Plus Size Sex

Plus Size Sex


For those of you who are considered “plus size” or those of you who have sex with people who are considered overweight, it is time to have the BEST PLUS SIZE SEX EVER.

Common Themes:

  • "I am plus size, should I be on top when I have sex? I do not want to break my girlfriend"
  • I’m embarrassed to be on top, because my partner can see all my rolls and jiggles.”
  • “I am plus size and I want to take things to another level with my partner. What positions might work for us for penetrative sex? 

Plus Size SexIf this sounds like you or your partner, I have the plus size sex answers you have been waiting for! Believe it or not peoplehave sex no matter what their size! Ranging from masturbation, to partnered sex, to kinks, different body types have sex all the time. 

Self-consciousness can be deep within you and it feels insurmountable. I understand that you might feel shy about your body in front of your partner, especially if you’re feeling insecure.

Your jiggly hips, soft bellies, full chests, and dimpled thighs are all a part of you, and they are beautiful and perceived as VERY sexy. 

All individuals deserve the sex life they want!

While unleashing your body, try to remember that the person showing up in the bedroom vulnerably with you knows what you look like if they are going to have sex with you.

The fact is that confidence comes from radical acceptance of who you are. 

Plus Size Sex

Another fun fact is that the more you do something (for example, show yourself nude to a partner), the easier that THING becomes, AND the more CONFIDENT you become about it.

Love yourself like no other, AND love your body like no one else can. You DO NOT need anyone’s permission to do so. With confidence, you can attract whoever you are attracted to. Confidence is sexy.

It is key to talk to your partner about what sex you want to try. Do whatever position it is that you need to do to get your “rocks” off.

If you are worried about getting on top or sitting on your partner’s face, ask him/her/them. If they/he/she says yes and you want to, JUST DO IT! You will not suffocate your partner to death!

Your plus size sex has the best chance of being AMAZING if you keep an open conversation and talk to your partner about it.


Sexy Time

Whether you’re plus size, your partner is, or you both are, these are penetrative plus size sex positions you will love to try:

  • Reverse Cowgirl - booty is in! 
  • Doggy Style -  this is an oldie, but a goodie! Especially for receiving partners that want a harder sensation. 
  • The Pretzel - this is more of a sensual sex position than a wild one. Receiver is in a spooning position on their side and the penetrative partner (man or the one with a phallus) is on top, like in missionary. The person penetrating can get into the body at the best angle this way and the receiver can use a sex toy if they want on their other genitals.  
  • Edge of The Bed - try one person laying on the edge of the bed to receive penetration while the giver is STANDING and thrusting.
  • The Elevated Starfish - this is a variation of missionary, but with accommodations that can make it more exciting. Legs open, legs closed, knees bent and tucked up. 

If these positions don’t work, no problem! 

Not only did I work as the sex therapist for those with binge eating disorders at an eating disorder facility, but I myself have ranged in weight from average size to plus-size. 

Non-Penetrative Plus Size Sex Tips You Are Going To Love:



  • Learn about your pleasure and erroneous zones.
  • Experiment with your body and your orgasms! 


Someone Who You Feel Safe With

Find someone you can “lose the shame” with. If you are with someone who shames you for your body, please do not stay with this partner.. You’re beautiful!

  • Someone else is dying to appreciate you - I promise! You don’t need to waste your time on someone that doesn’t make you feel special for who you are.
  • Consider having a sexual relationship with someone you could keep the lights on with during sex. 


Use Toys

  • The choices are endless from vibrations to sensations! Move away from penetrative sex and get in the habit of making the entire body the sexual region instead of focusing on just penetrative sex, which is incredibly limiting. 


Buy Sexy Clothes For Yourself 

  • While finding lingerie in stores is IMPOSSIBLE (in my experience it was), plenty of online retailers make gorgeous plus size lingerie. 
  • My personal favorite is to get a costume to spice things up! NOTE: the one size fits all (in the plus-size category) used to work best for me because the material is stretchy, and that made me feel like it hugged more appropriately.


Put Your Comfort First 

  • Don’t go out of your way to satisfy another partner orally (eating out or giving blowjobs) while kneeling if it’s too hard on your knees. 
  • Don’t feel like you have to have shower sex if you feel you are stuffed in there too tightly. Feeling claustrophobic during shower sex (yes this happens) is much worse. 
  • Share your desires with your partner, and ask questions to find out what feels good to him/her. Lie down to give oral sex if needed. 


Thigh Chafing

  • If you find your thighs chafing during sex, put a dab of lotion or uberlube that neither you or your partner are allergic to on the inside of your thighs. NOT on your genitals yet.
  • This will make your skin super soft, and prevent rashes, and irritation..
  • Also, for those who like lingerie, you can buy amazing lingerie thigh garters for chafing. If those don’t work for you, cotton shorts under clothing help. 


