Foot Fetish Therapy: Are You A Foot Fetishist?

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Foot Fetish Therapy: Are You A Foot Fetishist?

 

You’ve probably heard that many therapists are now helping people dealing with various fetishes yet have you heard of foot fetish therapy? When talking about the sexual love of feet, besides foot fetishism, you are maybe familiar with terms such as foot worship and foot partialism. All of these three terms have in common the sexual attraction towards human feet. For instance, if you only enjoy seeing beautiful feet and don’t feel any attraction to them, then you wouldn’t be considered a foot fetishist or podophile, as psychology often refers to it. 

What Does It Take To Be A Foot Fetishist?

Just by doing a simple search on Google for ‘foot fetishes’, you will find hundreds of web pages and if you dig deeper, there’s an incredible number of variations and styles for those who are new to this. From finding porn movies that focus on feet and build the story around it to the articles that discover names of a few famous people who were allegedly foot fetishists, such as Elvis Presley, Ted Bundy and Thomas Hardy. 

A food fetish can be very specific, so the podophile might care a lot about one’s foot dimensions and features. Usually, they will be interested in the size of the foot, toes and heel; the shape of the foot, adornments and embellishments, and many other details that wouldn’t even come to mind to somebody who doesn’t fantasize about feet. A podohile will be aroused when thinking about their interaction with the feet, for instance, massaging, kissing, tickling, touching, sucking, and so on. 

There are also sub-categories of the foot fetish. A person can be really into footwear instead of just feet (retifism) or they can be sexually excited only when they see naked feet (aretifism).

How Psychologists See Foot Fetishes

When looking from the perspective of psychology, the foot fetishes concerns early childhood experiences where sexual responses are usually paired with non-sexual objects. Moreover, the feet are typically the first part of the parent’s body a toddler will touch and vise versa. A more general view of this fetish would be that sexual attraction towards something will be much stronger if the object of your desire is less available.

Think about it, you will often notice someone’s smile, eyes, hands, yet you will rarely see a person’s feet when you meet them. As this explanation is definitely not a rule, various factors might affect developing a foot fetish. Having a fetish like this means absolutely nothing for your physical and mental health. In other words, being attracted to beautiful feet will not affect your life in any way as long as your fetish is not dominating your other aspects of life. 

First-time Experimenting with Feet

It might be that you’ve always been attracted to feet yet you never shared that with anyone or tried it. So, if you’re curious to see how your love for feet can lead to a great sexual experience. Here’s a few tips to make it as enjoyable as possible:

  • Always be aware of hygiene. The person who will have its feet touched, kissed or licked should make sure that their feet are clean. As much as some people get excited by the smell of sweat after a long day of wearing footwear, try to avoid this type of game as many bacterias might lead to health issues later.
  • Both sides need to agree on the foot game. Even if your partner said they wish to try it with you. Make sure that you ask them if this is the first time for both of you as they might feel really uncomfortable. 
  • Be creative. If you’re not sure whether you’ll be into kissing feet immediately, start slow. There are numerous ways to interact with your partner’s feet, from painting nails and massaging to taking photos of your partner’s feet. 
  • Dust yourself off and try again if the first time was a failure. Maybe you or your partner need more practice and if you’re both open to it, why not continue doing it?

Foot Fetishist or Just Curious?

You will easily know are you a foot fetishist or just curious and willing to explore different ways of playing games and having sex. Does the idea of feet excite you? When a person is showing their feet, is it hard for you to focus on anything else? When in bed with someone, do you take a look at their feet more than at their face?

If your answer to each of these questions is ‘YES’, then you are a foot fetishist. If your answer to all of them was ‘NO’. Then it might be you just love trying out different things sexually. This, of course. Doesn’t mean that a person that is not a foot fetishist doesn’t notice feet or doesn’t find them attractive. It’s just not as crucial for them as it is for foot fetishists.

A foot fetishist will usually be aware of his fetish as it will come up every time they see beautiful feet. They might have noticed it in their teen years or even earlier. Yet it rarely happens that an adult person wasn’t aware they have a foot fetish. However, if you feel confused and are not sure whether you’re a foot fetishist or not. It’s always a great idea to talk to a professional.

Foot Fetish Therapy

Just like it is with any issue you might have in your life. The best advice someone can give you is to talk to a therapist. As much as they seem harmless, fetishes can sometimes become out of our control and start affecting our everyday life. For instance, you might talk to your best friend’s wife and you get aroused by her feet. Or you’ll have an interview to work at the local beach bar and the people there will wear flip flops.

Just like with everything else, having a foot fetish is only good if it’s not too much. If your foot fetish leads to more creative, sensual sex with your partner, that’s great. On the other hand, if it turns normal, everyday situations into something challenging and stressful for you. It’s best to seek help and obtain tools that will help you deal with your foot fetish. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Anger After Sex & 5 Ways To Cope With It

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Anger After Sex & 5 Ways To Cope With It

Have you ever experienced anxiety, sadness or anger after sex? As much as it sounds unusual, this is a pretty common condition that might happen to anybody. However, if it only happened once or twice while having sex with your partner, it’s quite different than when it starts happening frequently. The name behind this condition when a person gets sad or angry after sex with their partner is postcoital dysphoria or PCD.

Before talking about the best ways to cope with anger after sex, let’s take a look at what is postcoital dysphoria and how to know if you have it. 

Postcoital Dysphoria

If you’re feeling sad or angry after having consensual sex with your partner, you might have postcoital dysphoria or PCD. Another way to refer to this condition is having ‘post-sex blues’. 

Most people describe it as experiencing one or more negative feelings after having wanted sex. This means that their condition before sex was quite different from the one they end up with after the intercourse. This feeling doesn’t have to be only anger, a person can also experience sadness, anxiety, agitation and depression. 

Keep in mind that postcoital dysphoria differs from sexual dysfunctions as they refer to the stage of before or during sexual activity. People who experience PCD tend to feel melancholic, irritated or depressed after sex. Postcoital dysphoria can also happen after the person has had enjoyed the sex and had an orgasm. Although it occurs more in women, it can happen to both men and women. 

PCD Symptoms & Causes

There are various symptoms a person with postcoital dysphoria can experience. Here are some of the most common ones:

  • Irritability
  • Tearfulness
  • Sadness
  • Anxiety 
  • Depression
  • Unsatisfaction

What’s important to say is that postcoital dysphoria only refers to negative feelings after consensual sex that the person has actually enjoyed. It definitely doesn’t refer to assaults or forced sexual activities. 

Many factors can lead to postcoital dysphoria, and the majority of them are of physical or emotional nature. 

Abuse

If a person experienced sexual abuse in their childhood, it means they might be more at risk for PCD. As a victim of sexual abuse, a person might have difficulties enjoying their own sexuality and connect with their partner on that level. Even if many years have passed, a person can develop postcoital dysphoria later in life. 

Resentment

A victim of sexual abuse might feel resentful toward sex or any sexual experience they had. The feeling of not having complete control over these experiences can cause anxiety and create resentment which then shows after the sex. 

Anxiety

Any childhood trauma might lead to anxiety and depression, and one of the most vulnerable parts of our identity is usually our sexuality. So, having mental health conditions can make it almost impossible for you to take pleasure in the act of sex. 

