Flirting and Sexting

Sexting Messages and Flirting – Hormones Involved

Sexting Messages and Flirting – Hormones Involved in Sexting and Long-Term Monogamy

The different ways in which people get into personal relationships have evolved dramatically during the past two decades - one such method is sexting messages.

The increased and easy availability of technological instruments including cell phones, computers, video cams and has caused a dramatic effect on your social life.

One fairly novel phenomenon, which started after the flooding of new kinds of means of communication, is sexting.

Sexting refers to the receiving and sending of sexually explicit text and/or photos using your cell phones with cameras or other types of electronic devices.

Though this term is still not present in most of the academic literature, it has taken the electronic media by storm.

According to a study done by “The Kinsey Institute” in 2017, about 74% of the people in the USA have been involved in sexting, which is a phenomenal increase from 2012.

 

A study conducted by Indiana University in 2019 examined sexting behaviors and attitudes including those involving sexually explicit images and messages. This sample included more than 5,000 single adults in the age group 21 and 75 years.

 

Of the people who were surveyed, 21% reported that they sent sext messages, while 28% reported that they received them. Moreover, 16% of them reported that they sent sexually explicit photos, while greater than 23% disclosed that they received sexual photos. It was also found in the study that most of the sexting occurs between couples who already had an established relationship. Furthermore, out of the people who sent sext messages, 78% of females and 66% of males did it to flirt with their partner.

If you have ever received sexual content on your phone, then you may have noticed that your mind starts racing and your body begins to buzz all over within a few seconds of scanning it. Have you ever pondered over the question that why sexting or sending and receiving sexual content turns you on?

 

There are many scientific reasons to explain the reason behind this.

The changes that take place in your brain when you receive sexual content or a sexting message

You may think that sex begins in the body; however, it begins in the brain. Common triggers that stimulate your brain and excite you can include hearing your partner’s voice saying dirty words, seeing a sensuous image, or smelling your partner’s cologne.

Sexting messages is no different!

When you get a sext, the brain stimulates the various neurochemicals and hormones of pleasure such as dopamine. In women, the hormone oxytocin is also stimulated. This hormone that plays a vital role in motherhood and intensifies the feelings associated with joy and happiness of closeness.

Sexting

When you combine closeness and pleasure, you may get aroused sexually, even from sending and receiving sexual content or sexting. In males, the vasopressin hormone helps in increasing sexual pleasure.

Dopamine helps your brain in recognizing a reward you can get by doing something and then in taking action to fulfill it. It is also somehow associated with addiction. You get a sext - it creates good feelings, and immediately you crave more. Hence, the moment your phone rings or makes a sound, you want to pick it up instantly.

Why do you turn on physically during sexting messages?

According to health experts, sexting acts as a powerful physical turn-on as you can get without removing your clothes. While participating in sexting you can behave in a manner with your partner that you may not be ready to act out yet. Furthermore, it does not require you to worry about providing enough physical pleasure to your partner. Your sexting partner is not present in the same room, therefore, you won't be pressured to reach orgasm or letting your partner finish. Sexting is involvement in sexual responsiveness that is worry-free.

Apart from this the digital seduction, sexting has other benefits too. According to a 2018 study printed in the journal “Computers in Human Behavior,” individuals who sext on a regular basis with their respective partners had better sexual satisfaction and sex lives in comparison to those individuals who didn’t sext. Hence, sexting may come with major rewards in your relationships.

Why sexting turns on some more than others?

Most of you may appreciate sexting occasionally, but just like any other thing related to sex, it may turn-on some people more than others. More than just the hormones, it’s related to the comfort level you have with your sexuality and how vocal you are about it. You may feel awkward while sexting; for instance, it may feel scary to reveal your sexual fantasies to your partner. You may feel too embarrassed and vulnerable by uncovering your secret desires to them.

Furthermore, you should have enough comfort level with your partner to whom you are sexting. For instance; you may find it easier to send a provocative sext to your long-term partner in comparison to a person you met at a bar recently.

The hormones involved in long-term monogamy

According to research conducted at the “Bonn University Medical Center,” situated in Germany and published in the journal “Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences,” oxytocin is the hormone that results in monogamy in humans. Oxytocin stimulates the reward system of your brain on viewing your partner, increasing the attractiveness of the partner; thereby, strengthening monogamy.

During the study, 40 men who had a permanent relationship with their partner were shown photographs of their female partners and also photographs of other females.