Stay Hydrated

  • Don’t be afraid to take breaks during sexual activity. 
  • Sex can be hard work and it’s important to hydrate yourself. 
  • Do not push yourself past your limits, because it will affect the entire body later! 


If you feel that you need additional support for your plus size sex questions, feel free to comment them below! 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

A relationship and sex therapy program that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach.

porn addiction recovery

Is Porn An Addiction?

Is Porn An Addiction?

“Psst… he has porn addiction.” She whispered.

“Did you hear they got divorced due to a porn addiction?” He gossiped. 

“Addiction” to porn has not been proven yet, but there are people who have reported to me the compulsions that porn has given them in their lives. 

Pornography is defined as "any sexually explicit material that is intended to, or is used as, a sexual outlet." (The Porn Trap, 2008).

Porn use is individualized. We cannot lump it into one category, even though it would be easier!

I know people who literally have skipped out on dates, their job, and family functions due to their desire to masturbate and self-pleasure as a coping skill. 

Not everyone has a “porn addiction” or compulsive porn use though. Honestly, the AASECT Sex Therapy board doesn’t even believe there is enough evidence to prove that it exists! 

Fun fact… some pornography sometimes can awaken desire and paint fantasies in the psyche. 

My Quick Tips For Using Pornography while self-pleasuring: 

  • Still photos are always better.
  • It is better to read erotica than watch it. 
  • If you can, mute the sound.
  • It is better to see a GIF than it is a movie. 

Why do people say they have porn addiction though? 

Self-diagnosis of porn addiction usually comes when people say they are escape into fantasies rather than dealing with their realities. 

People believe “porn addiction” is real because it is similar to other addictions:

  • Immediate reward - masturbation leads to orgasm. 
  • It can be repeated as many times as you want. It is mostly free and private.
  • You start with a small dose. By seeing light scenes, enough for the stimulation and the release of dopamine. Some people will say that they travel down the path of kinkier scenes because they need greater stimulus and more “raw” footage. Others DO NOT report this. It really seems that this depends on a person’s sexual appetites. 

Is there such a thing as porn addiction?

Not yet. Researchers all over are debating if excessive use of pornography is considered a porn addiction in the scientific sense of the word.

However, many people come to therapy due to their fears and sexual dysfunctions that they believe are caused by porn use. 

“Pornography…really, really messed up my life in a lot of ways,” Crew said. “I believed that I was more valuable than my wife as a human being because I was a man. And when you believe that you are more valuable than another person, you kind of feel like they owe you. And I was wrong.” -Terry Crew.

I have seen pornography ruin marriages, families, and people’s careers. I have had clients that have been caught and the shame causes a rippling effect into their home. 


So… what can you do?! 

  • 12-Step Programs 

A community of others who are struggling with a similar experience and come together just to get over this particular issue. 

  • Individual Therapy

Individual therapy with a qualified mental health professional usually consists of 45-60 minute sessions, focusing on the behaviors related to the “porn addiction.”

CBT often focus on negative thoughts about oneself and the world to change these into more positive and less-intrusive thoughts.

Couples counseling can be important for partners when one, or both, feel porn and masturbation are being used in unhealthy ways.

This type of counseling focuses on both resolving individual behaviors, improving communication, and bridging the barriers between the two partners when it comes to sexual functioning and conversation. 

If you feel you have a porn addiction and can’t stop "using," consider contacting a mental health professional experienced in treating compulsions and sexual dysfunction.

A trained therapist can help you overcome unhealthy behaviors and improve your quality of life TODAY! 



Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

breast cancer and pleasure

Sex After Breast Cancer

Sex After Breast Cancer

I often get asked by my female clients for alternative ways to get aroused during sex after breast cancer. They have little or no feeling in their nipples due to breast cancer or other types of breast surgery.


I have heard more than 100 women discuss changes in sensitivity around the nipple and breast, which impacts sex after breast cancer and even breastfeeding.


There is A LOT happening emotionally and spiritually while undergoing breast surgery and recovery.


The chest is an interesting body part for women, as it holds the heart and the breasts! It's such a tender and vulnerable spot.




After breast cancer surgery, many women indicate they do not feel 'womanly' anymore. Some feel they aren't good enough. This is because they don't like how they fill out their shirts, or they have unappealing scars, or they don't get aroused easily. This creates anxiety and insecurity in their sex life.


Tips and Lessons Learned From My Clients for Sex After Breast Cancer (if your nipples aren’t sensitive anymore): 

  1. Identify your breast sensitivity: no sensation, minimal sensation, due to technique or something else.
  2. Talk to your doctor if you need to understand the cause
  3. Find another part of your body that is sensitive. Try the lower back and down the sides of the body. Go from your neck, around the chest, and down the rib cage (towards the belly). Once you find other areas that are sensitive have your partner touch you there.
  4. Reclaim your chest by either piercing your nipples or tattooing over surgery scars. 
  5. Incorporate other toys on the nipples, like nipple clamps, vibrators, or floggers (whips) to get a different feeling on the chest.
  6. Do a sexy photo shoot to reclaim your beauty.
  7. Do a mourning ritual for the chest you used to have so you can grieve and move on!


