can take any meaningful legal action against you is on shaky ground, however, that doesn’t mean they can’t make your life or your partner’s life more difficult. You could even find yourself out of a job.

That goes double for if you’re in a relationship that spans management levels. As a manager, seeing someone you directly manage is a big no-no, and can land you in hot water.

Discretion is the keyword here. There’s a big difference between getting a bit too drunk at the company mixer and hooking up with a colleague and developing a serious relationship with one of your coworkers.

Learn when to keep things quiet. If you’re unsure, err on the side of discretion. The two of you are the only people who need to know.

 

Gauge the Emotional Situation Wisely

Have you ever had incredible, mind-blowing sex with someone who was borderline crazy? Like, they were jealous, obsessive, insecure and a bit maniacal? You just couldn’t stop yourself because the sex was so good, right?

For whatever reason, sex with someone unpredictable can be amazing. You’re kissing one moment and the next thing you know they turn on some move you’ve never seen and it’s life-changing. Still, there’s that lingering thought in the back of your mind that they’re going to show up on your doorstep at three in the morning or go nuts if they find out you’re seeing someone else.

Now, imagine dealing with that at work, where things can get interesting. Well, that’s the risk you take when you dive right into coworker sex with no regard for how emotionally stable the other person is.

Make sure you and your partner are on equal footing when it comes to the level of commitment expected. The last thing you want is to have them announce your “relationship” in front of the office when you didn’t see it coming.

It goes both ways as well. Be careful about how quickly you fall for someone at work. Coworker sex might be great, just don’t imagine it to be more than it is. Again, communication is key. Talk to your partner to make sure you’re both on the same page.

 

When Worlds Collide

It’s happened before and it will happen again. You’re new in the office and fall for the first person who shows you meaningful attention. The coworker sex is great and feelings are intense. As you become more comfortable in your settings, though, you realize they’re just not for you, so you break things off.

Things might be a little off between you two at work. Hopefully, you’re both mature enough to not let it bleed over into what you do every day. Months go by and things return to normal.

With coworker sex, you’re always rolling the dice a bit. One of the luxuries we have meeting people through an app or online is that when it over, it’s easier to separate. You never have to see them again if that’s the way you want it.

Sex with someone at work, though, isn’t that simple. And don’t even mention if you start a workplace romance with multiple coworkers. That’s asking for trouble.

It happens, though, and the best thing you can do is be honest with each of your partners every step of the way. Don’t give dishonest or misleading signals that tell them this is something more than it is. That’s a recipe for hurt feelings and resentment. You don’t need someone stiff-arming you at work because a date went wrong.

 

Enjoy the Connection of Coworker Sex

On a positive note, coworker sex can be amazing because there’s a mental connection there that is hard to match. If you’ve worked together for a long time, there’s an understanding there. There will be less awkward small talk over drinks because there’s already something of a foundation for a relationship.

Coworker sex can be great. You can both complain about the boss, gossip about team members, and your schedules are likely to match each other. Plus, something is scintillating about sneaking around under everyone’s noses. It’s like you’re doing something forbidden, which makes it a whole lot more fun!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

make your bedroom sexy

Secrets on How To Make Your Bedroom Sexy

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Secrets on How To Make Your Bedroom Sexy

 

Does your room usually discourage you when it comes to sex? Make your Bedroom Sexy!

Even if you do not believe it, your room plays a very important role when it comes to sex and that is why I will give you 5 secrets to make your bedroom sexy!

In this video, I will reveal the steps to get your bedroom from shambles to sexy!

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, HeadSpace, VICE, and more!

 

GET THE BEDROOM NEGOTIATIONS VANILLA & KINK CHECKLIST!

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Watch now:

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 PM EST

 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer.

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it.

Life Coaching and Therapy(LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Feeling Overwhelmed

Feeling Overwhelmed? Let’s Solve Your Anxiety and Depression!

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Feeling Overwhelmed? Let’s Solve Your Anxiety and Depression!

 

As a therapist in the age of COVID, I have heard a lot from my clients and community sharing increased feelings of anxiety, depression, and feeling overwhelmed. 

Social distancing, quarantining, and uncertainty in our lives and communities has exacerbated people’s mental health symptoms. 

This pandemic created a world of uncertainty and put a halt on the world we live in. 