Postnatal Depression

After pregnancy‌, a woman will still experience hormonal fluctuations which might lead to postnatal depression. Also known as postpartum depression, this type of depression occurs shortly after the person gives birth. Similar to anxiety, postnatal depression can make a woman feel really sad after sex she truly enjoyed.

5 Ways to Cope With Anger After Sex

If any of this sounds familiar to you, what can you do to manage the anger you feel after sex? Take a look at the best ways to cope with postcoital dysphoria and soon, you will be able to enjoy the sex with your partner.

#1 Focus on breathing.

With anything that makes us feel uncomfortable, breathing should usually make it a bit better. So, if you and your partner have just had great sex and anger start kicking in, try recentering and focusing back on your body and simply breathing while doing so. Being present in the moment will help you lower the anger and remove your focus from it until it disappears. 

#2 Communicate during sex.

Make sure you let your partner know if something makes you feel uncomfortable or angry. Don’t ignore it thinking it will go away because it won’t. You don’t have to start a deep conversation during sex, just take control over how you are feeling and ask for what you need. 

#3 Share it with your partner.

If your partner is aware of what you are going through, it will be easier for them to support you. Have an honest conversation on what happens and how you feel during and after sex. This will help your partner to also give you want you might need without you asking it. For instance, they will give you more control in bed or they will be more gentle instead of just fulfilling their needs.

#4 Clarify when you want to have sex.

As much as it’s important to communicate with your partner about the anger you feel after sex, you will need to have that conversation with yourself as well. After all, you are the only person that can change the situation when you start feeling uncomfortable. So, think about when you feel motivated to have sex and always focus on your feelings before initiating it. Think about what causes this anger and find an alternative solution for it. 

#5 Cuddle after sex.

The majority of the postcoital dysphoria causes are from childhood traumas. Not having a caring, gentle component, sex can seem to an abuse victim as something unpleasant. So, suggest to your partner that each time after sex, you stay in bed and cuddle. This will help you feel protected, loved and secured in the arms of a person you love. You can also share intimate moments like this more even when you’re not having sex as it improves intimacy and brings you closer. 

Feeling anger after sex is not untreatable. However, if you and your partner aren’t able to solve it on your own, it would be a good idea to see a therapist who might have a better idea of how you should cope with this. Maybe the causes of your postcoital dysphoria are not what you are assuming and you will need the help of a professional to finally start enjoying sex with your partner. Once you find us what’s causing the anger, the way how you feel about sex and intimacy will change completely as well!

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Male Version of Mistress

What is The Male Version of Mistress? 

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What is The Male Version of Mistress? 

 

The male version of mistress is called a Master or known as a Dominant. 

A Pro Dom or Master may be rare to find, yet they exist. 

Sometimes, if you are looking to pay for this male version of a mistress, it is illegal. 

However, you can and will find a male version of a mistress if you look long enough on the internet.

There are apps and websites for kinksters that are looking due to the true desire of it all. 

For those who want some level of discretion, consider fetlife.com and make an unidentifiable profile. 

Build a profile, and change your age and location. Be sure to include your gender and define what you are looking for. Only message profiles that resonate with you.  

Be mindful that kink and power dynamics do not have to be sexual. Yet they are a relationship form that is powerful and needs to be negotiated. 

The male version is a mistress – a mister – could be sensual, sexual, or psychological. Some individuals find pleasure in a particular clothing material, while other people (or parts of people) find giving control or decision-making to another individual liberating.

Another reason that individuals seek out male versions of a mistress are because individuals love the certainty and trust that comes from giving another “control” for a period of time when they feel overwhelmed. 

Whereas others enjoy roleplaying as a way of expressing a part of themselves that they cannot be vulnerable with others. 

None of these reasons are particularly sexual, as there is not any form of genital contact, touch, or orgasm. However, “kink dynamics” where you seek out a mistress or master help us play with our senses, emotions, the neurobiology in our body, and thus our headspace. 

 

 

Check Out All Our Additional Sex Therapy Video

Kinky Sex: How to Get Started

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Kinky Sex 2.0: Escape Boredom in the Bedroom

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Betty Dodson Method

A Tribute to BAD & the Betty Dodson Method – Empowerment in New York City 2021

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A Tribute to BAD & the Betty Dodson Method

Empowerment in New York City 2021

 

If you haven’t heard about the Betty Dodson method, or don’t know who she is, you are in for a treat!

I just experienced a weekend of empowerment, pleasure, sexual sovereignty, and remembrance in honor of the Baddest Lady around…Betty A. Dodson (yes – her initials are BAD and she loved it!).

For decades Betty Dodson, the mother of the internal clitoris, put masturbation with vibrators on the map for women. 

She helped women release the shackles put on them by society and free themselves from sexual shame.

Betty Dodson Method

Betty A. Dodson

Betty started running BodySex workshops in the 1970s out of her home until her last workshop in December 2019. I am blessed to have taken BodySex in November 2019. On October 21, 2020, the notorious B.A.D. passed away at 91 years old.

Her legacy includes hundreds of BodySex events that included women attendees from all over the world., creating a ripple of change. 

Her findings have helped thousands upon thousands of women find their sexual freedom and own their orgasm.

The power of pleasure and pussy is something you can feel just by looking at the Candy Store sign outside of Betty’s place. 

 

Memorial to Dodson in NYC 2021

The exhibit was a beautiful celebration and memorial to Dodson. 

The women who attended this beautiful celebration included:

  • PhDs in sexology
  • Bodywork practitioners
  • Sexuality educators
  • University professors 

As a group, some of us have been engaging in virtual erotic recess to get through the pandemic.

Betty Dodson Method

Carlin Ross & Amanda Pasciucco

Early 2021, when the world appeared to be opening and there was hope of a vaccination, Carlin Ross (Betty’s successor) and the BodySex women began to visualize a weekend where we could all be together again. 

We wanted to honor, celebrate, grieve, and cherish Betty together. Being around a group of professional women honoring BAD is something that I will remember for a lifetime.

The privilege of being around a group of over 20 women who value pleasure and sexual empowerment to honor Betty Dodson is something that not all women are able to do. 

We all met at the Museum of Sex in New York City to celebrate Betty Dodson. I realize the honor I have to live and breathe the mission of pleasure – especially for those who identify as women. 

The exhibit was stunning, and Carlin was able to take us through each segment to explain different aspects of Betty’s life.

Betty Dodson was a phenomenal artist. I am grateful for her images, as I use them often in session and explaining the anatomy of sexuality to others. 

Betty Dodson Method

Some of the paintings in the exhibit are so detailed and beautiful, you can see the shadow of the muscle and even the fingers detailed perfectly. 

Dodson was known for her big personality and yet, her paintings are exquisite.

Particularly of interest were themes including:

  • Betty’s love of herself and her dedication to her own self-pleasure
  • The struggle of a sexless marriage in monogamy
  • The conflict with her art being seen as “too much” 
  • The complexity of the woman being a mother and a lover

Being around women who are empowered in their pleasure is a gift that keeps on giving. Women who can replenish themselves and then give in a healthy way to others is not only nourishing, it is healing. 

