Sex and Submission

Sex and Submission

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Sex and Submission

Do you like to combine sex and submission? You’re not the only one! Sex and submission is a perfectly normal fantasy.

There are many reasons we crave sexual submission. 

Submission is an act of trust. It is turning over your body and your well-being into another’s care.

Sexual submission can be thrilling and empowering.

When we are talking about kinky sex, being submissive is an honored role. 

Submission during sex means trusting another enough to temporarily relinquish control and be guided on a journey. 

To get started in the games of domination and submission it is best to do it with your partner or with someone  you have total confidence in and trust. e Be very clear that it is only a game. 

 

 

Are You Willing to Submit?

This is the first question you have to ask yourself if you want to experience the game of domination. 

If your erotic fantasy is to have your partner dominate you and make love to you by force, I encourage you to put it into practice. 

And, why not? Maybe your partner likes to be submissive too!

You just have to ask! Communicate! 

 

Pleasure or Pain?

The games of domination and submission are usually related to bondage, ties and spanking, and the roles of master and slave. Use your creativity!

The only rule is to do it with respect and self-control. You don’t really want to be hurt and you don’t want to hurt your partner. .

 

 

Control Your Role

When you are in the game of sex and submission, sometimes you will have to play the role as the dominant and other times as the submissive partner. 

Sex and Submission

In both roles you have to feel comfortable and know what limits are in advance.

If you are exercising as a mistress, make sure your partner is doing well and enjoying the game. 

When it is the other way around, stop and speak clearly if you do not like something or feel that your partner is overreacting. 

But, above all, get into the role and have fun. 

Pretending to be someone else can help you feel much sexier and uninhibited.

 

 

Only in the Bedroom

Domination or submission games could get you hooked so much that you end up getting too much into your role even out of bed. 

The game can take place during a dinner, in an exchange of messages, or even in the gym! 

As soon as someone says stop, you immediately stop and get out of sex and submission.

CONSENT is key! Everyone has to be engaged and interested. 

My motto is a DEEP YES is consent. I don’t want anything other than a HELL YES to a moment…including sex and submission!

Sex and Submission

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimiate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Couples Cure text therapy program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

When you have a minute, check out amazing video tips on sex and relationships from LCAT founder, Amanda Pasciucco, The Sex Healer.

 

Why Do Couples Cheat?

Why Do Couples Cheat? 

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Why Do Couples Cheat? 

Why do couples cheat? 

Or better…

Why don’t couples just break up instead of cheating?

During my years as a therapist, I’ve come across many situations where couples were on the brink of divorce, and infidelity was the main cause.

Here are the two main reasons why couples cheat based on my ten years of therapy experience:

#1 Reason: Unfulfilled Sexual Needs

Even if a relationship is stable and there’s an emotional connection between a couple, one partner -the cheater-, may feel their sexual needs are not being met. 

Maybe their partner hasn’t wanted to get intimate with them. Maybe their partner hasn’t wanted to get intimate in a way that satisfies them. Or their partner is long distance.

Why Do Couples Cheat?

When the cheater meets someone outside the relationship who they click with emotionally and physically, they come to a conflict. 

They are in this committed relationship with someone who loves them or who they have been secured with long-term, yet they also have interest in this other person that fulfills them sexually. 

Another sexual need could be a desire to have multiple sexual partners or to engage in new sexual experiences, but they are afraid of expressing this to their partner.

They feel that not being sexually satisfied by their partner is not a good enough reason to end the relationship, or bring up issues when things are “good” between them.

They think it’s not right, because they morally believe that having love SHOULD be enough for a relationship. Thus, the cheater feels the need to maintain their committed relationship while having an affair. 

Having an affair is not an act of love to your partner. 

Believe me when I say it’s in your right to express your sexual needs to your partner.

Sex may be important to you, and that’s can be a good reason to leave your relationship and go elsewhere if your partner isn’t willing to work with you on the issue. 

It’s not right to lie to your partner and seek sexual needs behind their back.

Why aren’t affairs “okay?” Because… consent IS key.

If you are having an affair… you are not getting your partner’s consent. 

You are omitting the truths of your actions and not allowing your spouse to consent.

 

#2 Reason: Unfulfilled Emotional Needs

 

These cheaters feel they lack love, intimacy, and attention from their partners. 

There’s an emotional disconnect that has developed. the cause for the disconnect could be many reasons such as: not feeling like they can talk to their partner, not feeling appreciated by their partner, or not excited by their partner anymore. 

They seek emotional validation and nurturing elsewhere. 

 

Why Do Couples Cheat?

 

So, now you ask, why don’t they just leave?

It could be that they’ve been together for so long, that it takes too much emotional effort to have the conversation to end it. They don’t want to go through the pain or guilt of breaking hearts. 

They stay in the relationship until the other feels like breaking it apart first. 

The relationship wasn’t a priority for them, so they feel no need to maintain it. 

They don’t consider their partner’s feelings when they don’t want to go through the trouble of breaking hearts. In fact, this is not considering them at all. 

It’s lazy behavior and the cheater’s partner deserves better.

What’s my answer to this?

Say it with me, communication!

Express your discontent and work through it. 

How? 

Identify what your partner NEEDS. 

Ask them questions. 

When they answer, ask them what it would look like if you were both getting your needs met. 

What would each of you being doing differently? How would you spend your time? 

If you can’t get your needs met alone, my favorite strategy of all is to bring your partner to therapy! 

This will help you assess how to clearly get your needs met or how to respectfully end the relationship in conscious uncoupling. 

Can you think of any other reasons that someone may want to seek a physical relationship elsewhere?

Tell me in the comments below!

If you want to learn more about how to face infidelity and or tantra techniques to enhance intimacy, please reach out to us at LCAT.

 

Amanda Pasciucco

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

family systems theory

Family Systems Theory – What is it?

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Family Systems Theory – What is it?

Family Systems Theory grew out of old-school psychotherapy.

Why do we do it and why should you? 

Do you ever think your issue comes from your family? 

So did the founders of systems theory back in the day! 

Do you notice that when someone in your family is in a better mood, then you can be in a better mood too? 

It’s almost like we all work together in our family to help nurture each other’s temperaments and responses. 

The founder of family systems theory, Murray Bowen, MD, realized that no therapy issue could be treated outside the context in which it was located. 

Family systems theory promotes the interrelationship of everything to everything else. 

