Anger After Sex & 5 Ways To Cope With It

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Anger After Sex & 5 Ways To Cope With It

Have you ever experienced anxiety, sadness or anger after sex? As much as it sounds unusual, this is a pretty common condition that might happen to anybody. However, if it only happened once or twice while having sex with your partner, it’s quite different than when it starts happening frequently. The name behind this condition when a person gets sad or angry after sex with their partner is postcoital dysphoria or PCD.

Before talking about the best ways to cope with anger after sex, let’s take a look at what is postcoital dysphoria and how to know if you have it. 

Postcoital Dysphoria

If you’re feeling sad or angry after having consensual sex with your partner, you might have postcoital dysphoria or PCD. Another way to refer to this condition is having ‘post-sex blues’. 

Most people describe it as experiencing one or more negative feelings after having wanted sex. This means that their condition before sex was quite different from the one they end up with after the intercourse. This feeling doesn’t have to be only anger, a person can also experience sadness, anxiety, agitation and depression. 

Keep in mind that postcoital dysphoria differs from sexual dysfunctions as they refer to the stage of before or during sexual activity. People who experience PCD tend to feel melancholic, irritated or depressed after sex. Postcoital dysphoria can also happen after the person has had enjoyed the sex and had an orgasm. Although it occurs more in women, it can happen to both men and women. 

PCD Symptoms & Causes

There are various symptoms a person with postcoital dysphoria can experience. Here are some of the most common ones:

  • Irritability
  • Tearfulness
  • Sadness
  • Anxiety 
  • Depression
  • Unsatisfaction

What’s important to say is that postcoital dysphoria only refers to negative feelings after consensual sex that the person has actually enjoyed. It definitely doesn’t refer to assaults or forced sexual activities. 

Many factors can lead to postcoital dysphoria, and the majority of them are of physical or emotional nature. 

Abuse

If a person experienced sexual abuse in their childhood, it means they might be more at risk for PCD. As a victim of sexual abuse, a person might have difficulties enjoying their own sexuality and connect with their partner on that level. Even if many years have passed, a person can develop postcoital dysphoria later in life. 

Resentment

A victim of sexual abuse might feel resentful toward sex or any sexual experience they had. The feeling of not having complete control over these experiences can cause anxiety and create resentment which then shows after the sex. 

Anxiety

Any childhood trauma might lead to anxiety and depression, and one of the most vulnerable parts of our identity is usually our sexuality. So, having mental health conditions can make it almost impossible for you to take pleasure in the act of sex. 

Postnatal Depression

After pregnancy‌, a woman will still experience hormonal fluctuations which might lead to postnatal depression. Also known as postpartum depression, this type of depression occurs shortly after the person gives birth. Similar to anxiety, postnatal depression can make a woman feel really sad after sex she truly enjoyed.

5 Ways to Cope With Anger After Sex

If any of this sounds familiar to you, what can you do to manage the anger you feel after sex? Take a look at the best ways to cope with postcoital dysphoria and soon, you will be able to enjoy the sex with your partner.

#1 Focus on breathing.

With anything that makes us feel uncomfortable, breathing should usually make it a bit better. So, if you and your partner have just had great sex and anger start kicking in, try recentering and focusing back on your body and simply breathing while doing so. Being present in the moment will help you lower the anger and remove your focus from it until it disappears. 

#2 Communicate during sex.

Make sure you let your partner know if something makes you feel uncomfortable or angry. Don’t ignore it thinking it will go away because it won’t. You don’t have to start a deep conversation during sex, just take control over how you are feeling and ask for what you need. 

#3 Share it with your partner.

If your partner is aware of what you are going through, it will be easier for them to support you. Have an honest conversation on what happens and how you feel during and after sex. This will help your partner to also give you want you might need without you asking it. For instance, they will give you more control in bed or they will be more gentle instead of just fulfilling their needs.

#4 Clarify when you want to have sex.

As much as it’s important to communicate with your partner about the anger you feel after sex, you will need to have that conversation with yourself as well. After all, you are the only person that can change the situation when you start feeling uncomfortable. So, think about when you feel motivated to have sex and always focus on your feelings before initiating it. Think about what causes this anger and find an alternative solution for it. 

#5 Cuddle after sex.

The majority of the postcoital dysphoria causes are from childhood traumas. Not having a caring, gentle component, sex can seem to an abuse victim as something unpleasant. So, suggest to your partner that each time after sex, you stay in bed and cuddle. This will help you feel protected, loved and secured in the arms of a person you love. You can also share intimate moments like this more even when you’re not having sex as it improves intimacy and brings you closer. 

Feeling anger after sex is not untreatable. However, if you and your partner aren’t able to solve it on your own, it would be a good idea to see a therapist who might have a better idea of how you should cope with this. Maybe the causes of your postcoital dysphoria are not what you are assuming and you will need the help of a professional to finally start enjoying sex with your partner. Once you find us what’s causing the anger, the way how you feel about sex and intimacy will change completely as well!

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Fetster: BDSM Dating App Like No Other

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Fetster: BDSM Dating App Like No Other

 

You have probably already heard about Fetster, a dating app perfect for those who are unable to find what they need on other popular apps like Tinder or Bumble. So, if you’ve spent quite some time trying to find your match on a dating app or two, maybe it’s time to pull out your kink side and explore alternative options!

Fetster is a dating site for BDSM and kink enthusiasts who are looking to spice up their everyday lives and turn their fantasies into reality. However, it’s also for those who are tired of talking to people who will turn out to be a waste of their time. We’re talking about scammers, liars, people looking to hook up who later disappear, married ones who are hiding it, etc. 

Fetster vs other dating apps

The reason why Fetster is becoming so increasingly popular is that it’s a place focusing on sex games instead of selling a fairytale with an expiration date. On Fetster, you can easily find people who are single or in an open relationship, and willing to meet and play. What differentiates it from other dating apps on the market is the ability to search for specific people using filters such as gender, sexual orientation, age, location, body type, sexual preferences, kinks and so much more. 

You can even create your own groups, create pages, write a blog, add links to your website. Friend app members, upload photos and videos, and use numerous other features it has. It’s created in a way that each member determines the level of privacy they wish for each information they share on Fetster, understanding that a person doesn’t want to reveal everything to everyone.

So, if you’ve been wondering what the fuss is about, think about it as a place that connects over similar sexual interests and curiosity rather than being a general dating app with mediocre matching skills. By being a place that gathers all proud sex freaks and also those entering the BDSM world, Fetster tries to avoid scammers and anyone else trying to sell you something you are not interested to buy.

Diving into BDSM

Fetster is so much more than just a dating app as its goal is not to match you with your significant other and write a new chapter of your romantic life yet to explore and learn more about sex and the connection between two human beings. As it’s one of the most popular sites for those wishing to meet other fans of BDSM. You can expect to find all types of kinks there.

If you don’t know what BDSM stands for, it’s an acronym for bondage & discipline, domination & submission, sadism & masochism. Before explaining these erotic behavior groups, it’s important to know that BDSM involves more than just sex. Those practicing it for years even like to call it a philosophy. It’s also about a couple’s dynamic, their perspectives, fantasies, intrigue, and so much more. For them, sex is only one, although very important, aspect of BDSM.

However, if you still aren’t comfortable with letting your kink side out, yet are curious to learn more about it, make sure you do your research before jumping into BDSM. It’s a concept where you need to speak your mind, compromise with the person you decide to share this experience with, and set your limits before getting to the sex part. Also, keep in mind that you can take it slow, and learn about it step by step.

Bondage 

Bondage is a situation of restricting your sexual partner’s movement by using, for instance, handcuffs or ropes. For some people, this type of restraint increases sexual pleasure and produces various sensations in different areas of the body. 

Discipline

Similar to discipline in our everyday lives, discipline here involves a set of rules and punishments which are agreed on before the sexual encounter. It divides the couple into a dominant partner and a submissive one. Putting the dominant partner in charge of the discipline before, during and after sex. 