In these uncertain times, people are reporting higher levels of feeling overwhelmed, anxiety, trauma, and depressive symptoms. 

We know living in isolation or with minimal contact with others or no physical contact can have large impacts on people.

 

What Can we Do if we are Feeling Overwhelmed?

Clients have been sharing how this difficulty has created or exacerbated symptoms for them. We spend sessions reflecting on these emotions, ways to cope, and ways to connect with people. 

 

Feeling Overwhelmed

Find Ways To Express Yourself

In times like these, it is important to find ways to express yourself. 

Ways to express yourself include writing, art, talking with a trusted support (professional or informal), or creating. 

There are so many ways we can express ourselves to counter feeling overwhelmed. 

This allows us to have an outlet for feelings we are having. Finding ways to reflect on our experiences and emotions is vital in maintaining our health in times like these.

 

Find Things to Do

Find things to do that promote your safety and pleasure. 

Keeping busy can be helpful or finishing projects that you have struggled to complete in the past! Distraction can be a useful tool in managing mental health symptoms. 

To be clear, distraction is NOT avoidance. Distraction is a temporary tool to use when you are feeling overwhelmed or other negative emotions – and you have to go back to your emotions and still work through them. 

Things to do can be like new hobbies, exercise, listening to music, cleaning, watching a show, or something else! Find ways to stay appropriately busy, NOT avoidant or overfunctioning. 

 

Find Ways to Connect with Others

In this time of social distancing where we have limited physical contact with others, connection can be hard. It can create feelings of isolation, loneliness, or depression. Feeling Overwhelmed

Connection is a natural antidote to these things and can certainly help these experiences. 

Social Media or technology has afforded us with the ease of connecting to others. I think the important way to use this tool is with boundaries that create opportunity for intentional communication and with boundaries. 

Connection can look like instant messages, phone calls, video calls, or posting things that connect you to others on social media. Schedule times to connect with people through these modalities creates certainty in these uncertain times. 

Additionally, if you feel comfortable and safe to do so (while following CDC guidelines) there are a variety of socially distant connections you can make in person. Depending on where you live with differing guidelines, there are different ways to connect with others. 

If its possible to have physical connection with others in your household whether that is snuggling, massage, walking together, exercising together, hugging, etc.

 

Find Ways to Connect with Yourself

Connection does not stop with others. It starts with yourself. Taking the time to connect with yourself through self-reflection, self-touch, and self-love. There are so many ways to connect with yourself to work towards growth, healing, and connection. 

If you are looking for extra support during these tough times, we offer tele-therapy sessions here at LCAT and are happy to help!

YouTube page where she provides free information at The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Sex Games for Couples

Advanced Sex Games for Couples

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Advanced Sex Games for Couples

 

It’s time to have some fun and talk about easy sex games for couples you can use to keep things new and playful with your partners!

We’re all stressed out right now. Most of us are quarantined at home, worried about the coronavirus and the latest news on shutdowns and phased openings. Frankly, it can be overwhelming. When stress enters our lives, it distracts us from what we should be focused on. That includes the people we love and those we want to have sex with!

In my time with clients during the pandemic, sometimes the little problems or inequalities in our sexual relationships become larger. One person wants sex all of the time to take their mind off what’s going on, and another partner isn’t thinking about sex because they’re trying to hold it all together.

Sex games are the perfect way to lighten the mood and connect with your partner on a different level than what you’re accustomed to.

Here are some Kink/BDSM games and tantra tips that you can use immediately to shake things up.

 

What Is Kink and BDSM?

BDSM is thought of as a kinky and non-traditional sexual activity. 

What’s non-traditional, you might ask? 

As a long-time sex therapist, I probably have a different idea of what “normal” sex looks like than most people.

I think everyone has some type of kink, whether it be a sexual fantasy, a certain type of body shape, or some sexual power dynamic that really gets them off. I’m here to say, that’s totally OK!

Exploring your kink means you’re diving into what sex can do for you and how you feel the best with yourself and your sexual partners. Everyone’s into something, just most people are not into everything.

BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism) is the intersection where power dynamics and sexuality meet. Yes, there are typically toys and props like whips, chains, leashes, and other things involved. Some people love being tied up. Those are merely props. The main thing is the intention and the power play at work with the people having sex.