Family systems theory works for couples as well as families! 

How often do we think about the things that make our family the way it is?

How often do we consider how we affect our romantic partner? 

Family systems therapy is based on the idea that each family (or couple) is a unique social system with its own structure and patterns of communication. 

Each family member is impacted by the family system. As a result, a change in one member of the family will affect the family system and the other family members.

If you can get into see a licensed marriage and family therapist, or someone trained in family systems theory, you WILL find the key to long-lasting change. This type of approach is amazing!

Why Family Systems Therapy is Effective

Family therapy can be very effective for any family where one or more members is experiencing emotional distress.

Families dealing with these issues especially may benefit from family therapy: 

  • An eating disorder
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Trauma
  • Families with a high degree of conflict
  • Families with poor communication skills
  • Religious conflicts
  • Values conflicts
  • Divorce
  • Remarriage

How Family Systems Therapy Works 

During family systems therapy, the family works individually and together to resolve a problem that directly affects one or more family members.

Each member has the opportunity to express their thoughts and feelings about how they are affected.

So together, the family works to help the individual in distress. 

This approach will help relieve the strain on the family. 

The family learns ways to support and help each other with the goal of restoring family relationships and rebuilding a healthy family system.

Family Systems Theory

These are some of our favorite concepts from Bowen’s Systems Theory:

Emotional Triangles 

In Bowen’s theory, a triangle – a relationship between three people – is the smallest stable relationship unit.

A frequent scenario found in emotional triangles is that two people are in agreement with each other and the third is in conflict with them. This can lead to emotional problems for the person in conflict with the others.

Differentiation of Self 

In family systems theory, differentiation of self refers to a person’s sense of identity and ability to function on their own, rather than as a member of a group.

It can be someone with a low level of differentiation or with a high level of differentiation, both need to reconnect with the group without losing their personal and individual essence.

Family Projection Process 

The family projection process is the process by which parents transfer their worries, anxieties, and other emotional problems to their children.

The family projection process can lead to children inheriting their parents’ emotional problems and anxieties from birth! This frequently comes out when you get to your first romantic relationship though!  

Multigenerational Transmission Process

In family systems theory, the multigenerational transmission process means family patterns repeat through generations.

Sibling Position

Many are familiar with this concept that focuses on development due to birth order. 

  • The oldest is the one that would inherit the kingdom and with the most responsibility. 
  • Middle children often grow up to be peacemakers, able to work well with most people.
  • Youngest often become the light-hearted one, the comedian, with a great sense of humor
  • Each child’s sibling position significantly influences the person they eventually become. 

Conclusion

Your family of origin has an impact on who you are and the relationships that you have. 

If you have never considered a family systems therapist or a licensed marriage therapist, you are missing out on the miracles that can happen! 

The most important thing when having problems, especially if you have a willing immediate family system, is to contact a professional trained in this therapy! 

 

Family Systems Theory

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

Tips for Couples Having Sex

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Tips for Couples Having Sex

Here I provide you with my best tips for couples having sex! 

Long-term couples are different than those who are newly together.

So here are my favorite techniques for couples who have been having sex for years.

 

Tip 1 : Break Routine

Just because you want to change up your sexy time habits doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with the sex — or the relationship. It just may be time for something different or new.

There are more than 100 sex positions you can try. 

Each of you can plan a fantasy for the upcoming month. 

Pick a date night, or day once a week, and each of you should set the date time for the other. Don’t forget to communicate and gain consent.

 

Tip 2: Be Creative! 

When it comes to tips for couples having sex, being creative and spontaneous is a MUST!

Do you decorate your home for the holidays, or dress up for sporting events? 

Why don’t you take time to dress up the bedroom too?

Have pictures of family in your bedroom? Turn those around.

Have you heard of role play? (include a link to some role play sites?)

If you are anxious about how you might look in certain positions or afraid to be as dirty as you actually want to be, role playing is a great way to give yourself the freedom to be whoever you want to be. 

Role playing is all about fantasy. Why not discuss it with your partner? 

If you both have talked about it and you’re ready to try it, let me give you a few ideas:

  1. Meet For the First Time

One of the more fun ways to try role playing is to not only get out of your bedroom, but to get out of your house!

Dress differently then you usually do. Come up with a new profession, or a separate identity!

Go through the process of meeting each other for the first time. Flirt, make jokes, and ask about one another’s history.

And if you want, bring it home to have sex!

  1. Professor and Student

More likely than not, you’ve had a crush on a teacher or professor  at some point. This is kind of like a power play fantasy, and many couples find this one easy!

  1. The Stripper

The role playing fantasy involving a stripper might really turn you on. 

Even if your leading partner isn’t quite the dancer, it doesn’t matter. It is about trying something new.

  1. Person in Uniform or Costume 

It might seem a little silly, but this kind of role playing is a classic. 

Why? It is simple, it gets things moving and hey, it probably means having sex somewhere different in your home!

I don’t think this image should go with the uniform tip – maybe tip #1?  A classy stripper image might be nice for that tip.

Tips for Couples Having Sex

Tip 3: Don’t Rush Experiences

This tip for couples having sex can be the most important! Don’t rush experience!

In many relationships, one partner has more sexual experience than the other and that can intimidate the other partner! It’s totally normal.

You don’t need to know the Kama Sutra or be an expert in oral. No one is born knowing everything about sex, and anything can be learned. It’s a game! 

The important thing is that you know how to say “no” when a situation overcomes you and you begin to feel uncomfortable. 

If something may be common for your partner, but not for you, do not force yourself to do it, if you don’t want to!

Talk about it instead. Fantasize about it first and see if it works for you before trying it in person. 

Tip 4: Focus on How Your Partner Makes You Feel

Don’t worry about how your partner perceives you or your performance. Thinking about yourself and what parts may or may not please your partner puts your partner out of focus. 

If you’re so nervous about yourself, how are you going to be attentive to their gestures and needs? 

When approaching sex, think about how much you like them and what part of them arouse you. 

Focus on things like their hair, their lips, the neck. Build sensuality instead of sexuality. 

Tip 5: Ask For What You Really Want

A common mistake is to wait for your partner to do something without ever telling him/her/them what you desire. 

Your partner is not a mindreader! No matter how much time you have spent together, or how well you think you know each other. If you really want something, express it verbally! 