They were also given oxytocin via nasal spray and a dose of placebo after a gap of some days. It was found that oxytocin stimulates the brain’s reward center of the men while seeing their partner’s photo, and they found them more attractive in comparison to other females.

Scientists also looked at the effects of oxytocin on men when they looked at photographs of female colleagues at work and acquaintances. However, it was found that familiarity was not enough to activate the brain’s reward system by oxytocin. To put it differently, to cause the oxytocin hormone’s bonding effect, being familiar with a female is not sufficient; both the partners should be in a loving and long-term relationship.

References

 

 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Pleasure Practice Sex Guide

The Pleasure Practice Sex Guide

The Pleasure Practice Sex Guide: Unleash Self Pleasure to Heal Yourself and Transform Your Sex Life

 

I’m Amanda Pasciucco (pronounced Pa-shoe-ko), and as a certified sex therapis and founder of a life coaching and therapy practice, I’ve met many couples that felt bored in their relationship and wanted to spice things up, which is why I created The Pleasure Practice Sex Guide.

Not only that, but I have met hundreds of individuals who were not having fun in their dating life or while masturbating.

The Pleasure Practice Sex Guide

These are problems I have solved for clients many times, and I can help you too. I have been practicing psychotherapy and couples’ therapy for more than 10 years. I am a natural matchmaker at heart. My passion is helping others find the love of their lives, find THEIR pleasure, and learn how to love themselves.

What I share with clients helps them transform their sex lives and relationships, and now I’m going to share my best techniques, practices and beliefs with you.

So, are you ready?

The Pleasure Practice Sex Guide

 

It’s Time to Improve Your Intimate Life with The Pleasure Practice Sex Guide!

I am going to teach you a type of pleasure that you will grow to crave.

Even if you are self conscious or feel like you have tried everything and are hopeless.

It’s time to find your sexual confidence! It’s time to find your inner flirt! 

Find out where you may be BLOCKING yourself due to negative belief systems you have about your body or your desires! 

Why do some people have what you want? The difference between you and them may be some knowledge and a little confidence. 

Download the e-guide below and forward it to any friends who can benefit from this valuable advice!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer. Or if you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


smell and taste

How Your Sense of Smell and Taste Affects Your Sexual Experiences 

How Your Sense of Smell and Taste Affects Your Sexual Experiences 

When you are having sex with someone, there is no avoiding sexual smell and taste! 

Smell and taste REALLY can affect your sex life. If you want to heighten your sexual pleasure, consider the importance of these two senses when it comes to impacting lust and attraction! 

Most sexual activity comes with some form of bodily fluid exchange. If having sex is accompanied with something that you were taught to be “disgusted by,” subconsciously, a part of you will feel disgusted during sex. 

Look at the length you have gone through in your life to cover up your smell using deodorant, soap, perfumes, and scented feminine hygiene products.

Many of us carry shame when it comes to the way we smell and taste. We are sold products to keep us clean. We are constantly inundated with the message that something about our genitals is wrong and must be avoided. 

For those who are advanced sexually you were taught to eat different foods so your sexual parts will smell better. Newsflash - that is still shaming and judgemental! 

I’ve learned that most people have negative feelings when it comes to their own or another’s fluids and smells. This does not include fluids and smells from bacterial or sexually transmitted infections (STIs). This insight is based on more than 15,000 clinical hours of experience I’ve had speaking to those from an array of backgrounds.

Here are some of the most common negative taste and smell examples:

  • Disgusted to kiss their partners after going down on them. 
  • Partners that refuse cunnilingus or intercourse with menstruating women. 
  • Joking about vaginas smelling “like fish” or cum being “gross” and “repulsive.”
  • Telling their partner to shave off body hair, because it holds the sweat.

Why are Tastes and Smells an Important Part of Sex?

We are animals and have instinctual, primal tendencies that dictate our sexual behaviors, desires,  attractions, and sometimes turn ons! 

Chemical communication plays an important role in the social interactions and mating behavior of diverse animals, yet its role in humans remains unknown.

  • Pheromones - substances which are secreted to the outside (secretions such as urine, semen or vaginal secretions, breast milk and potentially also saliva and breath, yet most attention thus far has been directed toward axillary sweat) by an individual, and received by a second individual of the same species. When pheromones are released they cause a specific reaction, for example, a definite behavior or a developmental process. They are present in all bodily secretions. Aandrostadienone is a pheromone that is present at much higher concentrations in male sweat and can be detected by women. Androstadienone improves mood. A positive mood and heightened focus are important for a women’s sexual response and sexual satisfaction. 
  • Copulins - chemical fluids secreted by a vagina are chemical messengers that are emitted from the body that end up activating specific behavioral or physiological responses in those around them. 

