Sexual Anatomy

Sexual Anatomy: The Basics

Sexual Anatomy – The Basics

Sexual anatomy is not something to be ashamed of! It is one of the gifts of a monogamous relationship and of consensual adult sex!

For you to get the most out of your sexual experiences, we must first understand our body. If you have never spread your legs and looked at your genitals in a mirror, that is step one.

There is nothing to be ashamed of. It is just one part of your body. You must know your sexual anatomy, and then you get to share it with your consenting adult partners!

Also, sex in porn is not real. It is entertainment and a movie. Question the media you are consuming if you believe your relationship and sex life is not to par with those around you.

Let’s start with female sexual anatomy, or the anatomy of those assigned female at birth.

Women’s Bodies or Those Assigned Female at Birth

The Vulva

The vulva is the main visible component of female sexual anatomy. It is commonly referred to as the vagina, and the vagina is specifically just the hole that the babies come out of, the menstruation comes out of, and one of the places of pleasure.

The vulva is the external part of the female genitals. The mons veneris (meaning “hill of Venus,” the Roman goddess of love) is the top part of the vulva where pubic hair grows. There is often a layer of fatty tissue on this pubic bone to protects from the impact of penetrative sexual intercourse.

 

Sexual Anatomy

Vulva

 

The outer lips (labia minora) go around to protect the inside.

 

Pulling these outer lips open, you will expose the inner labia (labia minora), which do not have any hair on them.

 

All women’s lips have different colors, sizes, and shapes. The inner lips are there to protect the clitoris, urethra, and the vagina.

 

Usually the lips (both inner and outer) are sensitive to touch.

 

The Clitoris

 

The clitoris is the only organ in the body whose sole function is for pleasure. It looks like a small button right at the top of the outer lips. There is a piece of skin, just inside the inner labia, known as the clitoral hood. This protects the clitoris from getting too much direct stimulation. The clitoris is the most excitable part of the female genitalia, because this is where most pleasurable sensation comes from. There are more nerve endings in the clitoris than in the head of a man’s penis, which makes it extremely sensitive to touch and stimulation. The clitoris goes deep inside the body as well (the internal clitoris).

Sexual Anatomy

The Urethra

 

The urethra is a tiny hole about an inch to two inches below the clitoris. This is where women urinate from and where female ejaculate comes from.

 

The Vagina

 

Under the urethra is a bigger hole, which is the vagina. This is where women are penetrated during digital (fingers) or penetrative (penis) intercourse. It is where blood comes from during a menstrual period, and it is part of the birth canal.

The vagina has most of its nerve endings in the first third of the opening. If the entire vagina had numerous nerve endings, it would be extremely painful to give birth through the vaginal canal.

 

The lack of nerve endings in the vagina is what accounts for the difficulty many women have in achieving orgasm through vaginal penetration alone.

Vaginal orgasms stem from stimulation of the internal clitoris. Most women also need direct stimulation of the external clitoris. Therefore, women should not feel bad or inadequate if vaginal penetration alone is not enough. Women should be able to explain exactly what they need to their partners if they cannot achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration alone.

 

Bartholin’s Glands

 

Bartholin’s glands are the first step in lubrication. It is similar to pre-come (male ejaculate) for women. These two small glands are near the bottom of the vulva with openings on either side of the vagina. They are located underneath the skin, and they provide a small amount of lubricant.

 

The G-spot

 

It is more of an area than a spot. Some indicate that you can locate the G-spot by inserting your fingers into your vagina and make the “come here” motion.

When a woman is aroused, this area can get harder, and the texture can change. Some believe that the G-spot is the location of the internal bulbs of the clitoris, which are located behind the left and right walls of the vagina. Therefore, the G-spot is mostly an area… an area about two inches in on the top part of the vagina, facing the internal clitoris region.

Stimulating this at the same time as the external clitoris can create tons of pleasure for women.

The G-spot is one of the most famous areas of female sexual anatomy!