If you want more tips for couples having sex, contact us! We can help!

Amanda Pasciucco 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

How to Get Over Male Sexual Performance Anxiety

How to Get Over Female Sexual Performance Anxiety

Dating Coaching

Five Love Making Tips

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Five Love Making Tips

 

Ready for some of the best love making tips around? 

Although there is no magic recipe for sex and no perfect sex guide to follow, we are always curious about how to make things better.

When you aren’t satisfied with the sex you are having or you feel that the flame slowly dying, it does not necessarily mean that something is wrong with you or the relationship. 

When you aren’t satisfied with the sex you are having or you feel the flame slowly dying, don’t worry. 

It does not necessarily mean that something is wrong with you or the relationship. 

We often need love making tips, because couples run out of ideas, energy and time or spontaneity and adventure.  

It is time to do some experimenting!

Below are My Top Five Love Making Tips for All Adults!

 

Tip One: Know that you deserve to have your sexual desires fulfilled

Society’s message is that sex is shameful, not acceptable, or that it is for practical purposes – like procreation – having children! 

If you feel ashamed about your sexual desires, it is hard to be honest with your partner about it.

Remind yourself that you are allowed to experience and enjoy pleasure. 

You were born a sexual being and you have a right to feel confident about expressing that sexuality. You have a sexual power that attracts others. Own it!

 

Tip Two: Have confidence in your body

You have the potential to be your worst critic or your greatest supporter. 

In order to really accept that you are worthy of appreciation and love, you need to be body positive! 

If someone tells you that they love your legs or your lips, do you believe them? 

The goal is to feel comfortable when looking at your body, not necessarily liking every single part.

Give yourself body affirmations often. 

Compliment yourself as you walk past a mirror.

Pamper yourself. 

Choose a part of you that you like and repeat a positive affirmation about it. 

Avoid talking negatively about yourself in front of other people. 

Accept other people’s compliments. 

Would you throw away someone’s gift in front of them? Probably not. 

You say thank you. 

 

making love tips

Tip Three: Know that building intimacy doesn’t require an orgasm

Does every SUCCESSFUL sexual encounter have to end with an orgasm? 

No! Don’t think you are less if you don’t help your partner to achieve an orgasm. 

Each individual’s orgasm is their own privilege to have. 

That’s right, it is not your responsibility to give your partner an orgasm.

Orgasms happen when conditions are right, and your partner has to tell you those conditions in order for you to fulfill it.

An orgasm doesn’t need to be the only goal. Intimacy is an excellent goal. You can build intimacy in manyways such as taking baths with one another, foot massages, having meaningful conversations, tantra positions, and eye gazing.

 

TIP Four: Don’t compare yourself

Comparing ourselves with other people is inevitable. We all do it, but it makes things worse.

People do it with material possessions and even with our sexuality. 

We compare our bodies with bodies we see on the screen.

We compare the size, we compare our sexual performance, we even compare how we enjoy sex.

Don’t do it! It is one of the most harmful things we can do to ourselves.

Tip Five: Nervousness inhibits arousal

So, sexual anxiety can lead to not getting it up or keeping it up, or not being wet or having genital pain, but how? 

Well you have your parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems, which work opposite from each other in your body. 

When you’re experiencing emotions like fear, anxiety, or shame, your brain tells your body to release the adrenaline hormone. 

This causes blood to flow AWAY from the genitals and, thus, no arousal. 

However, when you’re relaxed and sexually aroused, your parasympathetic system kicks in to bring blood to the genitals, which enables lubrication and erection. 

If sexual anxiety is a problem, work with your physiology in order to overcome this.

 

Tantric Sex Best Practices: Breathing, Desire & Arousal

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

PORNOSEXUAL

Is Porn Cheating?

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Is Porn Cheating?

 

Ask yourself this question: Is porn cheating? This is one of the most common questions I hear as a certified sex therapist. 

The answer is – it depends! 

To me…lying is cheating. An omission of truth is a lie. So, for me personally and professionally, porn is cheating if it is something that is being hidden in the couple. 

When it comes to protecting your relationship against infidelity, communication is key. 

You need to have conversations about what it means to cheat with your partner. 

Be prepared to ask:  

  • Is talking to an ex cheating? 
  • Is visiting a strip club or dancing with someone else cheating? 
  • Is sexting someone else cheating? 

In my experience, and in many of my clients experiences, when conversations are NOT had and truth is withheld…it becomes sneaky and thus becomes lying.

If watching porn isn’t a big deal to you, but it is to your partner, consider his/her boundary before continuing the relationship. 

You may think it is just a little secret to watch porn. Something for YOU! 

I agree. AND, I also know that what my partner defines as cheating is important to me.

If you are open about it with your partner and you can discuss it – that’s not cheating. 

 

That’s called effective communication. YAY! 

 

Pornography is a means to get into an altered state of reality. It is a product created to entertain us, and I believe it should be treated as such. 

Some couples do not consider watching porn cheating and they actually encourage their partner to use porn to get new ideas to bring into the bedroom. 

Is Porn Cheating?

However, there is a limit like everything in life. 

When the hobby becomes something else and it changes your reality. Do you find yourself using porn and not leaning into your sexual relationship with your partner? 

For some, this is an issue, and for others, it really is not! 

Using porn to replace sex in real life is like using a drug for some people, because it reduces their desire to be intimate or have any deep personal connection.. 

If pornography is used long enough (YES – I have seen this happen numerous times), it may become the only way a person can get aroused and have an orgasm to meet their sexual need.

When this happens, we can say that person has gradually become a pornosexual.

 

What is a Pornosexual?

This is a relatively new term. It refers to people who tend to love watching porn more than having sex with someone in person. 

Basically, being pornosexual means finding more pleasure when it comes to watching porn and intimacy alone than with partnered sex and touch. 

I have seen this type of behavior cause problems with intimacy, and in turn can cause problems in a marriage.

Pornosexuals experience all of their sexual pleasure in isolation instead of shared. Sometimes, I have heard clients who identify as pornosexuals also say they have a fear of intimacy.

Since they can get sexual pleasure online, without the effort of intimacy or connection, they are fulfilled. 

If a pornosexual starts dating someone who wants an in-person sexual relationship, and omits his/her porn behavior, then porn again can become cheating. 

 

So…is porn cheating?

 

Watching porn can be great and even fun if you view it as a movie, and if everyone in the relationship is okay with it. 