When celebrating someone who was such an influence on the field of sexuality, it is amazing to see how hours fade into minutes. 

Imagine… women of all ages, shapes, body sizes, heights and colors that join together to experience what Betty has taught. Betty’s legacy, of course, will live on forever. 

Betty Dodson Method

 

What I loved hearing about especially was the way in which Betty Dodson did her own thing. She didn’t need an organization to tell her she was on the right track. 

She knew what she was doing, and although she was nervous at times, she kept doing what she wanted to do. Her mission and legacy live on because of this. 

 

Erotic Recess Using the Betty Dodson Method

Some brave souls decided to meet for erotic recess in Manhattan Saturday afternoon following the tour at the Museum of Sex.

We live in a culture that glamorizes thinness, whiteness, and overworking. Many people have anxiety around orgasms and how their body looks.

BodySex creates a container of safety with an all-women group to shed decades of shame and hatred and replace it with knowledge around consent, joy, body empowerment, and pleasure. 

Within the sacred BodySex circle of erotic recess, women laugh, talk, cry, come, and more – all without wearing clothes. By spending time with other women, especially other women, Betty Dodson method fans, you see the beauty of the different nude female bodies. It was one of those moments of baring your soul before you undress and experience group self pleasuring. 

Betty Dodson would say things like “fucking is foreplay” because she believed that partnered sex could be fun and enjoyable, yet valued the art of masturbation to climax as a favored sexual act. 

What I love most about the concept of fucking as foreplay is that it shows the difference and importance of owning your orgasm. 

“Sexual energy is not only the life force that creates the next generation, but it is also the source of our creativity. Each orgasm can be a precious moment of joy, a prayer of thanks for being alive. As we awaken our bodies through the senses, we awaken our minds to the knowledge that we are all related and connected to every living thing on the planet and throughout the vast universe.” – Betty Dodson

Taking the skills you learn in self-pleasuring with the Betty Dodson method, I believe this prepares us for better more fulfilling long-term or short-term partnered sex experiences. If you own your orgasm and can have them alone, then you can have partnered sex for discovery and fun (instead of focusing on an orgasm). 

Betty Dodson Method

This isn’t to say you cannot orgasm with a partner or partners. 

“Run The Fuck”

Betty Dodson would actually say you have to “run the fuck.”

What this concept means in general is that in partnered sex. Something else other than the body response of orgasm can be the focus of the interaction. 

What do you want the focus to be? Well, that is different for ALL individuals. 

Talk to your partner(s) and ask them what they most want to feel before going into a partnered sex scene. 

The takeaway point is that pleasure – self or partnered – is important to living a fulfilled, satisfying life. 

Many people take pleasure for granted – it is our right to experience pleasure. 

 

BodySex Magic During Erotic Recess

We all put towels down, get lube out, vibrators, and anything else that would be needed for solo sex and pleasure. 

Betty Dodson Method

BodySex leaders, women from all over the world trained in Betty’s method, went around the circle taking the turn leading the rituals that happen before the “erotic recess” part of the BodySex weekend takes place. 

Grounding in the breath of fire, we use our oxygen to have access to our sense of groundedness within the body. 

Sitting in a circle, we can reveal who we are rather than conceal. It is a place where bodies, sensuality, and expression are safe. If you have followed the work of the late Gina Ogden, women require feeling safe as a prerequisite to attaining pleasure. 

Two hours of bliss and nudity with other women in the sexual field. Women who are revolutionizing and changing the world by helping other women unleash the goddess within. 

Listening in the circle, there is a difference in how women breathe, orgasm, and position their bodies for self pleasure! 

Betty Dodson’s method of self-pleasure within erotic recess helps women have an experience that undoes YEARS of sexual shame and the cultural fear that women’s bodies are “not enough.” 

Within erotic recess, women gather as one community – as a sisterhood. 

If you would like more information on how to get the Betty Dodson method, contact Carlin Ross here! 

 

Talking About Sexuality With Dr. Juliana

Revealed on Sunday was an interesting new view of sexual sovereignty. 

Not everyone is like Betty Dodson, so Dr. Juliana created a program where women can share their sexual stories – while clothed – in a community of women. 

Sexual sovereignty, also known as “agency,” is about owning who you are, making decisions, being confident in those decisions. Some of the women in the circle that day actually are trained to lead both BodySex circles and Revealed workshops. 

One woman even expressed that Betty Dodson showed her agency, while another woman reported that Dr. Juliana herself was the one who helped her attain her own sense of agency. 

What is agency? 

Being able to say no when you mean no, and saying yes when you mean yes are two examples of ways to have sovereignty in your life. 

Similarly, seeing yourself as a person who is capable of making empowered choices is paramount to having a sexual conversation. The point of revealing is to take your sexual journey and own it as a part of who you are. 

Instead of just being the busy mom, the employee, or the soccer coach, this is about seeing your empowered sexual self and reclaiming the moments of sexuality within your life. 

Moving away from shame and indulging by sharing your erotic stories is healing. It brings them out of the dark and into the light as something to own. If you want more information, contact Dr. Juliana or visit here.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Sex Addict

Are You A Sex Addict? 

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Are You A Sex Addict? 

 

If you’re looking for answers on whether you are a sex addict or not, we will let you know. 

The best method to ensure you are not a sex addict. And to give you clarity of mind are found here. 

So if you think you are a sex addict, consider the following! 

If you are the source of your fantasies and recognize tha you are also in control of your desires and arousal, chances are you are not a sex addict. Much of what we are taught in the culture about sex in unhealhy, so we use porn and sex in a way to cope with uncomfortable feelings. 

This does not mean we are sex addicts who will build up a tolerance and then have a physiological withdrawal when stopping porn or sexually compulsive behaviors. 

International Classification of Diseases (ICD-10)

The ICD (international classification of diseases) has left sex addiction out of the new sexual compulsion diagnosis. Why? Because sex addiction is not actually an addiction. 

Although there may be overlaps in what we traditionally think of, sex addiction is missing components of: 

  • Tolerance
  • Withdrawal

You may have a compulsion and impulsion issue when it comes to sex, yet it’s not a sex addiction. 

If you want to use the label because it works for you, feel free to call yourself a sex addict though. 

Many clients may come to me thinking they have a sex addiction. 

If you have been diagnosed with a “sex addiction” or as a sex addict. Ensure your therapist is certified as a sex therapist. Many are not, so question the qualifications of the professional. 

If you are spending time masturbating, unable to keep a job because of your sexual practices. Have risky and problematic sexual behavior, these are all symptoms of needing treatment. Even if it isn’t called sex addiction, if it is causing you distress. It is important to see a sex therapist. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

How To Become

How Do Therapists Become Therapists?

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How Do Therapists Become Therapists?

 

I am often asked how to become a therapist and what path I took to become one. There are often a lot of assumptions surrounding the process and so I wanted to offer some insight for people who either want to become one, have a therapist, or just are generally curious. 

 

There are several different paths to accomplish this. First and foremost, you have to complete a bachelor’s degree and at least a masters and in some cases a doctorate. By and large, most therapists have a Master’s degree in some specific type of therapy or counseling. 