If you have had breast cancer or reconstruction, or possibly breast implants or breast reductions, how have you dealt with the feelings of insecurity, pain, embarrassment, etc.?  Please comment below, we would love to hear from you!


Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!


Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.


Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.



breast cancer



sex counseling

What Does A Sex Therapist Do?

What Does A Sex Therapist Do?

So you heard someone mention a sex therapist, but… what does a sex therapist do?

First - a little bit about who they are!

Sex therapists hold valid state regulatory license in one of the following disciplines: marriage and family therapy, psychology, medicine, social work, counseling, or nursing.

Unlike other types of counseling, sex therapy focuses on human sexuality and intimacy of desire discrepencies in a comfortable non-judgmental atmosphere where single and partnered individuals feel safe.

What Does A Sex Therapist Do?

A sex therapist does not help you have sex in the literal sense. They are not sex workers.

A sex therapist takes the tools of therapy, addresses your concerns, thoughts, and feelings, and puts this together with how this is inhibiting your sexuality.

According to AASECT, “sex therapy training must involve the learning of specific sex therapy techniques and interventions, not just theory.”

So therefore, you could attend a workshop on sex therapy theory on this particular therapeutic technique. Then, a certified sex therapist would usually attend “an additional workshop on how to present this technique, what kind of language to use, how to time and pace the specific assignments, and in which order the assignments are given” says AASECT.

Often then give you the tools to complete the goal of resolving the issue.

Sex therapists listen to your concerns within the realm of sex, such as:

  • Concerns over intimacy, sexual desire, or arousal
  • Sexual anxieties or interests
  • Sexual orientation (and gender identity)Impulsive or compulsive sexual behavior
  • Difficulties, such as early ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, or painful intercourse
  • Concerns over past unwanted or traumatic sexual experiences
  • Low sexual desire or difficult arousal
  • Reckless sexual activity
  • Inability to achieve orgasm

The list does not end here!

Are you going through new changes such as having a baby, moving in together, making a major purchase, getting married, or going through menopause?

All of these mean bumps in a person’s sexual experiences that a sex therapist can help you through. Together, you find new ways to achieve your intimate goal.

What happens in a sex therapy session?

A sex therapist will listen to you describe your problems and assess whether the cause is likely to be psychological, physical, emotional, or a combination.

Talking about and exploring your experiences will help you get a better understanding of what is happening and the reasons.

What Does A Sex Therapist Do?

The therapist may also give you exercises and tasks to do with your partner in your own time.

Each therapy session is completely confidential and different. You can see a sex therapist by yourself or with a partner.

Sessions usually last for 30 - 60 minutes depending on what you are interested in!

The therapist may advise you to have weekly sessions or to see them less frequently, such as once a month.

At Life Coaching and Therapy we can offer you a variety of therapies like:

We can help you get the life you want and the results you desire related to passion, connection, and growth. Through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training, we transform our clients intimate lives!

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do.

Call us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment!

Improving couples sex life

Why You Need A Sex Coach!


Why You Need A Sex Coach!

We know it’s tough when you are asking for help with depression or anxiety. At least with that, most people know what to expect when they arrive in a therapy session. But what about when you need help with sex?

Did you miss the “how to have sex” class too? Although you have the desire to have sex and connect, the skills to do so effectively is not something most people do effectively. The truth is that people need to learn how to have great sex. We aren’t all just “born with it” - it is a skill set. Similar to regular life coaching, in sex coaching the client comes to the coach with a sex problem like erectile dysfunction, low desire, premature ejaculation, etc.

A sex coach could help you solve your intimacy problem. Since sex is so shamed in our culture, talking about it or giving explicit instruction on “how-to” still remains pretty taboo. With the advent of porn, adults now have more access to sexual materials yet few examples on how to learn satisfying mutual pleasure techniques. If people knew how to clearly articulate their needs and feelings, maybe being a sex coach wouldn’t be needed.

Unfortunately, most people don’t give good feedback, so many people end up not feeling fulfilled. Believe it or not, sex is learnable and teachable! The best way to learn about it is to get feedback from an experienced, non-judgmental, or cheerleader who is in your corner discussing strategies prior to sexual activity. A sex coach is more of a facilitator than a therapist - talking about future solutions verses the past and traumas.

For all you who are wondering - NO, you won't have to take off your clothes in the session!

Like life coaches, all experienced sex coaches spend their careers examining research, developing techniques, and learning about the human condition. They use that knowledge to help clients understand themselves better.