 

Sexual Anatomy

The Hymen

 

A piece of tissue that lines the vaginal opening. It is the “cherry” that is referred to in the common “popped her cherry” slang expression. The hymen is no barometer on whether or not a woman is a virgin. This tissue can be stretched with a finger, tampon, or anything inserted into the vagina. Sometimes the hymen wears away naturally, and sometimes it remains so thick that it makes first penetration extremely painful. If intercourse continues to be painful after penetrated, there is a chance that this barrier has not been broken, and a women can see a gynecologist, who can help with this.

 

The Perineum

 

The piece of skin from the bottom of the vulva to the anus is called the perineum. There are not many nerve endings here for women, and sometimes doctors cut through this skin to open the canal for vaginal births.

 

The Anus

 

The anus has numerous sensitive nerve endings. Many people practice anal sex, and it is important to note that the anus also has the capacity to be penetrated as the vagina does. The only difference is that the anus does not self-lubricate, as does the vagina.

Therefore, when engaging in anal sex, make sure to use a lot of lubricant.

 

Male Sexual Anatomy or the Anatomy of Those Misgendered Male at birth.

 

The Penis

 

In the United States, there is a tendency to put a good deal of emphasis on penis size. In popular media the question is often “How big is he?” which implies the underlying notion that being bigger is better.

 

Bigger is not always better when we talk about sexual anatomy.

 

It is is your relationship with the penis that matters.

 

If you or your partner’s penis gives you pleasure, it is perfect regardless of size.

 

Circumcision

 

It is currently debated in this country whether a man should have a circumcised penis or not. The popular narrative seems to elevate circumcised penises as better or more desirable.

 

Many women indicate that non-circumcised penises have led to more pleasure for them and their partners, because non-circumcised penises are more lubricating than circumcised ones.

 

Some women prefer the look of a circumcised penis, while others do not notice much of a difference. There is nothing to be concerned about if you encounter a non-circumcised penis. It just has some extra skin called the foreskin, which covers the head of the penis while flaccid, and retracts back when the penis is erect. But being a circumcised penis or not is just an aesthetic detail in the sexual anatomy.

 

Erections

 

If a women is in a sexual encounter with a male partner and he is not hard, that is totally normal. Pornography depicts men as always ready to go.

They see a naked woman and are hard almost immediately. Life is not like that.

If you see that your partner’s penis is soft, but he is in the moment with you and giving other signs that he is into the sexual act and enjoying himself, I encourage you to let go of the notion that it should be hard immediately and continue to enjoy each other sexually.

A soft penis is not an automatic indication that your partner is not into the sexual experience.

Soft penises are an indication that blood has not yet entered the penis.

Desire begins in the mind.

Getting upset about a physiological response that those with penises may not have mental control over ruins the moment more than a soft penis does.

Do not put pressure on yourself unless it becomes a constant problem that you can never get an erection while with a partner.

If this is the case, it may be time to discuss what is happening and consult a physician, urologist, and a sex therapist.

 

Difference Between Orgasming and Ejaculating

 

Most people think that it is easy to tell when men have orgasmed, because they ejaculated. Although most men orgasm and ejaculate at the same time, this is not always the case. There is a difference between orgasming and ejaculation. Ejaculation is the fluid that is dispelled from the body.

Orgasm can be the emotional, mental, and physical part of this process. People can achieve full-body orgasms using breath-work and relaxation of the mind and body. Sometimes an ejaculatory and full-body orgasm can occur together, and other times, the male body can orgasm without the penis ejaculating at all.

 

Conclusions

 

It is important to understand your anatomy and your partner’s body. Feel free to talk with your friends and sexual partner about your body. Instead of shaming the body, as many are taught to do while growing up, praise it as well as the body of your sexual partner. If you feel attracted to your partner, make sure to say which exact body parts you value. Doing this will also set up the framework for you to appreciate your own body.

 

At Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) we help you get the life you want, and the results you desire related to passion, connection, and growth. Through our flexible, multi-technique approach (DBT, CBT, EMDR) and pleasure skills training (tantra, the science of sex, and sensate focus techniques), we transform our clients lives!