 

Therapists who Prescribe

 

Although not as common, therapists that prescribe are usually Psychiatrists (MD) or Advanced Practice Registered Nurse (APRN) or Psychiatric Nurse. Some of these practitioners may engage in some counseling, but often it seems that they work in conjunction with a therapist to help support a client/patient in the medication therapy. In order to be in either of these roles requires various certifications and training and/or medical school (in the case of the Psychiatrist). Obviously time to accomplish these certifications varies based on trajectory but can be anywhere from 3 to 8 years. 

 

Therapists who Conduct Assessments

 

Most therapists conduct some level of assessments in their practice. These can range from intake assessments and ongoing assessments to identify appropriate diagnosis and course of treatment for their clients. 

 

Psychologists (Masters or Doctor of Philosophy) and Doctors of Psychology (PsyD or PhD) often specialize in various areas of standardized assessments or testing. This can include things like neuropsychological exams, learning disabilities, mental status and cognitive testing, etc. Commonly we see these types of therapists or psychologists connected with universities, school systems, or medical facilities (hospitals, etc). 

 

Psychology is a broad field, but in terms of therapy we typically see a Masters, Psychology Doctorate, or Doctorate of Philosophy connected to Clinical Psychology. Clinical psychology focuses on treatment and assessment of emotional, mental, and behavioral disorders. In order to engage in this type of practice, you must complete a masters degree of usually 3 years or a doctoral degree of 4+ years. 

 

Therapists and Counselors

 

When we think of therapists we more commonly think of therapists who received Masters or Doctorate Degrees in Social Work (LCSW),  Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), Clinical Psychologists (PsyD or PhD) or Professional Counselors (LPC). Each of these specialities focus on providing clinical services, therapy, and counseling to their clients. Many of these therapists have different specializations and certifications to support their practice whether that is in substance abuse treatment, trauma treatment, sex therapy, couples therapy, etc. Although, each may have specialties, generally, each degree allows for therapists and counselors to be able to practice individual, group, or relational therapy in a clinical setting. In addition to case management and assessment. 

 

Below I have described the most common types of therapists noted above. 

 

  • Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) 

      • A LCSW is someone who has completed their Masters or Doctorate degree in Social work. A licensed clinical social worker focuses on the clinical aspects of social work rather than other concentration areas of community organization, case management, or other social work tracks. Simply completing a social work degree does not necessarily mean that they are therapists or clinicians

  • Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT)

      • I am totally biased on this one because this is what my degree and specialization is in. A person who is a LMFT has a Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy or in a related area with a concentration in MFT. This training focuses specifically on relational therapy and systemic thinking. This degree is predominately clinical and is often connected to family therapy or couples therapy.

  • Licensed Professional Counselors (LPC)

      • A person who is an LPC may have a Master’s Degree in various fields (school counseling, general counseling, psychology, etc). LPC’s are trained in a variety of clinical practices depending on their base degree, but are predominantly clinical professionals. Often specializing in individual, group, and substance abuse treatments. 

 

These tracks vary in requirements, however on average Master’s Levels Programs take about three years to complete and an additional two years to become licensed. In addition to our degrees, licenses, and certifications we are also required to take a certain number of Continued Education (CE) courses each year to be sure we are remaining up to date with our clinical practice. This is not the case for all practitioners. 

 

Typical Requirements to be a Licensed Practitioner

 

Although this varies state to state and is also dependent on the type of clinical degree you have. Generally the following criteria has to be met: 

  • Completion of Masters or higher degree
    • Practicum (supervised clinical experience)
    • Internship (a clinical experience unpaid in the field)
    • Specific amount of clinical hours (sometimes specified by individual, group, relational, and/or case management)
    • Specific amount of supervision by licensed professional
    •  Usually somewhere around 50-60+ credits hours
    • Coursework in clinical, developmental, and theoretical models of treatment
    • Thesis or Capstone presentation on your therapeutic methods and/or research
  • Post graduate Clinical Hours (usually about a year or two of clinical or case management experience)
  • Post graduate supervision hours (supervised by a licensed clinical practitioner within your field)
  • Successful Completion of Exam (Licensure or Board Certification) with passing score

 

State Licensure

 

Each state has different requirements for licensure and are also dependent on the type of clinician/therapist you are. Some licenses are more transferable than others across states. It is important before getting licensed in specific state that you research what your state requires in way of credits from masters, hours, and Continuing Education Credits, etc (see above). 

 

In Connecticut, we pay $320 per year to maintain a license and need a specific amount of Continuing Education Credits (CEs) per year. There are also certain types of CE’s that we are required to have. For instance, in MFT we need to get a certain amount of CE’s surrounding veterans and diversity. 

 

Insurances

 

As with other medical providers, in order to accept insurances therapists have to be paneled with each specific insurance company. Each insurance company has its own contracted rate for each provider based on credentials and area of service. Credentialing with insurance companies can be time consuming and arduous for therapists. 

 

Therapists can choose to contract with different insurance companies based on their access to patients, reimbursement rates, etc. If therapists do not want to contract with a specific company, they do not have to. They are still able to work with clients with that insurance company but charge a private pay rate and the client can bill their insurance for full or partial reimbursement or bill towards their deductible if they have one.

 

Associations

 

In addition to licensure and insurances, therapists also usually associate with various associations which require their own benefits and memberships. These can be general based on educational/certifcation background or specializations such as sexuality, trauma, addiction, couples, etc. 

 

Some of the most common ones are:

 

There are also associations for people based on their specialities, some of these include: 

 

These are some examples above, however there are many that have more specifications and more general. Each association allows various benefits, resources, and membership requirements. As therapists, we maintain various certifications and associations to support having the most up to date information within the mental health field. 

 

Obviously this is a broad overview on how to become a practicing therapist and clinician. Basically, we do a lot of work to become therapists and maintain our abilities to practice clinically. 

 

If you need help finding a therapist for you, feel free to reach out and we are happy to help you here at LCAT! We are a staff of LPC, LCSW, and LMFT’s (now you know what these mean!). 

 

Learn more about CE for therapists – learn unique couples counseling and sex therapy methodologies to help you with your clients.

 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

 

 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Signs Your Wife Wants to Leave You

Signs Your Wife Wants to Leave You

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Signs Your Wife Wants to Leave You

 

When the signs your wife wants to leave you are staring at you, you are usually the last person to notice. As the spouse, you may try to keep convincing yourself that the problem you are encountering in your marriage will only last for a short while. 

With time, you will begin to see the picture and face the harsh reality of losing your dear wife. When you see these signs, you will begin to expect the divorce letter at any time. It may seem the love, affection, care, romance and sex are gone.

So, what are the signs to look out for before coming to this conclusion?

  • Picks fight unnecessarily
  • Shows less affection
  • She doesn’t communicate like before
  • She doesn’t spend her free time with you
  • Keeps secrets from you
  • Gets angry over everything you do
  • Pays more attention to her appearance
  • She’s asked for a break to “think things through” 

Despite seeing these signs, you may have several thoughts running through your mind. You may begin to think that your mind is playing tricks on you and question if your wife still loves you as much as you do. To be sure about your wife’s stance in your marriage, read on.