 

Get your guide to connect more today

Couples Communication Strategies

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

BDSM for Beginners

BDSM for Beginners

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BDSM for Beginners

Most people have a taboo kink or two, but have no idea how to bring those fantasies into reality, which is why this post is about BDSM for beginners.

Sex starts between your ears in your largest and most important sex organ – your brain!

You should understand BDSM before you start. First of all BDSM stands for Bondage & Disciple, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism.

Kinky sex can be defined many different ways, but for most experienced adults, we are usually talking about something that is either taboo in your culture, peer group or family, or is fetishistic. Sometimes it’s both!

So an excellent place to start is to ask yourself the question.

What exactly do I want?

 

BDSM for Beginners – Cheat Code One!

 

If you have no idea, your first cheat code is to think about the things that you fantasize about when you masturbate.

If you think about the same specific thing every time, you have a fetish or a paraphilia! Feet, hair, shoes, lactation, blood, bondage, incest are all common examples of this type of kink, but it really can be anything.

And fetishes are so weird that it’s weird if they aren’t weird, so don’t fall into the “shame trap” if you have a fetish. Somewhere in the world, there is someone that shares your fetish and there is probably porn about it.

If you find that your kinky fantasies are less specific and more along the lines of “something naughty with someone hot” than you are more likely looking for taboo sex or experimental sex.

This is less about a specific “object” and more about a general dynamic or curiosity. Some common general dynamics are power exchange scenarios, kidnapping fantasies, School teacher fantasies, Pirate fantasies, Cowboys, firemen, damsels in distress, threesomes, body fluids, anything that you think is hot because you aren’t supposed to is taboo.

It all sounds interesting to you and you are super curious to try all the things out!
You are motivated by adventure and may also be adrenaline junkies in other areas of life.

Ask yourself what your fantasies are, then try to sort whether you are looking for a specific fetish, or if you are seeking a particular dynamic for naughty “Taboo Sex” or if you are just seeking experiments for novelties sake.

 

BDSM for Beginners

BDSM for Beginners – Cheat Code Two!

Identify your most likely source!

 

Be careful not to remove others humanity in this step! People are more likely to get kinky with you, if you treat them like humans not objects.

Are you currently in a committed relationship? If so, then prudent honesty is your best bet. Easy peasy!

Be aware that sexual revulsion is real and it isn’t a bad idea to test your partner for revulsion before you attach any expectation toward a specific kink from them.

And I don’t mean just stick your finger in their ass and see if they kick you for it… I mean something more like observe them carefully when something that you find hot comes up naturally.

For instance, if you are into feet, find out if they get pedicures, if they do, they don’t freak out when someone touches their feet, so you have a pretty good idea that they aren’t automatically revulsed.

Mentally review their life story and sexual history for areas of sensitivity.

Give them an opportunity to talk about it without suggesting that you have a detention fantasy.

How did they feel about the Pirates of the Caribbean movies?
Or Grey’s Anatomy?
Or Game of Thrones?
Or Fifty Shades?
Bear in mind that you may find new incompatibilities this way and that is depressing and will sometimes force a decision.

If you are not in a relationship, Google is your friend!
There are special interest groups all over the country for all manner of kinks and many of them even have a national level convention.

 

There is a Con for EVERYTHING (almost)!

 

My advice is to go to them for education first and find out what the norms and protocols around your particular kink is before you just dive in with a stranger.

Sites like Fetlife can be very helpful with this.

Also, be aware that friends with common interests are a great thing, even it it doesn’t end in a mutually satisfying outcome, so don’t be afraid to mingle!

Now that you have identified your most likely source, COMMUNICATE!

 

Communication

 

Prudence is your friend, but shame is your enemy.

If you already know what your kinky sex wish is, STOP and say it out loud!

ACTUALLY PAUSE! And voice it to the screen.

If you did it, AWESOME!

Now you just gotta tell the person that really matters: your partner or potential partners!

 

After you have decided that, tell them what you want!
HERE IS THE BEST CHEAT CODE EVER for BDSM for Beginners!

 

Work from general to specific, listen as much as you talk, and be willing to barter! Here is a simple sample to help, feel free to use it as a template.

(indicate that you are interested in them in a sexually exploratory way, yet don’t offer full vulnerability right from the beginning. Give them a chance to buy in and meet you halfway)

-I have been having a little fantasy lately…

-Oh really?

-Yes, It kinda feels like maybe I’m picking up on a vibe between us and I wonder if you feel something similar.

(If they are encouraging ask for a buy in)

-I’ll tell you, but you have to tell me your fantasy first…

(LISTEN CAREFULLY TO THEM WHEN THEY TELL AND HONESTLY CONSIDER. Then, you can tell them your fantasy).

Don’t give them feedback on their fantasy until you tell them yours and you both have skin in the game.

Pick a follow up plan and get them to agree to it.

Now you have a roadmap to follow!

I just have one closing thought to share before I let you go manifest your sexy dreams…

A note on fantasies.

Some fantasies can’t be ethically practiced in the real world and must be left to fantasy. This is particularly true of a lot of taboo fantasies. In these cases, role playing can be your friend!

Take some time in the shared fantasy stage with your partner before you try to make it a reality.

Enjoy the journey!

If you want to learn more about BDSM and Kink, please comment below!

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

Cowgirl sex position

Cowgirl Sex Position

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COWGIRL SEX POSITION

 

The Cowgirl sex position is pretty simple, yet incredibly vulnerable. 

 

“What’s your favorite position?”

“Doggie Style.”

“Eh… what about girl on top?” 

“The Cowgirl Sex Position?”

“Yeah! That’s my ABSOLUTE favorite!” 

 

It’s about the woman taking control of the speed, depth, and angle of penetration, which enables her to own her pleasure. 

 

The cowgirl sex position can be an incredibly intimate position, which allows for eye contact between partners if they choose. 

 

It doesn’t matter if you are having sex with another woman, man, or a person who identifies as a different gender. After all, whoever you are having sex with will get an unobstructed view of the woman riding during the cowgirl sex position. 

 

With the receiving partner on his (or her or their) back, the woman sits on top of the partner’s pelvis, resting her knees on the surface of the bed, and arranging her thighs on the hips of her partner.

cowgirl sex position

Illustration from Badgirlsbible

 

The woman on top will have her hands free to use in many pleasurable ways! HOW? 