 

Please learn more about how Life Coaching & Therapy (LCAT) can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

 

Sex Connecticut

What is Sexology?

What Is Sexology and What Is It For?

Sexology is the science that studies sex, that simple! To be more specific, it is the science that studies the sexuality of the human being, sexual behavior and its different manifestations. All of these from the psychological and physiological point of view.

 

A sexologist is a professional who performs various tasks: sexual education, guidance, couples’ counseling and intervention, and research.

 

The professional will treat the patient from the psychological and therapeutic point of view since there is a diversity of problems which can be extended to both fields. Including everything that has to do with the relationship between men and women, not only about sexual perfomance; but what happens to their lives too.

 

Communication’s problems, affective needs, maternity-paternity issues, and mediation in separation and divorces are also issues that a sexologist can deal with.

 

Since we have a sex negative and pleasure negative culture, the field of clinical sexology is imperative. – Amanda Pasciucco

 

Sexology also serves as a post-traumatic tool in situations where the sexual integrity of a person has been violated. When sexual abuse occurs, the victim is so affected that psychological therapy is necessary to overcome the trauma. Also, sexual therapy helps to regain his/her sexual life.

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The governing body for sex therapist is American Association of Sexuality Educators Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) mentions as its vision of sexual health to be one where, all individuals are entitled to enjoy:

  • Respect of their sexual thoughts, feelings and fantasies
  • The right to engage in healthy modes of sexual activity,
  • Freedom to exercise behavioral, emotional, economic, and social responsibility for their bodily functioning
  • The power to chose their mode of loving, working, and playing

 

AASECT believes that these rights pertain to all peoples whatever their age, family structure, backgrounds, beliefs, and circumstances”

 

How do I know if I should go to the sexologist or another professional?

 

It is common for a person who encounters a difficulty in their sexual life to ask which specialist should go. To the gynecologist, the urologist, the general practitioner, the endocrinologist, the psychologist, the sexologist …? The answer varies depending on the specific problem, and whether it has a physical cause or not.

sexologistJust as the sexologist can refer you to another professional, other professional can refer you to the sexologist. This happens when they find that a certain sexual problem exceeds their field of work.

 

Conclusion

 

Sometimes we have problems in our sexual life and, instead of going to a specialist consultation to help us overcome this problem, we let it go by playing down the importance. However, in the same way that when you hurt your teeth you go to the dentist, if there is any dysfunction in your sex life you should go to the specialist: the sexologist.


At Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) we help you get the life you want, and the results you desire when it comes to passion, connection, and growth. Through our flexible, multi-technique approach (DBT, CBT, EMDR) and pleasure skills training (tantra, the science of sex, and sensate focus techniques), we transform our clients lives!

Please learn more about how Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

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Couples Sex Counseling

Couples Sex Counseling

Couples sex counseling is a powerful type of therapy that can enable couples to work through issues and transform their relationships. Most of us have not had much training or education in relationships and sex, yet these areas are critical to maintaining happy and fulfilling lives. This is why counseling can be a very valuable tool.

Couples Counseling

Why Try Couples Sex Counseling?

 

Have you ever considered going to couples sex counseling? Couples sex counseling benefits those who want to improve the quality of their sex life, regain intimacy and ignite passion in their lives. Counseling can address many other issues that impact a relationship, for example:

  • Low sexual self-esteem
  • Traumas
  • Relationship difficulties
  • Anxiety
  • Emotional distance
  • Jealousy
  • Infidelity
  • Lack of trust
  • Family conflicts

 

If you or your partner are interested in going to a professional, you need to trust your therapist. He or she is not there to benefit one client and blame the other.

 

Couples Sex Counseling Method

 

At Life Coaching & Therapy (LCAT), we utilize the PLISSIT model.This is a system used in the field of clinical sexology to determine the different levels of intervention for clients. The PLISSIT model offers a succinct method for introducing sex into a clinical conversation, narrowing the scope of a patient’s concern and offering effective counseling and treatment. Its name is derived from the four levels of the model: permission, limited information, specific suggestions, and intensive therapy. (source: www.psychiatryadvisor.com)

 

Our clients go home and try different techniques to work on their sexual issue. The issues we work on with our clients can include: erectile dysfunction, pelvic pain, low desire, no desire, or desire discrepancy.