Whether you know it or not, these pheromones and copulin could be playing a key part in attraction.

sexual smell and taste

How Can We Embrace our Senses During Sex?

Enough is enough! WE MUST END SEXUAL SHAMING OF SCENTS AND FLUIDS FOR MORE DELICIOUS PLEASURE. 

Start by tasting or smelling your OWN fluids! This is one of the TOP tips from the Queen of Female Masturbation and the woman that put the vibrator on the map, Betty Dodson

I recommend that you try to release some of your inhibitions and enjoy the tastes and smells of your sexual partner. Being comfortable with the taste and scent of your lover can be an incredibly amazing, pleasure-enhancing experience. 

I promise, you are not “weird,” or “disgusting” if you kiss your partner after they go down on you! It is HOT, and it is a sign of confidence. 

Nothing is that bad about your partner’s or your own taste and smell! 

sexual smell and taste

I recommend looking deeper into these aversions and questioning whether it may be something you wish to overcome, because nothing compares to having a partner who loves the way you taste and smell.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer. Or if you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda PasciuccoLife Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Exercise for Better Sex - Ladies, Check it Out!

Exercise for Better Sex - Ladies, Check it Out!

 

Did you know that there are exercises for better sex?

Prepping for sex isn’t easy…especially as a woman!  

Sometimes, you need to shower, and sometimes, you want to shave.

Maybe you need to change your clothes or sometimes even your mindset! 

Preparing for sex can be stressful…and stress kills the chance that you will have SATISFYING sex - emotionally, mentally, and physically. 

If you take our advice and follow the exercises listed, you too can improve your sex life!

The BIGGEST mistake that people make when it comes to sex is getting advice from people who are only going at it from their personal experience. 

Personal experience is VERY limited when it comes to a topic as important as sexuality. Don’t see any just therapist. Please, find someone who knows what they are talking about!

In 15,000 hours of client research and all but completing a dissertation in clinical sexology, I am going to share my greatest exercise secrets for women to experience better sexual satisfaction!

Breathing Exercise for Better Orgasms

Being mindful about breathing is one of the easiest ways to improve your sexual pleasure. It’s also one of the most common things we overlook.

Exercise for Better Sex

Remember to lock into your lovers breathing as a quick way to connect during sex. It’s the easiest way to figure out the flavor of sex they are interested in. Long, deep breaths. 

In the nose and out the mouth!

When you inhale, your stomach goes OUT.

When you exhale your stomach sucks IN. 

Inhale through the nose - BELLY OUT.

Exhale through the mouth - BELLY IN! 

Notice your hips and thighs wherever you are seated. 

Inhale through the nose.

Exhale through the mouth. 

Open your eyes and come back to the present moment!

It is really important to breathe through things like seduction, sex, and intimate moments. 

Breathing slows down everything to a more PRESENT and more AWARE state of being.

If you are not comfortable with where you are positioned move around and get comfortable. Connect your body to the rhythm of your inhale pushing your stomach out. and as you exhale suck in your stomach.  

 

Breathing and being engaged with your inhales and exhales is the quickest and easiest way to transform your sexual life if you desire better and stronger orgasms.

Last Longer During Sex

In my 10 years of being a therapist, I have realized that there is no “optimal” level of speed, pressure, or sexual frequency that’s guaranteed to increase happiness in the bedroom.

All sexual individuals do seem to agree on one thing - they want the CHOICE for sex to last as long as they want it to last.

Many times, we rely on the physical body to lead the way and our bodies aren’t always able to maintain stamina during sex. 

If you have no motivation to get your body in shape, then get a personal trainer! It truly changed my life! 

Here is a quick version of what you can do to strengthen your body: 

Physical Exercises for Better Sex

 

Set a timer for 20 minutes and repeat this routine until the timer goes off or until you can’t anymore!

  1.   Plank for 30 seconds
  2.   Glute bridges for 15 reps
  3.   Squats for 10-15 reps
  4.   10 Kegels for 10 reps

Planks for Endurance!

Core strength is paramount for good health - sex included. Planks are a great way to build muscles around your abs, back, and pelvis. All of this can make a difference for lasting longer in bed.

If you have never done a plank, I suggest you do what my trainer, Pascale Lean, taught me: put a broom handle on your back, and line it up with your spine to make sure you are doing it right.