Signs Your Wife Wants to Leave You

She Picks Fight Unnecessarily

Fighting and misunderstanding are parts of every relationship, including marriage. It’s okay to agree and disagree. It becomes frustrating when a partner enjoys doing it at every given opportunity.

When your wife fights you and you’re always at fault every time she does this, it might be a sign that she wants to leave and she doesn’t have a good-enough reason to leave you. 

She might not have the courage to tell you that she wants out of the marriage, and the only way to achieve this is to push you to argue to enable her to have a justification for doing what she did.

 

She Shows Less Affection

Most times, women show affection to the people they love. So, when your wife stops showing you affection, it’s a sign she may no longer be in love with you. Unlike men, women only have sex with the men they find attractive or love.

That’s why you need to start asking questions when your wife is not showing affection as she does before. She might have stopped loving you if you have to force her to hold your hands, kiss you, hug you or tell you she loves you every time.

It might even be a sign that she’s found someone else. Although, this doesn’t mean she’s cheating on you… yet. 

 

She Doesn’t Communicate Like Before

Communication is an important part of every relationship, and the impact is often felt whenever it is absent in marriage. Lack of communication is a huge sign that your marriage is about to end on the rocks, and this shouldn’t be taken lightly.

At the onset of lack of communication, you might think it’s nothing serious until it develops into silent treatment whereby your wife ignores you completely.

 

She Doesn’t Spend Her Free Time with You Anymore

At the beginning of a good relationship, your partner would want to spend all of her free time with you. 

They do this because they can’t seem to get enough of you. With time, these feelings wear off as new relationship energy fades, and you both are regular parts of one another’s lives. 

Getting married doesn’t stop you from spending some time alone or chasing your dreams. So, your wife should have some alone time too. This doesn’t imply that she shouldn’t spend some of her alone time with you.

If she doesn’t honor your dates anymore, she doesn’t ask you to go on adventures together, or if she tells you that romantic getaways aren’t necessary, she might be showing signs that she wants to leave you.

 

 

She Keeps Secrets from You

Sudden secretive behavior is one of the signs your wife wants to leave you.

Although, the fact that you’re married doesn’t imply that your wife will not have her own personal time and space, yet omitting truths and holding her own secrets is suspicious. 

If you’ve witnessed her lying and hiding things from you, and you no longer know who she is with or where she spends her free time, or know nothing about her new promotion or new schedule, there is a chance that she may no longer be interested in the marriage.

 

 She Gets Angry Over Everything You Do

In healthy relationships, you find compassion in all aspects of your partner, including their flaws, as it is part of who they are.

Unlike in a Disney movie, in real romantic relationships, even when you are aware of their flaws, you accept them without trying to change them.

When everything about you, especially your flaws, annoy your wife when she used to find them precious, it is a sign that she wants to leave you. 

If she complained about your haircut, how you smell, or your clothing, your wife may want to leave you, as she may be comparing you to someone else. 

 

She Pays More Attention to Her Appearance

A wife paying attention to how she looks is positive. However, it is cause for concern when your wife suddenly starts paying more attention to her appearance than before. 

Although changing her appearance might be a personal decision, the signs are often there when she’s doing it to impress another man. She may be dying her hair more frequently, changing her weight, purchasing more lingerie and not wearing it with you, or wearing more makeup when she’s away from you. 

 

She’s Asked For a Break

Asking for a break is a specific sign your wife wants to leave you. She may be scared of going through the divorce or uncoupling process, and therefore wants space to help her figure things out.

She may want to find out if she can survive without you. And if your partnership is worth putting more effort into or not.

 

7 Signs Your Wife Wants to Leave You

In conclusion, you may be coming to terms with the realization that your wife wants to leave you. This may be difficult, especially when you’ve built your life together. It may be harder when you have children or share the same business with your partner.

When your wife has made up their mind to leave you, there may be little to be done about it. However, if you still love her, try all you can to bring back the spark in your marriage by trying sex therapy or text therapy. 

Who knows… she might have a change of heart.

 If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Talk About Marriage

Let’s Talk About Marriage! 

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Let’s Talk About Marriage! 

 

Have you ever wondered if there is a talk about marriage that could help yours? 

I did back in the day, and I know many of my clients have too! 

The courtship process of dating used to be about testing this exchange in a way. Sometimes now, we bypass courtship for love, then we have marital problems. 

While I bring you videos like, 7 Things That Destroy a Marriage, and then provide you with useful communication techniques that will guide you to recover from those topics, I want to talk about marriage today in a way that will help you improve communication with your partner… even with anyone.

In the book, The Good Marriage, we talk about marriage in four ways: 

 

The Traditional Marriage – roles were very defined. 

  • Back in the day relationships and sexuality were witnessed as  an exchange. The most common exchange in marriage from one partner, often the man, was I will give you my name, my commitment, and finances to shelter you. For the other partner, often the caretaker of the house, to provide children, companionship, and sexual desire.
  • The man would make more money in the house. Deep respect for the distinction of the roles they had. 

 

The Companion Marriage – more friendly. 

  • Ride or die commitment. 
  • Flexible roles with who does what in the marriage. 

 

The Healing Marriage – savior marriage

  • Often in this marriage, both individuals came from trauma and had a deep level of healing to do themselves. 
  • Then, they help their partner to do the same!

 

The Romantic Marriage – the one that had the most vibrant sex life. 

  • Keeping a live story of the couples’ romance. 
  • Often sharing the narrative of how the couple met. Romantic and repeated. 
  • Prioritize dates and adventures to keep the passion and romance alive. 

 

In summary, whatever type of partnership you have, it’s good to talk about it. 

It is especially important to talk about marriage. 

Love is unconditional. Relationships, including marriage, take agreements, collaboration, and commitment! 

On the level of consciousness, we are infinite… yet, we have a finite human body and only one body in this lifetime.

Instead of taking our body and mind to project onto others, let’s learn and grow. 

  • The mind is tricky and often projects.
  • Usually when I am in hatred, I am also more likely to act out. 
  • Usually when I am in pain, I can justify my behavior to defend, deflect, and deny.
  • Often, I must do the inner work to choose a new type of communication style with grace, and with accountability. 

While we talk about marriage, may we experience ourselves as bigger, more profound, and more complex. The more intricate, the more passionate!

Adulting and creating safe space for your inner selves to talk about marriage, in the way that most of us did not see modeled growing up! 

Being able to work with our partner to help them self-analyze and assess their choices. 

We don’t want to suppress ourselves or our partners too far, because there is a chance it can turn into self-hate. We want to know the way to include all parts of our psyche into the conversation. 

For me, my world has transformed when I love myself enough to take responsibility without collapsing into overly dramatic feelings of guilt. 

 

Couples Communication Strategies

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Relationship Therapy

What To Expect When You Go To Relationship Therapy

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What To Expect When You Go To Relationship Therapy

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT)  is an individual, relationship therapy, and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure skills training provided by licensed systemically-trained psychotherapists. 

It’s time to do some reassessing on the relationships in your life and decide what kind of relationship you really want with your romantic partner. If not, you may end up in relationship therapy when it’s too late. 