 

Well, to self-stimulate the external clitoris, breasts, or use a sex toy if needed.

 

 

A woman can also grab her partner behind neck to kiss that partner while doing some penetration movements.

 

 

Here are Some Tips on the Cowgirl Sex Position for the Partner:

  • This position is often stated to be one of the preferred positions of women, so if you want a night of perfect sex, ask her if this is something she wants 
  • Grabbing, holding or squeezing her butt can be a key move. Also, incorporating some spanking will raise the excitement level..
  • If you have been given consent, and want to explore further, you can go underneath the buttocks, with lubricated fingers, and caress these areas.. Make sure not to mix fingers that go to the anus with those that go to the vagina.
  • Feel free to move your hand up towards her neck. Ask her what she thinks about this posture of just resting your hand around her throat lightly. Do not put pressure on the trachea (the middle of the neck), because with around 8 lbs of pressure, you can do a lot of damage. I was interviewed for an article on Erotic Choking in Playboy by Bridget Phetasy – read it to learn more.

 

Women, Keep in Mind:

  • Be sure you are fully lubricated before starting this position.
  • Never start too quickly, rough, or with too much deep. If you are a beginner in sex, this position is good as long as it is done slowly.  Doing it slowly and building up trust with your partner is the key to success. 
  • Combine your first movements with caresses or kisses. 
  • Plan to do self stimulating with your free hand.
  • The penetrative movements on top can be done in a few ways. The most common:
    • Thrusting from top to bottom. For beginners, move in a circular motion, opening your legs to achieve more penetration and ease for you.Feel free to do combined movements: some slower, some faster.If you want to contract the vagina naturally, lean back. The penis will touch the G-Spot area perfectly.  Never lean too far back, because you can cause a strong pain at the base of the man’s penis or you can slide off of your partner’s genitals or strap on. 
  • This position is not only perfect in bed, it works great on the couch or the floor. If it is on the floor, please put something under your knees so you don’t hurt yourself. 
  • If you like anal sex, this position is ideal to continue to work on. This level of control is what makes it perfect for newcomers – no matter their gender – when it comes to anal pleasures.

.

How? Have your partner sit with his/her/their back against the headboard so you are both face to face with each other. Your partner can then lend some support by cupping your bottom in their hands as you grip the headboard.

The best thing my clients report to me about this position is that the woman has freedom and control of movement and action. 

 

Being a sex terapist, I have heard women state that having the ability to direct the speed and intensity of the sexual scene leads to more sexual satisfaction for them. 

 

What about for you? Do you have any reasons why the cowgirl sex position is your favorite? 

 

Or… are you scared to try it? 

 

Don’t worry. We can help! 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

 

Surviving Infidelity

Surviving Infidelity: How To Reboot Your Relationship

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Surviving Infidelity: How To Reboot Your Relationship

Have you been surviving infidelity? 

Have you ever been cheated on? 

Or have you been a home-wrecker? 

Adultery – as with other supplements and shopping sprees and pleasure quests – is at least a reliable way of proving to ourselves that we’re not in the ground quite yet, especially when feeling a little dead inside. Or at least until a better solution comes along. – Laura Kipnis

For those who are surviving infidelity, I commend you! This is SO challenging.

I personally have been fascinated and curious about affairs my entire life. From age 19, I began reading every single book and article I could get my hands on. 

WHY do people cheat? What is this devastation that lingers in the heart after you find out your partner is unfaithful? 

If you are surviving infidelity, you know that incredibly intense feeling you have that your world is falling apart and you will die of heartbreak. 

When you discover that your partner was unfaithful and has been having an affair, the world you once knew starts to become questionable. 

In a flood of angry, sad, and fearful emotions, not even the most prepared person is able to manage the emotional, mental and physician damage when this type of secret is revealed or found out. 

It is possible to overcome infidelity!

Infidelity affects a critical  part of a couple’s relationship – the breaking of trust and intimate connection. It is not surprising that it ends up being one of the three most common reasons why couples come to see us for therapy in the first place! 

Questioning why infidelity happened?

Coupledom isn’t always simple. Although we love to pair-bond as a species, the truth is that cohabitation, extended family dynamics, financial stressors, the monotony of the weekly routine, and raising children (or pets or neither) makes it an incredibly complex and intertwined reality.

Behind most cases of infidelity, there are usually other aspects of the relationship that have caused a huge gap between you as partners… a gap in which the infidelity may have been consummated.

Surviving infidelity

How long will it take you to overcome the pain of infidelity?

The most honest answer I can offer you is… it all depends. The most important thing is that you do not have a deadline for your healing.

Overcoming infidelity and improving your relationship is possible, and I have seen at least a hundred couples do it. Sometimes it takes four months, sometimes longer! You are NOT obligated to do this alone though. This would be between you and your partner. 

It will not be easy, but ensuring that you are both on the same team is crucial! 

For some couples, coming into therapy can be the difference between staying together or divorcing.

Things You Need To Do:

Take it Easy – Don’t Rush Thing

After finding out that your partner has been unfaithful, there is usually a mix of anger, fear, and pain that manifests itself within the partner who has been betrayed. 

You have to create someplace that is a “safe place” where you can go alone to take breaks if you need to from the emotional intensity. 

Sometimes, this is in your bed, sometimes a separate room, and sometimes for me, it has been in the closet surrounded by “stuff” because it makes me feel contained. 

Talk To Your Partner About Surviving Infidelity

If you want to stay in the relationship, you must talk to your partner about the infidelity – no matter how difficult it may seem. 

If you think you have questions and you need certainty (to ask why, how often, with whom, where, etc), reach out to your partner about the questions. 

Let them have time to think on it. Just because YOU want them to tell you NOW doesn’t mean you are allowed to force them to answer. I KNOW… that may sound challenging. 

However, it is the way to face what happened and to try to overcome it, as a couple. It is important to show your partner that you still are respecting their boundaries, even though trust was broken. 

Try To Trust

Yes, some people say that this sounds impossible, yet if you have decided that you want to continue with the relationship, you need to work on trusting in small steps. Trusting with work, or chores, or date night. If you want, sit down and talk about how both of you can assure this situation is not going to happen again.

Do Not Live In Fear

It is possible that the unfaithful person is afraid that his or her or their partner will get revenge. However, not all relationships work this way. Not everyone retaliates to get even. In fact, if the other person loves you, they will end up forgiving you.