Dominance

Dominance refers to the act of dominating the other person in sex and outside it. Sometimes, those who are dominating will have different types of arrangement with their sexual partner on how the partner should behave in bed, and even out of it. This can be anything, from clothing style to food habits.

Submission

Where there’s dominance, there’s submission as well. The submissive partner will follow their dominant’s actions by ensuring that regulations from their arrangement are not broken. The dominant (dom) and the submissive (sub) are focused on communication. As it’s the crucial tool for them to set the boundaries, talk about their desires, and give permission to one another. 

Sadomasochism

Sadism is the pleasure of inflicting pain, while masochism is the pleasure of receiving pain from another person. In BDSM sex, a sadist is a person using pain to dominate their partner which gives them both pleasure. Rather than thinking of it as a violent act, BDSM is actually an intense sensation play that sometimes involves pinching. Hitting or any other consensual physical harm to a partner. 

How to Ace Dating Apps

Before we show you how to create a profile on Fester, let’s focus a bit on how to really stand out on all of these dating apps out there. First and most importantly, always be yourself.

Don’t try to sell an unrealistic image of yourself, whether it’s your personality, body or lifestyle. The good thing about dating sites like Fetster is that people connect more over shared interests and sexual desires rather than a well trained body, perfect face or money in the bank account.

Also, don’t reveal all of your cards at once. You don’t have to share everything about yourself, nor do you have to use all your tricks immediately. Leave some topics for other conversations or encounters. Revealing everything about yourself might also make you vulnerable if this person doesn’t contact you again. Instead, play it safe and slow.

Let’s not forget the privacy aspect. Before you start interacting with other people, you will need to fill out your profile with a few pieces of information. Always include information you feel comfortable with. Simply put, if you think that some things shouldn’t be shared with everyone, you should keep it for conversations. After all, you are the one making all the decisions. 

Creating Your Profile on Fetster

Similar to all the other dating sites, you will need to create your unique profile with a username or email and a password. If you’re worried about the membership fee of Fetster, you will be happy to hear that it’s completely free and they are not planning to introduce any type of pricing anytime soon.

Once you’re in, you will be able to look for other members immediately. These are the filters you can use:

  • gender,
  • age,
  • sexual orientation,
  • location,
  • kink,
  • interests,
  • etc.

When it comes to groups, you can make your own if you don’t wish to join already created ones. Your group can be built around the topic(s) of your choice and you can invite any member you want. 

Some of the great free features Fetster’s members can also enjoy are messaging, friending, favorites, unlimited mail, forums, confessions, gift sending and receiving, blogs, links. And so much more. Are you ready to explore your kinky side? 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

intimacy coaching

Intimacy Coaching & Best Techniques To be Intimate with Your Partner

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Intimacy Coaching & Best Techniques To be Intimate with Your Partner

If you’re striving to feel free and more connected with your partner, you should consider intimacy coaching. Although we all know that intimacy is key in every relationship. Understanding what intimacy actually is and how to achieve it is not as easy as it seems. The reason for that is our past experiences where we’ve gotten hurt emotionally and/or physically. This led to fear of being intimate with another person and is a consequential issue for the majority of couples.

 

What does an intimacy coach do?

An intimacy coach is a person who will eliminate this intimacy blockage for you and help you feel safer and more connected to your lover or partner. By developing a sense of safety in their clients, intimacy coaches are replacing those unpleasant experiences by creating new. Positive ones. 

Being guided by an expert, a person will develop a greater sense of closeness, become more aware of their own emotions. As well as of other people’s emotions. All of this leads 

to healing attachment wounds which are not allowing people to connect on a deeper level with each other.

 

Understanding your fear of intimacy

You don’t have to be aware of your intimacy triggers before going into the session with your intimacy coach, yet realizing what is causing your fear is the first step to healing. As we are born with the need to connect and share with others. Something must happen in order to disconnect ourselves from that need. In reality, that need to connect and share never disappears, we just disconnect from it because something or someone hurt us before.

Because of the fear of intimacy, you will feel afraid when thinking of starting a new relationship or expressing your feelings during a discussion with your best friend, for instance. 

However, where there is fear, there is an opportunity for healing. More importantly, you don’t have to go down that road alone. An intimacy coach will turn it into an explorative experience rather than painful, ensuring you feel safe and nurtured during the process.

 

Intimacy Risk Factors

Our first intimate interaction is with our family. Often, these families are not healthy and safe environments for children to learn about intimacy. Some of the most common examples are: 

  • Blurred boundaries and roles in the family: Everything might seem perfect at first glance, yet some family members won’t fulfil their role responsibility. 
  • Emotional and/or physical neglect: Parents who are not there for their children – emotionally or physically – are teaching them they can’t rely on others. 
  • Parent loss: A feeling of abandonment will appear where a parent has been lost through death, divorce or any other event. 
  • Parent illness: Having an ill parent can lead to intimacy issues as the child takes on the role of the parent and cares for others in the family, sometimes including the ill parent as well. 

Unfortunately, there are many more risk factors such as verbal, physical or sexual abuse, parent substance use or any other type of addiction, yet regardless of the cause, each person can learn how to be intimate with their significant other. 

 

How to cope with intimacy issues? 

There are several crucial steps on the path of restoring intimacy with intimacy coaching. It’s worth saying that intimacy issues can only be solved once the person starts connecting again with their intimacy. Once you understand what caused you pain and disconnection from others, you will be able to change your patterns and feel safer during interactions.

To feel connected with others, here are the techniques that will create positive sensations and experiences and finally heal the intimacy issue a person has:

Embrace the uncertainty 

What if someone tells you that the most beautiful aspect of life is that you actually can’t plan or predict anything? The walls you have built in your childhood have been protecting you as a child, yet they don’t serve you anymore. You have created the illusion that you are safer when you are not engaging with others when in reality. That illusion is taking something incredibly valuable from you. With an intimacy coach, you will practice courage, and it will become easier to invest in new relationships without feeling like you are risking your wellbeing.

 

Accept yourself first

Under the fear of intimacy lies the fear of not being worthy of a connection with someone. If you’re afraid to express your feelings to your partner, you are probably not allowing yourself fully to feel them. It’s not easy to become comfortable with all your emotions. Yet it will be harder if you expect from others something you are not able to give yourself first. 

Congratulate yourself when you make that step towards others instead of focusing on the outcome. For instance, inviting someone to go for a walk will be less terrifying once you celebrate the achievement of solely inviting someone instead of waiting for their response. After all, once your focus changes, you will no longer care that much about the outcome. 

 

Write a letter to yourself from the past

You have probably heard this technique quite a few times, yet have you ever tried it? It’s incredibly powerful to take a walk into your past and talk to yourself as if you were two friends sitting on the school bench sharing secrets. What would you say to that little kid? Maybe it will be to speak up more when the opportunity presents. To accept every birthday party invitation although there’s not enough money in the house to buy a present or to write all those fiction stories down and practice its creativity? 

 

Determine what you want

In reality, it’s not so much what you want, it’s what you DON’T want. Maybe the feeling of anxiety comes because all your friends are married and you can’t find the person you wish to share your life with? Before blaming it all on yourself, ask yourself if this is something you want. Sometimes, we will try to be what we think we should be instead of doing things that truly make us happy. Keep in mind that the only person that always deserves your unconditional intimacy is you.

 

Practice patience

This is maybe the hardest technique of them all, yet it’s also the most important one. If you don’t practice patience, it will be difficult to progress. Putting too many expectations on yourself when you’re coping with something so vulnerable as your intimacy can only make things worse for you. Be patient. It will take some time and that’s perfectly fine. You have spent various years in unhealthy environments which led to fear of intimacy. So expecting this fear to disappear quickly is simply not rational.