To explain what happens when you seek sex therapy, let’s start with the difference between a sex coach and a sex therapist:

Sex therapists have qualifications in therapy (or counseling) and depending on where you live can be psychologists, psychotherapists, or counselors. They are experienced in particular methods of therapy and have specific training and experience in working with psychosexual issues: issues relating to gender and sexuality and sexual problems. Sex therapists spend a considerable time looking at the past in order to help people to resolve issues, figure out patterns and gain the tools to change the patterns.

Sex coaches, on the other hand,  do talk about the past, but spend most of the time future oriented. Fun fact! Some sex coaches can have no qualifications at all. It is good to ask the coaches background. Some are psychologists, counselors, ministers, educators, or therapists. They are experienced in helping clients move forward into the future so they can meet the goals they set and create the life that they desire.

Reasons you need to see a sex coach:

  1. You don’t understand sex. I mean you get it, but you don’t “get it!” When you see it in all the movies, it looks super juicy but in real life is not the same…
  2. You are out of ideas. You remember when the sparks used to fly in the beginning! But you don’t feel the same way anymore. You find yourself in what looks like a routine transactional exchange. You feel an orgasm… but you don’t feel orgasmic.
  3. You spend way too much intimate time with your phone instead on your own love life.

Most commonly, my favorite example of what a sex coach can do that a therapist can't is go with a client to a social event to observe and model behavior.

Sex coaching isn’t just for the sexless. We talk through potential approaches to resolve your challenges in all aspects of your intimate life. The cultural narrative suggests that only a certain type of person would go to life coaching and therapy. I will tell you that being a sex coach and a therapist have taught me that there is no stereotype to who needs help!

Unfortunately, we often see clients with desire diminished due to pornography use, infidelity or emotional affairs, boredom of the same intimate routines, or the comfort of relationship security leading to less quality time due to a focus on other activities.

What happens if I don’t see a sex coach?

  • You may not be able to get to your desired intimacy outcomes due to blocks around shame, embarrassment or insecurity.
  • Your levels of sexual desire may continue to be vastly different than your partner or what you would like it to be.
  • You may be stuck having routine sex your whole life although research would show that this is NOT the pathway to passion.

sex coach

I’m Amanda Pasciucco and I want to present you to my team of licensed therapists. I am an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and my staff and I provide board-certified continuing education for adults.

At Life Coaching and Therapy (L-CAT) we help you get the life you want, and the results you desire related to passion, connection, and growth. Through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training, we transform intimate lives!

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

couples intimacy workshop

Sex Therapy Exercises

Sex Therapy Exercises

Take a step into healing and wholeness this summer by focusing on some sex therapy exercises!Strut around this summer in your flats as spring has sprung, beautiful!


Ever find yourself in a group of people who are just complaining about work or their relationships? Ever hear more about their intimate lives?

Sometimes, it is embarassing but googling “sex therapy exercises” can actually help if you can’t find a way to speak about more sensitive topics on the homefront.


Chances are if you landed here, it is because you need some spice in your sexual experiences.

Most people are scared to open up fully to a partner or can’t figure out how to take it from single to married!

If you work with a sex therapist, they will most likely give you sex therapy exercises if you ask for it. Because, you know, sometimes once-a-week therapy just isn’t enough.


The best way to get the life you want is to start to fill your mind and life with new and invigorating habits!


All sex therapy exercises will solve your presenting problems.

  • Communication
  • Trust
  • Routine (routine kills passion, always doing the same thing is boring and that's what these exercises are for!)





Tantra is a Sanskrit word that means ‘to weave’ or ‘expansion through awareness.’

It’s the sexy side of yoga. It’s an ancient Eastern cultural tradition, that uses meditation, breathing exercises, yoga and mantras to weave the spiritual and physical in order to heal.  


What the …. ? Tantra as a form of Sex Therapy Exercises?


The aim of Tantra is to increase the level of sexual desire and intimacy through pleasure. It is the cultivating of sexual energy in the body to connect to something amazing!


There is a large population of women, and all genders, who cannot enjoy sex, and specifically suppress their sexual problems out of shame or not to come off as inappropriate.


Tantra can psychologically heal. It teaches people to embrace themselves and their sexuality by overcoming their sexual problems. It changed my life and it can change yours too!

How? Well... when a woman embraces her sexuality and does not regard it as a taboo aspect in her life, she FLIES across all psychological barriers that stop her from enjoying her life.


This in return, will build her self-confidence and self-esteem. She will take paths that challenged her before to build meaningful relationships that would nourish her soul.

If you want to do a guided tantra activity, click here!

Sensate Focus Exercises

Sensate focus exercises were developed by sex therapists Masters & Johnson. They can be used by any couple seeking to explore a new kind of intimacy!

These exercises are typically done in steps or stages over a period of several weeks. One person starts as the “giver” and the other is the “receiver.” Partners then switch roles until they reach the stage of mutual touching.

If you do the exercises in the morning, you can enjoy other sexual activity at other times! The key is to not mix exercises with your normal sexual activities.