  1. Start in a pushup position and then drop to your elbows. Your feet should be closer than shoulder-width apart with your toes grounded into the floor.
  2. The core needs to be tight to prevent your lower back from sagging. Your shoulders should roll back and down, and your neck and head should be neutral to maintain a straight line.

Thrust Better with Glute Bridges!

Glute bridges not only work the pelvic floor, they also help your hamstrings and glutes so you can thrust better, providing more pleasure for you and your partner.

  1.  Lie on a mat, knees bent, feet on the ground, and palms on the floor at your sides. 
  2.  Focus on your core as you push through your heels, raising your pelvis off the ground. Ensure that your     shoulders and upper back stay glued to the mat.
  3.  When you reach a stiff bridge position at the top, squeeze your glutes. Then slowly lower back down.

Squats for Sensations!

If you feel like you have a low sex drive GET YOUR SQUAT AND LUNGES ON!

This powerful pleasure-enhancing exercise can increase testosterone (women have testosterone too!) levels increasing blood flow to the pelvic region, which helps with more intense sensations. 

Squats are great for toning and shaping the legs and booty. Additionally, all that blood pumping below the waist can also improve your ability to become aroused during sex. 

Oh…and squats strengthen and prepare you for those times you'd like to get into a different sexy position, such as girl on top. You will be doing more work, so you will need the endurance if you want to try some of the more fun positions. 

  1. Stand with your feet about shoulder-width apart and arms down at your side. Women with WIDE hips, point your toes out at a 45 degree angle to prevent knee issues.
  2. Keeping your heels on the floor and most of your weight on your heels, initiate a bend at the waist first, then bend the knees, as if sitting in a chair. 

Kegels for Strength and Sometimes Pride

You probably know that keeping your pelvic floor strong is important for avoiding any embarrassing accidents and prolapses, but did you realize it’s critical for a good sex life too?

Vaginas are pretty temperamental sometimes, and for some women, their muscles squeeze or spasm when something is entering it. This feeling can range from mildly uncomfortable to painful. 

If intercourse has been painful, the pelvic floor muscles, which wrap around the vagina, tighten up and close the vagina protectively. That could be a good idea initially, but not if they don’t open up again. Sex won’t be fun!

There are exercises a woman can do that may help called Kegel Exercises.

  1. To perform Kegel exercises effectively, you’ll need to first identify the right muscles. The easiest way to do this is to stop urination midstream. The muscles that help you do that are the ones used in Kegels.
  2. Contract these muscles as much as possible and hold for a goal of 5 seconds. Release for 5.
  3. If you’re just starting, work your way up! Do 50% squeeze instead of 100% for the first week! For best results, practice 10 Kegels three times a day - not just during your sex workout. 

If you have pelvic floor issues I highly recommend going to a pelvic floor physical therapist. If you live near West Hartford CT, I know the best pelvic floor PT in the state! Feel free to reach out and I will give you the contact info. 

Share any of your favorite exercises for better sex below and let us know your thoughts on the tips!

If you want more information similar to this, check my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer and sign up for our weekly emailed posts.

 

Amanda Pasciucco

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Couples Cure Text Therapy Program.

If you know someone who would benefit from sex, intimacy and relationship knowledge, feel free to send them a link to Amanda’s YouTube channel – The Sex Healer

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

If you like this post, share it on social media.


Tied Up Sex

Tied Up Sex - Why do People Enjoy it?

Tied Up Sex - Why do People Enjoy it?

Are you curious about what people enjoy about tied up sex?

Are you confused or afraid of people’s motivation for doing bondage or binding with their partners?

When you ask people what they enjoy about tied up sex, you will get a wide variety of answers and a few awkward jokes.

You will find that most binding practitioners are motivated largely by their partners pleasure.

To really understand tied up sex, you first have to tunderstand what makes a person want to be bound.

Why do People Enjoy Tied Up Sex?

Control

Some do it for control, or the “feeling of control.”

We’re talking about consensual bondage so your partner (the one being tied up) can take control back at any moment with a safeword or a prearranged signal. 

Why control though?  

What is it about control that is so appealing?  

I think that in many cases it is related to the contrast with daily life.  

Very  often at work and in life we feel no sense of certainty or structure at all.  

Your boss may seem to micromanage your every move. You may feel like your life isn’t your own if you have to care for a crying baby every day. Or you are held captive to your mobile phone to respond to pinging text messages.