 

Quick intimacy tips for couples

Let’s be clear, fear of intimacy can only be cured if someone like an intimacy coach has helped you understand what caused your fear and provide you with the tools to connect with others and feel good during it. However, there are several things that you can start practicing with your partner daily if you’re both looking to resolve your intimacy issues:

  • Hold hands more often. 
  • Be more emotionally aware and vulnerable during sex.
  • Initiate sex differently. 
  • Plan out your time together.
  • Every month, try out an activity that’s new for both of you. 
  • Talk about your relationship – share ideas, dreams, fears, etc.
  • Focus more on seduction instead of sex. 

 

A step to intimacy…

Don’t stop just by reading this article. You are worth every connection you wish to make in your life. You have every right to share your feelings with someone who will appreciate it and feel honoured you trust them so much. The more you start practicing being open to new people and experiences. This fear will slowly disappear and you will start enjoying connecting and sharing with those important to you.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

fetish vs kink

Learn the Difference between a Fetish vs Kink

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Learn the Difference between a Fetish vs Kink

 

One of the most common questions I get asked is what is the difference between a fetish vs kink. This blog will discuss what a fetish is and distinguish it from kinks. 

 

Explaining Kinks

Kinks are vast. Anything that deviates from the norm of penetrative sex in the basic positions is known as a kink. Like cowgirl, missionary, and doggy style, etc. Kink means anything that varies from what is considered common. Such as spanking or flogging, etc. 

My general thought is as long as the activity is mutual and consensual, have fun. 

There is a wide world of kinks out there and the vast majority is healthy as long as mutual and consensual. I am sure there are some kinks that come from places of woundedness and may be trying to self-medicate. Yet that is also something individuals can work out with their counselor/therapist if they choose they want to. 

 

Defining a Fetish vs Kink

A fetish is often known as something that one has an enduring fascination about. And it includes specific sensory stimuli that may involve specific body parts or inanimate objects. 

Similarly, a fetish is something you need and must have to orgasm. 

Fetish literally means you cannot achieve orgasmic release without it. 

Sometimes, a fetish comes with guilt, because the fetish consumes the individual and partnered sex life. 

Also, finding a partner who is willing to incorporate your fetish each time you engage in partnered sex may be difficult to find. 

There are tons of individuals with kinks out there. Who are willing to date and partner with someone that has a fetish though, so all hope isn’t lost! 

 

Evolution of Kinks

As individuals grow, sometimes their kinks change too. Whereas, for those with a fetish, that person cannot orgasm without what they deem their fetish. 

So, for example, your partner may have a kink of chastity and you being the keyholder of that chastity, and then after a year, that partner changes their mind and has something new to explore.

Kinks and desires can evolve! This doesn’t mean that the original kink of chastity is any less important though! Actually, it shows that your partner has different internal parts of them that want to try different kinks. 

As a person who works in kink conscious practices, no kink or fetish is particularly harmful – as long as all adults are consenting and it isn’t negatively impacting the system around you. 

If you feel insecure about this part of your life, ensure that you find a clinician that understands that kink interests and behaviors are not necessarily a result of trauma and that if you are coming to therapy to talk about things other than your kink or fetish, that your therapist attunes to that. 

However, if you find yourself with a therapist that doesn’t get it, consider seeing someone that specializes in this type of work.

 

 

 

Check Out All Our Additional Sex Therapy Video

Kinky Sex: How to Get Started

kinky sex

 

Kinky Sex 2.0: Escape Boredom in the Bedroom

sex therapy videos

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Get Ready for Summer Love with Some Tips

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Get Ready for Summer Love with Some Tips

 

It’s that time of year where spring is in the air and summer love is on the horizon. 

We all love a great love story and hot, summer love is a fan favorite. 

We will discuss summer love ideas on how to stay cool while it heats up, body love and confidence, and a frequent fan favorite question – shaving tips! 

 

How To Stay Cool When It is Hot!

Literally and figuratively, we think about staying cool during the summer. Summer love is no different. 

On most days, I ask my clients to drink HALF their body weight (in lbs) in ounces of water daily. In the summer, you may need more. Add ice and a straw and keep drinking if you are dehydrated.

Dress in less layers, just like you would on the equator. There isn’t shame in keeping your body temperature regulated. 

 

Body Confidence – From 0 to 100

Do a body scrub to get your skin exfoliated. Add a little lotion and sunblock when you head outdoors, and this will help you caretake your skin! 

For those of you who have gained covid weight, it’s important to let your confidence lead. Honestly, no matter what your summer love body shape, be gracious in how you talk to yourself. It is easier said than done, yet you can practice this by using positive affirmations. 

Here are some examples: 

  • I enjoy the summer, and my body allows me to enjoy the heat
  • I love how I look in sunglasses
  • Bright clothes help me feel happier 

Those are just some examples of numerous positive body summer loving ideas you can say to yourself. 

Also, move your body when it feels comfortable. If this isn’t enough, please seek professional assistance. 

 

To Shave or Not in the Summer

Summer heat brings us sensual questions about hair! 

About a decade ago, smooth skin was known as the ultimate pleasure for a hot, sticky day. If you recall, Brazilian wax salons and sugar-ing places started popping up all over the United States of America. 

At first, we all giggled at the thought of ripping hair off vulvas, testicles, and other body parts. Similarly, waxing scenes of removing underarm, chest, and pubic hair played in movies as a joke. It isn’t a joke now though.

Body hair is discussed and thought about by many individuals. 

HAVING HAIR IS NOT A CAUSALITY! Hair actually has its own character, and the way it is styled (or our head or our body) is important to whoever wears it. This is what matters. 

Do what feels right for your comfort with your hair and do not let others dictate it for you! 

These are some of the best tips we have for hot, sizzling summer love! 

If you need more help, watch our body image webinar. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Sex Addict

Are You A Sex Addict? 

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Are You A Sex Addict? 

 

If you’re looking for answers on whether you are a sex addict or not, we will let you know. 

The best method to ensure you are not a sex addict. And to give you clarity of mind are found here. 

So if you think you are a sex addict, consider the following! 

If you are the source of your fantasies and recognize tha you are also in control of your desires and arousal, chances are you are not a sex addict. Much of what we are taught in the culture about sex in unhealhy, so we use porn and sex in a way to cope with uncomfortable feelings. 

This does not mean we are sex addicts who will build up a tolerance and then have a physiological withdrawal when stopping porn or sexually compulsive behaviors. 

International Classification of Diseases (ICD-10)

The ICD (international classification of diseases) has left sex addiction out of the new sexual compulsion diagnosis. Why? Because sex addiction is not actually an addiction. 

Although there may be overlaps in what we traditionally think of, sex addiction is missing components of: 

  • Tolerance
  • Withdrawal

You may have a compulsion and impulsion issue when it comes to sex, yet it’s not a sex addiction. 

If you want to use the label because it works for you, feel free to call yourself a sex addict though. 

Many clients may come to me thinking they have a sex addiction. 

If you have been diagnosed with a “sex addiction” or as a sex addict. Ensure your therapist is certified as a sex therapist. Many are not, so question the qualifications of the professional. 

If you are spending time masturbating, unable to keep a job because of your sexual practices. Have risky and problematic sexual behavior, these are all symptoms of needing treatment. Even if it isn’t called sex addiction, if it is causing you distress. It is important to see a sex therapist. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Evolve Fest

Evolve Fest – International Online Tantra Event

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Evolve Fest – International Online Tantra Event

 

EVOLVE FEST is a 5-day online festival internationally brought to increase connection.

 

“A journey of love, transformation and togetherness ONLINE!” now is the time to experience online tantra if you have been curious about it. 

 

For those that are interested in discovering what is possible with an open mind. 

 

If you feel a heavy weight on your chest, like it’s almost difficult to get through your days, consider an online community. Why? Because you will learn to connect more with yourself and enjoy the time you spend with YOU through tantric practices. 