 

Sex Games for Couples New to BDSM

If you’re exploring your kink and want to give BDSM a try, here’s a game for you. It’s a fun and light game that will help introduce the idea of being powerful at times and submissive at others. What it involves is writing down certain parts of your body like back, lips, nipples, or thighs.

Then, on a different set of papers, you write out certain actions like a blow, suck, lick, or caress. Get creative! You and your partner take turns pulling one item from each list. So, you might get lick – nipples, and then have to lick your partner’s nipples and so forth.

The BDSM part is you allowing your partner to have the power as you submit to their sexual act and vice versa.

 

Who’s Calling the Shots?

Flipping the switch with who’s in charge during sex is another fun BDSM game that will ease you into the dominant/submissive world. It’s a simple concept.

At one- or two-minute intervals, you and your partner flip a coin to decide who is calling the shots. When you’re in charge, anything goes, and the same goes for when your partner’s boss. Of course, you should agree to some boundaries before playing with BDSM, so you both can feel safe exploring your sexuality.

 

Getting Deeper Into the BDSM World

As you become more comfortable in the BDSM world, you can start to introduce props into sex. Things like blindfolds, chains, ropes, whips, and other props sharpen the physical and emotional power dynamic during sex.

One great game to play with props is to tie your partner up and blindfold them, making them totally under your control. You can use vibrators to tantalize and tease them, slowing or speeding the pace of how turned on they are.

How far you’ll go will depend on your and your partner’s kink level. As you mess around with humiliation and degradation, you open yourself to new sexual experiences.

 

What Is Tantra?

Tantra is Sanskrit for weaving the energy between lovers. It emphasizes a very deep level of physical and emotional sexual connection.

Breathing is a big part of tantra. It’s the number one thing you need to be mindful of when you’re practicing tantric sex. You want it to be cyclical. In through the nose, out through the mouth.

Sound also plays a big role. When I went to the Hawaii Tantra Festival, I realized how important sound is in sex. Different sounds elicit different reactions. We use different voices with friends, children, and pets, so why not our sexual partners?

Pay attention to the noises you make during sex. Why are you keeping your voice down? Do you feel comfortably letting out a loud moan when a touch fills you up? Explore the sounds you make. The sexual experience includes grunts, moans, requests, and make the sounds we want to.

 

Tantra Sex Games for Couples

Tantra games start early. You can begin by being touchy and flirty on a date or early in the day as you let your partner know you’re up for some fun later on. Here are a few fun tantric sex activities to try.

Massages – A massage table and some high-quality oils are a great way to teach each other how you like to be touched. You can lay your partner on the bed or the massage table and caress their body slowly with oils.

Your hands can eventually find their way to your partner’s breasts, vagina, or penis as the massage continues. You can even use your body instead of your hands for the massage. Climb up on the bed or table and, as you straddle over your partner, rub them with your chest, abdomen, and legs.

Eventually, you and your partner won’t be able to stand it anymore and you’ll move straight into some amazing, oily sex.

Striptease – Switch up the sexual routine by ordering your partner to lay on the bed and face you. Stand at the foot of the bed and begin to move side to side as you take off your clothing piece by piece. Extra points if you turn on some music to set the mood and already have on some sexy underwear before things heat up.

Finger Tracing – Grab your partner’s hands and show them where you like to be touched. Spend at least ten minutes guiding their hands around your arms, neck, thighs, butt, and other places that turn you on. Teach them, as you control your breathing, how to stimulate you and ask them to do the same for you.

Sex games for couples offer so much fun and pleasure for everyone. Learn the art of scheduling time for pleasure to take mood out of the game. When both of you know what’s on the table for sex, it makes offering consent and buy-in easier. Stop living with the idea that arousal lives outside of yourself and accept responsibility for your pleasure.

Ultimately, it will make sex games more rewarding and create an incredibly strong sexual bond between you and your partner.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

drunk sex

7 Reasons to Be Sick & Tired of Having Drunk Sex!

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7 Reasons to Be Sick & Tired of Having Drunk Sex!

 

Fictional Tim has spent the last few weeks trying to meet girls online. After messing around with the usual dating apps, he’s got a couple of matches and finds the courage to ask one of them out. He doesn’t want it to be too formal, so he proposes they meet for drinks.