 

Asking for Help is Not Failing!

 

If you believe that going to couples sex counseling is a sign of failure, think again!  Sex involves intellectual, physical, emotional, and spiritual perspectives, which can make it very complex. Physical, psychological, and emotional issues all directly affect our sexuality.

 

Being comfortable enough to ask your partner specific questions about what he or she needs and likes is essential to having amazing sex! For instance, ask your partner “Do you like this level of pressure?”

 

Sex can be complicated. Sex can be wonderful. However you may experience new problems due to unresolved sex issues.

 

What Can Couples Sex Counseling do for You?

 

Change the perspective of the relationship

 

The therapist encourages both partners to see their relationship in a more objective way, including from each other’s perspective.

 

Improve communication

 

Many couples have difficulties, and many are not able to reach practical solutions. Only by discussing their problems can couples start to fix them. Our therapy process and Amanda’s 90-Day Couples Makeover promote a constructive, respectful dialogue where couples can openly express their emotions and ideas. We enable clients to communicate more effectively and listen more attentively.

 

Build on the strengths of the relationship

 

It is better for couples to focus on the positives in their relationship. For this purpose, the therapist can act as a mediator to help rediscover common interests and help the couple create the relationship for a better future. One technique couples sex counselors use is to encourage intimacy through erotic writing, cuddling, date nights, sexual acts and gift giving.

 

At Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) we help you get the life you want, and the results you desire related to passion, connection, and growth. Through our flexible, multi-technique approach (DBT, CBT, EMDR) and pleasure skills training (tantra, the science of sex, and sensate focus techniques), we transform our clients lives!

 

Please learn more about how Life Coaching & Therapy (LCAT) can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

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Embracing Masochism

To those afraid of admitting to masochist tendencies:

 

For the longest time I denied that I was a masochist.  “There must me something wrong with me.  What kind of person enjoys pain?”  Ummm……me.  I do!  I enjoy a certain amount of consensual pain.  I am a masochist.  It’s been a long journey to get to the point where I can “own” that statement and I’ve learned a few things about myself along the way.

 

The first step on the journey to claiming my masochism was to define it…… for me.  (Your mileage may vary).  I questioned at what point does having pain consensually inflicted upon me go from pleasure from a simple rush of endorphins to an unhealthy mental state?

 

To start with, I differentiated the terms “hurt” and “harm”.  Hurt= good.   Harm=bad

 

Hurt, pain, or discomfort is a physical sensation.  It goes away either immediately, in a while, in a day, or in a few days.  Sometimes, it leaves a mark, and sometimes it doesn’t.  Either way, no medical assistance is required for the body to go back to its natural state.

 

Harm, the way I chose to define it, means that medical intervention is required to heal it, or there is permanent, and/or long-lasting damage.  I don’t want to be harmed, but I do want to be hurt.

 

I can think of a lot of loopholes in my definition of harm, such as my branding. It was consensual, it caused permanent damage, which was the intent, but it did not require medical attention to heal.  Hurt? Harm?  I’m okay with it.

 

Sometimes, the hurt leads to unintentional harm.  Yet another loophole.  I enjoyed the pain from a particular hip harness one day, but it led to nerve damage that took two years to heal and a small tear in my hip labrum.  I accepted the risk that “harm” may come as a result of the “hurt”.  In my brain, I wasn’t asking for harm, I was asking for hurt, so my definition still made sense as I viewed it.  I know hurt vs harm is not a perfect definition, but it feels right for me.

 

In order to be comfortable with the label “masochist”, I wanted to understand “why” I liked pain.  This was a lot easier to wrap my brain around.  Quite simply, I like the endorphin rush that gets triggered from pain.  I learned that I really only like pain when it is in conjunction with or leading up to orgasms — piling endorphins on top of more endorphins for a super good rush that gets me to a happy place.