 

So… may we tantalize, allure, and transform you?

 

Would you like to join us March 17-21, 2021, and specifically on 3/21/21 for a Sensuous Spring Equinox?

 

It may be that it’s time for you to take a break! If so, come rejuvenate and relax with us, while learning!

 

A special sneak peak of the Sunday finale of the 5 Day EVOLVE FEST ! 

 

What is EVOLVE FEST ONLINE TANTRA EVENT? 

 

More than 85 of the world’s top Relationship guides, coaches, teachers and facilitators share over 150 + hours of live workshops,  inspiring new ways of thinking and rejuvenated relational upgrades, because pandemic life has been tough globally. 

 

What this means is that for one ticket price you will receive:

  • A 5 day 24/7 journey fitting to all time zones. 
  • Full Access to the entire live program of 100+ workshops and lectures
  • Teachings from top facilitators internationally
  • Full Access to the Festival community group to meet, connect and share with others
  • 30 days of access to the workshops which will be recorded!

 

If you aren’t able to attend, you will have access to this evolve fest programming for up to 30 days after, consider the importance of doing something new to connect during a lonely time.

 

However, consider the wealth of knowledge from close to 100 leaders all over the world. There will be unique perspectives that maybe you haven’t considered for your life. 

 

So do you want to purchase a ticket? Find the Information here and then use the code “SEXHEALER” for 25% off! 

 

If you have questions, learn about new insights on a range of topics such as: 

  • Monogamy/Non-Monogamy
  • Communication Skills
  • Sexuality: From BDSM/Kink to Tantra & Embodiment
  • Trauma and Shadow work
  • Conscious Community and Parenting in the New Century 
  • Conflict Resolution for Triggers – including Attachment theory & Breakups
  • Conscious Dating in the Pandemic
  • Passion/Attraction/Desire Throughout A Marriage
  • Non-Binary, Gender fluid and LBGTQ relating
  • The Science of Relating (neurobiology in the brain)
  • And more…

 

If you are interested, visit the presenters page to see the entire list. 

 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Valentine’s Day – Secrets to Having The Best Sex

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Valentine’s Day – Secrets to Having The Best Sex

 

If you want to understand how to have the best sex, this is the blog for you.

As you may know, society tells you pleasure is shameful and not acceptable. Apparently, sex and pleasure are for practical purposes only, like having a child. 

This is simply not true though. 

What ends up happening is that many people grow up confused on what the best sex can even be.

Often, in our practice, we are asked “how do I get better sex in my life?”

 

First, know that you deserve to have sexual needs and deserve the best sex. 

My goal is for all people to communicate more effectively, especially around sex and asking for what they want as the best sex. 

Let’s start here:

  • What do you consider sex is? 
  • What does sexuality mean to you? 
  • When does foreplay begin? 
  • How long does sex last for? 
  • How will you know you are satisfied and are having the best sex?
  • Have you actually had the best sex of your life already?

If you come see us at the practice I own, Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT), you will know that these are key components we want to understand to get you to your goal of the best sex possible. 

 

Similarly, is the best sex about orgasm, partnership, or something else? 

Not everyone has sex for the same reason every time they are engaging in what they consider sex is. 

Therefore, understanding WHY you are having the sex and what NEED you are trying to fulfill in it is often an important place to begin processing what the best sex will look like for you. 

Give yourself 15-30 minutes to reflect on your sexual fantasies, your desires, and your curiosities. 

Then record them either in writing, a video on your phone of you reading them or stating them, or record a voice memo for yourself. 

Think about where you like to be touched, and possibly how you like to be held.

  • With what pressure? 
  • For how long? 
  • With fingers or a massager?
  • Who is doing the holding and does that matter? 
  • Where would you want partner(s) to touch?

 

For those of you who do not want to analyze sex, remember that sex happens in multiple quadrants – according to the late Gina Ogden. Emotional, physical, intellectual, and spiritual. 

For those of you who don’t know where to start because these questions and concepts seem foreign, and you like to experience things in your body first, feel free to try this. 

Set a timer for 15 minutes. 

Slowly build sexual energy by facing a partner – cross legged or comfortable standing. If you are doing this solo, do it in a mirror. 

Make eye contact and establish a connection. Make sure to face one another, with your lips slightly open. Remember, try to inhale through the nose, and exhale through the mouth. 

 

Easy best sex tip: lock into your lovers breathing as a quick way to connect during sex. 

It’s the easiest way to figure out the flavor of sex they are interested in. 

Continue with long, deep breaths. Be curious in your mind, even if you are alone, about what next. 

You can end just like this or you can continue with a partner, or with self touch on your arms, belly, or thighs. 

It is not about orgasm. It is about touch, breath, or eye-gazing to wake up your body! 

Our heart has 5 times the magnetism of the brain. I believe I learned in sex therapy school that 90 to 95% of serotonin and 50% of the dopamine (or 500 million neurons) is stored in the brain and the gut… which is 5x the number of neurons in the spinal column). 

Being in connection with our hearts and emotional openness in the moment is the goal of the best sex, for me. What is the best sex for you? Have you spent enough time thinking about it? 

Being tuned into what is going on inside yourself and, if partnered, at the same time as you are holding that the other person is doing this as well. 

 

 

Sensual Meditation: Strategies to Fall in Lust Again

Sensual Meditation: Strategies to Fall in Lust Again

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

n appointment.

Learn The Buzz about Using a Vibrator

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Learn The Buzz about Using a Vibrator 

 

Many people have reported to me that using a vibrator seems too taboo for them. 

They report that they cannot wrap their mind around why you would need one. Or who would have the ovaries to buy one. 

Sometimes though, I think it is important to know what you could be missing out on. 

 

Who is with me that vibrators are a magical invention?

The key to awesome sex, even with yourself, is savoring sensations rather than solely chasing the orgasm. 

Start slow. Set the scene. Make sure you will have privacy. 

Use the vibrator to stimulate various parts of the body and tune into the sensations. We have found it does not matter necessarily on the style, size, or type they all do the same job. 

 

Here are some ways to utilize your vibrator:

cles around the clit which can cause stimulation in different ways with each woman. What might work for you might not for your partner or best friend.

  • Direct Hit- For a less sensitive clit, or at stages when the clit likes more direct stimulation, many women say circles right one the exposed clit felt wonderful. To do this, you can get the hood out of the way if the clit is a hider, either by lifting the entire pubic hair area upward with a hand. Or by pushing just the area right above the hood skin upward with the side of your thumb while using your vibrator.
  • On the Hood- Keeping the touch above the line, on the hood skin, without the circle ever touching the exposed clit beneath. The part of the skin that you touch and keep contact with is really important. Holding high on the hood feels less intense than holding lower down, near the bottom edge of the hood. This is similar to layering. Adding more layers between the vibrator, and the clit itself can help lessen the intensity of your vibrator.
  • Off and On (the hood)- Many women prefer circles that mostly stay on the hood and then occasionally swipe and glide below it, to include part of the clitoral gland that may be peaking out as exposed. The upper clit gets soft pressure through the hood, giving the exposed clit a small break between each time it is touched. This method seems to be a favorite with a vibrator, as you can use the vibrations to expand the pleasure and add shallowing techniques in as well.
  • Staying away- the least intense way to orbit the clit is to stay far away from it. Gliding in gentle circles that stay above, below, and to the sides of the hood and clit and never touch the exposed clit directly. Some women feel the vibration itself is satisfying without being overwhelming and this is a great way to ease into your first vibrator. 

Easing into your first experience can be overwhelming. Start out slow, and layering is one way we recommend breaking the ice.

Layering is where you put “layers” between your touch with the vibrator. And the clit or area you want to stimulate.

Laying it on thick – Through fabric this is the least direct way to touch the clit. Women prefer pressure and massage up on the triangle where the pubic hair is (or was— you are allowed to do with your hair what you please). Stroke all around this area called the mons pubic region. 