Relationship therapy can help those with communication issues, desire discrepancy, and those who have a willingness to learn more. 

So…maybe you want a traditional, equal, or open, or kinky relationship? We know that there are a variety of relationship styles, yet how do you attain the type of relationship that you desire? 

Relationship therapy is a great place to begin, because it is discreet, confidential, and balanced. 

How do you go about determining what type of relationship you want? 

Relationship Therapy

Where do you fall on the spectrum above? 

Compare with your partner(s).

This will provide valuable information. 

Once you know what type of relationship you desire, and if all partners are interested in creating that, you can begin to envision piece by piece the steps to get there. 

Some of the plans you can consider, if you don’t want to go to relationship therapy would be a systemic approach (mind, body, feelings, and soul). 

As a couple, it is important to continue to make relationship goals for yourself – that you accomplish as a team! Parenting is one example of how many couples accomplish relationship goals as a team. However, it isn’t quite as specific as relationship therapy for the parts of you that desire erotic and romantic connection. 

 

Life Coaching and Therapy is competent with and affirming of all relationship orientations and alternative sexualities, including: 

 

Life Coaching and Therapy provides relationship therapy that is affirming of all gender identities and sexual orientations, including:

  • Lesbian, gay and bisexual individuals and partnerships
  • Queer, transgender, and those individuals and partnerships that are beyond the binary.
  • Partners of transgender and gender expansive individuals

 

Outcomes To Expect from Relationship Therapy: 

  • Learn constructive conversation skills
  • Decrease resentment and increase self-awareness
  • Increase awareness about sexual pleasure and passion.
  • Be more confident with your partner and in yourself 
  • Become more knowledgeable about your needs vs. your strategies to get needs met that create barriers to progress and pleasure.
  • Support partners in becoming clear about what they themselves want for pleasure and how to be more open to receiving that pleasure. 
  • Understand how culture, cultural identity, and intersectionality are related to your behavioral health and your relationship
  • Discuss how our bias, power, and privilege can affect relationships and come up in relationship therapy with the clinician.
  • Describe how communication styles can differ across cultures. 
  • Discuss ways to learn more about one another’s intersectional identities as a way to bridge the gap between various sexual styles.

Often, relationship therapy is a solution that can provide valuable advice for this relationship, or the next if you have to consciously complete (end) the relationship. 

Here are some example of reviews that demonstrate how LCAT has helped our clients’ relationships:

Relationship Therapy

Relationship Therapy

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

 

Couples Communication Strategies

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Why Couples Therapy Fails

Why Couples Therapy Fails & What To Do About It

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Why Couples Therapy Fails & What To Do About It

 

We often get asked why couples therapy fails, and the truth is, most couples have failed long before they get to couples therapy. 

Think about how annoyed you have to be at a partner to even ask them to go to couples therapy. 

And if that doesn’t satisfy you, we will answer the common reasons why couples therapy fails here. 

As a couples therapist, I have seen many couples and/or relationships struggle, replenish, and also fail.

The main reason why couples therapy fails though is something that I studied as a graduate student. 

I even presented on how to ensure couples therapy succeeds at an AAMFT Conference in 2010. 

Many reasons on why couples therapy fails come to therapists making suggestions that don’t work for different types of couples:

  • Egalitarian or traditional marriage
  • Religious or arranged marriages
  • Long distance relationships 
  • Interracial relationships
  • Consensual non-monogamy
  • Polyamory and / or swingers
  • BDSM / kink / fetish sexualities
  • Open arrangements
  • Tantric and spiritual aware partnerships

 

Common couples therapist mistakes:

  • Increased time together isn’t going to work when there is no foundation of trust
  • Increased date nights do not work if the couple has sexual difficulties
  • Reading and doing the love language test is great until one partner is resentful
  • One partner overgives and the other continues to take
  • Discussing symptoms instead of the underlying problem
  • Lack of systemic awareness leading to presenting issue

So how do you ensure that your couples therapist is right for you? 

Instead of asking why does couples therapy fail… especially during a time like a pandemic and a systematic shift in the culture… begin to look for solution-focused answers!

Here are some questions to ask:

  • Do you have any positive reviews written online with clients willing to share their experiences?
  • Are you a marriage and family therapist?
  • What was your undergraduate, graduate, and postgraduate education in? 
  • Do you have a license to practice psychotherapy? 
  • What specific courses have they taken as a couples therapist? 
  • What is their experience in studying sexuality? 
  • Does the couples therapist give homework?
  • What are their expectations and outcomes with clients who do all their homework?

First of all, changing the language from “failing” to “struggling” or “avoiding” or “stuck.”

When we focus on failure, it helps no one and frames our circumstances in a losing situation. 

Generally speaking, couples and couples therapists should work together to identify the willingness to work on the relationship or end the relationship (ideally with a conscious completion). 

Amazing skills to begin before seeking couples therapy is our recommended reading of other blogs we have written, reading Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenburg, and The Gottman Institutes resource as they focus on conflict and communication in relationships. 

These tips can help, and yet the best thing to do is to work with a clinician or psychotherapy who has experience in couples therapy success, to help you guide you and your partner in this process to continue or complete your relationship.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.

why do marriages fail

Why Do Marriages Fail During Covid?

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Why Do Marriages Fail During Covid?

 

We are here to answer “why do marriages fail,” especially for those of you getting divorced during coronavirus. 

During COVID, many marriages have remained in close quarters with limited interaction with others. As a couple’s therapist, I have seen many couples and/or relationships struggling due to quarantine, and I am here to answer why do marriages fail and why are so many couples struggling during this time?

Most marriages and couples have not had to spend this much time with each other ever or since they were in the beginning stages of their relationship when hormones 

Why Do Marriages Fail

were raging.

Generally why marriages fail is due to a struggle in: 

  • Communication
  • Sex
  • Finances
  • Parenting
  • Differences in political beliefs
  • Expectations about the future or priorities

During COVID, why marriages fail and couples struggle is because these categories (communication, sex, finances, etc) have become exacerbated.

As with many things, why marriages fail boils down to communication. If couples were not communicating well before the pandemic, it is more than likely that that has not improved due to:

  • Increased time together
  • Increased stress
  • Limited outside contact with others
  • Limited ability to be outside the home and/or living area
  • Limited ability to see one another if they do not live together
  • Changes in work expectations
  • Telecommuting or helping kids complete school work
  • Lack of privacy
  • Conflict with other close relationships

 

What Can Couples Do?

First of all, changing the language from “failing” to “struggling” or “not working out.” When we focus on failure it does not help. 

Generally speaking, couples should work together to identify if they have the willingness to try to work on the relationship or end the relationship (ideally with a conscious completion). If both partners are willing to try to work through these struggles or difficulties it is usually enlist a third party to help (professional) whether that’s a therapist, coach, or religious member who provides counseling.

Within COVID (and also generally), boundaries are paramount. Being able to have boundaries around work, the relationship, family time, date time, etc. When we do not do this then we set our relationship up to truly have difficulty. Boundaries are helpful and within COVID, these are incredibly important, as there is limited privacy or socialization happening outside the home. 

Why Do Marriages Fail

COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION! 