 

The last thing on my journey was learning how to communicate.  Not all pain is good pain and my tolerance to pain varies from day to day.  I like pain to start off slow and easy and then build.  This was easy to communicate.

 

At some point pain stops being pleasurable for me and just becomes pure pain. Communicating this type of information was way more difficult.  I learned three things about myself:

 

1) If my pain was really pleasing my top/partner/Dominant and it was making him happy, then not only can I tolerate more pain but I WANT more pain

2) Breathing and relaxing around the pain allowed me to tolerate a greater intensity of pain.

3) I needed to communicate in advance of play, by either arranging a code word or a signal that let my partner know before the pain went from good to bad.

 

The final and unexpected benefit of owning by masochism was learning the technique of breathing and relaxing around the pain and discomfort.  This skill has helped me way beyond what I ever imagined.  I now find myself using this technique frequently; for headaches, for when I walk into the sharp corner of the table, for when I smash my knee against the desk, stub my toe and a whole host of other unintended, non-consensual, self-inflicted pain that is just a general result of me being clumsy.  So, to my fellow “masochists in denial”, I say figure out what’s in it for you and then go embrace your masochism!

~ Shana Silver

how to find a sex therapist

Is The G-Spot Real Or A Myth?

Is The G Spot Real Or A Myth? (SEX EXPERT REVEALS THE TRUTH)

 

Debunking the G-Spot! I know this catchy term has been thrown here and there, but what have you thought of it as? Have you ever asked, “Is the G Spot real”? The female G Spot is a mystery that’s for sure!

 

The questions about it have been how to find the G Spot, where is the G Spot, and even… does the G Spot exist? We’ve seen the term thrown here and there as the magical place, the vagina g spot, to hit for a g spot orgasm! You’ve probably failed and asked yourself, is there a G Spot? Is the G Spot a myth? Have you ever asked yourself how I can find my G-Spot? You’ll find the answer to that question here from your very own sex therapist —  I will reveal the truth about the famous vagina G Spot!  Let me tell you how to get a G Spot orgasm with today’s sex education!

 

If you’re like most people, you probably thought it was one specific anatomical spot that could induce an orgasm in the vagina…. Well here’s the truth. As long as the front wall of the vagina is hit– you’ve hit the so-called G-Spot. It’s more an area than a spot. To learn more about what produces or makes up the G-Spot, head over to this video!

 

Communicating About Difficult Matters

Communicating About Difficult Matters

 

I know I talk a lot about communication and how important it is to the health of relationships. WELL, I’ll never stop! It’s SO important to keep honing your communication skills in all types of settings, especially difficult ones.

 

Something that’s been on my mind lately is how to break news to a partner. It might not necessarily be bad news, but news that you think may change their perception of you in any way. For example, if you have an illness, disability, or other difficult matters that are extremely personal. I know how intimidating it can be to communicating someone these things. Here’s what I suggest:

 

 1.) Decide on how much you’re willing to share before.

 

2.) Know that you HAVE TO tell the story directly – no rambling, no beating around the bush. 👌

 

3.) Practice several times. Keep in mind the context of your news to handle your style and tone appropriately. If you’re breaking it to them about a disability, maybe you can start with, “I really enjoy the relationship I’ve had with you so far, and I feel really comfortable with you. I really care for you, and that’s why I think I should finally share something about myself to you. It’s really personal and I’ve been worried about your reaction to it, but you should really know.”

 

4.) Ask if you can clarify anything to help them better understand your situation.

 

I hope these tips can help you in the future. REMEMBER that if you KNOW that your partner loves you, there’s NO DOUBT that they’ll take in every single bit of you, whether it be your flaws or strengths, and love 👏 it 👏 all👏.

communicating

Communication is the KEY!

 

At Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) we help you get the life you want, and the results you desire when it comes to passion, connection, and growth. Through our flexible, multi-technique approach (DBT, CBT, EMDR) and pleasure skills training (tantra, the science of sex, and sensate focus techniques), we transform our clients lives!