A Special Note of Divorce – from what I have witnessed as a therapist, many women, especially those who don’t work, and those that have kids, are very afraid of getting a divorce. 

They are concerned about what happens to them, their kids, and their home. Find out from a lawyer instead of living in fear. Ask the questions and get the information. 

The truth sets us free!

Regain Sexual Passion

Sometimes, infidelities occur because the relationship fell into the routine or there is not enough passion. Try to rekindle the passion as well as the trust. Seek out sex therapy if you have no idea where to start! 

Couples Therapy

Couples therapy can be an important part of the healing process. Many couples therapists see infidelities and know how to best handle them. Although surviving infidelity is complicated, couples therapists know the patterns to get you to a place of healing. 

Surviving infidelity

Start a New Relationship 

Understand that forgiveness is not synonymous with surviving infidelity and continuing on as if nothing had happened. Nor is it the same as ignoring it and following the path that led you to this place within the relationship. 

The main part of surviving infidelity is the willingness to START A NEW RELATIONSHIP. 

Your old marriage is over… you get to both consent to wanting a new one! 

You must find real reasons to convince your partner and yourself that there are still emotional building-blocks of trust needed to rebuild your relationship, and ultimately, forgive the infidelity.

If you want to hold onto anger at your partner, just know that as a couples therapist, I would not want you to continue to berate the other person due to what has happened. 

Sooner or later, this pattern of not-forgiving will end up causing a huge conflict that will end the relationship. 

If your partner is willing to rebuild trust and end the affair, then it is up to you to decide if you want to continue in the relationship. 

If you want to learn more about surviving infidelity, please comment below!

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

Does size matter?

Does Size Matter?

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Does Size Matter?

Is it long enough? Thick enough? Hard enough? Does size matter?

“Why is the size of a penis one of the biggest sexual concerns?” she asks.

“Toxic Masculinity,” she whispers. 

We live in a culture that correlates penis size to how masculine a man is and / or his sexual identity.

“AHHH! Patriarchy!” she screams.

 

So… wait… DOES SIZE MATTER?

Whether you call it a penis, phallus, lingam, dick, cock, or any other name, we unfortunately live in a reality where everyone seems to be obsessed with penis size! 

We see it in advertising, movies, and in dozens of studies that are conducted annually to determine if it is important, both to men and women. 

Before debunking the stigma, here are some common phallus questions and answers.

Does size matter?

 

When does it stop growing?

The largest growth spurts occur during male adolescence, and continue until around 20 years old. From this point on, it is common for penis size to remain similar for the rest of a man’s life.

Although the growth of the penis occurs in this period, the rate may vary from one teen to another, and may be faster in some cases than in others.

 

Why is a penis crooked?

Penises can grow slightly from one side or the other, because the urethra does not always accompany the development of the rest of the organ, causing a slight curve.

However, if the curvature produces pain and impedes penetration during intimate contact, it is caused by Peyronie’s disease. 

 

Is it possible to increase the size of a penis?

The size of the penis varies greatly from one man to another, and from one country to another. 

In this way, it is difficult to determine an interval to assess whether the size of the penis can be considered normal.

However, for men who want to increase penis size, there are forms of “treatment” from pumps to creams to losing weight to not smoking.

 

What is a normal or average penis size?

In the Journal of Urology study, researchers found the following among the group of 80 men:

  • An average penis size length of 8.8 cm (3.5 inches) when flaccid (soft)
  • An average penis size length of 12.9 cm (5.1 inches) when erect (hard)
  • The size of a man’s erect penis was not correlated with the size of his flaccid penis. This means that men whose penises are different lengths when flaccid may have similarly sized erect penises. There was also no relationship between mens’ age and their penis size.

The Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2014 said that out of self-reported summaries:

  • An average erect penile length of 14.15 cm (5.57 inches) 
  • An average erect penile circumference of 12.23 cm (4.8 inches). This means the girth, width, or “fullness” around the base of the penis. 

 

How important is size?

The size of the penis is not as important as everyone thinks when it comes to sexually satisfying one’s partner. 

Penis size isn’t that critical to sexual pleasure. If you are going to penetrate another person, dildos are much more reliable and you can select the size you want. 

The MOMENT you put pressure on the penis to get hard, it’s ALL OVER! You may as well just book an appointment now, because you will get stuck in the anxiety loop. 

Regardless of size, what is important to one’s partner is that the penis can stay hard for as long as it needs to. This is why I suggest the use of dildos. 

 

Take the pressure off! 

If you are performing for a female partner, just know that only 18% of women orgasm through penetrative sex alone. Therefore, make sure you have lubricant and a vibrator.  

Women sometimes take up to 20 minutes to get warmed up so don’t rush them! Your penis being hard isn’t the concern. It is your patience in her getting to experience HER pleasure. 

So my answer to the question “Does size matter?” is “eh – not really.”

Size seems to matter most when the penis is too big or too wide. Depending on the time of month, the cervix is located in different places.

This matters with vaginal penetration, because too much length can cause pain while hitting the cervix. There is actually a sexual health device that goes on the base of the penis so that it cannot go in as deep to help fix this problem!

Another issue is when the penis is too wide, there may be an hour of foreplay needed so that other orifices are warmed up and relaxed.

If you were to ask me in my experience “within the therapy room,” when asking clients (women or those who enjoy penetrative sex with penises) to choose between what matters more, 9 out of 10 will choose girth (width / circumference) over length.

Out of all the clients I have seen over the last ten years, only about 5 out of 100 people state that they care about size at all. Usually 3 of those 5 will be identified as bisexual or gay men.

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

Stiff: Solutions for Erectile Dysfunction On-Demand Webinar

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Polyamory

Polyamory – THE #1 DIVORCE ALTERNATIVE

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 Polyamory –THE #1 DIVORCE ALTERNATIVE 

2 out of 3 Millennials choose this alternative rather than divorcing. 

polyamory

If you aren’t in the queer, non-heteronormative communities, you may not even know what I am talking about. 

Polyamory is the new norm. Polyamory is the practice of loving multiple people – intimately and sometimes sexually. 

Why go through a divorce when you can just be honest about desiring an open sexual and romantic relationship? 

“Is swinging becoming a thing again?” asks one of my Baby Boomer clients after reading something on Facebook.