We communicate even when we do not intend to, which means both verbal and nonverbal. We do a whole lot of communication, so if you are communicating with your partner(s) then you may want to consider doing it most effectively. 

This is something that can be coached in sessions with therapists and coaches and finding strong resources. 

For those of you who are here to answer “why do marriages fail,” especially during coronavirus, I hope you have gotten some useful information.

I would recommend reading other blogs written in LCAT, reading Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenburg, and The Gottman Institutes resource as they focus on conflict and communication in relationships. 

These tips can help and the best thing to do is to work with a professional who can help you guide you in this process or work collaboratively with your partner to have a conscious completion (intentional, collaborative end to the relationship).

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.

couple sex

Couples Sex is Unique!

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Couples Sex is Unique!

 

Couples sex is unique to each partnership, and often important!

The thing is couples sex varies in your lifetime between you and a partner. 

Couples sex vary by individuals desires, yet we can agree it is often when both individuals are pleased and the relationship is thriving and growing. 

If you’re not in the habit of discussing couples sex, why not give it a try? 

For couples sex enhancements… continue reading! 

Step 1: Go to google drive, and start a shared drive with your partner(s)! 

There’s something magical about writing down your hopes and fantasies. 

They tend to come true! 

 

Step 2: Plan Ahead! 

  • Plan a weekly date night – for sex! 
  • Plan another night for talking about maintenance conversations
    • What do we have to buy? 
    • Is something broken in the house? 
    • Bills? Changes? Requests? 

 

Step 3: Work on yourself because growing is attractive! 

  • Experience vulnerability – a major component in intimacy. 
  • Learn about your own body and pleasure in solo sex!

 

Step 4: Support your partner by using reflective listening!

  • What I think I hear you saying is _____. Is that close?

 

Step 5: Don’t blame your partner! 

  • Couples sex is better when we as a couple are co creating with the world. 
  • We are not in charge of the world… yet we get to be in charge of what we say, think, and even prune and develop. 

 

If nothing else, use your imagination and fantasies you would like to try to make new couples sex experiences. Ask yourself: does my inner _____ (Stripper) really vibe with your inner _____ (Romantic). 

Maybe… or maybe not. 

It is good to know that those two are not going to enjoy showing up together in life or in the bedroom. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.

Questions for Couples

Questions for Couples Who Never Apologize

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Questions for Couples Who Never Apologize

 

If you’re in a relationship and can’t ever seem to apologize, or have a partner who won’t, there are some questions for couples that you can explore to get to the root of the issue. 

It can be incredibly difficult to apologize if you’ve done something wrong, and sometimes it can feel like a sign of weakness. These questions for couples who never apologize should help you and your partner navigate the complications around apologizing and help you open up more loving communication. 

 

Why Is There Tension Around Apologizing?

This is one of the most important questions for couples who struggle to apologize. Until the “why” is addressed, it can be very difficult to move forward.

Open communication around how we hurt one another takes a lot of vulnerability, humility and bravery. It means putting aside pride, being open minded and letting go of being “right”. 

So ask yourself: why can’t I apologize? Were you discouraged from apologizing as a kid? Did you grow up in a household that didn’t value apologies? Do you feel shame and weakness around admitting you’re wrong? 

As a couple or as individuals, it can be beneficial to consult a therapist to help unravel what is blocking you from moving forward in a more open, communicative and humble way as a couple. 

In the meantime, there are many questions for couples struggling with apologies that can get the conversation going. 

 

Can you acknowledge your partner’s positive traits?

When you are seeking an apology, you can’t just demand one! So, start by acknowledging the positive traits of your partner.

When you are not in the heat of an argument, and want to broach the subject of deserving an apology, sit down with your partner and begin the conversation with the things you value most about them.

Explain why you are grateful for their partnership: perhaps they are supportive of your career, or are incredibly affectionate, or are a wonderful parent. Tell them you love them. 

This opens the conversation from a place of love and gratitude rather than blame and hurt. If your partner tends to become defensive in disagreements, this can help them take their guard down. It signals that the conversation isn’t about criticizing them or blaming them for everything bad in the relationship. 

Questions for Couples

 

Can You Hold Each Other Accountable?

The conversation can get a little more delicate at this point. It will require you to be humble and open, and accept responsibility for your half of the problem. Accountability for the way you respond to your partner, and accountability for telling them how you truly feel. 

Keep the conversation about how their actions (or inactions) make you feel: don’t attach intent to their actions. Something like “When you do X I feel Y” or “When you said X it made me feel like I’m Y”. 

It isn’t constructive to attach assumptions or interpret their intentions. Saying things like “You said that to make me feel stupid” comes from a place of blame, whereas “When you said that, it made me feel like my intelligence is undervalued” keeps the focus on your reaction. 

A lot of times, this is when someone will apologize. It surely wasn’t their intent to make you feel that way, and they may explain what their intentions were. 

If you are the person who has trouble apologizing, ask yourself: how can I speak to my partner in a way that makes my intentions clear without belittling them? Can I own my 50% and be humble enough to apologize for hurting their feelings or letting them down? 

 

Can You Conclude With An Apology?

If for some reason you have trouble saying “I’m sorry”, there are ways to apologize with different language. 

By acknowledging that what you did was hurtful or wrong and stating why it was hurtful or wrong will be a great foundation for forgiveness. Acknowledging the “why” informs your partner that you understand where they are coming from and will be able to recognize how to fix it. 

If you are the one seeking an apology, conclude with “what comes up for you when I say this?” Your partner may need time to process what you have told them. After all, they may not have been aware that they even hurt you! 

This question opens the floor for them to comment on their feelings, clarify their intentions and acknowledge that they have hurt you. 

There is a possibility that they will become defensive or feel embarrassed. This is not unexpected, and they may just need time to go and figure out what they are feeling and what they want to do. 

Questions for Couples

 

When Is It Time To Let Go?

Is it ever okay to let go without an apology? Yes! If your partner has shown changes in their behavior, or it doesn’t matter to you, or they’ve made it up to you in other ways this can be fine. 

It isn’t okay if they continuously accuse you of “making it up” or continue the hurtful behaviors. 

Gaslighting and belittling are not okay, and if they are unwilling to change or communicate, it may be time to move forward without them. 

Forgiveness is a personal choice, and you are never obligated to forgive someone for a major betrayal or breach of trust. Forgiveness does however help you minimize the hurt and grow from the experience, and keeps you from wallowing in bitterness and resentment. 

Forgiveness isn’t easy, and apologizing isn’t easy either! If this is a recurring issue for you, consider these questions for couples who can’t apologize and consult with a therapist to help you move forward- ideally together! 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.

Couples Counseling Near Me

Couples Counseling Near Me

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Couples Counseling Near Me

 

Have you looked online recently for “couples counseling near me”? Whether you’ve recently moved or are completely new to therapy, finding the right counselor to work with you and your partner is so important.

The right therapist is like a bridge between the couple you are now and the one you want so badly to be. They can guide you through the fog of learned behaviors, past trauma, and communication roadblocks into a healthier and fuller relationship.