During the bondage process,, you can experience an awesome feeling of “presentness” that we rarely achieve in our daily lives.

This can lead to a powerful sense of caregiving.

Fun and Mischief

I think another reason people like to tie people up during sex is for fun - pure mischief.  

There are some people that just can’t resist the opportunity for mischief.  You may have felt this before when you unexpectedly encountered a friend sleeping.  

Did you stop to consider for just a moment the fun of that situation?  Wasn’t that thought fun, even if you didn’t act on it? 

It is no coincidence that often one of the first things neophyte bondage do is tickle their “victims.”

Relieve Modesty

For some it can be about enjoying the helplessness of their partner.  This may be particularly true if your partner is a bit shy with their body. Binding enables you to relieve them of their modesty while you explore them more 

carefully at your leisure.

Exhibitionism and Thrill Seeking

For some, it is about exhibitionism and thrill seeking.  This is particularly true of those that attend bondage events.  

They enjoy showing off their skills doing crazy circus tricks to be admired by other attendees.  It isn’t as shallow as it sounds, because it’s a bonding community experience to share kinks with other like-minded people.

Overcome the Fear of Rejection

If your partner is bound and gagged, then they can’t really express judgement of what you want, however with consensual bondage, they can withdraw consent.  

Sometimes this can be helpful for those that may suffer from performance anxiety or shame about their sexual desires.  

Often the person tying can discover desires that they didn't realize they even had once their partner is bound.

Aesthetic

There are some that simply enjoy the aesthetic appeal of the bound body. They are willing to go to great lengths to decorate and adorn their partner to make them into their fantasy object.

It is a way that many people receive significance. They create art with their bodies in beautiful rope patterns between the rigger (or rope artist) and the model. Then, they take pictures so they have their art in their mind. It can be printed so the moment is captured forever. 

Fetish

This article wouldn’t be complete without addressing the pure fetish aspect of it.  Some people just need bondage to be able to function sexually at all.    

For these people who so often feel rejected for their deviant desires, the trust of a willing participant is incredibly healing.

Please comment below if you know any other reasons why someone may want to have tied up sex!

If you know someone who would benefit from this knowledge, feel free to end the stigma around sexual shame and send them a link to my YouTube channel - The Sex Healer

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Couples Cure text therapy program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.


The Pleasure Practice Amanda Pasciucco

eGuides on Relationship and Sex Tips

eGuides on Relationship and Sex Tips

Amanda Pasciucco, The Sex Healer, and founder of Life Coaching and Therapy, in West Hartford, CT brings you free eguides on relationship and sex tips.

As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, Amanda has more than 15,000 client hours of experience. She has helped hundreds of distant couples reignite their erotic spark after only a few sessions.

Additionally, Amanda is a national educator, speaker and is featured in CNN, Playboy, Men’s Health, Maxim, Daily Mail and more!

She has helped transform the intimate lives of those struggling with infertility, sexless relationships, low-desire, arousal, orgasm, and penetration problems.

Amanda shares her best, most effective techniques, practices and beliefs.

Are you ready to download, read and practice these tips at home?

It is time to improve your intimate life!

 

Free eguide on Relationship and Sex tips

Click to Download: The Pleasure Practice – A Guide to Unleashing Self Pleasure to Heal Yourself and Transform Your Sex Life

 

If you know someone that would benefit from free eguides on relationship and sex tips, please share this information with them!

 

Check out Amanda’s Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

 

Learn more about Life Coaching and Therapy. 

 

Amanda Pasciucco

 

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Bondage Sex

Bondage Sex

Bondage Sex

 

Are you confused about why people like to participate in bondage sex?  

Do you want to understand why you crave it? 

I’ve spoken with hundreds of bondage enthusiasts and I’m here to help you understand what I’ve learned from them about why they love bondage and the feeling of being contained. 

Let’s start with a working definition of bondage, and limit the scope just a bit.  

 

What is Bondage Sex?

Bondage sex can be practiced alone or as partners and it’s focused on limiting our physical movement or senses in a way that we desire or that stimulates or arouses us.

To say that bondage isn’t well understood clinically, is an understatement. 

There are so many different motivations, which are usually complex.  

As with anything within the context of being an emotional human, it just isn’t as simple as we wish it was.

 

Is Bondage Sex a Fetish?

Yes and no.

For some people, bondage is a fetish need.  There are people that cannot have successful sex without bondage, and for these people bondage is not merely a preference.  