This area is on top of a nerve network that’s connected to the clit. Remember the exposed part of the clit is simply the tip of an iceberg. And there is a lot more going on below the surface all around it.

 

The Clit Sandwich- Yes this is a real thing!

1 in 5 women prefer squeezing the outer lips together around the clit like a sandwich. People also report liking this sensation in partnered sex with same sex or other sex partners! 

Why? The clit gets more subtle, indirect pressure. Because it goes through the thin hood skin and the thick skin of the lips. Some move the sandwich up and down or pull it out and push it in, so the skin inside slides back and forth around the slit.

Adding your vibrator to this technique, even on the outer lips, can create a unique stimulation.

Layering with a vibrator can help you achieve multiple orgasms. And even lessen the touch/sensation for the rebuild for the second orgasm.

So, adding a vibrator into your relationship can become a rewarding experience for you and others. Knowing your body will help give you a more satisfying experience.

I believe a vibrator can change around a sex life. Only if you are open to experiments with time and techniques as you learn. 

No matter the vibrator location on your body, the satisfaction you achieve while using it is all that matters. 

By starting out curious, you will be able to learn your body and what you like. And dislike the more you explore with your vibrator.

 

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

When Your Wife or Husband is a Flirt Should You Take It Seriously?

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When Your Wife or Husband is a Flirt Should You Take It Seriously?

 

When you find out that your husband or wife flirts, how you respond is based on context. Marriage often comes with an expectation of exclusivity. Therefore, it is only normal that you assume your husband or wife will only do certain things with you.

While exclusivity – regarding intimacy – is supposed to be the norm in marriages, it is unfortunately not that easy.

 

Were They Flirtatious When You First Met?

If you were drawn to your spouse because of their attention-giving nature, then you should probably find it normal that they’re still the same.

Maybe you fell in love with your wife because of the way she brushed your arm whenever she talked to you. It could also be that you were attracted to your husband because he knows how to make women feel on top of the world. In these cases, you may have to worry about nothing.

Getting the attention of others, maybe your husband’s or wife’s way of expressing him/herself. If your spouse has always been keen to respond to the opposite sex nicely, it may help you if you can relax and enjoy their good nature. If you can’t help it, tell them how the act makes you feel, instead of working by assumptions and making your marriage difficult.

 

You May Not Be Giving Them Enough Attention

Think about this: are you giving your spouse the attention they need and flirting with them? If not, maybe they are resorting to flirting to fill their significance need.

You may be a woman who is passionate about her career and spend little time with your spouse. Or, maybe you’re a man focused on your family and not noticing your partner. 

In any case, every human being – especially extroverts – loves to receive and give attention. And suppose you are not available to indulge your spouse. In that case, they may unconsciously begin to get and give attention to any member of the opposite sex that is always ‘available.’ They may do this even when there is no intention to be unfaithful to you.

So if you are always on the move and find out your spouse is a flirt, consider making out more time to be with them.

 

It Could be a Self-Esteem Problem

If your wife or husband flirts as a means to give their self-esteem a boost, then it could be categorized as a serious problem. When people need others’ validation or attention to feel good about themselves, it means something is wrong somewhere.

It is up to you to help them feel good about themselves, and try to encourage a connection between the two of you. To help your spouse with their self-esteem problem, you must first think about strategies to connect with them that they desire. 

If their self-esteem dropped in the course of your marriage, then you may want to consider the things you (both) are not doing right. Even when there is no misunderstanding between you and your spouse, there could be some disappointments they are probably not telling you. These disappointments could undoubtedly affect the way they see themselves.

 

Is It Towards a Particular Member of the Opposite Sex?

As earlier said, some extroverts may find flirting as a way to express themselves around the opposite sex freely. Most times, these flirtatious behaviors may have no strings attached to them.

However, when you notice that your wife’s or husband’s come-hither expressions are directed to a particular member of the opposite sex, it should be taken seriously. Nevertheless, this shouldn’t be a reason to end your marriage or start to point accusing fingers at your spouse. Do not assume. Please find time to converse with him/her, to get a full grasp of whatever is likely going on.

Also, do not assume the role of an investigator. Monitoring your spouse when you notice that their attention is with someone else doesn’t help. Instead, an open and honest conversion should do the trick here.

 

Did You Set Boundaries About Flirting with your Husband or Wife?

In every relationship – including marriage – boundaries are crucial to maintaining sanity between the parties involved. While you shouldn’t make your marriage a rule-bound mechanical showroom, boundaries will help you agree on what is acceptable and not.

If you fail to set boundaries, having understood each other’s tendencies, you may end up hurting yourselves. Your husband may not know that he hurts you when he gives ‘unnecessary’ attention to other women.

And your wife may not also know that you do not appreciate her having close contact with other men. When you set boundaries, there would be no reason to worry over what your spouse does or does not do with the opposite sex.

 

Does Your Spouse Know How Much You Love Them?

Finally, an affirmation of your love may be all your spouse need to stop giving and receiving attention from other members of the opposite sex. How often do you express how much your husband means to you, and how many times in a day do you compliment your wife’s look?

Well, if you fail to tell your wife how good she looks in her new skirt, try not to feel left out when she smiles at her colleague who does. And if you fail to encourage and strengthen your husband when he achieves a milestone, there are courteous women out there who would do it.

In a nutshell, that you take your spouse’s flirtatious behaviors seriously or not will depend on the two of you. Your reaction will also depend on whether or not you both are doing right by yourselves.

And how well you respect, build, and freely express yourselves towards each other will also tell the kind of response you give to your spouse’s cheeky behavior towards the opposite sex.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Visit The Sexiest Places on Earth

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Visit The Sexiest Places on Earth

You can visit the sexiest places on earth once the pandemic is over if you’re looking to spice up your love life?

With the vaccine on the horizon, it’s time to consider visiting the sexiest places once we are able to! 

Spicing up your love life is an essential part of your relationship to prevent boredom and loneliness. Sometimes, one or both of the individuals in a relationship become bored when you’re both not doing anything different, interesting, or fun.

Today, we will discuss visiting the sexiest places on earth to give you a fantasy to project with your partner(s) in the future! 

Before choosing any place, be sure that you both love the location. If you already know where your partner wants to go, telling them you want to plan a vacation is a great way to make it more exciting (don’t make it a surprise though – get consent!) 

Turks and Caicos (Grace Bay)

First up, Turks and Caicos are only a flight away from Miami. I have been told that the sand is gorgeous, the people are fun, and that the islands offers you an amazing chain of coral islands in the Atlantic, southeast of the Bahamas.

Sexiest Places on Earth

One of the sexiest places on earth, Grace Bay beach apparently has the largest underwater cave system in the whole of the Caribbean. Therefore, that makes it one of the coolest places on earth as well. 

Exotic, colorful rays, turtles, and fish in the calm azure waters and one of the best diving in the world are some of the beautiful experiences that await you and your partner in this location.

If all you want is to have a great time relaxing and soak in the sexiest vibes, you can choose from a world-class spa even to enjoy some exfoliation or massage sessions.

France (Saint-Tropez)

Forget Paris, France for visiting, and go to Saint Tropez instead. It is a popular destination visited by some of the hottest celebrities in the world.

Many wealthy and famous celebrities have visited this destination for decades. Exotic places like “Plage de Tahiti” I have heard is a hot place where you can soak up in the sun and enjoy your tan without bothering about tan lines. If you also want to enjoy some tasty local cuisine, you have several exclusive restaurants to choose from.

It’s on my list of places to visit at some point!

 

Greece (Mykonos Island)

Ohhhh…. Greece! How glorious! Mykonos Island is an island that is known as an adult’s playground. I have a friend that has a home there, and they talk about how beautiful it is. 

It is specially designated for the sexy and sophisticated who need R&R (Rest and Recreation).