The bottom line is, don’t stop your search for a therapist until you know you’ve found the right one. If you hold back or enter into couples counseling being guarded, then it’s going to impede your progress.

Knowing exactly what you want from counseling isn’t absolutely necessary at first. Most couples turn to therapy when they start to fight more, the sex isn’t great, or your goals aren’t aligned.  

Eventually, you’ll want to focus on things that make the most difference and areas where your therapist can help you most effectively.

Couples Counseling Near Me

 

Improving Communication in Your Relationship

Managing communication in your relationship is one of the most important aspects of building a good foundation. That means monitoring and improving your communication patterns, as well as adjusting to how your partner communicates.

Many couples who say they aren’t communicating well are simply talking past each other and dealing with residual resentment that prevents you from being vulnerable.

When you resent your partner on some level, getting candid feedback can be a challenge. When resentment levels are high, then even things like receiving compliments on your physical appearance or professional accomplishments becomes hard.

You think your partner is being sarcastic or question their motives when they make overtures. You wonder, whether secretly or aloud, whether they mean it or if they’re trying to manipulate you.

Those things may be true, but before you go to bed with those convictions, you should do some self-inventory alone or with the help of a therapist. A quick online search for “couples counseling near me” can get you started in the right direction.

People I meet with are often surprised at how deeply they’ve fallen into poor communication habits. Learning to speak with the right emotions and message is a skill that takes practice. It doesn’t come equally for everyone.

In my experience, it’s important to arm ourselves with strategies that we can use in real-time when dealing with conflict or confusion. We also need to learn how to reaffirm and uplift our partners, especially if words of affirmation is one of their love languages.

Couples Counseling Near Me

Couples Counseling for Intimacy

Along with finances, sex is one of the biggest reasons that drive couples apart. It underscores how important deep intimacy, meaningful touch, and the occasional wild sexcapade are to our emotional and physical health.

If you find yourself searching for couples counseling near me because you’re having trouble in your sex life, here are some tips that can help your search.

First, you want to find a certified sex therapist with experience dealing with similar situations. Of course, the kind of experience you’ll need depends a great deal on where you are personally.

Some people going to couples counseling to deal with intimacy issues are confronting difficult pasts that inhibit sexual expression. Others are trying to find new ways to push the boundaries of their sexuality with things like roleplaying, BDSM, anal sex, and other types of kink.

I can’t stress enough how vital it is to work with someone who knows how to use pleasure in healing relationships between partners. I work with people to set and achieve sexual goals, something many people haven’t done in their lives even though everyone should!

The right therapist will work with you to improve the sexual dynamics in your relationship, and also dig deep into any issues like shame or problems with body image that are holding you back. We can open up new parts of your sexual experience by exploring power dynamics, toys, and things like tantric breathing to inject excitement into a sex life that’s become a bit bland.

 

Couples Counseling Near Me and How to Choose

You should know that a good therapist will be feeling you out as much as you are. This alignment starts from the first phone call and emails into the early sessions. We want to see your progress, and after some time meeting and talking with couples, we have a good idea of whether we’ll be able to see change.

A therapist and the couples they counsel need to be on the same page. For example, I take a flexible, open approach that often focuses on sex-positivity to help you improve your sex life and your connection with your partner. I communicate directly and sometimes combine therapy with tantric techniques for deeper immersion into learning.

With over 15,000 client hours, I know that approach doesn’t work for everyone. It’s part of my job to recognize early on if there is enough progress to indicate future success.

My passion is helping use physiology to improve sexual satisfaction in an environment free from judgment. If you’re dealing with desire discrepancy with your partner, or you’re eager to experiment with bondage or an open relationship, I have sexual strategies that can help you manage change.

Wherever you’re at in your relationship, there is always hope. I see people in dire situations where it seems like all is lost and therapy is their last gasp at saving a marriage. I also meet with people all the time to talk about our bodies and how we can use sex to improve our quality of life.

Every couple who enters therapy is different. There may be slight similarities in the motivation for seeking counseling. The strategies and techniques you will use to better yourself and your relationship will be unique.

Learn about how you can become a better partner by finding a counselor who speaks to your body and mind. Break the patterns you find yourself stuck in and carve a new path for the future.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

 

Couples Communication Strategies

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

How To Save My Marriage! 

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How To Save My Marriage! 

 

Step by step guide on how to save my marriage is here for you. 

Seriously, how long has it taken you to google how to save my marriage?

If longer than a year, that’s an eternity in our fast-changing, “what’s new today” world. 

You may be here because you or your partner(s) feels: 

  • Annoyed
  • Irritated
  • Betrayed
  • Degraded
  • Shamed
  • Blamed

 

Step 1 on How To Save My Marriage

Accept that to save your marriage is going to be slow and tedious, yet really helpful! 

I imagine a part of you feels your partner is confusing because they excuse their behaviors, and yet aren’t willing to learn about you or hear what you are saying. 

My take is that because your partner and you are needing help on “how to save my marriage,” that I can give you a very strange take on how to slowly yet practically unwind the tangled mess. 

 

Step 2 is to Use Your Psyche!

Go to therapy or use the Inner Aspects Method (IAM) by Francesca Gentille!how to save my marriage

A quick synopsis of the IAM model is that ALL OF US have 100s of inner aspects on the inside. 

They are brilliant parts of us created by our psyche to survive. 

We can be heroes and villains in our own story. 

Sometimes, it goes awry in a partnership and tangles up though. 

You may not even be aware subconsciously of the many inner parts of your personality. 

My truth is that there is no “ONE” thing that we are as a partner though. I wish there were… it would feel really comforting to know. Life, relationships, and relationships with responsibility and/or power dynamics are more nuanced and layered than one answer. 

 

Step 3 Nonviolent Communication will save your marriage! 

Nonviolent communication and Tony Robbins’ 6 Human Needs will teach you exactly how to save my marriage! 

Each part of our psyche has different needs! See the graphic of the human needs here!

Humans WILL get these needs met (in HEALTHY or UNHEALTHY ways). 

If we can slow down our world a bit and self-reflect and evaluate who we are on the inside… we can slow down enough to get conscious of who we are inside. 

And then, figure out what STRATEGIES  (examples of strategies: 

  • Work
  • Yoga
  • eating healthy
  • Attraction
  • Drugs

What are some of the ways you get your needs met through work? Which parts of you are getting those needs met? 

For me, the therapist parts of me get my needs of contribution, uncertainty, connection, and certainty through some of the strategies I use daily with my clients and my staff. 

 

Step 4 is Reconciliation on the past. 

Whoever is MOST accountable wins. Continue to own parts of what you did to contribute to the current state of events. Seek a licensed marriage and family therapist, someone trained with a license in couples counseling, or seek someone who knows about balancing out the foundation of the relationship. 

Begin moving through old stories and blame or shame. 

Realize that these inner messages, if you have a partner willing to do the work and grow with you, are not going to be helpful for the relationship you are building. 

 

Step 5 is where we envision a new marriage! 

New rituals, vows, and more consciousness. Begin feeling inspired. Looking at your partner, and even friends, with loving eyes. New visions and recalibrating what you would like to create is often helpful to move through times that are uncertain and uncomfortable.

 

Couples Communication Strategies

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.