Please learn more about how Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

Pleasuring a Woman: What You Should Know Before Having Sex

Pleasuring a Woman: What You Should Know Before Having Sex

 

What are you up to for Valentine’s Day? If you’re in for a romantic night, I hope my tips can help you out! No matter what stage of love you’re in, it doesn’t hurt to make sure you’re on the right track in your relationship!

 

Check out this video!

 

So you want to please a woman in bed.. The art of pleasuring a woman in bed isn’t easy, especially if you aren’t too educated in female anatomy. That’s the key on how to please a woman in bed or on how to satisfy a woman in bed. How to give pleasure can be mastered with practice!

 

I will give you my insight as a sex therapist and a woman on how to give pleasure, give women pleasure, that is. Giving her pleasure is important, of course! You’re here because you want to better understand giving her pleasure since you love her. Giving women pleasure is definitely a talent that can be improved on, no worries.  This is what every man needs to know before having sex!

 

Codependent Relationship To Interdependence

 

Codependent Relationship To Interdependence

Are you in a codependent relationship and want to be codependent no more?.

 

Let’s focus on interdependence and having interdependent relationships!.

 

After looking at the codependent relationship signs, we can be on the road to codependent relationship recovery! Codependency in relationships is not healthy, so interdependence is the way to go!.

 

We’ll look at interdependence theory and the difference between interdependence vs codependency.

 

How would you describe a perfect relationship in one word?

 

For me, that word is interdependence! Now you’re probably asking, Amanda, haven’t you already talked about this? Aren’t codependency and interdependence the same? Not at all! The type of relationship you DON’T WANT is one based in codependency. Strive for interdependence, at least that’s what we strive for in my therapy sessions with clients.

 

Interdependence is that goals relationship.— Where you have a long-term partner that may do anything for and vice versa. However, the difference to codependency is that this type of relationship gives you the freedom to be… you!.

 

You and your partner support each others goals and give trust in one another, allowing you to be flexible in your relationship as well. Who doesn’t want this?

 

What does interdependence mean to you? Learn more on how to get there in my video!

 

Rebuild Trust In A Relationship

Rebuild Trust In A Relationship (Therapist Advice To Save It!)

 

Are you working towards rebuilding trust in relationship? It’s important to build trust with our partner or rebuild trust in broken relationship because you are with a person you love. Wouldn’t you want them to be comfortable in telling you anything that bothers them? Wouldn’t you want to extend that same courtesy to them. Sometimes relationships are broken because of trust issues in relationship and that’s okay — you can still rebuild trust in relationship. Relationship trust issues are not to be taken lightly!  All it takes is hard work to build trust again, so let me tell you how!

 

As a therapist, I understand the significance of the trust between me and my clients. The same significance goes for my personal relationships as well. In both situations, I have a responsibility to uphold and protect the trust instilled in it. If you ask me, I’d say that trust is definitely the glue in any relationship. When meeting someone new, trust is generally a given because you both haven’t given each other any reason for “distrust”.

 

Now, when that trust is violated, that is a problem that is not to be taken lightly– If you are the one who breaks your partner’s trust, it will be a long, uphill battle to return to the comfort of the relationship you once had.

 

It takes delicacy to pick up the pieces of the broken relationship. You can make things worse if you aren’t careful!! You can check out my video for tips! Thanks for watching! <3

What is Codependency?

Codependency In Relationships Explained (BE CODEPENDENT NO MORE!)

 

Have you ever asked yourself what is codependency and what are its symptoms? On your way to codependency recovery? Don’t even know what is codependency in relationships even looks like or ask what does codependency mean? This video is for you to learn more about the ties between codependency and narcissism as well as codependency and addiction.

 

Codependency is such an important relationship topic to learn and initiate conversations about. Keep yourself and others aware of just how common and unhealthy this can be, as it can be a pattern that is repeated until conscious action is taken!

 

Codependency is when one partner disproportionately gives more in a relationship, and in doing so, perpetuates their partner’s bad behaviors.

 

If you want to learn more about how codependency traits develop, check out more details in this video!