You can find some of the hottest nightlife and stylish boutiques on Mykonos Island. It is also home to exquisite beaches like Psarrou, Paradise, and Super Paradise beaches.

If you love a party, unlike me, this is an excellent location for you and your partner as the party starts in the afternoon at Paradise beach and lasts throughout the night.

 

Grenada (Laluna)

Also known as the Island of Spice (not just sensual spice), Laluna has been producing different kinds of spices, including ginger, cinnamon, cloves, and nutmeg, for export worldwide. It sounds spicy… and sexy for sure! Everyone likes an aphrodisiac. 

 

Vail Village

Vail Village is one of the world’s top ski locations, which offers a jaw-dropping mountain setting for cuddling up with your partner. Cuddling is sexy, and it is enticing because of how it helps your brain and body start to build connection. Especially, if you are skiing and moving during the day. 

So you warm-blooded folx like me understand, this location also offers you an after-ski snuggling and / or romantic sleigh ride with your partner to a beautiful dinner where you can also have a cozy night together. Even in winter, there is romance here! 

 

Argentina (Buenos Aires)

Buenos Aires is a sultry city well known for its outstanding cuisine, European-style boulevards, hopping nightlife, rich red wine, and sexy dance moves. Dance floors are found both indoors and outdoors, where dancers of all ages and levels of experience mingle. The people of Buenos Aires are all about having a good time throughout the night.

Our intake coordinator, Dany, knows much more about this location than I do, and if you want more tips on what to visit, you can message her!

 

Seychelles

With over 115 small islands, deserted beaches, and other interesting spots to have an alone time together, Seychelles is a great spot to reignite the spark in your relationship. It seems to be a little more unique than Hawaii! 

Fregate Island is another private isle where you can enjoy a private time and enjoy your sexy escape. Enjoy the amazing beaches, romantic dining locations, and a unique treehouse sitting in one of the largest and oldest banyan trees on the island.

 

Thailand (Koh Samui)

This location is just one hour from Bangkok. It offers you a sexy and amazing vision of your desired escape with the golden sands sitting at the shore of the glistening waters in all shades of blue and green you can imagine.

Lively bars, delicious bowls of noodles, and Thai massage are a few of the many things you can enjoy here. If you want to have some nice dance time with your partner, the clubs around Chaweng Beach Road offers one of the most amazing dance parties. The Amari Palm Reef Hotel also provides you with a beautiful sight of the sunset – although I have never been there – I have read about! 

 

Brazil (Rio de Janeiro)

The hot beaches and beautiful people in Rio de Janeiro make it one of the sexiest places you can visit on earth.

It boasts of stunning landscapes and beaches like Ipanema, where different beach activities take place. You don’t want to miss this spot if you want to have an unforgettable getaway experience.

A few honorable mentions:

  • Los Angeles, US- For dating, sexual satisfaction, and great attitudes towards relationships; visit Los Angeles.
  • Liverpool, UK – This is the perfect place for dating, love, and reigniting your love flame.
  • Dublin, Ireland – Dublin is known for its Irish accent, one of the sexiest accents in the world. This may be the ideal place to spice things up.
  • Zurich, Switzerland- Many hot spots for unforgettable sexual experiences abound in this location. It is an excellent place to consider.
  • Cape Town, South Africa- Cape Town is another place you may want to consider if you want to have a pleasurable time with your partner.

So, in conclusion, there are many sexy places in different parts of our earth. Our suggestion is that if you plan to visit and plan a memorable time with your significant other, that you can keep your love burning and rekindle the spark!

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

How Long Do Sexless Marriages Last?

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How Long Do Sexless Marriages Last?

 

How long do sexless marriages last is a question that many couples that are in sexless marriages ask. Even though it isn’t very obvious, more marriages suffer sex-related issues than is envisaged.

To ascertain what happens in a sexless marriage, let’s start with a clear description of what a sexless marriage entails.

A sexless marriage is one in which sex is not exactly frequent between the couple involved. Most experts categorize this frequency as anything less than ten times within a year. For some marriages, being sexless can mean the lack of sexual intimacy for even as few as a few weeks.

How long a sexless marriage will last depends largely on the couple and the conditions surrounding their relationship. Since people are different, there can be no general predictions for how long marriages will stay without sex.

Outcomes should be based on the people involved, their dispositions, natural makeup, and the mutual agreement between them.

For marriages that do not hinge their intimacy and bonding on sexual activities. Staying sexless may not make lots of difference.

On the other hand, couples whose closeness is mostly dependent on sex may find it difficult to cope in a sexless marriage.

There are different reasons why a marriage bed can become void of sexual activities. And these reasons determine, to a large extent, how long the marriage can thrive without sex.

 

Low Sex Drive Due to Health Issues on One Partner

Sometimes, health problems can affect the sexual orientation of a marriage. One partner may have physical or mental health problems that take a toll on their sex drive. In this case, the other partner may understand the situation and make efforts to keep the marriage going.

If both partners understand each other and are willing to make efforts towards other home-building activities in the marriage. It will only be a matter of time for the condition to improve.

How Long Do Sexless Marriages Last?

 

When Other Things Are More Important Than Sex to the Couple

While most couples view sex as an activity crucial for their relationship’s survival, others do not hold the same view. Some married folks are very comfortable running their day-to-day activities from the same house, without paying attention to lovemaking.

Some regard sex as a fun act to indulge in once in a while, as they go about other activities together. These activities could be child upbringing, work, business, or even studies. For a good number of others, sex may not be among the vital reasons they came together in the first place.

Most contract marriages and people who married for financial or social status purposes may also not view sex as something necessary to keep the marriage going. Provided the initial conditions of interest are still present.

So, for couples who mutually agree to focus on bonding through means other than sex. Their marriage will undoubtedly last for as long as the agreement remains.

If, however, one partner decides otherwise, a compromise has to be made for divorce not to become the imminent outcome of such marriage.

 

Low Sex Drive From Both Ends

Generally, when one partner has a greater sex drive than the other, the union may end up suffering. However, when the two people involved desire sex less often,  their marriage can be as normal as one in which both partners experience greater urges for sex.

In fact, for partners who both have very little desire to get sexually engaged. Having sex less than ten times every year may not constitute much of a big deal for them. And since no partner ever gets to feel neglected or unsatisfied, there would be no need to go over-the-top to impress anyone.

 

 Underlying Problems

When a marriage relationship becomes sexless due to emotional or communication problems between the couple. Then there is a slimmer chance of survival for such marriage.

Problems that could cause partners to want less of each other physically include infidelity, lack of communication, unsettled arguments. And abrupt changes in one spouse’s behavior.

Trying to get intimate without solving the problems causing the divide may make no difference to the marriage’s life span. Hence, how long a sexless marriage lasts, in this case, will depend on how soon the couple can settle their differences and ignite the flames in their sex lives.

 

Neglect from One Partner

Life can also take its toll on a marriage and turn it sexless overtime. Sometimes, married folks can get too busy with work, school, or child care to pay attention to each other. And if leaving out sex is not mutually agreed upon by both partners, the less active partner may begin to feel neglected and sexually starved.

In most divorce cases, due to sexual dissatisfaction, it is usually found that one partner is usually at the receiving end of the dissatisfaction. The marriage unavoidably comes to an end when the affected partner can no longer keep up with the neglect.

Hence, a marriage that gets stripped of intimacy due to neglect from one partner may never recover if the defaulter does not realize and make an effort to revive sex in their relationship. However, there could still be hope for such a marriage if the problem could be communicated and resolved.

In a Nutshell, the question: ‘how long do sexless marriages last?’ should be rightly answered in the light of the circumstances surrounding the marriage. And the obvious answer should be however long you are willing to be within it.