“Swinging never really went anywhere. However, they have added love. It’s called polyamory.” I respond. 

Swinging HAS been and will always be a thing. What is new is the amount of people who want to try polyamory as the newest form of relationship. 

Have you thought about OPENING up your relationship? 

What the hell is polyamory or non-monogamy? 

polyamory

Non-monogamy or open relationships are broad terms for sexual and romantic relationship styles ranging from SWINGING to POLYAMORY to KINK PLAY PARTNERS to MONOGAMISH!

Confused yet? I was too at first! 

Millennials appear to be opening the door to open relationships instead of just having one-night stands or fun with a partner on the weekend. 

From what I have heard, people state it is more of an intersectional feminist approach where everyone gets to build relationships and their IDENTITY on their own terms. 

Monogamy and polyamory are both relationship strategies. I know it may seem weird, but it is true. 

One is not superior to the other. It is a matter of choice and personal preference.

 

Are you scared of your partner asking you for polyamory? Well, you can suggest different forms of open relationship! 

  • Monogamish is a long-term committed relationship that bend the rules of monogamy with the consent of both parties. It can include dancing or kissing others. 
  • Open relationships means that you are in an open sexual and / or romantic relationship with more than one person.
  • Polyamory is the practice of loving more than one person at a time. Like… one time, I was married and had a boyfriend all at once. Those relationships are all over. But it was a part of me and a way of life for a long time! 

Successful polyamorous individuals establish guidelines about what is and is not cheating, and frequently have safer-sex conversations.

  • Non-monogamy means that people have sexual relationships other than their one partner. MAKE SURE YOU NOTE THAT THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN HAVE SEX WITH ANYONE! 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

 

Relationship Therapy Life Coaching West Hartford

Relationship Therapy

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Relationship Therapy

 

How is your current relationship going?

Does it need a tune-up?

Do you feel more like roommates than partners?

 

Relationship therapy can help spark a fire!

Some of you may think “what? We haven’t even been together a year! Why would we do that?” Well… for you newbies in NRE (New Relationship Energy), it’s good to set up a foundation of trust.

For those in long-term relationships, what patterns are you stuck in? Distancer / pursuer? High desire / low desire?

You may consider relationship therapy as a way to improve your communication and to call out patterns that lead to chaos.

If you are on the verge of divorce, instead of calling a lawyer, you can utilize relationship therapy to address your concerns regarding:

  • Pleasure and intimacy
  • Emotions and feelings
  • Communication patterns

Relationship therapy can be an effective resource for adults of any age, relationship style, gender, or sexual orientation.

Unfortunately, it is a FACT that most relationships fail.

Do you want yours to be one of them?

Experience relationship therapy in an environment that values sex positivity – an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable and encourages sexual pleasure and experimentation.

Many therapists are NEVER trained in sex-positivity so you don’t get the help you need with them.

We have seen it all! If you feel like you can’t find ANYONE that gets it… relationship therapy with L-CAT may be the solution for you.

Bring us your stories around surrounding monogamy, tantra, sex and cancer, polyamory, swinging, bisexuality, intersex, sex and trauma, fetishes and kinks, gay and lesbian relationships, gender identity, transgender relationships, power dynamics, and those that are genderqueer and questioning.

We want you to THRIVE – no matter what!

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

breast cancer and pleasure

Sex After Breast Cancer

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Sex After Breast Cancer

I often get asked by my female clients for alternative ways to get aroused during sex after breast cancer. They have little or no feeling in their nipples due to breast cancer or other types of breast surgery.

 

I have heard more than 100 women discuss changes in sensitivity around the nipple and breast, which impacts sex after breast cancer and even breastfeeding.

 

There is A LOT happening emotionally and spiritually while undergoing breast surgery and recovery.

 

The chest is an interesting body part for women, as it holds the heart and the breasts! It’s such a tender and vulnerable spot.

 

breast

 

After breast cancer surgery, many women indicate they do not feel ‘womanly’ anymore. Some feel they aren’t good enough. This is because they don’t like how they fill out their shirts, or they have unappealing scars, or they don’t get aroused easily. This creates anxiety and insecurity in their sex life.

 

Tips and Lessons Learned From My Clients for Sex After Breast Cancer (if your nipples aren’t sensitive anymore): 

  1. Identify your breast sensitivity: no sensation, minimal sensation, due to technique or something else.
  2. Talk to your doctor if you need to understand the cause
  3. Find another part of your body that is sensitive. Try the lower back and down the sides of the body. Go from your neck, around the chest, and down the rib cage (towards the belly). Once you find other areas that are sensitive have your partner touch you there.
  4. Reclaim your chest by either piercing your nipples or tattooing over surgery scars. 
  5. Incorporate other toys on the nipples, like nipple clamps, vibrators, or floggers (whips) to get a different feeling on the chest.
  6. Do a sexy photo shoot to reclaim your beauty.
  7. Do a mourning ritual for the chest you used to have so you can grieve and move on!

 

If you have had breast cancer or reconstruction, or possibly breast implants or breast reductions, how have you dealt with the feelings of insecurity, pain, embarrassment, etc.?  Please comment below, we would love to hear from you!

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your relationship and ignite your sex life at What We Do. Call or text us at 203-733-9600, or make an appointment.

 

 

breast cancer

 

 

sex education

Sex Education – Why is it so Sexist?

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Sex Education – Why is it so Sexist?

 

Sex education in the United States is first introduced in schools in about 10th grade – if at all. According to the CDC, the following is supposed to be included, but it often isn’t: 

  • How to obtain and use condoms
  • Importance of using a condom at the same time as another form of contraception to prevent both STDs and pregnancy
  • How to access valid and reliable information, products and services related to HIV, STDs, and pregnancy
  • How HIV and other STDs are transmitted and their health consequences
  • Importance of limiting the number of sexual partners
  • Preventive care that is necessary to maintain reproductive and sexual health

 

Here is the stuff on the list that I paid for in higher sex education:

  • How to create and sustain healthy and respectful relationships
  • Influences of family, peers, media, technology and other factors on sexual risk behavior
  • Benefits of being sexually abstinent
  • Importance of using condoms consistently and correctly
  • Communication and negotiation skills
  • Goal-setting and decision-making skills
  • Influencing and supporting others to avoid or reduce sexual risk behaviors

 

We live in a culture of sexual health. Not a culture of sexual wellness or pleasure! 