At Life Coaching and Therapy (L-CAT) we help you get the life you want, and the results you desire related to passion, connection, and growth.

Through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure skills training, we transform lives!

Please learn more about how Life Coaching & Therapy (LCAT) can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do.

Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

Sexual Anatomy

Sexual Anatomy: The Basics

Sexual Anatomy - The Basics

Sexual anatomy is not something to be ashamed of! It is one of the gifts of a monogamous relationship and of consensual adult sex!

For you to get the most out of your sexual experiences, we must first understand our body. If you have never spread your legs and looked at your genitals in a mirror, that is step one.

There is nothing to be ashamed of. It is just one part of your body. You must know your sexual anatomy, and then you get to share it with your consenting adult partners!

Also, sex in porn is not real. It is entertainment and a movie. Question the media you are consuming if you believe your relationship and sex life is not to par with those around you.

Let's start with female sexual anatomy, or the anatomy of those assigned female at birth.

Women’s Bodies or Those Assigned Female at Birth

The Vulva

The vulva is the main visible component of female sexual anatomy. It is commonly referred to as the vagina, and the vagina is specifically just the hole that the babies come out of, the menstruation comes out of, and one of the places of pleasure.

The vulva is the external part of the female genitals. The mons veneris (meaning “hill of Venus,” the Roman goddess of love) is the top part of the vulva where pubic hair grows. There is often a layer of fatty tissue on this pubic bone to protects from the impact of penetrative sexual intercourse.


Sexual Anatomy



The outer lips (labia minora) go around to protect the inside.


Pulling these outer lips open, you will expose the inner labia (labia minora), which do not have any hair on them.


All women’s lips have different colors, sizes, and shapes. The inner lips are there to protect the clitoris, urethra, and the vagina.


Usually the lips (both inner and outer) are sensitive to touch.


The Clitoris


The clitoris is the only organ in the body whose sole function is for pleasure. It looks like a small button right at the top of the outer lips. There is a piece of skin, just inside the inner labia, known as the clitoral hood. This protects the clitoris from getting too much direct stimulation. The clitoris is the most excitable part of the female genitalia, because this is where most pleasurable sensation comes from. There are more nerve endings in the clitoris than in the head of a man’s penis, which makes it extremely sensitive to touch and stimulation. The clitoris goes deep inside the body as well (the internal clitoris).

Sexual Anatomy

The Urethra


The urethra is a tiny hole about an inch to two inches below the clitoris. This is where women urinate from and where female ejaculate comes from.


The Vagina


Under the urethra is a bigger hole, which is the vagina. This is where women are penetrated during digital (fingers) or penetrative (penis) intercourse. It is where blood comes from during a menstrual period, and it is part of the birth canal.

The vagina has most of its nerve endings in the first third of the opening. If the entire vagina had numerous nerve endings, it would be extremely painful to give birth through the vaginal canal.


The lack of nerve endings in the vagina is what accounts for the difficulty many women have in achieving orgasm through vaginal penetration alone.

Vaginal orgasms stem from stimulation of the internal clitoris. Most women also need direct stimulation of the external clitoris. Therefore, women should not feel bad or inadequate if vaginal penetration alone is not enough. Women should be able to explain exactly what they need to their partners if they cannot achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration alone.


Bartholin’s Glands


Bartholin's glands are the first step in lubrication. It is similar to pre-come (male ejaculate) for women. These two small glands are near the bottom of the vulva with openings on either side of the vagina. They are located underneath the skin, and they provide a small amount of lubricant.


The G-spot


It is more of an area than a spot. Some indicate that you can locate the G-spot by inserting your fingers into your vagina and make the “come here” motion.

When a woman is aroused, this area can get harder, and the texture can change. Some believe that the G-spot is the location of the internal bulbs of the clitoris, which are located behind the left and right walls of the vagina. Therefore, the G-spot is mostly an area... an area about two inches in on the top part of the vagina, facing the internal clitoris region.

Stimulating this at the same time as the external clitoris can create tons of pleasure for women.

The G-spot is one of the most famous areas of female sexual anatomy!


Sexual Anatomy

The Hymen


A piece of tissue that lines the vaginal opening. It is the “cherry” that is referred to in the common “popped her cherry” slang expression. The hymen is no barometer on whether or not a woman is a virgin. This tissue can be stretched with a finger, tampon, or anything inserted into the vagina. Sometimes the hymen wears away naturally, and sometimes it remains so thick that it makes first penetration extremely painful. If intercourse continues to be painful after penetrated, there is a chance that this barrier has not been broken, and a women can see a gynecologist, who can help with this.


The Perineum


The piece of skin from the bottom of the vulva to the anus is called the perineum. There are not many nerve endings here for women, and sometimes doctors cut through this skin to open the canal for vaginal births.


The Anus


The anus has numerous sensitive nerve endings. Many people practice anal sex, and it is important to note that the anus also has the capacity to be penetrated as the vagina does. The only difference is that the anus does not self-lubricate, as does the vagina.