The reasons for sexual fetishes are deep and are beyond the scope of our conversation here. They are a very small minority even among bondage enthusiasts, and some of them are very nice people.  This is not at all the same thing as the dark psycho bad guys that we often see doing bondage in thriller films. 

Bondage isn’t really something to be afraid of, but all kinky sexual practices should be treated mindfully with people that you trust.

For the great majority of bondage enthusiasts, bondage is something that turns them on or is meaningful to them in some ways. It isn’t a fetish need. 

Kierkegaard believed that freedom and dread are forever linked and psychological research has proven this.  A great oversimplification of this link is that freedom leads to responsibility and responsibility leads to anxiety about all sorts of things!  

Most people that I have talked to that enjoy being bound cite this as the most common reason for bondage. They “feel” free when their choices are taken away.  

What delicious irony!  

Bondage Sex

 

For these people the  release of responsibility allows them to just be in the moment and enjoy whatever is happening.  They will often refer to this as “flying” even if they aren’t suspended.  

This experience can even lead to trance like states of ecstasy and bliss even without penetrative sex or direct sexual stimulation.

Below are some primary motivations, and usually there is more than just one motivation: 

 

Thrill Seekers

Almost the opposite of those needing to remove their choices are the thrill seeker types.  

These people are stimulated by the danger, risk and adrenaline of the experiences.  This type of bondage high is very primal. Surviving near death experiences often leaves the body very aroused! 

These people often like a little fear with their bondage and can combine breath restriction, role playing and pure athleticism into an erotic circus of bondage experience.  

Just a word of caution…this can be very dangerous and injuries are common even among the most experienced of this type of bondage player.  

Seek out experienced people, and learn as much as you can before you jump into this type of bondage.

 

Sensualists

Swinging way back in the other direction are the sensualists.

For them bondage is almost a meditative experience or a spa day.  They put on music, and light incense, open their senses completely and just let go.  

For them, the sensations of bondage are about the way that it makes their body feel.  

They commonly prefer being bound where they can lay down and drift away.  

The materials can be silk scarves or soft ropes or even bolts of cloth and ribbons.  

They often prefer lots of surface area of their body be covered in a cocoon-like experience.

 

Long-Term Bondage Fans

There are also the long-term bondage fans.

They get to take the whole day off.  These people like cages or small spaces where they have some freedom of movement, but they aren’t allowed to leave.  

They fantasize about being chained to a radiator in a basement or handcuffed to a bed, and that brings us to the fantasy players.

 

Fantasy Players

Fantasy players often have a particular role play that they are obsessed with.  They dream about being abducted and kidnapped. They can act out elaborate multiplayer fantasies with duct tape and fiendish predicaments.  This type of bondage play is not about quality of the bondage itself, it's about the fantasy that it inspires.

Next are the psychological or emotional players.  For these people bondage is about exploring taboos, shame, humiliation and intimacy.  They wish to be bound and exhibited like an object or perhaps made fun of or ridiculed.  This may allow them to externalize their inner fears in a safe space. This can be quite complex, and shouldn’t be done without a lot of trust and communication.

 

Masochistic Thrills

This last category is for people that do bondage for submission and masochistic thrills.  

For these people bondage is a part of a broader dynamic where they gain pleasure by submitting to the will and desires of someone else.  Bondage is a symbolic or physical way of enforcing that.  

The emphasis here is on the subject who is helpless to resist as they experience pleasure or pain. This can last as long as the Dominant or sadist wishes to pleasure, torment, expose or use them.

These broad categories really just scratch the surface and you can probably see how they can blend into each other pretty easily.  

The possible motivations for bondage are really endless.  

I hope that this post was able to help you understand why people like bondage sex.  

You can try to use these categories to discuss your bondage fantasies with your partner.

If you want more information similar to this, check my Youtube channel, The Sex Healer, and sign up for our weekly posts.

Amanda Pasciucco

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Couples Cure text therapy program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.


Sex and Submission

Sex and Submission

Sex and Submission

Do you like to combine sex and submissionYou’re not the only one! Sex and submission is a perfectly normal fantasy.

There are many reasons we crave sexual submission

Submission is an act of trust. It is turning over your body and your well-being into another’s care.

Sexual submission can be thrilling and empowering.

When we are talking about kinky sex, being submissive is an honored role. 

Submission during sex means trusting another enough to temporarily relinquish control and be guided on a journey. 

To get started in the games of domination and submission it is best to do it with your partner or with someone  you have total confidence in and trust. e Be very clear that it is only a game. 

 

 

Are You Willing to Submit?