If you both are sexless and enjoy that, you can last until death do you part. But If one of you wants sex, it probably has about a 2-5 year breaking point from the time someone brings up sex as a problem.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Top 10 Christmas Sex Ideas to be Naughty on a Budget

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Top 10 Christmas Sex Ideas to be Naughty on a Budget

 

It is no secret that the holidays are best spent with loved ones so here is the top 10 Christmas Sex Ideas to be Naughty this year. Due to the pandemic, you may need to get creative to enjoy some quality time on a budget. Having a great time with a romantic partner can be a rewarding way to spend holiday time.

When on a budget, creativity is key! You can amp up sexy time with your partner with a number of fun activities that you can easily do at home. 

Here are 10 ways to spice things up for the holidays with little to no cost.

 

1.Write Love Letters

There is something beautiful about words of affirmation. Write down something you love about your partner. You and your partner can write each other letters. You can decide the subject of the letters, whether it be your deepest desires or what you love about each other.Christmas Sex

Writing letters is an age old way that has been used by lovers to convey matters of the heart. Repackage this tradition and have fun writing down all the sexy things you like about your partner.

 

2.Sex

In the spirit of writing, how about incorporating technology to spice things up? Writing your deepest darkest desires to your partner can act as an aphrodisiac itself. You can send and receive text messages filled with naughty little snippets of what you will do to each other when you get to have sex. Sexting will give you and your partner the chance to discover each other anew. You may be surprised to find out some new kinks of your partner’s in the process.

 

3.Extra Mistletoes

The mistletoe has been used for generations as a Christmas decoration. It is believed to be mythical. Some believe it is designed to make people closer, and spark romantic interest in others. The mistletoe rule is you have to kiss the person who stands under one with you.

You can put up extra mistletoes around the house to get in more kisses with your partner. If you can’t find mistletoe, order an artificial version, as having it will ensure more kisses throughout the holiday.

 

Christmas Sex

 

4.Costumes and Role-Play

Dressing up in costumes is always a great way to channel inner selves. You can pull together different looks based on what you have in your closet.

There are numerous options, from the characters in The Nightmare before Christmas to the innocent little elf. 

You can dress up as your partner’s favorite character even! This can be from a movie, book or period piece. Don your most accurate impression of the character and act out your version of them. This will definitely get your partner’s juices going.

 

 

5.Stay in Bed All Day

Not getting out of bed is a sure way to not spend any money. You can hang out with your favorite person in the most comfortable place in the whole house. It will get the two of you a chance to talk and connect with each other, especially if routine does not allow for it often. Dedicate a day to do nothing on your day planner and everything to reconnect with your partner. Talk, cuddle, gossip, laugh and make love for a whole day to remind yourselves how much you like each other, in case either of you forgot.

 

 

6.Bubble Bath

Take an hour or two to take a calming bath together. Bubble baths are incredibly relaxing to the body. 

Getting one with your partner is a sure way to get closer to them. Add in some candles, essential oils and romantic music for a more special effect. You can share a bottle of champagne or sparkling seltzer, and see where the night will take you. This will probably be something you will end up doing quite often… just like we do in our house. 

 

 

7.Sex in A New Location

Sex can be best when enjoyed with a hint of exploration. 

Finding new places to have sex can give an already pleasurable act immense effects. 

You and your partner can make a list of all the places in your home where you have already had sex, and places you would both like to try. If there are places that match in both lists, start off with those, then go down the list ticking off the new locations. It gives you a chance to have more sex, and have fun while doing it, if at all that is possible.

 

 

8.Kiss in The Rain

Kissing is a very important factor in a relationship. Kissing in the rain has been played out in more movies than we care to admit. It is the kiss that ties everything together. When you and your partner get caught in a shower without an umbrella, take a few seconds… or minutes and recreate those heart-warming scenes from your favorite romantic comedy.

 

 

9.20 Questions

You may already know everything there is to know about your partner, except maybe you don’t. It takes a lifetime to get to know someone well enough. Some couples have lived together for decades and still keep discovering new things about each other. A game of 20 Questions is the best way to get to know someone’s kinks. Whether you are just starting out with your partner or have been married for years, the game will definitely bring something new to your view. Open a bottle of wine and search for questions to ask on the internet.

 

 

10.Sit Under the Tree with A Ribbon

When you want to get naughty with your partner, you can give him the perfect gift; you. Wear only a ribbon and wait for your partner under the tree like the perfect Christmas present. If you are not comfortable sitting in the nude and waiting, you can have your pick at lingerie, or clothing that will be easy to remove. You should also remember to get them an actual present, just in case they were expecting one.

Christmas Sex

There are a number of ways in which you can get naughty having Christmas Sex with your partner during the holidays. Being romantic does not necessarily require an elaborate budget. You can easily have a great time together by being creative. Invent new ways to spice things up with your partner to keep things interesting.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Cervical Orgasm

How to Get a Cervical Orgasm

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How to Get a Cervical Orgasm

 

If there is one way that you can get the best out of your sexual experience, it has to be by exploring new pleasurable zones such as a cervical orgasm. 

This is particularly great for those with vaginas that have sex with all genders. 

Achieving climax for some can be difficult, and some women have gone well into their thirties without “finishing” during sex. 

If this is you, we recommend that you try some of our other guides, including the pleasure practice as a warm up. 

This guide will teach you about getting different sensations, If you have achieved many orgasm types, and now want to know how to get a cervical orgasm.

If you are one such woman, you may want to try seeking a cervical orgasm in addition to the common clitoral pleasure.

 

Discovering the Location for Cervical Orgasm

The cervix is the deep center of the vagina, and it is the connecting point between the uterus and vagina. It can be reached only by penetration. It is the part that dilates when you are in labor to have a child. 

For those of you with IUDS, the string will be coming out of the cervix.

Cervical Orgasm

Cervical Orgasm and Cervix Drawing Copyright © Nucleus Medical Media, Inc.

Some women have called a cervical orgasm a “deep” or “full-body orgasm.” Those who have experienced it report an increase in sensation on the “inside” compared to the jittering sensations of a clitoral orgasm. 

This type of orgasm brings a pleasurable (and sometimes reported as “intense”) vibration throughout the whole body. 

Unlike the clitoral orgasm that lasts for waves of seconds, the sensation of the cervical orgasm sometimes is reported to last for hours (meaning you will feel different sensations in your body even after the orgasm is over). 

Are you tempted to try this type of pleasure? 

Here are suggestions to help you achieve a cervical orgasm either with your partner or on a solo mission.

 

Is Penetration Involved in a Cervical Orgasm?

Ensure that the receiver of this orgasm is relaxed, aroused, and already in a state of receiving bliss. If not, cervical pleasure may feel more painful than anything else. 

  • The cervix itself is not going to be penetrated. 
  • See the drawing above. The opening of the cervix is no wider than a finger width. 
  • It is too narrow for a dildo, dilator, or penis to go into. 

However, the penetrating object that you are choosing for a cervical orgasm does need to have contact with the cervix for this type of orgasm to occur.

Penetration involves the dildo or penis entering the vagina and applying pressure on the cervix. It pushes and rubs against the cervix to create a pleasurable sensation.

It is important to note that initial contact with the cervix can be painful. 

The receiver may feel some pain when something first touches her cervix. 

It would be better if you first warmed up with easier sexual pleasure like external clitoral glans stimulation, and then ease into it when she is relaxed. 

You can try going slow to allow the cervix time to relax.

 

Positions

One of the best positions to achieve a cervical orgasm is doggy style. When anatomy fits together, the phallus has almost a straight gateway to the cervix. 

Doggy style allows for deeper penetration, as the whole shaft is able to go inside you, thus allowing as much room to access the cervical orgasm as possible.

Secondly, you can try the receiver on top of a dildo while she or a partner stimulates the external clitoris. 

Cowgirl style allows control of a number of factors. The person with the cervix gets to control:

  • The angle of the insertion object
  • How fast to move 
  • The rhythm of which way to move (bounce up and down, wiggle side to side, or move their vagina clockwise or counterclockwise).
  • The depth at which the insertion object touches the cervix. 

The one trying to get a cervical orgasm may like this, as then they are able to achieve orgasm on their own terms. 

Finally, another alternative is to use a deep missionary position, possibly on a sex pillow. This will help you in increasing how deep penetration can reach.

Cervical Orgasm

The psychological It is also a great way to give her power over her body, which lets the psychological factor come into play.

 

Psychological readiness

A cervical orgasm is not something you can achieve during casual sex. If you are not comfortable with a partner, you can explore this using a long girth-y dildo.

You need to have your mind focused on getting there, and allow your body to relax. The mind is a powerful tool and after a few successful cervical orgasms, you may be able to feel the ring and deep sensation of pleasure in the cervix just having your ear touched or by fantasizing. 

 

Psychological Mindset To Receive

Mental readiness is important in all sexual encounters, even more in getting a full body orgasm.

You need to be able to let go – a concept is intangible and cannot really be quantified. 

However, letting go simply means:

  • you should not have any inhibitions, be it physical or psychological.
  • Free from any tension. Take a shower or ask for touch first. 
  • Allow yourself to relax from the stress of the day and compartmentalize them in a way that is healthy. 

If you are wanting to try to obtain cervical orgasm with a partner, ensure unresolved arguments are put to rest until another time (you can even schedule that conversation for a later time).. Any tension will make you not open up fully, which means penetration may be painful and the goal will not be achieved.

Go in knowing what you want to do, and be willing to let your partner help you get there. If you are using a dilator on yourself, relax your body and muscles. 

Breathe out and exhale. 

Try to achieve a mental thought of “receiving,” from a part of your mind and body that enjoys the exploration of pleasure and curiosity of playfulness. 

By doing this, your inner muscles will in turn relax to allow the object of penetration easier access.

 

Physical readiness

You need to make sure that you are completely aroused before trying to get this kind of orgasm. 

If you need to, you can use water-based lubrication to help ease the process. Using lube in all types of penetration for sexual pleasure is NOT uncommon. 

Some vaginas are not trained enough to withstand a cervical orgasm. The positive news is that a vagina without pelvic floor muscle tone can be improved. 

There are helpful vaginal weight lifting practices that help women restore strength. 

These practices can even increase sensation.

 

Menstrual cycle

If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again.

You can try having a cervical orgasm at different points in your menstrual cycle. As your hormones change during the month, so does the cervix. It is softer, higher and wetter during ovulation as compared to other days in your cycle.

Looking for the elusive orgasm at different points in your cycle increases your chances of finding it. Since the position of the cervix changes, you have a better chance of getting it at one specific position and condition.

 

Is it possible to have a cervical orgasm without penetration?

Yes.

However, this cannot happen to you when you are just beginning, because your body will not know what to do, thus not allowing a cervical orgasm. 

You will need to have had several penetrative orgasms to stimulate the area. Opening up your cervix is one of the most coveted sexual awakening experiences. 

In the end, you may discover that you are more comfortable with clitoral orgasms as compared to cervical ones. Luckily, as humans, we have the advantage of having multiple pleasure zones – the most important of which is the mind. 

Finding the pleasurable menu that works for you is what matters.

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

How to Save Your Marriage

How to Save Your Marriage

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How to Save Your Marriage

 

We are here to give you strategies on how to save your marriage from a doomed fate. 

There comes a point in marriage when things start to turn a bit sour, and your relationship or marriage ceases to be the ‘happily ever after setting’ it once was. 

At such junctures, where the intimacy you once had with your partner starts to fizzle out, there are a few ways we want to teach you on how to save your marriage: 

  • Focus on positives 
  • Don’t live in the past
  • Don’t forget the good
  • Talk and listen to your spouse
  • Be determined and seek help
  • Learn when to end the marriage

 

Focus on Positives

Your marriage may not be as bad as it seems. Surely, there has got to be an element of positivity still present in your relationship with your spouse.

However, with the myriad of negativities currently overwhelming you, these good sides may be difficult to recognize. Here comes the effort you’ll be making to save your marriage – paying more attention to the good parts.

So, instead of being upset that your spouse is not making as much effort in footing the bills as you are, be grateful that they are also trying their best to see that the bills are paid.

 

Don’t Live In the Past

Maybe your marriage ceased to be blissful after you discovered a not-so-pleasant-thing about your spouse. It could also be that somebody cheated or disrespected the other. Whatever the case may be, you have to let go – if saving your marriage is your goal.

If you keep dwelling on what was done to you in the past, you may never get to experience a blissful future in your marriage. Accept whatever has happened between you and your spouse, forgive, and stay committed to the course of trust and intimacy.

How to Save Your Marriage 

Don’t Forget the Good Things of Yesterday

You must indeed learn to forget whatever hurt you in the past to save your marriage. Yet the things that brought sunshine to your union should not be forgotten with the past.

In fact, conflict and the arrival of children can sometimes get in the way of the intimate things you did with your spouse early in your marriage. Now maybe the right time to start doing those things again.

What are those things you did with your spouse that got you attracted to them? What did they do to brighten your existence, and make you appreciate them more?

This point is the best time for you and your partner to remember those things, and work your way around reviving them in your relationship.

 

Talk to Your Partner and Listen to Them

Sometimes, what you think is a huge, deliberate effort to offend you may be a simple omission by your partner. They may not even be aware of the void that is gradually replacing the love in your marriage.

To help salvage trust and friendship in your marriage, try talking with your partner, and listen to what they have to say. When they open up about their view towards the matter, also make effort to see things from their perspective. This way, you’ll avoid assumptions and re-establish a partnership with your spouse.

 

Be Determined Not to Let Go

At the point where a marriage starts to need fixes and salvage, it can be quite difficult not to think about ending it. Yet if you would rather learn how to save your marriage, you will have to be strongly determined to do so.

You and your partner have to both understand that marriages – just like every other human relationship – will experience tough periods and moments without harmony.

This understanding will help you to stay committed to the institution of marriage even when it seems like the hardest thing to do.

How to Save Your Marriage

 

It Could be Time to Lean Away

When your spouse is no longer meeting your clear expectations, trust and intimacy may dwindle in your marriage. Similarly, if you are overly dependent on your partner, you may start to feel neglected when they frequently fail to meet your needs.

At this point, it will be wise to lean away – not disconnect.

Start to think about doing some of those things yourself, and also consider the fact that your partner is a human being too. It could be that the responsibility is simply weighing them down, and it may not have crossed their minds to talk to you about it.

 

Maybe You Need to Change

One interesting thing about conflict – in marriage, and life – is that the blame is always on the other person. Only a few people would first consider looking inward in a bid to settle a conflict.

If you’re out to save your marriage in the face of a dilemma, try to consider the different ways you could be doing things wrongly. Maybe your responses at different instances were somewhat uncalled for. Or you are probably expecting too much of your spouse.

Simply take out some time to properly analyze the role you’re likely playing to alleviate the state of things in your marriage.

 

Take a Break If You Need to

Without considering or threatening your spouse with divorce, you may want to consider giving your partner some time to come around. Ideally, this period shouldn’t be unreasonably long, and should not come as a way of paying your spouse in their own coin.

Simply consider this break as a time for you and your partner to think deeply about your relationship. It should also be a time to reevaluate and restructure things in your marriage.

 

Think about the Future

Your spouse and their behavior may not be reason enough for you to pick up the pieces of your marriage. Your children, the things you’ve built together, as well as the plans you have for the future can give you the strength to do so.

Think about the effects a divorce or separation would have on your kids and your intended future. In the end, you’ll realize that separation may not be the right answer to your marital troubles.

 

Conclusion

Marriage is a union between two adults – who, ideally, are mature enough to decide as they committed on their wedding day. Hence, the decision to save your marriage can be made and worked upon by you and your partner.

 

 

Couples Communication Strategies

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.