On their date, things go incredibly! There’s chemistry and Tim is feeling like there’s a chance for some romance. He’s nervous, though, so he drinks a lot to get rid of his anxiety and any inhibitions.           

Things progress, and they end up spending the night together. Tim remembers it was fun and felt good. He wants to meet again. He wants to ask her out again, and he goes with what worked last time. They meet for drinks again and the whole scene plays out again.

 

We’ve All Been There Before

Take out Tim’s name and you can probably substitute all of ours in there. Drinks and dating go together like peas and carrots. It’s been like that forever. And there’s no denying it. Getting tipsy can be the difference between having sex and going home alone if you’re shy or lack confidence.

Plus, drinking is entwined in our social interactions that it’s everywhere. It’s almost strange if you don’t drink.

If you feel like you’re relying on alcohol to get laid, then that’s something you may want to address. Additionally, it’s stopping you from having GREAT sex. Here are 7 reasons you should be sick and tired of having drunk sex.

 

  1. Lack of Real Connection

This is the first reason and probably the most important one. When you’re drunk, you’re essentially putting a cap on how emotionally intense sex can be. That’s fine if you just want to get your rocks off, and hey, sex is still fun no matter what.

If you’re looking for mind-bending, life-changing sex, then alcohol’s not going to get you there. Being drunk numbs your senses. It also robs you of some of the intense emotions that come along with getting to sex in the first place.

Trust me, the juice is worth the squeeze. Let yourself feel those emotions. Sex is so much better with the buildup and when you’re totally present.

 

  1. You Might Settle

Getting drunk and going out is a phase most people go through. It’s normal. Sooner or later, you’re going to want to start setting the bar a bit higher for who gets in your pants.

Using too much alcohol and having drunk sex leave room for you to settle for people you normally wouldn’t hook up with. It’s easier to excuse poor decision making because, after all, you’re drunk!

Staying clearheaded will help you make better decisions about who you want to have sex with. You’re more likely to get involved with people who lift you up and you’re attracted to rather than saying, “whatever” at the end of a drunken night.

 

  1. When Lines Get Crossed

Drunk people can be more aggressive and slower to read social cues. No big deal if you’re out with friends in a completely safe environment. What about having sex with someone you’ve recently started dating?

Sex without substances is already an intricate interplay of verbal, physical, and emotional signals. It’s a fun dance that people play with flirting, light touching, kissing, and eventually sex. Boundaries get murky when you’re drunk.

In the extreme, your safety can be at risk. Under more common circumstances you and your partner could take each other’s comfort for granted, and that’s important when you’re having sex.

 

  1. Performance Issues

Even though you get the benefit of feeling more open and talkative when you’re drunk, it can come back to bite you when it’s time to have sex. Alcohol has frozen many a penis in its tracks when the moment arrives. Getting drunk affects the sexual anatomy.

Whether it’s the inability to hold an erection or failure to orgasm, drunk sex affects sexual performance. The effects can be good and bad, sometimes it’s a roll of the dice. Might as well avoid the drunk sex to give yourself a better shot.

 

  1. What Happened?

Alcohol fogs memories and makes you forget. A lot of people say they can’t remember many of the details of a drunken sexual encounter. If they’re REALLY drunk, they may not remember it happening at all.

Aside from being dangerous, what fun is it? Your sexual scoreboard might be running up, that’s about it. Skipping the booze will make sure you know what’s happening at the moment and can remember the great sex you had last night, last weekend, and last year. Those are the best kind of memories.

 

  1. Regret

“Was the person I slept with last night attractive? Did I use protection? Did I get taken advantage of?”

People who have drunk sex often report higher levels of anxiety and even guilt after the fact. They worry about the aftereffects of sex, even if it’s with someone they know.

It’s also easy to find your standards slipping when you’re drunk. Saying no to sex without protection is harder after several drinks. People have one-night stands they wouldn’t have otherwise had, cross sexual boundaries with friends, and other acts that lead to regret.

People who have sex with a drunk partner also often feel regret over the encounter, even if they were sober. They wonder whether it was totally consensual and how their relationship will be impacted in the future.

 

  1. It’s Not as Good Drunk!

Drinks might help you close the deal. Still, drunk sex is nowhere near as fun and fulfilling as sober sex. When you’re drunk, you lose some of your motor functions. You’re slower and clumsier.