 

Don’t believe me, the CDC says so!

Think about your sex education talk. While boys are taught about masturbation, girls are taught about periods and preventing pregnancy. 

Sometimes I feel like it is an “us” vs “them” mentality for the genders, but what about those beyond the binary? How do they get their sex education? 

All genders are included in sexually transmitted infections (STI) education and LGBTQ+ curriculum if schools are willing to pay for it. 

Great… so… no one knows ANYTHING!

 

Unless you had an older sibling that happened to share information, the “birds and the bees” talk typically goes something like… “don’t get pregnant” or “don’t get a disease.”  

 

Then, you move on to college and if you are blessed, as I was, your school offers sexual education or “human fertility” as it was called at Providence College! ::shaking my head:

sex education

Thankfully, no matter what, we all have the Internet to learn sex education from PORN! 

You know… another place where men and women are objectified for the pleasure of the voyeur at home. 

Porn sex education is not real! The waxed and bleached vulvas and anuses, humongous penises that are ALWAYS hard and ALWAYS cause an orgasm for the receiver are for entertainment.

Some people begin to rely solely on porn to masturbate and thus have no experience in developing or fixing a sexual connection and sexual routine with a committed partner. 

 

A Lack of Sex Education Can Lead to Other Life Problems

What I have seen, specifically in women, is that many feel shame about discovering and enjoying masturbation. Self-pleasure can become a normal part of sexual development if we discuss it!

A lack of sex education is problematic, because individuals enter sexual relationships without knowing what gives them pleasure and assuming it will naturally work. 

If you do not know your sexual anatomy and how the different areas are designed for pleasure, then you do not have the foundation to take control of your pleasure or your relationship. 

What often happens is a ripple effect across the entire life cycle of not getting what you want and living life on half-empty. 

 

Pleasure-Centered Sex Education Should Be Mandatory

I don’t even like the word “should,” but I feel passionate about our mission in helping others love themselves and their relationships! 

Over the past six years hundreds of individuals have come to see us at Life Coaching & Therapy to help them overcome  to sexual pain, shame, and insecurities. 

I’ve struggled with sexual addiction and relationship issues all of my life. I have spent years in traditional therapy with everyone from social workers to psychologists to psychiatrists. And then I found Amanda. She has an expert knowledge of the field she works in. But it’s her love and passion and new approach for her work that separates her from the rest! In a short period of time she gave me feedback and solutions to my problems. She changed my life! If you’re tired of traditional therapy, don’t wait… try Amanda! She will change your life! – Gary .

It took one visit for me to realize that Amanda was a godsend. It was a turning point in my life. Over the next few years, I experienced a lot of “aha” moments and Amanda guided me through them all. I’ve gained so many valuable lessons on: self-esteem, the ability to receive, confidence, letting emotions out, intimacy, communication, languages of love, knowing your value and much more.These lessons don’t come naturally in everyone’s life and there is no shame in seeking out assistance. Amanda’s technique was exactly what I needed. She is compassionate and helps you explore your situation and feelings, but she will be honest with you and challenge you in ways that will help you grow if you are open to it. – Al.

 

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

 

Sex Toys

Sex Toys – When Vanilla Just Isn’t Enough

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SEX TOYS

 

Do you remember the first time you heard about a sex toy? Or even better… you bought one!

Sex toys usually enable a quicker  orgasm and thus, clients always ask me about them. As a former  consultant in the sex toy industry, I have a lot of knowledge about these products. 

Below is a summary of the main types of sex toys and how to use them.

 

Bullets: sex toys

The job of the bullet is to add increased pleasure on the clitoris. If you have never bought a sex toy before, this is a great place to start. 

  • It packs a lot of power into one condensed spot and jolts the nerve endings in the clitoris. 
  • Adding a bullet to masturbation and intercourse can greatly increase the intensity and amount of orgasms that you experience. 

 

Warning: Please note that bullets are external toys and not to be used inside the vagina.

 

G-spot toys: sex toys

G-spot toys are made for inside the vagina. They usually have a curve in them that angles upward to stimulate the area  known as the G-Spot. 

Some women experience additional pleasure with this type of toy because they can turn it and stimulate the wall of the vagina that they feel is the most sensitive.

Any more tips on finding your G-Spot with a sex toy?

Some couples may just run these up and down the body as a part of massage.

 

Dual-action vibrators: sex toys

The famous “rabbit” is a dual-action vibrator. It has one spot that is designated to stimulate the clitoris and a shaft that is made to fill the vagina. 

If you have never masturbated with a sex toy before or never had an orgasm, I would not recommend this type as a first sex toy. 

Make ake sure you can control each part of the toy separately. It’s no fun without the ability to calibrate each of them. 

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Dildos:

A hard shaft, best when made of silicone, glass, or other solid material, gives the feeling of fullness inside orifices. 

 

Many people use dildos accompanied by hands, fingers, and/or a bullet on another erogenous zone. 

 

 

Butt Plugs:sex toys

Butt plugs are made of a variety of materials, the most common being latex. Other materials used include silicone, neoprene, wood, metal, glass, stone, and many other materials. Silicone is a particularly good material, as it can be disinfected in boiling water.

These add pleasure to the erogenous zone of the anus. The feeling of fullness often adds an added sensation alone or in use with other toys!

 

Cock Rings:sex toys

The purpose of a cock ring is to trap blood inside the penis in order to maintain an erection, or encourage a stronger erection. In order to do this it must be placed at the base of the penis.

A ring made of stretchy material is simply stretched over the penis (and optionally also the scrotum, except when used with a pump for impotence) and situated against the body. Rigid rings are used differently: first each testicle is fed through the ring and the entire scrotum is pulled through, then the flaccid penis is pushed through the ring and situated against the body.

 

 

Sex Toys  – Introducing Them to Your Partner

Incorporating sex toys with your partner can be intimidating! I SO get it!

However, once you bring it up, excitement grows and new types of pleasure are possible. 

You can explain to your partner that this adds additional stimulation that your body desires. 

Most sex toys with vibration come with a remote so you can choose the levels of pleasure and make it even more sensational. 

 

Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?

BLISS: Proven Methods for Improving the Female Orgasm

Stiff: Solutions for Erectile Dysfunction On-Demand Webinar

Women on Penis Size

 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.