This is the first question you have to ask yourself if you want to experience the game of domination. 

If your erotic fantasy is to have your partner dominate you and make love to you by force, I encourage you to put it into practice. 

And, why not? Maybe your partner likes to be submissive too!

You just have to ask! Communicate! 

 

Pleasure or Pain?

The games of domination and submission are usually related to bondage, ties and spanking, and the roles of master and slave. Use your creativity!

The only rule is to do it with respect and self-control. You don’t really want to be hurt and you don’t want to hurt your partner. .

 

 

Control Your Role

When you are in the game of sex and submission, sometimes you will have to play the role as the dominant and other times as the submissive partner. 

Sex and Submission

In both roles you have to feel comfortable and know what limits are in advance.

If you are exercising as a mistress, make sure your partner is doing well and enjoying the game. 

When it is the other way around, stop and speak clearly if you do not like something or feel that your partner is overreacting. 

But, above all, get into the role and have fun. 

Pretending to be someone else can help you feel much sexier and uninhibited.

 

 

Only in the Bedroom

Domination or submission games could get you hooked so much that you end up getting too much into your role even out of bed. 

The game can take place during a dinner, in an exchange of messages, or even in the gym! 

As soon as someone says stop, you immediately stop and get out of sex and submission.

CONSENT is key! Everyone has to be engaged and interested. 

My motto is a DEEP YES is consent. I don’t want anything other than a HELL YES to a moment…including sex and submission!

Sex and Submission

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimiate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Couples Cure text therapy program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

When you have a minute, check out amazing video tips on sex and relationships from LCAT founder, Amanda Pasciucco, The Sex Healer.

 


Tips for Couples Having Sex

Tips for Couples Having Sex

Here I provide you with my best tips for couples having sex! 

Long-term couples are different than those who are newly together.

So here are my favorite techniques for couples who have been having sex for years.

 

Tip 1 : Break Routine

Just because you want to change up your sexy time habits doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the sex — or the relationship. It just may be time for something different or new.

There are more than 100 sex positions you can try. 

Each of you can plan a fantasy for the upcoming month. 

Pick a date night, or day once a week, and each of you should set the date time for the other. Don’t forget to communicate and gain consent.

 

Tip 2: Be Creative! 

When it comes to tips for couples having sex, being creative and spontaneous is a MUST!

Do you decorate your home for the holidays, or dress up for sporting events? 

Why don't you take time to dress up the bedroom too?

Have pictures of family in your bedroom? Turn those around.

Have you heard of role play? (include a link to some role play sites?)

If you are anxious about how you might look in certain positions or afraid to be as dirty as you actually want to be, role playing is a great way to give yourself the freedom to be whoever you want to be. 

Role playing is all about fantasy. Why not discuss it with your partner? 

If you both have talked about it and you're ready to try it, let me give you a few ideas:

  1. Meet For the First Time

One of the more fun ways to try role playing is to not only get out of your bedroom, but to get out of your house!

Dress differently then you usually do. Come up with a new profession, or a separate identity!

Go through the process of meeting each other for the first time. Flirt, make jokes, and ask about one another’s history.

And if you want, bring it home to have sex!

  1. Professor and Student

More likely than not, you've had a crush on a teacher or professor  at some point. This is kind of like a power play fantasy, and many couples find this one easy!

  1. The Stripper

The role playing fantasy involving a stripper might really turn you on. 

Even if your leading partner isn’t quite the dancer, it doesn’t matter. It is about trying something new.

  1. Person in Uniform or Costume 

It might seem a little silly, but this kind of role playing is a classic. 

Why? It is simple, it gets things moving and hey, it probably means having sex somewhere different in your home!

I don’t think this image should go with the uniform tip - maybe tip #1?  A classy stripper image might be nice for that tip.

Tips for Couples Having Sex

Tip 3: Don't Rush Experiences

This tip for couples having sex can be the most important! Don't rush experience!

In many relationships, one partner has more sexual experience than the other and that can intimidate the other partner! It’s totally normal.

You don’t need to know the Kama Sutra or be an expert in oral. No one is born knowing everything about sex, and anything can be learned. It’s a game! 

The important thing is that you know how to say "no" when a situation overcomes you and you begin to feel uncomfortable. 

If something may be common for your partner, but not for you, do not force yourself to do it, if you don’t want to!

Talk about it instead. Fantasize about it first and see if it works for you before trying it in person. 