Without alcohol, your senses light up and are tuned in on your partner and the moment. You and your partner can give each other better feedback on where to touch, how fast, how hard, and more. Orgasms are more intense, and the experience is more real.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Basic Scene Skills for Doms subs

Basic Scene Skills for Doms subs or Those Questioning

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Basic Scene Skills for Doms subs or Those Questioning

 

Welcome back to my channel and in this video I am going to talk about the Basic Skills for Doms and subs!

BRINGING you Basic Scene Skills for Doms and subs straight to your home!

Many people are curious about the BDSM’s world and the best recommendation I can give is to read and learn as much information as possible before getting involved in a Doms subs Scene.

In this video I will show you the Basic Scene Skills for Doms subs.

We hope you will take some of this advice to use for your own sexual fun and to be prepared and safe when you get your first BDSM Scene.

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Watch now! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, PornHub, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, Playboy, Maxim, Daily Mail, HeadSpace, and more!

 

GET THE BEDROOM NEGOTIATIONS VANILLA & KINK CHECKLIST!

https://qrzbdtau.pages.infusionsoft.net  ←HERE

GET THE “HOW TO SEDUCE YOUR SPOUSE” E GUIDE

https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/ ←HERE

 

Watch more:

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 AM EST

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

black lives matter

Black Lives Matter

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Black Lives Matter

 

Black Lives Matter! Period. 

Race. Racism. White Supremacy. The Patriarchy. Heteronormativity.

For hundreds of years a variety of communities have been marginalized and harmed by the words above. Each of these systems have harmed our culture and communities on a variety of levels. 

The black community has been harmed irreparably. Over the last month, we have watched as there have been deaths, protests, funerals, calls to actions, arrests, etc. As a community, many of us have watched in horror at the atrocities. Some of us have donated, some of us have cried, some of us have protested, some of us have written, some of us have used our voices, and some of us have held our loved ones close. 

Although there has been support for the black community, there has also been hate. 

White Supremacy has continued, confirming what so many have been challenging the system to see for years.

#BlackLivesMatter is important and vital. This movement has shown the importance of continuing to stand up together and try to create a new system. 

It is naive to think that this system will change overnight, and that is why it is vital for us to stand in solidarity and continue this support to the black community. Black Lives Matter! 

As a therapist, I have spent the majority of my career supporting those who are in marginalized populations. Over the last several weeks, almost all of my sessions have been focused on the current events surrounding black community and police brutality. 

In moments like this, where there is systemic trauma (and there has been for years), I see the same trauma symptoms we would see from other acute traumatic experiences. 

The black community has been faced with such systemic trauma that it has caused much of the community to show trauma symptoms. 

We spend sessions processing difficult emotions, trauma symptoms, and having a safe space to express the complexity of their emotional experience. 

My black clients are reporting flashbacks surrounding racism, microaggressions; as well as hypervigilance in a world that has caused so much harm to people in bodies like theirs.

Clients are also focusing on the experiences their family, friends, and community has experienced across time. 

Expressing feelings of voicelessness and fear, and understandably anger. black lives matter

For my non-black clients, there has been so much recognition of things “I should have seen earlier,” or expressions of guilt, etc. 

We spend our sessions reflecting on our privilege, challenging white supremacy, and addressing ways to stand with the black community. 

I challenge all of us to do this work to make changes to this harmful system and not invalidate this movement with the “all lives matter” argument. 

Whether you donate, protest (virtually or in person), read, speak out, write, create policy, or something else – we need to do our part in working to change this system.

To the black community, LCAT stands with you and for you. 

We are here for you because #BlackLivesMatter. 

We also speak out against those saying all lives matter, in knowing that of course all lives matter BUT the lives and voices needing protection, support, and elevation right now are black lives. 

Black lives matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter.

Here at LCAT, we are here to provide support to all POC, queer, differently abled, protestors, activists, genders, gender identity, ethnicities, religions, etc. 

We are here to provide support and a safe place to learn and grow together, because to paraphrase Dr. Maya Angelou when we know better, we do better, and it is certainly time to do better.

Black Lives Matter. Period.

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

If you have any questions, we would love to facilitate a conversation with you. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.