Therefore, when engaging in anal sex, make sure to use a lot of lubricant.


Male Sexual Anatomy or the Anatomy of Those Misgendered Male at birth.


The Penis


In the United States, there is a tendency to put a good deal of emphasis on penis size. In popular media the question is often “How big is he?” which implies the underlying notion that being bigger is better.


Bigger is not always better when we talk about sexual anatomy.


It is is your relationship with the penis that matters.


If you or your partner’s penis gives you pleasure, it is perfect regardless of size.




It is currently debated in this country whether a man should have a circumcised penis or not. The popular narrative seems to elevate circumcised penises as better or more desirable.


Many women indicate that non-circumcised penises have led to more pleasure for them and their partners, because non-circumcised penises are more lubricating than circumcised ones.


Some women prefer the look of a circumcised penis, while others do not notice much of a difference. There is nothing to be concerned about if you encounter a non-circumcised penis. It just has some extra skin called the foreskin, which covers the head of the penis while flaccid, and retracts back when the penis is erect. But being a circumcised penis or not is just an aesthetic detail in the sexual anatomy.




If a women is in a sexual encounter with a male partner and he is not hard, that is totally normal. Pornography depicts men as always ready to go.

They see a naked woman and are hard almost immediately. Life is not like that.

If you see that your partner’s penis is soft, but he is in the moment with you and giving other signs that he is into the sexual act and enjoying himself, I encourage you to let go of the notion that it should be hard immediately and continue to enjoy each other sexually.

A soft penis is not an automatic indication that your partner is not into the sexual experience.

Soft penises are an indication that blood has not yet entered the penis.

Desire begins in the mind.

Getting upset about a physiological response that those with penises may not have mental control over ruins the moment more than a soft penis does.

Do not put pressure on yourself unless it becomes a constant problem that you can never get an erection while with a partner.

If this is the case, it may be time to discuss what is happening and consult a physician, urologist, and a sex therapist.


Difference Between Orgasming and Ejaculating


Most people think that it is easy to tell when men have orgasmed, because they ejaculated. Although most men orgasm and ejaculate at the same time, this is not always the case. There is a difference between orgasming and ejaculation. Ejaculation is the fluid that is dispelled from the body.

Orgasm can be the emotional, mental, and physical part of this process. People can achieve full-body orgasms using breath-work and relaxation of the mind and body. Sometimes an ejaculatory and full-body orgasm can occur together, and other times, the male body can orgasm without the penis ejaculating at all.




It is important to understand your anatomy and your partner’s body. Feel free to talk with your friends and sexual partner about your body. Instead of shaming the body, as many are taught to do while growing up, praise it as well as the body of your sexual partner. If you feel attracted to your partner, make sure to say which exact body parts you value. Doing this will also set up the framework for you to appreciate your own body.


At Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) we help you get the life you want, and the results you desire related to passion, connection, and growth. Through our flexible, multi-technique approach (DBT, CBT, EMDR) and pleasure skills training (tantra, the science of sex, and sensate focus techniques), we transform our clients lives!


Please learn more about how Life Coaching & Therapy (LCAT) can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.


Sex Connecticut

What is Sexology?

What Is Sexology and What Is It For?

Sexology is the science that studies sex, that simple! To be more specific, it is the science that studies the sexuality of the human being, sexual behavior and its different manifestations. All of these from the psychological and physiological point of view.


A sexologist is a professional who performs various tasks: sexual education, guidance, couples’ counseling and intervention, and research.


The professional will treat the patient from the psychological and therapeutic point of view since there is a diversity of problems which can be extended to both fields. Including everything that has to do with the relationship between men and women, not only about sexual perfomance; but what happens to their lives too.


Communication’s problems, affective needs, maternity-paternity issues, and mediation in separation and divorces are also issues that a sexologist can deal with.


Since we have a sex negative and pleasure negative culture, the field of clinical sexology is imperative. - Amanda Pasciucco


Sexology also serves as a post-traumatic tool in situations where the sexual integrity of a person has been violated. When sexual abuse occurs, the victim is so affected that psychological therapy is necessary to overcome the trauma. Also, sexual therapy helps to regain his/her sexual life.



The governing body for sex therapist is American Association of Sexuality Educators Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) mentions as its vision of sexual health to be one where, all individuals are entitled to enjoy:

  • Respect of their sexual thoughts, feelings and fantasies
  • The right to engage in healthy modes of sexual activity,
  • Freedom to exercise behavioral, emotional, economic, and social responsibility for their bodily functioning
  • The power to chose their mode of loving, working, and playing


AASECT believes that these rights pertain to all peoples whatever their age, family structure, backgrounds, beliefs, and circumstances"


How do I know if I should go to the sexologist or another professional?


It is common for a person who encounters a difficulty in their sexual life to ask which specialist should go. To the gynecologist, the urologist, the general practitioner, the endocrinologist, the psychologist, the sexologist ...? The answer varies depending on the specific problem, and whether it has a physical cause or not.

sexologistJust as the sexologist can refer you to another professional, other professional can refer you to the sexologist. This happens when they find that a certain sexual problem exceeds their field of work.




Sometimes we have problems in our sexual life and, instead of going to a specialist consultation to help us overcome this problem, we let it go by playing down the importance. However, in the same way that when you hurt your teeth you go to the dentist, if there is any dysfunction in your sex life you should go to the specialist: the sexologist.

At Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) we help you get the life you want, and the results you desire when it comes to passion, connection, and growth. Through our flexible, multi-technique approach (DBT, CBT, EMDR) and pleasure skills training (tantra, the science of sex, and sensate focus techniques), we transform our clients lives!

Please learn more about how Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

Female Orgasm

Female Orgasm: Seven Areas of Pleasure

Female Orgasm: Seven Areas of Pleasure

female orgasm

There are many areas of female orgasm, and each are delicious ways of experiencing pleasure.

Today we are speaking to those who have vulvas, not just those who identify as females, because all are welcome here!

An orgasm is the body's response to receiving sexual stimulation from intimate encounters, caresses or intercourse.

For all people. blood accumulates in the genital area during the sexual stimulation process, and it is released when the bodily function of orgasm occurs.

Orgasms are accompanied by a series of sensations that often produce intense pleasure and feelings of sexual satisfaction, adrenaline, oxytocin, and other feel good hormones! 

If I didn't mention the power of the brain and imagination in orgasm, I would be doing us all a disservice. You have to be turned on in your mind - of course! Psychosexual therapy exercises may help if this doesn't make any sense to you!

After you get warmed up, come join us in the seven areas of female orgasms! 

1. Sex for One or More! Clitoral Pleasure in Female Orgasm

This is the most favored area to achieve female orgasm thanks to 8,000 nerve endings. The clitoris is designed to give pleasure and 80% of women report needing direct stimulation of the clitoral glands to have an orgasm.

The sensation is often localized, sharp, powerful, and quick in duration.

Rubbing, oral sex, the use of sex toys or certain postures that favor the friction of the pubis are ways to trigger clitoris stimulation.

2. Entering the Vagina

The walls of the vagina have thousands of nerves that require a patient stimulation rhythm to achieve orgasm. The thing is that the vagina doesn't have the same amount of pleasure that comes from the areas where the clitoris is involved. This is likely due to minimize pain women feel in vaginal childbirth. 

3. Cervical Pleasure

This type of orgasm takes its name from the cervix, which is the female reproductive organ that connects with the uterus. The cervix is three centimeters long and 2.5 centimeters in diameter. First, understand where your cervix is located, and then instruct your partner to massage it with intense strokes. The "doggy style" sex position is good, because penetration is intense and deep.

4. A-Spot Pleasure

The A-spot orgasm is found in the vagina and creates more intense female orgasms - even multiples! The A spot or Anterior Fornix Erogenous (AFE) zone, was reported to be discovered in the 90's by Malaysian doctor, Chua Chee Ann.

It is located above the G spot about 7.5 centimeters from the entrance of the vagina, and on the anterior side, near the cervix.

If you want to explore finding it, sexual positions with penetration from behind, or the missionary position of the jackhammer will help! 

5. The Famous G-Spot

This is one of the most sought after orgasmic experience I am asked about!

Try the following to find your G spot:

  1. Insert a finger into the vagina.
  2. Feel for the front wall (the side where the navel is located).
  3. Move your finger around until you find a spot that feels different when you press or rub it.
  4. If you feel the urge to urinate, do not be concerned - this is normal and it's a good sign.

The most unique aspect of a G spot orgasm is that it can be accompanied by female ejaculation, which is completely normal.

The urethra releases the ejaculation fluid, and it contains prostatic acid phosphatase (PAP)! 

6. The "U-Spot"

The U spot is located at the entrance to the urethra (located just above the vaginal orifice in the middle of the lips).

Many women enjoy a gentle stimulation in this area with fingers and tongue. You will find out that if you are interested in this, oil may feel better than lube! 

7. Full-Body Orgasms

Full-body orgasms occur when a female orgasms throughout her entire body. We recommend full-body orgasms as often as possible! Especially during the same sexual session.

This type of pleasure happens the more you love and the more you know your body!  If you need tips on how to experience sexual nirvana, we can help

The skin is a great source of pleasure - for everyone. The mind as well! 

Explore by yourself or with your partner, and the greater your chances will become of achieving pleasure from multiple areas!

If you still can’t find the courage to tell your partner you want to explore female orgasm or if you are scared to venture into the world of female orgasm alone, contact us. We can guide you!


Life Coaching and Therapy (L-CAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained therapists!


Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

queer sex therapy

Improving Couples Sex Life

Improving Couples Sex Life

There are many ways to improving a couples sex life, and we help our clients with skills and techniques based on what works the best for them. For some, the key is improved communication, and for others it's finding ways to address their fantasies. Wouldn't it be wonderful to maintain the same spark a couple had when they first met? Quite often, time and friction from everyday life causes a relationship to become routine and the spark slowly fades away. Many couples surrender, accepting this routine sex life or lack of a sex life and do not believe that it's even possible to improve their sex life.


The reality is that couples just need a relationship reboot in order to ignite their passion.


Below are seven tips on how to keep the spark in your relationship and improve your sex life, because I want you to know that no matter how long you've been a couple, a great sex life is possible at any time.

Work as a Team


You are! When you decided to commit yourselves and spend the rest of your lives together, you began a long path. You will both only be victorious if you work together as a team. You must join together in dealing with adversities. Problems arise all the time. There may be arguments about money, kids, and even your sex life, but the only ones that can solve the challenges are you two - working together. You have to learn from mistakes and accept that the person next to you has flaws.

Spice Things Up


If you are not having a lot of sex, relax, this is not rare and there is a solution. The first thing you should observe is the daily physical contact that you both have with each other. A hug, a kiss on the cheek or a naughty pat are great gestures if you have not been intimate for a long time.


Regular sexual intercourse will naturally increase sexual desire. The same thing applies when sex frequency is low, sexual desire goes down. Having more sex causes the body to start producing more sex hormones that remind you how much you like to have sex.


Variety is one way to improve a couples sex life. It makes things exciting and rewarding. One of the main reasons why couples stop having sex is because it becomes routine, boring and predictable. Individuals need emotion, fun and a touch of mystery to activate their desire.


Plan a regular date night, and forget about the dishes, kids' homework and problems at work. Take a bath together or share a few glasses of wine to get in the mood. These activities work as passion igniters.


Why not venture into something new together? When it comes to bedroom experiences, there are many new things to try in order to improve couples sex life:


  1. Practice Karezza sex (a calm and gentle method).
  2. Masturbate and watch your partner masturbate.
  3. Implement (at least) half of the Kama Sutra’s positions
  4. Have cybernetic sex and/or erotic phone calls.
  5. Be blindfolded while making love.
  6. Wear super sexy lingerie and shop for it together.
  7. Encourage an erotic dance.
  8. Use a vibrator or other type of erotic toy.
  9. Tie up your partner, and another day, let him/her tie you.
  10. Seduce him/her with an erotic costume.
  11. Practice tantric sex
  12. Have sex in the shower.
  13. Read erotic literature.
  14. Try a sexual role play.
  15. Share your fantasies (and put them into practice).
  16. Wake him/her up in the middle of the night to make love.
  17. Practice "wet" fetishism or splosh sex (cover your partner with wet food, such as cream, before having sex)
  18. Have "morning quickies" before going to work.
  19. Make love with candlelight.
  20. View pornography together and try to imitate it.
  21. Play "strip poker" and undress little by little.

Go Out for Adventures Together


Just as you must experiment in the bedroom, you must also do so in everyday life - I am not talking about sex. Go for a walk in the park together, or go out for coffee like you did when you first met. Your relationship is not limited within the house.

It may sound silly or too obvious, but how many times have you heard your partner say "we never do things together” or “we never go anywhere"? There are many options and the most entertaining are usually the lowest cost or free.

Communicate, Communicate, Communicate


Communication is not the solution to all your problems, but it is essential if you want to lay the foundation for a strong future. Most detachments occur when we misinterpret the other person or simply stop communicating. Sit down to enjoy a night together and ask again all the things you asked each other when you first met.


Ask For What You Really Want


A common mistake is to wait for your partner to do something without ever telling him/her what it is you desire. Your partner is not a mind reader no matter how much time you have spent together, or how well you think you know each other. If you really want something, express it in the proper way.

Explain What You Think or How You Feel


Clearly say what you think or how you feel - both positive and negative thoughts and feelings, but always be respectful of each other. There is no better way for your partner to understand you than when you show your emotions. Do not assume that your partner will know how you feel.


Take Care of Yourself


You have to invest in yourself in order to improve your self-esteem. Your partner will love you now matter how you look, but when you feel good about yourself it will improve your attitude, which can help with your relationship. Only you can decide if you let external factors affect your self-esteem.


Regular exercise, for example, will not only improve your health, but your body will start producing more serotonin, which regulates the state of mood. That is why it is also known as a happiness hormone. You must love and be happy with yourself so that your partner can also love you without restrictions.




Regardless of the reasons, such as stress, lack of intimacy or poor communication that cause a couple to lose their spark, it is possible to improve couples sex life by breaking out of their routine, trying new things, and acting like they are dating again in order to ignite the passion that originally brought them together.


Please learn more about how Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What we do, call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.