Tip 4: Focus on How Your Partner Makes You Feel

Don’t worry about how your partner perceives you or your performance. Thinking about yourself and what parts may or may not please your partner puts your partner out of focus. 

If you’re so nervous about yourself, how are you going to be attentive to their gestures and needs? 

When approaching sex, think about how much you like them and what part of them arouse you. 

Focus on things like their hair, their lips, the neck. Build sensuality instead of sexuality. 

Tip 5: Ask For What You Really Want

A common mistake is to wait for your partner to do something without ever telling him/her/them what you desire. 

Your partner is not a mindreader! No matter how much time you have spent together, or how well you think you know each other. If you really want something, express it verbally! 

If you want more tips for couples having sex, contact us! We can help!

Amanda Pasciucco 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

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Dating Coaching

Five Love Making Tips

Five Love Making Tips

 

Ready for some of the best love making tips around? 

 

Although there is no magic recipe for sex and no perfect sex guide to follow, we are always curious about how to make things better.

 

When you aren’t satisfied with the sex you are having or you feel that the flame slowly dying, it does not necessarily mean that something is wrong with you or the relationship. 

 

When you aren’t satisfied with the sex you are having or you feel the flame slowly dying, don’t worry. 

 

It does not necessarily mean that something is wrong with you or the relationship. 

 

We often need love making tips, because couples run out of ideas, energy and time or spontaneity and adventure.  

 

It is time to do some experimenting!

 

Below are My Top Five Love Making Tips for All Adults!

 

Tip One: Know that you deserve to have your sexual desires fulfilled

 

Society’s message is that sex is shameful, not acceptable, or that it is for practical purposes - like procreation - having children! 

 

If you feel ashamed about your sexual desires, it is hard to be honest with your partner about it.

 

Remind yourself that you are allowed to experience and enjoy pleasure. 

 

You were born a sexual being and you have a right to feel confident about expressing that sexuality. You have a sexual power that attracts others. Own it!

 

Tip Two: Have confidence in your body

 

You have the potential to be your worst critic or your greatest supporter. 

 

In order to really accept that you are worthy of appreciation and love, you need to be body positive! 

 

If someone tells you that they love your legs or your lips, do you believe them? 

 

The goal is to feel comfortable when looking at your body, not necessarily liking every single part.

 

Give yourself body affirmations often. 

 

Compliment yourself as you walk past a mirror.

 

Pamper yourself. 

 

Choose a part of you that you like and repeat a positive affirmation about it. 

 

Avoid talking negatively about yourself in front of other people. 

 

Accept other people’s compliments. 

 

Would you throw away someone’s gift in front of them? Probably not. 

 

You say thank you. 

 

making love tips

Tip Three: Know that building intimacy doesn’t require an orgasm

Does every SUCCESSFUL sexual encounter have to end with an orgasm? 

 

No! Don’t think you are less if you don’t help your partner to achieve an orgasm. 

 

Each individual’s orgasm is their own privilege to have. 

 

That’s right, it is not your responsibility to give your partner an orgasm.

 

Orgasms happen when conditions are right, and your partner has to tell you those conditions in order for you to fulfill it.

 

An orgasm doesn’t need to be the only goal. Intimacy is an excellent goal. You can build intimacy in manyways such as taking baths with one another, foot massages, having meaningful conversations, tantra positions, and eye gazing.

 

TIP Four: Don’t compare yourself

 

Comparing ourselves with other people is inevitable. We all do it, but it makes things worse.

 

People do it with material possessions and even with our sexuality. 

 

We compare our bodies with bodies we see on the screen.

 

We compare the size, we compare our sexual performance, we even compare how we enjoy sex.

 

Don't do it! It is one of the most harmful things we can do to ourselves.

 

Tip Five: Nervousness inhibits arousal

 

So, sexual anxiety can lead to not getting it up or keeping it up, or not being wet or having genital pain, but how? 

 

Well you have your parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems, which work opposite from each other in your body. 

 

When you’re experiencing emotions like fear, anxiety, or shame, your brain tells your body to release the adrenaline hormone. 

 

This causes blood to flow AWAY from the genitals and, thus, no arousal. 

 

However, when you’re relaxed and sexually aroused, your parasympathetic system kicks in to bring blood to the genitals, which enables lubrication and erection. 

 

If sexual anxiety is a problem, work with your physiology in order to overcome this.

 

If you want more tips on how to improve your sex life and have the best experience, contact us! We can help! 

Amanda Pasciucco

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, ormake an appointment.

 

A relationship and sex therapy program that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach.