When to Unleash Your Inner Control Freak

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When to Unleash Your Inner Control Freak…And When to Keep It in Check

 

Society tells us that being a control freak is a bad thing. It’s almost exclusively used as a pejorative, a way to describe someone who’s overbearing and micromanages others. We should all agree that maintaining control is an important social behavior, but when does it cross the link into “control freak” mode?

Like most things in life, context is important when we talk about being a control freak. There are some things, like trying to control the actions and feelings of others that are usually unproductive. Attempts at controlling others often lead to conflict isn’t sustainable long-term.

Being in control, though, of your feelings, emotions, and behaviors, however, is something that we should all be serious about. Hell yes, we should manage our affairs to create the life we want, and if that means being a control freak, then so be it!

There are certain things all of us can control that will have an immediate positive impact on our lives and in relationships. Maybe it’s time we took a look at the word “control freak” and how we feel about it.

 

Control When More Than One Person is Involved

Control becomes more complicated when dealing with intimate relationships. What happens if what you want collides directly with what your partner wants? 

Let’s say, for example, your partner wants to experiment with some light bondage play yet you don’t quite feel comfortable yet. What then?

First, let me say that our safety is something that we should always guard fiercely. Control your ability to stay safe whether it be from emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. 

There should be no accommodations when it comes to your emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental well-being.

At times, though, letting control go of other things must be done for the benefit of the relationship.

Don’t confuse the right to consent with having sex because your partner is horny on a weeknight.

We all need to work on gaining perspective over what our long-term and most important priorities are and focus on controlling what we can around those.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Sexual Cheat Sheet for Exhausted Couples

Sexual Cheat Sheet for Exhausted Couples

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Sexual Cheat Sheet for Exhausted Couples

 

You may be surprised to hear that more and more men are seeking help from sexual therapists. These days more men are seeking sex therapy than women at our practice. 

The availability of sex therapy and more open attitudes around talking about sex and getting help have made men more comfortable seeking therapy. That’s a great thing!

In talking to many of the men I come in contact with, a lot of them express similar feelings with regards to intimacy challenges with female partners. They want sex more, they want it longer, and they sometimes feel like their wives, girlfriends, or partners don’t care as much as they’d like.

In long-term relationships, it can almost feel like you’re playing roles. One of you is more sexual, one is better with the finances. You might be a kid person, while your partner is better with fixing the sink.

It’s easy to fall into defined roles in all aspects of life, even with sex. However, the great news is that things aren’t so set in stone, and you can work with your partner to make things better.

Sexual Cheat Sheet for Exhausted Couples

The Ebb and Flow of Sexual Passion

Understand that passion, and certainly, sexual passion rests on a spectrum at any given moment. Think about your sexual desire. Sometimes you’re burning hot with desire for your wife or partner, and sometimes you’re not so on fire.

Think about a time when you’ve been apart for a longer period. Have you ever traveled for work or been away for more than a week? How do you feel if your wife comes out of the bathroom at night dressed in sexy new lingerie or asks you to use a vibrator on her? Chances are that your sex drive and desire for your partner experience a significant spike.

The point is, sexual desire is impacted by so many factors, internal and external. The way you and your partner feel, what’s happened to you during the day, how you’ve been treating each other recently, the way you look, and so many other things influence both of your interest in sex.

 

Understanding Male and Female Sexual Perception

The frustration that a lot of men have is they feel their female partners are just not into it. There are certainly genetic differences in humans when it comes to sex drive. The variance, though, is probably not as large between men and women as so many people believe.

Most men and women are simply programmed a bit differently. We also project our impressions on our partners, which isn’t always helpful.

A lot of women, for instance, believe their partners are only interested in quickies. So many women tell me their male partners are all about the climax, and that everything else is simply a garnish to them.

That, though, is a huge oversimplification about men’s’ sexual motives. Most men want, certainly with their partners, engaging and loving sex that’s fulfilling to everyone involved.

Sexual Cheat Sheet for Exhausted Couples

Women, on the other hand, tend to be much more cerebral when it comes to sex. They have to be emotionally engaged and clear of the distractions we carry throughout the day.

Most of the time, women carry a great deal of emotional strain, worried about work, children, the house, and a million other things.

Adding initiating sex at the end of the day to that list can be exhausting. Additionally, many women struggle with not knowing what kind of sex they want or like.

What ends up happening is a lot of “duty sex”, where the male partner initiates, women obliged to please their partner, and everyone is a 6/10 on the happy scale.

 

Stoking Your Partner’s Passion for Sex

Things don’t have to be this way! Many of the women and men I work with come to realize that sex can be fun and deeply fulfilling for both partners. All it takes is some legwork to understand your partner’s sexual cues and doing the work to get in the right headspace.

For men, and I hate to generalize but this typically rings true, some grabbing and kissing, and a hand on their penis is usually all it takes to set the mood.

Women, though, are not so easy. Here are some ways you can help your female partner feel more comfortable about sex and initiating the type of sex she wants.

 

  1. Don’t always bring up sex right before you want to have sex

Find a time to talk about how your sex life has been going and what you want out of it. Telling your partner you’d like to try anal sex as you’re lying naked in bed isn’t the best approach. A partner will feel more comfortable getting feedback and talking about what they’d like if they are sure that you’re paying attention and not discussing it to serve your interests.

 

  1. Make-out more with nothing else

You and your partner may have settled into a pattern when both of you (or one of you) equate physical touch with initiating sex. Engage in some kissing and cuddling more often. Small investments over time will help build up your intimacy when sex happens.

 

  1. Share physical touch that is focused on her. THEN ASK HER ABOUT IT!

Find time to focus physical touch on her without you orgasming or anything like that. Invest the time in making her feel good about sexual touch and build trust that you’re interested in pleasing her.

After your “touch” sessions, ask her about it! Find out what she liked and didn’t like and use that to inform your interactions going forward.

 

  1. Share sexual touch that ends in orgasms for no one

This is another thing you can do to help your wife or partner feel more comfortable with touch and feel aroused. It helps a lot of women to know that you enjoy touching, kissing, and feeling her as much as you like having an orgasm.

 

  1. Encourage her to talk about her orgasm the next day. Use encouragement!

Remember to follow up on the times when sex is fantastic. Always offer more positive feedback than you think is necessary.

 

  1. Ask about sex dates you can commit to just her, and some dates that are all about you

Many women flourish when boundaries and intent are clear. If you’re both going into a weekend or a night away at a hotel knowing that it’s all about her, then she’ll be more likely to open up. She’ll also have the time to mentally prepare for the intimacy. The better things are for her, the better they’ll be for you when it’s your turn.

Recognize when your partner’s not up for the whole show and only wants a preview. These steps help but there’s so much more you can do! Over time, it will build trust and give her the space to feel comfortable initiating sex.

Tantric Sex Best Practices: Breathing, Desire & Arousal

Sensual Meditation: Strategies to Fall in Lust Again

Sensual Meditation: Strategies to Fall in Lust Again

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Couples Having Sex

Couples Having Sex During Quarantine

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Couples Having Sex During Quarantine!

 

So, today, we will talk about Couples having sex during quarantine and the sexual satisfaction situation this stressful time.

I’m glad that you are interested in joining us in for the topic of providing a considerations for intimate couples having sex during the COVID-19 quarantine.

In this video, I’ll be answering how to have sex during the quarantine even if you are monogamously partnered.

Cannot wait for you to learn how to use these considerations for couples having sex during COVID-19!

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Watch now! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, PornHub, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, Playboy, Maxim, Daily Mail, HeadSpace, and more!

 

  1. SYMPTOMS OF COVID-19

  2. COVID-19 HOME CARE

  3. CLEAN & DISINFECT YOUR HOME

 

MORE VIDEOS!

 

WATCH THE VIDEO “HOW TO SEDUCE YOUR SPOUSE”
https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/ ←HERE
-Learn How to Unleash Your Self Pleasure and Transform Your Sex Life!-

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 PM EST

Say hi on social:
Twitter: https://twitter.com/thesexhealer
Instagram: http://instagram.com/thesexhealer

 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

sex counseling

Trauma Focused Therapy

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Trauma Focused Therapy

 

Trauma focused therapy is therapy that focuses on helping clients/patients heal from various events that have happened in their life. Trauma focused therapy does not mean just “talking” about trauma. There are a variety of modalities that are evidenced based that have been shown to help people heal from trauma.

Oftentimes, I have clients ask me, “what steps should I take in healing from trauma?“ “How can I find a therapist that can help me with trauma?” “I don’t want to feel this way anymore, what do I do?”

 

Find Trauma-informed Healthcare Providers

What does it mean to have a trauma-informed therapist? A trauma informed therapist or health care provider focuses on providing choice, asking for consent, and the language used on forms and within sessions. Health care providers that are trauma informed show ways that they are mindful of how trauma may be impacting the individual in their relationships and other various contexts.

Trauma informed health care providers are vital to the health care system because for those who have experienced trauma it is 100% necessary for individuals to be finding providers who are trauma informed. This allows for collaboration and self-advocacy, which is important to people who have experienced trauma.

 

Ask Them About Therapy Models

Therapists who are trauma-informed may also be trained in a variety of models to support people who have experienced. At Life Coaching and Therapy, here are some of the models we use to help with trauma. We use a variety of Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or TFCBT, EMDR, Parts Theory or “The Inner Aspects” Model! 

In the next week blog, we will explain what we actually do in each of these therapy models! 

At LCAT we are happy to help and many of us specialize in working in trauma. If you have any questions please contact us!

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

mobile porn

Mobile Porn Goes Mainstream – Why So Many People Consume It?

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Mobile Porn Goes Mainstream – Why So Many People Consume It?

 

It’s funny how mobile porn has been treated over the past several decades.

For so long, it was relegated to the shadows. Religious groups came out in strong opposition to the adult film and print industry. They influenced lawmakers into restricting access to pornography even to consenting adults.

These days, though, the cat’s out of the bag. The amount of porn is so big and access to it so easy, that there’s no more pretending. Practically everyone, at some point in their lives, will view porn.

Online porn was the real gamechanger. It was harder to hide nude magazines or VHS tapes with adult movies on them under the bed. Finding your friend’s dad’s porn stash and sneaking a peek in the basement was almost a rite of passage a generation ago.

People were mostly concerned about dealing with the embarrassment of being caught. Enter today, the age of incognito browsers and VPNs. Search history that can be deleted and gone barely a trace. Nowadays, most of the porn viewed by billions of people around the world is done on mobile devices locked by passcodes that are used by only one person.

 

The Porn Industry Has Always Been a Tech Innovator

The adult entertainment industry has always been an early mover when it comes to technology. They moved online before many other mainstream media counterparts, pushing online traffic numbers in the internet’s early days.

Pornography publishers were quick to invest in high-speed modems so online users could have quicker access to their websites. They helped pioneer online streaming and helped normalize online payment systems when people were still suspicious about giving credit card information online.

Porn’s push into mobile began years ago, before retail and other consumer brands were even thinking about a mobile strategy. That early innovation has resulted in massive mobile porn consumption numbers today.

If you want to know what the future holds, take a look at what the adult entertainment industry is up to. Now, when you look online at pornography, you see things like virtual reality, personal engagement with adult entertainers, and greater privacy protections trending. They’re still pushing the envelope.

 

Porn Companies Were Early to Embrace Mobile as a Platform

If you’ve ever looked at porn on a phone or a tablet, it was probably a pretty good experience. There weren’t many bugs or hiccups during loading, and its photos, sites, and videos moved from portrait to landscape seamlessly.

It’s not the same for other industries. So many popular brands had a hard time moving to mobile. Email clients, popular websites, calendars, and other applications are playing catch up.

That’s because porn was so early in its shift to mobile platforms. They saw the day when phones and tablets would be everywhere and made sure to invest in the technology to make the mobile experience as good or even better.

 

Why Mobile is Such a Natural Fit for Porn

Think about it. How many spouses or teenagers have sat at the family computer at night, trying to get a peek at some pornography with one eye over their shoulder about someone walking around the corner?

It’s a classic scenario that’s played out in homes across the world. With mobile, porn users eliminate a lot of the risk of being “caught”. They’re viewing porn on a personal device that can be flipped over in a second or lock the screen instantly with the click of a button.

You also can use discreet browsers that don’t track history or searches, so if you’ve got a snoopy spouse or partner, you don’t have to worry about them looking through your phone when you’re not looking. Whether or not looking at porn without the support and understanding of your spouse is a subject for another discussion.

Mobile devices also make it easier to watch porn and, you know, do what you want to do while you watch porn. You can watch it on the bed, in the bathroom, or on the couch when no one’s around. You can one-hand it while your other hand is, ahem, busy.

 

Mobile Has Removed the Stigma Around Porn Use

Strangely, porn use on mobile platforms has done a lot to take away the stigma around porn use. It’s sort of pulled back the curtain and laid bare just how prevalent pornography use is in the U.S. and other countries.

Now, everyone has a device. When those mobile devices connect to porn sites and adult entertainment servers, they leave a mobile footprint. Porn companies can track and see where viewership is coming from, how long they’re staying at their sites, and what they’re looking at.

That not only helps the porn companies refine the movies and clips they produce (if they know what people are looking at, they make more of those videos), but it also helps them understand their audiences.

When porn companies publish statistics and other data on porn use, it’s evident that almost everyone is watching. Porn companies publish who is paying the most for subscriptions and which state consumes the most porn every year.

That’s made porn less of a secret activity and brought it out into the open. Once the tide goes out and everyone realizes that everyone else is watching as much porn as we are, it makes us less bashful about personal habits. People are thus more inclines to look at porn more often on their devices and be honest and what we’re looking at.

 

What’s Next?

It’s hard to tell what’s next. A lot of time, money and effort is being put into VR. Many porn sites are promoting their chat rooms where users can interact directly with individual porn actors and pay for certain types of shows. Sex toys have more technology than ever.

The newest toys can connect to mobile devices via Bluetooth, so it’s not impossible to envision interactive porn that connects to a toy like a vibrator. That will make porn and phone/video chat sex with your partner while you’re away on business a lot more interesting, no?

Whatever happens, you can expect the adult industry to be there at the cutting edge wherever technology goes. 

 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Relationships covid-19

Relationships in Covid-19

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Relationships in Covid-19

 

It’s easy to love someone when you’re in control of how much time you spend together. When life’s normal, it feels like we spend a ton of time with the people we love. 

However, what about when life’s not normal? How does quarantine change things?

The Covid-19 epidemic has upended a lot of what we think is normal. We’re all working from home, we can’t go out, and when we do, we have to keep a distance between us and other people.

A lot of public figures have tried to put a positive spin on social distancing by encouraging you to spend more time with the people you love. That sounds like a wonderful thing to do, nevertheless you may find it’s not always the easiest.

Unfortunately, the people closest to us often bear the brunt of our stress and frustration over things we can’t control. During these incredibly stressful times, we need to focus on how we can nurture relationships with the people we love and avoid turning on each other.

 

Recognize the Pressure You’re Under

When you heard your company was going all-week teleworking for the foreseeable future, you probably got a bit excited. You had visions of you and your partner at the dining room table, laptops out, taking turns on conference calls.

You’d switch making nice, home cooked meals for each other and watch the world go by.

If you’ve gone through a week or two of teleworking with family at home, you know by now that the dream is often not the reality. Working from home can feel extremely alienating. Until they’re gone, we don’t notice how sustaining the routine and social interactions we have at work are.

Remote work can feel very lonely, and absent the frequent validation we feel at work. We must take regular self-inventory to come to grips with the emotions we’re going through.

 

Validate Your Loved Ones

Knowing how much of a strain you’re under, you can bet that your partner is under the same pressures. Even if they are more used to working from home, they’re not used to you being around all the time. There may even be some insecurity about you seeing how they use their time. Maybe they’re worried about how productive they appear around you.

Relationships Covid-19

What you can do during Covid-19 isolation is offer more positive feedback and validation to your loved ones. That means your spouse, partner, kids, and whoever you’re at home with.

If your loved one is one of the few that are still going to work because they can’t telework or they’re serving a crucial function (like a healthcare worker), then they probably need even more support.

 

Periodic Relationship Social Distancing During Covid-19

Maybe one of the benefits of the Covid-19 crisis is that we’re all going to become a bit more emotionally mature. Even though staying at home more could sound like fun at first, you’re likely to find out rather quickly how important having space is.

Even though spending all day with the fam sounds like a dream, it’s gonna get old real quick. You need to practice social distancing indoors as well to keep things harmonious.

Don’t feel like you need to do everything together. Take a walk by yourself. Work in the bedroom one morning. If you’ve got kids, play a board game with them one afternoon so your partner can get some real work done.

Going from spending a few hours together each day to spending ALL day with your partner is a huge adjustment. Make sure you maintain some distance and help each other cope through this difficult time.

 

Find Ways to Relax

Yes, you should keep exercising during the epidemic. Stress eating is real folks, and a lot of us are doing it. Sadly, we’re not talking about going for an early jog.

I mean, no one works every minute of the workday while they’re at work. We have breaks, stop for lunch, and if you work in an office you probably don’t want to count how many times you’ve checked Instagram or texted with friends.

If you’re new to teleworking, it’s probably going to take a few days, and eventually, you’ll relax and realize that productivity doesn’t mean sitting in front of your computer waiting for an email to come in.

Push away from the table, leave your phone on the counter, and take a breather every once in a while. If you’re stuck inside all day with your partner, go over and scratch their back, take a break and cuddle on the bed. Increasing physical touch is a great stress reliever.

 

Creative Ways to Work Up a Sweat

Sex is perhaps the greatest stress reducer if done right. For you, with a hectic work schedule and other obligations, it may have been a while since you had sex in the morning or made love on the couch with the TV on.

When routines are thrown out the window during Covid-19, it’s the perfect time to shake your sex routine up as well. Finding creative ways to make love and connect with your partner is exhilarating. It’s the perfect distraction from the chaos around us.

If you want to do your partner a favor, turn it on in the bedroom and get kinky! Break out the toys and maybe even mess with a new identity. Things are wacky right now, so you can blame the experimentation on the times. It’s a great excuse!

Try to sneak a quickie in between virtual work meetings. Commit to having more sex! We’ve all got more time on our hands, so break out of your “weekend only” routines.

Sex, when done right, can be about excitement, connection, intimacy, and so many more things. You can try all sorts of different sex while we’re dealing with the situation, we find ourselves in.

Above everything else, we should find ways to do what we can for those we care about during turbulent Covid-19 times. Reach out, be there, and show love.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

veterans

How is the pandemic affecting Veterans with PTSD and family members

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How is the pandemic affecting Veterans with PTSD and family members

 

22+ Veterans Die Daily! (This was before COVID-19)!

Amanda Pasciucco, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in trauma, and her stepfather, Special Forces Veteran Chuck Eggen to discuss the weakness of the Veteran Health Care system.

In my experience, the VETERANS ADMINISTRATION is full of GREED and promotes a traumatic response outward to our heroes… our Veterans! The VA represents what happens when a system breakdowns… and those outward effects.

We have a generation of Veterans with PTSD.

Watch the broadcast to understand more about why we believe the VA is responsible for the lives of more than 22 Veterans a day!

The VETERANS ADMINISTRATION is about to kill MORE than 22 Veterans a day! The system is broken.

Unleashing this via Facebook Live this week, as it is MY duty because #familyfirst! I am a sex therapist, family therapist, and community care defender!

As a PTSD and systemic therapist, I have 10 years of experience with abusive system. #Veterans will die if the VA breaks their continued coverage of care.

They are NOT watching out for our vulnerable populations.

They are not watching out for providers and the community.

The VA passes off the handling of payments for MEDICAL and BEHAVIORAL HEALTHCARE.

PTSD therapists are available in the community!!! Let us see the Veterans.

Let Triwest continue to manage current provider payments in New England.

New VA Community Care Network (CCN) Program

VA Community Care Network (CCN) Builds On PC3 Program for the Future

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Trauma in Children

Secrets to Noticing Trauma in Children

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Secrets to Noticing Trauma in Children

 

Trauma in children can be difficult to understand and recognize. 

Children do not have the language to identify what is wrong or if they are experiencing trauma. 

As parents, caregivers, professionals, and adults, it is important to be mindful of various signs that COULD mean a child is experienced trauma.

One of the first ways to notice trauma in children is to look for somatic symptoms. 

Often times, children express issues in their mental health through various physiological symptoms such as headaches, stomach pains, constipation, and even issues with skin.. 

To be clear, if your child has a stomach ache, it does not mean they have experienced trauma. 

If your child is experiencing stomach aches regularly, notice these consistent issues in your child and speak with a medical doctor and mental health therapist to assess for signs of psychological distress.

Trauma in ChildrenOther physical signs of abuse may be more obvious such as bruising, cuts, bleeding, avoidance of physical touch, or avoidance of being touched in certain areas, avoidance of eye contact, or bleeding from genitals (not related to menstruation). 

Children may also demonstrate various behaviors that can indicate some level of emotional distress due to trauma or adverse childhood experiences. Skin picking, hair pulling, over eating, restricting food, sexualize behaviors (not age appropriate… please consult with someone as to what is and is not age appropriate), self injury, avoidance of people or places suddenly and consistently, intense bursts of emotion, frequent nightmares, jumpiness, fear for personal safety, truancy, mutism, and frequent levels of negative self talk.

Trauma in childhood is also seen in their attachment to their caregivers. The behaviors and symptoms described above can be physiological or behavioral manifestations. Other attachment wounds can look like fear and/or confusion around various attachment figures in their life. Significant changes in their attachment to others can also be an indicator. 

Trauma in Children

To be clear, any of these symptoms can be typical in children. Its when you notice clusters of them or frequency of these symptoms that should be cause for concern. Patterns of these behaviors usually indicate some level of emotional distress, if not trauma. Also, the context of what is age and stage appropriate is vital. So if a teenager is avoiding their parent, there is high likelihood that may be a normative behavior for developmental level. It’s important as your child(ren) grow that you learn what is and is not appropriate behavior. At the end of the day, YOU know your child best.

Another important aspect to remember in working with children is that if a child does report abuse or trauma, the likelihood they are lying is fairly low. Of course there are situations where that is the case, but the statistics do show that when kids share that something has happened to them, it usually has. So if your kid has trusted you enough to share with them, please take it seriously. Because it is serious!

 

Long Term Effects of Trauma in Children

There are long term impacts of childhood trauma. Untreated or unaddressed childhood trauma can lead to serious mental health issues over time and in adulthood as well as issues in future relationships. These impacts can be with physical health, relationships, sexual intimacy, parenting, etc. 

In many ways childhood trauma or “Adverse Childhood Experiences” have a long term impact in our world. There has been much research done to show how these experiences can shape a persons life and impact their health and whole being. Untreated trauma is an epidemic in my opinion. Engaging with children, caregivers, and families in addressing these issues as early as possible or to preventative work could have major change in our world and future generations.

For more information on childhood trauma, feel free to look into the research done around “Adverse Childhood Experiences” or ACES to learn more about the impacts about childhood trauma and what to look for. If you are unsure of what may or may not be occuring within a child’s life, support the child and/or family in engaging in therapy to learn more. At LCAT we can help!

 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

social distancing

3 PRUDENT STEPS TO SOCIAL DISTANCING

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3 PRUDENT STEPS TO SOCIAL DISTANCING

[during the COVID-19 Pandemic]

 

We are facing hard times and we have been asked to take refuge within our homes, distancing ourselves socially to prevent more possible contagions in this COVID-19 pandemic.

So, in this video I explain 3 prudent steps for social distancing to cope with this quarantine in the best possible way.

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Watch now! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, PornHub, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, Playboy, Maxim, Daily Mail, HeadSpace, and more!

Check MORE videos:

Online Therapy for Couples or Individuals- Life Coaching and Therapy

Text Therapy – A New Therapy Method

Sensate Focus Therapy for Couples

 

GET THE PLEASURE PRACTICE E-GUIDE  & HOW TO SEDUCE YOUR SPOUSE VIDEO!

https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/ ←HERE

-Learn How to Unleash Your Self Pleasure and Transform Your Sex Life!-

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 PM EST

 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

How Females Use Edging to Supercharge Orgasms

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How Female Edging Supercharges Orgasms

 

Sex is fun, yet female edging can make it better! 

Every once in a while, though, we need something more to mix things up and explore a little bit. 

That’s not to say things get boring, yet sometimes you just have to juice things up.

Intimacy is also all about exploring. Finding more ways to please yourself and your partner. Trying new stuff out should be fun, and make sex more interesting.

female edging

Edging refers to when you stay just on the edge of orgasm. It’s a great way to intensify your orgasms and improve your sexual awareness. Read on to hear more about edging and what you can get out of it.

 

Take Me to the Edge

Whether you’re masturbating alone or having a partner get you there, edging involves all of the foreplay and sexual buildup you normally experience on your way to climax. Once you’re there, though, you pump the brakes and let things rev down a bit, holding back climax.

If you’ve never tried it before, edging can offer a lot of sexual benefits, one of them being stronger, longer-lasting orgasms.

I hope you’ve noticed the difference between a great orgasm and a normal one before. There are times in our lives when we just need to climax to relieve some stress or we’re not up for marathon lovemaking sessions. That’s fine.

However, if you’ve ever had a mind-blowing, bury your face in the pillow screaming orgasm before, you know what it takes to get there. Those orgasms take time and a lot of foreplay. You likely engaged in some manual stimulation, oral sex, and some other awesome acts to get you to that place. Not to mention you’re probably doing it with someone you’re wild for.

Edging is similar in that the longer you wait and the more often you edge and retreat, the more incredible the final climax will eventually be. It’s worth the work, trust me.

 

Practice Makes Perfect

Edging isn’t easy. Many women who have a hard time orgasming feel like it’s climbing a mountain to simply get there, why would I want to slide back down and do it all over again?

That’s a concern, so the right technique is important to keep you on or as close to the edge as possible.

If you’re flying solo, it’s a good idea to use a vibrator and other toys to keep you stimulated. Just as you’re about to climax, stop any stimulation and pause, letting your blood flow ease a bit.

You’ll feel your orgasm slipping away; however, you don’t want to wait until it’s disappeared.

When you feel like you’re just on the other side of climaxing, resume whatever you were doing, whether it’s pressing your vibrator against your clitoris or using your hand. Work to get right back to the edge and rinse and repeat.

Soon, you’ll be getting goosebumps and your entire body will tingle as you play on the edge with your orgasm.

 

Female Edging Will Help with Sexual Awareness

Understanding your arousal cues will help you and your partner have better sex. A lot of people are concerned with their female partners’ sexual satisfaction. 

There is a reason so many of us have faked orgasms before. Some of them are pleasers in bed, and a lot of partners revel in a feeling of sexual prowess when the female they’re with experiences orgasm.

Female edging is a wonderful way to get your partner attuned to your orgasm ladder and what it takes to get up there. If you do it enough and your partner is paying attention, pretty soon they’ll know a bit of what turns you on.

When you edge with a partner, it can be even more fun because you can tease each other, and it adds to the sexual dynamic. 

There’s a bit of power play as your partner edges you close to orgasm and then moves it away. 

You can’t climax unless they “let” you, and some people love that feeling of submission and domination.

Your partner will be laser-focused on your breathing, the sounds you’re making, and the way your body moves in response to touch that elevates the sexual experience for both of you. 

Both of you will be engaged in a careful intimate interplay with greater connection and pleasure.

 

Using Female Edging with Masturbation

A lot of the time, you just need a one on one quickie. You’ve got to get to work, the kids will be up soon, or a million other things hinder your ability to take it slow when you masturbate.

That’s not the time to try edging. You’ll likely just end up frustrated.

However, when you have some decent alone time set aside, break out the toys and some lubrication and settle in for some you time. 

Female edging while you masturbate may help you overcome obstacles that you face when it comes to partnered sex.

You can learn to better control your arousal, speeding and slowing down as necessary. You can experiment with different levels of pressure, vibration cadences, and simultaneously touching your clitoris and tease the opening of the vagina to see how your arousal changes.

 

A Little Taunting Can Be Sexy!

Some individuals enjoy one orgasm, and then lose interest in longer sexual encounters. Female edging adds a playful element that can keep you interested by playing on the edge of climax. 

Once your partner has you in that edging zone, they’ll love the power they have to play with your body and tease you with the thought of orgasm.

female edging

One second, they’re pressing a vibrator against you, and the next they’re pressing their tongue or fingers against your clitoris, going back and forth at just the right speed to make sure you don’t go over the edge.

When the time is right, when you can’t stand it anymore, you’re definitely in for a treat. The prolonged foreplay and lengthy stimulation will deliver an incredible orgasm that’s better than most you’ve ever had before.

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

 

coronavirus

Coronavirus and Text Therapy

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Coronavirus and Text Therapy

 

Whatever you do, don’t panic. That was easy to say when Coronavirus was a problem other countries far away were dealing with, but it’s still true even today. Now that major sporting events are canceled and celebrities are posting that they’ve contracted the virus, everyone’s scratching their head about how concerned we should all be.

We’ve received a lot of inquiries about how the Coronavirus outbreak is going to affect counseling sessions and the way we interact with our clients. For sure, the response to the pandemic is going to alter all of us in the coming months.

CoronavirusWhat we do now to prepare will help us manage any turbulence ahead. How we manage our jobs, whether we can manage text therapy with our counselors, and maintain relationships with so much stress will be a challenge. As always, having a plan will help build certainty when it’s so hard to find in other places.

 

Relinquish Control of What You Cannot Change

This mantra has applications in responding to a Coronavirus outbreak and life in general. So many of us, clients and even therapists struggle to accept that change is part of being human.

We all can plan for something for years, however, when something crazy happens it’s rarely what we imagined. This is a great example right now. If you’d asked people a month ago what would send people running to the grocery store to stock up on toilet paper, they may have said something like a terrorist attack or some type of armed conflict. There was nothing like a pandemic on the horizon.

Coronavirus

Change happens fast, with medical issues, relationships, self-development, and many other areas of our lives. The sooner we accept that the less of a rippling effect change will have on us.

 

Build Contingency Plans for a Coronavirus Outbreak

Freezing economic and social activity is a massive challenge. If you think about it, we all have different tolerances for what’s acceptable. You might be ok with spending a week staying at home with your kids out of school trying to get some work done. But what about a month or three months? What if this thing is still going after six months?

Coronavirus

At some point, there’s only so much we can take. Maybe after struggling through some conference calls with kids screaming in the background, you’re willing to take your chances on the subway again. That’s obviously a joke, but the point is that perspective matters.

With so much out of our control, we have to try and control what we can. Creating a contingency plan for how you’re going to manage life in a new environment like the one Coronavirus is currently imposing on us is a good start.

List out the things you do regularly. What are you doing in person that can be done virtually? What are the “optional” activities that you participate in that can be postponed? If you can’t go in person, is meeting remotely even an option?

Getting a grip on what’s a “must” and what are the “maybes” will help you manage the chaos if it deepens.

 

Prepare What You Can

Ask your therapist if they offer remote therapy sessions. A lot of practices give video therapy sessions that provide a good alternative when meeting physically isn’t feasible.

We, and some other therapists, also give clients the option to practice what’s called text therapy. With text therapy, you get to engage with your therapist is a more casual form via text message. Conversations, due to the time it takes to type, aren’t as long or as in-depth, but there are some definite benefits.

Here are some of the positives of text therapy:

Text When You’re in the Moment:

How many times have you thought something or come across a situation and thought, “Ooh, I need to talk about this with my therapist!”, only to forget what happened because your next appointment is a week away?

With text therapy, you can shoot a message to your therapist in real-time. You can list your emotions, what triggered the scenario, and reflect on how things went after the fact. Your therapist will see you as you’re raw in the situation. Some great breakthroughs can emerge as a result.

 

Group Chats are Easy on Schedules:

It’s hard, especially when you’re in therapy with a spouse or partner, to get everyone’s schedules aligned. Text therapy is a great alternative because you all can engage and respond when you’re free. There’s always a written record of the conversation to go back over if you’re in the middle of something. There isn’t anymore, “Do you remember when you said…?”

 

Therapy from a Distance:

You don’t need to be in the same room with your therapist. Even if you aren’t locked in your room waiting for Coronavirus to recede, you can get help and talk things over. You might be on a business trip or a vacation and need to run something by your therapist. It’s a great way to keep a constant flow of communication.

 

Give Text Therapy a Dry Run

There’s no harm giving text therapy a dry run to see if it’s for you before something like social distancing is encouraged or even mandated. Ask your therapist if you can give it a try and see how you feel and respond to the new way of communicating.

coronavirus

A lot of people are surprised to find that they’re more introspective when they have to type down their feelings. When we’re in person, there’s a beauty to the free flow of words streaming from our subconscious. However, having to take the time to write down our thoughts can also be beneficial because it captures how we truly feel.

We should all be grateful that technology has come so far in recent years to give us the option to work from home, find out what’s happening quickly, and even text with our therapists if necessary. Generations ago, who knows what kind of impact the Coronavirus outbreak would have had when staying home for weeks wasn’t an option for so many people.

Text therapy is a fantastic tool that can help you get the counseling and encouragement you need even when life throws a major curveball that’s out of your control.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

How to be good in bed

How To Be Good In Bed and Set Up The Bedroom

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How To Be Good In Bed and Set Up The Bedroom

 

So you want to learn how to be good in bed?

I’m so glad that you are interested in joining the world of being good in bed.

In this video, I’ll teach you how to be good in bed,set the scene, and show up ready, even if you are anxious.

In no time, you’ll take my advice to use on how to be good in bed for yourself or for partners!

My tips for how to be good in bed will surely enlighten you on how to create a more adventurous and pleasure-focused sex life for you and your partner(s)!

Can’t wait for you to learn how to how to be good in bed!

 

DOWNLOAD OUR FREE EGUIDE “THE PLEASURE PRACTICE”

https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/ ←HERE

-Learn How to Unleash Your Self Pleasure and Transform Your Sex Life!-

 

THE SEX HEALER Spotify Playlist:

spotify:playlist:4NaV31cpo60BqEiBSsHMjU

 

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, HeadSpace, VICE, and more!

 

Watch now:

HOW TO GET OVER SEXUAL ANXIETY FOR MEN

VIDEO ON COMMUNICATING YOUR SEXUAL DESIRES!

EXCLUSIVE INFORMATION ON THE G-SPOT

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 PM EST

 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Trauma Symptoms

Hazard Warning! Identifying Trauma Symptoms

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Hazard Warning! Identifying Trauma Symptoms

 

Those who experience trauma sometimes have trauma symptoms they are unaware of. 

 

Risk Factors for Trauma Symptoms

Some general risk factors that can increase someone’s likelihood of experiencing trauma symptoms are: 

  • Marginalization and/or institutional “isms” as that creates circumstances that are more challenging 
  • History of trauma within the family
  • Living in an unsafe environment (emotional and/or physical)
  • Difficult family relationships
  • One or multiple disrupted attachments in childhood
  • Temperament
  • Personality
  • Stress level
  • “ACES” (Adverse Childhood Experiences)

These are just some and there are certainly more to consider. 

When you know that someone is having intellectual and emotional responses to threatening or disturbing events, and struggling with their ability to cope in their current life experience, you may want to consider that they are experiencing trauma symptoms. 

Trauma can show up differently for different people; however, there are SOME things to notice or be mindful of in yourself or in others as trauma symptoms:

  • Feeling irritated, angry, or on edge
  • Being jumpy
  • Being paranoid or hypervigilant
  • Frequent fear of personal safety
  • Feeling depressed, powerless, hopeless, or helpless
  • Having nightmares or changes in sleep patterns
  • Re-experiencing an event or feeling (almost like deja-vu)
  • Dissociating or disconnection from reality or your body (feeling like you are watching yourself)
  • Difficulty trusting
  • Engaging in the same pattern of behaviors over and over again
  • Intrusive thoughts and difficulty letting thoughts go
  • Difficulty in relationships
  • High levels of reactivity
  • Avoidance of anything that reminds the individual about their trauma
  • Being frozen

These are some of the more common trauma symptoms and can be seen to meet clinical diagnostic criteria by a trained (and preferably licensed) mental health professional. 

HOWEVER, it is important to note that one of these does not necessarily mean that you have experienced trauma. 

Having several trauma symptoms on this list indicates that you may have experienced some trauma. As you can imagine, there is an overlap in various mental health conditions.

 

So What the Heck Do I Do About These Trauma Symptoms? 

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms or have any of these risk factors, you may be feeling stressed. 

Identifying symptoms is often the first step to identifying what we need. Way to go!Trauma Symptoms

This sense of awareness allows us to recognize patterns and work towards healing. 

The next thing I would recommend is find a trauma informed therapist and/or someone who specializes in trauma symptoms.

Trauma-informed care means a therapist who looks through a trauma perspective and can contextualize your experience and think systemically.  

After getting your consent, trauma-informed providers are often able to recognize which factors can be impacting triggers in mental health. 

Other than identifying symptoms, taking accountability for how your trauma(s) has impacted your life, or your relationships, can be another part of helping empowering yourself.

Engaging in trauma work with a therapist. 

There are a variety of ways to do trauma work, but it can be very useful to do therapy specifically geared towards trauma such as Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR), Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), Inner Aspects Model, mindfulness practice, and other models.

Trauma work is exactly that. It is WORK. So be ready to dive into doing some real emotional, cognitive, and somatic work. My colleague, Amanda, always says “trauma is in the body. Healing has to take place in the body.” Basically, you have to do somatic work for trauma work to be effective long term. 

Trauma Symptoms

Outside of some therapy models, some somatic work to consider is yoga, meditation, acupuncture, massage, chiropractic care, reiki, and osteopathic care.There are many more options to be considered!

If you are in a relationship and your trauma is showing up there. It is vital that trauma is addressed together. Trauma is relational, therefore it can be vital to your individual health as well as your relational health. Healing happens in the body and in our attachment to others.

Consider joining our staff at Life Coaching and Therapy, LLC (LCAT), we specialize in the body, trauma, and relationships!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Divorce Care – Why You Need a Therapist

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Divorce Care – Why You Need a Therapist

 

Divorce is tough, there’s no getting around it. No matter how bad things get, and no matter how happy you might think you’ll be after it’s over, most people are woefully unprepared for the realities of divorced life.

It’s easy in the middle of screaming fights or after going months without sex to think about how great life will be once the divorce is final. We get seduced into dreaming about starting over in a new, perfect life.

What you don’t realize, though, is that when a marriage ends, a lot more goes out the door with it. Your life changes. Yes, you’re removing something that was potentially abusive and traumatic from your life, however, some positives get sacrificed on the altar of divorce every day.

Managing the disruptive ripples of divorce is one of the main reasons people need therapy during, and after, the process. Here are some of the ways a licensed therapist can help you deal with everything divorce entails.

 

Dealing with Social Rearrangement

Depending on how long you’ve been married, it’s hard to imagine what life will be like alone. A lot of times, we fall into this trap where we imagine our lives will revert to what it was like before we met our spouse.

We don’t account for how we’ve changed. Your priorities, career, age, and a whole bunch of other things are different. You might have kids, pets, and different friends.

divorce

Dealing with the social aspect of divorce can be trying, especially when we’re vulnerable and need to rely on friends. What happens when all of your friends are married couples that you met with your ex or soon to be ex-spouse?

You may go looking for a shoulder to cry on, only to discover that your “friend” has already chosen sides, and it’s not yours. You’re also going to have to manage your feelings when your friends want to maintain relationships with both of you even though you’re no longer together.

Losing friends is a part of divorce most people don’t think about.

 

What About All of the Logistics?

Therapists can be a “divorce coach” for all intents and purposes. Odds are, they’ve dealt with several divorcees in the past. They know what’s involved in the process.

A therapist can help you sift through the minutiae of divorce to help you make sure you’re not taken advantage of.

They’ll draw on other clients’ experiences to advise you on things you might be overlooking, like coming to an agreement over visitation rights, the right approach to dealing with in-laws after a divorce and splitting up your possessions.

Separating lives that have been intertwined for so long is extremely challenging. It’s also overwhelming. Dealing with the stress of divorce makes a lot of people want to throw up their hands and say, “Forget it!” over a lot of things that will matter to them down the road.

Divorce is one of the main causes of financial hardship. High legal costs, the long time it takes to unwind joint assets, having to sell your house quickly to settle your affairs, and other logistical decisions will have a huge impact on your life ahead.

Having a therapist who you can trust who’s dealt with divorce in the past can be a guide you can lean on for advice when things get rough.

 

Helping You Keep Your Kids Centered

It’s bad enough to go through a divorce, but it can be even worse when kids are involved. When you love your children so much, it’s hard to imagine not being able to see them every day or have total control over how they’re raised.

Children that go through a divorce all experience trauma to some extent. The separation of a family unit, no matter how amicable, is never the same.

divorce

Children also aren’t always the most understanding. They may not recognize that you need or needed a divorce to protect yourself and live happily. They may resent you for your decisions.

A therapist will help you work through a divorce and mitigate risks to your children and the relationships you have with them. It will keep you focused on considering their well-being even when they seem to be doing alright.

 

Therapists Can Help You Avoid Repeating Your Mistakes

In most divorces, couples share the blame. Yes, there are situations where a spouse is abusive or manipulative, and those certainly should end in divorce. Most, though, happens when a couple is no longer able to overcome resentment. Heels are dug in too deep and no one’s willing to give anymore.

What many people don’t realize, is that they assign the reason for their divorce to the individual to whom they were married. It was a difference of personality or you fell out of love.

So many things, though, drive us toward divorce. Whether it’s childhood trauma, failure to deal with our parents’ divorce, depression, shame, or some other issue, there are personal influences in all of us that contribute to divorce.

Therapists work with clients to identify obstacles to connection and any destructive patterns we repeat. Too many of my clients have felt like they just met the wrong person, and that they’ll get it right the next time around. Their ex was just a bad apple and they didn’t see it early enough.

Unfortunately, success rates for second and third marriages aren’t any better. They’re even worse. According to Psychology Today, second marriages end in divorce 67% of the time, and 73% of third marriages end in a split.

Perhaps, after one divorce, we’ve normalized separating a bit, so the idea of leaving is less taboo the second or third time around.

Working with a therapist can help you get to the root of issues holding you back from making a real connection and building loving relationships in the future. With hard work, you can break the pattern of mistrust, insecurity, shame, or whatever else is standing in your way.

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

When Is Porn Cheating? Identifying Porn Use That Crosses the Line

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When Is Porn Cheating? Identifying Porn Use That Crosses the Line

 

Ooh, when someone asked me “is porn cheating” the other day, I thought “this is a touchy subject.”  

In the past ten years, I have seen this as one of most gender-divided topics that other-sex couples struggle with everywhere, and one that same-sex couples often disagree on. 

Does looking at porn constitutes infidelity or cheating?

Views on pornography are all over the place. It’s still a relatively new phenomenon in our society to have access to this material from any place at any time.

Before the internet, pornography was relegated to dimly lit adult stores, hidden in homes, or inside magazines. There was much more stigma around porn, and it was regulated. 

These days, pornography is everywhere. Any barrier to viewing and using porn is simply a formality.

Knowing this, you have to understand that you and your partner will be exposed to more pornography than ever before. It’s a fact we all have to deal with today.

How you view the use of porn will depend on your upbringing, religion, your views on the industry and also how you feel it affects the intimate relationship with your partner.

As usual, avoiding absolutes and working with your partner, with the help of a therapist if necessary, can help you both arrive at a place of love and understanding when it comes to porn.

 

Avoid Porn Shaming

On average, women are around two times more likely than men to report that they never use porn. It’s probably easy for people to understand why porn use is higher among men, yet that doesn’t mean women don’t view and enjoy pornography.

Let me just say it. Your partner has, is, or will likely use pornography at some point during their life.Is Porn Cheating

Realizing that now before you come across it on their phone or computer will save you some heartache when it happens. Any person that says they have not ever seen any pornography may be lying.

Knowing that there are a majority of individuals who have viewed porn at some point should deter you from taking a stern approach if you’re unsettled about your partner’s porn use. 

You may ask “is porn cheating?” and I would say that irregardless, the worst thing you can do is use shame as a motivator to try and change your partner’s behavior. 

 

That’s true with porn and just about every other scenario.

An understanding approach to dealing with pornography in a committed relationship or marriage will help both of you to be open and honest, as well as find a solution that hopefully works and contributes to trust between you. 

Even if there are bigger issues like porn compulsion, shame is not the way to get someone to change.

 

Do You REALLY Want to Know?

Don’t kid yourself about how you’ll feel when you find out what your partner is doing while you’re not looking. If you want to know what’s going on, you’re likely going to be surprised at how often your partner uses porn, much less what they are into online.

A lot of individuals approach watching porn online as a fun, stress-relieving activity. 

They might even be curious at times, searching for some far-out fantasy they have or a certain type of porn that’s not something the two of you have played around with in your intimacy.

How are you going to react if you discover your partner is really into watching threesome videos or bondage porn? 

DO NOT jump to conclusions thinking your partner is unhappy or that their porn viewing habits mean that they are unsatisfied with you. Because, that’s usually not the case.

It’s fine if you want to have an open conversation about porn with your partner, just be prepared for if, and that’s a BIG if, they’re completely forthcoming.

 

When Porn Use Crosses the Line 

Just like with many other things in a committed relationship, porn use crosses the line when it involves deception.

Omitting the truth about porn use can be a red flag. Not being truthful can lead to a slippery slope. It can push the boundaries of what one partner is willing to keep from the other.

We’re not talking about saying you watch porn “a few times a week,” when in fact it’s every day.

 

Is Porn Cheating

When taken to extremes, omissions of truth can help people justify hiding things like affairs or irresponsible financial decisions that impact both parts of a couple and the family system. 

Therapists deal regularly with people who are opposed to pornography for religious beliefs and other ideologies. For some people, it’s a redline that if crossed means a major betrayal of trust. 

That shouldn’t be taken lightly.

It’s hugely disruptive when you enter into a relationship with a common understanding that deteriorates over time. 

Even outside of pornography, imagine discovering your partner doing something both of you vowed to avoid when you committed to each other in the beginning. 

What if you’re against drug use and you find out that your partner loves smoking weed? Would it be a dealbreaker?

What if you thought your partner was satisfied, but really they have been faking orgasms with you a majority of the relationship? Would that justify a betrayal? 

 

So, Is Porn Cheating?

Porn is cheating when you’re actively hiding it from your partner. That means viewing it after you’ve told them you wouldn’t or when you hide it from them, so they don’t even THINK about needing to ask.

Cheating doesn’t always mean you’ve slept with someone else without permission. 

It means you violated the trust in your relationship and cheated on the spoken and non-verbal guidelines that are the foundation of the bond you have. It’s also a major issue if it takes away from your intimacy.

 

Open Communication Is Crucial

Our partners can be sensitive to our porn use, because of moral beliefs or finding out you’re looking at porn triggers insecurities in them. 

Am I not enough for you? What is it about me that isn’t filling that sexual hunger? If my partner is watching porn, will it eventually lead to an affair?

Is Porn Cheating

These concerns are not only legitimate, but doubly so if you or your partner are deceitful about pornography habits.

The solution to porn use, and most other relationship challenges, is open communication and honesty. Laying out the vulnerable parts of you on the table and finding a way to be on the same team and find a win together!

If you’re a porn user, don’t hide it. 

You don’t need to report every time you look at porn or masturbate, yet don’t project one image and then lead some sort of double life. 

If your partner is using porn and you’re concerned about it, try to have an open mind. Don’t be quick to make ultimatums or create shame. That can make things worse. WAY WORSE!

Encourage each other to be honest and accepting. Collaboration is the real key here. 

As you grow older and more mature in your relationship, hopefully fewer things will become real deal breakers, because you’ll realize we’re all human, and that comes with a lot of imperfection. However with imperfection and growth, there is potential for more beauty and greatness.

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

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